Original subtitles

Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Oh, I forgot, fuck you!

Great, four more assholes out.

Watch your mouth!

Mom, you said you decided to find me a new father

and the genes of an asshole will affect anyone but me.

What if I just meet men

for no reason and not just to find you a father.

So why did you take me out of the freezer?

-Ninininini! -Hello.

Speaking alone again?

Can’t you dress decently for breakfast?

Uh... I don't even dress decently for work.

No way I do at home.

Don't take it out on Aunt Elisa.

You are angry because of your last dates.

My last dates were all assholes.

I knew that was why you were angry.

Giving it a thought,

if Javi is my father and Elisa is involved with grandpa,

Elisa is my step grandmother?

I don't want to hear about Javi.

What's wrong with you and Javi?

Well, since I'm not with him, I have not hooked...

That I haven't had... with any guy.

I don’t understand.

I've not slept with anyone.

Yeah. But I don’t get why you whisper.

The neighbors.

-What neighbors? -Hush.

You know...

Do you think Javi is still with the gardener?

I can’t stand you anymore!

Marta, you need a bang so bad!

Shit! What time is it?

I don’t know, but we are in my house.

As if we were going to be caught by your husband.

Worse, you idiot! I forgot my brother was coming for me!

No, no, wait.

Don't open to your brother! Wait, for fuck’s sake!

Not your brother!

Where the fuck did I take off my pants?

Hi, come in.

Sorry. I’ll take a quick shower and I’m ready.

Hey.

-Uh... -Get away from me!

What the fuck are you doing with my sister?

-I was... -No, look.

I really don't want to know.

David, this is not what you’re thinking.

Well, it may be...

pretty much what you’re thinking, but...

Your sister...

was coming to work.

Oh, and she came to water you up?

Javier, you've been weeks acting like that with her,

and she just comes to...

She’s supposed to be a gardener,

but you treat her like something else.

-That is not true. -Javi!

Where did you leave my money today?

Uh...

On the bedside table.

She comes, she sleeps with you and you pay her.

There’s a name for that.

Ok, well, I'll stop paying her.

Yes of course! Let her do it for free!

What you have to do is let her do her gardening things.

Yes, planting, watering, spraying...

You stop spraying her out, huh?

If you want to spray my sister, you ask her out

and then you see if you want to spray for free or not, okay?

Okay, but, I keep paying her as a gardener, right?

Okay.

Oh, I forgot.

The tickets you asked for ARCO.

-Thank you. -Give me mine too.

Oh, and Javi’s, he wanted two.

Here, now, I'm a ticket clerk at the fairgrounds, not the owner.

Well, what about you? Will you go with your girlfriend?

What girlfriend?

Oh yes... Elsa... Elvira...

Elisa. Wasn't she your friend?

I thought you’d be with someone else.

Thought you were a casanova...

You're with someone else?

No, I'm still with her.

But you won’t last long.

New week, new ticket.

No. We’re fine.

This time, perhaps one month, then you leave her, right?

Cut it out! If your father is happy, let him be.

But... Cut what out?

I just care about him,

because Elisa doesn't like them so old.

I am not that old, you idiot!

Dad, I didn't want to tell you in front of Míriam,

but you must leave Elisa. She cheats on you.

She cheats on me?

I didn't want to show you this.

She’s on Tinder.

So am I! How do you think we met?

How come you are on Tinder?

Dad, that girl is not good for you however multiorgasmic she may be.

How do you know that?

You told me.

You don’t remember?

See? You are old.

Bobby Bippy bought a bat.

What did Bobby Bippy do with his bat?

With his bat Bobby Bippy banged a ball.

"Hey, stop teaching

tongue-twisters to your one-year-old granddaughter. "

"Frida."

Someone has to teach them to speak properly.

You take them to Mexico and they’ll talk like a cartoon.

"You’re so dumb, for God’s sake!"

You're hanging up now. Good.

"No, wait, I have to ask you something. "

"Look, Lorenzo, Julio's son,

my stepson, is an artist in Berlin

and tomorrow he heads to Madrid for a few days

-to an exhibition of..." -Come on!

