Original subtitles

(Door Opening) (Feet Shuffling)

How are you today, Lou?

Ah, that arm is healing up nicely but see that you've been

damaging your other arm. (sigh)

that won't do, Lou, that won't do

(cards being flipped through)

I, uh, can't help but notice you're still here

You haven't left our humble establishment to uh...

Rule The Earth.

Oh, I will, just you watch... I will.

Sure you will, Lou.

Sure you will.

Tell me about last night's dream.

It started with a Fat Guy.

(Heavy Country Blues Music)

(Heavy Country Blues Music) (Interior of Car Noises)

(Car Engine Problems)

Well Shit.

(car stopping)

I think, I think we blew a goddamn belt

Hey, I gotta take a piss.

Well go get your goddamn piss.

(passenger getting out of car)

(door slammed)

Well, well, well...

What a day, what a day.

(door opens)

(door shut)

(Country Guitar Twangs)

(silent except the wind)

(footsteps approach)

(Door slides open)

(lighter opened)

(Lighter lit)

(Ominous guitar)

(lighter closed)

What the fuck is going on?

Well, you see, the official version

is that I broke a belt

And then...

I heroically...

stopped you from escaping.

Why are you doing this?

Well, you see...

Master Ambrose

He gave me a long list of whereto's and whatfor's

And it is a long list because he is a wordy motherfucker

But, what it all boils down to

is a fat man had to die.

So, if you could get out in an orderly fashion

And then say...

run for 20 feet in that direction, in a straight line of course

I'd consider it a kindness.

(Slowly getting up and out of the van)

(jump to ground)

What exactly did I do to piss off what was it? MASTER Ambrose?

Shit son, I don't know.

It ain't like Master Ambrose and I have cookies and tea, y'see?

If it makes you feel any better...

I take no pleasure

in any of this.

Well, at least you're all shook up about it.

I'm all broke up, boo.

(Quick tussle)

(Shotgun BLAST)

(Shotgun round racked)

FUCK, my ball sac!!!!!

(SHOTGUN BLAST)

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

(scrambling without pants)

Fucking hell

What the fuck?

Fuck, what the fuck?

You need to stop right there sugar britches.

(urgent guitar

Point that thing away from me.

I don't want you to get nervous

and do something stupid. Take your finger off the trigger.

(calming guitar)

Now, real slow I want you to

pump those shotgun shells out

of that scattergun

You understand?

Yeah.

Nice and slow.

You're new at this aren't you?

Yeah.

(heavy breathing)

What the fuck? (racking round)

WHAT THE FUCK? (racking round)

what the (whimpering) fuck?

Go ahead and put the gun down.

Put it down... SLOW.

SLOW.

(calming guitar)

Now, back away.

(sniffling and shuffling)

Easy.

Now, you see what I did to your buddy?

(whimpering)

You do something stupid, that's going to be you too, you understand?

No...(whimpering)...no.

(whimpering)

You got a key on you?

Yeah.

A handcuff key?

(opening pocket to get key)

All right, you're going to come over here.

Uncuf one of these cuffs

Okay (walking)

You do this right, you can live.

(sniffling and walking)

I had nothing to do with this.

I...uh....

I got a wife and kids, man.

So, did I.

(Sniffling, crying and keys working)

(Fear and shaking)

Back up.

on the road.

(crying and shaking)

Look

He was a piece of shit.

I...I...

didn't think he would do anything like this

I...(sigh)

Look, look, I just had to take a piss.

I swear, I'll tell everbody the truth

(shuffling)

You're going to tell everbody the truth

(sniffling)

Now turnaround

Count to 100.

Walk in that direction.

You turn around

(sniffling)

That's it.

You're done.

GO. one...

(walking)

two.

(walking)

three

four

five

(Fat Guy Walking)

six.

seven...

eight

nine

(picking up shells)

ten

eleven

twelve

KEEP WALKING!

thirteen

fourteen

(raising shotgun)

fifteen

sixteen

(guitar strumming)

(lighter)

(radio is on) (footseps)

Excuse me?

(no answer just radio)

(takes a step to wall)

(BANG ON DESK)

EXCUSE ME?

(walking)

Sheriff don't take kindly to having his nap interrupted.

Oh.

I don't give a flying fuck what he takes kindly to

And are you seriously smoking narcotics in front of a Federal Officer?

(exhales)

No.

Jesus Christ.

(chuckling)

Get up

and get your boss

NOW!

Nobody orders the Sheriff around.

Well, I believe I just did.

So, why don't you get your fucking in bred ass out of my way

Or, I will break your goddamn chicken neck with my thighs

And, you will NOT enjoy it.

Well...I don't know about that.

(foot drops) (under her breath) Useless.

HEY!

Wake up you backwater excuse for law enforcement.

Let's go.

A Woman??

Well goddamn.

I could have sworn by the way you walked in here, you were all man

What did you fucking say to me?

Well honey,

If I've learned one thing

its if it walks like a bull

and it talks like a bull

No matter how pretty it is

there's gotta be a set of balls swinging around them pretty little thighs.

What can I do for you?

I am here, looking for an escaped convict.

Oh hey, ya'll let another one go?

NO, the department of corrections let another one go and I intend on finding him.

Do you now?

(background radio)

I reckon we all need goals.

It's MY JOB.

Tennessee's got a job too

He cleans the shitters

(sigh)

He has been up my ass for a promotion, I tell you what.

Do you see this goddamn badge?

I'm a US Deputy Marshall

and I require your assistance.

Well honey,

You might as well wish in one hand

and shit in the other and tell me which one fills up first.

Are you seriously refusing to assist the Federal Government?

Oh, you mean the bastards that coddle and hug these criminals?

No.

I mean those bastards who help pay for this godforsaken town

with grants and tax subsidies... SO.

Get your fucking ass up

and get me a goddamn map

I need to know where he might be hiding or where he might go

So, if anyone has heard of any breakins (Walking)

or burgleries (Door opens)

And, what fucking fresh hell is this?

(office radio)

Special Agent Duane Delmont Federal Bureau of Investigation

This is my partner Dwayne Dellmont

(office radio)

You boys twins?

No sir. No relation.

(office radio)

Look, you boys need to get in line Because I am looking for an escaped convict.

Uh, we're working a kidnapping.

I'm afraid our case takes precedence.

The girl has been missing for 43 hours and....

seventeen minutes.

Damn its uh...

gotta be embarrassing.

to get all dressed up

and uh

two other gals show up with the same shit you got on.

(very annoying laugh)

(door opens)

Sweetie.

(OMINOUS TONE) (Door Shuts)

I'm so glad you're home.

(ominous music)

I missed you.

Ahhh, sugar.

I missed you too.

It was a long day at the office.

How was your day?

Busy

(ominous guitar)

I had to clean the play room.

You forgot to walk her before you left this morning.

(cough)

(ominous guitar)

Ohhh, hunny.

Sorry, I forgot to walk that bitch this morning.

(sigh)

(guitar power chords)

It won't happen again.

It wasn't a problem.

Did my brother stop by?

(timid) Yes.

And did you do everything he needed done?

Of course.

Otis needed help twice.

(Laugh)

I figured you two could discuss that later.

Good Girl.

(laugh and kiss to the forehead)

(deep clearing of the throat)

(big exhale)

Daddy's tired.

I think I'll go to the playroom and housebreak that bad girl.

Dinner's going to be ready in a half an hour.

Perfect

(slap to her rear end)

(walking)

Hello, little girl.

I'm here.

Daddy's home.

