Original subtitles

Eh...

Daddy.

Say you're sorry.

Mum, tell him.

You've been like this for a week now. You've got to talk to each other.

Why should I tell him? It was something and nothing.

So. Why don't you tell him?

Tell her what? I can't even remember why I have to say I'm sorry.

Eh... Because you told her she was a spoilt little girl

who doesn't want kids...

who ony does things so she can post them on Instagram and...

You don't get it because you're young, but one day you will.

What? That adults get drunk,

do dumb things and instead of

taking responsibility for the consequences of their actions,

lie to the ones they love the most?

No.

Oh, well, yes. That's right.

Have you finished or shall I make another coffee?

Dad, saying sorry doesn't always mean you did something wrong

it just means that your relationship means more to you than your ego.

And that? Is it an advice from Mr. Wonderful?

Remember that I only exist in your subconscious mind.

So, it's just one of your own sayings to make you sound smart.

Marta, listen, listen to me.

Excuse me. I'm sorry for calling you a spoilt girl.

And I know you're going to have a hard time forgiving me,

-but... -Okay, I forgive you.

Ah, okay.

Great, I wasn't expecting that.

-I thought you would be really angry. -And I could be, hey?

-but we all make mistakes. -Of course.

We do and say things without meaning to.

Screw ups, they're screw ups.

It doesn't matter if you screw up sometimes.

No, of course not.

And it's okay, if you screw up, you admit you screwed up.

I mean that...

that, if you're the one who screwed up,

you the one who has to ...

flush the toilet.

Yeah, great metaphor.

Wait! Maybe the other day, I screwed up too.

-And I want to say... -I forgive you.

-You don't know what I'm saying. -Doesn't matter. I forgive you.

And if I'm a spoilt girl and you were right when you...?

Marta, you're not a spoilt girl.

You have every right to have a tantrum once in a while

and to go a little bit nuts, that's okay.

Right, that's it, going nuts, and sometimes...

And...

The other day, after arguing,

I was really angry

and... and I went to a bar.

And... With Elisa.

And I drank a lot.

And... Shots.

-And... -And?

And... you know.

What?

Well, you know.

No, I don't know "you know."

Well it's like... you know.

Stop saying "you know", you're making me nervous.

I don't know this "you know."

I kissed some guy, that's all, but it was nothing.

Three seconds, no tongue.

There you go, I told you it was nothing.

Spoilt little girl!

What are you doing?

If you're going to fiddle with yourself,

put a sock in the door, like they do in the military service.

Don't be disgusting, dad! I wasn't...

I was crying.

And who are these kids?

Dad, they're your grandchildren.

Would you believe it! Would you believe it!

All the live long day thinking about the bloody family!

Why can't I have a normal son,

who likes looking at naked women like everyone else?

Pornography is sexist

and presents women as simple objects of desire.

Is that what Carolina told you?

No Carolina didn't teach me that, no.

She put it up as a screensaver.

You have turn over a new leaf.

Do you remember that womanizer we met in the bar?

We're going to open an account for you in Tinder.

If I decide to do it.

But you have never decided anything in your life.

-C'mon, hand it over. -I'm not going on it.

It's for failures.

Perfect for you then.

And if someone who knows me sees it and Carolina finds out?

And who is to say that Carolina isn't on Tinder?

If you don't open it, you'll never know.

Javi, wait, I didn't cheat cheat.

Of course, it was a simple cheat. I feel better now.

I stopped in time.

In time for what? To do it right there in the bar?

I know that being drunk is not an excuse,

but, even though I was drunk, I stopped and that deserves credit.

Yes, yes, yes. You, as a woman, are a spoilt little girl,

but as drunkard, you're very grown up.

And... who is he?

It wasn't anyone.

Well, yes,

you know, just some guy.

The normal thing, some guy.

I understand. When I'm angry, I get off with the first woman I see.

-Javi, it wasn't like that. -I'm going to do it right now.

Snog the first woman I meet.

Eh...

Do you have false teeth?

Excuse me?

Doña Mercedes, what a surprise.

I was passing by. I wanted to know how you're getting on with the house.

And with the greenhouse? Oh!

You know I miss the plants more than I miss my husband.

Logical. You can trust plants.

People and dogs, well, that depends.

Some of them need a muzzle.

But how are they?

You've come at a bad time.

Are you talking about the plants.

They need a lot of work, don't they?

Yes, yes you have to be on top of them every single second.

And to listen to them as well.

What are you referring to?

To the plants, to the plants.

Yes. I'm trying to plant a seed

but Marta goes from one flower to the next and that makes it awkward.

And it doesn't help if, instead of flowers,

you are dead set on a prickly cactus.

Better a cactus than poison ivy.

