All language subtitles for Columbo - 05x05 - Now You See Him.DVD-Rip .English.HI.orig.Addic7ed.com

Anybody could have
sneaked up the stairs,
knocked on the door

When Jerome opened the door,
they shot him and went
right back downstairs again

At the time of the crime,
you said you were performing
the water tank trick

COLUMBO: You're not really
in that cube, right?

Where was I last night
when Jesse Jerome got it?

Was I here

or was I there?

You see, what we
have to remember

is that Mr Santini
is a master of illusion

You could create the illusion
of being somewhere
while you were not

If you know
what you're doing

Good afternoon, sir
How are you, George?

Hey, that was quite a night
we had last night

Yeah, wasn't it?

It's good having you back

Oh, it's great to be back

Oh, Mr Jerome
was looking for you
a while back, sir

Huh?

Seemed important

Uhhuh Everything
is important to him

Could you do me
a favor, sir?

Sure, name it

Could you make him
disappear?

Don't tell him I said it

Oh, trust me, you're safe

I'll tell you what
One night, George,
just you and I together,

we'll go out
and have a couple of jars

You're on, sir

HARRY: Santini's
packing them in, Jesse,
but I need more help

JEROME: The kitchen is
your responsibility, Harry
Do as you wish

Of course
it's my responsibility, but
good help is hard to find

Harry, Harry
Don't bother me
with trivialities

Solve your problems
and leave me be

Santini

It's good to have you back

Harry Good to be back

Harry, be a good fellow,
shut the door
on your way out

George said
you wanted to see me

Have a shrimp Magnificent

From a special bed
off the Yucat�n coast
I have them flown in

Thank you, no

Tell me, Santini,

last month, before you
left for New York,

you didn't by chance
break into this office

and search
through my effects?

What a silly question
Of course I did

And I stole your Ren�,
your Picasso, and got a lovely
price for your Rubens

You know I didn't

I thought not

It was dreadful of me
even to suggest it

Thank you

Speaking of New York,

I take it that this, too,

is some sort of joke

$5,000 is hardly a joke

Come, come, dear friend

I've assimilated
the rudiments of arithmetic

Your eastern tour
netted $100,000,
500% of which is

50% of which is $5,000

50%?
Mmmhmm

No, no, dear man

We've been over this before

Jerome,

I'm bored
with you bleeding me

I'm afraid we're going to
have to make a change
in our little arrangement

There are no changes

Sergeant Mueller

You see how the very mention
of that name renders you
completely helpless

You keep forgetting

that I know who you are

and where you came from

I was 21 I was merely a boy

No one in the SS
was merely a boy, Mueller

No one in the camps
was just a boy

Unless he was
being taken into the oven

Don't misunderstand me

If you push me,

I will tell the newspapers,
the lmmigration Service
the Israelis

Yes, the Israelis
Oh, how they'd love
to get their hands on you

I think not

I'm far too valuable to you

You call that value?
Mmmhmm

I'd do much better
turning you in right now
while I still have the chance,

before you break in
here again, trying to find
the old man's letter

And don't deny
that it was you

Jerome,
you really are an animal

You're lucky

I'm a businessman

When that old man
recognized you last year,

didn't I give you the money
to keep him quiet?

That was good business

And when he died
and I realized that
I was the only one who knew,

well, that was
very good business, too

That's why we're such
a good team, you and I

You know, you do rather well
considering the circumstances

Certainly better than spending
the rest of your life
in an Israeli prison

I urge you to
look at it realistically

Have the other
$45,000 for me tonight
before the performance

or, believe me,

it'll be your last
performance anywhere

Heil Hitler!

Have the money for me
before the show

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

DELLA: Danny, cut it out

(LAUGHING) Go rehearse
or something

DANNY: I've done
that already

Young man

Very good

But if you're going to
seduce my daughter,

at least have the decency
and the courtesy

to close the door
of my dressing room

Sir, I'm sorry

On second thought,
it's probably
to my advantage

to watch your
ritualistic mating

At least that way
I can see how far
you've gone in the open

Oh, Dad

See you later? Maybe grab
a late supper after the show?

DELLA: Where?

DANNY: Mama Lucia's

Sure Pick me up
around midnight

Right

Dad, I'm going to
continue seeing him

We'll discuss
your taste later

At the moment, I'd like to
check the props, daughter

Yes, Father

(MUSIC PLAYING)

DANNY: (SINGING)
When we played our charade

We were like children posing

Playing at games

Acting out names,

Guessing the parts we played

Oh, what a hit we made

We came on next to closing

Best on the bills

Lovers until

We took in a bundle tonight,
Mr Jerome

Did Santini ask for me?

No, sir

Fate seemed
to pull the strings

I turned and you were gone

While from the darkened wings

The music box played on

Sad little serenade

Song of my hearts composing

I hear it still

I always will

Best on the bills

I got to see my agent
about that job in Vegas

Hey, have a good show
See you at midnight

Okay

And now, ladies
and gentlemen, once again
to thrill and mystify you,

The Cabaret of Magic
is proud to present

the magnificent illusions
of The Great Santini!

(DRUMS ROLLING)

(CYMBALS CRASH)

(DRUMS PLAYING)

WOMAN: Oh! Thank you

Thank you

Ladies and gentlemen,
each evening here
at The Cabaret of Magic,

we like to

We like to have you
participate in our show

We ask for a volunteer

to help Santini
In the back, yes, of course

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(DRUMS ROLLING)

(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

What about a nice hand
for Mr and Mrs Right?

