Original subtitles

>> MS. McKRACKEN, TELL US--

>> IT´S NOT McKRACKEN.

IT´S CAROL. McKRACKEN IS

SOMETHING I JUST USE FOR LEGAL

STUFF--DIVORCE PAPERS,

BANKRUPTCY NOTICE, THAT SORT OF

THING.

>> AND CAROL IS YOUR MAIDEN

NAME.

>> NO. MY PROFESSIONAL NAME.

AS IN CHRISTMAS CAROL.

I MANAGE THE DECK THE HALLS

STORE IN RESEDA, SPREADING

CHEER THROUGHOUT THE YEAR WITH

THE WIDEST ASSORTMENT OF

CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS SOUTH OF

THE NORTH POLE. OH, AND THESE

ARE THE SPIRITS OF CHRISTMAS.

>> SOMEBODY HAVE A LITTLE TOO

MUCH EGGNOG AND CRASHED THE

SLEIGH?

>> NO. WE DON´T DRINK AND DRIVE.

WE STROLL AND SING.

>> ♫ HARK HOW THE BELLS

SWEET SILVER BELLS

ALL SEEM TO SAY,

THROW CARES AWAY

CHRISTMAS IS HERE

BRINGING GOOD CHEER ♫

>> YOU´RE PROFESSIONAL CAROLERS.

>> WE´RE ALL PROUD MEMBERS OF

THE SCREEN ACTORS GUILD, ON

HONORARY WITHDRAWAL.

DECK THE HALLS KEEPS US IN BREAD

PUDDING YEAR ROUND SO THAT WE

CAN GIVE THE GIFT OF LIVE MUSIC

FOR FREE. THAT´S WHAT WE WERE

TRYING TO DO BEFORE OUR TRIP

TO VENICE.

>> OH, YOUR GROUP PERFORMED

IN ITALY?

>> CALIFORNIA.

THERE WE WERE IN OUR RED HATS

AND SCARVES...

[WOMEN HUMMING]

SINGING A WINTER WONDERLAND

WATCHING THE SUNSET ON THE BEACH

WHEN A TATTOOED MAN IN BLUE

APPROACHED AND ADVISED US THAT

WE WERE IN CRIP TERRITORY.

WELL, I HAPPEN TO SPEAK CRIP,

SO I TOLD HIM, "CHILL. WE WERE

FRIENDLIES." BUT THEN 5 MEN IN

BLUE APPROACHED AND ASKED IF THE

RED SCARVES MEANT THAT WE WERE

SENT BY THE BLOODS TO DISS THEM.

I SAID FO-SHIZZLE, WE WERE

JUST SPREADING THE WORD AND

PLEASE NOT GET UP IN OUR GRILLS.

THEN I REACHED FOR MY

PITCH-PIPE--

>> THEY BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF

YOU.

>> MAYBE THEY WEREN´T

MUSIC LOVERS.

>> HOW DID YOU ESCAPE UNHARMED?

>> I TOOK THEIR ADVICE AND

HAULED MY CRACKER ASS OUT OF

THERE.

>> MS. CAROL, DOES YOUR STATUS

AT THE SCREEN ACTOR´S GUILD

ENTITLE YOU TO ACCIDENT

INSURANCE?

>> NO. THAT´S WHY WE´RE HERE.

>> WE SAW A NOTICE ON THE SAG

BULLETIN BOARD FOR THE HEDDA

GRUBMAN COSMETIC SURGERY FUND.

>> FOR ALL FOUR SURGERIES?

>> IN RETURN FOR YOUR SERVICES,

WE´RE PREPARED TO RENDER OURS.

>> YOU WANT TO SING

FOR YOUR SURGERIES?

>> NOT JUST SING. "DECK THE

HALLS." WE WILL OPEN OUR STORE

ROOM TO YOU.

MCNAMARA/TROY WILL BE TURNED

INTO A WINTER WONDERLAND WITH

LIVE MUSIC COURTESY OF "THE

SPIRITS."

>> MRS. GRUBMAN DID LOVE

CHRISTMAS.

>> ♫ MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL

MAKE ME

THE PERFECT SOUL

A PERFECT LIFE

A PERFECT FACE

A PERFECT LIE ♫

>> SEAN, REALLY. WHAT ARE WE, 5?

>> OH, COME ON. WE´VE BEEN DOING

SECRET SANTA SINCE COLLEGE.

IT´S A HOLIDAY TRADITION.

>> SO´S MINCE MEAT, WHATEVER

THE HELL THAT IS.

>> WELL, I THINK IT´S SWEET.

I MEAN, IT´S NICE TO HAVE SOME

SORT OF A TRADITION,

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CELEBRATE

CHRISTMAS EVERY YEAR

IN A BATHING SUIT AND SUNBLOCK.

>> THINK OF IT AS A CHALLENGE

FINDING SOMETHING ORIGINAL AND

MEANINGFUL FOR UNDER $10.

>> GOOD. SO, YOU WON´T MIND

ANOTHER "PULL MY FINGER SANTA?"

>> LOOK--WE HAVEN´T ALL BEEN

TOGETHER ON CHRISTMAS IN A LONG

TIME. MAYBE IT IS STUPID, BUT I

WANT TO DO IT, OK? I WANT TO DO

THE TREE, THE BIG TURKEY DINNER.

IF WE CAN´T TAKE THE TIME TO

CELEBRATE BEING TOGETHER AS A

FAMILY WHEN WE ARE, WE´RE GOING

TO REGRET IT WHEN WE´RE NOT.

>> ALL RIGHT. LET´S DO IT.

>> IF YOU GET YOUR OWN NAME,

WE THROW THEM ALL BACK AND WE

TRY AGAIN.

>> YES, YES.

[PHONE RINGS]

>> HELLO.

HOW BAD?

UM, WE´RE ON OUR WAY.