And better poison ivy than a narcissus.

But what are you talking about?

The plants, the plants.

I think you both need professional help.

Excuse me?

Hire a gardener.

Because...

we're still talking about the plants, aren't we?

No way.

No way!

No! No!

-It's useless! -You don't like any of them!

Christ, you look daft in all of them!

No... it's... No.

Stop, stop, stop! Back, back.

Look, look, look, look, look, there.

You look great there.

Dad, that's Diego.

We turn everything into a problem.

C'mon, get up, your father will take a good picture of you.

C'mon.

-Do you want a beer? -No.

-Is something wrong? -Actually, yes.

Something's wrong. You should know right away. You're my brother.

I asked, didn't I?

That's just it. Why ask if you can tell anyway?

Sorry. Are you sure no one is following you?

I was going round and round in the Uber to make sure.

-Do you want a beer? -Better not.

-Who is following us? -Rafa.

He's become impossible since he closed the bar.

He won't let us go to other places.

Didn't you see his threatening WhatsApps?

No. I've got other problems.

Don't yank my chain, hey? We've all got problems.

And I've got mine.

They're going to throw my sister out of the country.

Her tourist visa's run out and she hasn't got papers.

The problem is mine. I didn't tell you, but I saw Elisa.

Doesn't seem like much to you?

My problems aren't important. Only your shit is important.

Buddy, they kicked Rafa out and they'll deport his sister.

And shall I tell you what happened to me?

-Shit! No way! -But I haven't told you yet.

That's it, that's it, there, there.

Look this way. Look this way. Smile.

Smile. No, no, better not, no.

Give it your best seductive face.

Seductive...

That's it.

Look, look, look.

No, look, stop, stop.

Don't try to look like anything.

I don't know how you do it, but you look like a pervert.

-What are you talking about? -Look, look.

Look at that.

Um...

Maybe this one's okay.

You can't see it. It's out of focus.

Better, perfect.

A bit of mystery.

How could you do this to me?

It's Spain's fault.

It's impossible not to go to bars in Spain.

You promised you wouldn't.

Because we love you.

You've got a funny way of showing it.

-Whose side are you on? -Because Rafa's right.

We shouldn't be here.

I like going out as well you know?

Trying out other bars, but that's not how it works.

Let's see. Have we all gone crazy round here?

I can't go to a bar any more

-to have a beer when I feel like it? -Well, no.

I thought our relationship was above

entering strange bars we don't know.

I mean, we're...

we're not little kids doing what the hell we feel like.

-Thanks, Javi. -We're together

because we want to have a relationship.

That's what I say.

If not ready for a relationship, it's better not to have one.

A beer, please.

What? Can't I at least have a beer?

-Great. We'll have one. -Great.

No, no, no. I'm going to drink it...

and you are going to watch me while I do.

That's for being a couple of bastards.

-Sorry! -No, no, no!

I can get up.

Just that I was in a hurry to speak to you.

Speak about what?

No, I don't know anything about it.

Yeah, I know you're not a psychologist and all that,

but, when all said and done, you are our doctor

-and I think that this... -Yeah.

I understand very well. It shouldn't have happened.

Well, no, certainly, no, but,

Christ, now we're here, I don't know...

We're really happy with you, you know? And...

and, I don't know, in some way, well...

we'd like...

to be able to carry on this little story with you,

but...

more seriously.

Who wants to carry on with me?

Me and Marta.

-Both of you? With me? -Yes.

And she thinks that's okay?

I called her and she said no,

but she caused all this so she can accept the consequences.

So what do you say? Shall we start or wait for her to get here?

The truth is, I don't know, like this, it's a bit of a cold way to...

He said yes.

-Yes what? -I haven't said anything yet.

It's an odd proposal.

It is tempting, but...

but, let's see, I don't know, what...

How should we start?

If you want, we can start right now.

Right now? Here?

-Start what exactly? -Marta, the therapy, for god's sake.

It will do us good to share it and if the doctor agrees...

Yes.

Yes, yes, of course, therapy, yes.

Hey...

Well, well...

-This is absurd. We don't have any... -Marta cheated on me.

Who with?

That I don't know, she didn't tell me.

Eh, Marta...

What happened?

Tell us.

Nothing, I did something stupid and I regret it completely.

But do you regret it in the sense of "Yuk! what have I done?"

or in the sense "I regret it now, but that kiss was amazing"?

-Excuse me? -Yes.

... I'm saying that as a doctor and as a psychologist.

I regret it in the sense "That's disgusting! I was so drunk!"

But it meant nothing. Period.

-Well, a little bit, no? -Excuse me?

Perhaps, deep down, she's not happy with her life...

and she wants to have affairs.

