Original subtitles

do you bath

just to get clean

or to entice entice your man with

peccadillo peccadillo

[Music]

it's a time for remembering

[Applause]

remember your god

[Applause]

oh my god

so

[Music]

angry

andrew hi

yes

i don't know something's frightening

but what's that supposed to mean there

must be something i mean i don't know

oh for him to say

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

rock and roll i suppose so that's what

it is

an old one of cakes you don't like rock

and roll

it made the most noise

oh i i must have knocked it over

i better catch you up

well

i ran your office oh no why to make sure

you'd left that you were on your way

to speak to miss ames oh she'd love it

your wife sounded rather distraught mr

trusker is everything all right

just sniffing for the signs of a breakup

she just said you'd gone

ames is a ghoul she feasts on broken

marriages

my voice is kind you bet

what else did you say nothing that was

all

then i rang mother i i just had to talk

to somebody

you can't be serious had to talk to her

you actually got a word in

and she listened that's one for the

guinness book of records

you must have been desperate yes

what started it off

something happened all this building of

doors there must be something

do you see something out there somebody

i don't know i told you i don't know

all right i'll tell you about my day

first usual office meeting with long

exciting reports from motor claims

department

and then lunch with peter newell you

remember peter knew

huh the actually the one who tells all

the jokes

well he told his jokes well i tried to

bring him round to the subject of

reinsurance

that reminds me i must ring him at home

oh not now and then

[Music]

