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All language subtitles for Scary Movie 2026 EXTENDED PSA

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:52,278 --> 00:00:53,712 Fuego del Culo. 2 00:00:53,812 --> 00:00:56,182 Girl, if it itches, it's crabs. 3 00:01:10,462 --> 00:01:12,832 Hey, girl. You want some brown liquor? 4 00:01:12,932 --> 00:01:15,101 Brown liquor don't make this pussy pop. 5 00:01:15,201 --> 00:01:17,236 Tequila it is. 6 00:01:17,336 --> 00:01:19,638 Here you go. Mm. 7 00:01:22,275 --> 00:01:24,176 ¡Viva la revolución! 8 00:01:24,277 --> 00:01:25,477 Now, that shit right there make 9 00:01:25,577 --> 00:01:27,346 my pussy pop on a handstand! 10 00:01:27,445 --> 00:01:29,148 So, what are you doing here anyway? 11 00:01:29,248 --> 00:01:31,217 What do you think I'm doing here? 12 00:01:31,317 --> 00:01:32,784 I'm starring in the opening scene. 13 00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:35,420 Been there, done that. 14 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,924 Pick up the phone! Pick up the pho-- 15 00:01:38,024 --> 00:01:39,892 Richie? Teyana. Hi. 16 00:01:39,992 --> 00:01:41,493 I thought it'd be easier for the audience 17 00:01:41,593 --> 00:01:43,428 if they didn't have to read more texts. 18 00:01:43,528 --> 00:01:45,764 Yeah, that makes sense. 'Cause you know these motherfuckers can't read. 19 00:01:45,865 --> 00:01:49,501 I know who goes to see a Wayans Brothers movie. 20 00:01:49,601 --> 00:01:51,703 Well, it's nice to phone-meet you 21 00:01:51,803 --> 00:01:53,471 in this super awkward way. 22 00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:55,141 Likewise. But I got to be honest. 23 00:01:55,241 --> 00:01:58,144 When I seen your profile pic, a bitch almost swiped left 24 00:01:58,244 --> 00:01:59,577 because you look mad goofy. 25 00:01:59,678 --> 00:02:01,113 But surprisingly, 26 00:02:01,213 --> 00:02:04,216 you know them goofy niggas got big dicks, so here we are. 27 00:02:04,317 --> 00:02:05,918 I take you for a Jersey girl. 28 00:02:06,018 --> 00:02:07,053 A Jersey girl? 29 00:02:07,153 --> 00:02:08,988 Listen, I love Jersey down. 30 00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:11,690 But I'm a Harlem girl. Born and motherfucking raised. 31 00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:13,625 Real niggas only. Yeah. 32 00:02:13,725 --> 00:02:15,828 Oh, so you're Black. 33 00:02:17,462 --> 00:02:18,730 No, motherfucker! 34 00:02:18,831 --> 00:02:20,866 I'm BLACK! 35 00:02:20,967 --> 00:02:22,201 All caps. 36 00:02:22,301 --> 00:02:24,937 No cap, but caps. 37 00:02:25,037 --> 00:02:26,705 Fuck all y'all! 38 00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:29,774 Bitch, spit them pearls back out. 39 00:02:30,709 --> 00:02:32,644 I ain't want your shit. 40 00:02:33,412 --> 00:02:35,247 Hello. So tell me, 41 00:02:35,348 --> 00:02:37,383 what's your favorite scary movie? 42 00:02:37,482 --> 00:02:39,551 Mm... I don't really do them, you know. 43 00:02:39,651 --> 00:02:40,920 All the stupid tropes and shit. 44 00:02:41,020 --> 00:02:42,721 Why is it always the white bitch at the end? 45 00:02:42,821 --> 00:02:44,723 Because they know it is too hard to kill a sista. 46 00:02:44,823 --> 00:02:46,826 Y'know what I'm sayin'? Cause if the sista can survive 47 00:02:46,926 --> 00:02:49,527 government cheese, we can survive anything. 48 00:02:51,163 --> 00:02:53,332 You know, it might help if you met me outside. 49 00:02:53,432 --> 00:02:55,667 Met you outside? Boy, you is needy! 50 00:02:56,568 --> 00:02:58,270 What's your sign? You must be a Scorpio. 51 00:02:58,371 --> 00:02:59,472 How'd you know? 52 00:02:59,571 --> 00:03:01,440 Good dick though. But toxic as hell. 53 00:03:01,539 --> 00:03:03,476 Hey, is the restaurant near an alley? 54 00:03:03,575 --> 00:03:06,278 Yes, hurry before they rob your ass. 55 00:03:06,379 --> 00:03:08,080 Roses? Ah! Not today. 56 00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:09,781 Cheap bitch. Heard you, ho. 57 00:03:09,882 --> 00:03:12,517 Okay, I'm-- I'm coming down the alley now. 58 00:03:12,617 --> 00:03:14,920 I'm here. Can you see me? I'm waving. 59 00:03:15,454 --> 00:03:16,889 No. 60 00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:19,291 The person I'm looking at is not waving. 61 00:03:19,392 --> 00:03:21,293 In fact, they're just staring at me. 62 00:03:21,394 --> 00:03:23,362 Well, stare at his ass back! 63 00:03:23,462 --> 00:03:24,897 And don't blink. Never blink. 64 00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:26,899 You got to scrunch your lips and be like, "What?" 65 00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,901 No, they're walking towards me now. 66 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:31,303 Hold on. Oh no, they have a knife! 67 00:03:31,404 --> 00:03:33,305 Well, don't lead his ass over here. 68 00:03:33,406 --> 00:03:34,473 And that's not the worst part. 69 00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:38,743 The worst part is you know so much 70 00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:41,280 about horror movies and yet you still 71 00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:44,250 walked into the alley alone. 72 00:03:44,350 --> 00:03:46,452 Yeah, well the worst part is, 73 00:03:46,551 --> 00:03:49,788 you fucking with a New York bitch. Cuckoo! 74 00:03:49,889 --> 00:03:51,090 Yeah! 75 00:03:53,459 --> 00:03:55,528 Cuckoo, cuckoo! 76 00:03:55,627 --> 00:03:57,263 Cuckoo! 77 00:04:06,172 --> 00:04:08,807 Damn! She's on some Avengers shit! 78 00:04:22,254 --> 00:04:23,389 Seriously, Larry? 79 00:04:23,489 --> 00:04:24,756 I ain't recognize your bird call. 80 00:04:24,857 --> 00:04:26,724 Thought you was going more with a-- 81 00:04:26,826 --> 00:04:29,395 That's a pigeon, nigga! Supposed to be, "Cuckoo!" 82 00:04:29,495 --> 00:04:32,764 Cuckoo! A hawk swooping in an attack! 83 00:04:33,499 --> 00:04:34,500 My bad. 84 00:04:34,599 --> 00:04:36,068 Are you done? 85 00:04:37,702 --> 00:04:38,670 What the hell? 86 00:04:41,006 --> 00:04:44,410 Bitch, I'm Teyana Taylor. My abs got abs. 87 00:04:44,510 --> 00:04:45,845 Get him! 88 00:04:45,945 --> 00:04:47,679 Ow! My arm! My arm! 89 00:04:47,779 --> 00:04:49,048 Get in there! 90 00:04:49,148 --> 00:04:51,050 Come on, guys, we can work this out. 91 00:04:55,287 --> 00:04:57,056 Somebody help me! 92 00:04:57,156 --> 00:04:58,457 Do it, Larry! 93 00:04:58,557 --> 00:05:00,292 No, no, no-- 94 00:05:01,293 --> 00:05:02,528 Hi-yah! 95 00:05:02,627 --> 00:05:04,230 Ow! Oh, God! 96 00:05:04,330 --> 00:05:05,965 All right, all right, all right, all right! 97 00:05:06,065 --> 00:05:08,200 We out. Get your hardheaded ass on. 98 00:05:09,001 --> 00:05:11,103 Welcome to New York, sucker! 99 00:05:11,203 --> 00:05:12,438 Hey, Teyana. 100 00:05:12,538 --> 00:05:13,839 You might have kicked my ass, 101 00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:16,242 but you still didn't win that Oscar. 102 00:05:16,342 --> 00:05:18,676 What you say about my Oscar? 103 00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:21,614 Did I stutter? You lost! 104 00:05:21,713 --> 00:05:22,982 You right. 105 00:05:23,082 --> 00:05:25,217 But I won that Golden Globe, bitch. 106 00:05:25,918 --> 00:05:27,685 Oh, my God! Really? 107 00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:29,355 That's why I never watched Horror Movie. 108 00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:30,788 It's fucking terrible. 109 00:05:30,890 --> 00:05:33,425 Just a bunch of celebrity cameos and fart gags. 110 00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:36,295 So, you don't like parodies? 111 00:05:36,395 --> 00:05:38,164 I'm more into Judd Apatow films. 112 00:05:38,264 --> 00:05:40,765 You know, elevated comedy. 113 00:05:40,866 --> 00:05:43,169 And what is elevated comedy? 114 00:05:43,269 --> 00:05:44,637 Mm. 115 00:05:44,736 --> 00:05:45,871 The kind that doesn't actually make anyone laugh, 116 00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,540 but makes white people feel smart. 117 00:05:49,774 --> 00:05:51,243 Tuesday, don't answer that! 118 00:05:51,343 --> 00:05:52,710 It could be Ghostface. 119 00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:54,513 Oh, come on, Elle! 120 00:05:54,613 --> 00:05:56,814 Stuff like that only happens in the movies. 121 00:05:59,418 --> 00:06:00,653 Oh, hey. 122 00:06:00,752 --> 00:06:03,055 I wasn't expecting you to answer the door. 123 00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:06,392 What the fuck? Now where is my knife? 124 00:06:06,492 --> 00:06:08,360 Ah, here it is. 125 00:06:08,460 --> 00:06:11,197 Hello, Tuesday. 126 00:06:34,819 --> 00:06:38,057 Hey, miss. 127 00:06:38,823 --> 00:06:40,226 What'd you take? 128 00:06:40,326 --> 00:06:42,127 Just Ritalin for my ADHD. 129 00:06:42,228 --> 00:06:43,596 Adderall for PTSD. 130 00:06:43,696 --> 00:06:45,797 A couple of Xanax for my anxiety. 131 00:06:45,898 --> 00:06:47,799 And your boner pills. 132 00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:51,170 So good luck getting it up now. 133 00:06:51,270 --> 00:06:54,806 Jesus, Sara, how many did you take? Do you want to touch it, baby? 134 00:06:54,907 --> 00:06:56,508 Yes, but no. Okay. Come on. You know you want it. 135 00:06:56,609 --> 00:06:58,544 Take it. Take it like a good boy. Okay. Maybe just a little bit. 136 00:06:58,644 --> 00:06:59,979 That feels really interesting. 137 00:07:00,079 --> 00:07:01,614 I'm about to bust a nut. Wow. 138 00:07:02,715 --> 00:07:04,350 Hey, Jess. Sara, 139 00:07:04,450 --> 00:07:05,817 Tuesday's in the hospital. 140 00:07:05,918 --> 00:07:09,321 She was stabbed. By a killer-- you know, Ghostface. 141 00:07:09,421 --> 00:07:10,755 Wait. From Wu-Tang? 142 00:07:10,856 --> 00:07:12,958 Why would Ghostface Killah aka Pretty Toney 143 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,227 aka Starky Love want to stab my sister? 144 00:07:15,327 --> 00:07:17,663 God, Sara, it wasn't Ghostface Killah. 145 00:07:17,762 --> 00:07:19,498 It was somebody in a Ghostface mask. 146 00:07:19,598 --> 00:07:20,666 Oh! 147 00:07:20,765 --> 00:07:22,668 Okay, that makes more sense. 148 00:07:26,438 --> 00:07:27,373 Hah! 149 00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:30,609 I ain't the one! 150 00:07:30,709 --> 00:07:32,344 Oh! 151 00:07:32,444 --> 00:07:33,445 Jesus, Jack! 152 00:07:33,545 --> 00:07:34,812 What? 153 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,915 I was thinking about wearing this for Halloween. 154 00:07:37,016 --> 00:07:38,417 My estranged flat-chested half-sister 155 00:07:38,517 --> 00:07:40,653 was nearly killed by a psycho in a ghost mask. 156 00:07:42,121 --> 00:07:44,957 I got to go see her and make up for the past. 157 00:07:45,057 --> 00:07:46,791 Whoa-- Hey, hey, hey. 158 00:07:46,892 --> 00:07:48,093 I'm going with you. 159 00:07:48,193 --> 00:07:49,828 Not because I'm the obvious killer 160 00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,230 trying to lure you back to your hometown. 161 00:07:51,330 --> 00:07:53,232 I'm just the supportive boyfriend. 162 00:07:53,332 --> 00:07:54,600 Yeah. That's all. 163 00:07:55,901 --> 00:07:57,436 Okay, let's go. Get in the car. 164 00:07:57,536 --> 00:08:00,939 Listen, we just have to make one stop on the way. 165 00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,375 I survived. 166 00:08:03,475 --> 00:08:05,678 All thanks to my lucky penny. 167 00:08:31,003 --> 00:08:34,773 I hate when y'all leave! Come give me a hug. 168 00:08:34,873 --> 00:08:37,976 Ma, come on, turn off this ratchet-ass music. 169 00:08:38,077 --> 00:08:40,679 It's embarrassing, especially for Black women. 170 00:08:40,779 --> 00:08:42,014 It's not embarrassing. 171 00:08:42,114 --> 00:08:43,849 I'm the cool ma everybody wish they had. 172 00:08:43,949 --> 00:08:45,217 I'm lit! Don't forget, 173 00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,152 I got practice later so I'll be home late. 174 00:08:47,252 --> 00:08:48,854 You only made the team because you're Black 175 00:08:48,954 --> 00:08:50,923 and those racist fucks assumed you could play. 176 00:08:51,023 --> 00:08:53,058 Mm. It's 2026. 177 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,760 I don't think race is an issue. 178 00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:56,395 Do you read Black Twitter? 179 00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:57,896 No. 180 00:08:58,364 --> 00:08:59,131 Ugh, Brad, 181 00:08:59,231 --> 00:09:01,200 are you still dating that ho? 182 00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:02,034 Okay. 183 00:09:02,134 --> 00:09:03,635 Stop ho-shaming her, heiffa. 184 00:09:03,736 --> 00:09:05,170 Just because Darrel and them 185 00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:07,172 ran a train on her doesn't make her a ho. 186 00:09:07,272 --> 00:09:10,075 She's not a "ho", she's "sex positive". 187 00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,344 Well, I'm positive she is a ho. 188 00:09:13,445 --> 00:09:15,381 Hey, girl! Look at you! 189 00:09:15,481 --> 00:09:16,782 Early for Halloween, huh? 190 00:09:16,882 --> 00:09:18,784 What you this year? Slutty schoolgirl? 191 00:09:18,884 --> 00:09:19,718 Ho-ey ho? 192 00:09:19,818 --> 00:09:21,787 Hi, Ms. Meeks. 193 00:09:21,887 --> 00:09:23,722 Love the hair. Very... 194 00:09:23,822 --> 00:09:25,391 Octavia Spencer. 195 00:09:25,491 --> 00:09:26,625 Well, thank you very much. 196 00:09:26,725 --> 00:09:28,026 I got to invite you over 197 00:09:28,127 --> 00:09:30,462 and make you a little shit pie. Ooh. 198 00:09:30,562 --> 00:09:33,532 You know what? I got to get to African American History class. 199 00:09:33,632 --> 00:09:34,767 We're learning about slavery. 200 00:09:34,868 --> 00:09:37,403 Come to find out, it was a choice. 201 00:09:37,503 --> 00:09:38,570 You see that right there? 202 00:09:39,304 --> 00:09:41,006 That's Kanye? That's right. 203 00:09:41,106 --> 00:09:43,742 They've been teaching us wrong all this time. 204 00:09:43,843 --> 00:09:44,943 Mm-hmm. Stay Black! 205 00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:47,881 Bye, Ma. All right. Bye, baby. 206 00:09:47,980 --> 00:09:49,081 Bye, Ms. Meeks. Bye. 207 00:09:49,181 --> 00:09:51,183 Son, I put some condoms in your bag! 208 00:09:51,283 --> 00:09:53,218 You know how they try to trap y'all. 209 00:09:53,318 --> 00:09:54,386 Ma! 210 00:09:56,321 --> 00:09:58,257 Okay, seriously, "Sheriff Greg", 211 00:09:58,357 --> 00:10:00,125 you don't have to walk me to class. I'm fine. 212 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:03,128 Jess, there's a serial killer on the loose. 213 00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,832 I'm not gonna let anything happen to my baby girl. 214 00:10:05,931 --> 00:10:07,933 Boy! Okay? I'm a baby boy! 215 00:10:08,033 --> 00:10:09,301 I'm sorry! 216 00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,270 I'm having a hard time with this transition. 217 00:10:11,370 --> 00:10:14,874 Okay, it's really simple. Treat me like one of the guys. 218 00:10:14,973 --> 00:10:16,141 Okay? 219 00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,777 All right. I-I can do that. Yeah. 220 00:10:18,878 --> 00:10:21,079 - Slap fight. - Oh. 221 00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:22,414 You call that a slap? 222 00:10:23,850 --> 00:10:24,884 Whew. 223 00:10:24,983 --> 00:10:26,385 What the hell did you do that for? 224 00:10:26,485 --> 00:10:29,655 Don't act like such a bitch. 225 00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:31,390 Bitch. 