All language subtitles for Curb.Your.Enthusiasm.S06E03.The.Ida.Funkhouser.Roadside.Memorial.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track5_[eng]

Did you call Funkhouser?

No I'll send a card or something.

That's terrible, what
happened to his mother.

- I know.
- I mean, driving a wheelchair.

Getting hit by a car?
That's unbelievable.

- Wasn't a surprise.
- No, it was not a surprise.

Completely reckless in that thing.

Um, you know, over on Sunset

they got a, uh, memorial
site all set up for her.

- Really?
- Yep. Right where she got hit.

- Huh.
- All these flowers.

You know what?
He owes me $50 from golf.

That's $50 you're never gonna see.

- Never! Never gonna see--
- Never, ever, ever, ever, ever.

You can't ask a mourner for $50.

- Huh.
- Uh-huh.

- Well, I'm waiting.
- Yeah, me too.

- What are you waiting for?
- What are you waiting for?

I'm waiting for you to
offer me condolences

for Funkhouser's mother.

Yeah, that's what
I'm waiting for from you.

I am so much closer with
Marty than you a--

I've known him so much longer.

However long you've known him

is irrelevant in this equation.

Alright listen,
I watered the plants.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Let's go get some ice cream.
- Oh, that's just what he needs.

- Just what he needs. Go! Enjo--
- That is a good idea!

- Enjoy yourselves.
- Thank you.

Oh, and Jeff, don't forget, we've got

the interview later for
Sammi to get into Dryden.

- Very important.
- I'm all good.

- Don't worry about it.
- What-what's with you?

- When's your interview?
- I think it's tomorrow.

It would be very nice
if Daryl and Keysha

went to the same school as
Sammi. Wouldn't that be nice?

How do you know
Sammi's getting in?

Sammi happens to be a
very, very bright girl.

Yeah, well Keysha and Daryl
are no slouches, either.

- I can tell you that.
- Oh, good. Well--

Daryl knows the whole
multiplication table.

Well, that's great, Larry, but I

wouldn't take so much credit

because it's not your DNA.

I sit up at night teaching it to 'em.

- Sammi knows multiplication--
- Alright, shut up!

- That's it, let's go! Come on.
- Long division!

Let's go.
What the heck?

I think I'll get Cheryl an ice cream.

- Very nice.
- Yeah, well...

On the days I want sex,
I'm-I'm a lot nicer.

- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

I'll be nice the whole day.

And then we'll have sex.

And then I'll just go back
to being the way I am.

- It's fascinating.
- And it works for you.

What is that banana thing?

I love these people that come here

they get ten samples, you know?

And it's not right for the
woman working back there.

She's got better things to do than just

than just scooping out samples for them.

They're all so good.

- But what-what is this--
- Look at this.

People are waiting.
That's not right.

No, it's not.

You know, I shouldn't
be eating ice cream.

- No, you shouldn't.
- No, I really shouldn't.

I don't know what I came here for.

I can't even be...
You mind if I go?

'Cause if I stay here
I'll have no self-control.

- Get out of here! Get out.
- Alright, bye.

Could I try the-the
ras-raspberry chocolate?

Whatever that is?

Got a long wait.

Ooh, could
I try the tiramisu?

It's good. That's a good one.

That's a good one.
Get that. Get that.

- I think I will.
- Yeah, get that.

- Thank you.
- Get that.

And I think I'd like to
try the banana, please.

Banana! Whoa!

It might taste like...
Let me guess, a banana?

- And some chocolate.
- I mean this is really rid--

- This is so rude.
- Just the plain chocolate.

You know, you're like a sample abuser.

- That's what you are.
- What is the matter with you?

You're abusing your sampling privileges.

One sample, two samples, the most.

- You can't just go on sample--
- Oh, yes, I can!

- No, you can't!
- You know what?

I'm just gonna have the
plain vanilla, please.

- Thank you.
- Oh! A decision's been made!

Oh, we got vanilla! Enjoy.

Thank you.

Vanilla!
She winds up with vanilla.

You got to be kidding me.

How is the vanilla?

Hey! Funkhouser!

