All language subtitles for Curb.Your.Enthusiasm.S08E01.The.Divorce.1080p.BluRay.DDP5.1.H.264-BTN_track5_[eng]

None of your business, Elaine!

No!

- Oh, sorry about that.
- A ring stain?

No, I have a bad habit of just

putting my drink down on the table.

Bad habit? Put your drink
down on the wood?

Look, look at that stain you made.

Well we'll just sand
it off or something.

Do you respect wood?

I...

- Guess so.
- Oh, my God.

You had a cup like that
at Julia's party.

You left the ring stain
on Julia's table.

She blamed me the whole
time, but it was you.

- Well, it's no big deal.
- You're right.

It is no big deal.

Having said that

I would love for you to call Julia

and tell her that you
left the ring stain.

- I'm not calling Julia.
- Yeah.

Just tell her that,
that you were the one

who left the stain on the antique table.

- Hold it one second.
- I'm not gonna do that.

- Yeah, come on.
- I'm not doing that.

No, I want you to talk to her.

I don't want to talk to Julia, Larry.

Cheryl, h-hold on one second.

Oh, my God, I am not talking to Julia.

- I'm not doing this.
- Hey, Jules!

- S-s-show was fantastic.
- What was I thinking? I'd...

Why would I come here?
This is r...

I'm not talking to Julia.

I said no and you don't listen to me.

Oh, wait, hold-hold-hold, hold on, okay.

Cheryl, wait one second!

No, no, I-I think she left
the ring stain. Hold on.

Hey, what the hell are you doing?

- Leaving, Larry.
- Huh?

- Why?
- Why?

- Yeah. Cheryl!
- God!

Cheryl!

[Andrew] Larry,
I know divorce is painful

but this is a fantastic deal.

It's not only the best deal
I'm gonna get for you

it's the best deal that anybody's
gonna get for anybody.

You're gonna keep your house

you're keeping all your property.

You know? I know that's
important to you.

- I gotta be a good guy.
- Yeah.

You will look like a good guy here.

But I don't really want
to be a good guy here.

I know.

- You know that, right?
- Yes.

- Okay, yeah.
- This is what I do.

You're coming out ahead in this deal

and she's coming out behind.

Imagine like a Dutch apple pie, right?

The filling, the real meat of the pie

is everything you're getting.

And the-the top of the
pie that looks so nice

is what she's getting. She's
just getting the appearance.

Yeah, but I really like that
crumbly stuff on the top.

No, everybody does.
Yeah, it's delicious.

I like that more than the pie.

I would rather get that than the pie.

Yeah, I know, but it's, but that's just

that's a part of it, you
know, but the real

it wouldn't be a pie
without the filling.

Yeah, but it's my favorite part.

So let's switch it, she's
getting the filling

and you're getting the,
the razzle-dazzle

that is the brown crumbly stuff.

The delicious brown crumbly stuff.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- The cinnamon.

It's a good deal.
It's ready to be signed.

Everything's going to be fine, Larry.

Y-you came to the right place.

You know what, Berg?
I like the cut of your jib.

Uh, thank you very much,
captain. I appreciate that.

Cheryl and her lawyer
are going to be here

in a matter of minutes.
You don't have to

but it might not be a bad idea for you

to stick around for that meeting.

- No, I'm gonna go. Yeah.
- Okay, fair enough. Okay.

- You're welcome to stay.
- I like this desk.

You have a lot of room under here.

It could be a good desk
to get blow jobs under.

That's not why I bought it

but, uh, let's call it a happy accident.

- Okay, Berg.
- Larry, don't worry so much.

- It's a good deal.
- Okay, I'm not going to worry.

I'm gonna leave it in
your hands. I trust you.

I have a lot of confidence in you.

- Alright, see you, Larry.
- See you around.

[Cheryl] Larry.

- Oh. Hey.
- Hi.

- Hey. Good to see you.
- Hello. Good to see you.

This is David Rabinowitz,
my attorney. Thi--

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

You hired a bald man, huh?

Uh, that was a coincidence.

I didn't really go after a bald man.

You know, you should
have recused yourself.

We can't go up against each other.

