Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Ahoy, polloy.

I bring sad tidings from Bobland.

He's officially joined the ranks of the homeless.

As if the homeless didn't have enough problems.

I've been kicked out.

Now I thought a man's home with his

castle.

What castle?

You live in your mother's rest home.

And she threw me out.

I mean it's so unfair.

Mom is shrunk so much she doesn't need

the whole bed.

Here's an idea.

Get an apartment.

Can't afford one.

Puts Bob in need of a place to

live.

How about a stretch?

Fold-out couch?

Body pillow?

They get a body bag and you've got

a deal.

How about it, Jake?

You won't even know I'm there.

Don't even think about it.

Thanks for nothing, nightlight.

Is the moron who owns the beige Cavalier

in here?

That's ours.

Problem?

Yeah, problem.

You parked across two spaces.

I had to park three blocks away.

We'll move the car when we're done eating,

okay?

Oh, fine, fine.

The world's on hold until you guys finish

eating your damn hobo omelets.

I don't think you should talk to them.

Hey, mind your own business, will you, Reg?

Okay.

Eating kind of slow, aren't you fellas?

Look, we're cops, understand?

So calm down and we'll move the car

in a few minutes.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry.

But shouldn't the rules apply equally to everyone?

Look, buddy, give it a rest.

Fine, all right, you're right.

Take your time.

Just take your sweet-ass time.

1,001, 1,002.

You know, you may think you're above the

law, but you're not.

Reg, mind your own business, will you?

I mean, how long are you gonna sit

there, huh?

Huh, fellas?

I mean, don't you have suspects to abuse?

Drugs to plant?

Come on, how much do I have to

grease you guys to move the damn car,

huh?

Okay, now that was a mistake.

That's it.

You're under arrest.

Hands behind your back.

What?

What did I do?

You have the right to remain silent.

Come on, come on.

Give me some slack.

I'm a doctor.

I mean, Reg, say something, will you?

You're not my business, remember?

Hey, hey, hey, guy, just a second here.

Does this mean he won't be sleeping in

his apartment tonight?

Where have you two been?

You know I should never be left in

charge.

His temper finally got him into real trouble.

He was arrested this morning.

No.

For harassing two cops.

No.

The judge sentenced him to anger management class.

Great.

I mean, no.

Can you believe that judge sentencing me to

anger management?

That's absolutely ridiculous.

I do not have a problem with anger.

I have a problem with this stupid cop.

Your honor, I rest my case.

Hello, ladies.

Well, the doc's in jail.

He wanted Bob to keep an eye on

his place.

So if you'll just give me the keys,

I'll be on my...

Oh, you're out.

Thank God.

Just get away from me, will you?

Doc, come on, Bob's got no place to

live.

Don't care.

Come on, you're a compassionate guy.

Otherwise, you wouldn't work in a crap hole

like this treating vermin like them.

Oh, calm down, you vermin.

Damn, Bob is screwed.

Hey, if you really have no place to

live, you can stay with me.

Excuse me?

I have plenty of room at my place.

Excuse me?

Stay as long as you like.

Wow, thanks.

Look, we'll iron out the details later.

First, Bob's got to go to the camp.

Uh, that's a ladies room.

Not for the next 20 minutes.

Linda, I know you have a big heart,

but are you sure this is a good

idea?

You're the one who's always telling me to

help the needy.

Yes, but...

And isn't Bob needy?

Oh, yes, but...

And isn't that what Christianity's all about?

Christ never met me.

Oh, Bob.

Hello, everyone.

Welcome to Techniques for Managing Anger.

I'm Richard Wilson, your facilitator, and while I

know you're all here just to avoid jail

time, that doesn't mean we still can't have

fun, right?

Okay.

Now, let's get on TRACK.

And do you know why I said get

on TRACK that way?

Brain tumor?

No.

It's because TRACK is an acronym for Remembering

the Steps to Managing Anger.

Take behavioral inventory.

Reduce emotional investment.

Aspirate slowly.

That means breathe.

Circumvent conflict.

Kay, you've beaten anger.

Any questions?

Not about the missing O in okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Now, I'd like each person to introduce him

or herself and explain why he or she

is or are here.

Why don't you go first?

I'm Lenny Sinclair.

I'm here because I might have dropped a

bowling ball out of my window onto my

landlord.

Okay.

Ma'am?

I'm Clovis Bungin.

I'm here because I kicked the ass of

someone who screwed with me.

And if any of you screw with me,

I'll kick your ass, too.

Well, you've come to the right place.

Do you want to go next?

Ned Chalmers.

C-H-A-L-M-E-R-S.

I'm here because I had trouble at work.

What kind of trouble?

Bad trouble.

Okay.

And you, sir?

There's been a huge misunderstanding.

You know, my story is completely different from

these other people.