My God,
I can't believe it.

You're out? What are you...
What are you...

Well, uh, this helps my emotions.

Jogging's the best thing for me.

So mourners... Mourners exercise?
I didn't know that.

I don't know if mourners exercise.

- It's just good for me.
- Interesting.

I'm gonna remember that next time

I lose a close member of my family.

Yeah. Jogging. Helps everything.

By the way, I called your house.
I left a condolence message.

I never got a return call.

Well, I had a few things on my mind.

Yeah, still...
It's a little discourteous.

Let me explain something to you.

- Sure.
- I lost my dad a year ago.

My mother just died.

I'm an orphan, okay?

- You're a what?
- I'm an orphan.

- Orphan?
- Yeah, an orphan!

You're a little too old to be an orphan.

No, if you don't have
parents, you're an orphan.

- Oh, you could be 70 and be--
- You can be 100 and be an or--

Oh, you can't be a 100 and be an orphan.

- Yeah, you can!
- Okay.

- Little orphan Funkhouser.
- Let me ask you something--

One of the things that
bothers me a lot in life

is when ice cream drips
down the side of a cone.

Doesn't that bother you?

That's why you have to be very vigilant

when you're eating ice cream cones.

Look, there's a little drip.
Get it!

Oh, another drip!
Got it!

Are you coming to the funeral?

Of course I'm coming to the funeral.

Okay, I'm gonna give you the $50
I owe you for the golf bet.

- Oh, my God!
- Hold this.

Fifty... I forgot all about it, the $50.

- Yeah.
- Great!

- What are you doing?
- Taking off my shoe.

- I got money in the shoe.
- What?

There you go.

Ugh!

- Take the $50!
- No, I don't want it.

- Take the $50!
- I'd really rather not.

I don't want that 50 from
your, from your sweaty--

- Take the 50 bucks.
- Disgusting sock and sneaker.

- This is the payoff.
- That... I don't want that 50.

- Give me a clean 50.
- This is the 50 I have.

I'm not touching that 50.

- I don't want it.
- Take the 50.

- No!
- Then I'm not paying you!

- What?
- I'm not paying you.

- This is the $50.
- You owe me $50!

- What are you--
- This is $50!

It's perfectly fine.

See? $50.

- Alright, this is bullshit.
- Take it.

Hold it out.
Hold it out, fold it up.

Fold it, that's it, okay.

Put it in my pocket. Here, okay.
Put it in there.

Thank you.

- Hey Cheryl.
- What's up, LD?

- Hey!
- What you got there?

- Ice cream.
- Ice cream?

Ooh! I love ice cream.
What flavor did you bring us?

Actually, uh...

I just kinda got it
for, uh... For Cheryl.

You just brought some ice
cream just for Cheryl?

You didn't bring none to share with us?

See, h-here's the thing.
I'm not really used to...

Thinking about other
people other than Cheryl.

So it's not like
I did it on purpose.

The thought just didn't
even enter my mind.

It's not like it entered
my mind and I thought

"No, the hell with them."
See the difference?

Sin of commission, omission.

That's a sin of omission, much
better than the commission.

I think it's an
omission/commission thing.

But you still forgot about us.

Next time, just bring, like,
the family-order size...

- I will.
- That they got there.

- I will. I-I'm sorry, Loretta.
- That's alright.

- I forgive you.
- Thank you.

- Um... hey, Cheryl.
- Hey.

- Hey.
- Got you ice cream!

Did you just get in a fight with someone

at the ice cream shop?

Uh... yeah.

Yeah, well, what happened?

Well, this woman was, uh,
taking a lot of samples--

L-let me just tell
Loretta something.

This woman that he's talking about

is the Dean of Admissions
at Dryden School.

That nice school we was
trying to get the kids in?

Yeah, yeah, now, there's a
problem with their appli--

But how do you even know about this?

Because I just got a phone call, Larry.

Let me just say this, okay?

The woman was standing
in front of the counter

getting sample after sample.

She had 10 samples!

Uh, you're allowed to do that.

- No, you're not allowed--
- Yes, you are.

