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1
00:00:00,566 --> 00:00:03,333
( MUSIC PLAYING )
2
00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:34,566
( MUSIC CHANGES )
3
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:24,984
Yeah!
4
00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:52,968
How'd it go?
5
00:01:53,075 --> 00:01:55,299
Oh, I think the people who
enjoyed it the most...
6
00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:58,067
were the ones who caught up
on their sleep.
7
00:01:59,365 --> 00:02:01,546
Er, Laura and the kids have
started eating.
8
00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:03,090
Where'd they go?
9
00:02:03,793 --> 00:02:05,548
Er... er, La Petit Vérité.
10
00:02:06,131 --> 00:02:09,271
Oh. Man, Jesus.
11
00:02:09,387 --> 00:02:11,240
You're not in the mood
for French food?
12
00:02:11,356 --> 00:02:14,032
No, it's not that, it's just...
13
00:02:14,066 --> 00:02:15,400
Are you‐‐ are you okay?
14
00:02:15,432 --> 00:02:18,050
No, I‐‐ I‐‐ you know,
it's just...
15
00:02:18,165 --> 00:02:20,000
I mean, I don't get the idea of drama.
16
00:02:20,133 --> 00:02:23,056
I mean, it doesn't make
people happy, right?
17
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:25,533
Er, and‐‐ and you know,
like people...
18
00:02:25,599 --> 00:02:29,332
I know there's some people who‐‐
who, er, feel stuck in comedy...
19
00:02:29,365 --> 00:02:32,030
and they wanna prove themselves
a serious actor.
20
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:33,322
I don't.
21
00:02:33,332 --> 00:02:36,569
I mean, I love doing comedy.
I love making people laugh.
22
00:02:36,579 --> 00:02:38,938
I‐‐ I don't feel like I need
to win an award...
23
00:02:38,978 --> 00:02:41,694
for long day's journey into
boredom, you know?
24
00:02:41,704 --> 00:02:44,265
And yet here I am, doing another drama.
25
00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:47,332
You know, like a guy who‐‐
who's, er, you know...
26
00:02:47,365 --> 00:02:50,766
addicted to a drug that doesn't
even get him high, you know?
27
00:02:50,792 --> 00:02:52,519
Like a cigarette smoker
who doesn't even...
28
00:02:52,528 --> 00:02:54,405
like cigarettes, you know?
29
00:02:54,415 --> 00:02:57,133
And yet, here he goes, having
another cigarette...
30
00:02:57,165 --> 00:02:59,133
and another cigarette and
another cigarette...
31
00:02:59,165 --> 00:03:01,462
and another cigarette.
32
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,106
I get the idea, Woody.
33
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:05,108
[WOODY]
Have you ever had that...
34
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:07,665
where you were addicted to
something you didn't even like?
35
00:03:08,228 --> 00:03:09,566
Yeah, my girlfriend.
36
00:03:09,903 --> 00:03:11,537
[WOODY]
Oh, no kidding?
37
00:03:11,572 --> 00:03:14,365
Yeah, she just says the most
awful things like...
38
00:03:14,377 --> 00:03:16,637
I brought her to dinner to meet
my parents, right...
39
00:03:16,647 --> 00:03:19,358
and before we started eating my
mum says, "Let's pray".
40
00:03:19,368 --> 00:03:21,563
She goes, "I'm an atheist".
41
00:03:22,009 --> 00:03:24,405
Like she couldn't just
go along with it.
42
00:03:24,415 --> 00:03:26,500
[WOODY]
Wow, brutally honest.
43
00:03:26,533 --> 00:03:27,978
Yeah, definitely brutal.
44
00:03:28,003 --> 00:03:30,389
So we bow our heads, close our
eyes, and she just sat there...
45
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,368
staring at us like we're morons.
46
00:03:33,009 --> 00:03:34,920
[WOODY]
Well, how‐‐ how'd you know that?
47
00:03:34,932 --> 00:03:35,908
What?
48
00:03:35,932 --> 00:03:37,122
[WOODY]
I mean, if your eyes are closed...
49
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,913
how'd you know what
she was doing?
50
00:03:38,924 --> 00:03:39,956
Oh, I peeped.
51
00:03:39,980 --> 00:03:40,941
- [WOODY] Oh.
- Yeah.
52
00:03:40,966 --> 00:03:43,944
So anyway, we get through the
prayer, we start eating.
53
00:03:43,954 --> 00:03:47,066
It's dead quiet in the room,
uncomfortable quiet.
54
00:03:47,099 --> 00:03:50,332
And then she goes,
"This chicken's overcooked".
55
00:03:50,799 --> 00:03:53,123
I'd rather her choke on that
chicken, than say that.
56
00:03:53,134 --> 00:03:54,978
( WOODY CHUCKLES )
57
00:03:55,049 --> 00:03:59,332
My god, that could not have gone
over good with the parentals.
58
00:03:59,783 --> 00:04:01,311
No... well, my dad loves her.
59
00:04:01,322 --> 00:04:03,289
He says she's been over‐cooking
the chicken for 25 years...
60
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:05,961
and someone's finally called her out on it.
61
00:04:05,973 --> 00:04:08,639
My mum asks me every day if I've
managed to get rid of her yet.
62
00:04:08,650 --> 00:04:10,483
Ah!
63
00:04:10,493 --> 00:04:14,032
Well, I'm sorry about that,
dude, you know...
64
00:04:14,066 --> 00:04:17,994
but I feel‐‐ I feel lucky,
you know?
65
00:04:18,384 --> 00:04:22,252
It's like, er, Laura is so cool, you know?
66
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,365
I mean, I‐I think that's true,
that statement...
67
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,939
happy wife, happy life.
68
00:04:28,961 --> 00:04:31,744
Um, yeah.
69
00:04:33,086 --> 00:04:34,552
[WOODY] Huh?
70
00:04:34,564 --> 00:04:36,233
What?
71
00:04:36,266 --> 00:04:37,249
[WOODY]
What was that?
72
00:04:37,259 --> 00:04:39,798
What was what?
What you just said.
73
00:04:39,810 --> 00:04:41,521
What'd I just say?
74
00:04:41,533 --> 00:04:43,466
Dude, is everything cool?
75
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,689
Um, yeah.
76
00:04:46,002 --> 00:04:47,665
Okay, now that's twice.
77
00:04:47,699 --> 00:04:49,632
Yeah, I said "yeah" twice.
78
00:04:49,665 --> 00:04:52,218
Is there something
you're not telling me?
79
00:04:52,228 --> 00:04:53,228
No.
80
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,055
Are you sure?
81
00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:56,997
Um, yeah.
82
00:04:59,524 --> 00:05:02,024
- Hi, Woody.
- Hi.
83
00:05:03,495 --> 00:05:04,927
Heavy play.
84
00:05:04,939 --> 00:05:06,322
Oh, tell me.
85
00:05:06,334 --> 00:05:08,266
- I miss 'Cheers'.
- Me, too.
86
00:05:08,278 --> 00:05:11,545
You were so young and
innocent back then.
87
00:05:11,557 --> 00:05:14,500
Yeah, be a‐‐ give a lot to be
either one of those things now.
88
00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:17,060
You're all right, Woody. Would
you sign that for me, please?
89
00:05:17,088 --> 00:05:19,065
Dave. Don't sign for
paparazzi, Dave.
90
00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:22,332
Apparently, you do pose
for them, though, mate.
91
00:05:22,353 --> 00:05:25,733
Oh, yeah, lovely, lovely, mate.
Lovely, thank you.
92
00:05:25,766 --> 00:05:27,829
Woody. Woody. Woody.
93
00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:31,572
Oh my god, I knew something
was going on, dude.
94
00:05:31,752 --> 00:05:32,766
Yeah.
95
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,588
When‐‐ when did you see this?
96
00:05:35,649 --> 00:05:36,649
Just this morning.
97
00:05:36,860 --> 00:05:38,908
And you kept it from me all day?
98
00:05:38,918 --> 00:05:40,185
I didn't know you didn't know.
99
00:05:40,197 --> 00:05:42,893
Dude, of course you knew.
I didn't know.
100
00:05:42,903 --> 00:05:45,225
What would it have helped to say
something earlier?
101
00:05:45,235 --> 00:05:47,266
Because knowledge is
power, all right?
102
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:51,033
For one thing, I never would've
had Laura meet me out, okay?
103
00:05:51,043 --> 00:05:53,399
The second she walks out
that door...
104
00:05:53,432 --> 00:05:57,213
the chances of her seeing
it double, quadruple.
105
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,235
Sept... sept‐‐
106
00:05:59,917 --> 00:06:01,350
I'm sorry, Woody.
107
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:02,572
Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man.
108
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:05,704
Just relax, just relax,
don't get worked up.
109
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,154
Remember your chi,
you taught me that.
110
00:06:08,899 --> 00:06:10,949
It's fine, this is nothing new.
111
00:06:11,018 --> 00:06:13,298
Losing my wife is new, dude.
112
00:06:14,079 --> 00:06:17,632
Yeah. No, no, you're fine,
maybe she hasn't even seen it.
113
00:06:18,610 --> 00:06:20,555
Oh, that's true, I mean,
maybe she hasn't seen it.
114
00:06:20,565 --> 00:06:22,490
Yeah, you'd be able to tell,
as soon as you see her...
115
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:24,177
if she's seen it or not.
116
00:06:24,189 --> 00:06:26,240
- Right.
- If she hasn't, get her home.
117
00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:27,721
Right, get her home immediately.
118
00:06:27,731 --> 00:06:29,283
And there's a good chance
she never will see it.
119
00:06:29,293 --> 00:06:30,822
Right, right. Yeah, yeah, that's true.
120
00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:31,853
Stay positive, life's good.
121
00:06:31,862 --> 00:06:34,422
Right, right, positive,
yeah, life is good.
122
00:06:34,432 --> 00:06:35,533
Life's great.
123
00:06:35,566 --> 00:06:37,204
Right, right, life is great.
124
00:06:37,216 --> 00:06:38,483
It's a good day.
125
00:06:38,494 --> 00:06:40,033
It's a great day, man.
126
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,566
Yeah, you got it, Woods.
127
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,365
Alex, you are such a good buddy, man.
128
00:06:44,860 --> 00:06:46,994
Hey, will you come in there with me?
129
00:06:47,019 --> 00:06:48,355
God, no, no, if she has
seen it...
130
00:06:48,365 --> 00:06:50,262
I don't wanna be anywhere
near you, mate.
131
00:06:50,273 --> 00:06:51,906
Good luck, though, yeah.
132
00:07:07,321 --> 00:07:09,355
- Good evening, sir.
- Thank you.
133
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,755
- Hi, hon.
- Hi, love.
134
00:07:12,997 --> 00:07:14,100
- How you doing?
- I'm good.
135
00:07:14,132 --> 00:07:15,300
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
136
00:07:15,333 --> 00:07:17,606
Everything's groovy?
137
00:07:17,927 --> 00:07:19,978
Why are you acting so strange?
138
00:07:19,990 --> 00:07:22,100
I'm not, I'm not acting str‐‐
139
00:07:22,132 --> 00:07:23,665
Because it's coming and I‐‐
140
00:07:23,699 --> 00:07:26,332
It's cold out there
and my lips‐‐
141
00:07:26,365 --> 00:07:29,266
It's coming off as strange,
but I'm just strangely happy.
142
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:32,098
- Er, did you eat?
- Yeah, we ate.
143
00:07:32,310 --> 00:07:34,062
Let's get the check.
144
00:07:34,074 --> 00:07:36,317
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's the rush?
145
00:07:36,343 --> 00:07:37,911
Sit down. Look, I got this for you.
You're not hungry?
146
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,137
Well, let's doggy bag it,
you know‐‐
147
00:07:39,146 --> 00:07:41,915
No, sit down, tell me how
the show was tonight, come on.
148
00:07:41,925 --> 00:07:44,158
It was‐‐ it was good. It was just, er‐‐
149
00:07:44,170 --> 00:07:46,432
You know, I, I wanna get
you home and, you know...
150
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:49,100
er, maybe get you,
and run you a hot bath.
151
00:07:49,132 --> 00:07:51,353
And‐‐ and maybe give you
a massage...
152
00:07:51,365 --> 00:07:53,759
and then get you drunk and
take advantage of you.
153
00:07:53,771 --> 00:07:55,682
- Really?
- Yeah.
154
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:57,987
Wow, what has gotten into you?
155
00:07:57,997 --> 00:08:01,935
Nothing, I just‐‐ I feel so
lucky to be your husband.
156
00:08:02,214 --> 00:08:03,552
You are lucky.
157
00:08:04,615 --> 00:08:05,935
So am I.
158
00:08:06,435 --> 00:08:09,723
And maybe, if you're
really, really lucky...
159
00:08:09,934 --> 00:08:12,747
I might just let you
take advantage of me.
160
00:08:14,264 --> 00:08:17,268
- Um, so where's the rascals?
- And you know what?
161
00:08:17,278 --> 00:08:19,403
There's still plenty of wine left in this
bottle. You want me to pour you a glass?
162
00:08:19,413 --> 00:08:21,384
Let's just cork it, drink
it in the tub.
163
00:08:21,396 --> 00:08:22,745
Where's the munchkins?
164
00:08:22,755 --> 00:08:25,043
- They're around here somewhere.
- Here you are, sir.
165
00:08:25,055 --> 00:08:26,100
Oh, wonderful, wonderful.
166
00:08:26,132 --> 00:08:28,853
Can we get the wine and the
food to go, please?
167
00:08:28,863 --> 00:08:30,187
Oh, certainly, sir, no problem.
168
00:08:30,197 --> 00:08:31,762
Okay, great.
169
00:08:38,270 --> 00:08:39,736
I'm just kidding.
170
00:08:39,748 --> 00:08:42,557
No, what's the best tip
you ever got?
171
00:08:42,567 --> 00:08:43,981
To buy Apple.
172
00:08:44,014 --> 00:08:46,133
That's funny, you're funny.
173
00:08:46,165 --> 00:08:49,028
Yeah, people have accused
me of that.
174
00:08:50,049 --> 00:08:52,383
Er, so can I get some
candles, maybe?
175
00:08:52,716 --> 00:08:55,042
Whoa, whoa, what has
gotten into you tonight?
176
00:08:55,052 --> 00:08:56,307
Well, you know, for the
tub, you know.
177
00:08:56,317 --> 00:08:58,265
Er, 'Be Prepared', Boy
Scout motto.
178
00:08:58,299 --> 00:09:00,232
Wait, you were a Boy Scout?
179
00:09:00,265 --> 00:09:02,265
Er, Cub, but highly decorated.
180
00:09:02,299 --> 00:09:04,166
Oh, I wish I could have
known you then.
181
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:07,809
Honey, that's almost weird,
you'd be way too old for me.
182
00:09:07,821 --> 00:09:09,917
I bet you were a hot,
little Cub Scout.
183
00:09:09,927 --> 00:09:13,677
Honey... I think she's having
a Chinese reaction to the wine.
184
00:09:13,743 --> 00:09:15,567
- 500.
- Huh?
185
00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:18,330
The biggest tip I've
ever gotten, 500 pounds.
186
00:09:18,341 --> 00:09:19,716
Holy moly.
187
00:09:19,958 --> 00:09:22,659
Is this 'Natural Born Killer'...
making you an 'Indecent Proposal'?
188
00:09:22,669 --> 00:09:23,198
Oh...
189
00:09:23,224 --> 00:09:25,792
Hey, you can tell me, 'White
Men Can't Jump'.
190
00:09:25,802 --> 00:09:27,128
- Oh, that's, that's good.
- Yeah.
191
00:09:27,139 --> 00:09:29,884
- 500.
- Oh, oh, right, right.
192
00:09:29,895 --> 00:09:33,878
Hey, yeah... that's sizeable.
Okay, here you go.
193
00:09:33,889 --> 00:09:35,466
That's a little‐‐ you know what?
194
00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:40,489
I'm not gonna be able to meet
that, er, huge, er, number...
195
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:43,528
that‐‐ whoever that guy,
Aristotle‐fricking‐Onassis.
196
00:09:43,552 --> 00:09:46,403
Here, this is‐‐ okay, that's for you.
197
00:09:46,427 --> 00:09:47,667
Very kind, sir.
198
00:09:47,677 --> 00:09:50,514
Ah, to whom much is
given, much is required.
199
00:09:51,548 --> 00:09:53,081
- Hello, Laura.
- Hi.
200
00:09:53,091 --> 00:09:54,265
Woody, how are you?
201
00:09:54,299 --> 00:09:57,620
Oh, yeah, hey, hey, uh, good,
good. How are you doing?
202
00:09:57,630 --> 00:10:00,197
Excellent, yeah. D'you
remember my name?
203
00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:02,817
Oh, your name, er, let's
see. Don't tell me.
204
00:10:02,828 --> 00:10:07,067
Moo, Moo, Momah, Mohammed...
no, Mu, Musta...
205
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:09,787
It starts with an 'M', right?
206
00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:11,934
- Alan.
- Alan, right, sorry, yeah.
207
00:10:11,946 --> 00:10:13,745
Just another handsome Arab
to you, aren't I?
208
00:10:13,755 --> 00:10:16,008
Right, you really are a
handsome Arab.
209
00:10:16,019 --> 00:10:17,841
I'm Iranian.
210
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,559
Oh, it's a pretty language, huh?
211
00:10:22,571 --> 00:10:24,003
Would you like to meet
the prince?
212
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:27,311
Oh, yeah, I never met a prince
before, other than Prince.
213
00:10:27,345 --> 00:10:29,245
- You wanna meet a prince?
- Yeah.
214
00:10:29,255 --> 00:10:31,784
Woody, this is Prince Abu Ali
Adullah Bin Saltan Al Rahmanil.
215
00:10:31,809 --> 00:10:34,610
- Oh, hey, nice to...
- Oh my god!
216
00:10:34,644 --> 00:10:36,849
Hey, careful, there's gravity there.
217
00:10:36,860 --> 00:10:39,234
- [WOODY] Good one.
- You okay, Papa?
218
00:10:39,245 --> 00:10:41,169
[WOODY] Er, yeah.
219
00:10:41,181 --> 00:10:43,600
Oh, no, you tied
other people's shoes?
220
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,356
We tied everybody's.
221
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:47,101
What should we do, Papa?
222
00:10:47,126 --> 00:10:49,591
Oh, er, well, if I raised you
right, you'll go over there...
223
00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:51,211
and apologize to 'em.
224
00:10:51,245 --> 00:10:52,378
Okay.
225
00:10:53,115 --> 00:10:55,106
( GLASS SMASHING )
226
00:10:58,893 --> 00:11:00,793
- What do we do now?
- [WOODY] Run!
227
00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:02,918
That barman needs to cut
these people off.
228
00:11:06,191 --> 00:11:07,364
Hey.
229
00:11:07,510 --> 00:11:08,644
Nice to meet you.
230
00:11:08,677 --> 00:11:10,966
It's a real pleasure to meet you.
231
00:11:10,979 --> 00:11:11,923
Oh...
232
00:11:11,934 --> 00:11:15,267
You know, you have given
me many, many, many...
233
00:11:15,278 --> 00:11:19,010
many, many, many, many,
many, many...
234
00:11:19,044 --> 00:11:21,577
many hours of entertainment.
235
00:11:21,610 --> 00:11:24,411
So many "manys". This is my wife, Laura.
236
00:11:24,445 --> 00:11:26,345
- Hello.
- Oh...
237
00:11:28,577 --> 00:11:30,037
Enchanté.
238
00:11:30,787 --> 00:11:33,644
Wow, you are a real beauty.
239
00:11:33,677 --> 00:11:35,345
- Oh, thank you.
- Truly.
240
00:11:35,378 --> 00:11:36,334
You're sweet.
241
00:11:36,345 --> 00:11:40,365
No, no, no, no, no, you're
sweet, like sticky honey.
242
00:11:41,731 --> 00:11:42,884
Er... thank you.
243
00:11:42,895 --> 00:11:44,025
Um...
244
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,445
Well, I'm just gonna, er, run to
the little girls' room, Romeo.
245
00:11:47,477 --> 00:11:48,977
Oh, we got‐‐ we got
a bathroom...
246
00:11:49,010 --> 00:11:51,644
back at the‐‐ back at the
hotel, Juliet.
247
00:11:51,677 --> 00:11:52,817
I'll be right back.
248
00:11:52,828 --> 00:11:55,224
Okay, I'll meet you back
here in a trice.
249
00:11:55,245 --> 00:11:57,110
And, I don't even know what
that word means.
250
00:11:57,144 --> 00:11:58,981
- Oh.
- Ow.
251
00:11:58,993 --> 00:12:01,299
There's more where that
came from.
252
00:12:01,311 --> 00:12:03,577
Wow, you are really
feeling randy tonight, huh?
253
00:12:03,610 --> 00:12:06,110
"Randy", that's a good
word, too, right?
254
00:12:06,144 --> 00:12:07,278
You scallywag.
255
00:12:07,311 --> 00:12:09,283
Oh, um, you rapscallion.
256
00:12:09,294 --> 00:12:11,445
You scamp. Miscreant.
257
00:12:11,477 --> 00:12:13,077
Bitch.
258
00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:16,767
So, er, how do you know the prince?
259
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:18,240
Er, he adopted me.
260
00:12:18,250 --> 00:12:20,979
I was a bastard child and
he raised me like a baby fawn.
261
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:24,615
- He is a fawn in my side.
- Fawn in my side.
262
00:12:25,076 --> 00:12:26,911
You'd tell me if I smelled
like BO, would you?
263
00:12:26,936 --> 00:12:28,311
Oh my god, babe, of course.
264
00:12:28,345 --> 00:12:29,677
My god, I thought it was me...
265
00:12:29,711 --> 00:12:31,211
- and then I hugged that guy
- Alan...
266
00:12:31,245 --> 00:12:33,977
- In the green velvet jacket?
- Yeah, he stinks.
267
00:12:34,010 --> 00:12:37,403
His laugh annoys me as
well, I've gotta be honest.
268
00:12:38,077 --> 00:12:40,977
♪ I'm learning to love myself ♪
269
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:43,903
♪ Yeah I'm learning
to love myself ♪
270
00:12:43,914 --> 00:12:45,849
♪ I'm learn‐‐ ♪
271
00:12:46,070 --> 00:12:47,702
- No, keep going.
- My God.
272
00:12:48,014 --> 00:12:51,010
- Keep going.
- I'm‐‐ I'm so embarrassed.
273
00:12:51,287 --> 00:12:54,130
- Cute.
- Yeah... oh, no.
274
00:12:54,610 --> 00:12:57,445
Okay, I'm gonna ask you
honestly and just the once...
275
00:12:57,481 --> 00:13:00,466
but d'you feel like my
neck has grown?
276
00:13:00,477 --> 00:13:03,770
Look at me, like out, like
the circumference of it?
277
00:13:04,061 --> 00:13:05,995
Well, that's a 'yes', 'cause
I can see it in your face. What?
278
00:13:06,005 --> 00:13:07,044
Babe, babe, do you know what
you should do?
279
00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:09,089
- Do this, but with your neck.
- Really? How often?
280
00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:11,634
Just like every morning when
you wake up.
281
00:13:11,644 --> 00:13:13,541
I mean, the fat might displace
to another part of your body...
282
00:13:13,551 --> 00:13:15,077
but I'm sure you'll be fine.
283
00:13:15,110 --> 00:13:18,567
I used to hate my nose,
now it's my neck.
284
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,687
Your nose is fine.
Come in sooner with that.
285
00:13:20,708 --> 00:13:23,544
Babe, your nose is fine,
you're being ridiculous.
286
00:13:23,577 --> 00:13:25,912
Okay. So which one do you want?
287
00:13:26,211 --> 00:13:28,745
I don't know. I think Sayed
is really sexy.
