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FERNANDEL IN

THE SUITORS' CLUB

ONCE UPON A TIME IN ONE OF THOSE HAPPY COUNTRIES...

IF HAPPY PEOPLE HAVE NO HISTORY,

HAPPY COUNTRIES HAVE NO GEOGRAPHY PIERRE LOUYS

EVERYTHING FOR MEN

My dear colleagues,

after examining the bills you entrusted to me,

it has emerged that we're owed 5 million

by forty of our clients, young society men,

all insolvent and who could only repay us

by marrying into wealth.

Our 5 million is lost forever

unless we find an effective way to recover it.

Agreed, my dear Palmer.

-Certainly. -But how?

The Video Private Detective Agency reports

that billionaire Cabarrus has rented Miramar Castle

in X-on-Sea for the summer.

I don't understand.

You'll understand if I tell you

that this Cabarrus has a daughter of marriageable age.

Well, well!

And you'll understand completely if I add

that this girl is the sole heir to his fortune.

That's all very nice,

but this young lady may already be engaged.

No, gentlemen, my information is definite.

There's nobody, if I may say so, working on this case.

Unfortunately, our candidates are in Paris

and none can afford to go to X-on-Sea to try their luck.

You wouldn't send them there at our expense?

Especially since there are 40 of them.

That's not a trip, it's an expedition.

Exactly, I'm proposing we organize an expedition.

Think about it.

We advance 2 million for travel and accommodation.

2 million?

We have no choice.

Either lose everything or invest another 2 million

and recover our debts, plus a nice profit.

A nice profit?

Exactly.

Each candidate would commit

to paying us 10 million if he marries Miss Cabarrus,

which, minus the 5 million owed to us,

plus the 2 million I'm asking you to advance

would leave us 3 million profit.

Provided one of our candidates, as you put it,

sees the deal through.

Valid objection, but anticipated.

Send in Prince Nirvanoff.

Gentlemen.

Your servant.

Gentlemen,

you have before you the last Don Juan of the century.

I am, as this brochure will tell you,

the man who amazed America.

Some samples of my conquests

with explanatory notes alongside.

Divorce decrees, all against me, obviously,

in ten languages.

Naturally, depending on the wife's nationality.

In short, gentlemen,

22 marriages,

22 divorces.

Total: 1,250,000,000 in dowries,

not counting pocket money and frivolities.

Gentlemen, if you confer on me the honor of directing

and training your candidates,

you can consider the Cabarrus affair settled.

But in your opinion,

how long will it take to get results?

Three weeks. A month at most.

I'm ready to stake the Nirvanoff honor on it.

Gentlemen, I repeat,

we can either lose everything or gain 3 million.

Those who support my proposal

please raise your hand.

Unanimous. So, from today,

we form an association whose name will be...

Well, gentlemen, I await your suggestions.

May I?

Please do.

The Suitors Club.

Yes.

Any objections?

-No. No. Very good. -Perfect.

-Perfect. -Very good. Very good.

The suitors step forward

In search of love

The suitors rush forth

To conquer love

Feel us trembling with hope

Laughing at all these rivals

To seize their chance

Here comes the suitors' club

Rankings of June 27th.

First: Miss Daisy.

Second: Madam.

Third: Miss Edith.

And fourth: Sir.

Send your 100 cents.

You too, Dad.

I don't have change.

Yes, as usual.

Albert, lend the gentleman 100 sous.

RECEPTION

Watch out.

The customer.

-The customer. -The customer.

Did you sleep well, sir?

Yes, not bad. Thanks, my friend.

Nothing for me? No mail?

No, Mr. Valoisir.

Well, actually,

I still have your little bill.

I have complete faith in you. You can keep it.

You're too kind, sir.

Please.

-Oh me... -You, I know, gardening and culture.

And you, my beloved daughter, you?

That, my dear daddy, is none of your business.

Perfect, perfect.

That sounds like an excellent plan.

Sir's checkers game is well underway.

Dear friend, I'll follow you.

An ixus vampirex.

Well, Pamela!

-What? -It's your turn.

Really, dear, where is your head?

You're playing with my pieces!

Oh no, honestly, you'll never learn to play checkers.

Yet you managed to get me to marry you

by making me believe you were a worthy partner.

True, on our wedding night, I knew for sure.

I had no illusions left.

Neither did I, my dear. Not one.

There's a phone call for you, from Paris.

-Who is it? -They didn't give a name.

-It's confidential. -I'll take it.

Excuse me, my dear.

The phone has left us no privacy.

Hello? Hello, hello?

No, no, don't hang up.

