Original subtitles

MUSIC: 20th Century Boy by T.Rex

# Yeah

# Friends say it's fine

# Friends say it's good

# Everybody says it's just like rock and roll... #

TYRES SQUEAL

SHE GASPS

Whoops!

# I move like a cat Charge like a ram

# Sting like a bee

# Babe, I wanna be your man

# Hey

# Well, it's plain to see You were meant for me, yeah... #

- Oh, it's looking good, Dave. - No worries.

CHURCH BELL RINGS

MUSIC: Young Hearts Run Free by Candi Staton

# What's the sense in sharing

# This one and only life

# Ending up just another lost and lonely wife. #

Oh, this is just perfect, isn't it?

You know when the estate agent showed me around, she said,

"I'm so sorry, you're going to have to gut the place.

"It's not been touched since the '70s.

I said, "Are you kidding, love? It's perfect."

It is like a time capsule.

Just got time to get me lucky frame up before we open.

MUSIC CONTINUES ON RADIO

What is that?

I ran away to London when I was a teenager.

Got into hairdressing, and I was working all the high-end salons.

All the top folk were coming in.

I knew 'em all and they knew me. It were lovely.

And when they'd had a whizzer and I was sweeping up after,

I'd preserve a lock.

Rod Stewart.

David Cassidy, look.

George Best. So black, it's almost deep blue.

Noddy Holder.

Blondie.

It's The Goodies.

Kate Bush.

Parkinson himself.

Ah, Donna Summer.

That is a clip of Bjorn's beard from ABBA.

And my prize - a snip of dear David.

Bowie.

From his Ziggy days.

Sorry, it's just, it is eight tenths off the perpendicular

and a centimetre off the vertical, so...

- ..may I? - Yeah.

So exciting.

I've been researching the '70s since I got the job.

I like to be thorough.

I noticed that at your interview.

Is that why I got the job? Oh, hey, I do like this music.

CHUCKLES: That is why you got the job.

- Go on, give us a twirl. - Oh...!

Oh, no!

Be gone!

Go on.

Be...gone!

Scoot!

Dreadful woman.

HE SIGHS

Watch out!

Yeah, it's mainly junk.

I'm gutting the place, yeah.

Having a right good clear out, and there's one or two things

you might want to pass your experienced eye over.

- WHISPERS: - Mr Terry, I've got a hair appointment.

- What? - A hair appointment!

Shush!

Sorry, Race.

Well, to be honest, Terrance,

I don't envisage there being much for me.

And to be frank, I don't fancy a trip out for nowt.

Hey! Don't be too hasty, there's a few choice things.

'Ere, let me look.

Nice candle stick,

condiment holder,

antique cup and saucer.

One second, pray.

Er, please describe.

Well, it's...

Wait there, let me take a photo.

Hang on. Let me get some light.

Two seconds, Race.

MESSAGE WHOOSHES

MESSAGE ALERT PINGS

Did you get the photo?

Yes, yes, I got it all right.

I'm coming over.

Keep it safe.

CALL DISCONNECTS

Result!

HE HUMS TO HIMSELF

Mr Terry, we agreed that if I worked late last night,

I could have a few hours off today.

- I'm already late - and if I miss that bus... - Yes! Yes.

Go, then, toddle on.

You did say you'd try and sort something out for the charity shop.

I've already donated my Frank's stuff after he...

Oh, yes, yes.

Oh, just take that box of crap.

It's going in the skip anyway. Move it!

And get back pronto!

Blooming heck, what a rush.

CHURCH BELL CHIMES

DOORBELL RINGS

Sorry I'm so late.

Sorry. So sorry.

- Can I leave this here? - 'Course you can.

I've got to get it down the charity shop.

Then after that, straight on the bus and back to work.

Sorry.

That painting's a bit circa 1970s, innit?

Oh, have it if you like. It was destined for the skip.

Just don't ask me which way up it goes.

She's struggling for lolly, poor love.

Ooh! 25% off.

Welcome is that.

- How did you know? - I'm a hairdresser. Read the cut, kid.

- What? - She's Mutt and Jeff in her left ear as well.

You're our first-ever customer.

- Pardon, love? - You're our first-ever customer.

