Original subtitles

PREVIOUSLY ON NIP/TUCK...

>> I´M AFRAID I´VE NEVER DONE

THIS BEFORE, PAID FOR SOMEONE.

>> YOU´RE ONE HOT MAMA.

I´M SURPRISED YOU TWO

NEVER WENT FOR IT.

>> I SORT OF ASSUMED

THAT YOU WERE STRAIGHT.

>> I KNOW ABOUT YOUR LITTLE

TRYST WITH JULIA, DR. TROY.

>> YOU DON´T WANNA PLAY THIS

GAME WITH ME. YOU´RE GONNA

GET YOURSELF HURT.

>> I´M MRS. FEENEY.

I´M FROM THE SHELTER

DRUG REHABILITATION CENTER.

>> HEH. REHAB.

>> YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP.

>> THERE´S BEEN A BED RESERVED

FOR YOU. YOU´LL BE THERE

FOR 6 WEEKS.

>> WHEN I COME BACK, SEAN IS

GOING TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

[WATER RUNNING]

>> WHY AREN´T YOU

IN YOUR SCRUBS?

>> [LISPING] AH, IT´TH JUTHT

ANOTHER TIT JO--OH. THORRY.

I FORGOT I HAD MY BLEACHING TRAY

IN. WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY

IS IT´S JUST ANOTHER TIT JOB.

YOU CAN HANDLE IT. I GOT SALLY

HERSHBERGER AT, UH, 10:00, I GOT

A MANICURE AT 11:00, AND I GOT

A FACIAL AT NOON. THE CAMERA´S

A CRUEL MISTRESS, MY FRIEND.

I CAN´T HAVE A HAIR, CUTICLE,

OR PORE OUT OF PLACE.

>> I TOLD YOU I´M NOT DOING

A REALITY SHOW.

>> FIONA WORKED VERY HARD

FOR THIS.

>> BECAUSE YOU PUSHED HER

RELENTLESSLY. COME ON,

CHRISTIAN. WE ALREADY HAVE

ENOUGH EXPOSURE THROUGH

HEARTS ´N SCALPELS.

>> HEARTS ´N SCALPELS. DRAMAS

ARE GOING BY WAY OF SITCOM,

MY FRIEND, INTO THE SHITTER.

REALITY IS THE FUTURE. IN FACT,

REALITY IS THE PRESENT,

ALL RIGHT? NO OVERPRICED WRITERS

AND NO ACTORS TO SUCK UP TO.

>> IT´S EXPLOITATION,

AND I WON´T BE INVOLVED IN IT.

THE WHOLE POINT OF THOSE SHOWS

IS TO MAKE FOOLS OUT OF PEOPLE.

>> THOSE PEOPLE ARE FOOLS,

ALL RIGHT? WE´RE DIFFERENT.

WE´RE DOCTORS, AND WE HAVE

THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW PEOPLE

HOW WE OPERATE.

>> YOU MEAN IT´S YOUR CHANCE

TO BE IN THE SPOTLIGHT.

>> YEAH, SEAN, THIS IS IMPORTANT

TO ME, OK? I´M A STAR,

AND I AM TIRED OF FEELING LIKE

A SUPPORTING PLAYER. ALL RIGHT?

LOOK, WE´LL MAKE IT INTERESTING.

WE´LL--WE´LL MAKE IT CLASSY.

ALL RIGHT, IT´LL BE

MUCH MORE PBS THAN VH1.

>> FINE. GO AHEAD. DO THE SHOW.

JUST WITHOUT ME.

>> I CAN´T. LOOK, THEY´RE NOT

GONNA GREEN LIGHT THE SHOW

WITHOUT YOU IN IT. THEY THINK

YOU´RE SOME KIND OF DRAW OR

SOMETHING. I DON´T KNOW.

[SCRUBS]

SEAN...

PLEASE? LOOK, JUST DO IT FOR ME.

[SCRUBS]

>> ♫ AHH,

MAKE ME

BEAUTIFUL ♫

♫ MAKE ME

THE PERFECT SOUL,

A PERFECT MIND,

A PERFECT FACE,

A PERFECT

LIE ♫

>> HI. I´M DR. CHRISTIAN TROY.

I´M A BOARD-CERTIFIED PLASTIC

SURGEON, AND THIS SHOW IS

ABOUT ME AND MY PARTNER AND

THE FASCINATING WORLD IN WHICH

WE LIVE AND WORK. HEH.

>> WHILE THERE ARE A NUMBER

OF PROGRAMS FOCUSING ON PLASTIC

SURGERY, HEARTS ´N SCALPELS,

FOR EXAMPLE, ON WHICH I PLAY

DR. PETER CASEY...

ARTERIAL HEMORRHAGE, DOCTOR!

HE´S GOING INTO SHOCK!

NONE ANALYZE THE WHYS AND HOWS

OF THE PROCESS AS MUCH

AS LOOK FOR THE FAUX DRAMA

IN THE SITUATION. WE´RE DOING

THIS PILOT TO REVEL THE TRUTH

ABOUT PLASTIC SURGERY.

>> SEAN I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER

20 YEARS. I´D SAY WE´VE SEEN

UP TO 40,000 UNDRESSED WOMEN.

YOU COULD DOUBLE THAT NUMBER

IF YOU´RE TALKING ABOUT

MY PERSONAL LIFE. HEH.

[CAMERA CLICKING]

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM

IS SPECIAL. EVERY SINGLE ONE

OF THEM IS DIFFERENT.

I THINK YOU COULD GO UP

TO A DOUBLE-D.

>> I LIKE THAT.

>> A "C," "D."

MAYBE EVEN A DOUBLE-D

WOULD BE FINE.

>> HMM. DOUBLE-D

SOUNDS DELICIOUS.

>> I THINK YOU SHOULD GO DOWN

TO A DOUBLE-D, SWEETHEART.

>> [SIGHS] CAN I GO BIGGER?

I MEAN, I´VE ALWAYS LOVED

THE LETTER "H." I EVEN NAMED

MY CAT HEATHCLIFF.

[CAT YOWLS]

>> WE´LL FOCUS ON THE HEALTH

BENEFITS OF PLASTIC SURGERY,

WHICH QUITE FRANKLY ALL TOO

OFTEN ARE BURIED UNDER MEDIA

SLANDER THAT CLAIMS OUR INDUSTRY

IS UNNECESSARY AND CATERS ONLY

TO THE WEALTHY AND VAIN.

>> YEAH. I THINK EVERYTHING´S

GONNA CHANGE FOR ME NOW.

DON´T YOU, DR. McNAMARA?

LADIES WILL BE LININ´ UP TO MEET

THIS STUD. HA HA HA HA.

>> WE´LL EXAMINE OUR PATIENTS´

PSYCHES AND THEIR BODIES,

ASK THEM WHY THEY WOULD UNDERGO

A PAINFUL PROCEDURE JUST TO

HAVE THEIR APPEARANCES ALTERED.

>> I THINK THE AUDIENCE

WILL FIND THEIR REASONS

VERY SYMPATHETIC.

>> THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS

REALITY SHOW AND OTHERS, SIMPLE.