This is Mr. Cabarrus, yes. I'm listening.

Video Agency.

What?

Serious news?

Very serious?

But I love it! What is it?

This is a real witch hunt on my daughter.

Those scoundrels!

Don't worry, I'll cure those suitors of their sighing.

Oh yes, yes, yes, yes. I'll send you the usual check.

Yes, that's right. So goodbye, Mr. Video.

See you next time.

-Stop! Where are you going? -Somewhere else.

Sorry, but there's a contract. No more somewhere else.

There. From now on,

it's family life, it's castle life.

You won't go out anymore, no one will.

No one?

No one except me, of course.

Albert!

Ring the porter, Albert.

So I'm condemned to die of old age here.

Do like your cousin.

Grow rutabagas and train kangaroos.

-Oh yes! -Or like your mother-in-law,

dance the biguine.

When you look for work, you always find some.

Take me, for example, I'm going to sleep.

Hands up!

Pleased to meet you.

Who do I have the honor of meeting?

But, sir...

Not another word. You're done for.

A word of advice:

tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Raise your hands and say "I swear".

-But allow me... -Silence.

Breaking and entering, burglary, armed assault.

It's French Guiana,

yellow fever, mosquitoes, the guillotine and sharks.

I know the law.

No, please sir, listen to me.

-Too late. -And yet, there's...

Not at all. The jury will appreciate it.

Albert!

Call the police.

Not with the bugle, you fool! The phone!

Send me a squad, a company, a battalion

the best you have and right now.

Money's no object.

What did you say?

Me?

Nothing.

You're wrong.

No, no, no, no.

Hands up, keep them up.

I'm getting pins and needles, you know.

It's tiring.

It's the rule.

Oh, well if it's the rule.

Sit down.

So...

You came to my house to rob me?

Me? A thief?

If my poor mother could hear you...

Yes, I see your mother left you with family values.

That's a mitigating circumstance.

So, what did you come here for?

An ixus vampirex.

I caught you!

You wanted to steal my ixus vampirex.

Finally you admit it!

And what exactly is an ixus

vampirex?

A butterfly.

Yes, because I'm a butterfly hunter.

You're a butterfly hunter?

-You're a butterfly hunter? -Yes.

You should have said so right away.

But you didn't ask me.

Why?

Do you like butterflies?

No.

But my wife likes monkeys. I only like ladies.

Too bad.

Why's that?

We could have had a little game.

A game of checkers? You play checkers?

It's my guilty pleasure.

My dear friend, this is the best day of my life!

Well, my dear... Remind me of your name.

Antoine. Antoine Cyprien Valoisir.

-Well, my dear Antoine. -Cyprien Valoisir.

Go ahead, blacks for you.

Yellows for you, my dear.

-Yes. -Exactly.

So then, my good Antoine,

what do you say about that move?

Wait.

One,

two,

three,

four,

five,

six

and seven. There.

You beat me?

I think so.

-Am I dreaming? -No.

Come here!

Wait.

Quick!

Come in!

What do these officers want?

But sir, they're police officers.

I can see that. But why officers?

-But you asked for them, sir. -Yes, officers!

Exactly.

These policemen are very good.

Gentlemen, it is an extremely serious matter

that brings you here.

A murder?

If only it were that. It's worse.

My friend Antoine Valoisir

has just suffered a considerable loss.

What did he lose?

An ixus vampirex.

Can you believe it?

An ixus vampirex.

Obviously, it's quite a loss.

Well, gentlemen,

I'm counting on you to handle this promptly.

-Sir. -Officers.

We can't part like this.

-But I'll be back. -Friday, 5pm.

-You owe me a rematch. -I won't forget, sir.

-Call me Rodolphe. -Goodbye, Rodolphe.

"CDS".

My dear manager, you must sort this out.

You can't possibly ask these two gentlemen

to share the same room!

Come now.

It wouldn't be proper.

No, I absolutely refuse to compromise my reputation.

I understand,

but unfortunately, it's impossible. I have a client.

Excuse me, sir.

What can I do for you?

My key.

Sorry.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Mr. Valoisir, to my great regret,

I believe we'll be forced

to do without your valued patronage.

But no! Why? I'm very happy here.

The service is decent. Obviously,

the meals leave something to be desired,

but overall, it's acceptable.

For you, perhaps, and I'm delighted to hear it,

but for us, it's another matter.

If you don't pay your bill today,

I'll be forced into the painful obligation

of disposing of your room.

Is that all?

Nonsense! But you'll be paid.

-Yes, but when? -Once we catch it.

But what?

The ixus vampirex.

Ah yes, yes, yes!

