All language subtitles for kevin can wait s02e07

Hey.
Whoa!

Look at you!

It's the biggest pitch
of our career, right?

You want to be a winner,
you got to dress like one.

Well, it's much better
than your normal look...

sweatpants
and a Mets shirt.

That has a name.
It's called "couchletic."

Okay. So, I have an idea
for the pitch today.

Don't need new ideas.

Let's just stick
to the plan.

Let me finish, all right?

I'm just thinking, instead of
some of the small talk,

we punch him
right in the throat
with a sizzle reel.

A what?
A sizzle reel!

It's, like, a commercial
that sizzles.

Check it out.

Ready?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

Hi. I'm Kevin Gable.

And as a police officer
for the last 20 years,

I know security,
and you are not secure.

Fact!

Last year alone,
over $12 billion dollars

of property was stolen.

Fact!

Every 1.6 seconds,
a crime occurs.

One just occurred.

Fact!

Want to talk
violent crimes?

Let's talk about them.
Why not?

Let's get it out there.

Last year alone, 1.2 million
in the U.S. occurred.

And that's why you need...

Fact!

Monkey Fist Security.

We're not afraid of
street trash like this.

Fact!

* When it comes to protection,
we're top'a the list

* Just pick up the phone
and call Monkey Fist

* Security

Let me guess.

Shot that yourselves?

Okay,
there's the negativity.

You said it was coming.
Okay.

First of all, in one shot you
have Rootger shouting "Fact!"

like he works for us,
and then, in the next shot,

you're arresting him.

Okay, my brother was
supposed to do it,

but he had to get
something lasered
off the back of his knee.

And by the way,
where was I?

I'm not even in this thing,
and I'm your partner!

What'd I say?

You said, "She wanted
the spotlight for herself."
Yeah.

Okay.

How... How much
did this cost?

It was nothing.
It was 700 bucks.

Are you kidding me?

It's called marketing!
Am I crazy?

We do not need a sizzle.

Please, let's just
stick to the plan.

Okay. I'm very sorry for
thinking outside the box.

Okay, for this meeting,
I need you to stay

inside the box,
all right?

Please, just focus.

Focus?
Yes.

I... Believe me,
I have plenty of focus.

I'm always focused!

Hey, if you're worried
about focus...

(PILLS RATTLE)

...take one of these.

I just said
I'm not worried.
I got focus,

I'm fine,
I don't need that.

It's just a vitamin,
you know.

100% herbal.
I don't want it, man.

Hey, cry baby.

It's crushed dandelions
with Vitamin C.

Take one
before the meeting

and you'll be locked in
like a mountain lion.

Mountain lions are cool.

* I am not your
ordinary guy *

(SIGHS)

We land this account, and,
I mean, it is a game-changer.

I mean, look around!

The guy doesn't even have
security cameras up.

He needs us.

Five toy stores
across Long Island.

This could be huge!

Are you okay?
You're sweating.

Yeah.

You didn't... You didn't take
one of Rootger's pills,
did you?

No. Don't worry about me.
I am locked in, okay?

I am a mountain lion.

All right, just remember,
when we get in there,

you stick to
the plan, okay?

Yeah.
Okay.

Exactly. I'll do some
small talk, and then,
get him laughing

and then, you hit him
with the stats and
all the boring stuff.

All right, okay.

Just... Just keep it light,
keep it short.

Okay. Hey, look, you don't try
and put a saddle on
Seabiscuit, all right?

You just go along
for the ride.

Okay, they did put
a saddle on Seabiscuit.

Okay.

I mean on his winning spirit,
his spirit...

You don't put a saddle,
you don't saddle it up.

All right, all right,
fine, fine.

You let it go.
All right?

I'll talk about my kids,
'cause they love coming here,

that's a good thing
to do.

Good, good, good.
I'll bring that up.

Connection, that's good.
I like it.

And then, I'll talk
about Florida, too,

'cause I looked it up,
the owner's got a place
in Florida.

Okay,
that's all good material,
just stop now.

Yeah, okay, yep.

