Original subtitles

Thief! You stole my mortadella ham!

Stop it! The cat must have eaten it!

70 grams of mortadella.

Do cats open the fridges?

It was you.

It was you.

It was you.

Ugly thief!

I ate it.

Look at this. Look!

So you'll learn to snatch the last pages of my detective book!

And you ate the mortadella.

- Where did you hide them? - I won't tell you.

Where did you hide them?

I ate them, they were delicious.

Tell me at least who the killer was...

I'm the killer, because I'll kill you!

I swear God, I cannot stand you anymore,

I swear it on our father's memory.

I swear!

They are shooting at the cat.

Turn off the light.

Did you see where the shots came from?

No, dear, not yet.

- Let's try there. - Yes, dear.

- This is a Flobert rifle. - Are you sure?

Yes.

So we need to understand which of the tenants have got a Flobert.

Sure.

Do you want to take a look, dear?

Did they catch him?

No. Here it is.

He's got something in his mouth.

It is a fish.

But it's a bass.

- It's mine! - I saw it first.

My condolences.

Thank you.

Are you related to the dead?

He had no relatives.

We were his classmates.

Do you know if he said

anything about the rent?

There's a five-day delay.

But he is dead.

He should have given the notice at least three months ago.

The law is clear.

Sue him.

- What? - Sue him.

You think so?

Sue him.

You should be happy the apartment is free now. You speculator!

That's why he died, he was cursed

by him and his sister.

Excuse me princess, have you paid this month's rent?

Check with the doorman, I'm always on time.

Us, too.

- Only apartments 13 and 18 are missing. - Let me see.

You will find 5,000 lira less

because your cat stole a bass from us

of equal value.

We have two witnesses.

How disgusting!

They pay such little money for apartments

that look like an embassy.

Look at them. They have 10 million lira cars.

And they detract the money for the cat's fish.

Uh, the bass!

This is mine! This is my share!

Tiberini 32.500.

32,500 divided by two.

Garofalo, 40,000.

20,000 for me and 20,000 for you.

American journalist 29.500.

29,500

Chess school 58,000

58,000

A difficult division.

Anyway...

Minus the dead!

Minus...the priest.

Don Pezzano has not even paid this month?

No. If God wants!

As you see.

Our prayers were stronger than his.

From tomorrow on, he'll be an outlaw, so, he's out!

So, he's leaving?

Sure. Why?

It's better.

Therefore, if I deduct the expenses of

38,500 lire

what's left is...this!

This is for me.

This is for you.

And this is for the cat.

Well.

Only 70,000 lire.

Your cut.

12,000 lira are missing

from Wanda's rent.

I have not received them yet.

This is starvation.

And it will get worse.

Right?

Because as we manage to send the tenants away.

The income decreases.

Yes.

But the day we kicked them all out...

- I'll be rich. - We'll be rich.

But will we still be alive?

No.

We can't go on like this.

I'll call the lawyer, and I'll have him come here.

He must help us.

And I'll get 1500 lire for the last yellow book

that you destroyed!

Help!

What are you doing?

You can't run away. Leave me alone son-of-a-bitch!

Ouch!

- Give me the rent. - Right now?

Yes, right now!

It is useless to look in the bag

I never take cash with me.

And I'll go get it from your home.

Your heel!

Did he dump you?

He's just my boss, not my lover.

I doubt it.

The president of a corporation

giving a ride home to his beautiful and young secretary,

in a pricy car

and then slaps her in the face, what do you call this, then?

He's a little nervous, his nerves are broken.

You would have been the same if you had been on trial for months...

... for tax fraud of billions. - And corruption.

Well, he gave a billion to a minister.

But he certainly transferred capital to Switzerland

counterfeited financial statements, for 24 companies.

In fact, he's nervous!

Sure.

And to calm down, he hits you.

Listen, Mr. Amedeo, shall we figure out what this relationship is about

and which feelings are involved?

No feelings involved, dear, I am your landlord.

And you're only my delinquent debtor.

Meaning...

you still owe me the rent.

I'll pay, but you mind your own business!

And do not investigate my private life

as if you were my husband.

I wish!

May I?

Look.

What a great apartment... I'm giving you.

Look at the view!

Insane!

For so little money!

Well, just for the view!

Because 30 years ago when your father rented it to my mother...

... as war refugee. This was a wash-room!

Better than a refugee camp. At least you've got water.

Anyway.

You're paying the rent of a wash-room.

Not of a luxury apartment.

My mother and I spent so much money for renovation!

While you and your bitchy sister

have not spent a dime on repairs in 30 years!

This place is falling apart...

If it is so disgusting...

Why don't you leave?

Look at him!

And where will I find an apartment like this

for 25,700 lira, per month?

Here it is.

Remember that not even wolves will make me run away.

Tell that bitch!

She's my sister.

You can leave that door open, you know?

It is not the first time I've seen a naked woman.

My sister, for example.

You know I've been seeing you naked since...

... you were still peeing in the jar.

I also saw you shaving for the first time.

Well, under the armpits.

Did you even see me making love for the first time?

Did you even see me making love for the first time? Not quiet!

Not quiet!

In other words, I wanted to say that since you were a child

I've always followed you.

With binoculars?

Also with binoculars.

Who are you spying on, with those owl eyes?

Salvatore is dancing with a man dressed in blue.

He's an important politician.

Oh well.

The poor guy gets bored.

Mr. Garofalo is in New York! What should he do?

He's got his flaws but he is good. He also does the cleaning, sometimes.

