Original subtitles

In China, 'Drunken Boxing' had developed into two distinct styles

derived from the same basic elements.

The southern form was perfected by Sam Seed

whose devotion to rice wine resulted in an almost invincible

and highly respected fighting style called the Eight Drunken Gods.

Northern Drunken Boxing was developed by a very proud and ruthless man

with ambitions to become the most feared fighter in the dynasty.

His name was Rubber Legs.

And he secretly combined Drunken Boxing with the Mantis style,

to create the most deadly of fighting forms.

Our story opens with Rubber Legs and his student marching southwards

for the inevitable confrontation with Sam Seed

and the deadly Dance of the Drunken Mantis.

- Hey, waiter! - Coming!

- Yes, Master Seed? - The bill, please.

Your bill? It's our pleasure. It's on the house.

No need for that. Sam Seed always gets free food here.

Just put it on my account.

You there!

- Are you Sam Seed? - So what?

Well?

Sam Seed has no need to change his name.

- Pay your bill. - Why?

It might be your last chance.

The fame of the great Sam Seed is well known.

I've come from the north to find out what you know.

- Rubber Legs is here for a duel! - Rubber Legs!

Hold on! I'm not Sam Seed, see? I'm just his nephew.

I was pretending to be him to get a free meal.

How do I know that's true?

True or false, I will kill you, anyway, just to make sure.

"Noodle Restaurant"

Two noodle soups! Come on! Two noodle soups.

Take it easy. It's coming.

You're so slow! The customers are waiting!

Hey, waiter! Hurry it up! Come on!

- Where's our food? - Coming!

Come on, hurry up!

- Two noodles. - About time.

Hey, waiter, come here.

- Can I help you? - What's this?

- Look. - They're just noodles.

Look again.

It's an onion.

Quite good, too.

Hey, I've got some more onions!

Here!

- There are so many! - Swallow them, too.

I'll get indigestion. I'll change these for you.

Hey!

Not so fast, buddy. We found flies, so we also want our money back.

A refund for a few little flies?!

You want trouble? We want our money!

- It's not my fault. You started it. - What?!

You stupid idiot! I'll give you a taste of my Chicken Fist!

Duck Fist.

Stupid bird!

You've got the wrong guy!

Chicken and Duck fighting!

You've been well plucked.

Very good!

I suppose I should thank you.

That's all right.

You're fired!

- Here you are. - That's sixty cents, right?

That's the man! He's the one who made me pregnant.

You!

You nasty old man, my sister here's pregnant and it's your fault

Made her pregnant?! You've got the wrong person.

No, I haven't. I can prove it, there's a red spot on your bottom.

I didn't know that.

Then drop your pants and show us. Take them off!

- Drop them! - Quickly!

- Come on! - Take them off!

What kind of trick are you trying to pull?

Does this look like a trick?

God! My sister's pregnant and unmarried.

What will happen to our family name?

It's all your fault! What will we do? It's humiliating!

- I'll kill myself! - Hey, no, come back!

Wait! My money!

Don't stop me! If anything happens to my sister, I'll come after you.

If you don't give me my money, I'll come after you!

Stop!

What have you done!

Idiot! They've taken all I had.

You made her pregnant, you should give her something!

Come on! It couldn't have been my fault.

I'm far too old for that sort of exercise, you idiot!

Why should I believe that? Even old shells have pearls in them.

Idiot, you've got a screw lose.

Your mother could have farted a better egg than you!

You dare to insult my mother? I'll show you!

You old goat! See this fist? I'll make you eat it.

I'll wake you up!

Next time, think first.

"Seed Residence"

"Money Lenders"

Hey! Are you gonna pay today?

Make it fast, or I'll get rough!

It's nothing to do with me. Ask my husband.

Ask your husband? They're family debts so you better get the money!

All right, how much does he owe?

That's two years ago, he borrowed five dollars at...

20% interest every five days, then there's compound interest,

and by simple addition, ah...

a round figure of roughly $400 is about right.

$4007 That's robbery!

It's not robbery, it's called investment.

I don't have it and even if I had, I wouldn't give it to you.

All I can offer is my body. Do you want it?

Come on, who'd want old meat like you?

You dare hit me? You old bag! I'll fix you!