Thank you

ANNOUNCER: And now,
ladies and gentlemen,

The Cabaret of Magic
is proud to present

The Great Santinis
world famous
water tank illusion

(TAPPING)

When this cube is shut,
bolted and chained,

it will be
hermetically sealed

with the Great Santini
inside of it

There will remain only
five cubic feet of oxygen,

adequate to keep him alive
for just nine minutes
and 12 seconds

(CHAINS RATTLING)

To guarantee that
the Great Santini
cannot get out of the cube,

it will be suspended
in the tank of water
while the time runs out

ASSISTANT: Hold it

(DRUMS PLAYING)

(DRUMS ROLLING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(DRUMS CONTINUE PLAYING)

(STAFF CHATTERING)

MAN: Okay, medium rare, mac

(STAFF CHATTERING)

I've got one well done
and two medium rare

MAN: Two well done

My brandy, Mike

Here you go, sir

Thank you

CHEF: Medium rare coming up

MAN: Watch it,
coming through

(STAFF CHATTERING)

MAN 2: I got
a well done here

CHEF: How's your steak
coming along?

MAN 2: One done, one well

CHEF: Here Those steaks
Whose steak is this?

THACKERY: Your brandy, sir

Place it on the table

Right, sir

SANTINl: (THROUGH SPEAKER)
Want to play a new game
tonight, Thackery?

A new game?

Yes, sir

Haven't been doing too well
at the others lately

I'm going to think of
a number from one to four

and you will
tell me the number

If lm wrong,

you may come in
and collect $5

But if lm right,

no tip

Understood?

THACKERY:
Right, sir I understand

Only, tonight
I'm gonna get you

I'm thinking of a number

I'm thinking of a number

What is your number?

Four

Lift the skull from the table
and look under it

I don't know
how you do it, Mr Santini

That will be all, Thackery

Right

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,

a nice hand for
the daughter of the Master

(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)

(LOCK RATTLING)

Who is it?

How did you

(THUDDING)

(DRUMS ROLLING)

Get him out of there

Take it up, bud, take it up

Send up some coffee, please

Coffee, right Right away

Thackery!
Yes, Harry?

Coffee for Mr Jerome

Right I'll take it
right up

Hold it
That's good, bud

Bring it down

(STAFF CHATTERING)

(DRUMS ROLLING)

(CYMBALS CRASH)

(DRUMS ROLLING)

OFFICER: (ON POLICE RADIO)
A black 62 Buick convertible

(POLICE RADIO CHATTERING)

OFFICER: I've been told to
stand out here and keep
people away from the door

OFFICER 2: Have you got
any witnesses at all?
OFFICER: I have no idea

MAN: We have an
11:00 deadline

JEFFERSON: When they
come out, you'll be able
to talk to him, fellas

That's all I can tell you

MAN: Can you help us
in any way?
I cannot

Excuse me, sir
Lieutenant Columbo

Oh, I'm sorry, Lieutenant
I didn't recognize you
You look different somehow

I've had a hair cut

Who's in charge?

Sergeant Wilson, sir
Wilson?

Detective Sergeant
John J Wilson?

That's him
You know him, Lieutenant?

Yes, I've worked
with him before

I want everyone assembled
in the main room
within 30 minutes

When Lieutenant Columbo
arrives, he's going to
want to talk to all of them

Sir, there's
156 customers down there

The Lieutenant
is a very thorough man

We won't leave here
until he finds
the person who did this

(SIGHING) Yes, sir

(COLUMBO HUMMING)

WILSON: Lieutenant?

Lieutenant

Good to see you
again, sir Wilson
Yes

John J
Detective Sergeant
How do you do?

Excuse me Watch my hand
It's full of grease
This is my dinner

Would you like
a piece of chicken?

No, no, thanks

Is the body in there?

Yes It's
That's a new raincoat,
isn't it, sir?

It's from my wife Yeah

Oh, a present

For my birthday

Fits beautifully

You think so?
Yes, I must say,
it's a fine looking raincoat

It seems a little
stiff to me

Well, it's new

You'll get used to it
Yeah

You break it in

So, what do you got?

Jesse T Jerome
Born August 3, 1923

Height, 5'8"
Weight, 174 pounds

What did you do,
weigh him?

No, took it off
his driver's license

What was he doing,
exercising?

Sir?

His back is damp
So are his pants

Oh I'll put that down

You know, sir,
it's a great honor
to be working with you again

I've gained
a lot of experience since
our last case, you know

Very good

Hello? Anybody down here?

(WATER RUSHING)

Santini?

Santini, you in there?

Yes, who is it?

I'm sorry
to bother you

The police want
everybody upstairs

Oh, yes, of course, Harry
I'll be right there

One shot
through the heart

The napkin was found
on top of his shoulder

The shot came from the front?

Yes, sir

The napkin was found
on top of his shoulders,

and this 38 caliber revolver
was found next to the body

I suspect
it's the murder weapon,

though I've learned
you can never
jump to conclusions

But you say the time of death
was between 9:56 and 10:06
How do you know that?

By Harry Blandford

Who is that?

Well, he's the maitre d'
Sort of a junior partner

You see, at 9:56,

Jerome called from his office
to order some coffee sent up

So he had to
have been alive

Ergo, Jerome died
within a 10 minute span

Yes, that makes sense
What about the money?

The money, sir?
There's a lot of money
in here

Is any of that missing?

No, no, none of it

According to the cashier,
it appears to all be there,

which rules out
robbery as a motive

So, robbery was
not a motive
No, sir

Let's assume he knew
the person that came in

I got to take off this coat
I can't think in this coat

Pardon me?

The coat,
I can't think in the coat

Sir

See, I think the problem is
it could have been anybody

I mean,
unless we trace the gun or
pick up some fingerprints

Lieutenant?
Yes

Anybody could have
sneaked up the stairs,
knocked on the door

When Jerome opened the door,
they shot him and went
right back downstairs again

That's what's
been bothering me

Did he open the door?

Well,
I don't follow you

Jerome was shot in the heart
from the front

But the body is not here
The body landed
8 or 10 feet back

I don't understand that

Suppose Jerome
comes from the office

and he opens the door,

somebody shoots him,

then the bullet
enters from the front,

but then the body
is here, not there

Suppose Jerome
opens the door

Somebody he knows

Opens the door,
"How do you do?

"Come on in"

He follows the person in

Now he gets shot
from the front,

but the body falls
this way, not that way

Now, suppose
he goes to the door,

opens the door,
whatever he sees is a threat,

he turns, now he runs,

now he gets shot
The body falls
just where we found it,

but he's shot from the back

See, I don't understand
how this happened

How does a man get shot
from the front

and have the body land here?

