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- I love...
the way...
that you fuck me.
♪ ♪
Oh, damn, Roback.
Where'd you learn how to handle pussy like that?
- I have two sisters.
I ask a lot of questions.
- Ah.
- One of these days,
I'm gonna get you off while I'm still inside you.
- Not possible.
Has to do with the tilt of my uterus or something.
Trust me.
Many men have died on that hill.
- Eh, I'm not giving up.
- Oh, shit. Something's wrong.
I got less than 2,000 likes
and it's been up almost three whole days.
- Well, you're holding it upside down.
Yeah, you make that AT4 look like a sewage pipe.
What's an insurgent terrorist supposed to do with that,
renovate his bathroom?
- Shit. Really?
- Yeah.
- Not funny.
Look, I don't get paid unless I reach 5,000 likes.
- I'm sure there are enough horny plumbers out there
for you to achieve your goal.
When are we gonna do this again?
- All depends on when I can get my hands on the key again.
You have magic fingers.
You would've made a great lesbian.
- I'll take that as a compliment.
Sure it was meant to be.
♪ ♪
- Good luck in the fight with Sasquatch.
- Sounds like you don't think I can beat him.
- Luckily for you, doesn't matter what I think.
- Why can't we have movie night like every other base?
- Now's not the time for second thoughts, my man.
We stand to make a lot of cash here.
- Yeah, gotta remember that part.
- Look, all you have to do is survive
at least three rounds with this gorilla.
- Jesus.
You couldn't get odds on just two rounds?
- I could, but when I went up to three,
the betting pool tripled.
Bad enough we gotta share the base
with these rent-a-grunts.
Now is your chance to get in there,
and mess that motherfucker up.
All right.
- Let's go!
Now, I don't want to see any kicking,
elbowing, hitting below the belt.
So make bloody sure I'm not looking when you do it.
Get to it, mates!
♪ ♪
- Give it to you, Roback, you got a lot of guts
representing your tribe against me.
- Yeah, well, everyone else is too scared to fight you.
I'm never gonna see odds like this again.
- Keep going, bro. You got it.
- Keep your goddamn hands up! Shit!
Knock his ass out. Come on, man.
Damn it, block!
Yes! Yes!
♪ ♪
Come on, man. Get over here, Roback.
There you go. All right.
Drink that. Right there.
Son of a bitch ain't got a scratch on him.
- He's hurting on the inside.
- You better start hurting him on the outside.
- Easier said than done, amigo. - Okay, forget that.
You just survive this next round without any brain injury,
and we're in for some serious cash.
♪ ♪
- I'm calling it! - What?
- The winner by way of a technical knockout,
and still champion of the farm,
Sasquatch!
- Breaker Four. AF421 is 10-16.
- Thank God that's over.
- That's us! RPG attack.
Mafushad village.
You and I are, financially speaking,
dead men walking.
♪ ♪
- Say again. You're still coming in broken.
We got your coordinates. You sit tight.
We're coming to get you.
Dustoff 3-1 inbound. ETA is five mikes.
Listen up.
We got a lonely friendly in critical condition.
- How's the LZ looking?
- 9-line came in broken.
That's all we know about it so far.
It's usually a friendly neighborhood,
but you know the deal. Stay sharp.
- Give me one of those. - Hey!
Those are for wounded that are smart enough
not to get their ass whooped.
♪ ♪
- Showtime.
Got movement at my one o'clock.
- Isn't that... - Buckley, yeah.
The kid with the Avengers logo tattooed on his back.
- Let's make sure he lives long enough to regret it.
- What the hell is he doing out here by himself?
- Son of a bitch was running a side hustle.
- Damn! Probably 20 grand worth of rugs in that truck.
- How you doing, kid? - Are my rugs okay?
- Slightly more worried about you, Buckley.
- Okay.
Almost there. Almost there.
Okay, he's ready.
Okay. Ready.
- Roll him! - Three, two, one, lift!
- You got him? - Yeah.
- Where you going?
- Load him onto the bird. I got another one.
♪ ♪
Get the litter!
Can you hear me?
- Please. Do not leave me here.
- You speak English?
- And French and German and...
- Okay, okay. No need to brag.