Oh, I see, you can fight.

To hell with your damned investment.

I'll won't leave until you pay up.

A crack on the skull is all the investment you'll get.

How much do I owe you?

That's all right. Don't worry about it.

- Get out! - Yes, yes...

Goodbye!

You forgot this!

No interest, no investment, nothing.

Hey, come on. What did I do to deserve that?

So you finally decided to come back?

Home is where the heart is.

Are you crazy? What was that for?

You've been missing for ages, I could be dead! You deserve all you get.

You're right, you're right.

These things cost money.

You'd know, it's you who borrows it, but it's me who has to pay for it.

Bill collectors, every day! You're a bastard!

- Sorry! - You should be!

Not the broom!

Break it and it's three years bad luck!

It was bad luck to marry you!

You're off enjoying yourself, never sending me a cent,

what should I live on?

Hot air? Tell me, come on.

It's not true.

No! Let me down! Let me down!

Listen, I sent you money during the festival.

Let her go!

- Huh? You again? - Oh, it's you.

How dare you beat my mother!

- You...! - Stop it, Foggy!

- Meet your dad. - What? My dad?!

- Say hello. - Hi, Dad.

Stop it! Do you call all bearded men your father?

So that's it! You've been, ah...

What's that? Ah! You think I've been playing around.

You've got a filthy mind. I adopted him!

You went out and adopted this ugly kid?

Couldn't you have picked a better one?

He's an honest child. Did you say you sent me some money?

That's right. I asked one of the big banks to send it to you.

It's one of your stories. I didn't get any money.

What? You didn't get it?

"Bank of Canton"

Don't worry, I'll put your money in my pocket.

What?!

I mean, I'll deposit it right away. OK?

- You'd better, I don't ike con men. - I especially like con men.

You what?

...to use as punching bags.

I won't worry, then.

- See you again. - Bye.

Thank you very much. Good doing business with you.

Get lost! This is a respectable bank. No hand-outs! Buzz off!

Hold on!

We didn't come here to beg.

We're looking for your boss to discuss some business.

You want to talk business?

Why didn't you say so in the first place? I'm the boss.

We've got the right man.

Of course you have, that's right.

When it's money that you need in this bank then you get it with speed.

A client who comes to us, he ends up with interest plus.

Moneybags they call me. Cash I carry in confidence.

Reliability is my trademark, surely that's self evident.

That's very good. I'd like some service if you could.

- A refund! - A refund?

He sent money to my mother through your bank and she never got it.

I think perhaps that you're a bit of a scrooge. Where's my money?

Wait! Are you trying to destroy my good name?

Why you just have to look at this - at what I'm wearing.

What's this on my hand here? And these gold teeth?

Do you think I need anything from you? Who'd believe you?

Not quite. These things are priceless, they have great meaning.

What about this? Here! These receipts will prove it!

Why should we keep quiet about it?

Let's not rush into anything. This is a very delicate matter.

Please, come this way.

Please, please.

The Great Old Scrooge!

Quite right, now...

Let me show you our greatest treasures.

They're only door knobs.

Not quite. These things are priceless, they have great meaning.

Now, the one on the right won't open at all.

And the one on the left gives even less.

The middle one!

That one is the worst of all!

My priceless fortune is my guarantee -

I never need to refund any money to anyone who lends it.

Now, I borrow on three conditions:

The first is - no fixed date for repayments.

The second - at least not in my lifetime.

And the third. Most definitely not here and now.

Quit avoiding the issue.

- Or it'll be your funeral. - I'll push.

What's that supposed to be?

The Push Style.

- He's mine. - Go ahead.

Tiger!

Cats get scratched.

I push your elbow!

I push your jaw!

And the arm!

I push you left, I push you right.

And a butting!

1 lift you up!

Up on the altar!

I've lifted you up to the clouds.

I spin you around.

Off you go.

Hey, Dad, I can't do it!

Don't look at me!

You come in on your feet and go out on your backs.

Where you belong!

I'm gonna be sick!

I push...

Why don't you try the other?

Good idea!

You're too heavy!

This will pay back the money from January.

And this will cover the money from March.

Give it back. Oh, no, please, my bracelet!

The Dragon Boat festival.

Give it back!

- Real gold? - No! No don't take that!

