Original subtitles

MVP Presents:

Help us out, Fanny!

You know how it is!

A has conflicts with B and C hates D.

Executive Producer: WONG JING

They won't play if you're not here,

then we'll always lack a "leg".

I can't. My husband nagged me about this many times already.

He won't let me play Mahjong in the afternoon.

But how would he know if you're home by 5?

He might think I'm seeing other guys. Forget it.

You know how it feels! My hands are like being bitten by bugs.

They're so itchy, you just want to scratch them!

I know.

That's good then!

Your husband won't be home for days anyway!

Starring: YUEN QIU

No. He said he's in Macau and he'll be catching the Ferry at 5.

YUEN WAH, CHERRIE YIN That's perfect! You get home by 6

and he'll never know it!

The hell with it!

Hey!! Fanny's gonna play!

We're coming!!

Wait for us!

TIFFANY LEE, LEE SEE-PU!

They can't wait to lose or what? I'm coming!

SAMMY, TERRANCE YIN

1 Dot!

Also Starring: WONG TIEN-LUM, YUEN KIN-DAN, WONG CHUN-HEY, OTTO,

TSUI CHI-YEEN, LEE KEEN-YAN

Which tile did you discard?

8 Dots!

Chow.

2 Characters.

No...Pong!

I must stop your winning streak!

You've won me for 9 straight days. 4 Dots, right?

Then I'll discard 1 Dot.

How many times have I told you??

"Throw 4 to lure 1''. It's a fake move!

Directed by: WONG JING Then I'm gonna Pong it!

Self-pick. Purity!

KUNG FU MAHJONG 2

Self-pick, Semipure and All Pongs!

-Lose! Lose... - Lose...

Self-pick, Green Dragon and 1s-and-9s!.

You win again! Will we ever beat you??

Hello? Honey?

You're not home?

No, because I'm buying fruits.

I'll be back soon.

I'll have soup ready for you when you're back!

Fanny? The papaya is very fresh today.

Yes. I'll talk to you later.

I don't want them to overcharge me.

Bye.

My god...That's it for today!

- What about this? - What about this?

Rain check. We'll settle it next time. Bye!

Are you placing the tiles randomly on purpose?

No. I forgot my glasses today.

1 more tile to win.

Which tile are you waiting for?

Here.

1 and 4 Dots?

No.

Let me help you.

Self-pick!

It's my husband!

You don't have to "Self-pick" if you have a husband!

Your mouth is so dirty!

"Masturbation is just like celebration"

Don't you know?

He doesn't allow me to play Mahjong in the afternoon.

I have to go make him soup!

You're back, Mr. Wong.

Damn.

He's ahead of me!

Excuse me.

Excuse me! There's already one here!

I gotta get back before he does.

WET PAINT

Darling?

Shit! She must be out playing Mahjong!

Honey, you're back.

Dinner will be ready after I finish taking the bath.

I won't be eating at home tonight.

Why?

I'm helping "the Demon" to run his gambling ships, remember?

He invited a renowned Korean guest over for dinner

and told me to bring you along.

Sure. We hardly go out together anyway.

Let me introduce. This is Fanny, my wife.

This is my boss, the Demon.

Hi, Brother Demon.

Have a seat.

Johnnie told me you're very good at Mahjong!

You're too kind. I just play it for fun.

So humble of you.

She's my younger sister, Curvy.

I've heard that your master is the legendary "Three Tiles",

and your senior sister is the notorious Auntie Fei.

So you're more than just an ordinary player.

I haven't seen him in along time.

ReaHy?

Right. I've invited a Korean guest for dinner.

His name is Min Jung.

Jang Geum, the Korean Mahjong Queen, will also accompany him.

Jang Geum?

I've heard that she has won 366 consecutive games

and ended up winning one whole building!

Brother Demon...

Min Jung!

Where's Jang Geum?

Please.

Brother Demon.

Nice to meet you.

Allow me to introduce.

This is my new disciple Johnny and his wife Fanny.

Why don't we play some Mahjong before dinner?

What do you think, Jang Geum?

Your wish is my command.

I'm so worried about you all.

I won Self-pick with Purity on the very first game.

Please accept my deepest apology.

And I thought you're an expert.

Turns out you have extra tiles on each hand.

I do not understand what you mean.

One more game...

That's all you've got? Just a few tiles?

ReaHy?

It should be 13 tiles. Where are the others?

Split!

It hurts!

I couldn't see a thing! Jung, where are you?

You think you can get away that easily?

You swindlers. Where're you really from?

Sorry...I am not Korean...

But my last name sounds Korean.

What the hell! How dare you try to cheat me in my own home?!

Break their hands and legs. Take out all their money,

then throw them down the hill!

No...help...

I'm blind now. I couldn't see a thing.

Please give me a chance...

Jung, I am blind now.

Please, let me use your eyes from now on.

You go to hell.

Cheers!

What a joke! They're a bunch of fakes!

Fanny, you're pretty good on the table.

I learned it from my master, that's all.

Then are you good in bed too?

Have some abalone, honey.

How dare you?!

Go, apologize to her!

You'll never leave here if you don't!

Hey. Let it go. Regardless, she's our guest.

Sit down.

You made me lose face!

But that woman has been touching your thighs

and squeezing her tits on you!

So? Do you think she'll rape me?

Don't be childish.

Working for the Demon is a great chance to get rich.

He has more than 10 ballrooms and several gambling ships.

He's powerful in the triad world too!

Anyway, I don't like that woman!

I don't want to argue with you. Go home.

Honey!

10.

15,10!

Drink it!

Did you forget how to mix it? I've told you.

