All language subtitles for kevin can wait s02e14

I gotta say,
this is pretty nice.

It really is,
you know?

And you know
what we should next Saturday

is batting cages.

Oh, I like that.
I don't play baseball.

You don't have to.
They got mini golf.
They got go-karts.

You're gonna --
You're gonna find something.

I promise.
All right. Here we go.

We got "Danger Mountain Two"
on Netflix.

Let's make it happen,
all right?

We never saw part one.

Oh, no problem.
I'll fill ya in.

Oh!
He is so good at this.

Here it goes. Ready?

A guy comes into town
looking for a girl.

Another guy says,
"You talking about Mojita?"

He's like, "I am."

He's like,
"You'll never find her."

He finds her. Right?

He goes out there.
He's like, "I love you,

but I can't take this,"
and she's like, "What?"

She takes out a gun.

He's like "No!"
She's like, "Yes!"

He's like "No!"
She's like, "Yes!"

Boom!
She shoots him.

Oh!
Right there -- bang!

He goes down like a --
like that, right?

But he doesn't die.

And here's the twist --
he's her brother.

But that's not the big twist!
They're both clones!

Then they go on
a journey of revenge.

Everybody dies.
The end.

-Here we go.

Wow!

I feel like I just saw
that movie.

Yeah, it's good.

Why do they call it
"Danger Mountain"?

I'm not sure. I feel asleep
during the mountain part.

You know what? I'll get us
some drinks for this one.

What do you want?
Anything flammable.

This is the third Saturday
in a row

that we've been out
with him.

When are you gonna tell him
it's weird?

I can't.
Do you see how happy he is?

Oh, he's not the one
who's happy.

You are.
Yeah, I know,

and it's killing you,
isn't it?

Fine.
Hey, Kev.

Kevin: Yeah?

We might pass
on the movie.

I know what you mean.
Look what I got in the mail.

"Motocross Mamba:
Dirt Bikes and Desert Snakes."

Oh,
I heard that's great!

It's unbelievable!

* I am not your ordinary guy

-Hi.
-Hi.

I have
a 1:00 appointment.

Yes, hello.
You must be Rebecca.

I am.
I'm Vanessa Cellucci.

Have a seat.
Thank you.

Oh, crap on a cracker.

Is that a Marchetti?

Yeah, actually it is.

Oh, my God.
I love them.

Like, love them more
than I would love a child.

Pr-- I mean, prob--
I'm just guessing.

Actually, I'm not guessing.
I would lo-- I would!

Well, I work for the company.

I handle
their East Coast sales, so...

So you get, like,
a crazy discount, right?

Yeah, well, they actually
just kind of gave me one.

They gave you that one?
Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

So, I'm sorry.
It's okay.

Uh, you mentioned something
on the phone

about an ex

Yeah.
Uh, it was a bad break up.

-Mm-hmm.
-You know, restraining order.

Yeah.
Anyway, I need someone

to serve him
these legal documents

as soon as possible.
Okay.

And obviously,
I can't do it myself

because I've got this --
Hi. How you doing?

Uh, listen do we have
one of those Tide pen things?

Me and Rootger
went to Arby's and...

Look, you know the rest,
so just...

Okay. Uh, Kevin,
this is Rebecca Romero.

-Nice to see you.
-Rebecca, this is Kevin Gable,

my partner, and he was
just about to apologize

for interrupting.

Actually,
you should try seltzer water.

Really?
Does it work on barbecue sauce?

Yeah. Probably, yeah.

That's great 'cause I
got a separate pants
situation at home.

Last week, I almost lost
a plate of ribs,

but I saved them
with my thighs!

All right,
I'll try the seltzer.

Thanks for the tip.
Okay.

How do you not crack up
working with him all day?

Oh, I find a way.

Wow!

Yep! I know.

He's a lot coming at you
all at once, right?

I like it.

Oh. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah, he's --
he's funny, confident.

I-I hope I'm not out of line
for asking,

but -- but wh-what's
his situation?

Wait. Are you --
Are you guys to--

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no. No.

So, what -- what --
what's

Do you think
he'd be interested?