My neck!

Where's my necklace?

Here it is, where it should be.

Good God, or somebody, please, help me, please save me!

I'll help you!

My nose!

It's gone all red, just like mine.

Hold the pisspot.

Have a piss.

Wear your piss.

My head!

Have some tea, Dad.

Wow, Moneybags' kung fu is really good.

He's not so good, it's you're so awful.

That's true. But if you taught me, perhaps I'd win.

- Teach you what? - Drunk Fist.

Drunk Fist?

Me teach you to fight? You're crazy! You're lazy and you've no talent.

Me teach you Drunk Fist?!

Mum taught me some, she said I was OK...

Foggy, give your father a demonstration. Show him.

OK.

I caught it...

He caught it.

What style was that? He fights like a woman.

Old woman, you really are a good teacher.

That's enough. He's your son as well as mine. You teach him.

It's your duty.

So I've got no choice.

Idiot! Teach you drunken style? Impossible!

It'll never happen.

"Happiness Restaurant"

Waiter, the bill!

- Some yellow fish here! - Coming!

- $3.20. - What?

- So much? Are you sure? - Yes, you're paying for him, too.

Hi, Dad!

- What do you want? - My mother asked me to follow you.

Wait here. I must take a piss.

Let's see that dumb kid follow me. Got to be smart to get Sam Seed.

Father, are you trying to lose me?

Don't be silly.

You go get your mother I'll wait here for her.

Hey! Father, that's not fair, Mum said that you'd teach me Drunk Fist.

Drunken boxing is too hard.

- I'm not afraid. - Are you sure?

No, I'll be all right.

OK, it's a deal.

Now, we're going to practise one of the basic methods.

Spinning Earth, Spinning Sky.

I learn very quickly.

Good. Hands back. Stand up straight. Horse stance. Come on!

- Left fist punch. - Right.

Hold the cup.

To the ear.

Right hand through.

Down to the ground.

Turn around.

Faster!

Faster! Hurry up!

Stop! That's enough.

Now, take the cup, here.

Is the Earth and sky whirling?

Go faster!

Hey, Dad, I'm getting very tired.

You're tired? Come down then.

- So, Father, how am I doing? - Good.

What rubbish!

Listen, when do I learn to fight?

In three days? So soon?

No, three years.

Why three years?

One for stance, one cos you're dumb, and one more year cos you're stupid.

Minimum, three years.

Come on, have a drink.

I can't drink. One mouthful makes me keel over.

I can't drink.

Really? To learn the drunken style, you must learn to drink.

It's not poisonous. Drink up.

If you get drunk on so little, how do you expect to learn Drunken boxing?

Stupid kid, if only you could see yourself now.

You couldn't piss in a puddle, let alone learn to fight.

Who do you think you are, you crazy boy?

I have no sons, especially not you.

You're too damn stupid, you'd never make a fighter.

So you think you can learn Drunk Fist?

You wouldn't know where to start! And you think I'd teach you?

Do you honestly think I'd waste my time teaching you to fight?

You're useless!

That kid is really keen.

Where's my shoe?

Dad, I know I'm not your real son,

but Mum adopted me and treated me as her own.

1 will never forget what she did for me.

I'd like to learn kung fu. Ma said you'd teach me Drunk Fist.

You are finally here.

I was surprised that you didn't want to teach me.

I know I'm slow and not very talented and you don't like me very much.

I've decided to leave so I don't bother you any more.

Oh, and Mum says you really should come home more often. Love, Foggy.

You moron! I thought he was with you.

And you come here looking for him.

If I don't ask you, who do I ask?

And so who should I ask?

Where is he?

"Drunken Moon Hotel"

We probably won't finish for ages. There's some idiot still eating.

- Wish he'd go. - Forget about it.

Wait, you could make him leave.

What? How's that?

Make him angry, it's easy.

- How? Me? - It's easy, go on.

Hurry! Go on!

Hey, you! The kitchen's closing. Is there anything you want?

You can't stay here all day. We've got to go.

Are you deaf? Pay your bill!

Thank you, that's $4...

You idiot! You talk too much!

Wait! We're closed now, so you can't...

Master!

Hold it! Tell me, have you heard of Sam Seed?

