Original subtitles

Ooh, can't wait to touch your body.

Ooh, girl, make sweet love to you.

All night long.

Yeah, your butt is so fine.

Want to use it like a pillow all the time.

Oh. Well, that episode was a hoot and a holler, wasn't it?

That is a great episode,

but this next episode is our favorite episode.

It's called "The Mexican Staring Frog

of Southern Sri Lanka."

That's right, and it's all about this army

of futuristic vehicles which can drop out of planes

and then run in silent mode, and they actually

use the silent mode to sneak up behind their enemies,

and they don't even know they're there.

And the leader, who wears this big silver suit,

he's almost late, but then he uses a flying mode

to get in the back of this plane...

Dude. Dude.

- That's not this episode. - It's not?

No, dude, that's that movie "Megaforce."

- We didn't do that? - No, dude, that came out

when we were, like, 12 years old.

Oh, dude, we should have done that.

That was a sweet movie.

Well, yeah, but this is the episode where it has...

You know, where it has Jesus, and he gets his own talk show,

and they're... they're after that Mexican staring frog and stuff.

Oh, we should have done "Megaforce."

That was a sweet movie. We should have done that.

Well, enjoy "The Mexican Staring Frog

of Southern Sri Lanka."

- Say hey-oh. - Hey-oh.

- Say whoa. - Whoa.

I'm going down to South Park.

Gonna have myself a time.

Friendly faces everywhere.

Humble folks without temptation.

Going down to South Park.

Gonna leave my woes behind.

Ample parking day or night.

People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!"

Headed on up to South Park.

Gonna see if I can't unwind.

So come on down to South Park.

And meet some friends of mine.

And now back to "Huntin' and Killin'"

with South Park's favorite hunters Jimbo and Ned.

I'm Jimbo Kern, and this here is Ned.

- Say hi, Ned. - Hi, Ned.

Now isn't that great?

We have a terrific show for you today.

We're gonna kill some elk

and we're gonna kill some mountain goats.

Now, the new law passed by Colorado legislature,

which Ned and I call Pussy Law #4, states

that we can no longer kill animals in defense.

In other words, our old line

of "It's comin' right for us"...

- "It's comin' right for us!" - No longer works.

So now we only kill animals to...

If we don't hunt, then these animals

will grow too big in number

and they won't have enough food.

So you see, we have to kill animals

or else they'll die.

Uh, so roll the tape.

Here we are up at Shaffers Crossing

looking for some animals.

Lookee, Ned, there's some deers.

Quick, Ned, thin out their numbers.

Thin out their numbers.

Good work, Ned, now they won't starve.

That sure was a great hunting trip.

We saved those deer from extinction.

We're environmentalists.

Coming up next,

we're gonna drop some napalm

on an unsuspecting family of beavers,

and also try to thin out the numbers

of some endangered species.

Mr. Garrison, what's Vietnam?

What's Vietnam?

A question a child might ask

but not a childish question.

Children, for the next few days

we'll be learning all about Vietnam.

Chances are that somebody in your own lives

was affected by this incredible war.

That's right, Mr. Garrison,

the Vietnam War was sticky and icky.

Mr. Garrison, were you in Vietnam?

Come on, man, let's go!

Jump out of the chopper!

Who's next to take a shower?

Me, I am!

You just took one last time, silly.

Oh, where can I hide this big pipe?

No, I wasn't in Vietnam.

But sometimes I like to pretend I was.

Anyway, children, I'm going to assign you all a paper.

I want you all to find somebody in your own life

who was in Vietnam and interview them about it.

What if we don't know anybody who was in Vietnam?

Then you get an F, fail the third grade

and have to get a job cleaning septic tanks

to support your drug habit.

Dude, my uncle Jimbo was in Vietnam.

Hey, yeah, he and Ned do that stupid TV show.

And now time for...

One of our loyal viewers from South Park

sent us some 8-millimeter film

of what he claims to be the Mexican staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka.

Now, as you all know,

the Mexican staring frog of southern Sri Lanka

can supposedly kill you with one horrid gaze.

If a person even so much as looks into the frog's eyes,

they can be paralyzed or even die.

And this film proves that that frog

may very well exist.

Now watch carefully.

You're gonna see the Mexican staring frog.

There! There, did you see it?