♪ ♪
In your mouth.
Sit back, relax, enjoy the hillbilly high, okay?
- No, no, that's okay. He speaks English.
And French and German.
Better watch your back. He'll take your job.
Now, I'm gonna roll you on your side.
- What the hell did I do to this guy?
- He's demanding medical supplies for his village.
- Tell him we don't have any to spare right now.
- Now tell him only my mom speaks to me like that.
- He says you do this to us, then you refuse to help.
- What does he mean?
- It means you do this to us, then you refuse to help.
- Damn it, Khalil! What are you doing, amigo?
- I ain't leaving 20 grand on the table, either.
Buckley'd never forgive us.
Both:
- What'd he say?
- He's saying American forces have destroyed his village.
♪ ♪
- Whoa. Watch his head.
- Can we please take the fuck off?
- Standing room only!
You're riding the bar back.
- Safe travels, amigo.
- Fuck!
- Come on!
- Let's go! I'm good.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
- I'm not losing him!
- I'm coming in.
- He's going into shock.
- His lungs have been compromised.
I'm gonna decompress his chest.
- Hey, hey, look at me, look at me.
Hey, look at me. Hey, stay with me.
Stay with me, Buckley.
You got more?
♪ ♪
- Come on!
- How the hell could I have missed that wound?
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
- You did all you could.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
- Time of expiration?
- Roughly 1700 hours.
- You okay, Sergeant?
- Never been better, sir.
- Tell me what happened.
- Simple. I screwed up. He's dead.
- Sergeant Alvarez. - She didn't mean that, sir.
She'll be fine.
- Chest wound.
Wait, I remember. Don't tell me.
How's my accent? Be brutal.
The patient is required for surgery.
- Who's this? - He's an LN.
Chest wound, but his airway's intact.
He's still breathing.
- Can't keep doing this to me, Roback.
- Yeah, I think you're taking this all a little bit
too personally, ma'am, but that said,
I promise this is the last time.
- He should've gone to Paghman.
- Taliban use that as target practice.
It's not a hospital, it's a goddamn shooting gallery.
- Every time you bring in an LN,
it takes up limited resources,
resources needed for the soldiers
who protect your ungrateful ass.
- Yes, but he's a good kid.
Plus, like, he speaks a hundred languages.
I can barely speak English.
You want to send somebody to Paghman, send me.
- You know I can't turn away a wounded LN once they're here.
Assume you were counting on that.
You know, as a medic, you're given an absurdly
wide berth on this base.
Stop taking advantage of it.
- Ma'am, with all due respect...
- I hate that phrase, "with all due respect."
It only exists to sugarcoat no respect at all.
Don't push me, Sergeant.
- Come on, guys, wrong place. You know that.
Been here long enough now. Come on.
- Where you going? - What?
Oh, hey.
Um, no, this was just brought in here by mistake,
but no worries, I'm just gonna take it...
- Take what?
Transporting rugs in body bags?
- They belonged to Buckley. We lost them on the transport.
We thought it'd be a nice gesture
to ship them home to his family.
- "We"? - Actually, just me.
- Well, at least you have the courage
not to take anyone else down with you.
Those rugs are now property of the U.S. Army.
- Yeah, but look... - No, you just used up
your nine lives.
I'm recommending an Article 15.
You'll be stripped of your rank,
restricted from going on more missions,
confined to base.
Now get the hell out of my OR.
Leave them!
- Sergeant Smith.
- Here, sir.
- Sergeant Johnson.
- Here, sir.
- Private Petrocelli.
- Here, sir.
- Corporal Buckley.
Corporal John Buckley.
- Colonel Austin, Corporal John Buckley is no longer with us.
- Present.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
- Poor kid had a thing for me.
He would always sit next to me in the DFAC
and ask the dumbest fucking questions.
"Are you enjoying your chicken, Sergeant?"
And I was always so mean to him.
"It's fucking chicken, Buckley. Relax."
Now he's dead because I missed an exit wound,
and I can't get his blood out
from under my goddamn fingernails.
Please, leave me alone.
- Should we leave her alone?
- We got anything better to do?
- We really don't.
You've been mucho antisocial lately.
