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-=Sync&Corrected by Misiek666=-
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-=Podnapisi.net=-
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Look, I always try and
tell my wife the truth, okay?
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00:00:14,503 --> 00:00:17,070
But, obviously,
I haven't always been able
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00:00:17,072 --> 00:00:19,172
to tell her the whole truth.
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00:00:19,508 --> 00:00:20,740
My name is Tim Faris.
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00:00:20,742 --> 00:00:22,275
This is my wife, Eve,
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and our daughter, Mallory.
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00:00:24,513 --> 00:00:26,212
She's 15 now.
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That's Dax.
Lives next door.
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Friend of Mallory's.
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Just ignore him.
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I work as
a tour guide in Sedona,
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00:00:38,727 --> 00:00:40,760
a small town
in Northern Arizona,
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00:00:40,762 --> 00:00:43,763
famous for its
vast red rock formations,
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00:00:43,765 --> 00:00:47,801
hundreds of energy
vortexes, or vortices, whatever,
17
00:00:49,271 --> 00:00:51,604
for its beautiful dark skies,
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00:00:52,741 --> 00:00:56,476
but most of all for
its constant UFO activity.
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My own alien abduction story
20
00:01:04,653 --> 00:01:06,553
starts 16 years ago...
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00:01:06,555 --> 00:01:08,621
just after Eve and I got married
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00:01:08,623 --> 00:01:11,324
and about nine months
before Mallory was born.
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To be honest, things weren't
going well between Eve and me,
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00:01:17,132 --> 00:01:18,765
so when one drunken night
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I met a beautiful
woman with a spaceship,
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well, it's not the kind of thing
you can share with your wife.
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On the other hand,
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00:01:28,443 --> 00:01:29,642
you shouldn't keep these kind
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of things bottled up inside.
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Luckily, I do have
a place I can go
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00:01:33,715 --> 00:01:35,582
where I can relate to everyone.
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I'm James, and I'm an abductee.
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00:01:41,556 --> 00:01:42,722
Hi, James.
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00:01:43,391 --> 00:01:45,892
I'm Kim, and I'm an abductee.
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00:01:45,894 --> 00:01:47,193
Hi, Kim.
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00:01:47,195 --> 00:01:48,428
It's been 24 hours
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00:01:48,430 --> 00:01:50,363
since my last abduction.
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00:01:50,665 --> 00:01:53,333
Hi, I'm Tim,
and I'm an abductee.
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00:01:56,505 --> 00:01:59,472
What? I was abducted. I swear.
40
00:01:59,474 --> 00:02:00,473
It's not an abduction
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00:02:00,475 --> 00:02:01,574
unless the spacecraft
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00:02:01,576 --> 00:02:02,675
actually lifts off.
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00:02:03,745 --> 00:02:05,578
That's so unfair.
44
00:02:17,559 --> 00:02:19,559
Take us to your leader.
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00:02:19,561 --> 00:02:21,361
We come in peace.
46
00:02:21,363 --> 00:02:24,497
I think
I might stay home tonight.
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00:02:28,737 --> 00:02:30,603
I just love seeing
their little faces light up
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00:02:30,605 --> 00:02:32,505
when I pass out the candy.
49
00:02:32,507 --> 00:02:33,940
I don't want to miss that,
50
00:02:36,244 --> 00:02:38,261
so I'm just going to stay
home, okay?
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00:02:38,262 --> 00:02:40,279
- Okay.
-But you can get me
a Butterfinger.
52
00:02:41,349 --> 00:02:42,949
- Ew, gross.
53
00:02:43,652 --> 00:02:44,784
Ugh.
54
00:02:44,786 --> 00:02:46,286
How's it feel kissing an alien?
55
00:02:47,622 --> 00:02:51,658
Oh, um, it feels
just like kissing my wife
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- except, you know, more purple.
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00:02:54,196 --> 00:02:55,962
-You sure you don't
want to come?
-Come on, Dad.
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00:02:55,964 --> 00:02:57,797
It just means more candy for us.
59
00:02:59,334 --> 00:03:01,267
The bags are in the car.
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00:03:27,229 --> 00:03:29,395
Next week me and my friends
want to go picket the pet store
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00:03:29,397 --> 00:03:30,930
to stop selling live animals.
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00:03:30,932 --> 00:03:31,998
Will you take me?
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00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:35,301
You want them to
start selling dead animals?
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00:03:35,303 --> 00:03:36,703
That doesn't
sound very vegetarian.
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00:03:36,705 --> 00:03:38,771
Dad!
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00:03:39,708 --> 00:03:42,575
Anyway, I'm not just
a vegetarian, I'm vegan.
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00:03:42,978 --> 00:03:46,813
Vegan? You mean
like Vegan, the star?
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00:03:46,815 --> 00:03:50,250
No, I mean vegan,
like no animal products.
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00:03:50,252 --> 00:03:51,718
Oh.
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00:03:52,287 --> 00:03:53,367
Come on, we can walk.
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00:03:57,626 --> 00:03:59,325
- So, vegan, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
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00:03:59,327 --> 00:04:00,827
How long have you been vegan?
73
00:04:00,829 --> 00:04:02,362
Since about four o'clock.
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00:04:03,298 --> 00:04:04,330
Huh.
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00:04:11,473 --> 00:04:13,406
I, I am really sorry
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00:04:13,408 --> 00:04:15,975
about the temporary
accommodations back there.
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00:04:23,718 --> 00:04:25,785
So, follow the path to the top.
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00:04:25,787 --> 00:04:27,820
Where, exactly, are
these things going to land?
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00:04:27,822 --> 00:04:31,658
Oh, well, well,
it's very, very unlikely
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00:04:31,660 --> 00:04:34,827
that we'll see an actual
UFO today, Mr. Halford,
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00:04:34,829 --> 00:04:39,532
but, uh, we visit sites where
UFO landings have been reported,
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00:04:41,069 --> 00:04:44,570
so here's what we know
based on abductees' reports.
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00:04:44,572 --> 00:04:47,407
Their technology
is unbelievable.
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00:04:47,409 --> 00:04:49,809
Have you ever
been abducted, mister?
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00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:50,743
Well, yes.
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00:04:50,745 --> 00:04:51,911
Yes, I have.
87
00:04:51,913 --> 00:04:53,746
Cool, where did they take you?
88
00:04:54,616 --> 00:04:57,884
Well, we didn't
actually go anywhere.
89
00:04:58,453 --> 00:05:00,620
That's not a real abduction.
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00:05:02,857 --> 00:05:04,424
Let's take a look.
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00:05:24,779 --> 00:05:28,748
Uh, thanks for everything
you do, Eve.
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00:05:28,750 --> 00:05:30,450
Bye, Pastor Paul.
93
00:05:43,465 --> 00:05:45,598
I thought drinking
was against your religion.
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00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,633
Jesus turned water into wine.
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00:05:47,635 --> 00:05:50,795
I don't think he'd mind us
having champagne
for our anniversary.
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00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:55,475
A hundred bucks?
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00:05:58,813 --> 00:06:01,381
You don't own me, LOL.
98
00:06:01,383 --> 00:06:02,715
The joke's on you.
99
00:06:02,717 --> 00:06:05,485
You're my mother,
not my jailer, mofo,
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00:06:05,487 --> 00:06:07,587
so hang up the Nazi attitude
101
00:06:07,589 --> 00:06:10,056
and get me a cell phone.
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00:06:11,393 --> 00:06:13,626
It's beautiful, dear.
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00:06:13,628 --> 00:06:14,961
Thank you.
104
00:06:14,963 --> 00:06:17,730
You have a real gift for words.
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00:06:17,732 --> 00:06:20,867
Thanks, Grammy.
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00:06:23,104 --> 00:06:24,437
Are you comfy?
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00:06:24,439 --> 00:06:25,505
I'm fine.
108
00:06:25,507 --> 00:06:28,841
I just love having you
here to keep me company.
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00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:33,780
Do you know how old I was
when I got my first cell phone?
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00:06:35,049 --> 00:06:36,082
63.
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00:06:40,088 --> 00:06:42,455
Mallory, dinner's ready.
112
00:06:43,191 --> 00:06:44,791
Bags off the table, please.
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00:06:44,793 --> 00:06:45,793
Oh.
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00:06:51,733 --> 00:06:53,633
Wow, this looks amazing.
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00:06:56,171 --> 00:06:57,737
Vegetarian.
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00:06:58,606 --> 00:06:59,872
Absolutely no meat.
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00:07:00,809 --> 00:07:05,178
I'm vegan, so I don't
eat eggs or dairy.
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00:07:14,856 --> 00:07:16,756
For what
we are about to receive,
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00:07:16,758 --> 00:07:19,892
may the Lord
make us truly thankful.
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00:07:23,498 --> 00:07:24,997
Everybody's got one.
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00:07:24,999 --> 00:07:26,132
Not everyone.
122
00:07:26,134 --> 00:07:27,533
What?
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00:07:27,535 --> 00:07:28,901
- A cell phone.
- A cell phone.
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00:07:28,903 --> 00:07:30,503
Jeez, Dad,
don't you pay any attention
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00:07:30,505 --> 00:07:32,004
to what's going on
in the real world?
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00:07:32,006 --> 00:07:34,540
Mallory, do not use
the Lord's name in vain.
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00:07:34,542 --> 00:07:36,876
What Lord's name?
I didn't say anything.
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00:07:36,878 --> 00:07:38,578
Abbreviations count, dear.
129
00:07:39,047 --> 00:07:40,546
You mean "jeez"?
130
00:07:40,548 --> 00:07:43,216
Everybody says "jeez."
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00:07:43,218 --> 00:07:45,218
- It doesn't mean anything.
- Mallory!
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00:07:57,565 --> 00:07:59,510
You know what
would be good with this?
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00:07:59,534 --> 00:08:00,566
Ketchup.
134
00:08:27,562 --> 00:08:28,895
Well, I appreciate the gesture,
135
00:08:28,897 --> 00:08:30,774
but you don't
have to kneel for me.
136
00:08:30,798 --> 00:08:31,798
Andromeda?
137
00:08:32,867 --> 00:08:34,033
Holy crap!
138
00:08:34,769 --> 00:08:36,202
What are you doing here?
139
00:08:36,204 --> 00:08:38,538
I don't know.
I just dropped by to say hi.
140
00:08:38,540 --> 00:08:40,106
What is this thing?
141
00:08:41,843 --> 00:08:43,843
I... I use it to attract aliens.
142
00:08:43,845 --> 00:08:44,845
It's...
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00:08:45,313 --> 00:08:46,812
I can't believe this.
144
00:08:46,814 --> 00:08:48,314
I never
thought I'd see you again.
145
00:08:48,316 --> 00:08:51,784
Yeah, but here I am
in the flesh, so to speak.
146
00:08:51,786 --> 00:08:53,286
I told you I'd come back.
147
00:08:54,789 --> 00:08:56,789
15 years is a really long time.
148
00:08:58,860 --> 00:09:00,980
How... how did you
even know where I live?
149
00:09:01,129 --> 00:09:02,228
I'm an alien, dummy.
150
00:09:02,230 --> 00:09:03,230
We know...
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00:09:03,765 --> 00:09:05,565
Almost everything.
152
00:09:06,134 --> 00:09:07,133
Almost.
153
00:09:07,135 --> 00:09:11,871
Since you're here, I need you
to come with me to a meeting,
154
00:09:11,873 --> 00:09:14,073
so you can tell
everybody about the abduction.
155
00:09:15,143 --> 00:09:17,176
The abduction?
156
00:09:17,178 --> 00:09:18,811
Oh, you mean when the,
157
00:09:18,813 --> 00:09:21,347
yeah, no, um, there
was no abduction, Tim.
158
00:09:21,349 --> 00:09:23,049
We didn't go anywhere.
159
00:09:23,051 --> 00:09:25,217
We can fix that
right now if you want.
160
00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:26,786
That would be awesome.
161
00:09:26,788 --> 00:09:27,987
Wouldn't it be?
162
00:09:27,989 --> 00:09:29,822
Yes, come on.
163
00:09:30,291 --> 00:09:32,258
I... I got about 20 minutes.
164
00:09:32,260 --> 00:09:33,859
Oh, oh, no, no,
165
00:09:33,861 --> 00:09:36,021
I'm talking about for the
rest of your life.
166
00:09:37,165 --> 00:09:38,664
I can't do that.
167
00:09:40,034 --> 00:09:41,834
You disappoint me, Tim.
168
00:09:41,836 --> 00:09:43,002
Wouldn't be the first time.
169
00:09:43,004 --> 00:09:46,606
Besides, you're not
the only human I came to see.
170
00:09:46,608 --> 00:09:48,975
Wait, wait, Andromeda, wait.
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00:09:49,644 --> 00:09:50,776
Let's talk.
172
00:09:54,682 --> 00:09:57,283
Okay, I want to
make myself very clear.
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00:09:57,285 --> 00:09:58,751
Yeah, me too.
174
00:10:02,824 --> 00:10:03,990
Dear?
175
00:10:03,992 --> 00:10:08,294
Tim, shall I see if the hot tub
is warm enough yet?
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00:10:08,296 --> 00:10:10,363
Uh, uh, I'm on it.
177
00:10:10,365 --> 00:10:11,631
Where are you?
178
00:10:11,633 --> 00:10:13,165
Um, I'm dealing with a pest.
179
00:10:13,868 --> 00:10:14,800
A rat?
180
00:10:14,802 --> 00:10:16,335
Um, a skunk.
181
00:10:19,273 --> 00:10:21,307
Um, no, no, you
don't want to go down there.
182
00:10:21,309 --> 00:10:22,942
It's, it's, it's, it's crazy.
183
00:10:22,944 --> 00:10:24,243
I'll take care of it.
184
00:10:24,245 --> 00:10:26,205
- Oh. Okay.
- It's, it's, it's okay.
185
00:10:28,716 --> 00:10:29,982
Now where were we?
186
00:10:33,421 --> 00:10:34,854
No, stop it!
187
00:10:34,855 --> 00:10:36,288
This is going to happen either
my way or no way at all, okay?
188
00:10:36,290 --> 00:10:39,959
Oh, my God, it is so super-cute
when you try to be
dominating, oh.
189
00:10:40,361 --> 00:10:44,230
You're going to take me on
a very quick trip to outer space
190
00:10:44,232 --> 00:10:46,966
so that I can get pictures
and prove it happened, okay?
191
00:10:47,301 --> 00:10:49,301
Now, meet me tomorrow at noon
192
00:10:49,303 --> 00:10:51,404
at the base of Thunder Mountain.
193
00:10:51,406 --> 00:10:52,772
Do you understand?
194
00:10:54,342 --> 00:10:57,209
A skunk, huh?
I don't smell anything.
195
00:10:57,211 --> 00:10:59,078
No, weird, huh?
196
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:02,248
Must have been one
of those albino skunks.
