All language subtitles for Nip Tuck - 5x21 - Allegra Calderella.720p HDTV.CTU.en

Previously on Nip/Tuck.

Mrs. Caldarello,

we've had tremendous success
in lip reconstruction

using the patient's labial folds.

What about
when my husband kisses me?

If he finds out,
he'll never kiss me again.

What about the secret joy
of knowing that it's the first time

those lips will have
ever been kissed?

Do it.

Put my pussy on my lips.

If I may ask, Theodora.

Call me Teddy.

Why do I feel
like you're interviewing me?

I am.

Anything else you find interesting?

The tumor has spread to the
supraclavicular lymph nodes.

- Give me a ballpark.
- 6 months.

I want you to marry me.

How does it look? Any moths?

Give me a minute.
Just to try it on.

Everything all right, bizzy?

It's been in storage since the day
your father and I got married.

No, it's fine.

I just need a little privacy.

Please.

Sure.

Bizzy. That's what you call her?

Since she was 2 years old,
she was always getting into things.

Rearranging her room,

sorting out the silverware.
Very industrious little girl.

I encouraged her. I told her,
you put your mind to it,

work hard, you're gonna get
whatever you want in life.

Because let's face it. She was not
going to get anywhere on her looks.

Could I get you a drink,
Mariela? Soda, water?

Please. And call me "Ma".

Patron doble.

Because we are celebrating,
aren't we?

My daughter is getting married.

- And to a man of all things.
- Yeah, well, nobody's perfect.

Pretty close.

So why are you marrying my daughter?

The sex.

The last time I visited,
she was a flannel-shirt wearing lesbiana

who was having
trouble getting a date.

What is the real story here?

The real story is
I should be toasting you

for giving me
such a beautiful woman.

To family.

So you're gay?

This is an arrangement
between you types?

You get insurance now or something.

Can you come in here, please?

Can you please...
could you help zip this for me?

You're gonna have
to let this out a little.

Oh, no, I can't. This is an antique.
It's an "as is" kind of thing.

This is not gonna work.

So, why don't we just buy you another
dress and we can start it on tradition?

No. You don't understand.

Ever since I could remember,

my mom has wanted me to wear
this dress in my wedding.

And then I came out to her, and neither
of us thought this would ever happen.

A traditional wedding?

In a church?

In my mom's dress?

This means everything to me now.

- Sure that's what this is about?
- Bizzy.

You know very well,

it is bad luck for the groom to see you
dressed like that before the wedding.

Ma! The dress doesn't fit!

Ay, mira. It's those tas of yours.

You've always been top-heavy.

Ladies, I think
we're going gown shopping.

No.

If I can't touch the dress,

then I'm gonna shrink my chest.

I wanted it before,

now I have to.

Book me for a breast reduction.

Well, this is quite a surprise.

It certainly is.

Tell us what you don't like
about yourself now, mrs. Caldarello.

Her tits, her ass,
that turkey waddle under her chin,

and maybe you could lighten
the luggage under her eyes.

I guess the only thing
you don't have to do are my lips.

Not those beauties.

You did such a bang-up job
on them, doctors.

That's why we flew
all the way out here.

That's very flattering, Mrs. Caldarello.

You never struck me
as the makeover type.

We could barely talk you into repairing
the damage from your oven?

It's nice work if I do say myself.
You could never tell

- that the skin came from your...
- Breasts.

Never.

Ordinarily it would be
fine for Allegra here

to let gravity take its course,

but she's gotta go
back in the market.

I've got prostate cancer.

The doctors aren't optimistic.

I always figured

by the time I kicked, she'd be set,

- financially speaking.
- I'll be fine, Manny.

I can get a job.

With what skills, honey?

With a little luck
and a lot of surgery,

she'll find another guy.

Someone who can care for her

in the manner to which she should
have become accustomed.

Oh, those lips...

I'm gonna miss them
like nobody's business.

Damn. Where's the head?

All I do is piss these days
'cause of the big "c."

By the way,

I saw you on that tv show you did.

I was quite upset about
that character you based on me.

The one you called...

- I can't even say it.
- Pussylips.

That's the one.

And the part about her father
abusing her?

- Mrs. Caldarello...
- How did you know?

I am

so sorry

about your husband. I know
how devoted you are to each other.

