Original subtitles

WEBVTT FILE

Yes!

Hi mum.

Nau mai, piki maia and welcome to Taskmaster.

My name is Jeremy Wells and six years ago,

while on a high school field trip,

I was bitten by a radioactive and judgmental spider

who was particularly good at reading autocue.

Since then, I've had no choice

but to wield the great responsibility

of being your friendly neighborhood Taskmaster.

And joining me on my hero's journey

are four New Zealand comedians,

and also one Australian who lied on the forms

and tricked her way in.

Please welcome Alice Snedden,

Bree Tomasel,

Jack Ansett,

Jackie van Beek,

and Pax Assadi.

And to my left, in a lower chair and a lower tax bracket,

it's my loyal assistant, Paul Williams.

Methinks we shall begin with a riddle.

I lie beneath a diving board.

Swimming pool?

Yep.

That was quick, wasn't it?

Alright, Paul. What have we asked our contestants to bring in

for the prize task this week?

We've asked our contestants to bring in the thing with

the most feline energy

that is not related to cats in any way.

Pax, should we start with you?

Jeremy, correct me if I'm wrong, but you have a Persian father.

I do.

And so you're aware of how hairy Persian men are.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you're also aware of how indifferent they are to your success.

You're also aware of how, when they walk into a room, they

expect food to be there.

And you're also aware of how they shit in boxes of dirt.

So I've brought a tincture of my real Iranian father's real chest hair.

Oh, wow.

You weren't just looking for an excuse to shave your dad

by any chance, were you?

I don't need an excuse, we shave each other weekly.

Wouldn't it have been easier maybe just to shave

yourself and bring that in?

You don't display the same type of feline energy?

Yeah, shit, that would have been way easier, yeah.

- Alice? - Yes? - What did you bring in?

Well, I think we can all agree that cats are, of course, known

for being the sexiest animal.

So I thought, well, what's the sexiest other kind of

item I could think of,

and that's why I've brought in, um, yeah.

It's a slinky, yeah.

And if you've ever seen one of those things

go down a set of stairs.

Yeah.

Well, you gotta do that in private.

Bree, what did you bring in?

Look, Jeremy, I think we can all agree

that cats are unpredictable, shifty,

and I think something that holds all of those qualities

is this, a pair of transition lenses.

People who wear them, you can't trust them.

They go outside, they change color, they go inside,

they might change color, they might not.

You didn't just buy these

and now you just want to get rid of them.

They did cost me a lot of money

and at least I'm getting some use out of them, Jeremy.

Jackie, what did you bring in?

I think we can all agree

that everyone has started their sentence

with "I think we can all agree."

So I was just like, "I think we can all agree."

I haven't thought beyond that.

I think we can all agree that,

that I searched the world and the interior of my mind.

I found nothing within my mind,

but within the world, I found this.

- I'm sorry, I don't agree. - What is that?

It's a possum, is it?

All I would like to say,

and I don't want to take up too much of your precious time,

is 100% feline energy,

and 100% nothing to do with a cat.

It's a possum.

It's 100% possum energy.

Yeah.

If the task was bring in a possum, you would win.

No, no, if the task was bring in a possum,

I'd say this didn't just come.

Jack, what did you bring in?

After a few days of just staring at my cat

for inspiration,

I got this portrait commissioned.

Holy!

Me licking my own genitalia.

Oh man, I've never felt more motivated to win the episode.

If you are motivated to win this episode,

you're gonna have to come from behind

because I think one point for you and your slinky.

Wow.

Also, I think one point for Bree with the glasses

and then I go two points for Jackie.

I'll go three points for Pax.

I would have given you four points

if you had have brought in your mum's pubes.

Yeah. Yeah.

And I'll go five points for Jack

because as people know,

whenever a Taskmaster contestant licks

his or her own genitals,

you get maximum points for it.

Oh, thank you, Jeremy, yeah.