Okay, w-we're -- we are talking
about the same guy, right?

The one that was just in here
with the stains

and the whole thing?
Yeah!

Yeah, I just -- I feel like
he has this warmth to him

like a big blanket
that makes you feel safe,

you know?

You see, I get more
of a beanbag chair on wheels.

You know what I mean?

How it moves around a lot.

You what I mean?
No?

Listen, if you like him,
why don't you go talk to him?

Maybe you could --
you could, you know,

put in
a good word for me?

Oh, I'm sorry.
I was just --

I was just looking
at the bag.

Mm-hmm.
I just...

Do you know if it comes
with the matching makeup case?

It does.
It does.
It does.

And you got that one
for free?

I did.

And I might just have
an extra one in my car.

Then, yes,
I can talk to him.

I can talk to him.

You're supposed to blot.

I am blotting.

Thank you.
Yes, thank you so much
for coming in.

It was so good
to meet you.

-You too.
-All right. Bye, Kevin.

Be good.

Okay.

Do you even know
what "blotting" means?

Do you know what it means?
Honestly.

Well, yes,
I do know what it means.

Do they have blotting
where you're from?

Okay.
All right.

Hate to break up
the Mensa meeting,

but can I -- can I, uh,

can I talk to you
for a second?
What's up?

Well, just wanted
to get your thoughts on Rebecca.

My thoughts?
She's a client.
Yeah.

If the check clears, I'm happy.
Those are my thoughts.

Well, the thing is,
is that we were talking,

and she thinks
you're cute.

Rootger: What?!

Well, I'm baffled!

Think about it --
your level is right here.

If you look at her --
boom!

Right there,
maybe even there.
Okay, I get it. I got it.

Big space.
I get where you're going.
Thank you. Thank you.

I understand.
I will handle --
I will handle this!

Thank you!
You don't have
to handle anything.

Thank you, okay?

Look, I'm -- I'm not ready
to do this yet.

I'm not -- I don't want to go
out with her.

Why?
You got to get out there.

What are you talking --
Why not just
jump in there,

go on a date with her?

She's beautiful,
and, by the way,

such a sweet girl.

I'll tell you
why I can't --

'cause I would need
six months

to get back
into dating shape, minimum.

And that's every day
on my Ab Blaster.

Every day!

She likes you
just the way you are.

Don't be selfish.
We need this.

"We"?

I mean you.
You need it.

You got to start dating!

Just the other night,
he had a double date

with Mott and his wife.

By himself?

That's not a double date.
That's a third wheel!

Oh, hey, they penciled me in
for a re-date,

so somebody's doing
something right, okay?

Look, even if I were to go out
with her and say I wanted to,

I'd have to -- I'd have
to run it by the kids,

and I'm gonna tell you
right now,

they would not be okay
with it.

Totally okay with it!
Yeah.

Yeah, it'd be weird
if you didn't go.

You see?
They want you to go.

They're just putting on
a brave face.

No,
these are our faces.

Look, we've been telling you
you should go.

I understand that,
but I-I --

Tonight, it just doesn't feel
like the right time.

Okay.
Maybe we'll do it
another night.

No, no.
Kevin, you're getting nervous!

Now, it's the first time
that you're --

you're dipping your toe
in the dating pool.

It's gonna be fine.
I promise you, okay?

Just no cellphones
'cause that's rude.

Oh, and make sure
to make eye contact.

Uh-huh.
And compliment her shoes.

Tip 20%.

Let 'em know you're a player,
player.

You know what? Now you're making
too big a deal of this.

It's okay.
All right.

-Hey!
-Oh-ho-ho!

You got to be
kidding me!

So, what are you wearing?
Give us a spin!

Sorry, guy. I didn't want
to come. She made me.

You look great, Dad.

Thanks,
but why is everybody here?

It's your first date
in 25 years.

I mean, that's exciting.

Yes, I harken back
to when Kendra and I

first went out, uh,
and I will never forget

you leaned across the table
and said to me --

Holy crap.
Is that a Marchetti?