Oh, there it is.
Look at that.

The crown.
That's what he wears in all
the commercials, right there.

What?

He's the prin...
He's the Prince of Toys.

Look at this, and this is
the Drawbridge of Savings!

This is all here!
I got to get a picture.

Got to give me
a shot. Here.

No, uh, we are here
for business.

No, hey, just get
a picture, okay?

Quickly. And make it look like
I'm wearing the crown,

get it at the angle.
You've got to get low.

Okay.

Get lower, so it's not...
Yeah.

I can't in this skirt!

All right.
Look at that.

Da-da-da!
Come on, do it.

Okay, come on.
They're calling us in.

Here we go. Yeah.

It's all blurry!

(STAMMERS)

Could have been so cool!

(iPAD DINGS)

Oh. Table 4 wants
a meat supreme pizza,
no peppers.

All right. On it.
Boy, I got to tell you...

People ordering
on iPads...

When I first heard the idea,
I wanted to punch you.

But...
But it's working out!

Great job, kid.
Great job.

Hey, babe,
your friends are here!

Oh, fantastic.

They just met with
an angel investor
over our app.

Hoping for good news.

Oh! Me too, babe.

Go get them!
Okay.

Mwah!

All right, Dave, slap
some good news on me.

The investors passed.

Oh, Dave.

They felt that an app
that lets you feed your fish

from your smartphone
was "useless".

Useless?

You can feed your fish
from your phone.

Am I missing something?

I know!
It's a game-changer

for people
in the fish community!

Exactly!

Okay, but we got to keep
the positivity flowing.

(SIGHS) How can you
keep saying that?

We've been rejected
17 times.

Yeah, but we've got one more
investor in New Jersey

that might be interested.

There's always
one more investor,

and they always
say, "No."

I think this is
end of the line.

What about our mission

to revolutionize
home fish management?

I think the fish are just
gonna have to look out
for themselves.

Thank you guys
for coming,

but I'm not sure
if we need security here.

I keep an eye
on everything, and...

(CHUCKLES)
I lock my doors, so...

That's a great start,
but maybe we can offer you

some additional security
that you might find useful.

All right.
all right, go ahead.

Okay.
(CLEARS THROAT)

First of all, Mr. Prince,
thank you so much
for having us here.

We're both very comfortable,
and we feel warm. Uh...

I love your commercials.
Aw, thank you.

You know, we got
62 of them. (CHUCKLES)

That's almost a record
in Long Island.

Ron's Crab Shack
has 71, so...

I made the mistake
of eating there once.
(CHUCKLES)

I got to tell you,
the crab was fake,

but the food poisoning
was not.

Ron is a dear friend
of mine.

No, good guy, definitely.

Hey, uh, why, why don't you
tell him about your kids?

Yeah,
that's a good idea.

I have kids, and they love
coming here so much.

They have a very good time,
and I'm sure yours do,
as well.

I don't have children.

Yeah, you do. I, I...
I saw them in the commercial.

BILL: Those are actors.

My wife had an emergency
hysterectomy.

She almost died
on the table.

Ooh-pow.

Well, I guess that's good,
though, 'cause it frees
you up,

time-wise, and you can
go down to Florida, right?

Excuse me?

You've got a place down there,
right? Boca?

Yeah. You have one
down there, as well?

I do.

Okay, Bill, Bill,
are you...

No, no, no.
Hold on. Hold on.

Where's your place?
It's in Boca.

It's at, uh,
it's out on the point.

You know,
where it juts out.

I'm not familiar
with a point in Boca.

It's kind of... It's right by
the, uh, the ice cream place.

You ever see the ice-cream
place down in Boca?

So good.
What's the name of it?

I think
it's called, uh...

I think it's, uh,
Boca, Boca Cream?

Or, uh, it's, uh,
Mocha Boch, Mocha Bocha?

It's an ice-cream place,
we get it. Okay. So we ran

crime statistics in the area,
and then we...

Adoption!
What?

Yes.
That's what you should...

You ever think about it?
You need kids, right?

And the kids,
they need a home.

