All language subtitles for Imitation General (1958).eng

Imitation General (1958)

Are you all right, Derby?

Ok, sir, but I think they sure

knocked our radio for a loop.

Pull over to those men, Murph.

Hey... brass!

Hey, it's a general!

Get those rifles
out of the dirt!

Put your helmets back on.

What's the matter
with you men?

Somebody must've told you about
keeping your rifles off the ground.

Where are your
officers and noncoms?

We don't know, sir.

I was an acting
corporal once, sir.

You're in charge
here, as of now.

You mean...?

Where's your battalion
headquarters?

Overrun by Panzers, sir.

I don't think anyone got out.

Tanks? How many?

I just saw two, sir,

but there's supposed to
be a lot more around.

Some guy got one with
a bazooka, general,

and then they pulled out.

We expect them back any time.

Has anyone been in touch with
your regimental headquarters?

Some guy started for the
rear about an hour ago, sir,

but they came right back.

Said they were pretty
sure we're in a pocket.

They ran into Germans no
matter which way they went.

I want you to send
out some runners.

Have them find out how many men in
fighting condition we have left

and what they still
have to fight with.

Oh, yes, sir!

Have them round up any
and all radio equipment

they can find, even
if it's shot up.

Maybe we can scrounge enough
parts to get one set operating.

What's that over there?

That's just a farmhouse, sir.

Jerries used the house as a command
post, sir, till we ran them out.

If your runners come across
any officers or noncoms,

have them report to
me at that farmhouse.

And tell everyone that's
headquarters from now on.

Yes, sir.

You mean we're going to
try and hold them, sir?

Unless I've been getting
the wrong information,

that's the business
this army's in, son.

Now, let's get at it.

Yes, sir.

All right, you heard
what the man said.

I want 4 volunteers.
Let me see, now...

All right, you two
take that side.

You two, come with me.

Get him.

Well, at least it is
encouraging, sir,

to know that ours
isn't the only outfit

that can get
completely fouled up.

Better let me look
the place over, sir.

[Gramophone playing waltz]

[Water splashing]

[Gasps]

Oh, my... ahem.

[Shouting in French]

Uh, well, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry,
mademoiselle, but...

Uh, avez-vous, uh...

Uh, uh, quelque
doing in, uh, ici?

[Shouting in French]

Yeah.

Well, I'm, uh...

Look, uh, pardonez me...

Allez, allez!

Pardonez-moi... Mademoiselle.

Allez, allez!

Allez? Oui.

Yes, uh, oui, oui.

Ok, vous...

Mademoiselle.

Hope to see a little
more of you later.

What is it?

That's the landlady in there.

She's not dressed
for company, sir.

[Knocking]

Madame!

[Woman shouting in French]

[General speaking French]

[Woman responding in French]

She, uh, lives here.

Seems that... She
was taking a bath.

[Stops music]

Fine time to take a bath.

Don't she know there's
a war going on?

You know the French.
They're great believers

that life must go on...
Regardless.

Well, there's the
answer to that vague,

uneasy feeling we
were being flanked.

We were. Look.
Here's our division.

There's the right
flank battalion.

They get stopped here.

We keep right on schedule,
moving forward.

That leaves a gap
of about two miles,

which tallies with
those first reports

of German tanks on
our right flank.

But, sir, are we really going
to stay and make a fight of it?

What else can you do
when you're surrounded?

Well, sir, we could go
back to headquarters

and mastermind the
strategy from there.

Well, that would
be fine, except...

This battalion's more or less
on the same side as we are.

Besides, it could get real
sticky for us if they collapsed.

What are we going to
fight them with, sir?

There's nothing here that a
little leadership wouldn't fix.

And there's nothing
that picks up a G.I.

Like seeing a general
out on the field,

where he can get shot
up like the rest.

On the other hand,
there's nothing

that depresses
headquarters more.

You've got the picture
all wrong, Murph.

They're not that set against
winning the war at headquarters.

And if we don't do something
here pretty quick,

this could rapidly turn
into a critical situation.

I know a general
is very important,

but do you really think, sir,

that seeing a general
out there on the field

is going to pull these
beat-up Joes together?

Well, let me put it
this way, sergeant.

A general shining his
pants at headquarters

sure as hell isn't
going to do it.

Mademoiselle...

[Speaking French]

Mais, oui.

[Speaking French]

She says she's here alone.

She and her father took off
when the shooting started.

She came back to
feed the stock.

Oh, well, sir,
if she's hungry,

we got some rations
out in the jeep.

Well, go get 'em, corporal.

♪ Mademoiselle,
she took a bath ♪

♪ parlez-vous ♪

[Speaking French]

[Speaking French]

What's she talking about?

She says it was the American
artillery that did the damage here.

If we use this place
as headquarters,

she and her father are afraid the
Germans will polish off what's left.

[Speaking French]

Merci, mademoiselle.

However, she wants us to know
that they're patriotic Frenchmen,

and if we need the farm, they'll
be glad to let us have it.

Well, that's very
nice of you, miss.

Comment?

Uh, nice. You know, very good.

You don't know what it...

General?

[Speaking French]

Yeah.

Hey, what did you tell her?

I just said that you
said she was nice.

You sure that's what you said?

Oh, brother. For
the rest of us

it would be a
6-month courtship,

but all the sergeant
has to do is smile.

Well, she hasn't probably had
very much to do with men

since way before the war.

Then she's got a good memory,

because she still remembers
what one looks like.

Here we are, sir.

Here, let me help you.
Mademoiselle...

Pour vous.

Pour moi? Merci
beaucoup, monsieur!

Here you are.
Here's some more.

[Speaking French]

Oh, that's quite all right.

It's nothing, nothing at all.

She couldn't have had any
of that stuff before.

She'd be throwing it at us.

Derby?

Yes, sir.

This one's kind of special.

I want you to stay
here for a while

while Murph and I go out
and get things organized.

If any officers or noncoms
wander in, hold them here.

Yes, sir. Oh, sir, supposing
she wants something,

and I don't know what
she's talking about?

I'm sure you'll think
of something, buddy.

I sure will, buddy.

Oh... let me help
you with that.

[Speaking French]

I wouldn't want you to
hurt your little hand,

now, would I?

You know, I've been thinking.

Now that I'm here and you got
nothing to worry about...

[Humming]

Hmm... maybe you'd like
to take another bath,

and I can stand out here
and watch out for you.

Je ne comprends pas.

Hmm. That sure didn't
sound like "yes."

Well, I'll open this
can of poison for you.

Oh, ici.

You think it's true, what those guys
said about us being in a pocket?

Those guys are so beat-up
and disorganized,

they imagine a German
behind every tree.

Yeah.

Men without leaders.

You must've had a
lecture on that subject

at one time or another.

I don't know, sir. The
only lecture I remember

was the one about the... The
care a G.I. should exercise

when selecting a
female companion.

That was real entertaining.

I'm sure the Pentagon
would be delighted

to hear you were entertained.

Yes, sir.

Well...

You see something, sir?

Just one of the
most interesting

rock formations
I've every seen.

Outside of that, nothing
but some Germans

looking right back at us through
their own field glasses.

No wonder our boys
got clobbered.

An ant couldn't move
down in this valley

without them being able
to spot it from up there.

We could sure use
some air support.

Yeah, but first we need some way of
telling them we need air support.

Murph, get down!

