Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
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00:00:52,213 --> 00:00:53,708
Fuego del Culo.
2
00:00:53,877 --> 00:00:56,019
Girl, if it itches, it's crabs.
3
00:00:56,187 --> 00:00:57,717
("SHAPESHIFT"
BY HAVEMORALS PLAYS)
4
00:00:57,919 --> 00:00:59,528
♪ I switched the gameNo time for playing ♪
5
00:00:59,552 --> 00:01:01,122
♪ I'm redefined ♪
6
00:01:01,324 --> 00:01:02,654
♪ Now I'ma transform ♪
7
00:01:02,856 --> 00:01:04,926
♪ Right in frontOf all your eyes ♪
8
00:01:05,129 --> 00:01:06,164
♪ I shapeshift ♪
9
00:01:10,499 --> 00:01:12,871
Hey, girl. You want
some brown liquor?
10
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,902
Brown liquor don't
make this pussy pop.
11
00:01:15,071 --> 00:01:17,036
Tequila it is.
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00:01:17,205 --> 00:01:19,309
Here you go. Mm.
13
00:01:22,178 --> 00:01:23,980
! Viva la revolución!
14
00:01:24,182 --> 00:01:25,422
Now, that shit right there make
15
00:01:25,547 --> 00:01:27,215
my pussy pop on a handstand!
16
00:01:27,384 --> 00:01:28,952
So, what are you
doing here anyway?
17
00:01:29,154 --> 00:01:31,087
What do you think
I'm doing here?
18
00:01:31,255 --> 00:01:32,748
I'm starring in the
opening scene.
19
00:01:32,917 --> 00:01:35,292
Been there, done that.
20
00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:37,662
Pick up the phone!
Pick up the pho...
21
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,922
Richie? Teyana. Hi.
22
00:01:40,091 --> 00:01:41,540
I thought it'd be
easier for the audience
23
00:01:41,564 --> 00:01:43,625
if they didn't have
to read more texts.
24
00:01:43,827 --> 00:01:45,974
Yeah, that makes sense. 'Cause you
know these motherfuckers can't read.
25
00:01:45,998 --> 00:01:49,505
I know who goes to see
a Wayans Brothers movie.
26
00:01:49,707 --> 00:01:51,742
Well, it's nice to
phone-meet you
27
00:01:51,911 --> 00:01:53,439
in this super awkward way.
28
00:01:53,607 --> 00:01:55,280
Likewise. But I
got to be honest.
29
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,980
When I seen your profile
pic, a bitch almost swiped left
30
00:01:58,149 --> 00:01:59,584
because you look mad goofy.
31
00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:01,243
But surprisingly,
32
00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:04,021
you know them goofy niggas
got big dicks, so here we are.
33
00:02:04,223 --> 00:02:05,688
I take you for a Jersey girl.
34
00:02:05,890 --> 00:02:06,890
A Jersey girl?
35
00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:09,118
Listen, I love Jersey down.
36
00:02:09,287 --> 00:02:11,663
But I'm a Harlem girl. Born
and motherfucking raised.
37
00:02:11,866 --> 00:02:13,622
Real niggas only. Yeah.
38
00:02:13,791 --> 00:02:15,629
Oh, so you're Black.
39
00:02:17,463 --> 00:02:18,770
No, motherfucker!
40
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,638
I'm BLACK!
41
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,101
All caps.
42
00:02:22,270 --> 00:02:24,774
No cap, but caps.
43
00:02:24,942 --> 00:02:26,475
Fuck all y'all!
44
00:02:27,709 --> 00:02:29,580
Bitch, spit them
pearls back out.
45
00:02:30,741 --> 00:02:32,382
I ain't want your shit.
46
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,152
Hello. So tell me,
47
00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:37,286
what's your favorite
scary movie?
48
00:02:37,455 --> 00:02:39,517
Mm... I don't really
do them, you know.
49
00:02:39,686 --> 00:02:40,949
All the stupid tropes and shit.
50
00:02:41,118 --> 00:02:42,801
Why is it always the
white bitch at the end?
51
00:02:42,825 --> 00:02:44,759
Because they know it
is too hard to kill a sista.
52
00:02:44,928 --> 00:02:46,968
Y'know what I'm sayin'?
Cause if the sista can survive
53
00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:49,425
government cheese,
we can survive anything.
54
00:02:51,298 --> 00:02:53,178
You know, it might help
if you met me outside.
55
00:02:53,338 --> 00:02:55,405
Met you outside?
Boy, you is needy!
56
00:02:56,474 --> 00:02:58,139
What's your sign?
You must be a Scorpio.
57
00:02:58,308 --> 00:02:59,373
How'd you know?
58
00:02:59,542 --> 00:03:01,346
Good dick though.
But toxic as hell.
59
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,344
Hey, is the restaurant
near an alley?
60
00:03:03,513 --> 00:03:06,147
Yes, hurry before
they rob your ass.
61
00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:07,885
Roses? Ah! Not today.
62
00:03:08,087 --> 00:03:09,850
Cheap bitch. Heard you, ho.
63
00:03:10,019 --> 00:03:12,485
Okay, I'm... I'm coming
down the alley now.
64
00:03:12,654 --> 00:03:14,688
I'm here. Can you
see me? I'm waving.
65
00:03:15,355 --> 00:03:16,886
No.
66
00:03:17,055 --> 00:03:19,096
The person I'm
looking at is not waving.
67
00:03:19,298 --> 00:03:21,095
In fact, they're
just staring at me.
68
00:03:21,298 --> 00:03:23,197
Well, stare at his ass back!
69
00:03:23,366 --> 00:03:24,862
And don't blink. Never blink.
70
00:03:25,031 --> 00:03:26,951
You got to scrunch your
lips and be like, "What?"
71
00:03:27,033 --> 00:03:28,831
No, they're walking
towards me now.
72
00:03:28,999 --> 00:03:31,107
Hold on. Oh no,
they have a knife!
73
00:03:31,309 --> 00:03:33,168
Well, don't lead
his ass over here.
74
00:03:33,336 --> 00:03:34,576
And that's not the worst part.
75
00:03:36,044 --> 00:03:38,676
The worst part is
you know so much
76
00:03:38,845 --> 00:03:41,082
about horror movies
and yet you still
77
00:03:41,285 --> 00:03:44,053
walked into the alley alone.
78
00:03:44,222 --> 00:03:46,289
Yeah, well the worst part is,
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00:03:46,491 --> 00:03:49,494
you fucking with a
New York bitch. Cuckoo!
80
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:50,860
Yeah!
81
00:03:53,331 --> 00:03:55,395
Cuckoo, cuckoo!
82
00:03:55,564 --> 00:03:57,060
Cuckoo!
83
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:08,445
Damn! She's on
some Avengers shit!
84
00:04:22,027 --> 00:04:23,226
Seriously, Larry?
85
00:04:23,394 --> 00:04:24,674
I ain't recognize
your bird call.
86
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,595
Thought you was
going more with a...
87
00:04:26,764 --> 00:04:29,166
That's a pigeon, nigga!
Supposed to be, "Cuckoo!"
88
00:04:29,368 --> 00:04:32,403
Cuckoo! A hawk
swooping in an attack!
89
00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:34,300
My bad.
90
00:04:34,469 --> 00:04:35,769
Are you done?
91
00:04:37,602 --> 00:04:38,602
What the hell?
92
00:04:40,941 --> 00:04:44,208
Bitch, I'm Teyana
Taylor. My abs got abs.
93
00:04:44,377 --> 00:04:45,647
Get him!
94
00:04:45,815 --> 00:04:47,443
Ow! My arm! My arm!
95
00:04:47,612 --> 00:04:48,946
Get in there!
96
00:04:49,115 --> 00:04:50,721
Come on, guys,
we can work this out.
97
00:04:55,051 --> 00:04:56,651
Somebody help me!
98
00:04:56,820 --> 00:04:58,162
Do it, Larry!
99
00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,991
No, no, no...
100
00:05:01,066 --> 00:05:02,263
Hi-yah!
101
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,125
Ow! Oh, God!
102
00:05:04,294 --> 00:05:05,974
All right, all right,
all right, all right!
103
00:05:06,031 --> 00:05:07,867
We out. Get your
hardheaded ass on.
104
00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:10,765
Welcome to New York, sucker!
105
00:05:10,934 --> 00:05:12,174
Hey, Teyana.
106
00:05:12,343 --> 00:05:13,738
You might have kicked my ass,
107
00:05:13,907 --> 00:05:16,540
but you still didn't
win that Oscar.
108
00:05:16,743 --> 00:05:18,446
What you say about my Oscar?
109
00:05:18,614 --> 00:05:21,345
Did I stutter? You lost!
110
00:05:21,547 --> 00:05:22,813
You right.
111
00:05:22,982 --> 00:05:24,884
But I won that
Golden Globe, bitch.
112
00:05:25,785 --> 00:05:27,489
Oh, my God! Really?
113
00:05:27,658 --> 00:05:29,203
That's why I never
watched Horror Movie.
114
00:05:29,227 --> 00:05:30,593
It's fucking terrible.
115
00:05:30,761 --> 00:05:33,126
Just a bunch of celebrity
cameos and fart gags.
116
00:05:34,764 --> 00:05:35,957
So, you don't like parodies?
117
00:05:36,126 --> 00:05:37,825
I'm more into Judd Apatow films.
118
00:05:37,994 --> 00:05:40,534
You know, elevated comedy.
119
00:05:40,702 --> 00:05:42,797
And what is elevated comedy?
120
00:05:42,966 --> 00:05:44,366
Mm.
121
00:05:44,534 --> 00:05:45,817
The kind that doesn't
actually make anyone laugh,
122
00:05:45,841 --> 00:05:47,306
but makes white
people feel smart.
123
00:05:49,647 --> 00:05:50,882
Tuesday, don't answer that!
124
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,476
It could be Ghostface.
125
00:05:52,645 --> 00:05:54,219
Oh, come on, Elle!
126
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:56,355
Stuff like that only
happens in the movies.
127
00:05:59,124 --> 00:06:00,456
Oh, hey.
128
00:06:00,625 --> 00:06:02,854
I wasn't expecting
you to answer the door.
129
00:06:03,023 --> 00:06:06,028
What the fuck? Now
where is my knife?
130
00:06:06,197 --> 00:06:07,997
Ah, here it is.
131
00:06:08,166 --> 00:06:10,734
Hello, Tuesday.
132
00:06:14,206 --> 00:06:16,232
("MESSY" BY REDD. PLAYS)
133
00:06:19,577 --> 00:06:21,637
♪ I really wanna get messy ♪
134
00:06:23,540 --> 00:06:25,845
♪ Don't care what I'm doingNext week ♪
135
00:06:26,047 --> 00:06:28,916
♪ You really don't wannaTest me ♪
136
00:06:29,118 --> 00:06:31,586
♪ Just pass the drinksAnd get sexy ♪
137
00:06:31,789 --> 00:06:34,390
♪ Get messyBaby, get messy ♪
138
00:06:34,559 --> 00:06:37,594
Hey, miss.
139
00:06:38,657 --> 00:06:39,821
What'd you take?
140
00:06:39,990 --> 00:06:41,690
Just Ritalin for my ADHD.
141
00:06:41,859 --> 00:06:43,266
Adderall for PTSD.
142
00:06:43,468 --> 00:06:45,532
A couple of Xanax
for my anxiety.
143
00:06:45,701 --> 00:06:47,538
And your boner pills.
144
00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:50,934
So good luck getting it up now.
145
00:06:51,137 --> 00:06:53,740
Jesus, Sara, how
many did you take?
146
00:06:53,909 --> 00:06:55,670
I don't know. How
many come in a bottle?
147
00:06:57,579 --> 00:06:59,084
Hey, Jess. Sara,
148
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,608
Tuesday's in the hospital.
149
00:07:00,777 --> 00:07:04,054
She was stabbed. By a
killer... you know, Ghostface.
150
00:07:04,223 --> 00:07:05,556
Wait. From Wu-Tang?
151
00:07:05,724 --> 00:07:07,853
Why would Ghostface
Killah aka Pretty Toney
152
00:07:08,022 --> 00:07:10,153
aka Starky Love
want to stab my sister?
153
00:07:10,355 --> 00:07:12,429
God, Sara, it wasn't
Ghostface Killah.
154
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,260
It was somebody
in a Ghostface mask.
155
00:07:14,429 --> 00:07:15,461
Oh!
156
00:07:15,664 --> 00:07:17,430
Okay, that makes more sense.
157
00:07:21,203 --> 00:07:22,203
Hah!
158
00:07:23,066 --> 00:07:25,337
I ain't the one!
159
00:07:25,539 --> 00:07:26,975
Oh!
160
00:07:27,178 --> 00:07:28,178
Jesus, Jack!
161
00:07:28,244 --> 00:07:29,579
What?
162
00:07:29,748 --> 00:07:31,711
I was thinking about
wearing this for Halloween.
163
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,320
My estranged
flat-chested half-sister
164
00:07:33,477 --> 00:07:35,381
was nearly killed by a
psycho in a ghost mask.
165
00:07:36,986 --> 00:07:39,718
I got to go see her and
make up for the past.
166
00:07:39,887 --> 00:07:41,519
Whoa... Hey, hey, hey.
167
00:07:41,721 --> 00:07:42,920
I'm going with you.
168
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,527
Not because I'm
the obvious killer
169
00:07:44,729 --> 00:07:46,232
trying to lure you
back to your hometown.
170
00:07:46,256 --> 00:07:47,823
I'm just the
supportive boyfriend.
171
00:07:47,991 --> 00:07:49,263
Yeah. That's all.
172
00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:52,296
Okay, let's go. Get in the car.
173
00:07:52,465 --> 00:07:55,474
Listen, we just have to
make one stop on the way.
174
00:07:56,339 --> 00:07:58,268
I survived.
175
00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:00,342
All thanks to my lucky penny.
176
00:08:00,511 --> 00:08:01,909
("HOES" BY LIZZO PLAYS)
177
00:08:02,111 --> 00:08:04,044
♪ The world would beBoring as fuck ♪
178
00:08:04,246 --> 00:08:06,212
♪ Without big bootyReal hoochie mamas like me ♪
179
00:08:06,414 --> 00:08:08,553
♪ Grabbing anklesThrowing ass on ATVs ♪
180
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:10,754
♪ Make 'em say "uh"I got Master P ♪
181
00:08:10,956 --> 00:08:13,085
♪ Doggy-style, look here,That's masterpiece ♪
182
00:08:13,287 --> 00:08:14,989
♪ I don't wanna beIn no sausage fest ♪
183
00:08:15,192 --> 00:08:17,529
♪ Where my ladies at?Throw it east to west ♪
184
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:19,561
♪ Wow, wow, wow, wowI'm impressed ♪
185
00:08:19,763 --> 00:08:20,963
♪ Booty up down, up down... ♪
186
00:08:25,803 --> 00:08:29,464
I hate when y'all leave!
Come give me a hug.
187
00:08:29,633 --> 00:08:32,707
Ma, come on, turn off
this ratchet-ass music.
188
00:08:32,910 --> 00:08:35,343
It's embarrassing,
especially for Black women.
189
00:08:35,511 --> 00:08:36,745
It's not embarrassing.
190
00:08:36,947 --> 00:08:38,544
I'm the cool ma
everybody wish they had.
191
00:08:38,746 --> 00:08:40,011
I'm lit! Don't forget,
192
00:08:40,180 --> 00:08:41,949
I got practice later
so I'll be home late.
193
00:08:42,117 --> 00:08:43,656
You only made the team
because you're Black
194
00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,649
and those racist fucks
assumed you could play.
195
00:08:45,818 --> 00:08:47,852
Mm. It's 2026.
196
00:08:48,021 --> 00:08:49,390
I don't think race is an issue.
197
00:08:49,592 --> 00:08:50,926
Do you read Black Twitter?
198
00:08:51,128 --> 00:08:52,322
No.
199
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:53,966
Ugh, Brad,
200
00:08:54,026 --> 00:08:55,691
are you still dating that ho?
201
00:08:55,860 --> 00:08:56,840
Okay.
202
00:08:56,864 --> 00:08:58,227
Stop ho-shaming her, heiffa.
203
00:08:58,396 --> 00:08:59,900
Just because Darrel and them
204
00:09:00,069 --> 00:09:01,900
ran a train on her
doesn't make her a ho.
205
00:09:02,103 --> 00:09:04,803
She's not a "ho",
she's "sex positive".
206
00:09:04,972 --> 00:09:06,875
Well, I'm positive she is a ho.
207
00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,872
Hey, girl! Look at you!
208
00:09:10,041 --> 00:09:11,416
Early for Halloween, huh?
209
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:13,378
What you this year?
Slutty schoolgirl?
210
00:09:13,547 --> 00:09:14,493
Ho-ey ho?
211
00:09:14,517 --> 00:09:16,417
Hi, Ms. Meeks.
212
00:09:16,586 --> 00:09:18,319
Love the hair. Very...
213
00:09:18,487 --> 00:09:19,915
Octavia Spencer.
214
00:09:20,117 --> 00:09:21,191
Well, thank you very much.
215
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:22,726
I got to invite you over
216
00:09:22,894 --> 00:09:25,226
and make you a
little shit pie. Ooh.
217
00:09:25,395 --> 00:09:28,089
You know what? I got to get to
African American History class.
218
00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:29,451
We're learning about slavery.
219
00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:31,894
Come to find out,
it was a choice.
220
00:09:32,063 --> 00:09:33,099
You see that right there?
221
00:09:34,033 --> 00:09:35,704
That's Kanye? That's right.
222
00:09:35,873 --> 00:09:38,306
They've been teaching
us wrong all this time.
223
00:09:38,508 --> 00:09:39,508
Mm-hmm. Stay Black!
224
00:09:39,677 --> 00:09:42,443
Bye, Ma. All right. Bye, baby.
225
00:09:42,645 --> 00:09:43,712
Bye, Ms. Meeks. Bye.
226
00:09:43,881 --> 00:09:45,878
Son, I put some
condoms in your bag!
227
00:09:46,047 --> 00:09:47,610
You know how
they try to trap y'all.
228
00:09:47,779 --> 00:09:48,884
Ma!
229
00:09:51,052 --> 00:09:52,985
Okay, seriously, "Sheriff Greg",
230
00:09:53,188 --> 00:09:54,934
you don't have to walk
me to class. I'm fine.
231
00:09:54,958 --> 00:09:57,762
Jess, there's a serial
killer on the loose.
232
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,461
I'm not gonna let anything
happen to my baby girl.
233
00:10:00,630 --> 00:10:02,559
Boy! Okay? I'm a baby boy!
234
00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:04,064
I'm sorry!
235
00:10:04,233 --> 00:10:05,969
I'm having a hard
time with this transition.
236
00:10:06,171 --> 00:10:09,434
Okay, it's really simple.
Treat me like one of the guys.
237
00:10:09,603 --> 00:10:10,804
Okay?
238
00:10:10,973 --> 00:10:13,311
All right. I-I can
do that. Yeah.
239
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,673
Slap fight. Oh.
240
00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:16,875
You call that a slap?
241
00:10:18,414 --> 00:10:19,450
Whew.
242
00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:21,078
What the hell did
you do that for?
243
00:10:21,247 --> 00:10:24,121
Don't act like such a bitch.
244
00:10:24,289 --> 00:10:25,783
Bitch.
245
00:10:28,955 --> 00:10:31,157
Yeah, not bad.
246
00:10:33,963 --> 00:10:35,491
Who the hell lives like this?
247
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:50,447
Oh, honey, it is
so good to see you!
248
00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:52,340
Come in! Do you want some tea?
249
00:10:52,543 --> 00:10:55,209
Oh, my God, Mother.
You look like shit!
250
00:10:55,411 --> 00:10:56,952
Babe, please.
251
00:10:57,121 --> 00:10:58,725
This is clearly a woman
who's run out of conditioner.
252
00:10:58,749 --> 00:11:00,751
Oh, be careful where
you walk. The whole place
253
00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,354
is booby-trapped.
254
00:11:02,523 --> 00:11:04,557
You never know when that
psycho's gonna come back.
255
00:11:04,759 --> 00:11:06,458
Come in.
256
00:11:06,627 --> 00:11:07,798
Okay.
257
00:11:16,937 --> 00:11:19,469
I hate this job.
258
00:11:21,710 --> 00:11:23,044
Mrs. Campbell,
259
00:11:23,846 --> 00:11:25,977
I'm Jack, Sara's boyfriend.
260
00:11:26,146 --> 00:11:27,877
I've heard so much about you...
261
00:11:28,046 --> 00:11:29,215
Uh, none of it good.
262
00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,489
I have heard nothing
about you, Jack.