You're looking for Sam Seed? No problem, everyone knows him.

- He's that well known? - His kung fu is famous.

Maybe you could tell me where I could find him.

That's difficult to say. He's a hard man to find.

He's like a dragon - he exists, but no one knows where.

May I ask what it is you want him tor?

Do you want him to teach you Drunken Boxing?

You're too damned old, ten years ago, maybe, not now.

Even monkeys reign without a tiger.

Wait until he sees my Northern Drunken Boxing.

Northern Drunken Boxing?

Listen, I want two rooms.

And order one small coffin to fit Sam Seed.

He must have fleas!

Waiter! Bring me some water.

Waiter!

Water? Me bring you water? What did your last servant die of?

You've got a sharp tongue.

Maybe so. Hey, I heard you ordered a coffin.

- So what? - Perhaps one's not enough.

- Why is that? - Why?

Two bodies in one coffin is a bit of a squeeze.

Perhaps you'd like one, too.

Drunk Fist?!

- Good guess. - Then you know Sam Seed.

He's my dad, but I'm not his son.

He's my master, but I'm not his student.

Difficult to believe, right?

Master, student, father or son, I couldn't care less. Where is he?

I'm not telling you. I'll let you sweat a bit.

You should be taught a lesson.

Watch this.

Why is it the same?

Not quite, you'd better look again.

The God Lu, holding a cup in his hand.

Look at your hand, your wine is spilt.

Oh, dear.

You're learning Drunk Fist?!

- See? It's not the same. - Try this.

You'd better give up before I finish you oft.

Did you learn your Drunk Fist from your mother? You've no strength!

I'll show you strength!

Where's Sam Seed? Tell me!

You'd better hurry up!

Tell me and I'll let you go.

If you kill me, I won't be able to tell you.

- Let him go. - Master...

He'll lead us to Sam Seed.

- Oh, no! - What happened?

"Drunken Moon Hotel"

Sam Seed, we meet at last.

- And who are you? - My name is Old Rubber Legs.

Oh, it's a pleasure, a pleasure.

During a clear moon, wine brings a clear day.

Sometimes, drinking alone can bring tranquillity.

Sam Seed, let's have a drink together.

You've got wine - then I've got time.

Here's to you, then.

White wine? Good stuff. I'll drink to you, then.

Many thanks.

Here's to you, a real master. Perfect, perfect.

You shouldn't say such things.

I didn't realise this old waist was as flexible as that.

You should be more careful.

Thank you.

Forget it, now. I'll be all right.

Old man, where's your cup gone?

- Relax. - Never refuse a good wine.

- Slowly. - Don't be so polite.

OK, I won't be so polite, then.

Keep your cup full at all times.

No matter what life may bring.

I'd ask the hour of the harvest moon, before I'd ask for another drink.

Don't waste it, drink it.

Now, you've come all this way just to meet me?

There must be some other reason for your journey.

Sam Seed's drunken style of boxing is legendary.

I just wanted to see it for myself.

Sometimes the legend may lie.

But I suppose I should admit I've never lost yet.

There's a saying - Some men don't know their own weaknesses -

like a horse doesn't know the length of its face.

Still there's nothing better than a good wine.

Well, don't let me stop you.

A thousand drinks with a good friend isn't enough.

One word with you is too much.

I think you've had enough.

Drunkenness isn't in the wine.

Don't get too excited.

You've wasted my wine! Do you want to kill me now?

Hey! Eat alone and starve, drink alone and die.

With a cup of wine, the sky is mine.

Now we've got nothing to play with.

The God Tso with the fearsome throat-lock.

Eight Drunken Gods asleep on a cloud.

Toast the gods.

The God Lau with an attack to the waist.

You'll toast my feet.

The Drunken God Zhang with the kicks.

Today you've learned something new. Now it's time to open your eyes.

Sam Seed, you live up to your reputation.

There's more.

The God Fat Han, with a big pot.

The Drunken Mantis?!

The Mantis snatches the Locust.

Old man, you should be ashamed.

The Drunken Mantis will scratch those naked legs.

You shouldn't have come here. That was your mistake, old man.

Now you'll die.

I'm the drunken Miss Ho, Goddess of sexy hips.

Try that!

You dare kick Miss Ho's bottom!