The door has to be open

The murderer opened the door

Jerome did not open the door

Jerome is in his office

He's anywhere

He hears the door open

Now he comes walking forward
to see what happened

The murderer sees him,

shoots him from the front,

and the body falls
just where we found it

That I can understand

Sergeant, excuse me,

but some of
those people downstairs
are getting a little restless

How much longer
do we hold them?

WILSON: Oh

Sir, I took the liberty

of holding some of
the patrons quarantine

The guests?
Yes

We don't need them
We

You get their names?
OFFICER: Yes, sir

Let them go If we
need them, we'll call them
Yes, sir

We don't

I'm sorry, sir
I thought it best
to hold them

I thought there might be
some questions that you
might have in mind

What I was
about to say, sir,

is I don't think
that the door was open

You see,
that's a new lock

I can see that

It was only installed
last week and
there's only one key,

and that was found
on Mr Jerome's person

Now,
according to his partner,

Jerome locked the door
every night
while counting the receipts

Have this lock
taken down to the lab

Have it checked

Yes, sir

I'm going downstairs
I'm gonna look around

Fine Lieutenant

COLUMBO: Yes?
Sir!

Yes?

Lieutenant?
Yes?

Your Oh, sir?

Lieutenant!
What is it?

Your coat, sir

You forgot your coat

I should try
and call Danny

No, I'd prefer to
have you home tonight

Listen, dear heart
COLUMBO: Is that
the way backstage?

We've both been through
a great deal tonight
Excuse me

Excuse me, sir

Sir?

The gentleman smoking
on the stage

Forgive me,
but backstage is offlimits

No, I'm just gonna
look around for a moment

I can appreciate that,
but I don't care to have
my secrets

exposed to the world
Can you understand that?

Oh, you are the magician
How do you do, sir?

You look different
from your picture out front
Maybe it's the hat

Mmmhmm
May I know who you are?

Lieutenant Columbo
Los Angeles Police
Department Homicide

I'm terribly sorry,
Lieutenant

But you can understand
my cautiousness Forgive me,
I am at your service

Oh, that's quite
all right

It was a terrible thing

It was ghastly

I was informed of it
when I came off stage

Really?

Yes, I was performing
at the time

Apparently, it must have
happened during
the course of my trick

I was doing
my water tank illusion

You know, I saw you
do that on television

The wife and I,
when you were at
Madison Square Garden

I don't know
how you do that, sir

You're not supposed to

That's how I manage
to stay two steps
ahead of my creditors

I'm sure you do
a little better than that

Just a little bit

Lieutenant, if you'll
forgive me, my daughter
is waiting for me

If there's anything
I can do to help, please ask

Less baring the secrets
of my grand illusions

Thank you very much

It's my pleasure
I'm your obedient servant

Have a good night

The same to you, sir

Della? What's going on?

I'll tell you later

Come, let's go

Good night, boy

ROGERS: Handmade,
with two special baffles

I figured as much
when I saw the key

That's why
I can't figure out
how it happened

How what happened?

This lock was picked

Are you sure?

Take a look

Now, you see
those scratches?

Somebody picked it open
with a thin piece of steel

lmpossible,
but it happened

What else?

This is the napkin
the killer used to keep
the prints off the gun,

and also mask
any traces of nitrate

Hmm

As for the gun,

it's a standard
Smith & Wesson
38 caliber revolver

Now, we matched
the serial number

with a shipment that was
stolen from a wholesaler
in San Francisco

So, there's no record
of any ownership,

no prints,

no nothing

And there you are

There I am

May I borrow this
for a while?

Mmmhmm, go ahead

ROGERS: As long as
you sign for it

Bravo! That's fantastic

Who's that?

I've always wanted to know
how those things were done
Lieutenant Columbo

I guess you have to have
dexterous hands

How astute of you

You see, my hands,
they wouldn't
conceal anything

Too small

Mmmhmm Well,
you're absolutely right

Maximum facility

Large hands,

more facile

How goes your hunt?

Sir?

The murder of Jesse Jerome

Come up with any clues yet?

Not really, sir, no
We're stumped

I was hoping
you'd be able to throw
some light on it for me

Would you like
my opinion, Lieutenant?

Yes, sir

There was a gun left,
right?

That's a mark of a pro

Professional killing

It's common knowledge
that Jesse had
syndicated clients

That might be
very helpful
Thank you very much

My pleasure

I don't want you
to take this wrong, sir,

but I have to account for
everybody's whereabouts

At the time of the crime,
you said you were performing
the water tank trick

That's right

Now, when the cube
is in the water tank,

you're not really
in that cube, right?

Perhaps, perhaps not

No, it's not that
I want you to give away any
professional secrets, sir

My dear friend, I'd rather
confess to a murder
than to do that

I just don't know
what to write down
in the report

You don't know my boss

If I say you were
locked in this cube,

chained in without air
for 10 minutes
and suspended in water,

the man's gonna
look at me funny

So it really is a question
of an alibi, right?

Actually, sir, it's just
a question of the report

Let me tell you, Lieutenant,
I probably have

the best alibi
of anyone who works here

Anyone And the irony is,
the worst

Where was I last night
when Jesse Jerome got it?

Was I here

or was I there?

It's fascinating, isn't it?

Don't do that to me, sir

I admit it, you know
I don't know
where in the hell you were

All I want to do is just
please the superior here
with this thing

Let me clear
your head up for you

I had absolutely nothing
to do with the crime

I've spent half my life
working in that
grand illusion

It's been wonderful for me
and audiences love it

And I'm not about to
divulge the secret

But if
at some point in time
you and your superior,

and I know he's a tough man,

insist that I come up
with an alibi,

I promise you
I'll produce one
But until that time,

at least allow me

the privacy
of my professional secret

Is that fair?

Fair enough

Thank you

Have a good day

Thank you very much

My pleasure

Sir, would you mind
if I came to see
the show tonight?