(chuckle)

(metal lock opening)

(Heavy door sliding)

(girl whimpering)

I hear you had a little accident.

(girl whimpering)

No, that's not good.

You've been a bad, bad girl.

Fuck...that bitch bit me.

(eating cereal)

Master Ambrose shore does pay well.

(DOOR CRASHES OPEN)

DID YOU SAY AMBROSE?

Who the fuck are you?"

Did you say....Ambrose?"

(SHOTGUN BLAST)

(Chaos)

FUCK!

(GUNFIRE)

(Painful scream and fall)

(GUNFIRE and HEAVY METAL)

You can't hit shit, you fat fuck!

(GUNFIRE)

(Heavy Metal and eerie silence)

Can I interest you in some primo meth?

(SHOTGUN BLAST)

(RACKING A ROUND)

(Softer Gentle Music)

(slight feminine laughter from off camera and gasp)

What are you doing this Tuesday?

(Woman giggles)

I can make Tuesday work.

You serious?

You'll marry me on Tuesday?

(woman giggles)

Cause I was...I had this whole thing

YES.

Yes, yes, yes.

Uh....(hesitant pause)

This is funny.

I had something I wanted to tell you too.

(woman giggles)

Well, my news obviously wins

You know, cuz....

This beautiful dame just agreed to marry me.

Can you believe that?

Well, THIS Dame...

Is also pregnant.

(giggles)

I...uh...uh...

UH....

(annoyed) You can speak.

It's allowed.

(Awkward Silence)

You're going to be a Daddy.

Huh....

Tuesday?

(woman laughs)

No, we have a few months left for that.

(heavy painful breathing)

What the hell man... what did we ever do to you?

(labored breathing)

Not a goddamn thing.

But you work for Ambrose.

And, I need to send a message.

Fuck you.

You know, that looks pretty bad.

Might want to get someone to take a look at that.

(spanish guitar)

You know, if you live long enough.

You should go tell Ambrose that death is coming.

(guitar)

On second thought.

I'll tell him myself.

(SHOTGUN BLAST)

And then he destroyed my final minion.

Well, it looks like you're running out of minions there, Lou.

Stupid Fucking Game.

Uh...em... (deep sigh from manifestation)

(picking up card)

I'll just....

(playing card)

THERE!

I WON!

Now, Lou...all games have rules.

Rules are for losers.

Ask him about Uz.

Tell that to the man from Uz.

That's right.

You're the evil one.

Beezelbub

Abbadon, destroyer of worlds.

Don't get cute, Doc.

Those guys are all amateurs. I'm Lucifer.

Ahhh...

I forgot.

(flipping cards)

Tell me about Job, Lou.

I made a deal with God.

I bet that I could turn Job away from God.

Hmmm, God won that wager If I recall.

But, at a might steep price I still got my pound of flesh.

Sure you did Lou.

Sure you did.

(Silence)

Are you questioning my powers?

Tell you what.

Strike me down.

(manifestation draws gun)

(GUNSHOT)

(SILENCE)

Go ahead. I'll wait.

Huh?

eh.

hmmm.

(silence)

(card flipping)

It doesn't work like that.

Of course it doesn't.

So, what happened next?

(HEAVY GUITAR)

Hey!

Look, I already gave my statement

and they already yelled at me and handed me my walking papers.

You were the one driving the convict?

No, I was riding shotgun.

We were on a long stretch of road.

and my partner was giving me water

we missed the last bathroom for a 60 mile stretch.

I just had to go, take a piss.

I had no idea that he would try and kill the convict.

WHAT?

Yeah, my partner was

paid by someone

to kill the convict.

(ambient sounds)

That is not what the Sheriff

or the Department

of Corrections told me.

Of course not

they're all on the same payroll

(ambient noise)

Why are you telling me this?

I promised the fat man

that I would tell the truth.

and I intend on doing just that.

(ambient)

So, he didn't violently escape?

Oh, it was violent already but

it was self defense pure and simple.

But, he did kill other

convicts at his previous prison?

Yeah, but only after they jumped him.

(ambient)

He killed them all at once?

Yeah.

The paperwork says,

that he killed five

other convicts

over several months.

No, it was all at the same time.

I was there.

He killed them in the shower

with just a goddamn bar of soap.

there were a lot of

naked body parts

that I had to pick up

I transferred to transpo the next day.

You can only handle

so many uh

severed

members

before its time to rethink

your career trajectory.

Probably a good idea.

(ambient)

Did he mention where he was going?

No offense, lady

when a fatman is

holding a shotgun to your head

its really not time to

ask him his evening plans.

ANYTHING?

He didn't say anything.

Just between you and me

Mayor Ambrose pays a lot of

the bills around here

if you catch my drift?

I know for a fact that

my partner did some

off hours odd jobs for him.

The mayor?

You say mayor.

We say God.

But, you didn't hear that from me.

(ambient)

Thanks.

(ambient)

(sigh and footsteps)

(walking)

What the fuck am I gonna do?

My Daddy told me to

be a cop, be a cop he said

GOD.....DAMMIT

(Ambient)

Well, this here's the Harlan house.

So...(footsteps)

(banging on porch)

You know they have a door, right?

I ain't allowed on the porch.

That's fair.

(footsteps and door opening)

What the hell are you doing here?

Now, Arthur, I'm just

here to deliver the feds.

The Feds?

(reaching for badges)

Special Agent Duane Dellmont

this is my partner Special Agent Dwayne Delmont

Ya'll related?

No relation, sir.

Well, what can I do for you?

May we come in, sir?

Yeah, ya'll are welcome but

leave the local fucknut (from inside) ARTHUR!

Leave the retard on the porch.

ARTHUR!

Leave the special needs student on the porch.

Bettah!

Again, that seems perfectly fair.

Thank you Deputy.

Yeah.

(footsteps and closed door) (irritation from Tennessee)

(attempt to light his pipe)

OWWW!

I ain't a

GODDAMN retard.

Your granddaughter has been missing for...

45 hours and 12 minutes.

THAT WE KNOW OF.

That's when we first called it in to the local fucknuts.

(scolding tone)

Local law enforcement.

How long had she been missing before that?

She left for classes.

Uh...

She's a theology student.

at the university.

Near the top of her class.

Was she unhappy?

Not at all.

Any enemies?

Of course not, she's a young woman.

Ma'am

in our experience age doesn't matter.

Anyone who might want to do her harm?

Angry boyfriends?

No but we did have a

breakin here about 4 days ago.

Why didn't you call it in?

Is that what they told you?

I did call it in.

Sheriff Bojangles and Deputy Fucknuts

told me it probably wasn't anything.

ARTHUR!

Estelle!

I love you.

45 years of matrimonial bliss

with you, but I swear to God

if you correct my accurate

portrayal of that idiot one more time

It ain't mean, if its true.

There is a polite way

and an impolite way

to call someone a fuckin' idiot.

And you don't call that fucktard

a fuckin' idiot in front

of strangers even if he is a wicked fucktard.

Ma'am

if we could focus.

The fucking idiot said?

She said, fucktard.

Thank you, my mistake.

They came out, told me

kids or animals, or

Look, ain't no animal leaving a size 12 boot print.

Did you see them?

Uh...no, but the neighbors did.

Wonderful people.

Lutherans.

But, we can forgive that indiscretion.

ma'am.

They described a group of gang members

Gang members?

Yeah, we got us a bunch of kids who think

their pants shouldn't fit

driving around all tough

and inner city hard while

they're driving past cow pastures.

You know, I used to act tough too

driving past cow pastures

except mine were in Nam!

Oh, you were in Nam?

