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1
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Fuego del Culo.
2
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Girl, if it itches, it's crabs.
3
00:00:57,970 --> 00:00:59,407
♪ I switched the gameNo time for playing♪
4
00:00:59,537 --> 00:01:01,148
♪ I'm redefined♪
5
00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:02,758
♪ Now I'ma transform♪
6
00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:04,934
♪ Right in frontOf all your eyes♪
7
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,153
♪ I shapeshift♪
8
00:01:10,461 --> 00:01:12,942
Hey, girl.
You want some brown liquor?
9
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,987
Brown liquor
don't make this pussy pop.
10
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Tequila it is.
11
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Here you go.
Mm.
12
00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:24,084
¡Viva la revolución!
13
00:01:24,214 --> 00:01:25,476
Now, that shit right there make
14
00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:27,304
my pussy pop
on a handstand!
15
00:01:27,435 --> 00:01:29,045
So, what are you doing here
anyway?
16
00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,134
What do you think
I'm doing here?
17
00:01:31,265 --> 00:01:32,875
I'm starring
in the opening scene.
18
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Been there, done that.
19
00:01:35,530 --> 00:01:37,749
Pick up the phone!Pick up the pho--
20
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:40,012
Richie?
Teyana. Hi.
21
00:01:40,143 --> 00:01:41,492
I thought it'd be easierfor the audience
22
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:43,712
if they didn't have to readmore texts.
23
00:01:43,842 --> 00:01:45,844
Yeah, that makes sense.
'Cause you know these motherfuckers can't read.
24
00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:49,500
I know who goes to see
a Wayans Brothers movie.
25
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:51,763
Well, it's niceto phone-meet you
26
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:53,461
in this super awkward way.
27
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,332
Likewise.
But I got to be honest.
28
00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:58,030
When I seen your profile pic,
a bitch almost swiped left
29
00:01:58,161 --> 00:01:59,597
because you look mad goofy.
30
00:01:59,728 --> 00:02:01,295
But surprisingly,
31
00:02:01,425 --> 00:02:04,124
you know them goofy niggas
got big dicks, so here we are.
32
00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:05,734
I take you for a Jersey girl.
33
00:02:05,864 --> 00:02:06,909
A Jersey girl?
34
00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:09,129
Listen, I love Jersey down.
35
00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:11,740
But I'm a Harlem girl.
Born and motherfucking raised.
36
00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:13,655
Real niggas only. Yeah.
37
00:02:13,785 --> 00:02:15,613
Oh, so you're Black.
38
00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:18,790
No, motherfucker!
39
00:02:18,921 --> 00:02:20,662
I'm BLACK!
40
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:22,098
All caps.
41
00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:24,753
No cap, but caps.
42
00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:26,450
Fuck all y'all!
43
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:29,540
Bitch,
spit them pearls back out.
44
00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:32,369
I ain't want your shit.
45
00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:35,155
Hello.
So tell me,
46
00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:37,331
what's your favoritescary movie?
47
00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:39,550
Mm... I don't really do them,
you know.
48
00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,030
All the stupid tropes and shit.
49
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,771
Why is it always
the white bitch at the end?
50
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:44,773
Because they know
it is too hard to kill a sista.
51
00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:46,905
Y'know what I'm sayin'?
Cause if the sista can survive
52
00:02:47,036 --> 00:02:49,517
government cheese,
we can survive anything.
53
00:02:51,345 --> 00:02:53,260
You know, it might helpif you met me outside.
54
00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:55,392
Met you outside?
Boy, you is needy!
55
00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:58,178
What's your sign?
You must be a Scorpio.
56
00:02:58,308 --> 00:02:59,440
How'd you know?
57
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:01,398
Good dick though.
But toxic as hell.
58
00:03:01,529 --> 00:03:03,444
Hey, is the restaurantnear an alley?
59
00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:06,186
Yes, hurry
before they rob your ass.
60
00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:07,926
Roses?
Ah! Not today.
61
00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:09,841
Cheap bitch.
Heard you, ho.
62
00:03:09,972 --> 00:03:12,496
Okay, I'm--I'm coming down the alley now.
63
00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:14,716
I'm here.
Can you see me? I'm waving.
64
00:03:15,412 --> 00:03:16,979
No.
65
00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:19,199
The person I'm looking atis not waving.
66
00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:21,201
In fact,they're just staring at me.
67
00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:23,290
Well, stare at his ass back!
68
00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:24,987
And don't blink. Never blink.
69
00:03:25,117 --> 00:03:26,989
You got to scrunch your lips
and be like, "What?"
70
00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:28,991
No, they're walkingtowards me now.
71
00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:31,211
Hold on.Oh no, they have a knife!
72
00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:33,213
Well, don't lead his ass
over here.
73
00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:34,431
And that's not the worst part.
74
00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:38,783
The worst part
is you know so much
75
00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:41,177
about horror movies
and yet you still
76
00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:44,136
walked into the alley alone.
77
00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:46,400
Yeah, well the worst part is,
78
00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:49,533
you fucking with
a New York bitch. Cuckoo!
79
00:03:49,664 --> 00:03:50,926
Yeah!
80
00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:55,496
Cuckoo, cuckoo!
81
00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:57,149
Cuckoo!
82
00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:08,552
Damn!
She's on some Avengers shit!
83
00:04:22,131 --> 00:04:23,306
Seriously, Larry?
84
00:04:23,437 --> 00:04:24,786
I ain't recognize
your bird call.
85
00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:26,744
Thought you was going
more with a--
86
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:29,312
That's a pigeon, nigga!
Supposed to be, "Cuckoo!"
87
00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:32,489
Cuckoo!
A hawk swooping in an attack!
88
00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:34,448
My bad.
89
00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:35,884
Are you done?
90
00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:38,669
What the hell?
91
00:04:41,106 --> 00:04:44,327
Bitch, I'm Teyana Taylor.
My abs got abs.
92
00:04:44,458 --> 00:04:45,894
Get him!
93
00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:47,678
Ow! My arm! My arm!
94
00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:49,158
Get in there!
95
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,855
Come on, guys,
we can work this out.
96
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:56,861
Somebody help me!
97
00:04:56,992 --> 00:04:58,385
Do it, Larry!
98
00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:00,169
No, no, no--
99
00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:02,476
Hi-yah!
100
00:05:02,606 --> 00:05:04,391
Ow! Oh, God!
101
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:06,044
All right, all right,
all right, all right!
102
00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:08,046
We out.
Get your hardheaded ass on.
103
00:05:09,091 --> 00:05:10,919
Welcome to New York, sucker!
104
00:05:11,049 --> 00:05:12,355
Hey, Teyana.
105
00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:13,878
You might have kicked my ass,
106
00:05:14,009 --> 00:05:16,098
but you still didn't win
that Oscar.
107
00:05:16,228 --> 00:05:18,666
What you say about my Oscar?
108
00:05:18,796 --> 00:05:21,582
Did I stutter? You lost!
109
00:05:21,712 --> 00:05:23,061
You right.
110
00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:25,063
But I won
that Golden Globe, bitch.
111
00:05:25,977 --> 00:05:27,675
Oh, my God! Really?
112
00:05:27,805 --> 00:05:29,241
That's why I never watched
Horror Movie.
113
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:30,808
It's fucking terrible.
114
00:05:30,939 --> 00:05:33,333
Just a bunch
of celebrity cameos and fart gags.
115
00:05:34,899 --> 00:05:36,161
So, you don't like parodies?
116
00:05:36,292 --> 00:05:37,989
I'm more into
Judd Apatow films.
117
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,775
You know, elevated comedy.
118
00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:42,994
And what is elevated comedy?
119
00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:44,605
Mm.
120
00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:45,910
The kind that doesn't actually
make anyone laugh,
121
00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:47,477
but makes white people
feel smart.
122
00:05:49,784 --> 00:05:51,089
Tuesday,don't answer that!
123
00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:52,700
It could be Ghostface.
124
00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:54,441
Oh, come on, Elle!
125
00:05:54,571 --> 00:05:56,530
Stuff like that
only happens in the movies.
126
00:05:59,315 --> 00:06:00,621
Oh, hey.
127
00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:03,145
I wasn't expecting you
to answer the door.
128
00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:06,278
What the fuck?
Now where is my knife?
129
00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,237
Ah, here it is.
130
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:11,022
Hello, Tuesday.
131
00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:21,903
♪ I really wanna get messy♪
132
00:06:23,731 --> 00:06:26,081
♪ Don't care what I'm doingNext week♪
133
00:06:26,211 --> 00:06:29,171
♪ You really don't wannaTest me♪
134
00:06:29,301 --> 00:06:31,869
♪ Just pass the drinksAnd get sexy♪
135
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,698
♪ Get messyBaby, get messy♪
136
00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:37,832
Hey, miss.
137
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,051
What'd you take?
138
00:06:40,182 --> 00:06:41,923
Just Ritalin for my ADHD.
139
00:06:42,053 --> 00:06:43,533
Adderall for PTSD.
140
00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:45,796
A couple of Xanax
for my anxiety.
141
00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:47,798
And your boner pills.
142
00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:51,280
So good luck
getting it up now.
143
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,805
Jesus, Sara,
how many did you take? Do you want to touch it, baby?
144
00:06:54,936 --> 00:06:56,720
Yes, but no. Okay.
Come on. You know you want it.
145
00:06:56,851 --> 00:06:58,461
Take it.
Take it like a good boy. Okay. Maybe just a little bit.
146
00:06:58,592 --> 00:07:00,028
That feels
really interesting.
147
00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:01,551
I'm about to bust a nut.
Wow.
148
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,206
Hey, Jess.
Sara,
149
00:07:04,336 --> 00:07:05,816
Tuesday's in the hospital.
150
00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:09,167
She was stabbed. By a killer--you know, Ghostface.
151
00:07:09,298 --> 00:07:10,734
Wait. From Wu-Tang?
152
00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,997
Why would Ghostface Killah
aka Pretty Toney
153
00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:15,347
aka Starky Love
want to stab my sister?
154
00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:17,611
God, Sara,it wasn't Ghostface Killah.
155
00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:19,395
It was somebodyin a Ghostface mask.
156
00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:20,614
Oh!
157
00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:22,616
Okay, that makes more sense.
158
00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:27,229
Hah!
159
00:07:28,186 --> 00:07:30,537
I ain't the one!
160
00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:32,190
Oh!
161
00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:33,322
Jesus, Jack!
162
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,802
What?
163
00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:36,934
I was thinking about
wearing this for Halloween.
164
00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:38,588
My estranged
flat-chested half-sister
165
00:07:38,719 --> 00:07:40,590
was nearly killed
by a psycho in a ghost mask.
166
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,986
I got to go see her
and make up for the past.
167
00:07:45,116 --> 00:07:46,770
Whoa-- Hey, hey, hey.
168
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,163
I'm going with you.
169
00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:49,817
Not because
I'm the obvious killer
170
00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:51,340
trying to lure you back
to your hometown.
171
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,037
I'm just
the supportive boyfriend.
172
00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:54,517
Yeah.
That's all.
173
00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:57,607
Okay, let's go. Get in the car.
174
00:07:57,738 --> 00:08:00,654
Listen, we just have
to make one stop on the way.
175
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:03,526
I survived.
176
00:08:03,657 --> 00:08:05,615
All thanks to my lucky penny.
177
00:08:07,312 --> 00:08:09,314
♪ The world would beBoring as fuck♪
178
00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:11,447
♪ Without big bootyReal hoochie mamas like me♪
179
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:13,754
♪ Grabbing anklesThrowing ass on ATVs♪
180
00:08:13,884 --> 00:08:15,973
♪ Make 'em say "uh"I got Master P♪
181
00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:18,367
♪ Doggy-style, look here,That's masterpiece♪
182
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,325
♪ I don't wanna beIn no sausage fest♪
183
00:08:20,456 --> 00:08:22,763
♪ Where my ladies at?Throw it east to west♪
184
00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:24,852
♪ Wow, wow, wow, wowI'm impressed♪
185
00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:26,157
♪ Booty up down, up down...♪
186
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:34,731
I hate when y'all leave!
Come give me a hug.
187
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:37,995
Ma, come on, turn off
this ratchet-ass music.
188
00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:40,607
It's embarrassing,
especially for Black women.
189
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:42,043
It's not embarrassing.
190
00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:43,827
I'm the cool ma everybody wish
they had.
191
00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:45,307
I'm lit!
Don't forget,
192
00:08:45,437 --> 00:08:47,222
I got practice later
so I'll be home late.
193
00:08:47,352 --> 00:08:48,832
You only made the team
because you're Black
194
00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:50,921
and those racist fucks
assumed you could play.
195
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:53,097
Mm.
It's 2026.
196
00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:54,708
I don't think race is an issue.
197
00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:56,231
Do you read Black Twitter?
198
00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:57,580
No.
199
00:08:58,189 --> 00:08:59,190
Ugh, Brad,
200
00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:00,975
are you still dating that ho?
201
00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:02,063
Okay.
202
00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:03,543
Stop ho-shaming her, heiffa.
203
00:09:03,673 --> 00:09:05,240
Just because Darrel and them
204
00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:07,242
ran a train on her
doesn't make her a ho.
205
00:09:07,372 --> 00:09:10,114
She's not a "ho",
she's "sex positive".
206
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:12,160
Well, I'm positive she is a ho.
207
00:09:13,291 --> 00:09:15,206
Hey, girl! Look at you!
208
00:09:15,337 --> 00:09:16,730
Early for Halloween, huh?
209
00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:18,732
What you this year?
Slutty schoolgirl?
210
00:09:18,862 --> 00:09:19,646
Ho-ey ho?
211
00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:21,735
Hi, Ms. Meeks.
212
00:09:21,865 --> 00:09:23,650
Love the hair. Very...
213
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:25,216
Octavia Spencer.
214
00:09:25,347 --> 00:09:26,522
Well, thank you very much.
215
00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:28,045
I got to invite you over
216
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:30,613
and make you
a little shit pie. Ooh.
217
00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:33,398
You know what? I got to get to
African American History class.
218
00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:34,704
We're learning about slavery.
219
00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:37,228
Come to find out,
it was a choice.
220
00:09:37,359 --> 00:09:38,447
You see that right there?
221
00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:41,015
That's Kanye?
That's right.
222
00:09:41,145 --> 00:09:43,670
They've been teaching us
wrong all this time.
223
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:44,888
Mm-hmm. Stay Black!
224
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:47,848
Bye, Ma.
All right. Bye, baby.
225
00:09:47,978 --> 00:09:49,110
Bye, Ms. Meeks.
Bye.
226
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,242
Son, I put some condoms
in your bag!
227
00:09:51,373 --> 00:09:52,983
You know how they try
to trap y'all.
228
00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:54,202
Ma!
229
00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:58,336
Okay, seriously,
"Sheriff Greg",
230
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,164
you don't have to walk me
to class. I'm fine.
231
00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:03,167
Jess, there's a serial killer
on the loose.
232
00:10:03,298 --> 00:10:05,779
I'm not gonna let anything
happen to my baby girl.
233
00:10:05,909 --> 00:10:07,911
Boy! Okay? I'm a baby boy!
234
00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:09,391
I'm sorry!
235
00:10:09,521 --> 00:10:11,349
I'm having a
hard time with this transition.
236
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:14,831
Okay, it's really simple.
Treat me like one of the guys.
237
00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:16,180
Okay?
238
00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:18,705
All right. I-I can do that.
Yeah.
239
00:10:18,835 --> 00:10:21,098
Slap fight. Oh.
240
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:22,230
You call that a slap?
241
00:10:23,797 --> 00:10:24,841
Whew.
242
00:10:24,972 --> 00:10:26,495
What the hell
did you do that for?
243
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,541
Don't act like such a bitch.
244
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:31,195
Bitch.
245
00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:36,331
Yeah, not bad.
246
00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:40,857
Who the hell lives like this?
247
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,829
Oh, honey,
it is so good to see you!
248
00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:57,744
Come in! Do you want some tea?
249
00:10:57,874 --> 00:11:00,660
Oh, my God, Mother.
You look like shit!
250
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:02,400
Babe, please.
251
00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:04,011
This is clearly a woman
who's run out of conditioner.
252
00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:06,143
Oh, be careful where you walk.
The whole place
253
00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:07,841
is booby-trapped.
254
00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:10,017
You never know when
that psycho's gonna come back.
255
00:11:10,147 --> 00:11:11,888
Come in.
256
00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:13,194
Okay.
257
00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:24,640
I hate this job.
258
00:11:27,164 --> 00:11:28,383
Mrs. Campbell,
259
00:11:29,210 --> 00:11:31,429
I'm Jack, Sara's boyfriend.
260
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:33,344
I've heard so much about you...
261
00:11:33,475 --> 00:11:34,606
Uh, none of it good.
262
00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:37,914
I have heard nothing
about you, Jack.
263
00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:39,829
I assume
you're a piece of shit.
264
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,963
But how would I know when
I haven't heard from my daughter
265
00:11:43,093 --> 00:11:44,704
in, what, six months?
266
00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:46,488
Six years, Mother.
267
00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:48,359
And whose fault is that?
268
00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:50,753
"And whose fault is that?"
I don't know, maybe it's yours!
269
00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:52,799
That's fair.
270
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:55,715
We want to learn
from the horror you survived.
271
00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:56,672
Look...
272
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:58,718
Scary Movie 3and 4
273
00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:00,458
paid me
a lot of money for a girl--
274
00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:02,591
There is nothing
to learn there.
275
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,333
But if you want to talk
about The House Bunny,shoot.
276
00:12:05,463 --> 00:12:07,117
It's happening again!
277
00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:10,860
Some asshole in a mask.
We have to stop him.
278
00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:12,993
You're not ready, lovebug.
279
00:12:13,123 --> 00:12:16,039
I have been preparing
for this for years.
280
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:18,085
Sacrificed everything.
281
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:21,262
You were a terrible mother.
Come on, honey
282
00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:23,177
we had some good times.
283
00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:27,181
Like that Christmas I took you
to meet Santa at the mall.
284
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:30,880
♪ Dashing through the snow♪
285
00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:34,144
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh♪
286
00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:36,494
♪ O'er the fields we go...♪
Your turn, Sara.
287
00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:37,539
Move!
288
00:12:38,148 --> 00:12:39,584
Hi, Santa.
289
00:12:39,715 --> 00:12:42,979
Sorry if I don't
sit in your lap.
290
00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:44,546
You creep me out.
291
00:12:44,676 --> 00:12:47,070
♪ How fun it isTo ride and sing...♪
292
00:12:52,162 --> 00:12:53,033
Mom?
293
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,905
Santa gave me a severed arm!
294
00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:57,777
Be sure to thank him.
295
00:13:04,522 --> 00:13:06,524
Is that a foot?
296
00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:08,309
Ew, that's gross.
297
00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:09,527
♪ One horse open...♪
298
00:13:09,658 --> 00:13:10,790
What the fuck?
299
00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:15,055
I am sorry
300
00:13:15,185 --> 00:13:17,971
if that's how you found out
Santa doesn't exist.
301
00:13:18,101 --> 00:13:20,147
Ugh, Mother, I need your help!
302
00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:23,411
To heal our emotional wounds
and put the past behind us?
303
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:25,282
Oh, God, no.
304
00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:27,894
No, to kill Ghostface!
305
00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:29,547
Do you have any guns?
306
00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:33,551
I am Cindy fucking Campbell.
307
00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:35,336
I've got millions of guns!
308
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:36,424
But, um,
309
00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:38,165
none of them are registered
310
00:13:38,295 --> 00:13:40,428
due to my mental health issues.
311
00:13:40,558 --> 00:13:44,258
So, if you could just keep that
on the low--
312
00:13:44,388 --> 00:13:46,347
Okay.
Oh!
313
00:13:46,477 --> 00:13:47,914
Yeah, I'm gonna be fine.
314
00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:49,654
I didn't hurt myself
on any of these spikes.
315
00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:55,095
♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G♪
316
00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:57,837
♪ Me and youWe're sitting in a tree♪
317
00:13:57,967 --> 00:13:59,839
Oh, hey,
so I spoke to Sara earlier.
318
00:13:59,969 --> 00:14:01,362
Oh, is she coming?
You know,
319
00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:02,842
I did hear
a buzzing sound.
320
00:14:02,972 --> 00:14:04,669
So it's possible.No.
321
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,542
I meant
to Woodsville, dumbass. Oh. Yeah, I forgot to ask.
322
00:14:07,672 --> 00:14:09,239
Hey, Jimbo! Go deep!
323
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:10,240
Yeah, yeah!
Throw it, throw it!
324
00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:12,199
Oh!
325
00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:13,504
Sweet!
326
00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:15,637
Speaking of going deep...
327
00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:17,726
Uh, I don't know
if it's a good time.
328
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,423
Everyone knows
what happens to teenagers
329
00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:21,034
who try to make love when
there's a killer on the loose.
330
00:14:21,164 --> 00:14:22,774
Brad's right
about one thing, guys.
331
00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:25,386
Okay, Ghostface is back.
We need to arm up.
332
00:14:25,516 --> 00:14:27,997
Pepper spray, check.