MATT´S IN THE HOSPITAL.

>> HE´S GOT SECOND DEGREE BURNS

OVER 30 PERCENT OF HIS BODY,

MOSTLY BACK AND LEGS. WE HAD TO

WAIT FOR HIS VITALS TO STABILIZE

IN THE E.R. BEFORE TRANSFERRING

HIM OVER HERE.

>> HONEY, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

EVERYTHING´S GOING TO BE

ALL RIGHT.

>> PULSE IS 160...

>> HANG IN THERE, BUDDY.

>> HE´LL NEED EXCISION AND

GRAFTING.

>> WE´LL DO IT.

>> FINE. WE´LL JUST PREP HIM AND

CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGES.

>> MY GOD, I JUST DON´T

UNDERSTAND HOW THIS COULD HAVE

HAPPENED.

>> METHAMPHETAMINE LAB

EXPLOSION. EXCUSE ME.

>> METH LAB EXPLOSION?

>> WE THOUGHT HE WAS CLEAN.

>> AND YOU DIDN´T TELL ME?

>> HE TOLD US IT WAS OVER.

THAT HE´D GOTTEN HELP AND

HAD IT UNDER CONTROL.

>> HE ASKED US TO TRUST HIM,

JULIA.

>> WE´LL BE BACK WHEN WE´RE

FINISHED.

>> PAGING DR. DAVIES, PLEASE.

>> HE´S LUCKY TO BE ALIVE.

WE HAVE TO FOCUS ON THAT.

I´M ANGRY AT HIM, TOO, YOU

KNOW?

>> HOW ARE YOU FEELING, SWEETIE?

>> THE SURGERY WENT WELL.

WE HAD TO DO SOME GRAFTING.

WE TOOK SOME SKIN FROM YOUR ASS.

YOU KNOW, THE PLACE WHERE YOU

KEEP YOUR BRAINS?

>> THANK YOU.

>> THEY SAID YOU WERE LUCKY.

THAT YOU COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED.

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO

YOURSELF? I JUST DON´T

UNDERSTAND.

>> IN THE AMBULANCE I HEARD

THEM. THEY DIDN´T THINK I WAS

GOING TO MAKE IT.

AND ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS

JENNA, ABOUT LEAVING MY BABY.

DON´T GIVE UP ON ME, OK?

>> NO ONE´S GIVING UP ON YOU.

WE´RE YOUR FAMILY. YOU´LL BE OUT

IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS. AND WE´LL

ALL BE TOGETHER.

>> NO, WE WON´T.

YOU´RE NOT INVITED.

YOUR PROMISES ARE SHIT, MAN.

I´M DONE SAVING YOUR ASS.

I´M DONE BEING SUCKED IN BY YOUR

LIES, YOUR PATHETIC CRIES FOR

HELP. YOU KNOW WHAT IT´S LIKE TO

BE A PARENT--PEELING SKIN AWAY

FROM THE BODY OF YOUR OWN CHILD?

THE CHILD YOU DELIVERED WITH

YOUR OWN HANDS? I´M THROUGH!

>> DON´T WORRY. HE´LL COME

AROUND. I´LL TALK TO HIM.

>> THE BULLET ENTERED AT

A STRANGE ANGLE. WHOEVER DID

THIS MUST HAVE BEEN UP PRETTY

CLOSE.

>> HE WAS SITTING ON MY LAP.

>> OH, SO THIS WAS A LOVER´S

QUARREL.

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

IT WAS A KID, 9 OR 10 YEARS OLD.

>> SORRY. I THOUGHT THAT--

>> LOOK, I NEEDED SOME EXTRA

CASH LAST CHRISTMAS, SO I TOOK

A GIG PLAYING SANTA.

>> MERRY CHRISTMAS, JACOB.

I HAD A LINE A MILE LONG.

THE STORE WAS GOING TO CLOSE IN

A HALF HOUR.

FROM THE MINUTE HE CLIMBED THOSE

STEPS, I KNEW SOMETHING WAS

WRONG. THINKING BACK, IT WAS

LIKE HE WAS ON A MISSION OR

SOMETHING.

I ASKED HIM WHAT HE WANTED FOR

CHRISTMAS.

>> SAME AS LAST YEAR. DON´T YOU

REMEMBER? EVERY CHRISTMAS I GIVE

YOU A LIST--A NINTENDO, AN iPOD,

A DIGITAL CAMERA. AND EVERY TIME

YOU TELL ME YOU´LL GET ME THAT

STUFF, IF I´M GOOD.

YEAH, RIGHT. BEING GOOD DOESN´T

GET YOU ANYTHING, DOES IT?

YOU LYING SACK OF CHRISTMAS

SHIT.

>> THEY SHOT SANTA!

[KIDS SCREAMING]

>> DID THEY CATCH THE KID?

>> YEAH. BUT I DIDN´T PRESS

CHARGES. I MEAN, THE KID´S HAD

IT TOUGH ENOUGH.

WHY MAKE IT WORSE?

>> WELL, THAT´S VERY MAGNANIMOUS

OF YOU, MR. COLLINS.

I´M NOT SURE MANY PEOPLE WOULD

HAVE RESPONDED QUITE THAT WAY.

WE´D HAVE TO REOPEN THE WOUND,

CLEAN THE SCARRING AND DAMAGED

TISSUE, AND THEN CREATE

SOMETHING CALLED A "LIMBERG

FLAP," WHICH WE´D ROTATE ONTO

THE ENLARGED HOLE. I COULD

SCHEDULE YOU FOR SOMETIME

AFTER THE--

>> NO. I WANT IT DONE NOW.

I WANT TO BE OUT IN TIME TO BE

SANTA ON CHRISTMAS EVE.

LOOK, DOC, I´VE SPENT A YEAR

NERVOUS AROUND KIDS, YOU KNOW?