I'd be honored
to have your presence

Thank you

COLUMBO: Could it be
done by 8:00 tonight?

LASSITER: (LAUGHING)
You young people

When I was a young man,
time was precious

You savored it

Today,
everything has to be
done yesterday

But, sir, this is very,
very important

and I would appreciate

I'll be a son of a gun
Where did you find that?

I've been looking
all over for it

In the lost and found
You left it in the cafeteria

I thought somebody stole it

At police headquarters?

All right, put it in my car

Anything you could do
to see to it

that I have that
by 8:00 tonight
Lieutenant

would certainly
be appreciated
Sir

Could I see you
for a moment, privately?

Mr Lassiter,
Sergeant Wilson

WILSON: How do you do, sir?

Yes, how do you do?

Well, I'll get started
on these cuffs

Danny Green, the singer,

he was having an argument
with Mr Jerome
about his contract

and he wanted out
And he has no alibi

He said he left the premises
to go see his agent,

but he didn't see his agent
until 11:00

That's very good
legwork, Sergeant,

but the singer
didn't do it

No?

No

Mr Jerome wanted a lock
that couldn't be picked

Mr Lassiter here made it

That rules out the singer

Unless, of course,
he turns out to be
an expert at picking locks

But you still think
it's an inside job?
Someone

Oh, it is Absolutely
All right

Well, I'll check
everyone else out
at the club, sir

Lieutenant, sir, your coat

Just leave it in the car

Best on the bill

Lovers until

Love left the masquerade

Yes,
of course, there'll be
a performance tonight,

even though Mr Jerome
is no longer with us

I have a very strong hunch
about you, my lady

Believe in
clairvoyancy?
WOMAN: Yes

Your pen

Tonight, for your benefit,

on that stage,

I will try
to reach Mr Jerome

With your head,
if your ESP is working,
when I'm up

I just wanted to say hello

Lieutenant Columbo,
delighted you're here

Wonderful crowd you have

Mr Santini
I was wondering, do you

JOHN: Mr Santini
Mr Santini

Yes, excuse me
Yes, John?

This gentleman is
from out of town
He says he knows you

How are you?
Glad to see you again

Michael Lally

The greatest wire act
He and his brother
You should have seen them

How is he?
Well, he's still working

I gave the act up I got
a little bit too old

JIMMY: Mr Santini?
Excuse me Yes?

Two minutes to show time
Thank you, Jimmy

Excuse me
Have a drink on me

Mr Santini,
I don't want to impose

Could you do something
about my table?

Of course Where are you
sitting, Lieutenant?

In the other room

In there?

Jimmy
JIMMY: Yes, sir?

May I have
the guest of honor table

for the Lieutenant, please?
Certainly

My apologies
Thank you very much

This might be
a bit embarrassing

I brought something with me
It's a little trick

I thought I'd
challenge you with it

I think you'll get
a kick out of it

I'd be
delighted to see it after
the performance, please

Thank you, again
Hope you enjoy it

(SPEAKS FRENCH)

Dom Perignon

This way, Lieutenant
Right down here

(DANNY SINGING)

Just a second

I always will

Best on the bill

Take good care
of the Lieutenant

Thank you very much
Enjoy yourself

Good evening
Can I have your order?

Yes, I'll just have
a soft drink, please
Ginger ale

ANNOUNCER: And now,
ladies and gentlemen,

The Cabaret of Magic
is proud to present

The Great Santini!

(DRUMS ROLLING)

(CYMBALS CRASH)

(DRUMS PLAYING)

(CYMBALS CRASH)

(DRUMS ROLLING)

(CYMBALS CRASH)

(DRUMS ROLLING)

(CYMBALS CRASH)

The most beautiful woman
in the world, and why not,

my beautiful
daughter, Della

(DRUM PINGING)

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

(BAND PLAYING)

(DRUMS ROLLING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(DRUMS ROLLING)

(CYMBALS CRASH)

(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(DRUMS ROLLING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Thank you

Ladies and gentlemen,
each evening here
at The Cabaret of Magic,

we like to ask a member
of our audience,

a volunteer,
to step forward on the stage

to be Santini's attendant
or assistant, if you would

Perhaps a beautiful
young woman

We have a beautiful
young man instead

Ladies and gentlemen,
we are honored

because this gentleman
who stands before you
is none other than

Lieutenant Columbo
of the Los Angeles
Police Department

Welcome, Lieutenant

Lieutenant, you look
like a man who enjoys
a game of chance

You play cards?
Yes, sir

Down at the station?
Yes, sir

(CHUCKLING)

Does the Chief know
about that, Lieutenant?
No, sir

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Lieutenant, do you possess
a deck of cards with you?

With me? No, sir

You're sure, not on
your person anywhere?

Me? No

Well, unfortunately,
I don't have any
either, but

(GASPS)
Well, maybe backstage

Lieutenant,
what do we have here?

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
You're holding
out on us

Ace of spades,
Lieutenant

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Lieutenant,
what do we have

King of hearts
King of hearts

Is that all you
Lieutenant!

Yeah?
What have we here?
Three bullets

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

That, Lieutenant,
is indeed a fine hand
in any man's book,

but I believe, sir,

that I could possibly
beat that hand

Are you holding
any more cards?

Lieutenant,
somewhere on your

(DRUMS ROLLING)
Do Oh, what have
we here, Lieutenant?

A full deck!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Quite a full deck

Lovely Della

Thank you, Della

Thank you, my lady

That Thank you,
Lieutenant, very much

No, no, no
Thank you

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

What about a nice hand
for Lieutenant Columbo?

Thank you very much

Thank you

Lights!
You know, I'd like to
challenge you to a trick

I brought something with me,

a trick I'd like to
challenge him with,
if I could

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

It's You know,
down at headquarters,

we've got
these special handcuffs
for dangerous criminals

They're absolutely foolproof,
you can't get out of them,

and the boys
down at the station,

they said nobody
could get out of them,

and I wagered that
you would I don't know
whether you can, sir,

but would you like
to try and see
whether you could do that?

