All language subtitles for The.Real.Housewives.of.Salt.Lake.City.S06E08.REPACK.1080p.WEB.h264-GRACE_1762368969_1080p

Previously on "The Real
Housewives of Salt Lake City"...

Canouan!

Ladies, we're
gonna get you nice and wet.

And get you in the water.
-The other way around.

-Yeah, the other way around.
-Wow.

Angie, are you okay?

The whole grand
theft thing isn't true?

No.

There's some like,
nasty things that have come out

in the press after I've hung
out with this group of friends.

And maybe somebody in
this group is doing it.

Nobody would do that here.
Nobody.

You go from zero --
Are you kidding me?

You can stop.

-Are you serious?
-No, unh-unh.

Nope, nope, nope.

I think that you're
the source of all the dirt.

I'm not the source of anything.

They want to walk downstairs
and ----ing leave me,

----ing leave me.

I'm like, I've never
done anything to them.

[birds screeching]

Um, I'm just gonna
put this down.

She's awake now.

-Good morning.
-Good morning.

-Have you seen anybody else yet?
-Nope.

Okay. Am I in your way?
-No, no, no. Not at all.

Then pretend you didn't
see me either.

I do love your set up.
Fantastic.

-And the lemons.
-It was super fantastic

at 3 a.m. when it started
raining. That was special.

Would you like
to drink something?

Water, coffee?

Yeah, can I have some
water and a Dr. Pepper?

I know that's weird, but yeah.
-Sure.

-Good morning.
-Good morning.

Beautiful.

I'm jittery and like,
kind of hungover, I think.

Yeah, we drank a lot.

-What even happened last night?
-You were a baller.

The thing with Lisa is just --
she's our good friend.

I don't want her to, like,
look at

our friendships
like it's a scorecard.

You know, count our money,
know all of our dirty deeds,

you know,
all the skeletons in our closet.

And like,
if she's a friend, be a friend.

You were down on that pad in
the water for a long time.

I know. I just kept saying,

listen, this is where we're at,
like.

But she just said,
I didn't do it.

-I'm going home.
-You're not ----ing going home.

Don't you ever ask me to admit
something I never would do.

I think you're
the source of the dirt.

I'm not.
I'm not the source.

I'm not the source. Nope.

I would never ----ing do that.
How would I ----ing know this?

How would I ----ing know?

Because everyone tells you
----ing everything.

You just admitted to that
one minute ago.

Yeah, but. No, but I'm
not the one that leaks it.

I've never leaked stuff.

But why is it that I am
blamed for everything?

Because if
I have a question about

anyone or anything,
I go to you.

And I don't know why
you're shying away from that.

Are you ----ing kidding me?

Are you ----ing kidding me?
I work so hard.

All she had to do
was admit it

or say she was sorry for
"things" she'd done in the past

or that she was gonna
make efforts moving forward.

But she refused
to even be honest.

And that definitely
changed our dynamic.

I hope our friendship can
withstand me

calling her out on it.

But I don't know if it will.

I just wanna give us both
some space to recover and then

assess the damage
to our friendship.

What do you do when someone
we know they're doing it

but will just deny it?
-Keeps score on

every single thing
in our lives?

Yeah. And then just
will deny, deny, deny.

Like, what do you do
at that point?

I think you just reframe
the friendship and you'll

never really be close.

You know? Because
you can't trust them.

Literally, I literally
learned a lot last night about

who people are
and it's ----ing ugly.

Nobody normal would
have someone say, admit it.

That's not questions.
That's not friendship.

I'm just hoping
everyone wakes up and is like,

I feel like sh--
because I was awful to

my friend
and we can move on.

The fact that no one
at this point can be like,

Lisa would never ----ing do
that. Why are you saying that?

That's [bleep] up.
-What do you think I said, Lisa?

I didn't use your words
because I don't speak like you.

But I gave the same message.

It's so different. It's
a different level of support.

Don't tell me I don't
support you.

Okay, listen.
-I'm sitting here trying.

I'm the only one trying.
-I know.

'Cause that makes me angry.
It hurts me.

-How did you sleep?
-This is not my best idea.

I slept on the deck last
night because things aren't

good with Britani and me.

We are gonna behave today.

We are not gonna be
your guests from hell.

I promise.