[Gunfire]

Dead?

Yeah.

Where are they?

Right over in that
irrigation ditch there.

Let's go.

No, wait a minute.

You go around them.
I'll be the decoy.

What's the matter with you?

You want to get
yourself killed, too?

Give me that clip there.

Now, look, Murph...

Let's do this so that neither
one of us gets hurt.

Now, get going.

[Gunfire]

[Speaking German]

[Speaking German]

[Speaking German]

[Speaking German]

[Shouting in German]

Let's go.

Je regrette.

Je m'excuse.

You know, after all we've
been through together,

it's kind of hard to
believe that he's gone.

I thought after North
Africa and Sicily,

I could take most anything.

What are we going
to do, Murph?

Well, first thing
we got to do is

we got to get out of here.

And we got to notify
division about the general.

Yeah, great. But how?
How are we going to get

through any German lines
if we're surrounded?

Which we are.

Well, maybe we're not.

You can count on that, boy.

I don't like this
whole thing, Murph.

What whole thing?

This whole thing.

You know what I mean.
I mean, after all...

Why should we wind up in a
loaded mousetrap and maybe dying

with a lot of guys
you don't even know?

I mean, I don't mind
dying, Murph...

You just don't want to do it around
a lot of strangers, that's all.

Yeah, yeah, and it's not as
crazy as you make it sound.

I'm the kind of guy that
only gets along with people

after I've gotten
used to them.

It's a little late to write
to your congressman.

Oh, very funny.

[Speaking French]

Yeah.

Don't tell me
anything makes sense

when a man like
that gets killed.

It sure doesn't.

Hi.

Sirs, some guy got me as I was
heading back for the hospital,

and they said for all noncoms
to report to you here.

Now, wait a minute. You got
things all wrong there, boy.

Look, sir... I mean,
believe me, sir,

I'm really in terrible shape, and
I ought to be in a hospital.

What's wrong with you?

Well, it's... It's nothing
you can see, sir.

I mean, I think it must be what
they call "combat fatigue," sir.

Corporal, you know what it is.
You've seen it.

Believe me, sir, I wouldn't
be any good to you.

I'm practically
in pieces inside.

Why don't you sit
down over there.

I got to get to a hospital!

Sit down, corporal!

Yes, sir.

[Crying]

[Speaking French]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
It's all right.

Well, general, what's the
gizmo from the Pentagon

on the new high-level strategy

on our typically fouled-up
situation... sir?

[Crying loudly]

Now, look... are you thinking
what I think you're thinking?

Yes.

General, can I see you
outside a minute?

Very well, corporal.

Oh, thank you, sir.

That's all right.

Now, look, Murph...

Do you know what the
articles of war say

about a G.I. impersonating
an officer?

Yeah, I've read 'em.

Yeah, well, you better
get your eyes examined,

because if you should
happen to do this thing,

the best you could possibly
get out of it is killed,

because otherwise, it's
going to be 20 to life

doing full-time
sledgehammer work.

Let me ask you something.

Wasn't General Lane one of
the finest men you ever met?

Well, sure he was, but
he never went around

pretending to be a
sergeant, either.

Yes, and didn't he say that this
was a very critical situation

what might be saved if the men
saw a general in the field?

Oh, please. He's said a lot of
things in the past two years,

and half of the time
he was kidding.

This time he wasn't.

Let me ask you
something else, buddy.

Look, if we find ourselves in
a real fouled-up situation

and there's a way
we can unfoul it,

then isn't it our
duty to unfoul it?

Don't give me that.

I've heard a dozen high-ranking
officers say it's a soldier's duty

to do the best he can
and get back alive.

Now, we've done the best we can.
Now let's get back alive.

Show me the part of the
book where it says

it's a soldier's duty to
impersonate an officer, huh?

Go ahead, show me.

Well, uh... Unusual situations

call for unusual solutions.

Do you have a penknife
on you, by any chance?

Now, look, Murph... We've
been through a lot,

as much as anybody
in this army, right?

Mm-hmm.

And you said yourself it
was beginning to look

as if we were going to get
through alive, right?

I don't remember saying that.

But now... I mean,
what's the matter?

You afraid the postwar period is
going to be too dull for you?

What would you do about it?

Turn this mess over to
somebody, and let's go.

Turn it over to who?

Turn it over...

All right, then let's just go.

No, you don't mean that.

Oh, I mean it.

You don't mean that at all.

I do!

Oh? Well, all right, then.

It would seem that you and I

just happen to see our
duty differently.

Oh, please. Let's knock off

the Spanish-American war talk.

I'm not saying that I'm
right and you're wrong.

It just so happens

that's the situation,
that's all.

But you're free to go your
way, old buddy of mine.

I'm free to go mine, right?

Hey, you mean it?

Sure, I mean it.

You're really going to stay here and make
like General Lane and run the battle?

I'm going to try.
You with me or not?

Not. N-o-t, not!
Boy, you are crazy.

You are out of your mind. They're
going to put you in a rubber room.

Going around impersonating...

Shh!

A general. Oh, boy,
I'm going to be there

when they put the blindfold on
you, buddy, laughing all the way.

Ok, buddy, ok.

Yeah.

Aw...

All right, all right.

Where would I get any sense
from all of a sudden?

Good boy.

Yeah, good boy.

You know what I need now?

What?

I need one of those
little black books

that gives you complete,
detailed instructions

on how to run a battle.

Yeah, great. Well,
looks like once again

we take the side of...

Both: Panic and confusion.

Right.

Hey, I got to do something.
I'll be right back.

Yeah.

I just hope I don't mess things
up for you, general, sir.

Hey. Say, honey...

Listen to me. Will you pin

these stars on my
collar for me here?

Here... Right on the collar.
Right here.

Look. See, like that.

One on this collar and the
other on the other collar.

Would you do that for me?
Thanks. Right here.

Sergent, non general!

Please, no! I know, I know,

but nobody else is supposed
to know, you understand?

It's a joke, you know?

You compris joke? Ha ha ha?

Ha ha.

That's it. Yeah...

You don't.

Man, I've been
carrying a dictionary

around with me for 8 months...

[Speaking French]

Come here a minute. Let me
explain something to you.

I am going to be a general
a little time, you know?

And, uh... You
understand what that...?

See, I got a
situation out there.

It's very bad, and I'm going
to fix that situation,

and then I'm going to
retournez-vous, and then I ici...

Uh, encore sergent.

You understand that?

Huh? Of course you do.

Please.

Yeah.

But listen, don't you
tell anybody about this.

Man, you tell anybody
about this...

If anybody finds out I
sergeant and no general,

they'll just line me right up
against that wall and bang.

I kaput!

I'll, just... That'll be it.

J'ai compris.

[Speaking French]

That's right.

Oh, man, you're the greatest.

General! What have you
done to that girl?

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Well, you're right
on time, as usual.

That's how I got
to make corporal.

Oh, I know, I know.

Ahem.

Could it be that love
has up and kicked us

in our high-ranking
britches, general, sir?

How's the kid doing?

He's in there getting sick.

He's in bad shape, that boy.

He told me he was standing

in the middle of a bunch of guys
when a German 150 went off.

Everyone around him
got blown to pieces,

but he was left standing there
without a scratch on him, all alone.

He'll be all right. Look, you
got everything straight?

What's to get straight? You
go out and run the army,

and I stay here with Simone,
worrying about you.