288
00:13:28,778 --> 00:13:31,010
I'm so glad you said
that because, honestly...
289
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,477
the prince is mine tonight.
290
00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:34,298
If I get rid of this neck
thing...
291
00:13:34,309 --> 00:13:37,477
I'm gonna sit on that
throne. Am I right?
292
00:13:37,510 --> 00:13:38,610
- The prince?
- Too much?
293
00:13:38,644 --> 00:13:40,610
He's like four times your age.
294
00:13:40,644 --> 00:13:42,245
And that's your judgement face.
295
00:13:42,278 --> 00:13:43,735
Babe, I'm your friend,
I don't judge you.
296
00:13:43,745 --> 00:13:47,275
Yeah, exactly, okay, so
the prince is mine tonight...
297
00:13:47,312 --> 00:13:49,157
and you can have Seaweed.
298
00:13:49,236 --> 00:13:50,203
Seaweed?
299
00:13:50,215 --> 00:13:51,836
Am I saying that wrong?
300
00:13:51,861 --> 00:13:54,095
Babe, his name is Sayed,
it's not that hard to say.
301
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:55,653
Wait, did you see this?
302
00:13:58,010 --> 00:13:59,544
- No, no, no, no.
- Grim.
303
00:13:59,577 --> 00:14:02,644
No, look, and the funniest thing
about this is that...
304
00:14:02,677 --> 00:14:05,700
he's actually upstairs right
now with his wife.
305
00:14:05,711 --> 00:14:07,010
You know, the Asian one?
306
00:14:07,044 --> 00:14:08,143
- That's his wife?
- Yes.
307
00:14:08,168 --> 00:14:10,491
And they're okay with this?
Well, she didn't seem upset...
308
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:11,841
and they actually seemed
quite happy.
309
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,711
Although, Asians are the
masters of hiding emotion.
310
00:14:14,745 --> 00:14:17,077
- So true.
- Mmm‐hmm.
311
00:14:17,110 --> 00:14:19,477
Oh, she's so fit, so much fitter
than any of these.
312
00:14:19,510 --> 00:14:22,078
God, so much surgery in
one photograph.
313
00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:23,211
Do I need surgery here?
314
00:14:23,245 --> 00:14:25,094
Babe, just slap it, you'll be fine.
315
00:14:25,105 --> 00:14:26,333
D'you know what I think?
316
00:14:26,345 --> 00:14:29,445
This is options though, for
you, for tonight.
317
00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:31,445
Come on, they're obviously not
happily married.
318
00:14:31,477 --> 00:14:33,445
If you don't wanna go
for Seaweed, I'd go for him.
319
00:14:33,477 --> 00:14:34,677
I think he's an actor.
320
00:14:34,711 --> 00:14:35,677
I don't do 'married'.
321
00:14:35,711 --> 00:14:37,177
He likes Asians anyway.
322
00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:39,219
Babe, none of these women are Asian.
323
00:14:39,230 --> 00:14:41,863
Well, not with those boobs, no.
324
00:14:42,044 --> 00:14:43,245
Okay, you good?
325
00:14:43,278 --> 00:14:46,544
Yeah. I'm just checking
I have it. Yeah.
326
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,062
- You good?
- Fine, let's go.
327
00:14:49,073 --> 00:14:50,040
Yeah.
328
00:14:50,052 --> 00:14:51,477
Oh, teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth.
329
00:14:51,510 --> 00:14:53,411
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, check me.
- Am I okay?
330
00:14:53,445 --> 00:14:55,010
- Okay and me?
- Definitely?
331
00:14:55,044 --> 00:14:56,467
Yeah, you're fine.
Are you sure? No Seaweed?
332
00:14:56,477 --> 00:14:58,977
Not yet there isn't.
( BOTH LAUGHING )
333
00:14:59,010 --> 00:15:00,510
Can you just check the
bogies for me?
334
00:15:00,544 --> 00:15:01,745
- Yeah.
- Okay, you're good. Me?
335
00:15:01,754 --> 00:15:03,395
- Am I clear?
- Clear skies, yeah.
336
00:15:03,407 --> 00:15:04,445
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
337
00:15:04,477 --> 00:15:05,711
Wait, is he an actor...
338
00:15:05,745 --> 00:15:07,477
or am I just completely
getting that wrong?
339
00:15:07,510 --> 00:15:09,510
Oh my god, yeah, babe,
he's been in so many films.
340
00:15:09,544 --> 00:15:13,366
I feel like it's TV. Yes.
Oh my god, what's it called?
341
00:15:13,378 --> 00:15:15,976
It's so famous, and it made him.
342
00:15:16,510 --> 00:15:17,577
'Full House'.
343
00:15:17,610 --> 00:15:19,010
D'you know what?
I never saw that.
344
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:23,345
Woody, I wonder if I can
interest you in, um...
345
00:15:23,378 --> 00:15:25,851
going out with us
for a few drinks?
346
00:15:25,863 --> 00:15:28,211
Uh, no, any other night but,
you know, it's‐‐
347
00:15:28,245 --> 00:15:31,077
It's actually 'date' night
for me and the wifey‐poo.
348
00:15:31,110 --> 00:15:32,477
You know, we're like newly‐weds.
349
00:15:32,510 --> 00:15:33,600
- I mean, she's so...
- Really?
350
00:15:33,610 --> 00:15:34,677
Ravenous for me.
351
00:15:34,711 --> 00:15:35,644
Wow.
352
00:15:35,677 --> 00:15:37,335
Yeah, I mean, she's like
a jaguar on the hunt.
353
00:15:37,345 --> 00:15:40,177
I can picture her now,
tearing at your flesh.
354
00:15:40,211 --> 00:15:43,544
- Yeah.
- Whoa, whoa, a jaguar.
355
00:15:43,577 --> 00:15:45,922
Honey?
356
00:15:45,932 --> 00:15:48,010
Were you just hoping I
wouldn't see this?
357
00:15:48,044 --> 00:15:50,211
I am so sorry, honey.
358
00:15:50,245 --> 00:15:53,677
Three women? How, how does
that even happen?
359
00:15:53,711 --> 00:15:57,765
Well, I mean, they‐‐ they came
up to me outside of this bar...
360
00:15:57,777 --> 00:16:00,672
and they... er, they asked me...
361
00:16:01,101 --> 00:16:04,469
if I wanted to take a walk
on the wild side.
362
00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:07,966
A walk on the wild side?
363
00:16:07,976 --> 00:16:11,510
Honey, I'm so sorry.
I was really, really drunk.
364
00:16:11,544 --> 00:16:13,903
An apology followed by an
excuse is bullshit.
365
00:16:13,913 --> 00:16:15,668
I'm not excusing, I'm
giving context, you know.
366
00:16:15,677 --> 00:16:17,567
Well, you know, maybe I'll get
really, really drunk tonight...
367
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:20,311
and find myself three
hot, young Englishmen.
368
00:16:20,345 --> 00:16:21,977
Honey, the children might hear you.
369
00:16:22,010 --> 00:16:22,977
Fuck the children!
370
00:16:23,010 --> 00:16:23,500
Oh!
371
00:16:23,510 --> 00:16:26,235
- Excuse me.
- No, excuse me.
372
00:16:30,078 --> 00:16:31,638
Are you okay?
373
00:16:31,649 --> 00:16:32,672
No.
374
00:16:33,485 --> 00:16:34,445
The, um...
( CLEARS THROAT )
375
00:16:34,477 --> 00:16:36,610
the, er, prince is, is leaving.
376
00:16:37,486 --> 00:16:38,859
Okay.
377
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:45,067
Woody... I do hope
everything's okay.
378
00:16:45,077 --> 00:16:46,610
Yeah. Yeah, me, too.
379
00:16:47,094 --> 00:16:51,520
Asian women, they are beautiful,
but they are problem.
380
00:16:51,532 --> 00:16:53,469
No, I think I might be
the problem on this here.
381
00:16:53,496 --> 00:16:54,462
No, no, no, no, no.
382
00:16:54,474 --> 00:16:56,239
I can't find the kids.
383
00:16:56,250 --> 00:16:58,144
They're, they're fine, trust me.
384
00:16:58,177 --> 00:16:59,144
Trust you?
385
00:16:59,177 --> 00:17:01,177
Laura, I wonder...
386
00:17:01,631 --> 00:17:04,233
can I steal your husband away
for one drink?
387
00:17:04,244 --> 00:17:07,244
Oh, you wouldn't be stealing.
Take him. Keep him.
388
00:17:07,278 --> 00:17:09,244
No, no, I'm‐‐ I'm coming
with you, honey.
389
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,178
No, you should go with the prince.
390
00:17:10,211 --> 00:17:11,077
No, no, no, I'm coming with you.
391
00:17:11,111 --> 00:17:14,012
- I don't want you.
- Excuse us one second.
392
00:17:14,023 --> 00:17:15,611
Take two.
393
00:17:15,644 --> 00:17:18,583
Honey, you have every right
to be angry.
394
00:17:18,594 --> 00:17:22,836
I'm not angry. I am so
disappointed.
395
00:17:24,415 --> 00:17:26,281
Why didn't you tell me?
396
00:17:26,535 --> 00:17:30,944
Because I was just... I, I mean,
I was terrified of losing you.
397
00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:33,630
I don't know if just
being with me...
398
00:17:33,641 --> 00:17:35,478
is ever gonna be enough for you.
399
00:17:35,510 --> 00:17:38,759
Honey, I promise you, this
will never happen again.
400
00:17:38,770 --> 00:17:39,961
Never.
401
00:17:40,304 --> 00:17:42,604
I don't wanna compel
you to do something...
402
00:17:42,684 --> 00:17:44,617
that you don't want to do.
403
00:17:46,790 --> 00:17:48,875
Why am I not enough for you?
404
00:17:50,508 --> 00:17:51,545
Oh, honey, you are,
you are, honey.
405
00:17:51,555 --> 00:17:53,325
No, no, do not touch me.
406
00:17:53,336 --> 00:17:55,433
- Stop apologizing you.
- I... Okay, okay.
407
00:17:55,444 --> 00:17:58,345
Maybe... maybe we need some
time apart.
408
00:17:58,377 --> 00:17:59,278
- No.
- Yeah.
409
00:17:59,310 --> 00:18:00,244
No, no, honey.
I'm gonna get the kids...
410
00:18:00,278 --> 00:18:01,434
- and I am gonna go.
- No, we don't. No, honey.
411
00:18:01,444 --> 00:18:03,644
Yes. Yes, we do. I am going.
Honey. Honey, no, no, no.
412
00:18:03,678 --> 00:18:05,074
Woody! Get up.
Please, honey.
413
00:18:05,098 --> 00:18:06,268
Honey, don't leave me.
Get up.
414
00:18:06,278 --> 00:18:08,126
Please don't leave me. Please
don't leave me, honey.
415
00:18:08,136 --> 00:18:12,230
Just listen to me. I can't be
near you right now.
416
00:18:12,682 --> 00:18:14,050
I can't.
417
00:18:15,540 --> 00:18:18,055
I need some time to think about this.
418
00:18:18,066 --> 00:18:22,016
Okay, but I wanna come with
you and we can think together.
419
00:18:22,027 --> 00:18:24,377
It's not about what you want.
420
00:18:24,411 --> 00:18:26,377
- Is it?
- No.
421
00:18:26,411 --> 00:18:28,625
Okay, okay, okay, look,
I'll go have one drink...
422
00:18:28,635 --> 00:18:32,045
with the prince and then I'll
meet you back at the hotel.
423
00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:34,045
One drink? Well, that
will be a first.
424
00:18:34,077 --> 00:18:36,045
No, no, that's, that's a
hundred per cent guaranz.
425
00:18:36,077 --> 00:18:38,045
I'll just, let's see,
it's 10:45 now.
426
00:18:38,077 --> 00:18:41,577
I'll have one drink and I'll
meet you, er, at midnight.
427
00:18:41,611 --> 00:18:42,577
Okay? Midnight.
428
00:18:42,611 --> 00:18:44,577
Just get there when you get there.
429
00:18:44,611 --> 00:18:46,045
Midnight pumpkin,
midnight pumpkin.
430
00:18:46,077 --> 00:18:47,545
- What?
- Oh, just a mnemonic device.
431
00:18:47,577 --> 00:18:50,478
I just, I'm, I'm glad we're gonna talk.
432
00:18:53,692 --> 00:18:55,558
Just call the kids.
433
00:19:01,069 --> 00:19:03,336
Can you spot me a couple of LBs?
434
00:19:03,478 --> 00:19:04,978
Why do you need money?
435
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:07,000
You're going out with the prince.
436
00:19:07,010 --> 00:19:08,111
Daddy!
437
00:19:08,144 --> 00:19:10,061
Oh, hey, kids.
438
00:19:10,492 --> 00:19:13,569
Alright, I want you to
look after your mom.
439
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:14,478
Okay?
440
00:19:14,502 --> 00:19:15,577
Can you do that?
441
00:19:15,611 --> 00:19:16,750
And I'll see you later.
442
00:19:16,775 --> 00:19:19,000
Thought you were coming home with us.
Let's watch a movie.
443
00:19:19,010 --> 00:19:21,478
Well, no, remember you guys
gotta get some rest tonight...
444
00:19:21,510 --> 00:19:24,111
because you're gonna meet
Harry Potter in the morning.
445
00:19:24,144 --> 00:19:25,444
Come home with us, Daddy.
446
00:19:25,478 --> 00:19:26,711
- I can't.
- You won't!
447
00:19:26,744 --> 00:19:28,278
I will, I'm just having
one drink.
448
00:19:28,310 --> 00:19:30,278
- You always say that.
- I don't always say that.
449
00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:32,211
Then why can't you have
a drink with us?
450
00:19:32,244 --> 00:19:33,478
With you lightweights?
451
00:19:33,510 --> 00:19:35,310
I mean, they're not gonna
let you in to a pub.
452
00:19:35,345 --> 00:19:37,345
They give hot toddies
to toddlers here.
453
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:39,010
We can drink orange juice.
454
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,644
- Well‐‐
- Come on, Daddy, come on.
455
00:19:40,670 --> 00:19:41,753
Okay, okay...
456
00:19:41,778 --> 00:19:44,769
Hey, honey, I... please,
please let me come home.
457
00:19:44,780 --> 00:19:47,344
You know what?
Here.
458
00:19:51,796 --> 00:19:54,096
Don't spend it all on one whore.
459
00:19:59,726 --> 00:20:03,028
- Hey.
- Honey, Deni? You have‐‐
460
00:20:03,038 --> 00:20:05,172
Here, Daddy, take this magic feather.
461
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,538
Oh, is that a magic feather?
462
00:20:06,571 --> 00:20:08,694
It came from a magic owl.
463
00:20:08,711 --> 00:20:09,878
Oh, really?
464
00:20:09,891 --> 00:20:10,786
Yes.
465
00:20:10,797 --> 00:20:12,261
With this feather you can
talk directly to God...
466
00:20:12,271 --> 00:20:14,472
and He'll grant you one wish.
467
00:20:14,483 --> 00:20:17,272
Oh, can He make your
mom love me again?
468
00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:20,761
You can't make everyone happy, Daddy.
You aren't a box of puppies.
469
00:20:20,772 --> 00:20:23,483
Huh, yeah, okay.
470
00:20:23,506 --> 00:20:25,271
Well, thanks for the feather, kid.
471
00:20:25,306 --> 00:20:27,971
Don't stress or you'll lose
your kid juice, Daddy.
472
00:20:28,006 --> 00:20:29,672
That is good advice.
473
00:20:29,705 --> 00:20:30,971
Very good advice.
474
00:20:31,006 --> 00:20:31,971
I love you.
475
00:20:32,006 --> 00:20:33,072
One wish, Daddy.
476
00:20:33,105 --> 00:20:35,280
Woody, are you ready?
477
00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:37,851
I love you, honey.
478
00:20:39,250 --> 00:20:42,217
Okay. Come.
( ENGINE STARTING )
479
00:20:42,344 --> 00:20:43,743
Let's go.
480
00:20:52,561 --> 00:20:55,173
Hey, hippie, gypsy mobile,
Scooby Doo‐style.
481
00:20:55,184 --> 00:20:57,640
Er, I didn't think it was
your best move...
482
00:20:57,651 --> 00:21:00,712
to pop into a limo full of
scantily clad ladies right now.
483
00:21:00,723 --> 00:21:01,873
Right.
484
00:21:05,204 --> 00:21:07,436
Is everything okay, Mommy?
485
00:21:08,035 --> 00:21:09,288
No.
486
00:21:14,276 --> 00:21:17,410
( MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING )
487
00:21:29,157 --> 00:21:31,038
Tight squeeze or what.
488
00:21:35,788 --> 00:21:37,255
I'm Sayed.
489
00:21:37,266 --> 00:21:38,432
Oh, hey, Woody.
490
00:21:38,443 --> 00:21:39,705
- Omar.
- Hello.
491
00:21:39,739 --> 00:21:43,427
- Love Annie Hall.
- You‐‐ you all right?
492
00:21:43,439 --> 00:21:46,542
Er, I'm a little glum.
493
00:21:46,554 --> 00:21:48,269
Glum? Why are you glum?
494
00:21:48,279 --> 00:21:51,439
Er, just me and the wifey
have, we're just...
495
00:21:51,471 --> 00:21:53,372
we're in a little rut, you know.
496
00:21:53,405 --> 00:21:55,471
You been with her a while?
497
00:21:55,482 --> 00:21:57,506
Yeah, since '87.
498
00:21:57,538 --> 00:21:59,506
She's the best thing that
ever happened to me.
499
00:21:59,538 --> 00:22:00,471
You know, I think being born...
500
00:22:00,506 --> 00:22:02,506
was the best thing to
ever happen to you.
501
00:22:02,538 --> 00:22:04,528
No, honestly, I wouldn't have
wanted to have been born...
502
00:22:04,538 --> 00:22:05,338
if I hadn't met her.
503
00:22:05,372 --> 00:22:08,271
I mean, she's made my life great.
504
00:22:08,306 --> 00:22:10,271
This is‐‐ this is over
the magazine?
505
00:22:10,306 --> 00:22:12,675
Yeah. I wonder if anybody
didn't see this?
506
00:22:12,686 --> 00:22:14,271
No, everyone saw it.
507
00:22:14,306 --> 00:22:15,395
Yeah, it's on every newsstand.
508
00:22:15,405 --> 00:22:17,296
And even the people that
don't buy it, you know...
509
00:22:17,306 --> 00:22:19,271
they see the picture, the headline.
510
00:22:19,306 --> 00:22:21,271
It's a good picture,
it's proper, sexy.
511
00:22:21,306 --> 00:22:23,593
- Oh, thanks.
- Not you, the birds.
512
00:22:23,851 --> 00:22:25,239
Why do you buy that filth?
513
00:22:25,271 --> 00:22:26,695
'Cause you're on the bloody
front cover.
514
00:22:26,705 --> 00:22:28,646
You're never on the front
cover of anything.
515
00:22:28,657 --> 00:22:30,758
You think I wouldn't drop
40 pence for you?
516
00:22:30,769 --> 00:22:32,502
Let's go on, boys.
517
00:22:34,606 --> 00:22:35,640
What are you doing?
518
00:22:35,651 --> 00:22:37,528
It's a hippie gypsy party.
519
00:22:37,538 --> 00:22:39,105
Did you really shag
three birds at once?
520
00:22:39,138 --> 00:22:40,662
Bruv, that is more fun than I ever had.
521
00:22:40,672 --> 00:22:41,729
Well of course, you just
got your own two paws...
522
00:22:41,739 --> 00:22:43,578
to maul at your man clam.
Oh, shut up. Shut up.
523
00:22:43,605 --> 00:22:47,135
He's got six helping hands.
Alright, we'll see tonight then.
524
00:22:47,146 --> 00:22:48,471
Yeah, that's it...
525
00:22:48,506 --> 00:22:52,249
- Hey, hey, shut up.
- Hey! Shut up!
526
00:22:53,279 --> 00:22:55,338
Can't you see what the man
is going through?
527
00:22:55,372 --> 00:22:56,613
[BOTH] Sorry.
528
00:22:56,624 --> 00:22:59,113
[WOODY] You have very expressive
bodyguards.
529
00:22:59,124 --> 00:23:02,471
Bodyguards? If a bullet were to come...
530
00:23:02,506 --> 00:23:04,038
they would shove me in
front, you know.
531
00:23:04,071 --> 00:23:05,328
They're his sons, you daft wanker.
532
00:23:05,338 --> 00:23:07,686
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Oh.
533
00:23:08,029 --> 00:23:11,372
Woody, I'm sorry for what
you're going through.
534
00:23:11,405 --> 00:23:14,672
Yeah, man, this has rocked me
to my core, I gotta say.
535
00:23:14,698 --> 00:23:17,724
You know, I used to be
very religious and...
536
00:23:17,756 --> 00:23:21,605
I don't know, I guess I got
kind of side‐tracked.
537
00:23:21,638 --> 00:23:24,638
But, you know, I, I feel like...
538
00:23:24,662 --> 00:23:27,205
I need to get more
spiritual, you know.
539
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:29,071
Like more meditation and yoga.
540
00:23:29,105 --> 00:23:32,573
And all, all signs are
pointing the same direction.
541
00:23:33,077 --> 00:23:34,088
Soul.
542
00:23:34,099 --> 00:23:35,162
So listen to more Marvin Gaye, then.
543
00:23:35,172 --> 00:23:36,328
Ah, I see what you did there.
544
00:23:36,338 --> 00:23:39,157
You've gotta laugh to keep
yourself from crying sometimes.
545
00:23:39,169 --> 00:23:41,769
Smile though your heart is breaking.
546
00:23:41,779 --> 00:23:44,205
Yeah, force a smile, pop
a pill, eat a pizza.
547
00:23:44,239 --> 00:23:45,939
Anything but feel it, right?
548
00:23:45,971 --> 00:23:48,271
- You need a drink?
- Big time.
549
00:23:48,334 --> 00:23:50,506
Well, I got just the thing
for you, baby girl.
550
00:23:50,538 --> 00:23:53,443
I know exactly what
you're going through.
551
00:23:54,224 --> 00:23:57,084
Their mother gives me no
end of torment.
552
00:23:57,287 --> 00:23:58,372
Always moody.
553
00:23:58,599 --> 00:24:00,705
I want to blow my brains
over her shoe closet.
554
00:24:00,739 --> 00:24:02,729
Yeah, all right, Pops, wouldn't
that make her moodier?
555
00:24:02,739 --> 00:24:04,428
She loves her shoes.
556
00:24:04,865 --> 00:24:08,071
Fortunately, my other
wives are more cheerful.
557
00:24:08,404 --> 00:24:11,521
More, er, youthful.
Yeah, d'you want one?
558
00:24:11,623 --> 00:24:13,127
- Sort you out nicely.
- Yeah?
559
00:24:13,138 --> 00:24:14,338
We got a spare one, actually.
560
00:24:14,372 --> 00:24:16,271
It's, er, Miss Skegness 1995.
561
00:24:16,306 --> 00:24:20,388
Hold on, boobs or bum? Bruv.
D'you like boobs or bum?
562
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:21,162
Skegness.
563
00:24:21,173 --> 00:24:23,998
He's got one from
Uzbekistan. Pakistan.
564
00:24:24,038 --> 00:24:25,138
Kazak... all the 'Stans'.
565
00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:27,271
Variety is the, the, the spice of life.
566
00:24:27,306 --> 00:24:28,271
Equal opportunities.
567
00:24:28,306 --> 00:24:30,271
- Equal opportunity, yes.
- I like it.
568
00:24:30,306 --> 00:24:32,846
Ooh, ooh, you have reached
your destination.
569
00:24:32,857 --> 00:24:33,939
Please mind the gap.