Thank you. Thank you.

She's mad at
me for telling everybody

what she said
when we went shopping.

And I'm irritated with her for
running her mouth in general.

If this is
how we're going to sleep,

it's going to be really
hard for me to sleep.

I'm going to go sleep out
on those chairs upstairs.

No, serious.
Yeah, seriously.

Yeah. Pool chair,
shockingly enough, is not

the most comfortable bed on
this mega yacht that we're on.

-She is upright.
-I'm alive.

I feel like I missed out

on such a great night.

She lives.
-You guys. I'm living.

I'm gonna sit in the sun.

-How are you feeling?
-Oh, my gosh. I'm a titch off.

I'm -- I'm good.
-That's good.

Yeah, I'm gonna --
we're gonna have a fun day.

Look who's back from the dead.

Hey.

I'm gonna go check
on breakfast.

Can I come? Because I need to
find something in the kitchen

in my stomach.
-Yes, yes, yes.

I've got to
get a juice or something.

Let's get it going.

Should I go change
into a swimsuit?

I mean, do what
you need to do.

Do what you need to do.
-Open sesame.

Are we good?

Are you okay?
-Yeah, no, I'm good.

I'm totally fine. I would
tell you if we weren't like.

Are you still mad at Heather?

I talked to Heather.
I love Heather.

I love Heather. But what
happened last night is not okay.

It is not okay.

The thing that really
bugs me is that, like,

Bronwyn and I were
in a pretty good spot.

I mean, ish. Like,
we've never hung out.

And she asked me to, like, go
shopping with her for the trip.

And I feel like she just,
like, pulled out of me,

like, ooh, like, I'll be nice to
you, so you tell me things.

And then use it against me.

Britani,
she did it to you before.

-Yeah, I know.
-You are responsible for you.

The bottom line is, like, I've
never done anything to Bronwyn.

She lied about me when
it came to the grandparents.

All last year, she let people
think that I hurt her daughter.

She asked me to do something
and then turn that on me.

Wait, she asked
you to reach to the family?

She asked me to meet
with the grandparents and --

Oh, I did not know that.

I thought
you were trying to like --

No, it's in writing.
It's in writing.

Hi. Is this where you slept?

No way.
You really slept up here?

Yeah, but
we should move because.

Yes. It's so hot.

Well, and this is a teeny,
tiny little boat.

Britani and Lisa are talking
----ing loud

about me downstairs,
so to ensure they can --

-And you can hear them?
-Oh, I heard every ----ing word

those two loud mouths
just said.

Good idea. Good idea.

Mary and I missed out.
We need a full on update.

[vomits]

You okay?

[vomits]

Why would you --

-So, Britani --
-...move out of your room?

Britani, the same sh--
with Britani as always.

I said, I reached out to her
and I said, let's go shopping.

She told me
that Meredith has seizures

and crashes
out and screams at her.

Then she gets furious with me

last night that I threw her
under the bus.

Then Britani says,
I don't want to sleep with you.

And I was like, okay.
I don't particularly

want to
sleep in our room either.

There's nowhere else for
me to go.

You're vomiting. Everyone
else is screaming at each other.

I mean, it's just ----ing
the truth, Ang.

You were vomiting
for 18 hours.

-It's Daisy.
-Hi.

-How are you?
-Good morning.

So we've got chia puddings,
and this one,

Mary, is for you
if you want one.

It doesn't have berries or nuts.
-Okay.

-You are so thoughtful.
-Thank you.

-You're welcome.
-Thank you.

So I'm sitting out here
and her and Lisa are on the back

deck talking sh-- about me.

-Wow.
-Yep.

-And there she is.
-How is everyone?

How are you feeling?
-I'm better, thank you.

-Hi, ladies.
-Good morning.

How you doing, babe,
with the sway?

I'm breathing deep.
-Do you have a nausea band on?

Yes, yes.
I've got one on each arm.

Okay.
I might want bracelets.

Okay. That's one way to make
an entrance.

I love the braids.
That's so cute.

Thank you. I'm making
the best of my '80s hair.

Well, you guys,
I think that we should give

ourselves a little
break and have some fun.

Today is the day
of island adventure.

We're going
to be taking the tender

out to the Tobago Key.

It's world famous. Snorkeling,
swimming, sunbathing.