Uh, no, she complimented me
on my bolo tie

and said that I looked like
I could be in Rascal Flatts.

So, did you, uh, do
the cologne sandwich?

What?

My move, you know?

Put some cologne on,

you hop on the elliptical
for 20 minutes,

slap
some more cologne on.

Works every time.

Then why are you here alone
on a Saturday night?

Because my elliptical
is broken.

Take me aside next time,
guy.

So, where are you guys
going?

Just a restaurant.

Gonna take her for dinner
and then I'm coming home.

That's it.
-Wait. No!

You gotta go out after.

You have to make a night
out of it.

Hey!
You should take her

to an escape room!
A what?

It is a thrilling,
high-intensity challenge

where you're locked
inside a room,

and you have
to solve a-a series

of intricate puzzles
just to escape!

Wish me luck, everybody!

Bye!
Good luck.

**

You look nice.

I, uh -- I like your hair.
Oh.

It's got, uh...
good sheen.

Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

I'm not really sure
what that means.

I saw it in a commercial once,
but it's good.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Uh, you --
you look really nice, too.

Thank you.
I just, uh --

just threw it on last minute,
you know?

I, uh -- I'm lying.
I am lying.

I w-- I went through
like five changes.

It was weird.
Huh. Only five?

Yeah.
Oh, well, if we're
being completely honest,

I think I tried on everything
in my closet.

Okay, well,
if I'm being honest,

I-I sat down
really slowly tonight

because
I was super nervous,

and I put on a bunch
of baby powder --

'cause I sweat a lot --
Oh.

and -- and I was worried
if I sat down too quick,

it might look like
Mount St. Helens.

Oh!

Well, honestly,
I did see a little poof,

but I just thought
your chair was dusty,

so don't worry about it.

No. That was all me.

But I'm dry as an infant.

All right,
let's get some calamari.

What do you say?
Okay, yeah.

**

Hey.
Hey.

Is Jim here?

Yeah, he's in your office,
but, uh, I'm confused.

Why are we working
at night?

We had to lure
Rebecca's ex-boyfriend here

so we can serve him
the papers.

It's a sting.

Okay, but, uh,
he says he's here

to pick up concert tickets
he won on the radio.

That's the sting.

Okay.
It's a cop trick.

You know, you tell someone
they won something,

they show up to collect,

and that's when you put
the hook in.

Sorry.
Am I in the right place?

I was supposed to be picking up
Brooks & Dunn tickets.

Oh.

I'm so sorry, Jim.

The concert's
been cancelled,

but you did win these --

some legal papers
from Rebecca Romero.

Rebecca?
Yeah.

Okay.
She's not here, is she?

Why? I'm sorry.

Are you scared
of violating

your restraining order?

No, I have a restraining order
against her.

Okay, like you expect us
to believe that.

We weren't born tomorrow,
my friend.

Okay.

Here.

See for yourself.

Oh. Okay.
This looks kind of legit.

Does she even work for
the Marchetti handbag company?

No, but she has been arrested
for stealing them.

I have the receipt
for this.

I'm telling you --
she is psychotic.

Once she latches on,
she doesn't let go.

Four out of her
last five exes

have restraining orders
against her.

What happened
to the fifth?

"Fell off
a cruise ship."

We probably could've used
this info a few hours ago.

Hey, I-I think your phone's
buzzing again.

Oh.

It's Vanessa.

It's like the fifth time
she's called.

Oh, well,
maybe you should just get it.

Nah. No, she said I
should be a gentleman
and not be on my phone.

She's right.
She's probably just testing me.

Well, guess what -- Mm!
Just passed.

Hey, can I be honest
with you?

Yeah, that --
that's our thing.

This place is a little too fancy
for me.

I'm kind of a simple girl.
Me too!

I mean, not the "girl" part,
but, yeah, I'm simple as well.

It's like -- like --
I don't like --

It's too much going on
in here.

The flowers, the -- the
double

W-Whatever you were gonna put
in this, just put it in this.

Get rid of it.

Do you want
to get out of here?

H-H-Have you ever been
to, uh, All American Burger?

No, but I'm listening.