570
00:24:33,950 --> 00:24:37,209
Okay, boys, behave yourselves.
571
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:47,156
Ok, boys behave yourself.
572
00:24:47,227 --> 00:24:49,239
- Okay?
- Always, Pops.
573
00:24:49,250 --> 00:24:51,672
I hope I fall into a bowl
of pussy soup tonight, boy.
574
00:24:51,705 --> 00:24:52,506
Give me a second, eh.
575
00:24:52,538 --> 00:24:55,063
Let me, er, go wave my magic wand.
576
00:24:55,924 --> 00:24:57,653
So where is your wife?
577
00:24:57,663 --> 00:25:00,471
Oh, she's, er, she's probably
heading back to the hotel.
578
00:25:00,506 --> 00:25:01,271
Oh.
579
00:25:01,306 --> 00:25:03,471
- Oh, she'll be fine.
- Yeah, yeah.
580
00:25:03,903 --> 00:25:07,226
I mean, I'm gonna meet
up with her later.
581
00:25:07,405 --> 00:25:08,538
Yeah, that's later.
582
00:25:08,813 --> 00:25:11,271
For now, you come with us
and have a few drinks, okay?
583
00:25:11,306 --> 00:25:13,653
Well I told her I'd have one drink.
584
00:25:13,663 --> 00:25:15,672
One drink, that's all I'm having.
585
00:25:16,031 --> 00:25:20,059
So we have a drink, dance, laugh.
586
00:25:20,070 --> 00:25:22,506
Later, you go home,
everything will be okay.
587
00:25:23,452 --> 00:25:24,338
You think so?
588
00:25:24,349 --> 00:25:25,583
I know so.
589
00:25:25,952 --> 00:25:27,609
I like your confidence.
590
00:25:27,898 --> 00:25:30,852
What did you do wrong, eh?
Are you a man?
591
00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:33,241
Well, yeah, I mean, yeah.
592
00:25:33,353 --> 00:25:36,663
Every man deserves at
least three wives.
593
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,162
Well, okay, I mean, I'll talk
to the missus, but‐‐
594
00:25:39,172 --> 00:25:40,561
Yeah, that's all good and all
that but what are we gonna do...
595
00:25:40,572 --> 00:25:42,271
about this God awful line?
596
00:25:42,306 --> 00:25:44,006
I wouldn't worry about that.
597
00:25:44,038 --> 00:25:45,038
Oh, yeah, why is that?
598
00:25:45,452 --> 00:25:46,653
TV‐Q.
599
00:25:46,663 --> 00:25:47,583
TV‐Q, what's that?
600
00:25:47,594 --> 00:25:48,538
Television quotient.
601
00:25:48,572 --> 00:25:50,672
You know, it's just a read
of how popular you are...
602
00:25:50,682 --> 00:25:55,250
in a given culture and
luckily my, my, er,
603
00:25:55,430 --> 00:25:57,919
TV‐Q... is pretty strong
in the Mother Country.
604
00:25:57,930 --> 00:25:59,364
- Yeah. Right.
- [DOORMAN] Green light. Let's go.
605
00:25:59,374 --> 00:26:01,039
Oh, yeah. See?
606
00:26:01,050 --> 00:26:04,884
And it's, Hollywood is almost
like royalty without borders.
607
00:26:04,916 --> 00:26:06,584
I, I hope that doesn't
sound arrogant.
608
00:26:06,616 --> 00:26:08,090
Don't sound humble.
609
00:26:08,102 --> 00:26:09,050
Well...
610
00:26:09,084 --> 00:26:12,122
Hey, by the way, I was wanting
to ask you, what country‐‐
611
00:26:12,133 --> 00:26:15,151
Prince Abu Ali Adullah
Bin Saltan Al Rahmani.
612
00:26:15,183 --> 00:26:16,651
That's very impressive, though.
613
00:26:16,683 --> 00:26:17,807
[WOODY]
Wait, just tell 'em I'm with you.
614
00:26:17,817 --> 00:26:19,317
- Use your TVQ.
- Hey.
615
00:26:19,351 --> 00:26:20,609
Spare change?
616
00:26:20,857 --> 00:26:23,734
- Er, no. I don't have it.
- Dude, dude, er...
617
00:26:23,746 --> 00:26:25,772
- What?
- I'm with him.
618
00:26:25,784 --> 00:26:28,717
- With who?
- With‐‐ with him, the prince.
619
00:26:29,172 --> 00:26:30,905
Which prince?
620
00:26:30,916 --> 00:26:34,584
The one‐‐ the one who just
went in. How many you got?
621
00:26:38,050 --> 00:26:39,351
Five.
622
00:26:39,384 --> 00:26:41,651
Yeah, the one who just went in, okay?
623
00:26:41,683 --> 00:26:43,173
Well, you need to get back
down that road there.
624
00:26:43,183 --> 00:26:44,906
Yeah, get to the back, yeah?
Dude, I just came with him...
625
00:26:44,916 --> 00:26:47,023
in that van, right there.
626
00:26:47,983 --> 00:26:50,953
The prince, the prince came
in that, in that van there?
627
00:26:50,964 --> 00:26:52,065
Yeah.
628
00:26:55,648 --> 00:26:57,633
What is the prince's name?
629
00:26:57,656 --> 00:27:03,116
Er... Moham... Mustaf...
Moosh... er, His, His Highness.
630
00:27:03,454 --> 00:27:05,454
Right?
631
00:27:06,247 --> 00:27:08,346
You're not getting in here.
632
00:27:09,884 --> 00:27:11,898
Can I speak plainly?
633
00:27:13,086 --> 00:27:14,616
Why are you whispering?
634
00:27:14,651 --> 00:27:16,281
Er, I‐‐ I'm an actor.
635
00:27:16,305 --> 00:27:18,683
- I thought actors were handsome.
- I was.
636
00:27:18,717 --> 00:27:21,714
- What have I seen you in?
- Um, 'White Men Can't Jump'.
637
00:27:21,726 --> 00:27:23,897
- What, from the '70s?
- '90s.
638
00:27:24,044 --> 00:27:25,943
Er, 'Indecent Proposal'?
639
00:27:26,151 --> 00:27:28,433
- Tear‐jerker?
- Yeah. You saw it?
640
00:27:28,444 --> 00:27:30,217
No, but my grandmother loved it.
641
00:27:30,250 --> 00:27:31,916
Oh, well, tell her 'hi' from me.
642
00:27:31,951 --> 00:27:33,973
She's long dead.
643
00:27:33,984 --> 00:27:35,984
Not unlike your career.
644
00:27:39,345 --> 00:27:41,673
Anything else in this century?
645
00:27:41,683 --> 00:27:44,717
Um, okay, I'm in a play
on the West End.
646
00:27:44,750 --> 00:27:46,673
- You‐‐ you like drama?
- What, pay to be depressed?
647
00:27:46,683 --> 00:27:48,207
Come on, mate, get to the
back of the line.
648
00:27:48,217 --> 00:27:51,544
Oh, just go to The Edge,
alright? Go away from here.
649
00:27:51,555 --> 00:27:53,017
Okay. Er...
650
00:27:53,050 --> 00:27:54,884
♪ Making your way in the
world today ♪
651
00:27:54,916 --> 00:27:56,717
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
652
00:27:56,750 --> 00:27:57,683
What is wrong with you?
653
00:27:57,717 --> 00:27:59,284
♪ Taking a break from all
your worries ♪
654
00:27:59,317 --> 00:28:00,683
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
655
00:28:00,717 --> 00:28:01,784
Oi, Sinatra.
656
00:28:01,817 --> 00:28:03,683
♪ Isn't it nice to get away ♪
657
00:28:03,717 --> 00:28:06,250
♪ Sometimes you wanna go
where everybody knows ♪
658
00:28:06,284 --> 00:28:07,941
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
stop making noise there.
659
00:28:07,951 --> 00:28:11,594
Just go to the back of the line
now, you daft twat. Rubbish.
660
00:28:11,838 --> 00:28:14,078
That's what happens when
they're off the telly, isn't it?
661
00:28:14,090 --> 00:28:16,936
Yeah, no sense.
Sad, knob jockey.
662
00:28:24,298 --> 00:28:26,982
- Hi.
- Hi.
663
00:28:32,217 --> 00:28:33,959
- Woody Allen?
- Yeah.
664
00:28:34,183 --> 00:28:37,913
- Hi, I'm Zrinka.
- Oh, hi, nice to meet you.
665
00:28:38,010 --> 00:28:39,010
Hi, hi.
666
00:28:39,021 --> 00:28:42,084
You don't look like
you're having a good time.
667
00:28:42,116 --> 00:28:45,151
Yeah, well my friends just
went in without me.
668
00:28:45,732 --> 00:28:47,851
Well, some friends are not very nice.
669
00:28:47,884 --> 00:28:49,151
Do you have the time?
670
00:28:49,183 --> 00:28:51,017
Um, I think it's almost 11:00.
671
00:28:51,151 --> 00:28:52,156
Yeah.
672
00:28:52,167 --> 00:28:56,017
I mean I don't even wanna go in.
I just, I gotta kill an hour.
673
00:28:56,174 --> 00:28:58,939
Whoa, kill an hour?
674
00:28:59,967 --> 00:29:02,321
Can we kill time?
675
00:29:03,616 --> 00:29:04,951
Yeah.
676
00:29:07,402 --> 00:29:09,935
Why are you holding your
breath, Woody?
677
00:29:09,946 --> 00:29:13,252
Oh, yeah, I‐‐ God, I do that.
I do that when I get stressed.
678
00:29:13,263 --> 00:29:15,054
- I just‐‐
- Well, don't.
679
00:29:15,065 --> 00:29:17,116
- Yeah, right.
- Just‐‐ just breathe.
680
00:29:17,151 --> 00:29:19,151
All doors will open.
681
00:29:20,383 --> 00:29:21,982
Yeah. Good.
682
00:29:22,384 --> 00:29:24,851
[DOORMAN]
Woody! Woody, my friend.
683
00:29:24,884 --> 00:29:26,773
Come, come, come, your prince
is looking for you.
684
00:29:26,784 --> 00:29:27,916
- See?
- Really?
685
00:29:27,951 --> 00:29:30,717
Yes, yes, come.
Now fine boy, eh?
686
00:29:30,750 --> 00:29:32,916
Okay, the prince wants me, okay.
687
00:29:32,951 --> 00:29:34,916
Yes, yes, the prince that
came in that crappy...
688
00:29:34,951 --> 00:29:38,217
Look at the car you came inside
now, eh? Ah, funky, funky.
689
00:29:38,250 --> 00:29:39,691
- Bye.
- All right, come on, come on.
690
00:29:39,717 --> 00:29:42,374
No, no, just, just you.
Just you, just you.
691
00:29:42,384 --> 00:29:46,017
Oh, oh, okay, well, er, tell
the prince that I just will...
692
00:29:46,028 --> 00:29:48,947
er, wait out here until
my friend's admitted.
693
00:29:49,057 --> 00:29:51,729
Well, you just met her now.
694
00:29:51,751 --> 00:29:54,750
Yeah, but I find that friends
are easily identifiable...
695
00:29:54,784 --> 00:29:56,454
as are enemies.
696
00:29:57,236 --> 00:30:01,616
See, okay, see I'm not, I don't
want to hassle anybody, eh?
697
00:30:01,651 --> 00:30:03,307
Okay, okay, okay, come, come,
eh, come inside, come inside.
698
00:30:03,317 --> 00:30:05,851
Yeah? Okay.
We're friends now?
699
00:30:05,884 --> 00:30:08,951
Yes, now of course we are
friends. This my number, eh.
700
00:30:08,983 --> 00:30:10,651
- Oh, okay.
- Any time you want to come...
701
00:30:10,683 --> 00:30:11,707
- Hmm.
- I'll put you on the list.
702
00:30:11,717 --> 00:30:15,750
Just call me. V‐V‐I‐P,
very, very important person.
703
00:30:15,784 --> 00:30:16,916
Okay.
704
00:30:16,951 --> 00:30:19,068
Also, er, if you want to come
to my mother's house...
705
00:30:19,079 --> 00:30:22,772
she makes the best
authentic Nigerian lamb stew.
706
00:30:22,784 --> 00:30:25,784
- Sweet meat.
- Okay, well, I'm a vegetarian.
707
00:30:26,019 --> 00:30:29,054
Why, man? Why?
708
00:30:30,854 --> 00:30:32,717
Wait. My card is there so just, it's there.
709
00:30:32,750 --> 00:30:36,257
Okay. I got it, so, thank you,
no, no, I got your‐‐ I got‐‐
710
00:30:36,268 --> 00:30:38,173
I'm gonna call you and
then you'll have my digis.
711
00:30:38,183 --> 00:30:39,773
- [DOORMAN] Yes, Woody‐Woody.
- Thanks, guys.
712
00:30:39,784 --> 00:30:40,941
- Yeah, yeah.
- [DOORMAN] Five boy.
713
00:30:40,951 --> 00:30:42,651
Oh, that's, that's great.
714
00:30:45,829 --> 00:30:48,017
Okay. Butthole.
715
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,851
Whoa... is this your best self?
716
00:30:51,197 --> 00:30:53,217
I'm not sure I own a best self.
717
00:30:54,057 --> 00:30:55,568
Well you need to love
yourself...
718
00:30:55,579 --> 00:30:57,701
before you can be your best self.
719
00:30:57,712 --> 00:31:01,171
Well, that's exactly why I
drink. Can I get you something?
720
00:31:01,182 --> 00:31:03,029
No, no, no, I'll get
you something.
721
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:05,068
Well, no, no, it's on me, I insist.
722
00:31:05,079 --> 00:31:07,290
Okay. Thank you.
723
00:31:07,751 --> 00:31:09,451
Do you wanna know what I want?
724
00:31:09,462 --> 00:31:11,351
I know what you need.
725
00:31:11,384 --> 00:31:15,151
( MUSIC PLAYING )
726
00:32:00,384 --> 00:32:03,138
- Hey, TV‐Q, you made it!
- Oh, hey.
727
00:32:03,163 --> 00:32:05,161
I'm just messing with you,
you know that, mate.
728
00:32:05,184 --> 00:32:06,585
Yeah, thanks for your help on that.
729
00:32:06,739 --> 00:32:08,567
- It's all good.
- Wassup!
730
00:32:09,651 --> 00:32:11,267
You want a shot of Patrón?
731
00:32:11,278 --> 00:32:13,432
Come on, let's get off our tits
and dance like Tina Turner.
732
00:32:13,442 --> 00:32:16,597
- Okay.
- Right, look at me. Look at me.
733
00:32:16,623 --> 00:32:18,229
I love you, baby girl,
and you love me.
734
00:32:18,261 --> 00:32:19,159
Right.
735
00:32:19,183 --> 00:32:20,743
And never would I steer you wrong.
736
00:32:20,755 --> 00:32:22,983
I love you all to the Maximus.
737
00:32:23,017 --> 00:32:26,153
Oh, bring it in, come on,
yes, that's it.
738
00:32:26,715 --> 00:32:28,518
Got a lot of love.
739
00:32:28,886 --> 00:32:31,661
Guys, shots all round, yeah?
740
00:32:33,419 --> 00:32:34,683
Hey, Woody, are you okay?
741
00:32:34,717 --> 00:32:37,683
Er, it's just the wifey and
I are having a little issue.
742
00:32:37,717 --> 00:32:41,067
- Yeah, I read the news today.
- Oh, boy.
743
00:32:41,779 --> 00:32:43,651
I guess these things just
happen, though.
744
00:32:43,675 --> 00:32:45,489
- Here.
- Oh, thanks, babe.
745
00:32:45,513 --> 00:32:47,096
You know, weirdly, a
similar thing happened...
746
00:32:47,105 --> 00:32:48,484
to me and my boyfriend.
747
00:32:48,496 --> 00:32:51,063
Oh, really? Well, what'd you do?
748
00:32:51,431 --> 00:32:54,365
Well, I left him. Shot?
749
00:32:54,375 --> 00:32:55,375
Come.
750
00:32:56,825 --> 00:32:58,084
Thank you.
751
00:32:58,585 --> 00:33:02,329
Right, here's to friends...
752
00:33:02,340 --> 00:33:06,044
through thick and thin,
Peter out or Peter in.
753
00:33:06,055 --> 00:33:11,130
Eh, eh, eh, eh, and here
is to Woody, a real man.
754
00:33:11,490 --> 00:33:13,423
A real man!
755
00:33:18,467 --> 00:33:20,034
I don't like it!
756
00:33:20,692 --> 00:33:22,726
( MUSIC CONTINUES )
757
00:33:35,884 --> 00:33:38,730
- Where you going?
- Go to the side, mate.
758
00:33:38,741 --> 00:33:40,590
Yeah.
759
00:33:41,095 --> 00:33:44,048
That's it, reel 'em in, reel 'em in.
760
00:33:57,380 --> 00:34:00,480
( MUSIC CHANGES )
761
00:34:34,672 --> 00:34:36,155
Dude.
762
00:34:36,501 --> 00:34:38,168
- Dude.
- Dude.
763
00:34:38,179 --> 00:34:41,197
Dude, what are you doing here, man?
764
00:34:41,222 --> 00:34:42,940
I just came in for a
meeting, but dude...
765
00:34:42,951 --> 00:34:44,684
Ah, just who I needed to
see right now.
766
00:34:44,717 --> 00:34:46,884
- What happened?
- Oh, you see it?
767
00:34:46,916 --> 00:34:49,650
Yeah, I don't understand
how it came out.
768
00:34:49,684 --> 00:34:52,650
Oh, I don't know. I mean
these things do come out.
769
00:34:52,684 --> 00:34:55,650
I know, but didn't you talk to
Marty? Everybody talks to Marty.
770
00:34:55,684 --> 00:34:57,206
Yeah, I did, I‐‐ I talked
to Marty, of course.
771
00:34:57,217 --> 00:35:00,217
- Right?
- Yeah, and he wanted 30K.
772
00:35:00,228 --> 00:35:01,364
Okay.
773
00:35:01,376 --> 00:35:03,349
I mean, that's highway
robbery, dude.
774
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,884
Wait a second, Woody,
you didn't pay?
775
00:35:05,916 --> 00:35:07,650
No, I, I, I tried to negotiate.
776
00:35:07,684 --> 00:35:10,797
No, you can't negotiate with Marty.
777
00:35:10,867 --> 00:35:13,875
Well he, he's a lawyer,
lawyers do negotiate.
778
00:35:13,900 --> 00:35:15,733
No, no, you, you wanna know who
tried to negotiate?
779
00:35:15,742 --> 00:35:18,380
Peewee and Tiger...
you wanna know who didn't?
780
00:35:18,391 --> 00:35:21,380
Clooney, with Lady Gaga and the
midgets, the little people.
781
00:35:21,391 --> 00:35:24,208
I never heard about that.
Because they didn't negotiate.
782
00:35:24,219 --> 00:35:26,545
I mean, d'you ever hear
about Daniel Day Lewis?
783
00:35:26,556 --> 00:35:27,811
- No.
- Exactly.
784
00:35:27,822 --> 00:35:30,576
And you never will,
because he paid.
785
00:35:30,586 --> 00:35:33,724
Come on, how can you think you
can get away without paying?
786
00:35:33,735 --> 00:35:35,514
I mean, you know from
McConaughey, if something...
787
00:35:35,525 --> 00:35:37,028
- terrible's coming out.
- What?
788
00:35:37,039 --> 00:35:38,545
You know from your buddy
McConaughey...
789
00:35:38,554 --> 00:35:40,186
if something terrible's
gonna come out‐‐
790
00:35:40,210 --> 00:35:42,327
No, dude, wait, wait, I don't
know about McConaughey. What?
791
00:35:42,336 --> 00:35:44,617
- You don't know about that?
- No, no, what happened?
792
00:35:45,007 --> 00:35:46,606
I don't wanna be the one to tell you.
793
00:35:46,617 --> 00:35:48,860
Oh, dude, just, just tell me.
794
00:35:49,039 --> 00:35:50,730
- They got a picture.
- Oh, no.
795
00:35:50,740 --> 00:35:51,954
- Yeah.
- What?
796
00:35:51,965 --> 00:35:53,797
- Fat.
- Fat?
797
00:35:53,867 --> 00:35:54,717
Fat.
798
00:35:54,751 --> 00:35:58,264
Dude, he, he's got the
best torso in the business.
799
00:35:58,679 --> 00:36:00,202
El Gordo. Buddha.
800
00:36:00,257 --> 00:36:03,432
That's why he paid, so
you never saw it.
801
00:36:03,443 --> 00:36:06,106
- I'm amazed.
- Come on, let's get a drink.
802
00:36:06,170 --> 00:36:08,311
Dude, why didn't I pay, man?
803
00:36:08,335 --> 00:36:10,061
Can we get a drink here?
804
00:36:13,347 --> 00:36:14,746
Does Laura know?
805
00:36:14,757 --> 00:36:16,123
Er, yeah, yeah.
806
00:36:16,135 --> 00:36:18,985
You know, we're gonna talk, er, tonight.
807
00:36:20,554 --> 00:36:22,105
Oh... what are you gonna say?
808
00:36:22,115 --> 00:36:25,061
- I don't know.
- Yeah, what am I gonna say?
809
00:36:25,378 --> 00:36:26,800
- What?
- To people.
810
00:36:26,811 --> 00:36:28,918
I mean, it's well known I'm
your best friend.
811
00:36:28,929 --> 00:36:30,682
This doesn't look good for me either.
812
00:36:30,693 --> 00:36:33,534
And I guarantee my mom's
gonna grill me about this.
813
00:36:33,545 --> 00:36:35,831
I'm gonna be like "I don't
know what Woody's problem is".
814
00:36:35,842 --> 00:36:38,427
It's like, I mean obviously it's
not about me right now, but...
815
00:36:38,438 --> 00:36:39,806
( SIGHS )
816
00:36:40,007 --> 00:36:42,184
What was Laura's reaction
when you told her?
817
00:36:42,217 --> 00:36:44,016
- Um...
- How did‐‐
818
00:36:44,050 --> 00:36:48,206
- I‐‐ I...
- You let it blindside her?
819
00:36:48,217 --> 00:36:50,693
Dude, you know what?
I‐‐ I hate Murdoch, man, I hate tabloids.
820
00:36:50,717 --> 00:36:52,684
- He's a cancer.
- Hey, wait a second.
821
00:36:52,717 --> 00:36:56,182
No, no, Woody, it's not
Murdoch. Come on, it's you.
822
00:36:56,193 --> 00:36:59,815
I think we gotta start with
accepting some responsibility.
823
00:36:59,827 --> 00:37:03,085
Yeah, I... I mean I was weak,
I guess, you know, and...
824
00:37:03,101 --> 00:37:05,443
Yeah, and a little bit of a coward.
825
00:37:05,465 --> 00:37:06,432
What?
826
00:37:06,443 --> 00:37:08,202
Coward for not telling her.
827
00:37:08,213 --> 00:37:09,246
Yeah.
828
00:37:09,257 --> 00:37:11,255
Look, I don't wanna judge
you for what you did.
829
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:12,949
Clearly it was wrong,
but the thing is...
830
00:37:12,974 --> 00:37:14,527
But that feels like a
judgement, O.
831
00:37:14,538 --> 00:37:16,436
No, no, no, that's a fact.
832
00:37:16,447 --> 00:37:18,373
And right now we gotta face facts.
833
00:37:18,405 --> 00:37:20,793
Fact: You cheated on Laura
with a bunch of hookers.
834
00:37:20,818 --> 00:37:23,380
They weren't hookers.
Fact: You let it blindside her.
835
00:37:23,405 --> 00:37:24,300
Well, yeah.
836
00:37:24,326 --> 00:37:27,016
Fact: You gotta brace yourself
for maybe a big element...