THE OTHERS DON´T HAVE ME AND

SEAN, AND IN THE END, THAT´S

WHAT THIS SHOW IS ALL ABOUT, US.

AND WE´RE FANTASTIC.

>> ♫ WHOA, OH, OH, OH,

DON´T WANT NO SAGGY BOTTOM,

DON´T WANT NO DROOPY EYES ♫

>> ♫ UH-UH ♫

>> ♫ I´M LIKE A PIECE OF CANDY,

GO UP ONE MORE CUP SIZE,

EVERYBODY WANTS TO LOOK LIKE ME,

PLASTIC FANTASTIC ♫

>> ♫ OWW ♫

>> THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

WE DO EVERY DAY IS FLOSS.

JUST KIDDING. IT´S ACTUALLY THE

FIRST TIME WE MEET A CONSULT.

WE, UH--WE SAY, "TELL ME

WHAT YOU DON´T LIKE ABOUT

YOURSELF." IT´S A--IT´S A LINE

I CAME UP WITH. IT´S KIND OF

OUR SIGNATURE LINE.

>> ACTUALLY, I CAME UP WITH IT

IN MED SCHOOL.

>> NO, YOU DIDN´T. YOU, UH--I--

I CAME UP WITH IT, UH, GRUBMAN´S

FIRST CONSULT. I KNEW THAT SHE

WAS A WELL OF SELF-HATRED AND,

UH, SHE´D--SHE´D BE ON THE TABLE

FOR YEARS.

>> IT WAS IN WEINTRAUB´S

SEMINAR. YOU WEREN´T EVEN THERE

THAT DAY. YOU STAYED IN BED

WITH A BELLY DANCER.

[BELLY DANCING MUSIC PLAYS]

>> [CLEARS THROAT]

[WOMAN MOANING]

Both: TELL ME WHAT YOU DON´T

LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF?

[RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCHES,

MUSIC STOPS]

>> MR. SANDS?

>> I DON´T LIKE THAT THE WORLD

WE LIVE IN REWARDS YOUTH

OVER EXPERIENCE.

>> YOU SEE, THAT´S WHAT´S

SO GREAT ABOUT PLASTIC SURGERY.

WE HAVE ABILITY TO GIVE

PEOPLE WITH EXPERIENCE

BACK THEIR YOUTH. HEH.

>> I´LL NEVER BE 20 AGAIN. I

KNOW THAT. FRANKLY, I WOULDN´T

WANT IT. UH, 20-YEARS-OLDS HAVE

THEIR HEADS UP THEIR ASSES, AND

THEY STICK THEIR DICKS IN ANY

MOIST HOLE THEY CAN FIND. EVEN

AT 40, 45, YOU THINK YOU KNOW

YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU´RE GOOD

AT, BUT YOU--YOU REALLY DON´T,

DO YOU?

>> THESE TYPES OF PATIENTS ARE

QUITE COMMON. THEY´RE REALLY

JUST LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO TALK

TO, AND SOMETIMES THE BEST THAT

WE CAN DO IS LISTEN AND ADVISE

THEM NOT TO GO UNDER THE KNIFE

AT ALL.

BUT YOU ARE HERE TO TALK ABOUT

GETTING COSMETIC SURGERY,

AREN´T YOU?

>> YES, OF COURSE. I WOULD LIKE

A NECK TIGHTENING

AND AN EYE-LIFT.

Sean: MM-HMM.

Christian: MM-HMM.

>> MAY I ASK, MR. SANDS,

WHAT TYPE OF BUSINESS YOU´RE IN?

I SEE YOU LEFT IT BLANK

IN YOUR QUESTIONNAIRE.

>> OH, I´D RATHER NOT DIVULGE

THAT INFORMATION.

>> KNOWING YOUR PROFESSION

CAN BE QUITE HELPFUL IN PLANNING

YOUR RECOVERY SCHEDULE.

BLURRED VISION, FOR EXAMPLE,

IS A COMMON SIDE EFFECT AFTER A

BLEPHAROPLASTY. UH, AN AIRLINE

PILOT OR A TRUCK DRIVER--

>> THAT´S NOT A CONCERN.

MOST OF MY WORK IS--UH,

IT´S DONE IN THE DARK.

>> SO YOU´RE A VAMPIRE. HEH.

>> NO, SIR. MORE LIKE

A MARQUIS DE SADE, A CASANOVA,

A LIBERTINE.

>> NATURALLY I WAS SHOCKED

WHEN MY PARTNER INFORMED ME

HE BELIEVED OUR CONSULT

WAS A MALE ESCORT.

>> I DON´T LIKE TO JUDGE,

BUT REALLY, OF ALL THE PEOPLE

OUT THERE WE SHOULD BE HELPING,

I´D HAVE TO SAY THAT

A MALE PROSTITUTE IS, UH,

PRETTY FAR DOWN THE LIST.

>> MOST OF THE TIME, I WOULD

HAVE TO AGREE WITH DR. TROY,

BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT

THIS PATIENT THAT MAKES HIM

QUITE A UNIQUE CASE, SOMETHING

I DON´T BELIEVE HAS EVER BEEN

ON TELEVISION BEFORE.

>> I DON´T WANT ANY DRUGS IN

MY SYSTEM DURING THE OPERATION.

I´VE BEEN CLEAN FOR 20 YEARS,

AND I´D--I´D LIKE TO KEEP IT

THAT WAY.

>> WE PRACTICE WESTERN MEDICINE,

MR. SANDS. UH, PHARMACOLOGY

IS NECESSARY IN ANESTHESIA.

>> WELL, IT´S NOT A PROBLEM FOR

ME, SEAN. IF HE WANTS TO FEEL

THE PAIN, I SAY WE GO FOR IT.

>> I ASSUME YOU´RE LOOKING

FOR A MORE HOLISTIC,

ALTERNATIVE APPROACH.

>> ACUPUNCTURE.

>> [CHUCKLES] I LOVE ALL THIS

CALIFORNIA, NEW AGE CRAP.

I MEAN, IT´S HILARIOUS TO ME

TO THINK THAT YOU CAN STICK

A NEEDLE IN YOUR HEAD AND THAT

YOUR WHOLE BODY´S GONNA GO NUMB.

YOU KNOW? IT´S--IT´S JUST

A LAWSUIT WAITING TO HAPPEN.

>> IF HE SIGNS A RELEASE AND OUR

STAFF ANESTHESIOLOGIST STANDS BY

READY TO JUMP IN, I THINK IT´S A

TOTALLY VIABLE REQUEST. I MEAN,

MORE AND MORE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN

TURNING TO EASTERN MEDICINE

TO TREAT A NUMBER OF AILMENTS,

AND WE DO KNOW AN ACUPUNCTURIST

WHO STUDIED IN CHINA.

[GONG]

>> WHEN SEAN FIRST ASKED ME

TO TREAT ONE OF HIS PATIENTS,

I MUST ADMIT I WAS QUITE

SURPRISED. I HAVE MY DEGREE

AT THE NANJING UNIVERSITY OF

TRADITIONAL CHINESE MEDICINE,

BUT I´VE ONLY ASSISTED

ON ACUPUNCTURE ANESTHESIA

A FEW TIMES.