Women's style is useless!

Get off me!

Have the last drop of wine to prepare for your death!

Let's go!

Dad.

Husband, how are you?

What are you doing?

What am I doing? You've been unconscious for days.

I was just resting. I'm OK.

The hell you are, you conceited old fool. You won't admit defeat.

Now, Foggy, go and get your father some medicine.

Why such a hurry?

Are you going to a funeral?

My God! Are you a man or a ghost? You almost scared me to death!

You say I'm a man, I'm a man. If you say ghost, I'm a ghost.

People call me the sick ghost.

You sick old ghost, waiting in a coffin to scare people!

Hey! Give that back!

It's by my foot.

Hey, maybe this stuff will make me better.

It's not for you, it's for my father.

Hey! Sick old bastard, you're going to die anyway. Give me the medicine.

And quickly!

- I've given it back. - Where?

On the right.

My right?

My left, my right.

My right?!

My right is your left.

My left side?

Here it is! Just as well, or you'd be dead!

Hey, you! Come out here.

Come on!

He's really dead.

Why scare people like that?

Here I am, you don't have to kick my bed.

I'll burn it unless you tell me why you changed the medicine.

Do you want to poison my dad?

So your father's dead, is he?

He's pretty close.

Did his face go red? And did he get the shits?

Yes.

And did he get cramps and become tired, then go to sleep?

- Yes, that's right! - OK, no problem. Go home.

Wait, you say he's OK, but what if he gets worse?

If that happens come back.

What's the use of that if he's dead?

Don't worry, if he dies, I suppose 1 will have to take his place.

I'll be your father, so it's no big loss.

Damn you, if your sickness doesn't kill you, then something else will.

So you really want to kill me?

Hold on, let me take your pulse.

You're not in very good health.

Your pulse rate is not at all normal.

Dizziness... blurred vision.

You've got bad indigestion also.

You may recover, but it looks very serious.

These bones are solid.

They'll be stiffer once you're dead.

My back, my back!

Don't worry, backs are one of my specialities.

Ow! My head is killing me.

Headache?

We'll just twist your head a little.

Oh, God!

That's better. Where else does it hurt?

I've got some good medicine, you'll like it.

I'm not sick, just pissed off!

Now you've taken my - Sick God's - medicine,

all your problems will be solved.

Sick God? My mum told me about this, the four strange gods,

the Book God, the Magician, the Drunken God

and you're the Sick God.

There you are then. Perhaps now you'll learn something.

Sick Gad, should I call you Uncle?

You should have before, but it's not too late.

Uncle, it's said your four brothers have great kung fu.

Is that really true?

True. We've all learned a lot of styles.

But each of us has a special skill -

like learning, magic, illness and drunkenness.

Books are no good. I can't understand them.

Idiot!

But there's no book!

Concentrate all your power into your fingers...

to hold a heavy bowl!

The flashing brush!

It cuts like granite.

- That's interesting. - The moon in the willows.

The sun has set.

It's not that interesting.

Magic!

Black and white.

Yin and Yang.

Safety and danger.

Good and evil.

Incredible! That was so close.

Small stuff. You haven't seen anything yet.

What about drunkenness?

That's your father. He really believes it will last,

but he's living in a dreamland.

His drunken boxing will be the end of him.

Uncle, of the four styles, which is best?

Your father's of course.

- Why is that? - It's like foreigners read Chinese.

What?

They read backwards.

Book, magic, sick, wine, be sure which comes first.

Well, maybe that's what happened with Rubber Legs.

Drunk Fist has the same basis with two styles, northern and southern.

Rubber Legs has perfected the northern style and is champion.

He is also very cunning.

He took Drunken Boxing and combined it with the Mantis style.

Rubber Legs' Mantis is deadly, especially with his ripping claw!

It can Kill.

Although his Mantis is deadly, he's never encountered my Sick Fist.

- One on one, he has no chance. - What is Sick Fist?

The Sick Fist style is...

Feel, lock, grab, block and close up.

5 moves which connect and flow continuously one into the other.

1 will enjoy myself with this man.

- Maybe you could teach me. - You?

I know I don't have a chance.

Dad always says I'm stupid, I'm no good, I've no talent.

Hey, you shouldn't talk like that. We can cure your problem easily.