837
00:37:27,050 --> 00:37:30,661
of the public that's just gonna
think you're a scumbag.
838
00:37:30,740 --> 00:37:32,666
Obviously not me, I'm your friend.
839
00:37:32,677 --> 00:37:34,807
- I'm gonna support you, but‐‐
- Thanks, buddy.
840
00:37:34,818 --> 00:37:37,315
- How do you support a scumbag?
- That's our challenge.
841
00:37:37,327 --> 00:37:38,873
- Owen Wilson.
- Yeah.
842
00:37:39,342 --> 00:37:41,003
Hi, I knew it was you, dude.
I love you.
843
00:37:41,028 --> 00:37:42,994
I must have seen 'You, Me and
Dupree and Zoolander'...
844
00:37:43,005 --> 00:37:45,079
like 50 times, like everything
you do, you are the man.
845
00:37:45,090 --> 00:37:47,059
I gotta admit, my ears do prick
up with a little praise...
846
00:37:47,068 --> 00:37:49,480
but I got a man overboard right now.
847
00:37:49,490 --> 00:37:52,315
So let me just shake your
hand and ask you to step off.
848
00:37:52,340 --> 00:37:53,918
Thank you, 'cause we're in crisis mode.
849
00:37:53,927 --> 00:37:55,405
- Yeah, sure.
- Thank you.
850
00:37:55,427 --> 00:37:57,016
Okay, where were we?
I'm a scumbag?
851
00:37:57,050 --> 00:37:59,581
Yeah, and what are we gonna
do about it?
852
00:37:59,592 --> 00:38:01,510
Because we gotta do something...
853
00:38:01,521 --> 00:38:04,487
because I can't imagine
you without Laura.
854
00:38:04,498 --> 00:38:06,456
I can imag‐‐ and I'm not saying
this to be mean...
855
00:38:06,467 --> 00:38:07,789
I can imagine Laura
without you...
856
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:10,271
but you without Laura
does not work.
857
00:38:10,282 --> 00:38:12,190
Well, that's true, man, I mean...
858
00:38:12,202 --> 00:38:14,351
Right? I mean it's like,
it's just really sad.
859
00:38:14,384 --> 00:38:17,514
Yeah, I mean it's like a, like
a mangy dog...
860
00:38:17,552 --> 00:38:19,074
that no one wants to pat or...
861
00:38:19,137 --> 00:38:20,650
'Cause it smells bad and
you're just like...
862
00:38:20,661 --> 00:38:22,018
"Get this dog out of here".
863
00:38:22,030 --> 00:38:23,409
Yeah, it's like blind in one eye...
864
00:38:23,420 --> 00:38:25,987
wandering down the road at
night. It's just...
865
00:38:25,998 --> 00:38:27,574
And you know he's never
gonna make it to daybreak...
866
00:38:27,583 --> 00:38:29,851
'cause he's gonna get run over
by a cab or something.
867
00:38:29,884 --> 00:38:33,436
Dude, dude, I can't‐‐
I can't lose her, man.
868
00:38:33,447 --> 00:38:35,264
And, hey...
I cannot lose her.
869
00:38:35,358 --> 00:38:37,572
Whoa, whoa, you're not, hey,
we can figure this out.
870
00:38:37,583 --> 00:38:38,768
- Look at me.
- Really?
871
00:38:38,780 --> 00:38:41,617
Yes, okay? Where there's a will
there's a way, all right?
872
00:38:41,628 --> 00:38:43,112
But we gotta change your energy...
873
00:38:43,123 --> 00:38:45,400
because I feel like I'm talking
to a dead man.
874
00:38:45,411 --> 00:38:47,938
It's like you got ghost eyes
right now. Come on, hydrate.
875
00:38:47,949 --> 00:38:49,150
- Dude, I feel...
- Drink this.
876
00:38:49,161 --> 00:38:50,893
- Okay, okay, what is it?
- Just down it.
877
00:38:50,905 --> 00:38:53,768
It's a Cosmopolitan,
it's a man's drink, come on.
878
00:38:53,780 --> 00:38:56,853
You gotta get like,
loosen up a little bit.
879
00:38:57,833 --> 00:38:59,818
Okay, come on, roll the
shoulders. Let's start moving.
880
00:38:59,829 --> 00:39:00,929
How do you‐‐
881
00:39:00,940 --> 00:39:01,840
- Get the blood flowing.
- Okay, yeah.
882
00:39:01,851 --> 00:39:03,114
Okay, it feels better to
start moving, right?
883
00:39:03,123 --> 00:39:04,282
You're right, yeah,
I haven't been exercising.
884
00:39:04,293 --> 00:39:06,427
Okay, let's figure this out.
Come on, throw some punches.
885
00:39:06,438 --> 00:39:08,112
- Okay.
- Change your energy a little bit.
886
00:39:08,123 --> 00:39:09,324
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
887
00:39:09,335 --> 00:39:11,402
Okay, now I've known you and
Laura for a long time, right?
888
00:39:11,413 --> 00:39:12,612
Yeah.
889
00:39:12,623 --> 00:39:15,291
Okay, now the one beautiful
thing that I've always seen...
890
00:39:15,302 --> 00:39:17,668
- between the two of you is...
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
891
00:39:17,679 --> 00:39:18,762
No fighting.
892
00:39:18,773 --> 00:39:21,291
No, no, no, we're not fighting, we're...
893
00:39:21,302 --> 00:39:23,835
We're actually saving a
man's life right here.
894
00:39:23,846 --> 00:39:26,211
Yeah, it's cool, it's cool.
It's okay.
895
00:39:26,534 --> 00:39:29,340
- Okay.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
896
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:31,266
Okay.
897
00:39:31,277 --> 00:39:32,943
So what, what is it I say to Laura?
898
00:39:32,954 --> 00:39:35,759
It's not what you say, I think
it's what you do, but...
899
00:39:35,769 --> 00:39:38,197
- get your energy up, come on.
- Okay, okay, I'm like...
900
00:39:38,208 --> 00:39:39,907
- Come on, it's like a zombie.
- Right.
901
00:39:39,918 --> 00:39:42,590
Loosen up, do your Elvis.
You're good at your Elvis.
902
00:39:42,601 --> 00:39:44,010
- Okay.
- Give me a smile.
903
00:39:44,021 --> 00:39:45,987
Let me see a little twinkle.
Give me a smile.
904
00:39:45,998 --> 00:39:48,173
Come on, a real one...
both rows of teeth.
905
00:39:48,184 --> 00:39:49,503
There you go, keep punching,
keep punching.
906
00:39:49,514 --> 00:39:50,753
- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay, you ready?
907
00:39:50,764 --> 00:39:52,056
Yeah, I'm ready, man.
908
00:39:52,068 --> 00:39:54,010
Okay, I'm gonna sprinkle you
with some gold dust.
909
00:39:54,021 --> 00:39:56,416
- Oh, that's what I want.
- I'm gonna lay it on you.
910
00:39:56,427 --> 00:39:58,244
Come on, buddy, what do I do?
911
00:40:02,630 --> 00:40:03,630
Pray.
912
00:40:04,597 --> 00:40:06,376
Oh, dude, pray?
913
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:08,329
Dude, are you kidding me?
914
00:40:08,351 --> 00:40:10,773
Jesus, I mean, that's
just begging in disguise.
915
00:40:10,784 --> 00:40:12,340
What, have you been tap
dancing this whole time?
916
00:40:12,351 --> 00:40:13,536
No, no, no‐‐ that,
that's step one.
917
00:40:13,545 --> 00:40:15,913
You didn't let me get to step two.
918
00:40:15,923 --> 00:40:19,572
Obviously, prayer without
action is meaningless. Okay?
919
00:40:19,583 --> 00:40:21,862
- Now's the action part.
- Okay.
920
00:40:21,884 --> 00:40:24,670
Sometimes we gotta admit we need
something, we gotta be able...
921
00:40:24,681 --> 00:40:27,599
to lean on something
stronger than us, right?
922
00:40:27,610 --> 00:40:28,842
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
923
00:40:28,853 --> 00:40:32,460
So maybe you're not the best
person to carry this message...
924
00:40:32,471 --> 00:40:34,413
of contrition to Laura.
925
00:40:34,423 --> 00:40:35,523
- Okay, right, right.
- Okay, so...
926
00:40:35,534 --> 00:40:37,902
You see where I'm going?
Where are you from?
927
00:40:37,914 --> 00:40:39,034
Er, Texas.
928
00:40:39,045 --> 00:40:40,713
- Where am I from?
- Texas.
929
00:40:40,724 --> 00:40:42,641
And who's the Texas Dalai Lama.
930
00:40:42,652 --> 00:40:44,552
- [GIRL] Eli Cash?
- Come on, you know this.
931
00:40:44,563 --> 00:40:46,063
- Hi.
- Hi.
932
00:40:46,074 --> 00:40:48,072
Yeah, hi.
933
00:40:49,434 --> 00:40:50,835
- This is Owen.
- No, no, she's talking...
934
00:40:50,846 --> 00:40:52,141
about my character...
She's, she's saying Eli.
935
00:40:52,150 --> 00:40:54,092
From 'The Royal Tenenbaums'.
936
00:40:54,103 --> 00:40:55,929
I love that scene.
937
00:40:55,940 --> 00:40:56,940
- Which scene?
- Well, every scene...
938
00:40:56,951 --> 00:41:00,663
but what is the book that your‐‐
your character writes about?
939
00:41:00,673 --> 00:41:01,623
Is it Geronimo?
940
00:41:01,635 --> 00:41:02,554
- Hey, guys.
- No, no, Custer.
941
00:41:02,565 --> 00:41:04,070
Old Custer, remember?
942
00:41:04,081 --> 00:41:05,032
Of course, 'cause...
943
00:41:05,043 --> 00:41:08,264
everybody knows that Custer
died at Little Big Horn.
944
00:41:08,275 --> 00:41:11,315
What this book presupposes
is "Maybe he didn't!".
945
00:41:11,326 --> 00:41:13,284
I love that, honestly, it's...
That's a good scene, yeah.
946
00:41:13,295 --> 00:41:15,856
One of my favorite moments, in
one of my favorite films ever.
947
00:41:15,867 --> 00:41:16,905
Yeah, thank you.
948
00:41:16,916 --> 00:41:19,429
But I also love 'Did You
Just Call Me Coltrane?'.
949
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:20,670
Uh, no, but if I did, you...
950
00:41:20,681 --> 00:41:22,139
O..., couldn't do anything about it.
951
00:41:22,150 --> 00:41:23,117
- You don't think so?
- O, Owen.
952
00:41:23,150 --> 00:41:25,983
Oh, no, I don't. Oh, you
wanna talk some jive?
953
00:41:25,994 --> 00:41:27,315
Oh, I'll talk some jive
like you've never...
954
00:41:27,326 --> 00:41:28,807
Owen, Owen, can we get back to
me for a second, dude?!
955
00:41:28,818 --> 00:41:32,179
- Sit down! I said sit down!
- Hey, whoa.
956
00:41:32,987 --> 00:41:35,346
It's always me, me, me with this guy.
957
00:41:35,356 --> 00:41:37,342
- Early onset narcissism.
- Really?
958
00:41:37,353 --> 00:41:38,956
No, dude, it's not that.
959
00:41:38,971 --> 00:41:41,670
It's just that I don't have
time to attend a Wes Anderson...
960
00:41:41,681 --> 00:41:44,023
film festival while my life is imploding.
961
00:41:44,034 --> 00:41:46,452
Okay, but there's a polite
way to say that.
962
00:41:46,463 --> 00:41:48,967
Yeah, there's also a polite,
less vain way to say...
963
00:41:48,978 --> 00:41:50,766
thank you when someone
compliments your film...
964
00:41:50,775 --> 00:41:52,710
as opposed to acting every scene
out for 'em...
965
00:41:52,722 --> 00:41:54,478
like Norma frickin' Desmond.
966
00:41:54,509 --> 00:41:56,271
Okay, take the bass out of your
voice when you're talking to me.
967
00:41:56,282 --> 00:41:58,110
No, no, no, I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have bothered you.
968
00:41:58,121 --> 00:41:59,679
Listen, I know you're going
through a divorce.
969
00:41:59,688 --> 00:42:01,221
- That's heartbreaking for you.
- No, it's all right, it's jus‐‐
970
00:42:01,231 --> 00:42:02,271
You gotta forgive this guy...
971
00:42:02,282 --> 00:42:03,648
Wes Anderson movies go right
over his head.
972
00:42:03,659 --> 00:42:04,148
[GIRL] Okay.
973
00:42:04,173 --> 00:42:05,929
- Let's shake it off.
- No, no, dude, I get 'em fine.
974
00:42:05,940 --> 00:42:07,467
The fact is, I just don't care.
975
00:42:07,492 --> 00:42:11,034
Oh, now all of a sudden you don't like Wes.
You're like a pit bull tonight.
976
00:42:11,059 --> 00:42:12,309
No, dude, it's not that.
977
00:42:12,335 --> 00:42:15,436
It's just that he's just,
he's kind of, I don't know...
978
00:42:16,396 --> 00:42:17,550
- What?
- Precious.
979
00:42:17,574 --> 00:42:18,708
- Precious?
- Yeah.
980
00:42:18,733 --> 00:42:19,949
- No, he's not.
- Precious.
981
00:42:19,974 --> 00:42:23,023
His films, they're just, they're
kind of precious, really.
982
00:42:23,465 --> 00:42:24,465
You know?
983
00:42:24,490 --> 00:42:27,434
When you're talking about his
films, you know, I'm involved...
984
00:42:27,460 --> 00:42:29,637
in some of those, so you're kind
of insulting me also.
985
00:42:29,663 --> 00:42:31,248
No, dude, it has nothing
to do with you.
986
00:42:31,260 --> 00:42:32,862
Yes, it does have something‐‐
It's just the way that he...
987
00:42:32,873 --> 00:42:34,231
shoots 'em is a little,
you know...
988
00:42:34,240 --> 00:42:35,400
Precious, I know, you
keep saying that.
989
00:42:35,409 --> 00:42:36,954
No, it's like he's trying too hard.
990
00:42:36,980 --> 00:42:39,838
You know‐‐ it's self‐conscious,
you know what I mean?
991
00:42:39,864 --> 00:42:42,204
I really don't feel like sitting
here and letting you insult...
992
00:42:42,215 --> 00:42:43,275
my best friend Wes...
993
00:42:43,300 --> 00:42:45,478
especially when I'm trying to
help you and trying to‐‐
994
00:42:45,503 --> 00:42:47,684
- Your best friend?
- Yeah, Wes, my best friend.
995
00:42:47,708 --> 00:42:49,190
I think it's kinda bad taste
'cause I'm...
996
00:42:49,201 --> 00:42:50,572
Dude, what are you talking...
997
00:42:50,597 --> 00:42:53,463
You, you've said for years and
you just said a few seconds...
998
00:42:53,489 --> 00:42:55,197
ago that you're my best friend.
999
00:42:55,369 --> 00:42:56,987
Yeah, I'm your best friend.
1000
00:42:57,652 --> 00:42:59,284
But just because you're the
best man...
1001
00:42:59,309 --> 00:43:01,025
at somebody's wedding, doesn't
mean they're gonna be...
1002
00:43:01,034 --> 00:43:02,572
the best man at your wedding, right?
1003
00:43:02,597 --> 00:43:03,704
Dude, dude, okay, I cannot...
1004
00:43:03,715 --> 00:43:05,559
I can't even process this right now.
1005
00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:08,556
But even if I could, why would
you say this to me now...
1006
00:43:08,581 --> 00:43:11,697
when I'm at my lowest point
and I most need uplift?
1007
00:43:11,722 --> 00:43:14,088
I'm sorry, but I am trying
to give you uplift.
1008
00:43:14,114 --> 00:43:16,409
But we were talking about
facing facts...
1009
00:43:16,458 --> 00:43:18,262
I mean we're not
in kindergarten.
1010
00:43:18,286 --> 00:43:20,081
So what if Wes is my best friend?
1011
00:43:20,106 --> 00:43:21,925
Would you stop saying that, dude?!
1012
00:43:21,951 --> 00:43:24,434
Hey, you need to snap out
of it and face reality...
1013
00:43:24,458 --> 00:43:25,668
okay, 'cause in the real world...
1014
00:43:25,677 --> 00:43:28,034
I've known Wes a decade
longer than you.
1015
00:43:28,059 --> 00:43:30,262
He's a great film‐maker and
he's my best friend.
1016
00:43:30,300 --> 00:43:31,449
Now can we get back to‐‐
1017
00:43:31,474 --> 00:43:34,378
Oh, okay, real world, real
world? You want real world, O?
1018
00:43:34,402 --> 00:43:36,067
- Huh?
- That's where I try to live.
1019
00:43:36,092 --> 00:43:38,840
Okay, in the real world,
your best friend, Wes...
1020
00:43:38,878 --> 00:43:40,730
is a Woody Allen wannabe...
1021
00:43:40,871 --> 00:43:43,942
and he hasn't made a good
movie since 'Bottle Rocket'.
1022
00:43:43,972 --> 00:43:46,597
And, come to think of
it, neither have you.
1023
00:43:47,574 --> 00:43:49,650
That's a dumb line, you know...
1024
00:43:49,675 --> 00:43:52,010
that's a really, that's
a dumb thing to say.
1025
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:56,324
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1026
00:43:56,387 --> 00:43:57,369
Yeah... yeah.
1027
00:43:57,394 --> 00:43:59,715
Yeah. You know what?
I've never, er... hey...
1028
00:43:59,746 --> 00:44:02,197
Yeah, and you know what?
And here's the thing...
1029
00:44:02,222 --> 00:44:03,603
is I got a movie star chin...
1030
00:44:03,628 --> 00:44:05,847
and you got a weak,
little, chia‐seed chin.
1031
00:44:05,873 --> 00:44:07,298
You ever noticed that?
1032
00:44:07,438 --> 00:44:08,679
Huh?
1033
00:44:08,704 --> 00:44:10,144
You know, I've never told
you this...
1034
00:44:10,159 --> 00:44:13,309
but maybe now's a good time,
they offered me 'Larry Flynt'.
1035
00:44:14,431 --> 00:44:16,800
What? The Ed Norton part?
1036
00:44:16,824 --> 00:44:18,431
Er, no, your part.
1037
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:20,719
No, dude, you couldn't play that.
1038
00:44:20,878 --> 00:44:23,378
Oh, I couldn't? "Hey, look at
me, I'm Larry Flynt."
1039
00:44:23,403 --> 00:44:26,088
"I'm in a wheelchair.
You're out of order."
1040
00:44:26,114 --> 00:44:28,503
Hey, it's a lot more than
just being in a wheelchair.
1041
00:44:28,527 --> 00:44:31,409
The fact is it's, it's, it's
a love story.
1042
00:44:31,699 --> 00:44:34,516
Yeah, you know what I find
helps to sell a love story...
1043
00:44:34,541 --> 00:44:36,052
is having a little sex appeal...
1044
00:44:36,063 --> 00:44:37,570
which you haven't had
since the '80s.
1045
00:44:37,581 --> 00:44:39,244
I had it well into the
'90s, dude.
1046
00:44:39,255 --> 00:44:42,621
Oh, yeah, you were just oozing
sex appeal in 'Kingpin'.
1047
00:44:43,050 --> 00:44:45,496
You know Will Farrell
stole 'Wedding Crashers'.
1048
00:44:46,121 --> 00:44:48,237
Yeah, and he stole 'Semi Pro'...
1049
00:44:48,262 --> 00:44:50,487
but no‐one saw it probably
because you were in it.
1050
00:44:50,512 --> 00:44:52,043
You got out acted by a dog...
1051
00:44:52,068 --> 00:44:53,862
- in 'Marley and Me'.
- No, I didn't.
1052
00:44:53,887 --> 00:44:57,027
Oh, Marley, Marley, Marley.
1053
00:44:57,199 --> 00:44:59,168
- You're... you're a child.
- You're a punk.
1054
00:44:59,193 --> 00:45:00,793
- You're a prick.
- You're a dick.
1055
00:45:00,818 --> 00:45:03,822
It's like I always say, you're
the world's angriest hippy.
1056
00:45:03,847 --> 00:45:05,731
Hey, I'm not angry, asshole.
1057
00:45:11,224 --> 00:45:14,523
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Is
that... he's got TV‐Q, mate.
1058
00:45:15,184 --> 00:45:17,621
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
1059
00:45:17,710 --> 00:45:20,708
Go on, bruv, go on.
Get him, get him. Go on.
1060
00:45:21,661 --> 00:45:25,603
Hey, hold on. This bloke,
he looks familiar.
1061
00:45:25,614 --> 00:45:27,940
I was just gonna say, don't
he look like that guy...
1062
00:45:27,965 --> 00:45:29,789
Er, hang on. Jennifer Lopez in
the jungle with the snake.
1063
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:30,842
What's it called?
1064
00:45:30,867 --> 00:45:31,867
[OWEN] 'Anaconda'.
1065
00:45:31,893 --> 00:45:34,659
- Yes! He's got the voice as well.
- I love this guy.
1066
00:45:34,684 --> 00:45:35,784
- Yeah, me too, mate.
- [OWEN] Yeah, that's me.
1067
00:45:35,793 --> 00:45:37,514
Can we get a quick picture?
Is that alright?
1068
00:45:37,534 --> 00:45:40,335
I'd like to look a little
bit more presentable.
1069
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:42,431
No, you look great. You look
fine. Come on. Here we go.
1070
00:45:42,442 --> 00:45:44,347
Feeling alright? Let's do that.
Alright, let's do this.
1071
00:45:44,356 --> 00:45:45,789
Alright? You ready?
1072
00:45:45,815 --> 00:45:47,949
Three... two, one.
1073
00:45:47,974 --> 00:45:50,240
Yes! Let's get him a drink.
Come on.
1074
00:45:50,266 --> 00:45:51,833
What's your Facebook?
Mojito, yeah?
1075
00:45:51,858 --> 00:45:53,724
With mint and cocktail sticks.
1076
00:45:58,168 --> 00:46:00,101
[MAN IN CROWD] Cops are here!
1077
00:46:05,606 --> 00:46:07,166
Hey, hey, in a little trouble,
wake up.
1078
00:46:07,184 --> 00:46:09,650
Look, Mommy, there's
an airplane up in the sky.
1079
00:46:09,675 --> 00:46:11,746
Come on. Okay, er, you'll have
to come with me, okay?
1080
00:46:11,755 --> 00:46:14,123
What, what‐‐ what happened?
1081
00:46:14,148 --> 00:46:16,514
You were fighting, the police are here.
1082
00:46:16,539 --> 00:46:18,739
Where, where, where's,
where's Owen?
1083
00:46:18,764 --> 00:46:20,764
Just go, just go. Okay?
1084
00:46:20,789 --> 00:46:23,389
Where is he? Oh, no.
1085
00:46:23,414 --> 00:46:25,315
I, I have to, I have go back,
I have to go...
1086
00:46:25,340 --> 00:46:27,440
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, cops are there.
1087
00:46:27,465 --> 00:46:30,398
- Come on.
- Oh, no, man. Oh, no.
1088
00:46:30,422 --> 00:46:32,255
- Oh god.
- What is it?
1089
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:35,081
- Are you okay?
- I just got into a fight with...
1090
00:46:35,106 --> 00:46:38,606
I, I, I just‐‐
why are you helping me?
1091
00:46:38,630 --> 00:46:40,597
Because you looked like
you needed help.
1092
00:46:40,623 --> 00:46:42,090
I mean, do you always
help people?
1093
00:46:42,114 --> 00:46:47,380
Ah, people, birds, dogs,
yeah, that's me.
1094
00:46:53,422 --> 00:46:55,489
Okay, okay, okay, hurry up.
1095
00:47:00,076 --> 00:47:01,199
Go in there.