Do you have any description beyond that?

Well, (sigh) yeah.

Neighbor said they all kinda looked alike

like they could be brothers.

I know where they live if it helps.

Wait, you know where they live?

Well, it is a small town.

Sheriff told me to...stay away.

And I've been doing that.

But, I swear to God, if they had

anything to do with this

I will SHOW them what I learned in Viet-NAM.

All right, that's all the questions we have right now.

Thank you both for your time.

Semper Fi.

Do or Die.

Semper Fi, boys.

You bring her home.

(footsteps out)

She'll come back, right?

(door shuts)

Well, at least we have some professionals on the job now.

Instead of the wonder twins of ineptitude.

It's dinner time.

I caught me some road kill.

Think I need to teach him a

thing or two about talking to outsiders

(laughter)

Did he learn?

Well, he ain't talkin'.

I say it's a lesson he won't soon forget.

(cackling laughter)

Well, we still gonna do

this here ritual tomorrow night?

Well, it is the blood moon.

Why?

You growing attached to your little toy?

(snickering laughter)

She is fresh.

Heh...she still screams

when you mishandle her.

(evil laughter)

Well...

It can't be your wife

She's already over 21.

The sacrifice has to be a woman under 20 years.

You know the scripture as well as I do.

Wait...we

could snatch you another but,

The Feds are starting to sniff around.

No, that's fine.

We'll just put this bitch

out of her misery

and then I'll get a new one

when the Feds aren't around.

Or, maybe Lucifer will get me

a new one, kinda as a reward?

(evil laughter)

You sure you won't stay? I made pleny.

Even baked some bread.

No, I better get back

to my toy

while I still

have her.

(laughter)

Don't overcook those ribs.

(spatula hitting oven)

There are some things you can say to me, brother.

Insulting my ribs is a touch too far.

Well, you gotta eat 'em.

Whatever makes you happy, brother.

Makes me happy.

(simmering silence)

(deep sigh)

(footsteps)

(chair kicked aside) (Sitting down)

(smacking the "road kill")

Can you believe that?

He had the affrontery

to comment on my ribs...well,

your ribs.

That's just downright rude.

Awww (deep sinister bass)

I think your ribs will be just fine.

May I ask where your crime scene unit is?

Did you hear that Tennessee?

Federalis want to know where the crime scene unit is?

(pffttt)

Crime scene unit...that's funny boss.

Why is that funny?

You're in Appalachia County now boy.

We are the crime scene unit.

We've got a deputy marshall out there

with the finest ass you ever did see.

She's on the job.

Did you just call my partner, boy?

Aw hell

It's just a term of endearment around here.

(snickering) For colored boys.

Term of endearment that's funny boss.

Bet your kind used to call slavery, having house guests.

Oh, hell yeah.

With benefits.

(more snickering)

I will cheerfully take your racist ass outside.

What are you gonna do? Assault an officer?

(birds chirping outside)

What do you know?

Well, it was bloody.

Any sign of the girl?

(sigh)

That's right, you boys are looking for a girl.

I hate to break it to you hoss

All the body parts we found were male.

Were they all brothers?

What you trying to say?

All us white boys look alike?

Uh...

Its a term of endearment, deputy.

(birds from outside)

How many people did this?

A witness said it was a fat guy with a shotgun.

Aw hell no...

I don't reckon we have witnesses around these parts.

Oh, well that's cute.

The witness says you haven't got any cops around these parts.

WHO SAID THAT?

Tell me where they are and we're

we're going to take care of dem.

All right, Tennessee.

Do you gentleman want to

take this conversation where its a little bit less....

stupid.

Uh...yes...please.

(footsteps)

What kind of uppity

yankee bullshit, is that?

(Under his breath) Yeah.

Tell you what though, with an ass like that, its hard to hate that bitch.

Yeah well,

she probably reminds you of your Mom too.

My Mom?

Boy, whatchyu know about my Mom?

Nothin'.

Nope, nothin' nope.

So, the shooter matches my guy's description.

But, the bodies are the ones who apparently took your girl.

How do you know that?

WELLLLL.....

I managed to swipe these

before that sheriff even decided to mosey on up to the crime scene.

Wait, you took these off of an active crime scene?

What? SERIOUSLY?

You going to bitch at me for contaminating their crime scene?

Uh, no deputy, just impressed.

We should team up.

Pool our resources.

Ignore the inept locals?

Uh, they call them fucking idiots here.

Actually, its fucktards.

(Slide guitar)

It's a term of endearment.

(slide guitar)

Is that a yes?

(slide guitar)

You have a deal.

Okay then.

(playing cards)

A King belongs in his castle.

Now Lou, not every powerful man is a King.

No, but you haven't head of a

King paying child support and eating dog food either.

Preach it, BROTHER!

(Church hymnal music)

(knock at the door)

You may enter.

(door opening and footsteps)

Oh look, honey.

It's our local sheriff.

And to what do we owe this honor this evening, sheriff?

Is it time for another charitable

contribution to the local law enforcement doesy-do?

You got yourself a problem.

And that problem would be?

You got a fat guy out there killing all your boys.

(excited movement, sigh from woman)

(pure excitement gasps)

GOOOOOD!

That's good?

Walk with me Sheriff.

(sigh)

Did you just sass me?

No darling.

My back was just hurting... a little.

I'm sorry.

Are you sure?

Baby I would never-

Goddamn right.

Now, you just sit there and look pretty.

(patting sheriff on the shoulder)

Now...

there's some questions that you have, I bet.

Yeah, I got a few.

(walking)

(church hymnal music)

(creepy) Awwww

you taste good, child.

Ya all right sheriff?

I'm fine.

I don't mind covering for ya'll's family but

I'd rather not watch this depravity.

I don't give two shits on a stick, what you want.

About this fat guy?

Of course.

Now, I didn't want to hurt the boy

I just needed to get his dander up a little bit.

You see...the fat guy

He's my long lost brother.

The baby?

Baby boo....

(evil giggle)

Is he horseman?

Hell yeah!

only the most glorious one of us all.

It's gonna be bloody.

WELL....

it IS the apocalypse.

Now, you knew that

when you signed over your soul for your pound of flesh.

Tell me sheriff...

How is that sweet young thang

I sent over to you?

She's fine.

And, the sex?

Is it everything you ever dreamed about

in your entire life?

Yeah.

Well then

the price has been bartered for

you are bought and sold.

and if I should tell you to

lick the shit off the bottom of my boot.

You are gonna hop to it... post haste!

What do you want me to do about this fat guy?

(kissing noises, uncomfortable, sigh)

Tell you what

you let him kill a bit more

He needs to embrace his role of death.

Tomorrow night!

Under the blood moon...

we cut this tasty treat from her

snatch all the way to her throat.

We let her blood bring forth our daddy.

and then we rule the world by his side.

AMEN....brother.

(evil giggle)

What about me?

Don't worry sheriff.

In a world ruled by the darkest of souls

there's always going to be a need for a good

LOYAL

Sheriff.

Now,

you get some of your boys together here

and uh

you pick a fight with my little brother and

you let the blood flow.

Yes sir.

(Woman screams) Shhhhhhhh

Oh, you can see yourself out, you know where the door is.

(woman screams)

My brother and I

have a toy that needs our undivided attention

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

Shhhh

Yeah...

Oh this one is just too good

We should have some fun first. (Woman screaming)

No....no...

You know the prophecy

calls for a virgin sacrifice

Now...

we can play with the merchandise

but we can't plaaaay with the merchandise.

Well shit Rayland.

I's got to get my willie wet.