IT´S LIKE POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS

SYNDROME. I´VE GOT TO GET BACK

ON THE REINDEER. I LIKE KIDS.

I DON´T WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE

AFRAID OF THEM, HAVE THEM AFRAID

OF ME.

>> MMM...I TALKED TO SEAN

ABOUT MATT. HE´LL COME AROUND.

>> THIS DOESN´T FEEL RIGHT--

SNEAKING AROUND.

>> THAT´S WHY WE SHOULD TELL

HIM. JUST BE HONEST ABOUT IT.

>> I´M GOING TO WAIT ´TILL AFTER

THE HOLIDAYS. IT WAS GOING TO BE

HARD ENOUGH THIS YEAR WITH

EVERYTHING GOING ON WITH MATT.

IT´D JUST BE CRUEL.

>> WHAT ABOUT OLIVIA?

YOU HAVE TO TELL HER, TOO.

>> NO. SHE HAS TOO MUCH GOING ON

WITH EDEN. I WANT TO WAIT ´TILL

AFTER THE HOLIDAYS. PLEASE.

IT´S IMPORTANT TO ME.

[DOOR OPENS]

>> SHIT!

JESUS!

>> I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE WAS IN

SURGERY ALL AFTERNOON.

>> SOMEONE MUST HAVE CANCELED.

>> HELLO.

>> I´M NOT GETTING IN THAT

CLOSET.

>> CHRISTIAN. CHRISTIAN?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> JUST WORKING OUT. I ALWAYS DO

THIS AFTER I MASTURBATE.

MAKE SURE I HIT ALL THE MUSCLE

GROUPS.

>> I THOUGHT WE´D GO GET A TREE

TOGETHER. I FOUND THIS GREAT

ORGANIC TREE FARM DOWN ON THIRD.

THEY´VE GOT DOUGLAS FIRS AND

COLORADO BLUE SPRUCE--

>> SEAN, SEAN, SEAN!

YOU DON´T EXPECT ME TO WORK OUT

IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR AND NOT

WANT TO WHACK OFF AGAIN.

>> YOU´RE SICK.

>> AH...WHOA.

YOU GO BY YOURSELF.

I CAN TAKE ALL NIGHT.

I NEED A LOT OF FOREPLAY.

>> I´LL WAIT. I´M NOT DUE BACK

IN SURGERY FOR A COUPLE OF

HOURS.

>> CAN I GET YOU SOME WATER OR

SOMETHING?

>> GET HIM OUT OF HERE.

I´M NOT GOOD IN SMALL, DARK

SPACES. I FEEL LIKE I´M IN

A SEALED COFFIN.

>> CHRISTIAN!

ARE YOU DONE?

>> OH, YOU GO, MAN. I JUST WANT

TO TAKE A NAP AND CUDDLE.

>> COME ON. GET UP AND LET´S GO!

>> OH, YOU GO. I´M ALL SNUGGLED

UP HERE.

IT´S PATHETIC PICKING

OUT A TREE BY YOURSELF.

WE USED TO ALWAYS DO IT

TOGETHER, THE 3 OF US, REMEMBER?

>> YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW.

THAT WAS 20 YEARS AGO.

NOW WE DO THINGS BY OURSELVES,

LIKE, TIE OUR SHOELACES AND PICK

UP TREES.

>> FINE. I´LL CALL JULIA.

SEE IF SHE´LL COME.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

WHY IS HER PHONE HERE?

>> I DON´T KNOW. I GUESS I MUST

HAVE PICKED IT OUT BY MISTAKE

WHEN WE PLAYED SECRET SANTA.

>> ALL RIGHT. I´LL GO BY MYSELF.

IF I HEAR ONE WORD ABOUT THE

SIZE OR SHAPE.

>> I´M NOT ONE OF YOUR

GIRLFRIENDS, SEAN.

[DOOR CLOSES]

>> THAT WAS FUN. LET´S NEVER DO

THAT AGAIN.

HAVE YOU SEEN MY OTHER SHOE?

>> UH...

THERE YOU GO.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

>> WHERE I SHOULD HAVE GONE

INSTEAD OF COMING HERE.

TO TALK TO KIMBER.

>> YOU SURE YOU´LL COME OUT

ALIVE?

>> I DON´T KNOW, BUT I HAVE

TO TRY.

I MEAN, THE FACT IS, IF I CAN

AVOID HURTING SEAN AND OLIVIA,

I WILL.

BUT I´M NOT GOING TO HAVE MY SON

WAKE UP AND FEEL THAT EVERYONE

IN HIS LIFE HAS DESERTED HIM.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT? I´M COMING

WITH YOU.

AH. TAKES AT LEAST 2 TO TANGO

WITH KIMBER, PREFERABLY 8.

ONE FOR EACH TENTACLE.

>> ♫ O CHRISTMAS TREE

O CHRISTMAS TREE

THY LEAVES ARE NEVER CHANGING

O CHRISTMAS TREE

O CHRISTMAS TREE

THY LEAVES ARE NEVER CHANGING

THEY ALL ARE GREEN

WHEN SUMMER´S HERE

THEY ALL ARE GREEN

WHEN WINTER´S HERE

O CHRISTMAS TREE

O CHRISTMAS TREE

THEY LEAVES ARE NEVER CHANGING

O CHRISTMAS TREE

O CHRISTMAS TREE...♫

>> GO AWAY!

BAH HUMBUG.

>> EBENEZER CRUZ, WHERE´S

YOUR CHRISTMAS SPIRIT?

>> OH, I LOVE THAT OUR SAVIOR

WAS BORN. I JUST HATE THE PARTY

WE THROW AND THE MUSIC.

I MEAN, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS GUY.