263
00:11:32,658 --> 00:11:34,354
I assume you're a piece of shit.
264
00:11:34,523 --> 00:11:37,492
But how would I know when I
haven't heard from my daughter
265
00:11:37,660 --> 00:11:39,493
in, what, six months?
266
00:11:39,662 --> 00:11:41,331
Six years, Mother.
267
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:43,198
And whose fault is that?
268
00:11:43,367 --> 00:11:45,968
"And whose fault is that?" I
don't know, maybe it's yours!
269
00:11:46,602 --> 00:11:47,870
That's fair.
270
00:11:48,039 --> 00:11:50,766
We want to learn from
the horror you survived.
271
00:11:50,968 --> 00:11:51,949
Look...
272
00:11:51,973 --> 00:11:53,743
Scary Movie 3 and 4
273
00:11:53,945 --> 00:11:55,545
paid me a lot of
money for a girl...
274
00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:57,673
There is nothing to learn there.
275
00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:00,448
But if you want to talk about
The House Bunny, shoot.
276
00:12:00,650 --> 00:12:02,215
It's happening again!
277
00:12:02,384 --> 00:12:05,686
Some asshole in a mask.
We have to stop him.
278
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,790
You're not ready, lovebug.
279
00:12:07,992 --> 00:12:11,152
I have been preparing
for this for years.
280
00:12:11,321 --> 00:12:12,894
Sacrificed everything.
281
00:12:13,063 --> 00:12:16,026
You were a terrible
mother. Come on, honey
282
00:12:16,195 --> 00:12:17,892
we had some good times.
283
00:12:18,061 --> 00:12:21,932
Like that Christmas I took
you to meet Santa at the mall.
284
00:12:22,101 --> 00:12:23,299
("JINGLE BELLS" PLAYS)
285
00:12:23,501 --> 00:12:25,643
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
286
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:28,913
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
287
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,279
♪ O'er the fields we go... ♪
Your turn, Sara.
288
00:12:31,448 --> 00:12:32,448
Move!
289
00:12:32,977 --> 00:12:34,375
Hi, Santa.
290
00:12:34,544 --> 00:12:37,716
Sorry if I don't
sit in your lap.
291
00:12:37,885 --> 00:12:39,319
You creep me out.
292
00:12:39,522 --> 00:12:41,892
♪ How fun it isTo ride and sing... ♪
293
00:12:46,958 --> 00:12:47,958
Mom?
294
00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:50,697
Santa gave me a severed arm!
295
00:12:50,865 --> 00:12:52,595
Be sure to thank him.
296
00:12:59,302 --> 00:13:01,278
Is that a foot?
297
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,007
Ew, that's gross.
298
00:13:03,210 --> 00:13:04,247
♪ One horse open... ♪
299
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:05,546
What the fuck?
300
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,820
I am sorry
301
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:12,721
if that's how you found
out Santa doesn't exist.
302
00:13:12,890 --> 00:13:14,816
Ugh, Mother, I need your help!
303
00:13:14,985 --> 00:13:18,153
To heal our emotional wounds
and put the past behind us?
304
00:13:18,321 --> 00:13:19,961
Oh, God, no.
305
00:13:20,130 --> 00:13:22,630
No, to kill Ghostface!
306
00:13:22,798 --> 00:13:24,299
Do you have any guns?
307
00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:28,295
I am Cindy fucking Campbell.
308
00:13:28,464 --> 00:13:30,074
I've got millions of guns!
309
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:31,243
But, um,
310
00:13:31,270 --> 00:13:32,840
none of them are registered
311
00:13:33,009 --> 00:13:35,111
due to my mental health issues.
312
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,943
So, if you could just
keep that on the low...
313
00:13:39,112 --> 00:13:41,044
-Okay.
-Oh!
314
00:13:41,246 --> 00:13:42,611
Yeah, I'm gonna be fine.
315
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,459
I didn't hurt myself
on any of these spikes.
316
00:13:44,483 --> 00:13:45,524
("KISS OR KILL"
BY STELA COLE PLAYS)
317
00:13:45,548 --> 00:13:49,794
♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G ♪
318
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:52,520
♪ Me and youWe're sitting in a tree ♪
319
00:13:52,722 --> 00:13:54,531
Oh, hey,
so I spoke to Sara earlier.
320
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:55,994
Oh, is she coming? You know,
321
00:13:56,163 --> 00:13:57,533
I did hear a buzzing sound.
322
00:13:57,735 --> 00:13:59,334
So it's possible. No.
323
00:13:59,503 --> 00:14:02,240
I meant to Woodsville,
dumbass. Oh. Yeah, I forgot to ask.
324
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:03,970
Hey, Jimbo! Go deep!
325
00:14:04,139 --> 00:14:05,078
Yeah, yeah! Throw it, throw it!
326
00:14:05,102 --> 00:14:06,871
Oh!
327
00:14:07,073 --> 00:14:08,209
Sweet!
328
00:14:08,977 --> 00:14:10,307
Speaking of going deep...
329
00:14:10,476 --> 00:14:12,343
Uh, I don't know
if it's a good time.
330
00:14:12,512 --> 00:14:14,118
Everyone knows what
happens to teenagers
331
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:15,896
who try to make love when
there's a killer on the loose.
332
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,414
Brad's right about
one thing, guys.
333
00:14:17,616 --> 00:14:20,016
Okay, Ghostface is
back. We need to arm up.
334
00:14:20,185 --> 00:14:22,616
Pepper spray, check.
335
00:14:22,785 --> 00:14:24,493
Taser, check.
336
00:14:24,662 --> 00:14:26,189
Butt plug,
337
00:14:26,358 --> 00:14:27,726
double check.
338
00:14:27,895 --> 00:14:28,996
Goddamn!
339
00:14:29,164 --> 00:14:30,830
You just carry
that thing around?
340
00:14:30,998 --> 00:14:32,497
It's easy to hide.
341
00:14:35,707 --> 00:14:38,074
In your butt.
342
00:14:38,709 --> 00:14:40,208
I'm impressed.
343
00:14:49,546 --> 00:14:52,915
What's up, y'all? I'm back!
344
00:14:54,558 --> 00:14:55,558
Shit, son!
345
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:57,619
Hey, what's up, Unc? "Unc"?
346
00:14:57,821 --> 00:15:00,324
I'm tired of you little
Gen Z Alpha niggas
347
00:15:00,493 --> 00:15:02,524
using terms like
"unc" and "auntie".
348
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:05,098
Gaslighting and
glazing and glamping,
349
00:15:05,267 --> 00:15:07,131
trying to make my
generation sound old.
350
00:15:07,333 --> 00:15:08,762
I ain't your damn unc, nigga!
351
00:15:08,965 --> 00:15:11,169
Shorty, you're our
mother's brother, so, yeah,
352
00:15:11,338 --> 00:15:12,907
technically, you are our uncle.
353
00:15:13,076 --> 00:15:15,845
Oh. My bad.
354
00:15:16,014 --> 00:15:18,382
Crazy that they
let you teach here.
355
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,811
Teach? Nah, nigga.
356
00:15:21,013 --> 00:15:22,382
I attend.
357
00:15:22,550 --> 00:15:25,888
You looking at a
proud 25th-year senior.
358
00:15:26,057 --> 00:15:27,458
When are you finally
gonna graduate?
359
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:28,883
By the time we do a sequel
360
00:15:29,052 --> 00:15:30,035
and I got to follow
you little young niggas
361
00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:31,139
to college to get my check.
362
00:15:31,192 --> 00:15:32,863
Wait, guys. Tuesday's awake!
363
00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:35,259
All right! Tuesday! Who
the fuck is Tuesday?
364
00:15:35,428 --> 00:15:36,708
Hey, we gotta
go to the hospital.
365
00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:39,193
You gonna take the
bus home? No. The PJ.
366
00:15:39,362 --> 00:15:40,866
Private jet?
367
00:15:41,035 --> 00:15:42,035
Yeah. Jealous?
368
00:15:42,203 --> 00:15:43,567
Man, you smoke weed all day.
369
00:15:43,736 --> 00:15:46,108
Just play video
games, you live-stream.
370
00:15:46,277 --> 00:15:47,750
You literally got
money doing nothing.
371
00:15:47,774 --> 00:15:50,942
Exactly. I leave the hard
work for the old heads.
372
00:15:51,111 --> 00:15:52,579
Shit, son!
373
00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:56,216
Still the same Shorty. Aight.
374
00:15:56,385 --> 00:15:57,954
Check my crypto, nigga.
375
00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,853
Aw, shit, I'm up
three million dollars!
376
00:16:01,784 --> 00:16:03,923
Damn, now I'm down five million.
377
00:16:04,091 --> 00:16:06,459
This shit crazy, son.
378
00:16:30,780 --> 00:16:33,321
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
379
00:16:34,290 --> 00:16:37,420
♪ This little light of mine ♪
380
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:41,055
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
381
00:16:41,257 --> 00:16:42,257
Ray!
382
00:16:42,295 --> 00:16:44,099
Sister Brenda, it's okay.
383
00:16:44,268 --> 00:16:46,395
You heard the call
of sin, yes, you did.
384
00:16:46,597 --> 00:16:47,795
But the Lord has called on us
385
00:16:47,964 --> 00:16:50,432
to show men such
like you the way.
386
00:16:50,601 --> 00:16:53,409
Come on, son! Come with us.
387
00:16:53,612 --> 00:16:54,979
Come on us.
388
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,872
God see you coming.
So don't cheat that come.
389
00:16:58,074 --> 00:17:02,050
We need you to come
like you never came before.
390
00:17:02,219 --> 00:17:04,021
Come for the Father,
come for the Son.
391
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,453
I'ma hold your hand and
we gonna come together.
392
00:17:06,622 --> 00:17:09,056
-God is good, man!
-Yes, sir.
393
00:17:09,225 --> 00:17:10,197
Thank you, Jesus.
394
00:17:10,221 --> 00:17:11,221
Amen.
395
00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:12,202
Hallelujah.
396
00:17:12,226 --> 00:17:13,657
There you go.
397
00:17:13,826 --> 00:17:18,833
In the name of God,
let it go, Ray! Let it go!
398
00:17:19,002 --> 00:17:19,911
Nigga!
399
00:17:19,935 --> 00:17:21,900
Oh, my bad.
400
00:17:22,102 --> 00:17:23,230
Last time.
401
00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:29,913
Let's welcome a new
member to our congre-gay-tion.
402
00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:31,443
Let the people know
403
00:17:31,645 --> 00:17:33,715
how you feel,
brother. There you go.
404
00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:40,547
I'm not gay no more.
405
00:17:40,716 --> 00:17:43,551
Hallelujah!
406
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:44,706
Yes, sir!
407
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,027
I'm not gay no more!
408
00:17:46,196 --> 00:17:47,388
Praise the lord!
409
00:17:47,557 --> 00:17:48,994
I'm not gay no more!
410
00:17:49,163 --> 00:17:50,425
He not gay no more.
411
00:17:50,627 --> 00:17:52,868
I've been delivered!
412
00:17:53,037 --> 00:17:55,166
I'll no longer date a mans!
413
00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:56,534
Even if he's sexy as hell
414
00:17:56,703 --> 00:17:59,108
with a big old chesteses
and perky areolas!
415
00:17:59,277 --> 00:18:00,703
Oh, yeah, you
still got a secret.
416
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:04,373
I'll no longer carry a
purse, put on makeup,
417
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:05,582
walk around in high heels.
418
00:18:05,650 --> 00:18:06,942
What?
419
00:18:07,144 --> 00:18:09,347
Red bottoms. The one
with the cute little buckle
420
00:18:09,516 --> 00:18:11,054
on the side. Those is my shoes.
421
00:18:11,223 --> 00:18:14,955
I'll no longer go on
Grindr and swipe right
422
00:18:15,124 --> 00:18:16,759
at Black mens... Hmm?
423
00:18:16,928 --> 00:18:18,920
...white mens, Asian mens.
424
00:18:19,089 --> 00:18:21,394
You been on Grindr?
I'll no longer take trips
425
00:18:21,563 --> 00:18:24,297
to the Philippines
looking for ladyboys.
426
00:18:24,499 --> 00:18:27,502
To Phuket. Ko
Samui. Back to Phuket.
427
00:18:27,704 --> 00:18:29,833
Then to Vietnam to see if I
can get them any cheaper.
428
00:18:30,035 --> 00:18:32,107
I thought that was for
our anniversary, Ray.
429
00:18:32,275 --> 00:18:34,112
Oh, this nigga
got a lot of miles.
430
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,409
I'll no longer stand
butt naked in a mirror
431
00:18:36,578 --> 00:18:38,549
with my penis tucked
between my legs...
432
00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:41,375
...dancing like the dude
from Silence of the Lambs.
433
00:18:41,544 --> 00:18:43,514
"It puts the lotion in
the basket, Precious."
434
00:18:43,716 --> 00:18:46,348
I'm a changed man!
I've been delivered!
435
00:18:46,550 --> 00:18:48,185
Shit. I will!
436
00:18:48,387 --> 00:18:50,092
I said I will!
437
00:18:50,261 --> 00:18:52,726
I will love a woman!
438
00:18:54,265 --> 00:18:55,265
Womans, womans, womans!
439
00:18:55,429 --> 00:18:57,162
You can take that "W-O" off.
440
00:18:57,365 --> 00:18:58,526
Womans, womans, womans!
441
00:18:58,728 --> 00:19:00,836
Mens-es, mens-es, mens-es.
442
00:19:01,004 --> 00:19:03,031
Womans...
443
00:19:06,539 --> 00:19:08,236
No, no. No, no, Ray. No, no.
444
00:19:14,952 --> 00:19:16,311
Gulp, gulp, gulp.
445
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:18,779
Whoa, nigga.
446
00:19:18,948 --> 00:19:20,657
Hawk tuah, hawk tuah, hawk tuah!
447
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,591
You hocking on it?
448
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:24,802
("TWERK FOR JESUS" BY NOVA
VYBE PLAYS) I've been delivered!
449
00:19:24,826 --> 00:19:26,725
♪ Work, work, working itFor Jesus ♪
450
00:19:26,927 --> 00:19:29,996
♪ No, the devilry is gonnaStay beneath us ♪
451
00:19:30,198 --> 00:19:32,834
♪ The good praise Really
bumping Out your speakers ♪
452
00:19:33,036 --> 00:19:35,273
♪ I'ma dance 'Cause His glory
Make me feel some type of way ♪
453
00:19:35,297 --> 00:19:37,108
♪ So we beTwerk, twerk, twerkin' it ♪
454
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:39,034
♪ For Jesus ♪
I've been delivered!
455
00:19:39,236 --> 00:19:41,803
♪ No, the devilry is gonnaStay beneath us ♪
456
00:19:42,005 --> 00:19:43,208
♪ Who make it happen? ♪
457
00:19:43,411 --> 00:19:44,942
♪ That's Jesus ♪
458
00:19:45,145 --> 00:19:46,844
♪ Who have us clapping?That's Jesus ♪
459
00:19:47,046 --> 00:19:50,179
♪ And the devil can't everCome between us ♪
460
00:19:50,381 --> 00:19:53,352
♪ We out here clap, clapClapping it for Jesus ♪
461
00:19:53,521 --> 00:19:56,216
Tuesday, Tuesday.
462
00:19:57,019 --> 00:19:58,795
Oh, my God.
463
00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:00,864
Her face. All contorted.
464
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,666
Oh, my God, and the moaning.
465
00:20:09,101 --> 00:20:11,203
I've been trying to
get that out for an hour.
466
00:20:11,372 --> 00:20:13,376
How you feeling, Tues?
467
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,904
Hey, what are they giving
you for the pain? Is that...
468
00:20:16,073 --> 00:20:18,078
Is that morphine or...?
469
00:20:18,247 --> 00:20:20,177
Bitch. Let's see.
470
00:20:22,149 --> 00:20:24,216
Oh, yeah!
471
00:20:24,385 --> 00:20:27,386
Oh, this that good, good.
472
00:20:27,555 --> 00:20:28,883
This that Britney Spears shit.
473
00:20:29,052 --> 00:20:30,332
Makes me want to get half-naked,
474
00:20:30,493 --> 00:20:32,921
dance around and
juggle some knives.
475
00:20:33,090 --> 00:20:35,295
Sara, who's that Jeffrey
Dahmer look-a-like?
476
00:20:35,497 --> 00:20:38,131
Oh. This is my boyfriend, Jack.
477
00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:40,271
Really nice to meet you.
478
00:20:41,304 --> 00:20:42,666
Looks like Ted Bundy to me.
479
00:20:42,834 --> 00:20:45,070
But that ain't none
of my business.
480
00:20:45,239 --> 00:20:47,134
Mm-hmm. Mm!
481
00:20:47,336 --> 00:20:49,307
This little stabbed-up
bitch here needs some rest.
482
00:20:49,509 --> 00:20:51,615
So y'all get the fuck out!
483
00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:52,784
Yes, ma'am.
484
00:20:53,781 --> 00:20:55,348
Oh, not you, Sara.
485
00:20:55,517 --> 00:20:57,684
Why? What did I do?
486
00:20:58,582 --> 00:21:00,617
I'm so scared.
487
00:21:00,819 --> 00:21:04,225
Oh, Tues, you should be.
488
00:21:04,394 --> 00:21:06,954
You've been stabbed nine times.
489
00:21:07,123 --> 00:21:09,333
And the killer knows
where you live.
490
00:21:09,535 --> 00:21:12,095
I would invite you to
come stay at my place, but
491
00:21:12,264 --> 00:21:14,728
I don't really want that
kind of juju in my house.
492
00:21:14,897 --> 00:21:16,106
For all we know,
493
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,342
he's standing right
outside that door.
494
00:21:23,873 --> 00:21:25,981
That's comforting, Sara.
495
00:21:26,183 --> 00:21:27,377
I thought I was gonna die.
496
00:21:27,545 --> 00:21:29,580
I know, me too!
497
00:21:29,749 --> 00:21:32,080
I planned your funeral.
498
00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:34,749
What the hell? And
I wrote your obituary.
499
00:21:34,918 --> 00:21:36,827
More like ChatGPT wrote it.
500
00:21:36,996 --> 00:21:38,161
But you're still here.
501
00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:40,661
And I will never
let anyone hurt you.
502
00:21:42,297 --> 00:21:44,768
Oh, yum! Ice chips!
503
00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:46,335
Oh, God!
504
00:21:46,538 --> 00:21:48,101
Get off me!
505
00:21:50,105 --> 00:21:51,306
Help!
506
00:21:51,475 --> 00:21:53,139
This white girl
can't die on my shift!
507
00:21:53,307 --> 00:21:54,675
I'm a DEI hire!
508
00:21:54,843 --> 00:21:57,445
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
She was fine a second ago.
509
00:21:57,614 --> 00:21:59,684
No! No, I'm good!
I'm good! Clear!
510
00:21:59,886 --> 00:22:01,649
Again!
511
00:22:01,818 --> 00:22:04,152
Come on, white bitch,
I need this job! Clear!
512
00:22:04,321 --> 00:22:06,055
It's not working! Clear!
513
00:22:06,258 --> 00:22:08,724
We're losing her.
514
00:22:08,927 --> 00:22:10,284
Harder!
515
00:22:13,759 --> 00:22:14,856
Oh, boy.
516
00:22:15,058 --> 00:22:16,960
Look like there
ain't nothing left
517
00:22:17,129 --> 00:22:19,260
but thoughts, prayers
and pork rinds.
518
00:22:20,234 --> 00:22:21,303
Dear Lord.
519
00:22:21,472 --> 00:22:23,373
Nurse Ratchett,
check out the wire!
520
00:22:23,542 --> 00:22:25,733
The Wire was the shit,
baby. That's my show.
521
00:22:25,935 --> 00:22:27,740
Drugs and that Idris Elba
522
00:22:27,942 --> 00:22:30,044
make this coochie
want to pop, pop, pop!
523
00:22:30,246 --> 00:22:32,447
Dear Lord, please
524
00:22:32,616 --> 00:22:33,948
accept this white bitch's...
525
00:22:34,117 --> 00:22:35,812
Oh!
526
00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:38,048
The Lord works in
mysterious ways.
527
00:22:38,991 --> 00:22:40,052
I'm going on break.
528
00:22:40,221 --> 00:22:41,849
Oh, Tues.
529
00:22:42,018 --> 00:22:43,487
I will never let anyone
530
00:22:43,656 --> 00:22:46,160
hurt you again. Mm-mm.
531
00:22:49,836 --> 00:22:51,362
Ooh! My bad.
532
00:23:03,178 --> 00:23:04,344
Hello?
533
00:23:04,513 --> 00:23:06,816
Hello, Sara.
534
00:23:06,985 --> 00:23:08,419
Who is this?