333
00:14:28,128 --> 00:14:29,825
Taser, check.
334
00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:31,566
Butt plug,
335
00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:33,133
double check.
336
00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:34,351
Goddamn!
337
00:14:34,482 --> 00:14:36,179
You just carry that thing
around?
338
00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:37,833
It's easy to hide.
339
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,404
In your butt.
340
00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:45,362
I'm impressed.
341
00:14:54,806 --> 00:14:58,245
What's up, y'all? I'm back!
342
00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:00,856
Shit, son!
343
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:02,945
Hey, what's up, Unc?
"Unc"?
344
00:15:03,076 --> 00:15:05,730
I'm tired of you
little Gen Z Alpha niggas
345
00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,863
using terms like "unc"
and "auntie".
346
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:10,518
Gaslighting and glazing
and glamping,
347
00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:12,563
trying to make my generation
sound old.
348
00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:14,130
I ain't your damn unc, nigga!
349
00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:16,611
Shorty, you're our
mother's brother, so, yeah,
350
00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:18,308
technically, you are our uncle.
351
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:21,268
Oh. My bad.
352
00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:23,792
Crazy that they let you
teach here.
353
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,229
Teach? Nah, nigga.
354
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:27,839
I attend.
355
00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:32,061
You looking at a proud
25th-year senior.
356
00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:34,890
As a matter of fact, nigga,
you were in my Sex Ed class.
357
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,066
Boy, you're really smart.
358
00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:38,981
You know a lot about penises.
359
00:15:39,112 --> 00:15:42,332
You should be like,
like a veterinarian,
360
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:43,768
but for dick.
361
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,858
When are you
finally gonna graduate?
362
00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:49,035
By the time we do a sequel
and I got to follow you little young niggas
363
00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:50,253
to college to get my check.
364
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:52,168
Wait, guys. Tuesday's awake!
365
00:15:52,299 --> 00:15:54,605
All right! Tuesday!
Who the fuck is Tuesday?
366
00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:55,911
Hey, we gotta go
to the hospital.
367
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,479
You gonna take the bus home?
No. The PJ.
368
00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:00,176
Private jet?
369
00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:01,308
Yeah. Jealous?
370
00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:02,874
Man, you smoke weed all day.
371
00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:05,399
Just play video games,
you live-stream.
372
00:16:05,529 --> 00:16:06,922
You literally got money
doing nothing.
373
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:10,273
Exactly. I leave the hard work
for the old heads.
374
00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:11,883
Shit, son!
375
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,496
Still the same Shorty.
Aight.
376
00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:17,193
Check my crypto, nigga.
377
00:16:17,324 --> 00:16:19,152
Aw, shit,
I'm up three million dollars!
378
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,243
Damn,
now I'm down five million.
379
00:16:23,373 --> 00:16:25,723
This shit crazy, son.
380
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,576
♪ I'm gonna let it shine♪
381
00:16:53,577 --> 00:16:56,754
♪ This little light of mine♪
382
00:16:56,885 --> 00:17:00,367
♪ I'm gonna let it shine♪
383
00:17:00,497 --> 00:17:01,455
Ray!
384
00:17:01,585 --> 00:17:03,413
Sister Brenda, it's okay.
385
00:17:03,544 --> 00:17:05,763
You heard the call of sin,
yes, you did.
386
00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:07,069
But the Lord has called on us
387
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,724
to show men
such like you the way.
388
00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:12,727
Come on, son! Come with us.
389
00:17:12,857 --> 00:17:14,337
Come on us.
390
00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:17,253
God see you coming.
So don't cheat that come.
391
00:17:17,384 --> 00:17:21,431
We need you to come
like you never came before.
392
00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:23,390
Come for the Father,
come for the Son.
393
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,827
I'ma hold your hand
and we gonna come together.
394
00:17:25,957 --> 00:17:28,438
God is good, man!
Yes, sir.
395
00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:29,439
Thank you, Jesus.
396
00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:30,484
Amen.
397
00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:31,485
Hallelujah.
398
00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:33,095
There you go.
399
00:17:33,226 --> 00:17:38,187
In the name of God,
let it go, Ray! Let it go!
400
00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:39,101
Nigga!
401
00:17:39,232 --> 00:17:41,277
Oh, my bad.
402
00:17:41,408 --> 00:17:42,583
Last time.
403
00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:49,285
Let's welcome a new member
to our congre-gay-tion.
404
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:50,895
Let the people know
405
00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:53,115
how you feel, brother.
There you go.
406
00:17:57,728 --> 00:17:59,991
I'm not gay no more.
407
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:02,994
Hallelujah!
408
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:03,952
Yes, sir!
409
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,432
I'm not gay no more!
410
00:18:05,562 --> 00:18:06,824
Praise the lord!
411
00:18:06,955 --> 00:18:08,391
I'm not gay no more!
412
00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:09,871
He not gay no more.
413
00:18:10,001 --> 00:18:12,265
I've been delivered!
414
00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:14,571
I'll no longer date a mans!
415
00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:16,007
Even if he's sexy as hell
416
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:18,575
with a big old chesteses
and perky areolas!
417
00:18:18,706 --> 00:18:20,186
Oh, yeah,
you still got a secret.
418
00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:23,754
I'll no longer
carry a purse, put on makeup,
419
00:18:23,885 --> 00:18:24,842
walk around in high heels.
420
00:18:24,973 --> 00:18:26,366
What?
421
00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:28,759
Red bottoms. The one with
the cute little buckle
422
00:18:28,890 --> 00:18:30,457
on the side.
Those is my shoes.
423
00:18:30,587 --> 00:18:34,374
I'll no longer go on Grindr
and swipe right
424
00:18:34,504 --> 00:18:36,202
at Black mens...
Hmm?
425
00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:38,378
...white mens, Asian mens.
426
00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:40,858
You been on Grindr?
I'll no longer take trips
427
00:18:40,989 --> 00:18:43,774
to the Philippines
looking for ladyboys.
428
00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:47,038
To Phuket. Ko Samui.
Back to Phuket.
429
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:49,345
Then to Vietnam to see
if I can get them any cheaper.
430
00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:51,608
I thought that was for
our anniversary, Ray.
431
00:18:51,739 --> 00:18:53,523
Oh, this nigga
got a lot of miles.
432
00:18:53,654 --> 00:18:55,873
I'll no longer stand
butt naked in a mirror
433
00:18:56,004 --> 00:18:58,006
with my penis
tucked between my legs...
434
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,835
...dancing like the dude from Silence of the Lambs.
435
00:19:00,965 --> 00:19:02,967
"It puts the lotion in the basket, Precious."
436
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:05,796
I'm a changed man!
I've been delivered!
437
00:19:05,927 --> 00:19:07,668
Shit.
I will!
438
00:19:07,798 --> 00:19:09,539
I said I will!
439
00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:12,151
I will love a woman!
440
00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:14,718
Womans, womans, womans!
441
00:19:14,849 --> 00:19:16,677
You can take that "W-O" off.
442
00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:17,982
Womans, womans, womans!
443
00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:20,333
Mens-es, mens-es, mens-es.
444
00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:22,509
Womans--
445
00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:27,688
No, no. No, no, Ray. No, no.
446
00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:35,783
Gulp, gulp, gulp.
447
00:19:35,913 --> 00:19:38,220
Whoa, nigga.
448
00:19:38,351 --> 00:19:40,179
Hawk tuah,
hawk tuah, hawk tuah!
449
00:19:40,309 --> 00:19:42,050
You hocking on it?
450
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,139
I've been delivered!
451
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:46,272
♪ Work, work, working itFor Jesus♪
452
00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:49,536
♪ No, the devilry is gonnaStay beneath us♪
453
00:19:49,666 --> 00:19:52,365
♪ The good praiseReally bumpingOut your speakers♪
454
00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:54,628
♪ I'ma dance'Cause His gloryMake me feel some type of way♪
455
00:19:54,758 --> 00:19:56,543
♪ So we beTwerk, twerk, twerkin' it♪
456
00:19:56,673 --> 00:19:58,501
♪ For Jesus♪
I've been delivered!
457
00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:01,374
♪ No, the devilry is gonnaStay beneath us♪
458
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:02,723
♪ Who make it happen?♪
459
00:20:02,853 --> 00:20:04,464
♪ That's Jesus♪
460
00:20:04,594 --> 00:20:06,422
♪ Who have us clapping?That's Jesus♪
461
00:20:06,553 --> 00:20:09,773
♪ And the devil can't everCome between us♪
462
00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:12,646
♪ We out here clap, clapClapping it for Jesus♪
463
00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:15,388
Tuesday, Tuesday.
464
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,999
Oh, my God.
465
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:20,131
Her face. All contorted.
466
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:21,916
Oh, my God, and the moaning.
467
00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:30,490
I've been trying to get that
out for an hour.
468
00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,622
How you feeling, Tues?
469
00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:35,190
Hey, what are they giving you
for the pain? Is that--
470
00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:37,323
Is that morphine or...?
471
00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:39,455
Bitch.
Let's see.
472
00:20:41,370 --> 00:20:43,546
Oh, yeah!
473
00:20:43,677 --> 00:20:46,723
Oh, this that good, good.
474
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:48,203
This that
Britney Spears shit.
475
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:49,596
Makes me want to
get half-naked,
476
00:20:49,726 --> 00:20:52,207
dance around
and juggle some knives.
477
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:54,601
Sara, who's that
Jeffrey Dahmer look-a-like?
478
00:20:54,731 --> 00:20:57,430
Oh. This is my boyfriend, Jack.
479
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,519
Really nice to meet you.
480
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:01,956
Looks like Ted Bundy to me.
481
00:21:02,086 --> 00:21:04,350
But that ain't
none of my business.
482
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,482
Mm-hmm. Mm!
483
00:21:06,613 --> 00:21:08,615
This little stabbed-up
bitch here needs some rest.
484
00:21:08,745 --> 00:21:10,878
So y'all get the fuck out!
485
00:21:11,008 --> 00:21:12,009
Yes, ma'am.
486
00:21:13,184 --> 00:21:14,621
Oh, not you, Sara.
487
00:21:14,751 --> 00:21:16,927
Why? What did I do?
488
00:21:17,798 --> 00:21:19,974
I'm so scared.
489
00:21:20,104 --> 00:21:23,499
Oh, Tues,
you should be.
490
00:21:23,630 --> 00:21:26,328
You've been stabbed nine times.
491
00:21:26,459 --> 00:21:28,722
And the killer knows
where you live.
492
00:21:28,852 --> 00:21:31,420
I would invite you to come
stay at my place, but
493
00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:34,075
I don't really want
that kind of juju in my house.
494
00:21:34,205 --> 00:21:35,424
For all we know,
495
00:21:35,555 --> 00:21:37,644
he's standing
right outside that door.
496
00:21:43,084 --> 00:21:45,304
That's comforting, Sara.
497
00:21:45,434 --> 00:21:46,740
I thought I was gonna die.
498
00:21:46,870 --> 00:21:48,959
I know, me too!
499
00:21:49,090 --> 00:21:51,397
I planned your funeral.
500
00:21:51,527 --> 00:21:54,095
What the hell?
And I wrote your obituary.
501
00:21:54,225 --> 00:21:56,140
More like ChatGPT wrote it.
502
00:21:56,271 --> 00:21:57,533
But you're still here.
503
00:21:57,664 --> 00:21:59,970
And I will never
let anyone hurt you.
504
00:22:01,581 --> 00:22:04,105
Oh, yum! Ice chips!
505
00:22:04,235 --> 00:22:05,715
Oh, God!
506
00:22:05,846 --> 00:22:07,500
Get off me!
507
00:22:09,371 --> 00:22:10,677
Help!
508
00:22:10,807 --> 00:22:12,461
This white girl can't die
on my shift!
509
00:22:12,592 --> 00:22:14,071
I'm a DEI hire!
510
00:22:14,202 --> 00:22:16,770
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
She was fine a second ago.
511
00:22:16,900 --> 00:22:19,033
No! No, I'm good! I'm good!
Clear!
512
00:22:19,163 --> 00:22:21,078
Again!
513
00:22:21,209 --> 00:22:23,516
Come on, white bitch,
I need this job! Clear!
514
00:22:23,646 --> 00:22:25,431
It's not working!
Clear!
515
00:22:25,561 --> 00:22:28,129
We're losing her.
516
00:22:28,259 --> 00:22:29,609
Harder!
517
00:22:33,090 --> 00:22:34,222
Oh, boy.
518
00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:36,398
Look like there ain't
nothing left
519
00:22:36,529 --> 00:22:38,574
but thoughts,
prayers and pork rinds.
520
00:22:39,532 --> 00:22:40,663
Dear Lord.
521
00:22:40,794 --> 00:22:42,752
Nurse Ratchett,
check out the wire!
522
00:22:42,883 --> 00:22:45,146
The Wirewas the shit, baby.
That's my show.
523
00:22:45,276 --> 00:22:47,235
Drugs and that Idris Elba
524
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:49,455
make this coochie
want to pop, pop, pop!
525
00:22:49,585 --> 00:22:51,848
Dear Lord, please
526
00:22:51,979 --> 00:22:53,415
accept this white bitch's--
527
00:22:53,546 --> 00:22:55,243
Oh!
528
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:57,419
The Lord works
in mysterious ways.
529
00:22:58,333 --> 00:22:59,508
I'm going on break.
530
00:22:59,639 --> 00:23:01,292
Oh, Tues.
531
00:23:01,423 --> 00:23:02,903
I will never let anyone
532
00:23:03,033 --> 00:23:05,601
hurt you again.
Mm-mm.
533
00:23:09,213 --> 00:23:10,780
Ooh! My bad.
534
00:23:22,575 --> 00:23:23,750
Hello?
535
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,187
Hello, Sara.
536
00:23:26,317 --> 00:23:27,841
Who is this?
537
00:23:27,971 --> 00:23:31,497
Someonewho knows your little secret.
538
00:23:31,627 --> 00:23:34,195
No, no, I swear
that wasn't a Nazi salute!
539
00:23:34,325 --> 00:23:35,805
Okay? I won Prom Queen
540
00:23:35,936 --> 00:23:37,894
and I was-- I was
throwing my heart to the crowd!
541
00:23:38,025 --> 00:23:42,638
No, I'm talkingabout your family secret.
542
00:23:44,118 --> 00:23:47,077
Oh, you're the fuck
who hurt my sister.
543
00:23:47,208 --> 00:23:49,210
Well, I hadto get you to come back here.
544
00:23:49,340 --> 00:23:51,865
Listen, if you want
to fuck with me, asshole,
545
00:23:51,995 --> 00:23:53,432
then come and get me!
546
00:23:53,562 --> 00:23:54,868
With pleasure.
547
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,222
Help!
548
00:24:01,352 --> 00:24:03,224
Somebody help!
549
00:24:03,354 --> 00:24:06,227
Please, somebody help!
550
00:24:06,923 --> 00:24:08,534
Bitch!
551
00:24:08,664 --> 00:24:09,970
This the break room.
552
00:24:10,100 --> 00:24:11,014
Mm-hmm.
553
00:24:11,145 --> 00:24:12,189
We on break.
554
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:13,843
Oh, God.
Preach.
555
00:24:20,284 --> 00:24:21,938
Take that!
556
00:24:22,069 --> 00:24:23,810
Oof!
557
00:24:25,420 --> 00:24:26,813
Please, save me!
558
00:24:26,943 --> 00:24:29,598
I've been saving people
all day!
559
00:24:29,729 --> 00:24:31,426
So you handle yours.
560
00:24:31,557 --> 00:24:33,297
I'll be right over here
561
00:24:33,428 --> 00:24:36,300
eating my falafel
and my pork rinds.
562
00:24:36,431 --> 00:24:38,389
I look like your mama?
563
00:24:40,217 --> 00:24:43,090
Try me now!
Break's over.
564
00:24:49,575 --> 00:24:50,924
You're welcome.
565
00:24:53,970 --> 00:24:57,147
It really looks like
you got hit with something hard. Like metal.
566
00:24:57,278 --> 00:24:59,628
I told you, I fell.
567
00:24:59,759 --> 00:25:03,545
Now where exactly
are we going? To talk to an expert.
568
00:25:15,426 --> 00:25:16,689
Go away!
569
00:25:16,819 --> 00:25:18,560
I'm so sorry to bother you.
We just--
570
00:25:18,691 --> 00:25:20,083
We just want to ask you
a few questions.
571
00:25:20,214 --> 00:25:21,824
Give me one good reason
572
00:25:21,955 --> 00:25:23,217
why I should talk to you.
573
00:25:23,347 --> 00:25:24,523
I'm white.
574
00:25:24,653 --> 00:25:26,307
How white?
Oh, I'm talking
575
00:25:26,437 --> 00:25:27,874
Candace Owens white.
576
00:25:28,962 --> 00:25:30,616
Oh.
Six feet.
577
00:25:30,746 --> 00:25:31,921
When you said expert,
I assumed you meant
578
00:25:32,052 --> 00:25:33,270
more like
Neil deGrasse Tyson or--
579
00:25:33,401 --> 00:25:34,402
Shut up.
580
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:36,012
I'm Sara Campbell.
581
00:25:36,143 --> 00:25:38,493
I was attacked last night.
I think you should leave.
582
00:25:38,624 --> 00:25:41,191
I don't want to get stabbed.
And I don't want Covid, okay?
583
00:25:41,322 --> 00:25:42,715
Please, come on. Just--
Let's go.
584
00:25:42,845 --> 00:25:43,890
Just two minutes,
that's all I'm asking.
585
00:25:44,020 --> 00:25:45,282
No. No.
586
00:25:45,413 --> 00:25:46,806
I'll give you eight minutes.
587
00:25:48,547 --> 00:25:49,896
And another thing.
588
00:25:50,026 --> 00:25:52,420
I got to test you for Covid.
589
00:25:54,161 --> 00:25:55,466
Ohh!
590
00:25:55,597 --> 00:25:56,729
Ahh...
591
00:25:56,859 --> 00:25:58,339
You guys are good.
592
00:25:58,469 --> 00:26:00,254
When did the work weekbecome the "woke week"?
593
00:26:00,384 --> 00:26:03,474
We've got Black Friday.What's next, Mulatto Monday?
594
00:26:03,605 --> 00:26:05,172
I mean, Yellow Thursday?
595
00:26:05,302 --> 00:26:07,783
Tan Tuesday? Come on.
596
00:26:10,220 --> 00:26:11,613
Let me get this
out of your way.
597
00:26:11,744 --> 00:26:13,006
Oh!
Sorry.
598
00:26:15,312 --> 00:26:17,663
Oh, you, uh, have a cat.
599
00:26:17,793 --> 00:26:19,186
I don't have a cat.
600
00:26:22,276 --> 00:26:23,843
Gail has cats.
601
00:26:23,973 --> 00:26:25,540
You know, she's got
really nice cats. Oh, no.
602
00:26:25,671 --> 00:26:27,368
A nice pussycat.
603
00:26:27,498 --> 00:26:29,675
Sometimes it can be
a little stinky.
604
00:26:29,805 --> 00:26:31,590
Oh! Covid tests are done.
605
00:26:32,634 --> 00:26:33,983
Yup! You're good.
606
00:26:36,116 --> 00:26:37,552
You're Cindy's daughter, right?
607
00:26:37,683 --> 00:26:39,249
Yeah.
Yeah.
608
00:26:39,380 --> 00:26:42,992
I don't know him.
This is Jack. My love interest.
609
00:26:43,123 --> 00:26:44,515
No! No, no, no.
610
00:26:44,646 --> 00:26:47,823
Rule Number One
of surviving a horror movie is,
611
00:26:47,954 --> 00:26:50,130
"Never trust
the love interest."
612
00:26:50,260 --> 00:26:51,697
Look at him!
613
00:26:51,827 --> 00:26:55,352
He's got that weird lazy eye,
poking one way
614
00:26:55,483 --> 00:26:58,573
and then he's drooling
like a psychopath.
615
00:26:58,704 --> 00:27:00,531
He's got that stump leg.
616
00:27:00,662 --> 00:27:03,056
Makes him all walk weird
and creepy.
617
00:27:03,186 --> 00:27:05,928
I don't have a stump.
Well, that guy does.
618
00:27:06,059 --> 00:27:09,323
Oh, I'm looking at me.
619
00:27:09,453 --> 00:27:12,718
Special Officer Doofy. Retired.
620
00:27:12,848 --> 00:27:15,851
Listen, Doofy,
we could really use your help.
621
00:27:15,982 --> 00:27:18,071
No. I can't go back
to that life.
622
00:27:18,201 --> 00:27:20,639
Plus, we're in the middle
of a global pandemic!
623
00:27:20,769 --> 00:27:22,205
Okay, I hate
to break it to you,
624
00:27:22,336 --> 00:27:24,904
but Covid has been over
for, like, years.
625
00:27:25,034 --> 00:27:26,993
Hmm.
Really?
626
00:27:27,123 --> 00:27:28,298
Yeah.
Yeah.
627
00:27:30,866 --> 00:27:32,433
Damn it!
