Original subtitles

Sudden deaths are always unpleasant.

Anything else?

No, this is for you.

Thank You, Doctor.

Poor Miss Ethel...

This song by her friends is very moving,

and this hymn is very beautiful!

It expresses perfectly the emotion we have for him!

Just something small I composed...

Bravo! the hymn reassures and consoles... You are a man...

who is precious to the elderly!

Excuse me, but I really have to go.

- You're welcome...and thanks again! - Goodbye.

- Goodbye Miss Janet. - Goodbye doctor.

Cardiac arrest, all in order.

It's sad...At seventy years!

- Ethel Smith, 25 years, cardiac arrest.

A young woman considered to be in good health by her medic,

died suddenly of a heart attack...

I don't like it Atkins!

The documents are all in order Mister Brown!

Damn it! I don't like this at all.

Something isn't right here!

Do you remember this Ethel...?

- Ethel Smith, Sir.

Smith, that's it... Smith!

Fit, healthy...

And here we have a policy for 50,000 Pounds!

You know that in a case like this, haste is synonymous with imprudence...

Certainly, for me, making any payment is always imprudent, in any case.

Excellent Atkins, excellent!

I remember this Ethel Smith very well..

- Smith, Sir.

Smith, that's right.

She was a portrait of good health, I'd say...

So you say...''plumpish'', is the expression I'm looking for.

Are you sure you remember correctly, Mr Brown?

For your information, I never forget a name or face!

- Good morning, Miss. - Good morning.

Come on, don't be like that. Don't let it get you down Bertha!

Remember, she didn't suffer...

This evening we'll have pudding ala 'Ribes', eh?

Poor Ethel liked it so much. It'll be like she's with us again.

You're so good my little skeleton! Is she next?

I don't know.

Why?

You see dear, I'm uncertain, I don't want to get in too deep here.

What are you talking about?...

...I could take out a policy with British lnsurance, don't you think?

It's a great company and we still haven't dealt with them yet.

Without aiming too high, of course.

Maybe... I don't know... �20,000 will be enough this time?

Look my dear Kriminal, I could be a young Bertha,

...different to all the others.

How do you prefer? Brunette or Blonde...

I'll go for Bertha, but she will be the last.

Then we'll jump ship and go on a nice long holiday,

We'll travel the world. Would you like to go to Tahiti?

Oh, yes, my dear skeleton!

What about the small things Ethel left behind?

Bertha was her closest friend, it makes sense to give them to her.

Even if she won't be able to enjoy them for much longer.

What a shame! It may have been valuable. Ethel really liked this stuff...

It was a gift from Mr. Higgins, the guy who has an antiques shop,

on the corner of Green Street.

Ethel drew his price labels every Thursday.

Hey, look!

What does it mean?

What?

Listen here: '' Goya and Rembrandt, female portraits,

from the Lady Hamilton collection, are hidden in the 'Necropolis' ''.

Does that really mean something to you! 'Necropolis' , what language is that?

Be a quiet a moment.

This map has been divided into four parts, and each part is hidden...

...in the belly of a Buddha. If one can reunite these four parts then...

...they will have the precise location of the tomb.

A tomb? Let's leave the dead to rest in peace, I don't like them at all.

What dead?! What are you saying, Goya e Rembrandt!

Aren't they dead?

Two authentic portraits by them translated into real money equates to...

...two million pounds, my dear girl.

A hidden treasure! It sounds like a fairy tale...

for people nothing to do with themselves, Or maybe just a practical joke?

No, no. It looks like a genuine signature, look!

Jo...Barret?

Barret! Barret! Who doesn't remember Barret?

A famous Oriental dealer, and a noted archeologist...

He was imprisoned in Dartmoor in '61 for strangling Lady Hamilton

A likeable widow, and the proprieter of the famous Hamilton collection.

Ah, yes! I seem to remember! They were lovers, right?

Barret didn't love real women! English ones in particular.

He loved the beauties from Spain by Goya and...

What a guy? You don't share his tastes?

Who knows?

One night Lady Hamilton surprised him in the gallery

while he was undressing with his real loves,

his two precious paintings, And so, the good Barret...

I recall she didn't like the this sordid affair one bit!