- Gee, I wonder why.
- Helped you load that boy into the bird.
Totally missed that exit wound, too.
- You know there was zero chance
he was gonna survive those injuries
no matter what you did.
- Wow, you guys are just making me feel
better and better about this.
- Sarcasm, while hurtful,
will not diminish our love for you.
- You can't suddenly go all soft on us.
- 'Cause that would suck.
- Yeah.
Gotta be strong.
You know what?
This little talk helped.
I'm all better now.
- Nah.
You're not leaving here until that's true.
- You know there are no other people I'd rather be stuck
in this subtitled horror movie with than you guys.
- Ditto. - Yeah, ditto.
- But really, this has absolutely
nothing to do with either of you.
- I bring you the ice chips.
- Thank you.
- You're hungry, no?
- No.
- Okay. When it is time, I am here.
- Patient in three needs his bandages changed.
They tell me you speak English. How are you feeling?
- Like I swallowed a thousand sharp knives.
- You did, I removed 43 pieces of shrapnel from your chest.
- You saved my life. - I'd say you're welcome,
but you never should've been brought here
in the first place.
- I'm sorry if I created problems.
- It's a specialty of the medic who brought you in.
- He is a good man. - He is an insolent man.
But you are in my hospital now, so you are my patient.
Sit back, relax, and enjoy the fawning attention
from my nurses who are acting like this is a goddamn episode
of "The Bachelor."
- Hey! Foul.
Don't argue with me.
What? Get out of here.
You're out of there.
- Okay. It's gonna hurt just a little bit, all right?
But it's good for you.
It's okay, it's okay. You took it like a pro, kid.
Have a seat right there.
- What was that? What was that?
You can't kick the goalkeeper. Get out of here.
That's a red card.
You, too. Both of you.
I saw you. Both of you, get out of here.
You three. Get out of here.
Get that out of here.
- I'm gonna give you a shot.
It's so you don't get sick, all right?
♪ ♪
Get out of here.
Can't be having you kicking people in the leg.
- As-salaam alaikum.
- Okay.
Get out of here.
Thank you, guys. Thank you for coming.
Well done.
- The risk factor of this stunt of yours was way high, amigo.
We were under orders to destroy those expired vaccines.
- There's a goddamn measles epidemic in this country.
Besides, those vaccines were all still perfectly good.
- Talking about you doing it right here
on the base under everyone's nose.
- Didn't have a choice. Stuck in Holloway jail.
But I found a way to break out.
This gave me an idea. I'm gonna need your help.
- What if one of these times I say no?
- Look, we pull this off,
we'll make back all the bank we owe from the Sasquatch fight.
- I'm all the way in on that, amigo.
- Okay. I need you to volunteer
for medical waste disposal duty
while I get the key for the supply hut from Durkin.
- What makes you think she'll give it to you?
- She'll give it to me.
Hi. - Are you high?
Sasquatch could see us,
and he's already getting suspicious.
- You know there's a rumor going around about us?
- Shit. Fuck. God damn it.
- Taking this pretty hard. Huh.
- Sasquatch is my connection to the weapons manufacturer
that pays me to model for their Instagram.
I need that money, so could you please not fuck this up for me?
- What if I told you I could cut you in
on an even better financial opportunity?
- What kind of opportunity?
- Less you know, the better. Let's just say...
there's potential for a huge monetary upside.
- Sasquatch finds out about this,
you're gonna need a coffin.
And I'm gonna need a new revenue stream
if I have any hope of getting my ass to LA
after this deployment.
I didn't know you wanted to be an actress.
- Gonna be my cousin's stunt double.
- Who's your cousin?
- No one here knows this, so if it gets back to me,
I'll know exactly where it came from.
Jennifer Lawrence.
A pervy uncle says we have the same build.
- I support your dream.
- It's not a dream.
What is it you want from me?
- Get me back in the medical supply hut.
- Fine.
So...
you don't need anything from Sasquatch anymore.
Dump his hairy ass, right?
- Mm.
Show me the money first.
- You know, you, on occasion,
can be very transactional.
- I have fun with you, Roback, I do.