Mix with more ice and water, use a bigger straw,

and just a little bit of liquor.

But they won't get high.

You fool! Who wants them to get high?

Who's gonna pay the bill if they're all drunk?

And, once the soccer match intensifies,

mix the wine with more water so that

3 bottles become 4...

No. 1 bottle becomes 4.

They won't notice when they're betting on the results!

Brother.

Sister? Why're you here all of a sudden?

Where's your husband?

Don't talk about him. We had a fight.

Give me 2 glasses of Long Island.

But you love him so much!

He told me to fuck off.

But you're his wife.

It's only logical for him to fuck you.

He's working for that Demon these days.

And his sister is so horny.

She was flirting with my husband.

I got upset, so I played tricks on her.

Then my husband yelled at me afterwards.

You're not right. Guys gotta have social intercourse at work.

But he's only in gambling. He's not a gigolo!

You know what? Many people come to my pub

just because of me.

It's because the waitress here are sexy.

Nothing to do with you.

Not with me?

The girls attract the horny guys. And, I...

I attract the horny girls.

What?

I gotta do this every night.

What has this world come to?

Boss!

That dumbass bought 6 dozen bottles of beers!

6 dozens? Is he going to take a beer bath or what?

Who cares? He paid for it!

He'll buy even more if you tell him how handsome he is.

- Where is he? - Over there.

Brother Sai, do you know you make my heart throb

every time you're here?

I thought I'm going to have a heart attack.

Many girls have told me the same thing!

That's right. I was one of the girls.

Sorry about that...

Allow me to introduce...

She's from the drama club We've been rehearsing here.

The title of the play is "Perversity is the worst of all".

It is a critique on how decadent and perverted our society is.

This is my wife, Fei.

This is Miss Ng. She's a nurse.

Hi!

A nurse?

You're more suitable for breastfeeding!

Darling! This is a public area.

Don't use so much force. Be gentle...

Nurse, huh?

Bastard!

Is she for real?

"Perversity", huh? Nurse, huh?!

Nurse, huh? "Perversity", huh??

- Senior sister! Who's there?!

Remember me? I'm Fanny!

Fanny?!

Come on, help me out!

Sure.

Help!

Long time no see, Fanny.

I hardly go out after I got married.

- Really? - How about you?

Me? I'm married too.

Where's your husband?

My husband?

So we've been kicking your husband's ass?

Doesn't matter. I've been kicking his ass for a year and he's fine!

Step on him!

- Really? - Sure!

Do you know our master will be 80 in a few days?

‘ Really? ‘ Yes!

I wanna see him.

OK. Let's have dinner on Saturday at 8.

Does he have any new apprentices?

There's one. She's called First Love. Cute gal!

First Love? I haven't heard of her!

Go to hell!

I have to do something, sis. Got to go.

OK.

What's with you?

The name "First Love" makes me fall in love already!

Take me there too. I'll be your driver.

Fanny, you go in first. I'll park the car.

It's on the top floor. Gotta walk the stairs.

No problem. What's a little sacrifice for a pretty gal?

Why did you honk?? I saw the space first!

"I would've let you have the space on any other day!"

What did you say?

I've been waiting here for 10 minutes!

"But there's a super cute gal upstairs.

You're out of luck."

Get out of here!

I can let you have the space,

but...I have a disease.

It's the Itchy Hand disease.

Luckily I have keys here.

No! No...

And your car is so nice.

No...it's very dangerous...

What? You think I'm scared just because

you dress like Ronaldinho?

No.

That's just a personal advice.

We'll meet again!

Please have some tea, master.

Good.

Good.

Red packets for you two.

I hope both of you will always get Self-pick!

Thank you, master.

Get over here.

- Me too? - Of course!

I, Chi Mo Sai, wish you longevity, master.

I thought master has one more apprentice?

Where is she?

Where's True Love?

She goes out all the time. She should be back soon.

I wanna kill somebody!!

Why're you so mad?

An extremely ugly man took my parking spot!

I was afraid he might scratch my car so I parked somewhere else!

You've already parked your car.

"It doesn't matter how many tiles you change. You'll still win."

I'll kick his ass for you, sis!

Let's do it!

Just calm down, junior sister!

Let me introduce.

She's Fanny, your senior sister.

Sister Fanny.

Master talks about you all the time.

He said among all his apprentices,

you're the one with the highest potential.

Really? Master was too kind.

All I do is play Mahjong with other housewives

and we play it small.

"A little money will cheer you up".

Mahjong is a game, not a weapon.

What you're doing now is right.

Junior sister hasn't finished learning Mahjong,

but she has already mastered another technique.

What technique is that?

One that she invented to deal with

perverts and thugs.

It's the "Life-taking Soul-chasing Pinch"!

Guys who've tried it told me it hurts like hell.

I've got to learn it then.

Auntie Fei is being too kind.

Do a demonstration!

Who's willing to let me pinch him?

That must be my brother.

What happened?

I parked the car downstairs and

somebody dropped a pack of yellow stuff on it!

I thought it can't be shit and so I touched it, smelled it...

It was really shit! Now I stink and

I gotta wash my car again. Damn!

Let me introduce, brother.

This is Three Tiles, my master.

Second and Fifth Brother, and...

the one you wanted to meet the most. Eighth Sister, True Love.

He is your brother?

Sure...

What? You said you wanna meet her!

What's with the odd look?

Well, many things had just happened...

Tell you later.

Did he fight with you for the parking space, sis?

He's so handsome. Of course it's not him.

What?

Let's chat outside.

Excuse me.

Many gals like to chat with me.

I didn't know you're with us. Sorry about that.