Remember the fuss the newspapers made,

Barret kept his mouth shut till the end.

and the pictures were never found!

lnteresting. But what possible use is this part of the map?

We're talking about four parts.

Exactly, and also four identical statues.

- This is one. - The others?

I'll find them! Ethel bought them from a dealer on Green Street?

Yes! Mister Higgins!

I want to speak to Mister Robson.

He's busy, what do you want?

Mr. Higgins told me he bought a statue from you...

We don't accept returns, for any reason.

Quite the opposite my friend! For a jaunt down to Epsom?

It is I who wish to buy other identical ones.

If that's the case, you're just in time, I have an identical one left.

among the items in the auction today. That way, please.

Thank You.

Nobody wants to bid higher? How is this possible?

It's a fine object, authentic porcelain from the XVlll century...

- 20 Pounds!

We're at 20 Pounds, Sir.

Twenty five!

25 going once, 25 twice, and three times...sold.

Fifty!

I'm sorry, Sir.

It's wasn't over! You hadn't struck the hammer yet!

- Everybody could see. My offer...

Don't insist Sir. The statuette was sold to the Lady.

Thank You.

Good Morning, Miss. Nice acquisitions this morning?

A gift for the inspector.

"...but that car belongs to Inspector Milton!"

Three women, inspector... completely sane, young, beautiful...

...and I'd say ''substantial'', If that's the word,

with a nasty habit of dying without giving any notice.

creating great problems in the world of insurance, including my company, Atlas,

a crime, a travesty even, If that's the right word,

costing over a hundred thousand pounds... It's strange ...so strange, don't you think?

Certainly, certainly, Mr. Brown.

And this last case...

Dickson need I remind you, the court in Sheffield...

- The judge wants all the files before Friday.

- Yes, Sir. - You were saying, Mr. Brown?

This last death, inspector... Ethel Smith...

A cardiac arrest at 25! A woman in her shape?

I ask that you open an inquiry.

Oh, now you're being hasty Mr. Brown...

Nobody likes to have to have to pay, especially such a large sum...

Inspector, Atlas is a respectable business.

I'm sure it is, I believe you, certainly!

Oh, need I remind you the files for the Groves case.

It would be quite opportune, not to teach you your job of course...

Listen to me Mr. Brown, stay calm, during my absence,

Dickson here will take care of everything. It's been a hellish day today,

for me at least. I'm getting married tomorrow... These things happen.

In conjugal happiness there are no assurances.

However, my congratulations inspector!

Thanks, Thank You Mr. Brown.

Dickson, locate the doctor who signed the death certificate.

in the case of...her name?

Ethel Smith...

Right! Also, please try to keep our Mr. Brown here happy...

You will also be happy!

I leave you in safe hands. Excuse the hurry, It's been two years,

Understand? Two years that... One of the surprising aspects...

in matrimony is that one finds oneself united together in the end and that the other is..

is also someone, a woman. Do you understand Brown?

- No. - Goodbye and congratulations.

Congratulations Inspector.

Greetings Dickson.

Congratulations, also.

- You know, don't you? - A moment guys, let's be reasonable...

Let's be calm. Do you want a cup of tea?

- Never before five, Robson. - Never before.

Unless of course, under the saucer you provide us with 50,000 Pounds.

Fifty thousand...

If not, a little bird may go singing to Scotland Yard

Who was it who organised the robbery of the Rubens and the Montagna (Lit. Mountain).

'Mantegna'...

Whatever, Mantegna, but the price doesn't change!

You have one week. One week in total, remember.

-I can't even find 10,000...

It's a difficult time for the pound right now...

- Just try. -Try!

What are you doing? Guys, but... you don't admire art!

We don't like tea either. One week, Robson,

Remember us well. - Remember us well!

Excuse me, Excuse me...

What's is it?

Please come with me, Mr. Robson is waiting for you.

He'll never say we don't admire art now!

Certainly Sir, I did have more than one Buddha, but...

- Four identical ones, right? - Exactly.

From the Barret collection.

It must be very convenient to hold onto the property of someone

who had the great misfortune to end up in such a bad way...

- You really seem to know everything. - I've been watching the market for years.