>> WHAT? SEAN DIDN´T TELL YOU

SHE´S HIS EX-WIFE´S GIRLFRIEND?

YEAH.

>> I´M NOT SURE WHY MY OPINION

MATTERS, BUT, UM, WELL, I MEAN,

NO. OF--OF COURSE I--

I COMPLETELY TRUST SEAN

AND OLIVIA, YOU KNOW? I--

I FEEL THAT THIS PATIENT´S

IN VERY GOOD HANDS.

[BABY CRYING]

>> UH, I--I THINK I SHOULD

GO AND CHECK ON HIM. I´M GONNA

CHECK ON HIM NOW. OK.

[CONOR CRYING]

>> SHE´S STILL A LITTLE SHY

ABOUT P.D.A. HEH.

>> I´M NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT MY

EX-WIFE AND HER PERSONAL LIFE.

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT

MEDICINE OR SURGICAL PROCEDURE,

I´M ALL EARS.

PREPARATION IS KEY BEFORE

SURGERY, SO WE´RE DOING

A DRY RUN OF THE ACUPUNCTURE

ANESTHESIA. DR. TROY

HAS VOLUNTEERED TO BE

OUR GUINEA PIG.

>> THERE ARE APPROXIMATELY

20 POINTS THAT CAN TRIGGER

ANALGESIA IN A PATIENT.

AFTER EXAMINING DR. TROY,

I´VE ISOLATED 3, AND ABOUT

A HALF-HOUR BEFORE SURGERY,

WE´LL INSERT NEEDLES INTO

LARGE INTESTINE 4, LIVER 2,

AND HEART 3.

>> WHOA. YOU´RE NOT STICKING

ANY NEEDLES INTO MY HEART.

>> OH, CAN I DO IT?

>> LIZZIE, KEEP YOUR HANDS

OFF ME, ALL RIGHT? I DON´T WANNA

CATCH THAT, UH, RASH FESTERING

ALL OVER YOUR FACE.

>> SURE, CHRISTIAN AND I JOKE

AROUND, BUT WE´VE BEEN WORKING

TOGETHER FOR A LONG TIME.

WE DON´T MEAN IT. WE REALLY

LOVE EACH OTHER, LIKE BILL

AND HILLARY, IKE AND TINA.

[WHACK, WOMAN SCREAMS]

>> HEART 3 IS ON THE INSIDE

OF YOUR ELBOW, CHRISTIAN,

AND THE NEEDLES WILL ONLY

GO IN ABOUT A CENTIMETER.

YOU´LL BARELY FEEL THEM.

Christian: OK.

OHH. YEP. FELT THAT. [CHUCKLES]

>> THESE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY.

THE ONLY REASON I MOVED OUT HERE

WAS BECAUSE THEY THREW

A BUNCH OF MONEY AT ME.

[CASH REGISTER DINGS]

AND THE GOLFING OPPORTUNITIES.

>> OK.

WE´LL SLOWLY TURN IT UP TO 100

HERTZ ON THE CONTINUOUS MODE.

>> WHAT´S THE ELECTRO-STIMULATOR

FOR?

>> IT CALMS THE SHEN, WHICH IS

THE PATIENT´S EMOTIONAL

EXPERIENCE OF THE SURGERY.

>> HEH. THAT´S RIGHT, LIZ.

>> OH, I TOOK A COUPLE OF

NIGHT CLASSES BACK IN MIAMI.

I´LL HAVE THE INTRAVENOUS

ANESTHESIA READY FOR MR. SANDS

IF HE FEELS ANYTHING, BUT I HAVE

THE UTMOST CONFIDENCE IN OLIVIA

AND HER TECHNIQUES.

SHE´S REALLY GREAT.

>> OK. CLOSE YOUR EYES FOR ME,

CHRISTIAN.

>> [SIGHS]

>> CAN YOU FEEL THIS?

>> OF COURSE I CAN. HOW ABOUT

YOU, OLLIE? WHAT DO YOU FEEL

WHEN YOU´RE IN THE SACK

WITH JULIA? CAN YOU FEEL HER

DISAPPOINTMENT WHEN SHE REACHES

DOWN BETWEEN YOUR LEGS AND

COMES UP EMPTY-HANDED?

>> I CAN ASSURE YOU, CHRISTIAN,

THAT WHEN WE ARE UNDULATING

IN THE SHEETS TOGETHER,

THERE ARE NO EMPTY HANDS.

>> HEART RATE IS 60.

>> YOU KNOW, I DON´T THINK

THIS IS WORKING, SEAN. I MEAN,

IT MIGHT MAKE GREAT TV, BUT, UH,

HOW DO YOU OPERATE ON A PATIENT

WHO IS SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER?

RIGHT? HEH. HEH. YOU KNOW,

OLIVIA, IT´S JUST A MATTER

OF TIME BEFORE JULIA GIVES UP

THE GAY GHOST.

>> YOU KNOW, OUR PRIVATE LIFE

IS EXACTLY THAT, PRIVATE.

Christian: MM-HMM.

>> IT´S FOR US TO KNOW AND

FOR YOU TO HAVE MASTURBATORY

FANTASIES ABOUT.

>> HO HO! I THINK SHE´S

TALKING TO YOU, LIZZIE.

>> LAY OFF, CHRISTIAN.

>> OH, YOU´RE THE ONE WHO SAID

SHE WASN´T A CARPET CRUNCHER,

NOT ME.

>> LIZ? YOU DON´T THINK

JULIA´S GAY?

>> UM, I, UM--I--I THINK

THAT PEOPLE CAN FALL IN LOVE

WITH WHOM--WHOMEVER THEY WANT,

AND, UH, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND

WHY JULIA FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU.

>> PATIENT´S READY,

DR. McNAMARA.

Christian: HMM.

>> I´M GONNA GO GET HER SO THAT

SHE COULD TAKE OUT THE NEEDLES.

>> YEP. GOOD WORK THERE, LIZ,

ALL RIGHT? I REALLY DON´T THINK

THIS IS WORKING.

>> I KNOW. I KNOW. IT´S JUST...

>> YOU KNOW, I´D APPRECIATE IT

IF YOU KEPT IT ON THE SURGERY

AND OUT OF THE BEDROOM. YOU

KNOW? I MEAN, YOU PROMISED ME

THIS SHOW WOULD BE PROFESSIONAL,

NOT EXPLOITATIVE, REMEMBER?

>> JUST TRYING TO SPICE THINGS

UP A LITTLE, ALL RIGHT? YOU KNOW

JULIA´S NOT A LESBIAN. THAT´S

WHY YOU´RE OVERCOMPENSATING

BY HAVING OLIVIA HERE.

>> WELL, YOU KNOW,

I´M TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE.

YOU´RE TRYING TO BREAK THEM UP.

>> LOOK, IF YOU WANT TO BE

SUPPORTIVE, ALL RIGHT, THEN TELL

OLIVIA TO TAKE A HIKE,

ALL RIGHT? AND WE´LL GET RID OF

GRANDPA. I´LL HAVE 20 TIT JOBS

IN HERE THAT´LL HAVE MUCH MORE

EYES ON THE TV SCREEN THAN

HIS SAGGY ASS? ALL RIGHT?

OH.

>> RIGHT.