628
00:27:32,563 --> 00:27:35,218
What am I gonna do
with all this canned meat?
629
00:27:36,742 --> 00:27:39,570
Get out! I don't want
Ghostface to find me.
630
00:27:39,701 --> 00:27:41,007
And don't come back!
631
00:27:53,759 --> 00:27:55,195
It's the sound of the police.
632
00:28:00,548 --> 00:28:03,899
Special Officer Doofy,
reporting for duty.
633
00:28:04,030 --> 00:28:06,685
Okay, just because he showered
doesn't mean that--
634
00:28:06,815 --> 00:28:07,990
No, I didn't shower.
635
00:28:08,121 --> 00:28:10,471
I just take water
from my mouth and--
636
00:28:10,601 --> 00:28:12,560
You want some? Okay.
No, that's okay.
637
00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:14,823
Come on, Doofy.
Yeah, let's do it.
638
00:28:14,954 --> 00:28:16,782
Watch your step.
Okay. I'm watching.
639
00:28:35,626 --> 00:28:37,977
Brain freeze!
640
00:28:51,730 --> 00:28:53,514
Sara, is yourghetto-ass mom coming
641
00:28:53,644 --> 00:28:54,994
or can we start talking
about this plot?
642
00:28:55,124 --> 00:28:56,952
Uh...
643
00:28:59,041 --> 00:29:00,260
Hi.
644
00:29:00,390 --> 00:29:01,696
You came.
645
00:29:01,827 --> 00:29:03,567
Not in, like, 15 years, honey.
646
00:29:03,698 --> 00:29:06,222
But I did buy this new rose,
647
00:29:06,353 --> 00:29:07,963
so fingers crossed.
648
00:29:11,575 --> 00:29:12,925
Oh.
649
00:29:13,055 --> 00:29:14,317
Oh!
650
00:29:14,448 --> 00:29:16,667
Oh, my old friend!
651
00:29:16,798 --> 00:29:19,192
You taught me how to dance.
652
00:29:19,322 --> 00:29:21,934
How to make a high N-word pie.
653
00:29:22,064 --> 00:29:24,284
Nigga, I'm right
in back of you.
654
00:29:24,414 --> 00:29:25,198
Shorty!
655
00:29:25,328 --> 00:29:26,590
What's up, Cindy?
656
00:29:26,721 --> 00:29:28,854
How you doing? My nigga.
657
00:29:28,984 --> 00:29:31,204
Shit, son!
658
00:29:32,335 --> 00:29:33,728
I love the hair.
659
00:29:33,859 --> 00:29:36,339
It's very Mickey Rourke
in The Wrestler.
660
00:29:36,470 --> 00:29:37,776
Yeah.
661
00:29:37,906 --> 00:29:39,690
I can't believe you thought
I was dead.
662
00:29:39,821 --> 00:29:42,476
Well, between cancer
from the weed smoke,
663
00:29:42,606 --> 00:29:44,957
your love of the McRib
and racist cops,
664
00:29:45,087 --> 00:29:46,523
I didn't think
you had a chance.
665
00:29:46,654 --> 00:29:48,656
Yeah,
that's a terrible combination.
666
00:29:49,439 --> 00:29:51,659
Hi, Cin.
Stop smiling at me!
667
00:29:54,531 --> 00:29:56,055
Shit! WorldStar!
668
00:29:56,185 --> 00:29:58,100
WorldStar! WorldStar!
669
00:29:58,231 --> 00:30:00,537
Hey,
he's intellectually disabled!
670
00:30:00,668 --> 00:30:02,583
That's just how he looks,
you drunk honky.
671
00:30:02,713 --> 00:30:03,932
Hey, hey, hey!
672
00:30:04,063 --> 00:30:05,542
Don't call that white bitch
a honky.
673
00:30:05,673 --> 00:30:06,892
C'mon, have some respect.
674
00:30:07,022 --> 00:30:09,764
I keep seeing people
smiling everywhere.
675
00:30:09,895 --> 00:30:11,374
I'm not very likable,
676
00:30:11,505 --> 00:30:13,507
so it must be
some kind of curse.
677
00:30:13,637 --> 00:30:15,378
Hey, everybody!
She's high.
678
00:30:15,509 --> 00:30:16,771
Look what I got.
679
00:30:16,902 --> 00:30:18,642
Non-branded gelatin shots
680
00:30:18,773 --> 00:30:20,993
made with grain alcohol
and GHB.
681
00:30:21,123 --> 00:30:22,385
So ain't nobody sipping nothing
682
00:30:22,516 --> 00:30:23,996
they didn't consent to
like last time,
683
00:30:24,126 --> 00:30:25,258
which I apologize.
Mm-hmm.
684
00:30:25,388 --> 00:30:26,999
Take one.
I love roofying myself.
685
00:30:28,391 --> 00:30:29,088
No, Ma. No, Mama.
You sure, baby?
686
00:30:29,218 --> 00:30:30,567
Hi, Brenda.
687
00:30:30,698 --> 00:30:32,482
Please do not call me
by my government name.
688
00:30:32,613 --> 00:30:34,397
Call me Ma.
689
00:30:35,355 --> 00:30:36,269
Cindy!
690
00:30:36,399 --> 00:30:37,748
Oh, my God!
691
00:30:38,706 --> 00:30:39,663
You dropped the tray.
692
00:30:39,794 --> 00:30:41,013
Oh, my God, Cindy,
693
00:30:41,143 --> 00:30:42,971
I haven't seen you in forever!
694
00:30:43,102 --> 00:30:45,756
My God, look at you!
You look the same!
695
00:30:45,887 --> 00:30:47,323
Minus the crow's feet.
696
00:30:47,454 --> 00:30:49,630
And your hair is so dry.
697
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:52,589
Oh, and your titties
dropped so far.
698
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,505
Other than that,
you look the exact same.
699
00:30:55,636 --> 00:30:57,333
What have you been up to?
700
00:30:57,464 --> 00:30:59,553
Oh, you know,
neglecting my children
701
00:30:59,683 --> 00:31:02,904
so I can prepare
to kill Ghostface should he ever return.
702
00:31:03,035 --> 00:31:04,514
What about you?
703
00:31:04,645 --> 00:31:06,821
Well, I been mostly just
getting high school kids drunk
704
00:31:06,952 --> 00:31:08,388
in a desperate attempt
to stay young
705
00:31:08,518 --> 00:31:09,693
and keep my kids at home.
706
00:31:09,824 --> 00:31:11,304
I always knew
you'd be a great mom.
707
00:31:11,434 --> 00:31:12,696
Oh, Cindy!
708
00:31:12,827 --> 00:31:15,047
Should we hug?
Oh, I really want to,
709
00:31:15,177 --> 00:31:18,267
but I'm a Republican now
so I'm supposed to be racist.
710
00:31:18,398 --> 00:31:20,922
Oh, girl, I think all
white people are racist anyway.
711
00:31:21,053 --> 00:31:22,184
Come here.
Okay.
712
00:31:22,315 --> 00:31:24,143
Mm!
Oh!
713
00:31:24,273 --> 00:31:27,102
You want a shot? Yeah? Here.
Oh, yes, yes, please.
714
00:31:27,233 --> 00:31:29,452
You know, Ma,
this place could be so cool
715
00:31:29,583 --> 00:31:32,064
if you had, like,
a-a beer pong table over there,
716
00:31:32,194 --> 00:31:33,587
and maybe, like, a snack wall.
717
00:31:33,717 --> 00:31:35,241
What you know about cool?
When I was your age,
718
00:31:35,371 --> 00:31:37,678
I was popping bottles
with Puffy, Puff Daddy,
719
00:31:37,808 --> 00:31:39,114
P. Diddy, Diddy.
720
00:31:39,245 --> 00:31:40,855
All the Seans.
721
00:31:40,986 --> 00:31:43,379
That didn't age well.
Your momma was the freak
722
00:31:43,510 --> 00:31:44,554
in the freak-offs.
723
00:31:44,685 --> 00:31:46,121
Shit, son!
724
00:31:46,252 --> 00:31:47,601
You want to see something cool?
725
00:31:47,731 --> 00:31:50,343
I'ma show you something cool.
726
00:31:57,132 --> 00:31:58,351
God, that's cool.
727
00:31:58,481 --> 00:31:59,439
What are you doing?
728
00:31:59,569 --> 00:32:00,396
What?
729
00:32:00,527 --> 00:32:01,528
No, not like that.
730
00:32:01,658 --> 00:32:02,659
Like this.
731
00:32:02,790 --> 00:32:04,183
Oh, yeah.
732
00:32:04,313 --> 00:32:06,881
I don't know why
y'all acting so scared.
733
00:32:07,012 --> 00:32:08,143
The gun ain't even loaded.
734
00:32:08,274 --> 00:32:09,492
Shit!
735
00:32:09,623 --> 00:32:11,799
Oh, shit, son!
736
00:32:12,582 --> 00:32:14,149
Uh-oh. I did it again.
737
00:32:17,500 --> 00:32:19,241
I always forget that last one
in the chamber.
738
00:32:19,372 --> 00:32:20,329
Help me move this body.
739
00:32:20,460 --> 00:32:21,374
Yeah, you got it.
740
00:32:21,504 --> 00:32:22,941
That was fun.
741
00:32:23,071 --> 00:32:24,507
Oh, so, what are you doing
742
00:32:24,638 --> 00:32:26,901
after this?
I want to go to Cabo.
743
00:32:27,032 --> 00:32:28,555
Oh, I love Cabo!
744
00:32:28,685 --> 00:32:30,600
You know what?
745
00:32:30,731 --> 00:32:32,907
I used to put cocaine
up my hoo-hah and travel there all the time.
746
00:32:33,038 --> 00:32:35,431
Well, that's because
you're so smart. Yeah.
747
00:32:40,915 --> 00:32:41,829
Oh.
748
00:32:43,483 --> 00:32:46,355
All right.
Let's get back to the plot.
749
00:32:46,486 --> 00:32:48,183
I'm looking at you,
Ted Bundy eyes.
750
00:32:48,314 --> 00:32:49,576
Looking like a school shooter.
751
00:32:49,706 --> 00:32:50,664
I think you the killer.
752
00:32:50,794 --> 00:32:51,970
Oh, me?
Mm-hmm.
753
00:32:52,100 --> 00:32:53,884
Okay, what about
Deputy Doofy over there?
754
00:32:54,015 --> 00:32:57,149
I-I don't have a motive.
You know, what's my motive?
755
00:32:57,279 --> 00:32:58,977
You were the killer
in the first movie.
756
00:32:59,107 --> 00:33:01,631
Shouldn't you be locked up?
No, I got pardoned.
757
00:33:01,762 --> 00:33:04,765
Mostly because of the
storming the Capitol, you know.
758
00:33:04,895 --> 00:33:06,767
Oh.
I got proof.
759
00:33:06,897 --> 00:33:09,378
This is me. And it's framed.
Oh.
760
00:33:09,509 --> 00:33:10,684
That's a cool hat.
761
00:33:10,814 --> 00:33:12,512
What about Jess?
762
00:33:13,339 --> 00:33:14,340
What about me?
763
00:33:14,470 --> 00:33:15,732
If anybody here has issues
764
00:33:15,863 --> 00:33:16,951
that could lead to murder...
765
00:33:17,082 --> 00:33:18,648
Okay, I get it!
766
00:33:18,779 --> 00:33:20,650
Trans-shaming
is not cool, okay?
767
00:33:20,781 --> 00:33:22,783
They-- He's just a dude.
Yeah.
768
00:33:22,913 --> 00:33:25,742
Minus the upper body strength
and the dick part.
769
00:33:25,873 --> 00:33:27,918
Hey, you don't know
what I got down here, okay?
770
00:33:28,049 --> 00:33:30,008
I do.
Hey, hey.
771
00:33:30,138 --> 00:33:31,879
Listen, what we know so far
772
00:33:32,010 --> 00:33:33,576
is everyone who's been attacked
773
00:33:33,707 --> 00:33:36,188
is related to
the original characters.
774
00:33:36,318 --> 00:33:37,537
He wants to kill the kids.
775
00:33:37,667 --> 00:33:41,454
Aha! He's making a rebootequel.
776
00:33:41,584 --> 00:33:43,108
A what now?
Yeah. It's like,
777
00:33:43,238 --> 00:33:44,544
a reboot and a sequel.
778
00:33:44,674 --> 00:33:46,807
Mixes legacy characters
with new characters
779
00:33:46,937 --> 00:33:49,810
in an attempt to feed into
bullshit nostalgia
780
00:33:49,940 --> 00:33:51,725
and bring more fans
to the theaters.
781
00:33:51,855 --> 00:33:53,727
Just like last year's
I Know WhatYou Did Last Summer.
782
00:33:55,685 --> 00:33:58,210
That's a movie?
What did I do last summer?
783
00:33:58,340 --> 00:34:00,473
I think you're talking about
The Summer I Turned Pretty.
784
00:34:00,603 --> 00:34:01,996
Yeah.
Ray,
785
00:34:02,127 --> 00:34:03,998
when did you get here?
Oh, I been here.
786
00:34:04,129 --> 00:34:05,913
I was just hanging out
by the men's room.
787
00:34:06,044 --> 00:34:07,175
Oh.
My room?
788
00:34:07,306 --> 00:34:09,047
Okay, so that means
789
00:34:09,177 --> 00:34:12,398
that our killer is writing
his own version of Horror Movie.
790
00:34:12,528 --> 00:34:16,097
Okay, so according to
the re-booty-call rules,
791
00:34:16,228 --> 00:34:17,316
who's the killer?
792
00:34:18,665 --> 00:34:20,536
I think it's pretty obvious.
793
00:34:23,235 --> 00:34:24,279
Who?
794
00:34:24,410 --> 00:34:26,325
You, bitch.
Me?
795
00:34:26,455 --> 00:34:28,327
Guys, I am not the killer.
796
00:34:28,457 --> 00:34:31,460
Ghostface attacked Tues
to lure me back here.
797
00:34:31,591 --> 00:34:34,855
I think he attacked Tuesday
to get you back here
798
00:34:34,985 --> 00:34:36,857
so he could get me back here.
799
00:34:36,987 --> 00:34:39,164
He wants to kill the OGs.
800
00:34:39,294 --> 00:34:40,556
That was a flex.
801
00:34:40,687 --> 00:34:41,775
Yeah, that sounds better.
802
00:34:41,905 --> 00:34:43,429
Aw, fuck this!
803
00:34:43,559 --> 00:34:46,345
And fuck you, Mother!
804
00:34:46,475 --> 00:34:47,911
To your mother?
805
00:34:48,042 --> 00:34:51,524
Hey! Don't be so disrespectful!
806
00:34:51,654 --> 00:34:52,960
And call me Mom!
807
00:34:53,091 --> 00:34:54,266
Or Mommy.
808
00:34:54,396 --> 00:34:56,616
Or whatever's more comfortable.
809
00:34:58,444 --> 00:34:59,749
All units, be advised:
810
00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:01,360
Suspect is still at large.
811
00:35:01,490 --> 00:35:02,883
Black cloak, white mask...
812
00:35:03,013 --> 00:35:04,493
...big-ass knife.
813
00:35:17,289 --> 00:35:20,161
Talk to me.
Hello, Sheriff.
814
00:35:20,292 --> 00:35:21,641
Agent Underwood?
815
00:35:21,771 --> 00:35:23,382
I'll give you one hint.
816
00:35:23,512 --> 00:35:25,993
What's your favoritescary movie?
817
00:35:26,124 --> 00:35:28,082
Well, I'm gonna go
with Saltburn.
818
00:35:28,213 --> 00:35:30,954
I mean, the member on that
English guy was terrifying.
819
00:35:31,085 --> 00:35:34,219
Ken Jeong's junk
in The Hangover was a much better depiction
820
00:35:34,349 --> 00:35:36,134
of the male anatomy.
821
00:35:36,264 --> 00:35:37,744
Now what do you want, fuckface?
822
00:35:37,874 --> 00:35:39,354
Well,I'm just calling to tell you
823
00:35:39,485 --> 00:35:41,051
that by the time you get home,
824
00:35:41,182 --> 00:35:43,967
I'll have guttedyour baby girl!
825
00:35:44,098 --> 00:35:47,057
Hey, asshole, she's a boy!
826
00:35:56,110 --> 00:35:57,067
Jess!
827
00:36:12,257 --> 00:36:13,780
Looking for this?
828
00:36:14,998 --> 00:36:16,783
Let me help you.
829
00:36:16,913 --> 00:36:21,004
I got your baby dick.
Winky, winky, winky.
830
00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:32,102
All right. Here we go.
831
00:36:32,233 --> 00:36:33,887
What do you want, fuckface?
832
00:36:34,017 --> 00:36:37,282
Well,like father, like, uh, son?
833
00:36:37,412 --> 00:36:39,022
Uh--
834
00:36:39,153 --> 00:36:40,633
I understandyou're home alone.
835
00:36:40,763 --> 00:36:44,027
Well, Dad's out, but
the pool guy, the gardener
836
00:36:44,158 --> 00:36:47,030
and the plumber
are all here, asshole.
837
00:36:47,161 --> 00:36:48,641
Look out your window.
838
00:36:51,818 --> 00:36:53,472
ICE!
839
00:36:53,602 --> 00:36:56,344
No! But they're the backbone
of the American workforce!
840
00:36:56,475 --> 00:36:58,912
And I'm too white
to do those jobs.
841
00:36:59,042 --> 00:37:00,566
Let's cut to the chase.
842
00:37:00,696 --> 00:37:02,698
I'll ask you one question.
843
00:37:02,829 --> 00:37:05,571
If you answer correctly,you live.
844
00:37:05,701 --> 00:37:09,357
Who was the killerinHorror Movie?
845
00:37:09,488 --> 00:37:12,665
Oh, that's easy.
It was Bobby and then Gay Ray,
846
00:37:12,795 --> 00:37:14,623
the guy who was
totally into dudes,
847
00:37:14,754 --> 00:37:15,885
even though
he claimed he wasn't.
848
00:37:16,016 --> 00:37:17,974
Classic 2000s homophobia.
849
00:37:18,105 --> 00:37:19,628
But I got you, bitch.
850
00:37:19,759 --> 00:37:22,588
Wrong! You forgotSpecial Officer Doofy.
851
00:37:22,718 --> 00:37:25,417
Now you die.
852
00:37:33,033 --> 00:37:34,687
Bumbaclot!
853
00:37:36,428 --> 00:37:38,038
You shouldprobably answer that.
854
00:37:38,168 --> 00:37:41,694
I can literally see you
trying to steal my package.
855
00:37:41,824 --> 00:37:44,262
Oh, shit!
856
00:37:45,611 --> 00:37:47,047
Ah, that was easy.
857
00:37:49,745 --> 00:37:51,617
Uh, someoneorder steaks?
858
00:37:51,747 --> 00:37:53,706
It's GoPuff.
Hmm.
859
00:37:55,534 --> 00:37:57,536
Wait a sec.
Careful.
860
00:37:57,666 --> 00:37:59,755
You wouldn't want
to let in a killer.
861
00:37:59,886 --> 00:38:04,282
You are about to identify
as dead.
862
00:38:07,154 --> 00:38:08,329
You...
863
00:38:08,460 --> 00:38:10,984
stab like-- a girl.
864
00:38:18,644 --> 00:38:21,037
Come on, girl,
hit that Ghostface Shuffle.
865
00:38:21,168 --> 00:38:23,518
Try the Ghostface Killah
Collection Bundle.
866
00:38:23,649 --> 00:38:26,129
This is Keke West
for OnlyFans Rapid News.
867
00:38:26,260 --> 00:38:27,827
"Rapid News".
You mean "Vapid News".
868
00:38:27,957 --> 00:38:30,046
You don't even
have a cameraman!
869
00:38:30,177 --> 00:38:31,309
My equipment!
870
00:38:32,701 --> 00:38:33,920
Excuse me.
871
00:38:35,748 --> 00:38:36,749
Oh, my. You're--
872
00:38:36,879 --> 00:38:38,272
Yes, yes.
873
00:38:38,403 --> 00:38:39,926
Three-time Emmy nominee
874
00:38:40,056 --> 00:38:42,537
for Outstanding Achievement
in Sensational Reporting.
875
00:38:42,668 --> 00:38:44,670
I was gonna say
the lady from Friends,
876
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:47,107
but shorter
and with less Botox.
877
00:38:47,237 --> 00:38:48,369
Oh. Is that
what you were
878
00:38:48,500 --> 00:38:49,892
"gonna say"? Yeah.
879
00:38:50,023 --> 00:38:51,503
You seriously don't know
who I am?
880
00:38:51,633 --> 00:38:53,896
Babygirl, I am Gail--
Gail swallows!
881
00:38:54,027 --> 00:38:55,028
Hey.
882
00:38:55,158 --> 00:38:56,334
Hailstorm. Gail--
883
00:38:56,464 --> 00:38:58,684
Get the hell out of my way!
Oh.
884
00:39:02,905 --> 00:39:06,300
Doofus.
Hey, Gail.
885
00:39:06,431 --> 00:39:08,737
Wow. You haven't aged a day.