197
00:11:07,188 --> 00:11:09,889
Ew, there's got to be a better
way to cover it than this.
198
00:11:13,795 --> 00:11:16,262
Oh, I'm going to go get changed.
199
00:11:16,264 --> 00:11:18,898
Do you remember when
we used to be spontaneous?
200
00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:21,233
Yes, but we grew up, sweetie.
201
00:11:21,235 --> 00:11:22,902
We have responsibilities now.
202
00:11:24,305 --> 00:11:26,138
Oh! Tim!
203
00:11:28,476 --> 00:11:30,943
Okay, I can be spontaneous.
204
00:11:30,945 --> 00:11:32,044
Bring it.
205
00:11:35,116 --> 00:11:36,282
Oh, oh!
206
00:11:36,284 --> 00:11:38,317
Oh.
207
00:11:38,319 --> 00:11:39,919
Sit down. You'll be warmer.
208
00:11:43,891 --> 00:11:44,891
Oh.
209
00:11:46,094 --> 00:11:48,094
I baptize you in the name of
210
00:11:48,096 --> 00:11:50,096
the alien race
that came to Earth
211
00:11:50,098 --> 00:11:51,397
that you call God.
212
00:11:51,399 --> 00:11:53,065
Tim, oh, my gosh!
213
00:11:53,067 --> 00:11:54,800
- That wasn't funny.
214
00:11:54,802 --> 00:11:55,802
Say you're sorry.
215
00:11:58,272 --> 00:11:59,272
Oh!
216
00:12:02,877 --> 00:12:03,626
Oh!
217
00:12:03,627 --> 00:12:04,627
- I'm going to get you.
218
00:12:08,516 --> 00:12:10,282
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Oh, my gosh.
219
00:12:10,284 --> 00:12:12,118
Truce, truce.
220
00:12:13,421 --> 00:12:15,821
- You are crazy, Tim.
- -Truce.
221
00:12:16,491 --> 00:12:18,190
- Oh.
- Oh.
222
00:12:18,192 --> 00:12:20,326
I'm going to have
to do my hair again.
223
00:12:23,865 --> 00:12:25,498
What do those look like to you?
224
00:12:27,235 --> 00:12:28,334
Jet trails.
225
00:12:29,103 --> 00:12:30,770
They look like numbers to me.
226
00:12:31,806 --> 00:12:34,206
I... I've been seeing
11/11 everywhere lately.
227
00:12:36,277 --> 00:12:37,409
That's wonderful.
228
00:12:38,846 --> 00:12:39,979
You don't mind?
229
00:12:39,981 --> 00:12:42,047
Why would I mind?
230
00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:45,284
It's just God reminding you
of something important.
231
00:12:48,523 --> 00:12:50,523
Thank you.
I'm glad you see it like that.
232
00:12:50,525 --> 00:12:54,226
Can you believe it's
going to be 16 years next week?
233
00:12:55,830 --> 00:12:58,564
I've invited a ton of people.
234
00:12:59,167 --> 00:13:01,033
I told Mallory
she can invite a friend or two.
235
00:13:01,035 --> 00:13:03,502
You know, female, of course.
236
00:13:04,839 --> 00:13:06,572
You know, in a couple of years
237
00:13:06,574 --> 00:13:09,041
the conversation
won't be about cell phones.
238
00:13:09,844 --> 00:13:11,343
It'll be about cars.
239
00:13:11,345 --> 00:13:14,213
Oh, please don't say that.
240
00:13:14,215 --> 00:13:16,382
- Letting her...
- I cannot handle that right now.
241
00:13:16,384 --> 00:13:17,850
Letting her have a cell phone
242
00:13:17,852 --> 00:13:19,772
doesn't mean
she'll get pregnant.
243
00:13:19,921 --> 00:13:22,221
But if she has a cell
phone, she's going to...
244
00:13:36,470 --> 00:13:38,070
I just can't do that right now.
245
00:13:39,006 --> 00:13:40,006
I'm sorry.
246
00:14:05,399 --> 00:14:08,901
Every man I know
pees standing up.
247
00:14:08,903 --> 00:14:10,469
Well, it's your turn
to clean it, then.
248
00:14:10,471 --> 00:14:13,539
- I aim carefully.
- I know you do,
249
00:14:13,541 --> 00:14:16,575
but you're supposed to aim
at the inside, not the outside.
250
00:14:18,412 --> 00:14:19,578
Ew!
251
00:14:19,580 --> 00:14:21,947
Oh, ooh, ew, ew, ew, ew.
252
00:14:22,884 --> 00:14:25,084
I want to go out. We're going
to picket the pet store
253
00:14:25,086 --> 00:14:26,352
to stop selling live animals.
254
00:14:28,656 --> 00:14:30,122
Tim, can you take her, please?
255
00:14:30,124 --> 00:14:31,290
I already have plans tonight.
256
00:14:31,292 --> 00:14:32,458
Well, I would, but I have
257
00:14:32,460 --> 00:14:33,659
a toilet to clean.
258
00:14:34,462 --> 00:14:36,161
You know,
this wouldn't be an issue
259
00:14:36,163 --> 00:14:38,931
if you would just
let her have a cell phone.
260
00:14:38,933 --> 00:14:42,301
We wouldn't have to
chaperone her around everywhere.
261
00:14:42,303 --> 00:14:44,281
I am not willing
to risk losing her.
262
00:14:44,305 --> 00:14:46,272
Pastor Paul
has really opened my eyes
263
00:14:46,274 --> 00:14:48,340
to the dangers
of modern communications.
264
00:14:48,342 --> 00:14:50,142
Cell phones lead to texting.
265
00:14:50,144 --> 00:14:51,310
Texting leads to dating.
266
00:14:51,312 --> 00:14:52,511
Dating leads to pregnancy.
267
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:54,080
It's not worth it.
268
00:15:05,459 --> 00:15:07,359
Hello, lover!
269
00:15:07,361 --> 00:15:09,328
Hey!
270
00:15:14,368 --> 00:15:15,368
Hello!
271
00:15:16,971 --> 00:15:17,970
Go away.
272
00:15:17,972 --> 00:15:19,338
You better let me in.
273
00:15:19,340 --> 00:15:21,073
I'm going to start
making a scene out here.
274
00:15:21,075 --> 00:15:22,374
You don't want that.
275
00:15:24,211 --> 00:15:25,344
Hi.
276
00:15:25,346 --> 00:15:28,447
I told you I'd meet you
at Thunder Mountain.
277
00:15:31,152 --> 00:15:32,952
Nice place you got here.
278
00:15:35,423 --> 00:15:39,425
I love your style.
279
00:15:40,294 --> 00:15:43,495
Oh, oh, I need
to see my daughter.
280
00:15:44,332 --> 00:15:45,965
She's Eve's daughter now.
281
00:15:45,967 --> 00:15:48,100
- You gave her up.
- Oh, come on.
282
00:15:48,102 --> 00:15:50,569
I, I, I really want to
hang out with her, you know,
283
00:15:50,571 --> 00:15:52,304
and, you know, kick it with her.
284
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:54,540
It's a little late for that.
285
00:15:54,542 --> 00:15:56,108
Um, okay, look, how about...
286
00:15:57,078 --> 00:15:59,078
How about you tell your wifey
287
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:03,115
that I am here
doing a documentary
288
00:16:03,117 --> 00:16:06,018
about Crock-Pots that believe
in UFOs.
289
00:16:06,387 --> 00:16:07,353
It's perfect.
290
00:16:07,355 --> 00:16:09,021
Do you mean crackpots?
291
00:16:10,291 --> 00:16:12,124
Oh, what's a Crock-Pot?
292
00:16:12,426 --> 00:16:14,059
Oh, well, it's...
293
00:16:14,061 --> 00:16:15,995
We don't have time for that.
294
00:16:15,997 --> 00:16:18,130
-Eve's going to be
home any minute now.
-Okay, great.
295
00:16:18,132 --> 00:16:19,765
Can she tell me
what a Crock-Pot is?
296
00:16:19,767 --> 00:16:23,702
No! No, just forget
about videos, or photos, or...
297
00:16:23,704 --> 00:16:26,105
I'm not going to lie to my wife.
298
00:16:26,107 --> 00:16:28,073
It's a little late for that.
299
00:16:28,075 --> 00:16:29,775
You see what I did there?
300
00:16:30,711 --> 00:16:33,178
I, I'll e-mail you
some photos or something.
301
00:16:33,180 --> 00:16:35,748
Just don't ever come back here,
302
00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:38,183
and you do not get to see her.
303
00:16:39,186 --> 00:16:40,719
Okay, but what if I take you
304
00:16:40,721 --> 00:16:43,088
on a tour of the solar system?
305
00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:44,790
Because you like
306
00:16:44,792 --> 00:16:47,359
- the solar...
- No, stop, stop.
307
00:16:49,363 --> 00:16:51,663
- Oh, my...
- Okey-dokey, well,
308
00:16:51,665 --> 00:16:53,565
- um, yeah.
- But give a second...
309
00:16:53,567 --> 00:16:56,602
We'll definitely think
about Mormonism
310
00:16:56,604 --> 00:16:58,170
- and whether it might...
- No.
311
00:16:58,172 --> 00:16:59,505
- Be right for us.
- Hold on a second.
312
00:16:59,507 --> 00:17:00,773
- Hold on, I just...
- See you, bye.
313
00:17:00,775 --> 00:17:02,374
- Wait, wait.
- -Bye.
314
00:17:03,611 --> 00:17:06,745
Wow, you really got
to admire people
315
00:17:06,747 --> 00:17:09,314
with faith
in such crazy ideas, right?
316
00:17:09,316 --> 00:17:10,449
Are you ready?
317
00:17:10,451 --> 00:17:11,583
Let's go picket.
318
00:17:11,585 --> 00:17:15,320
Um, no, let's, let's
go out the back door, um,
319
00:17:15,823 --> 00:17:18,223
because actually
it's such a nice night
320
00:17:18,225 --> 00:17:20,265
and those crazy
Mormons are out there.
321
00:17:39,380 --> 00:17:40,813
Good morning, sweetie.
322
00:17:56,263 --> 00:17:57,343
I've stopped speaking.
323
00:17:57,731 --> 00:17:59,264
Why have you stopped speaking?
324
00:18:17,651 --> 00:18:20,319
Tim, would you
like to come with me?
325
00:18:20,621 --> 00:18:23,655
I'm sure Pastor Paul
would really love to meet you.
326
00:18:23,657 --> 00:18:25,624
Well, Jesus
said suffer the children,
327
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,861
so I'll stay home
and make sure Mallory suffers.
328
00:18:34,135 --> 00:18:35,734
Oh, God!
329
00:18:35,736 --> 00:18:37,736
I'm sorry.
330
00:18:37,738 --> 00:18:40,672
You, you left the door unlocked.
I didn't think you'd mind.
331
00:18:40,674 --> 00:18:43,709
Uh, there must be
some misunderstanding.
332
00:18:43,711 --> 00:18:45,444
- I have no, I...
333
00:18:45,446 --> 00:18:47,166
- Tim?
- What happened?
334
00:18:49,617 --> 00:18:52,351
Eve, this, this is Andromeda.
335
00:18:52,353 --> 00:18:55,754
I... I hadn't expected her
to show up today.
336
00:18:56,757 --> 00:18:57,757
Oh.
337
00:18:58,759 --> 00:19:01,727
She's here to
interview me and Mallory.
338
00:19:02,463 --> 00:19:03,829
Oh, why?
339
00:19:03,831 --> 00:19:06,298
Well, I'm doing
a documentary about UFOs,
340
00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:08,600
and I wanted
to interview his daughter
341
00:19:08,602 --> 00:19:11,336
to find out what it was
like living with a crackpot.
342
00:19:12,173 --> 00:19:14,506
- Oh, a crackpot?
- Yeah, that's what I said.
343
00:19:14,508 --> 00:19:17,910
Oh... I thought
you meant Crock-Pots.
344
00:19:17,912 --> 00:19:21,213
I can give you the good
stories on both of those things,
345
00:19:21,215 --> 00:19:23,649
but, um, I really have to go.
346
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:27,953
Maybe next time.
347
00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:30,422
- Bye, hon.
- Bye.
348
00:19:30,424 --> 00:19:33,892
I'm very excited to
film you in your documentary
349
00:19:33,894 --> 00:19:37,563
for the UFO thing.
350
00:19:38,799 --> 00:19:40,766
Um, what do I do?
351
00:19:40,768 --> 00:19:43,468
Told you give me a few days.
352
00:19:43,470 --> 00:19:44,603
What are you talking about?
353
00:19:44,605 --> 00:19:46,305
I want to see my daughter.
354
00:19:46,874 --> 00:19:49,374
You cannot tell
Mallory who you are.
355
00:19:49,376 --> 00:19:51,343
Oh, my gosh, you can't
tell me what to do.
356
00:19:51,345 --> 00:19:54,846
I'm begging you, please,
just Eve can't find out, just,
357
00:19:54,848 --> 00:19:56,748
just tell her you're, you're,
358
00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:59,818
you're a... friend
of the family or something.
359
00:19:59,820 --> 00:20:01,553
All right, whatever.
360
00:20:01,555 --> 00:20:05,324
You... you just say
hello and then leave, okay?
361
00:20:05,326 --> 00:20:08,293
I don't know.
362
00:20:08,295 --> 00:20:09,428
Okay?
363
00:20:09,430 --> 00:20:10,596
Okay.
364
00:20:10,598 --> 00:20:12,698
Mallory. Oh, huh.
365
00:20:14,268 --> 00:20:16,279
There's someone
I'd like you to meet.
366
00:20:16,303 --> 00:20:17,369
Hi.
367
00:20:22,443 --> 00:20:24,943
Oh, she can't speak.
368
00:20:30,384 --> 00:20:31,617
Hold on.
369
00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:36,989
I'm your mother.
370
00:20:37,591 --> 00:20:38,523
What are you doing?
371
00:20:38,525 --> 00:20:39,558
Oh, my gosh.
372
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,326
I, I, I was going to say
373
00:20:41,328 --> 00:20:42,995
I'm your mother's friend.
374
00:20:42,997 --> 00:20:44,997
Now the cat's out of the bag.
Sorry.
375
00:20:48,469 --> 00:20:49,835
She's your mother's friend.
376
00:20:49,837 --> 00:20:51,770
No, stop lying.
377
00:20:51,772 --> 00:20:55,841
I had sex with your father
a long time ago, and, well,
378
00:20:55,843 --> 00:20:57,409
- I guess...
- Will you please shut up?
379
00:20:57,411 --> 00:20:59,911
I mean, you were drunk,
but I, what?
380
00:21:02,049 --> 00:21:06,018
When, when a man
loves a woman very much,
381
00:21:06,020 --> 00:21:09,454
but that woman
is constantly depressed,
382
00:21:09,456 --> 00:21:14,459
and that man goes to
a party without that woman,
383
00:21:14,995 --> 00:21:17,729
and gets really drunk...