GETTING PLUGGED BY A 10-YEAR-OLD

BECAUSE HE DIDN´T GET A

NINTENDO. PEOPLE GO BROKE,

THEY EAT TOO MUCH, SPEND IT

ALONE--

>> OH, COME ON, LIZ. AFTER ALL

THESE YEARS, YOU STILL NEED

AN ENGRAVED INVITATION?

YOU´RE SPENDING THE DAY WITH US,

JUST LIKE YOU DO EVERY

CHRISTMAS. YOU, TOO, LINDA.

>> CAN´T. I´M GOLFING.

>> IT WON´T BE THE SAME WITHOUT

YOU. WE´RE HAVING EVERYBODY

OVER. JULIE´S COMING.

AND OLIVIA.

>> I DON´T THINK I CAN MAKE IT

EITHER.

>> ARE YOU STILL PISSED ABOUT

WHAT HAPPENED WITH JULIA?

>> I WISH THAT I WERE A BETTER

PERSON, SEAN. BUT MAYBE WE BOTH

CAN LEARN A LESSON IN

FORGIVENESS FROM SANTA.

>> SO YOU THINK DUKE HERE DID

THE RIGHT THING BY FORGIVING

THE KID THAT SHOT HIM.

THAT THE PUNK´S GOING TO

SUDDENLY SEE THE LIGHT AND GO

STRAIGHT? WHAT MOVIE ARE YOU

LIVING IN?

"IT´S A WONDERFUL LIFE"?

SHOULD HAVE PRESSED CHARGES AND

LOCKED THAT KID UP, SO NO ONE

ELSE WOULD WIND UP WITH A HOLE

IN THEIR FACE.

>> IT´S ABOUT LOVE, SEAN.

IT´S ABOUT GRACE.

>> MR. MCNAMARA, ARE YOU ASLEEP?

YOU´VE BEEN ASLEEP THE LAST

4 TIMES I´VE COME TO VISIT.

5´S MY LIMIT. I WON´T BE BACK

AGAIN.

MR. MCNAMARA, PERSONS SUFFERING

DISFIGUREMENT FROM A TRAUMATIC

EVENT HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO

RECREATE THEMSELVES,

TO ADAPT TO NEW BODY IMAGES.

>> LOOK, LADY, MY DAD´S

A PLASTIC SURGEON, OK?

I´M GOING TO BE FINE, SO TRY

RECREATING SOMEONE ELSE.

>> I DON´T USUALLY FORCE MY

SERVICES ON UNWILLING PATIENTS.

THE RESULTS ARE RARELY

SUCCESSFUL.

HOWEVER, AFTER READING YOUR

MEDICAL HISTORY, I THINK YOU´RE

DEFINITELY IN NEED OF SOME

RECREATION. YOU TESTED DIRTY

FOR METH. I´M RACHEL BEN-NATAN,

YOUR BURN REHABILITATION

COUNSELOR. I´M HERE TO ASSIST

YOU.

>> HOW DID IT HAPPEN?

>> IT WAS A FALAFEL ATTACK.

YOU KNOW, THOSE PITA SANDWICHES?

I JUST HAD TO HAVE ONE. SO I

WENT TO THE UNIVERSITY

CAFETERIA, I SAT DOWN ACROSS THE

TABLE FROM A VERY HANDSOME BOY.

I WAS QUITE BEAUTIFUL. I COULD

ALWAYS GET ANYONE I WANTED.

WHEN HE TURNED AWAY, I JUST

ASSUMED HE WAS GAY AND WENT BACK

TO MY FALAFEL. I WAS JUST ABOUT

TO TAKE THE FIRST BITE WHEN HE

BLEW HIMSELF UP.

7 STUDENTS DIED. THERE WAS BLOOD

AND BODY PARTS, AND PIECES OF

FLESH EVERYWHERE. I DON´T KNOW

HOW I SURVIVED. I WAS VERY

LUCKY.

>> YOU THINK YOU WERE LUCKY?

>> WELL, I´VE LOST MY TASTE FOR

FALAFEL, BUT I STILL HAVE MY

LIFE. HAVE YOU WALKED THE

HALLWAYS TODAY?

>> NO. IT STILL HURTS.

>> IT WILL HURT MORE IF YOU

DON´T.

>> WHAT IF I SAY NO?

>> TRY IT AND SEE. I SHOULD WARN

YOU THOUGH, I SPENT 2 YEARS IN

THE ISRAELI ARMY.

>> OK.

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]

>> AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO THE

BIGGEST DICK IN TOWN.

KEEP IT UP, DANNY BOY.

>> HA HA! HOW ABOUT THAT, UH?

ALL RIGHT, GO ON WITH YOUR

BUSINESS. WE´LL HAVE A LITTLE

SWINGING.

SO, WHO´S THE OVER-40 CROWD?

>> NO ONE. JUST SOME GHOSTS FROM

CHRISTMAS PAST.

JUST STAY CLOSE, ´CAUSE

I MIGHT NEED YOU.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, JULIA.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HOLD BABY

JENNA?

>> YEAH. MAY I?

>> NO. YOU MAY NOT.

>> EMILY, TAKE JENNA TO DAYCARE.

>> OH, SO I TAKE IT YOU 2 ARE

MATTIE´S PARENTS. I PROMISE YOU

THAT YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER WILL GET

EVERYTHING THAT MONEY CAN BUY.

>> GREAT. SO SHE CAN GROW UP TO

BE JUST LIKE HER MOMMY.

>> OH, I DON´T THINK WE SHOULD

HOPE FOR MIRACLES, DO YOU?

WOULDN´T WANT TO PRESSURE THE

CHILD.

>> RAM´S GOING TO MARRY ME, AND

THEN HE´S GOING TO LEGALLY ADOPT

JENNA ONCE WE BOTH GET DIVORCED.

>> WELL, THAT´S WHY WE CAME,

KIMBER, BECAUSE WE THOUGHT YOU´D

LIKE TO KNOW MATT´S HAD AN

ACCIDENT. HE´S IN THE HOSPITAL

AND HE´S BEEN BADLY BURNED.

