Original subtitles

I'm only five foot nine.

Anyway, I was talking about my car.

It's a new car, or at least it would be a new car, and it's still 1938.

It goes zero to 60 in a day and a half.

Hello? Anyone out there?

They love me. They love me. They love me. They love me. They love me.

Why would they?

I'm here today.

Probably tomorrow.

The other day I got lost just trying to find this welcome party.

Car is big, ladies and gentlemen.

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

Let me know when you get something you like, okay?

And now, here's a very funny kid. Down there in Newark, Gary Lewis.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, the new name sensation, Mr.

Dean...

Gee, but it's great after being out late Walking my baby back home

Arm in arm over meadow and farm Walking my baby back

home We go along harmonizing a song Or I'm

reciting a poem Owls go by and they give me the eye

Walking my baby back home

We stop for a while, she gives me a smile.

Snuggles her head to my chest.

We start into pet, and that's when I guess.

Her tail come all over my vest.

After I kind of straighten my tie, she has to borrow my cone.

One kiss then, I continue again.

Walking my baby back home.

I don't

know.

You've got to do better than this for me, Abby.

I'm an agent, Jerry. I'm not the amazing Randy.

I can kill. I know I can.

I don't want any more strip clubs.

It's very hard to follow nipple tassels. Well, you've never stopped someone.

Look, at least no one throw up on you.

See, to me, that doesn't make it a successful gig. Well, it's hard to sell

a record act, Jerry. You're going to have to actually start talking on stage.

Can you emcee? I mean, could you talk normal long enough to introduce other

actors? I can talk good anywhere.

Except in front of people.

You're a very funny kid, Jerry. You've got a lot of potential. I want to be an

emcee along with your act. I think I can book you at the Venom of Grid. Very

respectable place.

People throw up there? Only in the bathroom.

That is respectable.

You think about it. Otherwise, all I've got for you is another strip club in

Rochester. How great.

Why don't I just do my record act naked? Kill two birds with one stone. I want to

buy them. We would. Goodbye, Jerry. Hey, Abby. What? Try to stay out of the sun.

Get the hell out of here.

I miss you too, baby.

You know I do. I know you do. I know.

You know hard like that. I don't like living with my parents, and the kids cry

all the time, and they miss you too.

You tell them I love them, right? Of course, but it's not the same.

Why can't we come to New York? We could find a place together.

I'm dying here.

Living on my agent's couch.

You're right.

Things, things will turn around. You don't want to sound like a thug.

No.

Baby, my pizza's here. I gotta go.

Jeez, Dean, are you eating all right?

Are you taking care of yourself?

Oh, don't worry about me. I'm taking care of myself.

I'll call you in a couple of days.

Love you.

Love you, too.

That's exactly the reaction my last audience had.

Stop it.

Kid, go to mama, go to mama.

He wants me to emcee. I ain't no emcee.

I can't stand up there with nothing to do but introduce people.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the street from Ten Cellar Weeks in Central

Slovakia, a warm welcome for Vladimir and Flaming Meat Pies.

They'll hate me.

Why can't I just get up on stage and be funny, and they get famous and then get

rich? Or the rich part first. I don't care. Is that too much to ask?

You should do it.

But I'm scared of it.

Do it anyway.

Want to take a chance on losing all this?

Come on, let's eat.

Hey, Vinnie. How are you? Hey, Bill. You all right? Yeah.

Hey, Gary. Hey.

Did I know that guy?

He's mine. He's the same.

He looks very, uh, important.

How important can he be? He's on the same bill with you tonight.

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha.

Started at $750.

I close them at $900 a week.

Where?

Shapery in Chicago.

You're getting hot, pal.

I got a good feeling.

Maybe now you can actually afford those clothes you buy.

Get your own place.

Not that I don't love having you stay at my place.

Stay as long as you like.

They've been good to me, Lou.

Been real good friends.

I won't forget that.

You were soft on me, Pally.

Okay, Pally.

Hey, kid.

Come on over.

Here, come on.

Folks, this is Jerry.

Jerry Lewis.

Come on, kid. You made us laugh.

Nice to meet you. Sit down. Have a drink.

Thank you. Hey, I really like that thing you was doing up there. Oh, you're the

one.

Hey, come on, pal. These are the jokes.

What's the matter? Someone stole your teddy bear?

You're right back, boy.

What the hell is wrong with you?

You know who that is.

Some real nice fella, I hope. Nice fella? That's Lucky Luciano. That's who

that is. Murder Incorporated.

You gotta know who you're talking to in these clubs.

So what do I do?

You pray.

I'll talk to him.

If you're still alive by the midnight show, it might mean he forgives you.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your extreme listening pleasure, Mr. Dean

Martin.

The luster of a love light light in your face, my own.

And she was right. My own lady, my own.

Knock on wood as well as you for all that you're

making of me.

Never thought you'd love me, but you... You do, you do.

And when I look up at the stars and ask them all what's new,

they join me in the answer, darling, it's you, my own. Excuse me, pardon me.

