All language subtitles for Curb Your Enthusiasm - 10x02 - Side Sitting.NTb.English.C

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian Download
ja Japanese Download
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish Download
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,069 --> 00:00:16,866 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:17,005 --> 00:00:19,673 Okay, I just wanted to take you through 3 00:00:19,756 --> 00:00:21,964 the main points of the sexual harassment complaint 4 00:00:22,047 --> 00:00:24,172 - from your assistant. - Right. Right. Right. 5 00:00:24,255 --> 00:00:26,631 The first contention is you yanked at her clothes. 6 00:00:26,714 --> 00:00:29,297 I yanked at her-- I cleaned my glasses. 7 00:00:29,381 --> 00:00:31,172 - Cleaned your glasses. - Her shirttail was sticking out. 8 00:00:31,255 --> 00:00:32,839 I cleaned my glasses. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. 9 00:00:32,923 --> 00:00:35,631 - Send me to the cooler. - I don't want you to worry about it. 10 00:00:35,714 --> 00:00:37,089 I can handle this. 11 00:00:37,172 --> 00:00:40,714 If she gets anything at all here, it would be a travesty. 12 00:00:40,798 --> 00:00:43,339 And I would, I would leave the country. 13 00:00:43,422 --> 00:00:46,130 I don't know where I'd go, but I would leave. 14 00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:48,839 I hear Canada is a good place, maybe. 15 00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:51,047 - But it's cold. - I don't recommend moving to Canada. 16 00:00:51,130 --> 00:00:54,047 What about-- what about like a Pacific island or something? 17 00:00:54,130 --> 00:00:57,047 I want to assure you that as upsetting as this is, 18 00:00:57,130 --> 00:01:00,047 I think we'll either be able to make it go away 19 00:01:00,130 --> 00:01:02,047 or come to a reasonable settlement. 20 00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:04,381 - What? Come to a what? - An amicable arrangement-- 21 00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:07,089 A settlement? A reasonable settlement? 22 00:01:07,172 --> 00:01:10,339 "Millions for defense. Not one cent for tribute." 23 00:01:10,422 --> 00:01:13,214 That's what we said when the British were impressing our seamen. 24 00:01:13,297 --> 00:01:15,714 You, you know they tried to impress our seamen, right? 25 00:01:15,798 --> 00:01:18,673 They'd be on the ship, they'd yell across at one of our ships. 26 00:01:18,756 --> 00:01:23,047 "Hey, there! We have the best dental plan in all of Europe. 27 00:01:23,130 --> 00:01:27,047 Why, look at our bicorn hats and fancy brass buttons. 28 00:01:27,130 --> 00:01:30,214 How's that, sailors? Are you impressed by that?" 29 00:01:30,297 --> 00:01:32,130 Anything else we haven't gone over? 30 00:01:32,214 --> 00:01:34,464 - Hmm. - Okay. 31 00:01:34,547 --> 00:01:37,255 If anything comes to you after this conversation... 32 00:01:37,339 --> 00:01:39,547 - You'll be the first to know. - You're in your car, you're driving home... 33 00:01:39,631 --> 00:01:40,923 - Yeah. - ...pick up the phone. 34 00:01:41,005 --> 00:01:42,214 - Really? - Yeah. 35 00:01:42,297 --> 00:01:45,172 If I do happen to call you, which I very well could, 36 00:01:45,255 --> 00:01:48,923 does that mean that I'll be charged for the time? 37 00:01:49,005 --> 00:01:52,798 In this office, we, uh, we try to use a holistic approach 38 00:01:52,881 --> 00:01:54,631 - to compensation. - Mm. 39 00:01:54,714 --> 00:01:56,756 We want our clients not to be inhibited 40 00:01:56,839 --> 00:01:59,047 in their use of our services. 41 00:01:59,130 --> 00:02:00,839 So you charge me. 42 00:02:00,923 --> 00:02:02,130 Yeah. 43 00:02:02,214 --> 00:02:05,047 Uh, all right, I think that takes care of it. 44 00:02:05,130 --> 00:02:07,297 - May I use your bathroom? - Yeah, the bathroom's, uh, 45 00:02:07,381 --> 00:02:09,214 just to your right, down the hall. 46 00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:11,130 Right there at reception where you came in, there's a little jog in the hallway. 47 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:15,506 Yeah. No. I already saw that, but I'm here, and, you know, it's... 48 00:02:15,589 --> 00:02:19,130 - an infinitely better bathroom than to send me to a public-- - Oh, it's nothing special. 49 00:02:19,214 --> 00:02:21,464 You'll be much happier down the hall. We just redid 'em. They're great. 50 00:02:21,547 --> 00:02:23,297 I'll leave it exactly the way I found it. 51 00:02:23,381 --> 00:02:25,714 I'm like a murderer going in there. 52 00:02:25,798 --> 00:02:29,964 I completely expunge all evidence that I was ever there. 53 00:02:30,047 --> 00:02:32,714 Motion denied, as they say in the profession. 54 00:02:36,381 --> 00:02:38,005 Where is it? 55 00:02:38,089 --> 00:02:40,547 Down the hall and to the right. 56 00:02:41,589 --> 00:02:42,589 Hi. 57 00:02:42,673 --> 00:02:46,172 - Mr. David. - Validation, please. 58 00:02:49,589 --> 00:02:51,839 Is that a problem? 59 00:02:51,923 --> 00:02:54,005 Well, I mean, to be perfectly honest, 60 00:02:54,089 --> 00:02:56,130 do you really think that you need it? 61 00:02:56,214 --> 00:02:58,339 It's not about the money, okay? 62 00:02:58,422 --> 00:03:01,464 It's about having to go into your pants pocket, 63 00:03:01,547 --> 00:03:03,714 in a car when you're paying. 64 00:03:03,798 --> 00:03:06,798 Have you ever been in a car trying to get to your pocket? 65 00:03:06,881 --> 00:03:09,756 - It does seem like a great deal of effort. - Yes. 66 00:03:09,839 --> 00:03:12,005 This is why homeless people don't make a lot of money 67 00:03:12,089 --> 00:03:15,089 from people in cars, 'cause nobody wants to go into their pockets. 68 00:03:15,589 --> 00:03:17,631 There you are, Mr. David. You have a lovely day. 69 00:03:17,714 --> 00:03:20,005 Yeah. Uh, you know what? 70 00:03:20,089 --> 00:03:22,130 This is only for an hour. 71 00:03:22,923 --> 00:03:25,130 I was here for at least an hour-ten. 72 00:03:27,255 --> 00:03:28,464 Sure thing. 73 00:03:28,547 --> 00:03:30,214 Here, Mr. David. You have a good day. 74 00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:33,089 Hope to see you again. I intend to be in this building a lot. 75 00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:35,589 That's fantastic. 76 00:03:43,964 --> 00:03:44,839 Hello? 77 00:03:44,923 --> 00:03:47,297 Larry, uh, this is Dr. Bahn. 78 00:03:47,381 --> 00:03:51,714 - Yeah? - I'm not liking some of the numbers I'm seeing 79 00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:54,547 and would like to test you for thyroid cancer. 80 00:03:55,881 --> 00:03:57,923 I would like to get an MRI 81 00:03:58,005 --> 00:03:59,381 just to be safe. 82 00:03:59,464 --> 00:04:01,381 Is there a mass? 83 00:04:01,464 --> 00:04:03,047 Yes. There is a mass. 84 00:04:03,130 --> 00:04:06,464 Has it... spread? 85 00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:08,214 Well, that we don't know, and that's why 86 00:04:08,297 --> 00:04:10,047 I'd like to get you in for some tests today. 