All language subtitles for kevin can wait s02e09

(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Yo!

Hey.
Hey.

So, my neighbor
had this on his porch.

It's supposed to be
Buzz Lightyear,

but tell me
who this looks like.

Buzz Lightyear.

No!

Come on.
It looks like you.

Me?
Yes!

I get...
I'm getting Kyle.
I don't get me.

Oh, stop it.
Yes!

Anyway, take it.

I don't want pumpkin-Kevin
pointed at my window

when I'm in the bathroom.

Believe me,

pumpkin-Kevin
doesn't want that, either.
All right.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Yo! Come in!

Hey, neighbor!
KEVIN: Hey!

Hi!

It's Tuesday.

You know what that means.

Lasagna!
Lasagna!

Oh, hey, did you
remember to goose up
the cheese a little bit

and just pump the brakes
on the garlic?

Of course I did, silly.

I listen.

The girls in my spin class

say I never listen,
and I talk too much,

but I don't really
think that's...
Thank you!

You're such an angel
and so great.

Hello.
Hi.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Uh, Wendy, this is Vanessa.
She's my business partner.

This is Wendy,
best cook on Seville Lane.

Oh,
I don't know about that.

Oh, please.

Anyway, if you have any more
tweaks on the lasagna,

give me a yingle.

All right.
Will do.

Hey, by the way,
if some of your beef stew

showed up Sunday
for the football game,

I wouldn't pass on it.

Pass. Football.
Yeah.

He is so clever.

So clever.

Buh-bye!
All right.

She is awesome.

You got all the women
on the block cooking for you?

She knows
I'm a single parent.

She brings over
a little food.

Some people think it's nice
to help out a little.

Hey.
Hey.

(SCOFFS)
Wendy was here again?

Dad,
you've got to end this.
End what?

You know exactly what.

She's totally into you.
Yes!

"Any tweaks to the lasagna,
give me a yingle."

I think we all know
she wasn't talking about
tweaking the lasagna.

She's just being nice
to our family.

Wendy wore Spanx
to deliver ziti last week.

I don't care if she wore
newspaper on fire.

All I see is the ziti.

* I am not your
ordinary guy *

Yams, yams.

Guys, where...
where do we keep the yams?

Isn't a yam
just a sweet potato?

No, no, huge difference.

One is very sweet
and potato-y.

That's your, uh...

That's the sweet potato.

The other...

The other is... It's more...
Yeah, it's got a yammy...

It's yam.
It's a yam substance,
so it's yam.

All right?

Oh, hey, guys,
uh, listen,

any special requests
for Thanksgiving?

Dad, actually,
we were talking,

and we thought, you know,

maybe this year
for Thanksgiving,

we'd go out to eat.

What? You cra...
Whose idea was this...

Is it the new guy?

No.

Look, I know this is gonna be
difficult without mom,

but, hey, we still have
a lot to be thankful for,
all right?

And every year,

we have a big dinner
right here at home.

It's tradition.

Let's just go out to dinner.
It'll be so much easier.

And, plus,
I have so much school.

I can't help you.

I don't need your help.

I'm gonna make
the whole thing myself

with these hands right here
and a whole lot of love.

Now, who's with me?
Come on!

I can make Scotch eggs
with curry mayo.

I'm gonna pretend that
I didn't even hear that.

I can make the cornbread.

Boom, Sara! There you go!

That's the Thanksgiving spirit
right there.

Thanksgiving spirit.
That's not a thing.

Oh, no, no,
no, no, no.

It's definitely a thing,
okay?

(CHUCKLES)
That's a common misconception.

Kids...

The spirit of Thanksgiving
is actually the spirit
of the Pilgrims

coming together
with the Indians

to celebrate the harvest
of the Fall bounty.

They did it by bringing corn
and turkey to the villagers,

who had potatoes,

and they would mash them
out of anger

'cause they were so upset,
at first,

but then it turned
to mashing out of love.

And they said, uh...

in Indian,
they said, "Thanks."

And then...
Then, in Pilgrim, said,

"You know,
we're just giving to you,"

and they said...
Snd that was it...

"Thanks" and "Giving,"
and it came together,

and that's what created
Thanksgiving.

I'm not gonna lie.
I get a little lost there,
yeah.

Does your dad like me?

Of course he does.
Why?

I don't know.

I just thought
that after the wedding,

I'd see a change
in our relationship.

Yeah. Like what?

Ideally...we'd have one?

I mean, shouldn't
we be hanging out,

calling each other
nicknames,

and making eye contact?

Nicknames?

Like what?

Uh, I don't know.
Uh...

Chale-y?

K-Bizzle?

Mm...

Yeah, no nicknames.

Well,
I've got to do something.
We're family!