- So you will teach me? - Just don't let your dad know.

- Take a break if you need to. - I'm fine.

You're doing a great job of keeping the fire going.

Uncle, the medicine is ready.

Lower, I can't reach it.

Uncle, my strength is going.

If you want to beat Rubber Legs, you must practise.

Uncle, there's so much tofu, are we going to eat it all?

Are you crazy?

Catch!

You're wasting it!

Not if you catch it!

It's broken.

It won't break if you catch it right.

He's just playing with me. Tofu is so soft.

Nobody could catch it.

You see, it is possible.

If you want to catch it, you must be very flexible and gentle.

So I get to eat tofu anyway.

Watch!

Your turn.

Remember what I said about combining your power and your speed.

Power and speed?

The spirit controls your breath.

Breathing gives you power.

Concentrate that power.

Power comes from within.

This tofu tastes awful.

It's rotten, that's why.

"Northern Boxing"

- Hey, old lady! - What's this?

- Come, practise the Mantis with me. - You're crazy! I will not.

At your age, acting like that.

I'll practise myself, then.

Stay there.

And just where the hell have you been?

Come on, out with it. Answer me.

- What's the matter? - Don't say I don't teach you.

Try my Mantis' Fist.

Don't damage the book, Dad.

I'll just go help Mum with dinner.

That sick brother of mine is still playing tricks.

So, last time you escaped because of the fire. You won't escape this time.

Escape? Why should 17

My Drunken Mantis is much better than yours. Come on!

Your son and wife will probably join you. Good.

I'll put you all in the grave, just watch me.

Who are you?

Well? Another debt collector?

I don't collect debts, 1 only collect lives.

- Whose life? - Sam Seed, or his son.

You think you're a big man? You're not as good as you'd like to think.

Big talk, but let's see if you can fight.

Let's see what you can really do.

I'll kill you in three moves!

See the light!

Now you can see the light.

Whirlwind spear!

What's next?

Third move, killer spear!

You've done that already!

Hold it!

You again. I'm glad you came.

Why is that?

Saves me having to come and look for you.

Foggy, do you know him?

He's Rubber Legs' student. He tried to kill me and Dad once.

If my teacher hadn't stopped me, you'd be dead.

No chance. It's my turn to teach you now.

Careful.

Is that the best you can do?

Careful, I'm not very good with spears.

If it weren't for that shoe, you'd eat the spear!

Now start crawling.

Don't look so happy, my teacher will fight you after your father.

Father?

Sam Seed, that coffin is for you.

You drunkard, I just saved your life.

It's none of your business, you sick bastard. You think I can't do it?

Well, we've got a helper.

Don't worry, I'll only use my mouth, not my fists, he can manage alone.

I've never needed help in my life!

Hey, leave me out of this.

Hey, brother, watch out for his Drunken Mantis kick.

I told you already, stay out of this.

If you don't need help, where are the results? How long will this take?

There's just one move left.

- What's that? - Run like hell.

Drop dead!

Father, are you OK? Is he bothering you?

I'm fine.

Move aside, let my student fight.

All right. Don't you worry, I'll fix him.

Do you want to die? I can't even manage, so how will you? Stand aside.

After losing to my pupil, you want to fight me, stupid?

OK, then it will be my pleasure to send you both to hell.

Show off! Whose spear do you think that is?

Your student was an easy target. Now he's no good to anyone.

Hey, pupil, do your best. Watch it, don't disgrace me.

I won't disappoint you.

You'll never escape me like that!

Feel your pulse.

The drunkard spills his drink.

My back is really killing me!

That really hit the spot.

These reflexes are really good.

Feeling dizzy? Let me help.

Got a headache?

What? Does your leg hurt?

Constipated? I'll fix that.

Heart trouble? I'll listen to it for you.

My God, it's stopped!

My hand.

Careful, the Drunken Mantis Fist!

Don't worry, I'll squash him like a bug.

God! I told you not to get involved.

You're going to die because of your showing off.

I haven't started to fight yet, Sam Seed.

Listen here, just go crazy, go totally berserk and kill him!

Can't you see you're wasting your breath?

I'm your father, can't you see who I am?

I'm your father!

Now the shoe is on the other foot.