Be clear. What do you want?

"For you to pick him up at the airport."

Sure, and then what?

"You’re so ungrateful!"

"Julio has your son here and your granddaughter,

and you can't get your ass up. "

Why can't he get a taxi?

"Look, I’ll put Julio on, he’ll explain. "

-"Julio!" -No, no, no, no!

I have nothing to talk to that man. Fine, I'll do it.

Text me the flight details on WhatsApp.

What now?

I came for clothes, I have them at your place.

I thought it was your dumb brother. Come in, child.

Your mother is so annoying!

You must have told her something.

Oh, yeah?

Well, look,

she asked me if you could do her a favor.

Mom, where is Mr. Julio's son?

I've been here for an hour and a half, but he hasn’t come.

And his plane landed a while ago.

I’m off here.

I hate talking to the voicemail.

-Good Morning. -At last! It was about time!

-"Dear passengers..." -How are you? I'm Marta.

"... keep your belongings..."

-Come on, let's go. -But where are we going?

To get the car. Don't you want a lift to the hotel?

Okay, yes,

but I have my wife

and my shift ends in half an hour.

What shift?

You are not Lorenzo?

No, miss. I am Reinaldo.

Packaging service. If you like, I can wrap your suitcase.

Why are you pretending to be Lorenzo? You are not Lorenzo.

How might I know who Lorenzo is?

A Mexican, like you. What a coincidence!

Coincidence? I am Cuban.

I am Lorenzo.

Are you Marta?

Oh, are you Lorenzo, Mr. Julio's son?

They say so.

You mocking?

Sorry I didn't laugh after what I've waited.

Haven't you seen the little sign?

- "Dear passengers." -Can we go, please?

Sure, sorry.

Thank you.

So, this was your great idea to get back your customers.

They closed the Calderón, so I must follow my Atleti.

Don't you think this is a bit out of the way?

The stadium is far, yet when there's a match, tickets get sold out.

I brought you the tickets to go to ARCO with Claudia.

Thank you.

Excuse me. Why are you going to invite my sister to ARCO?

You told me to invite her out.

Yes, but not 'out' like, officially.

I meant out like for some Coke, ice cream or milkshake.

We are not 15 years old.

How did you tell her?

I don't know, I invited her out and that’s it.

That’s it? So, you are dating.

What? Dating?

That sounds like dating to me.

Like when we were 15.

If you treat a girl to the movies,

you treat her only to that. Period.

Commitment is temporary.

It starts and ends that night.

But, if you ask her out,

without specifying the place nor the exact reason for the date,

you make an uncertain commitment

and a sentimental relationship.

Is that an article of the Spanish Constitution?

Javi, it's an unwritten law.

It’s okay if you are dating.

They’re not dating!

My sister must return to Argentina. Her visa ends in a week.

Meanwhile...

Yes, meanwhile, you can spray her, right?

Look, I warn you, Javier, don't play with my sister.

God! I don't play with anyone. I really like Marta.

Claudia!

-I said Claudia. -You said Marta.

He’s still hung up on Marta.

I don’t give a fuck about Claudia.

-Marta, Marta, I said Marta. -Right.

Hey, I’m sorry about before.

Thanks for coming for me.

It's the first time I'm in Spain.

You'll like it, you'll see.

I mean, you won't see it, it’s pretty, I mean.

But that’s not the most important. The food is delicious.

What brings you here?

-I am a plastic artist in Berlin. -Uhuh.

And I was invited to exhibit my work in ARCO.

That’s good! The car’s here.

I’ve never been there, but I would love to see that fair.

I would like to see it too.

-Uh... -Just kidding.

Do I make you feel unconfortable?

No, no, no, not at all!

I don’t care you are... blind.

Oh! That word! I hate it!

It’s politically correct, 'blind'.

Sounds like I’m part of a window.

Forgive me. Every time I speak, I screw it up.

I don't know, I don't know many... blind people.

-Many? -Okay, no one.

At school, I had a friend who was deaf.

Pardon?

Okay, I shut up.

When is you exhibition on?

Tomorrow.

You should come see it and tell me what you think.

Uh-huh.