I'm gonna sire
his grandchildren.

Okay.

Definitely do not mention
"siring" in front of him.

You know what I mean.

I'm his son-in-law.

I should at least be able
to call him "dad."

Well, why don't you try
just bonding with him,
you know?

Guy stuff.

Watching a football game.

Share a couple of beers,

and we can talk about
hot sauce and cuts of meat.

Yeah, and then you just,

you know, you slip a "dad" in
under your breath.

Done, done, done!
Done. Okay.

Like this.

"Whoa!

"This piece of prosciutto
really has some kick, Daddio."

Yes! Yes. Exactly!

That's great.

But if you go
with "daddio,"

make sure you're like
five feet away,

because he will lunge
at you.

(EXHALES)

(POT CLANGING)

Hey.
Hey.

I brought you
your paycheck.

What are you doing?
Oh, thanks.

I am prepping
for Thanksgiving tomorrow

and changing the way
America peels potatoes.

Check it out.

(MOTOR WHIRRING)

Okay.

There we go.

That one came off.
That's all right.

It's okay.

Those are the little
cherry potatoes.

Okay.
One of the...

Meet the Kevin Gable
Tater Turner, huh?

You get it? It's like
the George Foreman Grill.

Yes. Only stupid.

I'm telling you,
this thing's gonna
spread like crazy

across the country.

Everybody's gonna want one.

All right, well,
put me down for none.

Okay.
Come on.
Just lose the drill.

Let me help you.
No.

Look, I invited you tomorrow
as a guest,

and that's what you are,
a guest, all right?
All right.

I appreciate it,
but I don't need the help.

Listen, I, I get it.

This is the first Thanksgiving
that...

that you're taking care of,

but let me just help you,
okay?

It's a lot more work
than you think.

Okay, can I tell you
who had a lot more work

than they thought?
Who?

Little group
I like to call the Pilgrims.

Did you know that once
they debarked the Mayflower,

you know what they did?
What'd they do?

They got after it.
Mm.

Yes.
They got after it.

They rolled up their little
black-and-white sleeves,

they tightened
their massive belt buckle

and their shoe buckle
and the hat buckle,

all the buckles
were tightened up,

and they laid
the foundation of unity,

which was then interwoven

into the very fabric
of our lives.

Okay.
You know that last part
was a cotton commercial?

Yeah, that came
from the Pilgrims.
Did it?

Yeah.
Okay.

Okay.

Food is prepped,
decorations are done.

I am killin' this.

You make it all look
so easy...

K-Geezy.

What was that?

I said...
(DOORBELL RINGS)

Oh, thank God.

That's me, that's me!

What? What's this?

Since when
do you get packages?

I got a gift card
for my birthday.

To Wild Willy's
Survival Outpost?

Road flares,
water purification tablets...

What is all this stuff?

Well, we're getting hit
with a big storm tomorrow,

so we're gonna need it
to survive.

All right, Jack, you're acting
a little crazy here.
What's happening, bud?

Oh, not crazy, prepared.

Remember when
I did that report on
Yellowstone National Park?

No, but let's say
that I did.

Well, it turns out
that it's a supervolcano,

and when that thing blows,

a toxic cloud of ash
will cover the Earth.

It's gonna be
every man for himself.

We're talking looting,
cannibalism...

Okay, bud, bud...

Buddy, none of that stuff
is gonna happen, all right?

And I promise you,
if it does,

and we get hungry
enough...

we'll just eat Chale.

KENDRA: Hey, Dad?

What's up?

It's already dead.

You don't have
to humiliate it.

Okay.

Look, it's called tenderizing,
all right?

Okay, one last try,
from your family.

Are you sure you don't want
to just go to a restaurant?

Absolutely not.

All right, fine.
Well, then,
let me help you.

I can put off studying
for a couple hours.

No, hey, I don't need
your help, all right?

Just get ready
to see the magic.

All right,
well, you know,

before you put that
in the oven,

you might want
to cut that string
and pull the giblets out.

It's all
part of the magic.

I have my process.

What I do first
is I befriend the bird,
much like the Pilgrims di...

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No more Pilgrim stories.

You're on your own.
Good luck.

Don't need luck.

Ugh.

I'm very sorry about this.

Here we go. Okay.

(MUTTERS)

Oh.

(GROANS)

(TURKEY SQUISHES)

(COUGHS)

Come on.

(MOTOR WHIRRING)

There we go.
There we go.

Oh.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)
It's... It's open!

Gobble, gobble!

Oh. Hey, Wendy.

(SOFTLY) Oh, man.
I brought you
a little pecan pie.

Oh, thank you.

You didn't have to do that.

I wanted to. I...