Your famous butterfly they're offering a fortune for.

Exactly.

Well, Mr. Valoisir, I'm giving you 24 hours.

Final deadline. Otherwise you can find your creepy crawly elsewhere.

There.

Thank you.

My little beast.

Come on, soup merchant!

My little beast...

Excuse me, young man. What's this?

CDS. A music company?

No, sir, it's a club.

A bowling club?

No, sir. The Suitors Club.

At the end of this path, a building surrounded by walls,

that's Miramar Castle.

Got it?

-Got it. -Got it.

Got it.

Got it.

Gentlemen,

here's the position to take.

Oh my, young man, that's interesting.

And we're sure to spend a month here for free, that's something.

But what do you need to do to join this club?

Debts.

Debts?

So maybe I have a chance.

Big debts.

Is it absolutely necessary?

Don't you think a nice little debt

would be enough?

That, sir, only Prince Nirvanoff can tell you.

Nirvanoff?

Yes.

So?

So, my dear sir, let's end this charade.

The club only admits recognized, certified seducers

with references.

What are yours?

How many women have got divorced for you?

But this is...

How many tried to kill themselves?

Do we need corpses?

No, as few as possible.

But above all, you must be irresistible.

Irresistible.

Your servant.

Irresistible?

Yes.

Since I first saw you,

my heart beats only for you.

I can't eat. I can't live.

Well, write it down, Miss!

THE LOVERS' SECRETARY

I await seeing you again as day awaits night,

as flowers await the dew,

as the traveler lost in the desert

awaits in the shade of the oasis the spring that quenches.

If you don't want the darkest despair

to follow the wildest hope,

come tomorrow at 10 a.m. to the Residence Hotel

to bring the comfort of your conquering charms

to your forever incurable and devoted victim.

Signed Antoine Cyprien Valoisir.

How many copies?

200.

200?

What address?

To all these ladies.

Suitors.

In exactly one month,

thanks to the constant efforts and experience of your guide,

Prince Nirvanoff,

I hope to be able to tell you:

I'm pleased with you.

Hello?

Hello, hello?

-Mr. Antoine Cyprien Valoisir. -I've been trying him for 15 minutes.

He's not answering.

-But I have an appointment with him. -So do I!

I was here first!

Now, ladies, please calm down. There's enough to go around.

What's going on? What do these ladies want?

-Antoine Cyprien Valoisir. -And what do they want from him?

-What does he sell? -Butterflies.

But that's not why they're here.

They all claim to have appointments with him.

Is he one of our suitors?

Antoine Cyprien Valoisir? Never heard of him.

Well, this is very worrying.

If he's a competitor, we need to act fast.

Where is this Mr. Valoisir?

May I?

Thank you.

Alas.

What an admirable woman!

Yes, but clingy.

Clingy.

Like all the others.

My life is pure torture.

I'm reduced to fleeing from town to town,

searching for peace and solitude.

And everywhere it's the same assault, the same rush.

Antoine! Antoine!

Antoine! Antoine!

Antoine! Antoine!

Here. Listen to them.

What hell!

Antoine! Antoine!

Antoine!

Please, my dear fellow, say a few words to them.

Show yourself.

My God, if you insist.

Antoine! Antoine!

Antoine! Antoine!

Antoine! Antoine!

Some like literature

Big cars Or small woods

Others prefer Beautiful nature

Jams Wooden horses

If there are some Who like all that stuff

Not me

And the reason, well here it is

I love all women With the same love

With the same love

My heart, ladies

Will always beat

Will always beat

For a brunette, a redhead

A blonde

Whether she's from one Of the five parts of the world

I love all women

And it's charming

And it's charming

What a fine program

For a lover

For a lover

Without setting date I can frankly state

I love all women

With the same love

You asked for a meeting, I believe.

I'm listening.

Dear sir, I won't beat around the bush.

I'm the founder-manager of the suitors' club.

-This club aims to... -No need, I know.

You're going to offer me membership in your club.

Exactly.

That's very kind,

but you know, for a man like me, marriage...

Obviously. However,

this is an interesting venture.

Large sums are invested in this business.

Entire families are anxiously awaiting results.

Please, sir, don't press me.

I sense you're going to exploit my weakness.

Really? You'd agree?

As long as it's for charity,

I don't have the strength to resist.

Thank you.

Well, old girl, if my uncle

finds out, I have a feeling we're in for it.

-You mean you're scared. -Me? Don't be silly.

Please, don't forget I'm supposed to watch you.

Don't get caught.

Don't worry.

My dear.

-This gentleman's application... -Valoisir.

