Original subtitles

>> PREVIOUSLY ON "NIP/TUCK"...

UGH!

I AM NOT READY TO OPERATE! THE

CERVICAL NERVES ARE STILL

INFLAMED, AND MY HANDS AREN´T

WHAT THEY WERE. WHERE´S YOUR

PARTNER?

>> I PREFER TO WORK ALONE.

>> VERY NICE.

>> ARE YOU A DOCTOR?

>> I´M YOUR HUSBAND.

>> I CAN´T WALK. IT´S HARD.

>> SO IS STAGE II BREAST CANCER!

>> WHAT DOES BREAST CANCER HAVE

TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

>> I HAVE IT.

>> LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I DON´T

LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.

>> RAJ. I´M VERY SORRY ABOUT

THAT. DR. PARESH IS NEW HERE,

I´M AFRAID, AND A LITTLE

OVERZEALOUS.

>> MISS SHELLY, TELL US WHAT

YOU DON´T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.

>> IT´S MR. SHELLY FOR STARTERS.

>> [SNORTS]

YOU ARE A MAN.

>> SEAN, COULD YOU SEND GUNGA

DIN OUT FOR SOME WATER, PLEASE?

>> THAT´S ALL RIGHT. WE´RE USED

TO IT, AREN´T WE, TRACEY?

>> I CAN´T TELL YOU HOW MANY

TIMES WE´VE BEEN MISTAKEN FOR

SISTERS OVER THE PAST FEW

YEARS, EVEN LESBIANS.

>> WHAT WE ARE IS HORSE PEOPLE.

WE HAVE A RANCH UP IN SANTA

CLARITA. THE RANCH HANDS HAVE

TAKEN TO CALLING ME "MA´AM"

BEHIND MY BACK.

>> BUT YOU´RE GENERALLY IN GOOD

HEALTH.

>> NEVER BEEN SICK A DAY IN MY

LIFE, BUT I TURNED 45, AND

SUDDENLY, ALL MY MUSCLES HAVE

TURNED TO JELLY, MY TUMMY IS

ALL FLAB, AND I´VE GOT JOWLS

LIKE MY GRANDMOTHER.

>> HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED A

DECREASE IN YOUR SEX DRIVE?

>> NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT. JUST

BEING HONEST, HONEY.

>> HOT FLASHES, IRRITABILITY?

>> OH, MY LORD. YOU´RE GOING

THROUGH THE CHANGE.

>> ACTUALLY, A GRADUAL DECREASE

IN TESTOSTERONE CAN CAUSE

A HORMONAL CONDITION SIMILAR TO

THOSE EXPERIENCED BY WOMEN.

>> IT IS CALLED ANDROPAUSE,

FROM THE GREEK, "ANDRO" MEANING

MALE, "PAUSE" MEANING STOP.

>> THERE ARE VARIOUS FORMS OF

TESTOSTERONE

REPLACEMENT--INJECTIONS, CREAMS.

>> AND RISK CANCER? SHIT. I´D

RATHER TURN INTO A GIRL.

>> WHICH, IN FACT, IS A

DISTINCT POSSIBILITY HORMONALLY

SPEAKING. CHEMOTHERAPY CAN

PRODUCE TEMPORARY OR PERMANENT

STERILITY IN MEN BECAUSE OF THE

EFFECT UPON THE TESTES. ASK DR.

CHRISTIAN TROY.

>> DR. PARESH.

>> IT´S ALL RIGHT. IT´S ALL

RIGHT, SEAN.

>> I, UH--I WAS RECENTLY

DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER. I

KNOW ALL THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT

HORMONE THERAPIES.

>> YOU POOR MAN. I´M SO SORRY.

>> WELL, MR. SHELLY, WE CAN

CERTAINLY GIVE YOU MORE

DEFINITION IN YOUR JAW LINE,

TIGHTEN UP YOUR CHEEKS, GIVE

YOU SOME PEC IMPLANTS.

>> NO OFFENSE HERE, DOCTOR,

BUT--HEH HEH--WHO THE HECK IS

GONNA DO THE SURGERY? I MEAN,

YOU´RE IN A WHEELCHAIR, AND

HE´S GETTING CHEMO, AND HOW OLD

ARE YOU, SON?

>> 17, BUT I AM A GENIUS.

>> MR. SHELLY, REGARDLESS OF

WHAT DR. McNAMARA AND I ARE

GOING THROUGH, I ASSURE YOU

THAT WE CAN MAKE YOU LOOK AS

VIRILE AND MASCULINE AS THE MAN

YOU ARE INSIDE.

>> ♫ AH

MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL

MAKE ME

A PERFECT SOUL

A PERFECT MIND

A PERFECT FACE

A PERFECT LIE ♫

>> HAD PROBABLY BEEN ON FOR

ABOUT AN HOUR AND SOAKING WET,

AND THERE WERE TWO OF MY

NEIGHBORS WALKED OVER...

>> THIS MIGHT STING AS IT

ENTERS THE SYSTEM.

>> WHERE´S THE CALL BUTTON?

>> I´M NEARBY. DON´T WORRY.