I can't imagine life without him.

Hey, sadie.

- Sadie?
- Sadie sadie, married lady.

Just trying to keep things light since
you look at me like I stole your job,

when you look at me at all.

Let's have a little girl talk,
shall we?

The thing is,

is that I wanna spend as much time
with Christian and Wilber as I can.

But if I stay home 24/7, they
are gonna make me crazy.

So, I think we should split the job.

That's genius.

I'm totally OK with that.

Oh, now we can be friends.

It's so much easier.

- OK, I just have to ask.
- OK. I know, I know.

Now, I am... now, let's see.

I don't take antidepressants,

I have no history of diabetes,

no allergies to any drugs,
no hypertension.

I'm all ready for my surgery,
Mrs. Demille.

That's helpful. Thank you.

But what I really want to know
is how it works.

Being one way and then suddenly
switching horses mid-stream.

Isn't that weird?

You just loose interest in girls?
I'm just curious.

Bi-curious?

I didn't mean to be too personal.

It's just that I havebtrouble keeping
my own wilderbside in check.

Having secrets is difficult,

painful. Don't you think?

How's our girl?

Her milk bottles are down a quart,
but aside from that, she's doing fine.

I'd say they're only down a pint.
Didn't she ask for a high "C"?

She said she wanted to fit into
her mother's goddamned ugly dress.

A "D" will do.

Didn't this all start
because she had back pain?

We're killing two big-titted birds
with one stone.

Where are you going? Come on,
hang around. This is history right here.

This...

my last surgery.

No more lipo on chunky divorcees

or rhinoplasties
on self-hating jewesses.

I am free, baby.

I'm taking Lizzy and the kid to Italy.
We're gonna eat like pigs.

Who cares if I get fat, right?

Why do you look at me like that?

Listen, I've had to accept this
and you will, too.

Which is why, I'm gonna start
interviewing replacements.

Who says I wanna hire someone new?

You think you can keep this train
running on your own?

This O.R. is in use 70 hours a week.
I own half of that,

which means that when I'm dead,
that money goes to Lizzy and the kid.

I don't want them to miss out because
you're so depressed you can't get real.

They'll be taken care of.

You know that.

Even if I have to pay them
out of my own pocket.

I think it's a little morbid to start
interviewing when you're still healthy.

Look, Sean, I'm doing the best I can
to keep it together about all of this.

It's not easy knowing that your
whole life is gonna go on without you.

I just wanna know that the guy standing
opposite you in the scrub room every day

is there because I want him to be.

I can't replace you, Christian.

Everybody's replaceable.

Even me.

Can you, can you call me
when she's coming out?

You're gonna have
to let him go, Sean.

That man is dying

and not in a metaphysical
"we're all dying" kind of way.

He's going to be a ghost
before halloween.

Life is changing.
You can either ride the wave

or get smashed to smithereens
on the rocks.

It's easy for you to say.
He's my brother.

Graduated with honors from UCLA
and trained at Cedars,

distinguished residency at the
Joseph Still Burn Center in Augusta,

guest editor for NJM.

- Credentials speak for you.
- That's encouraging.

If I was looking to hire
a Nobel laureate for surgeon.

So my partner and I have been
together for over 20 years.

We've done over 6,000 surgeries,

I was best man at his wedding,
and we have a son together.

We're not looking for somebody
to just come in and play doctor.

It needs to be the right
personality fit as well.

Somebody who's willing to

emotionally invest in the practice
as well as the partnership.

Oh, well, that's definitely not me.

I'm only in this business
for the money and the girls.

- Not married?
- Don't believe in it.

- Kids?
- No. But under right circumstances...

- What about your dating life?
- Often, but only a 9 or a 10.

- Ever had twins?
- Sisters, but not twins.

- Ass man or tits?
- Why choose?

- New York or Vegas?
- New York is Vegas

for anyone with taste.

Well, you have taste.
I'll give you that.

So do you, Dr. Troy.

This room, for instance,
impeccable design.

This chair,

Milo Baughman.

Distressed celadon velvet.

That couch...

the color, vintage tweed.

The whole palette of this room is...
inspired.

I should give you
the number of my designer.

You could kiss her ass instead.

I'm sorry.
I know I get a little carried away.