That's a chance for us
to disembark and get some

solid ground. It might
be good for all of us, you know?

And then tonight
is zombie night.

Let's have a great day.

I don't know
if the yacht life is for me.

Let's see.
-You're getting your sea legs.

It's definitely not for you.
100%.

Mary, you were a very
good friend to her last night.

Can you believe
she stayed in there all night?

If you are going
to be so nice to Ang,

do you want to be so
nice to me and let me come in

your room tonight?
-No.

-Mary.
-That's a crowd.

Two is company.
Three's a crowd.

-Okay.
-Sleep with...

You can still sleep with me.
I'm not gonna hurt you.

I'm not interested
in sleeping in a bed

that maybe you brought
one of the crew into.

What'd you say?

Well, the last time I saw
you up here, you were trying to

get one of the crew to
come downstairs with you.

No, I was not.

-Did you have a good night?
-Yeah. Yes.

Let me ask you this. Do you
actually, like, run the ship?

-Yeah.
-Could you give me a tour?

-Yeah, totally.
-Really?

-Not now.
-Why not?

-Tomorrow.
-I was looking for an excuse.

-Oh, were you?
-Yes.

-To, like, get out of here.
-I've been up since four a.m.

-Too funny.
-Okay.

Did you not tell Captain Jason
I'd love to get out of here?

-No.
-I mean, girls were saying

he was coming out of
your room last night.

To me, I don't know.
-Why are you even talking to me?

***

Did you not tell Captain Jason
I'd love to get out of here?

-No.
-I mean, the girls were saying

he was coming out of
your room last night.

To me, I don't know.
-Why are you even talking to me?

I don't know.
That's a bad idea.

Everybody else told me that
you were --

He was fixing the A/C.

Hello, this is Jason.
Was I -- you okay?

Can I feel --

-It's just, like, hot in here.
-Yeah?

So I was wondering if I'm
not doing something correctly.

Let me have a look.

No one else was in
our room last night.

Just my little unicorn and me.

JARED: Good night, baby.
You are loved.

Enough with the pile on, like,
Captain Jason's not interested.

It's, like, dumb, right?

Back me up on this, Daisy.
Back me up, Daisy. Come on.

Is he interested?
Say no. Hard. No.

No idea.
-It's ridiculous.

And, like,
I feel bad for him.

I wouldn't want my
name dragged around in

a conversation
that I'm not a part of.

Don't do this to people.
-Oh, come on.

I can't even sit on the deck
without hearing you and Britani

talking sh-- about me
downstairs, saying I'm a snake.

I've done this to Britani
before. I've done it to you.

You did.

Bringing up my ----ing
daughter's grandparents again.

Oh, Lord. She was like...

When I specifically told you,
do not --

-Stop yelling at me.
-You're the queen

of ----ing yelling at people.

Do not talk about my
child or her grandparents again.

We had this agreement.

I don't want any more
being said about Todd.

Todd's off limits
and so is John.

-Full stop.
-And kids.

And then you're
standing in the back of

the ----ing boat saying it
to Britani.

I did say that to Britani.
I did say that --

Stop talking about my
----ing child.

I'm not talking
about your child.

I'm not talking
about your child.

Stop ----ing talking about it.
I swear to God.

I swear to God,
if you can't agree to --

Okay, this is deflecting.
Sit down. Sit down and let's --

No, you're deflecting.
I swear to God.

This would be a great time for
Angie to go ahead

and get back sick.

And then we can
go back to the quiet space.

Just be quiet.

I don't want to say anything
about anybody's kids.

And I try really
hard to do the right thing.

Bullsh--.
You know what you do?

You dig up dirt on people,

truth or not,
and you talk about them

behind their back, and
you pretend to be their friend.

Even just a few weeks ago,
you were talking about Bronwyn

with your hair over your face,
saying, yeah, Todd was making

out with one of my friends
while farting the entire time.

I did not say
one of my friends.

One of my hot friends.

Are you ----ing kidding me?

Let me back up here.

About a month ago, Lisa
had her clarity luncheon.

Oh, my gosh.

ANGIE:
Where she kissed all our asses.

I love each and
every single one of you.

Even when I'm mad at you,
I still love you.

We love you, Lisa.