I'm coming through, coming through. Excuse me, pardon me. My own.

My own.

Oh, there, oh, there. The hell's a good doing.

interrupt anything.

Oh, no, no, no. I was getting kind of tired of that song anyway.

So was the audience, but I didn't want to say nothing.

Oh, wise guy.

Go ahead, Mr. Singer. Make like I'm not even here. I'm not here.

I wish you'd make like you weren't even here.

I'm not here, no.

And when I look up at the stars And ask them all what's new.

They join me in the answer.

as it takes.

I go back up on stage now?

I don't, but they might.

Okay, folks, for my next number, I'm going to sing the same song again.

I'm going to keep on singing until I get it right.

And when I... We killed him. We killed him, didn't we?

Oh, yeah, kid, we killed him, all right.

Didn't you feel it? I felt it. It was like a jolt, like a lightning bolt. I

didn't know what was going to happen next, and I loved it.

You ought to talk to Angel about the dishes.

Hey, if Angel was smart, he'd put us together, don't you think?

I'm a solo actor.

Well, me too, but maybe, you know, together we could... I mean, I go solo.

Apparently. Yes, eh?

I'm just saying maybe, you know, once in a while... Hey, I like you.

You got guts.

You think so?

Good luck.

Take care, hon. Right if you get work.

See you around, Campbell.

I know I'm not forsaken.

You're still with me, honey child.

I miss you so.

There's got to be a place for me somewhere.

It's a one-in-a-million shot, Jerry.

You can't expect to crack it overnight. Look how long it took me to get where I

am.

Sometimes,

you know, I just feel like I'm this close.

The other night, I had people laughing so hard... Jerry, I hate to talk shop

when I'm eating.

Sorry, Pop.

It's all right.

Danny. Max, what the hell are you doing here? I got a week at the Adams Theater.

Is this your son?

Max Coleman, my son Joey. Hello. Hey, nice boy. I heard you're in the business

too. He thinks he's in the business.

He sings along with records.

Does that sound like an act to you? It is if it's funny.

You want to see something funny? Come and see me at the Newark Theater.

Okay, I will.

I'll take notes.

Nice to see you, Danny. You take care. Nice to meet you too, Joey.

Hey, Jerry.

Hey, it's you, Mr. Coleman.

He's a Greek guy.

So-so comic.

Anyway, Pop, um... Isn't there something you want to say to me?

Like what?

My birthday.

Hell, I knew that.

See, I didn't want to say anything because I've been on the road. I haven't

had a chance to get you a gift yet. I was going to go to Skimball.

Don't worry about it. No, I'm serious. It's going to get a nice shaver on those

electric ones. Forget it. Come on, Jerry. Don't go away, man.

Just go away, right?

What are you going to be like that for?

I can't go, Pop.

Come on, sit down. Finish your dinner. You're wasting your food.

Hey, I'm playing Atlantic City's 500 Club next month. You coming?

The 500's a dump. Besides, I'm booked at Brown's in the Pocono.

All right, that's your next gate.

Okay, we're up next.

And remember, let me do the talking.

And what, you couldn't address down a little?

How much longer can we do this? This is a disgrace, Dean.

It's a good thing.

It's a clean slate.

You have two kids, and maybe you noticed a third on the way.

Going bankrupt is a good thing. Things will turn around.

Why don't you come back to Philly?

Get a job with my father. Be a regular person.

Betty, I'm not gonna do what you or what anybody else wants me to do. You

understand that?

That's not enough for you to file bankruptcy.

You just don't care.

You stink, kid.

What Irving's trying to say, Jerry, is that our customers like monologues and

regular jokes, you know, like the other act.

Gressler told me you were funny. He said you'd fill this joint.

Well, that's kind of funny right there, ain't it?

You making fun of me? Never, ever.

Look.

I like you, kid.

But I gotta go with Irvin on this. We're gonna have to let you go.

Oh, no. Please, Mr. D'Amato. I just brought my wife and kid here. They're

counting on us. Look, Jerry.

I'm not a hard guy.

Come up with something better for tomorrow, okay?

Yes. Yes, Mr. D'Amato. I promise you, we won't be sorry.

Call me Skinny. Yes, Mr. D'Amato.

Skinny's a soft touch.

I'm not.

I would not have known that.

Lou Perry, please. Jerry Lewis.

Jerry?

How you doing?

Not so good, Mr. Perry. I'm down here in Atlantic City playing the 500 Club.

Well, good for you.

Bad for me. Bad. Very bad. I think they might hurt me.

Come on, Jerry. Skinny, the motto wouldn't hurt a fly.

What about Urban Wolf?

Yes, he would probably hurt you. Please, Mr. Perry.

Remember that night at the Van in Madrid when I was messing around with Dean?

Yeah, sure. That was a riot.

Thank you.

I think Dean should come down and play the club, you know? He could sing, and

then I could do the routine, and then we could make something out of it. You

know, a handsome man and a monkey, it's very funny.