Would you be good enough,
sir, though,

to explain to my audience
that I have never seen
these cuffs before,

and this is the first time
we've ever attempted this?

Oh, absolutely,
I can vouch for that
All right

Absolutely

(HANDCUFFS CLICKING)

I'll raise that up for you
Make it more convenient

And there we have them

Are they secured now, sir?
Yes, sir

To your satisfaction?
You can't get out of these

I know that for a fact

We shall try May I have
a drum roll, please?

Your handcuffs

I knew you could do it

A round of applause for
the Lieutenant who tried

to outwit the Master

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Thank you
Thank you very much

Thank you very much

Thank you Thank you

Oh, Lieutenant

You seem to have
forgotten your badge

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

ANNOUNCER: And now,
ladies and gentlemen,

The Cabaret of Magic
is proud to present

The Great Santinis
world famous
water tank illusion

DELLA: When this cube
is shut, bolted and chained,

it will be
hermetically sealed

with the Great Santini
inside of it

There will remain only
five cubic feet of oxygen,

adequate to keep him alive
for just nine minutes
and 12 seconds

BARTENDER: Lieutenant,
what can I do for you?

Does Mr Santini do
this trick at the same time
every night?

Like clockwork

(LOCKS RATTLING)

ASSISTANT:
Okay, take it away, bud

No one's allowed to
Oh, Lieutenant, okay

DELLA: To guarantee
that the Great Santini
cannot get out of the cube,

it will be suspended
in the tank of water
while the time runs out

(WHISPERING)
Lieutenant, I can't let you
go down there

Oh, I just wanted
Santini's orders

I'm only doing what I'm told

Has Santini
come backstage yet?

Of course not, sir
He's in that cube

Sir, about the other
possible suspects,

Harry Blandford
He owned 250% of the club

Now with Jerome dead,
he owns it all

(WHISPERING) Later, Wilson

WILSON: (WHISPERING) Yes, sir

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(STAFF CHATTERING)

Sliced carrots
Slice them up

HARRY: I tell you
every night, you slice it
thin and you keep it rare

And I need
about 100 servings
tonight at least

You keep it thin,
and you keep it rare
Right? Good

Luigi, remember,
lettuce doesn't swim
Not too much dressing

Hey, you're the guy
from the agency

Take that coat off,
put this one on,

you get yourself a tray,
you join World War III

Police
Police?

What's below the stage?
Where is Sergeant Wilson?

I'm Lieutenant Columbo
What's below the stage?

It's a basement
It's a storage room

How do I get there?

Go through that door
and down the stairs
to the left

Hey, Lieutenant Columbo

Yeah?

I am Harry Blandford

Harry Blandford
I was Mr Jerome's partner

Yeah, call me later

(STAFF CHATTERING)

Mr Santini?

Mr Santini?

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Mr Santini?

SANTINl: Come in, Lieutenant
I've been expecting you

Good evening

Feel privileged, Lieutenant
I usually don't allow
anyone in here

I had a very
strong suspicion you'd be
looking for me tonight

Thank you, sir

Careful

That's how
you do it

Yes, that's how
it's done

I am not in the cube
I'm right here

And that should certainly
satisfy your report

Yes, sir, that's certainly
going to sound better

I mean,
I couldn't write that

That you were chained
in a cube and dumped
in a tank of water

without air
for 10 minutes

(CHUCKLING)

Well, let's see
Whereabouts during crime,

Mr Santini
in basement room

I couldn't very well
stop you from finding out
and now that you do know,

I would very much appreciate
your telling as few people
as possible

Well, certainly, sir
Can you verify that?

Can I verify what?

That you were
actually here?

You really are something

My good man,
where could I have gone?

If I had indeed exited
through these two doors here,

made a sharp left turn,
ran down the passageway,
gone up the stairwell,

the stage manager
would have seen me

Check with him

My alternative was
to go out these doors,
up that stairwell,

which would have led me
directly into the kitchen,

where at least
a dozen people would have
been aware of my presence

Well, that certainly
makes sense, sir

Thank you

Listen,

I gotta hand it to you
about those handcuffs
You sure got them off fast

Whew!

We all have our particular
talents, Lieutenant

Mine happens to be illusion
and yours, I suspect,
is reality,

and a rather grim one at that

Well, you cleared up
one thing

You know, that lock was
supposed to be pickproof?

You showed it wasn't
At least, not for a man
of your ability Whew!

Oh, any lock could
be picked, Lieutenant,
if you know how

I guess you have to
keep pretty good track
of the time

I mean,
you get up on the stage late,
you'll blow the whole trick

Absolutely

Have you had any luck
tracing the gun?

No, sir Could have
belonged to anybody

And what about
the napkin?

Oh, nothing special
Just a napkin
from the kitchen

Uhhuh

Wouldn't be

anything like this?

You son of a gun,
you devil, you

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

You did it again

You really must
excuse me now

Oh, incidentally,
Lieutenant,

I neglected to have
my usual brandy
this evening

It's right here on the table
if you care to imbibe

What did Brandy?

Oh, didn't I tell you?

I always have brandy
brought to me

exactly at the same time
each evening

It calms the nerves

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(STAFF CHATTERING)

Excuse me, could you tell me
who brought Mr Santini
his brandy last night?

Excuse me,
I hate to bother you, but

Can I have everybody's
attention, please?
This is police business!

Thank you very much

I just want to talk
to the individual

who brought Mr Santini
his brandy last night

I did

May I speak to you
over there, please?

(SIGHING) Right, sir

You can go back to work
Thank you very much

THACKERY: You'll have to
make it fast, sir

Got a boiled lobster
and a creamed crab
ready for table 18

About this brandy
What is that?
Is that a regular thing?

Oh, yes
During every performance

I think the old boy needs it
to calm his nerves

And you always
take it down to him
during that 10 minutes?

Yes, sir

You took him
the brandy last night
and he was there?

Yes, sir

My lobster
and my crab, sir?

Right

You're positive?

I know his voice,
Lieutenant It was him

What do you mean his voice?
You didn't see him?