ANGIE: After that, we all went
out to dinner at her club.

So we were sitting there, and

Lisa pulled her hair
over her face, and she's like,

Todd was making out
with one of my friends while

farting the entire time.

I didn't want to
tell Bronwyn, especially

like this,
but Lisa coming across

like she's a good
friend and always tries

to do the right thing,
it's just bullsh--.

I couldn't
hold it in any longer.

Did you say he made
out with one of your friends?

I didn't.
It wasn't one of my friends.

But you said
he made out with someone.

[Bleep] you.
You're dead to me.

I mean, I grew up in New York.
I know a lot of people,

and it came from someone
that I believe and trust.

So I believe
that this happened.

And I repeated what
I heard to Angie, and,

like, now we know Angie
is not a trustworthy bitch,

and we will never do that again.

You never said you're wrong.

----ing admit you were
wrong to say that about Todd.

I was wrong
to say that about Todd.

I was wrong
to say that about Todd.

Don't ----ing speak about my
family again. God! [Bleep] you.

This has nothing to do with me

believing this rumor or
being worried about this rumor.

But this proves Lisa
is spreading rumors about me.

She's never gonna stop
trying to eviscerate every

aspect of my life.

So...

we're done.

Do you repeat all
your conversations?

If someone told me my husband
was making out with someone

and farting,
I don't know which one I'd

be more devastated about.

I mean, it's both of --
it's just embarrassing.

And then what's
wrong with his intestines?

Why is he farting?
Oh, my God.

Something's wrong.

-I need to put a pin in this.
-Holy sh--.

Don't ever tell anything to her.

You say horrible things.
You do.

***

We're going to take them
on that for a beach landing.

-Yeah.
-If that's all right.

Okay, I guess then we set it
right here. Perfect.

I'm doing
a swimsuit and a cover up.

Okay. What to wear?

Oh, Lord. I just
want to get on land.

Recover.
-Yeah.

My goodness. I know.

Ooh, it's hot.

TODD: It's unclear to me
why you want to go spend

time with these people.

Don't come home
complaining that you

and Lisa got into a fight.

I should have
known this was coming.

Because Todd
knew this was coming.

Lisa got
exactly what she wanted.

She wanted to get under my skin.
She wanted to hurt my family.

And I'm realizing
there is no way

for me to be
in the same room as Lisa

and not veer into this person
that I don't respect in myself.

But what would make Lisa
most mad right now is if I went

and had a great time.
So [bleep] it.

I'm have the best time.

[indistinct conversations]

Here we go, baby.
Let's go. Open it up.

[cheering]

Look where we are, you guys.
Everyone, soak it in.

[cheering]

It's gorgeous.

-Gonna get off of your shoes?
-No, I'm going to take them off.

Good idea.

-Hello.
-Hey, don't bother them.

They're working.

Hi, babe.
Get on the land, girl.

Don't get too sandy.

All right, guys,
they're going to set up,

like, an area for us to
sit in the sun, and, like,

that's just a beautiful,
you know, sunbathing.

There's stuff to snorkel.

I'm going to go lounge.

-Thank you, guys.
-With pleasure.

-You want massage?
-I would love one.

[laughs]

Oh, my God, my nipple.

I feel really bad. I --
My heart went out to you today,

and I feel like I probably
haven't been as supportive

of you as I should have.

I tried to stand up to her about
what she was saying about Todd.

I'm sorry if I haven't
been more supportive.

And I don't love
what she did to you today.

I regret that I yelled
and screamed and lost my mind.

Don't. You know what --

And I don't regret what I said
and I'm not gonna take it back.

Don't. And I think that
the only way you're gonna get

her to stop talking about
your daughter

and the situation
and the grandparents

is to be as stern
as you were today.

I really try to be quick,
to be like, what did I do wrong?

What's my part in this?
Focus on myself.

How do I move
forward differently?

She's in here getting a
----ing massage.

She's not sorry about sh--.

LISA: Oh, this feels so good.

I don't know if you heard...

...had, like, a really
direct conversation

where I was like,
hey, you know,

it bothers me because I'm like,
I know, you know that I would

never feed stuff to the blogs.

And I wish you said,
like, Lisa would never do that.

Like, don't accuse her of
doing it.

And what did she say?