That is enough prize task patter.

Let's get to the first proper task of the show.

Say less, Jeremy.

This task is an emotional rollercoaster.

Paul.

Hello, Alice.

Hello, Jack.

What was that?

Just taskmaster.

Thank you for repping the brand.

Shall I?

Yes, please.

Egg.

Out loud, please.

Sorry.

Drop an egg from the rollercoaster and hit the bullseye.

Where's the bullseye?

Can I see that from here?

This will be the bullseye.

Oh wow.

You have one ride of the rollercoaster.

And one egg.

Paul can ride on the rollercoaster in your stead.

He will release the egg when you command him.

You must break up with the egg before it is released.

So I gotta, like, break its heart.

Mm hmm.

A bonus point will be given for the most dramatic breakup.

Closest to the bullseye wins.

Your time starts now.

I got married when I was 21.

And I'm 34 now. So like...

The concept of a breakup...

Feels so foreign.

Yeah.

Can we get some lawyers?

Okay.

God, I do love when there's no lines.

Are we sure that we want old Licky Licky over here

repping the brand with the taskmaster?

- Licky Licky! - Licky Licky? - Licky Licky!

- Five points. - All right, mate. - Five points.

You were enjoying it five minutes ago.

All right, I'm ready to see some breaking up

and some throwing down.

Who have we got first, Paul?

Making an egg cracky.

It's your old mate, Jackie.

I think you're on the rollercoaster.

I'm going to do some breakup stuff

and then I'm going to yell out, "Bullseye!"

My advice would be to go a little bit earlier

than you think.

We'll see.

Just 'cause the momentum.

Eh, we'll see.

Okay, it's just advice.

So I'm saying good luck.

Oh.

Cue rollercoaster, please.

Okay, now when I called you an egg,

it's because you are one.

But when you called me an egg,

I mean, I just don't think it's working, okay?

When you start calling me names, I'm out, okay?

What? No. Don't do anything stupid.

You saved my life little one.

There's more to life.

Don't give up and live your life!

Jackie, Paul doesn't normally give advice.

I understand I'm not going to win this round.

Okay, so I'm going to take the opportunity to say

I do regret not listening to you, Paul.

That was my first day on the game.

I didn't know you. I didn't trust you.

I didn't necessarily like you on that first day.

How awkward was the hug?

I know, I really went for him.

Paul was like ugh.

He recoiled.

What were you scared of?

I'm scared of nothing but the police.

Okay, Paul, what's happening?

Up next, the A team, Assadi, Ansett, Australian.

It's Pax, Jack, and Bree.

Where do you wanna ride, Paul?

I was gonna stand down by the target.

Oh, okay, really thought you'd be on with me.

That's fine.

Okay, you want me to ride with you?

Yeah, for moral support.

Why wouldn't you?

We can have fun together.

Okay.

Okay.

You know what makes me feel comfortable, Paul,

is that we're doing up our own seatbelts.

You guys got a professional to check this?

I think that looks good.

Nothing at all to worry about.

I think, okay, all right, okay, here we go.

Here we go.

Oh, here we go.

After everything we've been through,

you lying, you lying scum.

I feel like this is our whole relationship.

There's highs and there's low lows.

What have I done this time?

I knew you were f***ing the neighbour.

I can't take the low lows anymore, Paul.

Are you talking to me or to the egg?

Sorry man, I'm really sorry about this.

Oh, there's the southern motorway, okay.

I don't even want to go on this stupid roller coaster. Oh my god!

I've got a lot of work to do.

You're an asshole!

You know what, stop yelling at me.

Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna kill you.

I've had enough, I've had it.

It's over.

Oh no, it went in the bush, it went in the bush.

Did you see where the egg landed?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's on the other side

of this fence in the bushes.

It's over here somewhere.

Yeah, how did the breakup go?

I called everyone a dog, I think,

and then I threatened to kill them.