Roll that back again.

Now freeze it.

Well, I'd like to know what

all you skeptics have to say now.

- What do you think, Ned? - I'm scared.

Well, be sure to join us next time.

Until then...

We're so glad you spent a time with us.

While we slaughtered our way through nature's guts.

Come again and stay a while.

We'll kill a lot more living things.

And make them bleed.

Good night.

And we're cut, great show, guys.

Oh, lookee who's here.

My little nephew, Stanley.

So you're interested in your Uncle Jimbo's

big TV show, huh?

No, we have to do a stupid report on Vietnam.

You and Ned are the only guys we know who were there.

- Oh, yeah, we sure were. - Was it fun?

Cartman, what kind of stupid-ass question is that?

Of course it was fun.

Well, sure, Vietnam was fun.

But not like going to the circus fun

or fly fishing in Montana fun.

No, Vietnam was more like

shoving shards of broken glass up your ass

and then sitting in a tub of Tabasco sauce fun!

Yepper, that's where me and Ned met.

I remember I had just gotten off the Ferris wheel.

Oh, boy, what a gorgeous day.

Kern, get over here.

The new privates are here.

I'm assigning one of them to you as a trainee.

Ned Gerblansky.

Ned Gerblansky reporting, sir.

Thanks, Ned.

Now, the bad guys have been spotted

about ten clicks north of here.

I know that you and Kern are best suited to take them out.

- Are you up for it? - Sir, yes, sir.

Soon it was all on just me and Ned

to win the war for America.

Pass me some more cocoa, will you, Ned?

Certainly, and would you like another muffin as well?

Why the hell not? We're at war.

Hey, you know those things are bad for your throat.

No, that's all lies. I'll be fine.

Charlies at two o'clock!

I see 'em, drop the bomb!

The bomb's not releasing!

- Oh, no! - It won't budge.

Then we only have one option.

What are you doing, man?

We have to take 'em out, Ned, at all costs!

Die, you red commie bastards!

Oh, no, out of ammo!

We did it, Ned.

We killed the entire Viet Cong army.

Whoopee!

Let's get back to base camp.

We can ride the log ride before it closes.

And that's the way it happened, boys.

- Wow! - Man, Vietnam was sweet.

Great news, guys, your TV show ratings

have doubled!

They've gone from six people to twelve.

Holy smokes, we could get an Emmy.

We've got to do it, J... Your rating are being killed

by the Jimbo and Ned hunting show.

But I don't really care about that.

Well, you better care, Mr. Smarty Pants.

No ratings means no show.

If you want to keep reaching out to people,

you have to keep up with the times.

Oh, all right.

All right, we're 10 seconds to air, guys.

Remember, big, big, big.

And five, four, three...

It's your hour of power

on midday mountain cable access.

Put your hands together and welcome

the only man in town

who always has a fully stocked wine cellar.

Jesus Christ!

Uhh... Hi.

Uh, y-yeah, okay.

Beginning today, we're taking the show

in a new direction.

We've got some very interesting people

coming on the show this week for you, our viewers.

Today's guest is TV's Gilligan, Mr. Bob Denver.

Here's Bob Denver!

Hi, Bob Denver.

Hi, Jesus, great to be here.

So, Bob, so you just get in town?

Yep, just got in.

So, um, so what have you been up to?

Nothing, nothing really at all.

Nothing from nothing leaves nothing.

You gotta have something...

Oh, boy.

And after killing the entire Viet Cong army,

they returned to base camp.

Once there they rode the devil's drop roller coaster

and ate cotton candy and ultimately,

Ned got the Purple Heart for his courageous defense

of the log ride.

So was the horror of Vietnam. The end.

The end.

Are there any questions?

Yes, Mr. Garrison.

Yes, where the

did you hear this ridiculous load of bullshit?

From Vietnam veterans.

Well, boys, it's obvious to me

that you didn't do your work

and then you stayed up all night making up

some ridiculous lie.

No, no, we didn't.

You all receive an F-minus.

F-minus? Can he do that?

But we're not making it up.

Stanley, the Vietnam War was war.

There weren't galloping steeds

or singing birds or log rides.

How do you know? You weren't even there.

Well, that's it!

All of you have detention for the rest of the week!

Sweet.

Welcome to detention, mm-kay.