And if it wasn't so painfully obvious
you derive all your pleasure from screwing
other guys' girlfriends behind their backs,
I might even make the mistake of taking this thing seriously.
But in the meantime, Sasquatch is very good to me.
- I accept your harsh but valid criticism.
- Meet me in the supply hut in an hour.
Almost.
- Almost doesn't count.
You good? - Uh-huh.
You're getting closer.
- Trying something new.
It's gonna take a little time to perfect.
Still in the R&D phase.
- Sasquatch barely even knows where my clit is.
- Doesn't surprise me.
- But he does have the biggest cock I've ever encountered,
and I grew up with horses.
- Didn't need to hear that.
- He doesn't deserve this.
- And I didn't deserve to get pummeled by that beast.
- Difference is, you asked for it.
- Okay.
Pro tip.
Guilt?
Not the greatest post-sex aphrodisiac.
- You and I are a lot alike, Roback.
Sooner you realize that,
the closer you'll come to getting me off.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
What?
Would never put you and Durkin together.
- Why not?
- You're both too much alike.
- That's what she said.
- Didn't mean that as a compliment.
- I dig Durkin, man, but...
she's convinced I'm only looking for the thrill
of doing it behind Sasquatch's back.
- I have to admit, you do have a rather
checkered history
of appropriating other guys' girls.
- I can't help it.
Women tend to speak my language
when they're doing things they're not supposed to.
No, we're only taking what's been signed off on
by the medical officer.
Take that.
- Pretty sure you guys are not authorized to be in here.
- Hey, man.
We were just checking some supplies, so...
- Yeah. - Yeah.
We're... - Mm-hmm.
- I guess we're... yeah.
- We good. - Check.
So we're getting going.
- Cool.
- And it goes without saying, but...
let's keep this little chance encounter between us, okay?
- No can do.
I'm gonna have to report this to my relief.
- Petrocelli, you know we good people, right?
- Well, yeah.
You guys are the best.
Well, there you go.
- But I'm on guard duty.
And that means that I need to...
- Yeah, we know what it means. You can't report this.
- Sorry. Gotta.
General Order number three.
- Kid...
how would you like to get in on the ground level
of an exciting new business venture?
- Fuck, yeah. - Yeah?
- Yeah, okay.
- Anybody else you want to cut in on this deal?
How about the whole damn base?
- All right, hepatitis A. - Perfect.
- Got the small pox vaccine in here.
- I can't believe they were gonna throw all this away.
It's okay. He knows.
- Please don't tell me you cut him in on this deal too.
- The man's an integral part of helping
set this whole thing up.
- Who isn't at this point?
- You are both going to finish this later and come with me.
- I have no idea why these people
are so intent on killing each other.
Pretty sure none of you have a fucking clue, either.
So how about we all buy
one-way airline tickets and fly home!
Pretty sure we all get veteran discounts,
because everyone back home feels guilty
they sent us here...
can't remember why.
Hey, any of you got a travel agent in your family?
- I got a cousin, works for Orbitz.
- Should probably keep that to yourself.
- One of us has to stop this.
- See you on the ground, amigo.
- We'll go home.
We'll make America great again.
Right?
We'll do it.
- What the fuck, girl?
Get it together.
- You're ruining my moment.
- Your moment is gonna get you a court martial.
- Let go.
- Sergeant Alvarez.
Come down off the roof, now!
- Unless your mom's a travel agent,
piss off!
- Really admire how you're taking this one to the limit.
Come on.
- My shit is so fucked up right now.
- I know.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
all: Happy birthday!
- Happy birthday, hon.
Were you asleep?
- Um...
yeah.
- Darn, I always get the time difference wrong.
Sorry, babe.
- Oh, it's okay.
- You don't look like you've been sleeping.
You're glowing.
- Oh, it's my birthday.
Both: Happy birthday!
- We love you. - We love you.
- Aww!
- Hell of a way to finally get on Colonel Austin's calendar.
- Needed to blow off some steam.
- Remind me never to party with you.
- Yeah.
- Sergeant Roback and Sergeant Davis asked me
to intervene with Colonel Austin on your behalf.
- Gotta love those guys.
- Yeah.
Look, whatever happens,
know that I'm British Pakistani,
so I know a thing or two about being
unwelcome in your own country.