THE RUN-THROUGH WAS

A COMPLETE SUCCESS.

HOW ARE YOU DOING, MR. SANDS?

>> JUST GREAT, THANK YOU.

Olivia: FULLY ANESTHETIZED,

DOCTOR.

Christian: THEN LET´S GET

THIS STARTED. HIT IT, TOOTS.

BECAUSE THE SURGERIES CAN TAKE

UP TO 6, MAYBE EVEN 8 HOURS,

WE HERE AT McNAMARA/TROY HAVE

A TRADITION OF PLAYING MUSIC

TO KEEP US DANCING.

>> 15-BLADE.

>> I´M REALLY GLAD WE´RE DOING

THIS SURGERY, DR. TROY.

>> I ONLY WANNA HEAR YOU SPEAK

IF THERE´S ANY PAIN, MR. SANDS.

>> MY COMPETITION´S GETTING

MORE FEROCIOUS...

YOUNGER.

Christian: WE GONNA HAVE TO SEW

YOUR MOUTH SHUT? GIVE ME A BOVIE

AND A 2-PRONG HOOK.

>> METZ PICKUPS, LINDA.

WHILE DR. TROY LIFTS THE SKIN

AND CAUTERIZES THE BLEEDERS,

I´LL SEPARATE IT FROM

THE MUSCLES.

Mel Torme: ♫ ON A SCALE OF 7,

YOU WOULD GET AN 8... ♫

>> WHY SO MUCH HOSTILITY,

DR. TROY?

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?

CERTAIN INFORMATION MIGHT

COME OUT, PERHAPS?

>> ♫ TILL YOU TURN OUT

THE LIGHT,

HE´S PRETTY FUNNY, AND IT

LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE, TOO... ♫

Liz: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> NEEDLES ARE NOT WORKING.

Olivia: HE´S PERFECTLY SEDATED.

>> I´M THE OPERATING PHYSICIAN.

IT´S MY CALL. IT´S BETTER

TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY.

>> ♫ UNDEFEATABLE YOU,

UNDEFEATABLE YOU ♫

>> RIGHT, SEAN?

OK.

>> I DON´T KNOW WHAT WHAT WAS

GOING ON BETWEEN DR. TROY AND

MR. SANDS, BUT FOR SOME REASON,

CHRISTIAN HAS A BEE IN HIS

BONNET ABOUT THAT GUY.

[BEE BUZZES, WHACK]

THE PATIENT IS STABLE, DOCTOR.

Sean: MAYBE WE CAN CUT AROUND

THAT LAST PART, YES?

>> HEY, [HORN HONKS]!

Sean: EDEN, THIS IS

A STERILE ZONE.

>> OH, YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED,

RIGHT? THEY ATTACKED ME

IN REHAB.

Christian: GET THE HELL OUT

OF HERE, OR YOU´LL GO SOMEPLACE

MUCH WORSE THAN REHAB.

>> YOU ARE A [HONK] LIAR!

YOU PUT THE [HONK] PILLS

IN MY BAG, [DONKEY BRAYS]!

YOU KNOW, YOU JUST WANNA GET RID

OF ME AGAIN BECAUSE YOU DON´T

WANT YOUR LITTLE SECRET OUT.

>> I HAVE NO SECRETS, EDEN.

>> OH. REALLY?

>> SHE´S A DRUG ADDICT AND A

LIAR, AND SHE´LL DO ANYTHING SHE

CAN TO SCORE SOME MORE PILLS.

>> LYING ISN´T GONNA

HELP ANYBODY.

>> WHO´S THE LIAR, SEAN?

YOU WANT ME TO TELL THEM ABOUT

OUR LITTLE MASTURBATION PARTY,

OR THEY KNOW ABOUT THAT, TOO?

>> [GASPS]

>> SHE´S A DRUG ADDICT AND

A LIAR, AND SHE´LL DO ANYTHING--

[SLOW MOTION] ANYTHING--

[NORMAL] ANYTHING TO GET

SOME PILLS.

>> I DON´T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT

THAT LITTLE BITCH EDEN OR ABOUT

JULIA AND LIZ AND OLIVIA AND

THEIR MUFF-DIVING BULLSHIT.

THIS SHOW IS SUPPOSED TO BE

ABOUT ME. ME!

♫ OWW ♫

>> HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

>> HOW DO YOU THINK IT HAPPENED?

THE REAL JUNKIES IN REHAB

ATTACKED ME. OH, AND I´M SURE

YOU´LL ALL BE PROUD TO KNOW THAT

I´M A PACK-A-DAY SMOKER.

GOOD JOB, EVERYONE.

>> I-I´M SORRY. DO WE HAVE TO

HAVE THESE THINGS HERE? I MEAN,

THIS IS A FAMILY MATTER. DO WE

HAVE TO SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD?

>> [WHISPERING] Keep rolling.

Julia: CHRISTIAN?

>> CIGARETTE BURNS, PROBABLY

SECOND-DEGREE. DID A DOCTOR

AT THE CENTER SEE THESE?

>> [SIGHS] THEY DON´T CARE.

ALL THEY DO IS CASH YOUR CHECK.

>> SO YOU RAN AWAY BEFORE

YOU EVEN GOT THE TREATMENT

YOU NEEDED, RIGHT?

>> THAT´S WHY I´M HERE,

[BOING] HEAD.

>> OH, OLIVIA, WHY DON´T YOU

JUST, UH, STICK SOME NEEDLES

IN HER, SEND HER ON HER WAY?

>> GO TO HELL, CHRISTIAN.

>> YOU JUST WANNA GET RID OF ME

AGAIN, BECAUSE YOU DON´T WANT

YOUR LITTLE SECRET OUT.

>> I HAVE NO SECRETS, EDEN.

>> OH. REALLY? SO THEN I GUESS

SEAN KNOWS THAT YOU ALREADY

[SQUEAL] JULIA.

>> UM, 20 YEARS AGO.

WE ALL KNOW.

>> HEH. NO, SEAN.

LIKE A MONTH AGO.

>> [SIGHS] HEH.

>> LYING ISN´T GONNA

HELP ANYBODY.

>> WHO´S THE LIAR, SEAN? WANT ME

TO TELL THEM ABOUT OUR LITTLE

MASTURBATION PARTY, OR DO THEY

KNOW ABOUT THAT, TOO?

>> [GASPS]

>> WHAT I BELIEVE EDEN LORD WAS

REFERRING TO IS AN EXAM I GAVE

HER AFTER A PREVIOUS OPERATION.

ANOTHER FEMALE WAS PRESENT.

IT WAS COMPLETELY CLINICAL

IN NATURE.

>> MY MEDICAL OPINION,

THE LITTLE BITCH BELONGS

IN AN INSTITUTION.

>> I--SOMEWHERE DEEP DOWN,

I KNOW THAT EDEN´S A GOOD KID.

I--I JUST HAVE NO IDEA WHY SHE

HATES ME SO MUCH. I´M SORRY. UM,

CAN WE S--JUST STOP A MINUTE.

I--I--UM, THIS CAMERA BUSINESS

IS REALLY INTRUSIVE. CAN I--

UM, I SIGNED THE RELEASE FORM.

OK.

>> LIZ.