226 00:10:34,293 --> 00:10:36,495 Yeah, not bad. 227 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,133 Who the hell lives like this? 228 00:10:53,011 --> 00:10:55,882 Oh, honey, it is so good to see you! 229 00:10:55,981 --> 00:10:57,816 Come in! Do you want some tea? 230 00:10:57,917 --> 00:11:00,752 Oh, my God, Mother. You look like shit! 231 00:11:00,854 --> 00:11:02,321 Babe, please. 232 00:11:02,421 --> 00:11:04,022 This is clearly a woman who's run out of conditioner. 233 00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:06,358 Oh, be careful where you walk. The whole place 234 00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:07,659 is booby-trapped. 235 00:11:07,759 --> 00:11:10,028 You never know when that psycho's gonna come back. 236 00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:12,164 Come in. 237 00:11:12,264 --> 00:11:13,398 Okay. 238 00:11:22,274 --> 00:11:24,743 I hate this job. 239 00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,547 Mrs. Campbell, 240 00:11:29,181 --> 00:11:31,350 I'm Jack, Sara's boyfriend. 241 00:11:31,450 --> 00:11:33,519 I've heard so much about you... 242 00:11:33,619 --> 00:11:34,720 Uh, none of it good. 243 00:11:35,621 --> 00:11:37,957 I have heard nothing about you, Jack. 244 00:11:38,056 --> 00:11:39,658 I assume you're a piece of shit. 245 00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:42,996 But how would I know when I haven't heard from my daughter 246 00:11:43,095 --> 00:11:44,796 in, what, six months? 247 00:11:44,898 --> 00:11:46,632 Six years, Mother. 248 00:11:46,732 --> 00:11:48,300 And whose fault is that? 249 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,069 "And whose fault is that?" I don't know, maybe it's yours! 250 00:11:51,570 --> 00:11:52,638 That's fair. 251 00:11:52,738 --> 00:11:55,807 We want to learn from the horror you survived. 252 00:11:55,909 --> 00:11:56,775 Look... 253 00:11:56,876 --> 00:11:58,810 Scary Movie 3 and 4 254 00:11:58,912 --> 00:12:00,379 paid me a lot of money for a girl-- 255 00:12:00,479 --> 00:12:02,481 There is nothing to learn there. 256 00:12:02,581 --> 00:12:05,517 But if you want to talk about The House Bunny, shoot. 257 00:12:05,617 --> 00:12:07,119 It's happening again! 258 00:12:07,219 --> 00:12:10,924 Some asshole in a mask. We have to stop him. 259 00:12:11,024 --> 00:12:13,026 You're not ready, lovebug. 260 00:12:13,125 --> 00:12:16,061 I have been preparing for this for years. 261 00:12:16,161 --> 00:12:18,096 Sacrificed everything. 262 00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:21,233 You were a terrible mother. Come on, honey 263 00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:23,168 we had some good times. 264 00:12:23,268 --> 00:12:27,172 Like that Christmas I took you to meet Santa at the mall. 265 00:12:36,748 --> 00:12:37,683 Move! 266 00:12:38,150 --> 00:12:39,718 Hi, Santa. 267 00:12:39,818 --> 00:12:43,022 Sorry if I don't sit in your lap. 268 00:12:43,121 --> 00:12:44,456 You creep me out. 269 00:12:52,164 --> 00:12:53,298 Mom? 270 00:12:53,933 --> 00:12:55,969 Santa gave me a severed arm! 271 00:12:56,069 --> 00:12:58,103 Be sure to thank him. 272 00:13:04,676 --> 00:13:06,678 Is that a foot? 273 00:13:06,778 --> 00:13:08,280 Ew, that's gross. 274 00:13:09,781 --> 00:13:10,883 What the fuck? 275 00:13:13,019 --> 00:13:15,088 I am sorry 276 00:13:15,187 --> 00:13:18,024 if that's how you found out Santa doesn't exist. 277 00:13:18,123 --> 00:13:19,926 Ugh, Mother, I need your help! 278 00:13:20,026 --> 00:13:23,595 To heal our emotional wounds and put the past behind us? 279 00:13:23,695 --> 00:13:25,263 Oh, God, no. 280 00:13:25,364 --> 00:13:27,967 No, to kill Ghostface! 281 00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:29,701 Do you have any guns? 282 00:13:31,004 --> 00:13:33,705 I am Cindy fucking Campbell. 283 00:13:33,805 --> 00:13:35,540 I've got millions of guns! 284 00:13:35,641 --> 00:13:36,375 But, um, 285 00:13:36,475 --> 00:13:38,176 none of them are registered 286 00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:40,379 due to my mental health issues. 287 00:13:40,479 --> 00:13:44,249 So, if you could just keep that on the low-- 288 00:13:44,349 --> 00:13:46,318 - Okay. - Oh! 289 00:13:46,418 --> 00:13:47,987 Yeah, I'm gonna be fine. 290 00:13:48,087 --> 00:13:49,554 I didn't hurt myself on any of these spikes. 291 00:13:58,031 --> 00:13:59,932 Oh, hey, so I spoke to Sara earlier. 292 00:14:00,033 --> 00:14:01,333 Oh, is she coming? You know, 293 00:14:01,433 --> 00:14:02,935 I did hear a buzzing sound. 294 00:14:03,036 --> 00:14:04,569 So it's possible. No. 295 00:14:04,670 --> 00:14:07,706 I meant to Woodsville, dumbass. Oh. Yeah, I forgot to ask. 296 00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,241 Hey, Jimbo! Go deep! 297 00:14:09,341 --> 00:14:10,475 Yeah, yeah! Throw it, throw it! 298 00:14:10,575 --> 00:14:12,244 Oh! 299 00:14:12,344 --> 00:14:13,679 Sweet! 300 00:14:14,212 --> 00:14:15,547 Speaking of going deep... 301 00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:17,616 Uh, I don't know if it's a good time. 302 00:14:17,716 --> 00:14:19,384 Everyone knows what happens to teenagers 303 00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,087 who try to make love when there's a killer on the loose. 304 00:14:21,186 --> 00:14:22,654 Brad's right about one thing, guys. 305 00:14:22,754 --> 00:14:25,357 Okay, Ghostface is back. We need to arm up. 306 00:14:25,457 --> 00:14:28,061 Pepper spray, check. 307 00:14:28,161 --> 00:14:29,929 Taser, check. 308 00:14:30,029 --> 00:14:31,496 Butt plug, 309 00:14:31,596 --> 00:14:33,166 double check. 310 00:14:33,265 --> 00:14:34,332 Goddamn! 311 00:14:34,433 --> 00:14:36,201 You just carry that thing around? 312 00:14:36,301 --> 00:14:37,937 It's easy to hide. 313 00:14:41,074 --> 00:14:43,608 In your butt. 314 00:14:44,110 --> 00:14:45,577 I'm impressed. 315 00:14:54,921 --> 00:14:58,490 What's up, y'all? I'm back! 316 00:14:59,959 --> 00:15:00,960 Shit, son! 317 00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:03,029 Hey, what's up, Unc? "Unc"? 318 00:15:03,129 --> 00:15:05,630 I'm tired of you little Gen Z Alpha niggas 319 00:15:05,731 --> 00:15:07,967 using terms like "unc" and "auntie". 320 00:15:08,067 --> 00:15:10,469 Gaslighting and glazing and glamping, 321 00:15:10,569 --> 00:15:12,504 trying to make my generation sound old. 322 00:15:12,604 --> 00:15:14,173 I ain't your damn unc, nigga! 323 00:15:14,272 --> 00:15:16,541 Shorty, you're our mother's brother, so, yeah, 324 00:15:16,641 --> 00:15:18,310 technically, you are our uncle. 325 00:15:18,410 --> 00:15:21,279 Oh. My bad. 326 00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:23,916 Crazy that they let you teach here. 327 00:15:24,016 --> 00:15:26,485 Teach? Nah, nigga. 328 00:15:26,585 --> 00:15:27,719 I attend. 329 00:15:27,819 --> 00:15:31,891 You looking at a proud 25th-year senior. 330 00:15:31,991 --> 00:15:34,994 As a matter of fact, nigga, you were in my Sex Ed class. 331 00:15:35,094 --> 00:15:37,130 Boy, you're really smart. 332 00:15:37,230 --> 00:15:39,065 You know a lot about penises. 333 00:15:39,165 --> 00:15:42,334 You should be like, like a veterinarian, 334 00:15:42,434 --> 00:15:43,903 but for dick. 335 00:15:44,803 --> 00:15:46,738 When are you finally gonna graduate? 336 00:15:46,839 --> 00:15:49,108 By the time we do a sequel and I got to follow you little young niggas 337 00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:50,275 to college to get my check. 338 00:15:50,375 --> 00:15:52,211 Wait, guys. Tuesday's awake! 339 00:15:52,344 --> 00:15:54,546 All right! Tuesday! Who the fuck is Tuesday? 340 00:15:54,646 --> 00:15:55,781 Hey, we gotta go to the hospital. 341 00:15:55,882 --> 00:15:58,683 You gonna take the bus home? No. The PJ. 342 00:15:58,784 --> 00:16:00,219 Private jet? 343 00:16:00,318 --> 00:16:01,319 Yeah. Jealous? 344 00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:02,754 Man, you smoke weed all day. 345 00:16:02,855 --> 00:16:05,390 Just play video games, you live-stream. 346 00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:06,792 You literally got money doing nothing. 347 00:16:06,893 --> 00:16:10,295 Exactly. I leave the hard work for the old heads. 348 00:16:10,395 --> 00:16:11,998 Shit, son! 349 00:16:13,331 --> 00:16:15,467 Still the same Shorty. Aight. 350 00:16:15,567 --> 00:16:17,236 Check my crypto, nigga. 351 00:16:17,335 --> 00:16:19,205 Aw, shit, I'm up three million dollars! 352 00:16:21,073 --> 00:16:23,276 Damn, now I'm down five million. 353 00:16:23,375 --> 00:16:25,878 This shit crazy, son. 354 00:17:00,712 --> 00:17:01,446 Ray! 355 00:17:01,546 --> 00:17:03,415 Sister Brenda, it's okay. 356 00:17:03,515 --> 00:17:05,684 You heard the call of sin, yes, you did. 357 00:17:05,784 --> 00:17:07,153 But the Lord has called on us 358 00:17:07,253 --> 00:17:09,889 to show men such like you the way. 359 00:17:09,989 --> 00:17:12,892 Come on, son! Come with us. 360 00:17:12,992 --> 00:17:14,359 Come on us. 361 00:17:14,459 --> 00:17:17,296 God see you coming. So don't cheat that come. 362 00:17:17,395 --> 00:17:21,433 We need you to come like you never came before. 363 00:17:21,533 --> 00:17:23,401 Come for the Father, come for the Son. 364 00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:25,737 I'ma hold your hand and we gonna come together. 365 00:17:25,838 --> 00:17:28,440 - God is good, man! - Yes, sir. 366 00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:29,674 Thank you, Jesus. 367 00:17:29,774 --> 00:17:30,475 Amen. 368 00:17:30,575 --> 00:17:31,476 Hallelujah. 369 00:17:31,576 --> 00:17:32,945 There you go. 370 00:17:33,045 --> 00:17:38,251 In the name of God, let it go, Ray! Let it go! 371 00:17:38,351 --> 00:17:39,185 Nigga! 372 00:17:39,285 --> 00:17:41,320 Oh, my bad. 373 00:17:41,419 --> 00:17:42,787 Last time. 374 00:17:45,557 --> 00:17:49,328 Let's welcome a new member to our congre-gay-tion. 375 00:17:49,427 --> 00:17:50,795 Let the people know 376 00:17:50,897 --> 00:17:53,199 how you feel, brother. There you go. 377 00:17:57,669 --> 00:18:00,106 I'm not gay no more. 378 00:18:00,206 --> 00:18:03,109 Hallelujah! 379 00:18:03,209 --> 00:18:04,076 Yes, sir! 380 00:18:04,176 --> 00:18:05,443 I'm not gay no more! 381 00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:06,979 Praise the lord! 382 00:18:07,079 --> 00:18:08,413 I'm not gay no more! 383 00:18:08,513 --> 00:18:10,016 He not gay no more. 384 00:18:10,116 --> 00:18:12,318 I've been delivered! 385 00:18:12,417 --> 00:18:14,552 I'll no longer date a mans! 386 00:18:14,653 --> 00:18:15,888 Even if he's sexy as hell 387 00:18:15,988 --> 00:18:18,556 with a big old chesteses and perky areolas! 388 00:18:18,657 --> 00:18:20,026 Oh, yeah, you still got a secret. 389 00:18:20,126 --> 00:18:23,930 I'll no longer carry a purse, put on makeup, 390 00:18:24,030 --> 00:18:24,997 walk around in high heels. 391 00:18:25,097 --> 00:18:26,399 What? 392 00:18:26,498 --> 00:18:28,700 Red bottoms. The one with the cute little buckle 393 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,468 on the side. Those is my shoes. 394 00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:34,407 I'll no longer go on Grindr and swipe right 395 00:18:34,506 --> 00:18:36,275 at Black mens... Hmm? 396 00:18:36,375 --> 00:18:38,411 ...white mens, Asian mens. 397 00:18:38,510 --> 00:18:40,779 You been on Grindr? I'll no longer take trips 398 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,715 to the Philippines looking for ladyboys. 399 00:18:43,815 --> 00:18:46,919 To Phuket. Ko Samui. Back to Phuket. 400 00:18:47,019 --> 00:18:49,388 Then to Vietnam to see if I can get them any cheaper. 401 00:18:49,487 --> 00:18:51,589 I thought that was for our anniversary, Ray. 402 00:18:51,690 --> 00:18:53,525 Oh, this nigga got a lot of miles. 403 00:18:53,625 --> 00:18:55,794 I'll no longer stand butt naked in a mirror 404 00:18:55,895 --> 00:18:57,897 with my penis tucked between my legs... 405 00:18:57,997 --> 00:19:00,765 ...dancing like the dude from Silence of the Lambs. 406 00:19:00,866 --> 00:19:02,868 "It puts the lotion in the basket, Precious." 407 00:19:02,969 --> 00:19:05,972 I'm a changed man! I've been delivered! 408 00:19:06,072 --> 00:19:07,873 Shit. I will! 409 00:19:07,974 --> 00:19:09,541 I said I will! 410 00:19:09,641 --> 00:19:12,244 I will love a woman! 411 00:19:13,678 --> 00:19:14,679 Womans, womans, womans! 412 00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,648 You can take that "W-O" off. 413 00:19:16,748 --> 00:19:18,117 Womans, womans, womans! 414 00:19:18,217 --> 00:19:20,386 Mens-es, mens-es, mens-es. 415 00:19:20,485 --> 00:19:22,754 Womans-- 416 00:19:26,125 --> 00:19:27,893 No, no. No, no, Ray. No, no. 417 00:19:34,467 --> 00:19:35,968 Gulp, gulp, gulp. 418 00:19:36,068 --> 00:19:38,304 Whoa, nigga. 419 00:19:38,404 --> 00:19:40,272 Hawk tuah, hawk tuah, hawk tuah! 420 00:19:40,373 --> 00:19:41,941 You hocking on it? 421 00:19:42,041 --> 00:19:44,010 I've been delivered! 422 00:20:12,737 --> 00:20:15,673 Tuesday, Tuesday. 423 00:20:16,308 --> 00:20:18,144 Oh, my God. 424 00:20:18,244 --> 00:20:20,246 Her face. All contorted. 425 00:20:20,346 --> 00:20:22,081 Oh, my God, and the moaning. 426 00:20:28,154 --> 00:20:30,523 I've been trying to get that out for an hour. 427 00:20:30,622 --> 00:20:32,624 How you feeling, Tues? 428 00:20:32,724 --> 00:20:35,061 Hey, what are they giving you for the pain? Is that-- 429 00:20:35,161 --> 00:20:37,396 Is that morphine or...? 430 00:20:37,496 --> 00:20:39,498 Bitch. Let's see. 431 00:20:41,434 --> 00:20:43,568 Oh, yeah! 432 00:20:43,668 --> 00:20:46,704 Oh, this that good, good. 433 00:20:46,805 --> 00:20:48,307 This that Britney Spears shit. 434 00:20:48,407 --> 00:20:49,607 Makes me want to get half-naked, 435 00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:52,078 dance around and juggle some knives. 436 00:20:52,178 --> 00:20:54,612 Sara, who's that Jeffrey Dahmer look-a-like? 437 00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:57,483 Oh. This is my boyfriend, Jack. 438 00:20:57,582 --> 00:20:59,784 Really nice to meet you. 439 00:21:00,553 --> 00:21:01,887 Looks like Ted Bundy to me. 440 00:21:01,987 --> 00:21:04,423 But that ain't none of my business. 441 00:21:04,523 --> 00:21:06,525 Mm-hmm. Mm! 442 00:21:06,624 --> 00:21:08,626 This little stabbed-up bitch here needs some rest. 443 00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:11,063 So y'all get the fuck out! 444 00:21:11,163 --> 00:21:12,164 Yes, ma'am. 445 00:21:13,065 --> 00:21:14,632 Oh, not you, Sara. 446 00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:17,103 Why? What did I do? 447 00:21:18,003 --> 00:21:19,905 I'm so scared. 448 00:21:20,005 --> 00:21:23,542 Oh, Tues, you should be. 449 00:21:23,641 --> 00:21:26,412 You've been stabbed nine times. 450 00:21:26,512 --> 00:21:28,713 And the killer knows where you live. 451 00:21:28,813 --> 00:21:31,250 I would invite you to come stay at my place, but 452 00:21:31,350 --> 00:21:34,220 I don't really want that kind of juju in my house. 453 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:35,488 For all we know, 454 00:21:35,588 --> 00:21:37,890 he's standing right outside that door. 455 00:21:43,229 --> 00:21:45,397 That's comforting, Sara. 456 00:21:45,498 --> 00:21:46,731 I thought I was gonna die. 457 00:21:46,832 --> 00:21:48,901 I know, me too! 458 00:21:49,001 --> 00:21:51,470 I planned your funeral. 459 00:21:51,570 --> 00:21:54,240 What the hell? And I wrote your obituary. 460 00:21:54,340 --> 00:21:56,275 More like ChatGPT wrote it. 461 00:21:56,375 --> 00:21:57,576 But you're still here. 462 00:21:57,675 --> 00:22:00,146 And I will never let anyone hurt you. 463 00:22:01,614 --> 00:22:04,250 Oh, yum! Ice chips! 464 00:22:04,350 --> 00:22:05,717 Oh, God! 465 00:22:05,817 --> 00:22:07,553 Get off me! 466 00:22:09,455 --> 00:22:10,688 Help! 467 00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:12,525 This white girl can't die on my shift! 