afterwards i stopped off and bought you

a little present

oh ones you wanted yes thanks

now they don't look much like gardening

tools but he said that they're special

lightweight now i can get on with

lifting those bulbs

mr wicks lets me i bought some chairs

this morning in the village

i did quite a big shopping just left mrs

norman to it

do a big clean up then

after lunch when you got a rest i oh

when you're sleeping so badly here sir

i went to bed and had a rest i took a

sleeping pill

a pill perhaps i shouldn't have but i

did

all it did was give me nightmares yes it

was nightmares in the afternoon

all of a sudden i woke up and i felt so

unreal

and awful no listen

it was as if something had been

happening

yeah as if something had happened and i

hadn't known about it

it in a way i had as if i'd been aware

of

hearing what

just confusion it all went away quickly

you know how a dream doesn't

i got up and felt terrible sick well i'm

not surprised you shouldn't

i know i know i know you didn't sleep

off the pill and then you had a drink

or however many you've had worst

possible thing

all right you find the house a bit

oppressive at times empty

we knew it would be we talked about that

before kate got married

the point is you don't have to stay in

it we've got neighbors

the gibsons are over 60 yards away she's

always glad to see the gibson's right i

rang them too

ah

what is it a car

where down the lane it was there when i

got up oh yes

just make it out open top sports car

doesn't look anything very sinister you

see it was in it

no lovers probably was a style into that

field i noticed the door was open the

driver's door no i think it still is

yes it is all that time

just left like that sort of

abandoned looks quite a new car too

i mean why would anybody unless they had

to

kidnap you do you suppose hijack's a

better word

hijack in blackberry is it really called

blackwood elaine or is that just us

it probably hasn't got a name anyway

it's that sort of title like all those

paperbacks you keep getting

where do you get them every single cover

with a nude model

squirming and fur and blood and a gun

make poor old freud turn in his grave i

thought for a second it was serious

but i am i'm throwing all my

professional expertise into

gauging assessing evaluating a problem

of that car

it is parked in a lover's leg

people go hopping into that field like

rabbits to have it off

come harvest time bill tucker must be

grateful if there's a single stalk of

corn still upright

that explains it i thought so just

lovers yes

it's cold and dark now what do you want

me to do go down there with a flashlight

and chase them out

on your way please too late in the year

that sort of thing you think i'm a fool

i think you're still finding ways to

work yourself out i know like kate's

letter the big panic

and then the gypsies and the fuse box

and that business over the barbed wire

if you'd only start by admitting that

you do it

i don't want to make noises like a

bloody analyst but you see what i mean

it's a kind of indulgence and giving in

we can't afford that angie it runs us

drive

we're not children anymore we've got to

keep our problems strictly practical

things we can find a way to cope with

all right

good strictly practical that's right

i bet you forgot about supper so what

the hell

we'll just get a snack and get an early

night huh one

strictly practical thing we've got a rat

what here in the house i can't hear it

now but i could before i kept on hearing

it's

scratching and annoying that's why i

made so much noise that stopped it

why on earth didn't it tell it but i

mean if it got you in such a state

but this is exactly the sort of thing we

can cope with it

but perhaps you already have that racket

would have scared anything off no i

don't think so

well where was it well over there at

first and then in the corner under the

floor

you wanted mustard make a bit buster you

did call him

when you've got a big dog of course i

called well then well

i showed him the spot and he sniffed and

barked a lot and he jumped about in here

and in the hall

he got very excited yeah i bet he did a

job to do it last the lazy brute

and then he started whining to be let

out as if he frightened it outside and

wanted to chase him yeah well he'd hear

it running

so i let him out the back way and he ran

off did he get one they always bring it

to shame

you can come back just went

the old shocker must have lost the drift

lazy brute i don't know why i came back

here and heard the rat again no

that's when i put the recorder gets

excited doesn't know what he's doing

if he's off to sleep again we're in

trouble

oh bill tucker will simply have us it's

the back door

oh yeah

nice up bust up

hey boy

come on good dog

bloody dissipated

master

try again in a minute

it's back again

so

right on the bastard not the cle teeth

clean out of his head

didn't like that did you that's

carpenter boston

that's all it takes oh no

you wouldn't turn the salad no forget

that out of the fridge

you couldn't touch the door the boat

because you voted that too

it bolted everything what on earth

well i had to no it couldn't push doors

open

anyway it wasn't in the cellar and it

didn't even accelerate only a glory hole

cause under here nothing down there with

the foundations

rubble nothing for it got fed up started

chewing its way out

was that it well you try hanging upside

down to a floor joist and chewing

through a board you see if it's fun

anyway that's enough of that he's out

there now

scared stiff or with luck being eaten by

buster

you know i'm worried about that dog

though he's an idiot

cheers cheers i'm sorry

you just had a bad day

i read an article that when people get

older their brain sells

perish that means getting stupid you're

still ahead of buster

seriously all right seriously

well when i think of our friends at

breakup

suppose i got really stupid you couldn't

stand me if i got really stupid could

you

oh yeah

look i'm gonna make that one phone call

and get it done all right

uh no i'll catch him another time in

just a minute

i think he's here now oh good i just got

in

emilia peter peter to it i've been home

for ages

well i won't keep it from that drink

just one small piece to what we agreed

here we go on the the second stage

layoff i think the limit ought to be

nine and a quarter percent

you're fair enough that's all i'll leave

it with you

right hey listen what about that crap on

the radio

huh now you have got a car radiant of

course

i listen to music oh good lord you miss

everything

they get the most marvelously funny

items well they had this bit and it made

me think about you

it was about your part of the universe

[Music]

reports about rats crossing country

roads people have seen them

thousands of them sound very amusing

perfectly serious yeah one for your

collection

it does happen i've read about it old

bloody columns of rats

well since i didn't hear it but

apparently they can be very nice

peter i won't keep you from that drink

any longer

oh putting the wind up

sorry oh boy nine and a quarter percent

all right

all right we see you right bye peter bye

bloody full once you get started you're

gone

are you her yes well that's exactly what

bothers me about him he fills his head

with that sort of thing

and then those terrible jokes he admits

it a mind like a little bit

all the same i have to trust his

judgment and suddenly i find myself

wondering should i no

what you don't you're just talking yes

about peter newell it's important

he said it was happening i don't think

so he did reports coming from our part

of the universe his exact words if you

think that he meant here

bring him back no

ask him i will not

it's back conrad

whatever happened to our beautiful

evening i hate the sound

shut up

[Applause]

