Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) So someone finally shot you.

I should be able to go home today,

but my control freak of a doctor wants

to keep me here forever.

You can't leave.

Oh yeah, watch me.

Hey, you okay?

You don't sound so good.

I refuse to lie in a stupid bed

and be treated like some helpless child.

Taxi.

See you later, Jake.

I'm really hurting here.

What's going on?

Help me, man.

Hey, hey, $3.50. $3.50?

We only went 20 yards.

And the back, $3.50. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

this is stupid money.

And let me give you a tip, too.

Why don't you buy one of those pine

tree air fresheners?

And hang it around your neck.

Ow, ow, ow.

You okay?

I'm doing a lot worse than I thought.

Help me inside, will you?

Let's go.

Hurry up, Margaret.

Give me a cigarette, will you?

I'm dying here.

Oh, I'm gonna go to hell for this,

John.

You can't smoke in a hospital.

Yeah, right.

You couldn't get high in my freshman dorm,

either.

Open the window for me, will you?

All right, I'll fire this up.

You watch the door.

Oh, God, yes.

Ahem, ahem, ahem.

Relax, will you?

I'm blowing it out the window.

Smoking in a hospital.

You're an even bigger ass than I thought.

She brought him.

Look, I can't explain.

I...

Oh, it's okay.

I know how he can be.

Give me that.

Here.

Oh.

So it appears I was right about you

not being ready to leave the hospital.

I wouldn't mind hearing an apology.

Ha!

He owes me one.

He owes everybody one.

Oh, all right.

It's not inconceivable that your assessment of my

medical condition, both from a physical and emotional

standpoint, was not entirely, and only in as

much as it applies to last night, without

merit.

Even without a cigarette, he's still blowing smoke.

All right, you...

You were right.

I was wrong.

Now, when do I get out?

In a few days.

It'll be at least a week before you

can go back to work.

What?

Oh, relax, John.

I already called the referral agency, and they're

sending someone over to fill in for you.

No, you can't replace me with just anybody.

My patients trust me.

They know me.

They certainly do.

The police are checking them out as possible

suspects.

You're late.

I have lived in New York my whole

life, and I thought that I had seen

it all.

But this morning, there was a cow on

the subway tracks.

What happened?

Nuh-uh.

Is the new doctor here yet?

Yes, his name is Dr. Clark, and he's

so nice.

He's not like Dr. Becker at all.

He seems to actually like people.

Well, the agency gave him very high marks.

You know he's a retired pediatrician.

Oh, Dr. Clark, this is Margaret Wyborn.

Oh, yes, we spoke on the phone.

Nice to meet you, Doctor.

Oh, here comes the big, brave boy.

Now, this nice lady is gonna run a

little test on your tinkle...

so we can make your boo-boo all

better.

Now, here's your lolly.

Uh, yeah.

I-I gotta be going.

Call me if you have any problems making

duty.

Cute kid.

Hey!

Anybody out there?

I've been waiting here for hours!

Hey!

The man across the hall came out of

an eight-year coma to ask that you

please shut up!

I've been waiting for a wheelchair, but apparently

the nurses are all too busy neglecting other

patients.

Actually, they're busy planning a party in honor

of your leaving, which means that as of

this moment, you are officially no longer my

patient.

Free at last.

Sorry I'm late, Becker.

I set up a big sheet cake at

the nurse's desk and I stomped and had

a piece.

Stop flapping your lips, get my stuff, and

let's go.

Why exactly did you save his life?

Had to.

Took an oath.

Why'd you volunteer to take him home?

Had to.

Lost a coin toss.

Come on, Becker, let's go.

Goodbye, Dr. Becker.

Stay healthy.

Please.

Is the new doctor here yet?

He just called from his cell phone and

I think he's on his way.

You're not sure?

The connection was really bad and I couldn't

quite understand what he was saying.

Oh, hello, Doctor.

Hello.

I'm Margaret, the office manager, and this is

Lyndon.

Ah, yes.

Excuse me?

Yes, yes.

Linda, could you help him with that?

Help him with what?

All right, I'll try.

Let's go into Dr. Becker's office.

If you see anything you want, just point.

Yes.

Should have been a clue when he didn't

have a vowel in his name.

Hey, foreign guy!

Do you really like that music or is

it just the thrill of having electricity?

Man, they're at it again.

Oh, Vinny!

Oh, come on!

Nobody's that good!

Aw, you're happy, Vinny?