Why you think they get them
little bitty cute spoons there?

Yeah, I know why they got
the got the cute spoons.

- So you can take--
- Maybe one or two.

Don't abuse your sampling privilege!

She abused the sampling privilege.

- And you know what else?
- What?

I was also watching out for
the counter woman as well.

If she had a problem with

that woman, don't you think
she might say "Excuse me--"

No, no! 'Cause she's always
told the customer's right.

And in fact, the customer is usually

a moron and an asshole.

But you know something, Larry?

You should've mind your
business on this one.

She was breaking the rules.

She wasn't following
the rules of society.

- What rules?
- The unwritten rules.

That we have as we go about our day!

- Like what?
- Like at night, you tiptoe.

That's an unwritten rule.

You tiptoe so you don't wake people up.

You tiptoe.
There's no sign, "tiptoe."

You just have to be smart enough

and considerate enough to do it.

Okay, well, you know what?

I'm glad that you're so
pleased with yourself

because now Keysha and
Daryl are not gonna get

the education that we were
hoping that they'd get.

That's a real good school, Larry.

And we've been working
on that for so long.

- Good school.
- Courting that woman.

What you gonna do, LD?

I'll go and, uh...

- I'll go apologize.
- That-that's nice.

Hey, you know what else?
I'll get her some flowers too.

That's a good start. I'm down
with that. That sounds good.

- You like the flower idea?
- That's a good one.

'Cause I want them kids in that school.

I'm-I'm-I'm gonna rectify it.
I'm a great rectifier.

That's what I do. I break down,
I rectify.

Just say "I'm sorry, we love
the school" and-and leave.

You-you don't need to tell me
how to apologize to people.

I've been apologizing to people
since I'm six years old

on a daily basis.
I-I pretty much have it down.

- So you got this?
- Yeah. Is it always effective?

- Your apologies?
- Pretty effective.

- Okay, go.
- Hey, hey.

How about a "Thank you"?
I bought you some ice cream.

Yeah, one scoop for the whole
house. Thank you, Larry.

I'm nice!
I got you the ice cream!

What? There's no acknowledgment to that?

Hey, Mr. David, I finished
up all the painting.

It's, uh, well,11:20 now.
I got here at 9:20, so...

That's a couple hours, 50 bucks.

I'm hoping you're pleased with it now.

Umm, let me ask you a question.

- Mm-hmm?
- I mean...

I really don't care about it.

It doesn't make a difference
to me either way

but I-I'm just curious because

I know when I left

you were in the bathroom
for about 20 minutes.

And now I came back and you're
in the bathroom again.

So I'm kinda being charged for what

like a half hour of your toilet time?

- Is--
- Oh, no, no, no.

It's just kind of all-inclusive.

Yeah, I don't really
punch a clock, right?

Y-you don't punch a clock, do you?

- I don't punch a clock. No.
- Yeah.

I don't charge people for
going on the toilet, though.

Alright, but that's okay.
It doesn't matter, either way.

- Great, thank you. I apprec--
- $50?

I appreciate that.

- Whoa.
- There you go.

- What's that?
- It's $50.

- Uh... you know, um...
- You don't want it?

- No, I want money, but, uh...
- Take it.

It's a good 50!
You don't want it?

No, I just don't know where you
dragged that thing out of.

I mean, you know, that's uh...

I-I think, do you have
any other money, or...

Fine.

Change.

I got, uh... $45.90.

- $45.90?
- Yeah.

Or... I can give you the 50.

No.

I-I'll take the $45.90.

Thank you.

- Okay. I'm gonna get these.
- Alright. Those are 35.

Okay.

No.

Hey, Funkhouser. Call me back.
No one's taking this 50.

I can't get rid of it.
I'll be home in an hour.

As you know, my wife and I
took in a homeless family

who were victims of Hurricane Edna.

And-and I was so anxious to
bring 'em the ice cream back

that perhaps I was a little too
impatient in the store with you.

And I-I'm-I completely
apologize. I'm so sorry, but...

I was just thinking about those kids...

...waiting for that ice cream
that they haven't had in months.