What do you think my wife is for?

Awww...I'll take the back door.

(evil giggle)

I guess I'll take the front door.

(evil giggle)

Lead on brother.

No, brother, after you.

What a friend we have in Jesus

(relieved sigh)

So, what will you do if you finally win?

WHEN.

When I finally win.

Of course, of course....WHEN you win.

I'll give humans total freedom.

Freedom from morals.

Freedom from empathy.

Freedom from God.

God?

You see Hell is...

The rape of the Congo.

The Armenian genocide.

Nanking.

Wu han

Jewish ghettos

Cambodia.

Gaza

Sri Lanka

Sierra

Darfur, Croatia

Bosnia

It all happened on his watch

He gave them free will.

That was his first mistake.

So, you ask me what I'll do when I win?

The first thing I'll do is eliminate adults from the equation.

I'll raise children to bow before me.

I will provide order where he provided chaos.

I WILL BRING KNOWLEDGE.

You won't let them discover it on their own?

OH PLEASE...he would let them walk blindly

through the wilderness

for all of eternity.

I'd give them direction.

(card shuffling)

But, what will you do when they question

(slams cards down)

I'll give them answers.

To everything or...

just to the questions you like?

See...

humans grow and learn they question.

They try

and they fail

and they try again

that's what makes them unique.

Some try to follow God's instructions

and some fail.

Some will misuse his name or,

misinterpret his intentions

but, that's not really the point.

So, what is the point?

The point is that

He was

just the God of their creation.

THEY

are the Gods of their destiny

and you want to rob them of that.

NO...I want to harnass it.

(laughter)

(clears throat)

Some books say that God tried to harness it once

and you and I both know what came out of that mistake.

Then he should have ended the experiment.

(cards shuffling)

Let's talk about your wife Lillith.

HEY!

We agreed you would not bring her up.

Lou, I am here to help you work through all of your anger

and that includes the anger towards your wife.

My EX...my ex-wife.

(sigh)

You want to play?

Okay, but what's the game?

Go fish.

Is your mouth ready to receive a python?

I've seen your pecker Tenny. its a garter snake at best.

(Laughter) Goddamn she got you good.

Well shit, Harlowe

just cuz you got hit with an ugly stick

don't mean you get to laugh at my pecker!

DAMN Tenny, I was just joshin' at ya.

Bitch

you told me

that if I got you some weed and a six pack

you'd make my night.

I'm here ain't I?

You get to look at me.

That's more than Harlowe paid for.

Show me your tits.

Yeah, lets see your tits.

Uh-uh-uh.

FUCK THAT!

No, I paid for tits

You don't get shit.

You can turn your ass around.

What the fuck you talking about Tenny?

No, you didn't pay for shit.

Fine, you can see my tits.

Turn around.

C'mon BRUH! NO!

I paid for this, you can turn your ass around.

Fuck you.

(Harlow turning around)

Well shit.

On a scale of one to Robocop, I'd give that a Smokey and The Bandit.

God Damn... (everyone turns)

(footsteps

You know that's what I love about Appalachia.

Man can't find him a woman

But goddamn he can talk his sister into a freebie.

Fuck you, Sheriff.

Fuck me, honey?

I ain't the one in the midst of foreplay with her goddamn brothers.

Well shit, Sheriff.

(laugh)

It ain't incest if you're paying for it like everybody else.

Allright what the fuck you want here?

Well, I ain't here on my own account I can assure you that.

Your cousin sent me to round up a few expendables.

Like the movie?

Yeah Harlowe...just like the movie.

Shit yeah.

Rayland asked for us?

Rayland asked for us.

All three of ya, just by name.

Well shit

He's starting to see our worth.

(mumbles of agreement)

Wait.

What's he askin' us to do?

He ain't asking nothing you three ain't capable of.

Just pick up a little trash around town and take it out.

Got an escaped convict.

A dangerous convict?

Nah....

just a fat guy with a shotgun.

Like I said.

it ain't nothin' you three can't handle.

(country music on radio)

Fuckin' A.

(country music)

We're steppin' up.

Fuck yeah.

It'll be a cake walk for you.

Easy Breezy.

Once we prove ourselves.

I'm gonna get gussied up

and work at the mayor's office.

Don't that just beat all.

Hell yeah.

(country music)

Fuckin' skedaddle shitheads.

(getting up)

(cage being closed)

(butt smack)

(footsteps)

(spit out hay)

Fuckin' morons.

(car doors close almost in unison)

(footsteps)

We should get that in better sync.

Yeah, that'd be nice.

We should get food after this keep your blood sugar regulated.

I acquiesce to the urgency of this material need.

This is the middle of nowhere.

Ah...pardon us...Miss?

(gasp)

Well I do declare

look at what has just shown

up at my door.

And what can I do to help you handsome men?

Um, we're looking for your Mother ma'am.

My MAMA? (laugh)

Well, ain't you just the cutest thing.

Oh my mama passed away years ago.

Hellfire...

She died before my boys were born.

Oh (seductive) but you are sweet for saying so.

Miss...

We're here to see Mrs. Ambrose may we converse with her?

Well...(laugh) I'm Mrs. Ambrose.

And

If I may say

YOU

are a credit to your race young man.

A FIIIINNNNNE Specimen.

Um, our apologies ma'am you-

just don't seem old enough.

(flattered laughter)

Aren't you just a silver tongued devil.

Tell me...

What else can you do with that tongue?

Ma'am if you are indeed Mrs. Ambrose

then we'd like to make a few inquiries.

I can assure you I AM the mistress of this house.

(laugh)

Now, I'm sure you

city boys must think

we mountainfolk have

all manner of strange habits.

Why, I bet you think

I stay young lookin' by

bathing in the blood of virgins (laughter)

Excuse me?

(big laugh)

Don't worry sugar

I do no such thing.

I stay young lookin' by

(deep breath)

breathing this clean mountain air.

and staying close to mother nature.

You know, there are times when I

feel like I just popped out of the ground.

I see.

Now that we have established

who I am

May I ask

who you two gentleman are

and what questions you have?

Certainly.

(pulling out badges)

Special Agent Duane Delmont FBI

This is my partner.

Special Agent Dwayne Dellmont

(laugh)

Well

your mama and daddy didn't have much of an imagination.

No relation ma'am.

We're here investigating the

disappearance of this girl.

Her name is Sophie Harlan.

Well...

she certainly looks delicious

But...

I don't know what this has to do with me.

May we come in?

Mercy me

where are my manners

Of course you may.

Usually I wouldn't even ask.

I'd insist.

(Walking and door closing)

Now, I would love nothin better

to help you boys achieve uh...

Uh...(laugh)

to help you boys

achieve your

uh

objective.

of finding this

young girl, but

I just don't see how I can help you.

That smells really good.

(she stands)

Actually, Mrs. Ambrose

Oh please,

Call me Mama.

everybody does

(laugh)

Uh..

Mrs. Ambrose,

Can you tell us the whereabouts of your three sons?

During the disappearance?

(Gasp)

There go my manners again!

Would you two boys like something to eat?

No thank you ma'am.

Uh, I would.

(shuffling)

When would that be?

49 hours and

7 minutes.

My...

That does narrow it down a bit.

You would have been good working in a household.

Why, I can't rightly say where my boys were but

I'm sure they're not the ones you're lookin' for.

Why do you say that?

Well my boys are blessed.

and a blessing.

take those ribs and barbecue

My boy Otis brought them by for me.

It's his secret recipe.

He says

it all starts with the

right kind of meat.

Gotta be fresh.