All right. Now, look,
if any guys show up,

you do something
about organizing

a perimeter around
here, you understand?

Yes, sir.

All right.

Oh, uh, general, sir...

What?

Hmm. Your stripes are showing.

Oh. Yes, fine.

There we are, sir.

Oh...

All right, come on, fella.

Come on, let's go.

Where to, sir?

Why, you and me are
going out there

and make like two
one-man armies.

We're going to knock off
an enemy observation post.

Oh, no, sir. I told you I'm
not in any kind of shape

to do anything like that, sir.

I wouldn't be any
help to you...

Stand at attention, corporal.

Stand at attention!

You stay that way until
I tell you otherwise.

Yeah.

Well... come here.

Uh, at ease and come
here, will you?

Yeah.

Look... you see, I know
what your trouble is.

Yeah, I do. You
marched off to war,

you told everybody you'd have
it over with in a few weeks,

and then you'd come
marching back.

Next thing you know, you see some
of your buddies get blown up,

and then you just... You
go all to pieces inside.

You want to run away and hide
in the nearest hospital bed.

Yeah. Well, now, let
me ask you something.

What makes you think you're any
different from anybody else?

Look, everybody gets
scared, corporal.

Just about everybody.

And we don't expect you to go
charging into some machine gun nest

with a grenade in each hand and a
bayonet in between your teeth.

No, we just expect
you to stick around

and be scared along
with the rest of us.

Look, you take this
little girl over here.

Mm-mm!

Ahem. She's even scared of us.
Yeah.

But she's not running
away, though.

You don't see her running.

How about you, corporal?

Right up to here.

You see?

Do you ever get scared, sir?

You're damn right, I do. I
get scared lots of times.

I guess I did kind of
blow my stack there.

No, that's... Forget it.
That's all right.

When those things
are going overhead

and bouncing around
under your feet...

You don't want to ever be ashamed
about being scared, you hear?

You're absolutely right, sir.

You bet I'm right. After
all, that's why I'm a gen...

Uh, a general.

All right, are you with me?

If you can put
up with me, sir.

Good. Fix this man up
like a soldier, corporal.

Yes, sir.

There we are.

All right, here you go.

Easy, Murph.

He doesn't know how
scared I really am.

If we was smart, we'd buy
some German war bonds.

You drive.

Yes, sir.

Give me a hand here.

Sir?

We're going to need some
armor for this job.

You get on that end. We'll
put it in the jeep, huh?

All right. How do
you feel now, huh?

I'm all right, sir.

Let's go. Up.

Pourquoi... Sergent...
General?

Pourquoi? 'Cause he's nuts.

Just plain nuts.

Someday two guys are going to
come along with white coats,

throw a net over him,
and take him away.

Comprenez-vous "nuts"? Nuts.

Nuts?

Yeah.

[Whistling]

[Whispering indistinctly]

[Man speaking German]

Qui est la?

I know somebody's in there,

and if I don't get the right
answer to my question,

that somebody's going to be
all over a hand grenade.

Yeah? While one grenade
is sailing in,

another one is going
to be sailing out.

And don't ask me that
cornball question

about who won the world
series last year,

because the Jerries have
picked that one up.

I ain't asking nothing.
I'm coming in.

Ok, buddy, but you'd better look
as American as a pizza pie.

[Clang]

Relax!

Well, well, well...

Just goes to show you how much

you can depend on what
you hear in this army.

You know what I heard?

I heard you'd been booted
out on a section 8,

and then, to spare your
family the disgrace,

you blew your brains out...

With one easy shot.

Master Sergeant
Orville Hutchmeyer...

The only man in the army
who had enough guts

to order "retreat" while
still in the states.

Ha ha!

Private Orville Hutchmeyer?

Yeah! Private
Orville Hutchmeyer.

What'd you think they
were going to do

after a rap like that,
send me to ocs?

Oh, soldier, your story
has touched my heart.

Particularly when I
think of all the income

you must be losing by
not being able to sell

those forged weekend passes
to the rookies anymore.

Eh, so what?

You know, it got to be work
anyway, when it turned out

they wasn't all as stupid as you
and that moron buddy of yours...

Tsk tsk tsk.
Speaking of whi...

[Door opening]

Where is that dear boy?

Ain't you two
together anymore?

[Singing in French]

[Speaking French]

Derby: Lay off.

She lives here.

Yeah, I see.

Didn't answer my
question, junior.

Where's Murph?

He's not here,

and lucky for you, chiseler,

because the first
time Murph sees you,

he's going to walk
down your throat,

stamping his feet all the way.

What, Murph is mad at me?

Listen, you two-bit goldbrick,

it's me that's going to be
stamping on people's throats

when I finally catch up
with that stool pigeon!

St-stool pigeon?

Did you think Murph was
going to rot his life away

in the stockade, accused of
stealing army binoculars?

Please, I'm tired.

And did you actually think
he was going to take the rap

for the very guy
that sold it to him?

And overcharged him, at that.

Look, there's an unwritten
law in this man's army:

Quote... "One soldier
don't squeal

on another soldier,
no matter what."

Oh, really? And who wrote this

unwritten law... you? Unquote.

Look, junior...

It's not going to do you any
good to plead for him...

Who's pleading?

Because I'm going to
track that dogface down

if it takes me the
rest of my life,

and when I find him,

I'm going to fix him
good and plenty.

Oh.

Where is he?

Where is he?

Why...

I thought you knew.

Knew what?

He's dead.

Dead, huh?

Thought you said he was going
to be stamping down my throat.

I said that? Mm-hmm.

How could I? He's dead.

Yeah? When?

At Normandy...

And he was killed
performing one of the most

heroic deeds of the war...

Oh, please, please!

What heroic?

Clipping his toenails
under enemy fire?

No, no, no, no, pal.

Well, maybe he's dead, but...

Then, he always
was, but if he died

of anything more heroic
than indigestion,

I'll eat his death
certificate.

[Pan clangs]

Heh heh heh... Heroic.

[Speaking French]

Oui.

[Speaking french]
Non, non, non!

No... no what?

She doesn't want me to leave.

Well, if you're going
to stick around,

put the pin back
in that grenade.

Oh...

I forgot. Here!

Look out!

[Laughing]

Sucker! The pin was in!

You ever do that
again, I'll kill you.

Yeah...

[Speaking French]

[Speaking French]

Hey, let her alone, will you?

Lay off, will you? The
kid's crazy about me.

Yeah, she's crazy about you.

Man: Eh, you was
dreaming, Kent.

The day you see a one-star
this close to the shooting,

that will be the same day
they declare free beer

and benzedrine for every gi.

Oh, yeah? Have I got
no eyes or something?

I'm telling you... I stood
face-to-face with the man

and he had stars. I
know what I saw.

These days, I can't believe
half of the things I see.

See what I mean, Von Runstead?

Oh, who cares what he says?
I saw a general! He...

All right, Herr Himmler,

if there ain't any
generals in this area,

then what's that approaching?

[Vehicle motor]

Ten hut!

[Brakes squeak]

At ease.

Anybody here got
some baling wire?

Baling? You haven't, huh?

You haven't seen
any laying around,

have you, by any chance?

I don't think so, sir.

Oh... well, guess we'll
have to use something else.

All right, a couple
of you men there...

Will you take that
boiler and put it

on the front of this jeep?