886
00:39:08,868 --> 00:39:11,914
You've aged
like a million days. That's this many. Five--
887
00:39:12,045 --> 00:39:13,655
Your fingers
smell like genitals.
888
00:39:13,786 --> 00:39:15,788
What are you doing
in that ridiculous uniform?
889
00:39:15,918 --> 00:39:19,487
Uh, I-I'm back on the case.
Yeah, I'm gonna bust Ghostface.
890
00:39:19,618 --> 00:39:20,880
Well, um,
891
00:39:21,010 --> 00:39:23,273
tell me,
Special Needs Officer Doofy...
892
00:39:23,404 --> 00:39:25,232
Um.
893
00:39:25,363 --> 00:39:26,842
Wow.
Are there any suspects
894
00:39:26,973 --> 00:39:29,628
in this tragic yet completely
predictable incident?
895
00:39:29,758 --> 00:39:31,238
I-I'm not allowed to say.
896
00:39:31,369 --> 00:39:33,588
No, no, okay, no.
Yes, you can. Yes, you can.
897
00:39:33,719 --> 00:39:35,329
Not-- Yeah--
898
00:39:35,460 --> 00:39:36,504
You can tell me.
899
00:39:36,635 --> 00:39:37,810
Um, ah, oh, my God.
900
00:39:37,940 --> 00:39:39,072
What the f--
901
00:39:39,202 --> 00:39:40,595
Hey!
902
00:39:40,726 --> 00:39:42,554
Remember when
you used to give blowjobs
903
00:39:42,684 --> 00:39:44,512
for sensitive information?
904
00:39:44,643 --> 00:39:47,950
I don't give blowjobs anymore,
okay? Not since MeToo.
905
00:39:48,081 --> 00:39:49,561
Okay. Sorry.
906
00:39:49,691 --> 00:39:52,041
I give handjobs now,
but the story better be good.
907
00:39:52,172 --> 00:39:55,523
Okay, I'll do a handjob.
Let's do it. Let's do it.
908
00:40:06,404 --> 00:40:07,492
What the--
909
00:40:15,500 --> 00:40:18,198
I'm gonna get you.
Uncle Ray-Ray's gonna get you!
910
00:40:18,328 --> 00:40:19,852
Ray?
You got my outfit,
911
00:40:19,982 --> 00:40:21,157
you little critter.
912
00:40:24,509 --> 00:40:26,554
Maybe weed shouldn't be legal.
913
00:40:29,296 --> 00:40:30,863
Fuck yeah, it should!
914
00:40:41,047 --> 00:40:42,962
Hello, Shorty.
915
00:40:43,092 --> 00:40:46,618
You do know
that smoking is bad for you.
916
00:40:46,748 --> 00:40:48,228
Actually,
weed ain't bad for you.
917
00:40:48,358 --> 00:40:51,361
You got Vitamin T, C and H,
918
00:40:51,492 --> 00:40:53,494
C, B and D.
919
00:40:53,625 --> 00:40:55,104
What's the matter, Shorty?
920
00:40:55,235 --> 00:40:58,151
You look a little antsy.
921
00:40:58,281 --> 00:41:01,720
Maybe because there's
a masked serial killer
922
00:41:01,850 --> 00:41:03,025
sipping tea in my den.
923
00:41:03,156 --> 00:41:04,940
Shorty, you're my nigga.
924
00:41:05,071 --> 00:41:07,552
I mean, friend. Please, sit.
925
00:41:07,682 --> 00:41:08,901
All right.
926
00:41:12,252 --> 00:41:14,036
Do you want to quit smoking?
927
00:41:14,167 --> 00:41:16,299
Well, to be honest,
I tried to quit.
928
00:41:16,430 --> 00:41:19,694
But my mother said,
"I ain't raisin' no quitters."
929
00:41:20,434 --> 00:41:21,653
So I quit quitting.
930
00:41:21,783 --> 00:41:24,003
We could try hypnosis.
931
00:41:24,133 --> 00:41:25,918
Bro, I don't care
how many pocket watches
932
00:41:26,048 --> 00:41:27,920
you try and wave
in front of my face,
933
00:41:28,050 --> 00:41:29,661
it ain't gonna work, son.
934
00:41:29,791 --> 00:41:32,446
You can't magmetize me.
Sleep.
935
00:41:35,405 --> 00:41:37,277
Shorty.
936
00:41:37,407 --> 00:41:39,279
Hmm?
937
00:41:39,409 --> 00:41:40,802
What's up?
938
00:41:40,933 --> 00:41:43,326
Tell me about your mother.
939
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:46,025
Damn, nigga.
940
00:41:46,155 --> 00:41:47,809
Let's start
with something light, like:
941
00:41:47,940 --> 00:41:49,898
"Do you lick ass, yes or no?"
942
00:41:50,029 --> 00:41:51,900
The answer's yes.
943
00:41:52,031 --> 00:41:54,642
So what
happened to her, Shorty?
944
00:41:57,384 --> 00:41:59,168
She was coming home.
945
00:42:00,343 --> 00:42:02,345
Her car was parked
to the side of the road.
946
00:42:02,476 --> 00:42:04,347
Someone was in it.
947
00:42:05,261 --> 00:42:06,828
And something bad
was happening.
948
00:42:11,180 --> 00:42:12,791
Why didn't you call anyone?
949
00:42:12,921 --> 00:42:13,835
I couldn't.
950
00:42:13,966 --> 00:42:15,358
I had warrants.
951
00:42:15,489 --> 00:42:17,012
You were 11.
952
00:42:17,143 --> 00:42:18,927
I started young, nigga.
953
00:42:20,059 --> 00:42:20,929
Oh.
954
00:42:21,539 --> 00:42:23,410
What do you see?
955
00:42:24,846 --> 00:42:26,065
I...
956
00:42:28,241 --> 00:42:31,113
I see a big explosion of water.
957
00:42:32,898 --> 00:42:34,552
It was likea Civil Rights hose.
958
00:42:38,947 --> 00:42:41,036
Police said
it was a murder/suicide.
959
00:42:42,211 --> 00:42:43,822
She killed that man.
960
00:42:43,952 --> 00:42:47,565
When they opened the car door,
his limp body just slid out.
961
00:42:50,872 --> 00:42:53,745
Like the green nigga
in Shape of Water.
962
00:42:53,875 --> 00:42:55,616
I just didn't want it
to be real.
963
00:42:55,747 --> 00:42:57,836
What don't you want to be real?
964
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:00,882
That my mother was a squirter!
965
00:43:01,013 --> 00:43:03,319
Okay! She was a squirter.
966
00:43:03,450 --> 00:43:05,800
All the floors
in her bedroom was warped.
967
00:43:05,931 --> 00:43:09,021
I can't move.
You're paralyzed.
968
00:43:09,151 --> 00:43:10,936
Now...
969
00:43:11,066 --> 00:43:13,242
...sink into the chair.
Wait, no.
970
00:43:13,373 --> 00:43:14,461
Wait.
Sink!
971
00:43:20,249 --> 00:43:22,861
Nigga!
972
00:43:31,260 --> 00:43:35,613
I'm in a K-hole, son!
973
00:43:37,092 --> 00:43:40,661
No, you're in a K-pop hole.
974
00:43:54,022 --> 00:43:55,894
Oh, shit, son!
975
00:44:01,900 --> 00:44:03,075
Nigga, I'm numb.
976
00:44:06,774 --> 00:44:08,733
That's what they do
in the hood.
977
00:44:17,872 --> 00:44:19,395
Luke Skywalker!
978
00:44:34,541 --> 00:44:36,021
♪ Ohh♪
979
00:44:46,901 --> 00:44:48,642
That's some good shit, son.
980
00:44:50,339 --> 00:44:51,906
That dream was wild.
981
00:44:52,037 --> 00:44:53,995
I must've been Elon Musk high.
982
00:45:08,357 --> 00:45:09,576
Tuesday?
983
00:45:10,142 --> 00:45:11,404
Tuesday?
984
00:45:14,581 --> 00:45:15,756
Bobby?
985
00:45:17,976 --> 00:45:19,804
Bobby, what the...?
986
00:45:21,066 --> 00:45:22,850
She's gonna die.
987
00:45:22,981 --> 00:45:24,373
Our daughter, Sara?
988
00:45:24,504 --> 00:45:26,201
You're probably right.
989
00:45:26,332 --> 00:45:28,464
She's tough, but let's see her
get stabbed in the gut.
990
00:45:28,595 --> 00:45:30,031
I'm gonna die.
991
00:45:30,162 --> 00:45:32,381
Bobby, you're already dead.
992
00:45:32,512 --> 00:45:34,122
This hallucination
is a manifestation
993
00:45:34,253 --> 00:45:36,342
of my own guilt
for being an awful mom.
994
00:45:36,472 --> 00:45:38,910
Or it could be the shrooms
I just popped.
995
00:45:40,041 --> 00:45:41,390
You're gonna die.
996
00:45:41,521 --> 00:45:44,611
Bitch, you ain't killing me.
997
00:45:50,225 --> 00:45:51,400
You're gonna die.
998
00:45:52,140 --> 00:45:54,490
Stop smiling!
999
00:45:54,621 --> 00:45:57,015
I can't. Botox.
1000
00:45:57,145 --> 00:45:58,538
Hey!
Oh.
1001
00:45:58,668 --> 00:46:01,584
This is the mental ward.
Everyone smiles in here.
1002
00:46:01,715 --> 00:46:02,760
What?
1003
00:46:03,238 --> 00:46:05,414
How-- Um--
1004
00:46:05,545 --> 00:46:07,547
Could you point me
in the direction of the ICU?
1005
00:46:07,677 --> 00:46:09,244
Is it that way or that way?
1006
00:46:09,375 --> 00:46:10,855
Uh, visiting hours are over.
1007
00:46:10,985 --> 00:46:13,205
Oh, yes, of course.
1008
00:46:14,380 --> 00:46:15,903
The network wants me to clarify
1009
00:46:16,034 --> 00:46:18,340
that Black Fridayhas nothing to do with race.
1010
00:46:18,471 --> 00:46:20,473
Well, just tell thatto my Black friend Benita
1011
00:46:20,603 --> 00:46:21,866
who's probably clocking someone
1012
00:46:21,996 --> 00:46:23,911
over the headat Target as we speak!
1013
00:46:24,042 --> 00:46:24,956
Right, Benita?
1014
00:46:40,493 --> 00:46:42,103
Shamone!
1015
00:46:42,234 --> 00:46:43,757
Man, you ain't Michael.
1016
00:46:43,888 --> 00:46:45,759
Michael got that Jheri curl.
1017
00:46:45,890 --> 00:46:47,674
What is that, son?
Is that shellac?
1018
00:46:47,805 --> 00:46:50,808
See, people think it's shellac,
but it's actually Sharpie.
1019
00:46:50,938 --> 00:46:52,418
Boy, your hair
looks like fondue.
1020
00:46:52,548 --> 00:46:54,507
I just wanna dip some fruit
and marshmallows in it.
1021
00:46:54,637 --> 00:46:56,683
Go on and dip.
Indoo-dy.
1022
00:46:56,814 --> 00:46:58,903
Michael's got a monkey.
I got a llama.
1023
00:46:59,033 --> 00:47:00,730
And he can beatbox.
1024
00:47:03,646 --> 00:47:05,213
That's Suds.
1025
00:47:05,344 --> 00:47:08,826
Yeah, he stink.
But when he spit, it's bars.
1026
00:47:10,697 --> 00:47:11,567
Come on, now.
1027
00:47:11,698 --> 00:47:13,178
Fuck Michael!
1028
00:47:13,308 --> 00:47:15,354
You can't dance, boy.
I've been practicing.
1029
00:47:15,484 --> 00:47:17,269
Oh! Whoa!
1030
00:47:17,399 --> 00:47:18,661
Jeez.
1031
00:47:20,054 --> 00:47:21,316
Yeah!
1032
00:47:21,447 --> 00:47:23,057
Bong! Ow!
1033
00:47:23,188 --> 00:47:25,930
I can moonwalk.
Ooh, ooh.
1034
00:47:26,060 --> 00:47:27,148
Ooh.
1035
00:47:27,279 --> 00:47:29,063
Where is this nigga goin'?
1036
00:47:31,109 --> 00:47:31,892
Ow!
1037
00:47:32,023 --> 00:47:34,025
Whoo!
1038
00:47:34,155 --> 00:47:35,853
"Jermaine".
1039
00:47:37,724 --> 00:47:41,249
Coming Juneteenth,only on Tubi.
1040
00:47:43,599 --> 00:47:45,645
I'ma bootleg that shit.
1041
00:47:47,995 --> 00:47:49,127
Hello?
1042
00:47:50,389 --> 00:47:51,346
Fuck this.
1043
00:47:56,656 --> 00:47:58,397
I'm gonna miss you all.
1044
00:48:03,924 --> 00:48:05,491
Oh, hell no!
1045
00:48:05,621 --> 00:48:07,754
Think Black, don't die.
Think Black, don't die.
1046
00:48:17,895 --> 00:48:18,983
Oh!
1047
00:48:19,113 --> 00:48:21,289
Goddamn it!
Jack?
1048
00:48:21,420 --> 00:48:23,161
Did Sara tell you to come?
Um...
1049
00:48:23,291 --> 00:48:25,990
Yeah! That's why I'm here.
1050
00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:29,297
Not to murder you
or anything like that.
1051
00:48:29,428 --> 00:48:30,777
Then why
are you wearing gloves?
1052
00:48:31,691 --> 00:48:33,693
Would you believe I...
1053
00:48:33,823 --> 00:48:37,001
am thinking about dressing up
as O.J. Simpson for Halloween?
1054
00:48:37,131 --> 00:48:38,611
But those fit.
1055
00:48:39,394 --> 00:48:40,830
Look out!
1056
00:48:40,961 --> 00:48:42,876
Not cool, bro,
you almost hit a vein.
1057
00:48:43,007 --> 00:48:44,617
I-I mean--
Help!
1058
00:48:48,534 --> 00:48:49,622
Oh, yes!
1059
00:48:53,582 --> 00:48:54,844
Oh...
1060
00:48:58,979 --> 00:49:03,070
Whew. I'm gonna gut you like a pig!
1061
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:09,555
I'm gonna...
1062
00:49:09,685 --> 00:49:11,687
I'm gonna...
1063
00:49:11,818 --> 00:49:13,428
What a stupid line.
1064
00:49:15,474 --> 00:49:16,997
That is so true!
1065
00:49:17,128 --> 00:49:19,913
What are you gonna do?
Turn me into bacon?
1066
00:49:24,483 --> 00:49:25,875
I got to get better writers.
1067
00:49:26,006 --> 00:49:28,487
I'm laughing so hard,
my ribs hurt.
1068
00:49:28,617 --> 00:49:31,838
Wait until
I stick my knife in them!
1069
00:49:38,627 --> 00:49:40,847
I'm crying over here.
1070
00:49:40,978 --> 00:49:42,457
I got to go
1071
00:49:42,588 --> 00:49:44,546
before you really kill me.
Here I come.
1072
00:49:44,677 --> 00:49:47,114
Oh, God,
I might die laughing first!
1073
00:49:48,986 --> 00:49:52,076
Oh. Oh, shit.
He's really gonna kill me.
1074
00:50:13,662 --> 00:50:15,751
I want what they're on.
1075
00:50:18,102 --> 00:50:20,626
I'm gonna turn you
into bacon, little piggy.
1076
00:50:27,067 --> 00:50:28,764
No, no.
1077
00:50:28,895 --> 00:50:30,549
No.
1078
00:50:32,812 --> 00:50:34,335
I'm sorry. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
1079
00:50:34,466 --> 00:50:35,597
I'm so sorry.
Out of our way!
1080
00:50:35,728 --> 00:50:37,947
Step aside.
Official police business.
1081
00:50:38,078 --> 00:50:39,079
Doofy!
1082
00:50:39,210 --> 00:50:41,690
I like doing that.
1083
00:50:41,821 --> 00:50:42,691
Ooh!
1084
00:50:43,692 --> 00:50:45,825
Smile, you son of a bitch.
1085
00:50:45,955 --> 00:50:49,002
What the f...?
My psycho mother said
1086
00:50:49,133 --> 00:50:51,048
always keep a strap.
1087
00:50:52,701 --> 00:50:53,963
Go! Go!
Okay.
1088
00:50:54,094 --> 00:50:55,530
I'm gonna go get
your love interest.
1089
00:50:55,661 --> 00:50:57,054
I'll get your love interest.
1090
00:50:57,184 --> 00:51:00,361
Ow, the pain, the agony.
1091
00:51:00,492 --> 00:51:02,624
Sara, if I don't make it...
1092
00:51:02,755 --> 00:51:05,105
Seriously, Tues,
stop trying to win an Oscar.
1093
00:51:05,236 --> 00:51:07,542
It's a horror movie,
it'll never happen.
1094
00:51:07,673 --> 00:51:09,675
Just ask Demi Moore.
1095
00:51:09,805 --> 00:51:12,634
No! No!
1096
00:51:12,765 --> 00:51:14,201
I got him. I got Jack.
1097
00:51:16,595 --> 00:51:18,597
Doofy! What the fuck?
1098
00:51:18,727 --> 00:51:20,599
The fuck?
I can't help myself.
1099
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:25,430
It's just me and you now,
Ghosty.
1100
00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:26,518
Hm.
1101
00:51:27,910 --> 00:51:29,825
You got to shoot them
in the head.
1102
00:51:29,956 --> 00:51:31,479
Shoot them in the head.
1103
00:51:33,873 --> 00:51:36,267
Oof. Ow.
1104
00:51:39,487 --> 00:51:41,620
Die!
1105
00:51:41,750 --> 00:51:43,448
Die, you little dumb dunce.
1106
00:51:43,578 --> 00:51:44,797
Smell...
1107
00:51:44,927 --> 00:51:46,015
my...
1108
00:51:46,755 --> 00:51:47,887
finger.
1109
00:51:48,757 --> 00:51:49,802
Oh, God!
1110
00:51:49,932 --> 00:51:52,413
What the fuck was that? Ugh.
1111
00:51:52,544 --> 00:51:54,285
My ass.
1112
00:51:54,415 --> 00:51:56,548
Fuck your ass! Pause.
1113
00:51:58,941 --> 00:52:00,508
Oh, God,
that's-- that's my ass.
1114
00:52:00,639 --> 00:52:03,163
Oh, God. Any last words?
1115
00:52:03,294 --> 00:52:05,034
I go poopy.
1116
00:52:09,822 --> 00:52:12,390
Oh, hell no.
I ain't cleaning up that shit!
1117
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:14,261
I'm on break.
1118
00:52:14,392 --> 00:52:17,743
Come on, I do the
killing, not the cleaning. Ugh.
1119
00:52:17,873 --> 00:52:19,875
What you say?
Never mind.
1120
00:52:20,006 --> 00:52:21,486
Yo, what's up, chat?
1121
00:52:21,616 --> 00:52:23,096
This your boy Shorty.
1122
00:52:23,227 --> 00:52:24,750
That's right,
it's another Halloween-a-thon.
1123
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:27,840
And it's another day
of me getting paid mad money
1124
00:52:27,970 --> 00:52:30,190
for doing absolutely nothing
1125
00:52:30,321 --> 00:52:31,974
while you stupid motherfuckers
watch.
1126
00:52:32,105 --> 00:52:34,629
And they call me dumb!
1127
00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:37,806
I want to give a smooth
shout-out to my sponsor:
1128
00:52:37,937 --> 00:52:40,244
Angry Orchard Hard Cider.
1129
00:52:41,636 --> 00:52:44,073
They got mad apples, son.
1130
00:52:47,381 --> 00:52:50,210
We created a slogan!
I'm a marketing genius!
1131
00:52:50,341 --> 00:52:52,256
Aight. It wouldn't be
a Halloween-a-thon
1132
00:52:52,386 --> 00:52:53,605
without a dope guest.
1133
00:52:53,735 --> 00:52:54,823
He's a legend
in the streaming game.
1134
00:52:54,954 --> 00:52:57,913
Give it up for Kai Cenat!
1135
00:52:58,044 --> 00:53:00,307
We gonna break the Internet!
1136
00:53:00,438 --> 00:53:02,396
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
1137
00:53:02,527 --> 00:53:04,181
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
1138
00:53:06,487 --> 00:53:07,575
Let's get serious.
1139
00:53:07,706 --> 00:53:09,621
What brings you to the chat?
1140
00:53:09,751 --> 00:53:11,362
You promised
I was gonna be in the movie.
1141
00:53:11,492 --> 00:53:14,321
I've been calling you.
You ghosted me.
1142
00:53:14,452 --> 00:53:17,019
Bro, I thought that was one
of my crazy-ass baby mamas.
1143
00:53:17,150 --> 00:53:18,586
That's-- That's my bad.
1144
00:53:18,717 --> 00:53:20,849
And speaking of ghosted--
1145
00:53:20,980 --> 00:53:22,721
Somebody wants to talk to you.
1146
00:53:22,851 --> 00:53:24,331
Hello?
1147
00:53:24,462 --> 00:53:26,246
What's your favoritescary movie?