You woke the baby again.

Oh, crap.

Stop banging on my door.

I'm not buying any of your damn cookies.

No!

Oh, come on, come on.

If only I'd run that fast when we

first met.

Boo.

Neighbors getting on your nerves?

Unbelievable.

I've never been here during the day.

I mean, these people are animals.

They should be living in trees.

Oh, I see.

Kenny G.'s idiot cousin.

Hey!

You know, you practice all day and you

still sound like crap.

Shut up!

What'd you do?

Bring me another one of your lousy burgers?

No, I came over because I was feeling

too good about myself.

I'm gonna go wash my hands.

Why?

Have you been in your elevator lately?

Oh, damn, kid.

What?

Oh.

It's you.

I was expecting a little girl.

Well, I'll be out of your way in

a minute.

I just happen to be in the neighborhood,

so I thought I'd see how you're doing.

Ah.

Uh, well, come on in.

Nice place.

Sort of early crime scene.

It's messy, but it's clean.

There is a cockroach the size of my

fist in your bathroom.

So step on it.

I did.

That just made it angry.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

All right, fine.

You two chat.

I've been dying to kill something all day.

Gee, I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

No, I just came by to drop off

his lunch.

Um, look, I don't mean to be nosy,

but I saw you at the hospital a

lot, and, of course, now I'm seeing you

here, and I was just wondering if you

and he are...

Oh, me and Becker?

No.

God, no.

I mean, how low would your self-esteem

have to be to get involved with...

Oh.

Not that a nice, normal woman couldn't...

No, it's okay.

It's okay.

It's just that he's...

I mean, he...

I'm not really sure what's wrong with me

either.

Couldn't kill it either, could you?

Not without backup.

Well, I'll see you later, Becker.

Nice to see you, Dr. Carson.

Good luck.

I guess.

Bye-bye.

What can I say?

This ex isn't that good, but I need

the money for school.

So I don't get it.

I thought we were officially through with each

other.

We are.

So?

So...

Well, the last couple of days, I've been

thinking about how unpleasant it was having you

as my patient, how you questioned my every

decision, how we fought constantly, and how I

never once walked out of your room without

feeling so angry.

I just wanted to strangle you.

Well, I don't entirely miss that.

What?

Look, we're not teenagers, so there's no reason

to be cute or coy.

There's no reason we can't handle this like

adults.

I like you.

Do you like me?

Well, I just asked if you liked me.

If you have to think about it, I

guess I have my answer.

No, no, wait a minute, wait a minute.

I'm just surprised, that's all.

Well, I mean, I never thought of you

thinking of me in that way.

I mean, I...

I guess I noticed that you were sort

of bright and not really unattractive, but...

I mean, I figured you hated me, so

why bring it up?

Is that a yes?

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess it is.

Now what?

Well, we could, uh...

I don't know, go out to dinner or...

I thought I wasn't supposed to go out

for a week, that's what you said.

Well, we could always have dinner...

here.

Oh.

All right.

Yeah.

Well, Friday?

I'm on call.

Saturday?

On call.

Sunday?

Niece's birthday party, then I'm on call.

Hey, you want to help me out here?

This was your idea.

Well, you could offer me some coffee now.

Yeah, I could, if I had some.

Uh...

Yeah, wait a minute, I got an idea.

Uh...

Want to split a hamburger?

Love to.

Yeah.

Oh, don't tell me.

What, you on call?

Look, you were doing okay, don't be a

jerk.

No, actually, I'm relieved.

I hate first dates, all that getting-to

-know-you crap.

Yeah, yeah, it's a real drag.

Look, why don't you give me a french

fry?

We can call this our first date, then

it'll be over.

Cool.

I just saved, like, 80 bucks.

This was real nice.

Yeah.

Yeah, we'll have to do this again sometime

soon.

Yeah.

I'll call you.

Now, remember, Mrs. Pinsick, even if you start

to feel better, I want you to finish

all the antibiotic, okay?

It was very nice to meet you.

Nice woman.

Just give me a moment and, uh, send

the next patient back, okay?

Okay.

Fasten your seatbelt.

You're in for one hell of a romantic

evening.

Go on, go on, go on.

Get back in your cave, will you?

Check this out.

The Jake first date experience in a bag.

Got some lobster fettuccine, tiramisu, linen tablecloth, scented

candles, and Miles Davis, a man I like

to call the closer.

Aw, great.