384
00:21:23,070 --> 00:21:25,037
You can't tell
your other mother.
385
00:21:27,608 --> 00:21:29,941
Thank you.
Your sermons are so inspiring.
386
00:21:29,943 --> 00:21:31,977
It's good to see you, Eve.
387
00:21:31,979 --> 00:21:33,612
Thank you for all your service.
388
00:21:33,614 --> 00:21:35,514
God is very grateful.
389
00:21:35,916 --> 00:21:37,049
I enjoy it.
390
00:21:37,051 --> 00:21:40,752
Perhaps you'd like to come
by for lunch one day this week.
391
00:21:40,754 --> 00:21:44,323
Oh, um, I'll see you
at the food bank.
392
00:21:48,796 --> 00:21:51,029
I'm really, really sorry, okay?
393
00:21:51,765 --> 00:21:54,666
I wanted to tell you,
but I just,
394
00:21:54,668 --> 00:21:56,802
I didn't think
you were quite old enough.
395
00:21:57,971 --> 00:21:59,971
I'm not proud
of what I did, okay?
396
00:22:01,942 --> 00:22:05,877
I had a one-night stand
with that woman, Andromeda.
397
00:22:08,349 --> 00:22:11,616
Sex was just amazing,
like mind-blowingly cosmic...
398
00:22:13,620 --> 00:22:15,087
and then nine months later
399
00:22:15,889 --> 00:22:20,659
Andromeda shows up with
this tiny wriggling pink thing.
400
00:22:21,862 --> 00:22:24,896
I made up a story about you
being abandoned by the creek.
401
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,440
Can't we just
keep her for one night?
402
00:22:31,138 --> 00:22:32,504
She's the most,
403
00:22:32,505 --> 00:22:34,705
she's the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.
404
00:22:36,009 --> 00:22:37,542
We had just lost a baby,
405
00:22:37,878 --> 00:22:40,078
but she saw you
for the first time.
406
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,747
You healed her heart.
407
00:22:44,385 --> 00:22:45,617
Please just hear me out.
408
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:51,089
Just, just one
more, just tiny detail.
409
00:22:51,091 --> 00:22:52,091
Andromeda is...
410
00:22:53,394 --> 00:22:58,663
is, is a vegan,
Vegan, she, she...
411
00:22:59,933 --> 00:23:02,768
I don't mean no animal products.
412
00:23:16,550 --> 00:23:18,450
Put your dish in the dishwasher.
413
00:23:28,862 --> 00:23:31,530
We can do our animal
rights protesting later, honey.
414
00:23:31,532 --> 00:23:32,898
Come on, let's, let's go.
415
00:23:40,941 --> 00:23:42,908
All right, here we go.
416
00:23:49,616 --> 00:23:50,782
Oh.
417
00:23:54,721 --> 00:23:55,887
There you go.
418
00:23:58,692 --> 00:24:01,193
All right, Mr. and Mrs...
419
00:24:02,463 --> 00:24:04,763
Sophie Jones and Clint Lane.
420
00:24:05,833 --> 00:24:07,132
You kept your maiden name.
421
00:24:07,134 --> 00:24:08,967
- That's, that's cool.
- I'm an actress.
422
00:24:08,969 --> 00:24:10,569
I use it as my stage name.
423
00:24:10,571 --> 00:24:12,170
Oh, cool, cool.
424
00:24:13,173 --> 00:24:15,006
Okay, okay, right this way.
425
00:24:21,114 --> 00:24:23,815
Um, so how long
have you been married?
426
00:24:23,817 --> 00:24:25,617
- Eight years.
- Five years.
427
00:24:28,622 --> 00:24:30,622
Oh, we're not
married to each other.
428
00:24:31,658 --> 00:24:33,091
We're having an affair.
429
00:24:33,627 --> 00:24:36,027
We decided
to have a weekend away.
430
00:24:36,563 --> 00:24:37,762
The affair was in trouble.
431
00:24:38,499 --> 00:24:39,564
She's exaggerating.
432
00:24:39,566 --> 00:24:40,832
We're fine.
433
00:24:40,834 --> 00:24:42,901
Affairs don't just
happen, Clint.
434
00:24:42,903 --> 00:24:44,536
You have to work at them.
435
00:24:44,538 --> 00:24:46,872
Well, good news.
It's felt like work recently.
436
00:24:47,174 --> 00:24:50,509
This is the place
where Daniel Wirtzuk
437
00:24:50,511 --> 00:24:52,110
first encountered his,
438
00:24:52,112 --> 00:24:55,714
the... the extraterrestrials
from the crashed ship.
439
00:24:55,716 --> 00:24:57,215
I'm sure there's another woman.
440
00:24:57,885 --> 00:24:59,951
You, you mean another
other woman?
441
00:24:59,953 --> 00:25:02,988
Exactly, another other woman.
442
00:25:06,627 --> 00:25:08,860
The aliens, uh, will, will,
443
00:25:08,862 --> 00:25:11,963
will see this
from their spaceship
444
00:25:11,965 --> 00:25:14,900
and think it's one of
their own craft in distress.
445
00:25:14,902 --> 00:25:16,735
We call it a bait ship.
446
00:25:18,005 --> 00:25:19,704
I have another word for it.
447
00:25:19,706 --> 00:25:21,072
I'd call it batshit.
448
00:25:28,048 --> 00:25:29,681
At first the sex is great.
449
00:25:30,684 --> 00:25:33,251
But then eventually
you're just trapped by two women
450
00:25:33,253 --> 00:25:34,553
instead of one.
451
00:25:40,794 --> 00:25:44,663
Imagine being able to
see how, how they live,
452
00:25:44,665 --> 00:25:47,198
how they eat,
how, how they reproduce.
453
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:48,934
Alien porn.
454
00:25:48,936 --> 00:25:50,335
I'll stick around for that.
455
00:25:57,110 --> 00:25:58,143
Should I?
456
00:26:02,783 --> 00:26:06,017
Well... let's
continue on, I guess, um.
457
00:26:15,195 --> 00:26:16,995
Anyone ever tell you
you look like that guy
458
00:26:16,997 --> 00:26:18,663
from that singing show?
459
00:26:20,901 --> 00:26:22,200
I'm incognito.
460
00:26:28,709 --> 00:26:32,243
Wow, that is you!
Wow, that's cool!
461
00:26:32,245 --> 00:26:35,080
That's great. I, I think
you have a good chance, man.
462
00:26:35,949 --> 00:26:38,350
Hey, I just joined
the competition to get laid.
463
00:26:39,252 --> 00:26:42,754
I vaguely
remember what that feels like.
464
00:26:42,756 --> 00:26:44,189
Are you married, then?
465
00:26:44,191 --> 00:26:45,757
16 years.
466
00:26:47,127 --> 00:26:49,127
We get married for the sex,
467
00:26:49,129 --> 00:26:51,863
and what's the first thing
that goes after the honeymoon?
468
00:26:52,699 --> 00:26:55,400
Yeah, try losing a baby, too.
469
00:26:56,269 --> 00:26:57,269
Aw, ouch.
470
00:26:59,072 --> 00:27:01,373
That's why guys like us
have to have affairs.
471
00:27:02,943 --> 00:27:06,878
No, met a hot alien and
didn't have enough willpower.
472
00:27:09,316 --> 00:27:10,382
For real?
473
00:27:13,654 --> 00:27:15,574
Did you film that,
by any chance?
474
00:27:30,370 --> 00:27:31,703
There you go.
475
00:27:53,460 --> 00:27:55,860
I wonder what the rest of
that sentence was going to be.
476
00:27:56,763 --> 00:27:57,796
Sorry?
477
00:27:59,433 --> 00:28:00,799
Mallory's graffiti.
478
00:28:00,801 --> 00:28:02,679
What do you think
she was writing?
479
00:28:02,703 --> 00:28:04,783
"You can't tell me what to do.
You're..."
480
00:28:05,706 --> 00:28:07,305
Not the boss of me?
481
00:28:11,344 --> 00:28:13,912
Oh, you'll never guess
who I gave a tour to today.
482
00:28:13,914 --> 00:28:17,148
Hang on. I want to watch the
rest of "American Voice Talent."
483
00:28:17,150 --> 00:28:18,483
I missed Thursday's episode
484
00:28:18,485 --> 00:28:20,218
and I want to see
who gets knocked off.
485
00:28:20,220 --> 00:28:22,020
That's what
I'm trying to tell you.
486
00:28:22,022 --> 00:28:25,056
I just met one of the
contestants, Clint Dwayne,
487
00:28:25,058 --> 00:28:27,926
and I think
we saw an actual UFO.
488
00:28:31,998 --> 00:28:34,733
Pastor Paul says
there's no such thing as aliens.
489
00:28:40,006 --> 00:28:43,975
He says those creatures
that, stoned rednecks see
490
00:28:43,977 --> 00:28:46,144
when flying saucers land
on their trailer,
491
00:28:47,781 --> 00:28:51,349
are actually demons
sent by Satan to tempt us.
492
00:28:52,085 --> 00:28:54,819
Wow,
493
00:28:55,222 --> 00:28:58,256
he sounds like he is
really out there.
494
00:28:59,860 --> 00:29:01,993
I thought we could
have lunch on the patio.
495
00:29:04,364 --> 00:29:07,132
You know, my allergies
are kind of acting up.
496
00:29:07,134 --> 00:29:09,174
I... I think
I'm going to stay inside.
497
00:29:15,842 --> 00:29:17,108
Dax!
498
00:29:17,110 --> 00:29:18,076
Dax, come here.
499
00:29:18,078 --> 00:29:19,344
I... I need your help.
500
00:29:20,947 --> 00:29:23,815
I'm hoping you can defuse
some of her anger.
501
00:29:23,817 --> 00:29:27,385
She won't talk to me
or her mother, Eve.
502
00:29:45,305 --> 00:29:47,405
Whoa, have you gone blind?
503
00:29:49,109 --> 00:29:51,543
Dude, this is really effed up.
504
00:29:52,078 --> 00:29:54,279
Thank you for
your diagnosis, doctor.
505
00:29:54,848 --> 00:29:56,848
Talk to her, please.
506
00:29:56,850 --> 00:29:58,082
Just...
507
00:30:08,395 --> 00:30:09,395
Hey, babe.
508
00:30:12,332 --> 00:30:13,464
Did you see that?
509
00:30:13,466 --> 00:30:15,133
She looked right at me.
510
00:30:16,903 --> 00:30:18,403
I cured her blindness.
511
00:30:34,988 --> 00:30:39,190
40 years and I have
never gotten tired of that view.
512
00:30:41,061 --> 00:30:42,061
How's Eve?
513
00:30:43,129 --> 00:30:44,129
Fine, I guess.
514
00:30:45,432 --> 00:30:47,365
How am I supposed to know?
515
00:30:49,269 --> 00:30:52,937
If you are
honest and kind with her,
516
00:30:53,373 --> 00:30:54,472
she'll open up to you.
517
00:30:56,543 --> 00:30:57,976
Do you still love her?
518
00:30:59,079 --> 00:31:00,211
Of course I do.
519
00:31:00,614 --> 00:31:02,881
Well, then show her
once in a while.
520
00:31:32,078 --> 00:31:33,211
Ow!
521
00:31:43,123 --> 00:31:44,923
Tim,
522
00:31:45,358 --> 00:31:47,118
- what are you doing?
- Sh.
523
00:31:47,694 --> 00:31:50,995
Sh, come with me.
524
00:31:51,464 --> 00:31:52,664
What's going on?
525
00:31:53,166 --> 00:31:54,465
Just trust me.
526
00:31:54,467 --> 00:31:56,501
- Just follow me.
527
00:31:57,237 --> 00:31:58,469
Right this way.
528
00:31:59,205 --> 00:32:00,338
Okay.
529
00:32:00,707 --> 00:32:03,074
Sit, sit.
530
00:32:07,113 --> 00:32:08,446
Now you can look.
531
00:32:10,450 --> 00:32:13,651
Wow, what's all this for?
532
00:32:14,587 --> 00:32:17,722
I thought we could use a
little romantic dinner for two.
533
00:32:17,724 --> 00:32:18,990
For no reason?
534
00:32:18,992 --> 00:32:21,426
For a very definite reason:
535
00:32:21,428 --> 00:32:22,527
because I love you.
536
00:32:23,163 --> 00:32:24,395
And what about Mallory?
537
00:32:25,031 --> 00:32:27,031
I love her too,
but she's not hungry.
538
00:32:27,033 --> 00:32:28,566
She's staying
in her room tonight.
539
00:32:28,568 --> 00:32:29,701
I should go say hi.
540
00:32:29,703 --> 00:32:32,070
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
541
00:32:33,106 --> 00:32:34,205
There's no need.
542
00:32:34,741 --> 00:32:36,207
She's fine.
543
00:32:38,345 --> 00:32:42,347
For an appetizer, may I
suggest chocolate eclairs?
544
00:32:43,316 --> 00:32:45,350
Uh, chocolate
eclairs for a starter?
545
00:32:45,352 --> 00:32:46,352
Cheers.
546
00:32:50,490 --> 00:32:54,692
May I recommend the strawberry
cream cake galore.
547
00:32:54,694 --> 00:32:58,563
Oh.
548
00:33:02,202 --> 00:33:05,770
Mm, I have to admit you played
your cards right tonight.
549
00:33:05,772 --> 00:33:08,239
This could be your lucky night.
550
00:33:11,044 --> 00:33:12,510
For what he is about to receive,
551
00:33:12,512 --> 00:33:14,512
may the Lord
make him truly thankful.
552
00:33:22,655 --> 00:33:26,090
Thank you for the meal, captain.
553
00:33:26,493 --> 00:33:27,658
I loved it.
554
00:33:28,161 --> 00:33:29,627
You're welcome, number one.
555
00:33:31,331 --> 00:33:34,232
Would you like
to explore my quarters?
556
00:33:43,209 --> 00:33:45,476
Welcome to your final frontier.
557
00:33:46,746 --> 00:33:47,812
Warp speed?
558
00:33:55,622 --> 00:33:57,422
Mallory!
559
00:33:57,424 --> 00:34:01,426
Uh, um, I was wondering
how you were doing, sweetie.
560
00:34:02,128 --> 00:34:03,161
Uh, uh.
561
00:34:05,065 --> 00:34:06,065
What?
562
00:34:09,169 --> 00:34:11,235
What in heaven's name
is that about?
563
00:34:12,572 --> 00:34:13,738
What is that?
564
00:34:13,740 --> 00:34:15,773
Um, it looks like
565
00:34:15,775 --> 00:34:17,809
it might be some kind of,
566
00:34:17,811 --> 00:34:19,844
um, spycam.
567
00:34:20,613 --> 00:34:22,180
Someone's spying on our family?
568
00:34:24,317 --> 00:34:25,650
Doesn't that worry you?
569
00:34:25,652 --> 00:34:27,218
Yeah, yeah, of course.