I was not the aggressor.

I was the victim.

See, there's this diner I go to.

I walked in just like I do every

morning.

Hi, everyone.

Ah, good to see you.

Hey, looking good.

Reg, Jake, what a morning, huh?

Oh, by the by, hate to be a

bother, but it seems someone's car is parked

across two spaces and is in danger of

getting a citation.

Shut your hole.

Let's get him.

So you see, you know, I don't have

a problem with anger.

I was just at the wrong place at

the wrong time.

Just like my landlord and the bowling ball.

Shut your hole.

Okay.

Hi, Bob.

Sorry about the doorman.

It's okay.

Can't be too careful these days.

Although I thought the cavity search was a

bit much.

Mr. Nakamoto searched you?

Please tell me Mr. Nakamoto is a large

Hispanic man.

Well, let's say he is.

Come on in.

Oh, my God.

Bob's never been in a place this good.

Bob's never even been kicked out of a

place this good.

Thanks, but it belongs to my parents.

They just let me stay here.

Wow, my parents sure never got me a

penthouse.

No, I take that back.

My dad gave me a penthouse once.

But that was only because they printed his

letter.

Well, I've had kind of a long day,

so I'm going to turn in.

I've made up the spare bedroom for you.

It's the second door on the left.

The kitchen's through there if you get hungry.

And, well, you know what?

Just make yourself at home.

Glad to have you here.

Listen, I just want to say I really

appreciate this.

The city can be a cold place.

You don't really expect anyone to reach out

and help you.

I'll never forget what you've done for me,

Lisa.

Linda.

Right, Linda.

Well, I had my first anger class, and

it really works.

I'm pissed as hell.

You know, what a joke.

You sit in a room with a bunch

of psychos.

They pass out pamphlets.

And then they give you one of these.

It's my favorite.

The Negative Emotion Advance Warning System.

It's a rubber band.

Oh, college girl.

Yeah, you're supposed to slip it on your

wrist like this, and whenever I feel I'm

getting angry, I snap it.

That sounds like it hurts.

It does.

Won't that make you more angry?

Shut up.

You know, we covered this in my psychology

class.

It's totally valid.

Behavior modification is used to break the patterns

of...

Psychology and air conditioning repair do not qualify

you to pepper me with dime store generalities.

This crap may work for some people, but

I don't need it.

I'm already a nice guy.

Yeah, and to prove it, whoever's got the

minivan out front, you're about to get a

ticket.

Your meter ran out.

Thanks for the warning.

While you're up, would you mind feeding the

meter for me?

Anything else I can do for you?

You know, wash your car, rotate your tires?

Becker, I don't think...

Reg, would you please mind your own business?

Okay.

You know, it's your car.

Why don't you get off your butt and

feed the damn meter yourself?

No problem.

Sorry to have bothered you.

There you are.

Bob's been looking all over for you.

He brought you a little present to show

his gratitude for putting a roof over his

head.

Well, look, Bob, you didn't have to buy

me anything.

Nonsense.

It's the least I can do.

So, Linda, how does Thai food sound for

dinner?

Fine, I guess.

Great.

Pick some up.

I'll meet you at home.

I've got a date with the jacuzzi.

The thing's got ten jets.

It's a miracle I ever leave the place.

Aren't you gonna open it?

I'm afraid to open it.

You don't have to open it.

It's a leopard thong.

How do you know?

First gift?

Yeah.

Leopard thong.

Do you really think he'd give me something

like, Okay, let's say he did.

Linda, I think that little man is getting

the wrong impression.

Oh, he's not that bad.

He's just like a stray dog.

He follows me around, scratches himself, and he

keeps leaving nose prints on my windows.

Well, maybe it's time you took him to

the woods and let him go.

But you really should do the responsible thing

first and have him neutered.

I can't just kick him out.

He's got no place else to go.

I should just let him stay there.

Can I move in with one of you

guys?

Oh, yeah, I'm glad you're here.

Uh, look, uh, I was in here last

night and I had an experience that really,

well, it made me realize that I may

have a small problem.

I have a problem with anger.

Well, I thought about it a lot, and

I realized that the anger class may have

some merit.

So I'm going to use its techniques to

try to change my life completely.

Are you going to keep doing that?

I don't know yet.

All right.

The first step is to call upon my

support network.

That's, well, that's, uh, that's all of you.

Uh, for your, for your assistance and, geez,

you know, some, this is, what the hell

with it, you know, just, I'll try to

control myself and you just try not to

piss me off.

Well put.

Wow, John.

I'm impressed.

Yeah?

Oh, well, yeah, thank you.

I, uh, you know, I realize that if

I try to listen...

Would you let me finish?

Hey, do that someplace else.

Please.

Wow.

Hey.

Gee.

Hell, I'm not in the class.

