Original subtitles

Previously on "The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City"...

Canouan!

Ladies, we're gonna get you nice and wet.

And get you in the water. -The other way around.

-Yeah, the other way around. -Wow.

Angie, are you okay?

The whole grand theft thing isn't true?

No.

There's some like, nasty things that have come out

in the press after I've hung out with this group of friends.

And maybe somebody in this group is doing it.

Nobody would do that here. Nobody.

You go from zero -- Are you kidding me?

You can stop.

-Are you serious? -No, unh-unh.

Nope, nope, nope.

I think that you're the source of all the dirt.

I'm not the source of anything.

They want to walk downstairs and ----ing leave me,

----ing leave me.

I'm like, I've never done anything to them.

[birds screeching]

Um, I'm just gonna put this down.

She's awake now.

-Good morning. -Good morning.

-Have you seen anybody else yet? -Nope.

Okay. Am I in your way? -No, no, no. Not at all.

Then pretend you didn't see me either.

I do love your set up. Fantastic.

-And the lemons. -It was super fantastic

at 3 a.m. when it started raining. That was special.

Would you like to drink something?

Water, coffee?

Yeah, can I have some water and a Dr. Pepper?

I know that's weird, but yeah. -Sure.

-Good morning. -Good morning.

Beautiful.

I'm jittery and like, kind of hungover, I think.

Yeah, we drank a lot.

-What even happened last night? -You were a baller.

The thing with Lisa is just -- she's our good friend.

I don't want her to, like, look at

our friendships like it's a scorecard.

You know, count our money, know all of our dirty deeds,

you know, all the skeletons in our closet.

And like, if she's a friend, be a friend.

You were down on that pad in the water for a long time.

I know. I just kept saying,

listen, this is where we're at, like.

But she just said, I didn't do it.

-I'm going home. -You're not ----ing going home.

Don't you ever ask me to admit something I never would do.

I think you're the source of the dirt.

I'm not. I'm not the source.

I'm not the source. Nope.

I would never ----ing do that. How would I ----ing know this?

How would I ----ing know?

Because everyone tells you ----ing everything.

You just admitted to that one minute ago.

Yeah, but. No, but I'm not the one that leaks it.

I've never leaked stuff.

But why is it that I am blamed for everything?

Because if I have a question about

anyone or anything, I go to you.

And I don't know why you're shying away from that.

Are you ----ing kidding me?

Are you ----ing kidding me? I work so hard.

All she had to do was admit it

or say she was sorry for "things" she'd done in the past

or that she was gonna make efforts moving forward.

But she refused to even be honest.

And that definitely changed our dynamic.

I hope our friendship can withstand me

calling her out on it.

But I don't know if it will.

I just wanna give us both some space to recover and then

assess the damage to our friendship.

What do you do when someone we know they're doing it

but will just deny it? -Keeps score on

every single thing in our lives?

Yeah. And then just will deny, deny, deny.

Like, what do you do at that point?

I think you just reframe the friendship and you'll

never really be close.

You know? Because you can't trust them.

Literally, I literally learned a lot last night about

who people are and it's ----ing ugly.

Nobody normal would have someone say, admit it.

That's not questions. That's not friendship.

I'm just hoping everyone wakes up and is like,

I feel like sh-- because I was awful to

my friend and we can move on.

The fact that no one at this point can be like,

Lisa would never ----ing do that. Why are you saying that?

That's [bleep] up. -What do you think I said, Lisa?

I didn't use your words because I don't speak like you.

But I gave the same message.

It's so different. It's a different level of support.

Don't tell me I don't support you.

Okay, listen. -I'm sitting here trying.

I'm the only one trying. -I know.

'Cause that makes me angry. It hurts me.

-How did you sleep? -This is not my best idea.

I slept on the deck last night because things aren't

good with Britani and me.

We are gonna behave today.

We are not gonna be your guests from hell.

I promise.

Thank you. Thank you.

She's mad at me for telling everybody

what she said when we went shopping.

And I'm irritated with her for running her mouth in general.