A while ago...

- Please. - Thank You.

...a distant relative of mine, on his deathbed, left for me...

one of those statues and knowing you had four identical ones, do you understand?

A rare item, certainly. Even if the value

of each individual piece, in this case, diminishes in time.

I'm not sure. Do you think so?

For me it just goes up. Who has the others?

Apart from the one which was sold at auction this morning,

One, I think the first, was bought by my friend, a certain Higgins...

That's the one I have. And the other two?

Excuse me, but if this is turning out to be be a good deal, maybe I should get a cut?

I don't understand why I should tell you?

Please, Robson, for friendships sake!

You really are a joker! I don't even know your name, or...

What does that matter? We have friends in common.

For example, the two gentlemen who just left.

You'll be dealing with a real tough cookie, I warn you.

A very wealthy German with a villa in Chelsea, Von Beck.

For the rest, I can only say,''Flamenco''.

Flamenco?

Flamenco, Madrid, My dear sir.

Flamenco and a Reja wine make even an old English man

like me hot.

My Spanish friends know how to live... Apart from that pretentious lot on Gibraltar.

Seems like a good deal for just some cheap Spanish wine,

In return for the Buddha?

I don't just live for business.

I must confess it has reawakened a curiosity in me,

for your ''Spanish fire''.

The name? - Please...

Right, of course. I am also a gentleman!

Would you like a cigarrette? - Thank You.

Oh, I'm sorry...!

It's nothing...Leave it, Leave it, I can do it.

No, I wouldn't think of it.

Please bear in mind that I'm very, very interested in those statues,

and that I would be disposed to pay a very high price.

- What price did you have in mind? - A hundred pounds or so.

I'll come back and see you again, I see you have a lot of nice things.

It would be a pleasure, Sir.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Hello! Is Mr. Von Beck there? It's Robson, the antique dealer.

I don't want to sell anything, Quite the opposite. I wish to buy.

He wants to buy something. - What does he want to buy?

I sell dogs from China, Russian concimi, German tractors...

No, that statue, the Buddha. -the Buddha? Robson is crazy!

That Buddha is one of my prized pieces. - He says he'll pay four times the asking price.

Like I care!

He insists. He says it has sentimental value.

Screw his sentimental values. Give it here...

Robson, you pain in the ass. You welcome to buy tanks from me,

but I won't sell my antiques... There'll be no discussion, thank you.

Please listen...

Understood?

Look over there! There's a body...

A skeleton...! A skeleton of a dead man!

Help! Help! - Mamma mia!

Let's go, run! - John, Victor!

Run! Quick, the boss is hurt!

My God, it's terrible! - Have you seen over there?

There's a... a thing... - What?

There's a..There's a... It's gone!

You go and have a look!

Call the police immediately and get a doctor.

They've cut the phone line.

- Run outside, find someone. - Will you wait here all alone?

I understand, I'm going.

Excuse me? Can I be of any help? I heard someone calling for help...

My name is Walcott, doctor Walcott.

- a doctor? - Gynaecologist, for esatezza.

It isn't a woman, but you've still been sent from God...

Look. I didn't have the will to touch him.

You did well not to move him, Looks serious. Does the telephone work?

- No. they've cut the line. - I thought so.

Do you have any cotton and alcohol?

You heard him, run!

I'd like to stop the haemoraging.

- Who do you suspect did it? - Nobody, I can't think who...

Buddha... My Buddha... They have taken it... Stolen!

Who was it? Someone you knew? Who was it? Who?

It was... It was... It...

Tell me, who took it?

I can't believe it.

It all seems so incredibile, absurd...

He mentioned a Buddha... What was he trying to say?

His Buddha? It's an Oriental statue that he liked a lot.

It was there...

Unfortunately, at this point we're going to need the help of Scotland Yard.

I live close to here in a villa I rented recently.

I'll get there quickly and phone the police.

Before I forget, remember not to touch anything.

Those people at Scotland Yard can be very particular.

Doctor! Can you tell the police that there was a ghost walking around the garden,

a skeleton that walked.

- Doctor, I... - My friend, do you drink?

- a little whiskey every now and then... - It's not good for you!

I've never seen a skeleton that walks.

