Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Dr. Becker, I really need your help.

Well, the first step is admitting it.

I got a summons for jury duty.

I can't do that.

What happens if I get on one of

those big trials?

I could be away from the office for

months and months and months.

Dr. Becker?

Margaret?

Hmm?

Oh, what?

Jury duty?

Oh, oh.

Yeah, look, I've been getting out of jury

duty for 20 years.

I write a letter telling them I'm a

health care professional, I can't be away from

the office, throw in a dying patient or

two, and they get off my back.

Well, what should I do?

We don't have any dying patients.

Linda, we're all dying.

Like me, now, listening to you.

Write a letter.

I don't know, handle it.

Okay.

John, you know serving on a jury is

a civic responsibility.

It's the price you pay for living in

a democracy.

No, Margaret, the price you pay for living

in a democracy, the morons can vote, say

anything they want, and procreate at will.

You're not fooling anyone with that, you know,

civic responsibility crap.

You just want her out of your hair

for a couple of weeks.

She said months.

I mean, look at this.

I got jury duty, and this is not

the regular form.

This is a registered letter, and they nailed

me.

They got me, too.

That letter idea of yours didn't work at

all.

And even after I said they'd been letting

my boss out of it for 20 years

because he made up some dying patients.

You said that?

Well, it's not like I used your name

or anything.

You used my office station air.

Oops.

Well, you know, why don't you just tell

them I cheat on my taxes?

You cheat on your taxes.

No.

What a mess.

Now we have to shut the office down,

you know, reschedule patients.

Interesting.

You told her how to get out and

got yourself in.

I should check my Bible.

I'm not sure if this comes under due

unto others, wages of sin, or jawbone of

an ass.

Put the Bible down.

Nobody gets hurt.

Look, we start the same day.

Maybe we'll both be involved in a big

murder case.

Oh, I think there's a real good chance

of that.

Oh, my God.

Hi.

Look, there's been a mistake.

I really should be let out of this.

Sign in, sit down, and wait for your

name to be called.

No, you don't understand.

I can't be away from my office.

I'm a doctor.

Oh, you're a doctor.

Sign in, sit down, and wait for your

name to be called.

Listen to me.

Jury duty is for them, not me.

You think you're better than those people?

Don't you?

Fine, I know, I know.

Sign in, sit down, and wait for your

name to be called.

Oh.

Excuse me.

New fish, right?

What?

It's your first day.

Oh, yeah.

Leo, Arnold.

It's okay.

John Becker.

Hey, don't look so miserable.

This city's great if you know how to

play the system.

I mean, they pay us $40 a day,

right?

$40, really?

And that's just the start.

You see, while we're sitting here, I'm not

just sitting here.

Okay, where are you?

Across town, collecting welfare under the name Maria

Lopez.

I'm also down at unemployment as Tom Pappas,

and as Brother Nick.

I love New York.

Oh, Dr. Becker, there you are.

Oh, this just gets better and better.

I can't believe I'm getting paid to sit

around, eat candy, and do nothing.

I'd think you'd be used to it.

Yeah, but the interesting people I meet here

don't sneeze on me.

Interesting people?

Where?

Right here.

Claire's been married eight times, Bill has six

toes, and Rudy over there is lactose intolerant.

How do you know all this?

I've been here ten minutes.

Oh, and there's a woman over there who

can blow spit bubbles out her nose.

Oh, Linda, come on.

Nope.

Good heavens, look at that.

Jury selection for courtroom B, step to the

front when your name is called.

Mark Altobelli, Barbara Farkaszewski, Sidney Maltz.

Any of those you?

Not today.

Rudy.

Oh, and Linda, you're in this group.

Thanks, Herb.

Herb's gay and his wife doesn't know it.

Well, here goes.

I can't believe that somebody's life could hang

in the balance while I make up my

mind.

Oh, what a goof.

Morning, Reggie.

Coffee, please.

Margaret, it's 10.30. No work today?

With John and Linda on jury duty, I

am getting my work finished in record time.

Without patients and doctors, a medical office runs

like clockwork.

Yeah, Becker hasn't been in here all week,

either.

Oh, Reggie, greetings, everyone.

Well, that didn't last long.

So I see the Losers Club has a

new member.

I'm just taking a break from work.

You do remember work, don't you, Bob?

Ooh, well, as the French say, I surrender.

Reg, coffee, please.

Just put it on Bob's tab.

Don't you mean Linda's tab?

Her money, my money, what's the difference?

It all comes from the same place.

Bob, when are you gonna get tired of

sponging off Linda?

Sponging off Linda.

What a lovely thought.

Oh!

Reggie, has anyone ever told you that your

coffee tastes a little bitter?

Bitter?

No.

Well, I thought you might try adding a

little chicory.

It gives coffee a nice flavor.

Chicory, huh?

Well, maybe I'll give that a try, thanks.

You know, they sell chicory at the market

across the street.

You could go get some now.

I'm a little busy right now.

You might actually be busy if you put

a little chicory in your coffee.

You know, Margaret, I do believe the place

down the block puts a little chicory in

their coffee.