Listen,
I got to tell you, Wendy,

you're an amazing cook,
and thank you so much
for doing all this,

but I, I really
need to talk to you
about something.

What happened there?

Oh, I was...

I was just trying
to get the giblets out,

and it kind of
got away from me.

Let me help you
with this.
Oh, look.

You really don't have
to do that.

(GRUNTS)

Ah! Whoop!

It's a boy.

(CHUCKLES)
You know what?

I had a little trouble
balancing things,

but I got to tell you,
I think I got it
covered now, but...

You know what?
Why don't you let me
help you with this?

(SIGHS)

You've done enough.
I, I can't...

You what it is
I also did?

I already told my kids

I was gonna cook
the Thanksgiving dinner...
Oh. Oh.

...and I told them
the whole story
about the Pilgrims

and everything
and how they came...

Do you know that story,
by the way?

Oh, sure.
Okay.

You know what I could do?

I could cook
the whole meal
at my house,

you leave
the back door open,

and I'll sneak the food in,

and guess which Pilgrim
cooked dinner?

This one?
Mm-hmm.

My dad said
you wanted to talk to me?

Grab a seat, Jacky boy.
(CLEARS THROAT)

Well, if this is about me
making fun of your mustache,
I'm sorry.

That's okay.

It's just that
it barely grows in,

the hair is so thin...

Yeah, Jack...

It's not about
my mustache, okay?

It is about you

thinking the world
is going to end.

It is.

Since the beginning
of time,

people have been predicting
oblivion.

Well, you know that
Yellowstone National Park

is a supervolcano, right?

Yes, I've heard
that old chestnut.

Well, it's supposed to blow
every 60 million years.

It's been 65.

Mnh, mnh, that
doesn't sound quite right.

What crazy website
did you get that one from?

New York Times.

Oh.
Yeah.

So, any minute now...

(IMITATES VOLCANO ERUPTING)

ANNOUNCER: And that is why
the family is grateful

to have such a plentiful meal

on the happiest day
of the year, Thanksgiving.

Is this the video that Dad
made us watch every year?

We hated this thing.

Yeah, we hated it,

and now my kids
will hate it, okay?

It's called tradition.

Well, I, for one,
enjoyed the part

where they said,
"Thank you, father,"

or, in modern terms,
"Thank you, dad."

All right, I'm gonna get
started on the cornbread.

No, no, no, no.

Nobody in the kitchen
right now, okay?

Dad, what are you
talking about?

It's not done...
It's almost there.

I'm just waiting
for the button
on the turkey to pop.

Let's just watch the movie.
Come on.

(SHIVERS)

(EXHALES)

Oh. Hello.
Hey.

Uh, is, is Kevin here?

I have some, uh,
spare treats.

Yes, he is, actually.

But, but, Wendy,
could I, um...

Can I...
Can I talk to you
for a second?

Sure.
Yeah. Okay.

Sure.
Cool. Look, I, um...

I know you love
helping people

and doing the whole thing
with Kevin

where you're...
you're cooking for him,

and that's very sweet.

Oh. Thank you.
Yeah.

But here's the thing.
Um...

You know those animals
that can't sense
when they're full,

so they just eat and eat
and eat and eat,

and then they just explode?

You know what I mean?
That's Kevin.

That's weird.
Yeah.

So, what I'm trying to say
is, um...

I don't want
to see you get hurt,

because you're
a very sweet person.

But I just...
I just think, as long
as you're feeding him,

he's not gonna
tell you the truth.

I see.

So, before this
got any further,

I just wanted
to kind of help you

and just nip this in the bud,
you know?

You like him.

You're trying to discourage me
from liking him,

because you like him.

Okay. Couldn't be further
from the truth.

Now, did you hear
the whole part

about the exploding animal,
or...

Oh, I heard.

Now hear this, skank.

Skank.

Okay.
We're doing this?

I've been trying
to open this pickle jar

for 10 months now.

I'm not about to walk away
before the lid pops.

You feel me?

The other side of Wendy.
I like it.

I didn't love
the "skank" thing,

so here's
what's gonna happen.

You're gonna take
your little cooler, okay?

And you're gonna
hit the bricks,

or you're gonna see
the other side of Vanessa.

Listen, I really think
I should...

You're gonna take the cooler,
and you're gonna
hit the bricks, Wendy.

I think Kevin's gonna...

You're gonna take the cooler,
and hit the bricks, Wendy!

(WIND HOWLING)

Was that...
Was that Wendy?

Yes, and I sent her packing.

Why would you do that?

Because you were
never gonna do it,

so I took care of
"bidness."

You're welcome.

We agreed to talk
after she dropped off

all the food
for Thanksgiving.

Oh.

Yes.

All right, guys,
bring it in. Listen up.