All right, let's move.

That's it. That's it.

Right here on the bumper
will do just fine.

Are these all the men
you could round up?

I've still got two
runners out...

But, sir, are you
the one that...

But what? Sir, it may seem...

But what, soldier?

Sorry, sir. There
were some more men,

but I posted them out
as sentries, sir.

Good work.

That's just what I'd
have done myself.

Thank you, sir.

Yeah. Ahem. Now, uh, now, men,

it would seem that we
have a, uh, quite a job

cut out for us here, and
from the looks of things,

we don't have very much to
do it with, now, do we?

You know, some of those belts might
do the trick. Do you want to...

All right, men, let's
have some belts.

Yeah, a couple of them here...

[Vehicle approaching]

[Jeep stops]

Man: All right now, men!

We've been sitting around,

feeling sorry for
ourselves long enough!

After all, what have we
got out there against us?

Just human beings,
the same as we are!

Two arms, two legs,
what are we...

[Sighs] Oh...

Well...

What?

What in the world are
you doing here, sir?

I... I mean sir.

Yes.

You haven't seen me anywhere
before, have you, lieutenant?

I've never seen you
before in my life, sir.

Good! Sir?

I mean, uh, uh, carry on,

uh, lieutenant.

Heh! Me, sir? Oh, no,
sir, you carry on.

I... I mean, if you'd
like to carry on, sir.

After all, you're the
general, aren't you?

Yes, uh, of course, I am.

Ahem. Hey, you don't happen to
have any baling wire, uh...

Baling wire?

Yeah, you see, I want
to secure this boiler

on this jeep here, you see?

Well, no, sir. I've got
some telephone wire...

That will do fine,
that will do fine.

Yep.

Well, actually, it's...
It's really not mine, sir.

There's no doubt that
things being what they are,

it's more your wire than
it is mine, general.

Well, when you come
right down to it,

it's really the army's
wire, isn't it?

Yes, sir. Yeah.

All right, fasten that
on real good, men.

Now, lieutenant...

It seems that you and I are the
only officers left in this war,

so it looks like we're going to have
to run the whole show ourselves.

Lieutenant Clayton, and I'm
happy to be aboard, sir.

I beg your pardon?

Oh...

I... I... I'm sorry, sir.

My father was in the Navy
in the first world war.

My brothers and I were raised

like on a little
four-stack destroyer.

Oh.

Well, uh...

Your secret is safe
with me, lieutenant.

Ahem. Now...

Uh, the first thing I
think we better do

is appoint some squad leaders

and some platoon leaders
and see what we can do

about establishing a
perimeter of defense,

right along here somewhere.

We're going to
make a stand, sir?

Well, unless I've
been misinformed,

that's the business
this army's in, son.

You bet it is, sir!

Good chap.

Now, uh, I'm going to leave
most of the details to you,

of course, and meantime
I'll see what I can do

about getting rid of that enemy
observation post over there

that's been giving our
boys so much trouble.

You're going to knock
it out yourself, sir?

Well, as you go
along in life, son,

and get a little
higher in rank,

you'll find that if
you want to be sure,

that you're going to get the
job done, you do it yourself.

Do it yourself.

Yeah.

All right. How you
doing here, men?

About ready, sir. Fine.

I'll remember what
you've told me, sir...

Yeah, you do that.

And thank you.

It's all right.

Now I think I'll
be moving along.

Oh, uh, I'm going to need
your Tommy Gun here.

Oh, go right ahead, sir.

After all, it's...
it's not my...

Murphy: Here. I'll drive.

"V" for victory, lieutenant!

Boys, there's no
getting away from it.

You can tell a west
point man every time.

[Birds chirping]

Here...

All right. It's up to you.

From now on, you
take care of me.

Now, want to get up there?
Come on, let's go.

[Engine starts]

Ready?

[Speaking German]

[Jeep approaching]

[Shouting]

[Gunfire]

[Bullets ricocheting]

Look out behind you, general!

[Gunshot]

Got a little rough in there
for a minute, huh, corporal?

Beats picking cotton
for a living, general.

Yeah, it sure does.

Yes, it... sure does.

Come on. Give me a
hand with this.

I'll help you.

I never saw a general
like that before.

I never did, either.

Get the men up to that
position and hold it!

Yes, sir!

[Boiler rattling]

Let's get this off of here.

Bring the radio inside.

Yes, sir.

Attention!

Ahem. Uh, glad to see
you back, general.

What?

Oh...

Yeah. Ahem.

Well, carry on, men.

Eh...

When will that food
be ready, ...?

Oh, send the boy back for
it in about 5 minutes.

Hey, soldier, give me a hand
with this boy, will you?

Sure.

Where are they taking him?

We've got an aid station
fixed up in the barn.

Simone helped the medic.

Heh heh heh!

Man, that boiler worked
real good up there.

Yeah, I know.

You know what?

I watched you through the
general's field glasses.

What were you
trying to prove...

That all generals are screwy?

Hey, where'd you
dig all this up?

[Sniffs] Eh, it smells good.
What is it?

Don't ask any questions.

Just eat while you
can still enjoy it.

Why? What's in it?

Oh, I'm not talking
about the stew.

Well, then, what are
you talking about?

Nothing. Just sit
down and relax.

You're going to need it.

Need what?

La belle Simone's own
heavenly hodgepodge.

Well, you're trying to
tell me something, Derby.

Now, will you get it off
your mind? What is it?

[Sniffs]

1927... wonderful
year for corks.

You know, you're beginning
to worry me now.

What is it...

All right, all right.

If you want your entire
digestion shot to shreds.

Who do you think walked in through
that window after you left?

Look, I haven't the
slightest idea...

Our old buddy,

former Master Sergeant
Orville Hutchmeyer.

[Distant shelling]

Oh, you mean the... The
Creature of Company C?

The Beast of Barracks B.

[Chuckling]

Oh, man, this is a real
small war, isn't it?

Yeah, a little too
small for us.

[Coughs]

Hutchmeyer?

Hell, I got to get out of
here before he sees me, boy!

Relax. He's gone.

He gone? What? Gone where?

Some crazy bloodstained
lieutenant

came charging in here
and ran him out.

Besides, he thinks
you're dead.

He thinks I'm dead?

Well, what made
him think that?

Because I told him,

and what I told him. Heh!

As a matter of fact,
you're such a hero dead,

you're crazy to go on living.

You made him believe that?

Please! Heh heh!

Well, how do you like that?

[Sighs] Well...

Hey, good old Hutch.

Heh heh!

Hey, do you suppose
he remembers the...

3 months he spent
in the stockade

because he tried to
double-cross me?

He remembers it
very well, buddy,

and should he
happen to forget,

he's got an empty
place on his sleeve

where his stripes used
to be to remind him.

Whew! Boy, if that
boy ever sees you!

Hey, this is chicken!

Of course.

Where'd you get it?

Well, we were outside,
gathering up some stuff

to make the C-rations
taste better,

when this chicken comes
along and attacks Simone.

Yeah, don't look at me.

They're pretty ferocious,
those chickens around here,

but let me tell you something,
buddy... No kidding.

In 3 seconds flat,

she outran it, outwrestled
it, and outfought it...

Chicken.

You want me to tell
you something?

She's going to make some guy
a wonderful wife someday.

I mean that.

Oh, incidentally, I got a
couple of tanks for you.