You, uh, you want to team up with Dean?

Just this once, for this week.

I gotta come up with something or they're gonna fire me and then maybe

kill me. I ain't crazy about dying, but I definitely can't get fired. Well, you,

you've got your own manager, right, Greshler?

Why isn't he making this call? Because he can't beg as good as I can. Please,

Mr. Perry.

I love Dean. I know he likes me, too. I need this. I really need this. Hello,

Jerry.

Dean's very busy right now.

Please, Mr. Perry.

Please. Please. But you never know.

Please. Please.

Give me a number.

Bondi 50199. Thank you, Mr. Perry. I love you.

Sympathy, won't you hurry home to me?

Baby, baby, baby, please come back.

Put my little dream train back on the track.

Why, so are they most of the time.

Go ahead.

Don't let me interrupt. Keep singing. Be professional. Thank you.

Have a little sip of this.

Won't you hurry home, baby?

Baby, baby, baby.

Please come back.

Put my little dream train back on the track. I haven't seen

a sunny day since the day that you

went away.

Tears I cried for you until the deep blue sea.

Have a little sympathy for me. I'm living right now.

Yeah, you're clogging up my...

I don't think there's a part for a tuber in this song.

live with anymore.

You should have seen the last show, Mama. They had to turn away people from

the 4 a.m. show. The 4 a.m. show was sold out. Joey Levitch from Newark is a

hit. And also very hungry.

Here.

And Dean, this guy's unbelievable.

He's the coolest guy I've ever seen in my whole entire life. I mean, nothing

gets to him. Not the hecklers, not even the club owners.

He has no fear of nobody.

Well, where is he? What's he do after the show?

Who knows?

He's very mysterious.

Hey, Pally, I go my own way, Pally.

Don't you follow, Sonny. You could get hurt.

I'm so cool, my heart only beats five or six times a minute.

And then he smoked.

You know, invite him to dinner. He must be lonely with his family back in

Philadelphia.

Paul, where's the bag?

I got you. I got you.

Here we are.

Here we are.

That's what they mean by the earth moving.

Did it move for you?

He used to block hunters anyway.

I may have to try again.

Is there a balcony?

Dean, you and Jerry, you have enormous potential.

I mean, enormous.

Hope and Crosby have it, and Costello forget them.

You two can eclipse all of them. There's no limit.

Now that the war's over, people are going to be begging for your kind of

entertainment.

I feel the butt come.

You can't have two managers, Dean.

Doesn't work that way.

You're going to dump Lou Perry.

I have nothing but respect for Lou Perry.

But the fact is, he can only get you so far.

He's a good agent, but he's a small agent.

Jerry's a kid.

I make more than he does. He's just starting out.

Well, you don't think Jerry's going to leave me to go with Lou Perry, do you?

I don't know, Abby.

I'm flattered, but, you know, it moves me awful good to me.

I'm sleeping on his couch. He's lending me money. Dean, you come with me.

You won't have to sleep on my couch.

won't be satisfied till you break my heart.

You're never satisfied till a tear drops down.

I tried to shower you with love and kisses,

but all I...

forget from you is nagging and bragging the way you toss my

heart around.

Oh, try and change.

Well, I'll bet you wouldn't like it if I did the same.

You're only happy giving all my dreams apart.

You won't be satisfied till you break my heart.

Won't be satisfied till you break my heart.

You're never satisfied till the teardrops start.

I try to shower you with love and kisses.

But all I ever get from you is nagging and dragging and pull out and sagging.

Well, I'll bet you wouldn't like it if I did the same.

The 45, no problem.

See that table out front?

The blonde?

You saw?

Damn right I saw. She was giving you the eye, Pally. No, it was you she was

looking at. Yeah, right. Will you check it out for me, will you? I will do that

for you. I can't wait for the copa. Did I tell you I bought us matching tuxedos?

Why? You'll see. It'll be great.

You owe me 200 bucks for yours.

Bill.

I love being out there with you.

It's like we could do anything, and they love us.

And it ain't the jokes, trust me. They just love watching us be together.

Don't you feel that?

Whatever you say, Jerry.

I've got to get some pool. Yeah, me too. Let's go to that place we saw coming.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Hi.

I hope your folks enjoyed the show tonight.

You sing beautifully. I wanted more.

Thank you.

I already went past my quota for the evening.

At least in public.

Jeannie Beeger.

Hi, I'm... I'm the treatment.

Oh, Mom, Dad, James Martin.

Hi, folks, how are you? Hello. How do you like Miami?

Better every minute.

And from here?

Coral Gables, you know it?

Probably.

Getting kind of tired eating in this place.

Want to try somewhere else?

No, my father wouldn't approve.

He doesn't like show business people.

Oh, I don't blame him. I don't like much either.

You're funny.

No, no, I'm a singer.

No, you're funny. You make Jerry funny.

Your timing, your face. Come on, just two guys on stage goofing around.

It'd be nice while it lasts.