Not actually But he was
moving around in there
That I saw

You're sure?

Yes Every night
he likes to play
a mind trick on me

Last night he asked me
to pick a number
from one to four

What do you mean?

A number from one to four

He didn't guess it right,
I'd go through the door
and he'd give me $5

So how could he have
not been there? If that's
what you're thinking

Thackery,
we've got hungry people
waiting out there

Right, Harry

Boiled lobster
and creamed crab

I'll hop right to it

Did he guess
the right number?

Yeah

Lieutenant Columbo!

Lieutenant Columbo!

I'd appreciate it

if you'd stayed out
of my kitchen during
dinner hours, right?

I'm sorry, I'm a pest,
but I'm very confused

Yeah, you look it

Simmons, get a wine list
over to table 31
right away Fast!

Mr Blandford,
one more thing and
I'll get out of your way

You were in and out
of the kitchen all night
during the evening

Would you know if there was
a new man on last night,
however briefly?

Look,
let me tell you something
about the kitchen, huh?

We run on a short staff,
so we run short

We call
the employment agency,

they send over a temporary
That's a temporary

The guy comes in here, I say,
"Get a red coat, grab a tray,
go on out there" That's it

So you wouldn't know
if a stranger
walked through here?

Are you kidding me?
I wouldn't notice

if my mother came in here
and she kissed me Why?

I'm trying
to explain something
that is not explainable

(LAUGHING)

It sounds like
you're talking to Santini

HARRY: Hey, Carlos,
get some flatware out here
We're running short

And hustle it up

CLERK: Good morning, sir

Good morning

What a nastylooking
thing

Nasty and lethal

Observe A simple carrot

A flick of the wrist,
a downward thrust and

A very handy kitchen device

On the other hand,
hardly mystifying

Now let me demonstrate

the magical aspect
of this device, sir

Will you assist me?

I'd like to demonstrate
this wonderful illusion

You do have faith,
don't you?

You don't mean my hand?

Please

In there?

Yes, please In there

And you want me
to put my hand in there?

Yes, right in there,
please, sir

What are you going to do?

Now just place your hand

a little further
in this, sir, if you will

What are you going to do?

Fully guaranteed for
two years against all defects

and it comes
with three extra blades

$8995

(CHUCKLING)

Oh!

I'll be a son of a gun
Don't ever do that again

Thank you very much
That's a hell of a trick

Yes Are you interested, Mr

Columbo is my name

No
Columbo

Excellent Very good
Is that the Great Columbo?

No, just Lieutenant

Police
Investigating a murder

The murder
of Jesse Jerome

Oh, dear Jesse

To know him
was to detest him

I was in San Marino
that night, Lieutenant,

at my inlaws'

Sir, you're not
under suspicion

No, I just want
a little information

Let's say that
a man is in one room,

but he wants
someone to think
he's in another room

To make his voice come
from another room Do you
have a trick like that?

No, not really

I assume you're talking about
some kind of radio device

I'm talking about
making your voice
come from another room

Well, someone could speak
into a small concealed mike

and have his voice
come from somewhere else

Right

Well, that's not
really magic, Lieutenant

More like the gaff
in a head act

The gaff in a head act?

A head act
Mind reading

You know,
a guy up on the stage

and an assistant
in the audience,

usually a broad,

and she asks some guy
in the 20th row

if he has something
he wants to ask the swami,

so he whispers it to her

But what the mark
don't know is the broad
is rigged with a mike

and the guy on the stage
has a little receiver
behind his ear

So, if you had
a couple of those things
and an amplifier,

you could create the illusion
of being somewhere
while you were not

If you know
what you're doing

Do you have something
I could look at?

Sure

Mr Lally?

Yeah,
what can I do for you?

Do you remember me?

Yeah, you were
at the Cabaret club
the other night

Yeah, I sure was

Come on in
Thanks

Help yourself to a beer
in the fridge

What do you pay here?

$40 a month

Maid service?

Are you kidding?
Maid service?

And where is the bathroom?

In the hallway

Hotplate yours?

That's my hotplate

Still not bad

What did you think
of that magician?

Oh, he's always
been great

You know, I would've
bet money that he couldn't
get out of those cuffs

Don't ever bet
against Santini
He's the cream of cream

They tell me
you go way back with him

Oh, yeah, way back,
when me and my brothers

were the top wire act
in Europe

He was the gaff
in the head act,

and he always brought it off
very smooth, very smart

That's where
he got his start

Was his name Santini then?

No, no, not then

It was Arlington
or Kensington,
something English,

but he had an accent
you could chop off
with an axe

Oh, what kind of an accent?

I think it was German

Where'd you first meet him?

In Budapest

Maybe the accent
was Hungarian

But it didn't go along
with this English name

Then zippo

Five years later,
we run into him in Oslo

The accent's gone,

he's very British,
and now he's carrying
an Italian name

Santini?

The Great Santini

So the name stuck,
and now the accent
is American?

Yeah, but he grew
into a master of accents

I think he can
even imitate you

I figure
he's the kind of man

that he could do
almost anything
if he put his mind to it

You mean his hand to it

Right

What's his real name?

I don't know,
I never did know

The television yours?
Yeah,

that's mine
and the hotplate
is mine

The rest belongs
to the joint

What time do you have?

1:00

The tub Is there
a tub in the john?

No, no, no

There's one shower
on the third floor
for everybody

Listen, thanks

Don't mention it

My agents are
putting together
a completely new tour

and I'm going to
require a new assistant

Whatever happened
to your daughter?

Well, unfortunately,
the poor child has gone soft
on a rather mediocre singer

She lacks taste

Genetically, I don't
quite understand it

Well, maybe it comes
from her mother's side
of the family

Not likely, since she was
the lady who taught me
everything I know

Seriously, though, I

I wish you would
consider it

I have a feeling
you'd make a marvelous
traveling companion

I'll think about it

Please do

I shouldn't be long

You stay put now
or I'll revoke
your driving privileges

I'm gonna leave
this coat in the car

If somebody tries to lift it,
you look the other way

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Yes, may I
help you, sir?