If this is how we're going to sleep,

it's going to be really hard for me to sleep.

I'm going to go sleep out on those chairs upstairs.

No, serious. Yeah, seriously.

Yeah. Pool chair, shockingly enough, is not

the most comfortable bed on this mega yacht that we're on.

-She is upright. -I'm alive.

I feel like I missed out

on such a great night.

She lives. -You guys. I'm living.

I'm gonna sit in the sun.

-How are you feeling? -Oh, my gosh. I'm a titch off.

I'm -- I'm good. -That's good.

Yeah, I'm gonna -- we're gonna have a fun day.

Look who's back from the dead.

Hey.

I'm gonna go check on breakfast.

Can I come? Because I need to find something in the kitchen

in my stomach. -Yes, yes, yes.

I've got to get a juice or something.

Let's get it going.

Should I go change into a swimsuit?

I mean, do what you need to do.

Do what you need to do. -Open sesame.

Are we good?

Are you okay? -Yeah, no, I'm good.

I'm totally fine. I would tell you if we weren't like.

Are you still mad at Heather?

I talked to Heather. I love Heather.

I love Heather. But what happened last night is not okay.

It is not okay.

The thing that really bugs me is that, like,

Bronwyn and I were in a pretty good spot.

I mean, ish. Like, we've never hung out.

And she asked me to, like, go shopping with her for the trip.

And I feel like she just, like, pulled out of me,

like, ooh, like, I'll be nice to you, so you tell me things.

And then use it against me.

Britani, she did it to you before.

-Yeah, I know. -You are responsible for you.

The bottom line is, like, I've never done anything to Bronwyn.

She lied about me when it came to the grandparents.

All last year, she let people think that I hurt her daughter.

She asked me to do something and then turn that on me.

Wait, she asked you to reach to the family?

She asked me to meet with the grandparents and --

Oh, I did not know that.

I thought you were trying to like --

No, it's in writing. It's in writing.

Hi. Is this where you slept?

No way. You really slept up here?

Yeah, but we should move because.

Yes. It's so hot.

Well, and this is a teeny, tiny little boat.

Britani and Lisa are talking ----ing loud

about me downstairs, so to ensure they can --

-And you can hear them? -Oh, I heard every ----ing word

those two loud mouths just said.

Good idea. Good idea.

Mary and I missed out. We need a full on update.

[vomits]

You okay?

[vomits]

Why would you --

-So, Britani -- -...move out of your room?

Britani, the same sh-- with Britani as always.

I said, I reached out to her and I said, let's go shopping.

She told me that Meredith has seizures

and crashes out and screams at her.

Then she gets furious with me

last night that I threw her under the bus.

Then Britani says, I don't want to sleep with you.

And I was like, okay. I don't particularly

want to sleep in our room either.

There's nowhere else for me to go.

You're vomiting. Everyone else is screaming at each other.

I mean, it's just ----ing the truth, Ang.

You were vomiting for 18 hours.

-It's Daisy. -Hi.

-How are you? -Good morning.

So we've got chia puddings, and this one,

Mary, is for you if you want one.

It doesn't have berries or nuts. -Okay.

-You are so thoughtful. -Thank you.

-You're welcome. -Thank you.

So I'm sitting out here and her and Lisa are on the back

deck talking sh-- about me.

-Wow. -Yep.

-And there she is. -How is everyone?

How are you feeling? -I'm better, thank you.

-Hi, ladies. -Good morning.

How you doing, babe, with the sway?

I'm breathing deep. -Do you have a nausea band on?

Yes, yes. I've got one on each arm.

Okay. I might want bracelets.

Okay. That's one way to make an entrance.

I love the braids. That's so cute.

Thank you. I'm making the best of my '80s hair.

Well, you guys, I think that we should give

ourselves a little break and have some fun.

Today is the day of island adventure.

We're going to be taking the tender

out to the Tobago Key.

It's world famous. Snorkeling, swimming, sunbathing.

That's a chance for us to disembark and get some

solid ground. It might be good for all of us, you know?

And then tonight is zombie night.