>> WHEN IS THE NAUSEA MOST

LIKELY--

>> LIZZIE. LIZZIE, LIZZIE, I´M

A BIG BOY, OK? I´LL ASK THE

QUESTIONS.

>> I MEAN, REALLY, WHEN´S THE

LAST TIME I--YOU KNOW, TO JUST

TAKE A LOOK AT NATURE, JUST TO

REALLY, FULLY TAKE IT IN? YOU

KNOW, THE OTHER DAY, I DECIDED

TO LAY DOWN ON THE GRASS FOR A

WHILE AND JUST LOOK UP AT THE

SKY.

>> STOP IT. YOU´VE BEEN A

LESBIAN SO LONG, YOU FORGOT

THAT MEN DON´T LIKE TO BE

PATTED WHEN YOU´RE PUKING.

>> GOT YOU.

>> OHH. SHIT! I HATE VOMITING.

>> IT MEANS THAT IT´S WORKING,

DOLL.

>> THAT´S AN URBAN MYTH. WHAT

ARE YOU DOING? I DON´T NEED A

MOMMY, I DON´T WANT A MOMMY.

STOP BEING MY MOMMY!

WILL YOU GET ME SOME WATER,

PLEASE?

>> WHERE´S YOUR TOY? OH. HERE.

HMM? THERE YOU GO. NOW YOU CAN

FOCUS ON WHAT REALLY COUNTS,

RIGHT, PICKING UP SOME BABES IN

THE PARK, HMM?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

>> HEY.

>> OH, HEY. UM, LOOK. MOMMY´S

HERE. HUH? ARE YOU READY TO GO

DO SOME SWINGING?

>> HI. OHH.

>> I MADE SOME PASTA. IT´S IN

THE FRIDGE AND SOME JUICE BOXES

THERE IF YOU WANT TO GRAB A

COUPLE.

>> DO YOU NEED SOME, UH--

>> NO, NO, NO. I GOT IT. I´M OK.

>> LOOKS LIKE YOU´VE REALLY

MASTERED THAT THING.

>> IT´S NOT HARD ONCE YOU GET

USED TO IT. HOW´S OLIVIA?

>> GREAT. SHE´S REALLY TAKING

CARE OF ME.

>> AND HOW ARE YOU?

>> THE DOCTOR SAID IT WILL TAKE

AS LONG AS IT TAKES, THAT I

SHOULDN´T EXPECT ANY MIRACLES.

SOME THINGS ARE COMING BACK,

ALTHOUGH I DON´T REMEMBER THE

ACTUAL INCIDENT, BUT, YOU KNOW,

CHILDHOOD MEMORIES AND MY

GRANDPARENTS, RELATIVES, OUR

YEARS TOGETHER.

>> I KNOW YOU´RE STILL MAD AT

ME. MATT TOLD ME.

>> I JUST DON´T UNDERSTAND WHY

YOU´D LIE TO ME LIKE THAT, YOU

KNOW, TELL ME WE WERE STILL

MARRIED.

>> I GUESS AT THE TIME IT JUST

SEEMED LIKE IT WOULD HELP.

>> WHO? YOU OR ME?

>> OLIVIA´S WORKING LATE ALL

WEEK. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME

YOU HAD A GOOD HOME-COOKED MEAL?

>> YOU KNOW WHAT´S GREAT? YOU

HAVEN´T LOST ANY HAIR FROM THE

CHEMO YET.

>> YOU´D LIKE TO SEE ME BALD?

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

>> DID YOU KNOW THAT 17% OF

CANCER PATIENTS DON´T ACTUALLY

USE THEIR HAIR? THAT´S GONNA BE

ME, BUDDY BOY. I AM STRONGER

THAN ANY OF THAT CHEMICAL

BULLSHIT THEY CAN DISH AT ME.

SO, PAL, EVEN ON CHEMO, I´M

GONNA BE BETTER-LOOKING THAN

YOU.

>> DON´T BE AN ASSHOLE. I WAS

JUST MAKING CONVERSATION.

WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID WAS I

FEEL TERRIBLE YOU´RE GOING

THROUGH THIS, BUT I´M HERE FOR

YOU, WHATEVER YOU NEED.

>> I´LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I

NEED YOUR HELP. I´M FINE.

>> YOU DON´T LOOK FINE. WHY

DON´T YOU TAKE THE DAY OFF?

>> WE HAVE A PATIENT. YOU´RE

SURE AS SHIT NOT GONNA OPERATE,

ARE YOU?

>> RAJ IS HERE. I´M ASSISTING.

>> YOU´RE RIDICULOUS, ALL

RIGHT? PLUS, LOOK. I NEED TO

WORK, OK? YOU NEED A HAND

WHEELING YOURSELF OUT OF HERE,

KILLER?

>> NO. I´M FINE, PAL.

>> ♫ WHEN I´M IN TROUBLE

OR OUT OF STEP

THERE´S ONE THING

HELPS ME TO FORGET

WONDER WHAT I´M THINKING

BUT IT´S PLAIN TO SEE

I´M NOT THE MAN

I USED TO BE... ♫

>> SOON, IT WILL BE YOU IN HIS

PLACE, DR. CHRISTIAN TROY, AND

ME IN YOURS. MAY I SAY THAT IT

WILL BE AN HONOR TO DO YOUR

RECONSTRUCTION.