>> HEY. HI.

>> DO YOU, UM, HAVE A MOMENT?

>> YEAH. SURE. WHAT?

>> WELL, YOU KNOW, I KNOW THAT

IT´S NOT EASY, YOU KNOW, BEING

IN A NEW CITY, FINDING SOMEONE.

>> UH, YEAH. WELL, YOU TELL ME

ABOUT IT, HUH? YOU DON´T KNOW

HOW LUCKY YOU ARE

YOU FOUND OLIVIA.

>> YOU MEAN BEFORE YOU DID? NO,

EXCUSE ME. CAN YOU STOP TAPING

ME, PLEASE? NO, I´M SERIOUS.

NO, STOP TAPING ME NOW,

OR I´M GONNA JUST LEAVE. AM I--

AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR?

AHH! I´VE WATCHED YOU, LIZ. YOU

CAN´T KEEP YOUR EYES OFF HER.

>> WE´RE FRIENDS, JULIA.

YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE GOTTEN THAT

HANDBOOK YET, BUT 2 LESBIANS

CAN BE JUST FRIENDS.

>> WELL, THEN, I HOPE THAT YOU

AND I CAN BE FRIENDS AND, UH,

YOU CAN RESPECT OUR BOUNDARIES.

>> AND MAYBE YOU WANNA TALK

TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND ABOUT THAT

INSTEAD OF ME.

>> [SIGHS]

>> DO THEY KNOW ABOUT THE

OVERHEAD CAMERAS I HAD PUT IN?

UH, I DON´T THINK SO. BUT IT´S

PRETTY SEXY STUFF, RIGHT?

3 LESBIANS FIGHTING OVER

THEIR TURF IS RATINGS GOLD.

[PLASTIC FANTASTIC THEME PLAYS]

>> ♫ OWW ♫

>> THIS CREAM WILL HELP

YOUR SCARS HEAL FASTER.

[CAMERA WHIRRING]

>> WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? DON´T

YOU HATE ME LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE?

>> I´M DOING THIS BECAUSE I´M

A DOCTOR. THIS IS WHAT I DO.

NOW, YOU´LL NEED SOME SURGERY.

>> SHIT. ARE THEY ARE THEY

GONNA SCAR?

>> NOT IF I´M YOUR SURGEON.

>> SEAN.

>> HMM?

>> I LIED EARLIER. JULIA AND

CHRISTIAN DIDN´T SLEEP TOGETHER.

I JUST--I WAS SO ANGRY,

I HAD TO SAY SOMETHING.

[GLOVES SNAP OFF]

>> [SIGHS] I´LL SEE YOU IN

A FEW DAYS, OK? WE´LL SCHEDULE

SOME TIME IN THE O.R. FOR

YOUR GRAFTS, AND AFTERWARDS,

THIS WHOLE THING CAN JUST

BE FORGOTTEN.

>> I DON´T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT

THAT LITTLE BITCH EDEN OR ABOUT

JULIA AND LIZ AND OLIVIA AND

THEIR MUFF-DIVING BULLSHIT.

THIS SHOW IS SUPPOSED TO BE

ABOUT ME. ME!

>> OK, WHY DON´T YOU JUST GO DO

SOMETHING GLAMOROUS, YOU KNOW,

LIKE GO SHOPPING ON RODEO DRIVE.

PEOPLE EAT THAT SHIT UP.

>> THAT´S RIDICULOUS.

I SEE THAT SHIT ALL THE TIME.

>> OH. OK, GO HAVE LUNCH

AT FRED SEGAL. OK, THAT PLACE IS

JUST CRAWLING WITH CELEBRITIES.

I JUST SAW JASON PRIESTLEY

HAVING A NOSH THERE LAST WEEK.

THAT´S GOOD.

>> YOU CAME HERE WITH NO CONTACT

EXCEPT FOR ME, RIGHT? I GOT YOU

THIS JOB, AND THAT´S THE BEST

YOU CAN COME UP WITH? WHERE´S

FIONA? GET FIONA ON THE PHONE?

>> SHE´S UNAVAIL, CHRISTIAN, OK?

SEAN PENN JUST GOT BACK FROM

IRAQ. SHE´S GOT DAMAGE CONTROL

TO DO.

>> THEN YOU BETTER COME UP

WITH SOMETHING FAST, BLISS,

ALL RIGHT? I AM SICK OF HEARING

ABOUT THIS HEARTS ´N SCALPELS

BULLSHIT. THIS IS MY SHOW.

>> I KNOW. I KNOW, OK? I WILL

THINK OF SOMETHING. I PROMISE.

[BEEP]

WHEN I FOUND OUT MY FIRST

ASSIGNMENT AS A LOS ANGELES

P.R. QUEEN WAS TO WORK ON

THE LAUNCH OF A REALITY SHOW,

WELL, I WAS BESIDE MYSELF.

SEE, HERE´S THE THING.

[BEEP]

REALITY SHOWS ARE MY JAM, OK?

CHARM SCHOOL, PROJECT RUNWAY,

HEY PAULA-- THE ONE WHERE THEY

SPEND EVERY EPISODE CONVINCING

US THAT PAULA ABDUL´S

JUST TIRED.

[BEEP]

WELL, I WATCH EVERY ONE, OK?

I´M JUST OBSESSED. SO SUDDENLY

IT CAME TO ME.

[BEEP]

WHO BETTER TO GIVE CHRISTIAN

ADVICE ON HOW TO NAVIGATE

A REALITY SHOW THAN THE BIGGEST

STAR IN REALITY TV RIGHT NOW?

OH, THAT´S RIGHT.

MS. NEW YORK HERSELF.

I´M SITTING NEXT TO NEW YORK.

[APPLAUSE]

SHE´S HUGE.

>> THAT´S RIGHT, HONEY. I AM

BIG, AND I´LL SAVE YOUR ASS FROM

CANCELLATION, BECAUSE I KNOW

HOW THIS GENRE WORKS.

>> MM-HMM. AND AFTER WE

EXPLAINED TO CHRISTIAN ABOUT

THE WHOLE NEW YORK PHENOMENON,

HE REALLY SEEMED TO GET WITH

THE PROGRAM. NEW YORK GAVE IT TO

HIM STRAIGHT. I LOVE NEW YORK.

>> I´M JUST GONNA CUT

TO THE CHASE AND GIVE IT

TO YOU STRAIGHT.

>> OK.

>> YOU NEED TO BE WAY MORE

INTERESTING, HOMEBOY.

>> INTERESTING?

>> LIKE, SERIOUSLY. YES.

>> INTERESTING?

>> YES.

>> SEE--[LAUGHS] COME IN.

COME IN. INTERESTING?

>> INTERESTING.

>> I AM INTERESTING, ALL RIGHT?

>> IF YOU WANT THIS SHOW TO GO,

YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO

CREATE CONFLICT, BE THE CENTER

OF CONTROVERSY.

>> CONTROVERSY, CONFLICT. OH,

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SO EVERYBODY

CAN HATE ME? IS THAT WHAT

YOU´RE TALKING ABOUT?

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

EVERYBODY IS NOT GONNA HATE YOU.

JUST DON´T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

>> [SIGHS]

>> DENY, DENY, DENY.