468 00:22:12,625 --> 00:22:13,993 I'm a DEI hire! 469 00:22:14,093 --> 00:22:16,761 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! She was fine a second ago. 470 00:22:16,862 --> 00:22:19,198 No! No, I'm good! I'm good! Clear! 471 00:22:19,298 --> 00:22:21,000 Again! 472 00:22:21,100 --> 00:22:23,569 Come on, white bitch, I need this job! Clear! 473 00:22:23,668 --> 00:22:25,504 It's not working! Clear! 474 00:22:25,604 --> 00:22:28,274 We're losing her. 475 00:22:28,374 --> 00:22:29,875 Harder! 476 00:22:33,012 --> 00:22:34,346 Oh, boy. 477 00:22:34,446 --> 00:22:36,248 Look like there ain't nothing left 478 00:22:36,348 --> 00:22:38,851 but thoughts, prayers and pork rinds. 479 00:22:39,585 --> 00:22:40,685 Dear Lord. 480 00:22:40,785 --> 00:22:42,754 Nurse Ratchett, check out the wire! 481 00:22:42,855 --> 00:22:45,291 The Wire was the shit, baby. That's my show. 482 00:22:45,391 --> 00:22:47,126 Drugs and that Idris Elba 483 00:22:47,226 --> 00:22:49,528 make this coochie want to pop, pop, pop! 484 00:22:49,628 --> 00:22:51,830 Dear Lord, please 485 00:22:51,931 --> 00:22:53,499 accept this white bitch's-- 486 00:22:53,599 --> 00:22:55,134 Oh! 487 00:22:55,234 --> 00:22:57,735 The Lord works in mysterious ways. 488 00:22:58,437 --> 00:22:59,572 I'm going on break. 489 00:22:59,672 --> 00:23:01,407 Oh, Tues. 490 00:23:01,507 --> 00:23:02,875 I will never let anyone 491 00:23:02,975 --> 00:23:05,644 hurt you again. Mm-mm. 492 00:23:09,348 --> 00:23:10,782 Ooh! My bad. 493 00:23:22,628 --> 00:23:23,761 Hello? 494 00:23:23,862 --> 00:23:26,332 Hello, Sara. 495 00:23:26,432 --> 00:23:27,833 Who is this? 496 00:23:27,933 --> 00:23:31,570 Someone who knows your little secret. 497 00:23:31,670 --> 00:23:34,340 No, no, I swear that wasn't a Nazi salute! 498 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:35,807 Okay? I won Prom Queen 499 00:23:35,908 --> 00:23:37,876 and I was-- I was throwing my heart to the crowd! 500 00:23:37,977 --> 00:23:42,681 No, I'm talking about your family secret. 501 00:23:44,049 --> 00:23:47,019 Oh, you're the fuck who hurt my sister. 502 00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:49,121 Well, I had to get you to come back here. 503 00:23:49,221 --> 00:23:51,857 Listen, if you want to fuck with me, asshole, 504 00:23:51,957 --> 00:23:53,525 then come and get me! 505 00:23:53,626 --> 00:23:55,094 With pleasure. 506 00:23:58,564 --> 00:24:01,367 Help! 507 00:24:01,467 --> 00:24:03,369 Somebody help! 508 00:24:03,469 --> 00:24:06,372 Please, somebody help! 509 00:24:07,139 --> 00:24:08,607 Bitch! 510 00:24:08,707 --> 00:24:10,175 This the break room. 511 00:24:10,276 --> 00:24:11,210 Mm-hmm. 512 00:24:11,310 --> 00:24:12,344 We on break. 513 00:24:12,444 --> 00:24:14,079 - Oh, God. - Preach. 514 00:24:20,419 --> 00:24:21,920 Take that! 515 00:24:22,021 --> 00:24:24,056 Oof! 516 00:24:25,524 --> 00:24:26,824 Please, save me! 517 00:24:26,925 --> 00:24:29,662 I've been saving people all day! 518 00:24:29,762 --> 00:24:31,530 So you handle yours. 519 00:24:31,630 --> 00:24:33,198 I'll be right over here 520 00:24:33,299 --> 00:24:36,435 eating my falafel and my pork rinds. 521 00:24:36,535 --> 00:24:38,504 I look like your mama? 522 00:24:40,139 --> 00:24:43,275 - Try me now! - Break's over. 523 00:24:49,648 --> 00:24:51,150 You're welcome. 524 00:24:53,719 --> 00:24:57,323 It really looks like you got hit with something hard. Like metal. 525 00:24:57,423 --> 00:24:59,458 I told you, I fell. 526 00:24:59,558 --> 00:25:03,862 Now where exactly are we going? To talk to an expert. 527 00:25:15,541 --> 00:25:16,742 Go away! 528 00:25:16,842 --> 00:25:18,410 I'm so sorry to bother you. We just-- 529 00:25:18,510 --> 00:25:20,045 We just want to ask you a few questions. 530 00:25:20,145 --> 00:25:21,847 Give me one good reason 531 00:25:21,947 --> 00:25:23,382 why I should talk to you. 532 00:25:23,482 --> 00:25:24,616 I'm white. 533 00:25:24,717 --> 00:25:26,452 How white? Oh, I'm talking 534 00:25:26,552 --> 00:25:28,120 Candace Owens white. 535 00:25:28,954 --> 00:25:30,689 Oh. Six feet. 536 00:25:30,789 --> 00:25:31,924 When you said expert, I assumed you meant 537 00:25:32,024 --> 00:25:33,425 more like Neil deGrasse Tyson or-- 538 00:25:33,525 --> 00:25:34,526 Shut up. 539 00:25:34,626 --> 00:25:35,994 I'm Sara Campbell. 540 00:25:36,095 --> 00:25:38,364 I was attacked last night. I think you should leave. 541 00:25:38,464 --> 00:25:41,133 I don't want to get stabbed. And I don't want Covid, okay? 542 00:25:41,233 --> 00:25:42,768 Please, come on. Just-- Let's go. 543 00:25:42,868 --> 00:25:44,136 Just two minutes, that's all I'm asking. 544 00:25:44,236 --> 00:25:45,437 No. No. 545 00:25:45,537 --> 00:25:47,072 I'll give you eight minutes. 546 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:49,908 And another thing. 547 00:25:50,008 --> 00:25:52,544 I got to test you for Covid. 548 00:25:54,346 --> 00:25:55,581 Ohh! 549 00:25:55,681 --> 00:25:56,782 Ahh... 550 00:25:56,882 --> 00:25:58,250 You guys are good. 551 00:25:58,350 --> 00:26:00,185 When did the work week become the "woke week"? 552 00:26:00,285 --> 00:26:03,355 We've got Black Friday. What's next, Mulatto Monday? 553 00:26:03,455 --> 00:26:05,124 I mean, Yellow Thursday? 554 00:26:05,224 --> 00:26:07,826 Tan Tuesday? Come on. 555 00:26:10,162 --> 00:26:11,697 Let me get this out of your way. 556 00:26:11,797 --> 00:26:13,232 Oh! Sorry. 557 00:26:15,467 --> 00:26:17,736 Oh, you, uh, have a cat. 558 00:26:17,837 --> 00:26:19,371 I don't have a cat. 559 00:26:22,441 --> 00:26:23,642 Gail has cats. 560 00:26:23,742 --> 00:26:25,644 You know, she's got really nice cats. Oh, no. 561 00:26:25,744 --> 00:26:27,312 A nice pussycat. 562 00:26:27,413 --> 00:26:29,515 Sometimes it can be a little stinky. 563 00:26:29,615 --> 00:26:31,683 Oh! Covid tests are done. 564 00:26:32,718 --> 00:26:34,219 Yup! You're good. 565 00:26:36,088 --> 00:26:37,656 You're Cindy's daughter, right? 566 00:26:37,756 --> 00:26:39,191 Yeah. Yeah. 567 00:26:39,291 --> 00:26:42,995 I don't know him. This is Jack. My love interest. 568 00:26:43,095 --> 00:26:44,396 No! No, no, no. 569 00:26:44,496 --> 00:26:47,867 Rule Number One of surviving a horror movie is, 570 00:26:47,966 --> 00:26:50,335 "Never trust the love interest." 571 00:26:50,436 --> 00:26:51,537 Look at him! 572 00:26:51,637 --> 00:26:55,274 He's got that weird lazy eye, poking one way 573 00:26:55,374 --> 00:26:58,677 and then he's drooling like a psychopath. 574 00:26:58,777 --> 00:27:00,646 He's got that stump leg. 575 00:27:00,746 --> 00:27:03,048 Makes him all walk weird and creepy. 576 00:27:03,148 --> 00:27:05,951 I don't have a stump. Well, that guy does. 577 00:27:06,051 --> 00:27:09,254 Oh, I'm looking at me. 578 00:27:09,354 --> 00:27:12,791 Special Officer Doofy. Retired. 579 00:27:12,892 --> 00:27:15,895 Listen, Doofy, we could really use your help. 580 00:27:15,994 --> 00:27:18,063 No. I can't go back to that life. 581 00:27:18,163 --> 00:27:20,732 Plus, we're in the middle of a global pandemic! 582 00:27:20,834 --> 00:27:22,167 Okay, I hate to break it to you, 583 00:27:22,267 --> 00:27:24,938 but Covid has been over for, like, years. 584 00:27:25,037 --> 00:27:27,005 Hmm. Really? 585 00:27:27,105 --> 00:27:28,474 - Yeah. - Yeah. 586 00:27:30,910 --> 00:27:32,344 Damn it! 587 00:27:32,444 --> 00:27:35,414 What am I gonna do with all this canned meat? 588 00:27:36,582 --> 00:27:39,685 Get out! I don't want Ghostface to find me. 589 00:27:39,785 --> 00:27:41,253 And don't come back! 590 00:27:53,833 --> 00:27:55,400 It's the sound of the police. 591 00:28:00,439 --> 00:28:03,943 Special Officer Doofy, reporting for duty. 592 00:28:04,042 --> 00:28:06,778 Okay, just because he showered doesn't mean that-- 593 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:08,046 No, I didn't shower. 594 00:28:08,146 --> 00:28:10,382 I just take water from my mouth and-- 595 00:28:10,482 --> 00:28:12,451 You want some? Okay. No, that's okay. 596 00:28:12,551 --> 00:28:14,888 Come on, Doofy. Yeah, let's do it. 597 00:28:14,988 --> 00:28:17,089 Watch your step. Okay. I'm watching. 598 00:28:35,741 --> 00:28:38,243 Brain freeze! 599 00:28:51,590 --> 00:28:53,425 Sara, is your ghetto-ass mom coming 600 00:28:53,525 --> 00:28:55,028 or can we start talking about this plot? 601 00:28:55,127 --> 00:28:57,229 Uh... 602 00:28:59,298 --> 00:29:00,465 Hi. 603 00:29:00,566 --> 00:29:01,800 You came. 604 00:29:01,901 --> 00:29:03,702 Not in, like, 15 years, honey. 605 00:29:03,802 --> 00:29:06,204 But I did buy this new rose, 606 00:29:06,305 --> 00:29:08,240 so fingers crossed. 607 00:29:11,710 --> 00:29:13,211 Oh. 608 00:29:13,312 --> 00:29:14,513 Oh! 609 00:29:14,613 --> 00:29:16,782 Oh, my old friend! 610 00:29:16,883 --> 00:29:19,184 You taught me how to dance. 611 00:29:19,284 --> 00:29:21,988 How to make a high N-word pie. 612 00:29:22,087 --> 00:29:24,489 Nigga, I'm right in back of you. 613 00:29:24,590 --> 00:29:25,190 Shorty! 614 00:29:25,290 --> 00:29:26,725 What's up, Cindy? 615 00:29:26,825 --> 00:29:28,928 How you doing? My nigga. 616 00:29:29,028 --> 00:29:31,430 Shit, son! 617 00:29:32,531 --> 00:29:33,599 I love the hair. 618 00:29:33,699 --> 00:29:36,535 It's very Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler. 619 00:29:36,635 --> 00:29:37,870 Yeah. 620 00:29:37,971 --> 00:29:39,571 I can't believe you thought I was dead. 621 00:29:39,671 --> 00:29:42,407 Well, between cancer from the weed smoke, 622 00:29:42,507 --> 00:29:45,011 your love of the McRib and racist cops, 623 00:29:45,110 --> 00:29:46,445 I didn't think you had a chance. 624 00:29:46,545 --> 00:29:48,780 Yeah, that's a terrible combination. 625 00:29:49,381 --> 00:29:51,783 Hi, Cin. Stop smiling at me! 626 00:29:54,686 --> 00:29:56,089 Shit! WorldStar! 627 00:29:56,188 --> 00:29:58,123 WorldStar! WorldStar! 628 00:29:58,223 --> 00:30:00,459 Hey, he's intellectually disabled! 629 00:30:00,559 --> 00:30:02,728 That's just how he looks, you drunk honky. 630 00:30:02,829 --> 00:30:03,997 Hey, hey, hey! 631 00:30:04,097 --> 00:30:05,697 Don't call that white bitch a honky. 632 00:30:05,797 --> 00:30:06,966 C'mon, have some respect. 633 00:30:07,066 --> 00:30:09,869 I keep seeing people smiling everywhere. 634 00:30:09,969 --> 00:30:11,336 I'm not very likable, 635 00:30:11,436 --> 00:30:13,438 so it must be some kind of curse. 636 00:30:13,538 --> 00:30:15,574 Hey, everybody! She's high. 637 00:30:15,674 --> 00:30:16,876 Look what I got. 638 00:30:16,976 --> 00:30:18,543 Non-branded gelatin shots 639 00:30:18,644 --> 00:30:21,047 made with grain alcohol and GHB. 640 00:30:21,179 --> 00:30:22,347 So ain't nobody sipping nothing 641 00:30:22,447 --> 00:30:24,050 they didn't consent to like last time, 642 00:30:24,149 --> 00:30:25,250 which I apologize. Mm-hmm. 643 00:30:25,350 --> 00:30:27,053 Take one. I love roofying myself. 644 00:30:28,353 --> 00:30:29,122 No, Ma. No, Mama. You sure, baby? 645 00:30:29,221 --> 00:30:30,489 Hi, Brenda. 646 00:30:30,589 --> 00:30:32,658 Please do not call me by my government name. 647 00:30:32,758 --> 00:30:34,593 Call me Ma. 648 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:36,261 Cindy! 649 00:30:36,361 --> 00:30:37,864 Oh, my God! 650 00:30:38,831 --> 00:30:39,798 You dropped the tray. 651 00:30:39,899 --> 00:30:41,067 Oh, my God, Cindy, 652 00:30:41,166 --> 00:30:43,036 I haven't seen you in forever! 653 00:30:43,136 --> 00:30:45,872 My God, look at you! You look the same! 654 00:30:45,972 --> 00:30:47,305 Minus the crow's feet. 655 00:30:47,406 --> 00:30:49,541 And your hair is so dry. 656 00:30:49,641 --> 00:30:52,511 Oh, and your titties dropped so far. 657 00:30:52,611 --> 00:30:55,447 Other than that, you look the exact same. 658 00:30:55,547 --> 00:30:57,315 What have you been up to? 659 00:30:57,416 --> 00:30:59,484 Oh, you know, neglecting my children 660 00:30:59,584 --> 00:31:02,989 so I can prepare to kill Ghostface should he ever return. 661 00:31:03,089 --> 00:31:04,456 What about you? 662 00:31:04,556 --> 00:31:06,926 Well, I been mostly just getting high school kids drunk 663 00:31:07,026 --> 00:31:08,360 in a desperate attempt to stay young 664 00:31:08,460 --> 00:31:09,594 and keep my kids at home. 665 00:31:09,695 --> 00:31:11,296 I always knew you'd be a great mom. 666 00:31:11,396 --> 00:31:12,597 Oh, Cindy! 667 00:31:12,698 --> 00:31:14,867 Should we hug? Oh, I really want to, 668 00:31:14,967 --> 00:31:18,270 but I'm a Republican now so I'm supposed to be racist. 669 00:31:18,370 --> 00:31:21,007 Oh, girl, I think all white people are racist anyway. 670 00:31:21,107 --> 00:31:22,207 Come here. Okay. 671 00:31:22,307 --> 00:31:24,177 Mm! Oh! 672 00:31:24,276 --> 00:31:27,146 You want a shot? Yeah? Here. Oh, yes, yes, please. 673 00:31:27,245 --> 00:31:29,414 You know, Ma, this place could be so cool 674 00:31:29,514 --> 00:31:32,118 if you had, like, a-a beer pong table over there, 675 00:31:32,217 --> 00:31:33,518 and maybe, like, a snack wall. 676 00:31:33,618 --> 00:31:35,253 What you know about cool? When I was your age, 677 00:31:35,353 --> 00:31:37,823 I was popping bottles with Puffy, Puff Daddy, 678 00:31:37,924 --> 00:31:39,158 P. Diddy, Diddy. 679 00:31:39,257 --> 00:31:40,726 All the Seans. 680 00:31:40,826 --> 00:31:43,595 That didn't age well. Your momma was the freak 681 00:31:43,695 --> 00:31:44,496 in the freak-offs. 682 00:31:44,596 --> 00:31:46,165 Shit, son! 683 00:31:46,264 --> 00:31:47,532 You want to see something cool? 684 00:31:47,632 --> 00:31:50,335 I'ma show you something cool. 685 00:31:57,176 --> 00:31:58,343 God, that's cool. 686 00:31:58,443 --> 00:31:59,644 What are you doing? 687 00:31:59,745 --> 00:32:00,378 What? 688 00:32:00,479 --> 00:32:01,713 No, not like that. 689 00:32:01,813 --> 00:32:02,581 Like this. 690 00:32:02,681 --> 00:32:04,217 Oh, yeah. 691 00:32:04,316 --> 00:32:06,986 I don't know why y'all acting so scared. 692 00:32:07,086 --> 00:32:08,187 The gun ain't even loaded. 693 00:32:08,286 --> 00:32:09,688 Shit! 694 00:32:09,788 --> 00:32:11,924 Oh, shit, son! 695 00:32:12,524 --> 00:32:14,193 Uh-oh. I did it again. 696 00:32:17,462 --> 00:32:19,264 I always forget that last one in the chamber. 697 00:32:19,364 --> 00:32:20,332 Help me move this body. 698 00:32:20,432 --> 00:32:21,600 Yeah, you got it. 699 00:32:21,700 --> 00:32:23,035 That was fun. 700 00:32:23,136 --> 00:32:24,469 Oh, so, what are you doing 701 00:32:24,569 --> 00:32:27,006 - after this? - I want to go to Cabo. 702 00:32:27,106 --> 00:32:28,740 Oh, I love Cabo! 703 00:32:28,841 --> 00:32:30,542 You know what? 704 00:32:30,642 --> 00:32:32,778 I used to put cocaine up my hoo-hah and travel there all the time. 705 00:32:32,879 --> 00:32:35,647 Well, that's because you're so smart. Yeah. 706 00:32:41,020 --> 00:32:41,954 Oh. 707 00:32:43,455 --> 00:32:46,358 All right. Let's get back to the plot. 708 00:32:46,458 --> 00:32:48,227 I'm looking at you, Ted Bundy eyes. 709 00:32:48,326 --> 00:32:49,528 Looking like a school shooter. 710 00:32:49,628 --> 00:32:50,595 I think you the killer. 711 00:32:50,695 --> 00:32:52,064 - Oh, me? - Mm-hmm. 712 00:32:52,165 --> 00:32:53,765 Okay, what about Deputy Doofy over there? 713 00:32:53,866 --> 00:32:57,203 I-I don't have a motive. You know, what's my motive? 714 00:32:57,302 --> 00:32:58,838 You were the killer in the first movie. 715 00:32:58,938 --> 00:33:01,573 Shouldn't you be locked up? No, I got pardoned. 716 00:33:01,673 --> 00:33:04,911 Mostly because of the storming the Capitol, you know. 717 00:33:05,011 --> 00:33:06,678 Oh. I got proof. 718 00:33:06,778 --> 00:33:09,381 - This is me. And it's framed. - Oh. 719 00:33:09,481 --> 00:33:10,850 That's a cool hat. 720 00:33:10,950 --> 00:33:12,717 What about Jess? 721 00:33:13,351 --> 00:33:14,352 What about me? 722 00:33:14,452 --> 00:33:15,654 If anybody here has issues 723 00:33:15,754 --> 00:33:17,056 that could lead to murder... 