All language subtitles for Blackish s06e14_English

Dre: Kids.

Tiny, fragile, needy.

But they are still capable
of amazing things.

Alexander the Great was
a military leader at age 20.

At 16, Greta Thunberg
inspired millions

to fight climate change.

She even sailed across
the ocean to prove her point.

Louis Braille was 15 when
he invented his reading system.

15.

And blind!

Jack and Diane are Johnsons,
so I can't wait to see

how they're going to
shake up the world.

Will you guys take us to
the artisanal ice cream place

on Ventura?
Mm-hmm.

They read your aura and give you
your flavor based on

the color of your soul.
Mm-hmm.

Okay, guys, we have to go
through these bills.

You know what?
But here.

Here, take that 20.

Here.
Go on your own.

Uh, pass.

I thought
you wanted ice cream?

Not bad enough to go
by ourselves.

Come on, Diane.
Let's just get some fruit.

Thanks a lot.

Alexander the Great
conquered the world.

These two won't even
conquer the block.

♪ Hey ♪

Bow: Hey, hey, hey.
Hang on.

Just because someone won't give
you a ride, you're not gonna go?

You said it's on Ventura.
W-- Just walk.

Uh, that strip mall's not fully
gentrified yet.

W--

It's anchored
by a liquor store.

That liquor store
has a Michelin star.

You'll be fine.

I don't know.

Anything could happen.

Yes.
Anything could happen,

and if you go with me, you know
exactly what's gonna happen.

We're gonna listen to
Jodeci's first album.

Huh? I'm gonna say,
"What's taking so long?"

And then I'm gonna get mad

because they have a tip jar
at a self-serve ice cream place.

Listen, if you want to have fun,
you should go.

By yourselves.

We're in range for dinner.

We'll just call it.

Peace.

What the hell
just happened?

Where is their sense
of adventure?

Seriously.

When I was around their age,
me and Sha --

we went to
the recycle factory.

Ooh, recycle factory.

Okay, that's not the point
of the story, Bow.

Oh.
Alright?

We were crossing the street,
and as I stepped off the curb,

I noticed my foot
was on something.

I look down, and it was tickets
to the Clippers' first game

in Los Angeles.

No.

Floor seats.
[ Gasps ]

That sounds like
a dream sequence

that was cut out
of "Boyz n the Hood."

Yeah, it took us two buses
to get to the LA Sports Arena.

Oh.
We sat next to Donald Sterling.

Ew.
He did not like that.

No.

But the Clippers --
they won that night.

And in that moment,
I became a Clipper fan.

None of that would have
been possible, Bow,

if I was not out there.

Is this why you're so upset
that Jack is a Lakers fan?

Now, that
is a betrayal, Bow.

Uh-huh.

It makes no sense to just root
for whatever team LeBron is on.

I wish that our kids had more
of a sense of adventure, too,

but you can't force it.

But it needs to happen now, Bow,
because if it doesn't,

they're gonna miss out on
the fun of finding shortcuts

through people's yards or -- or
exploring abandoned buildings.

What?

Or playing touch football on
the on-ramp to the 105 freeway.

You're...

Those are all crimes.

[ Scoffs ]

You didn't grow up
in Compton, Bow.

As much as I tried
to let it go,

I couldn't shake the feeling

that Jack and Diane
were missing out on something

that was critical
to my childhood.

Gentlemen, Stevens and Lido
is now a church,

and if anyone asks,

you are all men of the cloth
and I don't pay any taxes.

Worked for Kanye.

Whoa, uh,
Deacon Johnson, hello?

Yeah, I would have thought
you'd be more into this.

Oh, sorry.

I was...I was just thinking
about Jack and Diane

refusing to go outside
into the neighborhood

in the middle of the day.

Is Sherman Oaks no longer
a safe White neighborhood,

or have more, uh..."apartment
people" moved in there?

Nah, it's perfectly safe.

Kids just aren't built
the same anymore.

It's the milk.

We had that good
'80s steroids milk.

Mm.

Kind that made you want
to fight your mama

when you ran out of cereal.

It wasn't the same
for Zoey and Junior.

You know, but Jack and Diane
have grown up

with all these gadgets and apps
at their fingertips.

They basically never have to
leave the house.

Smart phones
make dumb kids.

Boy, there is nothing
like a good adventure.