Oh, sorry, love, I'm bit hard of hearing in this blinking side.

- Sorry. - She has the hair always pushed back over the left ear.

You can see the permanent kink.

I'm Val, by the way.

Valerie Stromboli, isn't it?

It is, love. There hangs a tale.

I remember me first cut here as a girl.

Me mother brought me.

It's exactly the same.

In fact, I think that very track was playing.

- Oh, it's lovely, isn't it? - Clary's a convert!

So, please take a seat in Sir Swivel.

SHE GASPS

Are you all right?

I never look in a mirror for more than a second or two lately.

Look at the sorry, sorry state of me.

Are you sure you're all right?

Can I get you a tea? Or a coffee?

Ever since my Frank went...

..I've let meself go.

SHE SOBS

Hey, you're with us now.

Leave yourself in my hands.

DOORBELL TINKLES

I'm here for my appointment.

Sorry, at... At what time was it?

- Now. - Now.

I've got nothing in my book, I'm afraid.

Every third month, I have it on this time on this date.

I'm sorry, the last owner's sold up, love.

- But it's no problem if you can wait. - No!

Oh, dear!

Don't give her any mind. That's Miss Pru.

No need to explain.

Those with straight fringes that go thataway are always like that.

- What do you mean? - They've no patience.

She moves around the town like that.

That's bob on. They call her Miss Pru Never Queue.

Yeah, she lives alone,

she was in the teaching profession, probably,

and she is not popular with anyone.

Yes! How did you know?

Oh, she's like the Hairdressing Holmes.

Elementary, my dear Clary.

Got the whole blinking lot there, all right,

except she's no time for anyone except her titchy dog.

And even she can't stand her!

Spinster of the parish?

Oh, not quite.

I could tell you a few things about old Pru

and a certain gentleman antique dealer.

Ooh! Hanky panky?

Well, let's just say

furtive conversations in darkened corners.

Ooh, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I can't settle until I've got that box to the charity shop

and back to work.

- Don't you worry about that, I'll nip it up in me break. - Ooh!

Thanks.

She's not moving!

Ooh! She's scary, her.

Let me get my maddy baddy face on.

Not yet!

It's on the sign!

Never fails.

SHE CHUCKLES

Oh, there's another one.

Oh!

Not....

Oh, my God! It's her, it's her!

It's you, the new hairdresser in town.

You're not supposed to be in cos of the sale.

- Oh. - But sod it sideways. Come on in. Come in!

- I was just bringing a box... - Put the box down there.

- Ta, dove. - Thanks. And would you mind terribly...

- Oh, what's these leaflets? - Well, you know.

Well, welcome to the Harrods of hand-me-downs,

as it's known!

HE LAUGHS

Here, let's get these product placed.

Ooh! 25% off.

- Get this, Dobbie. - Oh, I'll have some of that.

THEY ALL LAUGH

What brought you here, dear?

Oh, a place of my own, somewhere quiet, doing what I love best.

- What about you? - Same. Samesies.

I danced all over -

cabarets, casinos, cruises -

till me tendons screamed out for mercy.

And I find me calling here, among the cast-offs.

- Aw! - Don't encourage him.

He'll be giving his story via means of interpretive dance in a minute.

Where do you come from?

Worked in London most of my career.

Oh! I got a taste of t'smoke an all.

- A drag review off Piccadilly. - Oh!

# I'm wearing

# Second hand hats

# Second hand clothes

BOTH SING: # Never had a single thing that's new. #

We had Danny La Rue in our shop once.

Don't tell me, was you working at Sassoon's,

and Leonard of Mayfair, all that lot?

Yep.

Be still, my beating heart.

That must have been marvellous.

Here you are, meet the mob.

- Lonnie. - Lily.

And on ironing and pricing and everything else, we have...

Dobbie!

THEY LAUGH

Our Gran Friday. She does the lot.

Oh, and on sorting and sullen grunts,

we have The Bad Lads in the back.

- WHISPERS: - Community service. - Right, right, right, right.

Lads!

- BOTH: - 'Ey up.

They won't be requiring your 25% off, as you may have noticed.

Good thing you've come when you've come.

We're about to lower the drawbridge.