And when I got home, finally, they said

"Oh, daddy, what took..."
You know they call me "Daddy."

- Oh, really? That's nice.
- Yeah, it's really sweet.

I really love being called Daddy.

I don't particularly like children

that's why I don't really have any.

- But I like being called daddy.
- Yes, yes. I can see.

It's-it's, I've never
felt anything like that

before in my life.

"Daddy, Daddy!
You got the ice cream!"

- Uh-huh.
- "Wh-what took so long, Daddy?"

And I said, "Well, you know

I had a little incident
at the ice cream store."

But anyway,

I-I'd love for you to have these flowers

and a-accept my heartfelt
and humble apology.

- Apology accepted. Mm!
- Thank you so much.

- Oh, they smell wonderful.
- Aren't they beautiful?

They're just so... Mmm!

Well, you know, it's
just such a rare thing

for someone to come in and
just admit right off the top

"I was at fault.
It was me, I was rude.

I was obnoxious,
I'm not such a great person."

It's just really refreshing.
It's really rare.

Saying all that,
I am a pretty good person.

I did take in a homeless family.

Yes. Excuse me one moment.
Kelly!

Could you come in for a sec?

- Anyway--
- Well, hold on.

Uh, we're gonna need a vase for this.

- Ooh, ooh! Fabric samples!
- Fabric samples.

Fabric samples.
They're so beautiful.

What are, what are you
doing with the fabrics?

- Oh, I'm gonna redo this couch.
- Oh.

- Is this the one I chose?
- Uh, no, actually...

Wasn't that the one that you wanted?

Oh, yes, but now I want this.

Yeah, she-she doesn't know what to do.

- No, I don't.
- Yeah, rem...

- You really liked the red--
- I know. I know, I did.

- I like the one you chose.
- The one I chose--

- Okay, I'll, uh...
- Yeah.

I will see you tomorrow then, I guess.

I'll see you tomorrow for our interview.

- Yeah, that's right.
- Okay, great.

Oh, God, see, there's this kind
of turquoise color in here.

- It's just--
- They're all, they're all nice.

- They're lovely.
- Yes, they are.

They are all nice, that's the problem.

Yeah, that's what you need to
do, you need to pick one, see?

Oh, if only it were that simple.

Yeah.
It is that simple, really.

- Yeah, but see the blue?
- You want them all.

- You can't have them all.
- I want them all.

- You got to kinda take one.
- I'll see you tomorrow.

- Alright, okay.
- Oh, God, what do I do?

Take it, pick it out. Jeez!

You still want
me to take this one.

[Larry] I'm home!

One for you and one for you.

What? LD, this is nice.

My two favorite girls.

- Come on, give it up.
- Aw!

So it went well?

I broke it down and I rectified.

- You rectified? Uh-huh.
- See this hand?

That's where she just had some lunch.

So the application is okay and
everything's back on track?

- It's-it's so on track.
- So on track.

You couldn't shake that train off.

The kids are gonna appreciate that.

These are real nice, LD.

That is so sweet.
Thank you.

I'm gonna put these in some water.

Okay. Alright.

Um, put 'em in, put 'em in something

and then, you know.

What are you doing?

- Come on upstairs.
- Go upstairs?

- Come on.
- Let me put it in some water.

Yeah, that can wait just one second.

Hey!

Why did you leave that stupid
message on my answering machine?

I don't want to hear about
the money anymore.

No one will take this money.
I couldn't give it to a bum.

Listen to me.

I don't care about the money.

Someone stole flowers that
were marking the spot

where my mother was hit
in her wheelchair.

- Really?
- Yes.

I'm not a violent person,
but if I find this guy

I don't know what
I'm gonna do to him.

I can't believe that a human
being would do that.

How would you even know
the flowers are missing?

I keep track of it. I drive
by there ten times a day.

Okay, you know what?

You should go home now.
Don't worry about the 50.

I don't even care about
it anymore. You know--

What is that I smell?

What? There's no smell.
What do you mean?

That's a white lily.

I don't even know what,
what-what, a white lily?

- I know a white lily.
- Huh?