That may well be, ma'am

But we still need to speak with him.

Can you tell us where they are now?

Why...(sigh)

I (sigh)

I couldn't say.

Well, what about Mister Ambrose?

Oh (sad sigh)

The boy's daddy

ain't been around

for awhile....but

I worship

the ground he walks

on

We all do.

In fact,

We're preparing for his return

(excited exhale) OH...

It's gonna be a hot time

in this town when he does.

Uh....

that's...

nice

um

thank you

so much for your time

here's my

card

(pulling out business card)

Tell your sons

that we'd like to spek with them.

(fork being placed on plate)

We'll see ourselves out.

(plate being placed on table)

Oh don't mind none

Just as soon as I see

any of my boys

I'll send them right out

to find you.

(door and shuffling on floor)

Uh, thank you for the food.

Oh, and agents...

I've got four sons.

All right, we'll be in touch.

(exhale)

(door closing)

(nature and wind)

You wanna tell me what that shit was about?

(exasperated sigh)

Why'd you keep me from eating man?

You know I'm a ribs and barbecue man from way back right?

Yeah, that's why I was so surprised you didn't want any back there.

You know, with your blood sugar and shit.

Duane...

You don't eat at

a suspects house...period.

What are you saying?

It's about the badge.

We represent the badge Duane.

Fair.

and there is some

shit going on

in this county brother.

Beside,

Do you really want to eat

anything these hillbillies prepare?

NO.

Exactly.

(discordant guitar)

So...

If they're guilty do we go ahead and take her in?

No, no, no...let's...

find Catherine, there's some weird shit going on down here.

Really weird shit.

Yeah, weirder than that normal WV weird shit.

Weird shit.

(walking)

If we kill anybody you're doing the paperwork.

(guitar strum)

I want them dead.

Yes, Mama.

And tell them, I want

their cocks and balls for a nice stew

YES, MAMA!

Tell him, if he fails me

It will be his and his deputies instead.

And

he'll serve them to me.

I'll deliver the message myself.

Ah...(disgusted sigh)

Oh, all this stress

It is VERY hard on the skin.

Is that?

IS THAT A WRINKLE?!

No way Mama

No wrinkle would dare

touch your skin!

Aw...Buford darling

I need a bath.

I think.

I think three should do it.

Shall I kill them

or save that for you

Mama?

(pause)

No, I don't want

you to cut their

throats..YOU KNOW

I LIKE A WARM BATH!

I'll do it myself.

(silence)

Now, do you

require versions

for your

porcelain skin

Or, will any blood do?

No need to be

virgins

Just innocent blood.

I NEVER lie to the law.

It's not my

problem its

so hard to come

by innocent blood.

(exasperated sigh)

Lordy.

I swear.

I am

SURROUNDED by idiots.

(silence)

It's my cross to bear.

You are so right, Mama.

Idiots everywhere.

(soft piano)

(Catherine making bed)

(exhale from long day)

(piano)

(shirt thrown)

(footsteps)

(shuffling)

(Exhale and sits)

(Sliding gun out of the way)

(piano and distant drums)

(piano)

(under breath) Where the hell are you John?

(PIano)

(Piano with ominous low notes)

(Audio recording comes on) (Man clears his throat)

(Papers being flipped through)

(ominious notes)

(RECORDING)Tell me

about your tour.

(deep exhale)

(papers)

(nervous breathing)

(John) I'd rather not.

All right, it was bad.

(piano)

Isn't that enough?

(Doc) Maybe for your buddies

But you and I are here

to help you get past this terrible ordeal.

You have it all in your records.

I know.

But uh...tell me in your own words.

(deep breath)

In my words.

I was the only goddamn survivor.

What the fuck do you want me to say about it?

That is a....uh...

interesting choice of words for the only survivor.

(piano interlude)

Sometimes life can also be a death sentence, doc.

So, talk to me.

(deep breath)

Okay, initially it wasn't just me.

Initially there were three of us.

(sweeping piano)

We made it the whole way with very little food.

We were starving.

(breathing)

We were gettin' real thin

but, not just...

thin

yeah...

We were holocaust skinny.

The three of us

Mikey had it the worst. Mikey was dyin'.

in front of our eyes.

and for some reason

I wasn't losing the weight

like everyone else was

I still had my strength

I could hack the pain.

(deep breath)

So...

We were gettin'

whatever little rations we had

I was givin'a lot of em out.

Mikey mostly.

(sad flute)

The amount of food I was

givin' I guess his

stomach burst.

(sad flute)

You know, you hack it through the march.

survive those fuckin' hellships.

You get all the way to the camp.

and just because

some buddy gives you some extra bread.

That's how you go?

(exhale)

So, you're blaming

yourself for

an act of kindness?

(sad flute and piano)

Wouldn't you?

(recording ends)

World War Two?

What?

(piano theme)

Tell me about your childhood.

(sigh)

Gettin' really tired of talkin, Doc.

all right...its all in the file.

No, its not John.

All it tells me is you

grew up in a group home and the work houses.

Doesn't tell me anything else.

(big exhale from John)

All right, I really don't remember much.

I know I was born in West Virginia.

I know my Mother gave me up for adoption

I worked in some shoe factory

shortly after I turned six

and I stayed there

really, until I was old enough to enlist.

and shortly after that

I was in 4th Marines headed to the Pacific.

Workhouses?

How the fuck old is this guy?

(piano theme returns)

Pretty sure I have some siblings somewhere.

Well, have you ever tried to find them?

Nah...not really.

Well, I've always believed um...

the family that you choose

is far more important than the family that you are given.

I agree with that.

You are a good man, John.

So?

We all done then?

Almost John, almost.

Have you ever...

looked into your past?

Not really.

A little bit.

I know the family name

on my birth certificate says Ambrose.

I met a woman.

And uh...

I'm going to ask her to marry me.

But uh, I want to make sure the uh

the nightmares stop first.

Well (big sigh)

I can't guarantee the nightmares will be gone forever, John.

But, I do know you are a good man.

(recording ends)

That's it?

No investigation?

(piano theme)

(shuffling in chair)

(big sigh)

(piano theme ends)

(door knocks)

(standing)

Who is it?

Duane

and Dwayne.

(sigh and walking to door)

(opening door)

Come on in.

(they enter)

Uh...

US Marshalls don't offer a per diem?

(door shuts)

We're here to give you your award

for WV's shittiest hotel room?

competition was stiff this year so....congratulations.

(sarcastic) ha-ha.

We just had the strangest....uh (awkward reaction)

You might wanna...

What?

Clothes.

Oh right...

Sorry kids.

Guess you haven't seen these before.

(getting dressed and walking)

(sigh) I have a problem.

(playing with uneven table)

I think my guy is....

Um...(distracted by table)

(Catherine stops the table rocking)

I think my guy is innocent.

You sure?

NO! I'm not sure.

But my gut is telling me (recording comes alive with door creak)

(Mama voice) Is it done?

What the fuck is that?

(Buford) He hasn't spoken a word.

(Buford) He was covered in his wife's blood.

(Buford) But his wife was killed with a revolver.

(Buford) All we recovered was a shotgun.

(Mama) So, the official story is

he threw the murder weapon away, officer.

Damn son, do I have to do everything?

(Buford) No, ma'am.

So, ummmmm

(Catherine) Who the fuck is that?

(Buford) Uh...

(Mama) Yeah?

(Duane) Shhhh

(Mama) You tryin' to ask me something, son?

(Buford) You promised me a reward.

(Mama) Oh...right.

You wanted to live forever

is that right?

(Buford) Yes, Mama!