- God save us. - Mmm!

Hang on to everything that's not nailed down.

- Dobbie's bingo dobber went last time, didn't it, love? - Yeah.

Here, you'll be losing this one an' all.

Initialled an' all.

Me lucky dobber.

Dobbie's bingo barmy. Goes nowhere without her dobber, do you, dovelet?

Oh! Ha-ha!

Cheeky!

I had a lipstick that hue in '72.

THEY LAUGH

God love us, what a mess!

Dear, oh, dear.

Terrance!

All right, Race? Hey? Yeah?

All right, yes. Just brushing off the dust and the past.

Too many memories, you see.

I recall this establishment in its heyday.

I bet you do!

The last owner just took off.

I got it as a job lot.

- Oh, yeah? - So much junk.

Hey, let me show you that teacup.

Oh, yes, yes, yes!

Oh!

Oh, wait.

Daft mare's taken the wrong box.

Right, before we go any further, this was definitely it?

- 'Course it bloody were! - Right, sorry, where is it?

The charity shop.

You do realise it was worth 35 at least?

Oh, great!

That's 35 quid down the Swanee.

No.

35,000!

I'm sorry I'm late.

Do you like me hair?

What?

Here!

- What a haul. - I know.

It was like Raiders of the Lost Ark, though I did get out by a whisker.

- What? - The charge of the four-for-two tsunami.

Hey, and guess who was at the head of it, elbowing like a good 'un?

- Who? - Miss Pru.

She glared at me with, "Get out of my way or die!"

And the corners on that trolley...

Ow!

Like the daggers on Boudicca's chariot wheel.

Come on, Val, step out for goodness' sake.

- I'm so sorry! - Hurry up! - Hop in the back.

GEARS GRIND

OK. Right hand, red.

DOORBELL TINKLES

Oh, Val, your beautiful barnet.

The box! Have you still got that box?

What?!

LILY AND CLARY SHRIEK

- Where's the teacup! - Sorry?

- The teacup, man! - Sorry, what?

It was in the box I brought.

Oh, that box. It's still by the door.

- Shift! - Ooh!

Shift!

Nothing here.

It must have been sold, then.

Didn't see it go, no.

I never miss a sale or a receipt.

Whatever the siege, no teacup passed by me.

Listen here, you, I need that teacup back.

And listen here, foghorn, no teacup was sold.

- You saying it's been nicked? - Must have been.

I want this place turning over, you hear me?!

I want my teacup back!

It's been turned over. Everything's gone.

There's been tons of people through this place.

It could be anywhere.

- I want it! - Hey. Hey!

Calm down. Calm down, old boy.

Someone must have seen something, right?

I'm letting you know, I will get that cup and saucer back

if it kills me or I have to kill someone!

And you're sacked!

VALERIE SOBS

Just to explain his rather over-temperate reaction.

This is a piece dating from the 18th century.

Oh, swipe me sideways!

I mean, it is what you might call most collectable.

Here, see.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Exquisite.

Oh, I like that. It's lovely.

And it is worth �35,000.

EVERYONE GASPS

But cup must come with saucer.

Only the best for you.

It was crazy.

And Lonnie turned the whole shop over again once they'd gone

and it wasn't there.

CAR HORN BLARES

Oh!

The van just missed her.

It was going hell for leather.

Oh! She's terrified, poor thing.

Let's have a look at the identification.

Miss Prudence Snook.

114, Chapel Street.

I reckon that's that Miss Pru that came in here.

- They did say she had a dog. - Ooh. - Poor baby.

We better get her back.

It's OK.

Oh!

- Oh, no! - Guess it must be that one. - It must be that one.

LILY LAUGHS

Lily!

We can't just...

Miss Pru!

- We found your dog. - Lily!

We can't just...

Miss Pru?

- Clary. - Yeah?

DOG WHIMPERS

That's what I've heard anyway.

Take care.

And if you hear anything else, you know...

Miss Pru was known to the police.

- She was diagnosed as a kleptomaniac. - Blimey!

We were watching her but assured by her doctor that she was cured.

Obviously not.

I mean, it looks like a simple and sad accident waiting to happen.

There's way too much stuff here,

she was climbing the ladder and fell.