>> CHRISTIAN AND I HAVEN´T

ACTUALLY DISCUSSED YOU

PERFORMING THE SURGERY, RAJ.

>> THAT´S BECAUSE THERE´S

NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT. YOU´RE

DOING IT, ALL RIGHT? JESUS

CHRIST! WE´RE TALKING ABOUT MY

TIT HERE. I WANT THE BEST.

>> I CAN´T OPERATE IN THIS

CHAIR.

>> WELL, I WILL RIG THE TABLE

SO THAT YOU CAN REACH IT. I

MEAN, JESUS, SEAN. A LITTLE

HELP HERE, LINDA. I MEAN, WHO

CRANKED UP THE HEAT IN HERE?

WHAT, ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE IT

FEEL LIKE SWEET HOME CALCUTTA?

>> NO ONE TOUCHES THE

THERMOSTAT IN HERE BUT ME.

>> I´M SICK AND TIRED OF

TALKING ABOUT YOU AND THAT

CHAIR. COULD YOU PASS ME A

TRAY, PLEASE, LINDA?

WHEW! OK. WHO WANTS TO CLOSE?

>> ♫ I´M NOT THE MAN

I USED TO BE ♫

>> THERE YOU GO.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

>> ARE YOU EXPECTING A PLAY

DATE, GLORIA?

>> UH, NO. WILBER AND I GO TO

THE PARK, MR. CHRISTIAN.

>> OH.

[KNOCKING]

>> HI.

>> OH, HELLO.

>> WHERE´S MATT? TUESDAY´S HIS

DAY TO WATCH JENNA.

>> WELL, YOU´RE A LITTLE EARLY

BECAUSE IT´S MONDAY.

>> WHAT? YOU´RE KIDDING.

>> NO.

>> NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO. I

CAN´T CANCEL MY MASSAGE,

CHRISTIAN. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

HOW TENSE I´VE BEEN?

>> SURE. WELL, YOU KNOW,

GRANDPA CAN TAKE CARE OF HER.

>> NO. SHE CAN´T BE AROUND YOU.

WHAT IF SHE CATCHES SOMETHING?

>> WHAT?

>> AH, GLORIA. GLORIA, RIGHT?

IS THAT YOUR NAME? HI. UM, HOW

WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE A LITTLE

EXTRA DINERO RIGHT NOW? YEAH?

IF YOU COULD WATCH MY DAUGHTER

TILL I GET BACK FROM MY

APPOINTMENT, I WILL GIVE YOU

DOS--DOS HUNDRED DOLLARS. IS

THAT FAIR?

>> UH-HUH.

>> OK. GREAT. HERE WE GO.

>> OH, LITTLE CORAZON.

>> OH, YES. OK. HERE WE GO.

HERE´S HER BAG. OK.

>> AND THE MONEY?

>> OH. MONEY, YES. VERY GOOD.

THERE YOU GO. OK. YES.

GOOD-BYE. HERE WE GO.

>> COME ON, WILBER.

>> SEE YOU LATER, WILBER.

>> SEE YOU. YOU BE A GOOD BOY,

ALL RIGHT?

>> I´M SORRY ABOUT THE JENNA

THING. YOU UNDERSTAND. I

JUST--I WANT WHAT´S BEST FOR

HER. DO YOU HAVE ANY WATER? OH.

I NEED TO START FLUSHING MY

TOXINS RIGHT NOW. I´M EXHAUSTED.

>> I UNDERSTAND. IN FACT, I´VE

NEVER SEEN YOU THIS TENSE.

>> YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I MEAN,

MAYBE A LITTLE BIT WITH THE

CANCER, BUT BEING A

MOTHER--THERE´S NOTHING MORE

STRESSFUL.

>> I BET.

AND WITH EDEN LIVING WITH YOU

AND RAM, I´M SURE YOU´RE NOT

GETTING THE ATTENTION YOU NEED.

>> MM. YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO

DO.

>> THAT´S BECAUSE I´M A REAL

MAN.

I WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY IT.

>> YEAH?

>> YEAH.

>> YOU´RE A REAL MAN, BABY.

>> UH-UH-UH-UH. LEAVE IT ON.

>> REAL MEN HAVE SCARS.

>> HEH.

>> HEH. I´M SORRY. THAT´S

DISGUSTING.

>> WHAT?

>> IT´S--IT´S DISGUSTING, AND

I´M NOT SURPRISED BECAUSE YOU,

WITH ALL OF YOUR SELF-LOATHING

AND THE WAY YOU´VE TREATED

PEOPLE, I MEAN, NO WONDER YOU

PULLED THAT IN.

>> I DID WHAT?

>> YOU DID THIS. IT´S KARMA,

CHRISTIAN. IT´S A BITCH.

>> ARE YOU GLOATING AT THE FACT

THAT I HAVE CANCER? GET OUT OF

HERE.

>> I BET THAT MADE YOU FEEL

LIKE A REAL MAN NOW, HUH,

THROWING ME AROUND LIKE THAT? I

FEEL SORRY FOR YOU, CHRISTIAN.