724 00:33:17,156 --> 00:33:18,590 Okay, I get it! 725 00:33:18,690 --> 00:33:20,592 Trans-shaming is not cool, okay? 726 00:33:20,692 --> 00:33:22,694 They-- He's just a dude. Yeah. 727 00:33:22,794 --> 00:33:25,664 Minus the upper body strength and the dick part. 728 00:33:25,764 --> 00:33:28,034 Hey, you don't know what I got down here, okay? 729 00:33:28,134 --> 00:33:30,102 I do. Hey, hey. 730 00:33:30,203 --> 00:33:32,004 Listen, what we know so far 731 00:33:32,104 --> 00:33:33,538 is everyone who's been attacked 732 00:33:33,638 --> 00:33:36,242 is related to the original characters. 733 00:33:36,341 --> 00:33:37,509 He wants to kill the kids. 734 00:33:37,609 --> 00:33:41,479 Aha! He's making a rebootequel. 735 00:33:41,580 --> 00:33:43,182 - A what now? - Yeah. It's like, 736 00:33:43,282 --> 00:33:44,516 a reboot and a sequel. 737 00:33:44,616 --> 00:33:46,718 Mixes legacy characters with new characters 738 00:33:46,818 --> 00:33:49,721 in an attempt to feed into bullshit nostalgia 739 00:33:49,821 --> 00:33:51,656 and bring more fans to the theaters. 740 00:33:51,756 --> 00:33:53,893 Just like last year's I Know What You Did Last Summer. 741 00:33:55,627 --> 00:33:58,030 That's a movie? What did I do last summer? 742 00:33:58,130 --> 00:34:00,465 I think you're talking about The Summer I Turned Pretty. 743 00:34:00,565 --> 00:34:01,868 - Yeah. - Ray, 744 00:34:01,968 --> 00:34:03,870 when did you get here? Oh, I been here. 745 00:34:03,970 --> 00:34:06,038 I was just hanging out by the men's room. 746 00:34:06,138 --> 00:34:07,240 Oh. My room? 747 00:34:07,340 --> 00:34:08,908 Okay, so that means 748 00:34:09,008 --> 00:34:12,410 that our killer is writing his own version of Horror Movie. 749 00:34:12,510 --> 00:34:16,182 Okay, so according to the re-booty-call rules, 750 00:34:16,282 --> 00:34:17,350 who's the killer? 751 00:34:18,617 --> 00:34:20,752 I think it's pretty obvious. 752 00:34:23,289 --> 00:34:24,323 Who? 753 00:34:24,422 --> 00:34:26,359 You, bitch. Me? 754 00:34:26,458 --> 00:34:28,361 Guys, I am not the killer. 755 00:34:28,460 --> 00:34:31,463 Ghostface attacked Tues to lure me back here. 756 00:34:31,563 --> 00:34:35,001 I think he attacked Tuesday to get you back here 757 00:34:35,101 --> 00:34:37,003 so he could get me back here. 758 00:34:37,103 --> 00:34:39,238 He wants to kill the OGs. 759 00:34:39,338 --> 00:34:40,538 That was a flex. 760 00:34:40,639 --> 00:34:41,941 Yeah, that sounds better. 761 00:34:42,041 --> 00:34:43,441 Aw, fuck this! 762 00:34:43,541 --> 00:34:46,379 And fuck you, Mother! 763 00:34:46,478 --> 00:34:48,047 To your mother? 764 00:34:48,147 --> 00:34:51,516 Hey! Don't be so disrespectful! 765 00:34:51,616 --> 00:34:53,085 And call me Mom! 766 00:34:53,185 --> 00:34:54,320 Or Mommy. 767 00:34:54,419 --> 00:34:56,821 Or whatever's more comfortable. 768 00:34:58,456 --> 00:34:59,691 All units, be advised: 769 00:34:59,791 --> 00:35:01,394 Suspect is still at large. 770 00:35:01,493 --> 00:35:03,029 Black cloak, white mask... 771 00:35:03,129 --> 00:35:04,729 ...big-ass knife. 772 00:35:17,343 --> 00:35:20,246 - Talk to me. - Hello, Sheriff. 773 00:35:20,346 --> 00:35:21,646 Agent Underwood? 774 00:35:21,746 --> 00:35:23,416 I'll give you one hint. 775 00:35:23,515 --> 00:35:25,885 What's your favorite scary movie? 776 00:35:25,985 --> 00:35:27,954 Well, I'm gonna go with Saltburn. 777 00:35:28,054 --> 00:35:30,856 I mean, the member on that English guy was terrifying. 778 00:35:30,957 --> 00:35:34,293 Ken Jeong's junk in The Hangover was a much better depiction 779 00:35:34,393 --> 00:35:36,228 of the male anatomy. 780 00:35:36,329 --> 00:35:37,696 Now what do you want, fuckface? 781 00:35:37,796 --> 00:35:39,398 Well, I'm just calling to tell you 782 00:35:39,497 --> 00:35:41,167 that by the time you get home, 783 00:35:41,267 --> 00:35:44,103 I'll have gutted your baby girl! 784 00:35:44,203 --> 00:35:47,173 Hey, asshole, she's a boy! 785 00:35:56,215 --> 00:35:57,183 Jess! 786 00:36:12,331 --> 00:36:13,966 Looking for this? 787 00:36:15,134 --> 00:36:16,735 Let me help you. 788 00:36:16,836 --> 00:36:21,140 I got your baby dick. Winky, winky, winky. 789 00:36:30,049 --> 00:36:32,218 All right. Here we go. 790 00:36:32,318 --> 00:36:33,818 What do you want, fuckface? 791 00:36:33,919 --> 00:36:37,356 Well, like father, like, uh, son? 792 00:36:37,456 --> 00:36:38,924 Uh-- 793 00:36:39,025 --> 00:36:40,625 I understand you're home alone. 794 00:36:40,725 --> 00:36:43,929 Well, Dad's out, but the pool guy, the gardener 795 00:36:44,030 --> 00:36:46,932 and the plumber are all here, asshole. 796 00:36:47,033 --> 00:36:48,868 Look out your window. 797 00:36:51,770 --> 00:36:53,272 ICE! 798 00:36:53,372 --> 00:36:56,175 No! But they're the backbone of the American workforce! 799 00:36:56,275 --> 00:36:58,844 And I'm too white to do those jobs. 800 00:36:58,944 --> 00:37:00,578 Let's cut to the chase. 801 00:37:00,678 --> 00:37:02,680 I'll ask you one question. 802 00:37:02,781 --> 00:37:05,583 If you answer correctly, you live. 803 00:37:05,683 --> 00:37:09,422 Who was the killer in Horror Movie? 804 00:37:09,522 --> 00:37:12,657 Oh, that's easy. It was Bobby and then Gay Ray, 805 00:37:12,757 --> 00:37:14,626 the guy who was totally into dudes, 806 00:37:14,726 --> 00:37:16,062 even though he claimed he wasn't. 807 00:37:16,162 --> 00:37:18,130 Classic 2000s homophobia. 808 00:37:18,230 --> 00:37:19,631 But I got you, bitch. 809 00:37:19,731 --> 00:37:22,600 Wrong! You forgot Special Officer Doofy. 810 00:37:22,700 --> 00:37:25,703 Now you die. 811 00:37:33,179 --> 00:37:34,914 Bumbaclot! 812 00:37:36,282 --> 00:37:37,950 You should probably answer that. 813 00:37:38,050 --> 00:37:41,686 I can literally see you trying to steal my package. 814 00:37:41,786 --> 00:37:44,356 Oh, shit! 815 00:37:45,623 --> 00:37:47,193 Ah, that was easy. 816 00:37:49,727 --> 00:37:51,629 Uh, someone order steaks? 817 00:37:51,729 --> 00:37:53,698 It's GoPuff. Hmm. 818 00:37:55,568 --> 00:37:57,570 - Wait a sec. - Careful. 819 00:37:57,669 --> 00:37:59,737 You wouldn't want to let in a killer. 820 00:37:59,839 --> 00:38:04,376 You are about to identify as dead. 821 00:38:07,279 --> 00:38:08,414 You... 822 00:38:08,514 --> 00:38:11,150 stab like-- a girl. 823 00:38:18,656 --> 00:38:20,960 Come on, girl, hit that Ghostface Shuffle. 824 00:38:21,060 --> 00:38:23,562 Try the Ghostface Killah Collection Bundle. 825 00:38:23,661 --> 00:38:26,031 This is Keke West for OnlyFans Rapid News. 826 00:38:26,132 --> 00:38:27,799 "Rapid News". You mean "Vapid News". 827 00:38:27,900 --> 00:38:29,969 You don't even have a cameraman! 828 00:38:30,069 --> 00:38:31,636 My equipment! 829 00:38:32,704 --> 00:38:34,106 Excuse me. 830 00:38:35,740 --> 00:38:36,976 Oh, my. You're-- 831 00:38:37,076 --> 00:38:38,377 Yes, yes. 832 00:38:38,477 --> 00:38:39,879 Three-time Emmy nominee 833 00:38:39,979 --> 00:38:42,581 for Outstanding Achievement in Sensational Reporting. 834 00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:44,682 I was gonna say the lady from Friends, 835 00:38:44,782 --> 00:38:47,019 but shorter and with less Botox. 836 00:38:47,119 --> 00:38:48,454 Oh. Is that what you were 837 00:38:48,554 --> 00:38:49,855 "gonna say"? Yeah. 838 00:38:49,955 --> 00:38:51,557 You seriously don't know who I am? 839 00:38:51,656 --> 00:38:54,093 - Babygirl, I am Gail-- - Gail swallows! 840 00:38:54,193 --> 00:38:55,194 Hey. 841 00:38:55,294 --> 00:38:56,428 Hailstorm. Gail-- 842 00:38:56,529 --> 00:38:58,696 Get the hell out of my way! Oh. 843 00:39:02,868 --> 00:39:06,405 Doofus. Hey, Gail. 844 00:39:06,505 --> 00:39:08,507 Wow. You haven't aged a day. 845 00:39:08,607 --> 00:39:11,877 You've aged like a million days. That's this many. Five-- 846 00:39:11,977 --> 00:39:13,678 Your fingers smell like genitals. 847 00:39:13,778 --> 00:39:15,813 What are you doing in that ridiculous uniform? 848 00:39:15,915 --> 00:39:19,552 Uh, I-I'm back on the case. Yeah, I'm gonna bust Ghostface. 849 00:39:19,652 --> 00:39:20,853 Well, um, 850 00:39:20,953 --> 00:39:23,389 tell me, Special Needs Officer Doofy... 851 00:39:23,489 --> 00:39:25,357 Um. 852 00:39:25,457 --> 00:39:26,824 Wow. Are there any suspects 853 00:39:26,926 --> 00:39:29,662 in this tragic yet completely predictable incident? 854 00:39:29,761 --> 00:39:31,130 I-I'm not allowed to say. 855 00:39:31,230 --> 00:39:33,632 No, no, okay, no. Yes, you can. Yes, you can. 856 00:39:33,731 --> 00:39:35,434 Not-- Yeah-- 857 00:39:35,534 --> 00:39:36,569 You can tell me. 858 00:39:36,669 --> 00:39:37,802 Um, ah, oh, my God. 859 00:39:37,903 --> 00:39:39,238 What the f-- 860 00:39:39,338 --> 00:39:40,639 Hey! 861 00:39:40,738 --> 00:39:42,608 Remember when you used to give blowjobs 862 00:39:42,707 --> 00:39:44,343 for sensitive information? 863 00:39:44,443 --> 00:39:48,147 I don't give blowjobs anymore, okay? Not since MeToo. 864 00:39:48,247 --> 00:39:49,415 Okay. Sorry. 865 00:39:49,515 --> 00:39:51,984 I give handjobs now, but the story better be good. 866 00:39:52,084 --> 00:39:55,820 Okay, I'll do a handjob. Let's do it. Let's do it. 867 00:40:06,498 --> 00:40:07,799 What the-- 868 00:40:15,341 --> 00:40:18,344 I'm gonna get you. Uncle Ray-Ray's gonna get you! 869 00:40:18,444 --> 00:40:19,845 Ray? You got my outfit, 870 00:40:19,945 --> 00:40:21,313 you little critter. 871 00:40:24,583 --> 00:40:26,852 Maybe weed shouldn't be legal. 872 00:40:29,421 --> 00:40:31,090 Fuck yeah, it should! 873 00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:42,935 Hello, Shorty. 874 00:40:43,035 --> 00:40:46,672 You do know that smoking is bad for you. 875 00:40:46,771 --> 00:40:48,374 Actually, weed ain't bad for you. 876 00:40:48,474 --> 00:40:51,477 You got Vitamin T, C and H, 877 00:40:51,577 --> 00:40:53,579 C, B and D. 878 00:40:53,679 --> 00:40:55,281 What's the matter, Shorty? 879 00:40:55,381 --> 00:40:58,083 You look a little antsy. 880 00:40:58,183 --> 00:41:01,754 Maybe because there's a masked serial killer 881 00:41:01,854 --> 00:41:02,988 sipping tea in my den. 882 00:41:03,088 --> 00:41:04,923 Shorty, you're my nigga. 883 00:41:05,024 --> 00:41:07,626 I mean, friend. Please, sit. 884 00:41:07,726 --> 00:41:09,128 All right. 885 00:41:12,164 --> 00:41:13,999 Do you want to quit smoking? 886 00:41:14,099 --> 00:41:16,201 Well, to be honest, I tried to quit. 887 00:41:16,302 --> 00:41:19,972 But my mother said, "I ain't raisin' no quitters." 888 00:41:20,539 --> 00:41:21,707 So I quit quitting. 889 00:41:21,806 --> 00:41:23,976 We could try hypnosis. 890 00:41:24,076 --> 00:41:25,911 Bro, I don't care how many pocket watches 891 00:41:26,011 --> 00:41:27,913 you try and wave in front of my face, 892 00:41:28,013 --> 00:41:29,715 it ain't gonna work, son. 893 00:41:29,814 --> 00:41:32,551 - You can't magmetize me. - Sleep. 894 00:41:35,521 --> 00:41:37,423 Shorty. 895 00:41:37,523 --> 00:41:39,425 Hmm? 896 00:41:39,525 --> 00:41:40,825 What's up? 897 00:41:40,926 --> 00:41:43,462 Tell me about your mother. 898 00:41:44,763 --> 00:41:45,998 Damn, nigga. 899 00:41:46,098 --> 00:41:47,833 Let's start with something light, like: 900 00:41:47,933 --> 00:41:49,902 "Do you lick ass, yes or no?" 901 00:41:50,002 --> 00:41:51,904 The answer's yes. 902 00:41:52,004 --> 00:41:54,707 So what happened to her, Shorty? 903 00:41:57,509 --> 00:41:59,345 She was coming home. 904 00:42:00,245 --> 00:42:02,481 Her car was parked to the side of the road. 905 00:42:02,581 --> 00:42:04,483 Someone was in it. 906 00:42:05,184 --> 00:42:06,852 And something bad was happening. 907 00:42:11,123 --> 00:42:12,825 Why didn't you call anyone? 908 00:42:12,925 --> 00:42:13,859 I couldn't. 909 00:42:13,959 --> 00:42:15,494 I had warrants. 910 00:42:15,594 --> 00:42:16,995 You were 11. 911 00:42:17,096 --> 00:42:19,164 I started young, nigga. 912 00:42:20,265 --> 00:42:21,166 Oh. 913 00:42:21,633 --> 00:42:23,535 What do you see? 914 00:42:25,104 --> 00:42:26,271 I... 915 00:42:28,173 --> 00:42:31,310 I see a big explosion of water. 916 00:42:32,911 --> 00:42:34,646 It was like a Civil Rights hose. 917 00:42:38,951 --> 00:42:41,253 Police said it was a murder/suicide. 918 00:42:42,388 --> 00:42:43,622 She killed that man. 919 00:42:43,722 --> 00:42:47,659 When they opened the car door, his limp body just slid out. 920 00:42:50,896 --> 00:42:53,799 Like the green nigga in Shape of Water. 921 00:42:53,899 --> 00:42:55,701 I just didn't want it to be real. 922 00:42:55,801 --> 00:42:58,103 What don't you want to be real? 923 00:42:58,904 --> 00:43:00,906 That my mother was a squirter! 924 00:43:01,006 --> 00:43:03,242 Okay! She was a squirter. 925 00:43:03,342 --> 00:43:05,845 All the floors in her bedroom was warped. 926 00:43:05,944 --> 00:43:09,047 - I can't move. - You're paralyzed. 927 00:43:09,148 --> 00:43:10,949 Now... 928 00:43:11,049 --> 00:43:13,185 ...sink into the chair. Wait, no. 929 00:43:13,285 --> 00:43:14,586 - Wait. - Sink! 930 00:43:20,426 --> 00:43:23,128 Nigga! 931 00:43:31,203 --> 00:43:35,941 I'm in a K-hole, son! 932 00:43:37,075 --> 00:43:40,979 No, you're in a K-pop hole. 933 00:43:54,026 --> 00:43:56,161 Oh, shit, son! 934 00:44:01,935 --> 00:44:03,302 Nigga, I'm numb. 935 00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:09,041 That's what they do in the hood. 936 00:44:17,917 --> 00:44:19,551 Luke Skywalker! 937 00:44:46,946 --> 00:44:48,747 That's some good shit, son. 938 00:44:50,516 --> 00:44:51,951 That dream was wild. 939 00:44:52,050 --> 00:44:54,019 I must've been Elon Musk high. 940 00:45:08,534 --> 00:45:09,701 Tuesday? 941 00:45:10,369 --> 00:45:11,570 Tuesday? 942 00:45:14,706 --> 00:45:16,074 Bobby? 943 00:45:18,011 --> 00:45:20,112 Bobby, what the...? 944 00:45:21,079 --> 00:45:22,916 She's gonna die. 945 00:45:23,016 --> 00:45:24,550 Our daughter, Sara? 946 00:45:24,650 --> 00:45:26,184 You're probably right. 947 00:45:26,285 --> 00:45:28,620 She's tough, but let's see her get stabbed in the gut. 948 00:45:28,720 --> 00:45:30,055 I'm gonna die. 949 00:45:30,155 --> 00:45:32,324 Bobby, you're already dead. 950 00:45:32,424 --> 00:45:34,126 This hallucination is a manifestation 951 00:45:34,226 --> 00:45:36,295 of my own guilt for being an awful mom. 952 00:45:36,395 --> 00:45:39,197 Or it could be the shrooms I just popped. 953 00:45:40,065 --> 00:45:41,333 You're gonna die. 954 00:45:41,433 --> 00:45:44,736 Bitch, you ain't killing me. 955 00:45:50,208 --> 00:45:51,577 You're gonna die. 956 00:45:52,144 --> 00:45:54,646 Stop smiling! 957 00:45:54,746 --> 00:45:57,050 I can't. Botox. 958 00:45:57,149 --> 00:45:58,450 Hey! Oh. 959 00:45:58,550 --> 00:46:01,720 This is the mental ward. Everyone smiles in here. 960 00:46:01,820 --> 00:46:02,855 What? 961 00:46:03,455 --> 00:46:05,357 How-- Um-- 962 00:46:05,457 --> 00:46:07,693 Could you point me in the direction of the ICU? 963 00:46:07,793 --> 00:46:09,227 Is it that way or that way? 964 00:46:09,328 --> 00:46:10,930 Uh, visiting hours are over. 965 00:46:11,030 --> 00:46:13,432 Oh, yes, of course. 966 00:46:14,333 --> 00:46:15,734 The network wants me to clarify 967 00:46:15,835 --> 00:46:18,303 that Black Friday has nothing to do with race. 968 00:46:18,403 --> 00:46:20,405 Well, just tell that to my Black friend Benita 969 00:46:20,505 --> 00:46:21,941 who's probably clocking someone 970 00:46:22,041 --> 00:46:23,977 over the head at Target as we speak! 971 00:46:24,077 --> 00:46:25,243 Right, Benita? 972 00:46:40,659 --> 00:46:42,127 Shamone! 973 00:46:42,227 --> 00:46:43,863 Man, you ain't Michael. 974 00:46:43,963 --> 00:46:45,865 Michael got that Jheri curl. 975 00:46:45,965 --> 00:46:47,566 What is that, son? Is that shellac? 