Don’t tell anybody, but I haven’t seen it yet.

Okay.

ARCO.

ARCO.

One of the hits of this edition

is the traveling exhibition titled 'Heteropatriarchy,

past, present, ta-da!'

To start, we’ll see the emblematic work

by Valencian artist Merichel Barrachina,

with the title 'Mich rests...

half barefoot.'

As you can see, the work explains itself.

Will you come with me, please?

I confess I can’t distinguish a groundbreaking artist...

from a trickster even though I am Argentine.

What are you staring at?

Nothing.

I'm sorry you have to go.

Oh no! Did my brother tell you?

Yes, my visa is almost out so I’ll be expelled, but no worries.

But you wanted to stay?

Well, yeah, for a while. I don’t know.

Now, I feel very well here.

If I can do something,

-something you can think of ... -No, nothing.

Actually, you can.

You can do something to help me to stay.

But we just met,

so, I don't know, maybe it's too much.

They left a shoe here, it's crazy.

No, Javi! Leave it! It is a work of art!

What? Are you serious?

Does anyone really swallow this?

I can’t believe it.

You do restaurant reviews where they cook similar things.

You swallow worse things.

OK, very good.

Uh...

What were you going to tell me?

Yes. Look...

I know I have no right to ask you this, but...

-ARCO. -Uh...

-Well, later... -Uh-huh.

As you can see, sculptor Lorenzo Cuervo...

is able to reproduce a face with amazing realism,

although, since birth,

he’s completely...

uh... blind.

Look, this one’s a tricker.

Shall we go?

Pity that Nacho and Javi are at ARCO!

This is going to be great.

Rafa, I’m serious, this is absurd.

To open on match days is okay,

but who the fuck is going to come here on a normal day?

It's a word of mouth thing, you know?

There is good beer, a large place

and it's five-minutes’ drive from the center.

In a Formula 1 with no traffic, it takes 20.

You lack high-mindedness! It’s about holding on.

Oh!

ARCO is you.

You will be, for a minute,

the guest artist.

A secluded room...

and a camera.

This screen broadcasts in streaming

whatever you can create here.

Art in its purest form.

You can get into that room

and tell me in front of these people what you were going to tell me.

No, no, don't laugh.

-It is something serious. -Oh yeah?

And I'm ashamed to ask you, but I want to stay in Spain

-and to get... -Marta! What the fuck...

-My name is Claudia. -Uh... Right.

I know, but Marta is still there.

I mean, my Marta.

I mean, my ex Marta.

Did you like it?

Yes, I promise.

I could make you one.

You have beautiful features to sculpt.

I can’t believe it.

Why you don’t believe me? I have an eye for that.

Hi. What a coincidence!

Hello, good afternoon.

-Are they speaking to us? -Yes.

Who are they?

Friends, Javi and Claudia,

but I prefer to call them House and garden.

Ah. Pleasure.

Lorenzo.

Pleasure. We heard you are one of the stars of the year.

-Yes. -Well...

Not only because the guide says so. Critics and the audience say it.

Ah! I don't pay much attention to critics.

All critics are bitter and frustrated.

Well Javi is a critic.

Ah. Art?

No, food.

Javi likes to eat. Don't you see it?

Look, Marta, I believe your boyfriend doesn't see me.

-I'm her brother. -Step brother.

-Talking about brothers... -Javi, what's up?

-Hi. -Hi, Claudia.

Hi, Marta.

Marta! Javi, you didn't tell me you were coming with Marta.

I come with Claudia.

I come with Marta.

Ah, hello. I’m Nacho, his brother.

-Javi's. -The critic?

No, I am a driver.

-He’s talking about me. -Do you want me to talk about you?

No, no, I was talking about him.

Ah, you already knew each other.

-No, but he is her brother. -The gardener’s.

No, Marta's brother.

My brother is David.

I mean, stepbrother.

Is David your stepbrother?

No, not David, but Lorenzo, and not Claudia’s, but Marta’s.

-But who is David? -He’s not here.

Hi all!

-Hello, piggy. -Piggy?

-It’s Míriam. -His wife.