>> DENY, DENY, DENY.

>> AND THEN JUST MOVE ON TO THE

NEXT THING. IT´S SIMPLE AS THAT.

>> DENY?

>> YEAH. I THINK THAT WHAT

NEW YORK IS SAYING, CHRISTIAN,

IS THAT PEOPLE HAVE VERY SHORT

ATTENTION SPANS, SO YOU JUST

NEED TO LISTEN TO NEW YORK,

´CAUSE NEW YORK KNOWS

WHAT´S GOIN´ ON, OK?

New York: YOU FEELIN´ IT?

>> [CLEARS THROAT]

COULD YOU GUYS, UH, JUST GIVE ME

A SECOND HERE? OK? HEH HEH.

BYE.

I CARE ABOUT JULIA, AND I DON´T

WANNA SEE HER GET HURT.

>> YOU KNOW, I SHOULD NEVER

HAVE LET...

Christian: WHAT´S GOIN´ ON HERE?

>> OLIVIA ANYWHERE NEAR YOU.

YOU ARE A BITTER, DRIED-UP--

>> WHAT IS--WHAT?

>> PLEASE!

>> ♫ PLASTIC FANTASTIC ♫

>> ♫ WHOA, OH,

PLASTIC FANTASTIC ♫

>> HOW WE FEELING, MR. SANDS?

>> I THOUGHT YOU HAD FORGOTTEN

ABOUT ME, DR. TROY. OR DID YOU

STAY AWAY ON PURPOSE?

>> I HEARD YOU ASKED FOR

SOME MORPHINE. WHAT HAPPENED?

ACUPUNCTURE NOT THE ANSWER YOU

THOUGHT IT WOULD BE? THERE ARE

SOME SIDE EFFECTS TO MORPHINE.

THEY INCLUDE HALLUCINATIONS,

DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR.

>> THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY

ENVIRONMENT. THE PEACE AND QUIET

THAT ACUPUNCTURE REQUIRES FOR

SUCCESS ARE NONEXISTENT HERE.

>> KEEP SAYING THAT, MR. SANDS.

>> IF I DEVELOP AN ADDICTION

TO THESE PAINKILLERS,

I´LL BE SAYING LOTS OF THINGS

TO MY LAWYER.

>> TO BE FAIR, YOU DID REQUEST

A SERVICE THAT OUR ACUPUNCTURIST

COULDN´T PROVIDE. WE´VE DECIDED

TO EAT THE COSTS. YOUR PROCEDURE

IS FREE OF CHARGE.

>> THAT SEEMS FAIR.

MARVELOUS. I COULD BE 44 AGAIN,

DON´T YOU THINK?

>> 45 AT THE MOST.

>> REMOVE THE WRINKLES, NOT THE

WISDOM. YOU AND YOUR PARTNER

HAVE DONE A VERY GOOD JOB.

THIS PUTS ME BACK ON THE GAME.

WILL I BE SEEING YOU

ON THE PLAYING FIELD?

>> THE ONLY PLAYING FIELD I HAVE

IS THAT SURGICAL TABLE

BACK IN THERE.

>> LET´S KEEP IT THAT WAY.

THIS TOWN ISN´T BIG ENOUGH

FOR THE BOTH OF US.

>> HEH. DOESN´T HE LOOK

FANTASTIC? PATIENT SATISFACTION

IS A PRIORITY HERE

AT McNAMARA/TROY. TELL ME,

ARE YOU SATISFIED, MR. SANDS?

>> VERY.

AS IT TURNS OUT, DR. TROY

IS AN EXCELLENT DOCTOR.

HE´S NOT WHO I THOUGHT HE´D BE.

ACTUALLY I COULD PROBABLY

SEND HIM SOME WORK. ON SECOND

THOUGHTS, MAYBE NOT. HE DOESN´T

REALLY SEEM TO NEED ANY HELP,

NOW, DOES HE?

>> WHILE EDEN LORD WAS NOT

ORIGINALLY SCHEDULED TO BE A

PATIENT, SHE DOES NEED OUR HELP.

HER FOREARMS WERE BADLY SCARRED

IN AN ACCIDENT, SO WE´RE GONNA

GRAFT SOME SKIN FROM THE BACK OF

HER THIGHS AND SEW IT ONTO HER

FOREARMS. HERE YOU CAN SEE WHAT

I´M TALKING ABOUT. WE PICK AN

AREA OF UNAFFECTED SKIN, SHAVE

IT OFF, AND THEN ROLL IT THROUGH

THIS MACHINE HERE, WHICH CREATES

A MESHLIKE QUALITY, ALLOWING THE

SKIN TO EXPAND WHEN SUTURED

TO THE AFFECTED AREA--

>> WHERE ARE YOU?! LIZ! LIZ!

SHE´S IN HERE--GODDAMN IT.

[GASPS] OLIVIA, GODDAMN IT,

HOW COULD YOU?

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT´S WRONG?

>> AND OF ALL THE PEOPLE THAT

YOU HAD TO CHOOSE, LIZ AND HERE?

>> SLOW DOWN, JULIA.

>> WHAT, WERE YOU HOPING--

>> YOU DON´T KNOW WHAT

YOU´RE TALKING ABOUT.

>> OH, DON´T EVEN, YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW, I SHOULD NEVER

HAVE LET...

Christian: WHAT´S GOIN´ ON HERE?

>> OLIVIA ANYWHERE NEAR YOU.

YOU ARE A BITTER, DRIED-UP--

>> WHAT IS--WHAT?

>> PLEASE!

>> NO! YOU LOOKED ME IN THE

FACE, AND YOU TOLD ME THAT

"LESBIANS COULD BE FRIENDS."

I MEAN, I JUST CAN´T BELIEVE

THAT I FELL FOR IT.

>> OK, WHO TOLD YOU WHAT?

>> I--

>> YOU WEREN´T EVEN THERE,

CHRISTIAN! COME ON. GET IN HERE.

>> JUST GET OFF ME.

>> GET IN.

>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

WASN´T EVEN THERE

TO SEE WHAT, LIZ?

>> IT´S NOT--IT´S NOT HER FAULT.

DON´T BLAME OLIVIA. IT--

THOSE WERE MY LIPS.

>> YOU DON´T NEED TO DEFEND ME,

LIZ. I KISSED HER, OK? I WAS

HURT AND CONFUSED AND IN NEED

OF SOME KIND OF COMFORT.

LOOK, I SCREWED UP, OK?

I SCREWED UP, BUT SO HAVE YOU.

>> NO. LOOK, I´M SORRY, BUT YOU

KNOW, WHEN I TOLD YOU ABOUT

THE INDISCRETIONS THAT I´VE HAD

SINCE WE´VE BEEN TOGETHER--

YOU KNOW, I KNOW I´M NOT

PERFECT, BUT I THOUGHT YOU

UNDERSTOOD. I TRUSTED YOU.

I WISH YOU´D TRUSTED ME.

>> WHAT--WHAT INDISCRETIONS?

>> LISTEN, LIZ, LIZ, LIZ,

DON´T INTERRUPT PEOPLE

WHEN THEY´RE TRYING TO MAKE

A RECONCILIATION, ALL RIGHT?