I think she feels like she does
it in her own way, you know?

-Yeah, but do you feel that?
-Privately?

I feel like
she totally gets me.

Well, what point is it if it's
private? You know what I mean?

Yeah. I mean,
I feel like I have.

I feel like --

I feel like. Meredith,
are you right here?

I am.
I'm moving a little shadier.

Okay, come here. I'll spin.

I was talking about
this morning.

I feel like you
understand me --

I mean, I support you
privately and publicly.

I mean, I just think it's wild
that everyone's

so interested in how you and
I engage with each other.

But whatever.
-It's not wild. It's just...

Bizarre is what it is.

Lately, I do feel like Meredith
doesn't stick up for Lisa.

She doesn't. And if
Lisa's really her friend,

then Meredith should probably
speak up and help her out.

Like, wow,
can you believe I'm actually

taking up for Lisa Barlow?

God help me.

I feel like I do a pretty good
job of standing up for myself,

but there's
sometimes I'm like, tap in,

you know,
like, I need the tap in.

I will support
you if I agree with you.

If I don't agree with you,
I'm not going to.

But I don't feel like you.

It's that simple.
And I support you.

And I'm really
tired of the narrative.

So if you guys want
to continue with it again,

go for it and you'll
see what it feels like not

to have any support
like I did.

You want one
spicy margarita?

-Yeah, but you're --
-Done with the conversation.

I will support
you if I agree with you.

If I don't agree with you,
I'm not going to.

-I don't feel like you would.
-It's that simple.

I support you and I'm
really tired of the narrative.

So if you guys want to continue
with it again, go for it.

And you'll see what
it feels like not to have

any support like I did.
-Okay.

I'm done with
the conversation.

Yes, I would love one.
Thank you.

No, no, we're done.

Thank you so
much for interrupting.

Yeah, thank you.

I don't know why. I don't know
why you're getting so upset.

I'm a good friend to you.
-Because I've had everyone

in this group
accuse me of not supporting you

when that's all I've
----ing done.

I mean,
she's telling you there's

an issue in
you guys' friendship

and that she doesn't feel like
you take up for her and she --

That's how she feels.
-Well, if that's the case,

then I'm sorry.

I mean, you have to
respect her feelings.

What would
you like me to do, Mary?

I don't care what you do.

You're not a good friend.

Go do something interesting.

I think you're boring.

I do a lot of
very interesting things.

Go find
a good story that you can

tell because
right now you're snooze.

See you later.

Whitney's getting
a good old massage.

I know, Whitney,
how good is her massage?

-How are snorkeling?
-Snorkeling was amaze.

Swam with a stingray. This one.

I kissed you. I'm having fun.
I have a drink.

I'm so happy you're here.
You're here.

That's what margaritas
and sunshine --

Wait. Did you really swim
with a stingray?

I swam with the stingray
just like I was ----ing Nemo.

It was amazing.

I never would have predicted
that I could have this much fun

with Bronwyn and feel this

close to her in such
a short amount of time.

I mean, I think I was
really committed to just,

like, being
irritated by her all the time.

Come on.

And I'm a little
embarrassed it took me

so long to
stop being so stubborn.

Okay, I'm putting
my pirate jack back on.

This is when I get serious.
Mike, come here, deck stew.

You guys, Michael is inside of

house, outside of house
and his specialty is games.

We would like
to play a fun game.

-Never have I ever.
-Yeah! Never have I ever!

Who's gonna start?

Okay, Mary,
never have I ever. Go.

Um, never have I ever

peed in the ocean
or farted in the ocean.

-Not peed or farted?
-Yeah.

Okay.

I've peed in the ocean
not twice today!

It might be too soon,
but have you ever farted

while making out with someone?

-Oh, no.
-Yeah, it's too soon, Heather.

[Bleep] off.
-Too soon.

Yeah, it's too soon.

Wait, what's something
active we can do?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So basically what you gotta do

is start off at one
side and go to another.

Okay. You leave all
your drinks on one side and then

you've gotta run to it, neck
your drink off and get back.

And then the next
person goes to drink.

-Neck your drink off?
-Oh, my gosh.

I don't know what necking
off is, but I'm pretty sure

it's the same kind of thing
that got me kicked out of BYU.

Stand behind in line,
you ----ing cheater.