- I'm sorry, you can't come in here. - Oh, sorry.

What's going on? Just on me way back from bingo,

saw the police car and that.

I'll have to ask you to leave, thank you.

There's been an accident.

It's Miss Pru. She's dead.

WOMAN GASPS

Terrible accident, according to the undertakers.

Crushed to death by her own spoils.

Now, please, ladies, I really need everyone....

She was a kleptomaniac, it seems.

Eh?

Isn't that like a thief who's not a thief?

Kleptomania is the inability to resist the urge to steal items,

usually for reasons other than personal use or financial gain.

She got stuff from all over the village, by the looks of things.

- Crushed, you say? - Mmm...

Right there.

God, what a way to go.

Seen quite a few things from the charity shop.

Right, please, madam, both of you will have to leave now.

I recognise that sun dial. That's from the park.

Yes, yes, out you go, please.

Nothing too large or too small, it seems.

Oh, look, there.

Those curling tongs! They're ours, aren't they?

Yes, they are. She must have taken them when she came in the shop.

God, she was quick and crafty, all right.

- Blimey! - Best not to touch anything yet.

Oh, right. Yeah.

CLATTERING, SMASHING

LOUD SNEEZE

I'm allergic to dogs.

That's me gone.

Where's...?

News Flash? That's what we call Wincey.

She'll be off now. It'll be all over the village in a trice.

I don't know if this is the right time,

but can you book me in for 10.00 tomorrow?

- You got that, Clary? - Yeah, I will do.

Bye, all. So, so sad.

LOUD SNEEZE

Lily, she's all on her own.

What's going to happen to her now?

- She'll be put in a pound over night. - Oh, the poor little thing.

Clary, get her food and some tins. We'll take her overnight.

Oh, I'm not sure the protocol...

Yeah... Yeah...

I'll just.... I'll just make a note of it.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

There might be more to this than meets the eye?

Can't think on an empty stomach.

Let's settle the dog and then I'll treat you to a meal.

- WINCEY: - What I'm hearing is that she was one of those klepto-thingys...

Not actually eaten here before.

- Cheers, mate. - Hail! - Hail!

- Hail. - Now I come to think of it,

I were always a box of wooden forks down when she'd been by.

Yeah, it's like everything she'd stolen just turned on her.

- Pru. - Does anyone know any more? No. Well, listen to this.

Apparently, she stormed out of the charity shop earlier.

She stormed in and out of here.

Dobbie from charity shop were in buying everyone a chippy tea

to cheer 'em up. I mean, it's been chaos down there today.

Oh, aye, yeah - the incident with That Terry's tea cup. Yeah.

Hey, hey, listen, go on about Pru,

because this might have been her last sighting.

Dobbie saw Pru sidling into the front of the queue,

but Dobbie said something to her.

- What was it? - "I saw you," I think she said.

She didn't half leg it.

She stormed out of our shop too.

You're her, aren't you?

You're the new hairdresser, aren't you?

- CUSTOMERS: - Ooh! - Yeah. Who's asking?

- It is her, yeah. She's from London. - Do you do walk-ins?

Everyone welcome.

- Do you mind? - 25% off!

Here you go, Kev.

Get serving, lad.

That's another one mad for you.

You what?

Look at the size of your chips compared to mine!

And...that young copper from before, too.

Constable "Uh-huh".

Smitten.

You honestly don't know, do you?

Mmm.

These are the best chips in the known world, though, aren't they?

- So what you thinking, Clary? - Hmm?

The trajectory looked off to me.

- What do you mean? - The body.

How it had...fallen.

WHISPERS: I used to cut for the head of CID.

And he said, "Every corpse tells a story."

It didn't look right for a fall from a height.

The intersections of points and plane relating to the body's

postulate configurations, it did not, to me,

indicate a fall from a height.

- Loose ends. - Loose ends.

- Lily? - Hmm.

Have you solved crimes before?

LILY CHUCKLES

Let's just say...I used to help sort things out sometimes.

Hairdressers.

- Charity shop. - Mmm.

- Chippy. - Uh-huh.

Then...brown bread.

Pru Never Queue, and everybody knows that.