I got a good sense of smell.

What are you doing?
Where you going?

There they are.
I knew it!

- Hi, Marty.
- Hi. How are you, Cheryl?

- Boy, those are beautiful.
- Thank you.

Where'd you get 'em?

Larry just brought 'em home for me.

Where'd you get the flowers?

Um... where'd I get those?

- Oh, Ventura Boulevard.
- What store?

What was it? Uh...

Where can I find a vase?

Did you take the flowers
at my mother's site?

- What?
- What?

They wouldn't take the
50 at the flower store!

- How could you do that?
- Oh, God.

Why? There are so many of them.

I didn't know it was such a big--

- So many of them?
- Is that such a bad thing?

They're not there to pick!
You are the lowest of the low.

I have never heard anything
like that in my life.

How many flowers does she need?

You took flowers from Marty's mother--

- Are these from a graveyard?
- Well, not a graveyard.

It's a roadside memorial.
It's not such a... Come on!

How could you do this?
And you know what?

I am missing one!

Where's the third bunch?

- I-I--
- There were three bouquets.

- I know where it is.
- He will get you that bouquet.

I feel sorry for you.

If you weren't my best friend

I would take my bare hands

and pop your head off your neck.

He's not my best friend.

You better get those flowers!

Quick question.

Is the other bouquet
in the dean's office?

Well... Yeah.

That's great.

- I'm gonna go get it.
- Yeah. That's good.

And then after
I get 'em back...

...anything I can do to...

- Get back upstairs?
- Yeah.

Um... I do like that
perfume Belle Fille.

- Belle Fille.
- That would make me happy.

I know where it is.
That, on Wil-Wilshire Boulevard.

- Yes.
- Right? That store on--

That's only place that sells it.

Yes! Belle Fille.

Y-you got it.

- Can I just add to it, please?
- Sure.

- Thanks.
- Oh. Nice choice.

Wait, wait, wait, you know what?
I really like that too.

Are you looking for
anything in particular?

You know what? I'm really not,
but these are wonderful.

Try that one.
That one's amazing.

So it's all sort of a new line?

Yeah, those and we've
got different ones.

These two are citrus,
that one's... I know.

- I love that.
- So good, right?

Buy it. Buy it.
It's a good one.

This is a little bit like
peppered with cinnamon.

- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- It's good.

Good, buy it. That's a good one.
That's a good one.

Um, I was looking for
something actually also

which is very much like that.

Actually,
I have this one at home.

- Do you really? It's good.
- Yeah.

Can't really sample. Can't--

Rose, not a big fan.

You know? You can't sample
everything in the world.

It's just impossible.
We'd all like to try everything.

Even though I'd love to, just can't.

There's people in line, you
know, people got to go places.

I go to a restaurant, can
I get everything on the menu?

I'd love to. Who doesn't want
everything on the menu?

You can't, you got to order
one thing. That's all.

I'm done.
I'm gonna take that.

Thank you very much.

The sampling thing has got to, you know

we got to put an end to it, you know?

I'd like to be with a lot of women

I can't sample every woman.

You know what I'm talking about?

- What can I get for you?
- Yeah, Belle Fille.

It's that one.

- Here you are.
- You got it, that's great.

Sorry, I think that's the last one.

I-I was-I was on line ahead of him.

I was ahead of him.

Yeah, well, you shouldn't
have changed lines.

Can I get you something else?

No, I don't want anything else.

You have a line problem in this store.

The lines move completely
disproportionately.

You know, there's a way to fix that too.

Like they do in Disneyland, you know

how the line snakes around.

Go into a deli, you-you take a number.

So it's fair, that's all

"cause you probably don't add
up stuff at the same rate.'

But there's a way to solve it, one line.

It's not a crazy idea.

They wouldn't have stoned
me back 1 000 years ago

for bringing up the one-line idea.

There's one line, everybody feels good.

They don't feel they're being cheated.

You have a rope, you rope it off

and people move up fair and square.

Nobody's going, "Oh, oh, I can't move."

You know,
I-look at them, look at me.

That's all, one line.

Alright.
Uh, you know...