On your marks!

Three, two, one.

Come on, Heather!
You're faster!

Heather,
you're faster than that!

Oh, wait. Why am I
rooting for you?

Lisa!

Whoops, whoops, whoops.
Okay, this one's mine.

Neck it off, neck it off,
neck it off.

A souvenir I'm taking home
with me is the mental picture of

Britani face planting
while we were necking off.

Run! Run, Barlow, run!

I thought she would be the queen
of this game.

Run, Barlow, run.

Got to neck it off!

Meredith!

This is so fun.

-And the winners are.
-Yay.

-Teamwork.
-We're all idiots.

That was amazing.

Ladies, we're all heading
back to the yacht now.

Anytime that you can
get us doing something

physical and competing against
each other, like in a relay race

or something where we're using
our bodies instead of the mind

games that we play against
each other, we're gonna have

a good time.

I'm ready, here, why don't you
sit on my lap

and we'll do it together.

Bring it in, buddy.
Let's go.

I'll just do the steering.
-Heather! What are you doing?

Ride 'em, cowboy. Let's go,
baby. Let's go.

[cheering]

Oh, I love drinks
upon arrival!

Rum punch.
I would love one. Thank you.

-I want the same as Heather.
-Drinking.

Drinking buddies. Okay.

Bitches, show up as zombies
at dinner.

Okay.
-All right.

-See you in a minute.
-I'll see you in a few.

Mary, do you care if
I should shower really quick?

Do you need to get in there?
-No.

Okay. I feel good.

I'm going to keep it this way.
-That was fun.

Dinner tonight. What is it?

We're doing lamb
and then we are doing

a zombie ice cream head.

Okay. Awesome.

Michael,
we need a blow dryer

and then you
to blow our hair off.

Me specifically?
How long have I got?

-10 minutes.
-Make it 10 minutes.

-Okay, 12.
-12 minutes and I'm all yours.

All right.

-Are you a hairdresser as well?
-No.

Oh.

Heather said something about
you having dessert with them

'cause you missed last night.
-Yeah.

And she asked if you could sit

topless having dessert.

[laughter]

I have to -- I have to
take Whitney a nail file.

Let's come with me
in an inflatable

costume to her room.
-What am I going to be?

I have a blue shark,
a pink shark, a seahorse,

and a lobster.
-How do you see?

Well, your head comes
through the hole your arm's

in right now.
-Oh.

My head comes out of here?

-Yeah.
-Like that?

Yeah, yeah,
your head comes out of that one.

Like this?

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, it's like dressing a baby.

It really is. It's like
dressing a drunk baby.

-Mary.
-Just wait till it fluffs up.

This is hilarious.

Okay, we got to get out
of here.

We're not going to fit
in your room in a minute.

-Okay. Okay.
-Okay.

-Okay, girl, let's do it.
-Okay.

Oh, my gosh.

-Your little seahorse nose.
-Ah!

-Oh, no.
-Oh, my God.

Ahh!

[echoes] Ahh!

Oh, my God!

No. Stay closed on your foot.

No, I'm okay.
I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

It's fine. I went
to all this trouble.

Let me. Oh, God. Is it bad?
It's fine.

Let me just get this.

Oh, my God.
I'm in so much pain!

Oh, my God.

Wow. I need the doctor.
-We have a medical emergency.

I'm slamming the door.

We were being stupid and then
her hand got caught in the door.

Okay, um, wait here.
I've got something.

Just -- careful.

Let me see.

Oh, my God.
-Oh, it's so much.

Oh, my God.
It's so much blood.

-I think I broke it.
-Oh, geez.

Here, here, here.

Holy sh--

-Jason, Jason, Daisy.
-Go ahead, Daisy.

Can you please
come up to the main saloon?

It looks so terrible.

I think I ripped
my fingernail off.

-Jason.
-Oh, my God.

It's me again. I'm so sorry.

-I'm trying not to laugh.
-It wasn't.

-I don't know what happened.
-Yeah, okay.

Oh, I'm so -- I've been so
much trouble to you.

Actually,
can you not clean it off?

'Cause it's really zombie-ish.
Like, maybe you should leave it.

We're gonna wrap it tonight.

He will never have you back,
Angie. None of us can come back.

I'm gonna get
a little bandage, but.