And yeah, I just want to make it clear

that I'm not going to kill anyone.

It was just an outburst in the heat of the moment.

I know I look like David Byrne, but I'm not him..

Okay.

Pax, it was interesting because everyone else seemed to be having an

argument with their egg, sort of having a go.

You were almost apologising and saying, "What have I done wrong?"

Which probably has an indication about how your relationship's going.

Yeah, I didn't really break up, it's just my marital issues just came

out and I just let them out on an egg.

Yeah, well I see that you were apologising to Paul for having the

argument with the egg in front of him.

In front of him, and yeah, I'm really sorry you had to witness

that Paul, it got really ugly.

That's okay.

Yeah.

Jack, your explanation that you weren't going

to murder someone, for some reason,

I don't know why, but I just didn't buy it.

Okay.

Yeah, I would like to re-emphasise

I have no intention of killing anyone.

That's exactly what a murderer would say.

Yeah, it is.

Once you're at the point where you're already

having to make declarations about how you won't kill people,

the ship's kind of sailed.

All right, who's up next, Paul?

Up last but not least, it's Sneddon versus egg.

Please stand, Paul Williams.

Thank you, Your Honour.

Fine people of the jury.

Tiny Tim is an egg.

Egg is an egg.

Miss Sneddon is a human being.

Eggs belong with other eggs.

That's bullshit.

Quiet, quiet in the court.

Sure, I might not be an egg,

but that doesn't mean I can't understand

what it's like to be a scared little boy.

And you know what he needs more than anything to keep him from cracking?

A pair of soft hands to carry him.

How is Egg going to do straightforward things with Tiny Tim?

Can he take him to the park?

Can he take him on a roller coaster for all I care? Can he?

Objection.

They could just kind of loosely roll around in the leg area.

Overturned.

Quiet in the court.

To prove that he is a fit father,

Egg must ride a rollercoaster one time.

If he can complete the rollercoaster without smashing,

he will receive full custody of Tiny Tim.

Your Honour, no, I will not.

No, I don't want to hear it.

This is completely normal and within my jurisdiction.

Are you scared?

No, but please let me talk to my client.

In all my years as a legal professional,

I've never seen this before.

You just have to survive this

and you'll be back with your kid.

And drop.

It didn't go well.

My client is dead.

I wouldn't say it's a good result.

Thank you, Alice.

Congrats on winning the case.

Thank you.

Okay, just a couple of quick questions for you.

So was Tiny Tim your child?

Yeah, so it's interesting.

You know, I think in hindsight,

what's made it quite complicated to understand

is that I'm doing multiple characters' voices.

And unfortunately, I don't have the ability

to modulate and/or change my voice whatsoever.

But then at the end, I clearly just kind of lost interest

in the whole thing.

Yeah.

And I left Tiny Tim behind.

After all those legal costs.

Yeah.

Did you leave Paul to raise Tiny Tim?

I left Paul to raise Tiny Tim.

In terms of the distances to the target,

'cause that's really what we're judging here.

I'm measuring from the bullseye of the target,

the very center.

Bree, 8.29m.

Oh, this isn't a good start for me.

Pax, 10.46m.

Alice, 5.13m.

Jackie, 4.18m.

And Jack, 3.39m.

You're taking the piss.

And then there's one more point for...

Bonus point for the best breakup.

And I think that's Alice.

Okay, so that would mean one point for Pax,

two points for Bree, four points for Alice,

four points for Jackie, and five points for Jack.

There we go.

Who's winning the episode so far, Paul?

Out in first with 10 points, Jack Ansett.

Wow, this is how it feels.

Wow.

Okay, I am ready for another task, Paul.

Last week, we had our first team task.

This week, our first teen task.

- Paul? - Bree.

Oh, he's in the caravan.

- Hello, Alice. - Paul.

- Hello, Jackie. - Hello.

What's that?

Taskmaster deodorant.