1096
00:47:01,552 --> 00:47:04,896
Oh my god, what is going on tonight?
1097
00:47:05,418 --> 00:47:07,949
It's just like I'm being
tested or something.
1098
00:47:08,630 --> 00:47:10,007
What is going on?
1099
00:47:10,793 --> 00:47:13,364
Hey, don't cross your arms...
1100
00:47:13,389 --> 00:47:15,237
you're blocking your heart chakra.
1101
00:47:15,262 --> 00:47:16,512
Oh... yeah.
1102
00:47:18,177 --> 00:47:19,184
Can I touch you?
1103
00:47:20,349 --> 00:47:22,347
- Wh, where? What? Why?
- Ssh.
1104
00:47:22,373 --> 00:47:23,731
Sshhh, sshhh.
1105
00:47:28,996 --> 00:47:30,728
Here you have a problem.
1106
00:47:31,251 --> 00:47:34,126
And here even bigger problem.
1107
00:47:35,297 --> 00:47:36,951
I believe you.
1108
00:47:38,581 --> 00:47:40,289
I need you to close your eyes now.
1109
00:47:40,641 --> 00:47:41,641
Why?
1110
00:47:42,275 --> 00:47:43,572
Just trust me.
1111
00:47:46,150 --> 00:47:50,150
( SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE )
1112
00:48:30,119 --> 00:48:31,791
You can open your eyes now.
1113
00:48:33,219 --> 00:48:34,666
That was beautiful.
1114
00:48:35,570 --> 00:48:36,603
I know.
1115
00:48:37,744 --> 00:48:41,614
It says how all the gypsies
want jewelery and horses.
1116
00:48:42,331 --> 00:48:45,114
But how she's a gypsy and she
just needs love.
1117
00:48:47,184 --> 00:48:49,451
This is how you solve
your problem.
1118
00:48:50,063 --> 00:48:51,951
You need to find what you love.
1119
00:48:53,148 --> 00:48:54,936
( BANGING ON DOOR )
1120
00:48:54,961 --> 00:48:56,353
[PADDY]
Anyone in there? Police!
1121
00:48:56,378 --> 00:48:57,378
Oh.
1122
00:49:00,625 --> 00:49:02,539
Get up on the seat, come on.
1123
00:49:03,514 --> 00:49:04,847
( LOCK CLICKS )
1124
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:10,851
Hello?
1125
00:49:15,293 --> 00:49:16,438
Hello?
1126
00:49:30,460 --> 00:49:31,460
Hello?
1127
00:49:31,693 --> 00:49:33,826
[ZRINKA]
Sorry, this one's occupied.
1128
00:49:41,592 --> 00:49:43,492
Why can't I see your feet?
1129
00:49:43,516 --> 00:49:45,681
[ZRINKA]
Why are you looking?
1130
00:49:46,041 --> 00:49:47,208
What are you doing?
1131
00:49:47,969 --> 00:49:51,134
[ZRINKA] I am a Moroccan, we
squat on top of the toilet.
1132
00:49:52,148 --> 00:49:54,978
Okay, er, have you got someone
in there with you?
1133
00:49:55,090 --> 00:49:57,458
[ZRINKA]
No, I can pee on my own.
1134
00:49:59,693 --> 00:50:01,655
[ZRINKA]
Hey, bugger off, weirdo!
1135
00:50:01,681 --> 00:50:03,351
Excuse me, miss.
1136
00:50:11,936 --> 00:50:14,664
He's gone.
Okay, let's go.
1137
00:50:15,027 --> 00:50:17,994
Hey, promise me you'll
stop resisting.
1138
00:50:18,027 --> 00:50:19,693
Oh, I'm, I'm not resisting.
1139
00:50:19,728 --> 00:50:22,827
Hey, you are holding a lot
of fear, my friend.
1140
00:50:23,047 --> 00:50:24,661
Yeah, that's true.
1141
00:50:24,686 --> 00:50:27,853
- Are you afraid of me?
- A little.
1142
00:50:30,101 --> 00:50:31,266
Just breathe.
1143
00:50:31,494 --> 00:50:32,813
This is a weird place to breathe.
1144
00:50:32,827 --> 00:50:35,460
- Hey, breathe.
- I can't.
1145
00:50:35,494 --> 00:50:36,927
- Yes, you can.
- I can't.
1146
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:39,610
- Yes, you can.
- I can't.
1147
00:50:43,389 --> 00:50:45,820
I'm going to help you now.
1148
00:50:47,304 --> 00:50:48,976
Take my breath.
1149
00:50:56,501 --> 00:50:58,829
Oh, god, I'm so sorry.
1150
00:50:58,876 --> 00:51:02,860
- You threw up on me.
- I am so, so, so sorry.
1151
00:51:02,893 --> 00:51:07,393
Oh my god, you threw up on me!
1152
00:51:09,126 --> 00:51:11,293
Oh, please forgive me,
I'm so sorry.
1153
00:51:11,318 --> 00:51:13,351
- Oh my god!
- Can I just...
1154
00:51:13,893 --> 00:51:16,760
It barely got you. Let me see.
It's not that bad.
1155
00:51:16,793 --> 00:51:21,007
- Don't, just don't.
- No. Let me... just‐‐
1156
00:51:21,018 --> 00:51:22,617
- Oh god.
- Oh, please forgive me.
1157
00:51:22,628 --> 00:51:23,994
I don't know where that
came from.
1158
00:51:24,027 --> 00:51:25,570
What, what are you two
doing here?
1159
00:51:25,581 --> 00:51:27,561
I said... can you take
that commotion outside.
1160
00:51:27,594 --> 00:51:30,494
- He threw up inside my mouth.
- Blood of Jesus.
1161
00:51:30,527 --> 00:51:31,760
Oh god.
1162
00:51:31,793 --> 00:51:33,693
Get out, the police are
looking for‐‐
1163
00:51:39,351 --> 00:51:41,036
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
1164
00:51:41,061 --> 00:51:43,360
Oh, please, please forgive me.
I'm so sorry.
1165
00:51:43,393 --> 00:51:46,594
( ROCK MUSIC FADES UP )
1166
00:51:46,922 --> 00:51:48,427
[ZRINKA] Oh God, I...
1167
00:51:48,460 --> 00:51:51,527
Hey, it, it, it's all vegan
and organic if that helps.
1168
00:51:51,561 --> 00:51:53,628
Are you kidding me?!
1169
00:51:53,661 --> 00:51:55,760
I, I'm just...
1170
00:51:55,793 --> 00:51:58,027
Oh my God.
1171
00:51:58,061 --> 00:52:00,628
I don't know, I just got
nauseous, I...
1172
00:52:00,661 --> 00:52:02,929
God, this is the worst
night of my life.
1173
00:52:03,927 --> 00:52:06,469
Oh God. I wish we could‐‐
1174
00:52:07,994 --> 00:52:09,817
Where are the cops?
1175
00:52:10,579 --> 00:52:11,690
Thank you.
1176
00:52:13,061 --> 00:52:14,425
Okay.
1177
00:52:15,594 --> 00:52:16,860
♪ Until the end of darkness ♪
1178
00:52:16,893 --> 00:52:20,393
♪ Let the subtle shades
of light begin to play ♪
1179
00:52:20,427 --> 00:52:23,494
Excuse me, excuse me, hi.
Sorry to bother you, er...
1180
00:52:23,527 --> 00:52:24,784
have you got like a few
quid for a sandwich?
1181
00:52:24,793 --> 00:52:26,628
No, no, I don't. Listen,
I gotta go home.
1182
00:52:26,661 --> 00:52:28,284
- Like three quid, two quid.
- I'm so sorry.
1183
00:52:28,293 --> 00:52:29,460
Anything at all.
1184
00:52:29,494 --> 00:52:30,717
No, no, I don't have
anything, dude.
1185
00:52:30,728 --> 00:52:33,128
Actually, actually I don't even
have money for a cab to get‐‐
1186
00:52:33,170 --> 00:52:35,652
- Hey.
- Can you just give me...
1187
00:52:35,686 --> 00:52:37,862
- Ah, great, I thought you.
- Go.
1188
00:52:38,222 --> 00:52:40,659
- Oh.
- Holy Mary, Mother of God.
1189
00:52:40,684 --> 00:52:41,893
Oh, thank you so much.
1190
00:52:41,927 --> 00:52:43,884
You are such a nice person,
you really are, thank you.
1191
00:52:43,893 --> 00:52:45,623
Hold, hold on...
1192
00:52:45,634 --> 00:52:48,018
No, no, no, no. Hold
it, hold it, that's, that's‐‐
1193
00:52:48,028 --> 00:52:50,583
You're an angel sent from
God, you really are.
1194
00:52:50,594 --> 00:52:52,893
No, no, no, no. I mean,
I'm the angel, dude.
1195
00:52:52,927 --> 00:52:55,494
I gave that to her and I need
it because I gotta get a cab.
1196
00:52:55,527 --> 00:52:57,284
Well, it doesn't, it doesn't
look like you need it.
1197
00:52:57,293 --> 00:52:59,728
I mean, I mean, look, you're
stood there like all smug...
1198
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:01,583
and stuff and like with all
your flash gear on.
1199
00:53:01,594 --> 00:53:03,387
I'm like in a wheelchair, mate.
1200
00:53:03,514 --> 00:53:05,936
Dude, I, I just, I just
need enough to get home.
1201
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:07,318
Do you, do you have like
five quid or something?
1202
00:53:07,327 --> 00:53:08,483
Yeah, well I need a sandwich.
1203
00:53:08,494 --> 00:53:10,561
I haven't eaten in like
three days.
1204
00:53:10,594 --> 00:53:12,760
Well, what do you need a
fifty‐pound sandwich?
1205
00:53:12,793 --> 00:53:13,884
I mean, do you have any
more money?
1206
00:53:13,893 --> 00:53:14,893
No.
1207
00:53:15,875 --> 00:53:17,233
Dude, please, can I...
1208
00:53:17,382 --> 00:53:19,782
I, I know you have something
for me. I just need five...
1209
00:53:19,806 --> 00:53:21,469
Are you begging a beggar
for money?
1210
00:53:21,494 --> 00:53:23,327
No, no, I'm just, I need
to get home, okay?
1211
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:24,518
- You're getting too close.
- No, no, no, dude‐‐
1212
00:53:24,527 --> 00:53:25,550
I just need to get home.
Don't come any closer, please.
1213
00:53:25,561 --> 00:53:27,641
- Don't scare him!
- Look, just stand back, will you!
1214
00:53:27,661 --> 00:53:28,405
Okay.
1215
00:53:28,431 --> 00:53:30,284
How many times do I have
to bloody tell you!
1216
00:53:30,293 --> 00:53:31,483
Okay, calm down, man.
I'm so sorry, miss.
1217
00:53:31,494 --> 00:53:32,617
- It's absolutely nothing to do...
- No, it's okay, it's not you.
1218
00:53:32,628 --> 00:53:34,668
With you, it really hasn't.
But you're a dick, mate.
1219
00:53:34,693 --> 00:53:35,628
Dude...
1220
00:53:35,661 --> 00:53:37,960
I've told you once before,
now bugger off!
1221
00:53:37,994 --> 00:53:39,827
- Give me that!
- Get...
1222
00:53:39,860 --> 00:53:43,293
- Give me that.
- No, no! No, stop! Stop!
1223
00:53:44,628 --> 00:53:47,494
Oh lovely, lovely, Woody. Lovely.
1224
00:53:47,505 --> 00:53:48,505
Stop it!
1225
00:53:48,527 --> 00:53:50,494
Get angry, that's it, lovely,
mate. Lovely.
1226
00:53:50,527 --> 00:53:53,393
My camera! He's broken my
camera! Lovely.
1227
00:53:53,699 --> 00:53:55,516
Stop it... Stop it!
1228
00:53:58,327 --> 00:54:01,561
Woody Allen, this is not your best self!
1229
00:54:12,331 --> 00:54:13,672
Sloane Hotel, please.
1230
00:54:19,079 --> 00:54:20,728
Everything alright there, mate?
1231
00:54:21,009 --> 00:54:22,961
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine.
It's fine.
1232
00:54:23,061 --> 00:54:24,793
Do you know what time it is?
1233
00:54:24,827 --> 00:54:27,393
Er, 11:30. What's going
on back there?
1234
00:54:27,427 --> 00:54:29,460
Er, nothing, nothing, it's all good.
1235
00:54:29,472 --> 00:54:30,717
Yeah, well it looks like
a lot of something...
1236
00:54:30,728 --> 00:54:32,170
to be nothing, eh, mate?
1237
00:54:32,195 --> 00:54:33,960
No, no, dude, dude...
1238
00:54:33,994 --> 00:54:35,661
- Er, are you bleeding?
- What?
1239
00:54:35,693 --> 00:54:37,905
Are you bleeding?
Are you bleeding, mate?
1240
00:54:37,931 --> 00:54:39,179
You're bleeding!
1241
00:54:39,204 --> 00:54:40,751
No, no, no, I'm not bleeding.
I'm fine.
1242
00:54:40,775 --> 00:54:43,751
Yes, you are. You're like a
bloody geyser, mate.
1243
00:54:43,775 --> 00:54:44,835
No, I'm fine, mate.
1244
00:54:44,860 --> 00:54:46,693
Ah, are you being real with me?
1245
00:54:46,728 --> 00:54:48,793
I'm not being anything
with you, dude.
1246
00:54:48,827 --> 00:54:51,728
Just‐‐ I'm just...
everything's fine.
1247
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:54,827
Don't you get anything‐‐ don't
you get anything on my seats.
1248
00:54:54,860 --> 00:54:56,827
Dude, d'you have any,
do you have a Kleenex?
1249
00:54:56,860 --> 00:54:58,827
Don't you get anything on
my damn seats!
1250
00:54:58,860 --> 00:55:00,827
Dude, I won't get any blood
on your filthy seats.
1251
00:55:00,860 --> 00:55:02,827
- If you give me a Kleenex,
- I'll get it...
1252
00:55:02,860 --> 00:55:05,018
Or, or you will be paying for
the cleaning of this cab.
1253
00:55:05,027 --> 00:55:07,994
Dude, I'm not gonna have
to pay for anything. Okay?
1254
00:55:08,027 --> 00:55:09,994
Oh, oh yes you will, mate.
You'll be paying.
1255
00:55:10,027 --> 00:55:12,661
If there is the slightest
drop of blood...
1256
00:55:12,693 --> 00:55:14,561
anywhere in this cab, you will be paying.
1257
00:55:14,594 --> 00:55:17,385
Okay. Shouldn't you just be
focused on your driving?
1258
00:55:17,411 --> 00:55:21,610
Oh, no, you will be charged
a full valet. Right?
1259
00:55:21,827 --> 00:55:24,806
You will be steam‐cleaning
the bleedin' engine...
1260
00:55:24,831 --> 00:55:26,454
after this ride, my friend.
1261
00:55:26,478 --> 00:55:28,728
Okay, okay, mate. Okay, great.
1262
00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:31,353
Just, just focus on
your driving, alright?
1263
00:55:31,378 --> 00:55:34,032
Just take that and stop
the blood, mate.
1264
00:55:34,056 --> 00:55:36,402
Thanks, mate, that's all I
ever asked you for.
1265
00:55:36,427 --> 00:55:38,831
Alright, just, just stop
the damn blood, will ya?
1266
00:55:41,954 --> 00:55:43,054
Is this used?
1267
00:55:43,197 --> 00:55:44,827
Well, I got sinuses, ain't I?
1268
00:55:44,860 --> 00:55:47,393
I'm not pulling out brand new
ones just for you.
1269
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:49,594
Dude, that is disgusting.
1270
00:55:55,672 --> 00:55:58,539
Er, er, what's going on back
there? What was that noise?
1271
00:55:58,563 --> 00:56:00,697
No, no, it's nothing,
it's just the ashtray.
1272
00:56:00,722 --> 00:56:01,918
What, what d'you mean just
the ashtray?
1273
00:56:01,927 --> 00:56:03,260
- What you done?
- Nothing.
1274
00:56:03,293 --> 00:56:04,583
Oh, you've, you've broken
it, ain't ya?
1275
00:56:04,594 --> 00:56:06,293
No, dude, it, it was like this.
1276
00:56:06,318 --> 00:56:08,893
Oi, what the hell are you doing
messing with the ashtray?!
1277
00:56:08,927 --> 00:56:11,594
Dude, I don't know, what
is this, like an antique cab...
1278
00:56:11,628 --> 00:56:13,927
with, with like ornamental
ashtrays or something?
1279
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:16,960
Oh... I mean, what... what
the... you know what?
1280
00:56:16,994 --> 00:56:18,666
- Just stop the car.
- No, no.
1281
00:56:18,692 --> 00:56:20,659
Stop the car cos I'm getting out.
1282
00:56:20,684 --> 00:56:21,835
No, you're not getting out this cab.
1283
00:56:21,844 --> 00:56:22,320
Dude...
1284
00:56:22,344 --> 00:56:23,552
Not until you pay for the ashtray.
1285
00:56:23,563 --> 00:56:26,608
Stop this damn car because
I'm getting out now.
1286
00:56:26,634 --> 00:56:27,117
No!
1287
00:56:27,141 --> 00:56:28,436
You're not getting out the cab!
1288
00:56:28,461 --> 00:56:30,628
Not till you pay for the ashtray!
1289
00:56:30,653 --> 00:56:31,817
Dude, this is kidnapping.
1290
00:56:31,842 --> 00:56:34,617
No, you stupid
bastard, destroying my cab!
1291
00:56:34,641 --> 00:56:36,536
Dude, you better stop
this friggin' cab right now.
1292
00:56:36,545 --> 00:56:38,090
No. No. No.
Stop it! Stop it!
1293
00:56:38,114 --> 00:56:40,014
No. No. No.
Stop this damn cab!
1294
00:56:40,878 --> 00:56:44,722
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Everybody calm down!
1295
00:56:44,840 --> 00:56:46,253
Everybody calm down!
1296
00:56:46,278 --> 00:56:47,784
Dude, I will break this
fucking thing...
1297
00:56:47,793 --> 00:56:50,306
No, don't you dare! I'm pulling
over! Pulling over!
1298
00:56:50,331 --> 00:56:53,148
Get out! Out, out!
1299
00:56:58,460 --> 00:57:00,260
You silly bollocks!
1300
00:57:00,293 --> 00:57:02,914
- You're the silly bollocks!
- Piss off!
1301
00:57:02,938 --> 00:57:06,273
( MUSIC PLAYING )
1302
00:57:48,068 --> 00:57:49,500
Sloane Hotel, please.
1303
00:57:54,452 --> 00:57:56,380
- So just, can you, can you hurry?
- Eh?
1304
00:57:56,405 --> 00:57:58,686
- Just go a little faster.
- Uh?
1305
00:57:58,869 --> 00:58:01,469
Go right on, go right on.
Please.
1306
00:58:02,130 --> 00:58:03,130
Go... shit.
1307
00:58:03,443 --> 00:58:06,389
Go through the lights, dude,
just go through the lights.
1308
00:58:06,692 --> 00:58:08,246
What's the hurry?
1309
00:58:08,380 --> 00:58:11,231
Life is about the journey
not the destination.
1310
00:58:11,255 --> 00:58:13,693
No, no, I assure you right now
it is about the destination.
1311
00:58:13,728 --> 00:58:16,110
We're in the hands of
the Goddess Kali.
1312
00:58:16,969 --> 00:58:18,867
She's a creator and destroyer.
1313
00:58:19,485 --> 00:58:21,454
It all depends on the mood she's in.
1314
00:58:22,036 --> 00:58:24,971
Well, I don't think she's in
a very good mood tonight.
1315
00:58:26,873 --> 00:58:30,532
The stars can't shine
without darkness.
1316
00:58:35,153 --> 00:58:37,686
In the spirit of full
disclosure, I gotta tell you...
1317
00:58:37,711 --> 00:58:39,043
I don't have any money on me.
1318
00:58:39,068 --> 00:58:40,735
Mmm.
1319
00:58:43,367 --> 00:58:46,186
Can you speak a piece
of verse for me?
1320
00:58:46,389 --> 00:58:48,443
Something uplifting.
1321
00:58:48,467 --> 00:58:50,293
( DISTANT SIRENS WAILING )
1322
00:58:50,842 --> 00:58:53,248
I, I, I memorized this when
I was seven.
1323
00:58:54,139 --> 00:58:57,293
I told the sun that I was glad,
I'm sure I don't know why.
1324
00:58:57,764 --> 00:59:00,768
Somehow the pleasant way it
had of shining in the sky...
1325
00:59:00,793 --> 00:59:04,121
just put a notion in my
head that wouldn't it be fun...
1326
00:59:04,146 --> 00:59:09,054
if while walking on the hill,
I said I'm happy to the sun.
1327
00:59:09,483 --> 00:59:13,393
That's beautiful. I feel
I should be paying you.
1328
00:59:13,804 --> 00:59:17,186
No, no, no, we'll just call it
even, you know, and that's fine.
1329
00:59:18,523 --> 00:59:19,844
- I'll tell you what...
- Uh?
1330
00:59:20,467 --> 00:59:23,710
You, you, you just pull over
right here, this is fine, sir.
1331
00:59:23,750 --> 00:59:26,164
Thank you so much.
You're a gentleman.
1332
00:59:26,188 --> 00:59:29,389
( SIRENS WAILING )
1333
00:59:29,661 --> 00:59:31,693
Stop there! Stop there!
Don't make me run.
1334
00:59:31,728 --> 00:59:33,342
Stop there now!
1335
00:59:34,853 --> 00:59:36,327
Go, go, go.
1336
00:59:39,898 --> 00:59:42,164
[OFFICER]
Suspect is on the playground.
1337
00:59:48,532 --> 00:59:51,092
Spread out.
He's in here somewhere.
1338
00:59:56,074 --> 01:00:00,606
Come on down. Come on down,
we know you're up there.
1339
01:00:02,271 --> 01:00:03,271
How?
1340
01:00:05,532 --> 01:00:06,858
I can see you.
1341
01:00:09,565 --> 01:00:12,224
Don't. Don't!
1342
01:00:12,893 --> 01:00:15,914
Put your hands on your head.
Put your hands on your head.
1343
01:00:15,938 --> 01:00:18,050
- This is over an ashtray.
- Put your hands on your head now!
1344
01:00:18,061 --> 01:00:21,293
I can't. If I take my hands off
my knees, I'm gonna fall down.
1345
01:00:21,327 --> 01:00:22,351
You have the right to
remain silent.
1346
01:00:22,360 --> 01:00:23,617
- Put your hands on your head!
- Oi, he's a menace.
1347
01:00:23,628 --> 01:00:25,460
You don't have to say anything,
but it may harm your defense...
1348
01:00:25,471 --> 01:00:27,527
- He's an absolute menace!
- You're a menace!
1349
01:00:27,561 --> 01:00:29,507
He's a raving lunatic.
Lock him up.
1350
01:00:29,532 --> 01:00:32,030
Anything you do say may be
given in evidence.
1351
01:00:32,068 --> 01:00:34,139
- You understand?
- Yeah.
1352
01:00:34,164 --> 01:00:36,539
Are you who I think you are?
I hope not.
1353
01:00:36,858 --> 01:00:38,882
Were you in a fight with
Owen Wilson earlier?
1354
01:00:39,117 --> 01:00:39,670
Maybe.
1355
01:00:39,695 --> 01:00:40,833
Do you know what the cops
in the US would do to you...
1356
01:00:40,842 --> 01:00:42,152
for running like that? Yeah,
they would have shot ya.
1357
01:00:42,161 --> 01:00:46,161
And you'd be dead by now and the
world would be a better place.
1358
01:00:46,186 --> 01:00:47,826
You see what I'm dealing with, man?