Okay. First of all,
they have the greatest burgers,

but they also have fried shrimp,
which is odd, but it works.

I'm telling you!
Let's do it!

Let's do it.
Okay.

"Mom, I think I found
my soul mate."

That's funny.

Yeah.

And send.

Okay, now, the waiter said
they just left,

but he overheard them talking
about going to a burger place.

That could be
anywhere on the island.

No, he's with a girl,

so he's gonna try
to show off.

All American Burger.
All American Burger.

Got it.

I can't believe this.

Wow!

You called it.

Mm.
This is pretty incredible.

Yep.
You know what it is?

It's -- It's the meat-to-bun
ratio. It's on point.

And the fact that they don't
use lettuce and tomato,

it's a celebration
of what isn't.

Wow!
Mm-hmm.

You've really thought
about this.

Yeah.

That's what
I love about you.

You know what it is?

Most people just --
they just eat their food,

you know, but I like to -- to
know how things work, you know?

Mm.
That's why if you have
some time one day,

I'd love to tell you about
why Taco Bell's

Cheesy Gordita Crunch
is the perfect food.

Awesome! We can grab a bunch
for the ride

when we head upstate
for Thanksgiving.

Mm-hmm.

What's that now?

Thanksgiving.
It's huge in my family.

Yeah, it's...huge in a --
in a lot -- lot of families.

Um...y-you think we're kind of
getting ahead of ourselves

on this one?

If this is gonna work,
you know,

we -- we need
to plan things.

And -- And I know.

it's just that, um...

it's like, uh, 10 months away
still, so...

Yeah! Planning!

And this year,
my brother gets out of jail,

so it's gonna be
a big one.

I can't belive this.

Kevin's on his first date
in 25 years,

and the girl's a nut job!

This is all my fault.

Oh, come on now.
It's not your fault.

Although you did push him
quite a bit.

By the way, would you mind
picking up the pace, Grandma?

Hey, I'm not gonna get
pulled over.

I don't even have
a license.

**

Mm!
Man, I'm full.

Tired.

Should probably get going,
huh?

Oh.
Get you home.

I ruined the night,
didn't I?

I was too pushy.

I-I do that
all the time.

No, no.
No, no, no, no, no.

Not at all.
Not at all.

I finally meet
a great guy,

and then --
and then I ruin it.

Trust me, I'm --
I'm not that great.

Can I be honest?

I am not well liked
in my community.

I'm not, and I know we joked
about the baby powder before,

but truth is,
I do need it.

It's a medical condition.

They don't even know
what's going on down there.

You're so sweet and honest.

Can -- Can we just
start fresh

and -- and -- and have fun
for the rest of the night?

I really can be fun.

Yeah.
Yeah, of course.

Um, you know,
my son-in-law,

he -- he --
he brought up

about going to, like,
an escape room.

I don't know if you've ever gone
to one of those --

Oh, that's -- that's one
of those things

where they lock you up
in a room,

and you have to solve
all these puzzles to get out?

Yeah. I mean,
we could do that

or then we can go to, like,
batting cages.

You want to go
to batting cages?
No, no, no.

No, let's -- let's go
to the one

where you get locked
in the room.

Sure.
Let's do it.

**

Okay, so they went
to All American Burger and left.

Now we just have to figure out
where they're going.

I'm afraid it's too late.
What?

I have a sixth sense
about these things.

Kevin is dead.

What?
He's not dead.

He is.

A-A-A strange chill
came over my body.

That's 'cause you're drinking
a milkshake.

Oh.

Yeah, that's probably it.

**

And the clues
to the puzzle

will give you the key
to open the door.

The fastest escape from
this room has been 52 minutes,

and the longest,
5 hours and 34 minutes.

Would you like to come up
with a safe word

in the event
that you're too scared?

Been on the police force
for 20 years.

I think I'll be okay.

Ooh, plastic axe!

Ooh, that's real,
actually.

Okay.
Have fun.

Vanessa.

Okay,
what is so important?

Listen to me,
do not interrupt.

I want you to listen to
everything that I am saying.

Are you with Rebecca?

Are you with Rebecca?!