No use looking at it now.
Just hold pressure on it.

I mean, what
did I do to deserve this?

I'm the nicest one
in this goddamn group.

Why have you guys had to
take care of me for two nights?

Oh, my God.
I'm a liability.

How does Shawn deal with you?
Are you like this at home?

***

Look at him.
Oh, look at him.

You guys. I've got him trained.
He's never even done this.

And look, he's...

Would you like
to come to Salt Lake?

Michael,
you're a born hairdresser.

The thing is, right,
if I worked at your hairdressing

salon, the amount of
women that would flock to get

the hair done by me.
-I'm already flocked.

I love your confidence.

I overnighted these
from the UK.

Holy ----ing sh--.
Yes, we are.

I want one on my shoulder
and one on my face.

Ahh!

You win me over every time
there's a theme.

I love a ----ing theme and
a girl who dresses on theme.

-I'm not feeling this.
-That is so not zombie.

-How is that for you, darling?
-It looks -- it feels great.

So guess what I have.
This is blood spray.

Don't do that on your carpet.

Why zombie night?

I mean, we love to
dig up dirt on each other.

And we love to resurrect
old fights from the grave.

[screams]

We could be
our own horror movie.

The rumors and nastiness.

Listen, I got to count here.

You exploited my vagina,
garbage horse.

-Stop talking about my daughter.
-Wake up.

Why is the door not open?

Lord.

[screams]

Welcome to horror night.

[screams]

Can I get any of yous a drink?

I would love a bloody cocktail.

Can I do Old Chateau?

Whatever vintage you have.
I'll have that.

Of course.

Hi.

Welcome to the zombies.

Yes. Thank you.
You guys look amazing.

I love it.
-Thank you.

Thank you.

You know what?
Let's cheers to resilience.

And to Angie joining us.
Thank you.

Wait, why does
that have lips on it?

Excuse me.

I haven't touched this drink.
But there's, like, lips.

That's not mine.
I didn't do that.

-That's all right.
-Okay. Thank you.

Those are not my lips.
My lips are not that small.

You guys, how do we feel

the crew did
with our zombie theme?

-I'm into the bloody knives.
-These are body parts.

-The barbed wire's good.
-And then the caution tape.

I might wonder, when would
a hazmat balloon be appropriate?

-Oh, thank you.
-We all look amazing.

You're the only zombie
that I smell

alcohol on their breath.
[speaks indistinctly]

Oh, my God.
You guys are great.

You guys look amazing.

You guys look even
better dead than alive.

Oh, Lord.

For your starter,
you have caviar, lentils.

Thank you so much.

-And a butter syrup caviar.
-Meredith's caviar.

-Yes.
-Mm-hmm.

-Well, let me see if I like it.
-Yeah, it's delicious.

Has anyone checked
in on the home front?

-I did.
-I have.

I personally
turned my phone off

and I have not checked in.

I called Todd and Gwen,
obviously.

I mean, they weren't
exactly jazzed about my updates.

You know what I mean?

You said the thing about
the farting and the making out?

Of course I did. Why should I be
ashamed to say it?

I'm not the one
who made it up.

-Oh, God.
-What happened? What happened?

What happened? Tell me.

I think -- I think Todd always
feels like he's not really

sure why he's
a punchline here all the time.

Like why anybody's partner
is a punchline here, you know?

I agree with that.

I just really feel like Todd
and Gwen need to be off limits,

and it doesn't seem like that's
something you can commit to.

As of today, I will never,
ever, ever bring them up.

Or in any capacity. I will
never, ever, ever bring them up.

-Okay.
-And I'm very sorry

that I hurt your feelings
and Todd's and Gwen's.

Very sorry.

I think it's disrespectful not

to acknowledge when
someone is speaking to you.

So I acknowledge that Lisa
is speaking, and it is to me.

Otherwise,
those words mean nothing.

I didn't tell Angie
anything with the intention for

her to bring
it in front of a group

and humiliate Bronwyn.

You know, like, I don't
like to hurt people that way.

Like, humiliation.
I've never done that.

I've never
gone after that tactic.

I'll defend myself,
but I don't try and, like,

go for the jugular like I can.

And if you open the door,
I'll walk through it.

But I just want to be status

quo at this point with Bronwyn.