Can you...forget about it?

What do you think?

What if I invite you over for dinner, movie,

karaoke...and a sleepover?

Many gals begged me to do it but I turned them all down.

Are you really that good?

Sure.

However, if I yell now,

close to 10 men will come in and kick your ass.

No deal then?

Not really. Let me pinch you.

Pinch me, that's it? Oh come on!

But it may hurt you.

To be pinched by a pretty girl like you is worth it.

Go ahead.

Time to eat?

Who's crying?

Let's eat!

Where's my brother?

He wanna check out the view first.

Dinner time, brother.

What's wrong with you?

Her "Life-taking Soul-chasing Pinch"...

It hurts!

Where did she pinch you?

Here...

Let me see.

- No. You're going to laugh. - Let me see.

I promise I won't laugh.

- Promise me again! - I promise. Hurry!

You promised me!

I should've never showed you!

Junior sister's "Life-taking Soul-chasing Pinch" is great!

- Let me see... - No!

How can I face everyone from now on?

No...

True Love, teach your senior sister this technique.

It may become useful for her.

Yes.

Why do you say so, master?

She doesn't look too good.

I'm worried that something might happen to her.

Don't say anything to her though.

Yes, master.

Brother Demon! Did you call me here

just to watch you smoke?

Why? Are you late for your date or what?

No, but I thought you have something to discuss with me.

We've been splitting the revenues from the gambling ships at 70-30.

We've lost 140 million in the last 6 months,

which means I've lost 100 million.

That's because we've been out of luck!

2 Taiwanese guys won big,

while 2 mainland debtors ended up dead.

I have lost tens of million myself!

It's beyond my control!

But the fact is that I'm losing under your management.

I wanna earn it back.

What do you want to do?

Change the partner.

So you want me to walk?!

All of my accountants can't understand your books,

so I wanna clean it up. It's only reasonable.

And who do you have in mind for the new partner?

Let me introduce. My new apprentice, Johnnie.

Go over and greet him.

Never even heard of him.

Nice to meet you, Brother Sau.

Get lost!

Since you're no longer giving me face, Brother Demon,

it's meaningless for us to work together anymore.

I'll take back my 40 million,

and you can keep the rest for your new ass-kisser here.

Don't go yet.

What now?

I want to spare you the trouble.

I took care of all your buddies for 4 million dollars.

As for the rest...

You can spend it in your next life!

You here.

Put on his jacket for him.

Take him into the car and throw him into the landfill.

Well done, man!

I didn't know you finished his guys.

He treated his men like shit. He deserved it.

You and Curvy will take over the ships now.

so work together, OK?

How do we work together?

It depends on how close you want to work together.

Honey?

What happened to your back?

I got into a fight.

A light?

Brother Demon had an argument with a traitor.

He wanted to plot against Brother Demon, so I fought him...

and he scratched me.

He scratched you?

He was mad!

And his fingernails were so long.

Why are you doing all these dangerous things?

You gotta be tough in this business!

Why don't you try other business instead?

Are you crazy?

I'm doing so well. Why change it?

And, we're moving into a big house next month.

But why? I like living here.

Don't worry so much.

Just enjoy what you have.

I'll take a shower. You go to bed.

What is it?

Honey...

We haven't done it for so long...

I'm tired. I want to sleep.

Fine.

It's good to see you here, Fanny,

but what's with the tortoise jelly?

This is high-class stuff, $100 a bowl. Just eat it!

Don't you need to be with your husband?

He won't be home for another week.

Something's wrong with him.

He's got to work.

He works at the Demon's gambling ship every night.

But he should go home no matter how hard he works.

At least see his wife, drink some soup and then go back to work!

He doesn't even call? Something is not right.

ReaHy?

Has he been having sex with you lately?

I sense a problem!

It's only been 2 months. There's no problem!

No problem, right?

- Shit! - Shit!!

Is there a problem?

Are you happy with your sex life?

What do you mean by happy?

I give him what he wants. Does that count?

You're not living in the 18th century now!

Women nowadays need to be proactive in bed.

Then both of you will be happy!

Hey. How often do you get it?

Once a month, just like everybody else.

I mean orgasm!

Let's talk about something else.

How conservative!

It's OK as long as he enjoys it.. It doesn't matter.

So, have you ever...come?

Yes, the first time...on our wedding night.

I think so...yeah.

Shit...

That means you never get high when you have sex!

Of course I get high!

Whenever I get a Self-pick in Mahjong,

that makes me feel so high!

That's not good, sister.

You're only making yourself high!

You need to be more creative and

give him more stimulation.

What do you mean?

Give him more sexual fantasy.

I don't get it.

You should dress up as a nurse sometimes

or as a policewoman.

This is called "Uniform Seduction".

You're already outdated, Auntie.

Outdated?

Look at me.

My real name is Mary and men used to run away from me.

Then I changed my name to "First Love".

That name alone evokes so many sexual fantasy for men.

Now I can't even count the number of guys

who're after me.

So what should I do? Change my name?

What's a good name?

Your name is "True Love"...

And you?

"Love Lost".

Great! "Love Lost"!

And, men need to have a sense of pride.

So when you have sex with him, you gotta act like you're...

having an orgasm.

Then he'll be happy.

Let me write them down.

"Pretend to be a nurse... change name to "Love Lost".

And, act like you're having...

an orgasm!"

Let's eat.

Let's eat...

What a bunch of dumbasses! They think they could send me to jail?

You need money to go to trial, you know.

Congratulations.

Listen, Demon. I'm doing you a favor here.

Now that the King of Mahjong Competition is over,

next comes the international God of Mahjong Contest.

This is my strong point.

