Original subtitles

Chris. How many times do I have to tell you

to quit leaving this damn yo-yo on the floor?

- What are you trying to do, kill me? - I forgot where I left it.

Well, will you remember when I fall down the steps and break my neck?

Sometimes it felt like all my mother did was yell at everybody.

Tonya, close the door! You're trying to freeze the whole house?

Drew, turn that mess down!

Are you trying to make everybody go deaf?

And get your feet off my table.

Julius, pick up your drawers.

Do I have to do everything around here?

And when I say my mother yelled at everybody, I mean everybody.

Rochelle! What did I tell me? Are you trying to drive me crazy?

But there was one person who always put my mother in a good mood.

Daddy!

My mother loved her daddy.

- And we did too. - Where's mama?

At the hairdresser. Where them grandkids of mine?

- Where they at? Hey! - Grandpa!

My grandfather was a great storyteller.

He didn't think I was playing

when I smacked him in the head with that brick.

And to this day, when I go in there, my food is free.

Man. Do you have any more good jokes?

Do I got any more good jokes?

- Come on, now. Knock, knock. - Who's there?

- Pass me them pork chops. - Pass me them pork chops, who?

No. Pass me them pork chops right there.

He got you.

I ain't playing with you, son.

What's the rest of the joke, Grandpa?

Okay. Knock, knock.

- Who's there? - Oh, Lordy!

Oh, Lordy, who?

- I'm dying. - I'm dying, who?

I'm having a heart...

You're having a heart, who?

Daddy.

Daddy?

Daddy?

I never did find out who was there.

My grandfather passing away was the first time

I had to deal with a death in the family.

I didn't know how to react and I guess my mother didn't either.

Because instead of doing this:

Damn, damn, damn!

She did this:

Good morning, everybody.

I hadn't seen my mother that happy since Lionel Richie went solo.

I can't believe Gene is gone.

I can't believe he never finished that joke.

I'm never eating pork chops again.

I can't believe he died sitting right here.

Everybody has to do die someplace.

Now, eat your eggs.

I hate eggs. Can I have some toast?

Sure, Tonya. No problem.

Hey, Mom, do I have to go to school today?

Usually, the only death that could keep us out of school was our own.

No. Not if you don't want to.

- Cool. - Chris,

do you wanna stay home today?

No. I have a quiz.

- Can I stay home too? - Sure.

I didn't know what was wrong with my mother.

But at that moment, all I could think of doing was this:

Snap out of it, woman!

Well, everybody have a nice day.

That was weird.

Man, your grandfather died? That's rough.

I had a parakeet that died once.

I cried for three weeks.

My mom is acting really strange.

You mean strange like...

There's a TV in my head!

Please just make it stop!

Even the crackheads would be scare of that.

No.

She's just really nice.

So were you guys close?

- Yeah. - Chris.

Stand up and tell the rest of the class what you're discussing with Gregory.

- My grandfather died. - Chris, that's not funny.

What are you gonna do when your grandfather dies for real?

Just because you didn't study for a test

doesn't mean you can go killing off your family. Who's next?

Your father? Your mother?

Why don't you kill your sister or your brother?

He's telling the truth.

Oh, Chris.

Wait.

- You believe him? - Of course.

- And not me? - Oh, Chris, your grandfather died.

You might say anything.

What are you doing here? Bring me your paper. Don't worry about the test.

You're excused.

In honour of my grandfather, I should have hit her with a brick.

Hi, Mama. You look good.

And that's my grandmother, Maxine.

She was the only woman who could out-snob my mother.

Your hair smells funny.

Are you still using that cheap perm?

Dark and Lovely?

Look at mine, it's beautiful. It's beautiful, isn't it?

Good to see you too, Mama.

That's my Aunt Charlotte. But we called her Grievy

because we only saw her at funerals.

No birthdays, no weddings, just funerals.

Girl, I haven't seen you since Cheryl's funeral.

- I know, I know, I know. - Grievy, stop crying. Come on.

- Okay. Okay, let me go. - Grievy.

- Okay. - Come on, come on. In here.

- Come on. - That's Aunt Mousey.

We called her that because she talked like a mouse

and she only spoke when spoken directly to.

Hi, Aunt Mousey.

- How you doing? - Fine.

My uncle Michael was almost 40 and never had a job.

He put the "um" in "bum."

- How you doing? - Hey, sis. How you doing?

- Good. - Got something to eat?

Yeah, we're just...

I think he saw a job chasing him.

Hey, Shaft.

That's too bad about your grandpa.

Sorry.

- Really? - Yeah. I mean,

who's gonna teach you how to tap dance now?