I DO, BUT WHEN YOU LOOK AT ALL

THE EMOTIONAL SCARS YOU´VE LEFT

ON OTHER WOMEN OVER THE YEARS...

I´M SURPRISED THAT THIS DIDN´T

HAPPEN TO YOU SOONER.

>> YOU´RE A GREAT CANDIDATE FOR

LIPOSUCTION, MISS TAYLOR. THE

INCISIONS WILL BE VERY SMALL, I

PROMISE. YOUR CO-WORKERS WON´T

NOTICE A THING EXCEPT HOW MUCH

BETTER YOU LOOK OF COURSE.

>> SO IT SAYS HERE THAT YOU

TAKE NAPROXEN AND CELEBREX FOR

ARTHRITIS, TAGAMET FOR

GERD--AHEM--AND LIOTRIX FOR

HYPOTHYROIDISM? WOW. OK. AND

YOU TAKE TAGAMET EVERY DAY?

>> YES. UH, THAT´S RIGHT.

>> OK. UM, I´M GONNA--I´M GONNA

HAVE TO LOOK THIS UP JUST

BECAUSE I´M NOT SURE THAT YOU

SHOULD BE TAKING ALL THESE

IF--OK. LET´S JUST--LET´S MOVE

ON FOR A SECOND. UM, YOUR

FACE-LIFT. SO I CAN EASILY

REMOVE YOUR BROW LINES WITH

INJECTIONS OF BOTOX HERE AND

HERE AND PULL BACK HERE AND

HERE.

>> THAT HURTS!

>> OK. STOP.

>> I´M SORR--I´M SORRY.

>> ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK MY

SKIN WITH THAT THING? THIS

ISN´T WORTH $15 AN HOUR.

>> SHE´S A REAL LIVE PERSON,

DR. PENDELL, NOT JUST SOME BODY

ON A TABLE. YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE

TO TALK TO HER, YOU HAVE TO

LISTEN TO HER. WHAT´S YOUR

NAME, MA´AM?

>> LILA RUSOVIC.

>> MS. RUSOVIC, THANK YOU SO

MUCH FOR COMING TODAY. I KNOW

IT´S NOT MUCH MONEY FOR YOUR

TIME, BUT IT REALLY HELPS THE

STUDENTS TO PRACTICE THEIR

CONSULTATIONS.

>> THAT´S OK. I ENJOY THE

ROLE-PLAYING. IT´S MORE FUN

THAN SITTING AROUND WATCHING

THE SOAPS ALL DAY.

>> WELL, GOOD. LET´S TALK ABOUT

YOUR PRESCRIPTIONS BEFORE WE

TALK ABOUT THE OPERATION. HOW

LONG HAVE YOU HAD THIS THYROID

PROBLEM?

>> 4 YEARS.

>> OK. HAVE YOU BEEN ON

THE LIOTRIX THE WHOLE TIME?

>> I WAS IN AWE AT THE WAY YOU

CONNECTED WITH THAT WOMAN.

>> OHH! YOU´RE CONNECTING NOW,

DAPHNE!

>> I CAN TAKE GOOD CARE OF

PEOPLE.

>> YES, YOU CAN.

>> I KNOW I CAN.

>> YOU CAN.

>> OH, GOD, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

YOU´RE A BIG BOY. OH, YEAH, MY

BABY. MY BIG, BEAUTIFUL BABY

BOY. OHH!

>> OH, MY GOD. OHH.

>> [GROANING]

OH, PLEASE, MOMMY.

>> WHAT THE HELL´S GOING ON

HERE? JESUS, RAJ. YOU´RE A

PHYSICIAN. THIS IS A PLACE OF

BUSINESS.

>> BACK OFF, DOC HOLIDAY. I WAS

JUST THANKING RAJI FOR THE

BANG-UP JOB HE DID ON GENE.

>> WELL, NEXT TIME, BUY HIM A

MUFFIN BASKET. DO YOU HAVE ANY

IDEA WHAT KIND OF A LAWSUIT

WE´D BE FACING IF GENE FOUND

OUT ABOUT THIS?

>> YOU´RE ALL DOWN BUT 9,

DOCTOR.

>> WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?

>> IT MEANS YOU´RE MISSING THE

POINT. NOT A WHOLE LOT TO DO UP

IN HORSE COUNTRY EXCEPT RIDE

AND SCREW. TRACE AND I, WE LIKE

TO STAY OPEN-MINDED.

>> WELL, NEXT TIME, OPEN YOUR

MINDS AND YOUR MOUTHS SOMEWHERE

ELSE.

>> YOU ARE TIGHT AS A SPRING.

IF YOU DON´T RELEASE SOME OF

THAT ENERGY YOU GOT GURGLING UP

IN YOUR PANTS, YOU´RE GONNA

GIVE YOURSELF A HEART ATTACK.

>> PLEASE FORGIVE ME, DR.

CHRISTIAN TROY. I HAVE NEVER

EXPERIENCED A WOMAN BEFORE. IT

WAS SO GLORIOUS.

>> GO HOME, RAJ.

>> [MUMBLES]

>> LOOK AT YOU. YOU´RE

PRACTICALLY WALKING AGAIN.