>> NOTHING MORE. IT MEANT

NOTHING. GOD, YOU HAVE BEEN

SO UNAVAILABLE TO ME LATELY. I--

I DON´T KNOW IF IT´S THE CAMERAS

OR--OR WHAT, BUT SOMETIMES

WHEN I´M WITH YOU, I HAVE

NEVER FELT MORE ALONE.

>> LOOK, I JUST--CAN WE--

NOT HERE. PLEASE.

>> OK, OK. TURN IT OFF.

THE SHOW´S OVER. TURN IT OFF.

>> GOD, YOU HAVE BEEN SO

UNAVAILABLE TO ME LATELY. I--

I DON´T KNOW IF IT´S THE CAMERAS

OR--OR WHAT, BUT SOMETIMES WHEN

I´M WITH YOU, I HAVE NEVER

FELT MORE ALONE.

>> LOOK, I JUST--CAN WE--

NOT HERE. PLEASE.

>> OK, OK. TURN IT OFF.

THE SHOW´S OVER. TURN IT OFF.

THIS IS THE CUT THEY WANNA AIR?

>> MM-HMM. THE PRODUCERS LOVE

IT. THEY WON´T CHANGE A FRAME

AND WON´T CONSIDER ANY EDITS.

WE´RE SCREWED.

>> I KNEW WE SHOULDN´T DO THIS.

I DID THIS FOR YOU. YOU FIX IT.

>> OH, COME ON. LIKE YOU DON´T

LOVE BEING MR. FAMOUS PLASTIC

SURGEON. THERE´S A CAMERA AROUND

THESE DAYS, YOU´RE LIKE A

HEAT-SEEKING MISSILE. I WOULDN´T

BE SURPRISED IF I TURN ON

THE TV NEXT YEAR AND FIND YOU

ON CELEBRITY FIT CLUB.

>> I AM NOT FAT. I´M IN

TERRIFIC SHAPE, AND I DON´T NEED

TO GO ON THAT SHOW! I HAVE

STANDARDS, YOU IDIOT!

>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

I´M SORRY, OK? I THOUGHT

GETTING THAT TV SHOW WOULD EVEN

THE PLAYING FIELD. I´M SORRY

THAT I SINGLE-HANDEDLY DESTROYED

OUR REPUTATION.

>> WELL, NOBODY MADE ME SIGN THE

CONSENT FORM. I ADMIT IT. I LIKE

GETTING ATTENTION. AFTER YEARS

IN YOUR SHADOW, I LIKED BEING

IN THE LIMELIGHT. I´VE BECOME

DEEPLY SUPERFICIAL, HAVEN´T I?

I´VE GONE HOLLYWOOD.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?

>> WE HAVE TO MOVE BACK

TO MIAMI.

>> THEY HAVE CABLE TELEVISION

IN MIAMI, TOO.

>> THEN WE CAN´T SHOOT

ANY MORE EPISODES.

>> WE´RE CONTRACTED TO DO 13.

>> WELL, THEN, WE´RE SCREWED.

>> THERE´S ONLY ONE THING TO DO.

>> YOU´RE RIGHT. WE GOTTA HANG

FIONA AND THAT DUMB-ASS

BLISS BERGER BY THEIR PRESS-ON

FINGERNAILS. HEH.

>> I DON´T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

>> THEN LET ME HELP. CRAWL BACK

TO FIONA AND TELL HER

THAT YOU´VE BOTH BEEN FIRED

BY McNAMARA/TROY.

>> THE SHOW IS A COMPLETE

EMBARRASSMENT. IT´S NOT ABOUT

DOCTORS. IT´S ABOUT 2 SEX-CRAZED

LUNATICS AND THEIR CRAZY FAMILY.

>> IF PEOPLE WANT TO WATCH

A CHEESY SOAP, THEY CAN WATCH

HEARTS ´N SCALPELS.

>> YOU HID CAMERAS

WITHOUT OUR CONSENT.

>> SORRY, BUT WATCHING YOU GUYS

INTERACT WHEN YOU THINK

NO ONE´S WATCHING IS WHERE

ALL THE ACTION IS.

>> WELL, DURING SURGERY, FINE,

BUT NOT WITH OUR WIVES AND

CHILDREN AND FRIENDS. THIS SHOW

WILL HURT PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES.

>> AND WE HAVE TO DO 12 MORE OF

THESE THINGS BECAUSE WE SIGNED

THAT CONSENT FORM. YOU DIDN´T

PROTECT US. YOU SCREWED US.

>> SO YOU WOULDN´T AGREE

TO ANY MORE RESHOOTS,

THAT SORT OF THING?

>> NO.

>> NO.

>> WELL, THEN, FINE. HEY, GOOD

NEWS. THE SHOW´S NOT HAPPENING.

I HOPE YOU´RE HAPPY. YOU KNOW,

YOU COULD HAVE BECOME HUGE STARS

FROM THIS.

>> WAIT A MINUTE. YOU GOT US

OUT OF IT?

>> I DIDN´T HAVE TO. THE NETWORK

TESTED THE SHOW THIS MORNING.

>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WAIT A SECOND. THE NETWORK

TESTED US? HOW HIGH´D WE SCORE?

BET YOU WE SCORED HUGE.

>> ACTUALLY, KILLER, IT WAS JUST

THE OPPOSITE. LET´S HAVE A LOOK.

THE TEST AUDIENCE RATED YOU LOW

ON THE LIKABILITY SCALE, UH,

A 2 ON A 1-TO-10 SCALE. AND THEY

THOUGHT THE TONE OF THE SHOW

WAS, AND I QUOTE, "PUSHING

CREDIBILITY." SAID ONE TESTER,

A MRS. LOIS GENE, "THIS SHOW

JUMPED THE SHARK 5 MINUTES

INTO THE PILOT." END QUOTE.

THE, UH, LESBIANS TESTED HIGH,

THOUGH. THEY ALWAYS DO.

GUYS FIND THAT HOT.

>> WHAT? THIS IS BULLSHIT.

WE´RE HOT! YOU TELL HER, SEAN.

>> SO WE´RE NOT PICKED UP?

>> NOPE. THE SHOW´S NOT

HAPPENING, ESPECIALLY WITHOUT

RESHOOTS, SO THANKS FOR KILLIN´

MY BABY. I APPRECIATE IT.

OH, AND, UH, BY THE WAY, BOYS,

BEFORE YOU CONSIDER FIRING

MYSELF AND MS. McNEIL, I SUGGEST

YOU WAIT A BEAT. IF THIS REPORT

GETS LEAKED TO THE BLOGGERS--AND

IT WILL--YOU´LL NEED SOMEBODY

AROUND TO DO DAMAGE CONTROL.

>> [SIGHS]

I THOUGHT WE WERE KINDA CUTE.

>> WELL, ME, TOO.

>> [SIGHS] HOW MUCH YOU THINK

IT COSTS FOR RESHOOTS?

Julia: BUT YOU KNOW, WHEN I TOLD

YOU ABOUT THE INDISCRETIONS

THAT I´VE HAD SINCE WE´VE

BEEN TOGETHER--YOU KNOW, I--

I KNOW I´M NOT PERFECT--

WHEN I TOLD YOU ABOUT

THE INDISCRETIONS THAT I´VE HAD

SINCE WE´VE BEEN TOGETHER--YOU

KNOW, I--I KNOW I´M NOT PERFECT,

BUT I THOUGHT YOU UNDERSTOOD.