Have you always been a singer?

Sure.

Except for the time I was working in a steel mill.

And the time I was a boxer. And the time I was a stick man in a casino.

And all this in Steubenville?

They call it Little Chicago.

How'd you get out?

Let's talk about you.

Do your lines usually work on girls?

No idea what you're talking about. I'm enjoying Miami more every minute. Let's

talk about you, that kind of thing.

Girls really go for that?

You'd be surprised.

Where'd he go next?

The Cobra, New York.

I was ruling the world for an act like ours. Everybody says it's been a bomb.

Why? It's a high-class joint. They're not used to people running around

throwing the snakes at each other and cutting off the customer's ties.

They may frown on that. And if they don't?

Oh, I'll be sitting pretty.

Oh, what's missing?

What?

I don't know. I can hear it in your voice. Something's missing.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce to you the crazy

half of the Martin Lewis team, Jerry Lewis.

Thank you. Thank you very

much, ladies and gentlemen.

You know, my father always said, son, when you play the copa, you'll be

playing for the cream of show business.

This is cream.

Enjoying your dinner, sir?

What, are you hungry?

A little bit.

Don't they feed you at home?

You're making a knife and fork spark.

Disgusting the way you two are carrying on.

The whole club's talking about it.

By the way, when you get to the white part, that's the plate.

Everyone see me okay?

How about you in the way back there? Yeah, you see me?

Then get the hell out! Who needs ya?

Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, now I'd like you to meet my partner and best

friend, Dean Martin.

I'd like to make mention of the fact he's one of the greatest singers in the

country. I don't know how I'll do in the city, but anyway, here he is, Mr. Dean

Martin.

Oh, Marie.

Oh, Marie.

When the sun goes down, my

mother sleeps.

On the night of the good day, I sleep.

Oh, Marie.

When the sun goes down.

Good day.

Good day. Good day.

I said I'd drink the water. Hey, Pop.

What'd you think?

Well, the crowd liked it.

Honey, we're so proud of you. You go get changed. We'll meet you outside, okay?

Yeah, sure.

Come on, honey.

I'll see you outside. Okay.

So Dean calls, tells me he saw the apartment.

It's got ten rooms. It's great. I'll love it.

So I asked him. How big is the kitchen?

Ah, not this old story again.

Silent on the other end. He has no idea.

He hadn't even looked in the kitchen. As long as there are enough electrical

sockets, they think the place is great. Right. I don't know, Dean. Even for you,

this is a little spotty. Oh, this is the best way to get all the relatives

visiting. They hate it when they can't sit down.

The furniture comes this weekend. Then we're going to bring the kids up.

Hey, here's to the Copacabana and being held over for 18 weeks. And here's to

the 15,000 a week for those 18 weeks.

Here's to getting out of white jail in Philadelphia.

I'll drink to that.

Come on, I'll show you something.

Hey, we should do this more often. You don't get together like this. It's good

for the girls.

Absolutely, Patty.

This is going to be my den.

My old man used to say he was going to have a den someday.

Sit down, put his feet up, read the papers.

Nobody can bother him.

I'd do enough haircuts in a day to get one, I guess.

What's the matter with you, Pally?

You should be on top of the world.

Sure. Sure, I am. I'm happy.

Notify your face, because you sure don't look it.

You know what?

All the great reviews, all the money, all the laughs. All I keep thinking

about is my old man.

The crowd liked it.

How did it get to you?

My whole life, I always felt like my old man was looking the other way, like he

didn't even know I was there.

He taught me so much, and he doesn't even know it.

All those years in Vaughnville and the Worship Hall, he just kept coming up

empty.

And now me, only after a couple of years. Boom, you know?

I don't feel guilty about it.

Don't take away my guilt.

What would I do with all that free time?

You think too much.

It's all pretty easy if you make it that way.

Hey, you're always listening to Jerry Lewis' sob stories. I hope you know I'm

always there for you, too, Dean.

You can always turn to me, tell me anything.

Yeah.

Yeah, thanks, Ger.

Come on, I want to show you what they call a maid's room.

Bigger than the house I grew up in. Come on.

I don't get it. Where are all the people?

Damn place we are, a car.

Hey, Dean, look.

Hello.

Hello, ladies.

How would you like a ride with two handsome movie stars like us? We got a

seven-picture deal. We got a seven-picture deal. I'm on picture.

I don't think they were impressed.

Doggies? They're lost.

Hey, did you read the script?

What script?

What script?

Unbelievable. Oh, come on. Well, I read it. It's very funny, Dean. I want this

deal. I want this part.

If you wear that on your sleeve, you're dead.

My mother always told me, never let anyone know who you are.

She must be very proud of you, boy, I'll tell you that.

My father had a saying, too. Expect the worst and you'll never be disappointed.

You've got to learn the man's name. We're in business with him.

He's a great producer, Hal Waller.

Hey, I say, Pally, he turns around.

What do you want from me?

It's enough to make a guy do something like that.