Mr. Garrison told me about your little joke.

It's important for you all to know why

you're in detention

for you to obtain the full benefits from it.

You're here because you're inferior, okay,

you're here because you're awkward, okay?

Well, Stan, thanks a lot for having such a cool uncle

that got us all detention for a week.

Yeah, dude, your uncle Jimbo sucks ass.

Shh, okay.

Why would he just invent a story

instead of telling us the truth?

Well, let' see. Maybe 'cause

he's an old drunk hillbilly dick.

Shh, okay.

We got to get him back, dude.

- Totally. - How?

Well, he screwed us by making something up.

I say we do the same thing.

What do you mean?

Did you guys ever see that one "Brady Bunch"

where the guy...

Oh, yeah, sweet.

Super sweet. Yes!

And now back to "Huntin' and Killin'"

with South Park's favorite hunters,

Jimbo and Ned.

Welcome, hunters.

Boy, have we got a show for you today.

We have just received a tape from another viewer

who filmed the Mexican staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka right here in South Park.

Yes, now we're about to roll the film,

but remember, if you look the Mexican staring frog

in the eyes, you can go catatonic.

We don't know if this applies to pictures

of the frog or not,

but who wants to take chances?

So when we roll this film, be sure to look away.

Okay, roll the film, Tom.

Is it over?

Okay, it's over.

Well, there you have it.

Undeniable proof that the Mexican staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka exists.

And you saw it here on the Jimbo and Ned show.

Dude, I can't believe they fell for it.

Yeah, what a couple of dumbasses.

Yeah.

Come on, we gotta go make another one.

Lying kicks ass.

- Jesus! - Yeah?

We're in trouble.

The Jimbo and Ned show made up some ridiculous

staring frog story and jumped another

- two points in the ratings. - Uh-oh. So what are we

- supposed to do? - I don't know.

We'll have to continue with the changes we've made

and then go even further.

And we're back in five, four, three...

Remember, big, big, big.

If you're just joining us,

we've been listening to Michelle's incredible story

of survival. Go on, Michelle.

Well, as I was saying, I tried and tried

but my overturned car just wouldn't budge.

My husband was trapped for 12 hours.

And yet somehow he managed to survive.

That's right.

He's a very brave man, and I love him very much.

I love you, too.

Well, let's see if the audience

has any questions.

Yes, you over there.

I think she needs to kick him to the curb, baby.

- Kick who to the curb? - Her no-good husband.

She's got to lose that zero and get herself a hero.

But...

He wants to have his cake and eat it too.

He's got to dump that trash, girlfriend.

It's all about respect.

You gotta have respect for yourself.

I think we've somewhat missed the point here.

Let's go to somebody else.

Yes, your comments.

Montel, I think we're forgetting something

very important in all this.

Okay, sure, he touched some children

but the man is a great singer

and he's entertained us for so many years.

- What are you talking about? - Michael Jackson.

All this badmouthing, putting the man down.

Maybe he did touch some children now and then.

But come on, it's Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson!

Uh, we'll be back right after these messages.

Ready, you guys?

Ready!

Okay, action.

I am the deadly Mexican staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka.

- It's supposed to be a frog. - I know that.

Since when do frogs talk, Cartman?

It's a Sri Lanka frog.

- Der, Cartman! - Der yourself, hippy.

Just do it again, Cartman, and don't make it talk.

Okay, here we go, ready?

- Are you ready, Cartman? - I'm ready, Steven Spielberg!

Action!

Screw you guys.

Wait, why do I have to dress up like an old lady?

'Cause old ladies are fat and you are too.

Come on, Cartman, the way we're shooting this,

nobody will even know it's you.

- They better not. - Okay, when I yell action,

you start to walk this way,

then Kenny's gonna pull the plastic frog in front of you

and you have to be scared.

Scared of a plastic frog?

It's acting, Cartman.

You have to pretend you're really scared,

then the Mexican staring frog will look you in the eyes,

then you fall down like you're dead, okay, ready?

This is stupid.

Good, and action!

Well, it appears as though a lot of you skeptics

thought that the film we showed of the Mexican staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka was a fake.

They say it didn't harm anybody.

Well, it just so happens that

we just received another film

from another anonymous viewer.

Roll it.

There you go.