Later that day, he beat up a Chinese kid in my honour.

- Here they are. - Hey, everybody.

- Grandma. - Good to see you. Good to see you.

I'm gonna take Michael and Charlotte upstairs to get situated.

- Are you okay, Mousey? - Fine.

Okay. Come on upstairs. Follow me.

Julius, shouldn't you be at work already?

Hey, you know I'm on my way.

I just came by to say hi real quick.

- How are you? - Well as could be expected.

You know, Gene and I were married for 40 years.

I hope Rochelle and me make it that far.

The way she keeps this house, I'm surprised you haven't left already.

My grandmother always criticised everything my mother did.

Mama, you like my coat? It's all leather.

Feels rubbery. Feel mine.

Italian leather.

At home, even though my mother seemed to be keeping it together,

the house was falling apart.

Rochelle, can you change the channel?

Sure. No problem.

They would treat her like she was me.

Are you gonna help me pick out this casket

- or do I have to do it by myself? - Oh, sure, Mama.

I'll help you in a minute.

'Chelle, get me a glass of iced tea.

Sure, Mama.

Tea for Mama. Turtles.

- Damn it. - What?

You ever had the feeling you were about

to get smacked upside the head with a yo-yo?

Here, baby. Be more careful.

- You're not mad? - No. Why would I be mad?

Here, Mama.

This tea tastes funny.

- What kind is it? - I think it's Lipton.

Tastes like Nestea.

It's Lipton.

- Hey. - Hey.

Want a Turtle?

My mother offer me a Turtle? In her world, that's a cry for help.

No, thanks.

You okay, Ma?

I'm fine. You sure you don't want a Turtle?

What was that for?

Just wanna let you know that I love you.

Since my father was working extra hours,

and my mother wasn't being herself,

I decided to pick up the slack the best way I knew how.

Tonya, you go make up your bed. Drew, you clean up in here.

Sitting here playing cards.

This was gonna be harder than I thought.

Turn that mess down. You trying to make everyone in the house deaf?

Take your feet off the table.

Rochelle, tomorrow we're going to the funeral home to pick out a casket.

Please dress presentably.

I don't want them to think that we can't afford a decent casket.

Sure, Mama.

- You okay? You need to sit down? - No, I'm fine.

As bad as she felt, I didn't know it was about to get worse.

Rochelle, can't you make a decent glass of iced tea?

Well, can't you leave her alone? It's iced tea!

If you're thirsty, well, then you drink it. If you're not, don't.

I might be joining my grandfather sooner than I thought.

Are you gonna sit there and let that boy talk to me like that?

Boy, don't you know I'll knock you into another family?

Who are you?

You don't wanna know.

Hey, man.

Hey.

Chris, you know you're gonna have to apologise to your grandmother.

How come? She's the one who's been mean to Mom.

She's hurting, Chris. And your mother is too.

I know you're trying to protect your mother,

but trust me, you do not wanna get between the two of them.

You ain't gonna win that one.

You're already going to a funeral. Are you trying to go to another?

Well then, what do I do?

Do what I do.

Nothing.

Things will work out. All right?

Apologise.

You can't really believe you're getting married until you buy that tux.

And you can't really believe somebody is dead

until you gotta buy them a casket.

Now, we have several models.

This one right over here, top of the line.

Made of mahogany,

has silk lining over goose down bedding and a night light.

I guess that's in case the dead wanna read.

Well, Mama, what about the blue one?

- The blue one is nice. - I don't like it.

- She don't like that one. - It's a coffin, not an Oldsmobile.

- I like that one. - Good taste.

Maxine? That costs a lot of money.

We've got payment plans.

Can we put it in my father-in-law's name?

- Well, no. - I didn't think so.

- Okay, Mama. Whatever you want. - Okay.

Rochelle, even if we split this five ways, that's still a lot of money.

Who's talking about splitting it?

Well, I just assumed we'd all chip in. I mean, it is your husband.

Julius, I wanna help out.

What's this? It's a baseball card. Al Oliver.

He played in Pittsburgh.

Lifetime.330 hitter.

That card is gonna be worth thousands of dollars someday.

- How much is it worth now? - About a dollar.

I got $40 saved up.

What about you, Aunt Mousey?

I have some quarters.

Too bad he won't be playing Asteroids.

Mama, I just don't think that we can afford this right now.

Why not?

Baby, you always bragging about how your husband has two jobs.

I do not.

I do not need this. My man has two jobs.

My husband has two jobs. I don't need to be here right now.

I do not need this. My man has two jobs, okay?