I dont want to have affairs! On the contrary.

And what is the contrary, sorry?

Perhaps you want to live like a couple,

in a routine way.

That's true, Marta.

It doesn't add up.

I don't have a problem living as a couple or having a routine.

I think that that is the problem,

that you're scared of a boring, conventional life.

So, she's scared that we'll become a normal couple.

A normal couple, with their routines, with kids.

She got scared and jumped into the

arms of the first clown she came across.

You shouldn't rule anybody out.

So why don't we try for a fortnight?

Try what for a fortnight?

To have the most

routine life possible, a boring life,

like we'd been married all our lives.

Some people have been married forever and aren't bored.

Don't push it.

I say that as a doctor and a married man.

I want to try so I can show you I'm not afraid of being with you.

And if you find out you don't like it?

Ok, ready. Now you have your Tinder account.

Great. I've hit rock bottom.

Don't talk rubbish. You hit rock bottom ages ago.

C'mon, have faith, son, have faith.

These pages are full of desperate women

who'll make do with anything.

What I really want to do is to go back to my life.

What are you on about?

It's going to be great:

the butterflies, the first dates...

The beginning of a relationship is the most romantic part.

Later everything becomes a routine.

"Hello."

Why are you offering me your cheek?

Couples who have been together for a long time

don't greet each other with a kiss on the lips.

Some of them maybe. And weren't we going out to dinner?

On a Thursday? If it was Friday or one of our birthdays...

Okay. I love it when you make dinner for me.

I haven't really made the dinner. Just whatever was there.

That's what I loved about my marriage, the routine.

Shall I set the table?

Why? Are we celebrating something? Let's eat on the sofa?

As you wish. Shall I open a bottle of wine?

A jug of tap water.

Well, I think there's a 2 litre bottle of Coca-Cola in the fridge.

I liked Carolina just as she was:

just out of bed, a bit overweight...

Oh!

Ah, but I think it's gone flat.

That's not even Coca-Cola.

It's Chupi-Cola, from the supermarket.

You save 20 cents and it tastes almost the same.

I did everything in front of Carolina.

Even... that?

I don't mean picking up after the dog. I mean...

Are you surprised that she left you?

I never did anything like that in front of your mother.

But, look, mum left you all the same.

We're not talking about me. We're talking about you.

Surf and turf on a stick.

Sausages, crab sticks, crisps...

a bit of ketchup.

"Voilà."

Um. I love it. It's my new favourite dish.

Oh. What a pity that it's mine.

For you,

boiled whiting with cauliflower.

-And why would I eat this crap? -Because you're on a diet.

Why would I be on a diet?

Because married women are always on a diet,

if they're fat or not. That's the way it is. Bon apetit.

You have to meet other women and forget about yours.

Tell me the truth. If you could, would you go back together with mum?

We're not speaking about me, for god's sake.

And it's not the same.

-Why? -It just isn't.

Because...

I never did those disgusting things in front of your mother!

-Here he comes. -What's up, Panthers?

Is this really your great plan until you get another bar?

Buying us some beers and having a picnic?

Yes. Well, no. I'm not buying.

You have to pay for the beers, two euros each.

You're charging us as if we were in your bar?

-Hey! -Christ!

It's the same place, the same bar, the same beer.

Anyway, don't complain, I'm not charging a you a supplement.

Look, Rafa, you're our mate, through thick and thin, hey,

but let's go somewhere else.

Friends are like the bar's habitual customers, know what I mean?

They come in they don't have to say anything.

You give them their usual and they feel right at home.

And that's enough.

So, the Panthers are your friends because we're your customers?

Jesus! No. Because we like the same things, the routine.

We're friends because just being together is enough.

And you have to pay for the beers,hey?

Why are you dressed like that?

It's Sunday and we're at home all afternoon.

Put on something more suitable.

This is perfectly suitable for being at home. Look.

Yeah.

Okay, great,

but, if we keep to the routine, put something else on, like a tracksuit.

You want me to wear a tracksuit?

So, we're a conventional couple but one from 1986?

Well, put on some dirty pyjamas.

All the ones I have are gorgeous.

Though, if by "dirty" you mean sexy, I've got several pairs.

Well, put on one of my old t-shirts.

What? It suits you. I think you look fantastic.

Have you met a girl?

-What's she like? -What are you talking about?

Don't look at me. Carry on as if I wasn't here.

Oh! Hey! Son!

You have to see a doctor.

She looks just like your mother.

It is my mother. I'm talking to her on Skype.

-"But what is he saying?" "He's daft."

What's up? Hello.

"Hey, you, what kind of lies are

you telling about not doing your business in front of me?"

"You did everything."

I can tell my son whatever I want. Anyway, look who's talking.