And what better place
to grow up than a nice
toy store?

What an environment,
right?

I mean, I can't
think of a better place.
Can you think of one?

(QUIETLY) I can tell you,
that vitamin's kicking in.
It's kicking in.

Hey, mountain lion!

How did it go?
I'm on pinching needles.

Go ahead, tell him.
I screwed it up.

No.
Nobody screwed it up.

We just didn't
get this one.

Did you take the pill?

Yep. Not good.

He was a little chatty.

And I was sweating a lot.

Ah, I bet you took it
on an empty stomach.

Yeah, like
that's possible.

Okay, that was mean,
and I am sorry.

It's fine.
I deserve it.

I blew it back there.

You have every right
to be mad.

I am not mad.

Look, there's lots of other
business out there.
We'll just get the next one.

Okay, I see what
you're doing here.

You're doing that thing where
you pretend not to be mad

and you're acting all cool,
like, "Ooh, I'm cool".

I'm not acting anything.

You're my partner!

This just didn't go
our way.

Well, let's get it
to go our way, all right?

Call Bill back.
Tell him I had a mini-stroke.

No.
Yes!

We'll get
a second chance!
No. No. Stop.

I am not calling Bill.

Let's just let this go.

I won't take
the vitamin next time

and I'll be
totally relaxed.

Oh, relaxed?
I have something
for that, too.

It's made out of melatonin
and maple syrup.

They use it to calm down
animals at the zoo.

Hey, kid, you tell her
the good news?

(GASPS) The investors
changed their mind?

They want to buy
your app?

(CHUCKLES)
Not that good of news.

Um, Enzo asked me if I
wanted to be the manager.

Yeah, not as good.

But I mean, you're gonna
tell him "No", right?

I don't know. I mean,
the app is all but dead,

whereas, manager of Enzo's,
I mean, that's a real thing.

And I'm good at it.
Enzo was telling me that

profits are up since I've
computerized the place.

Yeah, but, babe,
I mean, we had a plan.

(iPAD DINGS)
Oh, sorry...
I've got to go.

Mwah.

Little low on pretzels.

Fill her up.

Kendra.

Kendra!
What?

(SIGHS)
I'm sorry, what?

You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm just...
I'm worried about Chale.

He's talking about
giving up on his app

and working here
full-time.

Yeah.
Sounds about right.

He's at that age where
a man starts to die inside.

What? No! I don't
want that for Chale.

Maybe you could
talk to him.

Me?
Yeah.

You had a dream that...

went differently
than real life.

Are you saying
I tasted failure?

No. I don't mean...
No, no, no.

(CHUCKLES) I have.

I have sipped
from the cup of failure
more than once.

Like your '80s
rock band?

Ugh, I forgot about that.

See? You had something
you were passionate about

and you let it slip away,
and I just...

I don't want that for Chale.

You know,
we could have been huge.

It's just that the other guys
didn't want it as much.

Like Larry, you know?
He missed our showcase.

"Oh, I got to see
the birth of my daughter."

He already had a daughter.
How different could it be?

Yes, I would like to
cancel my massage.

The reason?
Oh, my boss panicked
in the big meeting

and, uh, let's just say
that my employment here
is on shaky ground.

All right, Sharon.
Thank you. Bye.

Hey, where's Vanessa?

Oh, she said she was
going to the doctor.

My guess?

Woman stuff.

That's perfect,
'cause I'm going back
to the toy store,

and this time,
I'm doing it alone.

Oh, you need a pill?

No! No pills.

No, I'm just
gonna go in there,

and I'm not leaving
till I get the account.

Gonna to be like the champion
that I am, you know.

And I'm doing it for me,
I'm doing it for you,

I'm doing it for everybody
here at The Fist!

Hey, there.
Hey.

Oh, um, everyone's out
at the moment.

Do you want me to tell them
you stopped by?

Uh, no.
I'm actually here for you

and where you're going
in life.

Why?

Well, you know,
you're my nephew now,

and I just want to
make sure you don't make
the same mistakes I made.