87 00:04:10,130 --> 00:04:12,839 - What are my odds? - Uh, Larry, it's way too early 88 00:04:12,923 --> 00:04:14,255 to be thinking that way. 89 00:04:14,339 --> 00:04:16,255 Just contact my office, and, uh, 90 00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,506 we should get the results in two days. 91 00:04:36,089 --> 00:04:39,047 - And a two of hearts. - Ooh, lucky you. 92 00:04:39,130 --> 00:04:40,255 Possible flush, no straight. 93 00:04:40,339 --> 00:04:41,464 - Go ahead, Leon. You got the bet. - Woo! 94 00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:42,839 - You got the bet. - See what I got. 95 00:04:42,923 --> 00:04:44,756 - Come on, spend some money. - Bam! 96 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:45,756 - Nope. - Swat? 97 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:47,756 - Richard? - Two. 98 00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:49,047 Ooh. 99 00:04:49,130 --> 00:04:50,756 All right, I'm in. 100 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:53,464 Why weren't you at the fundraiser the other night? 101 00:04:53,547 --> 00:04:56,214 - For the prison art collectors? - What, what, what fundraiser? 102 00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,089 For the prisoners who draw art. 103 00:04:58,172 --> 00:05:00,130 I sent you the invitation. Why weren't you there? 104 00:05:00,214 --> 00:05:01,839 - I never got the invite. - We sent it. 105 00:05:01,923 --> 00:05:04,381 Never got it. Must have got lost in the mail. 106 00:05:04,464 --> 00:05:06,798 Aah, boy. I don't trust the mail anymore. I swear I don't. 107 00:05:06,881 --> 00:05:08,464 That stinks. I would have gone to that. 108 00:05:08,547 --> 00:05:09,881 - You would have enjoyed it. - Wow. 109 00:05:09,964 --> 00:05:12,714 All right, next card is a ten of spades. 110 00:05:12,798 --> 00:05:14,923 - I'm out. I fold. - Okay, he's out. Go ahead. 111 00:05:15,005 --> 00:05:16,339 You're out. You check. 112 00:05:16,422 --> 00:05:17,631 - I fold. - Fold. 113 00:05:17,714 --> 00:05:18,964 - Really? - I just wanna give you-- Yeah. 114 00:05:19,047 --> 00:05:20,047 I wanna give you a heads up. 115 00:05:20,130 --> 00:05:21,714 Susie's birthday is in about a week. 116 00:05:21,798 --> 00:05:23,297 Why are you giving me a heads up? 117 00:05:23,381 --> 00:05:26,172 Uh, she told me to tell you. 118 00:05:26,255 --> 00:05:28,798 - Get the hell out of here. She told you to tell me? - Yeah. Yeah. 119 00:05:28,881 --> 00:05:30,381 As a matter of fact, she wants a camera. 120 00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:32,798 She's shameless, this woman. She's shameless. 121 00:05:32,881 --> 00:05:34,422 - It's unbelievable. - Wow. 122 00:05:34,506 --> 00:05:36,297 You don't get to pick your gift, okay? 123 00:05:36,381 --> 00:05:38,798 - I'm not a Sears catalog. - Just lettin' you know. Just lettin' you know. 124 00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:41,339 Anyway, I already got her something. It's gonna be a nice surprise. 125 00:05:41,422 --> 00:05:42,839 - Really? - Yeah. 126 00:05:42,923 --> 00:05:44,506 All right, nine is the last card. 127 00:05:44,589 --> 00:05:45,673 You got the bet. 128 00:05:45,756 --> 00:05:47,506 Go ahead. You guys are out. Go ahead. 129 00:05:47,589 --> 00:05:50,089 I just want you to know before you bet, I have a pair of aces. 130 00:05:50,172 --> 00:05:52,923 Okay. Twenty bucks, aces. 131 00:05:53,422 --> 00:05:56,339 I have a pair of aces. I call. What do you have? 132 00:05:56,422 --> 00:06:00,714 Okay. I got three nines. 133 00:06:00,798 --> 00:06:02,839 - Ooh! Shit! - That's unbelievable. 134 00:06:02,923 --> 00:06:04,089 - Huh? - Ate your ass for dinner. 135 00:06:04,172 --> 00:06:05,506 On the river, you get a nine. 136 00:06:05,589 --> 00:06:06,547 Cincinnati Kid. 137 00:06:06,631 --> 00:06:08,089 You are the luckiest guy around. 138 00:06:08,172 --> 00:06:10,422 - Honest to God. - Yeah, yeah, luckiest guy around. 139 00:06:10,506 --> 00:06:12,964 I went to the doctor this week, and, I, uh... 140 00:06:13,381 --> 00:06:15,422 She found something, and... 141 00:06:15,506 --> 00:06:18,631 - She's testing for, you know, cancer, so... - Wow. 142 00:06:18,714 --> 00:06:20,547 - I'll find out in a few days. - Really? 143 00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:22,631 - Yeah. I'm sure it's nothing, you know. - You're kidding me. 144 00:06:22,714 --> 00:06:24,214 Shit, Larry. God damn. 145 00:06:24,297 --> 00:06:25,214 You're up. 146 00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:27,673 Well, I just want to let you know, 147 00:06:27,756 --> 00:06:28,923 lettin' you know, 148 00:06:29,005 --> 00:06:31,089 - if you do have cancer... - Mm. 149 00:06:31,172 --> 00:06:32,714 ...I can't be your friend anymore. 150 00:06:32,798 --> 00:06:35,339 I-I'm not a cancer friend. I can't do the cancer friend. 151 00:06:35,422 --> 00:06:37,297 - That's not me. It's too much. Too much. - Mm. Yeah. 152 00:06:37,381 --> 00:06:39,547 You know, I gotta agree with Jeff. 153 00:06:39,631 --> 00:06:42,923 If you get cancer, I'll never speak to you again. 154 00:06:43,005 --> 00:06:44,881 - Wow. - I get that. Yeah. 155 00:06:44,964 --> 00:06:47,089 When I found out my daddy had cancer, 156 00:06:47,172 --> 00:06:48,964 I never spoke to that man again. 157 00:06:49,047 --> 00:06:51,172 - I even stopped taking his calls. - Wow. Really? 158 00:06:51,255 --> 00:06:52,631 - Yep. - Did he die? 159 00:06:52,714 --> 00:06:54,255 I don't know. 160 00:06:54,339 --> 00:06:55,422 - Mm. - Whoa. 161 00:06:55,506 --> 00:06:56,881 That's fuckin' deep, man. 162 00:06:56,964 --> 00:06:59,214 All right, I'll tell you what. I have a proposal. 163 00:06:59,297 --> 00:07:01,714 Let's make a little deal here, okay? 164 00:07:01,798 --> 00:07:04,589 A no-cancer friend reciprocity pact. 165 00:07:04,673 --> 00:07:06,839 If anyone gets it, we all stop being friends with you, 166 00:07:06,923 --> 00:07:08,089 and vice versa. 167 00:07:08,172 --> 00:07:10,547 - There you go! - Very gracious of you! 168 00:07:12,089 --> 00:07:14,589 Don't fuck up. Don't fuck with me, I won't fuck with you. 169 00:07:14,673 --> 00:07:16,381 - All right. - Leon, your deal. Come on, let's play poker. 170 00:07:16,464 --> 00:07:18,172 - Let's go, baby. - Okay. 171 00:07:24,339 --> 00:07:26,089 Sorry I'm late. 172 00:07:26,172 --> 00:07:28,422 - It's okay. - You know what? 173 00:07:28,506 --> 00:07:30,964 I detest every single person in a car. 174 00:07:31,047 --> 00:07:33,089 - There are a lot of stupid drivers, yeah. - Yeah. 175 00:07:33,172 --> 00:07:35,005 How are you feeling? 176 00:07:35,089 --> 00:07:36,631 I'm better. 177 00:07:36,714 --> 00:07:38,673 - I'm a lot better. - I'm really sorry about 178 00:07:38,756 --> 00:07:40,589 that talc incident. 179 00:07:40,673 --> 00:07:42,673 I say next time, just... 180 00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:45,130 do the shower, yeah. 181 00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:47,839 Yeah. Oh, geez, look at, look at this thing. 