Let's have a great day.

I don't know if the yacht life is for me.

Let's see. -You're getting your sea legs.

It's definitely not for you. 100%.

Mary, you were a very good friend to her last night.

Can you believe she stayed in there all night?

If you are going to be so nice to Ang,

do you want to be so nice to me and let me come in

your room tonight? -No.

-Mary. -That's a crowd.

Two is company. Three's a crowd.

-Okay. -Sleep with...

You can still sleep with me. I'm not gonna hurt you.

I'm not interested in sleeping in a bed

that maybe you brought one of the crew into.

What'd you say?

Well, the last time I saw you up here, you were trying to

get one of the crew to come downstairs with you.

No, I was not.

-Did you have a good night? -Yeah. Yes.

Let me ask you this. Do you actually, like, run the ship?

-Yeah. -Could you give me a tour?

-Yeah, totally. -Really?

-Not now. -Why not?

-Tomorrow. -I was looking for an excuse.

-Oh, were you? -Yes.

-To, like, get out of here. -I've been up since four a.m.

-Too funny. -Okay.

Did you not tell Captain Jason I'd love to get out of here?

-No. -I mean, girls were saying

he was coming out of your room last night.

To me, I don't know. -Why are you even talking to me?

***

Did you not tell Captain Jason I'd love to get out of here?

-No. -I mean, the girls were saying

he was coming out of your room last night.

To me, I don't know. -Why are you even talking to me?

I don't know. That's a bad idea.

Everybody else told me that you were --

He was fixing the A/C.

Hello, this is Jason. Was I -- you okay?

Can I feel --

-It's just, like, hot in here. -Yeah?

So I was wondering if I'm not doing something correctly.

Let me have a look.

No one else was in our room last night.

Just my little unicorn and me.

JARED: Good night, baby. You are loved.

Enough with the pile on, like, Captain Jason's not interested.

It's, like, dumb, right?

Back me up on this, Daisy. Back me up, Daisy. Come on.

Is he interested? Say no. Hard. No.

No idea. -It's ridiculous.

And, like, I feel bad for him.

I wouldn't want my name dragged around in

a conversation that I'm not a part of.

Don't do this to people. -Oh, come on.

I can't even sit on the deck without hearing you and Britani

talking sh-- about me downstairs, saying I'm a snake.

I've done this to Britani before. I've done it to you.

You did.

Bringing up my ----ing daughter's grandparents again.

Oh, Lord. She was like...

When I specifically told you, do not --

-Stop yelling at me. -You're the queen

of ----ing yelling at people.

Do not talk about my child or her grandparents again.

We had this agreement.

I don't want any more being said about Todd.

Todd's off limits and so is John.

-Full stop. -And kids.

And then you're standing in the back of

the ----ing boat saying it to Britani.

I did say that to Britani. I did say that --

Stop talking about my ----ing child.

I'm not talking about your child.

I'm not talking about your child.

Stop ----ing talking about it. I swear to God.

I swear to God, if you can't agree to --

Okay, this is deflecting. Sit down. Sit down and let's --

No, you're deflecting. I swear to God.

This would be a great time for Angie to go ahead

and get back sick.

And then we can go back to the quiet space.

Just be quiet.

I don't want to say anything about anybody's kids.

And I try really hard to do the right thing.

Bullsh--. You know what you do?

You dig up dirt on people,

truth or not, and you talk about them

behind their back, and you pretend to be their friend.

Even just a few weeks ago, you were talking about Bronwyn

with your hair over your face, saying, yeah, Todd was making

out with one of my friends while farting the entire time.

I did not say one of my friends.

One of my hot friends.

Are you ----ing kidding me?

Let me back up here.

About a month ago, Lisa had her clarity luncheon.

Oh, my gosh.

ANGIE: Where she kissed all our asses.

I love each and every single one of you.

Even when I'm mad at you, I still love you.

We love you, Lisa.

ANGIE: After that, we all went out to dinner at her club.

So we were sitting there, and

Lisa pulled her hair over her face, and she's like,

Todd was making out with one of my friends while

farting the entire time.