- So Sammi would be in seventh?
- Correct, yes.

And she's having her bat
mitzvah this year.

- Oh, that's wonderful.
- Yes, she'll be 13.

How is that going?
Is she enjoying it?

[Susie] You know,
I have to tell you

the way she's learning her Haftorah

because she's actually understanding.

- That's very impressive.
- And it's proving interesting.

And understanding the meaning
of what she's saying

which is so important to me.

- Of course, of course.
- Yeah.

That's lovely.

I think these traditions
are very important.

[Susie] Yes, it-it is important.

- It's a rite of passage.
- Yes, exactly.

Um... and hobbies, does she have any?

- Hey, hi.
- Hello.

- Hey.
- Mr. David.

What are you doing here, Lar?

Oh, nothing, I was just, uh,
driving by the building.

I knew you guys were here
for your interview.

I thought we'd go out,
have a cup of coffee

discuss the interview, see how it went.

'Cause our kids could be going together.

Our kids could be going together.

He was, he was here earlier today.

Really? Why?

To apologize to me for being rude

obnoxious, and uncivil
in the ice cream store.

She was taking a lot of time

in the ice cream store sampling...

But he brought me a lovely
bouquet of flowers in apology.

They're right...
Kelley, where are the flowers?

[Kelley] They, they were just there.

- I just put 'em right there.
- Well, where did they go?

This is fucking great, Larry!

Now Sammi's kicked out too.

Just knowing you is a liability.

We were in there, we're having
the interview, it's nice.

It looks like they're gonna accept her.

And then you show up!

Ah, I don't know what to say.

I'm real...
I'm, I'm sorry.

You know, these are children's lives

we're talking about, Larry.

Their future is in our hands.

You don't understand, you
just became a parent.

But you have to take responsibility.

I believe, I believe the
children are our future.

- Oh, really?
- Oh, you know what?

You have ruined my life!
You have ruined my life!

- I have to live with this now!
- Oh, you bet he does!

Oh, do you hear that?
I am fucked!

And you fucked me! Hard!

She'll, she'll get into another school.

[Susie] Oh, we don't want another
school. We want this school!

She did all her research
for this school, man!

Can I have those flowers?

You want the flowers?
Take the fucking flowers!

Ahh!

Is that what this looked
like when you stole it?

What? Problem?

Yeah, a big problem.

- No good?
- No good, no.

Well, that's-that's the way I got 'em.

Come on, what?
What's wrong?

They should all stand up.

That's what flowers do
when they're healthy.

Stop picking up the petals, okay?

Well, I don't want to make
a mess in your house.

Yeah, don't worry about it.
You made enough of a mess.

- Okay, I'm-I'm sorry.
- Okay?

- Okay.
- Who are all these people?

[Marty] Oh, they're friends and
relatives from out of town.

They came in for tomorrow's funeral.

- Is that Lewis?
- Yeah.

Hey!

Hey.

- What are you doing?
- I-I got to get out of here.

I just-I-I, I just came
here to pay my respects

"cause I-I can't go to the funeral.'

[Larry] God, look at these
vultures going for that food!

[Richard] I know, these-these people,
I... They don't even chew.

You know, I bet if you
threw a quarter down

there'd be a stampede.

You know that?
This... I got to...

I got to get out of here.

I got the willies from this whole

this whole place, man.

- What-what is that?
- That's his mother's shrine.

That's where Marty put all the things

she cherished in life.

He gathered like some psycho
and put it on the table.

I-I got to go.

Cheryl, I'm home!

- Look what I drew.
- Yeah, great. Okay. Yeah.

- Hey, Larry!
- Yeah, get away.

Yeah.

I got the perfume!

- You smell good.
- Thank you.

Hey, you want to go to my
sister's after the service?

I don't think so.

- Thanks for coming.
- Sure.

Sorry, man.

Hey, thanks so much for
coming, appreciate it.

Do you smell something?

- Yes, what is that?
- That's mom's perfume.

[Nan] You're right.

[Nan] It's so strong.

It's like she's here with us.

Hey, somebody dropped a 50!