Are you talking about the time
you shaved your eyebrows?

I didn't shave them.
I was lighting my grill.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about
the fact that I was once part

of a, uh, very promising
rock band.

I actually hate the fact
that I walked away from it.

I, I just don't want that
to happen to you.

Oh. Well, why don't you
just go back to it?

What's that, now?

The band, why don't you just,
you know, start it up again?

Oh, nah. Too old.

Oh no, no, no. You're never
too old to follow your dreams,

especially if it's something
you're good at.

Interesting.

It seems to me,
if being in a rock band

is what you want to do,
then you should do that.

You're right.

I mean, Larry's girls
are off to college this year.

Richard's new heart valve
is working fine.

There's not a lot
holding us back.

(CHUCKLES)
That's the spirit!

(LAUGHS)
Rock 'n' roll!

Hey, thanks for
the pep talk, Chale!

Okay.

Deep breath.
You can do this.

Whoa.
What are you doing here?

Um, I am shopping
for toys. I mean...

You came here
to pitch to him again!

No. I needed
one of these...

These.
I can't...

I cannot believe you.

What happened
to all that stuff about
"letting this one go"?

Okay, what I really meant
was you letting it go.

I mean, you couldn't even
focus on a focus pill!

"Why don't you adopt kids?

"Maybe you won't be so sad.

"I like ice cream.

"Choca, Mocha,
Choca-Mocha!"

Okay, for the last time,
I took a supplement

from a trusted colleague,
all right?

It didn't work out.
Sorry.

Okay.

We are making a scene.
Let's go inside.

In. Let's go.

In where?
In here.

All right, look...
We need this account, okay?

So, I thought it would be best
just to leave you at home

where you can sizzle-pitch
by yourself.

You should be ashamed.
Ugh.

Coming here
behind my back.

Honestly, you really
think that I...
Hold it, hold it.

You know that's for
an infant, right?

It'll never hold you.

Yeah, okay.
I wasn't gonna sit on it.

It's for this.
I was gonna do this.

Is that what you
were gonna do?

Yeah, yeah.
Very comfortable,
by the way.

Just admit it, you came here
to pitch him, too.

Okay, maybe I did.

Because I can
get this account,
I just need a second chance.

Oh, come on.

You can't stay focused.

I'm a different guy now!

I'm telling you, I'm off
the sauce, I'm totally clean!

Look, let me pitch you.

I'll pitch you, and I promise
you, it'll be magic.

Fine, just do it.

You're never gonna shut up
until I hear it. Go, go!

Give me a second here.
You ready?

Okay.

(SIGHS)

Mr. Prince.

Are you...
Are you gonna do that
with your hands?

Yeah. It's called
"pyramid hands."

It's very powerful.
Okay.

Mr. Prince, I need you to ask
yourself this question...

"Why do I need
Monkey Fist Security?"

And then,
the doctor was like,

"At this point
you can take the scab off

"and it would be fine."

And I was like,
"I, I totally disagree,

"because I think
it's gonna leave a scar."

Look at above the brow.
In the brow?
Yep.

Nothing there?
Mnh-mnh.

And it...
Back on the other thing...

In conclosion...
Conclusion...

These are all the reasons

you should choose
Monkey Fist.

(QUIETLY)
Pyramid hands.

Okay, so, we know
it wasn't the pill.

So, here's how
it's gonna down.

I'm gonna do
all the pitching,

and you just sit there
and say nothing.

Yep.
Okay.

What the heck?

What time is it?

(SCOFFS)
It's 10 after 8:00!

(CHAINS RATTLE)

There's chains
on the door.

We are locked in here.

They don't check the bathroom
for children or...

adults.

Now we're trapped
inside a toy store

that we wanted to
provide security for.

It's a good look.

Relax. I already
texted Rootger.

He'll get the message,
grab some bolt cutters,

and he'll get us
out of here.

Why don't we just
call the cops?

That's a good idea.

"Yeah, hello. We are two
retired police officers.

"We're kind of trapped
inside of a toy store.