WHEN I TOLD YOU ABOUT

THE INDISCRETIONS THAT I´VE HAD

SINCE WE´VE BEEN TOGETHER--

YOU KNOW, I--I KNOW I´M NOT

PERFECT, BUT I THOUGHT

YOU UNDERSTOOD. I TRUSTED YOU.

I WISH YOU´D TRUSTED ME.

[GRINDING]

>> WHAT I DON´T GET IS HOW

YOU KNEW ABOUT OLIVIA AND ME,

AND YOU WERE NOWHERE AROUND

WHEN WE KISSED.

>> MAYBE A LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD

ME. MAYBE I HAVE A HIDDEN CAMERA

OF MY OWN.

>> OH, YEAH?

WHERE DID IT HAPPEN?

>> IN THE LADIES´ BATHROOM.

>> OH, YOU HAVE A HIDDEN CAMERA

IN THE LADIES´ BATHROOM.

>> HOW ELSE WOULD I KNOW

YOU HAVE STRETCH MARKS?

LOOK, I ADMIT I WAS SHOCKED

TO FIND OUT THAT OLIVIA KISSED

YOU FIRST, AND I WAS EVEN MORE

PISSED THAT THEY DIDN´T CAPTURE

MY REACTION ON CAMERA, BECAUSE I

THINK IT WOULD HAVE MADE FOR

BRILLIANT TELEVISION. BUT I´M

NOT SURPRISED THAT OLIVIA MADE

THE FIRST MOVE, BECAUSE DESPITE

YOUR FLAWS--AND YOU HAVE MANY--

TRUST ME, YOU ARE STILL A VERY

CUTE LITTLE CUPCAKE. OH, I AM

SO HAPPY THOSE CAMERAS AREN´T

AROUND ANYMORE. AREN´T YOU?

WE CAN FINALLY GET LIFE

AROUND HERE BACK TO NORMAL.

AND IN THE SPIRIT OF NORMALCY,

I THINK YOU SHOULD INSULT ME.

>> OH, NO, NO, NO. NO, I AM DONE

WITH NAME-CALLING, CHRISTIAN.

>> OH, COME ON, LIZZIE. I JUST

APOLOGIZED. YOU CAN´T STILL BE

MAD AT ME. BESIDES, YOU´RE THE

ONE WHO KEPT LYING ABOUT YOUR

CRUSH ON MISS MUFFIN MUNCHER.

>> YOU KNOW, CHRISTIAN,

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO LIE TO

PROTECT OTHER PEOPLE´S FEELINGS.

YOU KNOW I DON´T THINK JULIA´S

A LESBIAN, BUT THERE´S NO REASON

OLIVIA HAS TO KNOW THAT.

>> YOU´RE RIGHT. I GUESS

SHE WOULD HAVE FIGURED IT OUT

ON HER OWN.

>> YOU KNOW, IN A PERFECT WORLD,

YOU´D BE WITH JULIA, AND I WOULD

RIDE OFF INTO THE SUNSET WITH

OLIVIA, BUT MAYBE THAT´S NOT THE

WAY IT´S MEANT TO HAPPEN, HUH?

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

>> HOW ARE THE ARMS?

>> [SIGHS] THEY ITCH LIKE HELL,

SEAN.

>> ALL RIGHT. LET´S, UH,

GIVE THE GRAFT SOME AIR.

HEY, EASY, EASY. YOU´LL RIP

YOUR STITCHES. THEY LOOK LIKE

THEY´RE HEALING WELL. YOU JUST

CAN´T SCRATCH LIKE THAT.

>> WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

MY MOM SAYS I HAVE TO GO

TO PUBLIC SCHOOL NOW.

>> I THINK THAT COULD

BE GOOD FOR YOU.

>> ARE YOU INSANE? I DON´T

BELONG IN PUBLIC SCHOOL.

I WON´T SURVIVE.

>> WHERE DO YOU BELONG, THEN?

>> NOWHERE, I GUESS.

OR MAYBE WITH YOU.

YOU´RE THE ONLY ONE WHO´S EVEN

PRETENDED TO BE NICE TO ME.

PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE ELSE

WANTS ME TO GO TO HELL.

>> YOU NEED TO GET SOME REST.

>> WAIT.

WILL YOU STAY WITH ME,

JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE?

>> MAYBE FOR A MOMENT.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[DOOR OPENS]

>> SO IS THIS IT?

YOU´RE MOVING OUT?

>> IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

>> OF COURSE NOT. I WANT TO BE

WITH YOU, BUT FIRST YOU NEED

TO REALIZE THAT WHO YOU ARE

AND WHAT YOU ARE IS NOTHING

TO BE ASHAMED OF.

>> THEN WHY AM I SO SCARED?

>> [SIGHS] BECAUSE--

I DON´T KNOW. YOU´VE ONLY KNOWN

ONE THING YOUR WHOLE LIFE.

CHANGE IS HARD.

>> YEAH. BUT IT´S NOT THAT.

I LOVE BEING WITH YOU. IT--

IT´S JUST...

>> YOU FEEL JUDGED

FOR BEING A LESBIAN IN PUBLIC.

WHY DO YOU THINK SO MANY OF US

ARE STILL IN THE CLOSET?

IT TAKES A STRONG INDIVIDUAL

TO BE GAY IN THIS WORLD, JULIA,

A STRONG PERSONALITY.

YOU´RE VERY STRONG. IT´S ONE

OF THE BIGGEST REASONS

I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU.

>> I DON´T FEEL STRONG AT ALL.

>> TRUST ME. YOU ARE.

>> HEH. IT´S JUST SO MUCH EASIER

WHEN WE´RE ALONE.

>> WELL, THE CAMERAS

HAVE ALL GONE.

>> [LAUGHS]

PROMISE ME SOMETHING.

IF I´M EVER NOT BEING AS OPEN

AS I SHOULD BE, LET ME KNOW

ABOUT IT FIRST BEFORE YOU´D

RUN TO LIZ.

>> I DO PROMISE, BUT YOU NEED

TO GIVE ME THE SAME RESPECT AND

STAY OUT OF CHRISTIAN´S BED.

>> [SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

>> WHEN EDEN BURST INTO THE

SURGERY SUITE THAT DAY, DO YOU

BELIEVE ANYTHING SHE SAID?

>> OF COURSE NOT. STUPID LITTLE

BITCH´LL SAY ANYTHING.

>> SO YOU DIDN´T PUT THOSE PILLS

IN HER BAG?

>> WHAT? NO, OF COURSE I DIDN´T.

>> SHE TOLD ME SHE LIED ABOUT

YOU AND JULIA SLEEPING TOGETHER

AGAIN.

>> I WONDER WHY SHE FINALLY

ADMITTED SHE LIED?

>> GUILT, I GUESS. MAYBE SHE

FELT LIKE TOO MUCH DAMAGE

HAD BEEN DONE AND IT WAS TIME

TO STOP HURTING PEOPLE.

>> MAYBE.