-"Hey you!" -Don't argue, like always.

Mum, I'm off. I'll be late for work.

-What work? -"What work?"

Come off it. Do you mean to say neither of you know what I do?

-"C'mon, son." -C'mon.

-Get up, get up, go, go. -"Ah."

-"Bye bye." -No, stop, wait a second.

Wait a second.

"Don't tell me you want to speak to me?"

Look, yes. I mean, no.

Uh... Yes, but no.

Hey? Let's see, to speak to you? I couldn't care less,

but, well, as we're both here...

Uh... Tell me, how is my granddaughter?

You don't look like you're staying in.

You look like you've popped out of a Britney Spears video.

-I could wear it like this. -Shall I take it off?

Yes.

-Shall we watch a film or a series? -No, no.

-We're going to watch TV. -To watch TV?

Alexa, see if there's a Second World War programme

on TV just now.

"Here's a documentary about the Second World War."

-"Leading the delegations...". -A documentary about Hitler?

It's not about Hitler, it's about Stalin.

Well, Stalin versus Hitler.

Okay, I'm going to check my Instagram.

You can't.

We have to watch the documentary like a bored couple.

C'mon, Alexa, get rid of this crap and put a series on.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not able to mediate in couple' arguments."

I'm going to my room.

I'll leave you with your mates the dictators.

And, by the way, in the end, Hitler kills himself.

Oh dear! Spoiler.

"In the Soviet Union Stalin set up..."

Hey! Why did you come in without knocking?

Are you using my razor to shave?

No. Well, yes, sorry, but it is the first time.

What are you doing? Wait, I'm going.

No, no, no, stay, It's only wee wee.

When, it's poo poo, if you want, you can go.

But, whatever you say.

It's been two weeks of madness.

Well, if that's the way it is after a two week test,

imagine a lifetime.

Life doesn't have to be intentionally boring.

-You played tricks on me. -Yeah.

Life's a tricky business.

That sentence is meaningless.

Well, yes, it is. But as I'm really angry, I thought it might do.

Marta, the important question is why have you come back here.

Is there anything you want to tell us?

Because Javi asked me to...

and to make it clear that it hasn't been a test of anything.

I won't have dinner in a tracksuit or leave the bathroom door open.

-And if I do do things like that? -Things like what?

Well I don't know, like... I don't know...

Why don't you try with a fart?

Excuse me?

Yes, I'm sorry,

yes, with a fart, a bit of wind.

Sorry, but, if Marta is so fussy,

it would be a test of your love.

Ah, so, as proof of his love,

he has to fart in my face.

It sounds bad, I know,

but that's when we know if a couple will really last,

when... flatulence shows up.

Drop it.

-I'm not doing it. -So?

Maybe, you need to split up for a while.

-I'll take you to dinner. -What?

Today is Friday. Friday is for going out.

Okay.

Don't you want your pizza, darling?

You could have told me so I could have dressed more appropriately.

I'll eat it. I'm not so fussy.

-You do this to mess me around. -Just like you did.

I feel bad about all that's happened and I can't get over it.

I can't stop thinking that you don't want a real relationship.

What is a real relationship? Every couple invents their own.

Maybe, our routine is that we don't like a routine.

-It doesn't mean anything either. -Oh yes, it does.

It means we're just the same as anyone else.

Just that, there are some things that we don't like.

And we don't like routines,

nor do we have dinner at 20:00...

or love to get tattoos

or spend all our time at the gym.

We're not two losers eating pizza on a park bench either.

And now you start laughing. Great. You can't take anything seriously.

You're still lost in a romantic comedy,

but life isn't about two people who fight

then laugh, then later, end up happily in bed.

Life isn't like that, Marta.

And why not?

I hardly touched my pizza, hey?

Oh!

Oh!

What was that?

Proof of my love?

I can't believe it! That's disgusting!

-Come here, fusspot. -Get off!

Yeuch! Let go!

I can't believe it!

Don't be a wimp, come here.

You gave me a fright!

Dad, how did you get in?

I'm a marine, remember.

In the Spanish army. Don't push it.

Nacho, I have to tell you something and it's not easy.

Really! Are you going to tell me why you left us?

-Christ, not that, no! -Ah.

You see, the other day, I was in the car with my girlfriend and

suddenly, I saw Javi's girlfriend.

Marta? I haven't seen her for ages. How is she?

-Will you let me finish, fuck? -Yes.

Sorry.

Better if I show you the video.

I can't watch! Turn it off!

What are you going to do? Are you going to show it to Javi?

I can't. He doesn't speak to me.

No, no, better not.

-Don't think about showing him it. -No.

That's why I thought that you should show it to him.

Come here.

No!

No! No!