He comes here and makes dinner for me too.

He made them.

The meatballs? Let me taste.

Hello?

Paolo, are you still home?

It's all set already.

You can't make it?

I told you I'm scared, and I do not want to sleep alone.

The other night they robbed a girl's apartment 51.

And they raped her!

Do what you want! Go to hell!

Who is this Paolo?

It's my business. And do not walk behind me.

Oh... sorry!

Fear is a good excuse!

But it didn't work, tonight! You'll be alone!

For a change.

I am a single, sexually healthy woman

and I sleep with whoever I want.

What's wrong?

Why don't you stay?

For dinner? Yes, yes.

Sure! So I can taste Salvatore's meatballs.

They must be very good.

No, no. Also to spend the night!

Of course!

I can sit on the terrace. And I'll sleep on a deckchair.

Why on the chair?

Hello?

The bitch is on the phone!

What?

What do you mean what I'm doing? I'm here for the rent!

Who?

All right, you sort it out.

No, I won't come.

I'm single and sexually healthy...

... and I do what I want.

Where are you going?

Amedeo!

Let's see.

We don't care for the preliminaries.

Article one... nothing. Article two doesn't matter.

Here it is.

Lafra, the real estate company,

will execute what is stated above, thanks

to a demolition and restructuring license...

What's happening?

He'll read the contract again and he'll give us a proposal.

Excuse me, Mr. lawyer. Would you please start over?

For me this contract is like music.

Me too. I never get tired of hearing it!

Based on etc. etc.

As far as the preliminary agreements etc. etc.

The real estate company, Lafra

has committed to buy a property in etc..etc..

by so and so, etc. etc.

For the amount of one billion lire.

Can you please take out some etc.?

Article two: the first installment of 300 million lire

will be paid to the assignors upon signing this contract which will be

signed when no more tenants will live in the building.

Separate checks 150 and 150 million.

Article three:

The second installment of 300 million will be paid to the assignors

as soon as Lafra real estate

will have demolished the building.

Separate checks.

Article four:

The final installment of 400 million in separate checks...

will be paid at the beginning of the construction of the new building

composed of 22 floors that will rise on the ground of the old building.

Total amount: one billion.

500 million for me.

And 500 million for me.

It will be the most beautiful day of my life.

Not so much for the wealth,

but because I will take the first plane and leave for the Bermuda.

That means...

I won't see her anymore!

With 500 million I will join him at the end of the world

to spite him.

Why do you hate each other?

When our father left us this building

he thought we would have a happy, serene life.

Instead, our issues started then.

We started...

... to hate each other.

To the point of not bearing each other.

You know, sharing a life!

I want to choke her!

So the proposal I want to make you,

can solve all your problems.

I commit myself to have them pay you the first 300 million right away.

- Fine! - Yes.

But you will have to use them as severance

in order to send the remaining tenants away.

Then the contract will start.

300 million to those beggars.

But I'd rather put myself under the windows

and blow up all the apartments with bazooka shots.

I would burn the building.

And then like Boston's monster, I'd stand in the middle of the square,

to enjoy the show of the burning building

and of all the tenants...who will throw themselves out the windows

like human torches!

Sorry, if you don't agree, you have to stick with the contract.

But we are at war, some people fight the war, some others finance it.

You give us the means, and we go down into the trenches.

The means of subsistence.

We'll talk about it when all the tenants will have left.

- Have a good evening! - But they're gone!

Take a look. Almost everyone left!

Here is the scoreboard. A battlefield!

A massacre! A war cemetery!

- Six crosses are missing! - Six.

But if they are still there, they must be the toughest.

Oh, not necessarily.

Don Pezzolla has not paid the rent for three months.

So I'll evict him and I'll add another cross.

And then, if we catch the one who shoots the cat, there will be two.

Not to mention that in light of certain events

that just happened...

I could also free another apartment.

Which one?

Wanda. Number 18.

If the current tenant acts well, she could become

... a member of the family. - Ah...

Now you want to marry the bitch!

Excuse me, lawyer. Eh... sorry.

But a woman that sleeps with men, with old

people, young people, even with women...

What would you call her? What would you call her?

- Bitch! - Damn it!

Anyway, if you are fine, for me it's okay, I'll delete her name.

No, you don't delete anything, otherwise, you'll have to give me 100 million!

- Me? - Deducted from my sister's cut!

- I'll marry the whore. - The whore! Whore!

- And she also has to go! - What a sacrifice for him!

You must change the contract...

yes, add a paragraph.

- Amedeo etc. etc. commits himself. - Yes.

to free apartment number 18.

- So, to support the bitch. - The bitch!

all life long. - Yes.

in exchange for

his sister's 100 million.

Are you crazy?

All right, so you go ahead and free the apartment!

- Wanda you will not have me. Bitch! - I'll hit you with this!

But this is a real war!

- Those two are here. - Tell them, I'm not in!

The chief is out of the office.

Hey! Where are you going!

Good morning, Mr. chief...

Oh God! What's new? Hurry up!

We have a nice surprise for you.

Yes ... please hold.

Panther number three.

Robbery with shooting at the clothing shop

What was the name, again?

Venosti Ventura 3 Union street.

Somebody got injured. Over!

"We are chasing many robbers in Risorgimento square. Over!"

Didn't we say to leave the robbers alone?

- "Okay. - Okay...catch those, at least!

Patrol five!

Patrol five!

- Esposito, did you hear about the robbery? - "Yes, sir."