It's a code.
It's in the bald code.

- Is it? Okay.
- Yes, it is.

Oh, I do need to come by
and pick up some stuff.

Oh, you want to get the
bedding and everything?

I'm giving her the bedding.
See?

- Y-you don't like the bedding.
- I-I like the bedding.

And-and the pillows. I'm
giving you all those pillows.

Yeah, you like, you want that, right?

Yeah, but you don't like
those pillows either.

I know, but I-I could charge you
for them if I wasn't being fair.

You could charge me for the pillows?

Yes, isn't that right?

- I'm not sure.
- T-technically.

Technically.
Correct, okay?

Y-your bald lawyer says technically yes.

And I can call you bald.

It's like black people
calling each other nigga--

Okay, let's, it's better if you don't.

I think you're crossing boundaries

that shouldn't be crossed right now.

What are you doing?

I'm practicing a tic
I'm working on.

You know, for dating,
I'm just wondering

if she'll point it out, that's all.

And that's what you do on your dates?

Yeah, I'll just keep going like this.

You make up a tic to
see how long your...

- Yeah.
- Okay, um--

What would you think if
you were sitting across

from somebody going like this?

If he was doing it on purpose,
I would think he was an asshole.

Only because I told you
because you know who I am.

But if you didn't know
me and we had just met

and then all of a sudden
you're sitting across

from me and I'm going...

Okay, that doesn't work. I don't
think you should do that.

Wh-why not? Huh?

Let's go.

It's just, it's just a
social experiment.

- I'll text you.
- Alright, nice to meet you.

- Nice meeting you.
- Yeah.

[Larry] I got the sharpest
Jewish divorce lawyer in town.

- He's terrific.
- You like Berg, huh?

- I like him a lot, yeah.
- Oh, you know what?

You and I ever split up

let me tell you something,
we get a divorce, 50-50.

You take whatever 50% you want.

I'll take what's left.
No-no arguing, no negativity.

What are you fucking kidding me?

You think we're gonna
have a nice divorce

if we ever get divorced?
No fucking way.

I'm taking you for everything
you have, mister.

I'm taking your balls and I'm
thumbtacking them to the wall.

You're gonna get nothing out of it.

You mention the "D" word
once in your fucking life

you'll rue the day you ever met me.

Okay. I've got some great news.

Guess where the Funkman is
going for three weeks.

- Miami?
- London!

- London!
- Oh!

- How about that?
- On business!

- How great is that?
- Wow, that's fun.

- Are you going? Oh, really?
- No.

She doesn't like to travel.

I don't go on business trips with him.

- Have you ever been there?
- No.

Oh, my God, you should go.

It's really beautiful this time of year.

- Hmm, really?
- Yeah!

- London!
- Maybe I should go, Marty.

No, it's cold. Right now it's
cold and foggy and dangerous.

They have gangs over there
and everything else

and I'll be doing business.

[Nan] I never travel with you.

I think it's a great idea.
I'm going.

- Let's talk about--
- Thank you.

[Nan] That's decided. I'm in.

Um...

...what's everybody getting for lunch?

Gonna have some sort of light salad.

I'm not that hungry.

I think I'm gonna get the buffet.

- All right.
- All right. I'll be back.

- Larry!
- The fish chowder's yummy.

- Hey, Joe.
- Larry, how are you?

- Pretty good.
- Anna!

Oh, my God
How are you?

Hey, this is, you know, Joe O'Donnell

the owner of the Dodgers.

Hi, everybody.
I didn't want to interrupt.

Anna and I did
Pilates together.

How are you?
Things going good?

Did you speak to Andy today?
Our fearless attorney?

We have the same divorce lawyer.

Oh, yes!
Oh, the fun we're having.

How's it going with you?

Well... you know, it's
complicated to say the least.

You know, the team is,
the team's an asset

and it's kind of a, you know, a
little precarious right now.

I think he'll come
through for us though.

I'm, I'm, I'm pretty confident.

By the way, would you be,
would you be interested

in coming out, sitting in a box with me?

We can commiserate, you know, discuss

why the hell we got married
in the first place.

Yeah, I-I'd be interested.