Oh, no

What's the matter?

Someone I thought
I'd seen the last of

Do you have
a match, sir?

Yes, sir

Well, do you think
you could make him
disappear, too?

It's a splendid suggestion,
but in his case,
I think, rather doubtful

I'm just gonna join
that gentleman at that table

for a moment,
if you don't mind

Thank you very much

Mr Santini, I'm sorry
I didn't mean to intrude

I'm sure you didn't

This will
only take a moment,

unless you prefer my waiting
until you're finished

Lieutenant, what is it
about me that you find
so irresistible?

Well, you know
how it is, sir,

I gotta check out
all the leads
until I get my man

Could have been
a woman, you know

Of course

There was
a homicide at the club
The owner was murdered

Please sit

Ironically,
it happened during
the course of my act

Oh, forgive me,
Lieutenant Columbo,
this is Miss McCarthy

How do you do, ma'am?

WAITER: Would you like
to order cocktail?
No, nothing for me

Do you know
a Michael Lally, sir?

Yes, of course
I know Michael Lally

And you know
very well I know him

because you saw me
talking to him
last night in the club

Well, according to
Mr Lally, when he first
knew you in Europe,

you were going
under another name

Kensington or Arlington

What of it?

You didn't think
Santini was really
my name, did you?

"Does not look Italian"

That's the very first
note I made, sir

How astute

But you do use
the name of Santini
on your passport

Why, Lieutenant, you've been
checking up on me

Well, I really don't
have any choice, sir

Why are you so preoccupied
to find out my real identity?

Your origin

may be more humble
than you make it appear

And what about you,
Lieutenant?

Beneath
that ruffled exterior,

there ticks away the heart

of an empiricist
philosopher,

probing for the truth
at all costs

I'm just
doing my job

But you make it
sound so proletarian

And my job, if you will,

has to do with appearances

I'm not what I appear to be

and then again,
neither are you

Mr Lally remembers that
in the old days you spoke
with a different accent

(IMITATING GERMAN ACCENT)
Was it this one, mein Herr?

(IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT)
Or perhaps this one, guvnor

Is it better? All right

(IMITATING FOREIGN ACCENT)
Or maybe
it sounded like this

Ooh, you're
a remarkable man,
Mr Santini

How keen of you
to notice it

I could do
my East Ukrainian

but unfortunately,
Miss McCarthy and I
have an appointment

If you'll excuse us,
Lieutenant

Could you at least tell me
which name it was?

Was it Arlington
or was it Kensington?

Well, neither, actually

It was Washington

Do you have
a first name on that, sir?

Martha

Sir, you sent for me?

Yes, Wilson, I
Lieutenant,
I've got an idea

The waiter, Thackery

He was the one
who brought the coffee
up to Jerome, remember?

All right, Jerome left
the door open for him

Thackery goes upstairs,
goes inside, shoots Jerome,

then he fools around with
the lock to make it look
like somebody picked it

That's very good
The magician did it

What?

Mr Santini
killed Mr Jerome

Santini? Santini was
in the basement

You yourself said
he was down there playing
the trick with Thackery

He was going to personally
hand Thackery $5

if Santini couldn't
guess the number

Well, his voice
was in the basement
He wasn't there

Only his voice

You see, what we
have to remember

is that Mr Santini
is a master of illusion

He makes you believe
what he wants you to believe

Pick a number
from one to four

Pick a number?

Pick any number
from one to four

I got it
What is it?

Two

Lift up
the telephone receiver

Turn it over

"I knew you were
thinking of number two"

How did you do that?

If you had picked
number four,

I would tell you
to look under the ashtray

"I knew you were thinking
of number four"

If you had said number one,
I'd tell you to pick up
the hole punch

"I knew you were thinking
of number one"

If you had picked
number three

"I knew you were thinking
of number three"

That's

Where did you learn this?

That trick cost me
$1735 in a magic shop

Oh, that's expensive

All right, let's say Santini
wasn't in the basement

I mean, let's say
Santini did it

But what's the motive? I mean,
there has to be a motive

Yes, there is
always a motive

We just
have to find it

Come on
Where are we going?

We can't find
a motive here

Yeah, where are we
going to find it?
I don't know

So where are we going?

Wilson, will you

I forgot my coat

Coat?

We'll get some air

Right
Think

(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)

Lieutenant, what happened
to your new coat?

Oh, that? It didn't fit

The wife,
she's gonna change it
for something new

Oh

Excuse me, mac,
you were just sitting down?

I beg your pardon

Wilson, this man
was just sitting down

Forgive me

Would you turn around?
I just want to see
the back of your shirt

Perspiration
You were sitting?

Yes, I was sitting
Where were you sitting?

That corner chair
right over there

Leather Wilson,
take this down

Just before
Mr Jerome was killed,
we know he was sitting

The next question is
where was he sitting?

There are seven chairs
and a couch

Where was he sitting?

Well, his jacket was on
this chair So he could have
been sitting in this chair

There was
a glass of wine on the desk
and the reading glasses

He could have been
He was sweating

Yes
His shirt was damp

You can see
the discoloration

It starts at the belt

and works halfway
up the back

So we rule out
all the chairs with cloth

He was sitting
on leather

Sit in that chair

That's a highback
leather chair

We rule that out

The sweat line
would come to the shoulders

Highback leather chair
We rule that out

He was sitting in this chair

Sweat line hits
in the right place

So, we know where
he was sitting

What was he doing?

Well, we know he came up
to check the cash receipts

But the cash box
was never opened

The reading glasses
There were reading glasses
on the desk

He might have been
reading

Was there
reading material around?
Books, papers or letters?

No
He wasn't reading

No, nothing, sir

The telephone! He might have
been on the telephone,
talking on the telephone

Here for 40 minutes?
Maybe part of the time

I don't see
any connection between
taking out reading glasses

and making a call

He could have been writing

The pad is bare

He never did
what he came up here to do

He came up here
to count his money,

doublelocked the door,
put the money on his desk

but he never
opened the box Why?