>> MAKING METH, RIGHT?

WELL, THANK GOD JENNA WAS WITH

ME.

>> YOU´RE NOT FIT TO BE NEAR

THAT CHILD, KIMBER, AND YOU KNOW

IT.

>> OH, WHAT? YOU´RE A GOOD

MOTHER, WHY? BECAUSE YOU WENT

TO COLLEGE? OR IS IT BECAUSE

YOU´VE NEVER HAD TO WORK A DAY

IN YOUR LIFE?

>> BECAUSE I WAS BUSY RAISING

A FAMILY.

>> YEAH. YOU WERE LOUSY AT IT.

>> YOU ROBBED HIM OF EVERYTHING,

KIMBER. HIS IDENTITY, HIS MONEY,

HIS FUTURE. YOU´RE NOT GOING TO

ROB HIM OF HIS CHILD.

>> DON´T YOU THINK THAT THE

LITTLE GIRL IS GOING TO BE

A LITTLE BIT BETTER OFF WITH

KIMBER AND ME, RATHER THAN SOME

PUNK WHO IS WILLING TO BE FILMED

TAKING IT UP THE ASS SO HE CAN

SCORE A LITTLE BIT MORE BOO-YAH?

>> THAT´S MY SON, YOU

DICK-SUCKING PIMP.

>> DIDN´T YOU GUYS KNOW THAT

MATT WORKED HERE? OH, YEAH.

RAM CAST HIM IN "FIRST TIME

FAIRIES."

AS A BOTTOM.

>> STOP IT, KIMBER.

YOU´RE LYING.

>> IT´S THE ONLY THING SHE´S

GOOD AT, EXCEPT FOR SPREADING

HER LEGS.

>> YEAH. WELL, MY DAUGHTER´S

GOING TO HAVE EVERYTHING.

SHE´S GOING TO HAVE DESIGNER

CLOTHES, GOURMET FOOD, AND 2

PARENTS WHO LOVE HER.

WHAT´S MATT GOING TO GIVE HER?

DRUGS? SO STOP TRYING TO RESCUE

MY CHILD WHEN YOU CAN´T SAVE

YOUR OWN. COULD YOU PLEASE

ESCORT THESE GRANDPARENTS OUT

OF HERE?

>> HEY! MERRY CHRISTMAS.

>> ♫ CHOCOLATE CAKES

AND BUTTER CAKES

AND CAKES WITH LOTS OF SPICE

LAYERED CAKES AND ANGEL CAKES

I THINK OF EVERY NIGHT

BUT WHEN IT COMES TO

CHRISTMAS TIME

CAN ANYONE DISPUTE?

THAT WHEN YOU BAKE

A CHRISTMAS CAKE

IT REALLY SHOULD BE

SURELY GOOD, YES IT WOULD BE

POSITIVELY ABSOLUTELY MOSTLY

MADE WITH FRUIT

CINNAMON, CINNAMON

DON´T FORGET THE CINNAMON

A PERFECT SPICE

WILL MAKE IT NICE

BUT DON´T FORGET THE CINNAMON

CINNAMON, CINNAMON

DON´T FORGET THE CINNAMON

PERFECT SPICE WILL MAKE IT NICE

BUT DON´T FORGET THE CINNAMON

HAVE A BITE OF

FRUITCAKE

MMM... ♫

>> HI, JULIA.

I MADE SOME FRUITCAKE.

IT´S A RECIPE FROM ONE OF

MY MOM´S EX´S.

SHE WAS A REAL BITCH, BUT

A DYNAMITE PASTRY CHEF.

>> OH, AT LEAST THERE WAS

SOMETHING YOU LIKED ABOUT HER.

>> I MADE IT FOR YOU.

IT´S SORT OF A PEACE OFFERING.

>> HA HA. YOU WANT PEACE, EDEN?

IT´S GOING TO TAKE A LOT

MORE THAN A FRUITCAKE AFTER WHAT

YOU´VE DONE.

>> YOU HAVE EVERY REASON TO HATE

ME, JULIA. MY BEING WITH SEAN

WAS INEXCUSABLE. SOME SORT OF

ACTING OUT, I GUESS.

I REALLY SHOULD BE BACK IN

THERAPY. MY ANGER TOWARDS YOU--

I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT THE WAY

I´VE BEHAVED.

LOOK...YOU LOVE MY MOM, MY MOM

LOVES YOU.

I´VE NEVER HAD A REAL FAMILY.

MAYBE THIS COULD BE ONE.

>> I USED TO LOVE FRUITCAKE WHEN

I WAS A GIRL.

IT´S SO FATTENING.

>> ONE BITE WON´T HURT.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR

CHRISTMAS?

>> NOTHING REALLY. I MAY JUST GO

TO THE MOVIES OR SOMETHING.

I KNOW MOM´S GOING TO BE WITH

YOU. IT´S OK.

>> WHY DON´T YOU JOIN US?

>> THAT´S REALLY KIND OF YOU,

JULIA, BUT I DON´T THINK SEAN

WOULD APPRECIATE MY BEING THERE.

>> OH, I DON´T KNOW. YOU KNOW,

IT MIGHT HELP HIM.

FORGIVE AND MOVE ON.

>> I´D LOVE TO COME.

>> OK.

>> IT´S DELICIOUS. MMM...

THIS IS WHAT I REMEMBER ABOUT

FRUITCAKE--ONCE YOU START, IT´S

HARD TO STOP.

>> HA HA.

WELL, I´LL SAVE THE REST FOR

LATER. YOU CAN HAVE IT WHENEVER

YOU WANT.

MOM DOESN´T REALLY LIKE IT

ANYWAY, SO...

IT´S ALL YOURS.

>> JUST A FEW MORE STEPS,

MR. MCNAMARA.