I didn't want to tell Bronwyn, especially

like this, but Lisa coming across

like she's a good friend and always tries

to do the right thing, it's just bullsh--.

I couldn't hold it in any longer.

Did you say he made out with one of your friends?

I didn't. It wasn't one of my friends.

But you said he made out with someone.

[Bleep] you. You're dead to me.

I mean, I grew up in New York. I know a lot of people,

and it came from someone that I believe and trust.

So I believe that this happened.

And I repeated what I heard to Angie, and,

like, now we know Angie is not a trustworthy bitch,

and we will never do that again.

You never said you're wrong.

----ing admit you were wrong to say that about Todd.

I was wrong to say that about Todd.

I was wrong to say that about Todd.

Don't ----ing speak about my family again. God! [Bleep] you.

This has nothing to do with me

believing this rumor or being worried about this rumor.

But this proves Lisa is spreading rumors about me.

She's never gonna stop trying to eviscerate every

aspect of my life.

So...

we're done.

Do you repeat all your conversations?

If someone told me my husband was making out with someone

and farting, I don't know which one I'd

be more devastated about.

I mean, it's both of -- it's just embarrassing.

And then what's wrong with his intestines?

Why is he farting? Oh, my God.

Something's wrong.

-I need to put a pin in this. -Holy sh--.

Don't ever tell anything to her.

You say horrible things. You do.

***

We're going to take them on that for a beach landing.

-Yeah. -If that's all right.

Okay, I guess then we set it right here. Perfect.

I'm doing a swimsuit and a cover up.

Okay. What to wear?

Oh, Lord. I just want to get on land.

Recover. -Yeah.

My goodness. I know.

Ooh, it's hot.

TODD: It's unclear to me why you want to go spend

time with these people.

Don't come home complaining that you

and Lisa got into a fight.

I should have known this was coming.

Because Todd knew this was coming.

Lisa got exactly what she wanted.

She wanted to get under my skin. She wanted to hurt my family.

And I'm realizing there is no way

for me to be in the same room as Lisa

and not veer into this person that I don't respect in myself.

But what would make Lisa most mad right now is if I went

and had a great time. So [bleep] it.

I'm have the best time.

[indistinct conversations]

Here we go, baby. Let's go. Open it up.

[cheering]

Look where we are, you guys. Everyone, soak it in.

[cheering]

It's gorgeous.

-Gonna get off of your shoes? -No, I'm going to take them off.

Good idea.

-Hello. -Hey, don't bother them.

They're working.

Hi, babe. Get on the land, girl.

Don't get too sandy.

All right, guys, they're going to set up,

like, an area for us to sit in the sun, and, like,

that's just a beautiful, you know, sunbathing.

There's stuff to snorkel.

I'm going to go lounge.

-Thank you, guys. -With pleasure.

-You want massage? -I would love one.

[laughs]

Oh, my God, my nipple.

I feel really bad. I -- My heart went out to you today,

and I feel like I probably haven't been as supportive

of you as I should have.

I tried to stand up to her about what she was saying about Todd.

I'm sorry if I haven't been more supportive.

And I don't love what she did to you today.

I regret that I yelled and screamed and lost my mind.

Don't. You know what --

And I don't regret what I said and I'm not gonna take it back.

Don't. And I think that the only way you're gonna get

her to stop talking about your daughter

and the situation and the grandparents

is to be as stern as you were today.

I really try to be quick, to be like, what did I do wrong?

What's my part in this? Focus on myself.

How do I move forward differently?

She's in here getting a ----ing massage.

She's not sorry about sh--.

LISA: Oh, this feels so good.

I don't know if you heard...

...had, like, a really direct conversation

where I was like, hey, you know,

it bothers me because I'm like, I know, you know that I would

never feed stuff to the blogs.

And I wish you said, like, Lisa would never do that.

Like, don't accuse her of doing it.

And what did she say?

I think she feels like she does it in her own way, you know?

-Yeah, but do you feel that? -Privately?