Was it because he got absorbed
in listening to music?

Or did he have something
more important to do?

I would assume it was
because he had something
more important to do

I think he had something
more important to do

What was it?

Lieutenant Columbo

Good afternoon

You know Sergeant Wilson?

How do you do?

Do you know
how unnerving it is

for everyone who works with me
and works in this building

because you and your men
are snooping around?

Now, is there any chance

that you could be
a little less conspicuous?

It is unnerving
My apologies, sir

Thank you

Now, may I know how long
you and Dr Watson here

are going to be poking around?

Well, we are
making progress, sir

Oh Anything significant?

Tell Mr Santini
about the trick that I played
on you today

The Lieutenant's
become a magician

Go on, tell him about it
He'll get a kick out of it

The Lieutenant asked me
to think of a number
between one and four,

and then he would guess
the number that I was thinking
and prove it

And there was
no doubt about it

The number was two

I was thinking
of the number two

He asked me
the number I was thinking
and I told him two

And then he asked me
to look under the telephone

I looked under the telephone
and there was a little slip
of paper and on it said,

"I knew you were
thinking of number two"

Bravo

SANTINl: That's magic,
wizardry

Actually, Dunninger
used it in his act

It's an old standby

Now, you said you were
making some progress

Yes, sir, we've determined
where Mr Jerome was
just before the murder

Of course, he was right here
in the office

Where in the office?

Now, how would I know that?

He was sitting in this chair

Do you know that for a fact?

Yes

What were we talking about
before Mr Santini came in?

Well, we were concerned with
what Mr Jerome was doing

while he was sitting
in the chair

Right

We were concentrating
on the reading glasses

Right

Actually, sir,
we were concerned
with the motive

Right

You see, sir,
we're stumped with the motive

Do you have a suspect?

Yes

You do?

We do,

but we don't have
a motive for you

Oh

I am the suspect

How interesting

Well, finding a motive
should be a piece of cake

for a couple
of clever men like you

And I promise you
I will not disappear
before your very eyes

when you come to arrest me

The reading glasses

You know, Lieutenant,

you would wear reading glasses
if you were typing

Yes,
you would wear reading glasses
if you were typing,

but there was no paper
in the typewriter

And there was
no typewritten documents
in either the desk,

in the drawers or on top

There is nothing
in this room to indicate
that that man was typing

What's this?

What's what, sir?

This

Looks like a golf ball

That's how it types, sir
The ball types the letters

But it's not moving

The typewriter
This thing is not moving

Carriage

This is the carriage,
but there is no carriage
on this typewriter

You see, the ball
moves from left to right

Allow me to demonstrate,
sir, please

You see, I used one of these
at the Academy Typing School

Oh, I didn't know
they had one

Oh, yes

I'll be a son of a gun

Oh, it's a remarkable
machine, Lieutenant

Very modern

See this?

This is a disposable
carbon ribbon
for a very crisp image

Top speed of this machine
I'd say is about
220 words a minute

Beautiful Beautiful machine

Well, sir,
shall we get cracking?

"Now is the time
for all good men to come
to the aid of their party"

Lieutenant, shall we
continue the search?

Very good, Wilson

Very good

Thank you, sir

Thank you

Harry, what's going on?

That Lieutenant's
got Danny Green
up in Jesse's office

Something's about to
break on the murder

Why do you suppose
he wants to see me?

He didn't say
I've got work to do

DANNY: You're crazy
Santini couldn't have done it

COLUMBO: He killed him,
Mr Green, and I can prove it

I can prove how
and I can prove why

Blackmail

Blackmail? Come on

Blackmail

Jesse Jerome knew
that Santini was really
Stefan Mueller,

a former SS guard
at the end of World War II

And when Jesse Jerome
threatened to expose him,
Mueller killed him

But how?
He was in the basement

I can prove it

When he gets here
I'm gonna show you
how he did it

COLUMBO:
There's no sense running, sir
There's no place to run to

I just heard you
talking upstairs in the room
with Green

No, sir,
we were never up there

It's an easy illusion
to create

All you need is some miniature
radio equipment

The receiver,
a wireless mike
and a transmitter

You used something like this
the other night

You used it when you fooled
the waiter into thinking
you were still in the basement

when you were performing
that "pick a number from
one to four" trick,

when in reality
you were upstairs,
killing Jesse Jerome

Bravo

Wrong,
but an interesting theory

More than that

It shows opportunity

And the letter shows motive

A letter?

A letter addressed to
the Department of lmmigration
and Naturalization

It identifies you
as a war criminal Means,
opportunity, and motive

It's enough to convict
for first degree murder

It's impossible It's a trick
and not a very good one

A trick? No

That's the letter

Oh, no, Lieutenant

No, you see,
this letter was burned

So much for your letter

There's the letter

I hope
you were watching carefully
That's my best trick

Of course,
I don't have your style,
but I get pretty good results

You can burn that one, too,
if you like

There's plenty more
where that came from

Wilson

You made one mistake

You did not look
closely enough
at that typewriter

If you had, you would have
seen that it used
a plastic carbon ribbon

Disposable carbon ribbon, sir

The kind you don't reuse

And when the key
strikes the ribbon,

it punches out a letter
that is clearly visible
on the used ribbon

You can see it

I want you
to see for yourself

If you look carefully
at this section of the ribbon,

you'll see that it says,

"Now is the time
for all good men to come
to the aid of their party"

I typed that

Sergeant Wilson typed that

But Jesse Jerome
typed something else

And if we unwind
the entire used section
of the ribbon,

we see what Mr Jerome typed

"Department of lmmigration
and Naturalization,
Washington DC

"Enclosed find a letter
which proves

"that Santini is
in reality an exNazi

"named Stefan Mueller"

I don't think there's any need
for me to go any further,
is there, sir?

No

Means, opportunity,

motive

And I thought I'd performed
the perfect murder

Perfect murder, sir

Oh, I'm sorry,
there is no such thing
as a perfect murder

That's just an illusion

Officer

(CHARADE PLAYING)