Original subtitles

- [Man] You bad little motherfucker

you think you outta sight.

But you ain't done nothin' yet

until you face the bad, bad Dolemite.

(ominous music)

- Nyah.

(doors rumbling)

(ominous humming)

(eerie music)

(doors banging)

Wu-Tang (mumbles)!

(eye buzzing)

(arrows whooshing)

Shit.

(suspenseful drum beating)

(ninjas whooshing)

Zygos.

- Don't come closer, Tupac.

There's nothing for you here.

Leave now with your life while you have a chance.

- Yo, I came here to boot some shit.

So back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up.

- There's nothing of value here.

- Bullshit!

What's that?

- Not on your life!

Kill me first, you bastard!

- Step off bitch and maybe I'll spare your punk ass.

Go on, beat it!

- Bastard, you dare have the nerve

to insult the Clan of the Wu-Tang?!

- Why not?

You ain't shit!

(both grunting)

(arms and feet thudding)

(arms whooshing)

(Tupac grunting)

(arms thudding) (both grunting)

(Tupac punching and grunting)

(ominous music)

(Tupac laughing maniacally)

- (winces) No!

No!

(Tupac laughing and grunting)

(suspenseful tribal music)

(speaking foreign language)

- The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Well!

Aah, look at this bad motherfucker.

Son of a bitch.

Well, thing-ting-tong.

Take the thing is strong.

(Monk Ru-Dee chanting)

Aah.

Greetings my yellow brotha.

You are hip lookin' motherfucker.

I'm Monk Ru-Dee from the Dolemite Clan.

I've come from China seekin' wisdom,

lookin' for some power and the nearest (mumbles) hospital.

- Buddha bless you.

Welcome to our temple.

Do you care to play a game of Chinese Chess?

Our Game Boy is broke (mumbles) light.

- What kind of motherfuckin' shit is this?

- Dolemite Clan decide when Tupac was here,

but we cast him away.

- You did?

Oh, well what did you do?

- He was (mumbles) all night and fighting all day.

- If I'd have been here, I'd have kicked his goddamn ass.

So tell me this, which way did that motherfucker go?

When I catch him, Imma put these hush puppies

up his motherfucking ass.

- Buddha bless you.

(birds chirping)

(ominous music)

(ninja mouth calling)

(both screaming)

- Ninja hitmen?

(ninjas grunting) (arms whooshing)

- May I suggest that you back off or you'll be hurt?

- [Ninja] Stupid gringo, kill him!

(kicks thudding) (ninjas grunting)

- Come on, let's get out of here!

- You're good.

- Thank you, my Lord.

- Move it along.

(bell tolling)

- Sir Prince Sanada has foiled the assassination attempt.

- (laughs) So the meddlesome fool

thought he could meddle in our affair

and hide in the Shaolin temple afterwards.

We'll show him different.

- [Ninjas] Yes, Lordship!

- Round up the men and prepare the ships

to set sail for China.

I want both the Prince and Shaolin temple destroyed.

Not a single monk shall be spared a horrible death.

I want them crushed!

- [Ninjas] Yes, Lordship!

(Lord laughing maniacally)

(soft, suspenseful music)

(bell tolling) (soft guitar music)

- Buddha bless you.

Arise, my son.

- Thank you, High Holiness.

- What brings you to Shaolin temple?

- Master, I have traveled from Japan

to learn the sacred arts of the Shaolin temple.

So Master, I would be most honored

if you could teach me those arts,

so I could spread their knowledge in Japan.

- Normally Sir, we don't accept strangers.

But another outsider from the Dolemite Clan

has been allowed, so you may stay too.

- Thank you Abbot, you are most kind.

(bell tolling)

(soft soothing music)

- Excuse me, are you Abbot White?

- Yes, I've been expecting you, please sit down.

- Thank you, High Abbot.

- (sighs) Yes I know that the reason you are here

is because of this ninja conspiracy.

Is that correct?

- Master, I wish to learn Shaolin techniques

so that I may defeat them.

- The ninjas and Shaolin have been at odds

for a great many years.

I remember the last time I ran into them, hmm.

(dramatic fight music)

(blades swooshing) (ninjas shouting)

(idol laughing maniacally)

- Ninja black magic.

(idol laughing maniacally)

Buddha have mercy.