535
00:23:08,588 --> 00:23:12,080
Someone who knows
your little secret.
536
00:23:12,249 --> 00:23:14,749
No, no, I swear that
wasn't a Nazi salute!
537
00:23:14,951 --> 00:23:16,318
Okay? I won Prom Queen
538
00:23:16,487 --> 00:23:18,447
and I was... I was throwing
my heart to the crowd!
539
00:23:18,620 --> 00:23:23,128
No, I'm talking about
your family secret.
540
00:23:24,734 --> 00:23:27,604
Oh, you're the fuck
who hurt my sister.
541
00:23:27,772 --> 00:23:29,934
Well, I had to get you
to come back here.
542
00:23:30,103 --> 00:23:32,569
Listen, if you want to
fuck with me, asshole,
543
00:23:32,737 --> 00:23:34,175
then come and get me!
544
00:23:34,344 --> 00:23:35,679
With pleasure.
545
00:23:39,249 --> 00:23:41,943
Help!
546
00:23:42,112 --> 00:23:43,987
Somebody help!
547
00:23:44,189 --> 00:23:47,018
Please, somebody help!
548
00:23:47,717 --> 00:23:49,255
Bitch!
549
00:23:49,424 --> 00:23:50,718
This the break room.
550
00:23:50,887 --> 00:23:51,874
Mm-hmm.
551
00:23:51,898 --> 00:23:52,930
We on break.
552
00:23:53,099 --> 00:23:54,555
-Oh, God.
-Preach.
553
00:24:01,038 --> 00:24:02,600
Take that!
554
00:24:02,769 --> 00:24:04,532
Oof!
555
00:24:06,176 --> 00:24:07,540
Please, save me!
556
00:24:07,709 --> 00:24:10,276
I've been saving people all day!
557
00:24:10,445 --> 00:24:12,147
So you handle yours.
558
00:24:12,316 --> 00:24:13,977
I'll be right over here
559
00:24:14,146 --> 00:24:17,077
eating my falafel
and my pork rinds.
560
00:24:17,246 --> 00:24:19,116
I look like your mama?
561
00:24:20,955 --> 00:24:23,824
-Try me now!
-Break's over.
562
00:24:30,333 --> 00:24:31,667
You're welcome.
563
00:24:34,633 --> 00:24:37,798
It really looks like you got hit
with something hard. Like metal.
564
00:24:37,967 --> 00:24:40,271
I told you, I fell.
565
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:44,273
Now where exactly are we
going? To talk to an expert.
566
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,360
Go away!
567
00:24:57,529 --> 00:24:59,155
I'm so sorry to
bother you. We just...
568
00:24:59,324 --> 00:25:00,839
We just want to ask
you a few questions.
569
00:25:00,863 --> 00:25:02,461
Give me one good reason
570
00:25:02,630 --> 00:25:03,932
why I should talk to you.
571
00:25:04,101 --> 00:25:05,201
I'm white.
572
00:25:05,403 --> 00:25:06,970
How white? Oh, I'm talking
573
00:25:07,139 --> 00:25:08,605
Candace Owens white.
574
00:25:09,735 --> 00:25:11,298
Oh. Six feet.
575
00:25:11,467 --> 00:25:12,783
When you said expert,
I assumed you meant
576
00:25:12,807 --> 00:25:14,122
more like Neil
deGrasse Tyson or...
577
00:25:14,146 --> 00:25:15,146
Shut up.
578
00:25:15,213 --> 00:25:16,647
I'm Sara Campbell.
579
00:25:16,816 --> 00:25:19,145
I was attacked last night.
I think you should leave.
580
00:25:19,314 --> 00:25:21,813
I don't want to get stabbed.
And I don't want Covid, okay?
581
00:25:21,981 --> 00:25:23,344
Please, come
on. Just... Let's go.
582
00:25:23,513 --> 00:25:24,725
Just two minutes,
that's all I'm asking.
583
00:25:24,749 --> 00:25:25,947
No. No.
584
00:25:26,116 --> 00:25:27,481
I'll give you eight minutes.
585
00:25:29,227 --> 00:25:30,493
And another thing.
586
00:25:30,662 --> 00:25:33,055
I got to test you for Covid.
587
00:25:34,823 --> 00:25:36,129
Ohh!
588
00:25:36,298 --> 00:25:37,330
Ahh...
589
00:25:37,499 --> 00:25:38,966
You guys are good.
590
00:25:39,135 --> 00:25:41,013
When did the work week
become the "woke week"?
591
00:25:41,037 --> 00:25:44,033
We've got Black Friday.
What's next, Mulatto Monday?
592
00:25:44,202 --> 00:25:45,772
I mean, Yellow Thursday?
593
00:25:45,975 --> 00:25:48,340
Tan Tuesday? Come on.
594
00:25:50,846 --> 00:25:52,213
Let me get this out of your way.
595
00:25:52,382 --> 00:25:53,749
Oh! Sorry.
596
00:25:54,549 --> 00:25:55,549
Oh!
597
00:25:55,715 --> 00:25:57,148
Covid tests are done.
598
00:25:57,948 --> 00:25:59,252
Yup! You're good.
599
00:26:01,427 --> 00:26:02,783
You're Cindy's daughter, right?
600
00:26:02,985 --> 00:26:04,518
Yeah. Yeah.
601
00:26:04,687 --> 00:26:08,196
I don't know him. This
is Jack. My love interest.
602
00:26:08,364 --> 00:26:09,733
No! No, no, no.
603
00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:13,061
Rule Number One of
surviving a horror movie is,
604
00:26:13,230 --> 00:26:15,367
"Never trust the love interest."
605
00:26:15,536 --> 00:26:16,869
Look at him!
606
00:26:17,038 --> 00:26:20,610
He's got that weird
lazy eye, poking one way
607
00:26:20,779 --> 00:26:23,839
and then he's drooling
like a psychopath.
608
00:26:24,008 --> 00:26:25,745
He's got that stump leg.
609
00:26:25,914 --> 00:26:28,243
Makes him all walk
weird and creepy.
610
00:26:28,412 --> 00:26:31,121
I don't have a stump.
Well, that guy does.
611
00:26:31,289 --> 00:26:34,489
Oh I'm looking at me.
612
00:26:34,691 --> 00:26:37,925
Special Officer Doofy. Retired.
613
00:26:38,094 --> 00:26:41,090
Listen, Doofy, we could
really use your help.
614
00:26:41,258 --> 00:26:43,292
No. I can't go
back to that life.
615
00:26:43,494 --> 00:26:45,896
Plus, we're in the middle
of a global pandemic!
616
00:26:46,065 --> 00:26:47,345
Okay, I hate to break it to you,
617
00:26:47,530 --> 00:26:50,073
but Covid has been
over for, like, years.
618
00:26:50,241 --> 00:26:52,132
Hmm. Really?
619
00:26:52,301 --> 00:26:53,534
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
620
00:26:56,114 --> 00:26:57,571
Damn it!
621
00:26:57,740 --> 00:27:00,442
What am I gonna do
with all this canned meat?
622
00:27:01,985 --> 00:27:04,747
Get out! I don't want
Ghostface to find me.
623
00:27:04,916 --> 00:27:06,184
And don't come back!
624
00:27:18,965 --> 00:27:20,367
It's the sound of the police.
625
00:27:25,711 --> 00:27:29,076
Special Officer Doofy,
reporting for duty.
626
00:27:29,245 --> 00:27:31,840
Okay, just because he
showered doesn't mean that...
627
00:27:32,009 --> 00:27:33,142
No, I didn't shower.
628
00:27:33,311 --> 00:27:35,650
I just take water
from my mouth and...
629
00:27:35,819 --> 00:27:37,685
You want some?
Okay. No, that's okay.
630
00:27:37,853 --> 00:27:40,120
Come on, Doofy.
Yeah, let's do it.
631
00:27:40,288 --> 00:27:41,955
Sara, is your
ghetto-ass mom coming
632
00:27:42,124 --> 00:27:43,601
or can we start
talking about this plot?
633
00:27:43,625 --> 00:27:45,454
Uh...
634
00:27:47,527 --> 00:27:48,723
Hi.
635
00:27:48,925 --> 00:27:50,058
You came.
636
00:27:50,261 --> 00:27:51,994
Not in, like, 15 years, honey.
637
00:27:52,163 --> 00:27:54,629
But I did buy this new rose,
638
00:27:54,797 --> 00:27:56,432
so fingers crossed.
639
00:28:00,068 --> 00:28:01,372
Oh.
640
00:28:01,574 --> 00:28:02,772
Oh!
641
00:28:02,941 --> 00:28:05,040
Oh, my old friend!
642
00:28:05,209 --> 00:28:07,549
You taught me how to dance.
643
00:28:07,718 --> 00:28:10,311
How to make a high N-word pie.
644
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,681
Nigga, I'm right in back of you.
645
00:28:12,850 --> 00:28:13,763
Shorty!
646
00:28:13,787 --> 00:28:15,016
What's up, Cindy?
647
00:28:15,185 --> 00:28:17,218
How you doing? My nigga.
648
00:28:17,420 --> 00:28:19,525
Shit, son!
649
00:28:21,129 --> 00:28:22,830
I can't believe you
thought I was dead.
650
00:28:22,999 --> 00:28:25,601
Well, between cancer
from the weed smoke
651
00:28:25,803 --> 00:28:28,064
your love of the
McRib and racist cops,
652
00:28:28,266 --> 00:28:29,639
I didn't think you had a chance.
653
00:28:29,808 --> 00:28:31,808
Yeah, that's a
terrible combination.
654
00:28:32,610 --> 00:28:34,737
Hi, Cin. Stop smiling at me!
655
00:28:37,678 --> 00:28:39,105
Shit! WorldStar!
656
00:28:39,307 --> 00:28:41,210
WorldStar! WorldStar!
657
00:28:41,378 --> 00:28:43,686
Hey, he's
intellectually disabled!
658
00:28:43,855 --> 00:28:45,717
That's just how he
looks, you drunk honky.
659
00:28:45,886 --> 00:28:47,051
Hey, hey, hey!
660
00:28:47,220 --> 00:28:48,687
Don't call that
white bitch a honky.
661
00:28:48,856 --> 00:28:50,022
C'mon, have some respect.
662
00:28:50,191 --> 00:28:52,889
I keep seeing people
smiling everywhere.
663
00:28:53,057 --> 00:28:54,421
I'm not very likable,
664
00:28:54,589 --> 00:28:56,600
so it must be
some kind of curse.
665
00:28:56,769 --> 00:28:58,498
Hey, everybody! She's high.
666
00:28:58,666 --> 00:28:59,863
Look what I got.
667
00:29:00,032 --> 00:29:01,704
Non-branded gelatin shots
668
00:29:01,873 --> 00:29:04,100
made with grain alcohol and GHB.
669
00:29:04,302 --> 00:29:05,542
So ain't nobody sipping nothing
670
00:29:05,667 --> 00:29:07,147
they didn't consent
to like last time,
671
00:29:07,271 --> 00:29:08,302
which I apologize. Mm-hmm.
672
00:29:08,504 --> 00:29:10,079
Take one. I love
roofying myself.
673
00:29:11,441 --> 00:29:12,326
No, Ma. No, Mama.
You sure, baby?
674
00:29:12,350 --> 00:29:13,574
Hi, Brenda.
675
00:29:13,743 --> 00:29:15,582
Please do not call me
by my government name.
676
00:29:15,751 --> 00:29:17,513
Call me Ma.
677
00:29:18,553 --> 00:29:19,499
Cindy!
678
00:29:19,523 --> 00:29:20,857
Oh, my God!
679
00:29:21,855 --> 00:29:22,855
You dropped the tray.
680
00:29:22,889 --> 00:29:24,090
Oh, my God, Cindy,
681
00:29:24,259 --> 00:29:26,058
I haven't seen you in forever!
682
00:29:26,227 --> 00:29:28,859
My God, look at you!
You look the same!
683
00:29:29,027 --> 00:29:30,399
Minus the crow's feet.
684
00:29:30,568 --> 00:29:32,635
And your hair is so dry.
685
00:29:32,837 --> 00:29:35,638
Oh, and your titties
dropped so far.
686
00:29:35,841 --> 00:29:38,506
Other than that, you
look the exact same.
687
00:29:38,708 --> 00:29:40,401
What have you been up to?
688
00:29:40,570 --> 00:29:42,605
Oh, you know,
neglecting my children
689
00:29:42,774 --> 00:29:45,975
so I can prepare to kill
Ghostface should he ever return.
690
00:29:46,178 --> 00:29:47,611
What about you?
691
00:29:47,780 --> 00:29:49,940
Well, I been mostly just
getting high school kids drunk
692
00:29:50,019 --> 00:29:51,419
in a desperate
attempt to stay young
693
00:29:51,556 --> 00:29:52,688
and keep my kids at home.
694
00:29:52,890 --> 00:29:54,291
I always knew you'd
be a great mom.
695
00:29:54,459 --> 00:29:55,658
Oh, Cindy!
696
00:29:55,827 --> 00:29:58,026
Should we hug?
Oh, I really want to,
697
00:29:58,228 --> 00:30:01,295
but I'm a Republican now
so I'm supposed to be racist.
698
00:30:01,464 --> 00:30:03,926
Oh, girl, I think all white
people are racist anyway.
699
00:30:04,095 --> 00:30:05,234
Come here. Okay.
700
00:30:05,403 --> 00:30:07,134
Mm! Oh!
701
00:30:07,302 --> 00:30:10,135
You want a shot? Yeah?
Here. Oh, yes, yes, please.
702
00:30:10,304 --> 00:30:12,470
You know, Ma, this
place could be so cool
703
00:30:12,639 --> 00:30:15,105
if you had, like, a-a beer
pong table over there,
704
00:30:15,274 --> 00:30:16,571
and maybe, like, a snack wall.
705
00:30:16,740 --> 00:30:18,388
What you know about
cool? When I was your age,
706
00:30:18,412 --> 00:30:20,678
I was popping bottles
with Puffy, Puff Daddy,
707
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:22,111
P. Diddy, Diddy.
708
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:23,845
All the Seans.
709
00:30:24,014 --> 00:30:26,520
That didn't age well.
Your momma was the freak
710
00:30:26,689 --> 00:30:27,689
in the freak-offs.
711
00:30:27,791 --> 00:30:29,284
Shit, son!
712
00:30:29,453 --> 00:30:30,694
You want to see something cool?
713
00:30:30,863 --> 00:30:33,428
I'ma show you something cool.
714
00:30:40,263 --> 00:30:41,403
God, that's cool.
715
00:30:41,605 --> 00:30:42,605
What are you doing?
716
00:30:42,769 --> 00:30:43,649
What?
717
00:30:43,673 --> 00:30:44,673
No, not like that.
718
00:30:44,808 --> 00:30:45,808
Like this.
719
00:30:45,942 --> 00:30:47,337
Oh, yeah.
720
00:30:47,506 --> 00:30:49,974
I don't know why
y'all acting so scared.
721
00:30:50,143 --> 00:30:51,215
The gun ain't even loaded.
722
00:30:51,417 --> 00:30:52,645
Shit!
723
00:30:52,814 --> 00:30:54,918
Oh, shit, son!
724
00:30:55,718 --> 00:30:57,252
Uh-oh. I did it again.
725
00:31:00,652 --> 00:31:02,412
I always forget that
last one in the chamber.
726
00:31:02,484 --> 00:31:03,484
Help me move this body.
727
00:31:03,594 --> 00:31:04,594
Yeah, you got it.
728
00:31:04,693 --> 00:31:06,057
That was fun.
729
00:31:06,259 --> 00:31:07,621
Oh, so, what are you doing
730
00:31:07,790 --> 00:31:09,993
-after this?
-I want to go to Cabo.
731
00:31:10,162 --> 00:31:11,696
Oh, I love Cabo!
732
00:31:11,865 --> 00:31:13,667
You know what?
733
00:31:13,836 --> 00:31:16,117
I used to put cocaine up my
hoo-hah and travel there all the time.
734
00:31:16,141 --> 00:31:18,535
Well, that's because
you're so smart. Yeah.
735
00:31:24,007 --> 00:31:25,007
Oh.
736
00:31:26,643 --> 00:31:29,411
All right. Let's get
back to the plot.
737
00:31:29,580 --> 00:31:31,247
I'm looking at you,
Ted Bundy eyes.
738
00:31:31,416 --> 00:31:32,616
Looking like a school shooter.
739
00:31:32,757 --> 00:31:33,757
I think you the killer.
740
00:31:33,857 --> 00:31:35,022
-Oh, me?
-Mm-hmm.
741
00:31:35,191 --> 00:31:36,916
Okay, what about
Deputy Doofy over there?
742
00:31:37,118 --> 00:31:40,225
I-I don't have a motive.
You know, what's my motive?
743
00:31:40,394 --> 00:31:42,030
You were the killer
in the first movie.
744
00:31:42,199 --> 00:31:44,628
Shouldn't you be locked
up? No, I got pardoned.
745
00:31:44,831 --> 00:31:47,799
Mostly because of the
storming the Capitol, you know.
746
00:31:48,001 --> 00:31:49,872
Oh. I got proof.
747
00:31:50,041 --> 00:31:52,441
-This is me. And it's framed.
-Oh.
748
00:31:52,643 --> 00:31:53,739
That's a cool hat.
749
00:31:53,907 --> 00:31:55,572
What about Jess?
750
00:31:56,371 --> 00:31:57,371
What about me?
751
00:31:57,506 --> 00:31:58,705
If anybody here has issues
752
00:31:58,874 --> 00:31:59,994
that could lead to murder...
753
00:32:00,112 --> 00:32:01,618
Okay, I get it!
754
00:32:01,787 --> 00:32:03,652
Trans-shaming is not cool, okay?
755
00:32:03,855 --> 00:32:05,779
They... He's just a dude. Yeah.
756
00:32:05,981 --> 00:32:08,749
Minus the upper body
strength and the dick part.
757
00:32:08,918 --> 00:32:10,954
Hey, you don't know what
I got down here, okay?
758
00:32:11,156 --> 00:32:12,990
I do. Hey, hey.
759
00:32:13,193 --> 00:32:14,928
Listen, what we know so far
760
00:32:15,097 --> 00:32:16,590
is everyone who's been attacked
761
00:32:16,759 --> 00:32:19,227
is related to the
original characters.
762
00:32:19,396 --> 00:32:20,527
He wants to kill the kids.
763
00:32:20,696 --> 00:32:24,465
Aha! He's making a rebootequel.
764
00:32:24,667 --> 00:32:26,134
-A what now?
-Yeah. It's like,
765
00:32:26,336 --> 00:32:27,571
a reboot and a sequel.
766
00:32:27,740 --> 00:32:29,846
Mixes legacy characters
with new characters
767
00:32:30,048 --> 00:32:32,816
in an attempt to feed
into bullshit nostalgia
768
00:32:32,985 --> 00:32:34,778
and bring more
fans to the theaters.
769
00:32:34,947 --> 00:32:37,107
Just like last year's I Know
What You Did Last Summer.
770
00:32:38,684 --> 00:32:41,156
That's a movie? What
did I do last summer?
771
00:32:41,358 --> 00:32:43,558
I think you're talking about
The Summer I Turned Pretty.
772
00:32:43,628 --> 00:32:44,959
-Yeah.
-Ray,
773
00:32:45,128 --> 00:32:46,956
when did you get
here? Oh, I been here.
774
00:32:47,125 --> 00:32:48,926
I was just hanging
out by the men's room.
775
00:32:49,094 --> 00:32:50,159
Oh. My room?
776
00:32:50,328 --> 00:32:52,059
Okay, so that means
777
00:32:52,228 --> 00:32:55,333
that our killer is writing his
own version of Horror Movie.
778
00:32:55,536 --> 00:32:59,101
Okay, so according to
the re-booty-call rules,
779
00:32:59,270 --> 00:33:00,300
who's the killer?
780
00:33:01,670 --> 00:33:03,541
I think it's pretty obvious.
781
00:33:06,274 --> 00:33:07,417
Who?
782
00:33:07,586 --> 00:33:09,475
You, bitch. Me?
783
00:33:09,644 --> 00:33:11,483
Guys, I am not the killer.
784
00:33:11,652 --> 00:33:14,617
Ghostface attacked
Tues to lure me back here.
785
00:33:14,786 --> 00:33:17,957
I think he attacked
Tuesday to get you back here
786
00:33:18,126 --> 00:33:19,991
so he could get me back here.
787
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,222
He wants to kill the OGs.
788
00:33:22,424 --> 00:33:23,632
That was a flex.
789
00:33:23,801 --> 00:33:24,863
Yeah, that sounds better.
790
00:33:25,065 --> 00:33:26,495
Aw, fuck this!