>> CAN YOU GRAB MY CHAIR?

>> YEAH.

>> LEAVE IT WHERE IT IS. I WANT

TO SEE YOU WALK TO IT YOURSELF.

5 STEPS WITHOUT THE BARS? YOU

CAN DO IT.

>> NO, I CAN´T. JUST BRING IT

OVER, PLEASE.

>> YOU WANT THE CHAIR AGAIN,

YOU´RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET IT

ON YOUR OWN.

>> I CAN--I CAN´T.

>> COME ON, MAN. HE ALREADY

WORE HIMSELF OUT. JUST BRING

HIM THE CHAIR.

>> YOUR MUSCLE MASS IS NORMAL,

YOUR RANGE OF MOTION IS ABOVE

AVERAGE. I´VE WORKED IN

REHABILITATION FOR 9 YEARS. I

KNOW WHEN SOMEONE IS READY TO

WALK, AND I KNOW WHEN SOMEONE

IS REFUSING TO.

>> MATT, THE CHAIR.

>> YOU CAN WALK!

>> I NEED THE CHAIR!

>> YOU CAN WALK! WALK, SEAN!

WALK!

>> OH, DAD! YOU OK? YOU´RE

FIRED. GET OUT OF HERE.

>> YOU´RE BABYING HIM.

>> I SAID GET THE HELL OUT OF

HERE! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT

YOU´RE DOING OR HOW TO TREAT

PEOPLE, SO JUST GO!

HERE.

IT´S OK, MAN. YOU´LL WALK WHEN

YOU´RE READY. YOU´RE DOING THE

BEST YOU CAN. I KNOW THAT.

>> THANK YOU.

[WATER SLOSHING]

>> MM. I LOVE WASHING YOUR BODY.

>> HMM.

>> HMM. HMM.

I WANT TO TAKE AWAY ALL YOUR

PAIN, ALL YOUR TRAUMA, ALL YOUR

FEAR.

>> WHY DON´T YOU JOIN ME, HUH?

COME ON.

>> AW, THE BIG, BAD MONSTER

LADY TOOK AWAY ALL YOUR TRUST,

DIDN´T SHE?

>> ACTUALLY, I´M DOING PRETTY

FINE AT THE MOMENT.

>> SEAN, I HAVE AN IDEA.

>> WHAT?

>> I KNOW JUST WHAT YOU NEED,

BABY. COME HERE. PUT YOUR ARMS

AROUND ME.

>> DAPHNE, TAKE YOUR CLOTHES

OFF.

>> TRUST ME, BABY. TRUST ME.

COME ON. PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND

MOMMY.

>> OK.

>> COME ON, BABY. HOLD ON. HOLD

ON TO MOMMY. OH, THERE YOU GO.

OH, THERE YOU GO. OH, BABY´S

ALL CLEAN NOW. COME HERE.

JUST ONE MORE THING. JUST THINK

HOW SOFT AND SMOOTH YOU´LL BE

FOR MOMMY, HUH?

>> SWEETIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> DON´T YOU TRUST ME? SHOW ME

HOW BRAVE YOU ARE. YOU NEED TO

LEARN HOW TO TRUST AGAIN, BABY.

OH. YOU LIKE THE FOAMY

FRICTION? HA HA HA! OH, YES,

YOU DO. NO, NO. STAY STILL.

STAY VERY STILL. NO SUDDEN

MOVES SO MOMMY´S HAND WON´T

SLIP. YOU ARE GONNA BE AS SOFT

AND SMOOTH AS A BABY´S BOTTOM.

>> [SIGHS]

>> THAT´S IT.

>> HEY, BABY.

>> WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

>> I´M KITTY. WE TALKED ON THE

PHONE.

>> WE MAY HAVE TALKED ON THE

PHONE, BUT YOU´RE NOT KITTY,

NOT THE KITTY I SAW ON

CRAIGSLIST.

>> YEAH. THAT PICTURE´S A FEW

YEARS OLD.

>> HEH. AND OF SOMEONE ELSE.

>> LOOK, DUDE. I´M HERE, I HAVE

A VAGINA. IT´S A PRETTY GOOD

ONE, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, AND FOR

300 BUCKS, YOU CAN PUT YOUR

DICK IN IT OR ANY OF MY OTHER

WELCOMING HOLES, AND

AFTERWARDS, I WILL LEAVE

WITHOUT ASKING FOR SO MUCH AS A

HOT POCKET. SO AM I STAYING OR

GOING?

>> FINE.

>> OK. COOL-MOE-DEE. SO DO YOU

WANT, UM, STRAIGHT SEX OR

SOMETHING KINKY?

>> JUST SOMETHING STRAIGHT.

DON´T.

YOU WANT A DRINK?

>> SURE.

NICE DIGS. I WAS ONCE WITH ONE

OF THE DUDES FROM "TAXI" AT A

PLACE VERY NEAR HERE A FEW

YEARS A GO. HEE HEE HEE! MM.

YOU DON´T HAVE AIDS OR

ANYTHING, DO YOU?

BECAUSE YOU--YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.

>> NO. I HAVE CANCER.

>> OH. WELL, NO REFUNDS IF YOU

CAN´T GET IT UP.