So what was it that sent her running off like that?

Loose ends.

Lopsided. Got to clip it up neat.

Who wanted her...

..dead?

Half the blinkin' village, it seems.

Clary...

..it's murder.

BELL TOLLS

So...

..what are we after?

Oh, I don't know.

Just a tidy up.

I always have the same.

Well, I think we can improve on that, don't you, Clary?

- Aye. - Ooh!

So, any more news on Miss Pru?

Only that the police think it was an accident.

Aye, waiting to happen, by the looks of things.

Still, what a way to go, hey?

You must have been one of the last people to see her?

Aye, I suppose I was.

Shot out of that chippy door like lightning.

What on earth did you say to her?

Oh, I don't know, really.

Just letting her know I'd seen her pushing in.

Any news on that cup and saucer, Dobbie?

No, not hide nor hair.

Where was everyone in the shop?

Well, Lonnie and me was on the till,

but I was mainly in the back room with the Bad Lads,

sorting like billy-oh.

They're such good lads those too, you know.

Just got off to a bad start.

I had a neighbour like that once - Bess.

- Been inside but a diamond. - Yeah?

I'd come home and I'd find her siting in my front room

slurping tea and watching Countdown!

She could get in anywhere!

She showed me once too, when I locked meself out.

Oh, yeah?

- Easier than you'd think. It was like slicing cake. - Right.

You got any idea what's happened to them, Dobbie?

Well...

..biggest mistake, dear, was putting the box unpacked near the door.

Bess always said, "Thieves grab what's at hand.

"Put stuff well away."

So I checked that painting out

and nobody's heard of the artist, Dranur, anywhere.

It's totally worthless.

So, what happened to this cup and saucer?

We know it made it to the charity shop, you,

- you dropped it off and you placed it down by the door. - Mmm.

An inside job?

So, we have Dobbie and Lonnie.

Unlikely.

Well, Dobbie, who claims she was in the back the whole time,

- which seems plausible. - True.

So the Bad Lads? I mean, they have records,

and I don't mean K-tel's greatest hits.

What about Miss Pru?

LILY GASPS

She's a kleptomaniac.

And don't forget That Terry.

Yes! He's a ruthless and determined little beggar by all accounts.

What if Miss Pru took it and Terry found out?

He could have gone up to hers to get it back.

And then there's Race Runard, the antiques dealer.

Yes. Now, Val hinted that he and Pru knew each other in some way.

What if his interest in the tea cup and in Pru somehow smashed together?

Oh, dog, if only you could tell us what happened to Miss Pru.

At the moment, it's only us that think it could be murder.

So, with all that in mind...

..where's me next loose end coming from?

Wait! That name.

Look at in the mirror backwards.

The artist's signature.

Yes! That there.

Dranur becomes...

Runard.

- Mmm. - Yes, so lamentable about the teacup and saucer.

I even made a space for it in the cabinet over there, you see.

I don't suppose we will ever see it again.

By the way, that is me

with the Honourable Teacup Society of Japan.

Do you think anyone who was around knows of its whereabouts?

Like whom?

BOTH CHUCKLE

I wonder if I might call on you to appraise an item for me?

Well, of course, indeed you may.

Would you know...

- ..if this is worth anything? - No.

No, that's not my field, I'm afraid, no.

Strange.

Cos I'm a hairdresser, I could read War and Peace quicker in the mirror

than I could the right way round.

And if you look at the artist's signature there,

if you read that in a mirror...

..it says Runard.

Yes.

So, what are you going to do?

Oh...

I mean, if it's out, it's out.

Truth be told, I'm glad.

You see, it was a joke.

It's always been my weakness, I'm afraid.

I've always been the practical joker.

The pricker of pomposity.

- Just couldn't help it. - So...

..how did the painting end up in the hotel?

Ah, the owner of the hotel, a veritable pontificating prig,

he reckoned himself to be a connoisseur of modern art.

So, I, I hatched a ruse, you see.

I created paintings with a...

..with a toothbrush and a kid's paint palette.

I invented an artist.

And, yes, yes, I did give him a clue, to be fair.

I did give him that signature

and then I charged him a shed load of wonga.

Oh, I see.