570
00:34:27,220 --> 00:34:28,286
Course it does.
571
00:34:28,288 --> 00:34:29,654
I'm going to go to Walmart.
572
00:34:30,156 --> 00:34:32,490
They have to
have a scanner, you know,
573
00:34:32,492 --> 00:34:34,459
so that we can
scan our house for bugs.
574
00:34:34,461 --> 00:34:36,294
Yeah, I'm sure they got those.
575
00:34:36,296 --> 00:34:39,530
They got everything, right?
Um, but, um, um,
576
00:34:39,532 --> 00:34:42,567
don't you have to go to
the food bank in the morning?
577
00:34:44,104 --> 00:34:46,104
You know what? I'll go.
578
00:34:46,706 --> 00:34:48,666
You just get
some sleep, you know?
579
00:35:07,260 --> 00:35:08,793
Ha-ha!
580
00:35:10,296 --> 00:35:12,296
Hey, buddy, let's chat.
581
00:35:12,298 --> 00:35:13,764
Let's catch up on old times.
582
00:35:13,766 --> 00:35:15,233
Are you mad?
583
00:35:15,802 --> 00:35:18,136
I'm a little frustrated,
but that's not the point.
584
00:35:18,138 --> 00:35:19,237
Make something up.
585
00:35:19,906 --> 00:35:21,372
Get out!
586
00:35:22,709 --> 00:35:24,408
Fine, if that's
the way you want it.
587
00:35:24,410 --> 00:35:26,611
- Hey, everybody!
- Okay, okay, okay, okay!
588
00:35:35,655 --> 00:35:37,522
- Hello?
- Hi, hon. Um,
589
00:35:37,524 --> 00:35:39,190
hey, there seems to be
590
00:35:39,192 --> 00:35:42,627
some kind of alien
visitation happening, um...
591
00:35:42,629 --> 00:35:43,594
Really?
592
00:35:43,596 --> 00:35:44,762
So I might go by
593
00:35:44,764 --> 00:35:46,364
and check that out, uh,
594
00:35:46,833 --> 00:35:48,699
after I go to the store, okay?
595
00:35:48,701 --> 00:35:50,201
Okay,
596
00:35:50,203 --> 00:35:51,302
- be careful.
- Okay.
597
00:35:51,304 --> 00:35:52,304
Love you.
598
00:35:54,274 --> 00:35:55,773
- Was really good.
599
00:35:56,509 --> 00:35:57,775
Let's party.
600
00:36:06,252 --> 00:36:07,485
Why did we come here?
601
00:36:07,887 --> 00:36:10,688
Why did you even come back?
602
00:36:11,858 --> 00:36:15,326
And why am I seeing
11/11 everywhere now?
603
00:36:15,328 --> 00:36:16,527
That's when I leave,
604
00:36:20,700 --> 00:36:22,740
but you have
to do something for me...
605
00:36:24,370 --> 00:36:25,370
right here.
606
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,574
I, I can't do anything with you.
607
00:36:29,576 --> 00:36:32,610
I'm not talking about having
sex with me, you big dummy.
608
00:36:32,612 --> 00:36:36,347
Come on, I have come
a long way to see you.
609
00:36:36,349 --> 00:36:37,648
The least you could do is...
610
00:36:39,619 --> 00:36:40,985
tell me about our daughter.
611
00:36:44,791 --> 00:36:46,557
And then,
in fifth grade, she made
612
00:36:46,559 --> 00:36:48,926
- the honor roll.
- That's amazing. So good.
613
00:36:48,928 --> 00:36:51,229
You know, if, if I used
the flux capacitors
614
00:36:51,231 --> 00:36:53,297
to control
the iambic pentameter,
615
00:36:53,299 --> 00:36:55,666
we could be gone for three days,
but come back,
616
00:36:55,668 --> 00:36:57,668
like an hour or two
after we leave.
617
00:36:58,705 --> 00:37:01,639
That would be fantastic! Oh!
618
00:37:03,543 --> 00:37:06,877
Flux capacitors to
control the iambic pentameter?
619
00:37:06,879 --> 00:37:09,614
Yes, you don't have
any words for our technology,
620
00:37:09,616 --> 00:37:13,684
so I use words that earthlings
can relate to, you know?
621
00:37:15,355 --> 00:37:17,555
It's going to be
centuries before you have a...
622
00:37:19,425 --> 00:37:21,759
Life-is-like-
a-box-of-chocolates drive.
623
00:37:26,399 --> 00:37:27,431
Chyea.
624
00:37:53,326 --> 00:37:54,458
Hello?
625
00:37:54,460 --> 00:37:56,761
James, I'm going into space,
626
00:37:56,763 --> 00:37:58,796
and this time
it will be undeniable.
627
00:38:00,566 --> 00:38:01,866
James?
628
00:38:01,868 --> 00:38:03,834
You do understand
that Abductees Anonymous
629
00:38:03,836 --> 00:38:06,904
is for people who
want to stop being abducted?
630
00:38:07,774 --> 00:38:09,940
I know, but... you guys
631
00:38:09,942 --> 00:38:12,343
are the only people
I can really relate to.
632
00:38:13,980 --> 00:38:15,346
Okay, Tim.
633
00:38:15,848 --> 00:38:17,682
Just be sure to
bring plenty of Vaseline.
634
00:38:17,684 --> 00:38:19,550
Vaseline?
635
00:38:21,654 --> 00:38:22,720
Why?
636
00:38:22,721 --> 00:38:23,787
You don't think.
637
00:38:24,590 --> 00:38:28,059
No, no, no, no,
Andromeda wouldn't do that.
638
00:38:29,395 --> 00:38:30,428
Would she?
639
00:38:30,430 --> 00:38:31,829
They all use probes, Tim.
640
00:38:40,106 --> 00:38:41,939
Um, excuse me.
641
00:38:43,343 --> 00:38:45,423
What aisle do you
keep the Vaseline on?
642
00:38:45,812 --> 00:38:46,911
11?
643
00:38:47,580 --> 00:38:48,746
11.
644
00:39:09,669 --> 00:39:11,829
That's him. That's the guy
I gave a tour to.
645
00:39:16,042 --> 00:39:17,441
Oh, I recognize him.
646
00:39:17,443 --> 00:39:18,676
Wow, he was on your tour?
647
00:39:22,849 --> 00:39:24,115
This is catchy.
648
00:39:32,892 --> 00:39:34,992
- He's good. I want
to vote for him.
649
00:39:34,994 --> 00:39:37,161
Give me your phone.
650
00:39:43,736 --> 00:39:46,971
What's the number?
651
00:39:56,516 --> 00:39:57,882
Hi, this is Clint.
652
00:39:57,884 --> 00:40:00,017
Leave your name and message.
653
00:40:00,019 --> 00:40:01,152
Be right back to you.
654
00:40:01,154 --> 00:40:02,186
Maybe.
655
00:40:18,771 --> 00:40:20,704
Hi, this is Clint.
656
00:40:20,706 --> 00:40:22,540
Leave your name and message.
657
00:40:22,542 --> 00:40:23,808
Be right back to you.
658
00:40:23,810 --> 00:40:24,810
Maybe.
659
00:40:53,539 --> 00:40:56,140
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
660
00:40:56,142 --> 00:40:57,775
What just went on here?
661
00:40:59,946 --> 00:41:01,679
What did you say to her?
662
00:41:05,618 --> 00:41:10,788
Lettuce, gone, a date.
663
00:41:13,893 --> 00:41:16,494
You just invited
my daughter on a date?
664
00:41:24,570 --> 00:41:26,704
If you're going to
start going out with boys
665
00:41:26,706 --> 00:41:28,138
you're going
to need one of these.
666
00:41:28,140 --> 00:41:29,240
Activated and charged.
667
00:41:29,242 --> 00:41:30,641
Do not tell your mother.
668
00:41:31,944 --> 00:41:33,711
Call me before you get home.
669
00:41:33,713 --> 00:41:35,513
I do not want
your mom to find out
670
00:41:35,515 --> 00:41:37,595
that you've been
out without a chaperone.
671
00:41:46,792 --> 00:41:47,992
Just wait right here.
672
00:41:47,994 --> 00:41:49,660
I, I, I, I'll be just a minute.
673
00:42:00,606 --> 00:42:02,139
Hey, Clint.
674
00:42:02,141 --> 00:42:03,707
Yeah?
675
00:42:03,709 --> 00:42:05,876
Hey, nice job
on the show last night.
676
00:42:05,878 --> 00:42:07,678
Oh, hey, thanks, man.
677
00:42:08,014 --> 00:42:11,282
Um, I, I just have a
really quick question, um.
678
00:42:11,784 --> 00:42:14,885
Where you do get the
inspiration for all your songs?
679
00:42:14,887 --> 00:42:18,055
Oh, you know, from life.
680
00:42:18,925 --> 00:42:20,224
My life!
681
00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:23,827
I, I, I told you
those things in confidence
682
00:42:23,829 --> 00:42:25,329
and you went
on national television
683
00:42:25,331 --> 00:42:27,665
and sang a song
about my sex life?
684
00:42:27,667 --> 00:42:29,934
Dude, it's just a song.
685
00:42:29,936 --> 00:42:31,702
It's not a big deal.
686
00:42:31,704 --> 00:42:35,339
And to make it worse,
you tell the entire country
687
00:42:35,341 --> 00:42:37,274
that my wife
won't have sex with me.
688
00:42:37,276 --> 00:42:39,677
Ah, nobody knows that was you.
689
00:42:39,679 --> 00:42:43,047
You know, you're just making
a mountain out of a molehill.
690
00:42:43,349 --> 00:42:44,915
Just chill out, man.
691
00:42:44,917 --> 00:42:46,584
Got to go, got to go.
692
00:42:46,586 --> 00:42:49,086
Got some business to attend to.
693
00:43:12,645 --> 00:43:14,645
I love this song!
694
00:43:33,966 --> 00:43:35,699
- Paul!
695
00:43:35,701 --> 00:43:37,301
What a pleasant surprise.
696
00:43:37,303 --> 00:43:39,203
I just happened to
be in the neighborhood.
697
00:43:39,205 --> 00:43:41,138
Well, why don't you have a seat?
698
00:43:41,140 --> 00:43:43,707
Maybe I could get
you some coffee or tea?
699
00:43:44,010 --> 00:43:47,044
Uh, I can't stay long.
700
00:43:47,046 --> 00:43:48,145
Is your family home?
701
00:43:48,848 --> 00:43:50,914
They're out and about, you know.
702
00:43:51,917 --> 00:43:55,352
You know,
703
00:43:55,354 --> 00:43:58,322
I've never actually met Tim.
704
00:43:58,324 --> 00:44:01,725
I see him when he picks you up,
but we've never spoken.
705
00:44:02,161 --> 00:44:03,761
You know, he's out
706
00:44:03,763 --> 00:44:05,763
looking for little green men.
707
00:44:07,133 --> 00:44:09,133
We've talked about that before.
708
00:44:09,135 --> 00:44:13,137
Those little
green men are demons, Eve.
709
00:44:15,307 --> 00:44:17,241
I'm sure he uses precautions.
710
00:44:17,243 --> 00:44:20,878
Uh, uh, have you ever
considered being with someone
711
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:23,914
who's more aligned
with your spiritual beliefs?
712
00:44:24,450 --> 00:44:25,849
Excuse me.
713
00:44:25,851 --> 00:44:26,850
Well, well,
714
00:44:26,852 --> 00:44:29,186
well, I, I, I, I, I know,
715
00:44:29,188 --> 00:44:33,457
I, I, I, I'm sure that Tim
was a good man once, but he...
716
00:44:33,459 --> 00:44:35,292
What are you...
What are you suggesting?
717
00:44:35,294 --> 00:44:37,454
- Jesus said that...
- Jesus schmeezus, just...
718
00:44:38,731 --> 00:44:39,930
just give it some thought.
719
00:44:39,932 --> 00:44:41,098
Oh!
720
00:44:41,100 --> 00:44:42,399
Well,
721
00:44:42,401 --> 00:44:45,436
your eternal soul is at stake.
722
00:44:50,743 --> 00:44:53,110
Hi!
723
00:44:53,112 --> 00:44:54,144
Hi.
724
00:44:54,146 --> 00:44:56,380
Hi, um, Evelyn?
725
00:44:56,916 --> 00:44:58,115
It's Eve.
726
00:44:58,117 --> 00:44:59,049
- Eve.
- Yes.
727
00:44:59,051 --> 00:45:00,250
- Hi.
- Hi.
728
00:45:00,252 --> 00:45:02,486
I am here to see if, um,
729
00:45:02,488 --> 00:45:04,321
uh, Mallory, is that her name?
730
00:45:04,323 --> 00:45:07,424
Um, if I could
interview her about her dad.
731
00:45:08,260 --> 00:45:10,861
Right, well, Tim and
Mallory will be home soon,
732
00:45:10,863 --> 00:45:13,197
so you can
have a seat if you'd like.
733
00:45:13,199 --> 00:45:14,164
Oh, great.
734
00:45:14,166 --> 00:45:15,499
Thank you.
735
00:45:15,501 --> 00:45:18,736
I'm just, Sunday
night dinner, you know.
736
00:45:18,738 --> 00:45:20,170
Cleaning the house.
737
00:45:22,908 --> 00:45:24,141
So,
738
00:45:25,411 --> 00:45:27,111
so when was the first
time you realized
739
00:45:27,113 --> 00:45:28,512
that your husband was crazy?
740
00:45:29,415 --> 00:45:31,415
We were driving
home late one night.
741
00:45:32,752 --> 00:45:34,284
This...
742
00:45:34,787 --> 00:45:36,186
this was a long,
743
00:45:36,188 --> 00:45:38,422
a long time ago,
before Mallory came along.
744
00:45:38,424 --> 00:45:39,823
Okay.
745
00:45:39,825 --> 00:45:43,327
And we saw this light, both
of us saw it, a bright light.
746
00:45:43,329 --> 00:45:45,129
It was really fast and...
747
00:45:45,131 --> 00:45:47,291
changing all
different directions in the sky,
748
00:45:48,901 --> 00:45:52,536
and I was pregnant at the time,
about 8 and a half months.
749
00:45:52,538 --> 00:45:54,138
- Aw.
- Yeah.
750
00:45:54,974 --> 00:45:58,442
Tim decided
to run after that light.
751
00:45:58,444 --> 00:46:00,911
Crazy, right?
752
00:46:00,913 --> 00:46:04,548
Yeah, so he left me alone
in the car all by myself.
753
00:46:06,118 --> 00:46:09,787
Two days later
the baby was stillborn.
754
00:46:10,990 --> 00:46:13,857
- Oh.
- Yeah, and,
755
00:46:13,859 --> 00:46:15,459
sometimes think that
maybe that light
756
00:46:15,461 --> 00:46:18,061
had something to do
with me losing the baby.