Valoisir, I was about to say, seems quite unacceptable.

You're also aware that our club has rules.

I know, I wrote them.

All the more reason to follow them.

Now, these rules state

that all potential suitors must undergo certain tests.

So be it,

Mr. Valoisir will certainly agree, out of friendship for me,

to take them.

In that case...

Good morning, Miss.

Good morning, Sir.

Would you like to take a pedal boat ride?

I'd love to, but unfortunately...

I know how it is.

That's no reason to miss out.

You'll be my first client of the season,

it'll bring me luck.

Then I accept.

If Miss would like to get ready.

I don't have a swimsuit.

Valentin!

A swimsuit for Miss!

The finest in the house. And a cabin.

One!

Good!

This round's on me.

Gentlemen.

The theme of the first challenge

imposed on candidate Valoisir

is the unexpected encounter

of a lady and a gentleman. Bring the props!

For the occasion,

I'll play the woman, queen of the world,

of course.

I'm on the Croisette, in Cannes.

Music.

Candidate Valoisir,

over to you.

Prince.

Ernestine!

What a lovely dress and charming monocle!

Sir, I don't know you. Move along.

Ernestine, would you do that to your dear Gaston?

You're despicable!

I'm not the woman you think I am.

-Ernestine, I like you! -You're using "tu" with me?!

Yes, because I like you!

Let go of me!

Let go or I'll call my agent!

No, you won't call your agent!

Ernestine, look at me!

I see the desire burning in your eyes.

Come, Ernestine, let's dance!

I don't think a second test is necessary.

This one was quite conclusive.

Conclusive indeed. This boy is extraordinary.

Jacqueline Duval, that's a lovely name.

I love Jacqueline. It suits you perfectly.

I would have guessed your name was Jacqueline.

Really?

What if I was called Antoinette, Hortense or Daisy?

Daisy? You don't look like a Daisy.

Besides, nobody's called Daisy.

What do you do in civilian life?

In civilian life, as you put it, I'm a typist.

And you?

I'm a physical education teacher.

But that's not all you do?

You think?

I think you're capable of doing something a bit more...

Why?

Just a hunch.

Well, you guessed right. I'm a medical student.

Only, like you, I'm broke as a joke,

so I found this gig for my vacation.

And I promise, if I marry Miss Cabarrus,

to pay the suitors' club 10 million.

Well, it's just to help you out.

Antoine...

Cyprien...

Valoisir.

Gentlemen, today we'll address

the study of a crucial problem:

the kiss.

You're well aware, gentlemen,

of the important role kissing plays in love.

A kiss provokes, sustains

or soothes desire.

This first lesson will focus

on the provocative kiss

which Dartinolus, over a century before our era,

described in his treatise on amorous passions

as the "bizus provocator".

-Mr. Valoisir. -Prince.

You're not taking notes?

What's the point?

You probably know perfectly well the art and manner

of executing the three essential forms of kissing?

No, Prince, not three forms.

A hundred forms.

A thousand forms.

What am I saying? Millions of forms.

Because I, Prince, in my career,

have never repeated myself.

Music.

Kisses have always seduced me

That's why today

I can speak of them expertly

Their number is impressive

I know tender kisses, playful ones

Teasing, mischievous or wild

Short ones and very long ones

Very long

That pass by or become deep

I know naive ones

Furtive, hasty, delayed

Reluctant or aggressive

Haunting kisses, thrilling, depressing

I know kisses

Yes.

I know kisses

All kisses

Like a scale of vivid colors

Like a sweet scent of flowers

They know how to charm us, intoxicate us

Even to deceive us

I know charming, flattering kisses

Deceptive, lying

Or beguiling

That's lovely.

Fast ones, slow ones

Very slow

Thank you.

That burn with passion

I know some tender ones

Secret, playful, real

Discreet or indiscreet

Joyful kisses

Or farewell kisses

I know kisses

I know kisses

All kisses

Leave.

Stay and leave.

-But... -Start the car.

Sir is driving.

Oh yes, that's right.

CDS SCHEDULE

THURSDAY JULY 7 AT 10 A.M.: SERENADE

Perfect.

So, let's move on to the next one.

So, Mr. Valoisir,

where are you going in that outfit with all that gear?

Hunting.

Hunting butterflies.

So the serenade doesn't interest you?

Know this, Prince: I never make the first move.

I don't chase my conquests.

They come to me.

Besides, between us, it doesn't matter at all.

Not at all.

Careful. Easy with the arms.

Breathe.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

Breathe. Gently with the arms.

One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.

Breathe. Gently with the arms.