I feel like she totally gets me.

Well, what point is it if it's private? You know what I mean?

Yeah. I mean, I feel like I have.

I feel like --

I feel like. Meredith, are you right here?

I am. I'm moving a little shadier.

Okay, come here. I'll spin.

I was talking about this morning.

I feel like you understand me --

I mean, I support you privately and publicly.

I mean, I just think it's wild that everyone's

so interested in how you and I engage with each other.

But whatever. -It's not wild. It's just...

Bizarre is what it is.

Lately, I do feel like Meredith doesn't stick up for Lisa.

She doesn't. And if Lisa's really her friend,

then Meredith should probably speak up and help her out.

Like, wow, can you believe I'm actually

taking up for Lisa Barlow?

God help me.

I feel like I do a pretty good job of standing up for myself,

but there's sometimes I'm like, tap in,

you know, like, I need the tap in.

I will support you if I agree with you.

If I don't agree with you, I'm not going to.

But I don't feel like you.

It's that simple. And I support you.

And I'm really tired of the narrative.

So if you guys want to continue with it again,

go for it and you'll see what it feels like not

to have any support like I did.

You want one spicy margarita?

-Yeah, but you're -- -Done with the conversation.

I will support you if I agree with you.

If I don't agree with you, I'm not going to.

-I don't feel like you would. -It's that simple.

I support you and I'm really tired of the narrative.

So if you guys want to continue with it again, go for it.

And you'll see what it feels like not to have

any support like I did. -Okay.

I'm done with the conversation.

Yes, I would love one. Thank you.

No, no, we're done.

Thank you so much for interrupting.

Yeah, thank you.

I don't know why. I don't know why you're getting so upset.

I'm a good friend to you. -Because I've had everyone

in this group accuse me of not supporting you

when that's all I've ----ing done.

I mean, she's telling you there's

an issue in you guys' friendship

and that she doesn't feel like you take up for her and she --

That's how she feels. -Well, if that's the case,

then I'm sorry.

I mean, you have to respect her feelings.

What would you like me to do, Mary?

I don't care what you do.

You're not a good friend.

Go do something interesting.

I think you're boring.

I do a lot of very interesting things.

Go find a good story that you can

tell because right now you're snooze.

See you later.

Whitney's getting a good old massage.

I know, Whitney, how good is her massage?

-How are snorkeling? -Snorkeling was amaze.

Swam with a stingray. This one.

I kissed you. I'm having fun. I have a drink.

I'm so happy you're here. You're here.

That's what margaritas and sunshine --

Wait. Did you really swim with a stingray?

I swam with the stingray just like I was ----ing Nemo.

It was amazing.

I never would have predicted that I could have this much fun

with Bronwyn and feel this

close to her in such a short amount of time.

I mean, I think I was really committed to just,

like, being irritated by her all the time.

Come on.

And I'm a little embarrassed it took me

so long to stop being so stubborn.

Okay, I'm putting my pirate jack back on.

This is when I get serious. Mike, come here, deck stew.

You guys, Michael is inside of

house, outside of house and his specialty is games.

We would like to play a fun game.

-Never have I ever. -Yeah! Never have I ever!

Who's gonna start?

Okay, Mary, never have I ever. Go.

Um, never have I ever

peed in the ocean or farted in the ocean.

-Not peed or farted? -Yeah.

Okay.

I've peed in the ocean not twice today!

It might be too soon, but have you ever farted

while making out with someone?

-Oh, no. -Yeah, it's too soon, Heather.

[Bleep] off. -Too soon.

Yeah, it's too soon.

Wait, what's something active we can do?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So basically what you gotta do

is start off at one side and go to another.

Okay. You leave all your drinks on one side and then

you've gotta run to it, neck your drink off and get back.

And then the next person goes to drink.

-Neck your drink off? -Oh, my gosh.

I don't know what necking off is, but I'm pretty sure

it's the same kind of thing that got me kicked out of BYU.

Stand behind in line, you ----ing cheater.

On your marks!

Three, two, one.

Come on, Heather! You're faster!