I'm already the representative for Taiwan.

Let's win together, shall we?

How much are we paying for this?

I'll be in the contest, so I decide who'll win the game.

You just pay the money.

You call this a favor?

What the hell, Demon?

You let this gal interfere with us?

She's quite good at Mahjong.

And, she's the representative for Macau.

Maybe she'll compete with you.

Will she beat me?

We'll see.

My sister was taught by a Japanese Mahjong maestro

for 7 years.

My master won all your money in Japan 3 years ago.

I sat behind him. Remember?

But your master is dead.

I forced him to die.

He played Mahjong with me for 12 consecutive days

and he lost everything,

including his reputation, so he killed himself.

So, no deal?

Not if you want to take advantage from me.

You'll regret this. Let's go!

Should I finish him, Brother Demon?

We may still cooperate with him later.

Forget it.

So you're also good at Mahjong, Curvy?

That bitch wife of yours is not the only one.

Take a seat, Johnnie.

I know what's going on between you and my sister.

What do you wanna do?

Brother Demon...

My sister can't be your mistress.

Either you divorce your wife and marry my sister,

or leave Curvy and go back to your wife, but...

this will make me lose face and I won't let you follow me anymore.

Brother Demon...

Let me talk with my mom about this.

No problem.

Mom?

Mom?! Mom!!

My son...

What have you done to her?

I've already talked about this with her.

Curvy's so nice to us.

She gave us two apartment units

and 100 gold bars!.

Go home and kick out your wife!

That's right. Go divorce your wife,

marry Curvy and we'll soon be relatives.

Then I'll let you run my gambling ships.

Still thinking? It's a good deal!

Mr. Wong?

You're not feeling well. I can help you.

Take off your clothes!

Is it too nasty?

That's fine. "Love Lost"? Go go go!!

What's this? A blackout?!

Mr. Johnnie Wong.

The doctor told me you're in critical condition.

You must take off your clothes

before you can be cured.

I am "Love Lost", your private nurse.

Nice to meet you.

What're you doing??

You don't like this? It took me days to find it.

What's going on, honey?

Honey?

I'll do the talking.

He no longer loves you. He loves me.

Even your mother-in-law

accepts me as his new wife.

So, if you agree,

then this $1 million divorce fee is yours.

It's that simple.

What's with these people, honey?

Did you catch a fever or what?

Why are you still standing there?

What is it?

Fanny...

I don't love you anymore.

Let's just be friends.

What?

Friends? No way.

You can never see her again,

otherwise you'll be seducing my husband.

Tell me!

Tell her.

You were so talkative when we're in bed

and now you act like a mute?

Say something!

What did you say?

What did you say??

So you don't want to be the bad guy? Let me do it!

Why are you still standing here? Get back to the car!

Don't cause any trouble, Fanny.

Shut up.

This is between me and big-tits here.

Your husband really likes my chest.

Look at yours. Flat as an airport runway!

This is the Divorce Settlement Agreement.

Sign it.

In your dreams.

I heard you're an apprentice of Three Tiles.

You're good at playing Mahjong.

That's none of your business.

I'm not a bully. Let's have a 2-person Mahjong game.

If I lose, I'll never see your husband again.

But if you lose, then you must sign this.

What if you go back on your words?

Then may God give me breast cancer.

Fine. Let's do it.

2-player Mahjong is popular in Singapore and Malaysia.

During the 1960's and 70's,

many people in Hong Kong played it too.

Since there are only 2 players, it's not easy to cheat.

And there are no Dots, Bamboos or Flowers.

One can win big or lose big in each game. It's very exciting."

7 Character.

Chow!

South.

Pong-

5 Character.

Chow.

"I should have Purity.

But she gave up 5 and 7 Characters.

Will I lose with the East tile?

Discarding 9 Character is a safer move."

9 Character.

I thought you'd throw East.

How do you know I have East?

My master was a Mahjong maestro in Japan.

He taught me how to remember where all 144 tiles are placed.

60 tiles? That's nothing.

I was waiting for your East.

But thanks to your 9 Character, I can call a "4 Happiness".

9 Characters! What do you have to say now?

Accept the result. That's what you said.

Sign it.

Here's your $1 million.

I don't want it.

Then I'm going.

Johnnie.

- Candy, Mandy. - Yes.

Fanny is not feeling too well right now.

Go and take good care of her.

Yes.

Get out!

Boss told us to take good care of you!!

Brother Sai, I think you look so much like Andy Lau.

Which part?

Look.

Cover your nose and mouth...

and your left eyes too.

See your wrinkles? They look just like Andy's!

ReaHy?

Yeah, a little.

How about 6 more dozens of beer?

OK!

Aren't you afraid your wife is going to beat you up again?

I'm used to it already.

She keeps beating, and I keep fooling around...

until I die.

Men like us

usually go home after we've had enough fun.

Unless he's heartless!

It must be my luck to have met a heartless one.

What happened, sister?

I lost my husband... in a Mahjong game.

You can bet on husbands too??

Can you introduce them to my wife?

Shut up!

I can put this to good use!

Sister, no!

I wanna die... please, let me die...

Where did the knife go?

Where's the knife??

Give me back the knife!

Are you OK?

Just let me die!

Or I'll crash myself onto the wall!!

No! I'll block you!

Can you stand it?

I have to, even if I can't!

Sister! Where're you going?

Think you can block this too?

That's a tough one.

Take it easy...

Calm down...

Why are you doing this?

I love Johnnie very much.

He's nothing!

He should be chopped into pieces and fed to the dogs!

He's not worth dying for!

The Demon's sister

wants you dead!

You know it already?