It's for you that I sing

For your beautiful eyes

In these intoxicating moments

It's wonderful

Here is the hour too brief

The hour that has broken

In the garden of our dreams

Let's gather pleasures

What ineffable rapture

What sweetness

It's to you this is addressed

This heart-piercing song

And this song that soars

Rises to you

I am, oh my idol,

At your knees

Even if my dream is mad

Nothing is as sweet

I propose that one of us be designated

as sole candidate for Miss Cabarrus's hand,

and the others contribute all efforts to his victory.

Agreed?

-Agreed. -Agreed.

Agreed.

-Mr. Cabarrus! -Sir is not receiving visitors.

Mr. Antoine Cyprien Valoisir.

Hello.

So, young man,

how's the lettuce growing?

Thanks. Not bad.

And you, little girl?

Little girl?

You must be my friend Rodolphe's daughter.

No. His niece.

Well, she's still family.

-Sir. -Madam.

Well, Edith, introduce us.

-I don't know. -Neither do I.

But admit it's quite a coincidence.

Yes, yes, it's a curious...

Antoine Cyprien Valoisir.

The ladies' champion!

At your service.

The meringué is all the sensuality of the tropics.

It's both the languor of tango and the frenzy of biguine.

Listen, Antoine. Listen.

Near the Antilles The dark-haired girls

Know a very distinguished step

Exotic dance, it's magnificent

Do you know the merengue?

Why yes

We take a little jump backward

Heels together, two steps to the side

We hold, we part We return, very proper

We bow, it's very good

We clap our hands casually

We go with the rhythm, swept away It takes us, it holds us

The step belongs to us It's over, nothing else matters

And under the palms in the calm night

Laughing in the arms of their dancers

The Antillean girls with fiery eyes

Tell us again sweetly

Antoine, congratulations! You are punctuality itself.

But you don't know my wife.

My old friend Antoine. Pamela, my beloved wife.

Madam, I humbly offer you my respect.

So you're a childhood friend of Rodolphe?

Not yet, Madam, but it will come.

Thank you so much, dear Baroness,

for agreeing to chair our jury.

For you, Prince, what wouldn't one do?

You're adorable. And don't forget: number nine.

Nine.

Miss, could you do me a great favor?

With pleasure, Viscount.

My jacket is a bit wrinkled.

I'd be very grateful if you could iron it.

-Right away. -Here.

-Stop! -No, I'll break them all!

Go ahead then, but aim!

I heard whistling. Stand there and don't move!

A calm woman like me gave birth to a madwoman.

Just don't keep the girl locked up.

She entertains herself as best she can.

And don't forget, my dear, number nine.

JURY MEMBERS ONLY

Finally!

-Good trip? -Excellent.

Where do we stand?

The jury is assembled.

I was only waiting for you to begin.

The viscount seems cheerful today.

Very well, my dear, very well.

Pardon me, Viscount.

It's nothing, my dear, nothing.

Thank you anyway.

At your service, Viscount.

Madam?

Can we attend this...

A thousand apologies, little lady.

Impossible, it's a closed session.

Too bad.

I'm so nervous.

-What about you? -Me?

But I'm above all that.

What's wrong?

You have number thirteen!

So what?

You really are lucky.

Why?

13 has always brought me luck.

-Want it? -You giving it to me?

If you want.

If it makes you happy, I don't mind.

Thanks.

Wait. Here.

No thanks. I have a pin.

That should keep you safe.

-Oh thank you! -Don't mention it.

Excuse me.

Here, would you mind pinning this on my back?

It's very hard to do alone.

I've long arms, but...

Right in the middle, yes.

Very good. Ready? Thank you.

My dear Antoine,

you'll allow me to address you as such from now on.

I never doubted your success.

Before the results were announced, I even wrote out

this check in your name

which will allow you to maintain

your dignity as the CDS's sole candidate.

One million...

Obviously, for a man like you, it's nothing.

It'll pay for my cigarettes.

One last question remains, the most important.

Which is?

Getting inside.

I mean into Cabarrus's place.

If that's all, don't worry, I'll handle it.

My dear Henri.

This is where it begins.

Come on, my friend, let's hurry!

Well, what do you think?

I say it's the world upside down.

O tempora, o mores!

We're witnessing the end of civilization.

And on top of that, they offered you a million?

It's like a real detective story.

It's like being at the movies. I love it.

But I think you're mistaken, my dear Rodolphe.

Oh sorry, darling!

Your story is so preposterous.

You, in my home, to marry my daughter for a consortium!

Naturally, there's no question of marriage

between Miss Cabarrus and me.

Why not? Don't you like my daughter?