Hey, what the hell are you doing?

You're gonna kill me!

That's Jake!

What are you, blind?

What happened?

Some truck almost hit me.

Are you hurt?

Do you need anything?

Oh, Margaret, no, I'm a little shaken up,

but I'm okay.

I mean, I'm just trying to walk across

the damn street.

Let me get you a glass of water.

You know, Specs, that was a close call.

Maybe it's time you found another way to

get around.

Good idea, Bob.

I'll buy a car.

Bob was talking about you getting a seeing

-eye dog.

Oh, no, I don't want a damn dog.

I've been getting along fine without one for

ten years.

McCain works just fine.

You mean that white stick with the tire

tracks across it?

Come on, let Bob get you a dog.

I know a guy.

Yeah, that's exactly what Jake needs, a dog

that just fell off a truck.

No, not like that at all.

Although, if anyone needs a bread maker, I

know another guy.

The dog I'm talking about belonged to my

mom's boyfriend over at the home.

Old Man Cherney.

He died last week.

Thanks anyway, Bob.

I don't want a dog.

Well, maybe you should think about it.

You were almost killed out there.

I'll stick with McCain.

I don't want to walk down the street

with a dog and have people say, oh,

here comes that blind guy.

And what do you think they say now?

Here comes Tiger Woods and his nine iron?

Yeah.

Well, that's that.

I walked in.

Lawyer asked me what I did for a

living.

I told him I was a doctor, and

they said I was excused.

Leo, Maria, whatever your name is, nice knowing

you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's not how it works.

You were excused, not dismissed.

What's the difference?

Look, if you get on a case, chances

are you're out of here in a few

days.

But if you don't, you're stuck sitting here

for two whole weeks.

Then I want to get on a case.

Well, then you shouldn't have told them you

were a doctor.

Unlike you, I only have one identity.

Your problem is, you let them know you

were smart.

That was stupid.

What am I supposed to do, go in

there and pretend I'm stupid?

That would be smart.

I mean, I got to sit in this

room for two weeks because they don't want

people who are educated, informed, intelligent?

You know, who do they want?

Guess what?

I got on a jury.

Well, there's my answer.

And guess what else?

The other jurors elected me chief.

Foreman?

No, five men and seven women.

Oh!

I can't remember.

Did I mention anything to you about putting

chicory in your coffee?

Only every single day for over a week.

Well, I wasn't sure that you heard me.

Look, Margaret, I don't want to put chicory

in the coffee.

People seem to like it just the way

it is.

Oh, most people are just too nice to

say anything.

Yes, most people are.

Jake, you settle this.

Reggie's coffee is too bitter, right?

It is not.

Jake, tell her my coffee is fine.

I'd be glad to give you ladies my

opinion.

If I was the stupidest man on Earth!

Hey, can we please turn that down?

I'm trying to read a book.

What?

A book.

You know, cartoons without the pictures.

Shh!

I'm about to tell who kidnapped Shannon.

So put a lid on it, Gumby.

Oh, gee, Dr. Becker, you're still here.

Yes, Linda, I still haven't been picked for

a jury.

Oh, don't take it personally.

It doesn't mean you're not special.

You're just special in a different way.

Thanks for the pep talk.

You should feel lucky.

You get to relax and watch the soaps.

Since I haven't been at work, I never

get to watch them.

We don't have a TV at work.

Oh, right, we don't have a TV in

the storeroom.

What was I thinking?

So if you'll excuse me, as the leader

of my jury, I have to select today's

lunch.

I'm thinking Chinese.

After all, the murderer is Chinese.

Sorry, sorry.

Allegedly Chinese.

Armand Bogdasarian.

Marge Kendall.

Charlotte Morgan.

Simon Borkman.

John Becker.

Hey, that's you.

Or is that me?

No, no, that's you.

Go ahead.

Good luck.

I don't need luck.

I'm going to get on this jury by

being exactly who I am.

An educated, well-read, intelligent individual.

Dr. Becker, I'm going to ask you the

same question we ask all prospective jurors.

Do you feel you can be fair and

impartial in this case?

Absolutely.

As a matter of fact, I'm currently reading

a book by a noted law professor on

ethics and the law.

Excused.

So do you feel you can be fair

and impartial?

Actually, I'm reading a book on legal ethics.

Excused.

So you'd have no problem being impartial.

I'm reading a book.

Excused.

I can't even say book!

Hello, everybody.

Let me introduce you to Rocky.

Oh, he's gorgeous.

What a sweetheart.

What a coat.

Please, guy, let Rocky be a dog.

Now, I know you said you didn't want

a guide dog, but I figured what could

it hurt to give him a try?

Listen, I don't want a damn dog.

Hi there, fella.

Okay, now what if I did want a

dog?

What's the catch?

There's no catch.

Can't a guy help another guy just to

get a good feeling from doing something nice?

No, really, I'm asking.

Oh, what the hell.

Guess it couldn't hurt to take him out

for a spin.

Uh, Jake, I think you need a lot

of training to have a guide dog.