- What are you trying to say? - What are you trying to say?

- May I? - Mm hmm.

Recreate an uncomfortable teenage moment

with a different outcome.

Biggest reversal of fortune wins.

You have 40 minutes.

Your time starts now.

Oh God, Paul.

I don't like to think about my teenage years.

When I was 15 in biology class,

I realized I was gay and I threw up in the toilet.

So you were so homophobic.

Again, albeit about myself.

That it made you throw up.

And then be straight for another 15 years.

Wow.

All right, bring on the first trip

down memory lane, Paul.

Let's head to the hallways

of Burnside High School in Christchurch.

Yeah, yeah.

Jack Ansett.

Oh, no.

Year nine, I was in the musical "Aladdin".

I guess that was triggering for me

because I really wanted to be the genie.

And who got the role of the genie?

Thomas, his name was.

So yeah, I guess I'm gonna recreate the musical "Aladdin"

and I'm gonna be the genie

and then I'm gonna perform the hit number "Friend Like Me."

Okay, you have to do kind of a knockoff.

Yeah, sorry.

So instead of "Friend Like Me," it could be...

"Colleague."

"A Colleague Like Me."

Opening night.

Hey, brother.

Hiya, Jack.

Hey, congrats on the role.

Oh, thank you.

You been practicing hard?

Big time.

Well, guess what?

I've been practicing too.

Get on the floor now.

Yeah.

If you make a noise, it's over for you.

Now get in.

Let's go.

# Hey, hey, hey #

# You ain't never had a colleague like this guy #

# You ain't never had a colleague that's this fly #

# I'll talk to you at the water cooler #

# 'Cause I'm your genie and you're my ruler #

# Hey, I'm available for after work drinks #

# Hey, you got three wishes, one of your kinks #

# I'm here, never fear #

# Because you ain't never had a colleague like this guy #

So instead of missing out on a leading role,

you instead abducted a boy called Thomas.

- Correct. - Pushed him into a locker. - Correct.

Painted yourself green and then talked about kinks.

I'm not a musical person.

I said I'm not gonna do a musical number

at any point in the series.

You chose to do that though.

I did do that, yes.

Also, you didn't need to tell us

that you're not a musical person.

We saw.

All right, where are we, Paul?

It's time for a trip back to rural Queensland.

It's Bree Tomasel.

Should we do a few?

You could combine.

Should do my first kiss, then do my driving test,

and then where I get my results from high school,

which weren't good.

Okay, let's go.

God, this has been an absolute breeze.

Whoa, look out!

Are you safe?

Very safe, thanks to your driving.

That was some of the best driving I've ever seen.

Thank you.

I've watched "The Fast" and also "The Furious"

like eight times.

Here is your full driver's license.

Not even provisional?

Correct.

On the first go?

First go.

Thanks so much.

Yeah!

Mum and Dad, I'm so nervous about my end of school results.

This could go really bad.

Oh my God, it's the best possible result I could ever get.

I could become a doctor if I wanted.

Love you.

Love you too, Bree.

Nick Jonas?

Nick!

Hey, Bree.

What are you doing here?

I've noticed you for a long time.

How?

You're just so noticeable.

Let's go make babies.

Let's go make the Jonas sisters.

Wow, wow.

When that recreation first started,

I thought you were going to have your first kiss

with the driving instructor.

That was actually what happened,

and I wanted to recreate a better moment

cause my driving instructor was like 68.

That is the second time that Paul's been kissed

on screen in Taskmaster.

Uh uh uh.

We had to shoot that scene three times.

And then the camera guy goes,

"You don't have to kiss though if you don't want."

And both of us at the same time went, "We'll kiss."

Okay, who have we got next, Paul?

Next, we're heading to the place

where Auckland girls learn grammar.

Auckland Girls Grammar.

It's Alice Snedden.

Once I got an award for making a team I hadn't made.

What was the team?

Auckland cricket team under 16s.