182 00:07:47,923 --> 00:07:49,297 - Huh? - Yeah, I know, it's-- 183 00:07:49,381 --> 00:07:51,964 Jesus, look, look, what-- I, I don't understand it. 184 00:07:52,047 --> 00:07:53,756 - Another wobbly table. - I know. 185 00:07:53,839 --> 00:07:55,422 They're all over. It's an epidemic. 186 00:07:55,506 --> 00:07:58,839 I'm gonna end the wobbly table epidemic, in my coffee house. 187 00:07:58,923 --> 00:08:01,798 - Mm. - Ours are gonna be cemented in... 188 00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:03,673 - They're gonna be cemented in the ground. - Mm-hmm. 189 00:08:03,756 --> 00:08:05,964 Ah. You know what? I think I'll do a little, uh, 190 00:08:06,047 --> 00:08:08,047 a little side-sitting. 191 00:08:08,422 --> 00:08:10,714 - A side-sit? - Yeah. A side-sit. 192 00:08:10,798 --> 00:08:12,214 I don't think that's a good idea. 193 00:08:12,297 --> 00:08:15,714 - Why? What's the big deal? - Well, it's, uh, very intimate. 194 00:08:15,798 --> 00:08:18,798 I-- This is too far to talk to somebody. 195 00:08:18,881 --> 00:08:20,839 It feels a little close. 196 00:08:20,923 --> 00:08:22,798 - I don't think so. - Okay. 197 00:08:22,881 --> 00:08:23,964 Oh. 198 00:08:24,047 --> 00:08:25,339 - There you go. - Thank you. 199 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:29,172 It's my mailman. His name's Lionel. 200 00:08:29,255 --> 00:08:30,506 Hey. 201 00:08:30,589 --> 00:08:32,130 - Lionel? - Yeah. 202 00:08:32,214 --> 00:08:33,839 - Take care. Have a good day. - Thank you. You too. 203 00:08:33,923 --> 00:08:37,547 Yeah. Something about that guy gives me the creeps. 204 00:08:37,631 --> 00:08:39,673 - Yeah. - Um... 205 00:08:39,756 --> 00:08:44,214 - How are you doing? - Good. Can I introduce you to my friend, the elephant? 206 00:08:44,297 --> 00:08:46,756 Huh? He's a big boy. 207 00:08:46,839 --> 00:08:49,756 - Keeps growing. - Yes, yes. 208 00:08:50,255 --> 00:08:52,297 I mean, how do you feel about it? 209 00:08:52,381 --> 00:08:55,714 Well, I feel the same as I've always felt. 210 00:08:55,798 --> 00:08:58,464 I think we should... I think we should be together. 211 00:09:00,005 --> 00:09:01,714 Yeah, I don't... 212 00:09:01,798 --> 00:09:03,923 I don't think that's a good idea. 213 00:09:05,923 --> 00:09:07,756 I think we need to... 214 00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,005 end it, call it off. 215 00:09:11,089 --> 00:09:13,589 I think we should be apart. 216 00:09:16,214 --> 00:09:18,172 You know, I... 217 00:09:18,255 --> 00:09:19,547 I was at the doctor, 218 00:09:19,631 --> 00:09:21,923 and I'm waiting to get some... 219 00:09:22,464 --> 00:09:23,756 test results back. 220 00:09:23,839 --> 00:09:25,881 Oh. What kind of tests? 221 00:09:25,964 --> 00:09:28,464 Could be... 222 00:09:29,089 --> 00:09:30,381 cancer? 223 00:09:30,464 --> 00:09:32,464 It's just a test, right? 224 00:09:32,547 --> 00:09:33,547 - Yeah. - Yeah. 225 00:09:33,631 --> 00:09:34,714 It's a test, but... 226 00:09:34,798 --> 00:09:36,589 - it's a test for cancer. - Right. 227 00:09:36,673 --> 00:09:38,881 I mean, a lot of people get tested. 228 00:09:38,964 --> 00:09:40,547 Not for cancer. 229 00:09:40,631 --> 00:09:42,881 - Yeah, a lot of people get tested for cancer. - No, this is cancer. 230 00:09:42,964 --> 00:09:44,964 - It's a cancer test. - I know a lot of people-- 231 00:09:45,047 --> 00:09:46,839 No, this is cancer. 232 00:09:46,923 --> 00:09:49,589 - Um... - Serious, serious test. 233 00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,422 - Could you excuse us for a sec? - Sure. 234 00:09:52,506 --> 00:09:55,255 Well, I hope your tests come back negative, 235 00:09:55,339 --> 00:09:57,673 but we're not gonna get back together. 236 00:09:58,339 --> 00:10:02,589 Hypothetically, suppose she told me I had... 237 00:10:02,673 --> 00:10:04,339 two years. 238 00:10:04,422 --> 00:10:07,005 Would that alter your thinking about us at all? 239 00:10:07,089 --> 00:10:11,381 - You mean, get together for two years until you died? - Yeah. Yeah. 240 00:10:11,464 --> 00:10:12,923 I think you'd have a pretty good time. 241 00:10:13,005 --> 00:10:15,255 - Do you? Yeah. - Yeah, I'd be complaining a little bit. 242 00:10:15,339 --> 00:10:17,297 But I can get a nurse and complain to the nurse 243 00:10:17,381 --> 00:10:19,172 and leave you out of that part. 244 00:10:19,255 --> 00:10:22,881 Well, let's see what the tests... say. 245 00:10:23,422 --> 00:10:25,255 You know, we could do a lot of traveling. 246 00:10:25,339 --> 00:10:26,631 You don't like to travel. 247 00:10:26,714 --> 00:10:29,089 Would you mind if I brought the nurse along? 248 00:10:29,172 --> 00:10:32,214 Okay. I think we're good the way we are. 249 00:10:34,714 --> 00:10:36,005 Yeah. 250 00:10:39,047 --> 00:10:41,172 All right. 251 00:10:42,756 --> 00:10:45,506 - What are you gonna get? - I don't give a fuck. 252 00:10:46,547 --> 00:10:48,172 Okay, Mr. Greene. 253 00:10:48,255 --> 00:10:51,297 - Almost finished. Just need to pick up two-- Larry: - Hey, Milos! 254 00:10:51,381 --> 00:10:53,673 How ya doing? 255 00:10:53,756 --> 00:10:56,631 - Good. How are you? - Good. You coming over to the coffee store later? 256 00:10:56,714 --> 00:10:59,422 - Of course. I'll be there. I got to finish up. See you. - Beautiful. Thank you. 257 00:10:59,506 --> 00:11:02,798 - Milos, he's gonna be doing some work in the coffee place. - Yeah, he's fantastic. 258 00:11:02,881 --> 00:11:04,255 Wh-what's that? 259 00:11:04,339 --> 00:11:06,297 It's a little somethin' for your wife. 260 00:11:06,381 --> 00:11:08,673 A birthday present. Huh? 261 00:11:09,297 --> 00:11:11,172 So how'd it go with Cheryl? 262 00:11:11,547 --> 00:11:13,047 Not gonna happen. 263 00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:14,798 - No! - Yeah. 264 00:11:14,881 --> 00:11:17,339 - I'm sorry, man. - Well, you know, it's a long shot, anyway. 265 00:11:17,422 --> 00:11:19,923 - Did you think it would happen? - No, I knew it was a long shot, 266 00:11:20,005 --> 00:11:21,673 but what are, you know, what are you gonna do? 267 00:11:22,005 --> 00:11:24,839 I'll tell you what you do. You're gonna get back out there. 268 00:11:24,923 --> 00:11:26,839 You can't date now. You can't-- 269 00:11:26,923 --> 00:11:28,714 How do you even make a move in this climate? 270 00:11:28,798 --> 00:11:33,172 Plus, I got that sexual harassment thing from the, uh, assistant. 271 00:11:33,255 --> 00:11:35,673 And I'm old and bald. 272 00:11:35,756 --> 00:11:37,005 - Old and bald. - Yeah. 273 00:11:37,089 --> 00:11:38,923 - That means nothing. - Please. Are you kidding? 274 00:11:39,005 --> 00:11:42,464 - You're rich! - You think rich beats old and bald? 275 00:11:42,547 --> 00:11:46,130 You could have mutton chops and wear a, a cartoon tie 276 00:11:46,214 --> 00:11:48,214 of, uh, Felix the Cat. 277 00:11:48,297 --> 00:11:49,756 Some old-timey cartoon. 278 00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:52,089 You can, you can paint them blue, 279 00:11:52,172 --> 00:11:54,839 and wear an Abe Lincoln hat. You'll be fine. 280 00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,297 - Really? - Trust me. Yeah. 281 00:11:56,381 --> 00:11:58,130 Okay. I'm gonna get back out there. 