[Music]

there might be something starting monday

[Music]

sometimes

and now the studio is filled with the

past

with mildew and cobwebs and old old

people from

[Music]

these

i'm gonna look for that dog

[Music]

here we are a mostly clear night with a

bit of early frost in some low-lying

areas a whole

shiver shiver whether that novelty item

the guy who runs the program before mine

what is his name oh forgive me oliver

it appears old ollie turned up something

about rats

i gather a couple of his fans phoned in

would you believe fans

to say they've seen large quantities of

these king-sized mises crossing country

roads on for meal so to speak

whole columns of them numbering

thousands well i said to myself if it

came from ollie's

of course it's a hoax but low helps

of course it is do you think they it

seems the furry folk are really out and

about tonight

we've just had confirmation from no less

an authority than the automobile

association

over to karen at the aaa that's right

barty

a patrol van radioed a report in just

now that it was held up by a rat swarm

for 10 minutes

wow let me work this out assuming a rat

flow of x

rats per square yard per hour it's a

hell of a lot of rats

where was this sweetheart hampshire

somewhere south of beijing stokes

look how amazing stoke lock up your

cheese

anything else karen oh that congestion

on the winchester bypass has now

cleared guitar and now on with the show

don't turn it off duster you heard her

and where there's probably no connection

you're gonna leave that if you like

it's under here

yeah what do we do we don't get in a

state

i'll call the local police would you

expect them to do bring traps i'll ask

their advice

that car's still there i can see it in

the moonlight

hello my name is truscott i live on the

lower denton road uh

have you had any reports about

excessively large numbers of rats in

this district

i just had an item on the radio it spoke

of rat swarms crossing roads blocking

them

well we are cars it was an a.a report

come my way sir the point is i think

i've got

rats here in the house a couple

well at least i can't

they're under the floor i can hear you

oh forget it just call the council

officers in the morning

they'll see to it you don't think

there's any connection then

with that report i mean

thank you good night what did he say

uh it's all perfectly normal you'll get

rats on the move at this time of the

year out of the corn stuff

so we just call our council roundtable

a real countryman would know how to

shift him he'd have his ways

well i suppose they smoke them out or

gasp

they might be able to get the house on

foul i could ask oh bill gibson he's uh

he's very practical

boringly practical but over something

like that am i not back yet no or just

as soon as they are

so loud now unless the wood exaggerates

it a sound effect

i think there are more than two

i heard the claw scrape

jk they're getting used to us yes well

they're supposed to be adaptable

that's how they succeed as a species if

you can call it success

running around in other species sewers

and drains and eating garbage

fisty legs do you know how one of them

lies on its back and takes egg in his

belly and another toes of along by the

tail well i've read about that

people have seen it happening

what are they doing they're digging

themselves in they could be true corn

stubble's got a bit chilly so they're

moving in here when it's warmer

it's difficult for the average you can

hear that

i don't want them in my house buddy

foul filthy disease

does that mean they're getting bigger oh

not at all a cleverer craftier

no no no i really must object to the

term super rats used in that sense

but that's how most folk would use it mr

dodge surely

perhaps certainly really isn't correct

but these rats aren't bigger or in any

way different

they accept in that one particular that

they have become resistant to poison

through

natural selection exactly the term super

rat is entirely sensational

but surely if they do have this immunity

it must mean they're able to breed in

huge numbers oh yes

enormous i mean that's not a great

problem the last question mr dodge

far away for any of our listeners who

happens across one of these rat swarms

or migrations have you a word of advice

just this stay well clear they could

be nasty thank you mr dodge thank you

is it a bird is it a bat no it's super

rats oh

all right everybody said it so it's my

turn naughty party

now we'll take a short break autumn

oh he said there was nothing in that i

know

god they love it don't they trying to

frighten themselves

super these things are bloody subbers we

need to remember that

i think perhaps that's what we both need

something to eat and

sit down and stop thinking about