It's old Vinnie time.

There's a couple upstairs.

Never stops.

All right, Vinnie.

Oh, come on, Vinnie.

Even a train stops.

Hey, look, John, if you hammer on people

like that when Liz is here, she's gonna

take a cab on you.

Ah, she saw how I was at the

hospital.

Yeah, but, John, all right, if you want

this woman to like you, you have to

show her the nice becker, the romantic becker,

you know, the pretend becker.

Now, listen, if you've got a problem with

your neighbors, work it out.

You know, talk to them, write them a

note.

You know something?

You're right.

Hey, give me a break, will you, butthead?

Yeah, yeah, nice little polite note.

That's a good idea.

Forget what I said.

A bottle of chloroform and a rope couldn't

keep that woman here.

See you later.

Thank you, Mr. Franklin.

Well, that was the last patient.

How do I look?

Not subtle.

Good.

I want to look my best for Dr.

Iverson.

He's single, he's a Libra, and he's never

been arrested.

How do you know all that?

I engaged him in conversation and I listened.

Thank you, Cosmo.

Well, okay, but don't do anything to ruin

this.

He's the last available doctor the agency has.

Thanks for a great day, ladies.

Good night.

Good night.

Hi.

Uh, why don't you come on in?

You didn't have to go to all this

trouble.

Uh, neither did you.

I mean, what I meant is, uh, I

didn't expect you to look so good.

Thank you.

Yeah, uh, why don't you go ahead and

have a seat?

So...

So...

Oh, I love Chardonnay.

That's what I got.

Sorry.

You don't do this very much, do you?

Not since my last divorce.

How many times have you been married?

Twice.

You?

Once.

Any kids?

Just my ex-husband.

Any hobbies?

Smoking.

You?

Baseball.

Really?

Mets or Yankees?

Hey, I'm a real New Yorker.

So whichever one has a shot, right?

Exactly.

We're doing all right.

Yeah, yeah, this isn't nearly as horrible as

I thought it would be.

Thank you.

I'm actually kind of having fun.

Me, too.

Go away!

Please!

Hold on a second, will you?

What?

Listen, Becker, I got you a little note.

And if you think we're only gonna have

sex when it's convenient for you, think again.

Jerk.

I-I can explain.

You don't owe me any explanations.

No, no, no, see, it's just that she

likes to have sex in the afternoon.

And you don't.

No, oh, no, it's, it's, the problem is

she's kind of a screamer, so...

Hold, hold that thought, will you?

Hey, look, I got something going here.

What are you...

You don't like the baby crying, you do

something about it.

You're the one responsible for this.

Does she know about the other one?

Oh, I can explain this, too.

See, oh...

Did you tell my son you were gonna

kill Barney?

Oh, all right, yes.

His brother's name is Barney.

Oh, I, no, I meant I was gonna

kill Barney the dinosaur.

You actually said that?

Like that's a bad idea?

Hey, hey, I teach saxophone to pay my

rent.

He wants to throw me out on the

street.

You teach?

I mean, you suck.

You gotta be kidding me.

Maybe, maybe I should come back another time.

No, no, no, no, don't, don't go anywhere,

please.

See, this is their fault.

No, hey, shut up for a second, will

you?

See, the thing is, they were bothering me,

so I wrote them all nice, polite little

notes.

Mine was stuck to the door with a

knife.

No.

Oh, you know, that's, you know, I've tried

to be nice to you people, I really

have, but there's just no living with you.

You're a bunch of loud, selfish, inconsiderate, mouth

-breathing, knuckle-dragging imbeciles.

And if I left anyone out, I'm sorry.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Give him a break.

He's on a lot of medication.

Oh, please, don't listen to her.

She's just another one of his whores.

He's got prostitutes coming and going all day.

Women and men.

Hello.

Go on, get out of here.

Get out of here.

Go on, go on.

Hey, hey, hey, watch the door, Ironside.

All right, all right, look, you wanted to

get to know me, this is me, you

know?

Look, look, I like you, but I can't

pretend to be somebody else just for the

sake of a relationship, which, if history's taught

me anything, is not gonna go anywhere anyway.

It was worth a shot, but, you know,

you still have most of your looks left.

You know, if you want to...

If you want to move on, you know,

no hard feelings.

Boy, you must really be screwed up.

I know.

Tonight's Brit flick's got Windsor Davis in it.

Carry on England at ten, after Ross has

a big decision to make in Frasier next.