Oh, Al, you mean you're going to get a job?

Irma, watch your language.

Now, Chicken, how long have you been going with me?

Five years.

And how long is it since I worked?

Five years. Now, don't you think that's pretty consistent?

I appreciate it, Al. Now, let's not quibble, Chicken.

Now, you know I love you, honey, but it's just a question of time until one

of my deals comes through.

Got it?

That's a wrap.

Thanks, Jerry.

Well, we're all friends here, so let's speak frankly. Jerry, you're not an

actor.

I can do better.

I worked with him as much as I could, Hal. We shot nine tests. He just doesn't

have it.

Fellas, I'm here in the room with you. Jerry, don't take this personally.

How?

Jerry, this show's been on the radio for years. It has millions of fans.

If someone who's not right plays Al, the audience will kill us. What about Dean?

Dean's great.

He's very natural. He'll be perfect for Steve.

Here's what Hal is thinking.

We're going to write a part just for you. We'll call him Seymour, a really

wacky sidekick to Dean. You can just be yourself and have fun. It'll be perfect.

Listen to me, Mr. Wallace.

Jerry Lewis plays Al like it says in my contract.

You listen to me, Jerry Lewis.

I don't give a damn what it says in your contract. You're not right for Al.

You're not playing Al. That's it. That's all.

I'm not playing Seymour.

I'm playing Al. I can do it. You don't want to play Seymour, Jerry? I'll tell

you what. You set this picture up.

We'll go with Dean to play Steve. We'll get a real actor to play Al. And you,

well, you can go back to New York. You can't do that.

Dean and I are partners. We're a team. I don't like you, Hal Wallace.

Now you went and hurt my feelings.

Abby, calm your client down. Jerry, Dean is not exclusive to you.

There's nothing stopping Hal from offering him a picture outside the seven

pictures as a team.

Listen, I got a dozen other crybabies in this lot I gotta take care of, so what's

it gonna be?

All right, you win this time, Mr. Wallace.

Hey, kid.

The money always wins.

Jerry says they turned 500 people away from Slapsy Maxi's Night Before Last.

I don't know how they do it. Shooting during the day, the club dates at night.

Well, it keeps them out of trouble, I hope.

I doubt it.

Does Jerry call you every night? Like clockwork.

Sometimes I don't hear from Dean for a couple of days.

Well, I think Jerry only calls so much because he needs me to tell him not to

be scared.

And how great he is.

And then he reads me his reviews.

That's the difference between them, I guess.

Jeremy Dean doesn't.

You think he fools around?

Dean?

Hell yes.

Are you serious?

Hattie, you sing with a band.

You saw what goes on.

Look at Dean.

You think women are going to ignore him? He could ignore them.

I'd be stupid if I believed that.

I just tell myself as long as it's never anything serious, no emotional

attachment, although my hat's off to anyone who can get an emotional

attachment out of Dean.

Why do you stay with him?

I love him.

He... He needs me.

I don't know if I should say this.

Who?

She's blonde.

He met her in Miami.

It's just that Jerry noticed that she's spending a lot of time with Dean in more

than one city.

I saw her at the COPA.

What does Jerry think? He thinks it's wrong.

I just think you should be careful.

I have to talk to you. Are you kidding?

No.

Right now?

Yeah, now.

It's very important.

I slept with her.

With who?

Gloria DeHaven. Remember we saw her at the club with June Allison?

Of course I remember.

Who do you think is up in my room?

June Allison?

Yeah.

I thought she was giving me the eye.

Anyway, the point is I'm cheating on my wife.

Jerry, please don't tell me this is what you dragged me down here for. Go see a

priest or a rabbi. I woke up and I couldn't remember what I was doing.

What am I doing?

Look, you love Patty, right?

Right. And she loves you, right?

Right. So what's the problem?

It's wrong.

Wrong? For who? For you?

Don't you think it's wrong?

Jerry, all I know is what's right for me.

I don't apologize and I don't explain.

My whole life, I'm such a nebbit.

Patty was the first person to look my way.

And now there are girls all over the place, and all I know is they want me,

and that's enough.

I can't resist that.

Jerry, you're going to be 90 years old one day, and you're going to look back

on this conversation and say, what a schmuck I was to worry about this.

Why is it so easy for you?

Maybe there's just something about winning somebody over.

Especially somebody not supposed to.

What's she gonna feel like?

What's she look like out of those clothes?

Man, the first time they first reveal, there's nothing like it.

One night, she didn't see the bad in you.

And one night you don't get a chance to disappoint her.

See, mystery without a history, Dick.

That's what I can't resist.

Well, does that make me a bad guy?

Yeah, maybe.

So I am.

I know, I thought I'd have to.

Oh, not that it didn't get a little complicated sometimes. You gotta love

something.

Where? Is it gone?

Yeah. She was supposed to come tomorrow afternoon.

I'll be your pal. I'll get you and I in the room, and I'll keep Jeannie at the

bar for a while.

Baby. Surprise!