- Yes.
- Oh, we should tell them.

Um, Joe's 13-year-old daughter Kyra

is going to be knocking
on your doors possibly.

She's, she's selling Girl Scout
cookies. It's her last week.

She's going for the record this year.

- She was close.
- We're in, right, Jeff?

I-I'll be slamming the door in her face.

I hope that doesn't bother you.

We're sending her to you first.

She's coming.
Be prepared for her.

- Take care, everybody.
- Nice to see you.

- Oh, okay!
- Huh?

- There you go.
- You loving that?

- That is beautiful.
- I told you the buffet, man.

Boy, did we do the wrong thing.

- Shrimp?
- Crab legs, shrimp, potatoes.

You know what, I'm still
a little bit hungry.

Can I just take a couple potatoes?

- Yeah, help yourself.
- Look at that.

- T-take a crab leg. Absolutely.
- Are you sure?

- Take some shrimp too.
- I'll take two shrimp.

There we go.
Thank you.

Take three.
You want three?

No, two's plenty.
That's all I want.

[Marty] When you go back, get me some--

Hi, I'm-I'm sorry to interrupt.

Um, but you can't take from the buffet

and share with someone who's
ordered off the menu.

So unfortunately we're going
to have to charge you

for an additional buffet.

- It says it's all you can eat.
- It's all you can eat--

Well, what's the difference if
I give it to somebody else?

Well, because then he's eating
it. It's all he can eat also.

I wasn't going to make a second visit.

This is it.
T-this is my only plate.

But how am I to know that?

It doesn't say that you
can't-you can't--

Excuse me, maybe I can help.

Hello, I'm Hiriam Katz, attorney-at-law.

Maybe I can straighten this out.

First of all, in your implied
contract with this man

there is nothing that
allows you to restrict

what he does with your product
after he purchases it

so he can do whatever he
wants with the food.

A-and secondly, if you suspect

that he's stealing
another buffet from you

you'd have to be able to
establish prior intent.

Now can you prove prior intent?

Yeah, I didn't think so,
so in the absence of that

I'm afraid there's really
nothing you can do

except probably apologize
to these people

and maybe buy them a round of drinks.

Hmm?

I'm sorry and, um...

...happy to get you a round of drinks.

Apology accepted.
That won't be necessary.

- Thank you.
- Thank you very much.

I hope you don't mind,
I just, I hate to see people

ripped off that way.
So I thought I would dive in.

I am Hiriam Katz,
attorney-at-law. Here's my card.

Enjoy your brunch.

Hey, how about O'Donnell
inviting me to sit in his box?

That's some cool shit.
Let me tell you something.

This is gonna be great for us, man.

I know. T-t-this is better
than... Excuse me?

- It's great for us.
- Great for us?

It's great for me.

The hookup always comes with a plus one.

There's no plus one here.

I get hooked up, you get
hooked up all the time.

You've never gotten a hookup!

I got plenty of hookups, Larry.
You don't see them.

You don't notice the small shit, Larry!

What small shit? There
hasn't been any small shit.

It's the small things, Larry.

- There's no plus one.
- There's always a plus one.

Hi, um, is this
Larry David's house?

- This is Larry David.
- Oh, hi.

Um, I'm Kyra, Joe's daughter.

- Kyra O'Donnell!
- Yeah.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Um, do you like
Girl Scout cookies?

I find them abhorrent.

- But come in.
- Okay, cool.

Um, so we're in stock on
a lot of the cookies.

- Okay.
- Which is good news.

Um, we have Thank U
Berry Munch cookies.

Oh, Thank U
Berry Munch, ooh.

Th-th-th-thank U
Berry Munch.

Uh, we have the Tagalongs.

- Tagalongs.
- Yeah.

Um, we have the...

Y-you know what?
I-I'm not even interested.

Give me five boxes of each of them.

- Really?
- Yeah, what do you say to that?

- That's awesome.
- Huh? Not bad, right?

Yeah. Um, well, you could
just take a look at that.

Alright, now you-you see, these Samoas

that, that looks pretty good actually.

It's covered with caramel,
rolled in toasted coconut

'cause I'm a huge coconut guy.