Heather, you're faster than that!

Oh, wait. Why am I rooting for you?

Lisa!

Whoops, whoops, whoops. Okay, this one's mine.

Neck it off, neck it off, neck it off.

A souvenir I'm taking home with me is the mental picture of

Britani face planting while we were necking off.

Run! Run, Barlow, run!

I thought she would be the queen of this game.

Run, Barlow, run.

Got to neck it off!

Meredith!

This is so fun.

-And the winners are. -Yay.

-Teamwork. -We're all idiots.

That was amazing.

Ladies, we're all heading back to the yacht now.

Anytime that you can get us doing something

physical and competing against each other, like in a relay race

or something where we're using our bodies instead of the mind

games that we play against each other, we're gonna have

a good time.

I'm ready, here, why don't you sit on my lap

and we'll do it together.

Bring it in, buddy. Let's go.

I'll just do the steering. -Heather! What are you doing?

Ride 'em, cowboy. Let's go, baby. Let's go.

[cheering]

Oh, I love drinks upon arrival!

Rum punch. I would love one. Thank you.

-I want the same as Heather. -Drinking.

Drinking buddies. Okay.

Bitches, show up as zombies at dinner.

Okay. -All right.

-See you in a minute. -I'll see you in a few.

Mary, do you care if I should shower really quick?

Do you need to get in there? -No.

Okay. I feel good.

I'm going to keep it this way. -That was fun.

Dinner tonight. What is it?

We're doing lamb and then we are doing

a zombie ice cream head.

Okay. Awesome.

Michael, we need a blow dryer

and then you to blow our hair off.

Me specifically? How long have I got?

-10 minutes. -Make it 10 minutes.

-Okay, 12. -12 minutes and I'm all yours.

All right.

-Are you a hairdresser as well? -No.

Oh.

Heather said something about you having dessert with them

'cause you missed last night. -Yeah.

And she asked if you could sit

topless having dessert.

[laughter]

I have to -- I have to take Whitney a nail file.

Let's come with me in an inflatable

costume to her room. -What am I going to be?

I have a blue shark, a pink shark, a seahorse,

and a lobster. -How do you see?

Well, your head comes through the hole your arm's

in right now. -Oh.

My head comes out of here?

-Yeah. -Like that?

Yeah, yeah, your head comes out of that one.

Like this?

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, it's like dressing a baby.

It really is. It's like dressing a drunk baby.

-Mary. -Just wait till it fluffs up.

This is hilarious.

Okay, we got to get out of here.

We're not going to fit in your room in a minute.

-Okay. Okay. -Okay.

-Okay, girl, let's do it. -Okay.

Oh, my gosh.

-Your little seahorse nose. -Ah!

-Oh, no. -Oh, my God.

Ahh!

[echoes] Ahh!

Oh, my God!

No. Stay closed on your foot.

No, I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

It's fine. I went to all this trouble.

Let me. Oh, God. Is it bad? It's fine.

Let me just get this.

Oh, my God. I'm in so much pain!

Oh, my God.

Wow. I need the doctor. -We have a medical emergency.

I'm slamming the door.

We were being stupid and then her hand got caught in the door.

Okay, um, wait here. I've got something.

Just -- careful.

Let me see.

Oh, my God. -Oh, it's so much.

Oh, my God. It's so much blood.

-I think I broke it. -Oh, geez.

Here, here, here.

Holy sh--

-Jason, Jason, Daisy. -Go ahead, Daisy.

Can you please come up to the main saloon?

It looks so terrible.

I think I ripped my fingernail off.

-Jason. -Oh, my God.

It's me again. I'm so sorry.

-I'm trying not to laugh. -It wasn't.

-I don't know what happened. -Yeah, okay.

Oh, I'm so -- I've been so much trouble to you.

Actually, can you not clean it off?

'Cause it's really zombie-ish. Like, maybe you should leave it.

We're gonna wrap it tonight.

He will never have you back, Angie. None of us can come back.

I'm gonna get a little bandage, but.

No use looking at it now. Just hold pressure on it.