>> I´LL BE FINE.

>> AS LONG AS YOU´RE NOT

CONTAGIOUS.

>> JESUS CHRIST! WHAT, YOU

SWALLOW A WHOLE LOAF OF GARLIC

BREAD?

>> I WENT TO THE OLIVE GARDEN.

I´VE GOT TO EAT, DON´T I?

>> OH, GOD! GET OUT.

>> OH, RELAX. I HAVE AN ALTOID.

I DON´T KNOW WHERE YOU GET OFF

BEING SO CHOOSY. HAVE YOU TAKEN

A GOOD LOOK AT YOURSELF? YOU´RE

NO RICO SUAVE.

NO REFUNDS. I WANT MY MONEY.

>> FOR STINKING UP MY LIVING

ROOM?

>> I WALK THROUGH THE DOOR, I

GET PAID.

FINE.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GIVE ME

THAT. GIVE IT TO ME. GIVE IT TO

ME!

DON´T TAKE THOSE. PLEASE. I

NEED THEM. I´M SICK.

>> CALL YOUR DOCTOR. DICKHEAD.

>> HEY. IT´S ME. CAN YOU COME

OVER?

>> WHERE´S WILBER?

>> AT THE NANNY´S HOUSE. HE´S

CLOSE WITH HER SON.

>> AND HOW DID YOU SAY THE LAMP

BROKE?

>> I TOLD YOU. I TRIPPED.

>> [SNIFFING]

WHY´S IT SMELL LIKE SHALIMAR?

>> SHIT.

[RETCHES]

OHH! LIZ!

>> I´M NOT WATCHING.

>> [PANTING]

AREN´T YOU GONNA DO THE RUB MY

BACK THING?

>> HERE. TAKE THIS. YOU´LL BE

OUT BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, AND

TONIGHT WILL SEEM LIKE A BAD

DREAM.

>> YOU´RE THE REAL DEAL,

LIZZIE. WHO KNEW?

>> I LEFT YOU JUICE, I CLEANED

THE LAMP, I SCRUBBED THE

TOILET. YOU´RE GONNA BE GOOD. I

WILL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.

>> LIZ.

>> YEAH?

>> CAN YOU STAY AWHILE, JUST

UNTIL I FALL ASLEEP?

>> [SIGHS]

>> [GRUNTS]

>> [GASPS]

>> [BOTH GRUNT]

>> [PANTING]

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

>> DR. CHRISTIAN TROY.

>> MM-HMM?

>> I APOLOGIZE IF I AM LATE.

>> NO. YOU´RE RIGHT ON TIME. I

WAS JUST THINKING, WHILE WE´RE

AT IT, WHY DON´T WE GOT A

LITTLE BIT BIGGER, HUH, BULK IT

UP A LITTLE, YOU KNOW,

BILATERAL IMPLANTS?

>> LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I WAS

THINKING.

>> OK.

>> DR. LIZ CRUZ, WE ARE MEETING

IN HERE.

>> OH. OK. HI, CHRISTIAN.

>> WHAT DO YOU THINK, LIZZIE,

ONE PEC OR TWO?

>> ONE. I DON´T THINK YOUR

CHEST NEEDS ANY MORE INFLATING.

>> HERE WE ARE THEN. 3-D

IMAGING, THE LATEST IN CAT SCAN

TECHNOLOGY.

>> HOW YOU FEELING?

>> GOOD. THANKS. THANKS FOR

COMING OVER.

>> MM. HEH.

>> I WILL NOW PRESENT A 3-D

RENDERING OF DR. CHRISTIAN

TROY´S CUSTOM-MADE PECTORALIS

IMPLANT.

>> WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

>> OH, RAJ IS SHOWING US A

DEMONSTRATION OF MY BREAST

IMPLANTS.

>> WITHOUT CONSULTING ME?

>> YOU SAID YOU DIDN´T WANT TO

DO IT. WHAT, DO YOU WANT ME TO

BEG?

>> FINE. IT´S YOUR BODY.

>> SEAN, CHRISTIAN HAD A REALLY

ROUGH NIGHT LAST NIGHT, SO

MAYBE THIS ISN´T THE TIME TO

HAVE THAT DISCUSSION.

>> LIZZIE, IT´S REALLY NOT YOUR

CONCERN, AND BY THE WAY, WHY

DID YOU LEAVE THIS MORNING

WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE?

>> YOU MEAN, WITHOUT MAKING YOU

BREAKFAST?

>> LEFT? WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT

OUR PLACE?

>> SHE WAS HOLDING MY HEAD UP

WHILE I WAS PUKING IN THE BOWL.

WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA GET PISSED

BECAUSE I DIDN´T CALL YOU AT

YOUR GIRLFRIEND´S SO YOU COULD

COME OVER AND DO THAT, TOO?

>> IT WAS REALLY NO BIG DEAL. I

JUST CAME OVER, I KEPT HIM

COMPANY, I RUBBED HIS BACK, AND

THEN WE JUST DRIFTED OFF INTO

SLEEP, AND, YOU KNOW, IT WAS--

>> LIZ CRUZ, YOU AND DR.

CHRISTIAN TROY HAD SEXUAL

INTERCOURSE.