"Uh-huh. Oh, and
it's a funny story

"'cause we own
our own security company.
(LAUGHS)

"Hello? Hello?"

Boy, if you pitched as well
as you do fake phone calls,

we would have
had that account.

I'm just curious, are you
trying to sink our business?

Just, like, actively
trying to do it?

Because in
a partnership...

You're a 12-year-old,
you know that? Okay...

Oh!

I am warning you,
I do not play well with...

Knock it off!
Okay.

Let's do it.
Oh!

Hey, all right, stop!

Stop it, stop!

Yep. Yep. What?

I got an idea.

What?

The crown.

What about it?

We get it, we grab it,

we move it to
Mr. Prince's office.

He comes in the morning,
he realizes it's been moved,

and he's like,
"Huh, we need security!"

Who's he gonna call?

Okay. Well, even
if I agreed to this,

I mean,
how would we get to it?

Oh, I'll get to it.

You just be thankful
you've got a partner

who thinks
outside the box.

Okay.

Oh, and one more thing.

Okay, when I
get up there,

just get ready
to catch the crown, okay?

Hey.
Hey.

I just had the most
interesting conversation
with your uncle,

a real eye-opener.
Oh, babe, that's great!

It's official.

You are looking at
the new manager of Enzo's.

What?

But didn't Kyle
talk to you about,

you know,
following your dreams?

He did, and that's
what I'm doing.

I am so confused.

Look, Kyle is getting his band
back together in his 50s,

which made me realize
I have forever to do my app.

But right now,
the one thing
that I really want

is just to have
a dependable job,
you know,

and I can start
looking after my wife.

Babe, we'll be okay.

You don't have
to do this.

No, no, I do!

Trust me,
this is the right move!

Look, I came in here tonight
with a pep in my step,

and all I want right now
is my woman to just

jump into my arms!

Jump into my arms!

Have at it!

Or we can just hug.
Yeah, that's better.

I... All right,
I already regret this.

Hey, I've done my calculations
perfectly, okay?

If I get enough speed
coming down here

and hit that trampoline
at the right velocity,

that momentum's gonna
carry me to the crown.

Gravity will take over
after that.

Okay, nothing's scarier
than you talking science.

You just worry about
one thing, all right?

If I don't get enough speed
by those LEGOs,

as I'm coming down here,
I need you to tell me
to bail out, all right?

Got it, yep.

Let's do this.

(SLO-MO VOICE)
Bail out!

(SLO-MO VOICE)
What?

(NORMAL VOICE) You okay?
(STRAINED) Yeah.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

ROOTGER: Hello!

Oh. Rootger's here.

The plan
should have worked.

(CHUCKLES)
You really got to let it go.

But we proved to him
he needs security.

We got locked in his place
and basically trashed it.

Should've worked.

Look, the toy-store account
is gone, okay?

It's just time to move on.

Okay, fine.

I want to re-address
the sizzle reel.

Oh, my God.

Listen to me.

I reshot it.
Rootger is out.

He was horrible.
I get it, you know.

But Kyle's in now,
and he's much more natural.

Really good.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Vanessa, Kevin.
Oh, Mr. Prince.

I know I told you
I wasn't interested
in security,

but one of my stores
was broken into last night.

Whaaaat?

That's terrible!

It's just made me realize
that you guys were right.

I need to hire you.

24/7, 365, all my stores,
starting immediately.

Of course, thank you.

Yeah, thank you very much,
Mr. Prince.

And let me say,
you are in good hands,

'cause we're, we're
a very strong team,

and we like to think
outside the box, yeah.

Also inside the box.

Yeah, but mostly...
Mostly outside.

It's a balance.
It is a balance.

Okay.
It's a balance.

Yeah.
Thank you very much.

So, my neighbor
across the street

has a security cam.

It takes picture
every ten minutes.

We got a picture of the guy
in the act.

First order of business...
Find this maniac.

* Don't want no sweet perfume

* Shake your thing,
go bust your move

* Do, do, do, do, do

* Do, do, do, do

* Oh, yeah

* Don't want
no high-heel shoes

* I just don't want no...