The next day I still went up on stage and accepted the award

because they wouldn't tell me what award

I was getting at assembly, so I had to go.

Then my whole family came to watch me win an award.

Hello, Alice speaking.

I come bearing good news.

Yes?

You made the Auckland Under 16 cricket team.

Oh my God, really?

And on top of that, you will be receiving a special award

at an after hours school assembly tomorrow.

Wow.

Please invite your entire family to the award ceremony.

Okay, thank you, Glen.

Please welcome to the stage to receive this honorary award,

Alice Snedden.

I know it's a little unorthodox to give a speech

at a school assembly, but it just means so much to me

that the school recognizes this achievement

and really did their due diligence to find out

that I would make the team and get this award

before throwing a whole school assembly for it.

So, thank you so much.

I really appreciate it. Thank you.

Screw it. Alice Snedden Day.

From here forth on, this will be Alice Snedden Day.

# Alice, Alice #

No, please, don't.

Okay.

I mean, a little bit longer.

# Alice, Alice, Alice, Alice #

That was very cathartic to watch,

and Paul was very gentle and supportive.

The Glenn character.

The Glenn character I thought was excellent.

Glenn, I want to know more about Glenn.

If you were watching that

and you didn't know Glenn as a person,

you might be like, why is this grown man

so invested in this 16 year old girl?

But trust me, it was all above board.

I can guarantee you, nothing happened

that I didn't want to happen.

Wow.

Okay, who's up next?

Now to Wellington and the streets of Johnsonville.

It's Jackie van Beek.

I was a very young teenager.

My breasts were beginning to develop.

I was too embarrassed to get a bra,

so what I decided to do was wear swimming togs

the whole week.

Then, of course, one day,

I'm in the changing rooms getting changed

and a kind of acquaintance of mine said,

"Why are you wearing your bathing suit under your regular clothes, Jackie?"

And I said, "Because I have a swimming lesson

straight after school.

It literally starts in like seven minutes

and I just wouldn't have time to get changed otherwise."

And she was like, "Oh, cool, do you go to the Keith Spry

pool in Johnsonville?"

I said, "Yeah." She said...

No way, I live right next to that pool.

It's so funny.

Yeah, I'll walk there with you.

We get to the swimming pool, she loiters.

I have to go into the swimming pool.

Okay, well, here we are.

Better go off to my swimming lesson.

Okay, bye.

I have to talk to the person behind the desk.

Can I help you?

Can you just tell me, has that girl behind me gone already?

Yeah, she's gone.

Oh, thank God.

So what would the new outcome be?

I think it will happen at the pool.

I hope this isn't inappropriate,

but you have an incredible physique.

You have the perfect body for swimming.

I think you should go in there.

We're doing a championship.

Is that today, right now?

That's happening in five minutes.

So that's what I did.

And I became an absolute champ.

Wow, amazing.

Amazing.

She's broken the fourth wall again.

You love breaking the fourth wall.

Love breaking the fourth wall there at the end.

I just like to stay connected to my audience.

It's beautiful.

So the trauma was that you got walked

to the pool by a friend.

Yeah, but he didn't have a swimming lesson.

I made that up.

Yeah, but in your better situation,

you had a pedo man in a wig.

That was Glenn, he'd grown his hair out.

In defense of Jackie,

none of us are writing these characters as perverts.

That's just sort of how Paul, the direction Paul was choosing to go.

Okay, should we let the trauma continue?

Of course, Jeremy.

Finally, we're heading to Hamilton's Hillcrest High School.

It's Pax Assadi.

I had a crush on a girl at high school.

I won't say her name, but it rhymes with Bowie.

And I got a text from an unknown number

while I was at Basketball Nationals.

It said, "Hey, Pax, this is Bowie.

I've always had a crush on you."

And for the entire tournament, I was texting her.

And I thought I was in.

And I said some, I said some things, man.