Everything okay?

I, uh, think I just had my first period.

Okay.
That's... Y-yeah.

Okay, so t-t-that's no problem.

That's no problem at all.
You know why?

In fact, I got an ex-wife
and I was married

and she's a woman.
She left stuff upstairs

that's going to be very valuable to you.

I'm going to run up and get it.

You stay right here.
Don't move.

Okay don't worry.
You had it in the right place.

I'm not kidding.
I got this. I got this.

Stay right there.
I'll be right down.

Ok-kay.

Okay, got it.

Here you go, alright.

Alright, good luck.

[Kyra] Um, I don't really know
how to use one of these.

Oh, okay, alright.
There's instructions here.

Um...

Okay, okay.

"If you're using a
tampon, you'll see that

the plastic applicator is
made of two tubes. One--"'

(Kyra) 'What do you mean
"plastic applicator?"'

I don't know what this is.

I just don't get what you're saying.

Oh, okay.

"Hold the applicator lightly
on the outer insertion tube

at the grip location with your
thumb and middle finger."

- What the fuck?
- Lightly?

[Kyra] W-what do, what
am I supposed to--

"Gently slide the applicator
all the way into your vagi--"

[Kyra] Wait, how do I know
if I'm doing it right?

I've never used one of these

and I'm really frustrated right now--

Oh, okay!

I got it.
I got it.

It... Look, it pushes it out.

[Kyra] Are you sure you're
reading the right directions?

No, no, listen, listen to me.
Listen to me.

Take the inside where the string is

and push it, push it.

- Push it?
- Push it. You'll see a cotton--

[Kyra] What are you talking about?

You'll see a cotton piece come out.

[Kyra] Okay, that doesn't
make any sense.

Can you talk a little slower?

Okay.

- There's a tube, right?
- Yes.

There's an outer tube and an inner tube.

Put the outer tube in your vagina.

- And-and--
- I don't know what I'm doing.

[Kyra] I've never done this before.

Take the...

Take the outer tube, take
your thumb and middle finger

and push that tube forward.

- It comes out of the plastic!
- Wait, that seems wrong.

Look, it came out of the
plastic. I'm holding it!

- Okay, okay--
- You got it?

[Kyra] I think so. I think I got it.

Alright!

[Larry] So I'm at a light
on Bundy and San Vicente

guy pulls up next to me on a motorcycle

guess who it turns out to be.

Portia de Rossi.

- Unh-mm.
- Who?

Andrew Berg, my lawyer.

Really? On a motorcycle?

Yeah. What is a Jew
doing on a motorcycle?

I never recall ever seeing
a Jew on a motorcycle.

Did you ever want to get a motorcycle?

I once got on a motor scooter

and got about 30 feet and fell.

Motor scooter?
When did this occur?

- I was in college--
- Oh, you were in college--

So you had a big 'fro
on a motor scooter?

Yes, yeah.

It's not this Larry on
the motor scooter.

It's a young Larry with the big 'fro.

Right, it's 'Fro Larry. 'Fro...

Well, good afternoon,
General Petraeus.

- It's lovely to see you.
- Funny, funny, funny.

Uh, and I thank you for your service.

This happens to be very in.

John Varvatos, his entire
fall collection--

Is that right? Camouflage?
Is that the new thing?

Yes. Listen, you know,
I gotta tell you something.

You better go over to
O'Donnell and apologize.

You're teaching his daughter
how to put in a tampon?

- He's very upset about it.
- Oh, come on!

If she, her nose is running
and she needed a tissue

I would have given her a tissue.
Same thing.

No, not the same thing.
It's inappropriate.

- It's a tampon.
- What are you talking about?

The-the girl was having
her period in my house.

It's not my issue, Larry!

It's his issue.
I'm just the messenger.

Don't kill the messenger, as they say.

I wouldn't mind killing the messenger.

Yeah, I bet.

Say those things when
you really love me.

I think the whole thing is crazy.

You know what?

I don't think he's gonna
give you those tickets.

Really?
That's so ridiculous.

Alright, so go apologize.
What's the big fucking deal?

I-I'm gonna go over
there and talk to him.