-Javi's? -No, mine.

-She works here. -Ah! You are an artist?

No, ticket clerk.

Guess who I saw enter?

Dad?

That’s your dad?

-Is my father here? -With his girlfriend.

-Elisa? -Do you know Elisa?

That man is your dad?

-Uh... -And mine.

So, Elisa is...?

She is a friend of... Marta's.

Well, and yours too, right?

-She doesn't know. -I don't know what?

That Jesús is my father.

Of course I know it.

Yes, but Elisa doesn't.

-Of course she knows. -But my father doesn’t.

-Sorry? -I’m lost.

So am I.

My father doesn't know that Elisa knows he’s my father.

-What? -Fuck! My dad

doesn't know Elisa already knows he’s my father.

Oh!

Hi. Lovely reunion!

What a coincidence! How are you?

I have a headache.

-And you are...? -Claudia.

-Ah. -The gardener?

Javi's. I knew it.

Hey, Javi, how are you?

What’s up? Another friend of yours?

No. Yes.

-Actually, I'm his ... -Personal trainer?

Do you know each other?

They know each other because Jesús is my friend

and Javi is my brother. Right?

Uh... right.

I am your brother, I think.

Sure.

Elisa, this is Javi, Nacho's brother.

We already know each other.

You have met before?

They were a couple.

Javi and Elisa?

No, Javi and Marta!

Ah! That's why you already knew Elisa!

Yes.

Wow! I get why they say we Mexicans

like soap operas.

Sorry. Javi, can we talk for a second?

Uh... Yes, of course.

Will you excuse me for a second?

Yes, I also wanted to ask you something, da... Jesús.

What is it?

Let's go somewhere else.

What are you doing?

Dad, I can't handle it. I have to tell you.

Tell me what, son?

It's about your girlfriend, Elisa.

What is it?

Well, Elisa...

-she is my ex. -Your ex? You ex what?

-Fuck, dad, my ex-girlfriend! -Girlfriend?

What is it? You are serious with the gardener, right?

Yeah. And why are you involved with your brother?

He is not my brother. What do you care?

Same as you about me going out with Claudia.

So, you do go out with her.

Why? Aren’t you okay with it?

-Have you fucked her? -96 times.

Does Elisa know you're my son?

Dad, everybody knows.

Well, except my wife, but don't tell her.

Shame on him!

Don't tell her what, that you’ve fucked my girlfriend?

You hooked up the first one you met.

Yes, that's it, I'm sleeping with our gardener.

So? You sleep with your stepbrother. What's worse?

Don’t worry about me.

This is ARCO. Everything seems normal here.

That's why you wanted me to leave her, you're still in love with her.

Does that matter?

Uh...

I don't care if this geek is here, I don't care what you do.

I don’t see you sleeping with your stepbrother.

Although, he doesn't see it either

but love is blind, isn't it?

Love is fool. Only a fool would have loved you.

Elisa was mine from before.

Perfect, she was yours, but remember she’s mine now.

She is more mine than yours.

Besides, it's weird. You have to leave her.

Are in love now? That never happened to you.

In love might be too strong, but she does turn me on.

And me, but...

Congrats. 'She's mine, she was yours, now mine, I fuck her...'

Wow!

Sublime criticism

about the most stale stereotypes of the heteropatriarchy.

Thank you.

What...?

-Dad, I told you... -Don't you ever

speak to me again.

Well, nice to meet you.

I'll see you all some time.

I'm back, we can go now.

Where are the others? What happened?

Everything was heard.

They stood next to a camera. Didn't you notice?

-Uh... no. -Let me see.

-Sorry. -What I said

-was not... -I was angry.

-Stop, what are you talking about? -What were you talking about?

About your dad's situation, your brother,

the woman, the friend...

They spilt the beans.

-Oh, okay. You haven’t heard anything ...

-Ok, great. -Thank Goodness.

-I mean, no. -No, no.

-What a pity! Poor things! -Yeah, right.

You two make a lovely couple.

Sorry?

I mean...

House and garden.

I can't see them, but...

some things are easy to feel.

Well, to be a first date,

it has been exciting.