757
00:46:23,035 --> 00:46:26,203
Is that why you
think aliens are demons?
758
00:46:26,205 --> 00:46:29,339
Um, Tim told me
that you thought that.
759
00:46:29,341 --> 00:46:33,544
Um, Pastor Paul, he teaches us
on the devil's minions.
760
00:46:33,546 --> 00:46:35,112
It makes sense.
761
00:46:35,114 --> 00:46:36,980
Not much else has since then.
762
00:46:36,982 --> 00:46:39,149
Of course, right.
763
00:46:40,953 --> 00:46:42,820
I lost my baby too.
764
00:46:55,334 --> 00:46:56,433
Really?
765
00:46:56,435 --> 00:46:57,435
Yeah.
766
00:46:58,838 --> 00:46:59,838
So sorry.
767
00:47:02,074 --> 00:47:04,007
I think about my baby every day.
768
00:47:07,313 --> 00:47:09,112
Can I pray with you about it?
769
00:47:09,481 --> 00:47:11,014
It always helps me.
770
00:47:11,517 --> 00:47:15,085
Oh, gosh, I just did that
771
00:47:16,021 --> 00:47:17,988
right when I was pulling up.
772
00:47:17,990 --> 00:47:20,858
Oh, God, I just,
773
00:47:20,860 --> 00:47:22,960
yeah, I'm not going
to pray again for another...
774
00:47:22,962 --> 00:47:24,461
you know, like four hours.
775
00:47:24,463 --> 00:47:26,129
Oh, right, okay.
776
00:47:26,131 --> 00:47:28,432
You know, why don't
you just stay for dinner?
777
00:47:28,434 --> 00:47:31,568
It'd be no trouble
at all, you know?
778
00:47:31,570 --> 00:47:34,905
And afterwards you
can interview Mallory.
779
00:47:34,907 --> 00:47:36,540
Oh, thank you, that would...
- For your film.
780
00:47:36,542 --> 00:47:38,108
That would be great.
Thank you so much.
781
00:47:38,110 --> 00:47:40,510
Yeah, and we could talk.
782
00:47:40,512 --> 00:47:42,272
- Sure.
- Pray afterwards.
783
00:47:42,548 --> 00:47:43,914
What's for dinner?
784
00:47:50,389 --> 00:47:51,989
Now, now from this shot
785
00:47:51,991 --> 00:47:54,358
we can see the same
disdain for a parent
786
00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:56,326
that we find among young humans.
787
00:47:56,328 --> 00:48:00,264
So in other words,
your half-alien hybrid
788
00:48:00,266 --> 00:48:02,566
has absolutely no
distinguishing features.
789
00:48:02,568 --> 00:48:04,034
Exactly!
790
00:48:04,036 --> 00:48:05,669
Isn't that amazing?
791
00:48:05,671 --> 00:48:07,371
- Oh, man.
792
00:48:13,145 --> 00:48:16,013
Um,
793
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:24,388
my dad says that I'm...
794
00:48:25,157 --> 00:48:26,157
half alien.
795
00:48:27,927 --> 00:48:29,226
No way, dude.
796
00:48:29,228 --> 00:48:30,494
Yeah, yeah.
797
00:48:30,496 --> 00:48:35,599
He, he feels that my mother,
my birth mother is Andromeda,
798
00:48:35,601 --> 00:48:38,368
and my dad
says that she's from Vega.
799
00:48:38,370 --> 00:48:40,537
That means you have
special powers and shit.
800
00:48:41,073 --> 00:48:44,141
Maybe.
801
00:48:46,111 --> 00:48:49,112
Guess you're going to
have to wait to see.
802
00:49:05,464 --> 00:49:07,064
See you tomorrow.
803
00:49:07,066 --> 00:49:08,498
No, no, stay for dinner.
804
00:49:08,500 --> 00:49:11,001
Do you think your mom
would be okay with that?
805
00:49:11,003 --> 00:49:12,469
Well, afterwards we can.
806
00:49:18,677 --> 00:49:22,412
Okay, so we've been together
all afternoon, remember?
807
00:49:22,414 --> 00:49:24,247
We go in together.
808
00:49:24,249 --> 00:49:25,415
Tim!
809
00:49:25,417 --> 00:49:27,417
You don't understand, Mom.
810
00:49:27,419 --> 00:49:29,252
I'm not lying for you.
811
00:49:29,755 --> 00:49:31,488
You're speaking again.
812
00:49:31,490 --> 00:49:33,190
Oh, that's great.
813
00:49:33,192 --> 00:49:35,525
Your mother
will ground you for a year
814
00:49:35,527 --> 00:49:38,028
when she finds out
what you've been up to.
815
00:49:38,397 --> 00:49:41,264
I'm sure it's your ass
you want to protect.
816
00:49:41,266 --> 00:49:42,432
What did you just say?
817
00:49:42,434 --> 00:49:44,301
- Grammy!
- Oh, mwah!
818
00:49:45,004 --> 00:49:46,470
Why are we
telling Mrs. Faris
819
00:49:46,472 --> 00:49:48,739
that we spent the whole
afternoon together?
820
00:49:50,442 --> 00:49:52,175
- Excuse me?
821
00:49:52,711 --> 00:49:55,746
I'd like this young
man to stay for dinner.
822
00:49:55,748 --> 00:49:57,447
I... I hope you don't mind.
823
00:50:14,099 --> 00:50:16,033
Yeah, we don't need that noise.
824
00:50:16,035 --> 00:50:17,467
We, we've got guests.
825
00:50:17,469 --> 00:50:19,336
Ooh, I'll get it.
826
00:50:22,674 --> 00:50:25,742
-Pastor Paul, go away.
-I, I, I thought you might
like me to meet your family.
827
00:50:25,744 --> 00:50:27,411
- Maybe another time.
- -Who is it?
828
00:50:29,515 --> 00:50:32,149
So nice to meet you
finally, Tim.
829
00:50:32,451 --> 00:50:34,518
- Serve the beans.
830
00:50:34,520 --> 00:50:37,287
Uh, Pastor Paul came by
to say hello
831
00:50:37,289 --> 00:50:38,321
and see how we all are,
832
00:50:38,323 --> 00:50:39,656
but he can't stay long.
833
00:50:39,658 --> 00:50:40,824
There's nothing urgent.
834
00:50:42,294 --> 00:50:44,394
Looks like you made
plenty of food, Eve.
835
00:51:04,783 --> 00:51:06,516
Who's going to say grace?
836
00:51:06,518 --> 00:51:08,652
- Oh.
- Uh, uh, Tim.
837
00:51:08,654 --> 00:51:11,788
You're the spiritual head
of the household, you know?
838
00:51:13,258 --> 00:51:15,459
Um, sure.
839
00:51:15,794 --> 00:51:19,463
Um, okay, so, um,
840
00:51:19,798 --> 00:51:23,700
in the beginning God
said, "Let there be light,"
841
00:51:23,702 --> 00:51:27,137
and, and then he said, "Don't
put that light under a bushel
842
00:51:27,139 --> 00:51:28,672
because it might catch fire,"
843
00:51:28,674 --> 00:51:33,143
and then the burning
bushel told Moses to leave Egypt
844
00:51:33,145 --> 00:51:34,678
after 40 years of fasting,
845
00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:37,747
so goddamn, are we
grateful for this meal, right?
846
00:51:37,749 --> 00:51:39,516
Goddamn, yes.
847
00:51:40,452 --> 00:51:42,119
Amen.
848
00:51:42,121 --> 00:51:43,186
Amen.
849
00:51:43,188 --> 00:51:45,589
Uh, so, Andromeda, is this?
850
00:51:45,591 --> 00:51:46,623
Yes, that's right.
851
00:51:46,625 --> 00:51:47,624
What do you do?
852
00:51:47,626 --> 00:51:49,459
Uh, she's making a video.
853
00:51:50,162 --> 00:51:51,595
About people with crazy beliefs.
854
00:51:51,597 --> 00:51:52,562
Yeah.
855
00:51:52,564 --> 00:51:53,597
She certainly
856
00:51:53,599 --> 00:51:55,265
came to the right house.
857
00:51:55,267 --> 00:51:57,634
Oh, Mallory,
I have something for you.
858
00:51:58,637 --> 00:52:01,204
I think you're going to
really like it.
859
00:52:04,343 --> 00:52:05,742
Seitan!
860
00:52:08,613 --> 00:52:10,125
Be gone
from this house, evil one.
861
00:52:10,149 --> 00:52:12,249
Yeah, it's, it's, it's seitan.
862
00:52:12,251 --> 00:52:14,451
It's, um, it's a Vegan delicacy.
863
00:52:14,453 --> 00:52:15,852
She means vegan.
864
00:52:15,854 --> 00:52:16,920
No, I don't.
865
00:52:16,922 --> 00:52:20,624
Is that that stuff
made from the other stuff?
866
00:52:20,626 --> 00:52:25,162
Exactly, wheat
gluten, yeah, good, yeah.
867
00:52:25,464 --> 00:52:26,663
I, I thought it was,
868
00:52:26,665 --> 00:52:28,231
I thought
you meant something else.
869
00:52:28,233 --> 00:52:30,600
Yeah, Satan, unfortunate name.
870
00:52:30,602 --> 00:52:34,571
Yeah, yeah, kind of
like Ashley for a boy's name.
871
00:52:35,774 --> 00:52:38,808
Oh, Mallory, are you
still protesting animal rights?
872
00:52:38,810 --> 00:52:41,945
- Mm-hmm.
- That's my girl.
873
00:52:41,947 --> 00:52:43,513
- Yes!
874
00:52:44,950 --> 00:52:46,516
You okay?
875
00:52:46,518 --> 00:52:48,251
- Something in your throat?
- -Yeah.
876
00:52:48,253 --> 00:52:50,187
Okay.
877
00:52:50,189 --> 00:52:52,322
Did you make
the beans in a Crock-Pot?
878
00:52:54,893 --> 00:52:56,626
So you got secret plans tonight?
879
00:53:01,633 --> 00:53:04,534
So you're my real mom.
880
00:53:04,903 --> 00:53:05,903
Yes, I am.
881
00:53:08,507 --> 00:53:10,207
Are you seriously an alien?
882
00:53:10,976 --> 00:53:12,209
Seriously.
883
00:53:13,612 --> 00:53:16,947
Does that mean that I'll have,
like, special powers?
884
00:53:18,217 --> 00:53:20,483
Well, you'll have
an innate flexibility
885
00:53:20,485 --> 00:53:22,605
that'll make you
a hit at swingers parties.
886
00:53:24,356 --> 00:53:26,423
- Ah.
- Yeah, it's fun.
887
00:53:28,260 --> 00:53:29,726
Why did you get rid of me?
888
00:53:30,629 --> 00:53:33,863
I didn't get rid of you.
You're just better here.
889
00:53:35,901 --> 00:53:37,234
You,
890
00:53:38,637 --> 00:53:41,438
do you think I'll have
pink hair like you do?
891
00:53:42,374 --> 00:53:44,874
Here's the cool part.
When we get home,
892
00:53:44,876 --> 00:53:46,996
you can pick
whatever hair color you want.
893
00:53:48,247 --> 00:53:49,247
Home?
894
00:53:49,514 --> 00:53:50,514
Yeah.
895
00:53:52,517 --> 00:53:55,619
You think that you could
just come here from outer space
896
00:53:55,621 --> 00:53:56,886
and take me away?
897
00:53:58,457 --> 00:54:00,323
I'm not going anywhere with you.
898
00:54:00,325 --> 00:54:01,325
This is my home.
899
00:54:02,327 --> 00:54:04,361
You can't just have me now.
900
00:54:04,363 --> 00:54:06,930
I see you got the drama
gene from your father.
901
00:54:08,700 --> 00:54:09,900
What is it with this family?
902
00:54:11,370 --> 00:54:12,836
Hey, babe.
903
00:54:19,511 --> 00:54:20,844
- Paul, you have to go.
- But...
904
00:54:20,846 --> 00:54:22,379
- No, I, but...
- I am married.
905
00:54:22,381 --> 00:54:24,461
You need to find
someone who's available.
906
00:54:25,584 --> 00:54:28,351
You're right.
907
00:54:28,353 --> 00:54:29,919
I, I'm sorry.
908
00:54:32,591 --> 00:54:36,359
For the love of God,
divorce him and marry me.
909
00:54:41,533 --> 00:54:42,599
Oh, my God.
910
00:54:48,040 --> 00:54:49,673
Excuse me.
911
00:54:50,575 --> 00:54:54,844
Um, I don't suppose you could
give me a ride, could you?
912
00:54:55,514 --> 00:54:56,846
My car won't start.
913
00:54:56,848 --> 00:54:58,715
Yeah, no, I, um,
914
00:54:58,717 --> 00:55:01,584
I'm about to have some
quality time with my daughter,
915
00:55:01,586 --> 00:55:04,521
-so maybe
Eve can do that for you.
-Your daughter?
916
00:55:04,956 --> 00:55:06,596
- Yeah.
- You mean...
917
00:55:07,693 --> 00:55:08,892
Yeah.
918
00:55:08,894 --> 00:55:10,727
Mom's the word, father.
919
00:55:11,630 --> 00:55:12,729
Father would be Catholic.
920
00:55:12,731 --> 00:55:14,531
I'm, I'm not a priest.
921
00:55:15,567 --> 00:55:16,599
- Hmm?
- I...
922
00:55:16,601 --> 00:55:18,001
No, I don't care.
923
00:55:34,419 --> 00:55:35,952
Huh, it's late.
924
00:55:35,954 --> 00:55:37,487
We should get you home.
925
00:55:38,590 --> 00:55:40,957
It doesn't
seem late at all to me.
926
00:55:41,793 --> 00:55:44,627
- Well, it's later than it seems.
927
00:55:47,399 --> 00:55:49,099
Hon, can you
take Mom home for me?
928
00:55:49,101 --> 00:55:50,934
Uh, I've got dishes to do.
929
00:55:50,936 --> 00:55:53,036
I've got that
interview with Andromeda.
930
00:55:53,038 --> 00:55:54,504
- Tim!
- Oh!
931
00:55:54,506 --> 00:55:55,572
I'll take you, Iris.
932
00:55:58,677 --> 00:56:00,043
You can do the dishes.
933
00:56:00,045 --> 00:56:01,544
Yeah,
934
00:56:02,581 --> 00:56:03,546
bye, Mom.
935
00:56:03,548 --> 00:56:04,548
Yeah.
936
00:56:06,485 --> 00:56:08,418
- This will be nice.
- Yes.
937
00:56:08,420 --> 00:56:11,955
I've had enough of his ugly
mug to last me a lifetime.
938
00:56:19,631 --> 00:56:20,697
Andromeda.
939
00:56:24,770 --> 00:56:25,802
I hate to impose.
940
00:56:26,905 --> 00:56:27,904
My car broke down.
941
00:56:27,906 --> 00:56:29,472
We don't mind...