791
00:33:26,664 --> 00:33:29,472
And fuck you, Mother!
792
00:33:29,641 --> 00:33:31,004
To your mother?
793
00:33:31,173 --> 00:33:34,575
Hey! Don't be so disrespectful!
794
00:33:34,777 --> 00:33:36,070
And call me Mom!
795
00:33:36,272 --> 00:33:37,373
Or Mommy.
796
00:33:37,542 --> 00:33:39,775
Or whatever's more comfortable.
797
00:33:41,614 --> 00:33:42,849
All units, be advised:
798
00:33:43,018 --> 00:33:44,444
Suspect is still at large.
799
00:33:44,613 --> 00:33:46,020
Black cloak, white mask...
800
00:33:46,188 --> 00:33:47,653
...big-ass knife.
801
00:34:00,435 --> 00:34:03,198
-Talk to me.
-Hello, Sheriff.
802
00:34:03,366 --> 00:34:04,665
Agent Underwood?
803
00:34:04,834 --> 00:34:06,503
I'll give you one hint.
804
00:34:06,672 --> 00:34:09,043
What's your
favorite scary movie?
805
00:34:09,212 --> 00:34:11,071
Well, I'm gonna
go with Saltburn.
806
00:34:11,273 --> 00:34:14,009
I mean, the member on that
English guy was terrifying.
807
00:34:14,178 --> 00:34:17,245
Ken Jeong's junk in The Hangover
was a much better depiction
808
00:34:17,414 --> 00:34:19,184
of the male anatomy.
809
00:34:19,353 --> 00:34:20,848
Now what do you want, fuckface?
810
00:34:21,017 --> 00:34:22,419
Well, I'm just
calling to tell you
811
00:34:22,587 --> 00:34:24,191
that by the time you get home,
812
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:26,459
I'll have gutted your baby girl!
813
00:34:27,227 --> 00:34:30,092
Hey, asshole, she's a boy!
814
00:34:39,203 --> 00:34:40,203
Jess!
815
00:34:55,454 --> 00:34:56,951
Looking for this?
816
00:34:58,190 --> 00:34:59,963
Let me help you.
817
00:35:00,132 --> 00:35:04,200
I got your baby dick.
Winky, winky, winky.
818
00:35:13,375 --> 00:35:15,272
All right. Here we go.
819
00:35:15,441 --> 00:35:17,046
What do you want, fuckface?
820
00:35:17,215 --> 00:35:20,449
Well, like father,
like, uh, son?
821
00:35:20,618 --> 00:35:22,185
Uh...
822
00:35:22,387 --> 00:35:23,746
I understand you're home alone.
823
00:35:23,915 --> 00:35:27,121
Well, Dad's out, but the
pool guy, the gardener
824
00:35:27,290 --> 00:35:30,125
and the plumber
are all here, asshole.
825
00:35:30,294 --> 00:35:31,788
Look out your window.
826
00:35:34,965 --> 00:35:36,563
ICE!
827
00:35:36,732 --> 00:35:39,432
No! But they're the backbone
of the American workforce!
828
00:35:39,601 --> 00:35:41,971
And I'm too white
to do those jobs.
829
00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:43,673
Let's cut to the chase.
830
00:35:43,875 --> 00:35:45,800
I'll ask you one question.
831
00:35:45,969 --> 00:35:48,738
If you answer
correctly, you live.
832
00:35:48,907 --> 00:35:52,478
Who was the killer
in Horror Movie?
833
00:35:52,647 --> 00:35:55,710
Oh, that's easy. It was
Bobby and then Gay Ray
834
00:35:55,912 --> 00:35:57,711
the guy who was
totally into dudes,
835
00:35:57,913 --> 00:35:59,163
even though he
claimed he wasn't.
836
00:35:59,187 --> 00:36:01,119
Classic 2000s homophobia.
837
00:36:01,287 --> 00:36:02,720
But I got you, bitch.
838
00:36:02,922 --> 00:36:05,653
Wrong! You forgot
Special Officer Doofy.
839
00:36:05,822 --> 00:36:08,528
Now you die.
840
00:36:16,135 --> 00:36:17,805
Bumbaclot!
841
00:36:19,511 --> 00:36:21,101
You should probably answer that.
842
00:36:21,270 --> 00:36:24,739
I can literally see you
trying to steal my package.
843
00:36:24,941 --> 00:36:27,307
Oh, shit!
844
00:36:28,677 --> 00:36:30,080
Ah, that was easy.
845
00:36:32,851 --> 00:36:34,690
Uh, someone order steaks?
846
00:36:34,859 --> 00:36:36,725
It's GoPuff. Hmm.
847
00:36:38,789 --> 00:36:40,788
-Wait a sec.
-Careful.
848
00:36:40,957 --> 00:36:42,966
You wouldn't want
to let in a killer.
849
00:36:43,134 --> 00:36:47,501
You are about to
identify as dead.
850
00:36:50,367 --> 00:36:51,533
You...
851
00:36:51,702 --> 00:36:54,170
stab like... a girl.
852
00:37:01,847 --> 00:37:04,219
Come on, girl, hit
that Ghostface Shuffle.
853
00:37:04,388 --> 00:37:06,749
Try the Ghostface
Killah Collection Bundle.
854
00:37:06,918 --> 00:37:09,322
This is Keke West for
OnlyFans Rapid News.
855
00:37:09,491 --> 00:37:11,026
"Rapid News". You
mean "Vapid News".
856
00:37:11,195 --> 00:37:13,196
You don't even have a cameraman!
857
00:37:13,365 --> 00:37:14,561
My equipment!
858
00:37:15,964 --> 00:37:17,157
Excuse me.
859
00:37:18,968 --> 00:37:19,997
Oh, my. You're...
860
00:37:20,166 --> 00:37:21,430
Yes, yes.
861
00:37:21,632 --> 00:37:23,065
Three-time Emmy nominee
862
00:37:23,234 --> 00:37:25,735
for Outstanding Achievement
in Sensational Reporting.
863
00:37:25,904 --> 00:37:27,801
I was gonna say
the lady from Friends,
864
00:37:28,003 --> 00:37:30,211
but shorter and with less Botox.
865
00:37:30,380 --> 00:37:31,540
Oh. Is that what you were
866
00:37:31,709 --> 00:37:33,082
"gonna say"? Yeah.
867
00:37:33,250 --> 00:37:34,645
You seriously don't
know who I am?
868
00:37:34,847 --> 00:37:37,079
-Babygirl, I am Gail...
-Gail swallows!
869
00:37:37,248 --> 00:37:38,248
Hey.
870
00:37:38,384 --> 00:37:39,483
Hailstorm. Gail...
871
00:37:39,685 --> 00:37:41,790
Get the hell out of my way! Oh.
872
00:37:46,095 --> 00:37:49,458
Doofus. Hey, Gail.
873
00:37:49,661 --> 00:37:51,896
Wow. You haven't aged a day.
874
00:37:52,065 --> 00:37:55,070
You've aged like a million
days. That's this many. Five...
875
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:56,800
Your fingers
smell like genitals.
876
00:37:56,969 --> 00:37:58,971
What are you doing in
that ridiculous uniform?
877
00:37:59,140 --> 00:38:02,611
Uh, I-I'm back on the case.
Yeah, I'm gonna bust Ghostface.
878
00:38:02,780 --> 00:38:04,004
Well, um,
879
00:38:04,207 --> 00:38:06,442
tell me, Special
Needs Officer Doofy...
880
00:38:06,610 --> 00:38:08,346
Um.
881
00:38:08,548 --> 00:38:09,946
Wow. Are there any suspects
882
00:38:10,115 --> 00:38:12,712
in this tragic yet completely
predictable incident?
883
00:38:12,881 --> 00:38:14,322
I-I'm not allowed to say.
884
00:38:14,525 --> 00:38:16,649
No, no, okay, no. Yes,
you can. Yes, you can.
885
00:38:16,851 --> 00:38:18,455
Not... Yeah...
886
00:38:18,624 --> 00:38:19,624
You can tell me.
887
00:38:19,758 --> 00:38:20,930
Um, ah, oh, my God.
888
00:38:21,099 --> 00:38:22,157
What the f...
889
00:38:22,359 --> 00:38:23,727
Hey!
890
00:38:23,896 --> 00:38:25,627
Remember when you
used to give blowjobs
891
00:38:25,796 --> 00:38:27,602
for sensitive information?
892
00:38:27,771 --> 00:38:31,102
I don't give blowjobs anymore,
okay? Not since MeToo.
893
00:38:31,271 --> 00:38:32,639
Okay. Sorry.
894
00:38:32,807 --> 00:38:35,169
I give handjobs now, but
the story better be good.
895
00:38:35,337 --> 00:38:38,678
Okay, I'll do a handjob.
Let's do it. Let's do it.
896
00:38:49,585 --> 00:38:50,657
What the...
897
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:01,411
I'm gonna get you. Uncle
Ray-Ray's gonna get you!
898
00:39:01,435 --> 00:39:02,904
Ray? You got my outfit,
899
00:39:03,106 --> 00:39:04,231
you little critter.
900
00:39:07,641 --> 00:39:09,676
Maybe weed shouldn't be legal.
901
00:39:12,445 --> 00:39:13,977
Fuck yeah, it should!
902
00:39:24,260 --> 00:39:26,052
Hello, Shorty.
903
00:39:26,255 --> 00:39:29,726
You do know that
smoking is bad for you.
904
00:39:29,894 --> 00:39:31,396
Actually, weed
ain't bad for you.
905
00:39:31,565 --> 00:39:34,495
You got Vitamin T, C and H,
906
00:39:34,664 --> 00:39:36,601
C, B and D.
907
00:39:36,803 --> 00:39:38,237
What's the matter, Shorty?
908
00:39:38,406 --> 00:39:41,233
You look a little antsy.
909
00:39:41,402 --> 00:39:44,804
Maybe because there's
a masked serial killer
910
00:39:44,973 --> 00:39:46,182
sipping tea in my den.
911
00:39:46,350 --> 00:39:48,017
Shorty, you're my nigga.
912
00:39:48,186 --> 00:39:50,686
I mean, friend. Please, sit.
913
00:39:50,855 --> 00:39:52,048
All right.
914
00:39:55,316 --> 00:39:57,083
Do you want to quit smoking?
915
00:39:57,285 --> 00:39:59,419
Well, to be honest,
I tried to quit.
916
00:39:59,621 --> 00:40:02,861
But my mother said, "I
ain't raisin' no quitters."
917
00:40:03,595 --> 00:40:04,794
So I quit quitting.
918
00:40:04,997 --> 00:40:07,096
We could try hypnosis.
919
00:40:07,264 --> 00:40:09,029
Bro, I don't care how
many pocket watches
920
00:40:09,198 --> 00:40:11,031
you try and wave
in front of my face
921
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:12,770
it ain't gonna work, son.
922
00:40:12,939 --> 00:40:15,542
-You can't magmetize me.
-Sleep.
923
00:40:18,509 --> 00:40:20,376
Shorty.
924
00:40:20,545 --> 00:40:22,411
Hmm?
925
00:40:22,580 --> 00:40:23,879
What's up?
926
00:40:24,048 --> 00:40:26,383
Tell me about your mother.
927
00:40:28,025 --> 00:40:29,259
Damn, nigga.
928
00:40:29,428 --> 00:40:30,950
Let's start with
something light, like:
929
00:40:31,119 --> 00:40:33,060
"Do you lick ass, yes or no?"
930
00:40:33,229 --> 00:40:35,056
The answer's yes.
931
00:40:35,225 --> 00:40:37,766
So what happened to her, Shorty?
932
00:40:40,599 --> 00:40:42,395
She was coming home.
933
00:40:43,431 --> 00:40:45,468
Her car was parked
to the side of the road.
934
00:40:45,637 --> 00:40:47,576
Someone was in it.
935
00:40:48,446 --> 00:40:49,973
And something bad was happening.
936
00:40:54,375 --> 00:40:55,917
Why didn't you call anyone?
937
00:40:56,086 --> 00:40:57,064
I couldn't.
938
00:40:57,088 --> 00:40:58,450
I had warrants.
939
00:40:58,619 --> 00:41:00,089
You were 11.
940
00:41:00,258 --> 00:41:02,085
I started young, nigga.
941
00:41:03,225 --> 00:41:04,225
Oh.
942
00:41:04,721 --> 00:41:06,529
What do you see?
943
00:41:08,063 --> 00:41:09,195
I...
944
00:41:11,393 --> 00:41:14,262
I see a big explosion of water.
945
00:41:16,068 --> 00:41:17,672
It was like a Civil Rights hose.
946
00:41:22,073 --> 00:41:24,173
Police said it was
a murder/suicide.
947
00:41:25,380 --> 00:41:26,914
She killed that man.
948
00:41:27,083 --> 00:41:30,685
When they opened the car
door, his limp body just slid out.
949
00:41:34,020 --> 00:41:36,853
Like the green nigga
in Shape of Water.
950
00:41:37,021 --> 00:41:38,660
I just didn't
want it to be real.
951
00:41:38,828 --> 00:41:40,959
What don't you want to be real?
952
00:41:41,993 --> 00:41:43,992
That my mother was a squirter!
953
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:46,468
Okay! She was a squirter.
954
00:41:46,637 --> 00:41:48,965
All the floors in her
bedroom was warped.
955
00:41:49,134 --> 00:41:52,172
-I can't move.
-You're paralyzed.
956
00:41:52,341 --> 00:41:54,102
Now...
957
00:41:54,271 --> 00:41:56,342
...sink into the
chair. Wait, no.
958
00:41:56,511 --> 00:41:57,606
-Wait.
-Sink!
959
00:42:03,449 --> 00:42:06,050
Nigga!
960
00:42:14,391 --> 00:42:18,832
I'm in a K-hole, son!
961
00:42:20,263 --> 00:42:23,837
No, you're in a K-pop hole.
962
00:42:30,891 --> 00:42:31,969
I smoked a bowl
963
00:42:32,052 --> 00:42:33,929
Now I'm so stoned
964
00:42:34,012 --> 00:42:36,010
Jeongmal nop-eun
965
00:42:36,070 --> 00:42:37,350
Got me speaking in Korean
966
00:42:37,375 --> 00:42:38,271
Oh, shit, son!
967
00:42:38,295 --> 00:42:39,935
I got so high
968
00:42:40,018 --> 00:42:42,563
I was out of my mind
969
00:42:42,646 --> 00:42:45,066
I can't feel my own face
970
00:42:45,091 --> 00:42:46,250
Nigga, I'm numb.
971
00:42:46,275 --> 00:42:47,860
Was a problem child
972
00:42:47,943 --> 00:42:49,963
Smokin' Black and Milds
973
00:42:49,995 --> 00:42:50,630
That's what they do in the hood.
974
00:42:50,654 --> 00:42:53,282
Now I'm 'bout to get laid
975
00:42:53,365 --> 00:42:54,700
Y'all are 'bout to get sprayed
976
00:42:54,783 --> 00:42:58,579
Now I'm flying, time for dining
977
00:42:58,662 --> 00:43:00,945
'Cuz I got the munchies
978
00:43:00,970 --> 00:43:02,502
Luke Skywalker!
979
00:43:02,624 --> 00:43:04,364
Don't need a reason
980
00:43:04,389 --> 00:43:06,461
To bang these demons
981
00:43:06,545 --> 00:43:10,507
Now it burns when I pee
982
00:43:10,591 --> 00:43:12,467
We going up, up, up
983
00:43:12,551 --> 00:43:13,886
N****, we smokin'
984
00:43:13,969 --> 00:43:15,762
We about to be tokin'
985
00:43:15,846 --> 00:43:17,806
Gonna be, gonna be smokin'
986
00:43:17,831 --> 00:43:19,123
♪ Ohh ♪
987
00:43:19,148 --> 00:43:21,852
Up, up, up, n****, we smokin'
988
00:43:21,935 --> 00:43:23,854
N**** we gonna be tokin'
989
00:43:23,937 --> 00:43:26,899
Gonna be, gonna be smokin'
990
00:43:26,982 --> 00:43:29,526
(coughs)
991
00:43:30,034 --> 00:43:31,733
That's some good shit, son.
992
00:43:33,508 --> 00:43:34,969
That dream was wild.
993
00:43:35,172 --> 00:43:37,079
I must've been Elon Musk high.
994
00:43:41,788 --> 00:43:44,374
Ahh shit, son!
995
00:43:51,427 --> 00:43:52,629
Tuesday?
996
00:43:53,229 --> 00:43:54,455
Tuesday?
997
00:43:57,629 --> 00:43:58,833
Bobby?
998
00:44:01,063 --> 00:44:02,903
Bobby, what the...?
999
00:44:04,241 --> 00:44:05,998
She's gonna die.
1000
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:07,572
Our daughter, Sara?
1001
00:44:07,740 --> 00:44:09,372
You're probably right.
1002
00:44:09,575 --> 00:44:11,695
She's tough, but let's see
her get stabbed in the gut.
1003
00:44:11,810 --> 00:44:13,172
I'm gonna die.
1004
00:44:13,341 --> 00:44:15,484
Bobby, you're already dead.
1005
00:44:15,653 --> 00:44:17,278
This hallucination
is a manifestation
1006
00:44:17,447 --> 00:44:19,479
of my own guilt for
being an awful mom.
1007
00:44:19,648 --> 00:44:22,120
Or it could be the
shrooms I just popped.
1008
00:44:23,261 --> 00:44:24,491
You're gonna die.
1009
00:44:24,660 --> 00:44:27,763
Bitch, you ain't killing me.
1010
00:44:33,403 --> 00:44:34,528
You're gonna die.
1011
00:44:35,272 --> 00:44:37,601
Stop smiling!
1012
00:44:37,770 --> 00:44:40,142
I can't. Botox.
1013
00:44:40,311 --> 00:44:41,644
Hey! Oh.
1014
00:44:41,813 --> 00:44:44,672
This is the mental ward.
Everyone smiles in here.
1015
00:44:44,841 --> 00:44:45,880
What?
1016
00:44:46,447 --> 00:44:48,508
How... Um...
1017
00:44:48,677 --> 00:44:50,649
Could you point me in
the direction of the ICU?
1018
00:44:50,818 --> 00:44:52,321
Is it that way or that way?
1019
00:44:52,490 --> 00:44:53,985
Uh, visiting hours are over.
1020
00:44:54,154 --> 00:44:56,352
Oh, yes, of course.
1021
00:44:57,487 --> 00:44:58,991
The network wants me to clarify
1022
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:01,455
that Black Friday has
nothing to do with race.
1023
00:45:01,624 --> 00:45:03,563
Well, just tell that to
my Black friend Benita
1024
00:45:03,765 --> 00:45:05,031
who's probably clocking someone
1025
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:07,027
over the head at
Target as we speak!
1026
00:45:07,195 --> 00:45:08,195
Right, Benita?
1027
00:45:23,682 --> 00:45:25,178
Shamone!
1028
00:45:25,347 --> 00:45:26,850
Man, you ain't Michael.
1029
00:45:27,019 --> 00:45:28,854
Michael got that Jheri curl.
1030
00:45:29,022 --> 00:45:30,817
What is that, son?
Is that shellac?
1031
00:45:30,986 --> 00:45:33,891
See, people think it's shellac,
but it's actually Sharpie.
1032
00:45:34,060 --> 00:45:35,525
Boy, your hair
looks like fondue.
1033
00:45:35,694 --> 00:45:36,895
Indoo-dy.
1034
00:45:37,064 --> 00:45:38,768
Michael's got a
monkey. I got a llama.
1035
00:45:40,667 --> 00:45:42,066
Fuck Michael!
1036
00:45:42,235 --> 00:45:44,270
You can't dance, boy.
I've been practicing.
1037
00:45:44,439 --> 00:45:46,142
Oh! Whoa!
1038
00:45:46,344 --> 00:45:47,570
Jeez.
1039
00:45:49,006 --> 00:45:50,213
Yeah!
1040
00:45:50,381 --> 00:45:51,908
Bong! Ow!
1041
00:45:52,077 --> 00:45:54,807
I can moonwalk. Ooh, ooh.
1042
00:45:55,009 --> 00:45:56,044
Ooh.
1043
00:45:56,213 --> 00:45:57,948
Where is this nigga goin'?
1044
00:46:00,049 --> 00:46:00,961
Ow!
1045
00:46:00,985 --> 00:46:02,951
Whoo!
1046
00:46:03,153 --> 00:46:04,723
"Jermaine".
1047
00:46:06,831 --> 00:46:10,195
Coming Juneteenth, only on Tubi.
1048
00:46:12,530 --> 00:46:14,469
I'ma bootleg that shit.
1049
00:46:16,867 --> 00:46:18,005
Hello?