My husband deserves to be buried with dignity.

Now, who are you to deny me that?

- We're not trying to deny you. - Nobody's trying to deny you...

You only die once.

Fine. Fine!

- You do whatever the hell you want. - Mama, l...

- Come on! - Mama, I wasn't trying...

I'm coming, Mama.

Rochelle, you wrong.

Poor baby.

We'll take the blue one.

My daddy like blue.

I always hated that picture.

It made me look like I got smacked in the head with a brick.

Oh, hi, Daddy.

You want a Turtle?

- No, but how you doing? - I'm okay.

Mama's getting on my last nerve.

She can do that.

She used to get on my nerves too.

Just because I'm dead doesn't mean you have to let her push you around.

And if she tries to do that,

you smack her in the head with that brick.

By the day of the funeral, there was still one thing left to fight over:

Who gets to ride in the limo.

Who are you? And what are you doing in here?

Hi. I'm Monay. This is Aisha, and this is Kiki.

We saw the limo so we had to hop in it.

- Where y'all about to go? - A funeral.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- Who died? - My husband.

Okay, well, when y'all get back, and if y'all not taking the limo,

can we take it to the club?

Okay.

The only thing more crowded than a limo before the funeral,

is your house after the funeral.

Hey, what are you doing here?

My dad dropped me off to pay my respects.

- Thanks, man. - He had to go to work.

Mama, come look.

- Chris got a white friend. - Michael, close your mouth.

Stop acting like you've never seen a white person before.

Hi, honey. You hungry? You want something to eat?

- Sure. - Well, come on.

- Want this? - No, thank you.

How about this? Hey, don't go anywhere.

I left a whole load of sloppies in the kitchen for you guys.

- Thank you, thank you. - Thank you.

Chris, I got a new video game at the store.

Okay.

Next time someone dies, let me know. I'll get you a good deal on a casket.

Man, what is your problem?

Sorry about your grandfather, Chris.

The one good thing about losing a family member

is that you get lots of sympathy.

- What are you doing? - My grandfather died.

Just because your grandfather died,

doesn't mean you can go around hugging people.

- See you. - Sorry about your grandfather.

At least somebody was getting some sympathy.

- Who is that? - I don't know.

Hey, little dude from across the street.

- Here you go, man. - What's this?

I robbed your grandfather a few times.

I didn't know you knew him.

Who ate my Turtles?

Oh, is that what you call them things? I ate them. But they was nasty.

What's in those things anyway?

If you didn't like them, why did you eat them?

Mama, I am sick of you.

Ever since you got here, you have not stop complaining.

Just because Daddy is dead does not mean

that you could come into my house and tell everybody what to do.

Michael, get your feet off my damn couch

before I slap the jam out of your toes.

And, Grievy, stop all that crying.

You cried on Easter. You cried on Halloween.

You cried on Flag Day.

Get some Kleenex, wipe your nose because it ain't that damn sad.

And hang up my phone. And Aunt Mousey,

take off your coat and speak up.

You're over there peeping and squeaking:

You sound like a damn rat. Use your words.

You're damn near 60 years old.

And, Mama, the next time you wanna eat my Turtles,

the least you could do is like them.

She's back.

- Hey. - Hey, baby.

- How you doing? - I'm fine.

- I brought you your Turtles. - Turtles. Thank you.

I'm proud of you for standing up to your mother.

You had me worried there for a minute.

- Why? - I thought you were about

to smack her with a brick.

So good seeing you, girl. You take care.

- You owe me some Kleenex. - See you later, sister.

Thanks for all the chicken. I appreciate it.

Stay out of them pretzels. Bye...

So...

Did he say anything before he died?

- Who? Daddy? - No, Martin Luther King.

Yes, your father. Did he mention me?

No. He just asked for more pork chops.

I know what you're thinking, she should have lied.

But actually, the truth was better.

Figures.

I liked the flowers.

- You liked them? - I guess so.

I know that doesn't seem like much of an apology

after everything that's happened,

but here's what she really meant to say:

- Baby, I am so proud of you. - I know.

- You are doing a wonderful job. - I know.

I wish my no-good son would stand up for me

the way your son stood up for you.

- I know! - And your father?

- Oh, he would be so proud of you. - I know.

- Mama, why are you so damn mean? - I don't know.

- And, baby, your hair, it don't stink. - I know.

See you around.

Take care, Ma.

- That's all of it. - Oh, thank you, baby.

- I'm really gonna miss him, Mom. - Me too, Chris.

Me too.

Chris! Get in here and pick up this yo-yo!

My father died for goodness sake, and now you trying to kill me too!