Change of plans. I'm going to another bed.

Who am I to do this?

Someone needs a bed.

Jerry Lewis, who gets second billing to Dean Martin, was really the team's

drawing power.

Bad for your health to read reviews.

Not for Jerry's health. Every interview he gives me makes it sound like he's the

mastermind. I shouldn't believe everything you read. I know, but you

deserve more than that.

I just wish they could see what I see.

I want you to stay here.

In L.A.

My band leader has a guest house.

What's gonna change?

You know how it is.

What it is. I do now, although it would have been nice of you to let me know you

were married when you first... Don't you read the gossip columns.

I wouldn't let you be alone, you know that?

Aren't you tired of being alone?

It's complicated.

No, it's simple.

You need somebody who's always going to be there.

Who knows the truth and is never going to lie to you.

I'm just like you, Dean. I don't care. about anything in this world except

what's in front of me.

And that's you.

You've never been loved that way before, I know it.

What do you want, Dean? What do you want to happen?

I'm shooting this poster stamp. What does Wallace think? What did you do to

my hair? You messed it up. It was perfect in every take. What do you have

to keep? You ordered me a sandwich?

You're just standing there for ten minutes. How hard is it to get a

sandwich?

Hold it right there.

Okay, let's make it. Yeah, about time, Ballard.

So I can just cross the international date line.

Well, it takes time to light, boys. You know how it is.

I thought you shot with available light.

Yeah. Every available light.

That's great material, Dean. You should be writing this stuff, you know? You're

the best, man.

I wish every movie was as easy as this one with you.

Thanks, Doc.

Oh, my stomach.

Jerry, what's the matter?

My stomach.

It's a pain.

Get my doctor.

Hurry, call Dr. Levy.

I feel like I'm going to die.

You dick.

Fool. Your Florida girlfriend.

She's here, isn't she? You're keeping her here in L.A. You're drunk.

Then you know she gives you our home.

Where your children live.

Are you in love with her?

No.

What stupid question to ask Dean Martin.

I must be drunk.

Does she think you're in love with her like I thought you were in love with me?

What do you want from me, Betty? I want you in love.

You should never believe a word I say.

I'm sorry.

Stop! It's through and through!

I'm no good.

Children, we have a special surprise today.

So here to entertain you, your very own favorites, Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis.

Hey, how are you? Hey, kids.

Hello, hello. Here we are. Happy to see you.

Oh, look how they're screaming and yelling.

You want to tone it down a little?

Nuremberg trial.

Now that's why the ratings are so high when these guys host the show. That's

great, Dean. We'll use that.

That's why they pay me the big bucks.

Get my doctor here. Call Dr. Levy. I

need Dr. Levy. Jerry, he's in L.A. I know where he is. Get him on a plane and

bring...

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Stand by camera one, take one. Bring the audience up a little bit. You want a

coffee or something, Dr. Levy?

What, are you blind or something? Come on, fix that.

Look at that.

There we go.

Wait,

they're dancing?

What is that?

Stand by camera two, take two.

few minutes. I just wanted to go over some material for next month. It's all

right with Jerry. It's all right with me. Dean? Yeah? Listen, uh... Is that

Jerry? Uh, yeah, well, he only got the one note. Listen, I'm sorry about what

happened. It's not your fault. How do you put up with it? Hey, it doesn't

bother me.

I get paid the same whether I'm funny or whether the boy's funny. Yeah, but I

mean the stomach aches. No, I've never seen anybody so desperate for attention.

We all think it stinks.

Oh, my night iron calls.

Yeah, I'd love to have a drink with you some night or maybe dinner.

I'd like to get to know you more so I could tell the writers how to work for

you better.

Nobody gets to know me better.

Not even my wife.

Oh, okay.

He does this every single night just to annoy me. Does what?

What? Look at the time. We go on in 30 seconds. You see, Dean? No.

He always waits for the last minute. Jerry, relax.

Put your pants on.

I usually wait.

It's an old tradition my father taught me.

You got to keep the crease until you're just about to go on.

All right, all right. Son of a bitch isn't going to show this time, Lou. I

know it.

The laziest man in show business.

Fed up with it.

The one who's always working on the fact. The movie is nothing.

Shows up and grins while I do all the work.

I can't. I've told people a hundred times.

Hi, Lou. Hi, Jer.

Ladies and gentlemen, Martin Man Lou!

Nice of you to show up. I know that you wouldn't miss me.

Well, Dean, here we are at the famous Paramount Theater in New York. Oh, is

that where we are? That's where we are.

Where else would we be?

Well, I don't know. I just woke up.

Wondering what all these people were doing in my bedroom.

Anyway, Mr. Dean Martin, whose talent has exceeded only by his alimony, will

now sing for you. He wanted me to pay half...

little bastard, isn't he?

Oh, what he said.

Boy, oh boy. Oh, Dean.

Yes, Jerry. Oh, Dean.

Right here, Jerry.

Nobody curses in my act, Dean.

Your act.