1050
00:46:19,309 --> 00:46:20,309
Fuck this.
1051
00:46:25,583 --> 00:46:27,278
I'm gonna miss you all.
1052
00:46:32,851 --> 00:46:34,318
Oh, hell no!
1053
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:36,617
Think Black, don't die.
Think Black, don't die.
1054
00:46:46,799 --> 00:46:47,831
Oh!
1055
00:46:47,999 --> 00:46:50,100
Goddamn it! Jack?
1056
00:46:50,269 --> 00:46:51,934
Did Sara tell you to come? Um...
1057
00:46:52,103 --> 00:46:54,777
Yeah! That's why I'm here.
1058
00:46:54,946 --> 00:46:57,977
Not to murder you
or anything like that.
1059
00:46:58,146 --> 00:46:59,508
Then why are you wearing gloves?
1060
00:47:00,474 --> 00:47:02,348
Would you believe I...
1061
00:47:02,551 --> 00:47:05,748
am thinking about dressing up
as O.J. Simpson for Halloween?
1062
00:47:05,917 --> 00:47:07,351
But those fit.
1063
00:47:08,215 --> 00:47:09,516
Look out!
1064
00:47:09,718 --> 00:47:11,623
Not cool, bro, you
almost hit a vein.
1065
00:47:11,792 --> 00:47:13,328
I-I mean... Help!
1066
00:47:17,294 --> 00:47:18,362
Oh, yes!
1067
00:47:22,339 --> 00:47:23,537
Oh...
1068
00:47:27,870 --> 00:47:32,013
Whew. I'm gonna
gut you like a pig!
1069
00:47:36,580 --> 00:47:38,387
I'm gonna...
1070
00:47:38,589 --> 00:47:40,523
I'm gonna...
1071
00:47:40,692 --> 00:47:42,291
What a stupid line.
1072
00:47:44,354 --> 00:47:45,818
That is so true!
1073
00:47:45,986 --> 00:47:48,726
What are you gonna
do? Turn me into bacon?
1074
00:47:53,365 --> 00:47:54,703
I got to get better writers.
1075
00:47:54,872 --> 00:47:57,334
I'm laughing so
hard, my ribs hurt.
1076
00:47:57,503 --> 00:48:00,705
Wait until I stick
my knife in them!
1077
00:48:07,510 --> 00:48:09,681
I'm crying over here.
1078
00:48:09,849 --> 00:48:11,251
I got to go
1079
00:48:11,453 --> 00:48:13,348
before you really
kill me. Here I come.
1080
00:48:13,517 --> 00:48:15,982
Oh, God, I might
die laughing first!
1081
00:48:17,852 --> 00:48:20,930
Oh. Oh, shit. He's
really gonna kill me.
1082
00:48:42,544 --> 00:48:44,679
I want what they're on.
1083
00:48:47,015 --> 00:48:49,554
I'm gonna turn you
into bacon, little piggy.
1084
00:48:55,961 --> 00:48:57,631
No, no.
1085
00:48:57,800 --> 00:48:59,463
No.
1086
00:49:01,631 --> 00:49:03,134
I'm sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me.
1087
00:49:03,302 --> 00:49:04,432
I'm so sorry. Out of our way!
1088
00:49:04,601 --> 00:49:06,769
Step aside. Official
police business.
1089
00:49:06,938 --> 00:49:07,940
Doofy!
1090
00:49:08,109 --> 00:49:10,541
I like doing that.
1091
00:49:10,710 --> 00:49:11,710
Ooh!
1092
00:49:12,540 --> 00:49:14,642
Smile, you son of a bitch.
1093
00:49:14,844 --> 00:49:17,881
What the f...? My
psycho mother said
1094
00:49:18,050 --> 00:49:19,956
always keep a strap.
1095
00:49:21,592 --> 00:49:22,824
Go! Go! Okay.
1096
00:49:22,993 --> 00:49:24,393
I'm gonna go get
your love interest.
1097
00:49:24,558 --> 00:49:25,923
I'll get your love interest.
1098
00:49:26,092 --> 00:49:29,190
Ow, the pain, the agony.
1099
00:49:29,393 --> 00:49:31,460
Sara, if I don't make it...
1100
00:49:31,629 --> 00:49:33,968
Seriously, Tues, stop
trying to win an Oscar.
1101
00:49:34,137 --> 00:49:36,332
It's a horror movie,
it'll never happen.
1102
00:49:36,501 --> 00:49:38,572
Just ask Demi Moore.
1103
00:49:38,740 --> 00:49:41,439
No! No!
1104
00:49:41,607 --> 00:49:43,003
I got him. I got Jack.
1105
00:49:45,445 --> 00:49:47,441
Doofy! What the fuck?
1106
00:49:47,610 --> 00:49:49,447
The fuck? I can't help myself.
1107
00:49:51,988 --> 00:49:54,222
It's just me and
you now, Ghosty.
1108
00:49:54,424 --> 00:49:55,424
Hm.
1109
00:49:56,751 --> 00:49:58,619
You got to shoot
them in the head.
1110
00:49:58,788 --> 00:50:00,326
Shoot them in the head.
1111
00:50:02,690 --> 00:50:05,133
Oof. Ow.
1112
00:50:08,300 --> 00:50:10,498
Die!
1113
00:50:10,667 --> 00:50:12,340
Die, you little dumb dunce.
1114
00:50:12,509 --> 00:50:13,703
Smell...
1115
00:50:13,906 --> 00:50:14,934
my...
1116
00:50:15,678 --> 00:50:16,804
finger.
1117
00:50:17,681 --> 00:50:18,681
Oh, God!
1118
00:50:18,849 --> 00:50:21,317
What the fuck was that? Ugh.
1119
00:50:21,486 --> 00:50:23,180
My ass.
1120
00:50:23,349 --> 00:50:25,380
Fuck your ass! Pause.
1121
00:50:27,818 --> 00:50:29,320
Oh, God, that's...
that's my ass.
1122
00:50:29,489 --> 00:50:31,987
-Oh, God.
-Any last words?
1123
00:50:32,156 --> 00:50:33,858
I go poopy.
1124
00:50:38,730 --> 00:50:41,293
Oh, hell no. I ain't
cleaning up that shit!
1125
00:50:41,462 --> 00:50:43,031
I'm on break.
1126
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:46,565
Come on, I do the killing,
not the cleaning. Ugh.
1127
00:50:46,767 --> 00:50:48,743
What you say? Never mind.
1128
00:50:48,946 --> 00:50:50,337
Yo, what's up, chat?
1129
00:50:50,505 --> 00:50:51,971
This your boy Shorty.
1130
00:50:52,140 --> 00:50:53,754
That's right, it's another
Halloween-a-thon.
1131
00:50:53,778 --> 00:50:56,685
And it's another day of
me getting paid mad money
1132
00:50:56,854 --> 00:50:59,020
for doing absolutely nothing
1133
00:50:59,189 --> 00:51:00,780
while you stupid
motherfuckers watch.
1134
00:51:00,982 --> 00:51:03,455
And they call me dumb!
1135
00:51:03,657 --> 00:51:06,628
I want to give a smooth
shout-out to my sponsor:
1136
00:51:06,830 --> 00:51:09,026
Angry Orchard Hard Cider.
1137
00:51:10,493 --> 00:51:12,893
They got mad apples, son.
1138
00:51:16,197 --> 00:51:19,040
We created a slogan!
I'm a marketing genius!
1139
00:51:19,209 --> 00:51:21,071
Aight. It wouldn't be
a Halloween-a-thon
1140
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:22,406
without a dope guest.
1141
00:51:22,575 --> 00:51:23,823
He's a legend in
the streaming game.
1142
00:51:23,847 --> 00:51:26,773
Give it up for Kai Cenat!
1143
00:51:26,942 --> 00:51:29,212
We gonna break the internet!
1144
00:51:29,381 --> 00:51:31,278
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
1145
00:51:31,447 --> 00:51:33,049
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
1146
00:51:35,418 --> 00:51:36,450
Let's get serious.
1147
00:51:36,619 --> 00:51:38,487
What brings you to the chat?
1148
00:51:38,690 --> 00:51:40,290
You promised I was
gonna be in the movie.
1149
00:51:40,427 --> 00:51:43,199
I've been calling
you. You ghosted me.
1150
00:51:43,367 --> 00:51:45,964
Bro, I thought that was one
of my crazy-ass baby mamas.
1151
00:51:46,167 --> 00:51:47,462
That's... That's my bad.
1152
00:51:47,664 --> 00:51:49,695
And speaking of ghosted...
1153
00:51:49,864 --> 00:51:51,606
Somebody wants to talk to you.
1154
00:51:51,775 --> 00:51:53,198
Hello?
1155
00:51:53,367 --> 00:51:55,071
What's your
favorite scary movie?
1156
00:51:57,110 --> 00:51:58,812
Nah! Oh!
1157
00:51:58,981 --> 00:52:01,315
Oh, whoa, whoa! Ah!
1158
00:52:08,124 --> 00:52:09,855
We breaking the internet, son!
1159
00:52:10,057 --> 00:52:11,124
What's up, my guy?
1160
00:52:11,293 --> 00:52:12,456
You got some Angry Orchard
1161
00:52:12,625 --> 00:52:13,897
Hard Cider in the
house? You damn right.
1162
00:52:13,921 --> 00:52:15,496
They got mad apples.
1163
00:52:15,698 --> 00:52:17,092
Oh!
1164
00:52:17,261 --> 00:52:18,323
Wassup?
1165
00:52:18,526 --> 00:52:19,998
Wassup?
1166
00:52:23,205 --> 00:52:24,773
We about to do
my favorite thing:
1167
00:52:24,942 --> 00:52:28,535
Spin the... wheel!
1168
00:52:28,737 --> 00:52:30,640
Extreme Noodle Game!
1169
00:52:30,809 --> 00:52:32,409
We gonna go back
there with these noodles
1170
00:52:32,508 --> 00:52:33,508
and we gonna smack
1171
00:52:33,610 --> 00:52:34,610
the fuck out you!
1172
00:52:34,777 --> 00:52:36,057
Then you gotta guess who did it.
1173
00:52:36,187 --> 00:52:37,347
That doesn't even make sense.
1174
00:52:38,088 --> 00:52:39,088
This is a dumb game.
1175
00:52:40,651 --> 00:52:41,719
Oh!
1176
00:52:41,922 --> 00:52:42,922
Uh...
1177
00:52:43,653 --> 00:52:44,596
Kai. Kai. Man, what?
1178
00:52:44,620 --> 00:52:45,620
Yeah.
1179
00:52:51,629 --> 00:52:53,833
Wait... No, no, no...
1180
00:52:56,274 --> 00:53:00,301
You just killed Kai
Cenat. On the chat.
1181
00:53:01,770 --> 00:53:03,205
We making history, son!
1182
00:53:04,477 --> 00:53:05,577
Money, money, money!
1183
00:53:25,165 --> 00:53:26,565
Oh, thank God.
1184
00:53:30,999 --> 00:53:32,505
It's about time
you guys got here!
1185
00:53:33,174 --> 00:53:35,002
Now you're gonna get it.
1186
00:53:35,736 --> 00:53:36,843
Oof!
1187
00:53:38,246 --> 00:53:39,710
Hold still!
1188
00:53:39,878 --> 00:53:41,577
So that's our suspect.
1189
00:53:41,746 --> 00:53:44,244
Goes by the name
"Shorthand". Hmm.
1190
00:53:44,413 --> 00:53:48,323
Was the handyman at a house
reputed to be haunted in 2001.
1191
00:53:49,459 --> 00:53:51,019
Is there anything
you're not telling me?
1192
00:53:51,060 --> 00:53:52,894
That your wife hates you
1193
00:53:53,063 --> 00:53:54,657
you believe the Earth is flat
1194
00:53:54,826 --> 00:53:56,761
and you voted for
Trump three times.
1195
00:53:56,964 --> 00:53:59,159
What, I was supposed
to vote for the woman?
1196
00:53:59,328 --> 00:54:00,664
Huh?
1197
00:54:00,833 --> 00:54:04,138
I believe Shorthand is
the notorious Ghostface.
1198
00:54:05,766 --> 00:54:07,799
What that mouth do?
1199
00:54:08,001 --> 00:54:09,408
Stop resisting!
1200
00:54:09,577 --> 00:54:11,647
He did look pretty sketchy.
1201
00:54:15,385 --> 00:54:17,285
They got the wrong guy.
1202
00:54:17,487 --> 00:54:19,219
And you know that
because you're psychic?
1203
00:54:19,387 --> 00:54:21,356
No, says so on
the arrest warrant.
1204
00:54:23,820 --> 00:54:25,050
I don't know.
1205
00:54:25,219 --> 00:54:27,355
That guy's Black.
Nah, he's kinda...
1206
00:54:27,524 --> 00:54:28,790
not that Black.
1207
00:54:28,992 --> 00:54:30,523
Like gravy brown.
1208
00:54:30,691 --> 00:54:32,094
Ugh!
1209
00:54:32,263 --> 00:54:33,765
Get him!
1210
00:54:33,934 --> 00:54:35,462
Hit him with your strong hand!
1211
00:54:35,631 --> 00:54:37,065
Boom!
1212
00:54:37,234 --> 00:54:39,935
Arrest him anyways.
Probably did something, right?
1213
00:54:40,868 --> 00:54:42,476
Turn off your body cams!
1214
00:54:43,245 --> 00:54:45,238
Miss Hailstorm, welcome back.
1215
00:54:45,407 --> 00:54:48,283
Doc, I'm begging you. You
got to help me look younger.
1216
00:54:48,452 --> 00:54:50,086
These little bitches
are killing me out there.
1217
00:54:50,110 --> 00:54:51,329
They're wearing nothing but a...
1218
00:54:51,353 --> 00:54:53,279
a sausage casing
and a ring light.
1219
00:54:53,448 --> 00:54:57,749
Trust me with this withered,
decrepit, age-ravaged body,
1220
00:54:57,918 --> 00:54:59,995
and I will make you whole.
1221
00:55:00,197 --> 00:55:01,517
One Middle-Aged
White Lady Special
1222
00:55:01,626 --> 00:55:03,129
coming right up. Thanks.
1223
00:55:03,298 --> 00:55:04,429
I'm gonna play a quick video
1224
00:55:04,598 --> 00:55:05,940
on the ins and outs
of the procedure,
1225
00:55:05,964 --> 00:55:08,161
and then we'll get started.
1226
00:55:11,905 --> 00:55:14,670
Do you wish you
weren't so old and saggy?
1227
00:55:14,839 --> 00:55:17,339
Do you wish you
were younger? Sexier?
1228
00:55:17,508 --> 00:55:19,038
Fuckable again?
1229
00:55:19,241 --> 00:55:22,510
One single injection
unlocks your DNA,
1230
00:55:22,713 --> 00:55:25,453
creating a new, better you.
1231
00:55:26,154 --> 00:55:28,350
This is The Stuff.
1232
00:55:29,954 --> 00:55:32,084
Doc, this isn't that
Gwyneth Paltrow crap
1233
00:55:32,253 --> 00:55:34,187
that makes you smell
like her vag, is it?
1234
00:55:36,631 --> 00:55:38,191
("BRAND NEW"
BY ALIYA'S INTERLUDE PLAYS)
1235
00:55:38,296 --> 00:55:39,296
I like it.
1236
00:55:47,341 --> 00:55:48,639
♪ I feel... ♪
1237
00:55:48,841 --> 00:55:50,439
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
1238
00:55:50,641 --> 00:55:51,552
♪ New ♪
1239
00:55:51,576 --> 00:55:52,607
♪ New ♪
1240
00:55:52,810 --> 00:55:54,306
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
1241
00:55:55,647 --> 00:55:57,551
Wow, that's a lot of Stuff.
1242
00:55:59,319 --> 00:56:00,554
Oh, a mask on a mask.
1243
00:56:01,256 --> 00:56:02,787
Safety first, right, Doc?
1244
00:56:04,852 --> 00:56:06,826
Oh, no!
1245
00:56:08,165 --> 00:56:09,923
I'm having second thoughts!
1246
00:56:10,126 --> 00:56:12,258
I'm gonna love and
accept myself as I am.
1247
00:56:15,836 --> 00:56:17,162
♪ I feel ♪
1248
00:56:17,331 --> 00:56:19,038
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
1249
00:57:15,758 --> 00:57:17,589
Oops. Wrong movie.
1250
00:57:19,934 --> 00:57:22,262
-You were thinking it.
-But you said it.
1251
00:57:23,471 --> 00:57:25,331
White Chicks 2, my ass.
1252
00:57:25,533 --> 00:57:26,937
♪ I feel ♪
1253
00:57:27,106 --> 00:57:28,277
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
1254
00:57:28,446 --> 00:57:29,508
♪ New ♪
1255
00:57:29,710 --> 00:57:32,481
♪ I feel brand fucking new ♪
1256
00:57:33,908 --> 00:57:35,583
Hey, Sara.
1257
00:57:36,713 --> 00:57:38,217
Tuesday, I...
1258
00:57:38,385 --> 00:57:40,252
I tried to visit you.
1259
00:57:40,421 --> 00:57:42,682
I am sorry for everything.
1260
00:57:42,884 --> 00:57:44,655
Especially your name.
1261
00:57:44,824 --> 00:57:47,353
It was Taco Tuesday.
I was super drunk.
1262
00:57:47,555 --> 00:57:51,192
But I promise you, I
will kill this motherfucker!
1263
00:57:51,394 --> 00:57:52,809
-It's fine, really, we're cool.
-I'm gonna...
1264
00:57:52,833 --> 00:57:54,204
I'll pull the car
around. We're good.
1265
00:57:54,228 --> 00:57:55,733
I'm going to take
you to the car!
1266
00:57:55,902 --> 00:57:58,229
I got stabbed. I'm not
deaf, you dumbass!
1267
00:57:58,398 --> 00:58:00,938
I'm taking Tues
away from all of this!
1268
00:58:01,904 --> 00:58:03,105
Oh... Come on, Cindy.
1269
00:58:03,940 --> 00:58:05,979
I tried to run, too, but...
1270
00:58:06,148 --> 00:58:08,507
it follows!
1271
00:58:08,709 --> 00:58:11,312
Now you're probably expecting
a flashback to that movie,
1272
00:58:11,480 --> 00:58:13,819
but it's too obscure.
Yeah, and the plot is weird.
1273
00:58:13,987 --> 00:58:16,181
You have sex with
someone, give them a STD
1274
00:58:16,350 --> 00:58:17,632
and then it haunts
them in the form
1275
00:58:17,656 --> 00:58:18,633
of their naked grandma.
1276
00:58:18,657 --> 00:58:20,789
It's like a STD biopic.
1277
00:58:20,958 --> 00:58:22,198
Ugh, the killer is taunting me.
1278
00:58:22,299 --> 00:58:23,691
Why doesn't he just kill us?
1279
00:58:23,860 --> 00:58:25,233
Uh, speak for yourself.
1280
00:58:25,435 --> 00:58:27,128
Like, what are you waiting for?
1281
00:58:27,297 --> 00:58:30,429
Oh, no, no, no, sweetie,
sweetie. It's like this.
1282
00:58:31,738 --> 00:58:34,933
What are you waiting for, huh?
1283
00:58:35,102 --> 00:58:37,804
What are you waiting for?
1284
00:58:37,973 --> 00:58:40,510
What are you waiting for?
1285
00:58:40,679 --> 00:58:42,241
What are you waiting for?
1286
00:58:42,443 --> 00:58:43,975
God, I wish you
weren't my mother!
1287
00:58:44,144 --> 00:58:46,755
What are you waiting for?
1288
00:58:48,356 --> 00:58:49,356
Candyman.
1289
00:58:50,224 --> 00:58:51,483
Candyman.
1290
00:58:52,325 --> 00:58:53,991
Candyman.
1291
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:57,192
-You sure about this?
-Yeah, keep saying it.
1292
00:58:58,331 --> 00:58:59,491
Candyman.
1293
00:59:00,700 --> 00:59:02,669
Candyman!
1294
00:59:19,721 --> 00:59:21,854
So what's up? You
got that candy, man?
1295
00:59:22,757 --> 00:59:25,016
-I got weed gummies.
-Yeah.
1296
00:59:25,185 --> 00:59:26,518
-K-nuts.
-Yeah.
1297
00:59:26,686 --> 00:59:28,220
-Shroom chocolates.
-Shit, son!
1298
00:59:28,389 --> 00:59:30,322
And what take you
so long to show up?
1299
00:59:30,491 --> 00:59:33,266
Come on, Clarence. I
called you five times.
1300
00:59:33,468 --> 00:59:34,898
Nigga, show up in three.