And I'm genuinely sorry
if she's embarrassed and hurt.

We need a zombie walk.

This looks fabulous.

You guys,
the boat is rocking.

Do you feel the boat
rocking and rolling?

My gosh, this is crazy.

-Oh, no.
-Oh, no, Britani.

I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.

-What happened?
-Think she's getting seasick.

She's throwing up?

-Oh, no.
-Oh, no.

I mean, it's not zombie

night until something comes back
up from the grave, you know?

So Britani, throwing up feels
pretty on brand for this dinner.

-Are you okay?
-I just got a little seasick.

Thank you.

Can I just say, why are

you drinking tequila
when you just threw up?

'Cause I'm trying to
feel better.

Give her a break, Mer.

Why is it your business?
Like, why do you care?

Is there anyone at the table
who thinks drinking tequila --

Are you the expert
in vomitting?

No, I'm not. But is there
anyone at the table --

Why would she care?

You think drinking
tequila while you're throwing up

is a good idea?
-I think it's her business.

Maybe she's having
the hair of the dog.

Hair of the dog? Woof, woof.

I would say that to my daughter.
I would say it to anybody.

The rocking got to
me for a second and I'm

trying to feel better.

Not 'cause I care.

You know what?

I'm actually concerned about
something that I saw on TikTok.

What is it?

I saw something on
TikTok today about

Seth's possible indiscretion.

I saw something on
TikTok today about

Seth's possible indiscretion.

What are you saying?

-What are you saying?
-Seth's having a mistress.

-Oh, it's some Salt Lake City.
-Oh, my God.

My friend's Uber driver
last month in Columbus, Ohio,

showed her a picture of
Seth with his mistress because

she was their Uber
driver like six months ago.

-Why would she say that?
-My husband does

not have a mistress.

We are in a monogamous marriage

because your boyfriend
breaks up with you every time

he wants to
sleep with someone else.

That's your problem.
-I break up with him.

Not mine.

You're a liar and
a malicious, despicable person.

And you know what?

I'm not interested in you trying
to interfere in my relationship

because you're jealous
that you can't hold a man down.

I mean, it's all. Have you not
seen it? It's all over TikTok.

No, I have not seen it,
nor do I care.

She showed me.
-Yeah, so she's sharing it.

You didn't see it.

Listen, I get it if
you don't want to share.

I get that.
-You stay away from me.

She needs to stay away.

Oh, my gosh. Now you're
gonna throw something at me?

Not at you.

You broke a glass on me
last night.

No, you tried to throw it at me,
and I put my hand down.

I don't know why Britani
is even talking about me,

my marriage, or my husband.

I have not talked about all this
stuff out there about Britani.

Like, there's
plenty to talk about.

Leave me alone.
Leave my husband alone.

Go focus on your own misery,

because you are
a miserable bitch.

I don't want her around me.
She's filled with hate.

Keep her away.
-That's all I'm saying.

-Bring us the zombie food.
-Can I have the saw back?

Whose saw was this? Sorry.
It was your saw.

It's Meredith.

Here you go.

Should I bring up all the troll
commentary about every

single person?
-We're not saying it's true.

We're just saying that,
like, if you --

if you need to talk --
-You brought it up.

I don't need
to talk to you anymore.

Hi. Oh, you look so good.
You look great.

You want to talk
about what I've seen about

other people's husbands?

I don't think so.
I don't do that.

-How's the dessert, ladies?
-Just gross and just like her.

Oh, she's vile.

Get her away from me.
I knew it a year ago.

I know it again now.

Look at, like,
how he just gracefully declined.

-I will get you your dessert.
-What?

I will get you your dessert.

But you're not meant to
be there.

Wasn't that great?

You guys chased him off
the ----ing table.

-That's our friend.
-That was, like, embarrassing.

The zombie ice cream cake.
Delicious.

WHITNEY: Next time on "The Real
Housewives of Salt Lake City"...

We are gonna free you, uni.

Ooh!

[distorted voice]
You are loved...

You missed the flight.

Meredith was
completely unhinged.

Meredith was yelling at me
about her.

So out of control.

At the end of the day,
right is right,

and wrong is wrong.

If I was yelling and
screaming, I would have

had an air marshal
there waiting to arrest me.