942
00:56:29,474 --> 00:56:31,194
- Great.
- ..do we, Eve?
943
00:56:34,746 --> 00:56:35,812
All right.
944
00:56:35,814 --> 00:56:36,814
Okay.
945
00:56:44,022 --> 00:56:47,123
Do you remember
how tiny Mallory was
946
00:56:47,125 --> 00:56:49,426
when we took her to Slide Rock?
947
00:56:49,428 --> 00:56:51,928
Yeah, she called
it "Swide Wock."
948
00:56:52,464 --> 00:56:55,698
I can't believe
how grown-up she is now.
949
00:56:55,700 --> 00:56:57,467
She'll always be my baby.
950
00:56:57,936 --> 00:57:00,036
But she's very independent.
951
00:57:00,038 --> 00:57:01,571
Oh yeah, she wants to be,
952
00:57:01,573 --> 00:57:03,540
but one of us
goes everywhere with her.
953
00:57:03,542 --> 00:57:05,775
- It's just not safe out there.
- Surely she'd be safer
954
00:57:05,777 --> 00:57:07,076
if she had a cell phone.
955
00:57:10,916 --> 00:57:12,215
What's she been saying?
956
00:57:13,084 --> 00:57:16,119
You can't hang on forever, dear.
957
00:57:16,121 --> 00:57:17,854
Believe me.
958
00:57:19,191 --> 00:57:22,892
In the end, the only
thing you'll get is resentment.
959
00:57:34,005 --> 00:57:35,138
Andromeda!
960
00:57:39,945 --> 00:57:42,612
Hello, you big stud.
961
00:57:42,614 --> 00:57:45,014
Which side of
the bed do you want?
962
00:57:45,016 --> 00:57:46,716
This side right here,
963
00:57:46,718 --> 00:57:48,117
or do you want this side
964
00:57:48,119 --> 00:57:49,686
right here because
you can have any side.
965
00:57:49,688 --> 00:57:52,155
- Get out!
- Oh, stop it.
966
00:57:52,157 --> 00:57:54,624
Frigidaire doesn't have
to know anything about this.
967
00:57:54,626 --> 00:57:56,159
Don't talk
about my wife that way.
968
00:57:56,161 --> 00:57:59,496
Well, she's not
exactly a Hotpoint, is she?
969
00:57:59,498 --> 00:58:02,232
You know, it may come
as a surprise to you,
but on this planet
970
00:58:02,234 --> 00:58:04,901
people aren't just appliances
you can use and then discard.
971
00:58:05,203 --> 00:58:08,571
Wait a second.
Is that a Jean-Luc Picard quote?
972
00:58:08,573 --> 00:58:12,208
I'm going to update
my Spacebook status.
973
00:58:12,210 --> 00:58:14,611
No, seriously, do you
want some fizzy wine?
974
00:58:14,613 --> 00:58:15,778
Why aren't you with Mallory?
975
00:58:15,780 --> 00:58:17,947
You finally had an opportunity.
976
00:58:17,949 --> 00:58:21,269
Mm, I don't know. I guess I
found someone else
that I'd rather talk to.
977
00:58:22,153 --> 00:58:23,686
What are you doing?
978
00:58:24,556 --> 00:58:26,122
- Jeez.
- Where are you going?
979
00:58:26,124 --> 00:58:28,525
Oh, God, your butt is so cute.
980
00:58:37,002 --> 00:58:40,069
I remember you told me
once that Mallory is adopted.
981
00:58:40,605 --> 00:58:42,765
You're an embarrassment
to your profession.
982
00:58:43,775 --> 00:58:45,208
You did a good thing taking in
983
00:58:45,210 --> 00:58:46,609
- someone else's child.
- Oh, you preach
984
00:58:46,611 --> 00:58:47,911
on the sanctity of marriage
985
00:58:47,913 --> 00:58:49,873
and then you
suggest I divorce Tim?
986
00:58:50,982 --> 00:58:52,181
That's hypocrisy.
987
00:58:52,183 --> 00:58:53,883
I'm against hypocrisy,
988
00:58:54,185 --> 00:58:56,225
but I guess
it's okay once in a while.
989
00:58:56,788 --> 00:58:58,054
That's a joke.
990
00:58:58,590 --> 00:59:00,256
Wow, tough crowd.
991
00:59:01,893 --> 00:59:04,013
Why do you care
who gave birth to Mallory?
992
00:59:04,696 --> 00:59:05,696
Never mind.
993
00:59:06,932 --> 00:59:08,298
You think that
means I should dump her
994
00:59:08,300 --> 00:59:10,220
like you think
I should dump Tim?
995
00:59:10,569 --> 00:59:12,569
I... I'm sorry for what I said.
996
00:59:15,307 --> 00:59:17,874
I think you're wonderful,
997
00:59:18,810 --> 00:59:21,010
and I'm very envious of Tim.
998
00:59:21,813 --> 00:59:23,893
Isn't that one of
the seven deadly sins?
999
00:59:24,182 --> 00:59:26,082
I don't think there
was any specific mention
1000
00:59:26,084 --> 00:59:27,650
of Tim in those.
1001
00:59:29,120 --> 00:59:31,621
- Alright, alright, time to go.
- I know why.
1002
00:59:31,623 --> 00:59:33,222
- Come on, come on.
- No, but I don't want to go.
1003
00:59:33,224 --> 00:59:34,691
Okay, come on.
1004
00:59:34,693 --> 00:59:37,226
Oh, my God, I love this.
This is so cute.
1005
00:59:37,228 --> 00:59:39,128
- Oh, my gosh.
- Come on, let's go.
1006
00:59:39,130 --> 00:59:42,131
Hey, do you
think I'm going to be
1007
00:59:42,133 --> 00:59:44,834
from being
miserable like that one day?
1008
00:59:45,136 --> 00:59:47,203
Beauty's in the eye
of the beholder. Come on.
1009
00:59:47,205 --> 00:59:51,941
That's just ugly-person
propaganda. What are you doing?
1010
00:59:51,943 --> 00:59:54,844
- Shit, that's going to be Eve.
1011
00:59:54,846 --> 00:59:57,246
- Wait. Oh, my God.
-Come on, come on.
Let's go spend some
1012
00:59:57,248 --> 00:59:59,382
- quality time with Mallory.
- You are so cute.
1013
00:59:59,384 --> 01:00:00,683
This is your chance.
1014
01:00:08,893 --> 01:00:10,026
Aw.
1015
01:00:10,695 --> 01:00:14,330
No, no, no, no, no.
1016
01:00:36,755 --> 01:00:38,054
What have you two been doing?
1017
01:00:39,124 --> 01:00:41,190
Dad, I'm wearing a bikini.
1018
01:00:41,192 --> 01:00:42,325
Chill.
1019
01:00:42,327 --> 01:00:44,127
Your mother will have a fit
1020
01:00:44,129 --> 01:00:45,895
if she thinks I let you
into the hot tub with a boy.
1021
01:00:45,897 --> 01:00:50,867
Oh, thanks for your concern,
Dad, but Dax isn't a boy.
1022
01:00:50,869 --> 01:00:55,071
-He's my boyfriend.
-Oh, that makes it
so much more palatable.
1023
01:00:55,674 --> 01:00:57,774
Put your clothes on,
both of you.
1024
01:00:57,776 --> 01:00:59,409
Go home, Dax.
1025
01:01:00,378 --> 01:01:02,979
I, I just want you to know my
intentions towards your daughter
1026
01:01:02,981 --> 01:01:04,247
are strictly horn-erary.
1027
01:01:04,249 --> 01:01:05,249
I mean honorary.
1028
01:01:05,950 --> 01:01:06,949
Honorable?
1029
01:01:06,951 --> 01:01:07,951
That too.
1030
01:01:11,890 --> 01:01:13,189
What were you thinking?
1031
01:01:19,064 --> 01:01:21,464
You'd better hope
we get this cover back on
1032
01:01:21,466 --> 01:01:23,199
before your mother gets home.
1033
01:01:23,201 --> 01:01:25,234
What do you think?
Do you like it?
1034
01:01:25,236 --> 01:01:28,316
It'll keep the rain
from puddling like it does
on the tarp.
1035
01:01:32,877 --> 01:01:35,144
Thank you, Mother Sky.
1036
01:01:35,146 --> 01:01:36,746
Where's my phone?
1037
01:01:36,748 --> 01:01:37,980
Where's my camera?
1038
01:01:39,751 --> 01:01:41,117
Oh, no, no, honey. It's okay,
1039
01:01:41,119 --> 01:01:42,185
it's okay. We're safe.
1040
01:01:42,187 --> 01:01:43,886
Just leave it to me, okay?
1041
01:01:46,257 --> 01:01:48,424
It's an honor to meet you.
1042
01:01:50,128 --> 01:01:51,961
This'll be a quick trip, right?
1043
01:01:51,963 --> 01:01:54,497
Uh, my wife will
be home any minute now.
1044
01:01:54,499 --> 01:01:56,766
Do I have time
to get my Vaseline?
1045
01:01:58,136 --> 01:02:00,470
Okay, okay, just stay here.
Don't, don't move.
1046
01:02:00,472 --> 01:02:02,038
Don't go anywhere, okay?
1047
01:02:02,407 --> 01:02:03,407
Dad!
1048
01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:23,426
No!
1049
01:02:23,428 --> 01:02:25,261
You've got the wrong person!
1050
01:02:27,499 --> 01:02:29,232
Eve is going to
be home any minute now.
1051
01:02:29,234 --> 01:02:31,033
I've got to rescue Mallory now.
1052
01:02:31,035 --> 01:02:32,802
Yeah, good luck with that.
Let me know how it goes.
1053
01:02:32,804 --> 01:02:34,137
You're going to help me.
1054
01:02:34,139 --> 01:02:36,405
No way, it's a waste of time.
1055
01:02:36,407 --> 01:02:38,688
You're never going to
be able to track them down,
1056
01:02:39,010 --> 01:02:40,309
so see, we need to start over.
1057
01:02:41,279 --> 01:02:42,345
Start over?
1058
01:02:42,347 --> 01:02:44,847
Yeah, make another baby.
1059
01:02:44,849 --> 01:02:47,483
You see, I'm only
here for one more day,
1060
01:02:47,485 --> 01:02:49,819
and my cosmic clock is ticking,
1061
01:02:49,821 --> 01:02:52,188
so I really need your tock.
1062
01:02:53,124 --> 01:02:56,926
We have to find another
ship so we can follow them.
1063
01:02:56,928 --> 01:02:58,394
That's not going to happen.
1064
01:02:58,396 --> 01:03:00,897
We have to find a way
to save our daughter.
1065
01:03:00,899 --> 01:03:03,132
Oh, okay, now all
of a sudden it's our daughter?
1066
01:03:03,134 --> 01:03:04,133
Relax.
1067
01:03:04,135 --> 01:03:05,501
She's going to be fine.
1068
01:03:09,407 --> 01:03:10,623
I'm home.
1069
01:03:10,624 --> 01:03:11,840
Stay in here
and don't come anywhere
1070
01:03:11,843 --> 01:03:12,975
under any circumstances.
1071
01:03:12,977 --> 01:03:14,010
Do you understand me?
1072
01:03:14,012 --> 01:03:16,045
Yes, I understand you,
1073
01:03:16,047 --> 01:03:18,848
but she's the one that suggested
that I conduct interviews.
1074
01:03:20,185 --> 01:03:22,151
She did not suggest
1075
01:03:22,153 --> 01:03:25,555
that you drink an entire
bottle of expensive champagne
1076
01:03:25,557 --> 01:03:27,423
and then try
to seduce her husband.
1077
01:03:27,425 --> 01:03:29,465
Yeah, you're kind
of right about that.
1078
01:03:30,328 --> 01:03:32,829
She's not that imaginative.
1079
01:03:39,904 --> 01:03:43,840
Oh, thanks for doing the dishes.
1080
01:03:44,976 --> 01:03:46,442
I thought Andromeda
would still be here
1081
01:03:46,444 --> 01:03:48,344
doing her interviews.
1082
01:03:50,415 --> 01:03:52,415
Uh, she, she went home
1083
01:03:52,417 --> 01:03:55,318
to, to get a different
video camera.
1084
01:03:55,854 --> 01:03:56,974
Is Mallory in her room?
1085
01:03:57,589 --> 01:03:58,988
Uh, probably.
1086
01:03:59,924 --> 01:04:01,190
I'll go check on her.
1087
01:04:01,492 --> 01:04:02,558
I'll go with you.
1088
01:04:04,262 --> 01:04:06,896
Have I told you
how much I just love you?
1089
01:04:06,898 --> 01:04:08,464
Oh, Tim.
1090
01:04:10,602 --> 01:04:12,335
Mallory, are you okay in there?
1091
01:04:15,540 --> 01:04:17,640
Are you okay in there?
1092
01:04:22,313 --> 01:04:23,880
Listen, Mal, I'm sorry
1093
01:04:23,882 --> 01:04:25,882
that I've been
so hard on you lately.
1094
01:04:26,117 --> 01:04:29,452
I'll try to relax a little and
let you live your life, okay?
1095
01:04:36,227 --> 01:04:40,029
No, no, no, no. Why don't we
just, why don't we just let her
have her privacy?
1096
01:04:40,031 --> 01:04:42,298
- We don't want to overstay
our welcome.
1097
01:04:51,342 --> 01:04:53,910
Uh, uh, uh, James, it's Tim.
1098
01:04:55,046 --> 01:04:57,346
Listen, I need your help.
1099
01:04:57,348 --> 01:04:59,115
My daughter's been abducted.
1100
01:04:59,117 --> 01:05:02,051
Sorry, Tim, but this
is Abductees Anonymous.
1101
01:05:02,987 --> 01:05:05,988
What you need is, is Abduct-Anon
1102
01:05:06,357 --> 01:05:08,991
for families
and friends of abductees.
1103
01:05:12,130 --> 01:05:14,463
Ugh, dammit!
1104
01:05:29,113 --> 01:05:30,113
Andromeda.
1105
01:05:31,983 --> 01:05:33,449
Andromeda, I need your help.
1106
01:05:39,457 --> 01:05:41,691
Come dance with me!
1107
01:05:43,428 --> 01:05:44,560
What are you doing?
1108
01:05:44,562 --> 01:05:46,562
I'm dancing, man.
1109
01:05:47,131 --> 01:05:49,131
Come dance with me. Come.
1110
01:05:49,133 --> 01:05:50,266
Timothy?
1111
01:05:53,304 --> 01:05:55,738
- What's going on? I heard music.
- Nothing, nothing.
1112
01:05:55,740 --> 01:06:00,176
I was just trying to set
an alarm, and, um, I messed up.
1113
01:06:00,178 --> 01:06:01,711
You know how I am.
1114
01:06:01,713 --> 01:06:04,513
So what is today's affirmation?
1115
01:06:04,515 --> 01:06:06,682
Oh, I'll go check.