Well, what I thought was we were two horny teenagers,

but we weren't.

It was a horny teenager texting his entire horny team.

It's me, Pax Assadi, at the age of 16.

- Nice. - Here at High School Nationals.

Whoa, I got a text.

Oh my God.

Hi Pax, this is your high school crush, Bowie.

I am deeply in love with you.

Please, I want to be with you for the rest of my life.

Wow, that's crazy dude.

He's such an idiot, he has no idea.

Hey girl, I love you too.

And I want to kiss you daily.

He replied.

We're really embarrassing him.

Look at the embarrassment on his face.

What do you guys, what do you mean?

It's not actually her sending the text.

What? It was you guys the whole time?

Crack up. Crack up, eh?

How crack up.

Yeah.

Bowie, what are you doing here at this basketball tournament in 2006?

You should be at school.

I didn't have your number, so I've been texting your teammates

and asking them to pass the text on to you.

So it has been you this whole time?

I'm in love with you.

Yes!

Get in!

Get in!

So, what do we do now?

I guess maybe we could get married,

move to Ghana, and start a non for profit.

Basketball focused non for profit where it's a basketball academy?

Yeah.

That's awesome.

- Ta ta! - Bye!

Bye!

Good luck in Ghana!

Do you have a visa?

Can you just go there?

I guess so.

Okay, so just a couple of quick points on that story.

So the initial embarrassment was that your teammates

witnessed your crazy horniness.

Yeah, yeah.

And then in the recreation,

they still witnessed your crazy horniness.

Yeah, but the horniness was coming from Zoe. Bowie.

So Bowie, I've said it now, Zoe is texting.

I'm pretty sure we all figured it out already.

No, I genuinely thought it was Joey.

I was thinking Joey as well.

I thought it was Chloe.

Yeah, I thought Chloe.

Nah, it's jokes, it's not Zoe.

All right, this is gonna be quite hard to score

'cause I felt everybody's trauma, okay?

But I'll give one point to Jack

because you clearly had a problem

with not getting that role,

but then you proved to us

why you shouldn't have even got the role.

Right, that's fair. I'll take that on the chin.

- So I think it's fair. - Thank you, yes, yep.

Jackie, I'll give you two

'cause you went from having an uncomfortable walk home

to getting hit on by a man in a wig

at a public pool reception.

And then I'll go three for Alice,

because obviously you went from humiliation

to acceptance from Glenn.

Pax, four for you.

The humiliation of your teammates, that's not ideal.

And then five for Bree,

from the driving test to having babies

with a Jonas brother, that's...

Paul.

Blackout.

It's worth it every time.

All right, that's enough awkward transitions

from childhood to adulthood.

Is it time for another task, Paul?

It sure is, Jeremy.

I accuse this tablet of containing a task.

Show me task.

Paul!

God, it's good to see you again.

Thank you for saying it.

Oh, what have we got here?

Nothing under the table.

Task time.

Collect the most coins.

Most coins wins.

You can gain a coin by successfully accusing

an item of concealing one.

To accuse an item, point at it

and yell show me money?

I feel like that should be show me the money.

Legal reasons.

You may not touch the items.

If no coin is found, you are bankrupt and disqualified.

You may save your coins and walk away at any time

by putting your coins in the piggy bank.

Your time starts now.

So the minute I point at an object

that doesn't have a coin, I'm bankrupt and disqualified.

Correct, you will receive no points.

Show me money!

Yes.

Completely original phrase.

So this seems like a pretty simple task.

It's kind of gambling, isn't it?

It's gambling, yeah.

Who's gambling first, Paul?

Up first, Pax Assadi and Jackie van Beek.

Show me money.

Aha, I knew it.

Show me money.

You've accused the milk.

Show me money.

Ooh, yeah.

I knew it.

Give me some money, baby.

That's not the phrase.

More money, more problems.

All the information you need is in the task.

Show me money.