1359
01:00:47,851 --> 01:00:48,628
I think I do.
1360
01:00:48,661 --> 01:00:50,724
He kidnapped me.
He wouldn't stop the car.
1361
01:00:50,750 --> 01:00:52,327
You were the one running, sir.
1362
01:00:52,360 --> 01:00:56,327
[CABBIE] He's off his conkers,
mate. Hang him. Hang him!
1363
01:01:07,467 --> 01:01:09,614
You seem kinda young to be doing this.
1364
01:01:10,311 --> 01:01:11,867
You're my first arrest.
1365
01:01:12,139 --> 01:01:14,273
Really? I'm flattered.
1366
01:01:15,164 --> 01:01:16,969
I'm not sure you mean it.
1367
01:01:17,686 --> 01:01:19,873
Listen, is, is it necessary
to go to the station?
1368
01:01:19,898 --> 01:01:23,492
I mean, is there any way I could
just pay a fine or something?
1369
01:01:24,304 --> 01:01:26,001
- Are you offering me a bribe?
- No.
1370
01:01:26,507 --> 01:01:28,273
Then you're going to the station.
1371
01:01:29,405 --> 01:01:33,260
Oh, that's good, you got me.
You Irish?
1372
01:01:33,762 --> 01:01:35,445
Through and through.
1373
01:01:36,422 --> 01:01:39,014
Oh, you know, I spent a month
in Galway one time.
1374
01:01:39,092 --> 01:01:41,092
I drank a lorry load of Guinness.
1375
01:01:41,172 --> 01:01:42,293
I love Guinness.
1376
01:01:42,327 --> 01:01:44,646
Well, my wife says I love it
too much.
1377
01:01:44,672 --> 01:01:47,335
Oh, ah, married, huh? Kids?
1378
01:01:47,610 --> 01:01:49,304
Son. Seven year old.
1379
01:01:49,530 --> 01:01:52,094
Oh, must have had him
in high school.
1380
01:01:52,811 --> 01:01:54,123
I did actually, yeah.
1381
01:01:54,858 --> 01:01:57,217
What, you did the right
thing, got married?
1382
01:01:57,242 --> 01:01:59,143
- Yeah... did the right thing,
- yeah.
1383
01:01:59,510 --> 01:02:01,221
Isn't that life's great mission?
1384
01:02:01,788 --> 01:02:02,963
Were you at the birth?
1385
01:02:03,204 --> 01:02:04,579
Yeah, yeah, of course.
1386
01:02:04,605 --> 01:02:08,032
Oh, man, the greatest feeling
in the world. I had home births.
1387
01:02:09,844 --> 01:02:11,545
- You?
- Er, hospital.
1388
01:02:11,992 --> 01:02:13,536
She had a difficult pregnancy.
1389
01:02:13,561 --> 01:02:14,661
Oh, the kid's okay?
1390
01:02:14,704 --> 01:02:18,481
Yeah, yeah. He's, er, er...
1391
01:02:18,927 --> 01:02:22,460
That'll be us nearly there now.
Won't be long.
1392
01:02:22,494 --> 01:02:24,793
Oh, dude, I'm sorry to pry.
1393
01:02:24,847 --> 01:02:29,114
No, no, he's, er, he's just
special. He's got special needs.
1394
01:02:30,019 --> 01:02:32,197
Well you must love him all
the more.
1395
01:02:32,222 --> 01:02:34,387
I do. I do, he's incredible.
1396
01:02:35,137 --> 01:02:37,847
It must be tough sometimes.
1397
01:02:38,672 --> 01:02:40,407
Yeah. Yeah, it can be.
1398
01:02:40,972 --> 01:02:42,471
I mean I don't know why
I worry...
1399
01:02:42,496 --> 01:02:44,362
he's as happy as can be,
you know.
1400
01:02:44,387 --> 01:02:47,309
It's just he's so pure,
you know...
1401
01:02:47,527 --> 01:02:50,327
and the world can be a little
bit, er... um...
1402
01:02:53,317 --> 01:02:54,987
Oh, hey, um, I'm, I'm
sorry, man.
1403
01:02:55,012 --> 01:02:56,119
No, it's alright, man.
1404
01:02:56,144 --> 01:02:58,300
I'm a fixer, I wanna fix
everyone's problems. Stupid.
1405
01:02:58,324 --> 01:03:00,887
Well, you... my kids are
six and nine.
1406
01:03:01,246 --> 01:03:04,282
We should, I mean we should
get 'em together sometime.
1407
01:03:04,307 --> 01:03:05,467
- Really?
- Yeah.
1408
01:03:05,663 --> 01:03:07,592
You, er, they could use a playmate.
1409
01:03:07,898 --> 01:03:10,757
- What's your name?
- I'm Constable Hughes.
1410
01:03:14,568 --> 01:03:18,023
Yeah, so, er, you, you like Bono?
1411
01:03:18,780 --> 01:03:21,137
Just because I'm Irish,
I'm supposed to like him?
1412
01:03:21,161 --> 01:03:22,342
No. I love him.
1413
01:03:22,608 --> 01:03:23,802
Oh, you got me again.
1414
01:03:23,813 --> 01:03:25,465
Well, I mean, what you put
your energy into...
1415
01:03:25,474 --> 01:03:27,333
tells me all I need to know about you.
1416
01:03:27,358 --> 01:03:28,534
Bono could do anything
he wants...
1417
01:03:28,543 --> 01:03:29,871
in a world full of suffering people.
1418
01:03:29,880 --> 01:03:31,989
He just tries to help on
a massive scale.
1419
01:03:32,014 --> 01:03:34,521
I quite admire that in the man.
I think he's a poet.
1420
01:03:34,545 --> 01:03:36,411
And, yeah, I'm damn proud
he's Irish.
1421
01:03:36,436 --> 01:03:38,318
You wanna talk with him?
1422
01:03:39,108 --> 01:03:41,155
You what? Talk with Bono?
1423
01:03:42,054 --> 01:03:44,420
- Talk with Bono now?
- Yeah, right now. Right now.
1424
01:03:44,445 --> 01:03:45,880
What like you could just call him?
1425
01:03:45,905 --> 01:03:48,045
Yeah. Yeah, just, er, grab
my Blackberry.
1426
01:03:48,077 --> 01:03:49,807
It's right there in my pocket.
1427
01:03:49,833 --> 01:03:51,208
It's right there.
1428
01:03:51,233 --> 01:03:55,733
Yeah, just grab it and he's...
he's... he's under 'B'.
1429
01:03:56,038 --> 01:03:57,536
Oh, 'B' like 'buzzing'?
1430
01:03:57,561 --> 01:03:58,865
Er, 'B' like after 'A'.
1431
01:03:59,646 --> 01:04:02,507
All right, here we go...
it's a 3‐4‐3 number.
1432
01:04:02,608 --> 01:04:03,809
Yeah, yeah, Ireland.
1433
01:04:03,835 --> 01:04:07,494
All right, here we go,
Bono on speaker phone.
1434
01:04:08,106 --> 01:04:10,139
( CALL RINGING )
1435
01:04:11,458 --> 01:04:12,659
ALI (OVER PHONE) Hello?
1436
01:04:14,474 --> 01:04:17,106
Ali, how you doing? It's Wood.
1437
01:04:17,327 --> 01:04:19,177
Woody, great to hear from you.
1438
01:04:19,467 --> 01:04:21,059
You're not back in Dublin, are you?
1439
01:04:21,085 --> 01:04:22,990
No, no, no, I'm in London.
1440
01:04:23,061 --> 01:04:26,099
Well you certainly made a big
impression on your last trip.
1441
01:04:26,123 --> 01:04:27,543
What d'you mean?
1442
01:04:27,568 --> 01:04:30,827
You told Bono smoking pot
would fix his glaucoma.
1443
01:04:31,670 --> 01:04:34,460
Now the tour has been put off,
the album's been put back...
1444
01:04:34,494 --> 01:04:38,893
and he tells anyone who listens
the Irish invented Reggae.
1445
01:04:39,686 --> 01:04:41,943
I hope you're happy.
Hold on.
1446
01:04:43,655 --> 01:04:47,077
BONO ( OVER PHONE)
Irie man... good vibrations...
1447
01:04:47,155 --> 01:04:49,873
all across the nation.
What's up with man?
1448
01:04:50,153 --> 01:04:51,302
Oh, hey, hey, buddy.
1449
01:04:51,327 --> 01:04:53,827
You know you gotta be a little
bit cautious with that medicine.
1450
01:04:54,001 --> 01:04:56,007
It's very strong.
1451
01:04:56,240 --> 01:04:59,788
Um, but listen, I, I got a,
a friend here, you know...
1452
01:04:59,826 --> 01:05:02,123
er, who wants to say hi,
a fellow Irishman.
1453
01:05:02,148 --> 01:05:04,246
Hello, this is Paddy
Hughes speaking.
1454
01:05:04,278 --> 01:05:07,193
BONO (OVER PHONE) Any friend
of Woody be a friend of mine.
1455
01:05:07,217 --> 01:05:08,427
He's not me friend.
1456
01:05:08,452 --> 01:05:11,358
All brethren are friends,
Paddy Hughes...
1457
01:05:11,795 --> 01:05:14,809
for the kiss of the serpent
is like sugar...
1458
01:05:14,835 --> 01:05:18,364
in comparison to the heart
of a friendless man.
1459
01:05:18,659 --> 01:05:21,670
Yeah, okay. Er, but he's broken
the law, Bono.
1460
01:05:21,740 --> 01:05:23,621
BONO (OVER PHONE)
Are you his cell mate?
1461
01:05:23,646 --> 01:05:26,443
More like his jailer. Listen,
sir, I really respect you.
1462
01:05:26,467 --> 01:05:29,364
I've always wanted to meet you.
I think you're just brilliant.
1463
01:05:29,389 --> 01:05:30,989
BONO (OVER PHONE)
Jah, bless you, sir.
1464
01:05:31,014 --> 01:05:33,284
I mean I loved your first
album and your second album.
1465
01:05:33,309 --> 01:05:35,333
Just absolutely the best.
1466
01:05:35,358 --> 01:05:37,710
- But...
- BONO (OVER PHONE) But?
1467
01:05:37,773 --> 01:05:39,021
- No buts.
- Well, I've just...
1468
01:05:39,045 --> 01:05:40,045
BONO (OVER PHONE) Yeah?
1469
01:05:40,068 --> 01:05:41,481
Well, I mean after 'October'...
1470
01:05:41,505 --> 01:05:43,371
it feels like you just kinda
sold out a bit.
1471
01:05:43,396 --> 01:05:44,869
- BONO (OVER PHONE) Sold out?
- No, dude.
1472
01:05:44,880 --> 01:05:47,081
Yeah, it's like you've kinda
let yourself down.
1473
01:05:47,106 --> 01:05:51,121
No, er, Bono, Constable Hughes
is a big fan of yours and, and‐‐
1474
01:05:51,146 --> 01:05:53,193
I mean I quite like Larry.
I mean he's the business.
1475
01:05:53,217 --> 01:05:55,418
Tune me into your
thinking there, Wood.
1476
01:05:55,443 --> 01:05:57,269
No, I, I just thought that
it'd be good...
1477
01:05:57,295 --> 01:05:58,804
for you guys to talk, you know.
1478
01:05:58,882 --> 01:06:00,701
I don't, I don't think Larry
would let fame...
1479
01:06:00,726 --> 01:06:02,371
get to his head as such,
you know.
1480
01:06:02,396 --> 01:06:05,677
BONO (OVER PHONE) Rasta can't
deal with Babylon right now.
1481
01:06:05,702 --> 01:06:06,489
Okay?
1482
01:06:06,514 --> 01:06:09,083
Hey, er, Bono, I think that
you guys could be...
1483
01:06:09,108 --> 01:06:11,865
very, very good friends,
I really do. Bono?
1484
01:06:12,773 --> 01:06:13,773
Oh, no.
1485
01:06:14,315 --> 01:06:15,715
I think he's hung up.
1486
01:06:15,740 --> 01:06:17,740
Why did you tell him he sold out?
1487
01:06:18,460 --> 01:06:19,965
Well someone had to tell him.
1488
01:06:19,990 --> 01:06:23,045
Well, I mean, but what happened
to all the good stuff...
1489
01:06:23,070 --> 01:06:24,318
he does for mankind?
1490
01:06:24,342 --> 01:06:26,059
And, then like you know
he's a poet.
1491
01:06:26,083 --> 01:06:27,557
Well, he needed to be told.
He needed to be told.
1492
01:06:27,568 --> 01:06:29,547
Well, alright, it's
good that you met.
1493
01:06:29,572 --> 01:06:31,304
Listen, dude, is there anyway
you could give me a break here?
1494
01:06:31,315 --> 01:06:32,974
I mean, just let me loose.
You ask for this favor...
1495
01:06:32,985 --> 01:06:35,911
a little quick off the heels
of making nice. Let's go, sir.
1496
01:06:36,673 --> 01:06:39,434
Okay, but... listen, my kids...
1497
01:06:39,873 --> 01:06:42,012
they're going to Leavesden
Studios in the morning...
1498
01:06:42,038 --> 01:06:44,224
because they're going to the
Ha‐Harry Potter set.
1499
01:06:44,248 --> 01:06:47,052
And it's the last day of filming
and we have to be there by 7:30.
1500
01:06:47,077 --> 01:06:48,277
Yeah, let's get you in there.
1501
01:06:48,302 --> 01:06:50,099
Oh, okay but I mean...
1502
01:06:50,201 --> 01:06:51,465
Can I call my wife?
1503
01:06:51,490 --> 01:06:53,661
I, I gotta, I told her I'd be
home by midnight and...
1504
01:06:53,686 --> 01:06:55,545
er, what, what time can I
be released?
1505
01:06:55,570 --> 01:06:56,951
- Well, that depends.
- On what?
1506
01:06:56,976 --> 01:06:58,550
On whether you need to see
the magistrate.
1507
01:06:58,561 --> 01:06:59,632
When's the magistrate?
1508
01:06:59,657 --> 01:07:00,471
Let's go.
1509
01:07:00,503 --> 01:07:01,903
You like Paul McCartney?
1510
01:07:01,929 --> 01:07:03,070
Let's go.
1511
01:07:06,427 --> 01:07:08,460
Stand behind the yellow line.
1512
01:07:11,773 --> 01:07:13,306
Did I tell you to uncuff him?
1513
01:07:13,331 --> 01:07:14,498
Sorry.
1514
01:07:15,775 --> 01:07:16,876
- Uncuff him.
- Yeah.
1515
01:07:17,791 --> 01:07:20,181
So, you're the one.
1516
01:07:20,719 --> 01:07:23,411
Well, yeah, I'm the one
who assaulted an ashtray.
1517
01:07:23,436 --> 01:07:24,670
You drunk?
1518
01:07:24,695 --> 01:07:25,829
I wish.
1519
01:07:26,789 --> 01:07:28,291
Empty your pockets.
1520
01:07:28,454 --> 01:07:31,023
Well you're, you're not gonna
strip search me and make me...
1521
01:07:31,047 --> 01:07:33,047
spread my cheeks and all that, are you?
1522
01:07:33,072 --> 01:07:35,219
- Do you expect special treatment?
- No.
1523
01:07:35,681 --> 01:07:38,096
- Then, no.
- You guys are funny.
1524
01:07:38,306 --> 01:07:42,152
Er... hey... there you go.
1525
01:07:43,041 --> 01:07:45,088
One Blackberry.
1526
01:07:48,954 --> 01:07:52,110
One room key, to
1527
01:07:52,135 --> 01:07:54,125
the Sloane Hotel.
1528
01:07:54,329 --> 01:07:56,679
Dude, you don't have to let
every criminal in here...
1529
01:07:56,704 --> 01:07:58,000
know where I live.
1530
01:07:58,025 --> 01:08:00,728
Oh, they know where you live,
with them.
1531
01:08:03,340 --> 01:08:06,400
- Er...
- One pen.
1532
01:08:08,498 --> 01:08:10,931
One Chelsea lighter.
1533
01:08:11,293 --> 01:08:13,594
You, you don't like those
overpaid poofters, do you?
1534
01:08:13,619 --> 01:08:16,306
- No, I mean, someone just gave‐‐
- who do you like?
1535
01:08:16,627 --> 01:08:17,837
Charlton Athletic.
1536
01:08:18,048 --> 01:08:21,257
Charlton? Oh, there's, there's a
great group, gang, squad, um...
1537
01:08:21,283 --> 01:08:23,860
they're, they're, they're
just, er, they're strong.
1538
01:08:23,886 --> 01:08:25,149
And bottom of the league.
1539
01:08:25,175 --> 01:08:26,273
Bottom?
1540
01:08:26,297 --> 01:08:29,862
Well, nowhere to go but up.
That's good news.
1541
01:08:30,456 --> 01:08:33,706
One comb. What's that for?
1542
01:08:34,338 --> 01:08:36,219
To comb with.
1543
01:08:36,252 --> 01:08:39,448
What do you comb?
Lice out your pubes?
1544
01:08:40,769 --> 01:08:42,310
What, what, er...
1545
01:08:42,838 --> 01:08:45,337
- Do you know what time it is?
- It's 11:45.
1546
01:08:45,362 --> 01:08:47,423
- My tea‐time.
- Can I make a phone call?
1547
01:08:47,448 --> 01:08:48,604
- No.
- Yeah.
1548
01:08:48,628 --> 01:08:50,685
- When's the magistrate come?
- 9:00 AM.
1549
01:08:50,719 --> 01:08:52,653
Dude, 9:00 AM?
That's way too late.
1550
01:08:52,685 --> 01:08:56,070
I'm going to Leavesden Studios.
I have to be there 7:30 sharp.
1551
01:08:56,095 --> 01:08:58,439
My kids are gonna meet
Harry Potter.
1552
01:08:58,463 --> 01:09:01,823
Ooh, lah‐ti‐dah. Life of
a Hollywood star, eh.
1553
01:09:02,362 --> 01:09:04,493
You just seem predisposed
to dislike me.
1554
01:09:04,518 --> 01:09:06,627
- That was my brother.
- Your brother?
1555
01:09:06,673 --> 01:09:08,194
- In the cab.
- In the cab?
1556
01:09:08,219 --> 01:09:09,219
Brother‐in‐law.
1557
01:09:09,502 --> 01:09:11,484
Your brother‐in‐law was
the guy...
1558
01:09:11,510 --> 01:09:14,634
So when he was calling someone
on the phone, that was...
1559
01:09:14,658 --> 01:09:15,658
Moi.
1560
01:09:15,765 --> 01:09:17,338
- Parlez vous francais?
- No.
1561
01:09:21,829 --> 01:09:24,469
Listen, if I'd have met your
brother‐in‐law under different..
1562
01:09:24,493 --> 01:09:27,056
Circumstances, we would have had
a pint and a laugh, you know.
1563
01:09:27,082 --> 01:09:29,681
We just, just had some bad luck.
1564
01:09:29,854 --> 01:09:31,386
You certainly did.
1565
01:09:31,789 --> 01:09:34,023
And tonight, while you're
lying in a cold cell...
1566
01:09:34,047 --> 01:09:37,782
on a metal slab where hundreds
of guys have sweated, belched...
1567
01:09:37,806 --> 01:09:41,720
farted, pissed, puked, bled,
wanked and defecated...
1568
01:09:41,744 --> 01:09:44,070
and you can't sleep from
the stench...
1569
01:09:44,664 --> 01:09:47,712
picture me sitting with my
brother‐in‐law in a warm pub...
1570
01:09:47,737 --> 01:09:51,533
with a pint and a packet
of salt and vinegar crisps...
1571
01:09:51,557 --> 01:09:53,492
having a laugh, over you.
1572
01:09:55,791 --> 01:09:57,978
- What's that?
- Ah... nothing.
1573
01:09:58,002 --> 01:09:59,953
- Is that what I think it is?
- No, no, no, it's nothing.
1574
01:09:59,962 --> 01:10:00,837
It's just I‐‐ It's cannabis.
1575
01:10:00,862 --> 01:10:01,905
I don't even know what it is, dude.
1576
01:10:01,916 --> 01:10:04,009
We shall see. Give it to me now.
I‐‐ I don't know where‐‐
1577
01:10:04,019 --> 01:10:06,353
- Give it to me now.
- Give it to him now!
1578
01:10:07,582 --> 01:10:10,761
You bastard... you had a
cannabis cigarette...
1579
01:10:10,787 --> 01:10:13,096
and that's going in the records,
search him.
1580
01:10:29,720 --> 01:10:30,877
Only this.
1581
01:10:32,394 --> 01:10:34,845
A feather. What's that for?
1582
01:10:36,493 --> 01:10:38,314
Hmm, tickle your balls, eh?
1583
01:10:39,110 --> 01:10:42,601
Tickle, tickle, dirty, dirty
little Yankee doodle dandy, eh?
1584
01:10:42,627 --> 01:10:44,493
My daughter gave that to me for luck.
1585
01:10:45,439 --> 01:10:47,978
Well, it don't seem to
be working, does it, eh?
1586
01:10:48,047 --> 01:10:49,780
Step this way.
1587
01:10:52,266 --> 01:10:53,899
Hey, take it easy.
1588
01:10:54,067 --> 01:10:55,833
Hey, Woody, how you doing, man?
1589
01:10:56,185 --> 01:10:57,680
Oh, never better.
1590
01:10:57,704 --> 01:11:02,533
- Ah, I saw your play.
- Oh, great, thanks.
1591
01:11:02,891 --> 01:11:04,822
What a load of bullshit.
1592
01:11:05,863 --> 01:11:08,761
I thought I'd ask for my money
back but, er, I snuck in.
1593
01:11:08,786 --> 01:11:11,453
You ever gonna make us
laugh again?
1594
01:11:12,020 --> 01:11:13,587
Well I, I doubt it, dude.
1595
01:11:13,612 --> 01:11:16,095
I feel like I'm stuck in a
drama bubble.
1596
01:11:16,119 --> 01:11:17,386
What they got you for?
1597
01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:19,673
Oh, molesting an ashtray.
1598
01:11:19,765 --> 01:11:21,500
Can you mind your own
business, please.
1599
01:11:21,510 --> 01:11:24,261
They'll let you go if you pay
them. It's all about the money.
1600
01:11:24,286 --> 01:11:25,908
Shut it, Eugene.
1601
01:11:25,932 --> 01:11:26,956
Euu‐jen.
1602
01:11:26,966 --> 01:11:29,420
- Is that true?
- Step aside and wait your turn.
1603
01:11:29,797 --> 01:11:33,094
Moron. Watch the birdie.
1604
01:11:33,680 --> 01:11:35,623
Right hand first, starting
with the thumb...
1605
01:11:35,649 --> 01:11:37,085
rolling from left to right.
1606
01:11:37,109 --> 01:11:39,641
Er, but, dude, can I get
out if I post, post bail?
1607
01:11:39,695 --> 01:11:40,945
- Yeah.
- No.
1608
01:11:41,149 --> 01:11:43,061
Well, if we decide you're
not a flight risk.
1609
01:11:43,087 --> 01:11:44,867
- Did someone ask you, Paddy?
- No, sir.
1610
01:11:44,891 --> 01:11:46,466
- And are you doing the deciding?
- I am not, sir.
1611
01:11:46,476 --> 01:11:47,310
Then stay out of it.
1612
01:11:47,320 --> 01:11:49,929
But you know I'm not a flight
risk, you know where I live.
1613
01:11:49,953 --> 01:11:52,386
The Sloane Hotel...
bail is 1,000 pounds.
1614
01:11:53,164 --> 01:11:57,000
Dude, that ashtray was useless.
It was like the cab's appendix.
1615
01:11:57,024 --> 01:11:58,293
Just pay it, man.
1616
01:11:58,920 --> 01:12:00,354
I don't have any cash, man.