Senior sister. We're all on your side.

Yeah, Sis. You have our support.

They should die, not you!

He's right.

What should I do?

What should I do then?

Mahjong can cure any diseases.

My would-be husband was killed and I wanted to die with him too.

Luckily my pals played Mahjong with me for a whole week.

And I won 120 games straight.

The world's so beautiful!

You don't have to die!

That's right. There're so many good guys in the world.

And I'm one of them.

Why not be my mistress?

I won't kill you now. I'll kick your ass later!

That means I have to be on guard all the time!

I'll be so tired!

Come here, junior sister.

Let me gather my friends

to play Mahjong with you.

Then you can relax, OK?

Which kind of Mahjong?

Any kind. Your call.

Will I get to win?

Of course!

You'll be the winner.

If I lose, can you pay up for me?

OK.

Let's join the others. Come on.

"Since that night, I've been playing nonstop for 10 days."

What's this? Tiles bullying the player?

5 Dots.

Win!

But you've just discarded it.

I can reuse it. You're really out of luck!

I've won 4 times with the same tiles for the past 12 rounds!

9 Bamboos.

What? This is 7 Bamboos!

I want it. Pong!

8 Bamboos.

Win! Pure Bamboos!

Are you OK? You collect the Bamboos

and give the tiles to others to win.

You've lost so much, Fanny. You should stop playing.

After this round.

"I've been fooled by the tiles for the past 10 days."

Self-pick with 8 Characters!

"And, I've found out that I lost the ability to self-make.

I've never had a Self-pick during these 10 days."

Wrong tile. Take it back.

No. I admit I've lost.

How much?

Fanny, counting all the games you've lost,

plus today's...

You owe us $218,000.

This is all I've got. I'll pay the rest later.

No problem.

Then...I'm going.

Wait, Fanny.

Here's $100 for the cab.

Who could've thought that I, Fanny,

unbeatable in Mahjong...

would end up

borrowing money for the taxi?!

God! Are you playing with me??

That's fine. I'll just die.

I'm gonna die...

Isn't she...Senior Sister?

You want me die...

My husband is gone, and I've lost to the tiles.

Life is not worth living for

if I can never self-make again!

This world...do you really need big tits to make it??

Fanny...

You better make sure

you have big tits in your next life!

Someone playing Mahjong here? Am I imagining things?

Master!

Are you taking your own life?

Yes, I'm about to jump.

Are you in a hurry?

If not, come and play a few rounds

before you jump.

No.

I couldn't self-make anymore, and I've been losing every game.

Everybody has both good and bad luck.

Your good luck will come back soon.

But I'm totally out of luck now.

You can't get worst than this.

Do you think my luck is not bad enough?

You've only lost 200 folds.

You can still win them back.

Don't you get it, Fanny?

Master is trying to tell you

that if you believe in yourself, you can take all things back,

and turn defeat into victory.

Turn defeat into victory?

But I don't want my husband anymore.

Your husband is not worth getting back,

but you should win him back

and then dump him. Don't let that bitch have him.

You're right.

But I can't beat them.

You got married before you completed your training,

that's why you lost.

I can finish your training if you're willing to learn.

I wanna self-make!!!

Fanny, you were married young, so

you've only learned Book One of the Mahjong Bible.

Master, is there a Book Two?

Sure, there's even a sequel for the movie.

Of course there is a Book Two!

What techniques are in Book Two?

The 36 Lessons Of Mahjong!

Lesson 1: Links between human and Mahjong.

People and Mahjong can communicate with each other.

You can treat it as your pet.

Treat it well and it'll treat you well.

Treat it badly and it'll bully you back.

What?! Mahjong can bully people?

Of course.

If it feels that you're out of luck,

it'll bully you

by giving you false hopes at the beginning.

"Cool! I can win big with this one!"

1 Bamboo.

Win!

You got good combination?

No...just normal one.

9 Character.

9 Character?

9 Character again?!

The tiles keep fooling me.

Fine, I'll kick you out!

9 Character.

8 Character?

Sometimes, when you play Mahjong,

you can never get the tiles you want.

What should I do then?

You must be determined to win and to make yourself lucky.

Let the tiles feel your power.

Make them help you.

Make myself lucky?

You should win with every possible tiles,

no matter how much you gain in each game.

By winning, you'll collect luck,

then you'll get luckier each time.

However, once you've made up your mind,

you must resist the temptation to win big.

"Great combo! Should I call it?

Or is it an illusion?

No. I can't do this.

Get rid of 9 Character and wait for 5 and 8 Dots."

9 Character.

8 Dots.

Win!

Good. See?

You would've lost if you can't resist.

4 Dots.

Win!

6 Character.

Win!

Win!

Self-pick, finally!

8 Pairs. Win!

We're playing Cantonese Mahjong. That's a false win!

Lesson 2: Train your eyes.

Can you see which tile this is?

It's so small. How can I see it?

There are many things that can reflect light.

You will see it if you concentrate.

That's why you gotta train your eyes.

Men have glasses, lighters,

watches, and rings. They can reflect light.

Women have earrings,.

shirt buttons and other jewelry.

Any reflective thing or place

can help you see the opponent's tiles.

- Dot. - Which Dot?

Red and green...

7 Dots!

Good!

Also, you must be extra careful with

the secretly-marked tiles.

These 4 tiles are all secretly-marked.

What do you mean by that?

Marks at the long side stand for Red, Green and White Dragons.

The short side implies tiles of 4 directions.

Marks in the middle mean 1s and 9s of all groups.

What if there's no marking at all?

Then those are the 4s to 7s, of course.