My mother was in the business.

I grew up around this stuff.

You have a patient. Female. She's coming
for a brow lift. What's your approach?

- How old?
- Early 50's.

I'd push for
an endoscopic brow lift.

Provided you use a laser.

You get nearly the same results.

Patient tells her friends
about her quick recovery, and

that only means
more repeat business.

I don't wanna do this.

Would you rather I hire him first and
then you find out you don't like him?

I won't like him no matter
how good he is. He's not you.

No, but he's got the best
credentials by far.

I would think he could be able
to break you out of your...

shelf from time to time, which you're
gonna need when I'm gone.

- Don't say that.
- Let's go back to the wedding, right?

I mean, I need time off
for that first, remember?

Who picked out this table?

This is top of the line.

Double-swivel casters,

split leg plates.
Beautiful lines, too.

Sean spent weeks
looking for the right table.

He had to have the best one.

Well, I'm impressed.

Work with the best,
you never go wrong.

Guess I have some
pretty big shoes to fill then.

All right. Well, I guess I'll

let you guys get better acquainted.

So, I understand you already performed
a labial transfer on the patient.

Mm-hmm. About 3 years ago.

Fantastic job.

No wonder she flew all the way out here
to have you do it again.

Thank you, doctor.
I just hope one day

- you can say the same thing to me.
- OK. Fire it up.

- What do you think?
- Beautiful work, doctor.

OK. Let's do some lipo.

After work, a drink?

I'd like to, but I'm scouting locations
for Christian's bachelor party.

Mind if I tag along? It's always best
to get a second opinion.

Sure.

So this is Christian's
favorite place?

Nice.

What were you thinking?

10 to 15 girls back in the
"Champagne room" for the night?

- That'd be fun.
- Yeah. Fun.

- I say something wrong?
- No, this whole thing is wrong.

Christian used to pull me in here after
a difficult surgery to blow off steam.

Of course he got
the dances for free.

- This doesn't make any sense anymore.
- It is a bachelor party.

It's not just a bachelor party.

I mean, he's not just getting married.
He's leaving.

The 20 years working together.

I suddenly don't have
a partner anymore.

You're a good friend, Sean. I know
I can never replace Christian.

But if you give me a chance,
I know we could make a good team.

It's nothing personal.

Now that you mention it, I really can't
see celebrating in this dump anyway.

It's grotesque.

- Girls aren't so bad.
- The girls are top shelf.

But if you look at the upholstery
on that couch, it's all frayed,

there's food stains on the carpet.

And I don't even wanna
know what you'd see

if you shine a black light
on the chairs in the VIP room.

Are you hungry? 'cause I know
a great place to grab a bite.

It's not too far from here,
and it's really tastefully decorated.

Sure.

You're such a lucky duckling, Mija,

to have a handsome prince with
the power to turn you into a swan.

Ow. That hurts.

They're going to be a little tender, OK?
No fondling for a week.

Don't worry.
You'll learn to love it doggie style.

Christian, my mother
is standing right next to you.

That's music to my ears.

Nothing between a man
and a woman is ever wrong.

There we go. Perfect teardrops.

They're more like water balloons.

Why didn't you do as decided?

I took them down so you don't need
back surgery as you get older, period.

As getting rid of your two
most beautiful assets,

I made an executive decision.
One that we could both benefit from.

You're not even married yet
and you're lying to her.

That was a bad decision
for you to make.

My daughter is in charge
of her own body.

- You're in charge...
- Please stop.

Please.

Christian, I am in charge
of my own body.

Then why don't you
order your body to put this on

instead of that moth-ridden relic?

Oh, my God, this is gorgeous.

- Sorry, mom. Oh, my God, it's gorgeous.
- It's not you.

But you want the world to know
how rich and glamorous you are?

Or do you want to take
your sacred vows

in the same blessed tradition passed on
from mother to daughter for generations?

Ma, where are you going ?

I'm gonna phone your grandmother
and tell her the news.

Dios mio. Me va matar.
She's gonna kill me.

And when she does,
enjoy your wedding.

- Maybe Wilber's wife could...
- One more word and I'll change my will.

Here's the key.

Dr. Troy said to make
yourself at home.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

I just wish you wouldn't hand over
your office to him so soon.

I'm not gonna be using it now.