perhaps we ought to get out of the house

for a couple of hours have a meal

somewhere why don't we

do you really want yes i didn't think i

did but

it might be a good idea after all

there's that place we keep forgetting to

try that's supposed to be so good

goldblum keys or cross keys or whatever

you know

now yes i can put a face on it won't

take a minute just walk out of here

we could just like that a bit of soft

candlelight a few waiters punching

around and we can just forget all about

this

just for a couple of hours let's go

you've really got the window

i hate the noise they make i find it

creepy you know that they scare you

please well they don't scare me and if

you think i'm gonna leave my house to be

infested then you don't know me after

all these

years you don't this is an infestation

by vermin and i am not a man just to run

out and let it happen

what can you do i'll fix them don't

worry

we don't have a proper doctor but no

problem you just tear up a floorboard

and shut him down there but

bloody buster he was never any good

not from the beginning i knew he

wouldn't be i said don't get that one

but you

insisted all right it's my fault and the

whole litter it had to be that one

you'd like a pattern of his spot that

was it well a lot of goodies spots are

doing us now

sure

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

well the running gag of the evening

seems to have dried up no more rat

stories

we had one or two about mice but they're

little cozy

even had one about cats from a fella

that must have been hard of hearing

no it's rats only rattus rattus

erudite party now here is a number

that's so

old the grooves are carved by hand

honestly

what are you looking for something to

use

come with me quickly i want to try

something

oh found the tools anyway quickly oh

what now

they are

what are you driving at don't you

realize they're following us

no they are they're following us

whichever room we're in wherever we go

just stop this what they're doing i'll

tell you what they're doing they're

exploring

they're stretching about down there

amongst the floor joyce to find places

to make nests because they are burning

and that is what women do

they're starting to infest our home

suppose they're more than that

argument cleverer you heard that man

just now

suppose he was wrong he was obviously

some kind of an expert he said they

developed an immunity to poison

that means chromosomes and genes and all

that sort of thing i don't understand it

i never could but

couldn't something else have developed

as well in them it was one specific

poison

it happened to be the best ever found

again and made them bleed to death oh

yes right you wipe most of them out with

that any that are left must have some

kind of natural immunity and then if

they breed you start to get a new strain

that's what i mean they are different

you can't kill them the same way not

with that particular poison that was all

it meant

it is

they are following what's this far

you're trying to get me going too

perhaps you ought to leave you get out

give me a chance

that's it get over to the gibsons if

they're back or or into town find a

hotel for the night

just pack a mango

it's up to you

sure there was something left what

spirits of sauce acid yeah strong stuff

i

used it for cleaning out the drains that

time how would it do

not much on its own but she was just

caught out of life

mrs norman yeah i've got his old

fashioned where'd you keep it

correct of life yes come on she used it

for scatting around the bins where is it

i don't know well think

perhaps it's outside in the shed

no no i remember try there behind the

boxster

only question does the reaction require

water however to have some handy just in

case it does

and to douse things if the need arises

if i can get this locked down to where

they are

it'll generate chlorine gas and they

won't like that by going they won't

if it just works through to where they

are the tap

oh bloody airlock it's there don't stop

the bike they can with their teeth

against the water there's no bloody

drugs no there isn't so it wasn't them

but if they did it

there'd be no reason if they still did

it

hot plenty of that work all the better

too

i'm gonna guess the bastards aren't you

gonna watch

next summer's holiday now's the time to

do it

world over tours new brochure is an

honest brochure with the small print

details in

big print greece

italy

[Music]

spain all on offer and bargain pricing

all yours from world over

this you in your bed all lumps and bumps

and agony

don't miss the big bending event at all

wiener storms

starting monday

have you got your whiskers on one for

grandpappy

it was an old day when he was an

itty-bitty boy

[Music]