I really like being with you.

-You haven't told me. -What?

Something you were going to ask me...

Yes, uh...

It’s...

It’s an idea I came up with to be able to stay in Spain.

-But... -Yes.

...if you’re not sure,

just say no, it’s fine.

-Just ask me. Don’t worry. -OK.

Can I pee?

Is that what you need to stay in Spain, to pee?

What the hell are you doing here?

No, dad, what are you doing with... her? Where is mom?

Mom? I don't know what mom you mean.

Marta. You do know.

Well, if Marta is your mom, just know that...

she’s hooking up with your uncle.

It was amazing.

You would have seen Nacho's wife’s face.

Well, I didn't see her.

Your gardener told me.

No, she's not my gardener.

She just doesn't know what mess she has gotten into.

This sounds like we need some tequilas.

Waiter, two Margaritas, please.

Margaritas! Everything reminds me of fucking gardens.

I love your laugh.

I think I could sculpt your face smiling

without even touching it.

These silences between two people that can see each other...

must be so awesome.

Both connected, looking at each other...

Well, in my case, I never know if that is it

or if she took the time to get up and leave.

No, no, I'm still here,

but... I think I'm going now.

-You don't want another drink? -No.

If I drink more, I’ll be fucking drunk blind.

That was my idea.

Oh no!

Sorry, I didn't mean that.

-No, no, I get it. -I’m so embarrased!

Come on, focus.

Dad is supposed to plant the seed in mom,

not in the gardener.

I’m not planting my seed in anyone.

This is...

What it is.

And what is it?

Maybe she wants something else, a relationship, getting married...

What? She must leave Spain. Why would she want to get married?

Maybe that’s what she wanted to tell you?

Uh...

So...

You mean she might want to...

I mean...

Do you think she wants to marry me for the papers?

Obviously, you idiot. Think how to kick her out.

Wait, let's think for a second.

It wouldn’t be a proper marriage.

It's just doing a huge favor,

but just a formalism.

It’s just bureaucracy.

Dad, think about it. This stuff always gets messed up.

Why would it?

If she needs to get married for the papers,

-let’s just do it. -What?

Uh...

Uh...

That's what you were going to ask me, right?

You want to get married for the residence permit.

No!

I was going to ask you to hire me

instead of paying me off the books to request the permanent visa.

-Ah! -But getting married is much better.

They would give me dual citizenship, Javi!

Thanks you! Thank you!

You are an angel! No one ever did something like that for me!

-Wait... -Thank you!

Thank you!

Well...

Oh!

I can't drive now.

Well, you have options.

Uber, Cabify, taxi...

or going up to my room.

Yeah, right.

Two stepsiblings just met

and spend the night in a suite.

Sounds like a porn movie, right?

I don’t know, I don't watch porn.

You say all that.

I’m serious.

I hadn't had such a good time in a while.

I needed it.

I think what you need is a hinge man.

A what?

Any guy to sleep with and turn the page.

-Uh-huh. -But it must be a stranger...

who you won’t see ever again.

-Uh-huh. -Uh-huh.

And why do you think I need that?

There are things that even a blind man can see.

You left?

So,

should I call a taxi or...

a hinge?

Wait! Stop.

-What’s wrong? -Huh...

I think it's better... to not continue together.

If we are going to get married for the papers...

It’s better to let it be just that.

So, you don’t want to be with me?

No, it’s not that.

I want to do this for you, but...

I am very confused now.

And how do we do it?

Should I go back to my plants

-and that's it? -Uh...

I guess it sounds weird, but I don't know how to do better.

I get it.

You and Marta have obvious feelings. Sparks fly.

I thank you very much for doing this for me, Javi.

Let's do that fake marriage,...

We’ll improvise the truth.

Uh...

If you want to stay to sleep...

If I sleep on the couch,

will you just go to your room, without a farewell fuck?

I’ll get you a taxi.

You did very well, dad.

I'm not sure about it. My head is so messed up.

Think about what you really want.

For example, if they knocked on the door now,

what'd you prefer it were, Claudia, who had returned,

or Marta, who had come running?

Míriam has kicked me out.