976 00:46:47,666 --> 00:46:50,903 See, people think it's shellac, but it's actually Sharpie. 977 00:46:51,004 --> 00:46:52,371 Boy, your hair looks like fondue. 978 00:46:52,471 --> 00:46:54,439 I just wanna dip some fruit and marshmallows in it. 979 00:46:54,539 --> 00:46:56,575 Go on and dip. Indoo-dy. 980 00:46:56,675 --> 00:46:58,978 Michael's got a monkey. I got a llama. 981 00:46:59,078 --> 00:47:00,847 And he can beatbox. 982 00:47:03,782 --> 00:47:05,217 That's Suds. 983 00:47:05,317 --> 00:47:08,921 Yeah, he stink. But when he spit, it's bars. 984 00:47:10,822 --> 00:47:11,723 Come on, now. 985 00:47:11,823 --> 00:47:13,191 Fuck Michael! 986 00:47:13,291 --> 00:47:15,560 You can't dance, boy. I've been practicing. 987 00:47:15,661 --> 00:47:17,262 Oh! Whoa! 988 00:47:17,362 --> 00:47:18,797 Jeez. 989 00:47:20,099 --> 00:47:21,299 Yeah! 990 00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:23,102 Bong! Ow! 991 00:47:23,201 --> 00:47:26,005 I can moonwalk. Ooh, ooh. 992 00:47:26,105 --> 00:47:27,172 Ooh. 993 00:47:27,272 --> 00:47:29,108 Where is this nigga goin'? 994 00:47:31,144 --> 00:47:31,978 Ow! 995 00:47:32,078 --> 00:47:34,080 Whoo! 996 00:47:34,179 --> 00:47:35,948 "Jermaine". 997 00:47:37,616 --> 00:47:41,486 Coming Juneteenth, only on Tubi. 998 00:47:43,522 --> 00:47:45,791 I'ma bootleg that shit. 999 00:47:48,061 --> 00:47:49,394 Hello? 1000 00:47:50,595 --> 00:47:51,563 Fuck this. 1001 00:47:56,802 --> 00:47:58,603 I'm gonna miss you all. 1002 00:48:04,010 --> 00:48:05,444 Oh, hell no! 1003 00:48:05,544 --> 00:48:07,880 Think Black, don't die. Think Black, don't die. 1004 00:48:17,990 --> 00:48:19,058 Oh! 1005 00:48:19,158 --> 00:48:21,293 Goddamn it! Jack? 1006 00:48:21,393 --> 00:48:23,196 Did Sara tell you to come? Um... 1007 00:48:23,295 --> 00:48:26,065 Yeah! That's why I'm here. 1008 00:48:26,165 --> 00:48:29,301 Not to murder you or anything like that. 1009 00:48:29,401 --> 00:48:30,903 Then why are you wearing gloves? 1010 00:48:31,838 --> 00:48:33,605 Would you believe I... 1011 00:48:33,705 --> 00:48:37,076 am thinking about dressing up as O.J. Simpson for Halloween? 1012 00:48:37,176 --> 00:48:38,777 But those fit. 1013 00:48:39,611 --> 00:48:40,712 Look out! 1014 00:48:40,812 --> 00:48:42,982 Not cool, bro, you almost hit a vein. 1015 00:48:43,082 --> 00:48:44,783 I-I mean-- Help! 1016 00:48:48,487 --> 00:48:49,788 Oh, yes! 1017 00:48:53,759 --> 00:48:54,961 Oh... 1018 00:48:58,831 --> 00:49:03,368 Whew. I'm gonna gut you like a pig! 1019 00:49:07,572 --> 00:49:09,508 I'm gonna... 1020 00:49:09,608 --> 00:49:11,610 I'm gonna... 1021 00:49:11,710 --> 00:49:13,411 What a stupid line. 1022 00:49:15,447 --> 00:49:17,083 That is so true! 1023 00:49:17,183 --> 00:49:20,019 What are you gonna do? Turn me into bacon? 1024 00:49:24,456 --> 00:49:25,757 I got to get better writers. 1025 00:49:25,858 --> 00:49:28,460 I'm laughing so hard, my ribs hurt. 1026 00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:31,964 Wait until I stick my knife in them! 1027 00:49:38,570 --> 00:49:40,973 I'm crying over here. 1028 00:49:41,073 --> 00:49:42,440 I got to go 1029 00:49:42,541 --> 00:49:44,509 - before you really kill me. - Here I come. 1030 00:49:44,609 --> 00:49:47,180 Oh, God, I might die laughing first! 1031 00:49:48,848 --> 00:49:52,384 Oh. Oh, shit. He's really gonna kill me. 1032 00:50:13,605 --> 00:50:15,908 I want what they're on. 1033 00:50:17,944 --> 00:50:20,812 I'm gonna turn you into bacon, little piggy. 1034 00:50:27,153 --> 00:50:28,921 No, no. 1035 00:50:29,021 --> 00:50:30,755 No. 1036 00:50:32,724 --> 00:50:34,359 I'm sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me. 1037 00:50:34,459 --> 00:50:35,560 I'm so sorry. Out of our way! 1038 00:50:35,660 --> 00:50:38,064 Step aside. Official police business. 1039 00:50:38,164 --> 00:50:39,165 Doofy! 1040 00:50:39,265 --> 00:50:41,868 I like doing that. 1041 00:50:41,968 --> 00:50:42,869 Ooh! 1042 00:50:43,635 --> 00:50:45,737 Smile, you son of a bitch. 1043 00:50:45,838 --> 00:50:49,108 What the f...? My psycho mother said 1044 00:50:49,208 --> 00:50:51,376 always keep a strap. 1045 00:50:52,879 --> 00:50:54,080 Go! Go! Okay. 1046 00:50:54,180 --> 00:50:55,513 I'm gonna go get your love interest. 1047 00:50:55,614 --> 00:50:57,149 I'll get your love interest. 1048 00:50:57,250 --> 00:51:00,385 Ow, the pain, the agony. 1049 00:51:00,485 --> 00:51:02,587 Sara, if I don't make it... 1050 00:51:02,687 --> 00:51:05,191 Seriously, Tues, stop trying to win an Oscar. 1051 00:51:05,291 --> 00:51:07,525 It's a horror movie, it'll never happen. 1052 00:51:07,626 --> 00:51:09,862 Just ask Demi Moore. 1053 00:51:09,962 --> 00:51:12,597 No! No! 1054 00:51:12,697 --> 00:51:14,267 I got him. I got Jack. 1055 00:51:16,568 --> 00:51:18,570 Doofy! What the fuck? 1056 00:51:18,670 --> 00:51:20,805 The fuck? I can't help myself. 1057 00:51:23,175 --> 00:51:25,677 It's just me and you now, Ghosty. 1058 00:51:25,777 --> 00:51:26,745 Hm. 1059 00:51:27,812 --> 00:51:29,748 You got to shoot them in the head. 1060 00:51:29,849 --> 00:51:31,716 Shoot them in the head. 1061 00:51:33,785 --> 00:51:36,554 Oof. Ow. 1062 00:51:39,491 --> 00:51:41,593 Die! 1063 00:51:41,693 --> 00:51:43,695 Die, you little dumb dunce. 1064 00:51:43,795 --> 00:51:44,964 Smell... 1065 00:51:45,064 --> 00:51:46,132 my... 1066 00:51:46,933 --> 00:51:48,034 finger. 1067 00:51:48,700 --> 00:51:49,734 Oh, God! 1068 00:51:49,835 --> 00:51:52,671 What the fuck was that? Ugh. 1069 00:51:52,771 --> 00:51:54,340 My ass. 1070 00:51:54,439 --> 00:51:56,541 Fuck your ass! Pause. 1071 00:51:58,844 --> 00:52:00,512 Oh, God, that's-- that's my ass. 1072 00:52:00,612 --> 00:52:03,249 - Oh, God. - Any last words? 1073 00:52:03,349 --> 00:52:05,151 I go poopy. 1074 00:52:09,754 --> 00:52:12,425 Oh, hell no. I ain't cleaning up that shit! 1075 00:52:12,524 --> 00:52:14,093 I'm on break. 1076 00:52:14,193 --> 00:52:17,696 Come on, I do the killing, not the cleaning. Ugh. 1077 00:52:17,796 --> 00:52:19,798 What you say? Never mind. 1078 00:52:19,899 --> 00:52:21,499 Yo, what's up, chat? 1079 00:52:21,599 --> 00:52:22,969 This your boy Shorty. 1080 00:52:23,069 --> 00:52:24,703 That's right, it's another Halloween-a-thon. 1081 00:52:24,803 --> 00:52:27,772 And it's another day of me getting paid mad money 1082 00:52:27,873 --> 00:52:30,276 for doing absolutely nothing 1083 00:52:30,376 --> 00:52:31,877 while you stupid motherfuckers watch. 1084 00:52:31,978 --> 00:52:34,612 And they call me dumb! 1085 00:52:34,713 --> 00:52:37,984 I want to give a smooth shout-out to my sponsor: 1086 00:52:38,084 --> 00:52:40,319 Angry Orchard Hard Cider. 1087 00:52:41,619 --> 00:52:44,190 They got mad apples, son. 1088 00:52:47,193 --> 00:52:50,296 We created a slogan! I'm a marketing genius! 1089 00:52:50,396 --> 00:52:52,331 Aight. It wouldn't be a Halloween-a-thon 1090 00:52:52,431 --> 00:52:53,598 without a dope guest. 1091 00:52:53,698 --> 00:52:55,001 He's a legend in the streaming game. 1092 00:52:55,101 --> 00:52:57,837 Give it up for Kai Cenat! 1093 00:52:57,937 --> 00:53:00,373 We gonna break the Internet! 1094 00:53:00,473 --> 00:53:02,441 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! 1095 00:53:02,540 --> 00:53:04,276 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! 1096 00:53:06,511 --> 00:53:07,579 Let's get serious. 1097 00:53:07,679 --> 00:53:09,614 What brings you to the chat? 1098 00:53:09,714 --> 00:53:11,417 You promised I was gonna be in the movie. 1099 00:53:11,516 --> 00:53:14,153 I've been calling you. You ghosted me. 1100 00:53:14,253 --> 00:53:17,156 Bro, I thought that was one of my crazy-ass baby mamas. 1101 00:53:17,256 --> 00:53:18,590 That's-- That's my bad. 1102 00:53:18,690 --> 00:53:20,792 And speaking of ghosted-- 1103 00:53:20,893 --> 00:53:22,928 Somebody wants to talk to you. 1104 00:53:23,029 --> 00:53:24,397 Hello? 1105 00:53:24,497 --> 00:53:26,332 What's your favorite scary movie? 1106 00:53:28,334 --> 00:53:30,136 Nah! Oh! 1107 00:53:30,236 --> 00:53:32,704 Oh, whoa, whoa! Ah! 1108 00:53:39,345 --> 00:53:41,147 We breaking the Internet, son! 1109 00:53:41,247 --> 00:53:42,348 What's up, my guy? 1110 00:53:42,448 --> 00:53:43,648 You got some Angry Orchard 1111 00:53:43,748 --> 00:53:44,850 Hard Cider in the house? You damn right. 1112 00:53:44,950 --> 00:53:46,886 They got mad apples. 1113 00:53:46,986 --> 00:53:48,320 Oh! 1114 00:53:48,421 --> 00:53:49,554 Wassup? 1115 00:53:49,654 --> 00:53:51,290 Wassup? 1116 00:53:54,393 --> 00:53:55,861 We about to do my favorite thing: 1117 00:53:55,961 --> 00:53:59,697 Spin the... wheel! 1118 00:53:59,798 --> 00:54:01,800 Extreme Noodle Game! 1119 00:54:01,901 --> 00:54:03,568 We gonna go back there with these noodles 1120 00:54:03,668 --> 00:54:04,636 and we gonna smack 1121 00:54:04,736 --> 00:54:05,770 the fuck out you! 1122 00:54:05,871 --> 00:54:07,339 Then you gotta guess who did it. 1123 00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:08,140 That doesn't even make sense. 1124 00:54:09,308 --> 00:54:10,109 This is a dumb game. 1125 00:54:11,810 --> 00:54:13,112 Oh! 1126 00:54:13,212 --> 00:54:14,146 Uh... 1127 00:54:14,779 --> 00:54:15,680 Kai. Kai. Man, what? 1128 00:54:15,780 --> 00:54:16,581 Yeah. 1129 00:54:22,754 --> 00:54:25,157 Wait-- No, no, no-- 1130 00:54:27,493 --> 00:54:31,564 You just killed Kai Cenat. On the chat. 1131 00:54:32,865 --> 00:54:34,467 We making history, son! 1132 00:54:35,633 --> 00:54:36,969 Money, money, money! 1133 00:54:56,422 --> 00:54:57,990 Oh, thank God. 1134 00:55:02,094 --> 00:55:04,363 It's about time you guys got here! 1135 00:55:04,463 --> 00:55:06,332 Now you're gonna get it. 1136 00:55:06,899 --> 00:55:08,234 Oof! 1137 00:55:09,435 --> 00:55:10,870 Hold still! 1138 00:55:10,970 --> 00:55:12,704 So that's our suspect. 1139 00:55:12,804 --> 00:55:15,241 Goes by the name "Shorthand". Hmm. 1140 00:55:15,341 --> 00:55:19,711 Was the handyman at a house reputed to be haunted in 2001. 1141 00:55:20,613 --> 00:55:22,148 Is there anything you're not telling me? 1142 00:55:22,248 --> 00:55:24,016 That your wife hates you, 1143 00:55:24,116 --> 00:55:25,817 you believe the Earth is flat 1144 00:55:25,918 --> 00:55:27,920 and you voted for Trump three times. 1145 00:55:28,020 --> 00:55:30,422 What, I was supposed to vote for the woman? 1146 00:55:30,523 --> 00:55:31,789 Huh? 1147 00:55:31,891 --> 00:55:35,394 I believe Shorthand is the notorious Ghostface. 1148 00:55:36,862 --> 00:55:38,931 What that mouth do? 1149 00:55:39,031 --> 00:55:40,633 Stop resisting! 1150 00:55:40,732 --> 00:55:42,835 He did look pretty sketchy. 1151 00:55:46,338 --> 00:55:48,541 They got the wrong guy. 1152 00:55:48,641 --> 00:55:50,476 And you know that because you're psychic? 1153 00:55:50,576 --> 00:55:52,744 No, says so on the arrest warrant. 1154 00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:56,081 I don't know. 1155 00:55:56,182 --> 00:55:58,584 That guy's Black. Nah, he's kinda... 1156 00:55:58,683 --> 00:55:59,919 not that Black. 1157 00:56:00,019 --> 00:56:01,686 Like gravy brown. 1158 00:56:01,786 --> 00:56:03,389 Ugh! 1159 00:56:03,489 --> 00:56:04,924 Get him! 1160 00:56:05,024 --> 00:56:06,691 Hit him with your strong hand! 1161 00:56:06,791 --> 00:56:08,160 Boom! 1162 00:56:08,260 --> 00:56:11,263 Arrest him anyways. Probably did something, right? 1163 00:56:11,964 --> 00:56:13,866 Turn off your body cams! 1164 00:56:26,178 --> 00:56:27,379 Miss you. 1165 00:56:29,814 --> 00:56:31,584 Poppa's here. 1166 00:56:31,684 --> 00:56:33,285 Tupac's here. 1167 00:56:33,385 --> 00:56:35,854 And Tekashi69 is here. 1168 00:56:36,821 --> 00:56:39,291 Wait. Tekashi69 ain't dead. 1169 00:56:39,391 --> 00:56:42,428 No, but his career is. 1170 00:56:43,195 --> 00:56:44,930 True that. 1171 00:56:45,030 --> 00:56:48,167 Can't let these old-school rappers go, huh? 1172 00:56:49,101 --> 00:56:51,736 Kids today put "lil" in front of their name 1173 00:56:51,837 --> 00:56:53,672 and think they got a lil talent. 1174 00:56:53,771 --> 00:56:55,773 You should give Lil Nas X a shot. 1175 00:56:55,874 --> 00:56:57,742 Dude really speaks to me. 1176 00:56:57,843 --> 00:56:59,345 That nigga's hard. 1177 00:56:59,445 --> 00:57:00,745 What you back here for, Ray? 1178 00:57:00,846 --> 00:57:02,514 I thought you was done with Woodsville. 1179 00:57:02,615 --> 00:57:04,049 I thought you were a northern man. 1180 00:57:04,149 --> 00:57:05,551 I'm through with San Francisco. 1181 00:57:05,651 --> 00:57:08,487 Is San Francisco through with you? 1182 00:57:08,587 --> 00:57:09,655 What are you asking me? 1183 00:57:09,754 --> 00:57:11,789 Do you have pride, Ray? 1184 00:57:11,890 --> 00:57:14,493 I think we should all take pride in who we are. 1185 00:57:14,593 --> 00:57:17,830 Do you like to taste the rainbow? 1186 00:57:17,930 --> 00:57:20,099 Skittles are my favorite candy. 1187 00:57:22,635 --> 00:57:24,136 Ray, I prayed for you. 1188 00:57:24,236 --> 00:57:26,572 Then how come none of those prayers worked for our baby? 1189 00:57:26,672 --> 00:57:29,275 Mr. Pickels was 18 when he died, Ray. 1190 00:57:30,609 --> 00:57:32,745 That's old for a cat. 1191 00:57:32,845 --> 00:57:34,079 He was packing. 1192 00:57:34,179 --> 00:57:35,748 Now, what you want with me, Ray? 1193 00:57:35,848 --> 00:57:40,419 I'm back, Brenda, 'cause I love you. 1194 00:57:40,519 --> 00:57:42,087 Ray! 1195 00:57:54,833 --> 00:57:56,535 He's so sneaky, Ray. 1196 00:57:56,635 --> 00:57:59,271 I'm gonna get it. 1197 00:57:59,371 --> 00:58:02,875 I got you! I got you! You got me, yeah! 1198 00:58:06,145 --> 00:58:08,147 Oh, yes. Put this on. 1199 00:58:08,247 --> 00:58:11,016 You sure, Ray? Yeah, girl. Go on. 1200 00:58:11,850 --> 00:58:14,019 You wild, Ray. You make me blush. 1201 00:58:14,119 --> 00:58:15,820 So sexy. 1202 00:58:15,921 --> 00:58:18,724 I wish you had a beard. Hmm? 1203 00:58:18,823 --> 00:58:22,494 Here. Take this. Oh. 1204 00:58:22,594 --> 00:58:23,562 What? 1205 00:58:23,662 --> 00:58:25,831 Turn around. Oh! Sure. 1206 00:58:25,931 --> 00:58:27,466 Bend over. Uh-huh. 1207 00:58:27,566 --> 00:58:31,603 Now drop it. Okay. Okay. 1208 00:58:31,704 --> 00:58:33,072 I've dropped it, Ray. 1209 00:58:33,172 --> 00:58:34,606 Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. 1210 00:58:34,707 --> 00:58:37,343 Whose cell block is this? Huh, Brenda? Ray! Ray! 1211 00:58:37,443 --> 00:58:40,079 You didn't want to share your tater tots, nigga, at lunch? 1212 00:58:40,179 --> 00:58:42,281 Now you sharing this bootyhole, nigga. Yeah! 1213 00:58:42,381 --> 00:58:46,051 You not in prison no more, Ray. You free now, Ray. 1214 00:58:46,151 --> 00:58:47,419 Oh, yeah. That's right. Yeah. 1215 00:58:47,519 --> 00:58:48,654 Okay. Now you get me. 1216 00:58:48,754 --> 00:58:50,189 My turn. Let me drop the soap. 1217 00:58:50,289 --> 00:58:52,591 On three. One, two, three. Wait. 1218 00:58:52,691 --> 00:58:53,726 Oops, I dropped it. 1219 00:58:53,826 --> 00:58:55,661 Yeah! Yeah! Nigga, yeah! Okay. 1220 00:58:55,761 --> 00:58:57,296 Like this? Yeah, nigga. Yeah, Brenda. 1221 00:58:57,396 --> 00:58:58,764 You still freaky, Ray. 1222 00:58:58,864 --> 00:59:01,500 Lower your voice. Make it deeper. You still freaky, Ray. 1223 00:59:01,600 --> 00:59:02,601 Yeah! 1224 00:59:02,701 --> 00:59:05,304 Miss Hailstorm, welcome back. 1225 00:59:05,404 --> 00:59:08,307 Doc, I'm begging you. You got to help me look younger. 1226 00:59:08,407 --> 00:59:10,042 These little bitches are killing me out there. 1227 00:59:10,142 --> 00:59:11,210 They're wearing nothing but a-- 1228 00:59:11,310 --> 00:59:13,345 a sausage casing and a ring light. 1229 00:59:13,445 --> 00:59:17,950 Trust me with this withered, decrepit, age-ravaged body, 1230 00:59:18,050 --> 00:59:20,085 and I will make you whole. 1231 00:59:20,185 --> 00:59:21,653 One Middle-Aged White Lady Special 1232 00:59:21,754 --> 00:59:23,188 coming right up. Thanks. 