I demand that you tricksters show yourselves right now.

- Silly Abbot, Trix are for kids.

Prepare to die, monk.

- You have entered the 37th chamber of Shaolin

and now because of your actions,

you must suffer the consequences.

I demand that you show yourselves.

Come out!

(swords whooshing) (ninjas grunting)

(fists thudding) (ninjas grunting)

(ninjas shouting) (swords whooshing)

(ninja shouting) (shelf crashing)

(smoke bomb exploding)

- Another attack is inevitable.

Your arrival foreshadows that.

- Master, I-- - Enough of this.

Let's begin your education now.

- Thank you sir, I'm ready.

- First, I'll show you the five-style fist.

Pay attention.

- I won't disappoint you, Master.

I've been preparing for this chance all my life.

- Huh.

- Shaolin Kung Fu derives itself

from nature's five elements.

They're metal, wood, earth, fire, and water.

- Dammit, why does he teach a foreigner and not me?

- Yes Master, I understand.

- Good.

Let's begin with the basics.

- I'm ready, Master.

- Wait, where are you going? - Leave me alone!

- You're not allowed to leave, you can't.

- Who's gonna stop me?

- Well I...

I better tell the Abbot what happened.

- Right

- Abbot White, Sir.

- What is it, boy?

- It's bad, Sir.

It's Chi Kang, he's run away Sir.

- That fool!

Buddha (mumbles).

(bell tolling)

The five-style fist.

All the effective moves of Shaolin Kung Fu.

Tiger!

(Master grunting) (arms whooshing)

Dragon!

(Master grunting) (arms whooshing)

Crane!

(Master grunting) (arms whooshing)

Snake!

(Master grunting) (sand shuffling)

Monkey!

(Master grunting) (arms whooshing)

- Look at that shit!

This motherfucker's outta sight!

(Master grunting) (arms whooshing)

(wind howling)

(sand crumbling)

(ninjas shouting)

(swords swooshing)

(fists thudding)

(piccolo wailing)

(soft Asian music) (student grunting)

- Ooh, my man is doin' it.

- (slaps) Good job.

(crickets chirping) (fire crackling)

(soft, soothing music) (woman moaning)

- My God, it's true what they say about you black men.

- (laughs) It sure is, my sweet honey.

- Come on, let's get it on stud.

(fire crackling)

(energetic Asian music)

(arms whooshing) (both grunting)

- Master, forgive me.

- Well now, what do I have here?

Well done; you've improved.

First, keep practicing and you'll be my best student yet.

- Thank you, Master.

- (sighs) Still, these strikes alone

won't be able to defeat the power of the ninja artists.

So you'll have to use your brains to fight them.

- Yes Master, I will use both skill and brains.

- Very well, keep practicing.

- Yes.

(wind howling) (ominous music)

- (sighs) Buddha, have mercy.

A Ninja deadly trap.

(ninjas shouting) (swords clanging)

(soft Asian music)

Buddha bless you.

(blood spurting) (ominous music)

(ninjas shouting) (ground rumbling)

(swords and blades whooshing)

(sand shuffling) (Abbot shouting)

(ominous music)

Buddha bless you.

(ninjas buzzing)

(instrument whistling)

(shovel crunching)

(ground rumbling)

(man and Abbot shouting)

- Let me go.

It's me, Abbot White, let me go!

Release me!

Let me go!

It's me, Abbot White.

Release me!

Let me go, you fool.

Let me go! (grunts)

(instrument whistling)

(Abbot wincing)

(instrument whistling) (Abbot grunting)

(man shouting and wincing)

(man laughing maniacally)

(ominous music)

- Good news Sir, Abbot White is dead.

I saw his body myself.

- (claps) Excellent.

(Phantasm whooshing)

Mr (mumbles), what do you think of my student?

Her name is Phantasm.

- (laughs) A martial arts masterpiece.

- Your wish is my command.

- Go kill and return. - Right.

(ominous music)

- Those beads.

Master?

- (laughs) I screwed a guy to death so I could get those.

- Where did you get those?

- Come on over here and I'll whisper it to you.

- That'll be a pleasure.

(arms whooshing) (both shouting)

(Shurikens whooshing)

(suspenseful Asian music)

(Shurikens whooshing and clanging)

(fists smacking) (both grunting)

- Those must be Master's beads.