>> ARE ALL ISRAELI WOMEN THIS--

>> PUSHY? YES. IT´S GENETIC.

AT EASE, SOLDIER.

>> SO HOW LONG DID YOU TRAIN

FOR?

>> NOT LONG. WOMEN ARE NOT

REALLY EXPECTED TO FIGHT.

THANK GOD.

>> DIDN´T YOU WANT TO DEFEND

YOUR COUNTRY?

>> WHAT I WANTED WAS TO FIND

A HUSBAND.

ALL THOSE HANDSOME, HARD BODIES

IN UNIFORM, TANNED AND

SEX-STARVED FROM THE DESERT.

>> SO AFTER THE ARMY YOU WENT

TO UNIVERSITY TO STUDY

PSYCHOLOGY.

>> NO. TO FIND A HUSBAND.

>> HA HA HA.

>> HEY, MATTIE.

IS THIS A BAD TIME?

>> WE WERE JUST FINISHING.

REST UP. TOMORROW WE´RE GOING

TO DO TWICE AROUND THE FLOOR.

>> NO, RACHEL. STAY, PLEASE.

GUYS, THIS IS RACHEL BEN-NATAN,

MY COUNSELOR AND TORTURER.

THIS IS MY MOTHER JULIA MCNAMARA

AND ONE OF MY FATHERS CHRISTIAN

TROY.

>> MATTIE HAS 2 DADDIES.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> HOW NICE FOR YOU.

>> YEAH, IT´S GOOD FUN.

>> I--WE´VE BEEN TO SEE KIMBER.

>> HOW´S JENNA? IS SHE ALL

RIGHT?

>> KIMBER WANTS TO KEEP JENNA,

MATT.

>> I JUST NEED SOMETIME WITH HER

TO TALK, SHOW HER I´VE CHANGED.

>> APPARENTLY SHE´S FILING FOR

DIVORCE, SHE´S GETTING MARRIED

TO RAM, AND THEY HAVE A PRETTY

GOOD CASE AGAINST YOU EVER

GETTING CUSTODY.

>> NO, I´M GONNA FIGHT FOR HER.

SHE BELONGS WITH ME.

>> DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT

YOU´RE CAPABLE OF TAKING CARE

OF A CHILD? SHE CAN´T WAIT FOR

YOU TO GROW UP.

>> THANKS. FIRST DAD AND NOW

YOU. ANYONE ELSE WANTS TO THROW

IN THE TOWEL?

>> OH, MATTIE, COME ON. DO YOU

REALLY THINK THAT ANY JUDGE IN

HIS RIGHT MIND WOULD GIVE YOU

CUSTODY? SERIOUSLY!

>> WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU

PEOPLE? MATT, LISTEN TO ME.

YOU WANT YOUR CHILD BACK?

EITHER FIND A WAY OR MAKE A WAY.

AND STOP LOOKING TO YOUR PARENTS

TO RESCUE YOU.

>> I´LL BE RIGHT BACK. AHEM.

>> OH...

>> ARE YOU OK?

>> OH, YEAH YEAH. REALLY.

JUST TIRED. FEELING A LITTLE LOW

AND OVERWHELMED WITH EVERYTHING

THAT´S BEEN GOING ON.

>> EXCUSE ME, MISS.

>> I´M NOT GOING TO APOLOGIZE.

I MEANT EVERY WORD I SAID.

>> WAS THAT TOUGH LOVE?

>> HONESTY. TRY IT.

>> LOOK, I´M A PLASTIC SURGEON.

I KNOW YOU DON´T MAKE MUCH AS

A BURN COUNSELOR. I´D BE HAPPY

TO OFFER MY SERVICES FOR FREE.

>> WHY? IS THERE SOMETHING YOU

THINK I SHOULD HAVE DONE?

>> WELL, SINCE HONESTY IS THE

WORD OF THE DAY, I COULD MAKE

A SERIES OF SKIN GRAFTS, I COULD

RESTRUCTURE YOUR BONE LINE.

>> YOU COULD MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL

AGAIN. THANK YOU, DOCTOR, BUT

NO. YOU MIGHT FIND THIS HARD TO

BELIEVE, BUT I´M QUITE HAPPY

AS I AM.

>> A MARTYR?

>> A SURVIVOR. A LIVING EXAMPLE

OF WHAT PEOPLE CAN GO THROUGH

AND SURVIVE.

>> ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

>> YEAH.

>> YOU LOOK A LITTLE PALE.

>> I´M PROBABLY GETTING A BUG

THAT´S GOING AROUND OR

SOMETHING.

>> HERE THEY ARE. I CAN´T

BELIEVE I FOUND THEM.

WHAT´S GOING ON?

>> WHAT? OH, NOTHING. I MUST

HAVE GOTTEN UP TOO QUICKLY.

OH, THOSE PICTURES ARE FRESHMAN

YEAR!

>> CHRISTMAS EVE BEFORE AND

AFTER THE TREE CAUGHT ON FIRE.

>> YOU GUYS GO AHEAD AND LAUGH.

YOU DIDN´T SUFFER PROPERTY

DAMAGE, RIGHT? THOSE "PENTHOUSE"

MAGAZINES WERE VINTAGE.

IRREPLACEABLE.

>> OH...

>> OK, THANK YOU.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

>> HELLO.

YEAH, YEAH. WELL, WE WERE JUST

GOING TO DO OUR SECRET SANTA

THING. OK, WELL, I COULD MEET

YOU LATER.

OK. YEAH. BYE.

AH, THAT WAS OLIVIA. WE´RE

HAVING DINNER LATER.

>> I SEE YOU GOT YOUR PHONE

BACK.

>> WHAT?

OH, YEAH. GOD, I´VE BEEN LEAVING

THINGS ALL OVER THE PLACE

LATELY. SO, WHO´S GOING TO GO

FIRST?