You said don't interrupt.

Where are you?

I g--
I'm in a dungeon.

Um, okay.

Well, get out.

Rebecca is crazy.

Yeah, believe me.
I'm starting to realize that.

No, no, no.
Like, really insane.

Every ex-boyfriend has
a restraining order against her.

Get out now!

Yeah,
that's gonna be a problem.

That is sealed shut.

All right,
you know what?

I think we should, uh, probably
come up with a safe word.

I-I like "anaconda."
Let's do that.

You know what? We're gonna --
We're gonna change.

We're gonna go
with a safe word.

We're gonna go
with "anaconda."

By the way
anaconda!

So...I'm crazy, huh?

What's that now?
Yeah.
I overheard your conversation.

Vanessa thinks I'm insane
and that you should
get away from me?

No, no. First of all,
she meant "insane"

like a good --
like, "She's insane!

What? She's insane!"

She was complimenting you,
all right?

I really think we should focus
on getting out of here.

That's what we should do.
Oh, there -- there's a key.

I think
we're great together!

I don't understand
why you'd want to leave me!

I don't want to leave you.
I'm trying to leave the room.

That's the idea
of an escape room is to --

to leave the room,
you know?

Look, that key
must mean something.

And there's a pegboard.
You just go up the pegboard.

I'll go up --
boom, boom, boom, boom --

grab the key, and we'll get
out of here, okay?

Let's do this.

Wow. It's just like
one thing goes wrong,

and you just want
to give up.

I think
that's just a decoy.

I'm not stupid.

You don't like me,
and it's obvious.

I didn't say
I didn't like you.

Really?
You like me?

Absolutely, I --
Hey, buddy!

How about a hint on how
to get out of here?

Josh:
No clues for the first hour.

Of course there's not.

You know what?

Chale mentioned something
about an escape room.

I'm gonna see if there's any
in the area.

Okay.

There's two.

One in, uh, Massapequa,

and a discount one
in Lindenhurst.

Lindenhurst.
Lindenhurst.

I'm just clinging to any hope
he's still alive.

What are you
talking about?

He's alive!
I just talked to him!

You just --
You were in the ca--

You hear-- Okay.

Oh, come on.

All I did was invite you
to my family's for Thanksgiving.

Out of the kindness
of my heart.

And I thought that was --
that was super sweet.

I'm very happy your brother's
getting parole, too.

I'm very big
on second chances.

Oh!
You think this is funny?

You think I'm crazy?
Well, I'm gonna show you crazy.

Why don't you Google me?
Google me right now!

Where's your phone?
Google me! Yeah.
I-I-I don't --

I don't need to Google you.
I'll take your word for it.

Okay, Josh, are you getting
any of this

Yeah,
and if you are listening,

you would know
that he's the one

that's emotionally
unavailable --

Aah!

Oh, thank God.

Hey, not so scary now,
are you,

behind a wall,
Lady Cray Cray?

Unbelievable.

Aah!

What's up, girl?

We're meant to be
together.

Aah!

Josh, if you don't get me
out here in three seconds,

I promise you, I will go
full-on Wreck-It Ralph!

I'm guessing
this is your guy?

Yeah, that's him.

Want me
to get him out of there?

Hang on. I just want to see
what he does.
Three, two,

...one!

Yeah, yeah.

I think it's time to get him
out of there. Yeah.

Hang on. Why are we watching
"Danger Mountain Two"?

'Cause Dad ruined
"Danger Mountain One."

Well, it's basically
the same plot

except the mountain explodes
at the end.

Hey!
Dad, how was it?

It sucked.

Did you go
to the escape room?

Yep.
Almost died.

Well,
how was Rebecca?

She's psychotic.

Feel sorry for the next idiot
that gets stuck with her.

Is this seat taken?

It is now.

Mm.
You smell good.

Ah, cologne sandwich.

You're funny.

* Don't want no sweet perfume

* Shake your thing,
go bust your move *

* Do, do, do, do, do

* Do, do, do, do

* Ohhhhhh, yeah

* Don't want
no high-heel shoes *

* I just don't want no...