282 00:11:58,214 --> 00:11:59,506 I gotta ask you something. 283 00:11:59,589 --> 00:12:01,547 The other night at poker, 284 00:12:01,631 --> 00:12:03,714 that invitation, it, it didn't get lost. 285 00:12:03,798 --> 00:12:05,756 - No, of course not. - You made that whole thing up. 286 00:12:05,839 --> 00:12:08,089 - Yeah. Totally made it up. - Oh, you're good. 287 00:12:08,172 --> 00:12:09,547 Blame it on the mailman. 288 00:12:09,631 --> 00:12:11,172 - Blame it on the mailman. - Yeah. 289 00:12:11,255 --> 00:12:13,130 - Jeffrey! - Oh... 290 00:12:13,214 --> 00:12:14,881 - Oh, hi, Lar. - Oh, hello. 291 00:12:14,964 --> 00:12:17,047 - I didn't know you were here. - I am here. 292 00:12:17,130 --> 00:12:19,506 - Yeah? What? - Stand right there. 293 00:12:19,589 --> 00:12:21,047 - Okay. - Don't move. 294 00:12:21,130 --> 00:12:22,631 What? What? What? 295 00:12:23,005 --> 00:12:26,047 - What is that? - What is it? It's for you! 296 00:12:26,130 --> 00:12:28,881 - For your birthday! - You've never gotten me a birthday gift. 297 00:12:28,964 --> 00:12:30,130 I did this year! 298 00:12:30,214 --> 00:12:32,130 Yeah, what is it? What is it? 299 00:12:33,381 --> 00:12:35,756 Oh, my God. Larry! 300 00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,798 - Oh, my God! - Huh? You love it? 301 00:12:37,881 --> 00:12:39,756 I had it commissioned. A great artist. 302 00:12:39,839 --> 00:12:41,130 Gave me a big discount. 303 00:12:41,214 --> 00:12:43,631 - You had this made for me? - Yeah. 304 00:12:43,714 --> 00:12:47,089 - From you, of all people, 'cause you're not a giver. - No. 305 00:12:47,506 --> 00:12:49,464 Oh, my God. 306 00:12:49,547 --> 00:12:52,464 It's absolutely magnificent. 307 00:12:52,547 --> 00:12:55,506 It's magnificent. It's a work of art. 308 00:12:55,589 --> 00:12:57,339 It's not just 'cause it's me. 309 00:12:57,422 --> 00:12:59,255 All is forgiven. 310 00:12:59,339 --> 00:13:00,923 Everything you've ever done, 311 00:13:01,005 --> 00:13:02,130 every horrible thing 312 00:13:02,214 --> 00:13:04,089 you've done to me is forgiven for this. 313 00:13:04,172 --> 00:13:05,673 What are you talking about? What have I done? 314 00:13:05,756 --> 00:13:07,756 - Oh, my God. Jeff, what... - What are you forgiving? 315 00:13:07,839 --> 00:13:11,047 Oh, wait a minute. I gotta go talk to this fuckin' Milos. 316 00:13:11,130 --> 00:13:14,881 Screwing up my deck. Hey, Milos! Milos! 317 00:13:14,964 --> 00:13:16,381 What were you thinking? 318 00:13:16,464 --> 00:13:19,005 I thought I told you a camera, a fucking camera. 319 00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:20,881 - This is mahogany cream. - You fucked me. 320 00:13:20,964 --> 00:13:23,089 - What? - It's shit. Do you understand what I'm saying? 321 00:13:23,172 --> 00:13:26,673 - I wrote it down. Mahogany cream. - Yes! This is mahogany cream! 322 00:13:26,756 --> 00:13:29,339 - This is not mahogany cream! - This is mahogany cream. 323 00:13:29,422 --> 00:13:31,964 I'm not paying for this piece of shit crap! 324 00:13:32,047 --> 00:13:34,798 You redo it, or you don't get paid. 325 00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:36,881 It's bullshit! 326 00:13:39,005 --> 00:13:41,881 - That poor bastard never had a chance. - No. 327 00:13:49,673 --> 00:13:51,589 - Mr. David? - Yeah? 328 00:13:51,673 --> 00:13:53,673 I've heard that you're going around telling people 329 00:13:53,756 --> 00:13:55,464 that I've lost their invitations? 330 00:13:55,547 --> 00:13:57,130 Wh-where'd you get that from? 331 00:13:57,214 --> 00:13:58,964 Andy and Cassie David told me. 332 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:01,005 Can I tell you a little story? 333 00:14:01,089 --> 00:14:03,005 I got invited to some kind of fundraiser, 334 00:14:03,089 --> 00:14:06,130 prison art something. I-- you know, I'm not gonna... 335 00:14:06,589 --> 00:14:09,047 I'm not gonna do that. So I said... 336 00:14:09,130 --> 00:14:12,923 I never got the invitation. It got lost in the mail. 337 00:14:13,839 --> 00:14:15,255 - Lost in the mail. - Yeah. 338 00:14:15,339 --> 00:14:16,923 So, I'm the mail. 339 00:14:17,005 --> 00:14:19,756 - Yes. In this particular case-- - I'm the guy that is delivering the mail, 340 00:14:19,839 --> 00:14:21,881 so that is a stain on an otherwise perfect record. 341 00:14:21,964 --> 00:14:23,673 I've never lost a piece of mail. 342 00:14:24,422 --> 00:14:28,089 - Come on. All right. - Listen, I just need you to please... 343 00:14:28,172 --> 00:14:30,172 go tell Andy and Cassie the truth about this. 344 00:14:30,255 --> 00:14:32,798 I'll consider it. Look, can I give you a little tip? 345 00:14:32,881 --> 00:14:34,589 If you're gonna confront somebody 346 00:14:34,673 --> 00:14:36,756 and ask them to do something like this, 347 00:14:36,839 --> 00:14:39,005 it's better to do it with pants on. 348 00:14:39,089 --> 00:14:40,339 The shorts... 349 00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:42,673 This is the required uniform for a postman. 350 00:14:43,631 --> 00:14:44,881 - Really? - Yeah. 351 00:14:44,964 --> 00:14:46,381 And the socks, too? 352 00:14:46,464 --> 00:14:48,422 - That's part of it? The black socks? - Right. 353 00:14:48,506 --> 00:14:50,923 Yes. Post Office issued socks. Yes. 354 00:14:51,005 --> 00:14:52,214 They issue socks? 355 00:14:52,297 --> 00:14:53,798 - Yeah. - How many pairs? 356 00:14:53,881 --> 00:14:55,631 What does that have to do with this? 357 00:14:55,714 --> 00:14:57,339 I'm just curious how often you have to wash those socks. 358 00:14:57,422 --> 00:14:59,881 They give you five or six pairs, and you rotate them. Okay? 359 00:14:59,964 --> 00:15:01,964 - How many pairs of shorts do they give you? - Listen. 360 00:15:02,047 --> 00:15:03,798 If you don't want to go to something, don't go, 361 00:15:03,881 --> 00:15:06,089 but don't hide behind the US Postal Service. 362 00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:08,506 It's hard to take a person seriously wearing shorts. 363 00:15:08,589 --> 00:15:10,756 I'm at work, doing work. This is my work uniform. 364 00:15:10,839 --> 00:15:12,631 - I'm confronting you. - I'm giving you, I'm giving you-- 365 00:15:12,714 --> 00:15:14,673 Excuse me one second. I was giving you a good tip. 366 00:15:14,756 --> 00:15:16,047 - Good advice. - Take the call. 367 00:15:16,130 --> 00:15:18,047 - I'm givin' you good advice. - Just take the call. 368 00:15:18,130 --> 00:15:19,381 Hello? 369 00:15:19,464 --> 00:15:21,214 - Larry David? - Yes? 370 00:15:21,297 --> 00:15:22,381 It's Dr. Bahn. 371 00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,172 The test results came back. 372 00:15:24,255 --> 00:15:26,089 Aah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 373 00:15:26,172 --> 00:15:28,673 As you know, we did a fine-needle biopsy, 374 00:15:28,756 --> 00:15:30,464 - on the mass. - Oh, my God. This is bad. 375 00:15:30,547 --> 00:15:32,631 - And an MRI. - It's bad. It's bad. What? 376 00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:35,881 It's just a benign cyst, not cancerous. 