Curvy must've won without Dots, Characters and Bamboos.

She must have marked the tiles while she mixed them!

That's right!

No wonder her fingernails had strange paint on it.

Then how do I deal with it?

You gotta stop her before she marks them.

It's all over if you missed the chance.

So how can I move her tiles away?

Practice your hand's power with Wing Chun's one-inch punch!

Lesson 3: Train your hands.

Concentrate the energy at one point

and hit it with the edge of the tile.

That's the ultimate power.

Besides using your eyes and hands,

your willpower is also the key.

Willpower?

You'll be facing more than one opponent.

There's Tony Jaa-Jaa from Thailand,

Mr. Bird from the US,

Ichi Kyoko from Japan,

Spaghetti from Italy,

and Singh from India.

Then there's Tin Kau Ko, our nemesis.

You must first defeat them all before you can deal with Curvy.

"4 Happiness.

I waited for your 9 Character to win!"

So you must keep yourself in perfect condition.

We can't let Fanny fight alone.

I think we should get 2 more people to help her.

- I'll help her. - Good.

You 2 should go too.

Of course!

I'll go to bed with you if you enter the finals.

But if you lose, I'll pinch you 20 times.

That's like choosing Heaven or Hell!

It's up to you.

I'm not scared!

Ladies and gentlemen. The Hong Kong Regional

God of Mahjong Contest is about to begin!

The first round will be Cantonese Mahjong.

How are you?

I heard that you haven't had much luck lately.

That's none of your business. Get lost.

Don't force yourself.

Leave some money for the rest of your life!

So you think you're cool, huh? Your fly is undone!

Let's welcome our honorable chairman, the Demon,

and the 6 regional winners

as our special guests.

We're honored to have here

the winners from the other 6 regions.

They're Miss Curvy from Macau,

Miss Ichi Kyoko from Japan,

Nice to meet you.

Mr. Spaghetti from Italy.

Good evening!

And Singh from India.

"With curry and chicken, no danger will happen!"

And Thailand's Tony Jaa-Jaa, of course.

And finally, Mr. Bird from USA!

The Contest will begin now!

Remember your promise that if I make the finals,

you'll make love...

Yes!

Why do I have 4 tiles only?

Who knows? We've got them all.

So...what does it mean?

You can't win this game!

You know what?

You deserve it.

So? I'll still play!

Come on!

Pong!

"It's OK. I should keep playing.

Bad tiles don't make you a loser, but a bad personality will."

East.

"The tiles are still bullying me!

When are you going to stop?"

East!

"East again!

It's fine. I can win on the next round.

Don't be nervous. It's just a game."

Why are you smiling? I got Self-pick.

What did you win with?

7 Character.

But that's a false win.

What?!

You need 2, 5 and 8 Characters, bitch!

I can win this way too?

My luck is turning!

Come on, friends. We're together again!

You're nuts.

White Dragon.

Pong!

1 Dot.

East!

Pong!

West! I dare you to pong again!

I can't pong, but I can win!

9,10,11...

Shit! I'm short of tiles again!

You've played 4 rounds and you still don't have enough tiles?

Do you know how to play??

I like to let you win first, so?

At least it's much better than letting you win over me!

But you can't call a Self-pick.

I'm short 2 more tiles!

Wouldn't that be great if I can have 2 more tiles?

It'll be even better if I can have two 9 Character tiles!

I think I have enough tiles now.

Are you sure?

Sure.

I'll draw a tile.

Oh no, Self-pick!

8 Characters!

Win! Yes!

10 folds.

We now have 8 contestants going into the 2nd round.

There will be 2 winners from each table at the end of this round.

The ones who get the 4 direction tiles will play on Table 1.

The other 4 contestants will play on Table 2.

The last game in this round will be Taiwanese Mahjong.

I hope we'll get to play on the same table.

Have you no shame? Who do you think you are?

Why were you talking with that bitch?

We were couples after all...

I want you to crush her. Understand?

Self-pick!

Win, 11 folds.

I told you not to play!

Sorry, but I have to go to the restroom.

You two know each other?

He's my ex-husband.

Will you two gang up on us?

Of course not.

You know what? Many years ago,

I had a fight with mom and dad...

because I wanted to marry him.

But...

He went off with the Demon's sister and divorced me,

beat me up,

and...he even wanted me to be a hooker!

Son of a bitch!

- Yeah. - Right.

And he's handsome too...

Well? Are you crying because you're losing?

1 Dot.

1 Dot.

3 Character.

3 Character.

8 Bamboo.

8 Bamboo.

Why are you blocking my tiles?

A bastard like you deserves to be stopped!

Keep playing, asshole!

7 Dots...Oops, wrong tile!

Can't take it back!

How about 6 Dots?

I don't like Dots.

In that case...

5 Characters.

Hey! You can't take that tile back!

Why not? She is only discarding it.

I'll take it then. Thank you.

2 Bamboos.

Referee!

They're conspiring to play against me!

No.

No.

Cam YOU see??

I only see a jerk who divorced his wife for money

and a woman with big tits

and had her beat up and left to die!

Don't stop! Keep playing!

9 Characters!

Excuse me, but I'm gonna win.

Plain Purity.

Self-pick. 5 folds.

I've been winning, and this is the last round.

You're hopeless.

You just won over them,

but not me.

I have much more money than you.

I have no luck today.

How about this? Let's up the ante.

If you enter the finals, then I'll go to bed with you 3 times.

If you can't, then I'll get to pinch you 30 times.

Whatever you say.

2 Dots.

The Earth!

Purity! All Pongs!

That's more than 180 folds.

I've got much more money than you now!

I'll be waiting for you in my bedroom tonight.