So you go there. Over.

So.

What the hell is this?

A cat!

Good! Finally, they killed him!

Mr. Chief, you are convinced, too

that the cat did not die of natural death?

Couldn't he have fallen from a roof

or been run over by a car?

They killed him with gunshots.

Ask the people at the headquarters!

Mr. Chief, did you see the cat's paws?

Look at the paws. Did you see the paws?

Yes! I see the paws!

The paws have got paint on them.

Before dying he must have put his paws into something fresh.

Sure, and I took the prints on a handkerchief.

Look at the prints of the paws.

Here they are. One, two, three, four, five prints.

Is everything okay, Mr. Chief?

"reporting from a downtown bar, kidnapping in progress."

- Go to the place! - Can't we turn off that radio?

Going back to our conversation, the paws

are a good starting point for the investigations.

- Which investigations? - Yes, to do something promptly.

Not like the police who are always late.

Watch your language, miss!

"Violent clashes between demonstrators in Via Rinascimento."

"Converge in the area."

"Converge in the area." You think that with all this chaos

You think that with all this chaos

we should leave everything behind

and look for the murder of your cat?

When something happens to us, shall we turn to you

or do justice on our own?

- Did you hear her? - Is there something wrong?

Chief, the coffee is getting cold.

Do you have any suspects?

The CIA.

So you think CIA goes around killing cats?

My brother meant an American journalist.

- Apartment number 17. - For sure he's a spy.

Because he keeps the teletype hidden in the kitchen.

I know, you've already reported it, but from our checks, it's all regular.

Yes, but he is a former Nazi.

He only has German origins.

Don't tell me the cat committed suicide, just to protect the German.

It's a plot against us.

What are you talking about? I can't take it anymore.

Look at this. For years this people have

been persecuted to empty the apartments.

A poor man with six employees went bankrupt because of you!

He did not pay the pension contributions.

Yes, but you can't evict a tenant just because he killed your cat.

No...look at this.

Dear Chief, you see this pan?

Come here, I'll show it to you in the sunlight.

Look!

Do you see the hole?

This is a hole caused by a weapon.

Yes, a Flobert caliber 22.

Wait. Have a look!

The back of a chair, pierced by a bullet.

Look! They could have killed us too.

We also have a witness, the lawyer Luigi Balestra Mugnozzo.

There are no gunshot wounds.

Because the bullet is small and the hair is very thick.

- We have to do an autopsy! - What? To the cat?

No, let's take him to the morgue.

Okay, so give me the name of the owner of the Flobert,

And I'll arrest him.

This authorizes us to investigate.

What are you saying, sister, the chief does not authorize us.

He promises us to look the other way.

I do not authorize anything, make a wrong move and I'll send you to jail.

And now get out.

- Good day. - Good day.

What, now?

I forgot the cat.

- Or do you need him? - No, no, take it back.

- Bye! - Good day!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.

- Who got killed? - A cat.

Hard times!

Do you know if someone in the building has recently used

some green paint?

I'm a doorman, not a spy.

And I am the owner of the building.

But not mine.

I rely on the tenants who pay me.

You dismissed me to save money, so...

Where are you going? That's my house.

Some draperies coming from the sleeping cars.

Mirror, light, luggage compartment,

sofa cushions and blankets...

Of the sleeping cars.

Silverware of sleeping cars.

And if I look in here...

Blankets of sleeping cars.

Sleeping mat of sleeping cars.

And last but not least.

Thimble of the sleeping cars.

You have furnished your house like the southern arrow train.

With your brother's thefts, since he works at the station.

Either you talk or I'll report you.

Yesterday, I saw Salvatore, Mr. Garofalo's maid, with a can of paint.

What are you doing?

You're always spying on me with those owl eyes.

You know I'm exhausted.

What color is that paint?

Take a look!

"Who tossed a brush over my head?"

"My shirt is all stained in brown!"

It was brown.

You made me burn my pajamas.

When Mr. Garofalo arrives, he will beat me for sure.

- How do I look? - Pretty!

Why don't you wear it when you dance with the man dressed in blue.

I know what you're looking for.

Oh yeah? Why don't you tell me...

Do you know what the princess was doing when she was little?

The one that owns the chess school?

No, what?

She was the horsewoman of the circus.

The acrobat.

Yes, her name was Pasquita.

She stood half-naked on a running horse

and she shot so many colored light bulbs.

She was very good.

So it was her.

Don't say anything.

Yes, do not worry. Thank you, dear.

- Goodbye, princess. - Goodbye, sir.

Study that check to the queen of Capablanca well!

Absolutely.

Greetings, my princess.

What do you want?

The ceiling below has huge moisture spots.

- Could I take a look at the pipe? - No.

- Why? - Since you can't kick me out

now you want to intrude my personal life.

- But there is a water lick. - Not at all.

You are wasting your time if you think I'm going to let you in.

Get out or I'll smash your head!

Could I sign up for a chess course?

- No, we're full!

Jackal, he died two days ago.

In fact, if I waited longer

everything was going to be bad.

Check the cabinet, too.

The alarm! There is an alarm!

It must have been the cat!

What are you doing? Do you play chess all naked?

Go, go, don't be ridiculous.

Madam, the lawyer is feeling bad.

Oh my goodness, where is he?

The police, the police! They're here!

They'll arrest us all!

I've never been in jail! I want to go, too!

No, no, I swear it's the first time! If my husband knows, he'll shoot me!

What does your husband do?