I mean, what did I do to deserve this?

I'm the nicest one in this goddamn group.

Why have you guys had to take care of me for two nights?

Oh, my God. I'm a liability.

How does Shawn deal with you? Are you like this at home?

***

Look at him. Oh, look at him.

You guys. I've got him trained. He's never even done this.

And look, he's...

Would you like to come to Salt Lake?

Michael, you're a born hairdresser.

The thing is, right, if I worked at your hairdressing

salon, the amount of women that would flock to get

the hair done by me. -I'm already flocked.

I love your confidence.

I overnighted these from the UK.

Holy ----ing sh--. Yes, we are.

I want one on my shoulder and one on my face.

Ahh!

You win me over every time there's a theme.

I love a ----ing theme and a girl who dresses on theme.

-I'm not feeling this. -That is so not zombie.

-How is that for you, darling? -It looks -- it feels great.

So guess what I have. This is blood spray.

Don't do that on your carpet.

Why zombie night?

I mean, we love to dig up dirt on each other.

And we love to resurrect old fights from the grave.

[screams]

We could be our own horror movie.

The rumors and nastiness.

Listen, I got to count here.

You exploited my vagina, garbage horse.

-Stop talking about my daughter. -Wake up.

Why is the door not open?

Lord.

[screams]

Welcome to horror night.

[screams]

Can I get any of yous a drink?

I would love a bloody cocktail.

Can I do Old Chateau?

Whatever vintage you have. I'll have that.

Of course.

Hi.

Welcome to the zombies.

Yes. Thank you. You guys look amazing.

I love it. -Thank you.

Thank you.

You know what? Let's cheers to resilience.

And to Angie joining us. Thank you.

Wait, why does that have lips on it?

Excuse me.

I haven't touched this drink. But there's, like, lips.

That's not mine. I didn't do that.

-That's all right. -Okay. Thank you.

Those are not my lips. My lips are not that small.

You guys, how do we feel

the crew did with our zombie theme?

-I'm into the bloody knives. -These are body parts.

-The barbed wire's good. -And then the caution tape.

I might wonder, when would a hazmat balloon be appropriate?

-Oh, thank you. -We all look amazing.

You're the only zombie that I smell

alcohol on their breath. [speaks indistinctly]

Oh, my God. You guys are great.

You guys look amazing.

You guys look even better dead than alive.

Oh, Lord.

For your starter, you have caviar, lentils.

Thank you so much.

-And a butter syrup caviar. -Meredith's caviar.

-Yes. -Mm-hmm.

-Well, let me see if I like it. -Yeah, it's delicious.

Has anyone checked in on the home front?

-I did. -I have.

I personally turned my phone off

and I have not checked in.

I called Todd and Gwen, obviously.

I mean, they weren't exactly jazzed about my updates.

You know what I mean?

You said the thing about the farting and the making out?

Of course I did. Why should I be ashamed to say it?

I'm not the one who made it up.

-Oh, God. -What happened? What happened?

What happened? Tell me.

I think -- I think Todd always feels like he's not really

sure why he's a punchline here all the time.

Like why anybody's partner is a punchline here, you know?

I agree with that.

I just really feel like Todd and Gwen need to be off limits,

and it doesn't seem like that's something you can commit to.

As of today, I will never, ever, ever bring them up.

Or in any capacity. I will never, ever, ever bring them up.

-Okay. -And I'm very sorry

that I hurt your feelings and Todd's and Gwen's.

Very sorry.

I think it's disrespectful not

to acknowledge when someone is speaking to you.

So I acknowledge that Lisa is speaking, and it is to me.

Otherwise, those words mean nothing.

I didn't tell Angie anything with the intention for

her to bring it in front of a group

and humiliate Bronwyn.

You know, like, I don't like to hurt people that way.

Like, humiliation. I've never done that.

I've never gone after that tactic.

I'll defend myself, but I don't try and, like,

go for the jugular like I can.

And if you open the door, I'll walk through it.

But I just want to be status

quo at this point with Bronwyn.