(Mama) And what was your name again?

(Buford) Buford.

(Mama) We're going to get along just fine Buford darlin.

(Dwayne) I know that voice.

Yeah?

Yeah.That's Mrs. Ambrose.

Wait, Rayland's mother?

How fucking old is she?

(awkward silence)

The thing is, she looks younger than you.

Oh, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I've been working all day.

It's not as though I look like I'm in my 70's

Yeah, that's the thing.

Neither did she.

(pause)

What's going on in this county?

Whatever it is...it is not normal.

(trash being picked up)

(walking)

(hard step on cement)

(walking)

(packing bag and patting it)

(packing bag and patting it) (walking)

(walking)

(picks up bag)

(puts shotgun down)

(looking over the tool belt)

(putting it on)

(daunting music, a hero is born)

(walking)

Where in the hell do you think he's at?

I don't know.

Here comes somebody.

(drawing gun)

(birds and footsteps)

(footsteps and heavy breathing)

You're going to want to get out of my way.

If you're not an Ambrose we got no beef.

We're the new generation of Ambrose.

Is that so?

Yeah.

You heard what she said.

Shut up, can't you see I'm talking?

We're the new motherfuckers in town.

The new motherfuckers?

YEAH!

So, that means....

that this is your unlucky day FAT MAN.

(sigh)

I guess so.

(tension rises)

(GUNFIRE)

(eerie silence)

(inhale cigarette)

(exhale)

(goopy blood sounds)

What the fuck?

(shotgun racking a new round)

(SHOTGUN BLAST)

(soft wind)

(eerie piano)

(Doctor) Do you have any queens?

(Lou) Hmmm, Go fish.

(card drawing)

(Doc) Uh, about your dream.

Tell me, why would you have your youngest go live in foster care?

(Lou) Are you kidding me?

He's DEATH.

I needed him to have a healthy disdain for humanity.

What better way to do that than

to send him out into the world

surrounded bythe meat

puppets he plans to harvest?

Have you met people?

(Doc) I have.

And I find

that most of them are

hard working and decent.

And working together

for a common goal to

make the world a better

place for the coming generation.

(Sheriff) All right Goddamnit

Ya'll follow my lead.

We'll get the jump on these sons of bitches.

(wind and gun twirling)

(Guitar twang)

So, what did the judge say?

(silence)

He's playing golf

Oh.

(standing)

Looks like we're going

with my plan, aren't we?

We still need a warrant Duane.

You know, I always wanted to be the Mexicans in Butch and Sundance.

Well...

you know boss if

we're going to be technical

Um

Really its Butch

and Sundance

AND Sundance.

Right?

You know?

I reckon you got a point.

Thank you.

Huckleberry

Bring over Wyatt.

Well, I'm your Huckleberry.

You gotta stop saying that shit.

All right.

On my sign.

(accidental discharge)

Shit.

(Ricochet into room)

Looks like a damn Klan rally out there.

They have a machine gun.

SHIT!

(everybody taking cover)

Goddamnit... I'm sorry Boss.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Fuck it...SHOOT!

(MASSIVE AMOUNT OF GUNFIRE)

Fuck.

(Silence)

I want a machine gun.

Okay.

We're going to get them while they are still reloading.

Um, short Duane

I need you to go get the car.

Tall Dwayne go to the right.

And I'm going to go down the center.

Okay?

So. I'm going for the right?

OH. MY. GOD.

YOU, DUANE

You go get the car!

You DWAYNE

You go to the right.

I'm going to go down the center.

Are we good?

OKAY

(Gunshot)

Shit...(everyone scatters)

So, what happened next?

Huh?

The motel shootout.

Oh.

Uh.

So, the fat fuck rode in on his fat pale horse

came to save the day. Do you have any threes?

Go fish.

(draws card)

(Fast Country Music Kicks off)

(gunfire)

Fuck, its my tree.

(gunshot)

(more gunfire)

I'm going right, cover me.

Okay!

Okay, GO!

(gunfire)

Fuckin' A!

(gunfire and running)

(SHOTGUN BLAST)

(GUNFIRE)

I have him.

Great, get the kid to safety.

(gunfire)

DUANE!

What?

No, short Duane!

Nyuh-uh...

WHITE DWAYNE!

JESUS CHRIST DWAYNE

What the fuck are we gonna do now, Boss?

You hold down this spot now Tennessee.

And, I'm gonna go and get us some help.

I...I...I...

I can't

Now listen,

Goddamnit, you've been saying you want more responsibility.

Now, this is more responsibilty.

No, boss, I kinda like doin' nothin'.

I wish I was doin' nothin right now.

You got this.

I got...uh...(footsteps)

Dammit Boss

We can't do this.

Goddamnit Boys, there ain't no way that fat son of a bitch

can hit us from there.

(drawing axe)

(THUNK)

(awed silence)

Fuck this.

Fuck this.

I'm out! I'M OUT!

(Car pulling up)

(shotgun pumped)

FREEZE JOHN!

I SAID FREEZE!

(wind and birds)

Look, I know you didn't kill your wife and child.

(silence)

Okay?

I know the Ambrose Family had something to do with it.

(footsteps on gravel)

You're going to kill all of them aren't you?

(ambient noise)

Look, I have a job to do.

And that means bringing you in no matter what.

(Ambient noise)

Which is why its going to be so hard

to tell them how you got away.

(Ambient noise)

Look, I'm going to the Ambrose house now and I'm going to help

these agents find that missing girl.

This may be our one chance

to make sure that bastard

doesn't hurt anyone else.

I'll be there.

I was hoping you would say that.

(car trunk closed)

Look, I gotta help them, okay.

(heavy breathing from the wounds)

(walking away)

We good?

(ambient noise)

Yeah. We're good.

All right, lets go get that missing girl of yours.

What about your fugitive?

What fugitive?

Who were these assholes?

I don't know.

But, I'm guessing they all share the same family shrubbery.

and also judging by the fact

that we have a local deputy

lying over there

with a tomahawk

in his head

I'm guessing that we'redealing with local law enforcement.

You know, I wanted to go to Seattle.

But, my partner here insisted on the National Capitol.

Which covers this lovely bit of West Virginia.

Too much rain.

I'm not writing up tomahawk guy.

Not me...

(ambient footsteps)

Okay.

(walking away)

(eerie music)

Please...

(deep breath)

God

(eerie music)

Get me outta here.

(eerie music)

Please send somebody to save me.

(footsteps)

I swear I will never doubt you again.

(footsteps)

And I will never take my grandparents forgranted.

I've made so many mistakes.

(eerie music)

Surprise Girl.

(eerie ambience)

(knife being opened)

(eerie ambience)

You pray to a God who

doesn't like to meddle.

Do you know what

inaction gets you?

(ambience) (Cutting bra straps)

Do you?

(cutting other bra strap)

No.

(ambience)

Awww

(cutting front of bra)

ME.

Awww

(licking sound)

(kissing)

(eerie music)

You wanna know a secret?

(crying) (Otis smirks)

My brother Rayland likes you.

He wanted you all for his own.

but I told him that

just wouldn't do.

(kiss)

Your blood

will usher in a new era.

and bring our Daddy back.

(shivering) (giddy joy from Otis)

(ugly orgasmic laughter)

Oh...the tears of a virgin

Mama sure does want those.

Wasted opportunity in every drop.

(crying) (licking)

Why are you doing this?

Because...

there are two sides to every war

You're lyin' here

vulnerable

praying to a God

who just won't answer, and

I spent my entire childhood

waitin' for a Daddy who couldn't

You see

a very long time ago

(whispering) my Daddy

was banished

by your Daddy.