- Hi, Marty.
- Hi, Susie.

Well, look who's here.
It's the big Funk.

You are a colossal prick.
Do you know that?

Boy, boy, I'm really getting it today.

- What'd I--
- You think it's funny?

- What did I do?
- Let me tell you something.

You ruined my whole vacation.

You had to butt in and tell
Nan to go on my trip.

I could have had three weeks

working and being alone.

I was curious as to why
she wasn't going.

Why don't you just go with her?
Why don't you bring her?

I'm bored!
Everywhere I go with her

we don't look at each other

she talks over me.
I want to be alone.

I want to get the chance
to spread my wings.

Why don't you get a divorce?

- Yeah.
- I'm too lazy.

Coming!
Yes, may I help you?

I'm here to see
Mr. O'Donnell. Larry David.

Uh, Mr. O'Donnell here

but he give me special instruction

not to open the door for you.

What?
Wait a second.

What do you mean he doesn't
want to see me? Why?

Mr. O'Donnell say you did
bad thing to Miss Kyra.

- A bad thing?
- Yes.

Oh, no, no no, no, no.

I didn't do anything bad to Miss Kyra.

I close door,
Mr. O'Donnell say

"Larry David, close door on him."

Hold it. Wait a second.

I'm supposed to go to the
baseball game with him.

You have ticket?

No, but he asked me if I was interested

and I said I'd be very interested.

Interested doesn't mean ticket.

Yeah, yeah, int-interested means ticket!

I'm interested,
I have no ticket.

Gardener interested,
chauffeur interested

cook interested, cook
more interested than me

he has no ticket!

- No. No.
- I can't have them?

That's where you draw the line?

- I love those.
- No.

No... What?
Put those back.

You don't even know what they are.

I don't care. You're not coming
up here and stealing those!

- Those things.
- Yes.

Well, okay, if you change your
mind let me know and I'll...

I will, I'll let you know.

I will return them immediately.

I'll let you know.

I know, it's kinda weird
we're gonna actually

sign the papers, right?

Yeah, we're gonna sign those papers.

You know, a lot of people,
after they get divorced

they-they look at their marriage
like it was a waste of time?

- I don't think so.
- I don't either.

To me, it's kind of like public school.

You know, you went to
school, you got through it

and now you move on.

I wouldn't be tongue scraping
if it wasn't for you.

Look what you taught me.

And that's what, that's
what you're taking away

from our marriage. Okay.

I'm glad you're taking
something with you.

- Hey, before you go.
- Yes?

Do you think there's any
chance we could have sex?

- Um, no.
- Come on.

What's the difference?
Honestly, think about it

what's the difference?
Let's just do it. Come on.

What have I done?
Name one thing that I've done

that makes you think I want
to have sex with you.

- Well, um...
- I'm talking to you?

Yes, you're talking to me.

- That's all you need?
- Yeah.

When there are women in this bedroom

it seems crazy if I
don't at least offer.

Oh, I meant to tell you,
this is interesting...

- You know your attorney?
- Andrew Berg!

Andrew Berg went to
high school with Julie

at St. Christopher's.
They actually sat next--

W-w-wait a second.

H-how could Andrew Berg
go to St. Christopher's?

- Isn't that a Catholic school?
- Yeah.

I saw him on that... motorcycle

the other day.

- Oh, well.
- Hi!

- Good afternoon.
- Hello. Good afternoon.

So we're Troop 205 and
we're here to collect

the money from the cookies, Mr. David

that Kyra said you were
interested in buying.

First of all, I commend you
on the, the demographics.

Thank you.

A black, a-an Asian and,
are you a Jew perchance?

- Uh... no.
- Oh, okay.

Well, still wonderful.

Um, regarding the cookies,
there's been a change of plans.

Uh, sorry to say...

...I no longer want them.

But Kyra said you were
interested in buying them.

I was interested and now

as a result of some
difficulties with her father

I'm no longer interested.

You're not getting any money from me.

- Be a gentleman.
- I am a gentleman, young lady!

- Oh, no, you're not!
- A real gentleman--

- Would give us the money.
- Would give us the money, yeah.

- I am a gentleman--
- No you're not!