That's right.

Your act.

That's what I said.

This act right here is your act.

I think he's getting the point.

Okay.

This is your act.

Let me see you do it.

The history of dance for the last 30 years. Maestro.

Charleston.

Oh, man.

I feel... I feel good.

I believe it's called Percodan.

It's a beautiful thing.

Am I all right?

I cracked your spine, you moron.

I'll take some tests if they say you're fine.

Patty?

I called.

Everything's fine.

Just get some sleep, huh?

Listen, you wouldn't mind just hanging around, would you?

Just until I fall asleep again.

You do.

Remember that time in Chicago?

Maybe it was Philly.

Or somewhere.

It was a bar somewhere.

You were laughing about something.

And you threw your arm around my shoulder.

And you kept it there while you took a drink.

And everybody was looking at us.

And it was then that I knew.

what it must be like to have a brother.

I'll never forget that feeling.

That's the beautiful thing about show business, Dean.

The thing I love the most.

You never have to be lonely again.

Right, Dean?

Right.

It's very nice of you to sit here with me.

Well, I'm not here, Gary. You're dreaming.

I'm sitting at the bar at the Cobra, checking out the joint, smelling the

perfume.

Well, who's going to make the trip home with me tonight?

I'm thinking about tomorrow.

I'm thinking about yesterday.

I'm thinking about you.

Such a tough guy.

I know you feel it too.

I know you do.

What are you doing that for? We got people to do that. Because I like to.

I'm not helpless.

No, but you're rich, so it's almost the same thing. Ha!

I'm just saying.

We got people, so use them.

I know that.

Thanks.

Don't forget, we got dinner with Dean and Jeannie on Friday.

Speaking of something I don't want to do. We'll get over it, because we're

going. We never do anything with them anymore.

I'm still friends with Betty.

Do you have any idea how awkward this is? I don't care. Dean's my best friend.

Dean is nobody's best friend, Jerry.

Who stayed all night with me at the hospital, huh?

My father?

Lou Wasserman?

No, Dean did.

You don't understand these things. I understand better than you do.

He's not going to give you what you want.

He can't.

When are you going to see that?

All right, just stay out of it. The invitation's never going to come. All

right, that's enough.

You will go to dinner with us. Dean is my friend, and you will go.

of the partnership who is the work. Now, one man held the pop-in.

For all its madness, there is method in the Lewis artistry.

Oh, and here's the important part.

Mr. Martin is a competent straight man.

The Lewis artistry?

The boy is talented.

Why doesn't anybody see that you're the spine of the act? Jerry would be nothing

without you.

I'll tell you one thing. There's not a woman in the world who would watch if

you weren't there. Yeah, how many ten-year-old kids would be watching me

if Jerry wasn't there? I'm glad you think this. It's funny.

How can you just let him take over? He rolls right over you. Hey, do me a

favor. Don't tell me my business, okay?

He wants to be a mogul. He wants to be an artist. What do I care?

I'm happy the way things are.

No, you're not.

Now you're going to tell me how I feel, too?

Great.

Let me know when I'm hungry and I'll get something to eat.

He's holding you back. You could be the next Sinatra.

I can't hear the television if you go on talking.

You know something, Dean? When we met, I told you there was something missing.

I finally figured out what it is.

You.

You're missing. There's just no one there.

Four years ago, you guys were begging me to put you in pictures. We're begging

for nothing.

You came after us.

Now you're too good for my movies? I don't want to do a three-ring circus. It

stinks. It's a damn good script. I'll laugh my ass off. I don't even sing

until a half hour into the movie.

On top of that, it's an old song.

On top of that, I have to sing it to circus animals.

Gee, you're gonna make me cry, Dean.

Hey, me and Jerry don't even meet until page 40.

Yeah, give me this.

Now you're meeting page two.

How come I sing less songs than usual?

Jerry wanted to sing in this one.

What? He wanted a song, we gave him a song, no big deal.

You listen to me.

Maybe you didn't notice, but I just had a hit record.

Now, I need an office to do movies without Jerry.

MGM, they want me to do 10,000 bedrooms.

And you,

you, you want to wake me doing crap like this?

You listen to me.

You can do 10,000 bathrooms for MGM for all I care. All I know is you're doing

Three Ring Circus for me. What the hell are you so worried about anyway, huh?

People come to see Jerry roll around the floor and you to wink and sing.

Since when do you care about the script?

You gonna buy that, Joe?

What are you asking the director for? You should ask the boy genius.

Print that. Come on, boys, over here. Come on, come on, come on. Mr. Lewis,

where do you find your best material?

I don't really need material.

You know, the only thing that Jerry Lewis needs to be funny is Jerry Lewis.

Hey, hey, I'm not important to this actor anymore. You just let me know.

The hell are you talking about? All I mean is anytime you think you want to go

solo, you just... Say the word!

I don't know about the rest of you, but I, for one, am fed up with my partner's

sensitivity. Yeah? Yeah, everything I do is wrong.