And he really loves my decor.

- That was awkward.
- What the hell were you doing?

- Masturbating?
- Probably looked that way.

Like you were screwing
an invisible woman on my couch.

- It was no invisible woman.
- You were screwing the couch?

Gentlemen,
I'm completely embarrassed.

So let me apologize and explain.

- I struggle with objectum sexuality.
- What's that, couch-banging in English?

OS Is not a widely known condition.

It's barely understood.

But it is real.

Those of us who identify
ourselves with OS are

fully capable of forming
a strong relationship with...

physical objects.
It stems from a belief in animism.

Wait a second.

So you believe that physical objects
can be sentient beings?

Like us, they have feelings.

They can communicate,

even express love.

So all this crap about relationships,
you were talking of

screwing a floor model
at Pottery Barn.

I do have normal
relationships with women.

They're just not as satisfying.

There's a long history
of gender assignments

with cars, boats, buildings...

The difference is I've never
stuck my dick in a tailpipe.

I try to fight the urge.

I didn't want to believe
that I could be capable of

finding something like a piece of
furniture so attractive.

But there's something
irresistible to me about a

really well-built piece.

My whole life I've been attracted
to perfection in all of its forms.

As plastic surgeons you can relate,
can't you?

Get out.

Get out!

Next time I'll do
a background check.

You're right on schedule.
What do you think?

You're very good, Dr. Mcnamara,

but I think it's going to take some time
to get used to these.

They'll lose some volume once
the swelling goes down.

No. I like this size.

It's just that I'm a shy person.

I'm not used to being so

out there.

There's my baby.

Did I tell you, Tito?

Reincarnated as Gina Lollobrigida,

and she's not even
all healed up yet.

Hello, Allegra.

What is he doing here, Manny?

He insisted on being here
for your recovery.

What a guy, right?

Sorry, Dr. Mcnamara, this is Tito.

Our butcher from Coconut Grove.

My best brisket.
I know how you love it.

You should have seen the look on
the X-ray guy's face at the airport.

I'm sorry, Mr. Caldarello, but

we only allow family in recovery.

But Tito is family.

At least he will be after I die
and he marries Allegra.

Him?

You're not gonna find
a better candidate.

That butcher shop is a cash cow.
He's a widower,

and his little girl Connie

is pregnant with twins.

I know how much
you want grandbabies.

You can't handpick
your wife's second husband.

We never agreed to this, Manny.

I'm just helping
move the process along.

I know my wife better
than she knows herself.

She's always telling me how she
and Tito carry on.

I like his ground chuck, Manny.

Not to be too forward, Allegra.

I've been giving you
an extra quarter pound of it

for years now, hmm?

I'm very flattered, Tito,

but I would have preferred
if Manny had waited until

my transformation was complete

before inviting a suitor in
to see me.

I'm dying, babe.

Every minute counts.

If I'm gonna have some
say in all of this,

I don't have any time to waste.

How do you like
her new breasts, Tito?

Grade A prime, no?

Allegra needs her rest.

And take your meat with you, please.

Wonderful seeing you, Allegra.

I am at the Ramada Inn,

in Burbank,

if you want to call.

To the beautiful bride.

Thank you.

Finally.

WNBA season tickets.

- I love you, doll.
- Thank you. I love you.

And tell Christian those are
Jack Nicholson's Lakers seats.

Maybe that'll convince him to go.

Men don't want to see tall women
with muscles slamming each other.

Que es eso?

I know, Ma.

That's what you used to tell me
when I used to play for St. Mary's.

And did you have many
dates in high school?

With men?

Are there any normal men

in high school?

This one's from me.
It's heavy. Be careful.

I can't even imagine
what's in this one.

Open it up.
You can read the card later.

It's a set of all clad.

Now you're gonna have
to learn how to cook.

Like a straight woman.
No more take-out.

And it has a lifetime guarantee.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome, sweetie.

That's great.

A lifetime.

Oh, sweetie, I didn't mean anything.

None of us can cook, right?

It's not that.

You're all just such great friends.

Christian has cancer.

And we won't have
a lot of time together.

Maybe 6 months to a year.

Oh, sweetie.

I just love him so much.

Now it all makes sense.

A man,

a doctor with his looks.

What?