377 00:15:35,964 --> 00:15:38,964 - You're clean as a whistle. - Ah! Ha-ha! 378 00:15:39,047 --> 00:15:41,255 Ah! Ha-ha-ha-ha! 379 00:15:41,339 --> 00:15:43,756 - Oh, thank you. Thank you! - You're welcome. 380 00:15:43,839 --> 00:15:46,881 Ah! Negative! Negative! 381 00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:49,381 - Ah! - Just... okay? 382 00:15:49,464 --> 00:15:51,214 - Fine. The matter at hand-- - I'll, I'll talk to 'em. 383 00:15:51,297 --> 00:15:53,673 - Please tell Andy and Cassie... - I'll talk to 'em. I'll talk to 'em. 384 00:15:53,756 --> 00:15:55,673 Yes. 385 00:15:55,756 --> 00:15:58,047 Mr. Swindell will be here in five minutes. 386 00:15:58,130 --> 00:16:00,172 - Make yourself comfortable. - Okay. 387 00:16:00,255 --> 00:16:01,339 All right. 388 00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,756 - Okay. Hey, Larry. - Oh, hey! 389 00:16:48,839 --> 00:16:51,255 - Sorry to keep you waiting. - Oh, no, no. Don't be silly. 390 00:16:51,339 --> 00:16:52,839 All's good? You've been well? 391 00:16:52,923 --> 00:16:57,047 Funny you should mention it, 'cause I had a bit of a scare 392 00:16:57,130 --> 00:16:59,631 at the doctor, I just got the results back, 393 00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:02,381 and, uh... I'm good. 394 00:17:02,464 --> 00:17:04,130 Oh, that's great. You must be relieved. 395 00:17:04,214 --> 00:17:07,506 Well, I'm relieved, except it's been two days since I found out, 396 00:17:07,589 --> 00:17:11,172 and not one of my friends has inquired 397 00:17:11,255 --> 00:17:13,756 as to how the test turned out, not one. 398 00:17:13,839 --> 00:17:16,506 - I see. - I'm gonna dump the whole bunch of 'em. 399 00:17:16,589 --> 00:17:19,089 - I'll get myself some new friends. - That's great news. 400 00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:22,714 - Maybe, uh, maybe we could strike up a friendship. - I'm relieved for you. 401 00:17:23,714 --> 00:17:25,881 I, I have a busy life, and, uh... 402 00:17:25,964 --> 00:17:28,297 but, uh, I am, I am really relieved 403 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,839 - that you got the news that you got. - Mm, thank you. 404 00:17:29,923 --> 00:17:32,381 And I have some other good news for you, too. 405 00:17:32,464 --> 00:17:35,214 Which is that Ms. Huff's team gave me a call, 406 00:17:35,297 --> 00:17:37,839 and she would like to meet with you. 407 00:17:37,923 --> 00:17:39,339 Face-to-face, 408 00:17:39,422 --> 00:17:41,381 just the two of you alone in a public place, of course. 409 00:17:41,464 --> 00:17:42,673 Alice wants to meet? 410 00:17:42,756 --> 00:17:44,714 The fact that she is reaching out is great. 411 00:17:44,798 --> 00:17:47,172 That's fantastic. Maybe she's come to her senses. 412 00:17:47,255 --> 00:17:49,422 If you just give her the chance to air 413 00:17:49,506 --> 00:17:51,506 whatever she wants to air, listen to her, and maybe... 414 00:17:51,589 --> 00:17:53,714 Yeah, sure, yeah. I'll listen. I'll-- we'll air. Yeah, listen and air. 415 00:17:53,798 --> 00:17:55,631 Then the whole thing could go away. 416 00:17:55,714 --> 00:17:58,297 - That's good news. Look at you. The bearer of good tidings. - Uh, sorry. 417 00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:01,130 Hold on one second. Just to get a tissue. 418 00:18:11,005 --> 00:18:12,839 What's up? 419 00:18:18,381 --> 00:18:20,214 Problem? 420 00:18:20,297 --> 00:18:21,631 Did you use my bathroom? 421 00:18:21,714 --> 00:18:23,422 What? No. Absolutely not. 422 00:18:23,506 --> 00:18:25,673 Why would I use your bathroom? You told me not to. 423 00:18:25,756 --> 00:18:27,422 I mean, you did ask to use it. 424 00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:30,422 Yes, I did, but you were quite emphatic about it. 425 00:18:30,506 --> 00:18:32,589 And, uh, you know, well, what am I gonna do? 426 00:18:32,673 --> 00:18:35,798 - That's, that's the rule. - Your interest was not casual. 427 00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:37,881 I'm telling you the truth. 428 00:18:44,547 --> 00:18:47,339 - It's your old pal. - Mr. David. 429 00:18:47,422 --> 00:18:51,422 Beautiful view here. How long did it take you to take it for granted? 430 00:18:51,506 --> 00:18:53,798 Um... not long, I guess. 431 00:18:53,881 --> 00:18:55,839 It would take me about a day, maybe less, 432 00:18:55,923 --> 00:18:57,297 maybe a half an hour. 433 00:18:57,381 --> 00:18:59,381 And I would never look out the window again 434 00:18:59,464 --> 00:19:01,631 and go, "Ooh, look at that view." 435 00:19:01,714 --> 00:19:04,464 Anyway, here for some validation. 436 00:19:04,547 --> 00:19:06,130 Can I ask you something? 437 00:19:06,214 --> 00:19:08,881 Swindell-- have you ever used his bathroom? 438 00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:12,339 - I have. - What? 439 00:19:12,422 --> 00:19:15,631 Why fly public when you can fly private, am I right? 440 00:19:15,714 --> 00:19:17,714 I mean, the public toilets, forget it. 441 00:19:17,798 --> 00:19:19,047 - Don't get me started. - You can't do it. 442 00:19:19,130 --> 00:19:20,798 Have you been in a woman's restroom? 443 00:19:20,881 --> 00:19:23,047 Do you know how vile women can be? 444 00:19:23,130 --> 00:19:26,089 Women? Oh, that's nothing compared to a men's room, nothing. 445 00:19:26,172 --> 00:19:28,130 You guys get to stand up. We have to sit down. 446 00:19:28,214 --> 00:19:30,631 Hey, you know what? I'll take you out for a night on the town. 447 00:19:30,714 --> 00:19:32,089 We'll go toilet-hopping. 448 00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,005 We'll, we'll look at men's rooms and ladies' rooms, 449 00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:36,589 and we'll make a little comparison. Would you like to do that? 450 00:19:36,673 --> 00:19:39,422 - As in a date? - Yes, yes, a date. 451 00:19:39,506 --> 00:19:42,714 I know this is something you've probably been dreaming about most of your life. 452 00:19:42,798 --> 00:19:45,714 "Oh, dear God, please let me meet an old bald man, 453 00:19:45,798 --> 00:19:47,297 who will take me toilet-hopping, 454 00:19:47,381 --> 00:19:50,130 from toilet to toilet, throughout the town. 455 00:19:50,214 --> 00:19:53,464 Please, God. Please make that happen." 456 00:19:54,506 --> 00:19:55,839 I'm game. 457 00:19:56,589 --> 00:19:59,130 I, I, I don't even know what to say. I'm shocked. 458 00:19:59,214 --> 00:20:02,172 - Validation? - Yes. And your name is? 459 00:20:02,255 --> 00:20:03,464 My name is Rita. 460 00:20:03,547 --> 00:20:05,839 Rita. You'll be hearing from me. 461 00:20:05,923 --> 00:20:08,255 You lucky gal! 462 00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:15,464 What? What? 463 00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:17,589 Larry? 464 00:20:18,089 --> 00:20:19,923 - Hey. - What's in there? 465 00:20:21,255 --> 00:20:23,589 Oh, it's a, uh... coffee place. 466 00:20:23,673 --> 00:20:25,798 I'm opening up a spite store to take him out of business. 467 00:20:26,339 --> 00:20:29,047 I don't know what a spite store is, and I don't really care. 468 00:20:29,130 --> 00:20:32,339 - I want to talk to you about something. - Sure. 469 00:20:32,422 --> 00:20:35,214 Somebody told me you were side-sitting Cheryl. 