1233 00:59:23,288 --> 00:59:24,623 I'm gonna play a quick video 1234 00:59:24,723 --> 00:59:25,924 on the ins and outs of the procedure, 1235 00:59:26,024 --> 00:59:28,427 and then we'll get started. 1236 00:59:31,764 --> 00:59:34,868 Do you wish you weren't so old and saggy? 1237 00:59:34,967 --> 00:59:37,603 Do you wish you were younger? Sexier? 1238 00:59:37,703 --> 00:59:39,138 Fuckable again? 1239 00:59:39,238 --> 00:59:42,775 One single injection unlocks your DNA, 1240 00:59:42,876 --> 00:59:45,644 creating a new, better you. 1241 00:59:46,412 --> 00:59:48,614 This is The Stuff. 1242 00:59:50,082 --> 00:59:52,217 Doc, this isn't that Gwyneth Paltrow crap 1243 00:59:52,317 --> 00:59:54,486 that makes you smell like her vag, is it? 1244 00:59:58,557 --> 00:59:59,458 I like it. 1245 01:00:15,842 --> 01:00:18,010 Wow, that's a lot of Stuff. 1246 01:00:19,511 --> 01:00:20,712 Oh, a mask on a mask. 1247 01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:23,148 Safety first, right, Doc? 1248 01:00:24,983 --> 01:00:27,152 Oh, no! 1249 01:00:28,187 --> 01:00:30,022 I'm having second thoughts! 1250 01:00:30,122 --> 01:00:32,524 I'm gonna love and accept myself as I am. 1251 01:01:35,922 --> 01:01:37,823 Oops. Wrong movie. 1252 01:01:40,092 --> 01:01:42,594 - You were thinking it. - But you said it. 1253 01:01:43,729 --> 01:01:45,464 White Chicks 2, my ass. 1254 01:01:54,007 --> 01:01:55,774 Hey, Sara. 1255 01:01:56,843 --> 01:01:58,477 Tuesday, I-- 1256 01:01:58,577 --> 01:02:00,546 I tried to visit you. 1257 01:02:00,646 --> 01:02:02,882 I am sorry for everything. 1258 01:02:02,982 --> 01:02:04,851 Especially your name. 1259 01:02:04,951 --> 01:02:07,419 It was Taco Tuesday. I was super drunk. 1260 01:02:07,519 --> 01:02:11,223 But I promise you, I will kill this motherfucker! 1261 01:02:11,323 --> 01:02:12,824 - It's fine, really, we're cool. - I'm gonna-- 1262 01:02:12,926 --> 01:02:14,126 I'll pull the car around. We're good. 1263 01:02:14,226 --> 01:02:15,895 I'm going to take you to the car! 1264 01:02:15,995 --> 01:02:18,297 I got stabbed. I'm not deaf, you dumbass! 1265 01:02:18,397 --> 01:02:21,300 I'm taking Tues away from all of this! 1266 01:02:22,035 --> 01:02:23,402 Oh... Come on, Cindy. 1267 01:02:24,069 --> 01:02:26,338 I tried to run, too, but... 1268 01:02:26,438 --> 01:02:28,574 it follows! 1269 01:02:28,674 --> 01:02:31,410 Now you're probably expecting a flashback to that movie, 1270 01:02:31,510 --> 01:02:34,013 but it's too obscure. Yeah, and the plot is weird. 1271 01:02:34,112 --> 01:02:36,315 You have sex with someone, give them a STD 1272 01:02:36,415 --> 01:02:37,783 and then it haunts them in the form 1273 01:02:37,884 --> 01:02:38,784 of their naked grandma. 1274 01:02:38,885 --> 01:02:40,987 It's like a STD biopic. 1275 01:02:41,086 --> 01:02:42,187 Ugh, the killer is taunting me. 1276 01:02:42,287 --> 01:02:43,856 Why doesn't he just kill us? 1277 01:02:43,957 --> 01:02:45,290 Uh, speak for yourself. 1278 01:02:45,390 --> 01:02:47,159 Like, what are you waiting for? 1279 01:02:47,259 --> 01:02:50,629 Oh, no, no, no, sweetie, sweetie. It's like this. 1280 01:02:51,831 --> 01:02:55,068 What are you waiting for, huh? 1281 01:02:55,167 --> 01:02:57,971 What are you waiting for? 1282 01:02:58,071 --> 01:03:00,706 What are you waiting for? 1283 01:03:00,806 --> 01:03:02,307 What are you waiting for? 1284 01:03:02,407 --> 01:03:04,142 God, I wish you weren't my mother! 1285 01:03:04,242 --> 01:03:06,946 What are you waiting for? 1286 01:03:08,380 --> 01:03:09,615 Candyman. 1287 01:03:10,515 --> 01:03:11,717 Candyman. 1288 01:03:12,551 --> 01:03:14,119 Candyman. 1289 01:03:14,219 --> 01:03:17,489 - You sure about this? - Yeah, keep saying it. 1290 01:03:18,557 --> 01:03:19,725 Candyman. 1291 01:03:20,860 --> 01:03:22,694 Candyman! 1292 01:03:39,678 --> 01:03:41,948 So what's up? You got that candy, man? 1293 01:03:42,048 --> 01:03:45,217 - I got weed gummies. - Yeah. 1294 01:03:45,317 --> 01:03:46,585 K-nuts. - Yeah. 1295 01:03:46,685 --> 01:03:48,320 - Shroom chocolates. - Shit, son! 1296 01:03:48,420 --> 01:03:50,389 And what take you so long to show up? 1297 01:03:50,489 --> 01:03:53,625 Come on, Clarence. I called you five times. 1298 01:03:53,725 --> 01:03:55,094 Nigga, show up in three. 1299 01:03:55,193 --> 01:03:57,063 You ain't even call me on the phone. 1300 01:03:57,162 --> 01:03:58,497 Luckily I was walking by 1301 01:03:58,597 --> 01:04:00,632 and heard y'all through the hole in this wall. 1302 01:04:00,732 --> 01:04:03,335 And fix that shit. You shut your ass up. 1303 01:04:03,435 --> 01:04:06,139 You need to go to a proctologist and get your skin looked at. 1304 01:04:06,238 --> 01:04:09,408 Having acne over the age of 40 is wild work. 1305 01:04:09,508 --> 01:04:11,543 I look better than this nigga. Maybe on this side. 1306 01:04:11,643 --> 01:04:14,246 Hey, ain't no time for beefing. We about to be high as fuck. 1307 01:04:14,346 --> 01:04:16,481 We gonna party, son! 1308 01:04:22,487 --> 01:04:25,190 - That's right. Drink up! - Hey! 1309 01:04:25,290 --> 01:04:28,094 Hey! I love it. Look at that. 1310 01:04:28,193 --> 01:04:29,661 You're looking good. 1311 01:04:29,761 --> 01:04:31,064 You seen your sister? 1312 01:04:35,500 --> 01:04:37,736 I-I can't find her since she went to that protest. 1313 01:04:38,236 --> 01:04:40,840 No. 1314 01:04:40,940 --> 01:04:44,543 Ray, let me guess. You are Woody from Toy Story! 1315 01:04:44,643 --> 01:04:46,678 Nah, Brenda, that's gay. Oh. 1316 01:04:46,778 --> 01:04:49,681 Jake Gyllenhaal from Brokeback Mountain. 1317 01:04:49,781 --> 01:04:53,251 "I wish I knew how to quit you, but I can't." 1318 01:04:53,920 --> 01:04:56,089 You love that movie! 1319 01:04:56,189 --> 01:04:57,556 Hey, Brenda! Huh? 1320 01:04:57,656 --> 01:04:59,624 Have you seen my big old bag of candy? 1321 01:04:59,725 --> 01:05:02,895 It had chocolates, gummies, lollipops. 1322 01:05:03,428 --> 01:05:04,429 I-It's gone missing. 1323 01:05:04,529 --> 01:05:05,731 No, no, no, it's not missing. 1324 01:05:05,832 --> 01:05:07,900 I passed it out to the trick-or-treaters. 1325 01:05:08,000 --> 01:05:11,236 Brenda, that's my stash! 1326 01:05:22,148 --> 01:05:25,918 I'm so fucking high! 1327 01:05:28,921 --> 01:05:29,989 Whoo-hoo! 1328 01:05:30,089 --> 01:05:32,892 I can't feel my face! 1329 01:05:35,027 --> 01:05:38,965 I'm on that Naruto shit! 1330 01:05:39,731 --> 01:05:43,502 Six-seven! Six-seven! 1331 01:06:08,895 --> 01:06:10,629 Fuck. 1332 01:06:18,303 --> 01:06:19,638 Why is she looking at me? 1333 01:06:22,541 --> 01:06:24,643 A little disturbing. 1334 01:06:24,743 --> 01:06:25,945 I'm here for it. 1335 01:06:29,882 --> 01:06:31,117 Oh. Okay. 1336 01:06:41,827 --> 01:06:43,029 Hey! 1337 01:06:43,129 --> 01:06:46,899 Do you know how many baby seals die from microplastics? 1338 01:06:54,606 --> 01:06:55,340 Shit. 1339 01:06:55,440 --> 01:06:57,176 It's Ghostface! 1340 01:07:01,713 --> 01:07:03,381 Oh, my God! He stabbed her! 1341 01:07:03,481 --> 01:07:06,718 Not "her". My pronouns are "they/them". 1342 01:07:06,818 --> 01:07:08,120 He stabbed "them"! 1343 01:07:08,221 --> 01:07:11,123 I'm over 40. How am I supposed to keep up with all of this? 1344 01:07:11,224 --> 01:07:12,291 She's not wrong. 1345 01:07:12,390 --> 01:07:13,960 It's Karens like you 1346 01:07:14,060 --> 01:07:17,529 that keep the patriarchy going, with their knees on our necks! 1347 01:07:17,629 --> 01:07:20,266 Now you're playing the race card? 1348 01:07:20,365 --> 01:07:23,102 I've had enough of her shit. "Their" shit, bitch! 1349 01:07:26,172 --> 01:07:27,173 And to be clear, 1350 01:07:27,273 --> 01:07:29,774 my real name is Karen! 1351 01:07:29,876 --> 01:07:31,978 Oh, shit. This is too good. 1352 01:07:32,078 --> 01:07:33,511 Ignore the insults. 1353 01:07:33,612 --> 01:07:35,915 "They" don't realize we're here to help "them". 1354 01:07:36,015 --> 01:07:37,482 Toxic masculinity 1355 01:07:37,582 --> 01:07:40,353 and mansplaining doesn't help anybody! 1356 01:07:40,452 --> 01:07:42,255 How is my masculinity toxic? 1357 01:07:42,355 --> 01:07:44,123 I love women and sports. 1358 01:07:44,223 --> 01:07:46,959 Just not together. Come here, bitch. 1359 01:07:47,059 --> 01:07:48,593 My turn! 1360 01:07:48,693 --> 01:07:50,229 - Me next! - They ain't ready for 1361 01:07:50,329 --> 01:07:51,330 this! 1362 01:07:51,429 --> 01:07:52,430 Let me at them! Me next! 1363 01:07:52,530 --> 01:07:53,431 Fuck your pronouns. Oh, shit. 1364 01:07:53,531 --> 01:07:55,034 Suck knife. 1365 01:07:58,503 --> 01:08:00,239 I blame the manosphere. 1366 01:08:04,844 --> 01:08:06,979 Uncle Shorty. What's up, nephew? 1367 01:08:07,079 --> 01:08:09,015 Can I ask you something? 1368 01:08:09,115 --> 01:08:10,582 Yeah, shoot. 1369 01:08:11,384 --> 01:08:13,319 It's about, y-you know, 1370 01:08:13,418 --> 01:08:14,753 how to go down on a girl. 1371 01:08:14,854 --> 01:08:17,023 You talking about eating pussy? 1372 01:08:17,123 --> 01:08:19,358 That's so cringe, but yeah. 1373 01:08:19,457 --> 01:08:22,594 Well, maybe if you stop talking like a 14-year-old white girl, 1374 01:08:22,694 --> 01:08:24,330 you could learn something. 1375 01:08:24,429 --> 01:08:25,630 All right, so listen up. 1376 01:08:25,730 --> 01:08:27,066 First thing you got to do, you got to-- 1377 01:08:27,166 --> 01:08:28,868 You got to spread them legs. You got to open it up. 1378 01:08:28,968 --> 01:08:30,669 Then you want to use your fingers. 1379 01:08:30,769 --> 01:08:33,839 Sometimes you can use two. Two fingers, like that there. 1380 01:08:33,940 --> 01:08:34,941 Yeah? 1381 01:08:35,041 --> 01:08:37,043 Now, once you get it all in there, now... 1382 01:08:37,709 --> 01:08:39,145 you got to use your tongue. 1383 01:08:39,245 --> 01:08:40,478 You can't be afraid of it. 1384 01:08:43,715 --> 01:08:45,384 Yeah, lean into it. 1385 01:08:45,517 --> 01:08:47,019 Nah, nah, nah, you doing it too fast. 1386 01:08:48,387 --> 01:08:49,587 What are you, a lizard? 1387 01:08:49,688 --> 01:08:51,589 You got to be gentle. You got to talk to it. 1388 01:08:51,690 --> 01:08:52,992 "Hey there, little guy, 1389 01:08:53,092 --> 01:08:55,061 how you doing?" Hey there, little guy. 1390 01:08:55,760 --> 01:08:58,364 Boom! Just like rolling a blunt. 1391 01:08:58,463 --> 01:09:00,598 All you got to do, nephew... 1392 01:09:03,869 --> 01:09:05,670 Is hit that shit. 1393 01:09:06,205 --> 01:09:07,572 Got it? Mm-hmm. 1394 01:09:07,672 --> 01:09:08,975 All right, now, 1395 01:09:09,075 --> 01:09:12,244 if you want to learn to lick ass, ask your mama. 1396 01:09:12,345 --> 01:09:14,146 Ma! 1397 01:09:14,246 --> 01:09:17,816 Now, this is a fantastic party. 1398 01:09:17,917 --> 01:09:18,817 Well, thank you. 1399 01:09:18,918 --> 01:09:21,786 You and me, we're drinking. 1400 01:09:21,887 --> 01:09:24,190 No, I don't-- I don't drink. One shot. 1401 01:09:24,290 --> 01:09:25,958 Ma! Ma! Ma! 1402 01:09:26,058 --> 01:09:29,228 Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! What? Come on. 1403 01:09:29,328 --> 01:09:31,496 Okay, okay. I'll do one. 1404 01:09:39,504 --> 01:09:41,573 I'ma do one more. 1405 01:09:41,673 --> 01:09:44,110 Just one more. That's all you. 1406 01:09:47,480 --> 01:09:50,515 I'm gonna have one motherfuckin' more. 1407 01:09:50,615 --> 01:09:51,583 No, no, no, no. Maybe-- 1408 01:09:51,683 --> 01:09:54,020 One, two, three! No, no. 1409 01:09:56,322 --> 01:09:57,622 Here. Take that. 1410 01:09:58,457 --> 01:10:00,226 Whoo! 1411 01:10:31,357 --> 01:10:33,192 Uh! Oh! 1412 01:10:33,691 --> 01:10:35,094 Oh! 1413 01:10:35,194 --> 01:10:38,431 Bitch-ass generation don't even know how to party. 1414 01:10:40,765 --> 01:10:43,402 You feel so good. 1415 01:10:45,004 --> 01:10:46,105 Oh, yeah. 1416 01:10:46,205 --> 01:10:47,705 Elle. 1417 01:10:47,806 --> 01:10:49,141 I want to try something. 1418 01:10:49,241 --> 01:10:51,544 I-I thought you said you'd never let me peg you. 1419 01:10:51,643 --> 01:10:53,345 What? No. 1420 01:10:53,446 --> 01:10:54,746 Relax. 1421 01:10:54,847 --> 01:10:56,449 I just want to taste you. 1422 01:10:59,118 --> 01:11:00,319 Okay. 1423 01:11:01,686 --> 01:11:03,355 Dinner time. 1424 01:11:03,456 --> 01:11:06,092 Oh, yeah, come here, baby. 1425 01:11:08,861 --> 01:11:11,230 Careful. My kitty is gangster. 1426 01:11:11,330 --> 01:11:13,165 Oh! Oh... 1427 01:11:13,265 --> 01:11:15,167 It is gangster. Okay. 1428 01:11:15,267 --> 01:11:18,237 Slapped you so hard, you want some more. Yeah! 1429 01:11:22,141 --> 01:11:23,242 Oh! 1430 01:11:23,342 --> 01:11:26,345 You feel so much better than Darrel and them. 1431 01:11:26,445 --> 01:11:27,480 Choo-choo! 1432 01:11:27,580 --> 01:11:28,613 Get back in there! 1433 01:11:28,713 --> 01:11:29,915 Yeah! Lick it! 1434 01:11:30,015 --> 01:11:32,451 Yeah! Lick it hard! 1435 01:11:33,618 --> 01:11:35,054 Finish her. 1436 01:11:36,654 --> 01:11:39,959 Oh, my God! 1437 01:11:42,294 --> 01:11:43,963 Just like rolling a blunt. 1438 01:11:44,897 --> 01:11:47,099 Now all I got to do is hit it. 1439 01:11:49,502 --> 01:11:51,237 Oh-- Oof! 1440 01:11:51,337 --> 01:11:52,704 Elle! 1441 01:11:54,672 --> 01:11:55,908 What the fuck? 1442 01:11:56,008 --> 01:11:58,643 Hey there. We heard tell of a Halloween party. 1443 01:11:58,743 --> 01:12:00,613 You did now, did you? 1444 01:12:00,712 --> 01:12:01,847 We're here to drink, 1445 01:12:01,947 --> 01:12:04,383 play bad music, do some half gay shit. 1446 01:12:05,217 --> 01:12:06,418 Why just half gay? 1447 01:12:07,219 --> 01:12:08,154 Can I help you? 1448 01:12:08,254 --> 01:12:10,389 If you just invite us in. 1449 01:12:10,489 --> 01:12:11,857 Why you need a invitation? 1450 01:12:11,957 --> 01:12:13,626 White folks show up to parties uninvited 1451 01:12:13,725 --> 01:12:16,028 all the time with their little nasty-ass casseroles. 1452 01:12:16,128 --> 01:12:18,330 Bland as shit. Y'all better start using some Lawry's. 1453 01:12:18,430 --> 01:12:20,866 Mm-hmm. And why she got them dirty-ass feet? 1454 01:12:20,966 --> 01:12:23,768 Look like you was walking around porn sets all day. 1455 01:12:23,869 --> 01:12:25,204 Got them trailer park toes. 1456 01:12:25,304 --> 01:12:26,804 Shit, son! 1457 01:12:26,906 --> 01:12:29,774 I think you're in the wrong place. Y'all Klan? 1458 01:12:30,609 --> 01:12:31,709 No. 1459 01:12:31,809 --> 01:12:34,580 We believe in music and equality. 1460 01:12:34,679 --> 01:12:35,881 How about we show y'all? 1461 01:12:35,981 --> 01:12:37,950 It's okay, no. 1462 01:12:50,529 --> 01:12:52,231 They gentrified the Jeffersons? 1463 01:12:52,331 --> 01:12:54,333 Weezy's rolling around in her grave right now. 1464 01:12:54,433 --> 01:12:57,269 You can't do this to the Black National Anthem. 1465 01:13:04,809 --> 01:13:06,579 Boo! 1466 01:13:06,679 --> 01:13:08,113 Nigga, you suck! Boo your ass! 1467 01:13:08,214 --> 01:13:10,449 We worked hard on this! Take that bullshit out of here! 1468 01:13:10,549 --> 01:13:11,816 We ain't got time for that dumb shit! 1469 01:13:11,917 --> 01:13:14,220 Come on. Let us in. 1470 01:13:16,322 --> 01:13:18,224 Oh, my God! They're vampires! Oh, my God! 1471 01:13:18,324 --> 01:13:20,059 Here, take her. No, wait, wait. No, Ray! 1472 01:13:20,159 --> 01:13:22,194 No, baby, you got this. We're not vampires. 1473 01:13:22,294 --> 01:13:25,164 Just hard to sing with these in. 1474 01:13:25,264 --> 01:13:28,367 Oh, girl, you know I got you. I ain't gonna let nothing happen to you. 1475 01:13:28,467 --> 01:13:29,868 Nigga. 1476 01:13:29,969 --> 01:13:32,104 Look, why won't ya just go to one of those frat parties 1477 01:13:32,204 --> 01:13:33,906 where they drink until they black out 1478 01:13:34,006 --> 01:13:35,374 and wake up with their booties hurting, 1479 01:13:35,474 --> 01:13:37,742 not knowing what someone in a cowboy hat did to them? 1480 01:13:37,843 --> 01:13:39,278 Yeah! What? 1481 01:13:39,378 --> 01:13:40,512 Okay. 1482 01:13:40,613 --> 01:13:42,448 Well, we will leave you guys alone. 