1116
01:06:06,684 --> 01:06:08,117
Yeah, let's.
1117
01:06:08,119 --> 01:06:10,319
Okay, something...
1118
01:06:10,321 --> 01:06:11,721
Oh, oh, you know what?
1119
01:06:11,723 --> 01:06:13,289
I... I forgot my cell phone
back upstairs.
1120
01:06:13,291 --> 01:06:14,523
I... I'll be right back.
1121
01:06:28,072 --> 01:06:29,572
Wha!
1122
01:06:29,574 --> 01:06:32,675
Andromeda, well,
thanks for coming back.
1123
01:06:32,677 --> 01:06:35,144
That was, uh, that was,
that was really quick.
1124
01:06:35,146 --> 01:06:39,415
Yes, my, my hotel is
very close to the home,
1125
01:06:39,417 --> 01:06:43,419
so...
I got here very fast.
1126
01:06:49,193 --> 01:06:52,361
Hey, what's that?
1127
01:06:52,363 --> 01:06:53,696
- A map.
1128
01:06:53,698 --> 01:06:55,164
Shows the way back to Earth.
1129
01:06:55,166 --> 01:06:57,433
It looks like it's an invitation
1130
01:06:57,435 --> 01:07:00,302
to a crazy sex orgy.
1131
01:07:00,304 --> 01:07:01,504
Is that Vaseline,
1132
01:07:01,506 --> 01:07:05,274
because you're going to need it
for the sex orgy.
1133
01:07:05,276 --> 01:07:06,742
God, would you lighten up?
1134
01:07:16,154 --> 01:07:20,056
The... the acoustics
are so much better in there
1135
01:07:20,358 --> 01:07:23,259
for the interview
that we just filmed.
1136
01:07:23,561 --> 01:07:25,227
Oh, where's your camera?
1137
01:07:25,229 --> 01:07:30,066
I have a spycam in my bra,
1138
01:07:30,068 --> 01:07:32,068
so do you want to see it?
1139
01:07:32,070 --> 01:07:33,602
- Uh, a spycam?
- Yeah.
1140
01:07:33,604 --> 01:07:35,404
- You use spycams?
- Mm-hmm.
1141
01:07:35,740 --> 01:07:37,673
You're the one who's been
spying on our daughter,
1142
01:07:37,675 --> 01:07:39,341
Mallory? Get out!
1143
01:07:39,844 --> 01:07:41,610
I would never spy
on my daughter.
1144
01:07:41,612 --> 01:07:44,413
That's,
that's just an expression.
1145
01:07:44,415 --> 01:07:47,183
Obviously, she doesn't
mean her daughter.
1146
01:07:47,185 --> 01:07:48,818
- Sh...
- Get the heck out of my house!
1147
01:07:48,820 --> 01:07:52,321
Oh, my God, you can't
say hell. Just try it.
1148
01:07:52,323 --> 01:07:56,125
Just... please,
say hell.
1149
01:07:56,427 --> 01:07:58,127
Hell, get the hell out.
1150
01:07:58,129 --> 01:08:01,297
It's like hello, without the O,
1151
01:08:01,299 --> 01:08:03,833
which you should know because
you stopped having sex with
your husband,
1152
01:08:03,835 --> 01:08:05,301
- so.
1153
01:08:05,303 --> 01:08:06,469
Tim.
1154
01:08:07,805 --> 01:08:11,707
- I... I didn't say a word to her.
- You know what?
1155
01:08:11,709 --> 01:08:16,412
We have a very,
very fulfilling love life.
1156
01:08:18,382 --> 01:08:20,316
Ooh, I'm hot.
1157
01:08:20,318 --> 01:08:22,218
Not that's it's any of
your gosh-darn business.
1158
01:08:22,220 --> 01:08:23,319
Goddamn!
1159
01:08:23,321 --> 01:08:24,653
It's Goddamn, woman.
1160
01:08:24,655 --> 01:08:26,856
Come on, you can say that.
1161
01:08:26,858 --> 01:08:28,491
Now, he didn't tell me anything.
1162
01:08:28,493 --> 01:08:30,259
It was, uh, Clint,
1163
01:08:30,261 --> 01:08:33,796
and he's been singing
about your frigid-idity all over
1164
01:08:33,798 --> 01:08:35,297
national television.
1165
01:08:35,299 --> 01:08:36,432
What the eff
are you talking about?
1166
01:08:36,434 --> 01:08:37,566
Okay, Andromeda, time to go.
1167
01:08:37,568 --> 01:08:39,488
Well, you should
probably listen.
1168
01:08:40,571 --> 01:08:42,651
Why are you taking her
to the back door?
1169
01:08:43,541 --> 01:08:45,241
Because it's,
it's the nearest exit.
1170
01:08:45,243 --> 01:08:46,175
Get her the heck
1171
01:08:46,177 --> 01:08:47,309
out of here.
1172
01:08:47,311 --> 01:08:49,478
The hell, the hell out!
1173
01:08:59,590 --> 01:09:02,691
I... I, I think it was the
hot tub that attracted the UFO.
1174
01:09:03,661 --> 01:09:05,261
Oh, yeah, yeah.
1175
01:09:05,263 --> 01:09:07,763
The aliens probably
wanted a nice warm soak.
1176
01:09:08,599 --> 01:09:11,700
I, I, I think it had something
to do with the shape of...
1177
01:09:28,686 --> 01:09:30,646
Do you think that's
the same one?
1178
01:09:32,590 --> 01:09:33,722
No.
1179
01:09:35,960 --> 01:09:38,594
Come on, come on,
let's go, come on.
1180
01:09:48,706 --> 01:09:50,873
Oh, have you seen Mallory?
1181
01:09:50,875 --> 01:09:52,408
No, I came to study with her.
1182
01:09:52,743 --> 01:09:54,777
Mallory and Tim are missing.
1183
01:10:03,588 --> 01:10:05,487
Where are the captain's chairs?
1184
01:10:07,592 --> 01:10:11,594
And what about navigation
controls and the huge monitors?
1185
01:10:13,898 --> 01:10:15,264
Where's Mallory?
1186
01:10:17,401 --> 01:10:20,436
Tea, Earl Grey, hot.
1187
01:10:20,438 --> 01:10:22,004
When they bring us food,
1188
01:10:22,006 --> 01:10:24,287
we're going to have
to attack them and break out.
1189
01:10:24,442 --> 01:10:26,976
What makes you think
they're going to bring us food?
1190
01:10:29,280 --> 01:10:31,981
They have to take care of
our basic needs, don't they?
1191
01:10:31,983 --> 01:10:33,582
Isn't there some kind of cosmic
1192
01:10:33,584 --> 01:10:35,664
galactic Geneva Convention
or something?
1193
01:10:41,626 --> 01:10:43,492
Maybe this is the holodeck.
1194
01:10:44,262 --> 01:10:45,327
Mm-hmm.
1195
01:10:46,631 --> 01:10:49,898
Computer, take me
to Earth, 21st century.
1196
01:10:51,435 --> 01:10:53,836
Wow, look at that.
1197
01:10:53,838 --> 01:10:56,438
Verizon really
expanded their network, huh?
1198
01:10:56,741 --> 01:10:58,007
You going to answer it?
1199
01:11:02,280 --> 01:11:03,612
Eve?
1200
01:11:03,614 --> 01:11:05,581
Oh, my God, Tim.
1201
01:11:05,583 --> 01:11:07,416
Where the hell are you?
1202
01:11:07,418 --> 01:11:10,552
Um, I'm just doing research
1203
01:11:10,554 --> 01:11:12,855
on, on alien lifestyles.
1204
01:11:13,457 --> 01:11:15,291
I'll, I'll be home soon.
1205
01:11:15,293 --> 01:11:16,825
You have Mallory, right?
1206
01:11:19,764 --> 01:11:21,030
Absolutely.
1207
01:11:21,031 --> 01:11:22,297
You abduct our daughter,
you stay out all night,
1208
01:11:22,300 --> 01:11:23,532
and you don't answer your phone.
1209
01:11:23,534 --> 01:11:24,967
Are you trying to kill me?
1210
01:11:24,969 --> 01:11:26,435
I'm sorry.
1211
01:11:26,437 --> 01:11:30,939
I must have been
in a bad reception area.
1212
01:11:30,941 --> 01:11:32,841
Oh, and that bitch
that's been spying on us.
1213
01:11:32,843 --> 01:11:35,411
You know, I found four other
cameras planted in this house.
1214
01:11:35,413 --> 01:11:37,446
- Is she with you?
- Andromeda?
1215
01:11:37,448 --> 01:11:41,750
-Oh, hi!
-No, no, she's, she's
not, she's not with me.
1216
01:11:42,453 --> 01:11:44,887
- The party's in two hours.
- Party?
1217
01:11:45,389 --> 01:11:47,434
I was sure you
wouldn't forget this year.
1218
01:11:47,458 --> 01:11:49,578
You said you'd been
seeing signs from God.
1219
01:11:49,660 --> 01:11:50,660
I did?
1220
01:11:51,662 --> 01:11:53,062
That doesn't sound like me.
1221
01:11:53,064 --> 01:11:55,864
Reminders of
our anniversary, 11/11.
1222
01:12:02,039 --> 01:12:03,039
Of course.
1223
01:12:04,475 --> 01:12:05,974
No, no, I didn't forget.
1224
01:12:07,411 --> 01:12:09,011
Happy anniversary, honey.
1225
01:12:10,881 --> 01:12:12,848
I'll be home before the party.
1226
01:12:12,850 --> 01:12:13,850
I promise.
1227
01:12:14,618 --> 01:12:18,721
Happy anniversary.
1228
01:12:20,524 --> 01:12:23,859
If I ever make it home,
my wife is going to kill me.
1229
01:12:25,930 --> 01:12:28,897
Well, if she doesn't kill
you, the roaming charges will.
1230
01:12:28,899 --> 01:12:30,933
See what I did there?
1231
01:12:31,869 --> 01:12:34,002
But I don't understand.
1232
01:12:35,039 --> 01:12:36,572
We've only
been gone a few minutes,
1233
01:12:36,574 --> 01:12:38,540
but, but she says
I've been out all night.
1234
01:12:38,542 --> 01:12:39,508
Mm-hmm.
1235
01:12:39,510 --> 01:12:42,911
And, and how was I
able to get that call?
1236
01:12:43,481 --> 01:12:46,448
She says I haven't
been answering my phone.
1237
01:12:47,051 --> 01:12:48,050
Yeah, well, I apologize
1238
01:12:48,052 --> 01:12:49,385
for the crappy reception
1239
01:12:49,387 --> 01:12:51,153
in outer space.
1240
01:12:51,889 --> 01:12:54,723
Now see, if we're traveling
near the speed of light,
1241
01:12:54,725 --> 01:12:56,959
time is going to move
much slower for us.
1242
01:12:58,129 --> 01:13:00,729
That's the opposite of
what I wanted to happen.
1243
01:13:01,065 --> 01:13:03,932
Yeah, I guess you haven't
caught up on your Einstein,
1244
01:13:03,934 --> 01:13:04,934
have you?
1245
01:13:11,976 --> 01:13:13,642
You have to let us out.
1246
01:13:14,078 --> 01:13:15,878
We're going to die in here.
1247
01:13:19,049 --> 01:13:21,450
And you call this an abduction?
1248
01:13:21,452 --> 01:13:23,585
Even the grays
could do better than this.
1249
01:13:26,891 --> 01:13:28,457
Dad!
1250
01:13:31,695 --> 01:13:32,695
Mallory!
1251
01:13:34,498 --> 01:13:35,931
I'm in here, Dad.
1252
01:13:38,002 --> 01:13:39,568
Stay right where you are.
1253
01:13:39,570 --> 01:13:40,669
I'm coming for you.
1254
01:13:47,044 --> 01:13:48,044
Crap!
1255
01:13:50,748 --> 01:13:51,914
Dad!
1256
01:13:52,483 --> 01:13:54,683
Don't just sit there,
come help me.
1257
01:13:59,790 --> 01:14:01,657
- Mallory.
- Dad!
1258
01:14:04,795 --> 01:14:06,028
Dad!
1259
01:14:06,030 --> 01:14:07,563
Are you okay?
1260
01:14:07,565 --> 01:14:09,097
I think so.
1261
01:14:19,944 --> 01:14:22,144
Tea, Earl Grey, hot.
1262
01:14:33,657 --> 01:14:37,259
Okay, we need to
come up with a plan, okay?
1263
01:14:42,132 --> 01:14:44,099
Dad!
1264
01:14:44,101 --> 01:14:48,136
Oh, good, a free colonoscopy.
1265
01:14:48,906 --> 01:14:49,972
Oh, I know.
1266
01:14:49,974 --> 01:14:50,974
I have Vaseline.
1267
01:15:05,155 --> 01:15:07,990
Come on, come on, Dad.
1268
01:15:26,043 --> 01:15:27,643
Thanks, Dad.
1269
01:15:33,284 --> 01:15:36,318
Okay, okay now,
now what do we do?
1270
01:15:36,320 --> 01:15:37,853
Do you still
have your cell phone?
1271
01:15:37,855 --> 01:15:41,557
Yeah, yeah, here, okay, okay.
1272
01:15:45,262 --> 01:15:46,929
All right, okay.
1273
01:15:48,999 --> 01:15:50,799
Oh, oh,
we need to get out of here.
1274
01:15:51,235 --> 01:15:53,955
-Straight through
that door, now!
-Okay.
1275
01:15:58,108 --> 01:15:59,575
The one on the right.
1276
01:16:01,979 --> 01:16:04,012
They understand English.
1277
01:16:05,182 --> 01:16:09,017
Or maybe, maybe they
can read our thoughts.
1278
01:16:13,057 --> 01:16:15,624
Nope, I just thought of the one
behind me, and nothing happened.
1279
01:16:21,365 --> 01:16:23,065
Probs not abbrevs.
1280
01:16:25,836 --> 01:16:28,070
Probs not abbrevs.
1281
01:16:29,773 --> 01:16:31,006
Are you saying?
1282
01:16:31,008 --> 01:16:34,009
- Def, def, okay.
1283
01:16:34,011 --> 01:16:35,877
I'm JFM.
1284
01:16:36,847 --> 01:16:39,114
What the, what is JFM?
1285
01:16:39,116 --> 01:16:40,816
What does that mean? I, I, I...
1286
01:16:40,818 --> 01:16:42,818
If I tell you, it defeats
the purpose, doesn't it?
1287
01:16:42,820 --> 01:16:46,188
Yeah, but I've never
heard that one before,
1288
01:16:46,190 --> 01:16:48,323
so how am I supposed
to know what you're saying
1289
01:16:48,325 --> 01:16:50,392
if I don't
know what you're saying?
1290
01:16:50,394 --> 01:16:51,927
I just made it up.
1291
01:16:51,929 --> 01:16:53,328
I don't know any abbreviations
1292
01:16:53,330 --> 01:16:55,964
for escaping from
alien torture chambers.