470 00:20:35,297 --> 00:20:38,798 - Who told you that? - The mailman. He said he was in a restaurant 471 00:20:38,881 --> 00:20:40,255 and saw you side-sitting. 472 00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:42,673 You're making too much about a side-sit. 473 00:20:42,756 --> 00:20:44,172 I side-sit with everybody. 474 00:20:44,255 --> 00:20:46,005 I side-sit with my doctor, I side-sit with my therapist. 475 00:20:46,089 --> 00:20:47,881 I've never seen you side-sit anybody. 476 00:20:47,964 --> 00:20:51,506 If you ever see me sitting, you'll see me side-sitting. 477 00:20:58,798 --> 00:21:00,005 Hello? 478 00:21:00,089 --> 00:21:02,798 What were you thinkin' gettin' Susie that painting? 479 00:21:02,881 --> 00:21:04,923 Aah, I'm-I'm so sorry. 480 00:21:05,005 --> 00:21:07,381 It stares at me! It's just there! 481 00:21:07,464 --> 00:21:09,756 I go for a snack, it's staring at me! 482 00:21:09,839 --> 00:21:11,756 I wish there was somethin' I could do. 483 00:21:11,839 --> 00:21:13,297 Well, I told you to get her a camera! 484 00:21:13,381 --> 00:21:14,839 Why couldn't you get her a camera?! 485 00:21:14,923 --> 00:21:16,839 I should have given her the camera. 486 00:21:16,923 --> 00:21:18,255 Next time get her a camera! 487 00:21:18,339 --> 00:21:19,589 Believe me, there won't be a next time! 488 00:21:19,673 --> 00:21:21,422 Good! Don't get her anything again! 489 00:21:21,506 --> 00:21:23,381 I will never give anyone a gift again. What do you think about that? 490 00:21:23,464 --> 00:21:25,130 I think it's the best idea you've had all day! 491 00:21:25,214 --> 00:21:27,547 - I'm done with presents! - My birthday's coming up in a month! 492 00:21:27,631 --> 00:21:29,089 - What are you gettin' me?! - Nothin'! 493 00:21:29,172 --> 00:21:31,005 - Ha! Thank you! - You're welcome! 494 00:21:31,089 --> 00:21:31,964 Aah! 495 00:21:36,172 --> 00:21:39,506 - I like what you did with this apartment. - Thank you. 496 00:21:41,172 --> 00:21:43,422 - You play the piano? - I don't. No. 497 00:21:43,506 --> 00:21:45,255 I borrowed it. 498 00:21:46,506 --> 00:21:48,714 You don't play, and you borrowed a piano? 499 00:21:48,798 --> 00:21:50,756 It was a joke. I didn't borrow the piano. 500 00:21:51,130 --> 00:21:53,297 Well, that's quite a, uh... 501 00:21:53,381 --> 00:21:55,255 That's quite an attempt at a joke. 502 00:21:55,339 --> 00:21:57,381 Thank you. You could use it. 503 00:21:57,464 --> 00:21:58,714 That's okay. 504 00:21:59,130 --> 00:22:03,839 All right, well, we've come to that juncture in the evening where... 505 00:22:04,381 --> 00:22:08,589 a move of some kind is either... 506 00:22:09,381 --> 00:22:13,297 required or, uh... expected. 507 00:22:13,381 --> 00:22:14,839 I agree. 508 00:22:14,923 --> 00:22:16,255 - You agree? - I do. 509 00:22:16,339 --> 00:22:18,589 - That's good. That's good. Now... - That's good. 510 00:22:18,673 --> 00:22:20,464 ...given the current climate, 511 00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:23,673 I would like to ask you a series of questions 512 00:22:23,756 --> 00:22:26,673 to determine how comfortable you are 513 00:22:26,756 --> 00:22:29,547 with physical contact as it progresses. 514 00:22:29,631 --> 00:22:31,130 All right. That sounds fair. 515 00:22:31,214 --> 00:22:35,214 I'd like to begin by taking my right hand 516 00:22:35,297 --> 00:22:37,589 and place it on your right shoulder. 517 00:22:38,089 --> 00:22:40,839 - Would that be acceptable? - That is acceptable. Yes. 518 00:22:40,923 --> 00:22:42,881 - Ah. Okay. - Okay. 519 00:22:45,381 --> 00:22:48,589 - Now I'd like to take this left hand of mine... - Yes. 520 00:22:48,673 --> 00:22:51,047 ...and place it under your rib cage, 521 00:22:51,130 --> 00:22:52,798 fairly close to the right breast, 522 00:22:52,881 --> 00:22:54,339 but keeping a safe distance. 523 00:22:54,422 --> 00:22:56,130 That is acceptable. 524 00:22:57,798 --> 00:22:59,506 - There we go. - That's very nice. 525 00:22:59,589 --> 00:23:02,172 Ah! By the way, throughout this process, 526 00:23:02,255 --> 00:23:04,422 I would encourage any feedback. 527 00:23:04,506 --> 00:23:07,673 - Well, and I would expect the same from you. - Oh. 528 00:23:08,214 --> 00:23:12,214 How would you feel about a little grazing of the lips? 529 00:23:12,297 --> 00:23:14,297 I think I would feel very good about that. 530 00:23:14,381 --> 00:23:17,089 Well, then a grazing you shall have. 531 00:23:19,798 --> 00:23:21,130 Aha. 532 00:23:21,214 --> 00:23:22,798 And now... 533 00:23:22,881 --> 00:23:24,339 I would like to... 534 00:23:24,422 --> 00:23:26,673 graze again, but this time, 535 00:23:26,756 --> 00:23:29,589 with some intertwining of the tongue. 536 00:23:30,339 --> 00:23:32,964 - We could do that. - Excellent! 537 00:23:37,506 --> 00:23:38,798 Hmm. 538 00:23:38,881 --> 00:23:41,547 Well, now I think we have to take a little break. 539 00:23:41,631 --> 00:23:45,381 With your permission, of course, I would like to take a video 540 00:23:45,464 --> 00:23:48,089 in order to document the evening. 541 00:23:48,172 --> 00:23:51,255 You know, just in case there are any discrepancies 542 00:23:51,339 --> 00:23:54,172 of the he-said, she-said variety. 543 00:23:54,255 --> 00:23:56,464 - Would you be able to forward that to me? - Of course. 544 00:23:56,547 --> 00:23:58,506 I will forward it to you and cc, 545 00:23:58,589 --> 00:24:00,589 or bcc to anyone you like. 546 00:24:00,673 --> 00:24:01,756 Fantastic. 547 00:24:01,839 --> 00:24:04,297 Begin session. 548 00:24:05,172 --> 00:24:07,339 - This is Rita. - Hi. 549 00:24:07,422 --> 00:24:09,714 Um, Rita, you're here under your own volition? 550 00:24:09,798 --> 00:24:12,923 - I am. Yes. - Nobody forced you here. Isn't that correct? 551 00:24:13,005 --> 00:24:14,589 That is correct. Nobody forced me. 552 00:24:14,673 --> 00:24:17,089 - You're not here under duress of any kind? - No. 553 00:24:17,172 --> 00:24:20,089 - You're kind of enjoying yourself, are you not? - I am. 554 00:24:20,172 --> 00:24:22,047 Nothing, uh, untoward has happened. 555 00:24:22,130 --> 00:24:23,756 Nothing's happened without your permission. 556 00:24:23,839 --> 00:24:25,506 - Absolutely not. - Thus far. 557 00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:27,172 Okay. 558 00:24:27,255 --> 00:24:28,631 - Let's continue. - Let's. 559 00:24:28,714 --> 00:24:32,339 I'm placing my right hand back on her right shoulder, 560 00:24:32,422 --> 00:24:35,089 - with her permission, of course. - Yes. 561 00:24:35,172 --> 00:24:38,881 And now, what I'd like to do is take this left hand, 562 00:24:38,964 --> 00:24:40,923 which I've introduced to you earlier, 563 00:24:41,005 --> 00:24:43,130 I'm going to place it on your inner thigh, 564 00:24:43,214 --> 00:24:46,464 and slowly inch my way up, 565 00:24:46,547 --> 00:24:49,631 in a crab-like fashion, 566 00:24:49,714 --> 00:24:52,005 Well, seeing as it is our first date, Larry, 567 00:24:52,089 --> 00:24:54,923 I think that I'm going to have to say no to that. 568 00:24:55,547 --> 00:24:57,839 - I'm perfectly okay with that. - Okay. 569 00:24:57,923 --> 00:25:00,464 And what if I took this same left hand, 570 00:25:00,547 --> 00:25:02,089 and extended it laterally, 571 00:25:02,172 --> 00:25:03,964 and somehow wind up 572 00:25:04,047 --> 00:25:05,964 on that right breast, 573 00:25:06,047 --> 00:25:09,714 and perhaps, uh, gave it a little, uh, squeeze. 