In the trees, near
the main road.

All right. Now we're
getting somewhere.

Mmm, maybe. They pulled
in here out of gas,

you know, looking for
a service station,

so I told them, "you
just go one block up...

Turn left and go straight
ahead 4,000 miles."

Oh, you... Heard that
one before, huh?

Yeah. Well, I haven't heard
it recently, old buddy.

And where's Simone now?

She's in there,
getting prettied up.

Hey, you know...
This was her idea?

Good idea.

[Distant whistling]

Shh.

What?

Shh!

[Man singing in distance]

[Whistling]

[Singing]

[Whispering] Hutchmeyer!

Aahh!

No, no! Shh!

[Shouting in French]

I'm sorry! There's somebody out
there I don't want to see!

Please! Shh! No.

Oh...

Please? Shh!

Please... please!
Will you please?

[Whispering] Will you
be quiet for just...

Please. I'll only
be here a minute.

Oh, I got to get rid of these.

I got... I got to get...

Oh, non! Non!

Yes! Non!

Please! I'm not
doing anything.

Will you please just be quiet?

[Shouting]

Just be quiet, please.

[Breathing heavily]

Honey, will you take
this off my collar?

Non! Non!

Quick! Will you take... Just
take it off my collar, will you?

Non! Non!

Honey? Wait a minute! Wait!

[Screams]

Oh, that's it! If he thinks

there's more going on
here than there is,

then maybe he'll think
that there's more

going on than there is.

[Shouts] Non!

[Whistling a tune]

[Sings in French]

Thought you'd be gone.

No, I'm still here.

What are you doing back?

That lieutenant ain't
around, is he?

No, he's, uh... Somewhere
up on the hill over there,

but, uh... He'll
be right back.

Say, how come he didn't
roust you out, too?

I don't take orders from him.
This is headquarters.

Where's la belle?

She don't wear 'em,
and she's gone, too.

But she'll be back, won't she?

Eh...

[Simone speaking French]

Shh!

Murphy: Will you
please be quiet?

[Waltz playing]

Hey, music for me?

Yeah! I thought
we could dance!

What are you screaming about?

Who's screaming?

Look, junior... all I
was going to say...

I've been thinking now that
that poor old rat Murphy...

Hey, you watch what
you say about Murph,

or his ghost will come
back and haunt you

for the rest of
your evil days...

Ah, his ghost! Look, all I
was going to say, pal, is,

now that he's gone, maybe you
and me could be buddies.

You know... Sort of
share and share alike?

You like that
bike out there...

No, no, no! Two reasons, no:

One... Murph will come
back and haunt me;

two... she wouldn't have
anything to do with you.

Now, you better get out of here
before lieutenant comes back.

Simone: Aahh! Non!

Non! Non! [Shouting in French]

Yeah, louder... louder!

Non! Oh! Oh!

Don't! No, wait!

[Crying]

[Banging]

Trying to get away
from me, huh?

You come back here!

[Bang bang]

Oh... lying to your
old pal already, huh?

Uh... go ahead. Go right in.

The general will be
happy to see you.

General?

Yeah, general, general!

That's what I've been trying
to tell you, you jerk!

I can't make a deal with you!
It's his girl!

Hey, there's something fishy
going on around here,

and I'm going to
find out what.

There's nothing fishy going...

Uh... why don't you give him
his helmet when you go in?

That will be a good excuse.

That really is a general?

That's what I've been
trying to tell you.

Now, why don't you
get out of here?

Will you get out of here?

Heh heh!

You know, the old boy doesn't
seem to be doing so good.

All the more reason for
you to get out of here.

Now, beat it!

Maybe these will help.

Yeah, fine.

Well, it's very
decent of you...

And don't forget to tell
him where you got them.

I certainly will. He'll
appreciate it very much.

Simone: Aah! Non!

[Crash]

Yeah! Ahem!

Oh! Trying to
bite me now, hey?

[Speaking French]

[Speaking French]

What? Wha-what's
going on here?

What did she say?

He's drunk! He's nuts!

Drunk, eh?

Well, you can't let him out
when he gets this way.

Go find a medic.

[Speaking French]

[Speaking French]

Get out of the way.
I'll handle him.

You're going to handle the
general? Then you're nuts.

I'm not losing my stripes.
Come on!

Hutchmeyer: Oh, no, you don't!

Get away from that bike!

Oh, no! Wait a minute, Hutch!

You're not going to leave
me here with him, are you?

Let me ride on the
handlebars...

Beat it! He's your problem!

Hutch...

Give me those, too, sucker.

Oh, Hutch, don't.

No, Hutch! Don't
leave me here!

Hey, Hutch!

Hutch?

[Distant shelling]

[Sighs]

Ok, Murph.

[Speaking French]

Oh!

[Sighs]

All... all I can say
is I'm very sorry.

[Speaking French]

I'm very sorry, honey.

Please? Shh. Please?

No, no!

I didn't mean it, honey.

No, no!

Shh. Look... Nothing, see?

I'm not going to do nothing,

but just listen to me...

That's a very bad
man out there.

He's... he's so bad,
you know, he...

Me no general, me sergeant,

and you know what
would happen if...

Derby: Boy, that
was a close call!

Yeah, listen, I can't
make her understand

what I'm trying to say. Will
you try and help me here?

Listen to him.
Yeah, look, honey.

You know the fella that
was in here a minute ago?

Well, he's what we call a...

A... le miserable soldat.

You know... A
miserable soldier?

Oh, he is the most
miserable soldier!

That's right, and... And if he
see Murph playing the general,

psst! Poof! Boom! Fini!

I'm just kaput, like I said.

Remember, I told you?

That's right. Eh?

She got it, she got it.

She got a cute sense of humor.

Oh, thanks, honey.

[Speaking French]

Yeah, I need one, too.

Make it for 3.

Oh, man!

Merci.

[Speaking French]

Hey, I don't know
what you're saying,

but here's to you.

Vive la France.

A vous.

Hey, I better get my jacket.

Relax, honey.

I'm going to get you
something to eat right now.

Yes sirree!

Here you are...

And this is the loser.

Now...

[Sighs]

What are you doing?

Fixing your girl
something to eat.

What do you think I'm doing?

My girl? Oh, now, here.

Well, I always operate
under the assumption

if they're not mine,
they must be yours.

Well, considering what's
been going on around here,

that's a pretty
silly thing to say.

Sorry, sir.

Yeah, spreading
rumors like that

is what gives
soldiers a bad name.

Shh shh. Never mind. Don't...
don't bother to answer.

Now... ahem.

Well, outside of our
recent problem,

what have you been doing?

Vous nuts.

What?

Parle bon?

Tsk. Oh, you...

What else did you teach her?

Oh...

You know, you know.

Yes. Oh, yes, I know.

Yeah, my... my pal.

Pay no attention to him.
Maybe he'll go away.

[Speaking French]

That's right.

Hey, where did you say
those tanks were?

In a clump of trees,
near the road.

Why, shouldn't I have
said that, general?

I got to get them someplace
where they'll do some good

when those jokers attack.

Well, you better eat first.

[Footsteps]

Excuse me, sir.

Yeah?

Derby, the medic wants to know

if that chow's ready.

Take it away.

General, I wonder
if I'd have time

to get a bite to eat.
I'm mighty hungry.

No, we'll get some
C-rations on the way.