>> YOU AND LIZ HAD SEX?

>> YEAH, SEAN. LIZZIE WAS THERE

FOR ME. SHE SPREAD HER LEGS AND

MADE ME FEEL GOOD.

>> YOU WERE AWAKE?

>> YEP. I GOT MY MOJO BACK.

>> IT JUST HAPPENED. UM, I WAS

PRACTICALLY ASLEEP, AND I

THOUGHT THAT HE WAS ASLEEP.

>> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

PRACTICALLY ASLEEP? NOBODY

ORGASMS LIKE THAT IF THEY´RE

PRACTICALLY ASLEEP?

>> YOU PRETENDED TO BE OUT OF

IT, AND WHY DIDN´T YOU SAY

ANYTHING?

>> LIZZIE, IT WAS LATE, AND I

KNOW WHAT LESBIANS ARE LIKE.

THEY LIKE TO CUDDLE AND TALK

AFTERWARDS.

>> YOU ARROGANT, LITTLE PRICK.

>> OH, COME ON, LIZZIE. IT´S

NOT A BIG DEAL.

>> OH, NO! YOU´RE RIGHT. YOU

KNOW WHAT? IT IS NO BIG DEAL

BECAUSE I KNEW THAT YOU WEREN´T

SLEEPING, AND I FAKED MY

ORGASM, AND YOU ARE A LOUSY LAY!

>> THAT IS A SNAP.

>> SHE DIDN´T FAKE IT. NOBODY

FAKES IT THAT GOOD. NOBODY.

>> SHH. OOH, YEAH! OH, GOD. I

LOVE HOW SMOOTH YOU ARE DOWN

THERE. MM. I HAVE SOME

SURPRISES FOR MY BABY TONIGHT.

>> OH. I LIKE THAT.

OH, THAT´S WARM.

>> I DON´T WANT YOUR SKIN TO BE

ALL DRY DOWN THERE. ONE MORE.

>> I GET TO DO YOU NEXT, OK?

>> UH-UH. CLOSE YOUR EYES.

DON´T LOOK.

>> OK.

>> OK. YOU READY? YOU READY FOR

MOMMY? HA HA HA!

>> OHH. HMM.

>> DON´T LOOK. ALMOST THERE.

>> THAT´S, UH--OK.

>> YEAH. GOOD BOY.

>> WHAT THE--

>> GOOD BOY.

>> OHH!

>> OH, MY GOD! YOUR LEGS!

>> A DIAPER?

>> YOU CAHN WALK?!

>> YEAH. IT´S A GODDAMN

MIRACLE. NOW, YOU, OUT!

>> BUT--YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU LOVE

IT. YOU LOVE THE ATTENTION. YOU

LOVE BEING TREATED LIKE A CHILD.

>> I´M NOT YOUR BIG BABY HUEY,

OK?

>> YEAH. YOU´RE A BIG BABY LIAR

PRETENDING THAT YOU NEEDED A

WHEELCHAIR.

>> NOT ANYMORE!

>> ♫ MERA NAAM CHIN-CHIN-CHU

CHIN-CHIN-CHU

BAABA CHIN-CHIN-CHU

RAAT CHAANDNI MAIN AUR TU

HELLO-- ♫

>> HIYA, MR. RAJ. HOW YOU DOING?

>> OH, MY. YOU HAVE A PENIS.

>> IT GOES WITH MY BALLS...

BUT IT DOESN´T MAKE ME ANY LESS

OF A WOMAN.

>> RAJ, AM I INTERRUPTING? ARE

YOU MEDITATING?

>> I AM PRAYING TO FREE MYSELF

FROM IMPURITY AND SIN.

>> WELL, AIM HIGH.

>> LIZ CRUZ?

>> YEAH?

>> WHY DO YOU CHOOSE TO RUB

VAGINAS WITH YOUR OWN SEX?

>> ATTRACTION ISN´T SOMETHING

YOU CHOOSE. IT´S JUST WHO YOU

ARE.

>> BUT WHAT IF I DON´T WANT TO

BE WHAT I AM?

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

>> I WAS VERY ATTRACTED TO

TRACEY SHELLY. WE HAD ORAL

COPULATION. IT WAS MORE

ECSTATIC THAN RELEASING MY

KUNDALINI.

>> OK. YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON´T

THINK I WANT TO KNOW ANY MORE.

>> BUT JUST NOW IN THE MEN´S

ROOM, I DISCOVERED TRACEY HAD A

PENIS.

>> OH, WAIT A MINUTE. TRACEY IS

A MAN?

>> YES.

THE BEST SEX I HAVE EVER HAD

WAS FROM A DUDE.

>> LOOK. IT IS OK TO BE

CONFUSED. SEX IS LIKE POLITICS.

YOU LABEL YOURSELF--REPUBLICAN,

DEMOCRAT, STRAIGHT OR GAY--AND

THEN ONE DAY, YOU CROSS PARTY

LINES BECAUSE YOU HAVE A STRONG

FEELING ABOUT A PARTICULAR

CANDIDATE, AND THEN YOU DON´T

KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.

>> I LIKE BREASTS, LIZ CRUZ.