1148
00:53:28,248 --> 00:53:29,989
Nah!
Oh!
1149
00:53:30,119 --> 00:53:32,426
Oh, whoa, whoa!
Ah!
1150
00:53:39,259 --> 00:53:41,000
We breaking the Internet, son!
1151
00:53:41,130 --> 00:53:42,262
What's up, my guy?
1152
00:53:42,393 --> 00:53:43,611
You got some Angry Orchard
1153
00:53:43,742 --> 00:53:44,917
Hard Cider in the house?
You damn right.
1154
00:53:45,047 --> 00:53:46,658
They got mad apples.
1155
00:53:46,788 --> 00:53:48,225
Oh!
1156
00:53:48,355 --> 00:53:49,530
Wassup?
1157
00:53:49,661 --> 00:53:51,184
Wassup?
1158
00:53:54,318 --> 00:53:55,928
We about to do
my favorite thing:
1159
00:53:56,058 --> 00:53:59,714
Spin the... wheel!
1160
00:53:59,845 --> 00:54:01,847
Extreme Noodle Game!
1161
00:54:01,977 --> 00:54:03,544
We gonna go back there
with these noodles
1162
00:54:03,675 --> 00:54:04,632
and we gonna smack
1163
00:54:04,763 --> 00:54:05,807
the fuck out you!
1164
00:54:05,938 --> 00:54:07,244
Then you gotta guess
who did it.
1165
00:54:07,374 --> 00:54:07,983
That doesn't even make sense.
1166
00:54:09,202 --> 00:54:09,942
This is a dumb game.
1167
00:54:11,857 --> 00:54:12,945
Oh!
1168
00:54:13,075 --> 00:54:13,989
Uh...
1169
00:54:14,816 --> 00:54:15,687
Kai. Kai.
Man, what?
1170
00:54:15,817 --> 00:54:16,557
Yeah.
1171
00:54:22,781 --> 00:54:25,000
Wait-- No, no, no--
1172
00:54:27,438 --> 00:54:31,529
You just killed Kai Cenat.
On the chat.
1173
00:54:32,921 --> 00:54:34,401
We making history, son!
1174
00:54:35,620 --> 00:54:36,751
Money, money, money!
1175
00:54:56,336 --> 00:54:57,772
Oh, thank God.
1176
00:55:02,211 --> 00:55:04,257
It's about time
you guys got here!
1177
00:55:04,388 --> 00:55:06,215
Now you're gonna get it.
1178
00:55:06,955 --> 00:55:08,087
Oof!
1179
00:55:09,349 --> 00:55:10,916
Hold still!
1180
00:55:11,046 --> 00:55:12,700
So that's our suspect.
1181
00:55:12,831 --> 00:55:15,399
Goes by the name "Shorthand".
Hmm.
1182
00:55:15,529 --> 00:55:19,403
Was the handyman at a house
reputed to be haunted in 2001.
1183
00:55:20,578 --> 00:55:21,970
Is there anything
you're not telling me?
1184
00:55:22,101 --> 00:55:24,059
That your wife hates you,
1185
00:55:24,190 --> 00:55:25,844
you believe the Earth is flat
1186
00:55:25,974 --> 00:55:27,976
and you voted for Trump
three times.
1187
00:55:28,107 --> 00:55:30,327
What, I was supposed
to vote for the woman?
1188
00:55:30,457 --> 00:55:31,806
Huh?
1189
00:55:31,937 --> 00:55:35,288
I believe Shorthand
is the notorious Ghostface.
1190
00:55:36,898 --> 00:55:38,987
What that mouth do?
1191
00:55:39,118 --> 00:55:40,598
Stop resisting!
1192
00:55:40,728 --> 00:55:42,861
He did look pretty sketchy.
1193
00:55:46,517 --> 00:55:48,475
They got the wrong guy.
1194
00:55:48,606 --> 00:55:50,390
And you know that
because you're psychic?
1195
00:55:50,521 --> 00:55:52,436
No, says so
on the arrest warrant.
1196
00:55:54,916 --> 00:55:56,178
I don't know.
1197
00:55:56,309 --> 00:55:58,529
That guy's Black.
Nah, he's kinda...
1198
00:55:58,659 --> 00:55:59,965
not that Black.
1199
00:56:00,095 --> 00:56:01,662
Like gravy brown.
1200
00:56:01,793 --> 00:56:03,272
Ugh!
1201
00:56:03,403 --> 00:56:04,970
Get him!
1202
00:56:05,100 --> 00:56:06,667
Hit him with your strong hand!
1203
00:56:06,798 --> 00:56:08,277
Boom!
1204
00:56:08,408 --> 00:56:11,106
Arrest him anyways.
Probably did something, right?
1205
00:56:12,020 --> 00:56:13,587
Turn off your body cams!
1206
00:56:25,991 --> 00:56:27,253
Miss you.
1207
00:56:29,821 --> 00:56:31,518
Poppa's here.
1208
00:56:31,649 --> 00:56:33,128
Tupac's here.
1209
00:56:33,259 --> 00:56:35,566
And Tekashi69 is here.
1210
00:56:36,828 --> 00:56:39,134
Wait. Tekashi69 ain't dead.
1211
00:56:39,265 --> 00:56:42,311
No, but his career is.
1212
00:56:43,008 --> 00:56:44,966
True that.
1213
00:56:45,097 --> 00:56:47,969
Can't let these
old-school rappers go, huh?
1214
00:56:49,188 --> 00:56:51,712
Kids today put "lil"
in front of their name
1215
00:56:51,843 --> 00:56:53,627
and think they got
a lil talent.
1216
00:56:53,758 --> 00:56:55,760
You should give
Lil Nas X a shot.
1217
00:56:55,890 --> 00:56:57,718
Dude really speaks to me.
1218
00:56:57,849 --> 00:56:59,198
That nigga's hard.
1219
00:56:59,328 --> 00:57:00,721
What you back here for, Ray?
1220
00:57:00,852 --> 00:57:02,419
I thought you was done
with Woodsville.
1221
00:57:02,549 --> 00:57:04,116
I thought you were
a northern man.
1222
00:57:04,246 --> 00:57:05,465
I'm through
with San Francisco.
1223
00:57:05,596 --> 00:57:08,381
Is San Francisco
through with you?
1224
00:57:08,512 --> 00:57:09,600
What are you asking me?
1225
00:57:09,730 --> 00:57:11,776
Do you have pride, Ray?
1226
00:57:11,906 --> 00:57:14,387
I think we should all
take pride in who we are.
1227
00:57:14,518 --> 00:57:17,825
Do you like
to taste the rainbow?
1228
00:57:17,956 --> 00:57:19,871
Skittles are
my favorite candy.
1229
00:57:22,569 --> 00:57:24,223
Ray, I prayed for you.
1230
00:57:24,353 --> 00:57:26,486
Then how come
none of those prayers worked for our baby?
1231
00:57:26,617 --> 00:57:29,097
Mr. Pickels was 18
when he died, Ray.
1232
00:57:30,534 --> 00:57:32,710
That's old for a cat.
1233
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:34,146
He was packing.
1234
00:57:34,276 --> 00:57:35,713
Now, what you want
with me, Ray?
1235
00:57:35,843 --> 00:57:40,282
I'm back, Brenda,
'cause I love you.
1236
00:57:40,413 --> 00:57:41,849
Ray!
1237
00:57:54,819 --> 00:57:56,429
He's so sneaky, Ray.
1238
00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:59,388
I'm gonna get it.
1239
00:57:59,519 --> 00:58:02,566
I got you! I got you!
You got me, yeah!
1240
00:58:06,221 --> 00:58:08,223
Oh, yes.
Put this on.
1241
00:58:08,354 --> 00:58:10,748
You sure, Ray?
Yeah, girl. Go on.
1242
00:58:11,836 --> 00:58:13,751
You wild, Ray.
You make me blush.
1243
00:58:13,881 --> 00:58:15,796
So sexy.
1244
00:58:15,927 --> 00:58:18,669
I wish you had a beard.
Hmm?
1245
00:58:18,799 --> 00:58:22,368
Here. Take this.
Oh.
1246
00:58:22,499 --> 00:58:23,456
What?
1247
00:58:23,587 --> 00:58:25,806
Turn around.
Oh! Sure.
1248
00:58:25,937 --> 00:58:27,329
Bend over.
Uh-huh.
1249
00:58:27,460 --> 00:58:31,508
Now drop it.
Okay. Okay.
1250
00:58:31,638 --> 00:58:33,118
I've dropped it, Ray.
1251
00:58:33,248 --> 00:58:34,815
Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.
1252
00:58:34,946 --> 00:58:37,470
Whose cell block
is this? Huh, Brenda? Ray! Ray!
1253
00:58:37,601 --> 00:58:40,125
You didn't want to share
your tater tots, nigga, at lunch?
1254
00:58:40,255 --> 00:58:42,388
Now you sharing
this bootyhole, nigga. Yeah!
1255
00:58:42,519 --> 00:58:46,087
You not in prison no more, Ray. You free now, Ray.
1256
00:58:46,218 --> 00:58:47,262
Oh, yeah. That's right.
Yeah.
1257
00:58:47,393 --> 00:58:48,568
Okay. Now you get me.
1258
00:58:48,699 --> 00:58:50,265
My turn.
Let me drop the soap.
1259
00:58:50,396 --> 00:58:52,485
On three. One, two, three.
Wait.
1260
00:58:52,616 --> 00:58:53,660
Oops, I dropped it.
1261
00:58:53,791 --> 00:58:55,575
Yeah! Yeah! Nigga, yeah!
Okay.
1262
00:58:55,706 --> 00:58:57,098
Like this?
Yeah, nigga. Yeah, Brenda.
1263
00:58:57,229 --> 00:58:59,013
You still freaky, Ray.
1264
00:58:59,144 --> 00:59:01,363
Lower your voice.
Make it deeper. You still freaky, Ray.
1265
00:59:01,494 --> 00:59:02,495
Yeah!
1266
00:59:02,626 --> 00:59:05,411
Miss Hailstorm,
welcome back.
1267
00:59:05,542 --> 00:59:08,414
Doc, I'm begging you.
You got to help me look younger.
1268
00:59:08,545 --> 00:59:10,068
These little bitches
are killing me out there.
1269
00:59:10,198 --> 00:59:11,286
They're wearing nothing but a--
1270
00:59:11,417 --> 00:59:13,462
a sausage casing
and a ring light.
1271
00:59:13,593 --> 00:59:17,902
Trust me with this withered,
decrepit, age-ravaged body,
1272
00:59:18,032 --> 00:59:20,121
and I will make you whole.
1273
00:59:20,252 --> 00:59:21,558
One Middle-Aged
White Lady Special
1274
00:59:21,688 --> 00:59:23,255
coming right up.
Thanks.
1275
00:59:23,385 --> 00:59:24,517
I'm gonna play a quick video
1276
00:59:24,648 --> 00:59:25,910
on the ins and outs
of the procedure,
1277
00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:28,260
and then we'll get started.
1278
00:59:32,003 --> 00:59:34,832
Do you wishyou weren't so old and saggy?
1279
00:59:34,962 --> 00:59:37,486
Do you wish you were younger?Sexier?
1280
00:59:37,617 --> 00:59:39,184
Fuckable again?
1281
00:59:39,314 --> 00:59:42,709
One single injectionunlocks your DNA,
1282
00:59:42,840 --> 00:59:45,538
creating a new, better you.
1283
00:59:46,234 --> 00:59:48,497
This is The Stuff.
1284
00:59:50,108 --> 00:59:52,284
Doc, this isn't that
Gwyneth Paltrow crap
1285
00:59:52,414 --> 00:59:54,329
that makes you
smell like her vag, is it?
1286
00:59:58,420 --> 00:59:59,291
I like it.
1287
01:00:07,429 --> 01:00:08,779
♪ I feel...♪
1288
01:00:08,909 --> 01:00:10,563
♪ Brand fucking new♪
1289
01:00:10,694 --> 01:00:11,520
♪ New♪
1290
01:00:11,651 --> 01:00:12,783
♪ New♪
1291
01:00:12,913 --> 01:00:14,436
♪ Brand fucking new♪
1292
01:00:15,786 --> 01:00:17,701
Wow, that's a lot of Stuff.
1293
01:00:19,354 --> 01:00:20,617
Oh, a mask on a mask.
1294
01:00:21,356 --> 01:00:22,880
Safety first, right, Doc?
1295
01:00:24,925 --> 01:00:26,884
Oh, no!
1296
01:00:28,233 --> 01:00:30,017
I'm having second thoughts!
1297
01:00:30,148 --> 01:00:32,367
I'm gonna love
and accept myself as I am.
1298
01:00:35,893 --> 01:00:37,285
♪ I feel♪
1299
01:00:37,416 --> 01:00:39,157
♪ Brand fucking new♪
1300
01:01:35,866 --> 01:01:37,737
Oops. Wrong movie.
1301
01:01:40,087 --> 01:01:42,437
You were thinking it.
But you said it.
1302
01:01:43,612 --> 01:01:45,571
White Chicks 2,my ass.
1303
01:01:45,702 --> 01:01:47,138
♪ I feel♪
1304
01:01:47,268 --> 01:01:48,443
♪ Brand fucking new♪
1305
01:01:48,574 --> 01:01:49,662
♪ New♪
1306
01:01:49,793 --> 01:01:52,665
♪ I feel brand fucking new♪
1307
01:01:53,971 --> 01:01:55,668
Hey, Sara.
1308
01:01:56,756 --> 01:01:58,279
Tuesday, I--
1309
01:01:58,410 --> 01:02:00,368
I tried to visit you.
1310
01:02:00,499 --> 01:02:02,806
I am sorry for everything.
1311
01:02:02,936 --> 01:02:04,764
Especially your name.
1312
01:02:04,895 --> 01:02:07,506
It was Taco Tuesday.
I was super drunk.
1313
01:02:07,636 --> 01:02:11,249
But I promise you,
I will kill this motherfucker!
1314
01:02:11,379 --> 01:02:12,729
It's fine, really, we're cool.
I'm gonna--
1315
01:02:12,859 --> 01:02:14,121
I'll pull the car around.
We're good.
1316
01:02:14,252 --> 01:02:15,819
I'm going to take you
to the car!
1317
01:02:15,949 --> 01:02:18,343
I got stabbed.
I'm not deaf, you dumbass!
1318
01:02:18,473 --> 01:02:21,041
I'm taking Tues away
from all of this!
1319
01:02:21,999 --> 01:02:23,174
Oh...
Come on, Cindy.
1320
01:02:24,044 --> 01:02:26,090
I tried to run, too, but...
1321
01:02:26,220 --> 01:02:28,701
it follows!
1322
01:02:28,832 --> 01:02:31,486
Now you're probably expecting
a flashback to that movie,
1323
01:02:31,617 --> 01:02:33,967
but it's too obscure.
Yeah, and the plot is weird.
1324
01:02:34,098 --> 01:02:36,361
You have sex with someone,
give them a STD
1325
01:02:36,491 --> 01:02:37,666
and then it haunts them
in the form
1326
01:02:37,797 --> 01:02:38,667
of their naked grandma.
1327
01:02:38,798 --> 01:02:40,931
It's like a STD biopic.
1328
01:02:41,061 --> 01:02:42,193
Ugh, the killer is taunting me.
1329
01:02:42,323 --> 01:02:43,760
Why doesn't he just kill us?
1330
01:02:43,890 --> 01:02:45,326
Uh, speak for yourself.
1331
01:02:45,457 --> 01:02:47,154
Like, what are you waiting for?
1332
01:02:47,285 --> 01:02:50,462
Oh, no, no, no, sweetie,
sweetie. It's like this.
1333
01:02:51,724 --> 01:02:55,032
What are you waiting for, huh?
1334
01:02:55,162 --> 01:02:57,904
What are you waiting for?
1335
01:02:58,035 --> 01:03:00,559
What are you waiting for?
1336
01:03:00,689 --> 01:03:02,343
What are you waiting for?
1337
01:03:02,474 --> 01:03:04,128
God, I wish
you weren't my mother!
1338
01:03:04,258 --> 01:03:06,870
What are you waiting for?
1339
01:03:08,436 --> 01:03:09,437
Candyman.
1340
01:03:10,308 --> 01:03:11,570
Candyman.
1341
01:03:12,353 --> 01:03:14,094
Candyman.
1342
01:03:14,225 --> 01:03:17,271
You sure about this?
Yeah, keep saying it.
1343
01:03:18,359 --> 01:03:19,578
Candyman.
1344
01:03:20,753 --> 01:03:22,842
Candyman!
1345
01:03:39,816 --> 01:03:41,861
So what's up?
You got that candy, man?
1346
01:03:41,992 --> 01:03:45,169
I got weed gummies.
Yeah.
1347
01:03:45,299 --> 01:03:46,692
K-nuts.
Yeah.
1348
01:03:46,823 --> 01:03:48,346
Shroom chocolates.
Shit, son!
1349
01:03:48,476 --> 01:03:50,435
And what take you so long
to show up?
1350
01:03:50,565 --> 01:03:53,438
Come on, Clarence.
I called you five times.
1351
01:03:53,568 --> 01:03:55,048
Nigga, show up in three.
1352
01:03:55,179 --> 01:03:57,007
You ain't even call me
on the phone.
1353
01:03:57,137 --> 01:03:58,573
Luckily I was walking by
1354
01:03:58,704 --> 01:04:00,749
and heard y'all
through the hole in this wall.
1355
01:04:00,880 --> 01:04:03,361
And fix that shit.
You shut your ass up.
1356
01:04:03,491 --> 01:04:06,103
You need to go
to a proctologist and get your skin looked at.
1357
01:04:06,233 --> 01:04:09,454
Having acne over
the age of 40 is wild work.
1358
01:04:09,584 --> 01:04:11,630
I look better than this nigga.
Maybe on this side.
1359
01:04:11,760 --> 01:04:14,241
Hey, ain't no time for beefing.
We about to be high as fuck.
1360
01:04:14,372 --> 01:04:16,548
We gonna party, son!
1361
01:04:18,942 --> 01:04:20,900
♪ Coming in hotThey better watch it...♪ Happy Halloween, y'all.
1362
01:04:21,031 --> 01:04:22,423
Watch out for Ghostface.
♪ If they comeFor my spot...♪
1363
01:04:22,554 --> 01:04:25,165
That's right. Drink up!
Hey!
1364
01:04:25,296 --> 01:04:28,038
Hey! I love it. Look at that.
1365
01:04:28,168 --> 01:04:29,474
You're looking good.
1366
01:04:29,604 --> 01:04:30,997
You seen your sister?
1367
01:04:31,128 --> 01:04:33,130
♪ You always better♪
1368
01:04:33,260 --> 01:04:35,436
♪ When you at the topBut I had...♪ BRENDA: Ray, you seen Dei?
1369
01:04:35,567 --> 01:04:37,569
I-I can't find her since
she went to that protest.
1370
01:04:38,222 --> 01:04:41,007
No.
1371
01:04:41,138 --> 01:04:44,619
Ray, let me guess.
You are Woody from Toy Story!
1372
01:04:44,750 --> 01:04:46,795
Nah, Brenda, that's gay.
Oh.
1373
01:04:46,926 --> 01:04:49,798
Jake Gyllenhaal
from Brokeback Mountain.
1374
01:04:49,929 --> 01:04:52,932
"I wish I knew how to quit you,
but I can't."
1375
01:04:53,802 --> 01:04:56,022
You love that movie!
1376
01:04:56,153 --> 01:04:57,632
Hey, Brenda!
Huh?
1377
01:04:57,763 --> 01:04:59,721
Have you seen
my big old bag of candy?
1378
01:04:59,852 --> 01:05:02,768
It had chocolates,
gummies, lollipops.
1379
01:05:03,464 --> 01:05:04,465
I-It's gone missing.
1380
01:05:04,596 --> 01:05:05,858
No, no, no, it's not missing.
1381
01:05:05,989 --> 01:05:07,773
I passed it out
to the trick-or-treaters.
1382
01:05:07,904 --> 01:05:11,211
Brenda, that's my stash!
1383
01:05:22,092 --> 01:05:25,791
I'm so fucking high!
1384
01:05:28,794 --> 01:05:29,882
Whoo-hoo!
1385
01:05:30,013 --> 01:05:32,754
I can't feel my face!
1386
01:05:34,931 --> 01:05:38,847
I'm on that Naruto shit!
1387
01:05:39,848 --> 01:05:43,548
Six-seven! Six-seven!
1388
01:06:08,747 --> 01:06:10,401
Fuck.
1389
01:06:18,278 --> 01:06:19,714
Why is she looking at me?
1390
01:06:21,412 --> 01:06:22,456
♪ Fucking with a boss, yeahIt costs ya♪
1391
01:06:22,587 --> 01:06:24,415
A little disturbing.
1392
01:06:24,545 --> 01:06:25,807
I'm here for it.
1393
01:06:25,938 --> 01:06:27,461
♪ YeahIt's all there♪
1394
01:06:27,592 --> 01:06:28,636
♪ Bend it overTouch your paws, yeah♪
1395
01:06:28,767 --> 01:06:29,594
♪ Make it talk, yeah♪
1396
01:06:29,724 --> 01:06:31,030
Oh. Okay.