1301
00:59:35,067 --> 00:59:36,863
You ain't even call
me on the phone.
1302
00:59:37,032 --> 00:59:38,398
Luckily I was walking by
1303
00:59:38,567 --> 00:59:40,542
and heard y'all through
the hole in this wall.
1304
00:59:40,711 --> 00:59:43,273
And fix that shit.
You shut your ass up.
1305
00:59:43,475 --> 00:59:45,975
You need to go to a proctologist
and get your skin looked at.
1306
00:59:46,177 --> 00:59:49,310
Having acne over the
age of 40 is wild work.
1307
00:59:49,512 --> 00:59:51,546
I look better than this
nigga. Maybe on this side.
1308
00:59:51,715 --> 00:59:54,148
Hey, ain't no time for beefing.
We about to be high as fuck.
1309
00:59:54,350 --> 00:59:56,423
We gonna party, son!
1310
00:59:56,592 --> 00:59:58,721
("WORK"
BY JAKOB CAMPBELL PLAYS)
1311
00:59:58,890 --> 01:00:00,998
♪ Coming in hot They better
watch it... ♪ Happy Halloween, y'all.
1312
01:00:01,022 --> 01:00:02,508
Watch out for Ghostface. ♪
If they come For my spot... ♪
1313
01:00:02,532 --> 01:00:05,057
-That's right. Drink up!
-Hey!
1314
01:00:05,226 --> 01:00:07,926
Hey! I love it. Look at that.
1315
01:00:08,095 --> 01:00:09,401
You're looking good.
1316
01:00:09,569 --> 01:00:10,902
You seen your sister?
1317
01:00:11,071 --> 01:00:13,032
♪ You always better ♪
1318
01:00:13,201 --> 01:00:15,401
♪ When you at the top But I
had... ♪ Ray, you seen Dei?
1319
01:00:15,504 --> 01:00:17,470
I-I can't find her since
she went to that protest.
1320
01:00:18,148 --> 01:00:19,846
No.
1321
01:00:21,081 --> 01:00:24,483
Ray, let me guess. You
are Woody from Toy Story!
1322
01:00:24,652 --> 01:00:26,653
Nah, Brenda, that's gay. Oh.
1323
01:00:26,822 --> 01:00:29,647
Jake Gyllenhaal from
Brokeback Mountain.
1324
01:00:29,816 --> 01:00:32,892
"I wish I knew how
to quit you, but I can't."
1325
01:00:33,758 --> 01:00:35,921
You love that movie!
1326
01:00:36,090 --> 01:00:37,489
Hey, Brenda! Huh?
1327
01:00:37,691 --> 01:00:39,600
Have you seen my
big old bag of candy?
1328
01:00:39,769 --> 01:00:42,737
It had chocolates,
gummies, lollipops.
1329
01:00:43,405 --> 01:00:44,405
I-It's gone missing.
1330
01:00:44,540 --> 01:00:45,738
No, no, no, it's not missing.
1331
01:00:45,907 --> 01:00:47,673
I passed it out to
the trick-or-treaters.
1332
01:00:47,842 --> 01:00:51,036
Brenda, that's my stash!
1333
01:01:01,987 --> 01:01:05,661
I'm so fucking high!
1334
01:01:08,725 --> 01:01:09,725
Whoo-hoo!
1335
01:01:09,896 --> 01:01:12,624
I can't feel my face!
1336
01:01:14,901 --> 01:01:18,806
I'm on that Naruto shit!
1337
01:01:19,675 --> 01:01:23,369
Six-seven! Six-seven!
1338
01:01:48,701 --> 01:01:50,332
Fuck.
1339
01:01:58,206 --> 01:01:59,581
Why is she looking at me?
1340
01:02:01,380 --> 01:02:02,460
♪ Fucking with a boss, yeahIt costs ya ♪
1341
01:02:02,484 --> 01:02:04,350
A little disturbing.
1342
01:02:04,518 --> 01:02:05,751
I'm here for it.
1343
01:02:05,953 --> 01:02:07,349
♪ YeahIt's all there ♪
1344
01:02:07,551 --> 01:02:08,667
♪ Bend it overTouch your paws, yeah ♪
1345
01:02:08,691 --> 01:02:09,597
♪ Make it talk, yeah ♪
1346
01:02:09,621 --> 01:02:10,955
Oh. Okay.
1347
01:02:11,157 --> 01:02:13,189
♪ Make that ass jumpUh-huh ♪
1348
01:02:13,358 --> 01:02:14,364
♪ Make that ass jump ♪
Hey, hey!
1349
01:02:14,388 --> 01:02:15,697
♪ You better ♪
1350
01:02:15,899 --> 01:02:17,492
♪ You betterMake that ass jump ♪
1351
01:02:17,694 --> 01:02:19,534
♪ My nigga sleep so you knowI'm outside tho ♪
1352
01:02:19,661 --> 01:02:21,364
♪ Jet skis ass outCrop top hoe... ♪
1353
01:02:21,533 --> 01:02:23,037
Hey!
1354
01:02:23,206 --> 01:02:26,599
Do you know how many baby
seals die from microplastics?
1355
01:02:34,283 --> 01:02:35,283
Shit.
1356
01:02:35,342 --> 01:02:36,909
It's Ghostface!
1357
01:02:41,657 --> 01:02:43,283
Oh, my God! He stabbed her!
1358
01:02:43,485 --> 01:02:46,425
Not "her". My pronouns
are "they/them".
1359
01:02:46,594 --> 01:02:48,227
He stabbed "them"!
1360
01:02:48,396 --> 01:02:50,958
I'm over 40. How am I supposed
to keep up with all of this?
1361
01:02:51,161 --> 01:02:52,161
She's not wrong.
1362
01:02:52,292 --> 01:02:53,926
It's Karens like you
1363
01:02:54,095 --> 01:02:57,428
that keep the patriarchy going,
with their knees on our necks!
1364
01:02:57,597 --> 01:03:00,139
Now you're playing
the race card?
1365
01:03:00,307 --> 01:03:02,910
I've had enough of her
shit. "Their" shit, bitch!
1366
01:03:05,975 --> 01:03:06,977
And to be clear,
1367
01:03:07,180 --> 01:03:09,716
my real name is Karen!
1368
01:03:09,885 --> 01:03:11,747
Oh, shit. This is too good.
1369
01:03:11,916 --> 01:03:13,447
Ignore the insults.
1370
01:03:13,616 --> 01:03:15,652
"They" don't realize
we're here to help "them".
1371
01:03:15,854 --> 01:03:17,383
Toxic masculinity
1372
01:03:17,552 --> 01:03:20,152
and mansplaining
doesn't help anybody!
1373
01:03:20,355 --> 01:03:22,088
How is my masculinity toxic?
1374
01:03:22,257 --> 01:03:23,862
I love women and sports.
1375
01:03:24,064 --> 01:03:26,698
Just not together.
Come here, bitch.
1376
01:03:26,900 --> 01:03:28,494
My turn!
1377
01:03:28,663 --> 01:03:30,030
-Me next!
-They ain't ready for
1378
01:03:30,232 --> 01:03:31,232
this!
1379
01:03:31,334 --> 01:03:32,334
Let me at them! Me next!
1380
01:03:32,467 --> 01:03:33,409
Fuck your pronouns. Oh, shit.
1381
01:03:33,433 --> 01:03:34,704
Suck knife.
1382
01:03:38,376 --> 01:03:40,045
I blame the manosphere.
1383
01:03:40,247 --> 01:03:41,567
♪ Hit the barRock side-to-side ♪
1384
01:03:41,652 --> 01:03:43,347
♪ And lean in a bit ♪
1385
01:03:43,550 --> 01:03:44,796
♪ Shining like a star'Cause every night... ♪
1386
01:03:44,820 --> 01:03:46,651
Uncle Shorty. What's up, nephew?
1387
01:03:46,820 --> 01:03:48,417
Can I ask you something?
1388
01:03:48,952 --> 01:03:50,188
Yeah, shoot.
1389
01:03:51,253 --> 01:03:53,119
It's about, y-you know
1390
01:03:53,288 --> 01:03:54,852
how to go down on a girl.
1391
01:03:55,655 --> 01:03:56,895
You talking about eating pussy?
1392
01:03:56,930 --> 01:03:59,497
That's so cringe, but yeah.
1393
01:03:59,666 --> 01:04:02,469
Well, maybe if you stop talking
like a 14-year-old white girl
1394
01:04:02,638 --> 01:04:04,130
you could learn something.
1395
01:04:04,299 --> 01:04:05,563
All right, so listen up.
1396
01:04:05,765 --> 01:04:07,283
First thing you got
to do, you got to...
1397
01:04:07,307 --> 01:04:09,018
You got to spread them
legs. You got to open it up.
1398
01:04:09,042 --> 01:04:10,638
Then you want to
use your fingers.
1399
01:04:10,807 --> 01:04:13,609
Sometimes you can use two.
Two fingers, like that there.
1400
01:04:13,778 --> 01:04:14,947
Yeah?
1401
01:04:15,116 --> 01:04:16,808
Now, once you get
it all in there, now...
1402
01:04:17,621 --> 01:04:18,947
you got to use your tongue.
1403
01:04:19,116 --> 01:04:20,354
You can't be afraid of it.
1404
01:04:23,691 --> 01:04:25,188
Yeah, lean into it.
1405
01:04:25,357 --> 01:04:26,797
Nah, nah, nah,
you doing it too fast.
1406
01:04:28,225 --> 01:04:29,490
What are you, a lizard?
1407
01:04:29,659 --> 01:04:31,432
You got to be gentle.
You got to talk to it.
1408
01:04:31,635 --> 01:04:33,000
"Hey there, little guy,
1409
01:04:33,168 --> 01:04:34,826
how you doing?"
Hey there, little guy.
1410
01:04:35,772 --> 01:04:38,198
Boom! Just like rolling a blunt.
1411
01:04:38,367 --> 01:04:40,238
All you got to do, nephew...
1412
01:04:43,846 --> 01:04:45,375
Is hit that shit.
1413
01:04:46,043 --> 01:04:47,413
Got it? Mm-hmm.
1414
01:04:47,615 --> 01:04:48,916
All right, now
1415
01:04:49,118 --> 01:04:52,553
if you want to learn to
lick ass, ask your mama.
1416
01:04:54,954 --> 01:04:57,455
You feel so good.
1417
01:04:59,021 --> 01:05:00,095
Oh, yeah.
1418
01:05:00,264 --> 01:05:01,792
Elle.
1419
01:05:01,994 --> 01:05:03,392
I want to try something.
1420
01:05:03,561 --> 01:05:05,630
I-I thought you said you'd
never let me peg you.
1421
01:05:05,832 --> 01:05:07,366
What? No.
1422
01:05:07,535 --> 01:05:08,898
Relax.
1423
01:05:09,067 --> 01:05:10,534
I just want to taste you.
1424
01:05:13,167 --> 01:05:14,375
Okay.
1425
01:05:15,844 --> 01:05:17,401
Dinner time.
1426
01:05:17,570 --> 01:05:20,080
Oh, yeah, come here, baby.
1427
01:05:23,085 --> 01:05:25,244
Careful. My kitty is gangster.
1428
01:05:25,412 --> 01:05:27,114
Oh! Oh...
1429
01:05:27,282 --> 01:05:29,418
It is gangster. Okay.
1430
01:05:29,587 --> 01:05:32,226
Slapped you so hard,
you want some more. Yeah!
1431
01:05:36,123 --> 01:05:37,427
Oh!
1432
01:05:37,596 --> 01:05:40,325
You feel so much better
than Darrel and them.
1433
01:05:40,527 --> 01:05:41,527
Choo-choo!
1434
01:05:41,703 --> 01:05:42,703
Get back in there!
1435
01:05:42,838 --> 01:05:44,066
Yeah! Lick it!
1436
01:05:44,235 --> 01:05:46,471
Yeah! Lick it hard!
1437
01:05:47,743 --> 01:05:48,935
Finish her.
1438
01:05:50,737 --> 01:05:53,876
Oh, my God!
1439
01:05:56,279 --> 01:05:57,879
Just like rolling a blunt.
1440
01:05:59,086 --> 01:06:01,022
Now all I got to do is hit it.
1441
01:06:03,591 --> 01:06:05,151
Oh... Oof!
1442
01:06:05,320 --> 01:06:06,621
Elle!
1443
01:06:08,961 --> 01:06:10,261
What the fuck?
1444
01:06:10,430 --> 01:06:12,924
Hey there. We heard
tell of a Halloween party.
1445
01:06:13,559 --> 01:06:14,765
You did now, did you?
1446
01:06:14,934 --> 01:06:16,069
We're here to drink,
1447
01:06:16,238 --> 01:06:18,435
play bad music, do
some half gay shit.
1448
01:06:19,235 --> 01:06:20,470
Why just half gay?
1449
01:06:21,269 --> 01:06:22,269
Can I help you?
1450
01:06:22,305 --> 01:06:24,402
If you just invite us in.
1451
01:06:24,571 --> 01:06:25,979
Why you need a invitation?
1452
01:06:26,148 --> 01:06:27,742
White folks show up
to parties uninvited
1453
01:06:27,911 --> 01:06:30,217
all the time with their
little nasty-ass casseroles.
1454
01:06:30,419 --> 01:06:32,613
Bland as shit. Y'all better
start using some Lawry's.
1455
01:06:32,782 --> 01:06:35,012
Mm-hmm. And why she
got them dirty-ass feet?
1456
01:06:35,181 --> 01:06:37,888
Look like you was walking
around porn sets all day.
1457
01:06:38,091 --> 01:06:39,185
Got them trailer park toes.
1458
01:06:39,354 --> 01:06:40,962
Shit, son!
1459
01:06:41,131 --> 01:06:43,658
I think you're in the
wrong place. Y'all Klan?
1460
01:06:44,766 --> 01:06:45,800
No.
1461
01:06:45,968 --> 01:06:48,668
We believe in
music and equality.
1462
01:06:48,837 --> 01:06:50,036
How about we show y'all?
1463
01:06:50,238 --> 01:06:52,229
It's okay, no.
1464
01:06:52,432 --> 01:06:54,604
♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
1465
01:06:54,806 --> 01:06:58,311
♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
1466
01:06:58,514 --> 01:07:00,510
♪ To a deluxe apartment ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
1467
01:07:00,712 --> 01:07:02,750
♪ In the sky ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
1468
01:07:02,952 --> 01:07:04,411
♪ We're movin' on up ♪
1469
01:07:04,613 --> 01:07:06,417
They gentrified the Jeffersons?
1470
01:07:06,619 --> 01:07:08,583
Weezy's rolling around
in her grave right now.
1471
01:07:08,785 --> 01:07:11,522
You can't do this to the
Black National Anthem.
1472
01:07:11,725 --> 01:07:15,723
♪ We finally gotA piece of the pie! ♪
1473
01:07:19,032 --> 01:07:20,393
Boo!
1474
01:07:20,596 --> 01:07:22,335
Nigga, you suck! Boo your ass!
1475
01:07:22,504 --> 01:07:24,643
We worked hard on this!
Take that bullshit out of here!
1476
01:07:24,667 --> 01:07:26,107
We ain't got time
for that dumb shit!
1477
01:07:26,275 --> 01:07:28,120
Why won't ya just go to
one of those frat parties
1478
01:07:28,144 --> 01:07:29,636
where they drink
until they black out
1479
01:07:29,805 --> 01:07:31,325
and wake up with
their booties hurting,
1480
01:07:31,380 --> 01:07:33,460
not knowing what someone
in a cowboy hat did to them?
1481
01:07:33,649 --> 01:07:34,777
Yeah! What?
1482
01:07:34,980 --> 01:07:36,081
Okay.
1483
01:07:36,250 --> 01:07:38,016
Well, we will leave
you guys alone.
1484
01:07:38,185 --> 01:07:39,385
But we're gonna walk real slow
1485
01:07:39,550 --> 01:07:41,887
just in case y'all
change your minds.
1486
01:07:44,192 --> 01:07:45,923
-Change your minds yet?
-No.
1487
01:07:46,092 --> 01:07:47,092
Not at all. Hell no.
1488
01:07:47,191 --> 01:07:48,386
How about now?
1489
01:07:48,554 --> 01:07:50,191
Fuck no! No!
1490
01:07:50,360 --> 01:07:51,360
Yes? Hell to the nah.
1491
01:07:51,528 --> 01:07:52,691
Definitely not! Keep walking!
1492
01:07:52,860 --> 01:07:54,033
-Now git!
-Let's go.
1493
01:07:54,202 --> 01:07:55,365
Sara, come on! White folks
1494
01:07:55,534 --> 01:07:57,369
is getting weird again.
1495
01:07:59,803 --> 01:08:02,103
Guys, I think I saw an
open window over here.
1496
01:08:02,305 --> 01:08:03,367
That window's closed.
1497
01:08:03,536 --> 01:08:05,078
Not for long.
1498
01:08:05,247 --> 01:08:09,110
(VOCALIZES "DEFYING GRAVITY"
FROM "WICKED")
1499
01:08:11,280 --> 01:08:12,312
Wicked.
1500
01:08:12,514 --> 01:08:13,812
Oh, God. Fucking idiots.
1501
01:08:14,014 --> 01:08:15,397
("BAD TO THE BONE"
BY RUBY X PAPATINHO PLAYS)
1502
01:08:15,421 --> 01:08:17,356
♪ Bad, bad, bad to the bone ♪
1503
01:08:17,558 --> 01:08:19,322
♪ We can playBut you can't take me home ♪
1504
01:08:19,524 --> 01:08:20,793
♪ Bad, bad shows off the... ♪
1505
01:08:20,996 --> 01:08:24,962
Hey! Tuesday! You came back!
1506
01:08:25,164 --> 01:08:27,096
Yeah, I left my inhaler.
1507
01:08:27,264 --> 01:08:30,184
Honestly, Tuesday, that inhaler is
the worst plot device in movie history.
1508
01:08:30,270 --> 01:08:31,798
That's true, should've
been a vape.
1509
01:08:32,000 --> 01:08:34,402
But we're here now, so
let's make the most of it.
1510
01:08:34,571 --> 01:08:36,735
Now where them White Claws at?
1511
01:08:41,642 --> 01:08:43,351
Sara? Hello.
1512
01:08:43,553 --> 01:08:46,821
Get your sister and get out
of there right now. Okay, hon?
1513
01:08:46,990 --> 01:08:49,683
I am a grown-ass woman, Mother.
1514
01:08:49,886 --> 01:08:51,686
I don't have to do
anything you tell me to do.
1515
01:08:51,823 --> 01:08:53,628
That's the house
where your psycho father
1516
01:08:53,797 --> 01:08:54,963
killed those people.
1517
01:08:55,132 --> 01:08:56,452
Someone wanted to get you there.
1518
01:08:56,590 --> 01:08:58,426
Which means...
1519
01:08:58,595 --> 01:09:01,133
someone wants to get me there.
1520
01:09:01,301 --> 01:09:02,835
Oh, my God, this
isn't about you!
1521
01:09:03,004 --> 01:09:04,302
Why are you yelling?
1522
01:09:04,471 --> 01:09:07,305
Because the camera's
so fucking far away!
1523
01:09:07,474 --> 01:09:10,341
Wait, hold on. Are
you tracking my phone?
1524
01:09:10,543 --> 01:09:11,543
You're breaking up.
1525
01:09:11,640 --> 01:09:12,741
Uh... Yeah.
1526
01:09:17,977 --> 01:09:20,616
Happy Birthday!
1527
01:09:20,785 --> 01:09:23,983
Hey, that's my car!
1528
01:09:27,323 --> 01:09:28,792
What the fuck?
1529
01:09:28,961 --> 01:09:30,330
Elle!
1530
01:09:31,260 --> 01:09:32,494
I'm sorry!
1531
01:09:32,663 --> 01:09:34,994
I thought I was
supposed to smoke it.
1532
01:09:35,770 --> 01:09:36,869
Oh, shit.
1533
01:09:40,838 --> 01:09:43,169
Seriously? With the
12 Years a Slave shit?
1534
01:09:43,338 --> 01:09:46,247
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I
didn't see that movie, okay?
1535
01:09:46,449 --> 01:09:48,975
I just found this thing
in the shed. Jesus.
1536
01:09:55,351 --> 01:09:56,855
Come on, bro!
1537
01:09:57,024 --> 01:09:58,259
That's even worse.
1538
01:09:59,461 --> 01:10:01,688
I didn't mean it that way.
1539
01:10:01,856 --> 01:10:03,825
Some of my best
victims are Black.
1540
01:10:06,900 --> 01:10:10,063
And another brother
falls victim to gun violence.
1541
01:10:10,966 --> 01:10:13,236
Turns out race
is still an issue.