- And you? And you? - Go to hell!

Leave me alone, I'm a minor! It's a political thing.

I did it to spite my father.

Listen, how much did they give you?

150 to the princess and 50 to me.

And nothing to me?

What are you doing? Get out!

I understood! Put your hands down, bum!

Oh, thanks.

I'm a diplomat, I need to call the Embassy.

All right, but in the meantime, come with me.

My government will protest to the Italian government.

Princess, were you the owner?

Look at those two hyenas.

They spied on me.

But when I get out of prison I'll kill you just like your cat.

But when I get out of prison I'll kill you just like your cat. With my rifle.

With my rifle.

Chief!

when the princess gets out of jail

will you renew her permit?

Cause then, she'll want to go back to the apartment!

No, we'll send her back to her country.

The princess is gone.

Just as our government

was about to close the oil deal,

the first Embassy counselor gets arrested.

They tricked me.

I didn't know...

it was a brothel...

The informer only told me about the rifle

with which they supposedly killed the cat.

with which they supposedly killed the cat. Who cares about the cat?

Who cares about the cat?

When you saw the Embassy counselor

you should have kept it quiet.

But how, Excellency?

The informer's sister had already told the press.

- All right. - Thank you.

Anyway in the future, avoid making these mistakes.

Don't worry, Excellency.

This is the first and last time,

I make such a mistake.

Go to hell!

Did you see that?

What?

I've been to the vet, there are no traces of bullets

on the cat. The princess is innocent.

Good.

Another tenant must have killed him,

and then threw him out the window.

Who?

The investigations continue!

They tried to hit me with a vase on my head.

Did they manage?

- Not really. - What a pity!

I heard that you are going to Lugano for a concert.

- You're... - Do not answer, you'll get in trouble.

Thanks for the information.

Damn it, damn it!

Right.

Two strings of the same tone, vibrate because of affinity.

Like me and Wanda.

Some ice.

Look at this.

Frozen dollars.

Who is it?

Just a moment!

- It's Don Pezzolla, Miss. - I know.

My brother is out.

That's better, I prefer to talk with you.

- Please, take a seat. - Thank you.

You're limping? What happened?

- Tonight while I was sleeping... - Please have a seat.

Thank you.

I was saying, tonight while I was sleeping,

I saw a shadow climbing over my bed

violating my intimacy.

He proceeded without making any noise and with shoes in his hand.

He rummaged in the drawers and then locked himself in the kitchen.

And he made himself a sandwich.

Bread with butter and anchovies.

I broke in.

But the shadow fled on the terrace.

I followed him on the roofs.

I slipped and hit my knee.

Perhaps it is synovitis.

What do you say?

It must have been a nightmare.

I am convinced that it was your brother.

Ah no!

What? You think my brother is breaking into people's house?

What are you saying, father!

All right, I did not come for this.

And why, then?

I'm sorry.

But... here it is.

I made it.

What is it.

The rent, including arrears.

Wait a moment.

Hello!

This is Tiberini's answering machine.

Leave your message, after the tone.

Whatever it is, reserved or personal.

Hurry!

I'm working, stupid.

I've found something important.

What is Don Pezzolla doing?

He brought the money with all the arrears.

I do not know what to do.

Kick him out, tell him it's too late.

Tell him we've already talked to a lawyer.

So we'll give him the eviction.

I can't do it!

I do not know, I'm frozen.

I can never say no to him.

When I see him and he speaks to me

I begin to tremble like a little girl.

I get caught up in motor excitement of the limbs.

Here it is. You see!

And I have to resist jumping on him....What?

Jump on him.

Release your sexual instincts.

You jump on him.

I'll take care of the rest.

What do you mean, he doesn't want to? Of course he does!

Priests are all dirty-minded.

Well done, Tiberini.

You wanted to kill my cat!

- Where is the priest? - He's gone.

But you didn't jump on him?

I did.

But I kicked his knee, by mistake.

And then he screamed.

He pushed me back and left home cursing.

Why are you here?

Why did you come?

To catch you both.

I could have sent a nice porn picture to the bishop.

In three days,

they would have sent him to Uganda as a missionary.

Great idea.

But you would have ruined my reputation, too.

Come on!

Instead of pulling his tunic up, you kicked him!

Even from a sexual point of view

you're a failure!

If I was not in this house!

Look, what I've found at the TIberini's.

Can you believe, the couple?

It's cocaine.

Rizzuti and Palanca come here!

The cat's people.

Help!

Hello, my dear.

What's new?

A safe track for drug trafficking from the east.

Listen to me!

Because of you, I've been scolded,

don't call me anymore!

I'm not interested in your discoveries,

do not call anymore.

What is it?

Sugar. Taste it.

Hello? Is this the Fiscal police headquarters?

Narcotics office, please.

What kind of sugar is this?

I can't feel my tongue, anymore.

"With a brilliant operation the fiscal police have stopped"

"a Roman band of chamber music"

"at the border with Switzerland."

"They were hiding drugs"

"inside the musical instruments."

"A search led to the confiscation of "

"a big amount of some heavy, expensive drug."

"The Tiberini spouses declared..."

We are not criminals.

We are just failed artists.

And this is not just an arrest.

But the inglorious end of a great chapter

of chamber music.

"With this operation the anti-drug team

has earned great merit.

So they are the good ones.

They have no merit. They had a spy.

Read this.

Someone

called the local police station first,

that means you, but you didn't listen to him.

The last time I listened to him, you got mad at me!