- What do you mean?
- Alvarez, get in here.
- Bon voyage.
- You hear the word "sit"?
You heard it now.
Captain Hazara gave me a sit-rep.
Losing someone in the field is the most traumatic
eventuality we face.
Unless of course you're the unfortunate
son of a bitch who's been killed.
But then you'd be dead and probably wouldn't give a shit.
Anyway.
That display you put on yesterday cannot be ignored.
Sounded disgraceful.
Sorry I missed it.
Ooh, I was prepared to come down hard on you, Alvarez.
But here's the thing.
There's been a change in your status here.
- Change, sir?
- I was just informed that you've been
abruptly discharged,
so I can't take action against you,
because you're no longer under my command.
- This is fucking bullshit...
Sorry, sir. Sir.
- You're DACA. Right, Alvarez?
- Yes, sir.
- Then this must be related to your MAVNI status.
Sounds like it's being revoked.
This isn't a surprise to you, is it?
- No, sir.
My father was recently deported while washing dishes
in the worst Chinese restaurant in El Paso
because someone didn't like their moo goo gai pan.
- That was quite evocative.
- But that should have no bearing on me, sir.
I was granted permission to enlist under MAVNI
because of my medical skills.
And also promised citizenship.
- All I know is what I've been told.
And I've been told you're no longer a soldier
in the United States Army.
- Roback.
- Student loan?
- Nah, just...
just some unfinished business from home.
That's why we're here instead of there, right?
You all set?
- How'd you manage to get an ambulance
without Holloway sniffing your scent?
- Had Petrocelli do it.
- He even old enough to drive?
- Who gives a fuck? It's Afghanistan.
- Let's go, kid.
- Never been outside the wire.
- You don't want to be a fobbit,
never leaving the base.
Those guys end up going stir crazy.
- Yeah. Gotta take advantage of all the cultural
and gastronomical delights that Afghanistan has to offer.
- Look, are you sure this is gonna be okay?
- Long as it doesn't get back to Holloway
that Roback left the base, we should be fine.
- Come on.
- All right. Thanks a lot, man.
All right.
- You boys be safe.
- Mm-hmm.
- Fortune favors the bold.
- What's that mean? - Just play it cool.
Tell the guards we're on the usual
outreach mission bullshit,
and this little stunt of ours may just work out.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Stay in the ambulance.
- Where am I gonna go?
- Which one is it?
- No clue.
- What? What do you mean, "no clue"?
When Khalil set this up, he gave you an address, right?
- Yeah, but it's not as if there are street numbers.
- How are we supposed to know which one is his?
- Start knocking on doors?
- Fuck that!
I'm not going around like a goddamn Jehovah Witness.
- You're pretty quick to surrender, amigo.
'Cause I think I recognize our bikes.
- What's the Pashto for...
- Who the fuck knows?
He don't speak English. Why didn't you bring Khalil?
- He refused to come.
He said venturing out here without a convoy
would be suicide.
- Thanks for passing that on.
- I didn't see any reason to invite an unwanted
cloud of doubt over this operation, okay?
- I ain't handing over shit.
- Basis of all business transactions is trust.
- Not in my neighborhood.
- Look...
either we're doing this, or we're not.
Why you so worried?
- He remind you of anyone?
- Male or female?
- Not gonna dignify that with a response.
- Skip through the 20 questions.
Just get to it, amigo. - Sasquatch.
They're both about the same size, right?
- Oh, it'd be so sweet to see somebody
knock that son of a bitch down.
- Fight like that, we'd clean up.
Get us out of that hole you put us in
when Sasquatch whooped your ass.
- You think he'd be game?
- Look to me like he'd take some convincing.
- Hey. Do you fight?
You box?
Do you box a little bit?
You know what I'm talking about?
- Hey, knock it off.
He's gonna think you're really trying to fight.
- You understand? Fight?
Whoa.
- As-salaam alaikum.
Both: Wa-alaikum salaam.
- What was he saying? - I don't know.
I'm tracking dirt all over his rugs.
♪ ♪
- You're welcome.
- That should hold you until Obamacare
makes its way through these parts.
- Hey.
Hey.