1542
01:10:13,438 --> 01:10:14,903
That's not fair!
1543
01:10:15,105 --> 01:10:17,305
You know, Black guys
usually die first in horror movies.
1544
01:10:20,511 --> 01:10:21,909
Damn!
1545
01:10:22,111 --> 01:10:24,377
This give whole new
meaning to Dead By Daylight.
1546
01:10:24,546 --> 01:10:26,413
Yeah.
1547
01:10:26,616 --> 01:10:29,416
Oh. Get them, son.
1548
01:10:29,618 --> 01:10:31,888
Goofy ass out of here.
1549
01:10:34,689 --> 01:10:36,324
Hello, Shorty.
1550
01:10:36,493 --> 01:10:38,656
Cuckoo! Get him, niggas!
1551
01:10:40,359 --> 01:10:44,471
Got your silly ass! You
about to be high as fuck.
1552
01:10:44,673 --> 01:10:46,733
♪ Party ♪
♪ Aw, yeah, aw, yeah ♪
1553
01:10:46,935 --> 01:10:47,918
♪ Ain't nobody standing... ♪
1554
01:10:47,942 --> 01:10:48,844
Nigga!
1555
01:10:48,868 --> 01:10:53,212
Ah, shit, son!
1556
01:10:53,381 --> 01:10:55,577
Bro, why you running
backwards, son?
1557
01:10:55,746 --> 01:10:57,247
I don't know. It's not me.
1558
01:10:57,416 --> 01:10:58,536
Something's wrong with this.
1559
01:10:58,618 --> 01:11:00,120
Nigga, your remote
is upside-down!
1560
01:11:00,289 --> 01:11:02,421
You're fucking high, son.
1561
01:11:02,590 --> 01:11:03,955
-Game on, bitches!
-Yeah.
1562
01:11:09,426 --> 01:11:10,761
Oh! Wrong nigga.
1563
01:11:10,929 --> 01:11:12,392
Black Lives Matter!
1564
01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:13,932
Not you, Shorty!
1565
01:11:14,101 --> 01:11:15,135
Oh, my... I need you.
1566
01:11:15,337 --> 01:11:17,063
Whoa, what is
going on? Oh, Jack!
1567
01:11:17,231 --> 01:11:19,730
Oh, thank God you're
here! Where were you?
1568
01:11:19,899 --> 01:11:21,274
Ghostface was just here!
1569
01:11:21,443 --> 01:11:23,610
I was just outside
getting some fresh air.
1570
01:11:23,779 --> 01:11:24,779
Stop!
1571
01:11:25,740 --> 01:11:28,074
One of you is the killer.
1572
01:11:28,685 --> 01:11:29,713
Elle...
1573
01:11:30,715 --> 01:11:32,210
why do you have
blood on your hands?
1574
01:11:33,717 --> 01:11:36,086
I found Brad outside.
1575
01:11:36,255 --> 01:11:37,550
She's the killer!
1576
01:11:37,719 --> 01:11:39,787
I am not the killer, okay?
1577
01:11:39,956 --> 01:11:42,696
I'm not even sex
positive. I'm a virgin.
1578
01:11:42,898 --> 01:11:44,265
No way.
1579
01:11:44,434 --> 01:11:45,876
You've banged, like,
every dude in Woodsville.
1580
01:11:45,900 --> 01:11:47,628
Fuck you!
1581
01:11:47,797 --> 01:11:49,299
Whoa!
1582
01:11:49,468 --> 01:11:52,169
The butt doesn't count.
1583
01:11:52,338 --> 01:11:54,039
Oh!
1584
01:11:54,241 --> 01:11:55,241
Shit, she shot Ashton!
1585
01:11:55,409 --> 01:11:58,973
Welcome to Act Three, bitches.
1586
01:12:00,475 --> 01:12:01,475
What?
1587
01:12:02,480 --> 01:12:04,110
What does that even mean?
1588
01:12:05,088 --> 01:12:07,016
It's when the shit goes down.
1589
01:12:07,185 --> 01:12:08,486
Oh.
1590
01:12:08,655 --> 01:12:09,927
I still don't really
know what she means,
1591
01:12:09,951 --> 01:12:12,057
but I think we should run! Run!
1592
01:12:27,909 --> 01:12:28,909
Cindy!
1593
01:12:28,936 --> 01:12:30,506
Brenda.
1594
01:12:30,675 --> 01:12:32,310
Cindy, they in there shooting!
1595
01:12:32,479 --> 01:12:33,941
These kids are wild!
1596
01:12:34,110 --> 01:12:35,779
I blame it on video games,
1597
01:12:35,947 --> 01:12:38,383
not the liquor or lack
of parental supervision.
1598
01:12:38,585 --> 01:12:39,713
You're gonna need this. Oh.
1599
01:12:39,915 --> 01:12:41,987
Do you have one bigger in black?
1600
01:12:42,156 --> 01:12:43,820
Oh, wrong bag.
1601
01:12:44,861 --> 01:12:45,763
Here. Ooh.
1602
01:12:45,787 --> 01:12:47,484
Who are you, Joan Wick?
1603
01:12:47,653 --> 01:12:50,189
I would've said Ballerina,
but nobody saw that shit.
1604
01:12:51,197 --> 01:12:52,197
Let's do this.
1605
01:12:52,231 --> 01:12:53,525
Okay.
1606
01:12:56,401 --> 01:12:58,536
Help! He stabbed me!
1607
01:12:58,705 --> 01:13:01,369
I'm definitely not
faking it. Please, help!
1608
01:13:01,538 --> 01:13:02,608
What do you think?
1609
01:13:03,543 --> 01:13:05,008
I think Drake lost to Kendrick.
1610
01:13:05,177 --> 01:13:08,180
I still like Drake, but what
was up with that lawsuit?
1611
01:13:08,349 --> 01:13:10,049
That's such a bitch-ass move.
1612
01:13:10,217 --> 01:13:12,450
About this situation.
1613
01:13:12,652 --> 01:13:14,278
Oh, that? That's
definitely a trap.
1614
01:13:14,480 --> 01:13:16,320
She don't know we already
been here, done that.
1615
01:13:17,620 --> 01:13:19,486
Brenda!
1616
01:13:19,655 --> 01:13:20,688
Brenda!
1617
01:13:20,857 --> 01:13:23,255
Cindy! It hurts!
1618
01:13:24,300 --> 01:13:26,593
Am I gonna make it? I doubt it.
1619
01:13:26,795 --> 01:13:29,497
Oh, God, Cindy. Oh, God.
1620
01:13:29,666 --> 01:13:31,597
Bitch, I'm not dead yet!
1621
01:13:31,799 --> 01:13:33,933
Oh. My bad. I'm sorry.
1622
01:13:34,135 --> 01:13:37,877
Now you go back
in there and finish it.
1623
01:13:38,046 --> 01:13:39,103
For me, Cindy.
1624
01:13:39,305 --> 01:13:41,608
I would do anything
for you, Brenda.
1625
01:13:46,247 --> 01:13:49,049
Oh, yes! She bought it.
1626
01:13:49,218 --> 01:13:51,818
That old ketchup
trick, it don't fail.
1627
01:13:52,020 --> 01:13:53,340
That bitch is
crazy if she thought
1628
01:13:53,430 --> 01:13:55,663
I was taking my Black
ass back in there.
1629
01:13:59,398 --> 01:14:00,732
Attention all killers!
1630
01:14:01,768 --> 01:14:05,000
You have five seconds
to show yourselves.
1631
01:14:17,384 --> 01:14:18,325
Shorty!
1632
01:14:18,349 --> 01:14:19,778
Bitch!
1633
01:14:19,947 --> 01:14:21,979
You shot my favorite bong.
1634
01:14:22,181 --> 01:14:24,285
Go find your own damn closet!
1635
01:14:24,454 --> 01:14:25,592
Sorry.
1636
01:14:34,899 --> 01:14:36,768
Hello, Cindy.
1637
01:14:37,566 --> 01:14:38,768
Hello.
1638
01:14:38,937 --> 01:14:40,132
Looks like you forgot
1639
01:14:40,301 --> 01:14:42,834
the first rule of
surviving a horror movie.
1640
01:14:43,037 --> 01:14:45,569
Never answer the phone!
1641
01:14:46,872 --> 01:14:50,144
I thought the first rule was
never trust the love interest.
1642
01:14:51,484 --> 01:14:52,849
Oh, really?
1643
01:14:53,018 --> 01:14:55,017
Well, I'm changing the
rules. How about that?
1644
01:14:55,852 --> 01:14:59,059
New rule: Go fuck yourself.
1645
01:14:59,261 --> 01:15:00,261
Wait, wait!
1646
01:15:01,862 --> 01:15:04,229
Why do you hate closets so much?
1647
01:15:04,432 --> 01:15:05,893
I told you to come out.
1648
01:15:06,095 --> 01:15:07,968
Yeah, well, I didn't
want to get shot!
1649
01:15:08,137 --> 01:15:09,637
Ironic, isn't it?
1650
01:15:10,640 --> 01:15:12,633
You missed me, bitch.
1651
01:15:12,802 --> 01:15:14,503
Oh, God, it's Ghostface!
1652
01:15:14,672 --> 01:15:15,672
Didn't sound believable.
1653
01:15:17,645 --> 01:15:18,725
You think you're John Wick,
1654
01:15:18,876 --> 01:15:20,145
acting like I killed your dog?
1655
01:15:25,519 --> 01:15:27,319
The dog is just a metaphor.
1656
01:15:27,488 --> 01:15:29,215
It was about losing his wife!
1657
01:15:29,417 --> 01:15:31,317
You sure it's not an allegory?
1658
01:15:42,368 --> 01:15:43,664
Let us begin.
1659
01:15:52,909 --> 01:15:54,274
Oh.
1660
01:16:04,756 --> 01:16:06,957
Oh, that stunt girl is good.
1661
01:16:23,903 --> 01:16:24,903
Whoa.
1662
01:16:29,517 --> 01:16:31,443
Oh, oh...
1663
01:16:47,103 --> 01:16:48,427
Eat a dick.
1664
01:16:58,941 --> 01:17:00,939
Shoot him, Sara. End this.
1665
01:17:01,108 --> 01:17:02,776
Don't tell me what to do!
1666
01:17:02,945 --> 01:17:04,451
This isn't the best time
1667
01:17:04,620 --> 01:17:06,744
to resolve our
mommy-daughter issues,
1668
01:17:06,913 --> 01:17:11,285
but Sara, I am so sorry. I
have been a terrible mother.
1669
01:17:11,453 --> 01:17:13,785
I don't even know your
sister Wednesday...
1670
01:17:13,954 --> 01:17:15,154
Oh, Tuesday.
1671
01:17:15,323 --> 01:17:18,288
Have to clarify that
for legal reasons.
1672
01:17:18,457 --> 01:17:19,700
But I've prepared you for this.
1673
01:17:20,467 --> 01:17:21,861
So go on, baby.
1674
01:17:22,064 --> 01:17:23,665
You kill him.
1675
01:17:23,833 --> 01:17:25,139
Sara? Jack!
1676
01:17:25,307 --> 01:17:26,603
-Sara!
-Jack!
1677
01:17:26,772 --> 01:17:28,142
-Sara!
-Oh, Jack!
1678
01:17:28,310 --> 01:17:29,310
Sara! Jack!
1679
01:17:29,443 --> 01:17:30,420
-Sara!
-Jack!
1680
01:17:30,444 --> 01:17:31,444
-Sara!
-Jack!
1681
01:17:31,546 --> 01:17:32,546
Thank God you're okay.
1682
01:17:32,580 --> 01:17:33,690
Because I really wanted to be
1683
01:17:33,714 --> 01:17:34,714
the one to kill you!
1684
01:17:34,781 --> 01:17:36,248
Ooh, take it, baby.
1685
01:17:37,753 --> 01:17:40,285
See, I told you it was about me.
1686
01:17:40,454 --> 01:17:42,184
No, Sara.
1687
01:17:43,624 --> 01:17:45,187
You were just the bait.
1688
01:17:45,788 --> 01:17:47,123
It's about her.
1689
01:17:47,791 --> 01:17:48,825
-Fuck!
-Aw.
1690
01:17:48,993 --> 01:17:51,256
Sorry, honey. I
hate being right.
1691
01:17:51,425 --> 01:17:53,366
You should've listened to Doofy.
1692
01:17:53,569 --> 01:17:55,636
The love interest.
1693
01:17:55,805 --> 01:17:58,065
It just seemed too
obvious, you know?
1694
01:17:58,268 --> 01:18:00,734
Which makes you
think it is not obvious.
1695
01:18:00,936 --> 01:18:01,814
Same page, honeybunch.
1696
01:18:01,838 --> 01:18:02,838
Right.
1697
01:18:02,973 --> 01:18:04,574
Yeah, well, that's the twist!
1698
01:18:04,777 --> 01:18:06,070
Now get in the kitchen. Go!
1699
01:18:06,272 --> 01:18:07,578
Hey! Move!
1700
01:18:07,780 --> 01:18:10,078
Okay, listen up!
1701
01:18:10,281 --> 01:18:13,351
See, there hasn't been
a great Horror Movie
1702
01:18:13,520 --> 01:18:15,220
since the first one.
1703
01:18:15,389 --> 01:18:18,586
We're gonna save the franchise.
Go get our special guest star.
1704
01:18:20,727 --> 01:18:23,256
Hollywood is out of ideas!
1705
01:18:23,458 --> 01:18:25,922
Why else would there
be a Scary Movie 6?
1706
01:18:26,125 --> 01:18:28,525
But it wouldn't work with just
the new characters, would it?
1707
01:18:28,694 --> 01:18:31,162
We need the legacy
characters. Oh...
1708
01:18:31,331 --> 01:18:32,903
And there wouldn't be a Cindy
1709
01:18:33,105 --> 01:18:36,636
without her sassy
Black sidekick, Brenda.
1710
01:18:36,805 --> 01:18:39,906
You ain't have to say "Black"
with no hard "b" like that.
1711
01:18:40,109 --> 01:18:42,475
Brenda! Didn't you get shot?
1712
01:18:43,284 --> 01:18:44,708
Did I?
1713
01:18:44,877 --> 01:18:48,518
Oh! Wait, I did! Ooh,
look, God done healed me!
1714
01:18:48,686 --> 01:18:50,214
Ooh, what He do?
1715
01:18:50,383 --> 01:18:51,591
Stop dancing! All the time!
1716
01:18:51,793 --> 01:18:53,233
Stop dancing!
Everybody stop dancing!
1717
01:18:53,295 --> 01:18:54,295
All the time!
1718
01:18:54,354 --> 01:18:55,360
Oh!
1719
01:18:55,528 --> 01:18:57,926
Oh. Mom! No!
1720
01:18:58,095 --> 01:19:00,427
You called me "Mom".
1721
01:19:01,700 --> 01:19:03,230
You care about me.
1722
01:19:03,399 --> 01:19:05,534
Well, I wouldn't go
that far, but, I mean,
1723
01:19:05,703 --> 01:19:06,581
sure. Go...
1724
01:19:06,605 --> 01:19:07,605
Go get Tuesday.
1725
01:19:07,705 --> 01:19:09,202
Okay, ladies,
1726
01:19:09,371 --> 01:19:11,468
time to stage the bodies.
1727
01:19:11,670 --> 01:19:13,943
Let's go, let's
go, let's go. Oh!
1728
01:19:14,112 --> 01:19:15,876
Please don't do this!
1729
01:19:16,045 --> 01:19:17,376
What? Who are you people?
1730
01:19:17,545 --> 01:19:18,651
We're the motherfuckers
1731
01:19:18,853 --> 01:19:21,221
that are taking
over this franchise.
1732
01:19:21,390 --> 01:19:22,390
Oh, yeah? You are?
1733
01:19:22,457 --> 01:19:24,550
Okay! Oh, my God.
1734
01:19:24,719 --> 01:19:27,086
That was not part of the plan.
1735
01:19:27,255 --> 01:19:29,386
Oh, God. Shit.
1736
01:19:29,555 --> 01:19:31,593
-Oh.
-Neither was this.
1737
01:19:35,164 --> 01:19:36,468
Wait, Ray got one of those!
1738
01:19:36,671 --> 01:19:38,868
Whoa! Hot damn!
1739
01:19:39,037 --> 01:19:42,240
Anthony Anderson!
1740
01:19:42,409 --> 01:19:43,710
Yeah.
1741
01:19:43,879 --> 01:19:46,277
And I brought my boy
Kevin Hart with me.
1742
01:19:53,520 --> 01:19:55,152
What? Shaq?
1743
01:19:55,354 --> 01:19:57,950
That's right. On my knees
I'm the same height as Kevin.
1744
01:19:58,119 --> 01:19:59,316
And Kevin said no.
1745
01:19:59,518 --> 01:20:00,828
Kevin Hart said no?
1746
01:20:00,997 --> 01:20:02,868
That little motherfucker
says yes to everything.
1747
01:20:02,892 --> 01:20:03,892
Yeah, he does.
1748
01:20:03,962 --> 01:20:05,357
But wait!
1749
01:20:05,560 --> 01:20:07,925
There's more.
1750
01:20:08,094 --> 01:20:10,037
Ta-dah...
1751
01:20:10,239 --> 01:20:11,303
bitches!
1752
01:20:11,472 --> 01:20:12,998
Ray? Shorty?
1753
01:20:13,167 --> 01:20:14,771
Yeah, that's right.
1754
01:20:14,940 --> 01:20:17,973
Four Black killers. Yeah.
1755
01:20:18,142 --> 01:20:19,339
We're making history.
1756
01:20:19,508 --> 01:20:22,509
This a new definition
of Black excellence.
1757
01:20:23,310 --> 01:20:24,711
But why would you do this?
1758
01:20:24,914 --> 01:20:26,381
Question is:
1759
01:20:26,583 --> 01:20:28,497
Why would you try to make
a sequel without us, huh?
1760
01:20:28,521 --> 01:20:29,856
Yeah!
1761
01:20:30,025 --> 01:20:31,864
When the studio wanted
to replace these brothers,
1762
01:20:31,888 --> 01:20:33,824
I was there.
1763
01:20:33,993 --> 01:20:35,823
That's facts. What about me?
1764
01:20:35,991 --> 01:20:36,971
What about you?
1765
01:20:36,995 --> 01:20:38,023
You were in one scene
1766
01:20:38,225 --> 01:20:39,831
in Part 4. Oh!
1767
01:20:39,999 --> 01:20:40,974
Yes, but I made
that motherfucker
1768
01:20:40,998 --> 01:20:42,430
Dr. Phil cut his foot off.
1769
01:20:42,598 --> 01:20:44,271
-And he crazy now.
-Yeah, he got weird.
1770
01:20:44,440 --> 01:20:45,463
Mm. But you...
1771
01:20:45,631 --> 01:20:46,972
Y-You see what
they trying to do?
1772
01:20:47,141 --> 01:20:49,021
They trying to pit us all
up against each other.
1773
01:20:49,067 --> 01:20:51,610
They trying to start Black
on... on very Black crime.
1774
01:20:51,779 --> 01:20:52,976
Oh. That's right!
1775
01:20:53,145 --> 01:20:55,806
Yo, Shaq. Hey. I'm
proud of you, bro.
1776
01:20:55,975 --> 01:20:58,345
You've had an amazing
career as a sports commentator
1777
01:20:58,514 --> 01:21:00,185
since retiring from
basketball. Mm-hmm.
1778
01:21:00,354 --> 01:21:03,881
And I love The Big Podcast.
Nigga, I love that shit!
1779
01:21:04,050 --> 01:21:06,090
Even though I don't
understand a word you be saying.
1780
01:21:06,224 --> 01:21:07,624
You be on that
show talkin' 'bout...
1781
01:21:11,026 --> 01:21:11,936
"Kobe."
1782
01:21:11,960 --> 01:21:13,162
Enough.
1783
01:21:13,331 --> 01:21:16,871
But my point is,
nigga, I love your shit.
1784
01:21:17,805 --> 01:21:19,903
But I never got over Kazaam.
1785
01:21:20,072 --> 01:21:21,340
Fuck all that shit!
1786
01:21:21,509 --> 01:21:22,900
Kick his ass!
1787
01:21:23,068 --> 01:21:25,538
Get your big ass over
here! I hated that movie, too!
1788
01:21:25,707 --> 01:21:26,944
Why did you leave the Lakers?
1789
01:21:27,146 --> 01:21:29,779
You and Kobe
would've had nine rings!
1790
01:21:29,982 --> 01:21:31,284
That motherfucker traded me!
1791
01:21:31,486 --> 01:21:32,586
Sha-kweel!
1792
01:21:32,755 --> 01:21:35,253
How big is your foot?