1617
01:12:00,378 --> 01:12:02,774
Well, you can use a credit
card, but they don't take Amex.
1618
01:12:02,798 --> 01:12:04,243
- Shut up!
- Nazis.
1619
01:12:04,518 --> 01:12:07,328
I‐I don't have my wallet
on me, because‐‐
1620
01:12:07,354 --> 01:12:09,467
Then I guess you'll have to
wait for the magistrate.
1621
01:12:09,493 --> 01:12:11,570
- Whoa, pity.
- You travel without a wallet?
1622
01:12:11,595 --> 01:12:14,149
- You're so ghetto, aren't you?
- So Hollywood.
1623
01:12:14,331 --> 01:12:16,636
Dude, can I please call my wife?
1624
01:12:16,706 --> 01:12:18,985
I mean, we've been, we've
been having some trouble...
1625
01:12:19,019 --> 01:12:20,547
and, and I‐‐ I‐‐ I have to call her.
1626
01:12:20,573 --> 01:12:22,019
I told her I'd be there by midnight.
1627
01:12:22,052 --> 01:12:24,153
Can I please make a call?
1628
01:12:24,573 --> 01:12:27,453
After you make your statement,
you can make one call.
1629
01:12:27,792 --> 01:12:29,773
- Take him away.
- Thank you.
1630
01:12:30,198 --> 01:12:32,832
I mean, I think you're a
closet people person.
1631
01:12:33,023 --> 01:12:34,038
Thank you, sir.
1632
01:12:34,064 --> 01:12:35,609
Hey, get a new agent, man.
1633
01:12:38,092 --> 01:12:39,877
Are you trying to make
trouble for yourself?
1634
01:12:39,902 --> 01:12:42,715
No, no. I mean my wife is
gonna liberate me.
1635
01:12:42,739 --> 01:12:43,868
Well that's up to him...
1636
01:12:43,894 --> 01:12:45,673
if he decides you're not
a flight risk.
1637
01:12:45,698 --> 01:12:47,746
- He decides?
- Yeah, he's the boss.
1638
01:12:48,198 --> 01:12:49,916
Dude, who put him in charge?
1639
01:12:50,221 --> 01:12:51,548
I don't know, but he's the boss.
1640
01:12:51,573 --> 01:12:53,306
Guy's a maniac.
1641
01:12:55,387 --> 01:12:56,832
I mean that's ridiculous.
1642
01:12:58,880 --> 01:13:01,667
How long do you think before
I can wrap all this up?
1643
01:13:01,693 --> 01:13:02,760
I don't really know, sir.
1644
01:13:02,784 --> 01:13:05,262
I'm new here, too. Let's go.
1645
01:13:06,988 --> 01:13:08,411
Take a seat.
1646
01:13:12,724 --> 01:13:14,090
Oh god.
1647
01:13:29,779 --> 01:13:31,551
Detective Sergeant Dante.
1648
01:13:32,368 --> 01:13:33,755
Yeah, I‐‐ I know, I met you.
1649
01:13:33,779 --> 01:13:35,162
Remember, you hate me?
1650
01:13:35,293 --> 01:13:36,951
You met my twin brother.
1651
01:13:37,364 --> 01:13:39,729
What, are you putting me on, dude?
1652
01:13:41,041 --> 01:13:44,386
You had quite an eventful night,
I understand, Mr. Harrelson.
1653
01:13:44,801 --> 01:13:46,435
No, no, hold on.
1654
01:13:46,461 --> 01:13:48,570
What, did you just change
clothes and it's like...
1655
01:13:48,595 --> 01:13:50,960
an interrogation technique
or something?
1656
01:13:51,552 --> 01:13:54,010
What drugs did you imbibe
this evening?
1657
01:13:55,110 --> 01:13:56,985
I‐‐ I don't‐‐ I don't do drugs.
1658
01:13:57,011 --> 01:13:58,011
Ever.
1659
01:13:58,024 --> 01:13:59,153
I, I, I'm straight edge...
1660
01:13:59,185 --> 01:14:02,101
and I think it's a terrible
example for children.
1661
01:14:02,127 --> 01:14:05,094
Hm, and yet you had cannabis
on your person.
1662
01:14:05,587 --> 01:14:07,354
No, sir, I did not.
1663
01:14:07,378 --> 01:14:09,244
Will you submit to a blood test?
1664
01:14:12,033 --> 01:14:13,033
But...
1665
01:14:14,768 --> 01:14:15,782
I‐‐ I‐‐
1666
01:14:15,806 --> 01:14:20,265
I don't, I don't...
um, do, er, needles.
1667
01:14:21,099 --> 01:14:22,461
We use hair samples.
1668
01:14:22,485 --> 01:14:24,479
No, I can't afford to lose
any more hair.
1669
01:14:24,505 --> 01:14:25,916
I'm an actor, you know.
1670
01:14:27,360 --> 01:14:31,189
Oh, yeah, I'm familiar with you
phoney, Hollywood types.
1671
01:14:32,056 --> 01:14:33,298
You do drugs.
1672
01:14:33,493 --> 01:14:35,219
You participate in orgies, eh?
1673
01:14:36,462 --> 01:14:38,019
You take part in orgies?
1674
01:14:38,485 --> 01:14:39,618
Yeah, course you do.
1675
01:14:40,360 --> 01:14:43,118
And contribute to the
moral decay in our society.
1676
01:14:43,590 --> 01:14:45,157
You don't get your way...
1677
01:14:45,181 --> 01:14:47,586
you stamp your feet like a little baby.
1678
01:14:48,166 --> 01:14:51,220
Destroy your hotel room, or your cab.
1679
01:14:52,101 --> 01:14:54,601
You're thinking rock star.
I just make movies.
1680
01:14:54,627 --> 01:14:56,314
Yeah, bad ones.
1681
01:14:56,360 --> 01:14:58,353
'Money Train', what a joke.
1682
01:14:58,854 --> 01:15:01,087
You will not be able to
leave here...
1683
01:15:01,113 --> 01:15:03,162
until you've submitted to a
voluntary drug test.
1684
01:15:03,185 --> 01:15:04,876
Okay, okay.
1685
01:15:04,900 --> 01:15:08,774
First of all, that makes your
blood test far from voluntary.
1686
01:15:08,798 --> 01:15:12,899
Secondly, I'm getting treated
like I butt raped Tony Blair...
1687
01:15:12,923 --> 01:15:14,280
at the Queen's afternoon tea.
1688
01:15:14,305 --> 01:15:16,399
And all I did was make
your brother's ashtray...
1689
01:15:16,423 --> 01:15:18,604
- In‐law.
- In‐law, in‐law.
1690
01:15:18,658 --> 01:15:21,554
Your brother‐in‐law's
useless ashtray useful...
1691
01:15:21,578 --> 01:15:24,631
and for that I'm getting abused
by you and your twin brother.
1692
01:15:24,657 --> 01:15:27,296
What are you guys?
Bad cop, worse cop?
1693
01:15:27,320 --> 01:15:29,695
I mean, you know,
I'm an actor, okay.
1694
01:15:29,720 --> 01:15:32,623
Voice and physicalisation are
my bread and butter...
1695
01:15:32,649 --> 01:15:34,640
so I hate to rain on your charade...
1696
01:15:34,664 --> 01:15:37,529
but there's no way that you
guys are the same person.
1697
01:15:37,555 --> 01:15:39,952
You're different people, because
you're the same person...
1698
01:15:39,976 --> 01:15:43,252
and you're both abusing me
for breaking a broken ashtray.
1699
01:15:43,286 --> 01:15:46,015
And I'm gonna call my Embassy, dude.
1700
01:15:49,814 --> 01:15:52,578
D'you, d'you think, d'you
think you're a tough guy?
1701
01:15:52,811 --> 01:15:54,046
No, no, no.
1702
01:15:54,070 --> 01:15:57,266
Are you the natural born killer
or am I the natural born killer?
1703
01:15:57,300 --> 01:15:58,811
Which one works for you?
1704
01:15:58,837 --> 01:16:01,523
Are you the natural born killer
or am I the natural born killer?
1705
01:16:01,533 --> 01:16:02,759
You, you, you‐‐ Me?
1706
01:16:02,783 --> 01:16:05,484
- I'm the natural born killer!
- Yes, yes!
1707
01:16:06,328 --> 01:16:08,703
Thank you. That means a lot.
1708
01:16:14,533 --> 01:16:19,033
Tell me, what's the most women
you've slept with in one go?
1709
01:16:19,067 --> 01:16:20,466
Dude, I'm not answering that.
1710
01:16:20,500 --> 01:16:21,882
I hate you.
1711
01:16:22,172 --> 01:16:24,139
What's it like to be with
three birds at once?
1712
01:16:24,163 --> 01:16:25,264
Dude, I love my wife.
1713
01:16:25,288 --> 01:16:27,788
Of course, but what man
would turn down three birds?
1714
01:16:27,814 --> 01:16:29,448
I mean I wanna meet that guy.
1715
01:16:29,472 --> 01:16:33,109
I don't wanna meet Tony Blair,
Stephen Hawking, Ted Danson...
1716
01:16:33,695 --> 01:16:36,046
but the man who turns down
three birds.
1717
01:16:36,070 --> 01:16:39,399
I wanna meet him, buy him
a pint and ask him...
1718
01:16:40,680 --> 01:16:42,257
"What's wrong with you?"
1719
01:16:44,233 --> 01:16:45,555
Sign this.
1720
01:16:45,731 --> 01:16:47,628
- What is it?
- Your statement.
1721
01:16:48,307 --> 01:16:52,158
Uh, responsible for all damages,
injuries, physical, emotion...
1722
01:16:52,801 --> 01:16:55,878
Emotional? Dude, I'm
not signing this.
1723
01:16:57,076 --> 01:16:59,221
I‐‐ I don't have a pen.
1724
01:16:59,533 --> 01:17:01,082
Just, okay.
1725
01:17:01,823 --> 01:17:02,823
Right.
1726
01:17:06,998 --> 01:17:08,902
Hmm... so easy.
1727
01:17:12,466 --> 01:17:14,292
Can I ask you a favor?
1728
01:17:14,685 --> 01:17:18,198
Now, tomorrow I'm taking my
kids to Leavesden Studios...
1729
01:17:18,222 --> 01:17:20,275
to meet Harry Potter, which
you're welcome to come.
1730
01:17:20,439 --> 01:17:21,938
- Hmm.
- Yeah?
1731
01:17:22,300 --> 01:17:25,567
But I‐‐ we gotta leave here
by, I don't know, 6:45, 7:00...
1732
01:17:25,600 --> 01:17:28,867
because we've gotta be
there by 7:30 sharp.
1733
01:17:28,899 --> 01:17:33,222
So do you see any way, any way
at all that that could happen?
1734
01:17:34,199 --> 01:17:35,246
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
1735
01:17:35,270 --> 01:17:36,426
- Sure.
- Really?
1736
01:17:36,451 --> 01:17:37,684
Yeah.
1737
01:17:38,242 --> 01:17:41,382
You just have to pick the lock
to your jail cell, kill me...
1738
01:17:41,408 --> 01:17:44,557
and sneak past all these other
coppers and out the front door.
1739
01:17:44,801 --> 01:17:48,878
I mean other than a murderous
jail break, is it possible?
1740
01:17:50,060 --> 01:17:54,128
No chance. I'm the
natural born killer.
1741
01:18:03,364 --> 01:18:06,730
( SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING )
1742
01:18:12,867 --> 01:18:14,448
Come on, get up.
1743
01:18:14,899 --> 01:18:17,442
- What time is it?
- It's 11:55.
1744
01:18:17,466 --> 01:18:19,132
Time for you to make your call.
1745
01:18:19,167 --> 01:18:20,972
Oh... okay.
1746
01:18:21,153 --> 01:18:22,386
- How'd it go?
- Not good, man.
1747
01:18:22,412 --> 01:18:24,779
I‐‐ I‐‐ I don't think
he's gonna let me go.
1748
01:18:25,163 --> 01:18:27,807
Just make your call and let
me deal with him.
1749
01:18:28,266 --> 01:18:29,300
Here.
1750
01:18:30,399 --> 01:18:31,886
All right.
1751
01:18:32,345 --> 01:18:34,744
Okay.
1752
01:18:34,966 --> 01:18:40,988
Well, I mean, I don't have this
number memorized or anything.
1753
01:18:41,894 --> 01:18:46,238
Well, I just...
do you know how to...
1754
01:18:46,402 --> 01:18:48,166
Are you sure you don't have it?
1755
01:18:48,190 --> 01:18:50,832
No, I don't have it memorized...
can you just...
1756
01:18:50,856 --> 01:18:51,957
Let me see.
1757
01:18:54,100 --> 01:18:55,698
Eh... Sloane Hotel.
1758
01:18:58,704 --> 01:19:00,238
Sloane Hotel, please.
1759
01:19:01,869 --> 01:19:03,269
Here, it's ringing.
1760
01:19:05,966 --> 01:19:10,266
Yeah, er... oh, hello, hello.
1761
01:19:10,667 --> 01:19:12,567
Hi, er, this is‐‐
1762
01:19:12,600 --> 01:19:14,809
Can you connect me with Woodrow Wilson?
1763
01:19:16,371 --> 01:19:17,605
Yeah.
1764
01:19:18,011 --> 01:19:19,631
Thank you.
1765
01:19:19,827 --> 01:19:21,557
It's my pseudonym.
1766
01:19:24,100 --> 01:19:29,378
Yeah, hi, hi, uh, yeah...
it's just ringing.
1767
01:19:30,832 --> 01:19:32,367
Hi, yeah. Hello?
1768
01:19:32,399 --> 01:19:34,367
- It's ringing.
- [PADDY] It's quite late.
1769
01:19:34,399 --> 01:19:36,932
Just keeps ringing and ringing.
1770
01:19:36,966 --> 01:19:40,867
- [PADDY] No answer?
- Hello? Hi.
1771
01:19:40,899 --> 01:19:44,132
- Just ringing.
- Maybe she's asleep.
1772
01:19:44,167 --> 01:19:46,367
Oh my god, hello?
1773
01:19:46,399 --> 01:19:50,033
- Are you on the phone?
- Yeah, yeah, hi.
1774
01:19:50,067 --> 01:19:52,033
- Just one second, sir.
- Sorry, sorry.
1775
01:19:52,538 --> 01:19:55,578
It's just... yeah, can you,
er, can you ring the room again?
1776
01:19:56,405 --> 01:19:58,515
Yeah, just ring it one
more time.
1777
01:20:00,780 --> 01:20:04,233
- It's ringing.
- It's quite late.
1778
01:20:04,266 --> 01:20:06,067
Ring, ring.
1779
01:20:09,466 --> 01:20:11,966
Just, I don't know why she
isn't picking up, man.
1780
01:20:12,000 --> 01:20:13,466
- Maybe she's sleeping.
- Unlucky.
1781
01:20:13,500 --> 01:20:15,067
Take him to his cell.
1782
01:20:15,100 --> 01:20:17,529
No... can you just, just
one second.
1783
01:20:18,932 --> 01:20:21,115
Hello? Hang on.
Yeah, hello.
1784
01:20:21,929 --> 01:20:25,077
Listen, will... ring it
one more time, will you?
1785
01:20:25,670 --> 01:20:28,716
No, dude, I‐‐ I‐‐
I can't call back.
1786
01:20:29,300 --> 01:20:32,077
No, I‐‐ I can't, because this
is my only call.
1787
01:20:33,266 --> 01:20:37,367
Because I'm in jail, so would
you just please ring the room‐‐
1788
01:20:38,087 --> 01:20:39,631
Hello?
1789
01:20:40,645 --> 01:20:41,399
Alas.
1790
01:20:41,432 --> 01:20:44,123
What the hell? Why are people
hanging up on me today?
1791
01:20:44,914 --> 01:20:45,920
Unlucky.
1792
01:20:46,067 --> 01:20:47,567
Sir, maybe if we...
1793
01:20:47,795 --> 01:20:50,167
- Can, can I just call her cell?
- You had your call.
1794
01:20:50,199 --> 01:20:52,399
- Just let me call her cell.
- You had your call.
1795
01:20:52,432 --> 01:20:54,036
Well that's not fair, man.
1796
01:20:54,060 --> 01:20:56,574
Sir, if we mention that we're,
we're the police, then maybe...
1797
01:20:56,600 --> 01:20:57,399
Take him, Paddy.
1798
01:20:57,432 --> 01:20:59,000
No, please, please, just let me...
1799
01:20:59,024 --> 01:21:00,567
- Let's go, sir. Come on.
- Take him.
1800
01:21:00,600 --> 01:21:02,248
Come on, let's go, now, now.
1801
01:21:04,698 --> 01:21:06,942
- Can I ask a favor, man?
- There's nothing I can do.
1802
01:21:06,966 --> 01:21:08,167
This is my first day.
1803
01:21:08,199 --> 01:21:10,064
Dude, do you have a pen
and paper?
1804
01:21:10,090 --> 01:21:11,298
There's only so much I can
help with, I'm new here.
1805
01:21:11,309 --> 01:21:12,708
Please, do you have a pen
and paper?
1806
01:21:12,734 --> 01:21:14,533
- Here.
- Okay, look.
1807
01:21:14,559 --> 01:21:17,954
I want you to just call
this number, right?
1808
01:21:18,034 --> 01:21:21,487
And my wife will come and,
and, and save me, okay?
1809
01:21:22,039 --> 01:21:24,274
So just please do this...
1810
01:21:24,300 --> 01:21:26,734
because my kids are gonna meet
Harry Potter in the morning.
1811
01:21:26,760 --> 01:21:28,515
It's gonna be the biggest
day of their lives.
1812
01:21:28,524 --> 01:21:30,367
And I beg you, please,
please to do‐‐
1813
01:21:30,399 --> 01:21:32,556
You, you, you have any kids?
1814
01:21:33,800 --> 01:21:34,800
Yeah.
1815
01:21:35,259 --> 01:21:37,510
- What?
- What?
1816
01:21:37,867 --> 01:21:38,702
What?
1817
01:21:38,726 --> 01:21:40,255
I just told you about my
son eleven minutes ago.
1818
01:21:40,265 --> 01:21:42,567
Were you listening, you fake?
Feigning interest in my kid.
1819
01:21:42,600 --> 01:21:43,957
"Maybe our kids could
play together."
1820
01:21:43,966 --> 01:21:45,167
Oh, no.
You're a fraud.
1821
01:21:45,199 --> 01:21:46,289
Oh I am so sorry, dude, I'm so‐‐
1822
01:21:46,300 --> 01:21:47,590
Don't try and nuzzle up to
me, you two‐faced creep.
1823
01:21:47,600 --> 01:21:49,167
I don't talk about me son to anyone.
1824
01:21:49,199 --> 01:21:50,681
- That's cre‐‐ you're creepy.
- No.
1825
01:21:50,707 --> 01:21:52,462
- No, no, I'm not creepy, man‐‐
- You are, you're creepy.
1826
01:21:52,471 --> 01:21:54,056
You two‐faced, stoner,
Hollywood creep, let's go.
1827
01:21:54,067 --> 01:21:56,132
But, but my, my kids are
not creepy.
1828
01:21:56,167 --> 01:21:58,000
They're the most uncreepy
kids in the world.
1829
01:21:58,033 --> 01:21:59,432
They deserve to meet
Harry Potter.
1830
01:21:59,466 --> 01:22:01,289
Yeah, well, my kid deserves
to meet Harry Potter, too.
1831
01:22:01,300 --> 01:22:03,356
Well, bring him and they
can meet, and all of them...
1832
01:22:03,367 --> 01:22:06,500
can meet Bumbledore and, and
Harry Potter, and, and Her H...
1833
01:22:06,524 --> 01:22:08,595
Look, dude, dude, I‐‐ I‐‐
I'm sorry, okay?
1834
01:22:08,619 --> 01:22:09,552
Yeah, you look it, let's go.
1835
01:22:09,567 --> 01:22:11,899
No, I mean, I'm‐‐ I'm a lousy
excuse for a human being.
1836
01:22:11,925 --> 01:22:13,390
Well, I couldn't have summed
it up better myself.
1837
01:22:13,400 --> 01:22:14,932
I never graduated
from adolescence.
1838
01:22:14,966 --> 01:22:17,932
I'm like perpetually, you know
and I‐‐ I get high all the time.
1839
01:22:17,966 --> 01:22:19,300
And I get drunk all the time.
1840
01:22:19,332 --> 01:22:20,466
And I'm filling my senses...
1841
01:22:20,500 --> 01:22:23,033
and my heart is
withering in my chest.
1842
01:22:23,067 --> 01:22:27,300
And‐‐ and my wife is the
most incredible person...
1843
01:22:27,332 --> 01:22:28,533
on this earth and I‐‐
1844
01:22:28,567 --> 01:22:31,367
Dude, she's, she's gonna leave me.
1845
01:22:31,766 --> 01:22:33,868
And when she leaves me,
I'm gonna...
1846
01:22:34,141 --> 01:22:36,233
I'm gonna break up with
myself, man.
1847
01:22:36,266 --> 01:22:39,033
I‐‐ I‐‐ look I was,
I was manipulating you earlier.
1848
01:22:39,067 --> 01:22:40,533
I was trying to curry favor...
1849
01:22:40,567 --> 01:22:43,300
pretend that I cared about your
son, hoping you'd help me.
1850
01:22:43,332 --> 01:22:45,132
But I don't blame you if
you don't forgive me.
1851
01:22:45,167 --> 01:22:48,867
I mean, I've‐‐ I've actually
grown unsympathetic to myself.
1852
01:22:48,899 --> 01:22:52,000
But I, I, I would love to take
you and your son to meet...
1853
01:22:52,033 --> 01:22:55,266
Harry Potter tomorrow if, if‐‐
1854
01:22:57,007 --> 01:23:00,074
You can believe that, man,
even if my family can't come.
1855
01:23:01,141 --> 01:23:03,476
You'd take me and my son
with you to see Harry Potter?
1856
01:23:03,502 --> 01:23:05,469
Even if your family didn't come?
1857
01:23:05,493 --> 01:23:06,780
Yeah. Yeah, I...
1858
01:23:06,805 --> 01:23:09,100
You could be
manipulating me now.
1859
01:23:09,333 --> 01:23:11,333
But I'm not asking you
for anything.
1860
01:23:12,826 --> 01:23:14,634
Neither am I.
Come on, let's go.
1861
01:23:14,658 --> 01:23:19,011
- Yeah, but...
- Come on, go, let's go, get in.
1862
01:23:22,389 --> 01:23:23,770
Pad, Paddy?
1863
01:23:25,796 --> 01:23:27,029
Yeah?
1864
01:23:27,559 --> 01:23:29,567
- Thanks, man.
- For what?
1865
01:23:30,347 --> 01:23:32,934
- You're a good man.
- Goodnight.
1866
01:23:33,863 --> 01:23:36,496
- I think that's yours.
- Oh, thank you.
1867
01:24:01,020 --> 01:24:02,386
God.
1868
01:24:05,590 --> 01:24:07,207
Stupid!
1869
01:24:07,233 --> 01:24:09,972
Stupid, stupid, stupid...
1870
01:24:10,042 --> 01:24:16,108
stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid!
1871
01:24:45,567 --> 01:24:50,871
God, it's been a while...
1872
01:24:53,141 --> 01:24:55,641
and I haven't been a very
good Christian.
1873
01:24:55,761 --> 01:25:02,551
I know, I guess I got lost
in the carnival and I just...
1874
01:25:03,335 --> 01:25:05,564
I don't know if you're
up there, God...
1875
01:25:05,590 --> 01:25:08,569
but if you are, this is it, man.
1876
01:25:09,545 --> 01:25:14,432
I mean, my wife and my, my
best friend on the same day.