And I'm genuinely sorry if she's embarrassed and hurt.

We need a zombie walk.

This looks fabulous.

You guys, the boat is rocking.

Do you feel the boat rocking and rolling?

My gosh, this is crazy.

-Oh, no. -Oh, no, Britani.

I'll be right back. I'll be right back.

-What happened? -Think she's getting seasick.

She's throwing up?

-Oh, no. -Oh, no.

I mean, it's not zombie

night until something comes back up from the grave, you know?

So Britani, throwing up feels pretty on brand for this dinner.

-Are you okay? -I just got a little seasick.

Thank you.

Can I just say, why are

you drinking tequila when you just threw up?

'Cause I'm trying to feel better.

Give her a break, Mer.

Why is it your business? Like, why do you care?

Is there anyone at the table who thinks drinking tequila --

Are you the expert in vomitting?

No, I'm not. But is there anyone at the table --

Why would she care?

You think drinking tequila while you're throwing up

is a good idea? -I think it's her business.

Maybe she's having the hair of the dog.

Hair of the dog? Woof, woof.

I would say that to my daughter. I would say it to anybody.

The rocking got to me for a second and I'm

trying to feel better.

Not 'cause I care.

You know what?

I'm actually concerned about something that I saw on TikTok.

What is it?

I saw something on TikTok today about

Seth's possible indiscretion.

I saw something on TikTok today about

Seth's possible indiscretion.

What are you saying?

-What are you saying? -Seth's having a mistress.

-Oh, it's some Salt Lake City. -Oh, my God.

My friend's Uber driver last month in Columbus, Ohio,

showed her a picture of Seth with his mistress because

she was their Uber driver like six months ago.

-Why would she say that? -My husband does

not have a mistress.

We are in a monogamous marriage

because your boyfriend breaks up with you every time

he wants to sleep with someone else.

That's your problem. -I break up with him.

Not mine.

You're a liar and a malicious, despicable person.

And you know what?

I'm not interested in you trying to interfere in my relationship

because you're jealous that you can't hold a man down.

I mean, it's all. Have you not seen it? It's all over TikTok.

No, I have not seen it, nor do I care.

She showed me. -Yeah, so she's sharing it.

You didn't see it.

Listen, I get it if you don't want to share.

I get that. -You stay away from me.

She needs to stay away.

Oh, my gosh. Now you're gonna throw something at me?

Not at you.

You broke a glass on me last night.

No, you tried to throw it at me, and I put my hand down.

I don't know why Britani is even talking about me,

my marriage, or my husband.

I have not talked about all this stuff out there about Britani.

Like, there's plenty to talk about.

Leave me alone. Leave my husband alone.

Go focus on your own misery,

because you are a miserable bitch.

I don't want her around me. She's filled with hate.

Keep her away. -That's all I'm saying.

-Bring us the zombie food. -Can I have the saw back?

Whose saw was this? Sorry. It was your saw.

It's Meredith.

Here you go.

Should I bring up all the troll commentary about every

single person? -We're not saying it's true.

We're just saying that, like, if you --

if you need to talk -- -You brought it up.

I don't need to talk to you anymore.

Hi. Oh, you look so good. You look great.

You want to talk about what I've seen about

other people's husbands?

I don't think so. I don't do that.

-How's the dessert, ladies? -Just gross and just like her.

Oh, she's vile.

Get her away from me. I knew it a year ago.

I know it again now.

Look at, like, how he just gracefully declined.

-I will get you your dessert. -What?

I will get you your dessert.

But you're not meant to be there.

Wasn't that great?

You guys chased him off the ----ing table.

-That's our friend. -That was, like, embarrassing.

The zombie ice cream cake. Delicious.

WHITNEY: Next time on "The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City"...

We are gonna free you, uni.

Ooh!

[distorted voice] You are loved...

You missed the flight.

Meredith was completely unhinged.

Meredith was yelling at me about her.

So out of control.

At the end of the day, right is right,

and wrong is wrong.

If I was yelling and screaming, I would have

had an air marshal there waiting to arrest me.