Excuse me, please.

- Leave the old folk alone, they're more than happy.

Let's hurry and leave here. Come on, move it.

Calm down, my dear Kriminal..

Listen! The fact that they killed Von Beck for this

proves without a doubt that Barret's story is true.

- Ah, here's the bride... - Congratulations!

- Beautiful... - Thanks.

- Gloria, someones looking for you...

So many gifts...

Please, how may I help you?

My name is Grover, madam...from Simpson & Simpson of Piccadilly.

I have a wedding gift for you.

On behalf of everyone at at Scotland Yard, from the Inspector...

Thank you, this way please.

Oh, no! Only the groom may open it.

How can I say... It's a police tradition.

I understand. Excuse me.

- Gloria, look who is here!

- What a pleasure to have you with usi... - Congratulations, my dear.

Please. Come.

Sir...

No thanks. I've had one.

Ladies and gentlemen, I come to redeem myself!

You brought the manette (?)

Ah! I knew I had forgotten something!

Come and look at these beautiful gifts.

- Where on earth has it gone? - What, my dear?

A good luck Buddha, I bought it just for you.

Is it this one, perhaps?

No, this one from a colleague, I'm not sure, someone from Scotland Yard.

A colleague? Another gift? They've given me so many.

A complete golf kit...

- Dale?! - Tell me Gloria!

Have you seen the Buddha that was over here?

Why a Buddha?

I'm trying to inspire a little oriental philosophy in you.

you might slow down a little day and night.

Anyway, what happens, happens!

Patrick!

It's nothing! Excuse me, dear.

'To my dear Milton. My regards to an unforgettable honeymoon!'

Ladies and Gentlemen, please excuse me, I'll be back straight away.

Patrick! Wait! Where are you goingi?

Oh, you're great, you did it! I read The Times and it's...

One moment!

They match up, there's no doubt.

You were saying?

From The Times article it transpires that Barret was in Libano

in the spring of '61, on a certain excavation near Baalbeck...

He was arrested down there.

Excellent, let's hurry, Janet. Get ready as quick as you can.

- Where are we going? To Libano? - No, flamenco...

- You like flamenco? - Why?

It's the first move. A ballerina, in Madrid...

Third statue and who knows, maybe it will lead us to the fourth!

Good. Is there enough time for a cup of tea and a bath?

Yes, but hurry dear, otherwise it'll be a bath of sin.

You know what this joker reminds me of?! Kriminal.

It has all of his hallmarks.

That's ridiculous, Sir, Kriminal is locked up in prison in Istanbul.

A life sentence of forced labour.

On this very night something very strange occured.

- What happened? - A German businessman was killed.

and the servants there claim to have seen...

...a corpse, a skeleton in the garden. - What?

- Yes, a skeleton!

Call lstanbul immediately. Director of prisons. It's urgent...

Hurry, Inspector, come with me.

Oh, Brown, not now, please.

lnspector! Scotland Yard is a respected guardian of Great Britain

and you are in charge of Scotland Yard.

I've found the man... What man?

Paddington 125, Villa Serena. There's a director,

maybe it's just my impression, but I'd say he smells,

If that's the right word. And the doctor, the one who signed...

lstanbul prison? Inspector Milton here!

But Patrick, it's me. Have you gone mad?

Sorry dear, but... - The priest is waiting!

Offer him a whisky.

Yes, but he's already had four!

Then give him a fifth! It's good for the heart!

I told you about the doctor who signed that death certifictate:

He's gone to meet his maker at the most opportune moment, wouldn't you say?

Meaning?

I made an appointment but when I arrived...

I found him dead. The corpses are piling up around here, Inspector!

I've prepared the bath for her.

Very good Bertha, we'll be away for a few days.

Sir, I wanted to tell you that I found a mouse in the kitchen last night.

Look in that cupboard there. There's a bottle of Toxsifid poison...

Take it. -I've looked but it's vanished, Sir.

I hope nobody has swallowed it.

- I'll buy some more.

I prepared your tea, my dear Kriminal!

And I have prepared you a lovely bath, my pussycat!

You're a dear!

But you only have ten minutes.

Even less will do.

Okay, thanks.