Uh, I had things
all worked out in there,

and if everything
was left to me,

we'd be knuckle-deep
in gravy right now.

But that plan has derailed,
Vanessa.

So I just think
we're gonna go out
to a restaurant.

All right?
Let's just do it.

Oh, no, Dad. Storm hit.
We can't go out.

It's a state of emergency.

No, no, no, no.
Fire department
would've called me.

Ah. Phone's dead.

Anybody got a charger?
iPhone 4?

4? iPhone 4?

All right, I better split.

Wait, so, basically,
we're stuck here
with nothing to eat?

I can still make
the cornbread!

All right,
there you go, great.

And I got a case full
of pork rinds,

so we're, we're
looking good, okay.

Oh, good.
Power's out.

And so it begins.

I'm scared, Dad.

Did Chale just call me "dad"?

I don't know what to do.
You know?

And I went
back and forth.

I knew this...
(STUTTERS)

it wasn't getting
any better,

so I had to
make a decision,

and I was
running out of time.

And it's in those moments
that you...

You realize who,
who you are, you know?

And, I, uh...

I did it.
I stepped up,
and I, uh...

I pulled the trigger...

and bought a new pillow.

Memory foam,
it changed my life.

Anybody else got a story?
Who's up?

Dad, we're sitting
in the dark. This sucks.

I can't believe I didn't get
to make my cornbread.

Oh, Sara,
don't mention food.

I'm starving.

If you had just
let me in the kitchen,

then I could've
made my cornbread,

but, no, you were too busy
fake cooking.

Okay. Sara, come on.
Enough already,
all right?

Look, we've all been
through a lot.

I just gave
my pillow story.

That doesn't make
an appearance
too often, right?

Honestly,
enough with the cornbread.

It's not a big deal.

It was to mom.

(SIGHS)

(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Go away.

Sara, what's going on?

Nothing.

(SIGHS)

Come on.

Talk to me, all right?

Last year, mom taught me
how to make cornbread,

and...it's the only thing
she ever taught me
how to make.

I... I'm sorry.
I didn't know.

I'll tell you what.

Next year, you can make
the cornbread, I promise.

Or when the power
comes back on,

whichever comes first.

You promise?
It means a lot to me.
Yes.

And, in fact,
when you make it,

you can use
my spud spinner...

drill-bit thing.

Patent pending.

Dad,
what if I told you

I could get my hands
on some food?

Hypothetically.

Wait a second.
You got some food?

I might know
where some is.

Jack, do you have food?

Before I answer,
I want a safety bubble,

protected from any anger.

It's under his bed.

Pre-packaged
military meals.

He also has a stove.

It's in a box in a closet
marked "Sweaters,"

but it's not sweaters,
it's food.

Not cool.
Dad, wait!

No, no, no!
Too late!

About to dig into
a box of sweaters!

Mmm. That cornbread
smells so good.

Thanks.
It was my mom's favorite.

What do you got?

I got
spaghetti and meatballs.
I'm not loving it.

Give me a Salisbury steak,
would you?

There you go.
Cornbread.
KEVIN: Oh.

Oh, yes, that's what
I'm talking about.

Yeah, all right.
You know what,
sweetheart?

I love you,

and we're gonna have this
every year, all right?
Tradition.

(MUFFLED)
Well, I got to say...

you do a good job,
especially cooking
on a camping stove.

You can spit it out,
Dad.
I don't think I can.

It's stuck to the roof
of my mouth.

Oh.

Yeah, it's in there.
It's in there.

But it was good.
It was good.

I wouldn't...
If it was anybody else,

I wouldn't eat it,
but it's good.

I got your voicemail.

You said
you wanted to talk?

Yeah, look, um...

I'm, I'm just glad
we got the chance

to sit down the other night
and work things out.

I hope you're okay.

I am.

I understand you're not
ready for anything yet.

Makes sense.

(SIGHS)

Look,
you're an incredible cook.

And... And...

I love to eat.

(CHUCKLES)

Why do we need
to stop doing that

just because other people
don't understand?

I don't know.

I don't know.
I guess I just...

I need some more time
to think.

I, I get it.

I... I push.

But maybe we could...
start small.

Like, bring over some brownies
or pigs in a blanket.

I'd like that.

Okay. So, then...
that's what we'll do.

We'll take it slow.

One snack at a time.

Okay.

I guess I'll be
seeing you around.
Yeah.

I'll see you around.

You know, I made
some toquitos earlier.

Go get 'em.
Okay.

Don't forget the guac!
I would never!

* Don't want no sweet perfume

* Shake your thing,
go bust your move

* Do, do, do, do, do

* Do, do, do, do

* Oh, yeah

* Don't want
no high-heel shoes

* I just don't want no...