And I want my Daddy back.

My Daddy died in the Gulf War He didn't banish anybody!

(ENRAGED) I don't give a damn about your mortal father!

(crying)

Shhhh

I'm talking bigger than that sweetheart

(crying)

Satan is your Father?

(evil laugh)

Lucifer

Augustine

Ambrose

It's an older name than most realize.

You're insane!

You see

My Daddy

had four sons

and he gave each

of us a horse

My Horse

was black

Four horsemen?

FAMINE!

at your service

and you

are the blood

of innocence

Your blood

will create a blight

that will

KILL

the very

ground the humans

souls walk it will

DEFILE IT.

(evil chuckle)

(fearful breathing)

Or at least it would have

W-w-what do you mean would have?

Ohhhhh

I'm afraid my brother has been a bit remiss.

He's not going to be in charge much longer.

and if we

can't bring Daddy back

The lease I could do

is share my gifts with the world.

Little lamb

Now c'mon

you know this song

♪Bringing in the sheaves

♪Bringing in the sheaves

(shocked terror)

We shall come rejoicing

♪Bringing in the sheaves

(Crying)

Now

What's a little hunger

among friends?

(evil laughter)

Now there

(crying)

a cord of wheat

for a penny

C'mon ow

Take it down.

Down the hatch.

♪Bringing in the sheaves

There you go

chew and swallow now

its good for you

(trying to chew)

and then we have

three quarts of barley

for a nickel

C'mon now.

Down the hatch it goes

♪Bringing in the sheaves

Don't you dare

damage the oil and the wine now.

Oh yes

Red like the Red Sea

You're parting it like Moses Darlin'

(shock from Sophie) (evil cackle from Otis)

YES

Praise the Lord.

Praise his name.

(giggling)

WHY?

(wine slammed down)

Because

if you can't shed

one virgin's blood

You might as well

bathe the world in blood

And YOU

have the distinct

Honor and

privilege of

being my bride

You will never

be able

to cure your hunger now

It will grow

Just like a tumor

until nothing satisfies

Oh yes

You're my bitch

and I'm never satisfied either

♪We shall come rejoicing

♪Bringing in the sheaves

(kisses her)

There that wasn't so bad now was it?

(more kissing)

That wasn't so bad.

(sound of plates being set)

(excited laugh)

How much for your whore for the day?

That's my wife you're talking about.

I ask you a math question

and you answer me by correcting my english?

(laugh)

Not today.

Daddy has plans.

Fine.

I got things to do anyway.

Sermons don't write themselves.

Tonight, brother.

Everything will be finished

Tonight.

Right.

Tonight

Father's gonna return

and I'm gonna take

my place

by his side

and then

you can love

as much as you want

why might you be at his side?

I am the oldest, brother

Tonight?

Yes

Wouldn't miss it.

(door kicked open)

FREEZE!

And to what

do I owe this honor?

we have reason

to believe that you're involved

in the kidnapping of a young woman.

(door closed) Oh wait...

I have the judge in my pocket.

that means, I assume

you do not have a search warrant.

Well, we heard someone scream.

Exigent circumstances and all...

I doubt that very much.

(pause)

And since,

I am such a

criminal mastermind

Why would I hide

a kidnapped girl in my very own home?

In front of the local clergy at that.

Amen, brother.

Clergy?

(reaches into pocket)

HEY! HANDS!

(laugh)

I have the largest

flock in the

tri-county

We're

non-denominational

(kiss)

We know you had something to do with this Ambrose.

Knowing and proving

are two very different things.

And since I am the duly elected mayor.

of this here town.

it would take some balls

especially for the feds

Oh...

and uh...

a deputy marshall

who is supposed to be looking for an escaped convict.

Tell me

how is that search coming along little Missy?

Fuck off.

Ohhhhh.....

I'd love to but

You're a little bit too old for me.

(joint laughter)

But,

You can give me

the number of your local

field office

so that I can have a little

chat

with your supervisor

and ask him

what he thinks

about this intrusion

in my home.

Mr. Ambrose...

We're searching this house.

By all means

Be my guest.

'course

it might cost you your jobs...eh

Wait...

You breached my front door.

(giggle)

So...

of course, it WILL cost you your jobs

just don't

upset my pretty little wife.

Well (laughter)

I've got to be going.

Slow your roll, Pastor.

(annoyed) Father.

The title...is Father.

Oh, I don't care if it's

Holy Fucker

of the asshole

pious dickheads

STAND

STILL

Oh, you're thinking of my

brother here (cackling laughter)

Give me a reason.

Yes, ma'am.

Well...

uh, please...

Feel free

to search the premises

Uh, my wife will be happy to show

you around.

While I finish

my breakfast.

Uh, I would do so myself

But

I have a very

busy day ahead

and its just been

complicated

by having to call

a bunch of supervisors

Which is

my favorite hobby

Calling supervisors and

having officers fired.

You are going to shoot

a mayor

for eating his breakfast?

(giggle)

All lives matter

You good?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Ma'am

I need you to take these

agents around the house.

(eating breakfast) (walking)

(swallowing)

Now tell me...

Why

would I kidnap some

sweet young thang

when

when I have

such a

delicious

piece of ass

like that, who's gonna

give me every bit of

pleasure and earthly delight

that I could ever want

Praise Jesus.

Mmmm

You talk about your wife like that?

That's how

my brother

talks about everything (laughter)

SIT DOWN!

(pause)

Father.

(finishing breakfast and sitting)

(sucking his fingers clean)

Now then.

Officer.

Deputy Marshall

(amused silence)

(footsteps)

Now then...

Unemployed.

(giggles)

what could you

possibly hope to

accomplish by

invading my

precious home, this way.

(outside ambience)

(loading shotgun)

(putting it down and labored breathing)

(groaning)

(Peeling the duct tape)

(applying it as a bandage) (grunts and groans)

I'm coming for you, brother.

We know you have the girl.

Do you now?

We have our reasons.

Such as?

(footsteps)

What?

No Girl.

How is that possible?

(eruption of laughter)

Jesus, Mary and Joseph

I don't believe I've ever seen

three careers get

flushed down the toilet

quicker than that.

(laughter)

Oh it has been a real pleasure

hm-mmm

A real pleasure indeed, now.

Oh that's so cute.

You know

You can always

make it as a dancer

(smacks butt)

(laughter)

♪What a friend we have in Jesus

Oh well now, Spunky

I guess I can get back to my breakfast.

(outside) MOTHERFUCKER!

HOLY SHIT

HEY!

DEATH IS COMING

Stop!

DEATH IS COMING!!!

(GUNSHOT) DEATH IS COMING!

(Chaos)

(Catherine) Motherfucker!

(Tussle for gun)

(Wife) She's behind the wall!

Bitch I loved you!

(GUNSHOT)

(SHOTGUN BLAST)

(heavy metal music)

Partner you good?

(body slides)

Ma'am, you okay?

I'm good.

Get his dander up

and he'll take his rightful place

in this family

you are one fuckin' idiot

Well Mama said

Mama said that you were

her favorite that don't

make it so

Well, you're the one who picked

that girl

She'll be easy pickings you said

Her grandparents are weak

you said!

Well, I wasn't counting

on ebony and ivory

coming to the rescue

and lettin' fat boy escape

is how we ended up

with a dyke with a vendetta

Or did you forget about her?

FUCK YOU!

Fuck me?

You know that story about

the bear in the woods?

What story?

Only gotta be faster than you.