They confirmed they have Kriminal prisoner, detainee number 792.

Good, you see Kriminal is secure,

Will you come with me or not?

May I observe that the description Mr. Brown

has given us of this man, seems similar to that strange doctor,

who turned up at the villa Von Beck. Who said he would

call us, but instead has disappeared.

- Well? - Let's go.

I'm not here!

Hello, Inspector Milton's office. Ah, tell me Lady Gloria.

He's not here, he's gone to the clinic. Oh no, he's fine.

The address? Paddington 125, I think...

Goodbye, Old gold (?).

- Non vorrete squagliarvi cos�. Sarebbe troppo comodo. (?)

No parking here. That'll be six shillings, Sir.

Excuse me, I guess I'm not a model citizen.

Here you are young chap!

Thank you, Sir.

No parking here. It's a six shilling fine, Sir.

Okay, young man, send the bill to Scotland Yard.

Eh, mamma mia! What a way to ring the bell!

Calm down, I'm coming! I'm coming!

- Look at them! - What do they want?

I'm here, I'm here.

lnspector Milton, Scotland Yard. I want to speak to the Director.

He's not here, he's gone out.

His office? why, what's happened?

Where is it?

Upstairs. But Sir, where are are you going? Wait!

Sir, you cannot go inside. You must have permission from the Director.

There are ladies present!

You can wait in the lounge. Why are you in such a hurry, Sir!

She said upstairs.

Let's not create a fuss. Wait here.

Hey, Sir, wait for me. I'll accompany you. Why are you running?

- E questa chi �? - Permesso!

She's the bride, can't you seei? -The bride! What's she doing here?

Who's getting married? But? They're looking for the Director.

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go and have a look!

So he's the groom then! Maybe he's run off!

The bride looks beautiful, though!

It's a scandal! It's the end of England as we know it.

Look Inspector!

Patrick! Ah, the comedian... You put the bride right in it,

per mettere a soqquadro un ospizio di brave vecchiette! (?)

Be patient, we'll be gone in half an hour and...

Hey, that's my Buddha! -Your Buddha? Can you elaborate?

It's simple, this is the Buddha I bought from the dealer for you.

Now I think about it, he disappeared just when they brought you...

that box as a surprise.

The Lady is mistaken... I know that statue well.

- It belonged to poor Ethel Smith. - What? Did you say Ethel Smith??

- Yes, poor Ethel... - You knew her well?

She lived here for many years. She was my best friend!

She was here? For how many years?

Two years more than me, but she wouldn't admit it.

I did tell you Inspector that something clearly wasn't right here.

You've made a mess here...

The Director is sure to be angry upon his return.

But who is this Director? What is his name?

He's such a considerate man. A very well dressed young man.

- What's happening, Patrick?

Nothing, nothing dear. There's a leak in the bathroom.

Sergeant.

Yes, Sir.

You must call Scotland Yard. Get forensics on the phone

and get them to send a team in urgently.

Very good, Sir...

Get me a seat on the next flight to lstanbul.

What?

I want to see the Kriminal they have in custody face to face.

To lstanbul? For Kriminal? Still?

Yes, dear. Ciao. I'll be back soon!

Very well, go to lstanbul! Go running to your dear Kriminal

and marry him!

I understand your problems very well Inspector Milton.

You seem a little obsessessed over this Kriminal,

but we have him here. Very shortly you will see...

How long have you had him in custody, Governor?

For over a year. The tribunal in Ankara

delivered him here after he was sentenced to life.

Has he caused you any problems? - No.

Escape attempts? -Quite the opposite.

In prison he's considered a model detainee,

apart from some small issues. -Such as?

Just the natural side-effects of isolation.

Come in.

-Prisoner 792, Sir. - Bring him in, lsmail.

Here I am.

I have the impression this man should be set free.

Kriminal is free! Set me free.

You don't know, but at night he kills then comes back here!

You came looking to arrest me? Nobody can arrest Kriminal!

She's good isn't she? -Yes, not bad.

She's beautiful too!

- Good Evening. A table, Sir? - No, thanks.

Your welcome.

Don't make a move, or you'll end up a real skeleton.

Where is the paper that was inside the statue?

I'm not scared of Kriminal.