- Yes, I am a gentleman.
- You can't just do that!

- Yes, yeah, I'm doing it.
- No!

You go talk to Joe O'Donnell.

Ask him why there's not
going to be any cookies!

Go ahead! Go!
Oh, too bad!

Jerk!

[Andrew] Hey, look who's here!

- Hello, Berg.
- How are you feeling?

I'm feeling okay.

So, Berg, I was talking to Cheryl

and she told me that a friend of hers

went to high school with you.

- Really?
- Yes.

I think the name of the
high school was, uh

St... Christopher's.

St. Christopher's, that's correct.

That is, that is my alma mater, yes.

Didn't know that they took
Jews at St. Christopher's.

Oh, well, they don't. I mean,
why would they, you know?

- Oh, I'm not, I'm not Jewish.
- Oh!

- You're not.
- Did you think I was Jewish?

Oh! Yes, I did.

- Because of Berg! Because of--
- Yes, because of Berg. Yes.

I've often wondered, you know,
would people think that.

Yes, and-and you did nothing
to perpetuate that, did you?

Well, no, I mean...

Well, I'm not sure what you mean.

Oh, how about on my birthday?
"Mazeltov, Larry."

Well you're Jewish.
It's only respectful.

On the high holy days, I said

"Hey, you going to temple, Berg?"

And you went, "No."

Right, 'cause I'm not Jewish

so why would I go to temple?

Right, like "I'm a Jew, but
not a practicing Jew."

- Oi, Larry, with this--
- Oi! Again! See?

- It's an expression.
- There's another...

It's an expression that people use.

What is this thing?
A shofar!

- Why is this on your desk?
- People give me gifts.

They'll give me like that for my desk

or the mezuzah that's on the door.

- What are you, by the way?
- I'm Swedish.

I got a Swede lawyer?
She's gonna get everything!

You-you got a good lawyer.
You got the best lawyer, Larry.

- I'm sorry, Berg.
- It's a shanda, Larry.

I got Sweded.

So did you know Berg was a Swede?

I thought he was Jewish.
He seemed Jewish.

When he first met me, he
called me a big macher.

- He said macher?
- "Maher," wait, there's more.

- With that pronunciation?
- macher.

- He had the whole "ch."
- Wow, he's so devious.

And then he'd call me maybe once a month

and ask me if I wanted to go for a nosh.

"Come on, let's go for a nosh.
It'll be good."

I'll tell you one thing,
I'm not signing any papers

until I get a new lawyer.

That guy's got a scam going.

Oh, see that?

- Did you just win?
- Yeah.

Game over again.

He just won.

Come in, it's open.

LD!

Guess who's getting a divorce.

- What?
- Martin Norton Funkhouser.

- Really?
- And it's because of you!

[Marty] That man and I were
talking about the London trip

I started to realize, "wait a minute.

"If I did go to Europe
without her, I'd come back

and it would be 20 more
years of boredom."

So I said to Nan, "Look,
let's get a divorce."

She said okay.

I'm gonna be single!

- You and me!
- Wow.

- Is that great?
- My man.

Congratulations.
Congratulations.

You know what you do when
you get a fucking divorce?

You should ride around and
bump the horn and shit like

motherfuckers getting married,
you know what I mean?

- What a great idea.
- Goddamn right.

Put cans on your car, beep your horn.

- "Just divorced."
- I'm excited I'm single.

Get out there and get some new
ass, you know what I'm saying?

Huh? You done ran that other
ass in the ground, right?

Uh, I don't want to talk
about my wife like that.

You ran that ass in the ground
and you're moving on right?

Well, I didn't run any... We had
a nice marriage for 20 years.

No, you ran that ass in the ground.

I don't run people's ass in the ground.

All men do.

It's-it's not a negative thing

to run an ass in the ground.
That's all.

[Leon] You ran that shit in the
ground like a rent-a-car.

What's with you?

What do you mean what's with me?

What are you so glum about?

It's just that everybody's

getting a chance to get
divorced except me.

You get divorced, you get divorced

you don't even need to get divorced.

Even the owner of the Dodgers,
O'Donnell, he gets a divorce.