C-rations?

Corporal, I don't think
you quite realize

the years of research and
the millions of dollars

that went into the
development of the...

Completely balanced C-ration.

Well... you've got
me all wrong, sir.

I... I'm one of the
few guys in the army

that really loves that stuff.

Yes, sir. I...
Why, lots of times

I traded my cookies and...
and candies from home

to the other men for
their C-rations, sir.

Well, boy, you've just earned
yourself a piece of chicken.

Thank you, sir!

Yeah.

Here, take this along
from me, will you?

Yes, sir.

He belongs.

I'll be back in
a little while.

You know...

If she's my girl,
like you say,

I don't see her
alone very often.

[Speaking French]

If you can tell
me one thing...

I repeat... one thing...

That you could
say to her alone

that you couldn't say
to her in front of me

and 20 other people in this
room, then I'll clear out.

Derby: Go ahead.

Can't think of one thing?

Half-thing?

Mm-hmm. Then, you'll
excuse me, all right?

Bonne chance.

You're better off when you
keep your mouth shut... sir.

[Distant shelling]

And then...

Just as it looked
like all was lost,

Hannibal brought
up his elephants,

and using them just the
way we use tanks today,

drew them into the battle...

And in a matter of minutes,

the tide of combat had turned,

and Hannibal won the day,

thus laying down the
pattern for tank warfare

hundreds of years
before even the advent

of the first tank.

You memorized this all out
of a book, didn't you?

Well... Yes, sir, uh...

I did do an awful lot
of reading, general.

Hmm. No time for
anything else, huh?

Well...

When I was reading that
book about Hannibal

I was a little too young
to think of girls.

Then you must have started
reading awful young.

Yes, sir,

but, general, I've learned an
awful lot about them since,

and you'd be surprised. Why, since
I've been in this uniform...

Oh, please. These
intimate, uh...

Sordid confessions upset
me very much, you know.

Sir, I wasn't going to
say anything that...

It's all right.

Man: Get that
tank in position.

Murphy: This bridge
hold a German tank?

Yes, I think so, sir.

Unless they thought
it was mined.

Then they'd have
to go around it.

Their guns would be depressed.

They wouldn't be able
to get a shot at us.

Yeah, then there would
be a few seconds

when they came up this side
that they'd be belly-up to us

and we'd really have
them, wouldn't we, sir?

Right. That's a good idea,

but we... we don't
have any mines.

Well, it wouldn't
have to be mined.

They just got to
think it's mined,

that's all.

Yeah, well, how's that, sir?

Well, why be
subtle about this?

Why don't we have a
sign painted in German

saying "Bridge Mined,"

and we'll set it up on
the other side, huh?

Put up a sign, sir?

Yeah, why not? What
have we got to lose?

Come to think of it,
lieutenant, what would you do

if you suddenly
came on a bridge

that had a sign on it
that said it was mined?

Well, I... I'd
hesitate a long time.

There you are! Maybe
it's a phony,

but who's going to take a
chance at finding out?

Like the general says, "what
have we got to lose?"

Well, I can handle it, sir.

I've run into lots of their
signs in the last two years.

All right. You do that.

Is this the only way
they can cross, sir?

No, there's a natural crossing

about a mile up there.

They'll probably try
to come both places.

We got anything there
to stop them with, sir?

Oh, we will have.

Now, here's how I
want you to do:

Get your tanks in these
two buildings here.

That way we'll cover both
sides of that bridge.

Yes, sir.

[Distant shelling]

[Engine fires up]

Murphy: All right, you men!
Come over here!

[Wheels squeaking]

Well... tsk.

You've, uh, finally
reached the point

where you're going
to have to start

paying the government
back for all those months

of riotous living you've
been enjoying now...

[Sighs] Yeah, it isn't
very funny, is it?

[Sparse chuckling]

No...

Well, look, uh...

You know the situation...

Certainly as well as I do...

And you know it's pretty bad,

but, you know, let's
not kid ourselves.

It could be a lot worse.

Now, we have one thing...
one thing in our favor,

and that is that the Germans
didn't quite realize

just how bad the
situation was here.

If they did realize it,
they weren't in a position

to take advantage
of it just as...

Soon as they should have...

So... for every minute
that we can hold them up

once they get started,

that's good for us and
it's bad for them.

How soon do you think we
can expect some help, sir?

I don't know, lieutenant,

but I... I do know that no
sector stays out of contact

with division
headquarters too long

before they finally send
somebody to find out

just what's the matter...

So the only trick that
we've got to pull is to...

Is to be here when they
finally get to us.

[Vehicle approaching]

Guard him.

Sir?

Where'd you get him?

Well, sir, talk about people
who think north is south.

We picked him up cruising
leisurely down the road

like he was on his way
over to see his girl,

which, it later
turned out, he was.

Where'd he think he was?

He thought he was on that
main highway to Paris.

That's about 25 miles behind
the present German lines.

Anyway, sir, I, uh... I thought
I should get over here

with something that slipped out
while I was questioning him.

Yeah, what's that?

Well, sir, he let slip

that there's some type of
German tank unit moving in

about 3 miles further
up this road.

He say how many?

No, sir. As soon as he
realized what he said,

he... forgot how
to speak English.

[Distant shelling]

Heh. If you'd like, sir,

I'll take a man and go in there
and see what he's got...

No, no, no. I need you here.

Don't you think someone
should go, sir?

Yeah, someone will. I will.

Well, general,

if I may be
excused, sir, uh...

Well, I just don't
think it's right

for someone with your years
of background and training

to... to risk your
life doing a job

that just any noncom or
enlisted man could do, sir.

"Just any noncom," did
you say, lieutenant?

Do you mean to tell
me that you've been

in the army for more than a week
and you have not yet learned

that the noncommissioned
officer just happens

to be the very backbone and
foundation of this army?

Well, sir, I...

It's all right.

It's a good thing the rest of
these men here understand it

even though you don't.

I do understand it, sir.

I just forgot for a minute.

You forgot?

Well, no, sir. I mean...

All right. We'll forget
this lapse for the moment,

but I hope I can keep
it off your record.

Oh, thank you, sir. You'll
never regret it, sir.

Ah.

Just one more last
word, lieutenant.

Yes, sir.

If it should ever
be your decision

as to whether to
sacrifice, say, a general

or, um... say, a
Master Sergeant...

I'll sacrifice the
general every time, sir.

Ha ha ha ha!

I didn't mean that, sir.

You didn't? Yes, sir.

You did? Yes, sir.

You did. Yes, sir.

All right. Come here.

I suppose that you've
noticed on your map

there are only two places
that the Germans might cross.

These tanks will take
care of this one.

The other one's up to you.

Yes, sir.

Were you able to
find any bazookas?

One sir. I've got a man out who thinks
he knows where there's another.

If you'll excuse me, sir,

I'll go fix up
that German sign.

You do that, will you? Thanks.

Say, you know, it
might be a good idea

for me to take along
somebody who speaks German

just in case I
overhear something.

Anybody here speak German?

No, not you.

You probably speak
it too well.

There is a man with a unit
who sprechens Deutsch,

general, if I can find him.

Find. Well, send for him.

Go back up in that grove

and see if you can find
Private Orville Hutchmeyer.

Yes, sir.

You! You move one
foot to the rear,

and I'll court martial
you, so help me.

Sir?