hello hello yes but he's at the studio i

mean i mean can you put me through i

want to speak to barty wills

now please it's about raps he's just

been

talking about them on his program the

one that's on now

my name this is angela just cup of

please it's a matter of urgency

well well well it seems the saga of the

rumbastious rodents is not yet over

we've got a lady on the line with more

to tell

angela prescott hello there oh my god

look sweetheart

just carry on yes angela i gather you've

seen some more of our furry friends on

the march

well no not exactly well i mean i

haven't seen them i've heard them

what were they doing crashing through

the bushes i mean i can hear them now

at this moment yes in the house not too

nice but don't worry i'm sure

my husband's doing something but get a

dog borrow one a big crowley pooch that

goes

hey borrow me well thank you angela no

wait wait please listen

uh that man that you had on the program

just now he talked about that oh mr

dodge yes is he still there well we just

called him up who is he

i know angela can you get him again he's

probably out setting his traps but if

you need advice

no wait listen please there's something

wrong

what do you mean wrong in them the rats

yes i know it

i'm sure of it uh go on well they've

always been afraid of people

we've always poisoned them and killed

them and they knew we could i guess so

well now our most deadly poison doesn't

work on them anymore that's right so

won't they know that too

i see what you mean so now we're the

enemy that doesn't always win

so they don't have to be afraid of us

and if that happens

if they stop being afraid hey that's

quite an idea it's not just an

idea angela sweetie you've got the whole

studio with its collective hair standing

straight up on end you want to see it

i can tell now listen angela i want you

to hang on there

give me a sec the old tic tac right

we're gonna try and locate mr dodge and

really go into this meanwhile folks a

tiny break

yes yes all right i i understand

you think they can help

[Music]

don't think it's crude instinct to find

shelter

hello there angelo are you still with us

yes i'm sorry but we can't get hold of

mr dodge but let's talk about this

notion of yours maybe you're onto

something i know i am

put it into more scientific terms

and it shakes out something like this as

the rats had survived the poison got

started again what kind of re-evolved

there was a side effect yes is that what

you meant yes a kind of shift towards

aggression

yes angela is there anything specific

that got you going on this

specific you say you've got rats there

in the house has anyone been attacked

tell him no so we're still in the area

of interesting speculation

what's that the car in the lane

it couldn't have been a dream

they were screaming out those people and

i heard them

and that's what it was angie

it was it was what people what happened

to them

i don't know who would i do

and then we started to come here first

one wrapped

and more and more but then they were

outside

and the dog knew it and he ran away be

good

and now they're inside as well

everywhere inside the house is running

and

following us and we can't see them

there's a rat swarm in the house now

and i'm sure things can't be as bad as

i'm listening underneath

listen to me and i'm afraid and they

know that it's your husband

can i speak to him yes but he's afraid

too the boots on the other foot don't

you see

now it's time for us to be afraid of

them and we are afraid

we need help can you help us um andrew

why don't you get out of there make a

breakfast one snack if you're right go

around the outside of the house hell

what can we do please

yes okay angela yes and angela are you

listening

whatever's going on there you obviously

need help we're going to see you get it

faster

first thing tell me exactly where you

are well

it's hampshire out in the country about

10 miles south amazing stoke

off the winchester road 8 30.

it's off to 8 31 and and then a b road

up to

a village called lower denton and then

angela can you hear me where do you live

trying to explain

it's off the a31 and then a b road to

their dead and then but it's rather hard

to find

so many little angela

what is it angela angela sweetie i've

got to know where you live no

can't you hear me don't you hear me

we have been cut off pete check with the

switchboard quick

it's cut that's definitely not ours

angela

if you still got that big noisy radio of

yours switched on hear this

we're gonna do all we can we don't know

where you live apart from a rough guess

at the area but we have got your name

mrs

angela prescott

[Music]

greece

italy

[Music]

spain all on offenses

all yours from

oh god

stay there wait

we're already contacting everybody of

that name in the most likely area

and checking x directory subscribers but

let's wisely

if anyone listening has a friend's name

preschool white named angela

will they start in um

come on come on get

i'm gonna get the lantern

standing by and we don't want to take

any calls apart from the emergency

so for the next little while please

don't throw in about anything else

we're holding over the competition

tomorrow don't worry fans it will take

place

come on go on

quickly

do it right

come on come on

no

come

what happened

they stopped have they gone

hello roger how's trixx

we're going over to see you all right

lovely just give us half a minute

oh my god it's all ryan

control all right

oh

[Applause]

oh

[Music]

but i don't want to believe it i've got

faith in human nature

so before i hand over i'll just say this

angela sweetie i hope you really do

exist

[Applause]

you