Big brother, look at this.

Look, here.

- Yes, these are Abbot White's beads.

Let's tell the Abbot.

Come on, we have no time to waste.

(soft Asian music)

- Prepare the funeral.

(rhythmic drumming)

(bell tolling)

(ominous music)

(ninjas shouting) (sword swooshing)

- Well well, if it ain't the lost tribe of Shabazz.

Don't tell me you white niggas.

You're not here to stop me, are you?

- Your goin' down, G.

- Yo (mumbles), what you doin' here man?

You're on the East side now, motherfucker.

West side can't help your sorry punk ass now.

(knuckles cracking)

(both grunting) (fists thudding)

- You want some more of this?

(both shouting) (fists thudding)

Come and get it.

(clan grunting and shouting) (fists thudding)

(kicks thudding)

(death bell tolling loudly)

(ninjas wincing and shouting)

(Tupac laughing maniacally)

- Come on let's get out of here.

- (laughs) Get yourself some Nikes next time.

You sorry apple-headed Zulus.

Let's get some fried chicken. (laughs)

(serene Asian music) (birds chirping)

(both moaning)

- Oh, my ears.

(both moaning and wincing)

- Oh my goodness.

- Thanks ma'am.

- It looks like you ran into

Tupac of the Dolemite Clan.

- That's right.

You're damn right. - It was him.

We got no beef with the West side.

That nigga's got to go.

See if I don't cap his ass next time.

- He is a sworn enemy of the Wu-Tang tribe.

He killed my father and stole the death bell.

He plans to unite with the Ninjas and destroy Shaolin.

I can't allow this to happen.

- Let's join forces.

I think it'd be a good idea for both of us.

- Right, but first

to Shaolin.

We must warn the Abbot.

(ominous Asian music)

- I wonder if those fellers in the pajamas

could give me directions to Shaolin.

- Where do you think you're going, gringo?

What's your name?

- Me?

Well I'm Davey Crockett.

Hunter and tracker at your service.

- Vamos now gringo or I'll have to kill you.

- I ain't gonna leave on your say so.

(sword sheathing)

En garde.

- Wait.

(ominous music)

(swords clanging) (both grunting)

Let's get outta here!

- Don't say I didn't warn ya.

- We should have no trouble in destroying the Shaolin temple

now that we have Tupac on our side.

Viva La Russia.

Tupac is indeed a powerful ally for anyone to have

and I am sure that we should be victorious.

- You said it, G.

We're gonna whip their baldheaded asses. (laughs)

(birds cooing)

(fists thudding) (both grunting)

- Finest Shaolin techniques in action.

Let's check it out.

(legs whooshing) (both grunting)

(fists thudding)

(fists pounding) (both shouting)

Do forgive me.

(fists thudding) (both grunting)

(man wincing)

- So you wanna play rough, do ya?

Good. (grunts and screams)

(both grunting) (arms whooshing)

- Come on up.

(clothes whooshing)

(shouting and grunting) (fists thudding)

- Are you feelin' alright, my friend?

A little sore maybe?

- Come on then, come on.

- Hey hey hey, calm down.

Calm down now.

He's only playing around with you.

What's your purpose of your coming to Shaolin, huh?

- I came to train my skills with some experts,

not kids like that.

(soft Asian music)

- [Everyone] Greetings, Lord Abbot.

We hope you are well.

- [Abbot] Please be seated.

- Abbot, these three?

- Ah, well this girl is from the tribe of Wu-Tang.

And these men are from the tribe of Shebazz.

That's right, these men have come to warn us

of an impending ninja attack.

Their army is already entrenched in the region.

It's just a matter of time before they launch an attack.

As you see, we must take precautions.

This is of extreme importance for our wealth.

- Lady Wutasha, why are you here?

- Master, Monk Ru-Dee of the Dolemite Clan and I

have been hunting Tupac, the Westside Monk.

He killed my father and then stole our Wu-Tang family

Dolby Stereo death bell.

I must get it back from him before he pawns it off.

- Where's Monk Ru-Dee now?

- Last I saw, he was looking for Tupac.

- Alright then, I want everyone here

to split up into small groups.

If we are divided, we will then stand a better chance

of seeing the first attack quicker.

Buddha bless you all.

(energetic Asian music)

♫ (Mumbles) one time last night

♫ Everybody tell me I did

I don't know.