When I was a young lad, I once
got lost in the woods for days.

Had to go house-to-house,
surviving on nothing

but my wits and the kindness
of strangers.

Kind of like, uh,
trick-or-treating, but to live.

God, that must have been
so scary.

Oh, it was.

Turns out, I never left
my family's property

and everyone I met worked
for us, but eventually,

I ran into my driver,
Tomathy,

and he popped me
in the back of the limo

and took me back
to the big house.

So...
That's nothing.

When I was growing up
as a kid in Missouri,

me and my best friend,
we built a raft,

and we went all the way down
the Mississippi River,

having all kinds of adventures.

That's just what happened in
"Huckleberry Finn," Charlie.

Mm.
This is ridiculous, Dre.

Your entitled children
are abusing your kindness.

Oh, i-it's a dangerous world,
man,

and Jack and Diane
are not free-range kids.

Okay, now I see
what's happening, Dre.

This is all your fault.

You have domesticated
your children.

Oh, my God.

You're right.

Yeah.

They might as well be wearing
those little shock collars

that you put on barking dogs
and carnival workers.

You know what?
I got to go fix this right now.

Wait, what about
our happy hour?

If you don't come,
it'll be a sad hour,

and I've got enough of those,
thank you very much.

I'm pretty sure you can find
another sucker

who has nothing else
better to do.

♪♪

[ Laughs ]

So, she's 28, blonde,
a lawyer from Ukraine.

I think it's gonna work out.

[ Laughs ]

Alright, next round's on me.

You guys want anything?

I'm good.
Good one, man!

I mean, you're hilarious,
handsome, generous.

I mean, you're just
the total package, huh?

But I'm good.
Thanks, anyway.

You sure?
Yeah, yeah.

You sure? Alright.
Alright, alright.

[ Laughs ]

What was that?

It's employee review time,

and I'm putting all
my money moves on Josh.

Sometimes you got to kiss the
ring in order to get that bling.

You know
what I'm talking about?

You know what
I'm talking about, right?

Even less than usual.

I thought Stevens does
all the reviews?

No.

Everyone knows Stevens
makes Josh do the reviews.

Josh is thirsty
for friendship,

and I am thirsty to get out
of this crippling debt.

One time I went with him to
a Laguna Beach cat show.

Got a five-finger bonus.

I think you mean "figure."

I do not.

You could have used that money
to pay down your debt.

You don't understand
how finances work, brother.

You got to suck up to him,
Junior.

Talk about his interests --

cats, poker, cats playing poker,
poking cats.

That's how you get
that bonus.

Hey-o!

[ Laughter ]

Hey, Josh, I hear you're amazing
at poker.

I'd love to play sometime.

What?!
I got a game this Saturday!

You should come play!

Mm.
Saturday.

I actually got a date
on Saturday.

[ Exhales sharply ]
Bring her.

Date night playing poker
is so much fun, man.

We'll probably go all night,
and there's like four guys.

They're kind of a good
consistent rotation.

It's all the guys
that I met online.

You know,
I think I can reschedule.

That's great.

That's great!

[ Laughter ]

Hey, as Lady Gaga would say,
bring your poker face.

[ Both laugh ]

It was late when I got home,
and I knew exactly

where my unadventurous children
would be.

Jack!
Sleep is for the weak!

You're going to get
some ice cream.

No, run!
Run, Jack!

W-What's going on?

It's 10:45.

Which means your ass
has 15 minutes

to get to Sprinkle Sprankles.

[ Grunts ]

Come on! Hurry up!
Let's go!

I hate when Mom's on call.

Dad, this is ridiculous.

It's dark outside.

Yeah, this is
when adventures happen.

Now, go out there and grab
yourself a double scoop of life.

[ Helicopter blades whirring ]

Ooh!
Oh, lord, it's a ghetto bird.

Okay, uh, black-owned!

Black-owned!

Once the sun came up, it was
time to set my kids free.

Okay,
there are only certain things

that you can truly understand
until you experience them.

Have you guys ever been
in a sewer?

I have.

It was 1986.

Our ball rolled
into a storm drain,

and we climbed in after it.

You know what we saw?

Garbage?

Yes.

And a tunnel.

The tunnel only went across the
street, but while we were in it,

it could have went anywhere.

Uh, Mom, talk to your man.

Yeah.

Your dad is on one right now.