1483 01:13:42,548 --> 01:13:43,748 But we're gonna walk real slow 1484 01:13:43,849 --> 01:13:46,385 just in case y'all change your minds. 1485 01:13:48,587 --> 01:13:50,389 - Change your minds yet? - No. 1486 01:13:50,489 --> 01:13:51,457 Not at all. Hell no. 1487 01:13:51,557 --> 01:13:52,757 How about now? 1488 01:13:52,858 --> 01:13:54,360 Fuck no! No! 1489 01:13:54,460 --> 01:13:55,760 Yes? Hell to the nah. 1490 01:13:55,861 --> 01:13:57,029 Definitely not! Keep walking! 1491 01:13:57,129 --> 01:13:58,497 - Now git! - Let's go. 1492 01:13:58,597 --> 01:13:59,732 Sara, come on! White folks 1493 01:13:59,832 --> 01:14:01,934 is getting weird again. 1494 01:14:04,069 --> 01:14:06,538 Guys, I think I saw an open window over here. 1495 01:14:06,639 --> 01:14:07,772 That window's closed. 1496 01:14:07,873 --> 01:14:09,575 Not for long. 1497 01:14:15,714 --> 01:14:16,781 Wicked. 1498 01:14:16,882 --> 01:14:18,150 Oh, God. Fucking idiots. 1499 01:14:25,190 --> 01:14:29,428 Hey! Tuesday! You came back! 1500 01:14:29,528 --> 01:14:31,330 Yeah, I left my inhaler. 1501 01:14:31,430 --> 01:14:34,466 Honestly, Tuesday, that inhaler is the worst plot device in movie history. 1502 01:14:34,566 --> 01:14:36,068 That's true, should've been a vape. 1503 01:14:36,168 --> 01:14:38,771 But we're here now, so let's make the most of it. 1504 01:14:38,871 --> 01:14:41,006 Now where them White Claws at? 1505 01:14:45,911 --> 01:14:47,546 Sara? Hello. 1506 01:14:47,646 --> 01:14:51,150 Get your sister and get out of there right now. Okay, hon? 1507 01:14:51,250 --> 01:14:54,053 I am a grown-ass woman, Mother. 1508 01:14:54,153 --> 01:14:56,021 I don't have to do anything you tell me to do. 1509 01:14:56,121 --> 01:14:57,990 That's the house where your psycho father 1510 01:14:58,090 --> 01:14:59,258 killed those people. 1511 01:14:59,358 --> 01:15:00,793 Someone wanted to get you there. 1512 01:15:00,893 --> 01:15:02,861 Which means... 1513 01:15:02,961 --> 01:15:05,564 someone wants to get me there. 1514 01:15:05,664 --> 01:15:07,333 Oh, my God, this isn't about you! 1515 01:15:07,433 --> 01:15:08,667 Why are you yelling? 1516 01:15:08,767 --> 01:15:11,737 Because the camera's so fucking far away! 1517 01:15:11,837 --> 01:15:14,673 Wait, hold on. Are you tracking my phone? 1518 01:15:14,773 --> 01:15:15,874 You're breaking up. 1519 01:15:15,974 --> 01:15:17,276 Uh-- Yeah. 1520 01:15:22,281 --> 01:15:24,917 Happy Birthday! 1521 01:15:25,017 --> 01:15:28,487 Hey, that's my car! 1522 01:15:31,690 --> 01:15:33,292 What the fuck? 1523 01:15:33,392 --> 01:15:34,927 Elle! 1524 01:15:35,627 --> 01:15:36,862 I'm sorry! 1525 01:15:36,962 --> 01:15:39,465 I thought I was supposed to smoke it. 1526 01:15:40,232 --> 01:15:41,367 Oh, shit. 1527 01:15:45,137 --> 01:15:47,206 Seriously? With the 12 Years a Slave shit? 1528 01:15:47,306 --> 01:15:50,476 Whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't see that movie, okay? 1529 01:15:50,576 --> 01:15:53,445 I just found this thing in the shed. Jesus. 1530 01:15:59,718 --> 01:16:01,353 Come on, bro! 1531 01:16:01,453 --> 01:16:02,621 That's even worse. 1532 01:16:03,622 --> 01:16:06,024 I didn't mean it that way. 1533 01:16:06,125 --> 01:16:08,327 Some of my best victims are Black. 1534 01:16:10,629 --> 01:16:15,167 And another brother falls victim to gun violence. 1535 01:16:15,267 --> 01:16:17,503 Turns out race is still an issue. 1536 01:16:17,603 --> 01:16:19,138 That's not fair! 1537 01:16:19,238 --> 01:16:21,607 You know, Black guys usually die first in horror movies. 1538 01:16:24,710 --> 01:16:26,111 Damn! 1539 01:16:26,211 --> 01:16:28,848 This give whole new meaning to Dead By Daylight. 1540 01:16:28,947 --> 01:16:30,884 Yeah. 1541 01:16:30,983 --> 01:16:33,786 Oh. Get them, son. 1542 01:16:33,887 --> 01:16:36,355 Goofy ass out of here. 1543 01:16:38,991 --> 01:16:40,692 Hello, Shorty. 1544 01:16:40,793 --> 01:16:42,961 Cuckoo! Get him, niggas! 1545 01:16:44,496 --> 01:16:48,767 Got your silly ass! You about to be high as fuck. 1546 01:16:52,371 --> 01:16:53,038 Nigga! 1547 01:16:53,138 --> 01:16:56,608 Ah, shit, son! 1548 01:16:57,776 --> 01:16:59,913 Bro, why you running backwards, son? 1549 01:17:00,012 --> 01:17:01,680 I don't know. It's not me. 1550 01:17:01,780 --> 01:17:02,882 Something's wrong with this. 1551 01:17:02,981 --> 01:17:04,383 Nigga, your remote is upside-down! 1552 01:17:04,483 --> 01:17:06,853 You're fucking high, son. 1553 01:17:06,985 --> 01:17:08,487 - Game on, bitches! - Yeah. 1554 01:17:13,792 --> 01:17:15,093 Oh! Wrong nigga. 1555 01:17:15,194 --> 01:17:16,829 Black Lives Matter! 1556 01:17:16,930 --> 01:17:18,430 Not you, Shorty! 1557 01:17:18,530 --> 01:17:19,631 Oh, my-- I need you. 1558 01:17:19,731 --> 01:17:21,333 Whoa, what is going on? Oh, Jack! 1559 01:17:21,433 --> 01:17:24,102 Oh, thank God you're here! Where were you? 1560 01:17:24,203 --> 01:17:25,537 Ghostface was just here! 1561 01:17:25,637 --> 01:17:28,207 I was just outside getting some fresh air. 1562 01:17:28,307 --> 01:17:29,308 Stop! 1563 01:17:30,075 --> 01:17:32,544 One of you is the killer. 1564 01:17:33,011 --> 01:17:34,213 Elle... 1565 01:17:35,047 --> 01:17:36,682 why do you have blood on your hands? 1566 01:17:38,016 --> 01:17:40,352 I found Brad outside. 1567 01:17:40,452 --> 01:17:41,987 She's the killer! 1568 01:17:42,087 --> 01:17:44,156 I am not the killer, okay? 1569 01:17:44,256 --> 01:17:47,326 I'm not even sex positive. I'm a virgin. 1570 01:17:47,426 --> 01:17:48,527 No way. 1571 01:17:48,627 --> 01:17:50,329 You've banged, like, every dude in Woodsville. 1572 01:17:50,429 --> 01:17:52,030 Fuck you! 1573 01:17:52,130 --> 01:17:53,765 Whoa! 1574 01:17:53,867 --> 01:17:56,668 The butt doesn't count. 1575 01:17:56,768 --> 01:17:58,570 Oh! 1576 01:17:58,670 --> 01:17:59,671 Shit, she shot Ashton! 1577 01:17:59,771 --> 01:18:03,442 Welcome to Act Three, bitches. 1578 01:18:04,676 --> 01:18:05,744 What? 1579 01:18:06,846 --> 01:18:08,514 What does that even mean? 1580 01:18:09,281 --> 01:18:11,550 It's when the shit goes down. 1581 01:18:11,650 --> 01:18:12,852 Oh. 1582 01:18:12,952 --> 01:18:14,119 I still don't really know what she means, 1583 01:18:14,219 --> 01:18:16,522 but I think we should run! Run! 1584 01:18:32,371 --> 01:18:33,138 Cindy! 1585 01:18:33,238 --> 01:18:34,908 Brenda. 1586 01:18:35,008 --> 01:18:36,775 Cindy, they in there shooting! 1587 01:18:36,876 --> 01:18:38,277 These kids are wild! 1588 01:18:38,377 --> 01:18:40,112 I blame it on video games, 1589 01:18:40,212 --> 01:18:42,814 not the liquor or lack of parental supervision. 1590 01:18:42,916 --> 01:18:44,082 You're gonna need this. Oh. 1591 01:18:44,182 --> 01:18:46,485 Do you have one bigger in black? 1592 01:18:46,585 --> 01:18:48,353 Oh, wrong bag. 1593 01:18:49,154 --> 01:18:50,023 Here. Ooh. 1594 01:18:50,122 --> 01:18:51,690 Who are you, Joan Wick? 1595 01:18:51,790 --> 01:18:54,660 I would've said Ballerina, but nobody saw that shit. 1596 01:18:55,627 --> 01:18:56,595 Let's do this. 1597 01:18:56,695 --> 01:18:57,931 Okay. 1598 01:19:00,867 --> 01:19:02,969 Help! He stabbed me! 1599 01:19:03,068 --> 01:19:05,872 I'm definitely not faking it. Please, help! 1600 01:19:05,972 --> 01:19:07,272 What do you think? 1601 01:19:07,974 --> 01:19:09,341 I think Drake lost to Kendrick. 1602 01:19:09,441 --> 01:19:12,678 I still like Drake, but what was up with that lawsuit? 1603 01:19:12,778 --> 01:19:14,580 That's such a bitch-ass move. 1604 01:19:14,680 --> 01:19:16,916 About this situation. 1605 01:19:17,016 --> 01:19:18,550 Oh, that? That's definitely a trap. 1606 01:19:18,650 --> 01:19:20,719 She don't know we already been here, done that. 1607 01:19:22,021 --> 01:19:23,923 Brenda! 1608 01:19:24,023 --> 01:19:25,090 Brenda! 1609 01:19:25,190 --> 01:19:27,759 Cindy! It hurts! 1610 01:19:28,560 --> 01:19:31,064 Am I gonna make it? I doubt it. 1611 01:19:31,163 --> 01:19:33,967 Oh, God, Cindy. Oh, God. 1612 01:19:34,067 --> 01:19:36,069 Bitch, I'm not dead yet! 1613 01:19:36,168 --> 01:19:38,303 Oh. My bad. I'm sorry. 1614 01:19:38,403 --> 01:19:42,507 Now you go back in there and finish it. 1615 01:19:42,608 --> 01:19:43,475 For me, Cindy. 1616 01:19:43,575 --> 01:19:46,079 I would do anything for you, Brenda. 1617 01:19:50,549 --> 01:19:53,318 Oh, yes! She bought it. 1618 01:19:53,418 --> 01:19:56,188 That old ketchup trick, it don't fail. 1619 01:19:56,288 --> 01:19:57,556 That bitch is crazy if she thought 1620 01:19:57,656 --> 01:20:00,093 I was taking my Black ass back in there. 1621 01:20:03,829 --> 01:20:05,031 Attention all killers! 1622 01:20:05,130 --> 01:20:09,534 You have five seconds to show yourselves. 1623 01:20:21,813 --> 01:20:22,714 Shorty! 1624 01:20:22,814 --> 01:20:24,182 Bitch! 1625 01:20:24,282 --> 01:20:26,085 You shot my favorite bong. 1626 01:20:26,184 --> 01:20:28,720 Go find your own damn closet! 1627 01:20:28,820 --> 01:20:30,222 Sorry. 1628 01:20:42,434 --> 01:20:47,806 Wow, this is so nice. 1629 01:20:47,907 --> 01:20:50,308 Brenda's been ballin'. 1630 01:20:53,545 --> 01:20:54,579 What the-- 1631 01:20:58,750 --> 01:20:59,685 Red light! 1632 01:21:00,887 --> 01:21:03,622 Red light, green light, one, two, three! 1633 01:21:04,891 --> 01:21:07,459 Oh. Okay, so we're playing the hood version. 1634 01:21:08,895 --> 01:21:11,263 Red light, green light, one, two, three! 1635 01:21:13,265 --> 01:21:14,967 Ha! You moved! 1636 01:21:15,068 --> 01:21:17,703 No, I didn't. 1637 01:21:21,640 --> 01:21:24,676 Ghostface 249, eliminated. 1638 01:21:29,314 --> 01:21:34,020 Ooh. You got some hot breath, sir. 1639 01:21:43,996 --> 01:21:47,666 Someone's cleaning those handprints off the mirror, and it isn't me. 1640 01:21:47,766 --> 01:21:52,671 I'll do it. Don't leave any streaks. 1641 01:22:00,046 --> 01:22:01,379 No! 1642 01:22:14,894 --> 01:22:17,864 I knew swallowing the clip would eventually come in handy. 1643 01:22:17,964 --> 01:22:20,398 Who's smiling now, bitch? 1644 01:22:31,276 --> 01:22:33,445 Hello, Cindy. 1645 01:22:34,080 --> 01:22:35,148 Hello. 1646 01:22:35,248 --> 01:22:36,481 Looks like you forgot 1647 01:22:36,581 --> 01:22:39,284 the first rule of surviving a horror movie. 1648 01:22:39,384 --> 01:22:42,955 Never answer the phone! 1649 01:22:43,055 --> 01:22:46,691 I thought the first rule was never trust the love interest. 1650 01:22:47,960 --> 01:22:49,262 Oh, really? 1651 01:22:49,361 --> 01:22:51,596 Well, I'm changing the rules. How about that? 1652 01:22:52,265 --> 01:22:55,400 New rule: Go fuck yourself. 1653 01:22:55,500 --> 01:22:56,468 Wait, wait! 1654 01:22:57,970 --> 01:23:00,806 Why do you hate closets so much? 1655 01:23:00,907 --> 01:23:02,275 I told you to come out. 1656 01:23:02,374 --> 01:23:04,342 Yeah, well, I didn't want to get shot! 1657 01:23:04,442 --> 01:23:06,745 Ironic, isn't it? 1658 01:23:06,846 --> 01:23:09,081 You missed me, bitch. 1659 01:23:09,182 --> 01:23:11,017 Oh, God, it's Ghostface! 1660 01:23:11,117 --> 01:23:12,151 Didn't sound believable. 1661 01:23:13,886 --> 01:23:15,221 You think you're John Wick, 1662 01:23:15,320 --> 01:23:16,755 acting like I killed your dog? 1663 01:23:22,028 --> 01:23:23,662 The dog is just a metaphor. 1664 01:23:23,762 --> 01:23:25,597 It was about losing his wife! 1665 01:23:25,697 --> 01:23:27,867 You sure it's not an allegory? 1666 01:23:38,878 --> 01:23:40,179 Let us begin. 1667 01:23:49,288 --> 01:23:50,890 Oh. 1668 01:24:01,267 --> 01:24:03,635 Oh, that stunt girl is good. 1669 01:24:20,319 --> 01:24:21,187 Whoa. 1670 01:24:25,757 --> 01:24:27,960 Oh, oh-- 1671 01:24:43,475 --> 01:24:44,944 Eat a dick. 1672 01:24:55,354 --> 01:24:57,422 Shoot him, Sara. End this. 1673 01:24:57,522 --> 01:24:59,191 Don't tell me what to do! 1674 01:24:59,292 --> 01:25:00,759 This isn't the best time 1675 01:25:00,860 --> 01:25:02,995 to resolve our mommy-daughter issues, 1676 01:25:03,095 --> 01:25:07,632 but, Sara, I am so sorry. I have been a terrible mother. 1677 01:25:07,732 --> 01:25:10,236 I don't even know your sister Wednesday-- 1678 01:25:10,336 --> 01:25:11,536 Oh, Tuesday. 1679 01:25:11,636 --> 01:25:14,706 Have to clarify that for legal reasons. 1680 01:25:14,806 --> 01:25:16,208 But I've prepared you for this. 1681 01:25:17,009 --> 01:25:18,344 So go on, baby. 1682 01:25:18,443 --> 01:25:20,179 You kill him. 1683 01:25:20,279 --> 01:25:21,546 Sara? Jack! 1684 01:25:21,646 --> 01:25:23,115 - Sara! - Jack! 1685 01:25:23,215 --> 01:25:24,549 - Sara! - Oh, Jack! 1686 01:25:24,649 --> 01:25:25,851 Sara! Jack! 1687 01:25:25,952 --> 01:25:26,852 - Sara! - Jack! 1688 01:25:26,953 --> 01:25:27,752 - Sara! - Jack! 1689 01:25:27,853 --> 01:25:28,753 Thank God you're okay. 1690 01:25:28,854 --> 01:25:30,056 Because I really wanted to be 1691 01:25:30,156 --> 01:25:31,123 the one to kill you! 1692 01:25:31,223 --> 01:25:32,858 Ooh, take it, baby. 1693 01:25:33,993 --> 01:25:36,896 See, I told you it was about me. 1694 01:25:36,996 --> 01:25:38,797 No, Sara. 1695 01:25:40,132 --> 01:25:42,068 You were just the bait. 1696 01:25:42,168 --> 01:25:43,735 It's about her. 1697 01:25:44,270 --> 01:25:45,271 - Fuck! - Aw. 1698 01:25:45,371 --> 01:25:47,406 Sorry, honey. I hate being right. 1699 01:25:47,505 --> 01:25:49,342 You should've listened to Doofy. 1700 01:25:49,442 --> 01:25:51,911 The love interest. 1701 01:25:52,011 --> 01:25:54,447 It just seemed too obvious, you know? 1702 01:25:54,546 --> 01:25:57,216 Which makes you think it is not obvious. 1703 01:25:57,316 --> 01:25:58,150 Same page, honeybunch. 1704 01:25:58,250 --> 01:25:59,251 Right. 1705 01:25:59,352 --> 01:26:01,120 Yeah, well, that's the twist! 1706 01:26:01,220 --> 01:26:02,487 Now get in the kitchen. Go! 1707 01:26:02,587 --> 01:26:04,090 Hey! Move! 1708 01:26:04,190 --> 01:26:06,459 Okay, listen up! 1709 01:26:06,558 --> 01:26:09,895 See, there hasn't been a great Horror Movie 1710 01:26:09,996 --> 01:26:11,397 since the first one. 1711 01:26:11,496 --> 01:26:15,101 We're gonna save the franchise. Go get our special guest star. 1712 01:26:17,203 --> 01:26:19,604 Hollywood is out of ideas! 1713 01:26:19,704 --> 01:26:22,174 Why else would there be a Scary Movie 6? 1714 01:26:22,274 --> 01:26:24,844 But it wouldn't work with just the new characters, would it? 1715 01:26:24,944 --> 01:26:27,545 We need the legacy characters. Oh-- 1716 01:26:27,645 --> 01:26:29,348 And there wouldn't be a Cindy 1717 01:26:29,448 --> 01:26:32,918 without her sassy Black sidekick, Brenda. 1718 01:26:33,019 --> 01:26:36,355 You ain't have to say "Black" with no hard "b" like that. 1719 01:26:36,455 --> 01:26:39,025 Brenda! Didn't you get shot? 1720 01:26:39,859 --> 01:26:41,027 Did I? 1721 01:26:41,127 --> 01:26:45,064 Oh! Wait, I did! Ooh, look, God done healed me! 1722 01:26:45,164 --> 01:26:46,664 Ooh, what He do? 1723 01:26:46,765 --> 01:26:47,933 Stop dancing! All the time! 1724 01:26:48,034 --> 01:26:49,534 Stop dancing! Everybody stop dancing! 1725 01:26:49,634 --> 01:26:50,668 All the time! 1726 01:26:50,769 --> 01:26:51,937 Oh! 1727 01:26:52,038 --> 01:26:54,407 Oh. Mom! No! 1728 01:26:54,507 --> 01:26:57,009 You called me "Mom". 1729 01:26:58,177 --> 01:26:59,611 You care about me. 1730 01:26:59,711 --> 01:27:02,114 Well, I wouldn't go that far, but, I mean, 1731 01:27:02,214 --> 01:27:03,015 sure. Go-- 1732 01:27:03,115 --> 01:27:04,116 Go get Tuesday. 1733 01:27:04,216 --> 01:27:05,617 Okay, ladies, 1734 01:27:05,717 --> 01:27:07,853 time to stage the bodies. 1735 01:27:07,953 --> 01:27:10,423 Let's go, let's go, let's go. Oh! 1736 01:27:10,523 --> 01:27:12,391 Please don't do this! 1737 01:27:12,491 --> 01:27:13,758 What? Who are you people? 1738 01:27:13,859 --> 01:27:14,994 We're the motherfuckers 1739 01:27:15,094 --> 01:27:17,629 that are taking over this franchise. 