Paul's special folder contains a coin.

That could be a double bluff.

Remember that you can bank your coins at any time

and leave with two coins banked?

Yeah, but I'm a gambler.

I have a theory that every single one of these items has money.

Okay.

Show me money, Paul.

Show me money. It's a double bluff.

Oh.

Oh, it wasn't a double bluff.

Sorry, but you're bankrupt.

That theory fell over real fast.

Almost instantly.

Yeah. And I tried to play it real cool.

You did seem really cool.

I was immediately wrong.

That sucks, man.

So, what happened in the end?

Jackie lost everything?

Both of them were bankrupt.

Yeah.

Who's next Paul?

Up next, the two cheeses,

Bree and Monterey Jack.

Oh, Paul, I guess we just bloody do it, eh?

Do what?

Just kick it in the dick.

Oh.

Paul's special folder, I accuse it.

Show me money.

The folder contains a coin.

This would be the obvious pick,

but you're probably not gonna do that.

Why is the taskmaster around the wrong way?

It says MT, not TM.

The wallet's empty.

Yes, Paul, I got one.

I'm eyeing up the milk.

You thirsty?

Always.

Show me money.

Yeah, drink it up, Paul.

The milk contains a coin.

I love you, Paul.

Oh, there's a leaf blower.

I accuse this tennis ball.

You wouldn't believe what I found.

Is this working?

Hard to say.

Are coins made out of metal?

Show me money.

You got me!

Today, modern coins are made from nickel.

Sorry, it's quite boring, Paul.

Show me money.

The pot plant contains a coin.

I'm so tired of choking.

Show me money.

Show me money.

This rubber duck, show me money.

There's something inside this wee hole here.

Show me money!

It's so fun when you win!

So you're happy with that? Five coins?

I honestly think I've done better than everyone else will have done at this.

Three, four, five, six.

Like the live studio, I want those four arseholes to know

how good I've done.

Okay.

Celebration dance.

Yes, Paul.

Yes, Paul.

Yes. Ha!

I don't know what was better, Bree, to be honest.

Realising that that was MT,

you must have been quite happy with yourself.

Or the moonwalk.

Both were pretty amazing moments,

like doing the moonwalk in unison with Paul.

Are we all incredibly impressed

by Paul's Michael Jackson dance moves?

- Yeah. - Oh yeah.

Can you do one right now?

Just one Michael Jackson dance move?

It comes as no surprise to me

that's pervert Paul's favourite.

What a squeaky clean celebrity to impersonate.

So, just to be clear, they decided to bank their money after

six coins, is that right?

Well, interesting point.

Bree, six coins, very solid.

Jack, five, very solid.

But I do have to show you this.

Okay.

The white powder contained a coin.

Thank you. Do I put that in my piggy bank?

If you want to bank it.

Yeah, I do. Yeah.

Okay.

Oh no.

I don't get it. What did I do?

Oh no.

So going back to the task wording.

- Oh my God. - Oh no, Jack.

You may save your coins and walk away at any time

by putting your coins in the piggy bank.

You really gonna do this?

You really gonna split hairs like this?

Okay. That's quite frankly pathetic.

This guy's gonna blow.

He's honestly, I can feel the vibration.

Okay, who have we got left?

Get ready for Alice Sneddy.

Maybe I'll just go upstairs and get some coins?

Okay.

Just in case that's a thing.

Show me money!

It's no use crying over spilt milk.

Congratulations.

Show me money.

Thank you.

Ah! Show me money.

Congratulations.

OK, I'm ready to bank.

1, 2, 3, 4.

5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Now we're going over 10. Are you going to be OK?

120, 121.

122, 144, 145.

Would you like to bank those?

Yes, please.

When you were putting the 145th coin in the piggy bank,

were you ever thinking, you know,

what if I don't put in one more coin I might get

beaten by Jack Ansett?