You know me?

Who wouldn't when you go around

dressed in that costume?

The advantages and disadvantages of publicity.

I asked you for the piece of paper.

Why don't you take off that stupid costume?

We mght have more in common then?

No lights! It's more intimate like this.

Well, the paper?

Can't you say anything else? We'll talk later!

Look on the table, Mara. There's 5000 pounds.

Converted to your currency that's over a million pesos...

ln return I want the fragment of the map that was inside the Buddha...

Sorry, I don't have it here. I'll post it to you, right!

But maybe a million isn't enough... You've been good to me,

pleasingly macabre, but I still want half of the profits!

ln return for what?

Apart from the piece of the map, I also have a firm lead

on another of the statues...

You know what's involved? -Yes and no.

I don't just know how to use my heels, you know! Dancing the flamenco doesn't bring in much,

when I hear talk of something bigger, I try to use my brain.

You're beautiful! Why do you need to use your brain?

What about you then? Is it enough to just act mean?

Right, meanness should be exploited.

Even more so, beauty that passes in haste.

You treat things well...

I think you could be a great partner.

Where does your lead take you then?

Let's just say the shadows of Libano.

Very interesting... Tomorrow, a boat, the Esperia,

will sail directly to Beirut. Get a ticket.

I recommend it.

And you? -I'll be aboard.

But...how on earth will I recognise you?

I haven't even seen your face.

That's why you're still alive, Aboard the ship I may even reveal myself.

Or maybe not, who knows. Remember, tomorrow look for the boat The Esperia...

'I'll recognise you Kriminal!'

Third round, did you see it kid?...

...I was at the ringside, I didn't miss a thing.

Cassius started off with a right-hook to the gut, blam!...

An uppercut to the face.

Ah! what a show kid, what a spectacle!

Hey, buddy... Who is that Venus?

No idea, Sir.

A moment. Thanks.

I can tell you.

One hundred percent brunette!

She's into archeology. But she also likes modern art.

And you haven't attempted any 'excavations'?

I'm with an old friend now. Besides, I'm not as studious as I used to be.

We'd end up talking archeology and I'd be right in it without a paddle.

Every now and then these studious types could do with meeting,

a handsome guy who is completely ignorant...

Of course I don't mean you...!

But I am ignorant, Sir. My father accumulated a great fortune

As soon as he could read or write he told me:

''Remember son, Ignorance is also a force!''.

In that case, come on...! Courage! I'll find a way

to get her to note down the number of your cabin, it's 41 ...

Easy to remember.

Women like that usually attack first, they are like predators.

Is that so?

Be careful not to get burnt.

Oh,young man! -Excuse me.

I'm so happy to get to know you.

Where were we? -The third round.

Excuse me...

Amazing I tell you! His face was black with bruises...

Excuse me dear, I'm coming straight back...

But young man!

It's a very modern idea, saying the sea is calm and sentimental,

is from the old days...

Am I disturbing? Let me introduce myself, I'm Thomas Patterson.

A pleasure, I understand you have already met the Captain?...

Good Evening, a pleasure... -All mine

Our ships mate, Morales...

What were you talking about, archeology?

What should we talk about Mr. Patterson, sea stories?

Right.

For what it's worth, even archeology has it's good traits.

Is it your field of interest.

Oh my! There's nothing more satisfying than making a discovery.

Excuse me, gentlemen. Till later.

Well, old friend? How is the launch going?

Very well, I'd say when the wind kicks up, We set sail!

Splendid! Let's drink to it. I'll wager that by tonight,

the beautiful brunette will be sleeping in your cabin.

There are people who are jealous of other peoples success.

lncredible... Two whiskies!

A pirates conquests must be the envy of the crew.

You think so? I prefer to be the author my success.

Let's just say it's also been a great success for me.

Are you sure? -Yes, I'm sticking with my claim.

30,000 pounds isn't peanuts,

and I'm sure about this, Commander...

He's Kriminal!

Mr. Patterson?

Mr. Patterson...

No breakfast, thanks. I don't have an appetite.

It's not breakfast, Sir.

Ah, it's you commander. What's wrong?

There's been a diamond robbery! -lnteresting.