Hey, between the two of them, they got

six legs and two eyes.

Let them work it out.

Well, if anyone asks, I'll be having a

cup of coffee down the block.

Hey, I serve coffee.

Oh, yeah.

I'll be back.

Well, here's an idea.

Why don't you put some chicory in here,

Margaret?

Here's an idea for you.

Get off my back.

Well, forgive me for trying to help you

improve your business.

My business is fine.

What business?

Do I actually have to put chicory in

the coffee to get you to shut up?

One scoop in each pot.

You just don't give up, do you?

You know, if you two would continue this

fight in a vat of creamed corn, Bob

would never have to go back to a

certain club in Queens again.

So, like I was saying, on Friday night,

I tell my son-in-law, you can't

find a job if you don't look for

a job.

But, frankly...

Shh!

Some of us are trying to find out

if Donna's really dead.

John Becker?

This won't take long.

Tell me what happened.

Yeah.

This case involves a same-sex relationship.

Do you have any feelings about that?

Well, it's not as taboo as it once

was.

I mean, just now in the Young and

the Restless, Clay and Brett had a very

nice commitment ceremony.

We accept this jury.

What, really?

I'm accepted?

Oh, that's great.

Just give me a second here.

Let me go grab my coat and my

book.

Excused.

Oh, damn!

What's going on?

There's actually people in here.

They're here for the coffee.

Yeah, no, really.

It's true.

Word spread about how good it is.

Wait a minute.

Your coffee?

Yeah.

And why is that?

It's smoother and more flavorful.

And why is that?

Because I had a chicory.

And whose suggestion was that?

You're like a pit bull with this thing.

You won't let it go.

All right.

It was all your idea.

You get all the credit.

Are you happy?

Now I am.

So, Jake, how'd it go with the dog?

Ah, Bob, you were right.

This dog is amazing.

Sit.

Sit.

Huh?

I mean, he stops at corners.

He opens doors.

Already knows the whole neighborhood.

So you really like him, huh?

I love him.

But I got to give him back.

I don't get it.

You just said he was terrific.

Why would you want to give him...

Whoa!

Oh, my Lord!

What is that?

Hey, that wasn't me.

That's Rocky, and he's just warming up.

That's horrible.

Yeah, and this is a big room.

Try being alone with him in my tiny

little apartment.

He slept on the bed.

I slept on the fire escape.

Maybe you should take him to a vet.

Oh, yeah.

That is definitely a medical condition.

I suppose I could take him to the

vet.

I mean, after all, he is so smart.

He is so sweet.

And, oh, my God.

Oh, man!

All right, Bob.

Take the dog.

Take the dog.

Oh, man.

Bob understands.

He also understands what killed old man Cherney.

I'll take him back to his family.

They live in Jersey.

They'll never know the difference.

Come on, baby.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

Hey, hey, goodbye.

Goodbye, old fella.

I mean, it's not your fault that you're

old.

Oh!

All right, get him out.

Get him out.

Rocky, no.

Not again.

Hey, the door's locked.

Rocky!

Cut it out!

Oh, Rocky!

Rocky!

Rocky!

Rocky!

Cut it out!

No, no, no.

You couldn't be more wrong.

Your entire thesis is built on a foundation

that's shaky at best.

It's a simple matter of quid pro quo.

You are way off base here, Becker.

Oh, look.

If Clay put Jocelyn through college, at least

you should agree to have his and Brett's

baby.

Oh, you know...

William Miller, Letitia Sanders, Raji Sanjay, our wives,

our children, That's R-Y-T.

R-Y-T.

John Becker.

What courtroom is it this time, Herb?

A or B.

Neither.

You're dismissed.

Oh, what?

They're rejecting me now before I even go

in?

Not excused.

Dismissed.

Really?

I can go home?

Haven't you had enough?

Wow.

Okay.

You know something?

It's really not okay.

Do you realize I spent two weeks doing

absolutely nothing?

And the city thanks you for your service.

My service?

Yeah, can you explain to me how my

sitting on my butt for two weeks doing

absolutely nothing is a service to anyone?

No wonder the courts are so screwed up.

They have no use for anyone with a

brain or an education.

And forget it if you actually make the

mistake of admitting that you've read a book.

There, I said it!

I read books!

This place is like a prison.

No, yeah, that's not true.

A prison's a lot better.

At least they have books, you know, and

weights and ping pong.

Better yet, they have sex.

Once again, the city thanks you for your

service.

Forget it, Herb.

I'm out of here.

But before I go, let me just say

something.

Your system may have bent me, but it

did not break me.

Because I'm going out into a world that

wants my talents, that values my intelligence instead

of punishing me for it.

Because out there, I can make a difference.

Oh, oh, oh, it's starting.

Oh, cool.

See?

See, I told you.

Didn't I tell you?

Jocelyn's pregnant.

This is great.

There's now a British comedy from the Small

Potatoes gang and a bit of Fry &

Lurry, a bit later on, straight after tonight's

film.

Melanie Griffith stars in Working Girl, next on

Paramount Comedy.