But a chief must know the difference!

A hit like this, would have

increased our popularity!

And God knows if we need it now.

May I?

No. But don't you usually leave

on a mysterious and secret mission on Thursday night?

Yes, but today, while I was in the car I realized...

I had forgotten my tranquilizers.

Did you discover anything interesting?

Yes.

This chicken leg.

You attracted my cat with this.

You had him go in the oven and got him suffocated.

I cooked it just to eat it.

You were up to something.

Like Mauthausen, dear Mr. Ferdigher.

But I'll report you.

To the research commission

of the war criminals from Monaco.

And I'll also report it in Tel Aviv.

What is it?

Look, I did not kill your cat.

These footprints, go towards the door.

The cat got in and out,

and he did not touch anything, poor creature.

Also because on that day there was no chicken.

Are you staying here or you're coming with me?

No, no, I'll go to the terrace.

Enjoy your meal.

Is this how you break into people's home?

The cat's footprints

brought me up here, my dear Wanda.

In fact, that night while I was doing my paperwork...

...your cat was walking on this wall.

Really? And where did he go?

He jumped on Mr. Garofalo's terrace.

And why didn't you tell me, right away?

Do you think I killed him?

So why are you trembling?

Because I'm scared!

You must stop persecuting me!

What do you mean, persecuting? How?

In every way.

Look what I've found under the door.

My sister, my sister!

It was my sister.

We have discovered your secret, we got you, you're dead.

Too many detective books.

Who is she trying to scare with these anonymous letters?

Me?

In any case, remember that I have nothing to do with it.

I've always been a gentleman with you.

May I?

Always.

You got a light, please?

That night I did not close my eyes.

Better that way, because if I had given in to temptation...

You do not know me.

You wouldn't have let me go, anymore.

And I would have been screwed.

I'm a sentimental guy, I get attached.

And if I get attached then,

how can I kick you out?

So I'll warn you.

If we sleep together or not, nothing will change.

When you'll have managed to kick out all the other tenants...

Remember that you will always have to deal with me.

Would you blackmail me?

Of course.

Listen, Wanda, you do not have to do that with me.

What's this noise?

Are you leaving me alone?

Shut up.

Iron.

And the thread?

Why did they steal the thread?

Are you going to Garofalo's house?

Be careful!

Tell me.

Traces of blood in Garofalo's house.

Which blood?

You don't get it, stupid!

The cat was murdered here.

You really are a fool.

Wake Up.

Wake Up.

Answer me.

Answer me.

I saw some shadows in tailoring. Hang on a second.

It's two of them, they have a flashlight.

We need to know who they are, do not let them escape.

You pass by the door.

I'll take the car from the garage. Move!

- Did you see their face? - Two strangers.

Garofalo's hysterical butler!

Who would have thought.

He hit the cat with the hammer

then he got scared, and ran away.

And tonight he sent his accomplices

to get rid of the traces.

There's something that doesn't add up.

Why they're going so far

to hide a hammer and a rag.

I think they are going back home.

You have no imagination.

And you have too much imagination.

For example, the anonymous letters you send to tenants.

What are they for?

The black hand.

You're just wasting money on stamps.

Beast!

I have always brought them by hand.

Thank god.

And then, you never know.

You open.

- What? - The trunk.

- It's closed. - Wait a moment.

Go, I've got your back.

- What was it? - There's someone sleeping.

Is it a woman or a man?

Woman, she has red nails.

Excuse me.

If she was sleeping, she would wake up.

You almost cut her hand.

- She's dead. - Yes.

Dead and killed.

A corpse in the trunk.

I'm shitting my pants.

My hamburger is bigger than yours.

- They are practically identical. - At first sight.

But if you look closely, mine is taller and bigger.

So. What are those two doing?

I cannot look at them, they'll get suspicious.

Elementary.

So?

- You look at them. - Come on!

So I have to turn around.

If you turn around to watch television.

You are above suspicion. It's elementary!

They look like murderers.

Really?

- Can I? - Go ahead!

It's Tabasco!

I know.

- Let go. - No.

Do you mind?

Finished.

"An American journalist, Paul Herdigher took his life

in a hotel room"

"he had been resident in Italy for many years."

What?

"Unknown reasons for the unusual gesture."

"The only clue is a threatening anonymous message"

"that the journalist was holding in his left hand."

"We have discovered your secret."

"We've got you, you're dead."

Did you see?

Who sows, picks up.

- I'll turn off the radio. - Yes, yes.

Also, unplug the phone.

That's okay.

See Mancuso. This bad life of ours...

is worth it, only for these rare relaxing moments.

Leave it there.

Put it there!

Go.

Chief! Those two are here!

- Which ones? - The cat's people.

Hello!

It's me.

How am I? I'm fine.

You guessed right. I was watching the game on TV.

What are you doing by the beach?

[Radio news]

There is no one here.

It was a joke.

I wish! I'll lock them in for six months.

Welcome, Chief.

Come, come, have a seat!

How did you get there?

Unfortunately this is a private and fenced beach.

- Your feet will have to get wet. - This way - Help me.

Come on guys, you have to get your feet wet.

Come, come, do not be afraid.

- Can you swim, Chief? - Yes, yes, slowly.

Give me your hand. But don't push me down,

I can't swim!

So you must explain to me what you are doing here at this time.

Come. Come and see.

There's some news.

Look what they did!

We have marked the position.

Before the high tide takes the dead away.

And deletes all traces.

Who is the corpse?