Now I sound like a pervert!

- Congratulations... - Thanks...

We did it.

Very good...

Thanks so much...

This is all I have left.

That gal's so pretty. It's worth it.

Sure, sure.

You only have one chip left?

Pathetic. You can have mine.

You two again?

You got away last time.

This time, we're gonna chop off your hands!

I'm so scared...brother-in-law!

Here!

I'm here too.

And me!

"Life-Killing Nip"!

"Breast-Killing Claws"!

"Tits-Shattering Fist"!

So scary...

So brutal! So bloody! So violent!!

Did you gang up with her?!

Of course not!

The other 2 women hated my guts!

How could I win in that situation?

- I don't believe it! - Curvy!

Let it go. I saw the whole thing. He didn't have a chance.

They both represent Hong Kong now.

How can we beat them?

We still can. I'm meeting someone.

Who?

You want me now? The asking price will be different now!

Have a seat, Tin Kau Ko.

You lost last time. How do you know you'll win this time?

I drew a good lot.

There're no experts in my group.

I will get into the finals.

That means

you'll have a partner

who plays 22 tiles.

Fanny will be playing with the Triplets,

Tony Jaa-Jaa and Ichi Kyoko.

They're all pros. She'll have a hard time.

And her brother Ronaldinho is useless.

So, once both of us are in the finals,

we'll win for sure.

Tin Kau Ko only wants money, not fame.

He'll be the favorite to win, but you'll be God of Mahjong.

We'll make a windfall together.

However, I'll get 60 percent of the winning money.

Isn't that too much?

You'll make so much money with that title.

But if you lose, then you'll get nothing.

Fine. We'll win the money together.

I want that bitch to

disappear forever!

Ladies and gentlemen! The God of Mahjong Contest

begins now!

Remember, you're playing only Taiwanese Mahjong today.

The red card

and yellow card system remains.

Those who swear, use violence,

act horny and urinate in public

will be given a red card and removed from the room.

The man in the pink shirt.

Me?

Weren't you expelled at the last contest?

I can give you a red card, you know!

Sir,

I've sworn that I will never swear again.

Just sit down and play!

Sorry, beautiful.

Which tile do you want? Dot, Character or Bamboo?

Character.

1 Dot.

Chow.

You said you wanted Character.

Mind your own business.

I'm watching you!

Fine.

I'll give you one more Character tile.

Good.

Are you three...triplets?

Yes!

Who is older and who is younger?

We're all the same.

South.

Win! We all win together!

It's South! Impossible!

"Shit. They know each other so well,

they must know which of the 48 tiles

each one of them has.

I'm in trouble.

To win, you must get them to start arguing.

Got it?

What?

- What were you doing? - Sorry, handsome.

Even though you guys are triplets,

I still think you're the most handsome.

No! We're all equally handsome!

You're the strongest then.

We're all equally strong!

But you're the cutest.

We're all equally cute.

Who is the most handsome,

the cutest, and the strongest now?

Hypocrite!

"Does she really think I'm handsome?"

"I'm definitely the strongest."

"She only has two legs. She can't touch us all at the same time!

Does that mean I'm really the cutest?"

Win!

8 Pairs.

We've been fooled!

You don't look like you'll live long.

I'm only 28.

You're destined to be a poor man,

handicapped, and die before 40.

West.

I win over you!

So you win by insulting me?

No, you have bad luck, that's all.

Just give up and save your money for the trip home.

If I keep playing with you,

I may even lose interest in men!

Can you stop being so rude, woman?

I've had enough of you.

With that shit face of yours?

You might as well go kill yourself!

I've warned you!

Help!

So you like insulting me, huh?!

I'm fine.

You got kicked out again? You deserve it!

It's not my fault...

I was so well behaved!

Purity. Win!

Do you have to win so big so soon, Spaghetti?

Yes, my name is...

Spaghetti.

You shouldn't call yourself Spaghetti.

Your name should be Spaghetti Sausage.

Why?

Because you're a slimy dick!

I like it! I like it!

Don't touch me. I'm about to sort the tiles.

Have you washed your feet?!

There're plenty of snakes in India.

Our hands are used to play instruments.

That Indian is secretly marking the tiles.

With his feet?!

People usually mark the tiles with wine and reflection,

but he does it with the smell of his feet.

Each tile has a unique smell.

That's disgusting!

1 Dot.

"He'|| win with 1 Dot.

He can't win if I block it."

9 Dots.

"The two of them are acting weird.

They must have secretly marked the tiles.

This one smells like curry.

This one smells like pizza.

And this one smells like cheese.

I gotta stop them."

What are you doing?!

What‘ are you doing, my friend??

It's too hot and stinky in here. One spray

and the table smells so nice!

That fragrance is killing me!

1 Dot!

Do you know which tile I'm calling now, assholes?

No.

1 Dot then.

Win!

But you just discarded your 1 Dot!

I didn't! Because I knew you were still holding yours!

Go home and make curry, Singh.

It's all over for me!

Sorry.

2 Dots!

"They both are real experts.

Ichi Kyoko looks decent,

but she's hiding 20 to 30 tiles

in her hair and her Kimono.

This Tony Jaa-Jaa has powerful hands.

What special moves has he got?

All my tiles are useless. What should I do?

They both have one tile to win.

Gotta use tricks here."

Which tile did you discard?

I forgot. Why don't you look at it yourself?

How come you've got so many tiles?

It's not against the rule! Sawatdee Kha!

Which tile did you discard?

See for yourself.

What's this?! You have more than 30 tiles!

Are you playing tricks?

I like it.

Just like your King having so many slaves!