Proof that not only is this frog real,

but it is doing harm to the people of South Park

as we speak.

- Damn that frog. - Well, that does it.

All this week, Ned and I will be

risking life and limb as we go on location

to hunt the Mexican staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka.

Join us, won't you?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

This is the biggest publicity stunt I've ever seen.

- Damn, those hunters are clever. - Uh, clever?

It's genius, it really is.

Hell, I even want to watch them hunt

the Mexican staring frog.

- Unless. - Unless what?

Unless we can prove to the world

that the whole thing is a sham.

If we prove that the Mexican staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka

is just something made up by Jimbo and Ned,

we can have them taken off the air,

perhaps even killed.

Look, why don't we just stick to our own show?

People will watch again.

Oh, J, you are so omnipotent,

and yet so naive.

We'll launch a full investigation

and in the meantime we can cash in

on the videotapes.

What videotapes?

Yea, my children, I am the way and the light...

You've seen "Jesus and Pals."

Now you've got to get the video.

"Jesus and Pals Too Hot for TV."

Things get a little out of control.

You won't believe your eyes.

Order now, only $19.95.

Remember, this is stuff you can't see on TV.

Anonymous tip?

Yeah, it was left on our answering machine.

All it said was that they saw the Mexican staring frog

just south of Stark's Pond this morning.

Hey Ned, remember that time we got

that anonymous tip back in Nam?

You were in Nam? Where were you stationed?

- Da Nang. - With the log ride?

- Yup. - Man, I was in Tet.

We had a badass rollercoaster

but all we ever wanted was a log ride.

We waited and we waited but they never built us one.

I think Danforth wanted a log ride

more than anybody but he had to settle

with that lame dinosaur water adventure ride.

That war was hell on everybody.

Good, okay, okay bye. Great news, everybody.

This week's ratings are through the roof.

We're up to 20 people.

- Wow, do we get more money? - No, but I do.

We're now the highest rated show

on mountain cable access.

God bless the Mexican staring frog.

Dude, they're gonna look so stupid.

Totally.

They deserve it for lying to us, dude.

Revenge is so very, very sweet.

They're here, hurry and hide.

Let's hunt.

We'll start with a two-shot of you and Ned

getting your equipment together and...

Jimbo, look!

- Hit the deck! - What is it?

It's him, the Mexican staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka.

He's right over there on that rock.

- He is? - Dumbass!

You've gotta keep your eyes away from him.

Stay down.

Ned, you take flank position.

I'll try and keep it turned away from you.

Roger that.

Hello, fellow hunters.

Have we got a show for you today.

The Mexican staring frog is sunning itself

on a rock directly behind us.

We've got to take the frog by surprise.

I'm gonna create a diversion using this incendiary device,

while Ned will ambush him from the rear.

Now, Ned, he's not looking!

Quick, Ned! Hit him with the shotgun!

Now, Ned!

Ned, Ned?

Oh, no!

Come on, Ned, buddy, snap out of it.

Come back to me, buddy.

Are you getting all this?

Hold on to your butts.

Take that, you demon frog!

Ned, Ned, can you hear me?

Quick, somebody call an ambulance!

This man is catatonic!

Get the Flight for Life helicopter.

Holy crap, dude.

"But pony boy was beat up pretty bad.

He kept saying, 'Stay gold."'

Oh, Ned, if you can hear me,

you gotta snap out of it.

'Cause if you don't, I'll never forgive myself.

Oh, Stanley, he's gone!

My only friend in the world is gone.

Dude, he's okay. That frog wasn't even real.

Look.

Oh, what the hell are you doing?

I almost looked right at it.

Dude, it's just a plastic frog. It's not real.

- Check it out. - What?

We shot all those videos and sent them in.

Yeah, we made the whole thing up.

It was all just a really, really funny joke.

You sent in those videos?

Oh, this is not good.

My best friend is a vegetable,

and I'm gonna be the laughingstock of South Park.

Oh, come on, Ned's faking it.

That frog was just a piece of plastic.

Yeah, come on, Ned, quit faking.

You boys don't understand.

Ned was so freaked out by the idea

of the Mexican staring frog

that he must have sent himself into a deep coma.

It's a psychosomatic response.

I couldn't help overhearing

- your conversation just now. - Who are you?