1293
01:16:56,934 --> 01:16:59,768
JFM, just follow me.
1294
01:17:05,409 --> 01:17:06,642
What does that mean?
1295
01:17:06,944 --> 01:17:08,210
Try to work it out.
1296
01:17:09,079 --> 01:17:11,179
- Smell my hair?
- No!
1297
01:17:11,815 --> 01:17:12,881
No, um...
1298
01:17:12,883 --> 01:17:14,282
- No.
- Shake my hips.
1299
01:17:14,284 --> 01:17:16,118
- How's that going to help?
1300
01:17:16,120 --> 01:17:18,253
We are so dead.
1301
01:17:28,899 --> 01:17:30,666
I'm so sorry about Tim.
1302
01:17:30,668 --> 01:17:33,335
I knew he was a nutcase,
but we all loved him so much.
1303
01:17:39,777 --> 01:17:41,076
The one on the left.
1304
01:17:45,182 --> 01:17:49,151
Well, um, guess
we don't have to worry
1305
01:17:49,153 --> 01:17:52,354
about having
too much choice anymore.
1306
01:17:57,695 --> 01:17:59,895
Timothy, he did not,
1307
01:17:59,897 --> 01:18:02,431
the urgings
of his wife and pastor,
1308
01:18:03,333 --> 01:18:07,436
he danced with the devil, and
the devil slipped him a roofie
1309
01:18:08,005 --> 01:18:09,438
because that's what he does.
1310
01:18:09,440 --> 01:18:10,839
Well, now what?
1311
01:18:11,408 --> 01:18:12,941
Give me your phone again.
1312
01:18:15,846 --> 01:18:16,846
Okay.
1313
01:18:22,419 --> 01:18:25,420
And forsaken easy fodder
1314
01:18:25,422 --> 01:18:28,323
for demons to feast upon.
1315
01:18:28,325 --> 01:18:29,758
- Yes?
- It's me.
1316
01:18:29,760 --> 01:18:30,859
Tim?
1317
01:18:32,730 --> 01:18:35,197
Oh, oh, my God,
1318
01:18:35,199 --> 01:18:38,934
oh, my God, Tim, we are at
your memorials, you and Mallory.
1319
01:18:40,170 --> 01:18:41,436
What are you talking about?
1320
01:18:42,206 --> 01:18:43,872
We, we waited nine months,
1321
01:18:43,874 --> 01:18:46,141
but we finally had to
admit that you were dead.
1322
01:18:47,344 --> 01:18:48,810
Is Mallory okay?
1323
01:18:49,513 --> 01:18:53,448
Yeah, she's fine.
Um, listen, we need your help.
1324
01:18:53,450 --> 01:18:55,951
Computer, cut
communications booster.
1325
01:18:55,953 --> 01:18:57,553
- The hot...
- Hot.
1326
01:18:58,522 --> 01:18:59,788
Tim?
1327
01:19:02,426 --> 01:19:03,759
The hot what?
1328
01:19:03,761 --> 01:19:04,993
Hot, hot what?
1329
01:19:05,529 --> 01:19:06,928
Iris?
1330
01:19:11,969 --> 01:19:16,238
Oh, Tim, oh, hot.
1331
01:19:16,540 --> 01:19:17,539
Hot what?
1332
01:19:17,541 --> 01:19:20,876
Oh, hot what?
1333
01:19:20,878 --> 01:19:21,878
Oh, God.
1334
01:19:23,313 --> 01:19:26,181
Hot tub, hot tub.
1335
01:19:26,550 --> 01:19:27,816
Okay, hot tub.
1336
01:19:29,019 --> 01:19:31,553
What about the hot tub?
1337
01:19:33,123 --> 01:19:35,323
Come on, hot tub.
1338
01:19:36,426 --> 01:19:37,426
Tim!
1339
01:19:55,412 --> 01:19:58,213
Computer, disable
automatic distress response.
1340
01:19:58,215 --> 01:20:00,448
I'm sorry,
Andromeda, I can't do that.
1341
01:20:00,450 --> 01:20:03,852
What?
The authorization code is 5756.
1342
01:20:03,854 --> 01:20:07,155
It is a hot tub, not a
flying saucer, you idiot.
1343
01:20:07,157 --> 01:20:08,990
Do not respond.
1344
01:20:09,493 --> 01:20:10,926
Responding.
1345
01:20:14,832 --> 01:20:15,897
What?
1346
01:20:16,867 --> 01:20:19,067
Tim!
1347
01:20:19,570 --> 01:20:21,970
I'm sorry, Andromeda.
You're not authorized
1348
01:20:21,972 --> 01:20:24,973
to cancel a distressed
spacecraft emergency response.
1349
01:20:42,559 --> 01:20:44,492
God, please help me.
1350
01:20:44,494 --> 01:20:47,896
Have you got my family
in there, you bastards?
1351
01:20:48,432 --> 01:20:52,300
Oh, no, no.
1352
01:21:01,278 --> 01:21:03,945
Emergency, liftoff failure.
1353
01:21:03,947 --> 01:21:05,113
Unable to pressurize.
1354
01:21:09,253 --> 01:21:10,552
Entry tube jammed.
1355
01:21:10,554 --> 01:21:11,653
Unable to ascend.
1356
01:21:21,164 --> 01:21:22,197
Dad!
1357
01:21:32,376 --> 01:21:33,909
- Go!
1358
01:21:35,512 --> 01:21:38,980
Security alert,
medical bay doors open.
1359
01:21:39,549 --> 01:21:42,117
I'm going to go get help.
1360
01:21:45,155 --> 01:21:46,922
Save yourself. Go find
1361
01:21:46,924 --> 01:21:48,924
Andromeda. She'll help you.
1362
01:21:56,967 --> 01:21:58,066
What?
1363
01:22:17,187 --> 01:22:19,220
Hey, I like your style.
1364
01:22:19,222 --> 01:22:20,322
You?
1365
01:22:20,324 --> 01:22:21,556
Yeah, it's me.
1366
01:22:21,558 --> 01:22:23,258
It's been me all along.
1367
01:22:23,260 --> 01:22:24,592
You abducted my daughter?
1368
01:22:24,594 --> 01:22:27,195
Well, technically
she's our daughter,
1369
01:22:27,197 --> 01:22:28,396
so how about this?
1370
01:22:28,398 --> 01:22:29,664
Why don't you come with me,
1371
01:22:29,666 --> 01:22:31,266
and we can all go
as a happy family?
1372
01:22:31,268 --> 01:22:34,336
- Go to hell.
- Oh, stop it, you big baby.
1373
01:22:34,338 --> 01:22:36,671
I'm offering you
lots of cosmic sex.
1374
01:22:36,673 --> 01:22:39,307
Okay, you know what? It's not
working on your anymore, is it?
1375
01:22:39,309 --> 01:22:40,575
All right, fine.
1376
01:22:40,577 --> 01:22:44,412
Listen, truth, um,
my race is dying,
1377
01:22:44,414 --> 01:22:46,214
and I need an infusion of DNA
1378
01:22:46,216 --> 01:22:49,751
from a primitive humanoid
species to strengthen our DNA,
1379
01:22:51,989 --> 01:22:53,071
got it?
1380
01:22:53,072 --> 01:22:54,154
You were
going to extract her DNA?
1381
01:22:54,157 --> 01:22:57,492
Well, no, no,
see the original plan was
1382
01:22:57,494 --> 01:23:00,428
you were supposed
to come to Vega with me,
and we were going to mate
1383
01:23:00,430 --> 01:23:02,731
and produce hybridized offspring
with your pure DNA,
1384
01:23:02,733 --> 01:23:04,466
and everybody
was going to be happy,
1385
01:23:04,468 --> 01:23:06,167
and I was going to be a
hero, boop, boop, boop,
1386
01:23:06,169 --> 01:23:07,402
but that didn't happen,
1387
01:23:07,404 --> 01:23:09,170
and yet the elders
still granted me
1388
01:23:09,172 --> 01:23:10,438
a second visit down here
1389
01:23:10,440 --> 01:23:12,440
to see if I could get you
or Mallory
1390
01:23:14,277 --> 01:23:15,644
to come home with me...
1391
01:23:15,645 --> 01:23:17,012
but you
weren't leaving your wife.
1392
01:23:17,748 --> 01:23:19,414
I asked Mallory if she would be
1393
01:23:19,416 --> 01:23:21,516
willing to come back and live
with me, and...
1394
01:23:21,518 --> 01:23:23,518
So you just kidnapped her?
1395
01:23:23,520 --> 01:23:27,622
No, I, I tried, but the elders
have this hard fast rule
1396
01:23:27,624 --> 01:23:29,591
of no forced abductions...
1397
01:23:29,593 --> 01:23:31,693
you know, so that's why we
couldn't leave the solar system
1398
01:23:31,695 --> 01:23:33,395
when Mallory was held captive.
1399
01:23:34,364 --> 01:23:36,197
If I fail at this mission,
1400
01:23:36,666 --> 01:23:38,767
there's not going to be
any of us left,
1401
01:23:39,436 --> 01:23:41,569
and I'm failing miserably.
1402
01:23:41,571 --> 01:23:43,171
It's not too late.
1403
01:23:44,474 --> 01:23:47,609
There, there are thousands
of men on Earth that would,
1404
01:23:47,611 --> 01:23:50,345
would do anything
for a woman like you,
1405
01:23:50,347 --> 01:23:53,181
but it can't be me.
1406
01:23:53,550 --> 01:23:55,283
I'm in love with Eve.
1407
01:23:58,688 --> 01:23:59,688
Wait.
1408
01:24:01,591 --> 01:24:02,724
Look, I, um,
1409
01:24:05,262 --> 01:24:06,828
I need to tell you something.
I don't know
1410
01:24:06,830 --> 01:24:09,531
if this is going to help
clear your conscience, but...
1411
01:24:12,702 --> 01:24:16,171
you weren't just drunk
when you had sex with me.
1412
01:24:17,240 --> 01:24:18,473
I drugged you.
1413
01:24:18,475 --> 01:24:21,743
You wouldn't even have sex
with me when you were wasted,
1414
01:24:21,745 --> 01:24:22,710
and, um,
1415
01:24:22,712 --> 01:24:28,550
I guess I just want to
say I'm, I'm really sorry.
1416
01:25:00,150 --> 01:25:02,250
Oh, oh, for heaven's sake.
1417
01:25:02,252 --> 01:25:04,385
You got to take a shower
and get some clothes on.
1418
01:25:04,387 --> 01:25:06,121
There's some things
I need to tell you.
1419
01:25:06,123 --> 01:25:07,522
No, it's okay.
1420
01:25:08,191 --> 01:25:09,257
You know?
1421
01:25:09,259 --> 01:25:12,193
I saw it in your
face the night it happened.
1422
01:25:12,195 --> 01:25:13,528
I didn't
realize it was Andromeda,
1423
01:25:13,530 --> 01:25:16,531
but I knew
you'd slept with somebody.
1424
01:25:16,533 --> 01:25:18,766
All this time and
you never said a word?
1425
01:25:19,769 --> 01:25:21,369
I didn't know what to say.
1426
01:25:21,371 --> 01:25:23,605
I just bottled it up inside.
1427
01:25:23,607 --> 01:25:26,441
I withdrew from you,
and I went a little bit crazy.
1428
01:25:26,443 --> 01:25:27,675
I'm sorry.
1429
01:25:28,778 --> 01:25:30,411
- Oh.
- I'm so sorry.
1430
01:25:30,413 --> 01:25:32,147
If you hadn't have slept
with Andromeda,
1431
01:25:32,149 --> 01:25:33,248
we wouldn't have Mallory,
1432
01:25:33,250 --> 01:25:34,415
and I would not give up
1433
01:25:34,417 --> 01:25:35,884
our family for the world.
1434
01:25:41,658 --> 01:25:42,857
Oh, Tim.
1435
01:25:49,733 --> 01:25:52,167
I had to buy
another bottle of champagne.
1436
01:25:52,169 --> 01:25:55,489
I still can't figure out what
happened to the one we bought
last year.
1437
01:25:59,476 --> 01:26:01,276
Andromeda drank it.
1438
01:26:06,616 --> 01:26:07,816
Thank you for being honest.
1439
01:26:09,753 --> 01:26:11,586
Hey, I've got an idea.
1440
01:26:11,888 --> 01:26:15,223
Can you believe it's
been 17 years of marriage?
1441
01:26:15,225 --> 01:26:17,225
It's been 16 for me.
1442
01:26:17,227 --> 01:26:18,593
Damn Einstein!
1443
01:26:23,667 --> 01:26:26,634
We have a year's worth of
sex to make up in one night,
1444
01:26:27,370 --> 01:26:29,571
but first
let's only once, since,
1445
01:26:30,340 --> 01:26:31,940
well, I think
that's going to change
1446
01:26:31,942 --> 01:26:34,242
because your sins
have been forgiven.
1447
01:26:46,323 --> 01:26:47,288
Hey!
1448
01:26:47,290 --> 01:26:50,825
You watch where that
tongue is going, young man.
1449
01:26:54,631 --> 01:26:56,231
Not really.
1450
01:26:56,233 --> 01:26:57,999
Shut up, Mom.
1451
01:26:58,001 --> 01:27:00,268
I am ROFLMAO.
1452
01:27:00,270 --> 01:27:01,869
Do you even
know what that means?
1453
01:27:01,871 --> 01:27:02,937
Oh, honey.
1454
01:27:05,408 --> 01:27:07,575
Semicolon,
hyphen, closed parentheses.
1455
01:27:07,877 --> 01:27:10,311
Mom, you can't say that.
1456
01:27:10,313 --> 01:27:12,473
The winky face only
works when you type it.
1457
01:27:14,551 --> 01:27:16,451
Ooh, I hear our
special guest outside.
1458
01:27:16,453 --> 01:27:17,752
Let's go dancing!
1459
01:28:17,747 --> 01:28:20,615
- I'm James, and I'm an abductee.
- -Hi, James.
1460
01:28:20,617 --> 01:28:23,518
I'm Laura, and I'm an abductee.
1461
01:28:23,520 --> 01:28:24,819
Hi, Laura.
1462
01:28:25,755 --> 01:28:29,023
Hi, I'm Tim,
and I am an abductee.
1463
01:28:32,595 --> 01:28:33,595
Whoo!
1464
01:28:36,666 --> 01:28:37,666
Yeah!
1465
01:29:10,967 --> 01:29:13,134
God, I feel like a,
I feel like a kid again.
1466
01:29:13,136 --> 01:29:15,470
Yeah!
1467
01:29:16,940 --> 01:29:18,506
It's the second coming.
1468
01:29:20,543 --> 01:29:24,879
It's beautiful, and you're
beautiful, and I'm beautiful.
1469
01:29:24,881 --> 01:29:28,416
Come on, Father,
or should I call you Daddy?
102155
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