She's charming.

If I were you...

Well, go ahead.

What did you say?

Nothing.

Are you sure you're not a ventriloquist?

Ventriloquist?

Dad, you could at least ask my opinion.

That's how it's done in proper families.

My friend Antoine. Daisy, my beloved daughter.

Perfect timing. Antoine was dying to meet you.

I'll leave you now. I'm going to tell Pamela the news,

my beloved wife.

Antoine, some advice: cash the check.

These days, you never know.

Miss, since your father has kindly authorized me.

Alright, alright. No need to tire yourself out.

Good! I prefer it that way, actually.

Because you know, flirting on ledges

isn't exactly my specialty.

So, friends?

Friends.

I'm not saying otherwise, my friend.

This boy is good, I'd even say very good.

But these kids have barely known each other 5 minutes.

What do you mean 5 minutes? In 5 minutes,

a plane today travels 50 kilometers. And 50 kilometers

is more than it took Romeo to become Juliet's lover.

I had a great trick for sneaking out.

But Dad found out. And Maxime is my hideout.

What if I brought your little Maxime here?

Then you'd be a real brother!

In that case, I'm already family.

-So we kiss? -We kiss.

Perfect.

I see you've met.

Well, Pamela, who was right?

You're behind the times, my dear.

Well, well, well.

What's wrong with him?

Stick out your tongue!

-But... -Rodolphe, I want it.

That's what I thought, yes.

Is it serious?

It's not hopeless yet, but it's time to act.

How awful!

And is it contagious?

Yes.

Please, doctor, prescribe a remedy!

I see only one, for everyone.

-And? -Which is?

Physical exercise.

One, two, three, four, five.

Two, three,

four. Ready.

Rise on tiptoes with leg flexion

in four counts.

Like this.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

Execute.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three...

Well done, Miss Jacqueline Duval.

One, two, three, four.

Too bad I don't like that kind of joke.

Four. One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three.

In short, gentlemen, not a word about our candidate.

Not a word, not a gesture.

Actually, that doesn't surprise me.

Maybe we could call. I'm dying to know.

-Why not? -Yes.

Certainly.

Agreed.

Fine.

Yes, I understand perfectly.

But between us, it's over.

Why?

Because my father's a bit richer than you?

What does that matter to you?

Honestly, you disappoint me, Maxime.

How are you, Prince? Oh, but it's not going,

it's running, jumping, galloping.

Didn't even have time to call you.

Attention, gentlemen, a particularly moving moment.

We're about to hear the echoes of a kiss.

I must admit that despite my reservations,

this boy has a certain style.

My lessons have borne fruit after all.

Prince, the time has come to make our move.

What do you mean?

Let's apply lesson number 17.

Excellent idea. Mood, atmosphere.

Well, you'll go far, my boy.

Now, gentlemen, into action!

That's it, I won!

5 to 4.

Game's heating up. Your serve.

Wait, may I?

IT TAKES TWO TO BE HAPPY

Come see.

"It takes two to be happy."

"Nothing's sweeter than a husband".

Why are you laughing?

No reason.

And you?

Just following your lead.

MARRIAGE IS HEALTH

It's lovely and very instructive.

-By the way, Rodolphe. -Yes?

How are Romeo and Juliet doing?

Everything's fine. Didn't Daisy tell you?

No, nothing. What about Antoine?

Nothing, but he's thinking plenty.

Those two kids adore each other. It's obvious.

It's up to us to speed things up.

What am I supposed to understand?

Nothing unusual, don't worry.

-But what exactly? -The boy's very shy.

We need to force his hand.

-Know what you should do? -No.

Organize a garden party as soon as possible

where I'll announce their engagement myself.

That's a good idea! I'll go tell them.

No! It's a surprise. A nice little surprise.

I love it!

Well, gentlemen?

Messrs. Sino.

Viscount de Laroche Turner.

Henri Palmer and Company.

Mr. Henri Palmer and Company.

Mr. Cabarrus, I presume?

To be frank with you,

yes, sir. To whom do I have the honor?

Henri Palmer and Company.

Henri Palmer and company! From CDS?

Particularly delighted, Mr. Henri Palmer.

Pamela, my beloved wife.

Pleased to meet you, sir.

Daisy, my beloved daughter.

Miss, my compliments.

I won't introduce my friend Antoine.

No need. My dear Antoine, congratulations.

-I won't say more. -Better not.

What did he mean?

He must think we're engaged.

-No? -Yes!

Oh wow! Can you believe it?

Yes, I can believe it.

Have you seen Maxime? He's making a big fuss.

He'll die of jealousy.