Look to be honest I thought it was such a clear loophole

that everyone was going to do it

and I was worried that I was so lazy.

But I'm not convinced that you're going to get away with it.

Well shut the f*** up.

That's a great question.

So collect the most coins, most coins wins.

You can gain a coin by successfully accusing

an item of concealing one.

So essentially this task was do whatever the f*** you want.

- We just didn't read... - That's not true. It was reading comprehension.

Legally, I think it works.

Yeah, totally, it does work.

It was a good point, it was a good point.

So how would you want to score?

So Jackie and Pax, they were both bankrupt. One point?

- One point. - One point.

And then I would give three points for Jack.

Oh, thank you so much.

And then I'd go four points for Bree.

Yep.

And then I'd go five points for Alice.

The winner of the task is Alice SneddEn.

Should we have a look at the episode scores so far?

It's very close, there's only one point in it,

but out in first with 14 points, Jack Ansett.

Oh!

Okay, head up onto the stage for the final task of the show.

All right Paul, what are we doing tonight?

Alice Snedden, please read the task.

Make the tallest freestanding structure.

You may only use balloons, tape, your pool noodles and umbrella.

You have five minutes to construct your tower,

after which it must stand on its own for ten seconds.

Shit.

On my whistle.

Okay, this is getting out of hand.

Get out of my box, please, get out of my box.

That's what she said.

What's the thinking, Alice?

I don't want to say it out loud.

I'd rather not comment.

Oh, I'm gonna spend five minutes trying to find the thing.

Oh, I just hit myself in the face.

Really regretting wearing a skirt, Paul.

What do you think that looks like?

I'm gonna add two balloons just there for you.

Oh, okay. Maybe a rocket ship.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Shit.

Oh no. Oh no.

I don't know what to do.

I'm panicking.

I thought there were three of these.

Can I borrow one of yours?

Can I borrow that yellow one?

No, piss off.

I've got a spare.

A spare tall one.

Oh no, shorty.

Okay.

My noodle's so flaccid.

Bree is a hot mess.

Bree, just a reminder, it has to stand up.

I know, Paul.

Okay.

I don't have any ideas.

Oh, Jack.

Oh.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Careful with that.

Sorry.

I can't get the tape off.

10 seconds.

I have to win this episode.

Step away. Step away, Bree. Hands away.

Jack, step away, Jack. Step away.

Okay, everyone leave everything up here.

Head on down.

And we'll measure them.

Come on, Jack, let's go.

Come on, Jack.

Come on, Jack, come on.

All right, what happened there, Paul?

Who won, who lost, and who's somewhere in between?

Firstly, the elephant in the room.

Do we accept Jack's tower?

Can I, do I get the chance?

No, you don't.

I think we all know that that's unfair to everybody else

because everyone else built a structure from the base,

it was freestanding, Jack's was still attached to him.

In that case, Bree, 25 centimeters.

Jackie, 68 centimeters.

Happy with that.

Alice, one metre forty eight.

Pax, one metre fifty.

Oh, you're joking!

Two centimetres in it, yes.

So that's one point for Jack, two points for Bree,

three points for Jackie, four points for Alice,

and five points for Pax Assadi.

Paul, I think it'd be a good time

to have a little bit of a series score update.

Okay.

It's very close.

Out in first with 50 points, Jackie van Beek.

But who is the winner of episode three

of Taskmaster season six?

With 17 points, the winner of episode three

is Alice Snedden.

Okay, congratulations Alice.

Please head up and enjoy your bounty.

- She loves the puss. - Do you wanna come with me, Jack? Come on.

No.

Come on, Jack, come on.

Ka kite ano. We'll see you next time.

He's still holding it!

Welcome to Taskmaster, the show that comedians say yes to because

they're desperate to reinvent themselves.

Or in Jack Ansett's case, invent themselves.

Oh, Jack's the weakest link. Oh!

Okay, by a round of applause, who knows who I am?