Who are you?
- This goat is touched in the head.
- You speak English?
- And French and German.
- Is he yours?
- It belongs to no one.
Some think it is possessed by spirits.
- What's gonna happen to it?
- It was raised to be slaughtered for food,
but the man who owns it believes
that if he were to eat this goat,
he would also be possessed by those spirits.
So he set it free.
The man is an idiot.
- It's a lucky goat.
- No. No one here is lucky.
This goat will eventually be killed and eaten by wild boars.
- Okay.
- Grade-A Afghan hashish.
I ain't going anywhere until we sample this shit.
- Well, since you're one of those
"my body is God's temple" types
and mine's a 7-Eleven, I guess that's me?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
- Who's a good boy? You're a good boy.
- Can you please tell me what has happened
to my brother Qasem?
He was injured the other night and taken to your base.
- I don't know anything about that.
- I only need to know if he's alive.
- Look...
I could find out for you. Maybe.
- Yes, thank you.
I will now leave you alone with your new boz.
- Boz?
- Boz.
- Boz.
You're possessed by spirits.
That's so fucking cool.
- We good?
- I can't feel my legs.
- Whoa.
- Just the one brick?
We had a deal.
- Whoa, whoa, wait, Davis.
I'm sure we can figure this out.
- He's got enough antibiotics in there
for every man, woman, and child in this village.
The animals, too.
- Yeah, you better put him back.
This is some bullshit.
♪ ♪
- I gotta be honest.
I'm pretty fucked up right now.
- Correction. The basis of all getting fucked is trust.
- Look, let's just take one brick and go.
- No. I didn't come all the way here
from the Southside of Chicago
to get ripped off by drug dealers.
I could've done that back in the hood.
- Okay, okay, okay.
♪ ♪
Everybody cool?
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
- I'm gonna torch this shit.
- Now...
amigo, grab the box, and get in the ambulance.
- I ain't leaving without you.
- Now, you know
that there is plenty more medicine where this came from,
and I know that that box of hashish
couldn't have set you back more than a couple of Afghanis
to produce.
So it's time to do the math, Your Honor.
Or Your Excellency or whatever.
- Yeah.
I just realized I'm holding iodine.
It's not flammable. I'm pretty high.
- Let's go before they realize it, too.
♪ ♪
- Take this.
♪ ♪
Where the hell is Petrocelli?
- What part of "stay in the ambulance"
did he not fucking get?
- Oh, wow.
You were thirsty, weren't you?
♪ ♪
Oh. I hope you remember which way we came from.
'Cause I sure don't.
♪ ♪
- Drop your weapon. Put your hands up.
Identify yourself.
- Private Anthony Petrocelli! United States Army!
That's not my goat, I...
- You lost?
- Uh... I...
- Think he was talking to the goat.
- What the fuck are you doing here, Roback?
- There's a great little place here that has the best kebabs.
You good? - Am I gonna get in trouble?
- No. These guys have no authority over us.
- You told me the entire area was secure.
Is there a problem?
- No problem. Should be moving along shortly.
- Glad to hear it.
- Who the fuck's that guy? Looks really important.
- Heard Major Holloway confined you to base,
so you being out here is a clear violation
of a direct order.
- You're not gonna tell on me, are you?
- You men need to stay far away from here.
- Why would we do that?
- You're so far over your head, Roback, you have no idea.
- Sounds like you better get going.
♪ ♪
The fuck was that? A fucking dance move?
♪ ♪
- What was that all about?
- Who gives a shit?
Better get back to base before my absence is felt.
- Where the hell are we?
- Came from that way.
- So are you guys ready to tell me what it is we're doing here?
Both: No!
♪ ♪
- Where's Boz?
- Motherfuck!
- Who did this?
- If it was Taliban, we'd all be dead.
- Oh, God.
- Now we got no way to get back,
the sun's going down,
and we're not even supposed to be here.
- Not to mention the 10 pounds of hashish
we got strapped to our backs.
- Hashish?
- Let's do this.
- I signed that ambulance out under my name.
They are gonna make pay for it, aren't they?
- Kid, on the slim chance we make it back to base alive,
they're gonna make us all pay.
Come on.
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