I'm wounded, (mumbles) here fight?

Boy, I'm in shape.

I'm in shape for a fight.

But I mean don't wanna fight.

(mumbling and burping)

(hiccups) What?

(muffled drunken speech)

Matter of fact, get away from me.

Look out.

(suspenseful drumming)

- Sam the Spliff.

You motherfucker, you out here (mumbles)?

You oughta get your ass a job.

You know there's ninjas everywhere?

- Yo, my brother.

(muffled drunken speech)

You need a little help.

(muffled drunk speech)

(sword swooshing) (ninja shouting)

(sword whooshing) (fists thudding)

(muffled drunk speech)

(soft Asian music)

(dramatic music)

(ninja mouth vibrating)

- Ninjas!

(stick swooshing)

(swords swooshing) (arms whooshing)

(ninjas grunting) (swords clanging)

- Let's go!

(suspenseful chase music)

- After them.

After them!

No, you stay here and protect the Abbot.

Come on!

- Come on, let's take a look.

- Alright. - You're right.

(inquisitive music)

(suspenseful fight music)

(swords whooshing) (ninjas grunting)

- Useless motherfuckers.

(fists thudding) (swords swooshing)

(suspenseful fight music)

- Hey, they're here.

(swords swooshing)

Hey look, the circus has come to town.

- Careful, I sense the Abbot.

- Buddha bless you.

Tell me, what brings you to Shaolin temple?

- We've got an old score to settle you and I

and you're harboring our enemy.

Attack them!

- Right! - Get 'em!

(everyone shouting) (swords clanging)

(both grunting) (sword swooshing)

(staff whooshing) (both grunting)

(sword clanging) (both grunting)

(Tupac shouting)

(wincing and grunting)

- Get 'em!

- Well if it ain't the mighty whities.

- East side rules, Pac.

(fists thudding) (both grunting)

(spear swooshing) (both grunting)

(ominous music) (Tupac chanting)

(both shouting)

(kicks thudding)

(death bell tolling)

(bell dinging and exploding)

(ominous fight music)

- Which motherfucker did that?

Huh?!

- It was me.

- You skanky ho.

- You have brought tragedy to the Wu-Tang family

and shame to the Dolemite clan.

It's time for you to die, do you understand me?

I'm going to kill you.

I'm gonna rip you apart!

- Nobody steal my shine, bitch.

Fuck you and your mama. (laughs)

- Lets get on with it.

(bell dinging)

- Check out the beats, bitch.

- Cover your ears!

(death bell gonging) (bell dinging)

(both grunting) (swords swooshing)

(swords clanging) (both grunting)

(death bell tolling) (bell dinging)

- No, don't do that shit!

(blood spitting) (loud exploding)

(Princess groaning)

- (laughs) I'm gonna make you gobble my pork.

That's right, get ready honey.

- No!

(fists thudding) (both grunting)

(Tupac laughing)

- Leave her alone! (groans)

- Are you alright? - Watch out!

(hands slapping) (both groaning)

(arms thudding) (both grunting)

(swords swooshing) (all shouting)

(swords clanging)

(arms thudding) (both grunting)

- Come on!

(fists smacking) (ninjas wincing)

- Your Grace, stop fighting.

He'll kill you.

We can't defeat him like this.

Let's get back to Shaolin.

- You're right, let's get back to the temple.

- Come back here.

- You're right, let's go back.

(ominous music)

(both groaning) (fists smacking)

- Hey, forget 'em.

(both moaning)

Useless motherfuckers.

- Please, please. - No.

(fist thudding) (Tupac grunting)

(suspenseful music)

- I'm the man!

I'm hot shit!

I'm the King of Voodoo!

(fire crackling) (ominous Asian music)

(Tupac shouting)

(flames whooshing)

(sword swooshing)

(flames bursting)

(powers buzzing)

(Tupac shouting) (flames bursting)

(spear whooshing)

(Tupac shouting)

(grass shaking)

(Tupac laughing)

- Big brother, what do we do now?

They will attack again tomorrow.

We must use our brains to make a plan

in order to defeat them.

They're very strong.

It's goin' to have to be a very good plan.

(ominous fight music) (arms whooshing)

(both grunting) (arms whooshing)

- Give me a couple of ninjas out here.