Well, I mean, I was going to return it,

once his humiliation was complete.

- What happened? - It backfired.

That ferreting Miss Pru discovered that they were fake.

And she told him. And what did he do?

Well, he did not see the funny side.

No, in fact, he went completely mad.

I had to return the money twice over

in order to keep him from the police.

Because even though I'd made good,

in my game, any whiff of fakery could have ruined me.

Mmm.

And Miss Pru?

Ah.

Well, she blackmailed me, stalked me, fell for me!

I'm not quite sure which of those was worse.

So I hated her, yes, I did.

And I must admit I looked to my beloved blunderbuss more than once.

Joke!

Yes. See, there I go again.

So, yes, a sad end, ultimately,

but being vanquished by her own swag

does have a sort of poetic justice, doesn't it?

And it's blinking handy.

ECHOEY SPEECH: So, this cup and saucer, turns out it's worth about

35 grand.

So we think that there's a very good reason

why a kleptomaniac such as Miss Pru

might have come to ill for taking it.

Well, I find it all a bit far fetched, girls, I'm sorry to say.

Pru stole it and then somebody murdered her for it?

Our investigations point to nothing of that nature.

It was clearly an accident.

'Ey, Lil, what keeps you so young-looking?

Oh! What you doing?

The first exercise in the ancient and secret

Five Tibetans.

Oh? What you on about?

Bit mystical.

Once upon a time, many, many years ago,

I gave a mammoth strim to a hairy old Shaman-type,

claimed to be 80. Honestly, looked 45 or less.

- Never? - He was so pleased, he gave me a tip.

"Do this every day." And he passed me a tatty dog-eared booklet -

- The Fountain of Youth. - Oh!

So the ancient secret to the fountain of youth

is spinning round and round?

And you do that every Saturday night.

Oh, good God! You're going to live forever.

Hey, watch it, I might.

I touch me toes twice a week and I bomb around town most days,

and when I can afford it, I sup an eggnog.

Yes, youth. A core tenant of maintaining it

is a strong social circle and a positive mindset.

Well, there you go, that's hairdressing.

Do summat. Save me.

Hey, you're going to be inundated now.

Inundated.

Yeah, it's all over the town how you took 25 years off Val with that cut.

Dobbie, too.

- Yeah! - It is all over town.

Wonder how that is?

Mmm, well, they say good news travels fast.

Yeah, it does.

Good and bad news with you - the Pony Express.

I don't know what you're insinuating,

I really don't.

Well, whatever it is, we're grateful.

THEY SING ALONG TO RECORD

# La, la, la, la, la

# Doo, do, do, do, do-oo

# Arrrrghhh! #

Hey!

You haven't got any Country, have you?

- What? - Country and Western.

Here she goes. Every second Friday, she's down the Rose and Crown,

plastered, singing Harper Valley PTA.

Will you shut it, Shirl? I meant '70s Country and Western.

Dolly, Willie, Kenny, Tammy?

Oo! You're talking my very language there. Hey!

Shall we get you up.

Hey, Lil, this cup and saucer business,

what's it like? Have you seen it?

I've seen a picture.

Yeah, so, well, the saucer, delicate, goldy.

Yeah, it's got all this gorgeous gold around the rim.

Like that there?

It is the very one.

Oh, my God!

How could we not see that?!

God o' mercy!

What next?

- They need bringing together. - The cup and the saucer.

Oh, it'll be all over town in a millisecond.

Wincey, she can't wait.

She's like a town crier on roller blades.

DISTORTED SPEECH ON PHONE

I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

The cup and saucer, she could have been

killed for them.

All right, listen, I'll pop by tomorrow, all right.

Will Clary be about, by any chance?

POLICE RADIO BEEPS

Oh, look, I'll have to go.

I'll have to go.

He'll be round first thing.

So...Pru had them all along.

Someone would stop at nothing.

Hey, I'm getting worried for you all on your own.

Oh, come now.

Why?

35,000 reasons.

Oh, I am. I'm scared for you all alone.

Well, who knows who Wincey's told by now

or what the value's been exaggerated to.

I'm going to call Adam back.

He'll be round first thing in the morning,

and I've stashed the saucer safe.