But, you guys, it wouldn't kill
you to go out into the world

and develop a sense
of curiosity.

Put yourself in situations

where you don't know
what's gonna happen.

Dre: Yes.

You need to get out on,
and up under, these streets.

You know what?
Here.

Here.

Here's a hundred dollars.

W--
Hey.

Put most of it in your shoe.

Keep $15 in your pocket.

That's your "mugging money."

We're gonna get mugged?

Ooh, if you're lucky.

You won't.

You're more likely
to get mauled by a dog.

You're not gonna get mauled
by a dog, either.

Look, go out and have some fun.

Seriously, get some lunch, and
don't come back for three hours.

Okay, but are you sure
you want to do this?

I might get a taste of freedom
and never give it back.

I'm good.

Did he just
call my bluff?

[ Sighs ]
We're out of moves.

You are definitely
out of moves.

Hey, now, while you're out
there, I need you to stop

at the liquor store
and pick me up

a package of triple-A batteries.
Oh.

It's refresh season
on the remote.

Also, got a sweater
at the dry cleaner's.

Could you pick that up
for me?

Dre: You hear that?

Your mama got a sweater
at the dry cleaner's.

Yeah, I just said that.

Yeah, I just wanted to make sure
they heard you, baby.

Okay.

Hey, there he is!

Yeah.

Surprised that you have
your weekend poker game

at the office.

Where's everybody else?

Uh...bunch of "maybe"s turned
into "hard no"s.

They could always turn back.

[ Chuckles ]

And until then,
we can play heads up.

That's how poker guys say
"two players."

[ Laughs ]

Uh, great.

Deal me in.

Hey, that's the attitude
I was looking for.

Yes, sir.

Okay.

It's a $200 buy-in.

Oh! Gosh.

I-I didn't bring that kind
of cash.

Funny.

At work, you always struck me as
somebody who's always prepared.

Guess I had the wrong read
on you.

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

You had the right read on me.

I am an out-of-the-box
problem solver.

How about I Venmo you
the cash?

I like the sound of it.

Now let's do this.

Do it.

Thank you.
Thank you.

So, this is what they wanted?

For me to try falafel?

Because if they think fried
chickpeas is an adventure,

then I reject their authority
to parent me.

Ugh.

What are we gonna do
for the next two hours?

I don't know, but we've got to
come back with a story.

Maybe falafel's the story.

I'll just tell them I put
too much hot sauce on it

and it got in my eyes.

Oof.
Classic Jack.

What?
We need a real adventure,

not just some run-of-the-mill
Jack shenanigans.

We need something big.

[ Vehicle approaching ]

You know what?

If they want a stupid adventure,
we're gonna give them one.

We'll just ride the bus
wherever it's going.

That'll show 'em.

Mm.
Great idea.

"Out of Service," California,
here we come.

♪♪

Classic Jack.

I fold.

You got me again.

You folded a pair of queens.

That's top pair.

You should have at least
called.

Oh, that is a great tip.

You will never have to tell me
that one again

because I am someone who learns
from his mistakes.

Love that about you.

I'm gonna go grab us
some drinks.

You're a diet soda,
five Splendas, right?

You know my drink.

[ Chuckles ]
Pow, pow!

Yes, sir.

Junior: Charlie?

What are you doing here?

It's Saturday.

So I'm cooking grits.

I like to make them
here in the office

because they have a bunch of
stuff that I don't have at home,

like electricity.

I...

So, I see you took my advice,

kissing that ass to get
that bonus.

Okay, I really don't like the
way that you just phrased that.

I don't know how you do this
every year.

I could barely make it
through the morning.

Stop making a big deal
out of this, alright?

Stop treating these misdemeanors
like felonies.

Go in there, make
that lonely white man happy,

and get your money,
you hear me?

Now, get out of here.

You're taking up
my stir time.

Oh.

♪♪

What do you say?
A couple more hands?

Eh, I don't know.

I mean,
you really cleaned me out.

Oh. Well, if it makes you
feel any better,

the money's going to
a good cause.

I always donate my winnings
to this charity

that helps declawed cats
get reclawed.

You should really come down
and volunteer sometime.

I don't know.
Hey, hey, hey.

It's only every weekend
for four months.

I really don't have
that kind of time.

You got that kind of time.

Look, dude, I see what you're
trying to do here, okay?