574 00:25:09,798 --> 00:25:12,881 Uh, that would be the worst thing in the world? 575 00:25:13,255 --> 00:25:15,214 I'm gonna have to say no again. 576 00:25:15,297 --> 00:25:16,714 Okay. Another no. 577 00:25:16,798 --> 00:25:19,673 Hand's away. Look at the hand. All gone. 578 00:25:19,756 --> 00:25:21,464 Well. 579 00:25:22,255 --> 00:25:26,130 - It seems we've reached a bit of an impasse. - I think so. 580 00:25:27,714 --> 00:25:29,881 End session. 581 00:25:40,297 --> 00:25:43,005 Well, I'd like to propose a toast 582 00:25:43,089 --> 00:25:44,506 to Andy and Cassie. 583 00:25:44,589 --> 00:25:46,339 - Welcome to the West Coast. - Hear! Hear! 584 00:25:46,422 --> 00:25:48,631 I'm sorry it took us so long to get you here. 585 00:25:48,714 --> 00:25:50,339 - But here you are. - Thank you so much. 586 00:25:50,422 --> 00:25:52,255 - Yes. - It's a beautiful home. 587 00:25:52,339 --> 00:25:54,339 - Yeah, well, you know I have a-- - And this is... 588 00:25:54,422 --> 00:25:55,881 This is quite an addition. 589 00:25:55,964 --> 00:25:57,547 Isn't it? Isn't that something? 590 00:25:57,631 --> 00:25:59,047 You know, if I tell you 591 00:25:59,130 --> 00:26:00,923 who got that for me, you're gonna be shocked. 592 00:26:01,005 --> 00:26:03,506 Larry David, the most thoughtful man 593 00:26:03,589 --> 00:26:05,964 I've ever met, had that commissioned. 594 00:26:06,047 --> 00:26:07,964 Where do you find an artist like that? 595 00:26:08,047 --> 00:26:10,422 You'll find it. You look it up. 596 00:26:10,506 --> 00:26:13,297 You know what I love about it is... 597 00:26:13,798 --> 00:26:15,339 - the size. - The dimensions. 598 00:26:15,422 --> 00:26:16,631 - Yes. I know. - Oh, the dimensions. 599 00:26:16,714 --> 00:26:18,881 Anything smaller would have felt too small. 600 00:26:18,964 --> 00:26:20,547 Bigger would have felt ostentatious. 601 00:26:20,631 --> 00:26:22,214 It's not even that, Susie. 602 00:26:22,297 --> 00:26:25,005 Know what it is? I've never seen you with, I don't know, 603 00:26:25,089 --> 00:26:26,964 with such a joy for life 604 00:26:27,047 --> 00:26:28,923 - in that painting. - Yeah, they captured that in me, didn't they? 605 00:26:29,005 --> 00:26:30,881 - Absolutely. - It's something. 606 00:26:31,005 --> 00:26:32,756 Did you have to send him a picture 607 00:26:32,839 --> 00:26:34,506 and then he painted it from that? 608 00:26:35,214 --> 00:26:36,464 Yeah. 609 00:26:36,547 --> 00:26:38,631 How long does it take once you get the artist-- 610 00:26:38,714 --> 00:26:40,547 I don't know. A couple of weeks. 611 00:26:40,631 --> 00:26:42,506 - Okay? Took a couple of weeks. - Okay. 612 00:26:42,589 --> 00:26:45,005 - Mm. - LD, what the hell's wrong with you? 613 00:26:46,714 --> 00:26:49,673 Three days now. I've gotten the results back from my cancer test. 614 00:26:49,756 --> 00:26:51,798 Not one of you bothered to call me and ask me 615 00:26:51,881 --> 00:26:53,964 if I got the results back. Not one. 616 00:26:54,047 --> 00:26:58,339 And by the way, I did, and I'm fine. Okay? 617 00:26:59,631 --> 00:27:03,589 - Skyler had this paper due for social studies. - It was on Cuba. 618 00:27:03,673 --> 00:27:05,464 We were, we're very immersed in it. 619 00:27:05,547 --> 00:27:07,798 - I'm sorry. You're right. - He's been working with her nonstop. 620 00:27:07,881 --> 00:27:10,756 And I, I, I honestly planned on it, 621 00:27:10,839 --> 00:27:13,381 but I, I, I planned on it. 622 00:27:13,464 --> 00:27:15,464 I ain't gonna lie, man. I fuckin' forgot. 623 00:27:15,547 --> 00:27:18,589 - My bad. - I already explained myself. All right? 624 00:27:18,673 --> 00:27:20,255 What kind of friends are you? 625 00:27:20,339 --> 00:27:22,130 Seriously! What kind of friends are you? 626 00:27:22,214 --> 00:27:23,964 - But you're fine, right? - Yeah, I'm fine! 627 00:27:24,047 --> 00:27:26,214 You know what? You can all go fuck yourself! 628 00:27:26,297 --> 00:27:27,506 Oh, shit! 629 00:27:27,589 --> 00:27:29,381 Holy Christ! 630 00:27:33,506 --> 00:27:37,214 You ruined my painting! You destroyed it! 631 00:27:38,714 --> 00:27:40,214 Jeff? 632 00:27:40,547 --> 00:27:43,089 What kind of piece of shit, 633 00:27:43,172 --> 00:27:45,381 motherfucker does something like that? 634 00:27:45,464 --> 00:27:47,714 Where the fuck do you get off? 635 00:27:47,798 --> 00:27:49,881 This was the prized possession 636 00:27:49,964 --> 00:27:53,005 - of this household. - I'm so sorry. 637 00:27:53,089 --> 00:27:54,756 - So... You know what? - What? 638 00:27:54,839 --> 00:27:56,464 I'm gonna replace that painting. 639 00:27:56,547 --> 00:27:58,798 I'm gonna give it to the artist, he's gonna fix it, 640 00:27:58,881 --> 00:28:00,422 it's gonna be better than ever. 641 00:28:00,506 --> 00:28:03,089 You don't bring it back until it's perfect. 642 00:28:03,172 --> 00:28:05,255 - Don't worry. I won't. - Wait. Stop, stop! 643 00:28:05,339 --> 00:28:08,214 We were at LACMA, and we met this guy who restores paintings. 644 00:28:08,297 --> 00:28:11,005 - He restores paintings. He's amazing! - No, no, no, no. 645 00:28:11,089 --> 00:28:14,214 Larry, we're gonna help out. Don't you worry. 646 00:28:14,297 --> 00:28:16,964 Hey! Shut the fuck up! I told you I'm gonna do it! 647 00:28:17,047 --> 00:28:18,923 Okay! Okay! 648 00:28:19,839 --> 00:28:21,339 God! 649 00:28:21,422 --> 00:28:22,839 You know what? 650 00:28:22,923 --> 00:28:26,339 I think this whole thing can be a blessing in disguise. 651 00:28:26,422 --> 00:28:29,422 - Really? - Oh, blessing in disguise? You tell me how. 652 00:28:29,756 --> 00:28:32,089 I've never been entirely happy with this painting. 653 00:28:32,172 --> 00:28:35,422 He didn't really capture the luster of your skin. 654 00:28:35,506 --> 00:28:37,714 Or, or the sparkle in your eyes. 655 00:28:37,798 --> 00:28:39,464 The sparkle in her eyes. 656 00:28:39,547 --> 00:28:41,130 Now I realize it. 657 00:28:41,589 --> 00:28:44,089 A blessing in disguise. 658 00:28:44,172 --> 00:28:46,589 Okay. Thank you. 659 00:28:46,964 --> 00:28:49,172 - Let's eat. - Let's eat. 660 00:28:52,172 --> 00:28:53,714 So, Larry, we almost finished here. 661 00:28:53,798 --> 00:28:56,756 You got-- You're two-thirds done already. It's incredible. 662 00:28:56,839 --> 00:28:59,506 Plus, I have extra boards for you. 663 00:28:59,589 --> 00:29:01,714 I take it to your house and fix your pantry like new. 664 00:29:01,798 --> 00:29:03,214 - No charge. - What? 665 00:29:03,297 --> 00:29:05,130 - Believe me, I'm gonna pay you. - Larry, I take care of you. 666 00:29:05,214 --> 00:29:07,506 I can take the stuff to your house right now. 667 00:29:09,130 --> 00:29:12,464 Ha. Mrs. Greene. 668 00:29:12,547 --> 00:29:15,464 She make bad recommendation all over town about my business. 