Excuse me, but I must search this cabin.

That's fine, after all the boat is yours! A cigarette?

No thanks... One moment.

Nice ring, right Mr. Patterson?

Jesus christ!, I'd say so too. Where do I fit in to all of this?

- It all seems quite clear to me. - Eh, no! This isn't right!

-and this? -but?!

It looks like Santa Claus came to visit me tonight...

Didn't he bring you anything? -Silence!

Are these your jewels, Madam? -Yes, thank you.

All of them? -Yes, it's all of them.

Commander, look here!

I told you, it's him...

What do you mean 'him'? -Quiet!

Per� se anche quella graziosa toilette appartiene alla signora...(?)

Well, you want to confess?

I was just saying that maybe you've got the wrong cabin?

Quite right, you'll be given a new one.

For me? -Yes, in prison. Take him out.

Please, Miss. If he tries to resist, cuff him.

In cuffs, behind bars! What the hell has got into you?

I'll get the Lebanese police on the phone using the radio

and I'll notify Scotland Yard, I know they have an interest in this guy.

Hey, Commander, what's all this then? Preparing for a masked ball?

No, young man. Thanks.

And then Rocky Marciano starts his comeback,

with a double jab to the stomach he laid him out to dry.

You've finally made it, Madam! - Thank you, dear!

How is the training going? -Not bad...

There's only a few days left to the big fight...

It's good to see you in shape!

Hey, young man! Why the hurry? Where are you going?

Congratulations on the next bout...

But it's the Joe Louis-Walcott match?

You can tell me next time.

But young man, it was a very interesting match. What is wrong with you?

Follow that car!

When you upset your wife, it's pays to know how to make it up to her.

I understand you well, Sir, I have three wives!

Keep some distance. I don't want them to know.

Put yourselves at the disposition of the Inspector.

I understand your hurry, I'll remain here to assist in any

matters the Commander needs help in.

Good!

Please, this way Lieutenant. -Thanks.

This way Inspector. You come with us.

All yours, Inspector.

My regards. -Afternoon.

He is Kriminal? -What?

Where is Kriminal?

I'm asking myself the same question. Where could he be?

Follow that car.

Good Morning, Miss. -Good Morning.

He's waiting for you, follow me. -Thanks.

Finally my dear, well?

He was arrested and taken to Scotland Yard, the moment we arrived in port...

-The fragments of the map? -They're here.

It was easy.

Amazingly, she kept them all hidden in a cigarette case, of all things!

He's quite smart our friend, don't you think?

Right, he dresses like a skeleton, climbs walls.

And sends the fear of God into people...

I, on the other hand,

cheated him right under his nose with the Von Beck Buddha.

E l'ho steso con un solo colpo, lui e la sua tenuta da defunto...(?)

What good would it do to frame him for another murder?

He's already condemned to hell.

You know what upsets me, though? That he's going to hell

without knowing that we were responsible for all of this.

Let's go.

Oh! Excuse me. -It's nothing.

American? Yes.

Tourist? -Certainly, and you?

Well, in a certain way, yes.

If you'll permit me? Ted Richardson... Archeologist!

An archeologist! Well this is a special occasion!

Do you like excavations?

They told us there is nothing more beautiful than sunrise

seen from the Baalbeck ruins. -Right, my dear!

Do you have a car?

Certainly. Over there, near the entrance. It's an old banger we rented...

Very good, the keys, my friend.

I am a great driver and a very competent guide.

Here you can admire some lovely architecture from the 17th century.

Excuse me ladies, I'm in a hurry. Admire it at your leisure...

A night among the ruins can be so fascinating

No, no. Don't say a word, I understand. I fully agree.

Goodbye, and thanks for the car!

Let's go! -Wait here!

It must be in that area.

I understand this all must have been very uncomfortable for you, Mr. Patterson.

Ma pensi che poteva risolversi ben pi� drammaticamente.

Commissioner!

Kriminal was onboard, that's a fact. When Kriminal is involved...

Kriminal! For now I think I am more involved than him to you.

Kriminal is living it up somewhere with that beautiful Spanish lady

and you're keeping me here under interrogation.

Such big words! Let's talk like friends chatting over a coffee...