At first we had mistaken it for a woman,

because of the lacquered nails.

- Instead? - Instead it is our tenant.

Mr. Garofalo's butler.

Was he a homosexual?

Don't you see his hands?

I saw him dancing on the terrace

cheek to cheek with a man in blue.

And who was it?

No way!

A hammer on the head and sixteen stab wounds!

And why did they put those patches?

To prevent blood from spreading and leaving traces.

Chief you will have

surely noticed that the corpse has no shoes on.

One of the two shoes,

certainly belonging to the dead as we've tried it on...

was found... behind this boat.

Here is the find!

We were picketing it

before you came.

Guys! What are you doing there?

Come and help me!

Listen, miss?

I'm the one in charge

or you want to be in charge?

I'd rather be in charge. Anyway...

If you are patient,

I can explain

all the dynamics of the crime.

Did they get you, love?

Not me! what about you, honey?

- No! - What a pity!

Come on!

What shall we do?

Fire! Fire!

Fire at will!

Do not shoot me!

Here it is.

We got one, Amedeo!

Which one?

The little one.

The other one ran...that way

Guys, go get him.

Quick! Hurry!

Hey, where are you going?

Over there.

- And who ordered you to go there? - She did.

Yes, I did, why?

Miss, that's enough.

You're starting to bust my balls!

Come back!

Brigadier, take them both away.

Mr. Chief, let me talk, please!

I haven't told you everything, yet!

You two. Near the corpse.

You come with me!

Okay I'm leaving, but I'm sorry to tell you this...

Your chief is not really smart.

I was helping him, I was giving him advice.

But he doesn't let me speak.

- Miss! - What?

Who lives in this house?

And you ask me? First you kick me out and then

you want to know?

Let's leave, Amedeo, they do not deserve anything.

The chief was also vulgar.

Where are my shoes?

I can't come barefoot.

I had just reshaped my shoes.

Open up!

Chief?

I've found the other shoe.

- Where? - Right here, in the garden.

So, it's obvious that they killed him in the house.

Then they threw him into the sea and the current brought him back.

The house is surrounded! Drop your weapons!

Give it to me!

And now get out with your hands up.

The gun is still hot, you fired at the police.

I did not know it was the police, Mr. Chief.

I heard some shots and I feared a kidnapping.

Who's at home with you?

No one, Mr. Chief.

I live with my mother but now she is in the mountains.

Mum goes to the mountains then you invite...

... a friend over.

An orgy between pederasts.

Then, your friend starts blackmailing you,

and the evening ends tragically.

I have nothing to do with

these vulgar insinuations.

Mr. Minister I am forced to confirm all my accusations.

The well-known politician who appeared in the newspapers this morning

is seriously suspected.

The butler was murdered in his house.

- And all the evidence is against him. - No.

Mr. Minister I swear on my career

I have two trustworthy witnesses.

It's a dirty, terrible story set in homosexual environments.

Certainly, Mr. Minister.

So. Where were we?

Excuse me, have you found my shoes?

We were talking about the burgers.

It's fine, but let's not get lost in details.

- Look, I want them back. - So, we did not even finish them.

Because at a certain point the two leave the room.

They get in the car and we follow them with the headlights off.

You use the same methods as the police.

Eh, yes sir.

If I were born a man, I would have made his own career.

Grab and slam inside! Grab and slam inside!

All right, let's move on.

Continue.

Then. Suddenly the car stops near the sea.

In front of a wire mesh.

They get out of the car,

open the trunk,

and extract a heavy burden.

Bound with the cord of an iron.

- Yes, an iron that I was... - This is not relevant.

Then, they take the corpse out of the bag

and throw it over the wire fence, near the house.

Then...

we see them

... remove the dead's shoes, both of them.

They put one close to the body.

And the other...

By the way, what about my shoes?

And strategically, they put the other one

in the garden of the house!

Does this mean that the important person is innocent?

Certainly.

And it is clear that there's a conspiracy

to indict and ruin him.

But why didn't you immediately say what you knew?

I was looking for my shoes when...

They took us away from the crime scene.

Who?

He did!

Why?

You have two eyewitnesses

and you don't let them talk.

You kick them out.

And you arrest a well-known state official.

Would you like...?

Thank you.

Look, since you know everything.

Can you tell me where this butler was murdered?

In one of the apartments in my building.

Who lived there?

Don Vito Garofalo aka golden earring.

Does the name sound familiar?

He is a well-known boss of the Italian-American mafia.

Yes, but where is he now?

In New York.

But the doorman told me

that he should arrive today by plane at 14.40.

Onion.

Ah, put it here.

Go, Go.

The whiskey.

Give me the pictures.

Look at them, do you recognize them?

Never seen them before.

But we know them well.

These are two killers working with the Mafia.

Never heard this word before.

Mafia.

But your butler received them in your apartment.

Poor Salvatore!

He had that bad habit.

When I was away, he always had strange people over.

I told him so many times.

Be careful, you'll end up badly!

Your landlords, Mr. Amedeo and his sister,

insinuated that you could be...

...homosexual, too.

I didn't understand.

Homosexual.

Fagot!

Those who take it in the ass?

Yes!

So, they said that you called

from New York giving orders to kill your butler.

- The reason? - Out of jealousy.

Screw them!

both him and that whore.

I swear God, if I see them I'll beat the shit out of them!

Do we also report this?

Yes, everything.

They find a corpse 50 km away.

And they bring me the crime to my house.

They want to send me to life imprisonment.

To free the apartment.