I produce a little TV show called "Jesus and Pals."

You might have heard of it.

Your story's amazing, full of jealousy,

duplicity, backstabbing, and bitterness.

Uh, thanks?

How would you like to share your remarkable story

with us on tomorrow's show?

We're back with Jimbo and his nephew, Stan.

These kids can't stop lying, can they?

That's right, Jesus.

No respect for their elders.

As some of you may know,

I host a local show on hunting.

Thanks. We've been hunting the Mexican staring frog

for a week based on some video footage

we received from a viewer.

Well, it turns out that these kids

faked the footage.

- Is that true, Stan? - It was just a joke.

We didn't think it would hurt anybody.

We'll find out more about this debauchery

when we return.

And we're out.

You're corpses up here.

We need a lot more action from everybody.

Like what?

Like go ahead and tell how your nephew Stan

- takes drugs and worships Satan. - Satan, got it.

Whoa, I don't take drugs and worship Satan. That's lying.

Give you a taste of your own medicine, you little fibber!

You kids, I didn't bring you on this show to be boring.

Somebody get pissed off and throw a chair at Ned here.

- Dibs! - Remember...

you all start to fight after the chair is thrown.

- That's your cue. - Right.

Welcome back to "Jesus and Pals."

Jimbo, why do you think little Stanley lies?

I'll tell you why.

Because he's on drugs and he worships the devil.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!

Wow. Now, Stanley, it sounds like

your uncle's really worried about you.

Well, I only did it 'cause... he molested me.

- Why you little piece of crap! - You big piece of crap!

That's it, now I'm all pissed off.

- Take that, hippy. - Hey!

Jesus, Jesus!

Okay, okay, that's enough.

Take that, you asshole.

What the was that?

Let's watch the language, people.

Bring it on, you bitch.

Hey, get off of him you nut-sack!

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!

Let's all just make our way back to our seats.

Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!

You bastards!

Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!

Let's all just make our way back to our seats.

Shut the up!

Jesus, what is wrong with you people?

Look around you, Stanley.

Look at the all the pain and suffering

your lie has caused.

We only did it because Jimbo lied to us first.

We had this report on the Vietnam War for school

and we interviewed Jimbo about it.

And he made up all this stuff about Vietnam,

and he got us in trouble.

Hey now, everything I told you boys

about the war actually happened.

Mr. Garrison said there was no way that you could've

defeated the entire Viet Cong army by yourself.

The entire Viet Cong army?

I... well, okay, I might have embellished the truth

a little but that's different.

- Is it? - Well, sure, I mean...

- Well, no, I guess not. - And as for you, Stan...

I think you need to kick your drug habit.

Wait a second, I don't take drugs. That was a lie.

- Wait, Jimbo made that up? - No, your producer did.

She made Jimbo tell everybody that I did drugs.

What?

During the break your producer came over

and told Jimbo what to say about me.

She told him to lie.

It's true, she did.

- I'm such a tool. - Oh, really?

Yeah, then she told us to throw a chair at Ned.

Yeah, I didn't want to do it, Jesus.

They made me do that.

Screw this show, I thought this was all real!

Wait, everybody, come back.

Don't feel too bad, Montel,

we all wanna touch children sometimes, it's only natural.

I'm sorry, Stan.

I was just trying to tell a good story.

I never meant for you boys to get in trouble.

We're sorry, too, Uncle Jimbo.

We're sorry for making you look stupid

in front of the whole world.

Yeah, and we're sorry for turning Ned into a vegetable.

He'll be fine, I'll just take him home

and show him some good hardcore porn.

He'll snap right out of it, won't you, Ned?

I want to apologize to all of you for what happened in there.

In our competition for ratings,

we all lost sight of why we got into show business

in the first place.

Yeah, titties and beer.

Actually, I was referring more

to the pursuit of truth, but...

Well, anyway, I can't wait to get back to my old show

without all the glitz and ratings and producers...

Wait a sec, where is your producer?

- I sent her away. - Sent her away where?

What is this? What's happening?

Welcome to my dominion.

Hey, take a load off, put your feet up.

Me and Satan were just about to go shopping

for furniture. Come on, Satan.

Okay, honey.

No!

War is hell.

My brother's dead in my arms.

In war, war is hell.

It's hell for you and me