Do you mean to tell me
that you've got a man

running around this sector
you don't know where he is?

Well, sir...

Never mind that. We just can't spare
anybody from this unit right now.

You understand? All right.
Carry on, lieutenant.

Let's go, man.
Come on, let's go!

[Vehicle approaching]

I got to talk to you, general.

Yeah, what is it?

Alone, sir. This is
top drawer stuff.

Take the jeep over
under those trees.

Let's not stand in the
middle of the road talking.

Well, what's the matter?

What's wrong with the
middle of the road?

Hutchmeyer. He's back
at the farmhouse

looking out that window that looks
up the middle of this road.

Now what's he
doing back there?

One guess.

You left her alone with him?

Relax. The minute she
saw him coming back,

she lit out for the woods like Jack
the Ripper was just showing up.

Well, I consider this
act of Hutchmeyer's

nothing but desertion in
the face of enemy fire.

Well spoken, general.

Yes. I mean, yeah, well...

Why can't he stay out
here in the fresh air

where there's a chance
of him getting shot

along with the rest of us?

I suggested the same thing,

but I must have seemed
a little too anxious.

Hey, how do you like that?

Here I am, I'm a general,

and I can't get back
into my own command post

because I'm afraid some
private's going to tell on me.

Well, that's a switch.

What? No, thanks.

You know, here I am
impersonating a man

with one of the finest,
one of the most honorable

records in the whole army.

And now because of
what I've done,

all that's at stake.

You know, it could turn
out that the only thing

that he'll be remembered for

is the way I conduct
myself this afternoon.

I didn't think about that
until it was too late.

Well, I hate to be an
I-told-you-so guy,

but I remember way
back this afternoon

when you came up with this
whole foul ball idea.

All right, all right.
What are you...

Ok, general. If you want
to stifle free speech,

go right ahead,

only I was led to believe
that's what we're fighting for.

I'm trying to think.
Will you just...

[Sighs]

Man...

Boy, I wonder what's
holding the Jerries up.

I've never seen them muff a
chance like this before.

They better get
started pretty quick.

They're going to run
out of daylight.

[Distant gunfire]

[Explosions]

I'm glad Simone's safe
over in those woods.

[Explosions continue]

However, I'm afraid we must
reluctantly bid farewell

to our good friend Private
Orville Hutchmeyer.

Ha! You want to bet?

Look.

Wonder where he was
during the last Olympics.

Yeah, no wonder
he stays alive.

He can outpedal anything
they can shoot at him.

Come on, let's go.

Back to the bridge!

[Explosion]

Man: Come on! Get
out of there!

All right, get ready.
They'll be right behind us.

Here they come.

I'm going to let them
get right on top of us

before we open up on them.

I don't want anybody getting
jumpy and giving us away.

That goes for everybody,
you understand?

Yes, sir.

Corporal sellers? Yes, sir.

I want to use the radio, so
get over to that other tank

and give them the same instructions
I gave the lieutenant.

Yes, sir.

General, what if these
particular Germans of ours

can't read or don't
believe in signs?

You believe in signs,
don't you, Derby?

If this thing works, it's sure going
to change our thinking about warfare.

We'll just plaster the
battlefield with signs.

"Surrender" here,
"Drop Dead" there,

and everybody will
line up to do it.

That's right.

They're getting close, sir.

Let's give them a good
old-fashioned surprise party.

I'm getting worried, sir.

What?

I'm wondering if I
spelled that sign right.

It's a fine time
to think about it.

I wish he hadn't said that.

[Speaking German]

Fire!

Hold it.

[Speaking German]

It worked.

Sir.

Don't you think...

Now!

Go get them!

[Gunfire]

Get that stuff off the tube.

Get over to the other side

before they catch
us down here.

Pass the word to
the other tank.

Yes, sir.

Where's General Lane?

Down there with the tanks.

You know, sir, we're going to be
hit with more tanks any minute.

This time, we're going to
be no surprise to them.

General Lane!
General Lane, sir!

I have a message from
Lieutenant Clayton.

We got hit by 4 tanks, sir.

Lieutenant said to
tell you they hit us

at just the same spot
you thought they would.

Anyway, we knocked out
two of them, sir,

but two more broke through and
they're headed right this way.

Which way are
they coming from?

The last time we saw them,

they were right along
the creekbed, sir.

They could be showing
up at any time.

I guess we could pull
one tank out of here

and go meet them, sir.

No, I want them both here, but move that
one back a couple of hundred yards.

Yes, sir.

It looks like we're going to
have to do this ourselves.

But we're going to
need another man, sir.

Yeah.

Corporal sellers!

Now, wait a minute, boys.

I'm only one man.

A good man, but only one man.

Corporal sellers!

Right here, sir.

Those guys keep shooting
at you all the time.

Just stay with me.

Yes, sir.

Report back to
lieutenant Clayton

and give him our position.

Yes, sir.

You men, give me your helmets.

Helmets? Get them off!

Keep your line and
unfasten your straps!

You two fill them with mud.

May I ask what the general
intends to do with them?

We're going to capture
a couple of tanks.

Oh.

Yes, sir.

All right, let's go, let's go.

Hurry up with that mud.

Corporal, how do you
figure to capture tanks

with helmets and mud, huh?

That's easy, sir. We
do it all the time.

Murphy: Derby!

Coming, sir.

All right, you heard
him the same as I did.

Now take cover.

You got it straight in
your mind how this goes?

Yes, sir, but have you ever heard
of this thing actually working?

Heard of it working?

We knocked out so many tanks all
over North Africa and Sicily

with this system, some people are
giving us full credit for the victory.

Yeah, some people.

The ones that didn't know
what they were talking about.

Oh, yeah? I heard General
Lane say on many occasion...

I mean, well, didn't you, sir?

Exactly my words, corporal.

Sure. I remember it very well.

That's what the general said.

[Distant explosions]

Wait.

Now they should come
over that rise there,

cruising along with
their hatches open.

They usually open them
every chance they get.

Just before they get
to this tree here,

you open up on them,
you understand?

They'll batten down. That'll
take about 20 seconds.

In that 20 seconds, they're
about as blind as bats,

except for the periscope.
You understand?

How many periscopes
do they have, sir?

Never mind that.
That's our problem.

Now if there's any infantry
behind those tanks,

you take care of the
infantry, right?

Take care of the infantry?

Now, here.

You take cover behind
that log there.

Don't worry about a
thing, corporal.

It's going to be as easy
as kissing a pretty girl.

Then we're dead, sir, 'cause I
never had any luck there at all.

What a crock!

After all the dirty
fighting we been through.

We get a nice, safe headquarters
job, and what happens?

Here.

We can't wait until we get out here
again and get our heads blown off.

Well, if you're the stuff
that heroes are made of,

it'll come out one
way or another.

Don't look at me, pal.
I'm a devout coward.

That makes two of us.

Hey, Murph.

What are you going to
do when the war's over?

I figured on going in
business with you.

Oh, naturally, the business would
have to be basically dishonest.

Naturally.

[Vehicle approaching]

Good luck.

[Shouting in German]

[Clanking on tank]

Ha ha ha!

Are you all right?

Yeah.

Ha ha ha!

That was the craziest
thing I ever saw!

Aw, that was nothing.

One time, the general
and I were...

Look out!

All right, you heinies,
come on out of there!

Come on out!