That'll teach him.

There.

Children, let the party begin!

Antoine, Daisy's waiting for you to open the ball.

Pamela.

Sylvio Gaëtan Vladimir Birbana.

I'm not kidding myself. What, you?!

-Pamela? -You, Sylvio?!

-Rodolphe! -What is it, darling?

It's Sylvio! You know, Sylvio, my third husband.

Oh, but I thought he had a beard.

No, the beard was the fifth one, the navigator.

Ah yes. I apologize.

You're not upset with me?

It's so natural.

Good morning, Mr. Maxime.

Good morning, Miss.

Miss Edith.

Don't you recognize me?

You look so different.

What's wrong? Are you okay?

And that's the only reason?

Yes.

Until things work out, come dance with me.

What can you do, dear Pamela? You can't have everything.

Money and happiness.

Money's not so bad.

Billionaires don't grow on trees.

What about love, Sylvio? What about love?

I'm glad to hear you say that.

You say that from jealousy but you don't mean it.

Antoine's a classy guy with a good heart. Trust me.

This little charade will end soon, won't it?

It'll last as long as he wants.

I'm giving you five minutes.

If you're not reconciled in five minutes,

I'm warning you, I'm dropping everything.

-My little Antoine... -Enough, Antoine!

There'll be no more little Antoine.

I still don't understand why this Cabarrus...

Anyway, you can see our business is doing great.

So, shall we go?

No?

Well then, I'll go.

-Excuse me? -Hurry up!

They're both so silly! Don't you think?

If that's love, it's awfully complicated.

I'd rather tend to my poultry.

I forgot about poor Rosalie!

Rosalie?

Totor's beloved.

-Totor? -Yes,

the father of the little ducklings that poor Rosalie is raising.

-Ah! Shall we go? -Where?

To bring the comfort of our presence

to poor Rosalie and that rascal Totor.

Yes.

Sir has put on the wrong tie again.

I love it. Put on the right one.

Yes, I know, I know, you'll call me an old fool again.

-Caveman. -Fossil.

Et cetera, et cetera.

Well, that said, all your little games with Antoine

are not to my liking.

Even if it's just an act...

-An act? -An act.

You're not in love with Antoine. Any more than he's in love with you.

No, you're saying all this to fool me,

to make me jealous.

It's not a very original trick.

Frankly, you disappoint me, Daisy.

Then we're even.

Maxime, my dear Maxime,

I adore you when you play the outraged virgin.

Come on, kiss me.

Miss Edith.

Mr. Antoine.

What I'm about to tell you is hard.

Tell me anyway.

Well, I feel like

I'm seeing you for the first time,

yet it seems I've always known you.

Funny, isn't it?

No, I don't think so.

Alas, there's no doubting it.

I saw it with my own eyes.

Then all is lost.

I knew Cabarrus was planning something dirty.

But I keep telling you he doesn't know anything himself.

Trust me, we still have a chance to get out of this.

Watch out, here he comes!

You sent for me, gentlemen?

I see my appeal for clemency was rejected.

Gentlemen, I should be brave.

But what's this about?

Mr. Cabarrus,

we owe you a frank explanation.

I'm listening.

If you invited us to this garden party,

it's surely to announce...

My daughter Daisy Cabarrus's engagement

to Mr. Antoine Cyprien Valoisir,

your candidate? Exactly.

That's clear enough.

But what you may not know

is that Antoine has agreed to pay us 10 million

if he marries Miss Cabarrus.

I love it. It's very amusing.

Isn't it?

So my associates and I would prefer

to settle this matter amicably.

In other words, Mr. Cabarrus,

we propose to transfer our debt to you.

There.

A receipt for 10 million.

That would be a lovely gift for your son-in-law.

Wouldn't it, Mr. Cabarrus? Your price is ours.

Perfect, gentlemen.

-Perfect. A cigar? -Gladly.

They were made specially for me in Havana.

What would you say to 3.50 francs?

Is this a joke?

I'll light it for you.

I never joke.

My dear uncle!

What's wrong?

Want to be the first to hear some extraordinary news?

A surprise? I love surprises. So?

Antoine and I just decided to get married.

I'll admit, that's quite some news.

I'll admit, that's quite a surprise.

-Right? -Yes. Really?

-You and him? -Her and me.

But that changes everything.

Are you sure you're marrying Edith, not Daisy?

Don't worry, there's no mistake.

-You're not angry with me? -Not at all.

Besides, you're marrying a Cabarrus, that's all that matters.

What, Viscount, you don't know the meringué?

No, Madam, I regret I don't. I'm quite embarrassed.