That's despicable!

What?

Referee! Someone is about to use violence!

Who's that??

How are you?

Don't be so arrogant, you Thai boy.

Or I'll put a voodoo on you.

The tiles you want are all in my hands, dumbass!

Self-pick!

No...

Excuse me, but I didn't see any Self-pick!

I have on my hand the finalists‘ names.

They are: Fanny, the apprentice of Mahjong master;

Curvy, Macau's Queen of Mahjong;

Tin Kau Ko, runner-up of King of Mahjong.

And the last person is...

Ronaldinho, the one who almost lost.

They'll compete 8 rounds tomorrow

for the title of God of Mahjong!

What is this?

A Mahjong table with sensors.

Here. Put this on.

Magnify it.

Great!

The wheel on the watch controls the size of the screen.

You can control it yourself. Very convenient.

The images transmit from the table through your purse

and to your glasses.

But how are you going to move

this table to the contest site?

Simple.

I've held the wife and kids

of the gambling table inspector hostage.

And, I'll give him $1 million.

So, now you know where this table will end up.

Ladies and gentlemen. We'll have a

God of Mahjong after 8 rounds of competition.

Let's welcome

the 4 finalists!

Please be seated.

I get to sit on the East.

I'm glad I won't be sitting on the West.

Yeah, but you're screwed no matter where you sit.

Good combo!

Self-Kong.

7 Characters.

9 Characters.

Win! 4 folds.

Do you want this tile?

"How does she know I'm waiting for 8 Characters?"

13!

I know.

Tin Kau and Curvy are holding the winning tiles.

"Holding the tiles? Try my 1-inch punch!"

"Another nice combo?!"

How come I can't see all of her tiles?

"The tiles are trying to seduce me to win.

Gotta make myself lucky first."

9 Characters.

2 Dots.

Win!

Win. 4 folds.

I'm sorry, I won with the tile you wanted,

Miss "2 Dots".

Get her a new pair of glasses during the break.

We will now take a break.

Something's not right with her glasses.

She can't guess what you're holding once it's broken.

But they've taken it outside.

Go check it out then.

Sure.

This is the North Round of the final 4 rounds.

Miss Curvy is currently the leader,

followed by Miss Fanny.

But now...

I've discovered a secret.

Rumor has it that

Fanny can't self-make, and that may be true.

Because I've never seen her

Self-pick once throughout the contest!

Mr. MC.

What?

Please give this to Miss Curvy.

She even broke her glasses!

This is the last game. You're not the dealer,

and I have 200 chips more than you.

How are you going to win?

The game is not over yet.

- How about this? - What?

If I lose, I'll give you back your husband,

and I'll apologize on my knees.

But if you lose,

you'll have to cut off your thumbs

so you can never guess the tiles again.

You have an unfair advantage then!

That's because I'm pretty.

If big tits stand for beauty,

then the cows must be the prettiest creatures on earth!

Fine.

It's a deal.

No!

I lost my husband to her.

I have to win him back.

"Fine. I'll see what tiles you've got.

Oh no. She has nothing on her that can reflect light!

These are crappy tiles!"

West.

"West again!"

9 Characters.

"He didn't try to win me until now?

So they're working together.

One watches my tiles and the other stops me.

How am I going to win?

I'll make the 13 Unique Wonders!"

"What's she doing?

Is she trying to make the 13 Unique Wonders?"

7 Characters.

The game is getting fierce!

Fanny suddenly switches gear!

East.

East.

And the other 2 players are changing gear too!

What's going on?

4 Character.

4 Character.

Red Dragon.

Red Dragon.

5 Dots.

5 Dots.

White Dragon.

White Dragon.

3 Bamboo.

3 Bamboo.

Green Dragon.

Green Dragon!

Mr. Ronaldinho, that's not Green Dragon.

That's a Flower.

You're right. What now?

You don't have enough tiles.

Not again?!

8 Characters.

- Chow. - Pong.

Are you crazy?

It's just a pong. Don't worry.

7 Characters.

"1 Dot!"

Brothers and sisters, you're all back!

Curvy, this time, you'll get your comeuppance.

We'll see.

"You flat-chested bitch!

I can't see your tile!"

6 Bamboos.

6 Bamboos.

"Even God is helping me."

I don't have to worry about being tricked if I'm lucky enough.

"So, it's a North.

She discarded one and I have another.

I'll win if I discard mine."

North?!

You must be waiting for it.

"If I discard it, then both sides will lose at the same time.

Curvy will also lose. Can't take it out."

9 Characters!

Self-pickII

Win! North tile! The 13 Unique Wonders!

The 13 Unique Wonders!

Impossible!!

There's one on the table, Tin Kau has one,

and you and I are each holding one.

How can you self-make with North?

I tricked you.

Her was a1 Dot. She was waiting for the North.

The North tile you saw was from here, you idiot!

You must accept the result!

Fine!

Where're you going?

On your knees!

Listen to me, bitch.

Good girl. I'm the champion now.

And you should change your name to "Fakey"!

Police.

Please come with us to the station.

Fanny! Watch out!!

Tin Kau Ko.

Thank you, Tin Kau.

So how does it feel being a good guy?

I bet a large amount on Fanny and win my asses off.

I can get a lot of money by being a good guy. I like it!

How come you're so friendly with him?

We've come to a compromise along time ago.

Let's go for a drink.

OK. Let's go.

Please forgive me.

I know I was wrong.

Get up.

No way!

Let him get up after you break his legs!

I will change.

I will, I promise.

ReaHy?

Promise me.

Fuck you!!

The God of Mahjong is...

Fanny, the Queen of Self-pick!!