1397
01:06:31,161 --> 01:06:33,293
♪ Make that ass jumpUh-huh♪
1398
01:06:33,424 --> 01:06:34,338
♪ Make that ass jump♪
Hey, hey!
1399
01:06:34,468 --> 01:06:35,861
♪ You better♪
1400
01:06:35,992 --> 01:06:37,645
♪ You betterMake that ass jump♪
1401
01:06:37,776 --> 01:06:39,604
♪ My nigga sleep so you knowI'm outside tho♪
1402
01:06:39,734 --> 01:06:41,519
♪ Jet skis ass outCrop top hoe--♪
1403
01:06:41,649 --> 01:06:43,216
Hey!
1404
01:06:43,347 --> 01:06:46,741
Do you know how many baby seals
die from microplastics?
1405
01:06:54,358 --> 01:06:55,315
Shit.
1406
01:06:55,446 --> 01:06:57,100
It's Ghostface!
1407
01:07:01,800 --> 01:07:03,367
Oh, my God! He stabbed her!
1408
01:07:03,497 --> 01:07:06,500
Not "her".
My pronouns are "they/them".
1409
01:07:06,631 --> 01:07:08,328
He stabbed "them"!
1410
01:07:08,459 --> 01:07:11,027
I'm over 40. How am I supposed
to keep up with all of this?
1411
01:07:11,157 --> 01:07:12,245
She's not wrong.
1412
01:07:12,376 --> 01:07:14,117
It's Karens like you
1413
01:07:14,247 --> 01:07:17,555
that keep the patriarchy going,
with their knees on our necks!
1414
01:07:17,685 --> 01:07:20,210
Now you're playing
the race card?
1415
01:07:20,340 --> 01:07:22,995
I've had enough of her shit.
"Their" shit, bitch!
1416
01:07:26,085 --> 01:07:27,086
And to be clear,
1417
01:07:27,217 --> 01:07:29,871
my real name is Karen!
1418
01:07:30,002 --> 01:07:31,830
Oh, shit. This is too good.
1419
01:07:31,960 --> 01:07:33,527
Ignore the insults.
1420
01:07:33,658 --> 01:07:35,747
"They" don't realize
we're here to help "them".
1421
01:07:35,877 --> 01:07:37,488
Toxic masculinity
1422
01:07:37,618 --> 01:07:40,317
and mansplaining
doesn't help anybody!
1423
01:07:40,447 --> 01:07:42,188
How is my masculinity toxic?
1424
01:07:42,319 --> 01:07:44,016
I love women and sports.
1425
01:07:44,147 --> 01:07:46,801
Just not together.
Come here, bitch.
1426
01:07:46,932 --> 01:07:48,629
My turn!
1427
01:07:48,760 --> 01:07:50,153
Me next!
They ain't ready for
1428
01:07:50,283 --> 01:07:51,284
this!
1429
01:07:51,415 --> 01:07:52,416
Let me at them!
Me next!
1430
01:07:52,546 --> 01:07:53,417
Fuck your pronouns.
Oh, shit.
1431
01:07:53,547 --> 01:07:54,896
Suck knife.
1432
01:07:58,509 --> 01:08:00,163
I blame the manosphere.
1433
01:08:00,293 --> 01:08:01,599
♪ Hit the barRock side-to-side♪
1434
01:08:01,729 --> 01:08:03,514
♪ And lean in a bit♪
1435
01:08:03,644 --> 01:08:04,819
♪ Shining like a star'Cause every night...♪
1436
01:08:04,950 --> 01:08:06,821
Uncle Shorty.
What's up, nephew?
1437
01:08:06,952 --> 01:08:08,867
Can I ask you something?
1438
01:08:08,997 --> 01:08:10,303
Yeah, shoot.
1439
01:08:11,348 --> 01:08:13,263
It's about, y-you know,
1440
01:08:13,393 --> 01:08:14,829
how to go down on a girl.
1441
01:08:14,960 --> 01:08:16,875
You talking about eating pussy?
1442
01:08:17,005 --> 01:08:19,617
That's so cringe, but yeah.
1443
01:08:19,747 --> 01:08:22,620
Well, maybe if you stop talking
like a 14-year-old white girl,
1444
01:08:22,750 --> 01:08:24,274
you could learn something.
1445
01:08:24,404 --> 01:08:25,666
All right, so listen up.
1446
01:08:25,797 --> 01:08:27,233
First thing you got to do,
you got to--
1447
01:08:27,364 --> 01:08:28,974
You got to spread them legs.
You got to open it up.
1448
01:08:29,105 --> 01:08:30,715
Then you want
to use your fingers.
1449
01:08:30,845 --> 01:08:33,631
Sometimes you can use two.
Two fingers, like that there.
1450
01:08:33,761 --> 01:08:35,067
Yeah?
1451
01:08:35,198 --> 01:08:36,895
Now, once you get it
all in there, now...
1452
01:08:37,765 --> 01:08:39,027
you got to use your tongue.
1453
01:08:39,158 --> 01:08:40,464
You can't be afraid of it.
1454
01:08:43,771 --> 01:08:45,338
Yeah, lean into it.
1455
01:08:45,469 --> 01:08:46,861
Nah, nah, nah,
you doing it too fast.
1456
01:08:48,341 --> 01:08:49,603
What are you, a lizard?
1457
01:08:49,734 --> 01:08:51,605
You got to be gentle.
You got to talk to it.
1458
01:08:51,736 --> 01:08:53,129
"Hey there, little guy,
1459
01:08:53,259 --> 01:08:54,913
how you doing?"
Hey there, little guy.
1460
01:08:55,827 --> 01:08:58,308
Boom!
Just like rolling a blunt.
1461
01:08:58,438 --> 01:09:00,310
All you got to do, nephew...
1462
01:09:03,965 --> 01:09:05,402
Is hit that shit.
1463
01:09:06,098 --> 01:09:07,578
Got it?
Mm-hmm.
1464
01:09:07,708 --> 01:09:09,101
All right, now,
1465
01:09:09,232 --> 01:09:12,148
if you want to learn
to lick ass, ask your mama.
1466
01:09:12,278 --> 01:09:14,019
Ma!
1467
01:09:14,150 --> 01:09:17,588
Now, this is
a fantastic party.
1468
01:09:17,718 --> 01:09:18,893
Well, thank you.
1469
01:09:19,024 --> 01:09:21,853
You and me, we're drinking.
1470
01:09:21,983 --> 01:09:24,072
No, I don't-- I don't drink.
One shot.
1471
01:09:24,203 --> 01:09:26,074
Ma! Ma! Ma!
1472
01:09:26,205 --> 01:09:29,121
Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma!
What? Come on.
1473
01:09:29,252 --> 01:09:31,167
Okay, okay. I'll do one.
1474
01:09:39,479 --> 01:09:41,568
I'ma do one more.
1475
01:09:41,699 --> 01:09:43,962
Just one more.
That's all you.
1476
01:09:47,444 --> 01:09:50,490
I'm gonna have
one motherfuckin' more.
1477
01:09:50,621 --> 01:09:51,578
No, no, no, no. Maybe--
1478
01:09:51,709 --> 01:09:53,841
One, two, three!
No, no.
1479
01:09:56,235 --> 01:09:57,323
Here. Take that.
1480
01:09:58,411 --> 01:10:00,108
Whoo!
1481
01:10:12,033 --> 01:10:15,472
♪ Everybody waskung fu fighting♪
1482
01:10:31,270 --> 01:10:33,054
Uh! Oh!
1483
01:10:33,707 --> 01:10:35,231
Oh!
1484
01:10:35,361 --> 01:10:38,364
Bitch-ass generation
don't even know how to party.
1485
01:10:40,801 --> 01:10:43,326
You feel so good.
1486
01:10:44,805 --> 01:10:45,937
Oh, yeah.
1487
01:10:46,067 --> 01:10:47,721
Elle.
1488
01:10:47,852 --> 01:10:49,288
I want to try something.
1489
01:10:49,419 --> 01:10:51,508
I-I thought you said
you'd never let me peg you.
1490
01:10:51,638 --> 01:10:53,249
What? No.
1491
01:10:53,379 --> 01:10:54,772
Relax.
1492
01:10:54,902 --> 01:10:56,382
I just want to taste you.
1493
01:10:58,950 --> 01:11:00,212
Okay.
1494
01:11:01,692 --> 01:11:03,259
Dinner time.
1495
01:11:03,389 --> 01:11:05,913
Oh, yeah, come here, baby.
1496
01:11:08,916 --> 01:11:11,092
Careful. My kitty is gangster.
1497
01:11:11,223 --> 01:11:13,007
Oh! Oh...
1498
01:11:13,138 --> 01:11:15,314
It is gangster. Okay.
1499
01:11:15,445 --> 01:11:18,099
Slapped you so hard,
you want some more. Yeah!
1500
01:11:21,973 --> 01:11:23,409
Oh!
1501
01:11:23,540 --> 01:11:26,238
You feel so much better
than Darrel and them.
1502
01:11:26,369 --> 01:11:27,413
Choo-choo!
1503
01:11:27,544 --> 01:11:28,588
Get back in there!
1504
01:11:28,719 --> 01:11:29,981
Yeah! Lick it!
1505
01:11:30,111 --> 01:11:32,375
Yeah! Lick it hard!
1506
01:11:33,593 --> 01:11:34,855
Finish her.
1507
01:11:36,640 --> 01:11:39,730
Oh, my God!
1508
01:11:42,167 --> 01:11:43,734
Just like rolling a blunt.
1509
01:11:44,952 --> 01:11:46,911
Now all I got to do is hit it.
1510
01:11:49,435 --> 01:11:51,089
Oh-- Oof!
1511
01:11:51,219 --> 01:11:52,395
Elle!
1512
01:11:54,658 --> 01:11:55,963
What the fuck?
1513
01:11:56,094 --> 01:11:58,618
Hey there. We heard tell
of a Halloween party.
1514
01:11:58,749 --> 01:12:00,577
You did now, did you?
1515
01:12:00,707 --> 01:12:01,882
We're here to drink,
1516
01:12:02,013 --> 01:12:04,276
play bad music,
do some half gay shit.
1517
01:12:05,059 --> 01:12:06,322
Why just half gay?
1518
01:12:07,061 --> 01:12:07,975
Can I help you?
1519
01:12:08,106 --> 01:12:10,282
If you just invite us in.
1520
01:12:10,413 --> 01:12:11,892
Why you need a invitation?
1521
01:12:12,023 --> 01:12:13,590
White folks show up
to parties uninvited
1522
01:12:13,720 --> 01:12:16,114
all the time with their little
nasty-ass casseroles.
1523
01:12:16,244 --> 01:12:18,508
Bland as shit. Y'all better
start using some Lawry's.
1524
01:12:18,638 --> 01:12:20,901
Mm-hmm. And why she got
them dirty-ass feet?
1525
01:12:21,032 --> 01:12:23,774
Look like you
was walking around porn sets all day.
1526
01:12:23,904 --> 01:12:25,036
Got them trailer park toes.
1527
01:12:25,166 --> 01:12:26,820
Shit, son!
1528
01:12:26,951 --> 01:12:29,475
I think you're in
the wrong place. Y'all Klan?
1529
01:12:30,563 --> 01:12:31,695
No.
1530
01:12:31,825 --> 01:12:34,524
We believe in music
and equality.
1531
01:12:34,654 --> 01:12:35,916
How about we show y'all?
1532
01:12:36,047 --> 01:12:38,005
It's okay, no.
1533
01:12:38,136 --> 01:12:40,399
♪ Well, we're movin' on up♪
♪ Movin' on up♪
1534
01:12:40,530 --> 01:12:44,142
♪ To the East Side♪
♪ Movin' on up♪
1535
01:12:44,272 --> 01:12:46,405
♪ To a deluxe apartment♪
♪ Ooh♪
1536
01:12:46,536 --> 01:12:48,625
♪ In the sky♪
♪ Ooh♪
1537
01:12:48,755 --> 01:12:50,322
♪ We're movin' on up♪
1538
01:12:50,453 --> 01:12:52,368
They gentrified the Jeffersons?
1539
01:12:52,498 --> 01:12:54,500
Weezy's rolling around
in her grave right now.
1540
01:12:54,631 --> 01:12:57,416
You can't do this
to the Black National Anthem.
1541
01:12:57,547 --> 01:13:01,594
♪ We finally gotA piece of the pie!♪
1542
01:13:04,815 --> 01:13:06,512
Boo!
1543
01:13:06,643 --> 01:13:08,209
Nigga, you suck!
Boo your ass!
1544
01:13:08,340 --> 01:13:10,342
We worked hard on this!
Take that bullshit out of here!
1545
01:13:10,473 --> 01:13:11,822
We ain't got time
for that dumb shit!
1546
01:13:11,952 --> 01:13:14,041
Come on. Let us in.
1547
01:13:16,479 --> 01:13:18,350
Oh, my God! They're vampires!
Oh, my God!
1548
01:13:18,481 --> 01:13:20,134
Here, take her.
No, wait, wait. No, Ray!
1549
01:13:20,265 --> 01:13:22,310
No, baby, you got this.
We're not vampires.
1550
01:13:22,441 --> 01:13:25,270
Just hard to sing with these in.
1551
01:13:25,401 --> 01:13:28,229
Oh, girl, you know I got you.
I ain't gonna let nothing happen to you.
1552
01:13:28,360 --> 01:13:29,883
Nigga.
1553
01:13:30,014 --> 01:13:32,190
Look, why won't ya just go
to one of those frat parties
1554
01:13:32,320 --> 01:13:33,931
where they drink until
they black out
1555
01:13:34,061 --> 01:13:35,541
and wake up
with their booties hurting,
1556
01:13:35,672 --> 01:13:37,717
not knowing what someone
in a cowboy hat did to them?
1557
01:13:37,848 --> 01:13:39,110
Yeah! What?
1558
01:13:39,240 --> 01:13:40,416
Okay.
1559
01:13:40,546 --> 01:13:42,330
Well, we will leave
you guys alone.
1560
01:13:42,461 --> 01:13:43,723
But we're gonna walk real slow
1561
01:13:43,854 --> 01:13:46,247
just in case
y'all change your minds.
1562
01:13:48,511 --> 01:13:50,251
Change your minds yet?
No.
1563
01:13:50,382 --> 01:13:51,339
Not at all.
Hell no.
1564
01:13:51,470 --> 01:13:52,732
How about now?
1565
01:13:52,863 --> 01:13:54,212
Fuck no!
No!
1566
01:13:54,342 --> 01:13:55,735
Yes?
Hell to the nah.
1567
01:13:55,866 --> 01:13:57,084
Definitely not!
Keep walking!
1568
01:13:57,215 --> 01:13:58,390
Now git!
Let's go.
1569
01:13:58,521 --> 01:13:59,696
Sara, come on!
White folks
1570
01:13:59,826 --> 01:14:01,654
is getting weird again.
1571
01:14:04,135 --> 01:14:06,442
Guys, I think I saw
an open window over here.
1572
01:14:06,572 --> 01:14:07,747
That window's closed.
1573
01:14:07,878 --> 01:14:09,488
Not for long.
1574
01:14:15,668 --> 01:14:16,756
Wicked.
1575
01:14:16,887 --> 01:14:18,236
Oh, God. Fucking idiots.
1576
01:14:19,716 --> 01:14:21,674
♪ Bad, bad, bad to the bone♪
1577
01:14:21,805 --> 01:14:23,633
♪ We can playBut you can't take me home♪
1578
01:14:23,763 --> 01:14:25,156
♪ Bad, bad shows off the...♪
1579
01:14:25,286 --> 01:14:29,290
Hey! Tuesday! You came back!
1580
01:14:29,421 --> 01:14:31,467
Yeah, I left my inhaler.
1581
01:14:31,597 --> 01:14:34,339
Honestly, Tuesday,
that inhaler is the worst plot device in movie history.
1582
01:14:34,470 --> 01:14:36,123
That's true,
should've been a vape.
1583
01:14:36,254 --> 01:14:38,735
But we're here now,
so let's make the most of it.
1584
01:14:38,865 --> 01:14:41,041
Now where them White Claws at?
1585
01:14:45,916 --> 01:14:47,744
Sara?
Hello.
1586
01:14:47,874 --> 01:14:51,225
Get your sister and get out
of there right now. Okay, hon?
1587
01:14:51,356 --> 01:14:54,098
I am a grown-ass woman, Mother.
1588
01:14:54,228 --> 01:14:56,056
I don't have to do
anything you tell me to do.
1589
01:14:56,187 --> 01:14:58,015
That's the house whereyour psycho father
1590
01:14:58,145 --> 01:14:59,364
killed those people.
1591
01:14:59,495 --> 01:15:00,757
Someone wantedto get you there.
1592
01:15:00,887 --> 01:15:02,846
Which means...
1593
01:15:02,976 --> 01:15:05,457
someone wants to get me there.
1594
01:15:05,588 --> 01:15:07,154
Oh, my God,
this isn't about you!
1595
01:15:07,285 --> 01:15:08,591
Why are you yelling?
1596
01:15:08,721 --> 01:15:11,681
Because the camera's
so fucking far away!
1597
01:15:11,811 --> 01:15:14,597
Wait, hold on.
Are you tracking my phone?
1598
01:15:14,727 --> 01:15:15,859
You're breaking up.
1599
01:15:15,989 --> 01:15:17,077
Uh-- Yeah.
1600
01:15:22,387 --> 01:15:24,911
Happy Birthday!
1601
01:15:25,042 --> 01:15:28,349
Hey, that's my car!
1602
01:15:31,614 --> 01:15:33,093
What the fuck?
1603
01:15:33,224 --> 01:15:34,617
Elle!
1604
01:15:35,531 --> 01:15:36,836
I'm sorry!
1605
01:15:36,967 --> 01:15:39,317
I thought
I was supposed to smoke it.
1606
01:15:40,013 --> 01:15:41,188
Oh, shit.
1607
01:15:45,192 --> 01:15:47,281
Seriously? With the
12 Years a Slaveshit?
1608
01:15:47,412 --> 01:15:50,633
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I didn't see that movie, okay?
1609
01:15:50,763 --> 01:15:53,287
I just found this thing
in the shed. Jesus.
1610
01:15:59,642 --> 01:16:01,165
Come on, bro!
1611
01:16:01,295 --> 01:16:02,514
That's even worse.
1612
01:16:03,820 --> 01:16:06,039
I didn't mean it that way.
1613
01:16:06,170 --> 01:16:08,128
Some of my best victims
are Black.
1614
01:16:10,827 --> 01:16:15,222
And another brother
falls victim to gun violence.
1615
01:16:15,353 --> 01:16:17,355
Turns out
race is still an issue.
1616
01:16:17,485 --> 01:16:19,183
That's not fair!
1617
01:16:19,313 --> 01:16:21,489
You know, Black guys usually
die first in horror movies.
1618
01:16:24,623 --> 01:16:26,146
Damn!
1619
01:16:26,277 --> 01:16:28,801
This give whole new meaning
to Dead By Daylight.
1620
01:16:28,932 --> 01:16:30,847
Yeah.
1621
01:16:30,977 --> 01:16:33,719
Oh. Get them, son.
1622
01:16:33,850 --> 01:16:36,156
Goofy ass out of here.
1623
01:16:38,985 --> 01:16:40,596
Hello, Shorty.
1624
01:16:40,726 --> 01:16:42,946
Cuckoo! Get him, niggas!
1625
01:16:44,643 --> 01:16:48,691
Got your silly ass!
You about to be high as fuck.
1626
01:16:48,821 --> 01:16:51,084
♪ Party♪
♪ Aw, yeah, aw, yeah♪
1627
01:16:51,215 --> 01:16:52,042
♪ Ain't nobody standing...♪
1628
01:16:52,172 --> 01:16:53,043
Nigga!
1629
01:16:53,173 --> 01:16:56,481
Ah, shit, son!
1630
01:16:57,700 --> 01:16:59,876
Bro, why you running
backwards, son?
1631
01:17:00,006 --> 01:17:01,573
I don't know.
It's not me.
1632
01:17:01,704 --> 01:17:02,835
Something's wrong with this.
1633
01:17:02,966 --> 01:17:04,489
Nigga,
your remote is upside-down!
1634
01:17:04,620 --> 01:17:06,796
You're fucking high, son.
1635
01:17:06,926 --> 01:17:08,319
Game on, bitches!
Yeah.
1636
01:17:13,716 --> 01:17:15,108
Oh!
Wrong nigga.
1637
01:17:15,239 --> 01:17:16,762
Black Lives Matter!
1638
01:17:16,893 --> 01:17:18,242
Not you, Shorty!
1639
01:17:18,372 --> 01:17:19,504
Oh, my-- I need you.
1640
01:17:19,635 --> 01:17:21,419
Whoa, what is going on?
Oh, Jack!
1641
01:17:21,549 --> 01:17:24,117
Oh, thank God you're here!
Where were you?