And you, dear sir?

Alas, no, Madam, but I'm dying to learn it.

Then I shall teach you.

If you don't want my money, kidnap me.

Yeah, so your father can send the police after us.

Why not?

It would add some excitement to our first trip.

It would be more... thrilling.

Thrilling?

Pretty sharp.

You're not exactly bursting with imagination.

Know how you appear in my dreams?

No.

With a beard like this.

Yes.

So it's settled then,

you won't rescue me from this paternal prison?

Come on, Daisy, think about it a little.

Think, think... That's all you do, think.

But it's because I love you, Daisy.

If you really loved me, you wouldn't think.

But...

By the way, gentlemen,

what would you say to 3 million?

Are you serious?

Of course, I told you, we need to reach an agreement.

Here's the 3 million check.

Thank you. Let's see.

"I commit, should I marry Miss Cabarrus..."

Miss Cabarrus.

No first name. Perfect. Perfect.

"...to be paid to the suitors' club

"the sum of 10 million."

Signed Antoine Cyprien Valoisir.

Well, gentlemen, that little matter is nicely settled.

I love it.

-A cigar? -No, no, thanks.

Gentlemen, the party continues.

Obviously, we only recover part of what we're owed,

but it's better than losing everything.

Your Antoine, I'm keeping him.

Letting a gym teacher steal the heiress...

I still don't understand.

Come on now.

No, no, my dear, it's not serious.

It's just a misunderstanding between lovers.

You know I can fix everything

and I'd do anything to make you happy.

My dear Antoine!

Open the door! It's too hot!

My dear friends.

I've gathered you here

to announce the engagement of my niece,

Edith Cabarrus, to Mr. Antoine Cyprien Valoisir.

That said,

in accordance with the last wishes

of my late brother Lionel Nestor Cabarrus,

Edith's father,

a third party must publicly read

articles 14 and 15 of his will.

Albert, remove that!

Antoine! Come here.

Read!

"Article 14. I wish my brother, Rodolphe Cabarrus,

"who has never been able to earn a penny,

"but whom I nonetheless consider an honest man,

"to manage the entire fortune I bequeath

"to my daughter Edith until her marriage,

"namely 1,237,968,623.75 francs".

What?

"Article 15.

"I ask my brother to behave toward everyone

"as the true owner of this fortune

"and to keep Edith completely unaware of her inheritance

"until her engagement day.

"For I'm determined to protect my daughter

"from all swindlers, fortune hunters and gold diggers."

Thoughtful precaution.

Antoine!

Poor Antoine!

This is terrible! What a disaster!

What will become of us?

Courage, Edith. Don't forget I'm here.

Everything looked so promising.

We must be strong in adversity.

Yes, yes, Antoine, that's it! That's it!

Sorry.

"Article 15 B.

"I ask my brother to kindly announce the engagement of Daisy,

"his beloved daughter, to Mr. Maxime Delmont,

"physical education teacher, medical student,

"at the same time as

"my daughter Edith's own engagement."

Would the future spouses please step forward.

Come on, come on!

Albert!

-Sir? -The engagement kiss.

Bezus nuptialis.

Ring, Albert! Ring!

Well, my dear Rodolphe,

what a nice little surprise!

Come on, gentlemen!

Attention, ladies and gentlemen, the show isn't over.

I'm delighted to announce that Edith and I

are inviting Daisy and Maxime

as well as all my fellow members of the suitors' club who wish

to join a world cruise to hunt butterflies.

Come on!

Antoine!

Rodolphe.

Don't forget the small sum for your friend Rodolphe.

Oh yes, the 10 million.

-Yes. -Sorry.

I love this kind of financial operation.

What a shame my brother died before seeing this.

Yes, but what if he hadn't died?

-Well? -We wouldn't have seen...

Seen what?

-That. -That!

Have a good trip, children!

Goodbye.

Goodbye, Antoine.

Goodbye, Rodolphe.

Give this to Mr. Cabarrus.

RODOLPHE, I'M LEAVING WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!

YOUR PAMELA, AFTER ALL

Alone at last!

Come on.

There!

I love only one woman With a single love

I swear on my soul

I will always be from now on A husband so faithful

That I could be taken as a model

I love only one woman

And it's charming

No more dramas and romances

From this day on I can say without detour

I love my wife with a single love

He loves a woman with a single love

He swears on his soul

He will always be from now on A husband so faithful

He swears on his soul He'll be taken as a model

He loves only one woman

And it's charming

No more dramas

And romances

From this day on

I can say without detour

I love my wife

With a single love

THE END

Subtitling: TransPerfect Media