Well, then I'm staying with you.

No, you are not. Away with your bother.

Hey, I've seen David Carradine in all the Kung Foos.

- I'd really rather stay. - No.

- Yes. - No. - Yes.

- Yes. - No. Away with you!

- I just think... - You're going to miss the last bus.

Shoo! Or I'll give you a bowl cut!

I will.

You know I'm not lying. Out you go.

No, no, no, no! Excuse me!

Oh!

Can I give you a lift?

RUSTLING

BANGING

Oh!

DOG BARKS

BANGING ON DOOR

CLATTER

- You all right? - Yes. That way.

Oh, Lily, I was too worried about you.

- I had to get him to call in now. - I'm all right. I'm all right.

Hey, come on.

LOUD SNEEZE

They've vanished without a trace.

Are you sure you're OK?

- I think we'd better get you checked out. - No.

Just shook up, that's all.

Good thing Clary got me to check in.

I was going to leave it till morning.

Did you get a look at who it was?

Dog and Sir Swivel saved me.

CHURCH BELL CHIMES

So, we have...

..the fury of That Terry.

The blackmail of Race.

That sneeze.

- BINGO CALLER: - We will be playing our yellow cards this afternoon,

for our national matinee prize bank.

So, get your dobbers at the ready and get yourselves settled in

and we'll be with you in just a few ticks.

Doris Briggs?

What?

I need to speak to you in relation to the death of Prudence Snook.

I don't understand.

Can you explain this?

It's a bingo dobber.

It has your initials on it and it was found at the crime scene.

That Pru must have stolen it.

We had it fingerprint tested and yours are on it and Pru's weren't.

We have your fingerprints on the police database from the time that

you were convicted of a burglary in Birmingham a number of years ago.

Oh.

We'll be conducting a search of your house.

I'm so sorry.

So sorry.

So here we go! Eyes down looking for this afternoon's Big One.

We are hooked up all around the world, and the prize is enormous!

Glad it's out.

Such a burden it's been.

What happened, Dobbie?

25, duck and dive.

Number 25.

Me lucky dobber dobbed me in, eh?

I realised I'd dropped it, went back for it

but couldn't get to look, you lot there.

Number 71, seven and one.

71.

Hoped for the best, that it would get rolled in with everything else,

but not to be.

What happened? Why?

13. Unlucky for some!

13.

I'm in massive debt due to bingo addiction.

Six and seven. 67.

Here or online, I can't stop!

Eight and two..

When I heard the worth of it, teacup and saucer,

saw that Pru in the chippy,

put two and two together.

I didn't know it was her that stole it, but

I took a chance and said to her in the chippy queue, "I saw you."

Then I knew for sure.

Got in through the back door, like Bess taught me.

But only the cup were there.

I couldn't find the saucer.

Six and four. 64.

If I could have found the saucer, I'd have been out of there.

Who'd have known it were full of dog food?!

Number 52. Five and two.

Then Pru came back unexpectedly,

threatened me, went to call the police.

I pushed over one of the piles.

It fell down on her.

I panicked.

Saw a step ladder, put it down,

made it look like an accident.

Fled.

Number 11. Legs 11.

Number four. Knock at the door.

Number four.

Seven and eight, 78.

There's �80,000 at stake.

We must be getting close to a winner now.

Number three, on its own, Cup of tea!

Number three.

Three and five, 35.

- Bingo! - And there we have a winner!

# Get up, everybody, and sing

# We are family... #

There he is.

Stunning!

I'm telling ya - Juliet Bravo, Cagney and Lacey

and every Charlie's Angels got nothing on you, Lily.

You are a veritable crimper and crime buster.

Oh, steady on.

I wouldn't have got anywhere without double-o apprentice here!

Eh? Come on.

Anyway, Val, go on, what were you saying?

So, That Terry got paid by Race and even gave me some severance pay!

EVERYONE: Ooh!

- Lonnie, are you with me? - Am I?!

# We are family... #

Go on, girl, here we go!

# I got all my sisters with me

# We are family... #

Come on!

# Get up, everybody, and sing

# We are family Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

# I got all my sisters with me

# We are family

# Get up everybody and si-i-i-ing

# We are family! #

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