[Larry] Shit,
I just realized something.

O'Donnell's got the Swede.

I should really tell him about Berg.

- What's wrong with Berg?
- He's not a Jew.

- He's a Swede.
- He is?

I was at his house for Hanukkah.

- He's a Swede?
- A Swede.

- You're kidding.
- No, he's a Swede.

I just... I mean...

Yeah, I knew there was
something that didn't add up

about that guy.

He took me for a ride,
that's what he did.

Unbelievable.

I do appreciate you

coming in here to tell me this.

I mean, you didn't have to at all.

Especially considering what
happened with my daughter.

I-I felt I had to tell you.

I don't know what
I'm gonna do now.

I mean, I am fighting
for everything here.

I could lose this entire
organization. This whole team!

I got a lot at stake myself.

You know what?

I got just the guy.

- You sure you're really Jewish?
- I'm the real deal.

- How much fun is this?
- How great is this?

Two single guys at a ballgame

and we're sitting in the owner's box.

I know.
How about that?

Can you believe that stupid
remark you said to me

changed my life for the better.

- Isn't it incredible?
- Oh I love you!

- How is that lawyer?
- Hiriam Katz, he's--

He must be great.

He redid my entire divorce settlement.

- You've got to use him.
- I will use him.

Uh, names, please.

Larry David,
Marty Funkhouser.

I'm sorry, gentlemen.
Your names are not on the list.

No, no, no.

Larry David. I'm a friend
of Joe O'Donnell's.

Oh, Mr. O'Donnell no
longer owns the team.

What?

He lost it in the divorce

so his wife owns it now.

- He lost it in the divorce?
- Yes, sir.

Didn't you recommend
Hiriam Katz to O'Donnell?

And you used Hiriam
Katz for your divorce?

Oh, my God! He's meeting with
Cheryl's lawyers right now!

They're gonna finalize the
papers. I gotta get over there.

- You've reached Hiriam Katz.
- Voicemail!

This guy doesn't have an assistant.

Katz, it's Larry.
Don't sign anything.

I'm on my way up to your office.

You asshole!
You cost me the Dodgers.

He hit me.

Don't worry,
I think I've got something

that will stop the bleeding.

- I think it's working.
- It's doing the job.

- Thank you so much.
- Yeah, I think you're gonna--

- Larry?
- Mm-hmm. Take care.

What is in your nose?

It's a tampon.

Well, I got hit in the face.
What was I supposed to do?

- It stopped the bleeding.
- Okay.

Um, so you know,
I just signed the papers.

And I got the house

so you have 24 hours to
vacate the premises.

- What? You got the house?
- We should go.

[Larry] You're not supposed
to get the house!

He gave up my house, that idiot?

What?
Cheryl that's not fair!

Cheryl!

Excuse me, do you have a scissor?

I need to cut the string here.

I don't want to move, man,
I don't want to uproot again

and, and I gotta move
to a new house now.

- I like this house, man.
- Yeah, I like it too.

Everything I did in this house,
man, is a memory to me.

All the bitches
I had in here, man.

This... Fucking two bitches in your bed.

What?

Fucking two bitches in your bed.

You had sex with two
women in my bedroom?

Fucking right I did!

How you gonna fuck
bitches in a twin bed?

I don't want you having sex in my bed!

But you know what, Larry?
You done fucked that shit up!

You know why? Because you got
that bullshit-ass lawyer

who got us kicked out of here.

You picked that fucking lawyer.
You fucking my shit up.

Okay, you know what? We got a
half hour to get out of here.

I suggest you go pack up and
bring your stuff down.

- Fuck you, Larry.
- Fuck you, Leon.

Hi, Mr. Larry David

we have your cookies that you ordered.

We are here for our money, and
then we'll leave you alone.

That's very interesting.

I have a vague recollection

correct me if I'm wrong,
of canceling my order.

- You already ordered them.
- Really?

You know what?
I got news for you.

I don't even like
Girl Scout cookies.

Alright, don't scream at me!
I'm not gonna be intimidated

by a bunch of Girl Scouts.
I can tell you that.

Okay, this discussion is over.

Goodbye.
Goodbye.