No review is worth
all of this.

I am done trying to kowtow

to all of your pathetic
little needs

just because no one shows up
to your poker game.

I would rather be --
Yo, sorry we're late.

-Hey, bud.
-How are you?

Good.
Good to see you.

Who are these guys?

I guess according to you,

these are the poker buddies
who fulfill my pathetic needs.

Hey, guys.

It was an hour and a half
into my kids' adventure.

They were out there
experiencing the world

because of my good parenting,
and I was pumped.

I can't sit still, Bow.

Yeah, I know.
Come on.

Hah!

Wrestle me.

I already beat you twice,
and in heels.

I love it when you wrestle me
in heels.

Oh, God.
Stop it.

Especially when you put it
in my back.

Aah!
Okay.

But we got to do it quick,
baby, alright?

The twins, uh...they could be
back at any moment now.

Come on.
Nope.

They haven't even made it
to the cleaner's yet.

How do you know that?

Oh.

Are you tracking them?

Of course I am, Andre.

There's no privacy
under this roof.

If I can track you,
I'm gonna track you.

Are you tracking me?

No, baby, you're too smart
for me to track you.

Oh.
[ Chuckles ]

I trust our kids.

Yeah.
We raised them well.

It's everybody else
I worry about.

Me, too.
You know what I mean?

I just find it comforting
knowing exactly where they are.

Wait, why are they
in Van Nuys?

How did they get
to Van Nuys?

Is that thing broken?

No, Dre, because that dot's
still over the house.

What?

You are tracking me!

Dre, not now.

Our kids are two blocks
from a ho stroll.

Wait,
why is it moving so fast?

Oh, God.
Okay, babe, what --

Where did the dots go?

Um, sometimes that happens
when the battery's low.

So, we don't know
where they are right now?

No, not exactly.

No.

But, but, but, but,
but, but, but...

our children are on an adventure
in Los Angeles.

Okay.
And that's that we wanted.

Yeah.
Yeah.

That -- That -- That -- That's
exactly what we asked for.

Yep. That's it.
Mm-hmm.

Okay.

So, everything is okay as long
as they're home by 5:00.

Yeah.
Okay.

Right. Right.

And at 5:01,
we call the police.

4:59,
and the fire department.

Okay. Alright.
Yes.

Whenever we do find these kids,
uh,

I'm going to Best Buy
and get me a new phone.

Tracking me.
Okay. What...

My kids were off God knows
where having an adventure.

Since there was nothing
I could do about it,

I went about my business.

But Bow was still out here
stone-cold tripping.

Okay, call me back.

[ Exhales sharply ]

Listen, I'm not worried,
sweetheart.

I just want to know
if the dry cleaner's

still has that autographed
picture up on the wall

of Robert Guillaume.

Okay. Yeah.

Call me back.

Okay.

Okay, Bow?
What?

Alright, a few minutes ago, you
told me if their phone's dead,

they're not gonna answer.

So, just relax like me.
Okay.

Alright, I don't need to know
about things

that I can't control.

Like, I don't need to know
who shot JFK.

I don't need to know
if there are aliens in Area 51.

And I do not need to know
where our children are.

Then why do you keep checking
the laptop?

Because I don't know
where my children are, Bow!

Exactly.

Alright, everything was fine
until I knew what was going on.

If you weren't tracking them,
I would be left in the dark,

like parents
are supposed to be.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Are you blaming this on me?

Because you are the one
who forced our kids

out of the house
on an adventure!

They were first-timers.

I sent them
on a local adventure.

Mm. No.

You know what, Dre?
What?

Maybe their phones
aren't dead.

Maybe they are just underground
in the sewer,

where you told them to go!

We're home.

Oh, my babies!

Oh, my babies!

Babies, I love you!

Now, where the hell
were you?!

Uh, what do you mean?

We're back early.

You guys didn't stick
to the plan.

You were supposed to
have lunch,

pick up my sweater,

and come right home!

Mm-hmm.

Wait, we were?

Yeah.

Were you tracking us?

Well, apparently, your mama
is tracking everybody

that lives in this house.

I can't believe you guys.

This was your idea.

We didn't want to do
any of this.

Sorry.
[ Muttering ]

We -- We freaked out.

We were -- We just --

But we're so glad we went.
Mm.

Both: What?