1877
01:25:14,466 --> 01:25:20,694
I mean, even Job had a week
to adjust, I mean, God...
1878
01:25:23,389 --> 01:25:25,668
please, please, God,
don't let me lose her.
1879
01:25:25,694 --> 01:25:29,564
Please give me another chance.
Please, God. Please.
1880
01:25:32,342 --> 01:25:35,016
Please, please, God.
1881
01:25:38,082 --> 01:25:39,317
Please.
1882
01:25:39,341 --> 01:25:42,274
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
1883
01:25:45,842 --> 01:25:48,210
♪ The streets are dark
and quiet in London ♪
1884
01:25:48,234 --> 01:25:49,734
♪ After midnight ♪
1885
01:25:51,726 --> 01:25:52,760
♪ Listen ♪
1886
01:25:57,399 --> 01:26:00,000
♪ But silence is the master
of darkness ♪
1887
01:26:00,033 --> 01:26:04,132
♪ And London can sleep tonight
protected by the master ♪
1888
01:26:07,833 --> 01:26:10,490
♪ London ♪
1889
01:26:13,100 --> 01:26:16,503
♪ London ♪
1890
01:26:18,233 --> 01:26:25,266
♪ You scream the largest
portion of the day ♪
1891
01:26:30,100 --> 01:26:33,167
♪ London ♪
1892
01:26:36,332 --> 01:26:40,365
♪ London ♪
1893
01:26:42,599 --> 01:26:47,899
♪ Rest your lungs
Tomorrow's on its way ♪
1894
01:26:53,585 --> 01:26:55,152
Willie, what's going on?
1895
01:26:55,176 --> 01:26:58,043
Everything at once, man,
it's freaking me out.
1896
01:26:58,939 --> 01:27:00,474
They let you in here?
1897
01:27:00,498 --> 01:27:02,932
Yeah, I'm feeling it's a lot
easier to get in one of these...
1898
01:27:02,966 --> 01:27:05,105
places than it is to get
out of 'em.
1899
01:27:05,131 --> 01:27:08,538
- How are you doing?
- Terrible, man.
1900
01:27:08,573 --> 01:27:10,114
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1901
01:27:10,466 --> 01:27:12,972
My old lady used to say,
"Don't worry about a thing...
1902
01:27:13,006 --> 01:27:15,568
"'cause there ain't nothing
gonna be all right".
1903
01:27:15,927 --> 01:27:19,301
Oh, man, I just, I messed
up real bad.
1904
01:27:20,039 --> 01:27:22,773
Well, you just did what
other men have done.
1905
01:27:22,805 --> 01:27:23,773
I've done it myself.
1906
01:27:23,805 --> 01:27:27,466
Yeah, but you've had like
129 wives, Willie.
1907
01:27:27,539 --> 01:27:29,539
I just want one, I want Laura.
1908
01:27:29,573 --> 01:27:31,539
Well, what do you think
women want?
1909
01:27:32,520 --> 01:27:35,520
Well, I don't know... love.
1910
01:27:36,127 --> 01:27:39,002
Love, honesty, respect, loyalty.
1911
01:27:39,630 --> 01:27:41,805
Oh, yeah, well I should
have thought of those.
1912
01:27:41,840 --> 01:27:43,472
Those are the hard ones.
1913
01:27:43,506 --> 01:27:46,472
Yeah, well, this ain't about
what you're going through.
1914
01:27:46,506 --> 01:27:48,095
This is about what
Laura's going through.
1915
01:27:48,105 --> 01:27:49,448
That's what you gotta
think about.
1916
01:27:49,472 --> 01:27:53,354
Grow a spine. If you're gonna
be a bear, be a grizzly.
1917
01:27:53,805 --> 01:27:56,372
Oh, well that, that is
good advice, Willie.
1918
01:27:56,841 --> 01:27:59,140
Excuse me, I'll be right back.
1919
01:27:59,841 --> 01:28:01,605
Uh, did you miss me?
1920
01:28:02,551 --> 01:28:05,773
[WOODY] Huh. You're the best,
Willie. I so appreciate you.
1921
01:28:06,474 --> 01:28:08,653
Hey, I'm gonna put in a good
word for you...
1922
01:28:08,676 --> 01:28:11,661
'cause you know, I always liked
you just a little bit.
1923
01:28:13,672 --> 01:28:16,387
[WOODY] Thank you, Willie,
thank you so much.
1924
01:28:17,131 --> 01:28:19,439
You're as welcome as the
flowers in spring.
1925
01:28:19,684 --> 01:28:22,668
And if you ever need
a friend, buy a dog.
1926
01:28:24,739 --> 01:28:27,706
You're the Texas Dalai Lama, man.
1927
01:28:30,731 --> 01:28:33,899
( MUSIC FADES UP )
1928
01:29:18,472 --> 01:29:20,712
( DOOR OPENS )
1929
01:29:23,503 --> 01:29:27,930
[OWEN] Wake up, buttercup. Carpe Diem.
1930
01:29:29,546 --> 01:29:30,586
O?
1931
01:29:31,427 --> 01:29:32,828
It's me, buddy.
1932
01:29:33,738 --> 01:29:35,719
Oh, did you see Willie?
1933
01:29:36,073 --> 01:29:38,006
Willie's on Maui, amigo.
1934
01:29:38,515 --> 01:29:42,305
Ah, man, well I dreamed
he was here.
1935
01:29:42,407 --> 01:29:44,219
Am I dreaming you're here?
1936
01:29:44,243 --> 01:29:46,211
No, I'm here, I just paid
your bail.
1937
01:29:47,078 --> 01:29:48,773
Oh, thanks, buddy.
1938
01:29:48,805 --> 01:29:50,444
Don't thank me, thank Paddy.
1939
01:29:50,469 --> 01:29:53,073
- Thank you so much, Paddy.
- No worries.
1940
01:29:53,328 --> 01:29:54,506
What time is it?
1941
01:29:54,539 --> 01:29:56,319
It's time to go meet
Harry Potter.
1942
01:29:56,367 --> 01:29:59,063
Oh, yes! Yes!
1943
01:29:59,188 --> 01:30:02,506
- Okay, so, er, you called Laura?
- Called Laura?
1944
01:30:02,539 --> 01:30:04,805
- Then Laura called you?
- [OWEN] Yeah.
1945
01:30:04,840 --> 01:30:08,648
And, so, Laura saved me, huh?
1946
01:30:09,743 --> 01:30:12,328
Yeah. Laura saved me.
1947
01:30:12,845 --> 01:30:14,779
Sorry about that fight.
1948
01:30:14,953 --> 01:30:16,539
Oh, me, too, bro.
1949
01:30:16,573 --> 01:30:20,605
Oh, gosh, I gotta say,
you are quite the scrapper.
1950
01:30:20,640 --> 01:30:25,539
Yeah, you did run into a little
bit of a buzz saw tonight.
1951
01:30:26,032 --> 01:30:27,154
Yeah.
1952
01:30:27,180 --> 01:30:30,612
You're lucky‐‐ you're lucky they
pulled me off you when they did.
1953
01:30:30,636 --> 01:30:31,810
Well, you know, I was just...
1954
01:30:31,835 --> 01:30:33,246
I was getting ready
to crank it up.
1955
01:30:33,270 --> 01:30:36,140
Pretending to lose consciousness
I was about to stage a comeback.
1956
01:30:36,164 --> 01:30:39,490
I could feel that,
playing possum.
1957
01:30:39,515 --> 01:30:42,905
I could also feel that Vulcan
death grip that you did...
1958
01:30:42,939 --> 01:30:46,439
on my head that just left
me feeling a little concussed.
1959
01:30:46,472 --> 01:30:48,405
Dude, tell me I didn't
hurt your moneymaker.
1960
01:30:48,439 --> 01:30:50,046
I mean, now that's the main thing.
1961
01:30:50,070 --> 01:30:51,359
No, it's okay.
1962
01:30:51,385 --> 01:30:54,019
I mean, is that cheeky‐boy
smile still there, right?
1963
01:30:54,043 --> 01:30:55,876
Please, let's never lose that.
1964
01:30:55,900 --> 01:30:57,467
Oh, my god.
1965
01:30:57,782 --> 01:30:59,515
Come and meet me son.
1966
01:30:59,539 --> 01:31:01,605
- Let's go.
- Yeah, okay.
1967
01:31:01,805 --> 01:31:05,105
You know, you did actually a
pretty good, um, 'Larry Flynt'.
1968
01:31:05,140 --> 01:31:06,922
Oh... come on.
1969
01:31:07,774 --> 01:31:09,282
Now your free.
1970
01:31:09,573 --> 01:31:12,609
Free at last! Free at last!
1971
01:31:21,554 --> 01:31:23,195
Where's Laura and the kids?
1972
01:31:24,552 --> 01:31:25,867
They're not here.
1973
01:31:27,039 --> 01:31:29,805
What do you mean? I thought
they were gonna be here.
1974
01:31:29,840 --> 01:31:31,126
I don't know.
1975
01:31:32,015 --> 01:31:35,327
Hold it, but you talked to her
on the phone, right?
1976
01:31:35,351 --> 01:31:37,819
She called me and asked me
to call Paddy...
1977
01:31:37,844 --> 01:31:39,320
and come bail you out.
1978
01:31:39,938 --> 01:31:44,006
But, well, so... you don't
know where she is?
1979
01:31:46,806 --> 01:31:48,001
No idea.
1980
01:31:51,623 --> 01:31:52,863
Sorry.
1981
01:31:52,905 --> 01:31:55,805
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
1982
01:32:36,220 --> 01:32:38,980
Hold on, so where's,
where's your son?
1983
01:32:39,006 --> 01:32:41,121
Well, we're going to collect him.
1984
01:32:41,917 --> 01:32:44,706
You still wanna go, yeah,
see Harry Potter?
1985
01:32:44,739 --> 01:32:47,640
Yeah, I mean, we might as well.
1986
01:32:48,229 --> 01:32:50,939
Be good to, at least for us
to see Harry Potter.
1987
01:32:51,394 --> 01:32:53,793
Well, you guys, I'm gonna have
to take a rain check, I think.
1988
01:32:53,864 --> 01:32:56,064
You guys can drop me off
on the way.
1989
01:32:56,644 --> 01:32:58,948
What do you mean?
What are you doing?
1990
01:32:58,972 --> 01:33:01,073
I got that meeting
I gotta go to.
1991
01:33:01,792 --> 01:33:03,706
What, at this hour
of the morning?
1992
01:33:04,729 --> 01:33:06,457
Morning meeting.
1993
01:33:07,095 --> 01:33:08,425
Well, with who?
1994
01:33:08,636 --> 01:33:09,862
It's not important.
1995
01:33:09,957 --> 01:33:12,623
Dude, who‐‐ who are you meeting?
1996
01:33:14,458 --> 01:33:15,613
Wes.
1997
01:33:15,755 --> 01:33:17,128
Wes?
1998
01:33:18,402 --> 01:33:19,894
Your best friend?
1999
01:33:23,097 --> 01:33:25,612
Yeah, Wes, my best friend...
and guess what?
2000
01:33:25,636 --> 01:33:29,372
I have three brothers,
Andrew, Luke and Woody.
2001
01:33:30,347 --> 01:33:32,840
I feel like I just got demoted
from second best friend...
2002
01:33:32,872 --> 01:33:34,916
to third favorite brother...
2003
01:33:38,703 --> 01:33:40,462
Hits just keep on coming, man.
2004
01:33:42,739 --> 01:33:43,993
Come on.
2005
01:33:44,974 --> 01:33:47,149
You want me to tell Wes
you said hello?
2006
01:33:47,173 --> 01:33:49,539
Yeah, yeah, you know,
I actually do like him.
2007
01:33:49,573 --> 01:33:51,006
You guys get along.
2008
01:33:51,510 --> 01:33:54,872
I'm just jealous, because he
never called me for anything.
2009
01:33:58,952 --> 01:34:01,980
Hey, what was that thing you
were saying was the...
2010
01:34:02,006 --> 01:34:07,372
talking about the beautiful
thing that me and Laura had?
2011
01:34:07,405 --> 01:34:09,739
- In the club?
- Yeah.
2012
01:34:10,704 --> 01:34:12,872
Oh, I was kind of just...
2013
01:34:14,118 --> 01:34:16,587
scrambling a little bit,
but I mean...
2014
01:34:19,694 --> 01:34:21,494
What's going on?
2015
01:34:21,520 --> 01:34:23,448
Can a police car pull
over another police car?
2016
01:34:23,474 --> 01:34:25,317
[PADDY]
It's a bit strange, all right.
2017
01:34:25,341 --> 01:34:27,742
Well that doesn't make any sense.
2018
01:34:33,686 --> 01:34:35,520
[PADDY] Find out who it is.
2019
01:34:38,533 --> 01:34:39,930
But it doesn't surprise me, man.
2020
01:34:39,939 --> 01:34:42,805
The way things are going,
this, this night is, er...
2021
01:34:42,840 --> 01:34:44,439
just never gonna stop.
2022
01:34:44,472 --> 01:34:45,823
( KNOCK ON DOOR )
2023
01:34:46,135 --> 01:34:47,872
License and registration?
2024
01:34:48,604 --> 01:34:51,899
Dante... what's going on, man?
2025
01:34:51,923 --> 01:34:54,980
You don't think I was gonna
miss Harry Potter, do you?
2026
01:34:55,587 --> 01:34:58,448
- Sign this.
- Oh, great, great.
2027
01:34:58,567 --> 01:35:00,667
Wow, just great.
2028
01:35:02,489 --> 01:35:05,224
And, er, we might have a
few surprise guests.
2029
01:35:08,743 --> 01:35:11,344
- Daddy!
- Kids!
2030
01:35:11,510 --> 01:35:13,439
Ah!
2031
01:35:13,916 --> 01:35:15,539
Why didn't you come home
last night?
2032
01:35:15,573 --> 01:35:16,905
Where were you?
2033
01:35:16,939 --> 01:35:18,820
Oh, well, okay, I'm gonna...
2034
01:35:18,845 --> 01:35:21,506
er, I'm gonna explain
it all to you, okay?
2035
01:35:21,688 --> 01:35:24,243
Um, you got any jokes for me?
2036
01:35:24,634 --> 01:35:25,634
Uh, yeah.
2037
01:35:26,483 --> 01:35:28,720
When you go into the
bathroom, you're American.
2038
01:35:28,746 --> 01:35:30,640
When you come out of
the bathroom, you're American.
2039
01:35:30,650 --> 01:35:32,454
What are you when you're
in the bathroom?
2040
01:35:32,479 --> 01:35:33,645
Ah, I give up.
2041
01:35:33,673 --> 01:35:35,775
You're a peein'.
2042
01:35:36,079 --> 01:35:39,953
Okay, there was this zoo with
no animals and just one dog.
2043
01:35:39,979 --> 01:35:41,640
- It was a Shitzu.
- I don't get it.
2044
01:35:41,672 --> 01:35:43,800
- [PADDY] Woody, this is Billy.
- Dumb joke.
2045
01:35:43,832 --> 01:35:45,524
- Say hello, Billy... who's that?
- Billy!
2046
01:35:45,550 --> 01:35:47,140
- Hello, Billy.
- Who's this?
2047
01:35:47,172 --> 01:35:49,382
- What you got here?
- Harry Potter.
2048
01:35:49,408 --> 01:35:50,539
Harry Potter.
2049
01:35:50,564 --> 01:35:52,039
Oh, it's nice to meet you.
2050
01:35:52,073 --> 01:35:54,305
- Put me down.
- I'm gonna give you a minute.
2051
01:35:54,329 --> 01:35:57,525
Let's go, kids... I'll give you
a minute, come on, let's go!
2052
01:35:57,573 --> 01:35:59,854
[PADDY] Let's go and see
Harry Potter!
2053
01:36:09,576 --> 01:36:11,332
I thought you left me.
2054
01:36:11,876 --> 01:36:13,542
I did leave you.
2055
01:36:14,261 --> 01:36:15,528
But the sins of the father...
2056
01:36:15,552 --> 01:36:17,472
don't need to be visited
on his children.
2057
01:36:18,677 --> 01:36:21,212
They really wanna meet
Harry Potter.
2058
01:36:21,716 --> 01:36:23,662
So that's the
reason you're here?
2059
01:36:24,670 --> 01:36:25,731
Mostly.
2060
01:36:28,363 --> 01:36:30,047
I've been doing a lot of thinking.
2061
01:36:30,917 --> 01:36:32,529
Yeah, so have I.
2062
01:36:34,826 --> 01:36:38,015
And, er, I know I cause you a
lot of pain and humiliation.
2063
01:36:38,164 --> 01:36:40,880
You do not make it easy, Woody.
2064
01:36:41,548 --> 01:36:43,849
And I, I, I can't...
2065
01:36:45,631 --> 01:36:48,648
I tell you you're, you're the
most amazing woman in the world.
2066
01:36:48,672 --> 01:36:50,684
And you're‐‐ you're the
one for me.
2067
01:36:50,708 --> 01:36:52,068
Just not the only.
2068
01:36:54,492 --> 01:36:58,389
I can't imagine this, your, my
world without you, I can't.
2069
01:36:59,662 --> 01:37:01,295
But...
2070
01:37:02,280 --> 01:37:05,327
I think if I'm really gonna
be selfless about this...
2071
01:37:05,351 --> 01:37:07,743
I don't wanna see you
saddled with me...
2072
01:37:07,984 --> 01:37:11,234
cuz I don't wanna see the person
I love with the person I hate.
2073
01:37:12,274 --> 01:37:16,480
And I, I know that the best
thing that I can do for you...
2074
01:37:17,131 --> 01:37:19,694
and the only way I can
truly love you...
2075
01:37:20,453 --> 01:37:22,475
is to help you get rid of me.
2076
01:37:23,725 --> 01:37:29,912
So I want you to go, in
that van, and leave me here.
2077
01:37:31,658 --> 01:37:34,349
At least then I'll know
you'll be all right, honey.
2078
01:37:49,539 --> 01:37:50,905
( ENGINE STARTING )
2079
01:37:58,166 --> 01:38:00,632
No! No, no!
No! No! No!
2080
01:38:06,192 --> 01:38:07,927
- [LAURA] Woody?!
- Papa!
2081
01:38:10,689 --> 01:38:13,055
[LAURA] How's it going down
there, jail bird?
2082
01:38:13,079 --> 01:38:14,079
It's been better.
2083
01:38:14,095 --> 01:38:15,186
[PADDY] Come on, Woods.
2084
01:38:15,212 --> 01:38:18,020
Get him up, kids.
Let's get him in the van.
2085
01:38:21,203 --> 01:38:25,203
You know, Woodrow, you're
not quite rid of us.
2086
01:38:27,494 --> 01:38:29,661
Does that mean you're not
gonna leave me?
2087
01:38:29,726 --> 01:38:31,426
Not yet.
2088
01:38:31,452 --> 01:38:33,117
Let's just see how the day goes.
2089
01:38:33,141 --> 01:38:36,242
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
2090
01:38:44,466 --> 01:38:45,466
[WOODY] Hello, Billy.
2091
01:38:45,492 --> 01:38:47,434
- [LAURA] Hey, guys.
- [PADDY] Say, "Hi, Woody".
2092
01:38:47,458 --> 01:38:48,784
[BILLY] Hi, Woody.
2093
01:38:49,277 --> 01:38:50,551
[BILLY] Harry Potter.
2094
01:38:51,953 --> 01:38:53,594
[WOODY] Harry Potter!
2095
01:38:53,618 --> 01:38:55,136
[LAURA] Yeah!
2096
01:38:55,161 --> 01:38:56,328
( MUSIC ENDS )
2097
01:39:37,123 --> 01:39:39,823
So I remember when Woody and
his family visited...
2098
01:39:39,849 --> 01:39:43,005
the Harry Potter set on, I
believe it was the second film.
2099
01:39:43,029 --> 01:39:45,386
Um, so I was about 12 or 13.
2100
01:39:45,411 --> 01:39:49,395
And, er, whenever sort of famous
people or actors came out...
2101
01:39:49,421 --> 01:39:51,386
to the set, you know, it was
very exciting.
2102
01:39:51,426 --> 01:39:54,346
So the crew, everyone was very
excited, I was very excited.
2103
01:39:54,372 --> 01:39:58,192
Er, and, and I met him and
he was, they were all lovely.
2104
01:39:58,466 --> 01:40:00,863
Um, and then later that day...
2105
01:40:01,216 --> 01:40:04,582
sort of news started filtering
through about some weirdness...
2106
01:40:04,650 --> 01:40:08,613
altercation with a taxi the
previous night.
2107
01:40:08,637 --> 01:40:12,474
And the genuine reaction
around the set was...
2108
01:40:12,699 --> 01:40:15,463
"Did Woody Harrelson just come
and use the Harry Potter set..."
2109
01:40:15,488 --> 01:40:17,425
"as a safe house for a day?"
2110
01:40:17,449 --> 01:40:20,283
"And was he just like
coming here to hide out?".
2111
01:40:20,363 --> 01:40:23,908
Um, which it turns out wasn't
the case, but if it had been...
2112
01:40:23,934 --> 01:40:26,432
it would have been a pretty
cool thing to do.
2113
01:40:26,457 --> 01:40:31,002
Um, so, yeah, er, that was, that
was the first time I met Woody.
2114
01:40:31,028 --> 01:40:33,993
( MUSIC PLAYING )
2115
01:40:56,101 --> 01:40:59,646
♪ Been bound up and wound up
Could barely get a sound up ♪
2116
01:40:59,671 --> 01:41:01,702
♪ Been cheated mistreated ♪
2117
01:41:01,726 --> 01:41:03,918
♪ Don't even care to think of it ♪
2118
01:41:04,038 --> 01:41:08,530
♪ Been wasted basted
Till I could hardly taste it ♪
2119
01:41:08,742 --> 01:41:12,953
♪ Knocked down kicked around
Left to hug a cold ground ♪
2120
01:41:13,046 --> 01:41:21,046
♪ But I feel every story
Every story you reveal ♪
2121
01:41:23,523 --> 01:41:29,382
♪ If love is my greatest glory ♪
2122
01:41:30,381 --> 01:41:35,814
♪ My greatest glory
I cannot conceal ♪
2123
01:41:43,224 --> 01:41:47,448
♪ Been greedy and needy
Sinister and seedy ♪
2124
01:41:47,481 --> 01:41:51,787
♪ Lost in illusion
I cuddle my confusion ♪
2125
01:41:51,951 --> 01:41:55,403
♪ I crawl from my kingdom
to wallow in your wisdom ♪
2126
01:41:56,529 --> 01:41:59,394
♪ Listless lecherous
Oh my god I'm such a mess ♪
2127
01:42:00,474 --> 01:42:05,828
♪ But I feel every story ♪
2128
01:42:06,920 --> 01:42:09,761
♪ Every story you conceal ♪
2129
01:42:11,224 --> 01:42:15,894
♪ If love is my greatest glory ♪
2130
01:42:17,349 --> 01:42:21,993
♪ My greatest glory
I'm ready to reveal ♪
2131
01:42:26,130 --> 01:42:29,894
♪ My love never let you down ♪
2132
01:42:34,490 --> 01:42:39,291
♪ My love never let you down ♪
2133
01:42:42,914 --> 01:42:47,747
♪ My love never let you down ♪
2134
01:42:50,250 --> 01:42:52,617
♪ I'll always be around ♪
2135
01:42:54,962 --> 01:42:59,095
♪ Always be around ♪
2136
01:42:59,119 --> 01:43:01,686
♪ Always be around ♪
2137
01:43:03,005 --> 01:43:07,469
♪ Always be around ♪
2138
01:43:08,747 --> 01:43:11,728
♪ Yeah all right ♪
2139
01:43:16,762 --> 01:43:20,912
♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah all right ♪
163183
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