1740 01:27:17,729 --> 01:27:18,964 Oh, yeah? You are? 1741 01:27:19,065 --> 01:27:20,933 Okay! Oh, my God. 1742 01:27:21,033 --> 01:27:23,568 That was not part of the plan. 1743 01:27:23,668 --> 01:27:25,737 Oh, God. Shit. 1744 01:27:25,838 --> 01:27:28,107 - Oh. - Neither was this. 1745 01:27:31,544 --> 01:27:32,845 Wait, Ray got one of those! 1746 01:27:32,945 --> 01:27:35,314 Whoa! Hot damn! 1747 01:27:35,414 --> 01:27:38,851 Anthony Anderson! 1748 01:27:38,951 --> 01:27:40,019 Yeah. 1749 01:27:40,119 --> 01:27:42,855 And I brought my boy Kevin Hart with me. 1750 01:27:49,995 --> 01:27:51,363 What? Shaq? 1751 01:27:51,464 --> 01:27:54,433 That's right. On my knees I'm the same height as Kevin. 1752 01:27:54,533 --> 01:27:55,700 And Kevin said no. 1753 01:27:55,800 --> 01:27:57,103 Kevin Hart said no? 1754 01:27:57,203 --> 01:27:59,004 That little motherfucker says yes to everything. 1755 01:27:59,105 --> 01:28:00,239 Yeah, he does. 1756 01:28:00,339 --> 01:28:01,773 But wait! 1757 01:28:01,874 --> 01:28:04,443 There's more. 1758 01:28:04,543 --> 01:28:06,545 Ta-dah... 1759 01:28:06,644 --> 01:28:07,913 bitches! 1760 01:28:08,013 --> 01:28:09,482 Ray? Shorty? 1761 01:28:09,582 --> 01:28:11,283 Yeah, that's right. 1762 01:28:11,383 --> 01:28:14,420 Four Black killers. Yeah. 1763 01:28:14,520 --> 01:28:15,787 We're making history. 1764 01:28:15,888 --> 01:28:19,091 This a new definition of Black excellence. 1765 01:28:19,724 --> 01:28:21,293 But why would you do this? 1766 01:28:21,393 --> 01:28:22,827 Question is: 1767 01:28:22,928 --> 01:28:24,997 Why would you try to make a sequel without us, huh? 1768 01:28:25,097 --> 01:28:26,165 Yeah! 1769 01:28:26,265 --> 01:28:28,234 When the studio wanted to replace these brothers, 1770 01:28:28,334 --> 01:28:30,369 I was there. 1771 01:28:30,469 --> 01:28:32,104 That's facts. What about me? 1772 01:28:32,204 --> 01:28:33,272 What about you? 1773 01:28:33,372 --> 01:28:34,507 You were in one scene 1774 01:28:34,607 --> 01:28:36,308 in Part 4. Oh! 1775 01:28:36,408 --> 01:28:37,376 Yes, but I made that motherfucker 1776 01:28:37,476 --> 01:28:38,844 Dr. Phil cut his foot off. 1777 01:28:38,944 --> 01:28:40,712 - And he crazy now. - Yeah, he got weird. 1778 01:28:40,812 --> 01:28:41,847 Mm. But you-- 1779 01:28:41,947 --> 01:28:43,282 Y-You see what they trying to do? 1780 01:28:43,382 --> 01:28:45,251 They trying to pit us all up against each other. 1781 01:28:45,351 --> 01:28:48,020 They trying to start Black on-- on very Black crime. 1782 01:28:48,120 --> 01:28:49,488 Oh. That's right! 1783 01:28:49,588 --> 01:28:52,057 Yo, Shaq. Hey. I'm proud of you, bro. 1784 01:28:52,158 --> 01:28:54,759 You've had an amazing career as a sports commentator 1785 01:28:54,860 --> 01:28:56,661 since retiring from basketball. Mm-hmm. 1786 01:28:56,761 --> 01:29:00,199 And I love The Big Podcast. Nigga, I love that shit! 1787 01:29:00,299 --> 01:29:02,535 Even though I don't understand a word you be saying. 1788 01:29:02,635 --> 01:29:03,701 You be on that show talkin' 'bout-- 1789 01:29:07,473 --> 01:29:08,274 "Kobe." 1790 01:29:08,374 --> 01:29:09,608 Enough. 1791 01:29:09,707 --> 01:29:13,312 But my point is, nigga, I love your shit. 1792 01:29:14,046 --> 01:29:16,415 But I never got over Kazaam. 1793 01:29:16,515 --> 01:29:17,749 Fuck all that shit! 1794 01:29:17,850 --> 01:29:19,185 Kick his ass! 1795 01:29:19,285 --> 01:29:21,887 Get your big ass over here! I hated that movie, too! 1796 01:29:21,987 --> 01:29:23,455 Why did you leave the Lakers? 1797 01:29:23,556 --> 01:29:26,358 You and Kobe would've had nine rings! 1798 01:29:26,458 --> 01:29:27,960 That motherfucker traded me! 1799 01:29:28,060 --> 01:29:28,961 Sha-kweel! 1800 01:29:29,061 --> 01:29:31,864 How big is your foot? 1801 01:29:31,964 --> 01:29:32,865 22. 1802 01:29:32,965 --> 01:29:35,568 Then how big is your dick? 1803 01:29:35,668 --> 01:29:36,734 Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ray! 1804 01:29:36,835 --> 01:29:38,204 - Pause. - What the fuck 1805 01:29:38,304 --> 01:29:40,039 you talking about? I'm doing it for the culture. 1806 01:29:40,139 --> 01:29:41,473 What culture? 1807 01:29:41,574 --> 01:29:43,576 - The Culture Club. Nigga! - Bro. 1808 01:29:43,676 --> 01:29:44,742 Come on, Ray, we killing people. 1809 01:29:44,843 --> 01:29:45,844 Stay focused. All right, all right. 1810 01:29:45,945 --> 01:29:47,812 All right. We back. 1811 01:29:47,913 --> 01:29:50,815 Hey, Ant, don't, don't you-- don't you worry. We family. 1812 01:29:50,916 --> 01:29:52,918 Ant, mad respect, y'all. 1813 01:29:53,018 --> 01:29:55,254 Hey, Black-ish nominated 1814 01:29:55,354 --> 01:29:56,322 for eight Emmys! 1815 01:29:56,422 --> 01:29:57,556 My nigga! 1816 01:29:57,656 --> 01:29:58,790 Well, actually, 1817 01:29:58,891 --> 01:30:00,626 the show was only nominated for five. 1818 01:30:00,725 --> 01:30:02,428 I was nominated for eight. 1819 01:30:02,528 --> 01:30:03,529 Ooh. Wow. 1820 01:30:03,629 --> 01:30:04,563 Oh, thank you. 1821 01:30:04,663 --> 01:30:05,730 A thespian! 1822 01:30:05,831 --> 01:30:08,500 Is that so? Eight nominations. 1823 01:30:08,601 --> 01:30:10,569 Crazy! Yeah, man. 1824 01:30:12,571 --> 01:30:14,707 But you never won. What? 1825 01:30:16,442 --> 01:30:17,643 Et tu, Brute? 1826 01:30:17,742 --> 01:30:19,578 Don't speak Spanish to me, motherfucker. 1827 01:30:19,678 --> 01:30:22,481 This is for doing Scary Movie 3 and 4! 1828 01:30:22,581 --> 01:30:24,883 I didn't know they fired the family! 1829 01:30:24,984 --> 01:30:26,652 And this is for copying 1830 01:30:26,751 --> 01:30:29,655 our Good Times episode on Black-ish! 1831 01:30:29,754 --> 01:30:32,391 But you guys were on The WB! 1832 01:30:32,491 --> 01:30:34,893 Nobody saw that shit! 1833 01:30:37,363 --> 01:30:38,464 That's kinda true. 1834 01:30:38,564 --> 01:30:40,566 What are you doing? 1835 01:30:40,666 --> 01:30:42,735 They didn't create the franchise, you did. 1836 01:30:42,835 --> 01:30:44,703 Yeah. No! 1837 01:30:44,802 --> 01:30:48,374 Creating franchises doesn't make you a killer. 1838 01:30:48,474 --> 01:30:50,109 Stealing franchises does. 1839 01:30:50,209 --> 01:30:52,411 Scary Movie was our franchise... Motherfucker! 1840 01:30:52,511 --> 01:30:53,712 ...and they stole it from us! 1841 01:30:53,811 --> 01:30:56,015 And they started doing those bad parodies. 1842 01:30:56,115 --> 01:30:58,984 Epic Movie. What the fuck? Disaster Movie. 1843 01:30:59,084 --> 01:31:00,586 Date Movie. This is for Date Movie. 1844 01:31:00,686 --> 01:31:03,022 And then the one with the little-- the dude with the hooves. 1845 01:31:03,122 --> 01:31:04,789 Nigga, that's Epic Movie. He deserves twice-- 1846 01:31:04,890 --> 01:31:06,458 Give him double stabs now. Hate that Narnia shit. 1847 01:31:06,558 --> 01:31:08,527 He's already dead. So much blood. 1848 01:31:08,627 --> 01:31:10,529 Friedberg and Seltzer, nigga. 1849 01:31:12,031 --> 01:31:13,666 Ooh. No, no, no. 1850 01:31:13,766 --> 01:31:15,534 And you, and you-- 1851 01:31:15,634 --> 01:31:18,837 Y'all went and did Scary Movie 3 and 4 without us! 1852 01:31:18,937 --> 01:31:21,373 Nigga, I'm sorry. They offered me so much money! 1853 01:31:21,473 --> 01:31:25,411 I-I got a new house, a new car. I got wigs that don't itch. 1854 01:31:26,545 --> 01:31:28,013 And what about you? 1855 01:31:28,847 --> 01:31:30,983 Well, I had a chance to work with 1856 01:31:31,083 --> 01:31:33,585 the incomparable Charlie Sheen. 1857 01:31:35,120 --> 01:31:36,789 That's good. He's a legend. 1858 01:31:36,889 --> 01:31:39,058 And his dick game's crazy. 1859 01:31:39,158 --> 01:31:41,260 You know he slept with 47,000 women? 1860 01:31:41,360 --> 01:31:43,595 And a thousand of them women were dudes. 1861 01:31:43,696 --> 01:31:45,431 Lucky guy. 1862 01:31:46,265 --> 01:31:48,767 Wait, so y'all gonna kill us now? 1863 01:31:50,536 --> 01:31:52,171 Nah. 1864 01:31:52,271 --> 01:31:55,007 What would Halloween be without Jamie Lee Curtis? 1865 01:31:55,107 --> 01:31:56,809 Or Scream be without Neve Campbell? 1866 01:31:56,909 --> 01:31:58,277 That would be Scream VI. 1867 01:31:58,377 --> 01:32:01,146 How did you guys pull all of this off? 1868 01:32:01,246 --> 01:32:02,348 Cindy! 1869 01:32:02,448 --> 01:32:05,517 You know how many Wayanses there are? 1870 01:32:05,617 --> 01:32:07,353 Nigga, billions! Billions! 1871 01:32:07,453 --> 01:32:11,123 I'm just so happy that the old gang is back together. 1872 01:32:11,857 --> 01:32:13,625 Okay, in the middle, on three: 1873 01:32:13,726 --> 01:32:14,927 Core Four. 1874 01:32:15,027 --> 01:32:16,729 What? Nah, nah. We-- That-- 1875 01:32:16,829 --> 01:32:18,097 That-- That's corny shit. That's wack. 1876 01:32:18,197 --> 01:32:19,698 Ooh, uh, w-what about-- 1877 01:32:19,798 --> 01:32:22,468 What about, The Young and The Restless? 1878 01:32:22,568 --> 01:32:24,269 Yeah, or The-- or The Old 1879 01:32:24,370 --> 01:32:25,738 and then The Beautiful. 1880 01:32:25,839 --> 01:32:27,806 Or-- or The-- The Cute and The Crusty. 1881 01:32:27,906 --> 01:32:30,743 Yeah, or The Sexy and then The Senile. 1882 01:32:36,915 --> 01:32:38,852 But we were brought in to take over the franchise! 1883 01:32:38,951 --> 01:32:40,018 That's right. I mean, 1884 01:32:40,119 --> 01:32:42,421 you guys are, like, 70 years old! 1885 01:32:42,521 --> 01:32:44,256 Not in my mouth! 1886 01:32:44,356 --> 01:32:45,391 Aw, fuck! 1887 01:32:46,558 --> 01:32:48,961 I just dragged that one from the subway. 1888 01:32:49,061 --> 01:32:51,230 Oh, my back hurts. 1889 01:32:51,330 --> 01:32:54,199 Guys, guys! They're already dead. 1890 01:32:54,299 --> 01:32:56,735 Nah! Little fuckers always come back. 1891 01:32:56,836 --> 01:32:58,404 Oh, no. Not this time. 1892 01:32:58,504 --> 01:33:01,039 Exactly. Come on, Ray, let's go. Let's go. 1893 01:33:01,140 --> 01:33:02,708 Who got a match? 1894 01:33:02,808 --> 01:33:06,880 Got one, got one! Next generation, my ass! 1895 01:33:06,979 --> 01:33:08,580 Yeah, whoo! 1896 01:33:12,852 --> 01:33:13,952 Sara, tell me what do to. 1897 01:33:14,052 --> 01:33:16,255 Blow, bitch, blow! 1898 01:33:24,263 --> 01:33:25,297 Yeah. 1899 01:33:27,232 --> 01:33:29,668 Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Should we feel bad? 1900 01:33:29,768 --> 01:33:31,170 I mean, those are our kids. 1901 01:33:31,270 --> 01:33:32,971 Fuck those kids! Yeah! 1902 01:33:33,071 --> 01:33:35,107 This is our franchise. Yeah! 1903 01:33:35,207 --> 01:33:37,976 Besides, we can do all these dramatic walkaways 1904 01:33:38,076 --> 01:33:39,511 with the fire in back of us. 1905 01:33:39,611 --> 01:33:41,146 But, damn, it's hot. 1906 01:33:41,246 --> 01:33:44,283 I don't know. I kind of like it. 1907 01:33:44,383 --> 01:33:46,618 You do, Ray? We should play firemen. 1908 01:33:46,718 --> 01:33:48,855 You wanna dress up like a fireman? 1909 01:33:48,987 --> 01:33:50,756 No. I want you to dress up like a fireman. 1910 01:33:50,857 --> 01:33:52,926 Y'all feel a draft? 1911 01:36:06,658 --> 01:36:09,094 Coming soon to a theater near you... 1912 01:36:09,194 --> 01:36:10,964 Come to me... 1913 01:36:11,064 --> 01:36:12,230 Count Brolock. 1914 01:36:12,331 --> 01:36:14,700 From the studio that brought you 1915 01:36:14,800 --> 01:36:17,803 every Black version of a white movie... 1916 01:36:20,238 --> 01:36:23,542 I am but an appetite, nothing more. 1917 01:36:23,642 --> 01:36:25,979 That's not what you said last night 1918 01:36:26,079 --> 01:36:27,713 when you were sucking on my chest. 1919 01:36:30,049 --> 01:36:31,383 The sisters may hear you. 1920 01:36:31,483 --> 01:36:33,251 Too late. 1921 01:36:33,352 --> 01:36:34,419 You trifling sellout. 1922 01:36:34,519 --> 01:36:36,254 I don't know this bitch! 1923 01:36:36,355 --> 01:36:37,890 She's trying to get me! This is entrapment! 1924 01:36:37,991 --> 01:36:40,192 - Negro ain't shit. - Mm-hmm. 1925 01:36:40,292 --> 01:36:43,295 Behold the Black vampire. 1926 01:36:43,795 --> 01:36:45,697 Brosferatu. 1927 01:36:46,698 --> 01:36:48,700 Coming this Kwanzaa. 1928 01:38:02,975 --> 01:38:06,378 Cuckoo. Cuckoo. 1929 01:38:07,113 --> 01:38:10,382 Happy Birthday, A.S. Berger. 1930 01:38:10,482 --> 01:38:13,318 - Something isn't right here. - Happy birthday... 1931 01:38:13,418 --> 01:38:15,387 He's definitely Ghostface. 1932 01:38:15,955 --> 01:38:16,889 Sit. 1933 01:38:17,857 --> 01:38:19,424 I agree, Berger. 1934 01:38:19,524 --> 01:38:21,560 That hand should spend the rest of its life in prison. 1935 01:38:21,660 --> 01:38:23,628 That little hand, man. I mean-- 1936 01:38:23,729 --> 01:38:27,365 Respectfully, that thing would probably give a nice handjob. 1937 01:38:27,466 --> 01:38:29,836 Off the chain, guaranteed. 1938 01:38:29,936 --> 01:38:31,037 Tight grip. 1939 01:38:31,137 --> 01:38:32,337 Make your meat look two times bigger. 1940 01:38:32,437 --> 01:38:33,538 Yeah. 1941 01:38:33,638 --> 01:38:35,041 I don't want a handjob from him. 1942 01:38:35,141 --> 01:38:36,408 Let me tell you that, first and foremost. 1943 01:38:36,508 --> 01:38:38,510 I do not want a handjob. Me neither. 1944 01:38:38,610 --> 01:38:41,313 However, when you look at it, like a shotgun-- 1945 01:38:41,413 --> 01:38:43,348 You're done. 1946 01:38:44,816 --> 01:38:46,351 Now, listen, we're gonna hold him, okay? 1947 01:38:46,451 --> 01:38:48,087 Okay. It might be a day, 1948 01:38:48,187 --> 01:38:49,354 two weeks, I don't know. 1949 01:38:49,454 --> 01:38:50,555 I don't know how long this movie is. 1950 01:38:50,655 --> 01:38:52,691 Like a Chris Nolan movie with farts. 1951 01:38:52,791 --> 01:38:55,228 But what I want you to do is go in there 1952 01:38:55,327 --> 01:38:57,329 and show him what you got. 1953 01:38:57,429 --> 01:38:59,165 Cock it and rock it. 1954 01:39:02,334 --> 01:39:03,568 Ah. 1955 01:39:05,104 --> 01:39:07,672 Oh! 1956 01:39:08,306 --> 01:39:10,143 There she is. 1957 01:39:10,243 --> 01:39:12,544 The birthday girl. 1958 01:39:15,514 --> 01:39:16,815 I brought a cake. 1959 01:39:18,117 --> 01:39:19,518 Make a wish. 1960 01:39:21,087 --> 01:39:23,022 My germs! 1961 01:39:26,525 --> 01:39:29,095 Finger-licking good. 1962 01:39:29,195 --> 01:39:33,298 Agent Berger, I'm just trying to give you my strong hand. 1963 01:39:33,398 --> 01:39:35,201 No! But it's a meme. 1964 01:39:35,300 --> 01:39:39,504 Mr. Shorthand, are you Ghostface? 1965 01:39:39,604 --> 01:39:41,974 Here we go-- 1966 01:39:42,074 --> 01:39:44,911 Whew, that stings. It's sort of-- 1967 01:39:45,011 --> 01:39:45,945 Whoo. 1968 01:39:46,045 --> 01:39:47,579 Okay, that hurts. Stop. 1969 01:39:47,679 --> 01:39:49,015 Can I talk to you for a second? 1970 01:39:49,115 --> 01:39:50,782 Yeah, o-okay. 1971 01:39:52,551 --> 01:39:54,153 This table needs an airbag. 1972 01:39:54,253 --> 01:39:55,121 It should-- 1973 01:39:55,221 --> 01:39:56,889 Goddamn! 1974 01:39:56,989 --> 01:39:58,191 Whoo! 1975 01:39:58,291 --> 01:39:59,658 I didn't think it would hurt so bad. 1976 01:39:59,758 --> 01:40:03,095 So we got the wrong guy. Could have told you that. 1977 01:40:03,196 --> 01:40:04,663 Why? 'Cause I'm psychic. 1978 01:40:04,763 --> 01:40:06,833 Oh, yeah! 1979 01:40:06,933 --> 01:40:08,100 You know, it's what-- 1980 01:40:08,201 --> 01:40:09,467 Oh, shit! 1981 01:40:09,568 --> 01:40:11,137 Oh, God, that's how I feel. 1982 01:40:11,237 --> 01:40:12,939 Let me tell you some-- 1983 01:40:13,039 --> 01:40:15,174 What do we do now? 1984 01:40:15,274 --> 01:40:16,808 Back out slowly. 1985 01:40:16,909 --> 01:40:18,610 Like my neighbor when I caught him inside my wife. 1986 01:40:18,710 --> 01:40:20,313 Where are you guys going? 1987 01:40:20,412 --> 01:40:21,513 They're still together? 1988 01:40:21,613 --> 01:40:23,216 Unfortunately. 1989 01:40:23,316 --> 01:40:24,482 Ow! 1990 01:40:24,583 --> 01:40:26,551 Sorry, man. It's okay. 1991 01:40:26,651 --> 01:40:28,087 We're a throuple now. 136435