Okay, so you'll never
believe this.

We got on the bus, went all
the way to Hollywood,

and we got off right in front
of the wax museum.

Because we wanted to take
pictures with wax T-Pain.

Mm-hmm.
And guess who we saw there.

Who?

Real T-Pain.

[ Chuckles ]
Oh.

Yeah.

He was going to a movie premiere
right up the street.

He let us walk on the red carpet
with him,

and he also gave me this.

Dre: What?

Oh.

He told me to tuck it in
on the bus.

Yeah.

And if you hadn't kicked us out
of the house,

none of this ever
would have happened.

This was one
of the best days ever.

Yeah.

Can we have another
adventure tomorrow?

Uh...
Knock yourselves out.

Sure.
Yeah.

Great.

Well, we only have to take five
different buses

to get to the beach.

Which basically means we live
at the beach now.

Mm.

Oh.
Thank -- Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah.
Alright.

Jack: I like it.

Huh.

They're a lot
more confident now.

Mm-hmm.

There it was.

The independent kids
I'd always wanted.

So why was I scared?

Were you bluffing,
or did you have a straight?

I'm not gonna tell.
[ Groans ]

Hey, Josh.

I'm sorry.

I messed up.

Charlie really got in my head
with all that talk

about sucking up to you
so he can get a good review,

and I couldn't --
Wait, wait, wait.

Is that why Charlie's always
bringing me gifts?

[ Scoffs ]

He told me he celebrates
year-round Kwanzaa.

Yeah, that's not a thing.

I mean, regular Kwanzaa's
barely a thing.

I always thought that, but never
felt like I could say it.

That's probably a good idea.

Look, Charlie is shockingly good
at his job.

That's why Stevens
lets him come in on the
weekends to cook his grits,

and that's why I give him
a good review.

And that's why I'm gonna do
the same thing for you.

'Cause you're great
at your job, Junior.

Wow.
Um...I don't know what to say.

Thanks.

Eh, you don't need
to thank me.

And...

maybe I did come on
too strong.

I'm just not used to having
someone at the office

who returns my texts.

Ah, come on, man.

You send the best emojis.

Aw, thank you.
[ Chuckles ]

Once I figured out how to change
the race on the thumbs up,

I knew I was onto something.

Ah. That's why you send
black emojis.

You know...

I've been telling that Clipper
tickets story for years.

By putting myself out
in the world, I exposed myself

to some things that I never
would have seen otherwise.

Yeah.

That's what we want
for our children.

Yeah,
but in all these years,

I never saw it
from my mother's point of view.

Mm.
Interesting.

[ Sighs ]

You know...

it's no fun thinking about
your kids playing in a sewer.

No.

Or packing themselves
seven-deep

in a Pontiac Bonneville
for a joyride.

Seems so dangerous.

That's because
it is dangerous, Dre.

But...you were a dumb kid.

Mm.

You did stupid stuff.

[ Chuckles ]
I did.

But thankfully, our twins
are smarter than you,

so the hard part is us
allowing them the freedom

to make their own mistakes.

Like your mom did
when you went to the game.

You know, I was gone
for 11 hours that day.

Ugh.
She must have been terrified.

Had she known where I was,
she would have never let me go.

Ha!
She would have whooped your ass.

[ Laughs ]
[ Chuckles ]

Yeah, she sure would.

You're not gonna tell her,
are you?

Good night, sweetie.

Hey --

Bow, I'm serious.

My mama --
she punches hard, Bow!

Yep.
I --

Come on, baby.

Nope.

[ Exhales sharply ]

Okay, you guys can go out
every weekend,

if that's what you choose to.

But you've got to
stick together.

That's great.

Where should we go?

Ooh, uh,
what about that pizza place?

The one with the square slices
and, uh, the meatballs.

Ooh, I love that place.

Yeah.

Wait, why did we stop going?

I don't know.
There might be an issue.

What?

I went there late one night,
and they were out of Parmesan,

so...

I'm banned.

What?
Seriously?
Should have known.

Picture on the wall
and everything.

Hold on.

Hmm?

Is that why we don't go
to the day spa?

Refused to take off my shirt.

Farmer's market?

Apparently, I over-sample.

Uh-huh.
What?

You can go to all those places
without me.

I'm going to!

You should.

Your dad is a dummy.

And take my picture off the
pizza wall when you get there.