1793
01:21:35,455 --> 01:21:36,515
22.
1794
01:21:36,684 --> 01:21:39,054
Then how big is your dick?
1795
01:21:39,223 --> 01:21:40,351
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ray!
1796
01:21:40,520 --> 01:21:41,929
-Pause.
-What the fuck
1797
01:21:42,131 --> 01:21:43,639
you talking about? I'm
doing it for the culture.
1798
01:21:43,663 --> 01:21:45,029
What culture?
1799
01:21:45,198 --> 01:21:47,062
-The Culture Club. Nigga!
-Bro.
1800
01:21:47,231 --> 01:21:48,473
Come on, Ray, we killing people.
1801
01:21:48,497 --> 01:21:49,538
Stay focused.
All right, all right.
1802
01:21:49,562 --> 01:21:51,434
All right. We back.
1803
01:21:51,636 --> 01:21:54,441
Hey, Ant, don't, don't you...
don't you worry. We family.
1804
01:21:54,643 --> 01:21:56,537
Ant, mad respect, y'all.
1805
01:21:56,705 --> 01:21:58,675
Hey, Black-ish nominated
1806
01:21:58,843 --> 01:21:59,843
for eight Emmys!
1807
01:21:59,979 --> 01:22:01,074
My nigga!
1808
01:22:01,243 --> 01:22:02,375
Well, actually,
1809
01:22:02,544 --> 01:22:04,110
the show was only
nominated for five.
1810
01:22:04,312 --> 01:22:05,977
I was nominated for eight.
1811
01:22:06,180 --> 01:22:07,180
Ooh. Wow.
1812
01:22:07,284 --> 01:22:08,226
Oh, thank you.
1813
01:22:08,250 --> 01:22:09,250
A thespian!
1814
01:22:09,418 --> 01:22:11,954
Is that so? Eight nominations.
1815
01:22:12,123 --> 01:22:14,119
Crazy! Yeah, man.
1816
01:22:16,226 --> 01:22:18,256
But you never won. What?
1817
01:22:20,030 --> 01:22:21,263
Et tu, Brute?
1818
01:22:21,432 --> 01:22:23,134
Don't speak Spanish
to me, motherfucker.
1819
01:22:23,369 --> 01:22:26,268
This is for doing
Scary Movie 3 and 4!
1820
01:22:26,437 --> 01:22:28,475
I didn't know they
fired the family!
1821
01:22:28,644 --> 01:22:30,273
And this is for copying
1822
01:22:30,442 --> 01:22:33,239
our Good Times
episode on Black-ish!
1823
01:22:33,408 --> 01:22:35,913
But you guys were on The WB!
1824
01:22:36,082 --> 01:22:38,542
Nobody saw that shit!
1825
01:22:40,514 --> 01:22:42,048
Ooh. No, no, no.
1826
01:22:42,217 --> 01:22:44,157
And you, and you...
1827
01:22:44,360 --> 01:22:47,259
Y'all went and did Scary
Movie 3 and 4 without us!
1828
01:22:47,427 --> 01:22:49,956
Nigga, I'm sorry. They
offered me so much money!
1829
01:22:50,125 --> 01:22:53,728
I-I got a new house, a new
car. I got wigs that don't itch.
1830
01:22:54,933 --> 01:22:56,234
And what about you?
1831
01:22:57,301 --> 01:22:59,398
Well, I had a
chance to work with
1832
01:22:59,567 --> 01:23:01,899
the incomparable Charlie Sheen.
1833
01:23:03,570 --> 01:23:05,171
That's good. He's a legend.
1834
01:23:05,373 --> 01:23:07,506
And his dick game's crazy.
1835
01:23:07,675 --> 01:23:09,706
You know he slept
with 47,000 women?
1836
01:23:09,909 --> 01:23:11,946
And a thousand of
them women were dudes.
1837
01:23:12,115 --> 01:23:13,812
Lucky guy.
1838
01:23:14,780 --> 01:23:17,149
Wait, so y'all
gonna kill us now?
1839
01:23:18,850 --> 01:23:20,622
Nah.
1840
01:23:20,791 --> 01:23:23,392
What would Halloween be
without Jamie Lee Curtis?
1841
01:23:23,594 --> 01:23:25,229
Or Scream be without
Neve Campbell?
1842
01:23:25,431 --> 01:23:26,800
That would be Scream VI.
1843
01:23:26,969 --> 01:23:29,400
How did you guys
pull all of this off?
1844
01:23:29,603 --> 01:23:30,827
Cindy!
1845
01:23:30,996 --> 01:23:33,739
You know how many
Wayanses there are?
1846
01:23:33,941 --> 01:23:35,868
Nigga, billions! Billions!
1847
01:23:36,037 --> 01:23:39,376
I'm just so happy that the
old gang is back together.
1848
01:23:40,146 --> 01:23:41,941
Okay, in the middle, on three:
1849
01:23:42,110 --> 01:23:43,342
Core Four.
1850
01:23:43,511 --> 01:23:45,148
What? Nah, nah. We... That...
1851
01:23:45,317 --> 01:23:46,665
That... That's corny
shit. That's wack.
1852
01:23:46,689 --> 01:23:48,054
Ooh, uh, w-what about...
1853
01:23:48,256 --> 01:23:50,722
What about, The
Young and The Restless?
1854
01:23:50,924 --> 01:23:52,792
Yeah, or The... or The Old
1855
01:23:52,961 --> 01:23:54,124
and then The Beautiful.
1856
01:23:54,293 --> 01:23:56,192
Or... or The... The
Cute and The Crusty.
1857
01:23:56,361 --> 01:23:59,059
Yeah, or The Sexy
and then The Senile.
1858
01:24:05,339 --> 01:24:07,299
But we were brought in
to take over the franchise!
1859
01:24:07,434 --> 01:24:08,468
That's right. I mean,
1860
01:24:08,636 --> 01:24:10,708
you guys are,
like, 70 years old!
1861
01:24:10,876 --> 01:24:12,444
Not in my mouth!
1862
01:24:12,646 --> 01:24:13,646
Aw, fuck!
1863
01:24:15,140 --> 01:24:17,346
I just dragged that
one from the subway.
1864
01:24:17,515 --> 01:24:19,710
Oh, my back hurts.
1865
01:24:19,878 --> 01:24:22,614
Guys, guys! They're
already dead.
1866
01:24:22,816 --> 01:24:25,053
Nah! Little fuckers
always come back.
1867
01:24:25,221 --> 01:24:26,960
Oh, no. Not this time.
1868
01:24:27,163 --> 01:24:29,389
Exactly. Come on,
Ray, let's go. Let's go.
1869
01:24:29,558 --> 01:24:30,964
Who got a match?
1870
01:24:31,166 --> 01:24:35,228
Got one, got one! Next
generation, my ass!
1871
01:24:35,397 --> 01:24:36,800
Yeah, whoo!
1872
01:24:41,205 --> 01:24:42,267
Sara, tell me what do to.
1873
01:24:42,469 --> 01:24:44,441
Blow, bitch, blow!
1874
01:24:52,488 --> 01:24:53,516
Yeah.
1875
01:24:55,686 --> 01:24:57,954
Wait. Wait, wait, wait,
wait. Should we feel bad?
1876
01:24:58,157 --> 01:24:59,549
I mean, those are our kids.
1877
01:24:59,718 --> 01:25:01,355
Fuck those kids! Yeah!
1878
01:25:01,524 --> 01:25:03,458
This is our franchise. Yeah!
1879
01:25:03,661 --> 01:25:06,260
Besides, we can do all
these dramatic walkaways
1880
01:25:06,429 --> 01:25:07,732
with the fire in back of us.
1881
01:25:07,901 --> 01:25:09,561
But, damn, it's hot.
1882
01:25:09,730 --> 01:25:12,370
I don't know. I kind of like it.
1883
01:25:13,306 --> 01:25:14,974
You do, Ray? We
should play firemen.
1884
01:25:15,142 --> 01:25:17,109
You wanna dress
up like a fireman?
1885
01:25:17,278 --> 01:25:19,011
No. I want you to
dress up like a fireman.
1886
01:25:19,213 --> 01:25:21,540
Y'all feel a draft?
1887
01:25:21,742 --> 01:25:23,621
("BIGGER THAN EVER (WE BACK)" BY
CHRIS PATRICK PLAYS) ♪ Bigger than ever ♪
1888
01:25:23,645 --> 01:25:24,588
♪ We backWoo ♪
1889
01:25:24,612 --> 01:25:26,183
♪ Okay, okay ♪
1890
01:25:26,385 --> 01:25:27,611
♪ We backWe back ♪
1891
01:25:27,813 --> 01:25:29,055
♪ Okay, okay ♪
1892
01:25:29,257 --> 01:25:30,618
♪ Bigger than everWe back ♪
1893
01:25:30,820 --> 01:25:32,291
♪ Wait on itPut in pain for it ♪
1894
01:25:32,493 --> 01:25:34,027
♪ Every dayA day to train for it ♪
1895
01:25:34,229 --> 01:25:35,787
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
1896
01:25:35,989 --> 01:25:37,296
♪ Bigger than everWe back ♪
1897
01:25:39,427 --> 01:25:40,758
♪ Uh-huh ♪
1898
01:25:40,960 --> 01:25:42,467
♪ We backWe back ♪
1899
01:25:42,669 --> 01:25:44,204
♪ Back like respawn ♪
♪ Respawn ♪
1900
01:25:44,406 --> 01:25:45,865
♪ Back likeReversin' out the whip ♪
1901
01:25:46,067 --> 01:25:47,671
♪ Forward drive ♪
♪ Drive ♪
1902
01:25:47,873 --> 01:25:49,233
♪ Back like I'm Marty ♪
♪ Marty ♪
1903
01:25:49,274 --> 01:25:50,338
♪ Back like McFly ♪
1904
01:25:50,540 --> 01:25:52,035
♪ Double back for dinero ♪
1905
01:25:52,237 --> 01:25:53,780
♪ 'Cause it's backLike I slide ♪
1906
01:25:53,982 --> 01:25:55,411
♪ We outside ♪
1907
01:25:55,613 --> 01:25:57,675
♪ We ain't never really left ♪
1908
01:25:57,877 --> 01:25:58,919
♪ Write ambidextrous ♪
1909
01:25:59,121 --> 01:26:00,579
♪ Both hands need a check ♪
1910
01:26:00,781 --> 01:26:02,384
♪ Whole fam need respect ♪
1911
01:26:02,586 --> 01:26:04,423
♪ More bands, nothing less ♪
1912
01:26:04,625 --> 01:26:07,689
♪ Tax season 'cause I gotThe plan to collect ♪
1913
01:26:09,325 --> 01:26:10,691
♪ Uh ♪
1914
01:26:10,893 --> 01:26:12,098
♪ Look at me now ♪
♪ Now ♪
1915
01:26:12,300 --> 01:26:13,829
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
1916
01:26:14,032 --> 01:26:15,833
♪ My foot on the pedalMy eyes on the crown ♪
1917
01:26:16,035 --> 01:26:17,401
♪ Uh ♪
1918
01:26:17,603 --> 01:26:18,797
♪ Look at me now ♪
♪ Now ♪
1919
01:26:18,999 --> 01:26:20,403
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
1920
01:26:20,605 --> 01:26:21,835
♪ Bigger than everWe back ♪
1921
01:26:22,835 --> 01:26:24,436
♪ Okay, okay ♪
1922
01:26:24,638 --> 01:26:26,137
♪ We back ♪
1923
01:26:26,339 --> 01:26:27,912
♪ Okay, okay ♪
♪ Bigger than ever ♪
1924
01:26:28,114 --> 01:26:29,413
♪ We back ♪
1925
01:26:29,615 --> 01:26:30,976
♪ Wait on itPut in pain for it ♪
1926
01:26:31,178 --> 01:26:32,578
♪ Every dayA day to train for it ♪
1927
01:26:32,617 --> 01:26:34,010
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
1928
01:26:34,212 --> 01:26:35,684
♪ Bigger than everWe back ♪
1929
01:26:36,825 --> 01:26:37,923
♪ Mm ♪
1930
01:26:38,125 --> 01:26:39,752
♪ Look at me now ♪
1931
01:26:39,954 --> 01:26:41,421
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
1932
01:26:41,623 --> 01:26:42,863
♪ Look at me now ♪
1933
01:26:43,065 --> 01:26:44,458
♪ My foot on the pedal ♪
1934
01:26:44,660 --> 01:26:46,495
♪ My eyes on the crown ♪
1935
01:26:46,697 --> 01:26:48,131
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
1936
01:26:48,333 --> 01:26:49,463
♪ Look at me now ♪
1937
01:26:49,665 --> 01:26:51,267
♪ Whoo, look at me now ♪
1938
01:26:51,469 --> 01:26:52,930
♪ Whoo, look at me now ♪
1939
01:26:53,132 --> 01:26:54,505
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
1940
01:26:58,303 --> 01:27:00,506
♪ Bigger than everWe back, whoo ♪
1941
01:27:00,708 --> 01:27:02,276
♪ Okay, okay ♪
1942
01:27:02,478 --> 01:27:03,916
♪ We back ♪
1943
01:27:04,118 --> 01:27:05,316
♪ Okay, okay ♪
1944
01:27:05,518 --> 01:27:06,813
♪ Bigger than everWe back ♪
1945
01:27:07,015 --> 01:27:08,420
♪ Wait on itPut in pain for it ♪
1946
01:27:08,622 --> 01:27:10,156
♪ Every dayA day to train for it ♪
1947
01:27:10,358 --> 01:27:11,652
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
1948
01:27:11,854 --> 01:27:13,585
♪ Bigger than everWe back ♪
1949
01:27:13,787 --> 01:27:15,960
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
1950
01:27:16,162 --> 01:27:17,162
♪ We back ♪
1951
01:27:17,197 --> 01:27:19,326
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
1952
01:27:19,528 --> 01:27:20,528
♪ We back ♪
1953
01:27:20,563 --> 01:27:22,626
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
1954
01:27:22,828 --> 01:27:24,027
♪ We back ♪
1955
01:27:24,229 --> 01:27:25,633
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
1956
01:27:25,835 --> 01:27:27,098
♪ Bigger than everWe back ♪
1957
01:27:35,044 --> 01:27:37,276
Coming soon
to a theater near you...
1958
01:27:37,445 --> 01:27:39,114
Come to me...
1959
01:27:39,283 --> 01:27:40,584
Count Brolock.
1960
01:27:41,686 --> 01:27:43,047
From the studio that brought you
1961
01:27:43,216 --> 01:27:45,919
every Black version
of a white movie...
1962
01:27:48,428 --> 01:27:52,065
I am but an appetite,
nothing more.
1963
01:27:52,233 --> 01:27:54,297
That's not what
you said last night
1964
01:27:54,499 --> 01:27:56,030
when you were
sucking on my chest.
1965
01:27:58,435 --> 01:27:59,862
The sisters may hear you.
1966
01:28:00,031 --> 01:28:01,698
Too late.
1967
01:28:01,866 --> 01:28:02,932
You trifling sellout.
1968
01:28:03,101 --> 01:28:04,641
I don't know this bitch!
1969
01:28:04,843 --> 01:28:06,388
She's trying to get
me! This is entrapment!
1970
01:28:06,412 --> 01:28:08,609
-Negro ain't shit.
-Mm-hmm.
1971
01:28:08,778 --> 01:28:11,450
Behold the Black vampire.
1972
01:28:12,117 --> 01:28:13,980
Brosferatu.
1973
01:28:15,056 --> 01:28:16,983
Coming this Kwanzaa.
1974
01:29:31,229 --> 01:29:35,001
Cuckoo. Cuckoo.
1975
01:29:35,170 --> 01:29:39,165
Happy Birthday, A.S. Berger.
1976
01:29:39,334 --> 01:29:41,667
-Something isn't right here.
-Happy birthday...
1977
01:29:41,836 --> 01:29:43,509
He's definitely Ghostface.
1978
01:29:44,207 --> 01:29:45,207
Sit.
1979
01:29:46,211 --> 01:29:47,746
I agree, Berger.
1980
01:29:47,915 --> 01:29:50,039
That hand should spend
the rest of its life in prison.
1981
01:29:50,208 --> 01:29:52,113
That little hand, man. I mean...
1982
01:29:52,316 --> 01:29:55,813
Respectfully, that thing would
probably give a nice handjob.
1983
01:29:55,982 --> 01:29:58,153
Off the chain, guaranteed.
1984
01:29:58,322 --> 01:29:59,390
Tight grip.
1985
01:29:59,559 --> 01:30:00,861
Make your meat
look two times bigger.
1986
01:30:00,885 --> 01:30:01,985
Yeah.
1987
01:30:02,154 --> 01:30:03,434
I don't want a handjob from him.
1988
01:30:03,564 --> 01:30:04,969
Let me tell you that,
first and foremost.
1989
01:30:04,993 --> 01:30:06,993
I do not want a
handjob. Me neither.
1990
01:30:07,162 --> 01:30:09,700
However, when you
look at it, like a shotgun...
1991
01:30:09,869 --> 01:30:11,772
You're done.
1992
01:30:13,366 --> 01:30:14,878
Now, listen, we're
gonna hold him, okay?
1993
01:30:14,902 --> 01:30:16,404
Okay. It might be a day,
1994
01:30:16,573 --> 01:30:17,738
two weeks, I don't know.
1995
01:30:17,907 --> 01:30:19,148
I don't know how
long this movie is.
1996
01:30:19,172 --> 01:30:21,171
Like a Chris Nolan
movie with farts.
1997
01:30:21,340 --> 01:30:23,577
But what I want you
to do is go in there
1998
01:30:23,746 --> 01:30:25,709
and show him what you got.
1999
01:30:25,878 --> 01:30:26,948
Cock it and rock it.
2000
01:30:30,751 --> 01:30:31,788
Ah.
2001
01:30:33,525 --> 01:30:35,891
Oh!
2002
01:30:36,759 --> 01:30:38,425
There she is.
2003
01:30:38,594 --> 01:30:40,731
The birthday girl.
2004
01:30:43,929 --> 01:30:45,065
I brought a cake.
2005
01:30:46,469 --> 01:30:47,672
Make a wish.
2006
01:30:49,442 --> 01:30:51,304
My germs!
2007
01:30:54,943 --> 01:30:58,080
Finger-licking good.
2008
01:30:58,249 --> 01:31:01,647
Agent Berger, I'm just trying
to give you my strong hand.
2009
01:31:01,849 --> 01:31:03,981
No! But it's a meme.
2010
01:31:04,183 --> 01:31:07,921
Mr. Shorthand,
are you Ghostface?
2011
01:31:08,090 --> 01:31:10,530
Here we go...
2012
01:31:11,399 --> 01:31:13,263
Whew, that
stings. It's sort of...
2013
01:31:13,431 --> 01:31:14,410
Whoo.
2014
01:31:14,434 --> 01:31:15,960
Okay, that hurts. Stop.
2015
01:31:16,129 --> 01:31:17,369
Can I talk to you for a second?
2016
01:31:17,401 --> 01:31:18,962
Yeah, o-okay.
2017
01:31:20,935 --> 01:31:22,436
This table needs an airbag.
2018
01:31:22,605 --> 01:31:23,581
It should...
2019
01:31:23,605 --> 01:31:25,140
Goddamn!
2020
01:31:25,309 --> 01:31:26,477
Whoo!
2021
01:31:26,646 --> 01:31:28,046
I didn't think it
would hurt so bad.
2022
01:31:28,178 --> 01:31:30,682
So we got the wrong guy.
Could have told you that.
2023
01:31:31,517 --> 01:31:33,009
Why? 'Cause I'm psychic.
2024
01:31:33,178 --> 01:31:35,021
Oh, yeah!
2025
01:31:35,189 --> 01:31:36,385
You know, it's what...
2026
01:31:36,588 --> 01:31:37,818
Oh, shit!
2027
01:31:37,987 --> 01:31:39,389
Oh, God, that's how I feel.
2028
01:31:39,592 --> 01:31:40,857
Let me tell you some...
2029
01:31:41,657 --> 01:31:43,395
What do we do now?
2030
01:31:43,598 --> 01:31:45,191
Back out slowly.
2031
01:31:45,359 --> 01:31:47,137
Like my neighbor when I
caught him inside my wife.
2032
01:31:47,161 --> 01:31:48,634
Where are you guys going?
2033
01:31:48,803 --> 01:31:49,860
They're still together?
2034
01:31:50,029 --> 01:31:51,500
Unfortunately.
2035
01:31:51,669 --> 01:31:52,830
Ow!
2036
01:31:52,999 --> 01:31:54,901
Sorry, man. It's okay.
2037
01:31:55,104 --> 01:31:56,337
We're a throuple now.
132018
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