>> WELL, SO DO I. OH. OR I DID.

>> YOU DON´T LIKE THEM ANYMORE?

>> OF COURSE I DO. LABELS ARE

FOR CANS OF TUNA, NOT PEOPLE.

>> HMM.

THANK YOU, LIZ CRUZ. I THINK

YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL LESBIAN OR

NONLESBIAN, WHATEVER YOU DECIDE.

>> I´M SORRY.

>> IT´S BROKEN?

>> NO. I´M SORRY BECAUSE YOU´RE

SUCH AN IDIOT FOR PUNCHING A

WALL.

>> YEAH. WELL, HE´S LUCKY HE

WASN´T AT HOME WHEN MOM TOLD

ME, OR ELSE IT WOULD BE HIS

BUSTED HEAD YOU´D BE EXAMINING.

>> JUST TAKE A BREATH, ALL

RIGHT?

>> I´M SURPRISED YOU´RE NOT

ANGRIER, CHRISTIAN.

>> I´M STILL NOT CONVINCED YOU

SAW WHAT YOU SAW.

>> SEAN WAS STANDING THERE

NAKED AT THE FRONT DOOR,

TOSSING SOME FLOOZY OUT, AND

THEN HE SMOOTHLY WALKED BACK TO

HIS ROOM. I MEAN, THE WHOLE

THING WAS SO INCONCEIVABLE THAT

FIRST I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU.

>> AND THEN YOU NOTICED THE

MISSING 3 INCHES?

>> BE SERIOUS, CHRISTIAN. NOW

SEAN´S MADE FOOLS OF ALL OF US.

THE ONLY REASON I WAS THERE WAS

BECAUSE I ACTUALLY FELT SORRY

FOR HIM BECAUSE I SAW YOUR

EMPTY REFRIGERATOR. I WAS

ACTUALLY GONNA COOK DINNER FOR

HIM.

>> I JUST DON´T UNDERSTAND WHY

HE´D DO IT. I MEAN, IT´S JUST

SO MUCH MORE WORK TRYING TO

PULL THIS OFF THEN IT WOULD BE

IF HE JUST STOOD UP.

>> WELL, HE´S A BIG BABY. HE

WANTED ATTENTION. I WAS AROUND

ALL THE TIME. HE GOT MOM TO

FORGIVE HIM OUT OF PITY.

>> SEAN HAS USED US, HE HAS

MANIPULATED US TO FULFILL SOME

KIND OF REGRESSION FANTASY.

>> YOU KNOW, YOU´RE ACTUALLY

SICK, CHRISTIAN, AND HE STUCK

YOU WITH ALL THE WORK. HE´S SO

ADDICTED TO CODDLING, HE´S

LETTING THAT INDIAN KID DO YOUR

RECONSTRUCTION SURGERY. YOU

KNOW, HE´S SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR

BEST FRIEND. LOOK. I SAY WE ALL

WAIT FOR HIM HERE, PUSH HIM

DOWN TO THE PIER, AND DUMP HIM

AND THAT CHAIR INTO THE OCEAN

AND SEE HOW FAST HIS LEGS START

WORKING THEN.

>> I´LL DEAL WITH THIS ALONE.

AND, JULIA, START USING THE

FRONT DOOR.

[DOOR OPENS]

>> OH, YOU CAUGHT ME. I WAS

JUST FINISHING MY SHOULDER

PRESSES. HELPS ME GET UP THOSE

RAMPS, YOU KNOW? I HAD ONE MORE

SET.

>> RIGHT.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME SO

EARLY? WHAT? WHAT´S GOING ON?

>> WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT WHAT IS

GOING ON WITH YOU AND THIS

CHAIR.

>> YOU´RE RIGHT, AND I KNOW

WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. YOU´RE

STILL PISSED THAT I´M NOT DOING

YOUR SURGERY, AND I GET IT. NO

ONE FEELS WORSE ABOUT IT THAN I

DO, BUT IF YOU THINK YOU CAN

FORCE ME TO GET BETTER SO I

JUST JUMP UP AND WALK BACK

INTO SURGERY, YOU´RE WRONG. I

DON´T NEED ANY MORE PRESSURE

RIGHT NOW. I´M DOING THE BEST I

CAN, ALL RIGHT?

>> [SIGHS]

I KNOW YOU ARE. YOU ALWAYS

HAVE. YOU´VE ALWAYS BEEN THE

RESPONSIBLE ONE. YOU´RE THE ONE

WHO STUDIED IN COLLEGE WHILE I

WAS OUT PARTYING. YOU´RE THE

ONE WHO HAD KIDS AND GOT

MARRIED WHILE I WAS SCREWING

AROUND. MUST BE EXHAUSTING

HAVING TO TAKE CARE OF

EVERYBODY ELSE.

ALL I WANT TO SAY IS YOU STAY

IN THAT CHAIR AS LONG AS YOU

NEED. AS FAR AS THE SURGERY´S

CONCERNED, THAT CAN WAIT AS

LONG AS IT TAKES.

ALL RIGHT?

SHIT. CHEMO.

>> DON´T FIGHT IT. IT´S LESS

PAINFUL THAT WAY.

[RETCHES]