And bringing the crime into your house, I'm in deep shit.

- And they continue to tease? - Nobody can stop them.

I feel,

that those two will have a misfortune!

What do you mean?

When someone hurts

an honest person like me.

Usually a misfortune happens.

One can get hit by a car...

Or fall down in the elevator.

We Southerners, are religious.

When a very important person

decides that a misfortune must happen...

It happens!

Miss Wanda.

Besides being a whore she is also a liar.

The cat did not come down from Garofalo's, there are no footprints.

Where have you seen the last ones?

I saw them here, on the terrace.

We must look for them there.

I'll come take a look.

Untouched bed

Wanda slept somewhere else tonight.

How strange!

Why?

There is a row of ants.

Where is it?

Here.

What's so strange about a row of ants?

Because they all go the same way.

Well, it's logical.

They are looking for food.

Yes, so why they don't go back?

Because they didn't find any food.

They all end up here.

Really? They are going to drink. That is the water meter.

A carnage.

Look.

Disgusting!

- All dead. - Also here!

That's why they did not come back.

The meatballs are poisoned.

Look.

Cyanide meatballs.

The killer gave them to my cat.

Then she saw him agonizing.

And when he died, he threw him out of the window.

[Speaks in French]

Gran Corporation, can I help you?

Sir, Delar is on the first line and Chicago on the second one.

- What else? - The lawyer Rossi called.

He wanted to remind you about the hearing tomorrow morning.

Fine, thanks.

- Hello? - You bitch!

You'll tell me the truth when you'll be in jail!

- Stop it! - You killed my cat!

- Whore. - Do not say bad words.

Do not overdo it.

What do you mean?

- I'll show you! - No, just leave it alone!

Stop it!

What's going on here?

Nothing!

We were just talking to your secretary.

I heard insults.

Have we met?

Yes, you don't remember the bites, the scratches you gave her?

No, he can't.

He's worried about that trial.

What do you want from my secretary?

What's this smell...

... of dead cat?

A dead cat!

I'll show you.

- There he is. - But that is not all.

Cyanide meatballs.

She killed him.

Is it true?

Yes, it's true.

I think you did it because of bitter feelings.

For this people.

Right?

Yes. For him.

That evening I had invited him to eat meatballs with me.

But he refused.

I resented it.

So, I put some rat poison in the meatballs

and I gave them to the cat.

You heard?

Rea confessa! You are a witness, sir.

I'll report you and send you to jail.

Just because I gave a meatball to a cat?

Yes, you'll see!

Put the cat away.

No, no, leave everything here and come to my office.

Please.

Have a sit.

Done.

I wanted to reward you with the loss of your dear pet.

Naturally, I'll take care of the rest.

Wanda get the cat and the meatballs

and give it to the bellboy so he can throw them in the river.

End of discussion.

All right?

All right?

Look at this!

Of course 20 million for a dead cat

seem too many.

Considering the depreciation.

How do you justify yourself, Le Grand?

I did not mean to buy a dead cat.

But I wanted to free my faithful secretary

from two persecutors.

We broadcast live from the trial

against the financier Le Grand.

The Italian representative of the South & West Corporation

in today's hearing the defendant denied

any alleged relationship with the international mafia.

That is, to have recycled huge amounts of dirty money

through their banks.

Resulting from drug trafficking, kidnapping,

smuggling of currency, etc.

Now we are proceeding with the interrogation

of a voluntary witness presented by the prosecution.

Is this a twist?

Is this the prosecutor's ace in the hole?

Let's hear about it.

What does a dead cat have to do with this trial?

My cat is always involved.

If the court also admits some statements

that clearly have nothing to say,

this trial will never end.

To find out if they mean anything,

you must first listen to them.

You were saying,

that Miss Wanda Jugovic,

the secretary's defendant, didn't poison your cat.

Yes, she did poison my cat.

But not the meatballs.

Clarify, please.

Miss Wanda Jugovic,

that evening,

was the object of attempted murder

through a dish of poisoned meatballs.

How did you get to these...

... statements?

Every night, my cat

was climbing on Miss Wanda's terrace.

At that time, she used to type

some office calls, recorded on magnetic tapes.

I believe those phone calls were very compromising.

Inferences!

How do you know about these things?

The window of my kitchen is 20 meters

from the terrace of the lady.

A terrace my brother visited...

let's say...

many times! - Louder!

Many times!

Gossip Girl!

That night, our tenant

asked my brother to spend the night with her.

- He says for love. - For love, for love.

I say that she was afraid of being killed.

That evening, Miss Wanda, (my brother was present)

received some meatballs from Mr. Garofalo's butler,

while Garofalo was in New York.

I have to kill that one.

Also her fucking brother.

If the judge gets hold of those tapes,

two ministers will be screwed

and the government will fall.

Who cares about the government!

I care about me and all of us.

When she...

received a dish of poisoned meatballs

from Mr. Garofalo's butler

- Aka golden earring. - Please.

But why would Miss Jugovic

poison the cat?

I can be wrong, but I'm never wrong.

Since she had already been threatened, she didn't trust anyone,

and fearing that the meatballs were poisoned,

had the cat first taste them.

- Bitch! - In fact, after a few minutes he died.

So she threw him out the window to get rid of it.

So now he is a 20-million-lira cat!

This is not a deposition.

It's a farce!

Agatha Christie.

Thank you.

I request that the hearing be suspended.

And that Miss Wanda Jugovic,

is immediately called to testify.