669 00:29:15,547 --> 00:29:16,756 - What? - Yes. 670 00:29:16,839 --> 00:29:18,881 - Oh, my God. - Remember? I make mahogany cream? 671 00:29:18,964 --> 00:29:20,047 - Yes. - I work so hard? 672 00:29:20,130 --> 00:29:21,422 - Yes. - I make it nice? 673 00:29:21,506 --> 00:29:23,381 - I know. - And what she do? She ruined my name. 674 00:29:23,464 --> 00:29:26,756 Oh, she's terrible. No friend of the working man. 675 00:29:26,839 --> 00:29:28,714 Okay. Larry, listen, 676 00:29:28,798 --> 00:29:31,673 I can go right now. I take the boards to your house, 677 00:29:31,756 --> 00:29:34,339 - and I make it fast. - Great idea. 678 00:29:46,339 --> 00:29:50,005 ...mahogany cream! 679 00:29:50,089 --> 00:29:54,631 ...mahogany cream! 680 00:29:55,673 --> 00:29:57,756 I mean, the whole thing was just a series 681 00:29:57,839 --> 00:29:59,756 of unfortunate misunderstandings. 682 00:29:59,839 --> 00:30:01,422 That wasn't Harvey Weinstein. 683 00:30:01,506 --> 00:30:03,839 That was Jeff Greene, my manager. 684 00:30:03,923 --> 00:30:06,381 I guess the culture's just sort of changing, and... 685 00:30:06,464 --> 00:30:08,464 - Hmm. Yeah. - ...um, we're 686 00:30:08,547 --> 00:30:11,964 - defining our boundaries more. - Boundaries. Boundaries. Yes. 687 00:30:12,047 --> 00:30:14,547 And personal space, like for instance, my tattoo. 688 00:30:14,631 --> 00:30:16,631 You don't get to demand to know what it's about, 689 00:30:16,714 --> 00:30:18,422 - because it's on my body. - No, of course not. Of course not. 690 00:30:18,506 --> 00:30:22,172 I, I'm not that guy. I know who you think-- I'm not that guy. 691 00:30:22,255 --> 00:30:25,047 - Okay. - We don't need lawyers or anything like that. 692 00:30:25,130 --> 00:30:28,464 Come back to work. Bring Bogey. I miss Bogey. 693 00:30:28,547 --> 00:30:30,839 I miss that little doggy. 694 00:30:30,923 --> 00:30:33,673 - I'll bring him five bowls, okay? - Okay. 695 00:30:33,756 --> 00:30:35,881 If we can go back with like a mutual respect 696 00:30:35,964 --> 00:30:37,631 and honesty, um... 697 00:30:37,714 --> 00:30:39,756 - I really appreciate your openness. - That's funny. 698 00:30:39,839 --> 00:30:42,673 You know, this is how culture moves forward. 699 00:30:42,756 --> 00:30:45,005 - Yeah. - What are you doing? 700 00:30:45,089 --> 00:30:47,673 - I'm side-sitting. - You can't side-sit with me. 701 00:30:47,756 --> 00:30:49,798 No, no. Wait. Where are you going? Stay here just one second. 702 00:30:49,881 --> 00:30:50,923 - Oh, my God. - Sit quiet. 703 00:30:51,005 --> 00:30:52,714 - Let go! Oh, my God. - Huh. 704 00:30:55,297 --> 00:30:56,964 Hmm? 705 00:30:57,798 --> 00:31:00,381 All right. You're all right. 706 00:31:00,464 --> 00:31:03,631 Let go of me! I came here with an open mind. 707 00:31:03,714 --> 00:31:06,089 - No, no, I-- - You don't get to grab me, 708 00:31:06,172 --> 00:31:08,714 - at a banquette or side-sit! - No, I had to side-sit. 709 00:31:08,798 --> 00:31:10,172 I had to side-sit because... 710 00:31:10,255 --> 00:31:12,005 I had to side-sit because I-- 711 00:31:12,089 --> 00:31:14,255 Aah, what are you-- No, Alice! 712 00:31:16,673 --> 00:31:18,255 Hey, uh... 713 00:31:18,339 --> 00:31:19,631 How'd those test results turn out? 714 00:31:19,714 --> 00:31:21,089 You know, everybody here is really pulling for you. 715 00:31:21,172 --> 00:31:24,339 Oh, they turned out just fine. Thank you very much. 716 00:31:25,130 --> 00:31:26,881 What a blessing. 717 00:31:30,547 --> 00:31:33,089 So Victor and Sammi want to buy a house. What do you think? 718 00:31:33,172 --> 00:31:34,631 We give 'em a down payment. 719 00:31:34,714 --> 00:31:36,964 Is that too generous? You know, I never know. 720 00:31:37,714 --> 00:31:40,464 Wait a minute, wait a minute. Slow down, slow down, slow down. 721 00:31:40,547 --> 00:31:42,506 What the fuck? 722 00:31:42,589 --> 00:31:45,881 Larry, what the hell did you do to my picture? 723 00:31:45,964 --> 00:31:48,881 Oh, my God! It was beautiful, 724 00:31:48,964 --> 00:31:51,381 and it's all destroyed! 725 00:31:51,464 --> 00:31:53,547 You piece of shit, Larry! 726 00:31:53,631 --> 00:31:57,631 You piece of fucking turd nothing! Fuck you! 727 00:31:57,714 --> 00:31:59,547 Asshole! 728 00:31:59,631 --> 00:32:01,130 Mr. David. 729 00:32:01,214 --> 00:32:04,297 Did you ask Ms. Huff inappropriate questions 730 00:32:04,381 --> 00:32:06,631 about her relationship with her dog, Bogey? 731 00:32:07,047 --> 00:32:09,839 - I guess that all depends on-- - Wait. Objection. Relevance. 732 00:32:09,923 --> 00:32:12,422 When she asked you to stop asking questions about her tattoo, 733 00:32:12,506 --> 00:32:13,839 did you respect her wishes? 734 00:32:13,923 --> 00:32:17,089 I was very curious about it. There's a guy with one eye. 735 00:32:17,172 --> 00:32:20,005 I thought it might have been Mr. Clean. 736 00:32:20,964 --> 00:32:22,506 Do you have any idea? 737 00:32:22,923 --> 00:32:25,005 I have no further questions for the witness. 738 00:32:25,089 --> 00:32:26,923 - You may go. - Thank you. 739 00:32:27,005 --> 00:32:28,881 Okay. I actually just have a couple, Lucy. 740 00:32:28,964 --> 00:32:30,589 Mr. David, the answers you're giving today 741 00:32:30,673 --> 00:32:32,214 are your sworn testimony, isn't that right? 742 00:32:32,297 --> 00:32:34,547 - Mm-hmm. - You came here of your own volition, 743 00:32:34,631 --> 00:32:35,923 - voluntarily? - I did. 744 00:32:36,005 --> 00:32:37,214 Because you want the truth to be known. 745 00:32:37,297 --> 00:32:40,005 - Absolutely. - I just have one question. 746 00:32:41,339 --> 00:32:43,172 Did you... 747 00:32:44,214 --> 00:32:46,714 use my bathroom? 748 00:32:48,047 --> 00:32:50,798 - No. - I grow tired of asking, Mr. David. 749 00:32:50,881 --> 00:32:52,839 And I remind you, you're under oath. 750 00:32:52,923 --> 00:32:57,464 Did you or did you not use my bathroom?! 751 00:32:57,547 --> 00:32:59,714 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 752 00:34:03,381 --> 00:34:05,005 - What are you doing? - I think I'm eating an apple. 753 00:34:05,089 --> 00:34:07,005 Okay. I'm worried you're not taking this seriously. 754 00:34:07,089 --> 00:34:08,255 You're blithely eating an apple here. 755 00:34:08,506 --> 00:34:10,214 There's no other way to eat an apple but blithely. 756 00:34:10,297 --> 00:34:12,339 - Yeah, but I need-- - That's how apples are eaten. 757 00:34:12,340 --> 00:34:13,700 _ 758 00:34:13,714 --> 00:34:15,089 How do you serve eggs without toast? 759 00:34:15,172 --> 00:34:16,756 You can't serve the eggs without the toast. 760 00:34:16,839 --> 00:34:19,172 You are like a president in the 18th century 761 00:34:19,255 --> 00:34:20,589 on the back of a train saying, 762 00:34:20,673 --> 00:34:24,339 "And there will always be toast with eggs." 763 00:34:24,422 --> 00:34:27,464 I think you can introduce me sort of as a renaissance man. 764 00:34:27,756 --> 00:34:30,089 A guy who speaks six languages. 765 00:34:30,172 --> 00:34:32,464 You wanna impress people with lies? 766 00:34:32,547 --> 00:34:33,923 Well, how else do you impress them? 59424

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.