Anything happens he don't like, he blames it on me.

The rest of the time he acts like he doesn't even know I'm there. I am sick

and tired of playing stooge to this idiot.

You know why I'm calling Wasserman?

I'm telling him I want out.

First of all, who are you calling an idiot? You, Jerry. Oh, yeah? Let me tell

you something, Bean.

When Jerry Lewis loves, he loves too much. And when Jerry Lewis hates, he

hates too much.

You better remember that, pal.

Let me tell you something, Jerry.

Go screw yourself.

That's genius.

Oh, yeah.

Let me give you boys the facts of life.

This is not a child's game.

This is not I'm taking my ball and going home now.

You're not Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis individuals.

You are Martin and Lewis.

You are a corporation.

You are a $20 million a year money-making machine.

And that machinery cannot stop because of some silly dispute or hurt feelings

or because you simply don't like each other anymore.

If I stopped working with people I didn't like, I'd be out of business

within a week.

Now, you have commitments all over town.

Your contract with Hal Wallace runs through to 1960.

You have a deal with NBC for another three years. It's a deal with Colgate

another year. Indeed, gentlemen, you have a contract with us, here, with your

family at MCA.

Promises have been made, and they must be kept.

Either patch up your differences or hate each other and learn to deal with it.

I don't really care.

But the Martin and Lewis business goes on.

Sure, we had a blow-up in Phoenix.

Do you know any two people who work together who don't have arguments?

We did have a misunderstanding and it was...

Dean, who admitted I was wrong.

I want you to take this part down word for word, just like I said.

I know that going it alone, we would not be as great as we are together.

Outside of my wonderful wife, Dean has been the person I've been closest to my

whole life.

You know, when we shook hands in our partnership, I said in my heart, this is

forever.

Till death do us part.

Still go.

One, two, three.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's some water.

When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's some

old age.

Bells will ring, ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling, and you'll sing,

beat the bell.

Hearts will play, tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay, like a guitar on that

land.

¶¶ ¶¶

¶¶

¶¶

Back in old Napoli, that's the way.

that no other team has. Yeah, sure. What's that?

It's the love we have for each other.

You know, you can talk about love all you want.

To me, you're nothing but a dollar sign.

Grrrr!

Sign those.

Initial, please.

That's a paramount stipulation.

Hal Wallach has agreed to take the four pictures you owe him and make them

individually with each of you. Initial these two, please.

No, every page.

As discussed, the only commitment left to fulfill is your Copacabana appearance

in July.

We'll bill it as your farewell performance.

And that, I'm sad to say, is that.

Can't believe it's over, Mama.

Can't believe it.

It's okay, baby. It's better this way. No, it's all gone.

It's all gone.

Shockwaves have been felt throughout the entertainment industry as Martin and

Lewis announce their final performance.

Fans all over the world express grief and sometimes outrage as the two funny

men go their separate ways, splitting up the peak of their popularity and

success. Say it ain't so, boys. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome in their

final appearance together, Martin and Lewis. Oh, it's great to be back. How

are you? How are you, fellas? How are you doing? Nice to see you, Walt.

How are you? Nice to see you. Very nice. Very nice.

Hello. Holy gee.

Can I afford any more alimony?

I don't think so.

How are you, Jerry? I'm good. I'm good.

I'm very well.

What are we doing tonight?

We are doing the last show at the Copacabana. It's the last show. Two o

'clock. Thank you very much.

Oh, yeah.

He thinks we're just starting, but indeed, this is the last show. Oh, yeah.

It's been a long year.

Yes. Do you want to do the imitation?

Now? Yeah. Okay.

All right.

Whenever you're ready to start, just do the imitation.

You go ahead, Jerry. We'll still be friends whenever you like.

It's funny. It was funny in the dressing room.

You go ahead. You just do it. What?

I forgot who I was going to imitate.

Get off the stage and I'll tell you. All right.

Ladies and gentlemen, the best imitation you've ever heard of Mr.

Winston Churchill.

Thanks very much. What is this?

I don't know how to do it.

No, no, no applause.

No applause. What is this? Don't try to make up. Hey, who let Jackie Gleason in

here? Is Jackie in here?

Hey, Jackie, all right. Everybody protect your food.

Save a glass for me. Or ten.

All right. Am I going to sing my song now? Jerry, please, introduce my song.

Introduce my song.

Make it lovely.

Who needs a drink next to that? I'm drunk already.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, the Italian street singer's getting old.

Hey, what is this? It's Mr.

Singer Man.

Go get him.

You are all in this world to me

Here by the window

The sweet melody I sing to thee

Listen to me.

But we'll travel along singing a song side by side.

You don't know what's coming tomorrow.

Maybe it's trouble and sorrow.

But we'll travel the road sharing our load of sorrow.

Thanks for the ride.

Love you.

I'll be back.

That I'm all alone just playing solitaire.

Love was just another game for two.

I see now that all it meant to you.

And my heart got lost somewhere in the shuffle.