>> I WILL.

>> ALTHOUGH I DON´T KNOW IF WE

CAN TOP LAST YEAR´S "I LOVE MY

DICK" PICTURE FRAME.

>> THAT WAS GOOD, HUH?

>> AHH. THANK YOU, SANTA.

OK. GREAT PAPER.

"MCNAMARA/TROY. PUT YOUR TITS

IN OUR HANDS."

>> I THOUGHT THAT WORKED FOR

80% OF OUR CLIENTS.

>> DOESN´T GET BETTER THAN THAT,

DOES IT?

>> MY TURN.

MMM...EDIBLE UNDIES. HILARIOUS.

>> DESSERT FOR OLIVIA.

VERY FUNNY.

>> OOH. I HAVE ANOTHER ONE.

>> HEY, YOU´RE NOT SUPPOSED TO

GO OVER, REMEMBER?

>> YOU KNOW...

>> MAKE US LOOK CHEAP.

>> OH, THEY´RE BEAUTIFUL.

>> IT´S NOT LIKE THEY´RE

EXPENSIVE OR ANYTHING.

IT´S JUST--I DON´T KNOW, I SAW

THEM, I THOUGHT THEY´D LOOK GOOD

ON HER, AND I GOT THEM.

I THOUGHT THEY´D LOOK GOOD WITH

YOUR EYES.

>> THANK YOU, CHRISTIAN.

YOU SHOULDN´T HAVE.

>> YOU GUYS ARE SCREWING EACH

OTHER.

>> SEAN, I JUST BOUGHT HER

SOME EARRINGS.

>> THE PHONE, THE TOUCHING...

HA HA HA. AM I STUPID.

>> NOBODY´S STUPID.

YOU SHOULDN´T--

>> WHAT? TAKE IT PERSONALLY?

LET IT BOTHER ME.

SHE´S NOT MY WIFE ANYMORE,

WHO GIVES A SHIT?

HOW LONG?

>> SEAN, I´M SORRY.

IT JUST HAPPENED.

>> WHEN WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME?

HUH? CHRISTMAS DAY?

NEW YEARS? OR DID YOU JUST WANT

ME TO CATCH YOU IN THE ACT WHEN

I CAME HOME EARLY BY MISTAKE?

YOU WERE THERE THAT DAY.

WHEN THE PHONE--

WHAT DID YOU DO, HIDE UNDER

THE BED?

>> IN THE CLOSET.

>> JESUS.

>> SEAN, YOU KNOW, I AM SORRY

AND WE WANTED TO TELL YOU, BUT--

WELL, I JUST WANTED TO WAIT

´TILL AFTER THE HOLIDAYS.

>> RIGHT. RIGHT.

WERE YOU GONNA SIT ME AND OLI

DOWN AND GIVE US THE GOOD NEWS

AT THE SAME TIME?

>> WHAT THE HELL IS THE

DIFFERENCE? I MEAN, SERIOUSLY.

LOOK, I KNOW IT´S DIFFICULT, BUT

YOU´RE NOT TOGETHER NOW ANYWAY.

IT´S NOT LIKE WE´RE CHEATING

ON YOU.

>> YOU´RE SUCH A CLUELESS PIECE

OF SHIT!

>> WE LOVE EACH OTHER, SEAN.

[CHRISTMAS SONG]

[TEAKETTLE WHISTLING]

>> YOU LEFT EARLY THIS MORNING.

>> I DIDN´T FIGURE THERE WAS ANY

POINT IN STAYING IN BED IF I

WASN´T SLEEPING.

I´LL SAY ONE THING FOR LEAVING

THE HOUSE BEFORE 5:00.

THERE´S NO TRAFFIC.

>> LOOK, WE´VE BEEN THROUGH

ENOUGH OVER THE YEARS TO SPLIT

US APART AND THEN SOME.

BUT SOMEHOW, WE ALWAYS END UP

BACK TOGETHER. I CAN´T IMAGINE

ANYTHING IN THE WORLD THAT COULD

CHANGE THAT EXCEPT MAYBE JULIA.

SO, I WON´T SEE HER IF IT MEANS

THAT MUCH TO YOU.

OH, COME ON. IT´S NOT LIKE

YOU´RE MR. CELIBATE PINING AWAY

WAITING FOR HER.

>> WHY DIDN´T YOU JUST GO TO

NEW YORK AND SLEEP WITH HER

THERE? OR DID YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW

ME OUT HERE AND DO IT UNDER MY

NOSE BECAUSE THAT´S THE ONLY WAY

YOU CAN REALLY GET OFF?

>> WE´RE NOT DOING IT TO CAUSE

YOU ANY PAIN, ALL RIGHT?

WE´RE DOING IT TO SEE IF FINALLY

IT FEELS RIGHT. BUT...

I WON´T DO IT WITHOUT YOUR

BLESSING.

>> I DON´T KNOW IF I CAN GIVE IT

TO YOU.

GIVE YOU MY BLESSING.

I JUST DON´T KNOW.

>> IT LOOKS GOOD, DOC.

NOW I CAN LOOK AT MY FACE

WITHOUT SEEING THAT KID, THE

GUN.

>> WELL, SANTA YOU´RE A BETTER

MAN THAN I AM.

>> THEN YOU MUST BE ONE HELL OF

A SCUMBAG.

>> EXCUSE ME. I´M IN A PRIVATE

CONSULTATION WITH A PATIENT.

>> GO ON. TELL HIM.

DON´T BE AFRAID. JUST SAY IT.

>> I´M SORRY, DADDY.

I´M SORRY I SHOT YOU.

>> YOU DID IT, HONEY.

YOU TURNED THE OTHER CHEEK.

HONEY, GO WAIT IN THE LOBBY.

I´LL BE OUT IN A SECOND.

>> YOUR SON IS THE ONE WHO

SHOT YOU?