The defense is opposed,

to the arbitrary exclusion of this...

You are an orphan.

I have been your father for many years.

And now,

the time has come to show me your gratitude.

Live from the courthouse.

"The court met in the council chamber"

"to decide on the request from the public prosecutor"

"to immediately listen to the new test."

The court accepts the request of the public prosecutor.

And postpones the trial to tomorrow morning.

The hearing is suspended.

"You are not giving me back the check?"

"We'll keep the check."

"Thus ends our connection with the courthouse."

Bu...!

You're crazy, what are you doing here?

I'm spying on you. And where are you going?

I'm running away. Don’t you see that?

- Destination? - Yugoslavia, I'll go see my sister,

and I hope to get there before I get shot.

Easy.

After blackmailing lovers, bankers

ministers, mafia, everybody,

of course they want to get rid of you.

So?

I had been recording phone calls for years, spying on anything.

I collected evidence. I had an archive.

And those beggars offered me 50 million to keep my mouth shut.

I hope you refused.

Always.

Even when they threatened to kill me.

Even when they offered me 100 million.

I was afraid.

I was scared.

But I got them all.

Politicians, bankers, mafia.

Did they offer more?

They reached 300 million. I couldn't refuse.

Oh my God!

Then you arrived,

with that damn cat, and you ruined everything.

And now they think I'm a spy and blackmailer.

Let's hope we can get to the airport

before they reach us and kill both of us.

Why both of us?

I can't believe I'm going to Lubiana without a penny.

I was supposed to leave for Acapulco with 300 million in my pockets.

I would have followed you and the three

hundred million to the end of the world.

And I would have been finally sure

that you wanted to be with me only out of love and not for the money.

What are you talking about?

You are a poor man.

Not for long.

- Why do not you give me a hand? - How?

You should tell me where you put those tapes

that compromise Don Garofalo.

So I'll send him to jail and free his apartment, too.

Yeah right.

You forgot this.

Thank you.

I'll leave it to you.

A souvenir?

I don't need it anymore.

I might need it.

Yes.

But be careful now.

Don't get killed.

Bye!

The bitch is out!

Let's read the tape

that Mr. Amedeo Pecoraro

gave to Chief Francisci,

who was attacked,

on his way to court.

They are all numbered.

The technician may go on.

Let's start with the last one.

Which could be the most interesting.

Shall I start?

- May I... it's for the Chief. - Go ahead.

It must be one of Salvatore's gay records.

It's like I said.

That bitch Wanda put a microphone in my house.

Mr. President, this is offensive for the great personalities

involved in this trail.

- "Who is it? - It's us. Open up!"

"Salvatore... what's new?"

"Bad news."

"This morning when I woke up,

"I found out she was alive,"

"and the cat was dead."

"We already know this"

"Now I'm afraid they will report me for attempted murder."

"So! What would you like to do?"

"I have to protect myself."

"I'll report all those who forced me to do it,"

"Mr. Garofalo, the lawyer Le Grand and everyone else."

"Don Vito Garofalo gave us orders"

"by phone from New York."

"Precise orders."

"Which ones?"

"Throw your body into your lover's garden."

"So it will look like a gay crime of passion."

And this is gone, too.

- It's the phone. - Go.

Hello.

Yes!

What does the priest want?

He wants me to go to him right away.

So what are you waiting for? It's the last move, change, do something!

Dress provocative!

Please, come in.

Sit down.

What do you want from me?

I would like to reread, and discuss

... some of your letters.

Not this one because...

... you sent it to the whole building.

Let's see this one you sent the bishop every week

and I was sent a copy.

I'll take one.

Oh yes.

"Eminence."

"Ever since I was a child..."

"When I was going to collect the rent, Father Pezzolla..."

"... stripped me naked, threw me on the couch,"

"and whipped me with the nine-tailed cat."

"After that"

"He took off his tunic,"

"And showing off his muscular body,"

"covered in black hair,"

"raped me"

"abusing my young teenager body."

"These acts of violence that have made me..."

"... slave for so many years, continue to this day."

"Therefore I beg your Eminence"

"to have Father Pezzolla transferred"

"to his most distant missions"

"etc. etc. etc."

- Tell me, is this true? - Yes, father.

They are nightmares that come to me at night.

And they seem true to me!

Miss Eufelia, come on!

- Aren't you ashamed? - No!

Every time I see you I hope you'll jump on me!

Jump on me, father!

Miss Eufelia!

Do you know what I should say to you, now?

Yes.

Take off your bra.

I'm not wearing it.

Then take off your panties.

I forgot to put them on.

- Well, we are almost done. - Yes.

And in a minute you would be

on that bed with your legs...

... wide open and no breath left!

My God!

Why don't you do it?

First. Because I have other things on my mind.

Secondly...

Please Mr. Amedeo, please sit down!

Sorry.

Come, come, too.

Thank you.

Are you done?

Did you hear what I was saying to your sister?

By accident.

- And what was I saying? - At the third point.

That you prefer to own the apartment.

Rather than owning me.

But you really think that today the church

will punish a priest who commits impure acts?

Only the ideas and the writings count!

These are the things that make a priest look bad.

You should have reported this

...to my bishop.

I'm leaving in an hour.

Yes. The curia had me transferred. I'll leave the apartment.

Here are the keys.

Praised be Jesus Christ.

Always be praised.

What's that light up there?

Sorry.

According to article two, the building is not ready yet.

There are still people and things inside.

Send the last tenant away and we'll talk about it again.