[Repeating in German]

Hey, that's Clayton.

Do you hear me?

Hey!

Wish I had a white
handkerchief.

I've got one, sir.

Huh? Oh.

I'll talk to them.

[Shouting in German]

Hutchmeyer.

Here.

I'll wait down there.

Where's the general going?

No place, and he was never
with us, you understand?

What do you mean he
was never with us?

Tell them to come out
with their hands up.

[Shouting in German]

Come on.

Well, if it ain't dopy Derby!

What?

You know that corporal
with General Lane.

Yeah.

Derby: Hold it, lieutenant.

Don't move another step, sir.

What?

We haven't had a chance to clear
the strip of mines yet, sir.

Mines?

Yes, sir, all over
this area, sir.

Up around the rise and all the
way around to the bend, sir.

What makes you think this
area is mined, corporal?

What makes you think
it isn't, lieutenant?

I see what you mean.

Yes, sir.

Derby, no kidding.
What's happening?

Shh!

I know that guy from way back.
He's up to something.

Oh, really, private?

Would you mind telling me
what possible ulterior motive

the corporal might have, outside of
trying to save our lives, of course?

For one thing, lieutenant...

That will be all, private!

A man of General Lane's caliber
simply wouldn't have a man around him

who couldn't be trusted.

Well, generals can
make mistakes, sir.

That's why they put
erasers on army pencils!

That is not why they put
them on there at all!

That's enough, private!

Yes, sir.

Where is the general
now, corporal?

The general, sir? He's down
there near the headquarters.

They got a phone, sir, on the
reconnoitering position.

I got to get near the
caramen and the asafer,

and I got to check the philby.

What did you say, corporal?

Lieutenant, can't you see...

[Bomb whistling]

Murph, let's get out of here.
Here's your chance!

Murph. Murph!

Lieutenant, the
general's been hit.

Get him to the first aid
station at the farmhouse.

Yes, sir.

Couple of you men,
give him a hand.

What are you trying
to do, smother him?

Beat it, junior. Give me
a hand here, will you?

I got to stop the
bleeding, don't I?

Is he hurt bad?

I don't know.

All right, men, let's
don't stand around.

Follow me!

Come on, corporal.
Come on, come on.

[Speaking indistinctly]

Corporal.

Corporal!

Corporal!

Corporal!

Corporal!

[Speaking French]

Oh, good.

Well, it's about time!

We got to get out of here.

Down, boy, down.
It's all over.

What, the war?

Our little hunk of it is,
for a minute, anyway.

I'm telling you, buddy,

taking that piece of shrapnel
in the head when you did

was the smartest thing you ever
pulled off in your whole life.

What are you talking about?

Well, we were bringing you back to
first aid, when a barrage starts up.

So Hutchmeyer dumps you...

Hutchmeyer? What did he say?
What did he say?

Strong as an ox,
that boy, Murph.

He carried you all the way.

You're not making any
sense at all right now.

Well, if you'll
just let me finish.

Hutch didn't know it
was you on account

of the bandage I slapped
across your face.

So after he dumps you in the
yard and he runs for cover,

Simone and I dragged you down
here, relieved you of your stars,

and hid you right
here in the corner.

Well, we got to
get back to work.

I told you it was all over.

That last barrage was ours.

Right behind that came
our relief column.

So I reported to the
colonel in charge

and told him about
General Lane's death.

They came down here and they took
him away, and that was that.

I must have really been out.

For the count. Easy.

Easy, Murph.

[Speaking French]

Thank you.

Wait a minute. What
about all those guys

that saw me as General Lane?

Stop worrying. They're on
their way back to a rest camp

with lieutenant Clayton.

I got to sit down.

You should have seen
the colonel, Murph.

He did everything but kiss
Clayton on both cheeks

for the brave and
inspired stand he made.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, and there's not much
doubt that General Lane

will be decorated for all the crazy
things you did this afternoon.

I'm glad.

To him.

Yeah.

So if you want a
medal for yourself,

you'll have to find another
spot and do it all over again.

Oh, no. You do it
all over again.

I'll borrow your medal.

Oh. Here's your gear.
Let's move.

Right.

Some demotion, huh?

Yeah, but at least
you're back in a rank

where if you make a mistake,

men don't die and
countries don't fall.

That's very
profound, corporal.

Thank you.

Ow!

How did I get this bump
on the back of my head?

Here, look at that.

Oh, I did that one.

What?

Unfortunately, Murph, you see,
you was starting to come to

when they were taking the
general out of here.

So, whammo! I just
had to do it.

Oh. Well, thanks a lot.

I enjoyed it, too.

I'm sure you did.

Well...

Well... ha ha!

Well, what a day.

Yeah.

I win a medal I'm
not going to get.

I meet this wonderful,
beautiful girl

that I'm certainly
not going to get.

[Speaking French]

You see?

Huh?

No medal, no girl, no nothing.

Relax, man. All you two
have is a teenage crush.

Ah, how would you know that?

Well, so I'm wrong, but
there's one thing I do know.

We better get back
to our outfit

before we're listed
as deserters.

And she can't come along.

So what difference does
it make if it's true love

or just a plain old
case of hanky panky?

Come here.

It's dark out.

It usually is at night.

Oh, I must have...

[Crash]

Man: Shh!

[Man singing drunkenly]

I forgot to tell you.

[Hutchmeyer singing in German]

Good-bye, honey.

Bye.

This isn't going
to last forever,

and, uh...

Someday, I'll...

Man, this is going
to be rough.

Oh.

I tell you what.

This is for you.

No reason. I just think that
you ought to have it to wear.

Uh... perhaps... Let me
explain it to you this way.

Uh... I... return.

Et vous pour vous... ici.

[Hutchmeyer shouting
indistinctly]

Hey, I can't leave her here
with him hanging around.

Sure took you a long
time to wake up.

She's liable not to be
here when I get back.

So?

You're sure he
thinks I'm dead?

And buried.

Uh-huh.

You got a flashlight in there?

Sure.

Ah, there it is.

I mean, you got it, Hutch.

Charm. Charm.

[Singing]

Hutchmeyer.

Ha ha! What do you want?

Hey, pal, you called me.
I didn't call you.

I mean, let's get
that straight.

Hutchmeyer.

Hmm...

Playing games, eh?

Few little games, huh?

Trying to...

Hutchmeyer. Hutchmeyer. Hutchmeyer.
Hutchmeyer. Hutchmeyer.

Up here, Hutch.

Well, good old Hutch.

Man, you haven't changed
at all, have you?

Oh, well...

I didn't mean you
no harm, Murph.

We're pals.

We're pals.

I mean, put yourself
in my place.

You ain't dead!

You're darn right I'm not.

But you will be.

Dead, huh?

You phony!

Why, you guys are in
a lot of trouble!

Aaah!

Kidnapping, huh?

Why, you'll never
get away with this!

Quiet, quiet!

Sellers: General!
Hey, general, sir!

Hey, general!

Shh! Quiet. Will you be quiet?

Don't you ever call
me general again,

you hear that, corporal?

No, sir. No.

I'm Master Sergeant Murphy.

Yes, sir. What I
wanted to tell you was

that they're reorganizing the unit,
and I want to go with you, sir.

You didn't hear what I said.

I said I'm Master
Sergeant Murphy.

Who cares, sir? I
want to go with you.

Well, get in, boy.