>> IT´S A LONG STORY, DOC.

HOW DID YOU FIND ME, NANCY?

>> I FOLLOWED THE MONEY, LIKE

I ALWAYS DO. I WENT TO GET BACK

PAYMENT FROM THE COURT ACCOUNT,

AND THEY SAID THAT SOME EX-PARTY

MOTION HAD BEEN GRANTED FOR SOME

EMERGENCY SURGERY?

IT´S NOT YOUR MONEY, DUKE.

IT´S HIS!

>> YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN STRAIGHT

WITH US BEFORE THE SURGERY.

I WANT YOU OUT NOW.

>> COME ON, MAN. THE LITTLE

BASTARD SHOOTS ME AND SHE COMES

AFTER ME FOR CHILD SUPPORT?

>> I AM STILL WAITING FOR THAT

APOLOGY, DUKE.

"I´M SORRY, SON, FOR ABANDONING

"YOU, FOR GIVING UP ON YOU, FOR

"PRETENDING THAT YOU DON´T EVEN

EXIST!"

>> ♫ DECK THE HALLS WITH

BOUGHS OF HOLLY

FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

´TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY... ♫

>> GO AWAY!

>> YOU PUT THAT GUN IN HIS HAND

AND YOU COCKED IT. ALL HE HAD TO

DO WAS PULL THE TRIGGER.

LIKE THIS.

>> ♫ FROSTY THE SNOWMAN

HE´S A FAIRY TALE THEY SAY

HE WAS MADE OF SNOW

BUT THE CHILDREN KNOW

HOW HE CAME TO LIFE ONE DAY

THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SOME MAGIC

IN THAT OLD TOP HAT THEY FOUND

FOR WHEN THEY PLACED IT ON

HIS HEAD HE BEGAN TO

DANCE AROUND

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN

HAD TO HURRY ON HIS WAY

BUT HE WAVED GOOD-BYE

SAYING DON´T YOU CRY

I´LL BE BACK AGAIN SOMEDAY ♫

>> YOU NEED A HAND WITH THAT?

>> NO. I HAVE 2 GOOD ONES OF

MY OWN.

>> I CAME TO ASK YOU TO COME

HOME. SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH

YOUR FAMILY.

>> THANKS. IT´S OK.

I MADE PLANS.

>> YOU KNOW, WHEN MY DAD LEFT,

I THOUGHT I KNEW HOW TO DEAL

WITH IT. HE WROTE ME OFF, I´D

WRITE HIM OFF SON OF A BITCH.

I THOUGHT I HAD IT PRETTY UNDER

CONTROL. THE HURT, THE

LONELINESS, THE ANGER.

I´M JUST REPLAYING IT BY DOING

TO YOU WHAT HE DID TO ME.

>> LOOK, DAD, I DON´T HOLD IT--

>> HE COULDN´T HELP IT.

HE COULDN´T BE DIFFERENT WITH ME

BECAUSE OF HOW HIS FATHER WAS

WITH HIM. WE´RE JUST PASSING THE

SAME SHIT ON AND ON AND ON.

AND I JUST WANT IT--I WANT IT

TO STOP.

HERE.

>> WHAT´S THIS?

>> SOMETHING HE LEFT ME BEFORE

HE LEFT ME. HE SAID IT WAS A BOX

FOR ME TO PUT MY DREAMS IN.

I JUST FIGURED IT WAS USELESS.

THE ONLY DREAM I HAD WAS SEEING

HIM AGAIN. BUT I HAVE ANOTHER

ONE.

FOR YOU TO FORGIVE ME.

I DON´T WANT TO GIVE UP

ON YOU, MAN. I DON´T WANT YOU

TO GIVE UP ON ME.

>> YOU KEEP THIS. THIS IS FOR

YOUR DREAMS.

I´VE GOT TO FIND MY OWN.

ALL I KNOW RIGHT NOW IS THAT I´M

NEVER GONNA BE A MAN OR A

DECENT FATHER UNTIL I STOP BEING

YOUR CHILD.

>> I´D STILL LOVE FOR YOU TO

SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH ME.

WITH US.

BE AROUND PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU.

>> I´M SPENDING IT WITH RACHEL.

IF I CAN´T BE WITH JENNA ON

CHRISTMAS, I FIGURE SPENDING IT

WITH RACHEL AND HER KIDS MIGHT

TAKE THE STING OUT A LITTLE,

YOU KNOW?

>> SHE´S GOT KIDS?

>> 24 OF THEM. ALL IN THE

PEDIATRIC BURN UNIT.

IT´S GOOD SEEING YOU, DAD.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

>> ♫ SILENT NIGHT

HOLY NIGHT

ALL IS CALM

ALL IS BRIGHT

ROUND YOU VIRGIN MOTHER

AND CHILD

HOLY INFANT SO TENDER AND MILD

SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE

SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE

SILENT NIGHT... ♫

>> I´M GLAD YOU RECONSIDERED.

MATT COMING?

>> NO. MAYBE NEXT CHRISTMAS.

>> OK. NOW, DO YOU FEEL LIKE

A HOLIDAY MARTINI?

IT´S LIKE AN EVERYDAY MARTINI

JUST WITH A LOT MORE VODKA.

>> HEY, THANK YOU FOR COMING.

AH...IT WOULDN´T BE THE SAME

WITHOUT YOU. I KNOW HOW HARD

THIS MUST BE FOR YOU.

>> NOT BEING HERE WOULD BE

EVEN HARDER.

>> HERE WE GO.

CHEERS.

>> ♫ SILENT NIGHT

HOLY NIGHT

SON OF GOD´S PURE LIGHT

RADIANT BEAMS FROM THY HOLY FACE

WITH THE DAWN OF REDEEMING GRACE

JESUS, LORD AT THY BIRTH

JESUS, LORD AT THY BIRTH ♫