That's right.

I'm living on Fifth Avenue, so drop dead.

Okay, Ma, I'll talk to you later.

Hey, Rumi, where you been?

I've been walking around outside for hours because

I didn't want to come in, which is

a problem because I live here.

We have to talk.

Oh, no.

You're gonna kick Bob out.

You've got that same look my mother had,

only there's nothing coming out of your eye.

Is this about me staring at you in

the middle of the night?

Because in all fairness, I thought you were

asleep.

Yes.

That's exactly what this is about.

And a lot of other stuff, too.

Like what?

Well, like using the forks to scratch your

back.

The noises when you shower.

And the fact that you keep doing my

laundry.

Bob's just trying to help.

Yeah, but I never get anything back.

Look, Bob, I'm really sorry, but I think

you're gonna have to leave.

Well, I can't say this is a big

surprise.

My sidekick told me this would happen.

By the way, I used the phone.

I'm really sorry.

That's okay.

Bob knows he doesn't belong in a place

like this.

You know, it's funny.

When I was a kid, there was this

apartment building off the expressway.

It was grungy, disgusting.

Had this big sign on it that said,

if you lived here, you'd be home by

now.

You were afraid you'd end up there?

No, that's where I lived.

But when I came to this city, I'd

look up at these buildings and I'd wonder

what type of people lived in them.

Well, for a few days, I actually got

to be one of those people.

And that's thanks to you, Linda.

I won't forget it.

I'll get my stuff.

Bob, wait a minute.

Yeah?

Maybe we could work this out.

Really?

Because Bob will do anything.

You just name it.

Well, for starters, we're gonna have to establish

some boundaries.

Okay?

You need to respect my privacy, respect my

things, and above all, respect me.

Well, that's kind of new territory for me,

so I'm gonna give it a shot.

Bob!

I'll do it.

So, roomies?

Roomies.

Oh.

This is nice.

Two friends, sitting, relating.

This is really nice.

Yes, it is.

Bob?

Yeah?

Deep breaths, everyone.

In.

Out.

Sorry I'm late, but I couldn't find a

damn parking spot.

But I did not get upset.

I got on track.

Dr. Decker, we're right in the middle of

our centering exercise.

I'm sorry.

Go ahead.

In.

Out.

In.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, but there doesn't seem to be

a chair for me.

I guess you're one short.

Just try to make yourself comfortable.

In.

Out.

And...

Okay!

Very good.

Well, since this is our last class, time

for growth reports.

Lenny?

Well, I went to visit my landlord in

the hospital.

You know, to apologize for putting him there.

I felt like taking a pillow and smothering

him to death.

But I didn't.

I think that's a positive step.

Oh, so do I.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Why aren't there enough chairs?

You know how many people were coming.

Well, each class gets only so many chairs,

and anger management tends to break more chairs

than the other groups.

Remember last week, Lenny?

I'm sorry.

All right, fine.

Clovis?

Well, since I started coming here, I haven't

kicked one ass.

Why do I have to stand when everyone

else gets to sit down?

I mean, that's not fair.

Dr. Decker, remember what we say.

I'm sorry.

Clovis?

Now I lost my train of thought.

I like trains.

That's good, man.

Go with that.

I tried to push my boss in front

of a train once.

Now I know that's bad.

Okay.

Look, you know, I'm trying to be reasonable

here, but you know, this, this, this is

crap.

See, I understand why you let the old

lady and the wacko here sit down, but

I mean, what about, what about the rest

of these losers?

Oh, calm down.

You know you're losers.

Dr. Decker!

Well, how come I have to manage my

anger standing up when everybody else gets to

do it sitting down?

I'd be damned if I'm gonna stand the

whole time.

Screw it!

Oh.

What?

What oh?

Why is everybody looking at me?

Dr. Decker, I'm afraid you've just failed your

final exam.

What are you talking about?

I created a situation that would ordinarily give

rise to anger to see if you could

cope, and you couldn't.

Now you'll have to take the class again.

What the hell was I supposed to do?

You could've been patient.

You could've sat on the floor, borrowed a

chair from another room, asked one of your

classmates to share with you.

I would've shared with you?

Not an option.

And neither's taking this class again.

You know, no, I'm sorry.

Forget it.

You know, I'm out of here.

What's he gonna do to me, huh?

What the hell is he gonna do?

Hey, Becker.

You missed a spot.

Just keep walking.

There's nothing to see here.

Oh, hey, Becker, you might want to...

Hey, Reggie, for once in your life, will

you mind your own business?

Okay.

Tonight's film coming up at ten is Naked

Gun Two and a Half, The Smell of

Fear, starring Lesley Nilsen and Priscilla Presley.

And stick around until then because the sketch

show makes its first appearance of the weekend

next on Paramount Comedy.