I wanna show you what these metal motherfuckers can do.

I'm gonna show 'em real good.

(Lord clapping)

- My Lord. - My Lord.

- You do realize they may end up dead, right?

- I do.

(arms whooshing) (Tupac grunting)

(both shouting)

(foreboding music)

(Lord clapping)

(swords whooshing and clanging)

(neck cracking)

(Gold Man groaning)

(ominous music)

(bones cracking)

(Bronze Man groaning)

(energetic drum music)

(loud exploding)

(suspenseful music)

- Last time you got away,

but this time you won't be so lucky.

Time to die!

Get him!

(Tupac gasping and grunting)

- Princess Patricia, allow us to smash his face in.

- Get your ass down here.

(shouting and grunting)

(swords swooshing and clanging)

(feet and arms clanging)

(suspenseful fight music)

(staff whooshing) (both grunting)

(fists thudding)

(necklace zooming and exploding)

- Hey that's not fair, you snuck up on him.

Now come on, fight fair for once.

(swords swooshing) (ninjas shouting)

- Goddamn!

(fists and kicks thudding)

(both grunting)

- Come on.

(swords clanging and whooshing)

(fists thudding)

(kick pounding) (Phantasm groaning)

(ominous music) (man grunting)

(men shouting)

(swords clanging)

(Davey grunting) (sword scraping)

(loud exploding)

(loud buzzing)

(Tupac shouting)

(fabric whooshing and exploding)

(chains whooshing)

(dramatic trumpet music)

- Buddha bless you.

- Abbot, por favor.

(swords whooshing)

(Abbot shouting)

(swords clanging)

(sword whooshing) (fists thudding)

(both shouting)

- Ah Master, I'm impressed.

- Abbot, the best is yet to come.

(arms clanging and thudding)

(chains whooshing and rattling)

(Princess groaning)

(swords clanging)

(Tupac grunting and laughing)

(fists bashing)

(man wincing)

(swords whooshing)

- Come on, I'll take you all on.

I'll kick your ass. (laughs)

(grunting and groaning)

(man wincing and shouting)

(Tupac laughing maniacally)

- Goddamn you! (shouts)

(swords whooshing and clanging)

(chains rattling) (ninja wincing)

(blades clanging)

- (mumbles) one these little motherfuckers down

and another one's gettin' up.

(fists and kicks bashing) (both grunting)

10 up and 10 down.

These little motherfuckers is comin' 'round and 'round.

(dramatic fight music)

(men shouting)

(men exploding)

(fists thudding) (both grunting)

(swords clanging)

- (sighs) Hey, not bad.

(fists thudding) (man grunting)

(Tupac laughing maniacally)

(kicks thudding) (Tupac wincing)

- You?

I'll kick your ass bitch!

(swords clanging and whooshing)

(fists thudding)

(Abbot shouting)

(suspenseful music)

(kicks and fists thudding)

(kimonos whooshing)

(fists thudding)

(swords clanging)

(suspenseful music)

- [All] Viva los ninjas, arriba!

- Buddha have mercy.

(chains puncturing) (ninjas wincing)

(fabric whooshing)

- These little motherfuckers is flying!

John Glen ain't got nothin' on them, baby.

(fists thudding) (swords whooshing)

(Tupac grunting)

(fists thudding)

You's (mumbles), motherfucker.

(both shouting) (fists thudding)

(dramatic fight music)

- Come on, Peggy Sue.

(Tupac shouting)

(sword wobbling)

(swords clanging)

(sword wobbling)

(swords clanging and whooshing)

(both grunting)

(kicks thudding)

(ominous music)

- Careful of his golden stripe, it's lethal.

Don't let him get near you.

(suspenseful music)

(Tupac laughing)

(gold stripe exploding)

(suspenseful fight music)

(fists thudding) (both groaning)

(gold stripe exploding)

(Tupac maniacally laughing)

- (laughs) Come on, homeboy!

(fists thudding)

(shouting and grunting)

(speaking gibberish)

I'm bonafide, energized and qualified.

Yes, whenever there were killin' fight,

I know I'm gonna win it.

I'll fuck up a motherfucker every 15 minutes.

I caught a star traveling a million miles a minute,

so get down to the state's free limit.

I had the elephant troops and MCs

and the motherfuckin' ants wearing (mumbles).

(mouth blubbering)