Some more lemonade? - No. I hate it.

I need to ask you a question, Why did Kriminal

come to Lebanon?

There's a lot of trade in Hashish, jewels, and antiques here...

How strange. Something doesn't seem right.

I don't understand.

That Barret chap liked to make things difficult.

This cross may indicate a tomb.

Well?

It could be one of those down there.

Is it here?

Not sure, I can't orientate myself with this dammned map!

How come?

I don't understand a damn thing.

Up to a certain point it's all very clear...

Then it becomes a work of fantasy!

You are a great photographer, Mr. Patterson!

Look, Inspector.

Beautiful! Is this the woman? -Yes, it's her.

She may study archeology,

but she has the eyes of a thief, not a student...

It's easy to say that now.

For my part, I've always imagined an archeologist to have a

a different appearance.

Inspector... I remember that a little while ago,

our government gave authorisation to an Englishman

to explore some ruins. I'm pretty sure it was around Baalbeck.

Baalbeck? -Yes!

lnteresting. Do you remember Barret?

A German who was killed in London, I'm not sure why but

a litttle Buddha was stolen from the scene.

These Buddhas...? Yes, they must come from the Barret collection!

I must call London immediately...

Let's blow the dust off of this Barret affair.

You stick around young man.

Waiter! A double whiskey!

Stop it with those fragments of paper! There's no hurry.

Why don't you lie down?

Because I'm not tired.

Don't you think we can pass the time in a more pleasurable way?

I've got other women on my mind!

Damn it, Robson. It seems like you can't think of anything except

those two damned portraits!

I'm starting to sympathise with Kriminal!

Hello, Mohammed.

What's going on?

You...Kriminal! You were Kriminal!

Me. The only authentic Kriminal!

And I invite you to share in this adventure.

We're all alone, my friends.

Your men will be here when they can find enough petrol to get here.

There are old legends told about this area.

They say skeletons and ghosts

move around the tombs. Even in broad daylight.

Don't go expecting any help.

The tomb will remain calm.

Reuniting all of the authentic parts, here is the final drawing of Barret's map.

And you two aren't needed anymore.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do? Wouldn't you kill me...?

There's two bullets left.

No, no. It was him who made me betray you...

He threatened to kill me! I'll do whatever you want.

I'll help you. I'll obey you.

Why not? The night is still young...

Can we get something to drink? There's beer in there.

After all, we did pay for it.

Isn't it enough to have found the right tomb?

You searched for so long! ...There it is!

You need to earn your beer. Take it.

Come on, you as well!

If you don't work, you won't get a drink! Start walking!

You're finally collaborating, aren't you happy?

There, you've arrived. Dig!

Is it still far away? -At least an hour, if we hurry.

Good kids! You've finished!

Come on, go inside, don't be afraid?

Enter!

You saved me the energy to open it!

I prefer to do things alone, remember that.

Damn that Barret...!

A noted criminal, an assassin for hire...

and yet look at this magnificent heritage he has left behind for us!

Two or three million pounds?

That's at least eight million dollars. ...Put your hands down!

What's so funny, idiot? Have you lost your mind?

One moment, wait!

Goodbye, my friends. Maybe, in a year or two

an archeologist will find you and confuse you both for two ancient Romans!

Wait.

Stop there!

Full tank, quickly!

Yallah, yallah! Hurry!

There he is! It's him! Hurry.

He must pay...!

Put your foot down! Don't let him get away!

Go faster! We can get him!

The portraits Inspector, he had the portraits! You there...

Leave them be! ...They are fakes!

They weren't bad, because they had to sit as substitutes for the

originals in Lady Hamilton's gallery.

If Lady Hamilton had any weaknesses,

it was her craving for affection. She was also quite

astute and she wasn't so easily fooled.

She just had a few too many nocturnal visitors.

And we believed that Barret had switched them over for the originals

two great masterpieces... Why?

It was obvious that in this small affair

something big could happen.

And it did happen. You see, Goya and Rembrandt,

with their beautiful women,

have given me more than I could have imagined...

Kriminal!

'Finally...'

'We're waiting for you Kriminal'

Subtitled by Mogweezer, For Cinemageddon.

09th March 2008