- Marrying me?
- That's not what I said.

OK, maybe we should all go.

No, no. Please, please. No, don't.

My whole life you made me feel
like something was wrong with me.

I wasn't as pretty

as Christy Sherman or as feminine

as Kelly Peterson.

I laughed too loud,
I was awkward, I was clumsy.

You called me your ugly duckling.

- And I believed you.
- That was a joke,

- and you know it.
- Did I?

You could never see me
for what I was.

It was always what I wasn't.

It didn't matter that
I was funny, that I was smart.

The truth be told,
if you could replace me with Christy

or Kelly, you would have done it,
wouldn't you have?

You weren't exactly an easy

child, lizzy.

How could I be? I was

fighting for my life, and the

only one on my side was me.

If people made fun of me,

what did you do?

You told me to lose weight,

straighten my hair.

Is it any wonder that I spend my life
surgically altering people

who hate themselves
because they do not measure up?

If it wasn't for the people
in this room,

I would have no self-image at all.

These women love me.

And a few of them
have even shared my bed.

Yes, that's right, mommy.
I'm so sorry

if that isn't
what you consider normal.

But maybe that's because
you're not capable of loving anyone.

Not even your own daughter.

I don't want you at my wedding.

I don't even want you
in this room anymore.

Make sure you get under the cushions.
I think he consummated it there.

I'd like to pay
for the cleaning, if I may.

What are you doing in my office?

I realized I left behind
my things, and I...

- also wanted to return this to you.
- You could have mailed them in.

I didn't want to put you out
anymore than I already have.

You really wanted to help me?

You could have found me a replacement.
I'm getting married in 2 weeks.

Congratulations.

I feel really terrible
the way things worked out.

Just make sure you don't bang
the receptionist's desk on the way out.

Excuse me. You're not using
any toxic chemicals on her, are you?

If I'd known you were
gonna look like Sofia Loren,

I'd taken better care of myself.

I'm not talking to you.

Look, I know what I did was wrong.

I'm sorry.

Tito was a stupid idea.

Can you ever forgive me, doll?

I can never buy meat there again.

I'm not just a possession
you can give away to the town butcher.

I'm worth more than that, Manny.

I know that, baby.

- You deserve the best.
- Yes, she does.

I'm glad you finally see that.

And the best is what you're
gonna get from now on.

Anthony...

look what I got for you.

You're beautiful.

These are for you.

So what do you think?

Well, Manny...

if it makes you happy.

She'll forget me
within a month after I'm dead.

People aren't like furniture.

They're not that easy to replace.

Rember what I taught you?
You think you can do it?

Yeah, are you sure?

Are you sure?

I'm gonna go over there and you come
over to me and show me what you got?

OK. Ready?

Come on over.

I think we have an expert.
I think you're pretty good.

Now you know, the ring bearer,

that's a very important job.

- You think you can handle it?
- Hell yeah.

Hell yeah?

All right!

So listen to me then, why don't
you practice a little bit more?

Kissy kiss.

Thank you. Go.

Your mom really should see him
walking down the aisle.

Please don't start
with me, Christian.

I'm having a hard
enough time as it is.

I never thought
I'd get married, but if I did,

I was pretty sure that my mom
would still be there if she was alive.

- She called you at least?
- Yeah.

But my decision is
final. She's not invited.

You know, you're gonna
need her when I'm gone.

Maybe.

But I don't need her now.
She's been replaced.

You guys are my family.

Well hey there, buddy.

You wanna get in the middle
of this? You do?

All right.

Little Wilber sandwich.

Little hug. Come on, squeeze it in.

I love you so much.

I don't feel anything.

Keep smoking and keep going.

If you'd have put the money

you scored this weed with toward
the bill, we'd made the payment.

Well...

all we hear is...

Oh, my God, we're on the camera, guys.
We'll all be in the dark.

- What's this?
- I want to go back to school

and be a pediatrician once...

Feels like I'm losing everyone.

- Baby, baby!
- I was out of focus.

I'm setting it on the right.

I promise that you won't lose me.

What do you want out of your life?

I know that I can't replace them.

But that's the best I have to offer.

It's a lot.

And a kicking-ass practice

with Sean where we make women
feel better about themselves.

I want you.

I want to make
people's lives better.

I want to make a difference.