(GUNSHOT) OH!!!!

DAMNIT!

(GUNSHOT)

(music)

(gunfight)

(gun is empty)

(growling)

(Swings gun)

(John catches it)

(fear and pained breathing)

So, you must be my big brother.

I've waited a long time for this.

(deep breath)

you know

when I was in

there was this bible vers

that I read

(deep breath)

The the lord spoke

and he asked

whom shall I send?

(deep breath)

Who will go for us?

(Deep breaths)

What the fuck do you say

when God asks you that?

(deep breahs)

You have no power here

You are the BABY.

(big exhale)

Do you wanna know what I said, Rayland?

I said, HERE AM I

SEND ME!

(funky music)

You

really didn't

think (cough)

that it

would be that

easy now

did you fat man!

Actually...

(loads a round into shotgun)

I kinda did you

FUCK!

(SHOTGUN BLAST)

♪ I'm gonna tell you a story about a broken man, how it began

♪ and how it ends

♪ but he didn't understand

♪ is all the love he had in his hands

♪ Woke up one morning and said

♪ I can't get hurt if I'm not here

♪ music fades

Please help me

♪ Confused and blind

♪ Confused he lost his mind

(music fades) I promise you, help is coming.

My family reunion's not over. (Girl) Wait...please...

HELP! Help me please

Get me outta here!

Please, somebody help!

HELP!

(Funky music ramps back up)

(Sophie) Opa! I'm home!

(music continues)

(laughing)

I'm ready for you

you supernatural

fucktards!

(machine gun fire)

♪ Breakdown to the sound, to the sound

WHY WOULD YOU?

♪ to the sound of calamity

I didn't do this.

But, I know who did.

I followed him to your house.

I think he was waiting for you.

(pause)

I'm sorry I couldn't save her.

(walking

Jesus, that is one tough Oma.

(footsteps rushing in)

BABY!

(walking in and putting down gun)

Oh Baby, I shouldn't have left you!

I thought I was leadin' em away from you.

I shoulda never left my Boston Belle.

Then, you'd be dead too.

Who the fuck are you?

GRANDPA!

(deep breath)

Who the hell are you?

And what are you doin' in my house?

He saved me Grandpa.

They all did.

(holstering their weapons)

What the fuck do we do with you?

Nothing.

(pause)

I just want to live in peace.

You're not finished yet.

(Deep breath)

We stopped the apocalypse

The rest is up to you.

We should be more concerned about her.

(pause)

She's been shoving her face

with bloodsoaked cookies

or, has nobody noticed.

(eating)

(throwing up)

(reaction)

Ugh...

Holy shit.

I'm hungry.

ALL THE TIME.

(pain)

It can be reversed.

But, she's gonna have to come with me

The hell you are

Grandpa!

Look, I am not letting her out of my sight, ever again!

There's only room for one.

(scoff)

Well then, she ain't goin'.

(sigh)

Grandpa

this goes deeper than that.

We'll get you a good, Doc.

We'll get you fixed up.

(Fat Guy) My Memory is a bit hazy.

Once the hunger takes over

she'll turn into a robot

Just like that brunette at my brother's house.

Anything she eats

is going to turn to dust

(Catherine) Shit.

And she'll die from hunger.

(Sophie) Grandpa

(coughing)

All those legends you

told me as a kid

about this town

They're true.

(pause)

I fuckin' knew it.

too much

fucknuggetry going on

around here to be normal.

(pause)

You have to let me go.

You touch a hair on her head

and I am going to gut

and skin you

like a deer

We on the same page?

Cuz, I'm and old motherfucker

and the thing you need to

remember about

old motherfuckers

is we know how to fuckin'

fight because we've been

doin' it longer than anybody

I hear you.

GOOD.

(sniffling)

I love you Opa!

Oh Baby, I love you too.

You were the light of our twilight.

don't you ever forget that, okay.

(uncomfortable shifting)

How do we...

Explain all this?

Yeah.

(strained grunts)

(deep breath)

It's not my problem.

I should just take you in right now.

(sigh) You could try.

But, I wouldn't recommend it.

He's one of them.

What?

He rides a pale horse.

Sweetie, I don't know what you're talking about.

Otis called himself famine.

They are...

The four horsemen of the apocalypse?

Oooookay.

So, that makes John?

Death.

Sweetie, I am not letting you go with this man.

It's her choice.

Only I can stop the hunger.

You can't keep me safe.

Or save me now.

But he can.

All due respect

My granddaughter trusts this man.

and that means I trust this man.

Now

you seem like a nice lady

sort of

But I have every intention

of making sure that

these two leave together

and I ain't opposed to

hittin' a woman if she's armed.

Okay, okay.

Fine.

(leaving)

(entering)

Lordy.

I have never been more disappointed

in one of my children

in my life.

Yes, she is very upset.

You have severely let your Mama down.

Sorry Mama

I tried to save him.

Buford dear

please take care of my light work.

(guitar)

This is from your Mama

with love.

(SMACK)

Don't lie to me, BOY.

I brought you into this world

I can take your slippery ass out.

You can cast aspersions

on the mortals all you want

But don't you EVER

villify your mother with a fabrication

Do you understand me?

Yes.....Mama

(sits back)

I should give you to Buford

As a toy

make you sit and take it.

I'd like that, Mama.

Calm your tits!

(sigh)

There are some lines

even a Mother can't cross.

But, I am this close, Otis.

Do you understand me?

Yes....Mama

But, Mama what do you expect me to do

there are only so many trigger fingers out there

We don't need more.

We just need, one.

(laughter)

Have you met your son, Mama?

Yes.

I have.

Are you talking about yourself

because you are one

flaccid motherfucker

compared to the fat guy.

HEY!

Pretty, pretty princess

I can still cut a bitch.

FOCUS!!!

Boys

I think its time to call that

bigger gun

Who is this mythical beast?

Otis.

Call your brother.

Uh

Did I stutter?

But my

bride is still

out there uh

I just missed her at

grandparents home

uh

I expect she'll be home

anytime now.

Boy, you best get on that phone

and call your younger brother!

(footsteps)

Yes, Mama.

Do you have any Jacks?

Go fish.

Looks like I win.

(long pause)

Double or nothing.

Oh, I don't think that's

a good idea Lou

I mean, you need your rest.

and uh...

your whole quest

for world domination

failed in your dream

I have another son

Well you already lost one in this fantasy

the other ones don't seem to love you a whole lot.

If you win

I'll take my pills

Well....

What do you get if you win?

Then I get out of this hell hole!

(pause)

I don't know if I can promise that.

C'mon, don't you wanna know how the story ends?

Well...okay.

But, what's the game? I've about had it with Go Fish.

(long pause)

How about war?

(GUNFIRE)

(phone rings) (Continued gunfire)

Fuck off. I'm busy.

Is it John?

(gunfire)

I'm on my way.

(gunfire)

Ahh...

I hopeyou fellas don't mind

fightin' women

(EXPLOSION)

It's your unlucky day.

End credit music

FUCK!

End credit music

Got any fives?

End credit music

Can I interest you in some primo meth?

(LAUGHTER)

Can I interest you in some

primo...(devolves into laughter)

(whistling)

This is why we're partners.

That is for the prequel

(laughter)

(fake crying)

(high pitched) Now, I'll never be a model.

Oooh, just let me take him out. Just let me take him out!

(Chas) You don't get to kill me!

Oh my God!

(door opens)

(awkward silence)

What the fuck you doin'?

Well...I...uh...

(Awkward silence)

(door closing)

(everyone on set laughing)

You got it?

I'm ready.