1642
01:17:24,248 --> 01:17:25,684
Ghostface was just here!
1643
01:17:25,815 --> 01:17:27,947
I was just outside
getting some fresh air.
1644
01:17:28,078 --> 01:17:29,079
Stop!
1645
01:17:30,080 --> 01:17:32,386
One of you is the killer.
1646
01:17:32,996 --> 01:17:33,953
Elle...
1647
01:17:35,041 --> 01:17:36,564
why do you have blood
on your hands?
1648
01:17:38,001 --> 01:17:40,133
I found Brad outside.
1649
01:17:40,264 --> 01:17:41,961
She's the killer!
1650
01:17:42,092 --> 01:17:44,181
I am not the killer, okay?
1651
01:17:44,311 --> 01:17:47,097
I'm not even sex positive.
I'm a virgin.
1652
01:17:47,227 --> 01:17:48,664
No way.
1653
01:17:48,794 --> 01:17:50,100
You've banged, like,
every dude in Woodsville.
1654
01:17:50,230 --> 01:17:52,015
Fuck you!
1655
01:17:52,145 --> 01:17:53,669
Whoa!
1656
01:17:53,799 --> 01:17:56,541
The butt doesn't count.
1657
01:17:56,672 --> 01:17:58,412
Oh!
1658
01:17:58,543 --> 01:17:59,544
Shit, she shot Ashton!
1659
01:17:59,675 --> 01:18:03,243
Welcome to Act Three, bitches.
1660
01:18:04,549 --> 01:18:05,637
What?
1661
01:18:06,769 --> 01:18:08,335
What does that even mean?
1662
01:18:09,336 --> 01:18:11,382
It's when the shit goes down.
1663
01:18:11,512 --> 01:18:12,775
Oh.
1664
01:18:12,905 --> 01:18:14,080
I still don't really know
what she means,
1665
01:18:14,211 --> 01:18:16,343
but I think we should run!
Run!
1666
01:18:32,142 --> 01:18:33,143
Cindy!
1667
01:18:33,273 --> 01:18:34,840
Brenda.
1668
01:18:34,971 --> 01:18:36,668
Cindy, they in there shooting!
1669
01:18:36,799 --> 01:18:38,322
These kids are wild!
1670
01:18:38,452 --> 01:18:40,106
I blame it on video games,
1671
01:18:40,237 --> 01:18:42,718
not the liquor
or lack of parental supervision.
1672
01:18:42,848 --> 01:18:44,067
You're gonna need this.
Oh.
1673
01:18:44,197 --> 01:18:46,286
Do you have one bigger
in black?
1674
01:18:46,417 --> 01:18:48,114
Oh, wrong bag.
1675
01:18:49,159 --> 01:18:49,986
Here.
Ooh.
1676
01:18:50,116 --> 01:18:51,857
Who are you, Joan Wick?
1677
01:18:51,988 --> 01:18:54,512
I would've said Ballerina,
but nobody saw that shit.
1678
01:18:55,469 --> 01:18:56,427
Let's do this.
1679
01:18:56,557 --> 01:18:57,863
Okay.
1680
01:19:00,779 --> 01:19:02,912
Help! He stabbed me!
1681
01:19:03,042 --> 01:19:05,784
I'm definitely not faking it.
Please, help!
1682
01:19:05,915 --> 01:19:07,003
What do you think?
1683
01:19:07,917 --> 01:19:09,396
I think Drake lost to Kendrick.
1684
01:19:09,527 --> 01:19:12,530
I still like Drake, but
what was up with that lawsuit?
1685
01:19:12,660 --> 01:19:14,401
That's such a bitch-ass move.
1686
01:19:14,532 --> 01:19:16,839
About this situation.
1687
01:19:16,969 --> 01:19:18,666
Oh, that?
That's definitely a trap.
1688
01:19:18,797 --> 01:19:20,581
She don't know
we already been here, done that.
1689
01:19:21,974 --> 01:19:23,846
Brenda!
1690
01:19:23,976 --> 01:19:25,064
Brenda!
1691
01:19:25,195 --> 01:19:27,632
Cindy! It hurts!
1692
01:19:28,676 --> 01:19:31,027
Am I gonna make it?
I doubt it.
1693
01:19:31,157 --> 01:19:33,899
Oh, God, Cindy. Oh, God.
1694
01:19:34,030 --> 01:19:36,032
Bitch, I'm not dead yet!
1695
01:19:36,162 --> 01:19:38,338
Oh. My bad. I'm sorry.
1696
01:19:38,469 --> 01:19:42,299
Now you go back in there
and finish it.
1697
01:19:42,429 --> 01:19:43,561
For me, Cindy.
1698
01:19:43,691 --> 01:19:46,042
I would do anything for you,
Brenda.
1699
01:19:50,655 --> 01:19:53,353
Oh, yes! She bought it.
1700
01:19:53,484 --> 01:19:56,182
That old ketchup trick,
it don't fail.
1701
01:19:56,313 --> 01:19:57,662
That bitch is crazy
if she thought
1702
01:19:57,793 --> 01:20:00,056
I was taking my Black ass
back in there.
1703
01:20:03,711 --> 01:20:04,974
Attention all killers!
1704
01:20:05,104 --> 01:20:09,326
You have five seconds
to show yourselves.
1705
01:20:21,686 --> 01:20:22,556
Shorty!
1706
01:20:22,687 --> 01:20:24,167
Bitch!
1707
01:20:24,297 --> 01:20:26,038
You shot my favorite bong.
1708
01:20:26,169 --> 01:20:28,562
Go find your own damn closet!
1709
01:20:28,693 --> 01:20:29,912
Sorry.
1710
01:20:42,489 --> 01:20:47,668
Wow, this is so nice.
1711
01:20:47,799 --> 01:20:50,019
Brenda's been ballin'.
1712
01:20:53,326 --> 01:20:54,371
What the--
1713
01:20:58,592 --> 01:20:59,506
Red light!
1714
01:21:01,030 --> 01:21:03,423
Red light, green light,
one, two, three!
1715
01:21:05,077 --> 01:21:07,210
Oh. Okay, so we're
playing the hood version.
1716
01:21:09,081 --> 01:21:10,953
Red light, green light,
one, two, three!
1717
01:21:13,259 --> 01:21:14,870
Ha! You moved!
1718
01:21:15,000 --> 01:21:17,524
No, I didn't.
1719
01:21:21,746 --> 01:21:24,488
Ghostface 249, eliminated.
1720
01:21:29,319 --> 01:21:33,932
Ooh. You got some
hot breath, sir.
1721
01:21:44,203 --> 01:21:47,772
Someone's cleaning
those handprints off the mirror, and it isn't me.
1722
01:21:47,903 --> 01:21:52,472
I'll do it.
Don't leave any streaks.
1723
01:21:59,958 --> 01:22:01,090
No!
1724
01:22:15,060 --> 01:22:17,715
I knew swallowing the clip
would eventually come in handy.
1725
01:22:17,845 --> 01:22:20,109
Who's smiling now, bitch?
1726
01:22:31,250 --> 01:22:33,165
Hello, Cindy.
1727
01:22:33,992 --> 01:22:35,080
Hello.
1728
01:22:35,211 --> 01:22:36,516
Looks like you forgot
1729
01:22:36,647 --> 01:22:39,258
the first ruleof surviving a horror movie.
1730
01:22:39,389 --> 01:22:43,132
Never answer the phone!
1731
01:22:43,262 --> 01:22:46,483
I thought the first rule was
never trust the love interest.
1732
01:22:47,832 --> 01:22:49,225
Oh, really?
1733
01:22:49,355 --> 01:22:51,357
Well, I'm changing the rules.
How about that?
1734
01:22:52,228 --> 01:22:55,405
New rule: Go fuck yourself.
1735
01:22:55,535 --> 01:22:56,493
Wait, wait!
1736
01:22:58,147 --> 01:23:00,627
Why do you
hate closets so much?
1737
01:23:00,758 --> 01:23:02,238
I told you to come out.
1738
01:23:02,368 --> 01:23:04,327
Yeah, well,
I didn't want to get shot!
1739
01:23:04,457 --> 01:23:06,851
Ironic, isn't it?
1740
01:23:06,982 --> 01:23:08,984
You missed me, bitch.
1741
01:23:09,114 --> 01:23:10,898
Oh, God, it's Ghostface!
1742
01:23:11,029 --> 01:23:12,074
Didn't sound believable.
1743
01:23:14,032 --> 01:23:15,164
You think you're John Wick,
1744
01:23:15,294 --> 01:23:16,556
acting like I killed your dog?
1745
01:23:21,909 --> 01:23:23,737
The dog is just a metaphor.
1746
01:23:23,868 --> 01:23:25,652
It was about losing his wife!
1747
01:23:25,783 --> 01:23:27,698
You sure it's not
an allegory?
1748
01:23:38,709 --> 01:23:40,102
Let us begin.
1749
01:23:49,241 --> 01:23:50,721
Oh.
1750
01:24:01,210 --> 01:24:03,386
Oh, that stunt girl is good.
1751
01:24:20,272 --> 01:24:21,099
Whoa.
1752
01:24:25,843 --> 01:24:27,801
Oh, oh--
1753
01:24:43,469 --> 01:24:44,775
Eat a dick.
1754
01:24:55,307 --> 01:24:57,396
Shoot him, Sara. End this.
1755
01:24:57,527 --> 01:24:59,094
Don't tell me what to do!
1756
01:24:59,224 --> 01:25:00,834
This isn't the best time
1757
01:25:00,965 --> 01:25:03,141
to resolve our
mommy-daughter issues,
1758
01:25:03,272 --> 01:25:07,667
but, Sara, I am so sorry.
I have been a terrible mother.
1759
01:25:07,798 --> 01:25:10,148
I don't even know
your sister Wednesday--
1760
01:25:10,279 --> 01:25:11,541
Oh, Tuesday.
1761
01:25:11,671 --> 01:25:14,761
Have to clarify that
for legal reasons.
1762
01:25:14,892 --> 01:25:16,111
But I've prepared you for this.
1763
01:25:16,850 --> 01:25:18,287
So go on, baby.
1764
01:25:18,417 --> 01:25:20,071
You kill him.
1765
01:25:20,202 --> 01:25:21,551
Sara?
Jack!
1766
01:25:21,681 --> 01:25:22,987
Sara!
Jack!
1767
01:25:23,118 --> 01:25:24,554
Sara!
Oh, Jack!
1768
01:25:24,684 --> 01:25:25,642
Sara!
Jack!
1769
01:25:25,772 --> 01:25:26,643
Sara!
Jack!
1770
01:25:26,773 --> 01:25:27,774
Sara!
Jack!
1771
01:25:27,905 --> 01:25:28,819
Thank God you're okay.
1772
01:25:28,949 --> 01:25:29,907
Because I really wanted to be
1773
01:25:30,037 --> 01:25:30,995
the one to kill you!
1774
01:25:31,126 --> 01:25:32,649
Ooh, take it, baby.
1775
01:25:34,129 --> 01:25:36,696
See,
I told you it was about me.
1776
01:25:36,827 --> 01:25:38,568
No, Sara.
1777
01:25:40,004 --> 01:25:41,919
You were just the bait.
1778
01:25:42,049 --> 01:25:43,486
It's about her.
1779
01:25:44,182 --> 01:25:45,183
Fuck!
Aw.
1780
01:25:45,314 --> 01:25:47,359
Sorry, honey.
I hate being right.
1781
01:25:47,490 --> 01:25:49,274
You should've
listened to Doofy.
1782
01:25:49,405 --> 01:25:52,016
The love interest.
1783
01:25:52,147 --> 01:25:54,410
It just seemed too obvious,
you know?
1784
01:25:54,540 --> 01:25:57,108
Which makes you think
it is not obvious.
1785
01:25:57,239 --> 01:25:58,022
Same page, honeybunch.
1786
01:25:58,153 --> 01:25:59,154
Right.
1787
01:25:59,284 --> 01:26:00,981
Yeah, well, that's the twist!
1788
01:26:01,112 --> 01:26:02,461
Now get in the kitchen. Go!
1789
01:26:02,592 --> 01:26:03,941
Hey! Move!
1790
01:26:04,071 --> 01:26:06,422
Okay, listen up!
1791
01:26:06,552 --> 01:26:09,686
See, there hasn't been
a great Horror Movie
1792
01:26:09,816 --> 01:26:11,644
since the first one.
1793
01:26:11,775 --> 01:26:14,952
We're gonna save the franchise.
Go get our special guest star.
1794
01:26:17,084 --> 01:26:19,609
Hollywood is out of ideas!
1795
01:26:19,739 --> 01:26:22,351
Why else would there be
a Scary Movie 6?
1796
01:26:22,481 --> 01:26:24,918
But it wouldn't work with just
the new characters, would it?
1797
01:26:25,049 --> 01:26:27,530
We need the legacy characters.
Oh--
1798
01:26:27,660 --> 01:26:29,271
And there wouldn't be a Cindy
1799
01:26:29,401 --> 01:26:33,013
without her
sassy Black sidekick, Brenda.
1800
01:26:33,144 --> 01:26:36,278
You ain't have to say "Black"
with no hard "b" like that.
1801
01:26:36,408 --> 01:26:38,845
Brenda! Didn't you get shot?
1802
01:26:39,629 --> 01:26:41,152
Did I?
1803
01:26:41,283 --> 01:26:44,895
Oh! Wait, I did!
Ooh, look, God done healed me!
1804
01:26:45,025 --> 01:26:46,679
Ooh, what He do?
1805
01:26:46,810 --> 01:26:48,028
Stop dancing!
All the time!
1806
01:26:48,159 --> 01:26:49,508
Stop dancing!
Everybody stop dancing!
1807
01:26:49,639 --> 01:26:50,683
All the time!
1808
01:26:50,814 --> 01:26:51,728
Oh!
1809
01:26:51,858 --> 01:26:54,339
Oh.
Mom! No!
1810
01:26:54,470 --> 01:26:56,820
You called me "Mom".
1811
01:26:58,038 --> 01:26:59,605
You care about me.
1812
01:26:59,736 --> 01:27:01,955
Well, I wouldn't go that far,
but, I mean,
1813
01:27:02,086 --> 01:27:02,826
sure.
Go--
1814
01:27:02,956 --> 01:27:03,957
Go get Tuesday.
1815
01:27:04,088 --> 01:27:05,611
Okay, ladies,
1816
01:27:05,742 --> 01:27:07,874
time to stage the bodies.
1817
01:27:08,005 --> 01:27:10,355
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Oh!
1818
01:27:10,486 --> 01:27:12,314
Please don't do this!
1819
01:27:12,444 --> 01:27:13,793
What? Who are you people?
1820
01:27:13,924 --> 01:27:15,099
We're the motherfuckers
1821
01:27:15,230 --> 01:27:17,623
that are taking over
this franchise.
1822
01:27:17,754 --> 01:27:18,755
Oh, yeah? You are?
1823
01:27:18,885 --> 01:27:21,018
Okay! Oh, my God.
1824
01:27:21,148 --> 01:27:23,542
That was not part of the plan.
1825
01:27:23,673 --> 01:27:25,762
Oh, God. Shit.
1826
01:27:25,892 --> 01:27:27,938
Oh.
Neither was this.
1827
01:27:31,507 --> 01:27:32,899
Wait, Ray got one of those!
1828
01:27:33,030 --> 01:27:35,206
Whoa! Hot damn!
1829
01:27:35,337 --> 01:27:38,601
Anthony Anderson!
1830
01:27:38,731 --> 01:27:40,124
Yeah.
1831
01:27:40,255 --> 01:27:42,605
And I brought my boy
Kevin Hart with me.
1832
01:27:49,786 --> 01:27:51,570
What?
Shaq?
1833
01:27:51,701 --> 01:27:54,356
That's right. On my knees
I'm the same height as Kevin.
1834
01:27:54,486 --> 01:27:55,705
And Kevin said no.
1835
01:27:55,835 --> 01:27:57,228
Kevin Hart said no?
1836
01:27:57,359 --> 01:27:58,795
That little motherfucker
says yes to everything.
1837
01:27:58,925 --> 01:28:00,100
Yeah, he does.
1838
01:28:00,231 --> 01:28:01,798
But wait!
1839
01:28:01,928 --> 01:28:04,366
There's more.
1840
01:28:04,496 --> 01:28:06,498
Ta-dah...
1841
01:28:06,629 --> 01:28:07,673
bitches!
1842
01:28:07,804 --> 01:28:09,414
Ray? Shorty?
1843
01:28:09,545 --> 01:28:11,155
Yeah, that's right.
1844
01:28:11,286 --> 01:28:14,332
Four Black killers.
Yeah.
1845
01:28:14,463 --> 01:28:15,812
We're making history.
1846
01:28:15,942 --> 01:28:18,902
This a new definition
of Black excellence.
1847
01:28:19,729 --> 01:28:21,165
But why would you do this?
1848
01:28:21,296 --> 01:28:22,862
Question is:
1849
01:28:22,993 --> 01:28:24,777
Why would you try to make
a sequel without us, huh?
1850
01:28:24,908 --> 01:28:26,301
Yeah!
1851
01:28:26,431 --> 01:28:28,085
When the studio wanted
to replace these brothers,
1852
01:28:28,215 --> 01:28:30,261
I was there.
1853
01:28:30,392 --> 01:28:31,915
That's facts.
What about me?
1854
01:28:32,045 --> 01:28:33,133
What about you?
1855
01:28:33,264 --> 01:28:34,439
You were in one scene
1856
01:28:34,570 --> 01:28:36,180
in Part 4.
Oh!
1857
01:28:36,311 --> 01:28:37,268
Yes, but I made
that motherfucker
1858
01:28:37,399 --> 01:28:38,878
Dr. Phil cut his foot off.
1859
01:28:39,009 --> 01:28:40,706
And he crazy now.
Yeah, he got weird.
1860
01:28:40,837 --> 01:28:41,881
Mm.
But you--
1861
01:28:42,012 --> 01:28:43,448
Y-You see
what they trying to do?
1862
01:28:43,579 --> 01:28:45,407
They trying to pit us all up
against each other.
1863
01:28:45,537 --> 01:28:48,061
They trying to start Black
on-- on very Black crime.
1864
01:28:48,192 --> 01:28:49,411
Oh.
That's right!
1865
01:28:49,541 --> 01:28:52,152
Yo, Shaq.
Hey. I'm proud of you, bro.
1866
01:28:52,283 --> 01:28:54,764
You've had an amazing career
as a sports commentator
1867
01:28:54,894 --> 01:28:56,635
since retiring
from basketball. Mm-hmm.
1868
01:28:56,766 --> 01:29:00,335
And I love The Big Podcast.
Nigga, I love that shit!
1869
01:29:00,465 --> 01:29:02,467
Even though I don't understand
a word you be saying.
1870
01:29:02,598 --> 01:29:03,686
You be on that show
talkin' 'bout--
1871
01:29:07,385 --> 01:29:08,125
"Kobe."
1872
01:29:08,255 --> 01:29:09,561
Enough.
1873
01:29:09,692 --> 01:29:13,173
But my point is, nigga,
I love your shit.
1874
01:29:14,131 --> 01:29:16,307
But I never got over Kazaam.
1875
01:29:16,438 --> 01:29:17,743
Fuck all that shit!
1876
01:29:17,874 --> 01:29:19,310
Kick his ass!
1877
01:29:19,441 --> 01:29:21,878
Get your big ass over here!
I hated that movie, too!
1878
01:29:22,008 --> 01:29:23,358
Why did you leave the Lakers?
1879
01:29:23,488 --> 01:29:26,230
You and Kobe
would've had nine rings!
1880
01:29:26,361 --> 01:29:27,710
That motherfucker traded me!
1881
01:29:27,840 --> 01:29:29,015
Sha-kweel!
1882
01:29:29,146 --> 01:29:31,583
How big is your foot?
1883
01:29:31,714 --> 01:29:32,889
22.
1884
01:29:33,019 --> 01:29:35,500
Then how big is your dick?
1885
01:29:35,631 --> 01:29:36,719
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ray!
1886
01:29:36,849 --> 01:29:38,329
Pause.
What the fuck
1887
01:29:38,460 --> 01:29:39,809
you talking about?
I'm doing it for the culture.
1888
01:29:39,939 --> 01:29:41,376
What culture?
1889
01:29:41,506 --> 01:29:43,508
The Culture Club. Nigga!
Bro.
1890
01:29:43,639 --> 01:29:44,727
Come on, Ray,
we killing people.
1891
01:29:44,857 --> 01:29:45,858
Stay focused.
All right, all right.
1892
01:29:45,989 --> 01:29:47,817
All right. We back.
1893
01:29:47,947 --> 01:29:50,820
Hey, Ant, don't, don't you--
don't you worry. We family.
1894
01:29:50,950 --> 01:29:52,952
Ant, mad respect, y'all.
1895
01:29:53,083 --> 01:29:55,085
Hey, Black-ishnominated
1896
01:29:55,215 --> 01:29:56,173
for eight Emmys!
1897
01:29:56,303 --> 01:29:57,479
My nigga!
1898
01:29:57,609 --> 01:29:58,784
Well, actually,
1899
01:29:58,915 --> 01:30:00,569
the show was only nominated
for five.
1900
01:30:00,699 --> 01:30:02,309
I was nominated for eight.
1901
01:30:02,440 --> 01:30:03,441
Ooh.
Wow.
1902
01:30:03,572 --> 01:30:04,486
Oh, thank you.
1903
01:30:04,616 --> 01:30:05,704
A thespian!
1904
01:30:05,835 --> 01:30:08,403
Is that so? Eight nominations.
1905
01:30:08,533 --> 01:30:10,492
Crazy! Yeah, man.
1906
01:30:12,494 --> 01:30:14,670
But you never won.
What?
1907
01:30:16,323 --> 01:30:17,586
Et tu, Brute?
1908
01:30:17,716 --> 01:30:19,501
Don't speak Spanish to me,
motherfucker.
1909
01:30:19,631 --> 01:30:22,373
This is for doing
Scary Movie 3and 4!
1910
01:30:22,504 --> 01:30:24,897
I didn't know
they fired the family!
1911
01:30:25,028 --> 01:30:26,595
And this is for copying
1912
01:30:26,725 --> 01:30:29,598
our Good Timesepisode
on Black-ish!
1913
01:30:29,728 --> 01:30:32,252
But you guys were on The WB!
1914
01:30:32,383 --> 01:30:34,907
Nobody saw that shit!
1915
01:30:37,214 --> 01:30:38,345
That's kinda true.
1916
01:30:38,476 --> 01:30:40,478
What are you doing?
1917
01:30:40,609 --> 01:30:42,698
They didn't create
the franchise, you did.
1918
01:30:42,828 --> 01:30:44,656
Yeah.
No!
1919
01:30:44,787 --> 01:30:48,225
Creating franchises
doesn't make you a killer.
1920
01:30:48,355 --> 01:30:50,183
Stealing franchises does.
1921
01:30:50,314 --> 01:30:52,272
Scary Movie
was our franchise... Motherfucker!
1922
01:30:52,403 --> 01:30:53,665
...and they stole it from us!
1923
01:30:53,796 --> 01:30:56,059
And they started
doing those bad parodies.
1924
01:30:56,189 --> 01:30:59,018
Epic Movie.What the fuck?
Disaster Movie.
1925
01:30:59,149 --> 01:31:00,803
Date Movie.
This is for Date Movie.
1926
01:31:00,933 --> 01:31:03,066
And then the one
with the little-- the dude with the hooves.
1927
01:31:03,196 --> 01:31:04,763
Nigga, that's Epic Movie.
He deserves twice--
1928
01:31:04,894 --> 01:31:06,330
Give him double stabs now.
Hate that Narniashit.
1929
01:31:06,461 --> 01:31:08,419
He's already dead.
So much blood.
1930
01:31:08,550 --> 01:31:10,421
Friedberg and Seltzer,
nigga.
1931
01:31:12,075 --> 01:31:13,598
Ooh.
No, no, no.
1932
01:31:13,729 --> 01:31:15,731
And you, and you--
1933
01:31:15,861 --> 01:31:18,821
Y'all went and did
Scary Movie 3and 4without us!
1934
01:31:18,951 --> 01:31:21,519
Nigga, I'm sorry.
They offered me so much money!
1935
01:31:21,650 --> 01:31:25,262
I-I got a new house, a new car.
I got wigs that don't itch.
1936
01:31:26,437 --> 01:31:27,743
And what about you?
1937
01:31:28,831 --> 01:31:31,007
Well, I had a chance
to work with
1938
01:31:31,137 --> 01:31:33,488
the incomparable Charlie Sheen.
1939
01:31:35,141 --> 01:31:36,752
That's good. He's a legend.
1940
01:31:36,882 --> 01:31:39,102
And his dick game's crazy.
1941
01:31:39,232 --> 01:31:41,365
You know he slept with
47,000 women?
1942
01:31:41,496 --> 01:31:43,498
And a thousand of them women
were dudes.
1943
01:31:43,628 --> 01:31:45,282
Lucky guy.
1944
01:31:46,370 --> 01:31:48,720
Wait,
so y'all gonna kill us now?
1945
01:31:50,417 --> 01:31:52,245
Nah.
1946
01:31:52,376 --> 01:31:55,031
What would Halloweenbe
without Jamie Lee Curtis?
1947
01:31:55,161 --> 01:31:56,772
Or Screambe
without Neve Campbell?
1948
01:31:56,902 --> 01:31:58,382
That would be Scream VI.
1949
01:31:58,513 --> 01:32:00,906
How did you guys
pull all of this off?
1950
01:32:01,037 --> 01:32:02,473
Cindy!
1951
01:32:02,604 --> 01:32:05,389
You know how many Wayanses
there are?
1952
01:32:05,520 --> 01:32:07,478
Nigga, billions!
Billions!
1953
01:32:07,609 --> 01:32:10,873
I'm just so happy that
the old gang is back together.
1954
01:32:11,830 --> 01:32:13,528
Okay, in the middle, on three:
1955
01:32:13,658 --> 01:32:14,920
Core Four.
1956
01:32:15,051 --> 01:32:16,661
What?
Nah, nah. We-- That--
1957
01:32:16,792 --> 01:32:18,141
That-- That's corny shit.
That's wack.
1958
01:32:18,271 --> 01:32:19,621
Ooh, uh, w-what about--
1959
01:32:19,751 --> 01:32:22,319
What about,
The Young and The Restless?
1960
01:32:22,449 --> 01:32:24,364
Yeah, or The-- or The Old
1961
01:32:24,495 --> 01:32:25,670
and then The Beautiful.
1962
01:32:25,801 --> 01:32:27,759
Or-- or The--
The Cute and The Crusty.
1963
01:32:27,890 --> 01:32:30,675
Yeah, or The Sexy
and then The Senile.
1964
01:32:36,899 --> 01:32:38,814
But we were brought in
to take over the franchise!
1965
01:32:38,944 --> 01:32:40,032
That's right. I mean,
1966
01:32:40,163 --> 01:32:42,252
you guys are, like,
70 years old!
1967
01:32:42,382 --> 01:32:44,036
Not in my mouth!
1968
01:32:44,167 --> 01:32:45,211
Aw, fuck!
1969
01:32:46,735 --> 01:32:48,954
I just dragged that one
from the subway.
1970
01:32:49,085 --> 01:32:51,304
Oh, my back hurts.
1971
01:32:51,435 --> 01:32:54,264
Guys, guys!
They're already dead.
1972
01:32:54,394 --> 01:32:56,658
Nah! Little fuckers
always come back.
1973
01:32:56,788 --> 01:32:58,529
Oh, no. Not this time.
1974
01:32:58,660 --> 01:33:01,053
Exactly. Come on,
Ray, let's go. Let's go.
1975
01:33:01,184 --> 01:33:02,620
Who got a match?
1976
01:33:02,751 --> 01:33:06,842
Got one, got one!
Next generation, my ass!
1977
01:33:06,972 --> 01:33:08,452
Yeah, whoo!
1978
01:33:12,804 --> 01:33:13,936
Sara, tell me what do to.
1979
01:33:14,066 --> 01:33:16,025
Blow, bitch, blow!
1980
01:33:24,033 --> 01:33:25,077
Yeah.
1981
01:33:27,297 --> 01:33:29,560
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Should we feel bad?
1982
01:33:29,691 --> 01:33:31,214
I mean, those are our kids.
1983
01:33:31,344 --> 01:33:32,955
Fuck those kids!
Yeah!
1984
01:33:33,085 --> 01:33:35,131
This is our franchise.
Yeah!
1985
01:33:35,261 --> 01:33:37,960
Besides, we can do all these
dramatic walkaways
1986
01:33:38,090 --> 01:33:39,352
with the fire in back of us.
1987
01:33:39,483 --> 01:33:41,180
But, damn, it's hot.
1988
01:33:41,311 --> 01:33:44,357
I don't know.
I kind of like it.
1989
01:33:44,488 --> 01:33:46,490
You do, Ray?
We should play firemen.
1990
01:33:46,621 --> 01:33:48,797
You wanna dress up
like a fireman?
1991
01:33:48,927 --> 01:33:50,668
No. I want you to dress up
like a fireman.
1992
01:33:50,799 --> 01:33:53,192
Y'all feel a draft?
1993
01:33:53,323 --> 01:33:55,107
"
BY CHRIS PATRICK PLAYS] ♪ Bigger than ever♪
1994
01:33:55,238 --> 01:33:56,108
♪ We backWoo♪
1995
01:33:56,239 --> 01:33:57,806
♪ Okay, okay♪
1996
01:33:57,936 --> 01:33:59,242
♪ We backWe back♪
1997
01:33:59,372 --> 01:34:00,678
♪ Okay, okay♪
1998
01:34:00,809 --> 01:34:02,288
♪ Bigger than everWe back♪
1999
01:34:02,419 --> 01:34:03,986
♪ Wait on itPut in pain for it♪
2000
01:34:04,116 --> 01:34:05,683
♪ Every dayA day to train for it♪
2001
01:34:05,814 --> 01:34:07,511
♪ We on a whole 'nother level♪
2002
01:34:07,642 --> 01:34:08,904
♪ Bigger than everWe back♪
2003
01:34:11,036 --> 01:34:12,429
♪ Uh-huh♪
2004
01:34:12,559 --> 01:34:14,083
♪ We backWe back♪
2005
01:34:14,213 --> 01:34:15,867
♪ Back like respawn♪
♪ Respawn♪
2006
01:34:15,998 --> 01:34:17,564
♪ Back likeReversin' out the whip♪
2007
01:34:17,695 --> 01:34:19,349
♪ Forward drive♪
♪ Drive♪
2008
01:34:19,479 --> 01:34:20,785
♪ Back like I'm Marty♪
♪ Marty♪
2009
01:34:20,916 --> 01:34:22,047
♪ Back like McFly♪
2010
01:34:22,178 --> 01:34:23,658
♪ Double back for dinero♪
2011
01:34:23,788 --> 01:34:25,485
♪ 'Cause it's backLike I slide♪
2012
01:34:25,616 --> 01:34:27,052
♪ We outside♪
2013
01:34:27,183 --> 01:34:29,315
♪ We ain't never really left♪
2014
01:34:29,446 --> 01:34:30,621
♪ Write ambidextrous♪
2015
01:34:30,752 --> 01:34:32,275
♪ Both hands need a check♪
2016
01:34:32,405 --> 01:34:34,059
♪ Whole fam need respect♪
2017
01:34:34,190 --> 01:34:36,148
♪ More bands, nothing less♪
2018
01:34:36,279 --> 01:34:39,369
♪ Tax season 'cause I gotThe plan to collect♪
2019
01:34:40,936 --> 01:34:42,372
♪ Uh♪
2020
01:34:42,502 --> 01:34:43,765
♪ Look at me now♪
♪ Now♪
2021
01:34:43,895 --> 01:34:45,592
♪ We on a whole 'nother level♪
2022
01:34:45,723 --> 01:34:47,507
♪ My foot on the pedalMy eyes on the crown♪
2023
01:34:47,638 --> 01:34:49,074
♪ Uh♪
2024
01:34:49,205 --> 01:34:50,554
♪ Look at me now♪
♪ Now♪
2025
01:34:50,685 --> 01:34:52,077
♪ We on a whole 'nother level♪
2026
01:34:52,208 --> 01:34:53,513
♪ Bigger than everWe back♪
2027
01:34:54,471 --> 01:34:56,125
♪ Okay, okay♪
2028
01:34:56,255 --> 01:34:57,866
♪ We back♪
2029
01:34:57,996 --> 01:34:59,650
♪ Okay, okay♪
♪ Bigger than ever♪
2030
01:34:59,781 --> 01:35:01,130
♪ We back♪
2031
01:35:01,260 --> 01:35:02,784
♪ Wait on itPut in pain for it♪
2032
01:35:02,914 --> 01:35:04,176
♪ Every dayA day to train for it♪
2033
01:35:04,307 --> 01:35:05,743
♪ We on a whole 'nother level♪
2034
01:35:05,874 --> 01:35:07,397
♪ Bigger than everWe back♪
2035
01:35:08,485 --> 01:35:09,616
♪ Mm♪
2036
01:35:09,747 --> 01:35:11,531
♪ Look at me now♪
2037
01:35:11,662 --> 01:35:13,142
♪ We on a whole 'nother level♪
2038
01:35:13,272 --> 01:35:14,621
♪ Look at me now♪
2039
01:35:14,752 --> 01:35:16,232
♪ My foot on the pedal♪
2040
01:35:16,362 --> 01:35:18,234
♪ My eyes on the crown♪
2041
01:35:18,364 --> 01:35:19,844
♪ We on a whole 'nother level♪
2042
01:35:19,975 --> 01:35:21,237
♪ Look at me now♪
2043
01:35:21,367 --> 01:35:22,978
♪ Whoo, look at me now♪
2044
01:35:23,108 --> 01:35:24,675
♪ Whoo, look at me now♪
2045
01:35:24,806 --> 01:35:26,198
♪ We on a whole 'nother level♪
2046
01:35:29,941 --> 01:35:32,248
♪ Bigger than everWe back, whoo♪
2047
01:35:32,378 --> 01:35:34,032
♪ Okay, okay♪
2048
01:35:34,163 --> 01:35:35,599
♪ We back♪
2049
01:35:35,730 --> 01:35:37,035
♪ Okay, okay♪
2050
01:35:37,166 --> 01:35:38,602
♪ Bigger than everWe back♪
2051
01:35:38,733 --> 01:35:40,212
♪ Wait on itPut in pain for it♪
2052
01:35:40,343 --> 01:35:41,910
♪ Every dayA day to train for it♪
2053
01:35:42,040 --> 01:35:43,433
♪ We on a whole 'nother level♪
2054
01:35:43,563 --> 01:35:45,304
♪ Bigger than everWe back♪
2055
01:35:45,435 --> 01:35:47,698
♪ Hey, hey, hey♪
2056
01:35:47,829 --> 01:35:48,743
♪ We back♪
2057
01:35:48,873 --> 01:35:51,136
♪ Hey, hey, hey♪
2058
01:35:51,267 --> 01:35:52,181
♪ We back♪
2059
01:35:52,311 --> 01:35:54,357
♪ Hey, hey, hey♪
2060
01:35:54,487 --> 01:35:55,793
♪ We back♪
2061
01:35:55,924 --> 01:35:57,447
♪ We on a whole 'nother level♪
2062
01:35:57,577 --> 01:35:58,840
♪ Bigger than everWe back♪
2063
01:36:06,804 --> 01:36:09,067
Coming soonto a theater near you...
2064
01:36:09,198 --> 01:36:10,895
Come to me...
2065
01:36:11,026 --> 01:36:12,244
Count Brolock.
2066
01:36:12,375 --> 01:36:14,856
From the studiothat brought you
2067
01:36:14,986 --> 01:36:17,684
every Black versionof a white movie...
2068
01:36:20,252 --> 01:36:23,647
I am but an appetite,nothing more.
2069
01:36:23,778 --> 01:36:25,910
That's not what you said
last night
2070
01:36:26,041 --> 01:36:27,564
when you were
sucking on my chest.
2071
01:36:30,001 --> 01:36:31,437
The sisters may hear you.
2072
01:36:31,568 --> 01:36:33,265
Too late.
2073
01:36:33,396 --> 01:36:34,484
You trifling sellout.
2074
01:36:34,614 --> 01:36:36,225
I don't know this bitch!
2075
01:36:36,355 --> 01:36:37,792
She's trying to get me!
This is entrapment!
2076
01:36:37,922 --> 01:36:40,185
Negro ain't shit.
Mm-hmm.
2077
01:36:40,316 --> 01:36:43,014
Behold the Black vampire.
2078
01:36:43,667 --> 01:36:45,538
Brosferatu.
2079
01:36:46,539 --> 01:36:48,541
Coming this Kwanzaa.
2080
01:38:02,877 --> 01:38:06,097
Cuckoo. Cuckoo.
2081
01:38:07,055 --> 01:38:10,406
Happy Birthday, A.S. Berger.
2082
01:38:10,536 --> 01:38:13,322
Something isn't right here.
Happy birthday...
2083
01:38:13,452 --> 01:38:15,106
He's definitely Ghostface.
2084
01:38:15,846 --> 01:38:16,760
Sit.
2085
01:38:17,717 --> 01:38:19,458
I agree, Berger.
2086
01:38:19,589 --> 01:38:21,634
That hand should spend
the rest of its life in prison.
2087
01:38:21,765 --> 01:38:23,723
That little hand, man. I mean--
2088
01:38:23,854 --> 01:38:27,379
Respectfully, that thing would
probably give a nice handjob.
2089
01:38:27,510 --> 01:38:29,686
Off the chain, guaranteed.
2090
01:38:29,816 --> 01:38:30,948
Tight grip.
2091
01:38:31,079 --> 01:38:32,341
Make your meat
look two times bigger.
2092
01:38:32,471 --> 01:38:33,603
Yeah.
2093
01:38:33,733 --> 01:38:34,952
I don't want
a handjob from him.
2094
01:38:35,083 --> 01:38:36,432
Let me tell you that,
first and foremost.
2095
01:38:36,562 --> 01:38:38,564
I do not want a handjob.
Me neither.
2096
01:38:38,695 --> 01:38:41,306
However, when you look at it,
like a shotgun--
2097
01:38:41,437 --> 01:38:43,352
You're done.
2098
01:38:44,962 --> 01:38:46,355
Now, listen,
we're gonna hold him, okay?
2099
01:38:46,485 --> 01:38:48,009
Okay.
It might be a day,
2100
01:38:48,139 --> 01:38:49,314
two weeks, I don't know.
2101
01:38:49,445 --> 01:38:50,620
I don't know how long
this movie is.
2102
01:38:50,750 --> 01:38:52,796
Like a Chris Nolan movie
with farts.
2103
01:38:52,927 --> 01:38:55,190
But what I want you to do
is go in there
2104
01:38:55,320 --> 01:38:57,322
and show him what you got.
2105
01:38:57,453 --> 01:38:59,107
Cock it and rock it.
2106
01:39:02,327 --> 01:39:03,328
Ah.
2107
01:39:05,026 --> 01:39:07,463
Oh!
2108
01:39:08,290 --> 01:39:10,074
There she is.
2109
01:39:10,205 --> 01:39:12,294
The birthday girl.
2110
01:39:15,558 --> 01:39:16,646
I brought a cake.
2111
01:39:18,039 --> 01:39:19,257
Make a wish.
2112
01:39:20,998 --> 01:39:22,913
My germs!
2113
01:39:26,569 --> 01:39:29,311
Finger-licking good.
2114
01:39:29,441 --> 01:39:33,271
Agent Berger, I'm just trying
to give you my strong hand.
2115
01:39:33,402 --> 01:39:35,143
No!
But it's a meme.
2116
01:39:35,273 --> 01:39:39,538
Mr. Shorthand,
are you Ghostface?
2117
01:39:39,669 --> 01:39:41,845
Here we go--
2118
01:39:41,976 --> 01:39:44,761
Whew, that stings.
It's sort of--
2119
01:39:44,891 --> 01:39:45,805
Whoo.
2120
01:39:45,936 --> 01:39:47,633
Okay, that hurts.
Stop.
2121
01:39:47,764 --> 01:39:48,895
Can I talk to you
for a second?
2122
01:39:49,026 --> 01:39:50,593
Yeah, o-okay.
2123
01:39:52,595 --> 01:39:54,075
This table needs an airbag.
2124
01:39:54,205 --> 01:39:55,032
It should--
2125
01:39:55,163 --> 01:39:56,729
Goddamn!
2126
01:39:56,860 --> 01:39:58,122
Whoo!
2127
01:39:58,253 --> 01:39:59,732
I didn't think it would
hurt so bad.
2128
01:39:59,863 --> 01:40:02,997
So we got the wrong guy.
Could have told you that.
2129
01:40:03,127 --> 01:40:04,737
Why?
'Cause I'm psychic.
2130
01:40:04,868 --> 01:40:06,652
Oh, yeah!
2131
01:40:06,783 --> 01:40:08,002
You know, it's what--
2132
01:40:08,132 --> 01:40:09,481
Oh, shit!
2133
01:40:09,612 --> 01:40:11,048
Oh, God,
that's how I feel.
2134
01:40:11,179 --> 01:40:12,789
Let me tell you some--
2135
01:40:12,919 --> 01:40:15,096
What do we do now?
2136
01:40:15,226 --> 01:40:16,923
Back out slowly.
2137
01:40:17,054 --> 01:40:18,664
Like my neighbor when
I caught him inside my wife.
2138
01:40:18,795 --> 01:40:20,275
Where are you guys going?
2139
01:40:20,405 --> 01:40:21,537
They're still together?
2140
01:40:21,667 --> 01:40:23,147
Unfortunately.
2141
01:40:23,278 --> 01:40:24,496
Ow!
2142
01:40:24,627 --> 01:40:26,585
Sorry, man.
It's okay.
2143
01:40:26,716 --> 01:40:27,978
We're a throuple now.
148905
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