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- Morosgoványi! - Yes, Lieutenant!

What day is it today, Morosgoványi?

Saturday, Lieutenant!

Second Saturday.

Bathing Saturday, Lieutenant!

What are the duties of an orderly on a bathing Saturday, Morosgoványi?

I humbly report that he is obliged to set up the trough

in the kitchen that serves as a bathtub,

see that it is appropriately heated and propped up

at four... no, six points,

and then to fill it up with water that has been boiled

to the correct temperature using the pot outside,

according to demand and number of personnel!

And what makes the water boil, Morosgoványi?

I humbly report that the fire does, and that this fire has to be

lit in the fireplace outside in an east-south

easterly direction!

And this is after?

After the wood has been chopped to the correct size.

And the correct size is?

20 by five by five!

Centimetres.

And this is after?

After the Lieutenant has been accompanied out!

After?

After the bicycle tyres have been pumped up!

- After? - After the toilet has been scrubbed!

- After? - The muck has been taken out!

- After? - The straw has been carried in!

The other way around, Morosgoványi. The other way around.

Yes, the other way around!

And this is after?

- The Lieutenant's buttons have been polished! - After?

The daily field exercise has been completed!

After?

After the pig has been fed!

Quite right.

And?

What is it that the orderly never does, Morosgoványi?

I humbly report that under no circumstances does he peep!

Because if he peeps?

- His big mouth will be shot off! - His cleft lip, Morosgoványi!

Yes indeed, Lieutenant!

Hang on. Hang on!

Too much, too much, too much!

Hang on! Hang on!

Just a drop more.

Good, good. Too much, too much!

Now, get out!

Don't you have anything better to do? Get out!

And what are you smiling at?

What's true is true.

The poet was right.

For what, may I ask, does a man's cock stand erect?

Who knows?

- Don't you think, Morosgoványi? - Yes, Lieutenant.

And so I ask you straight, Morosgoványi.

Is there anything better than a woman's cunt?

Because you can call it what you like.

The cunt is still the common denominator.

Isn't it?

And if it's not?

It's because it's not.

Or because it's ugly.

I mean the word.

Or unwashed, I mean.

- Or like a pig. - Yes, Lieutenant.

For, I quite agree

that a poet's description of a "love chalice"

is more beautiful.

Or a "dewy lily."

Or perhaps a "pussy."

No doubt about that.

Or in the words of the song. How does it go?

If you were a rosebud, a rosebud, I would be a bee.

I'd buzz up to you...

But that's just how people say it

when they're courting or trying to be polite.

All they are really saying in the end is "cunt."

Do you understand?

The cunt!

Because, listen, Vendel.

I've got my own theory.

It's not the world that makes the cunt go round.

It's the cunt that makes the world go round.

Erno, lunch is ready!

What are you going on about? Go and find something to do!

Leona! Now! I've had enough!

Not now! You're it!

Leona, come on! Run, Leona!

Come on, come on! Throw it, then!

Girls!

Bedtime!

Girls!

Into bed! One, two!

Miss!

Sleep well.

Don't worry about your figure.

Just grow nice and fat for me.

Sweet dreams!

There is a poor, orphan girl.

She doesn't have a mother or father to love her.

She has a friend, named loneliness,

and she washes clothes in the stream

morning and night.

Her stepmother shouts at her and beats her.

Poor orphan, her life is miserable.

The little girl washes a white dress in the little stream.

HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN THE LITTLE MATCH GIRL.

Don't be afraid of me.

You're trembling.

Shall I use magic to put some stars in the sky for you?

Yes.

- Would you like that? - Yes.

You really want me to?

- Yes. - Millions of tiny stars.

But you have to help me.

Give me your hand.

Yes, there.

I'm flying!

Here you are! My dear Leona!

Gentlemen! Gentlemen!

To the final victory!

Cheers! Cheers!

Hey, where are you?

Here, Morosgoványi. The candle supply.

Morosgoványi!

But won't you get cold, Mistress, being out of bed like this?

That depends on you, Vendel.

On how skilful you are.

Scratch me, Morosgoványi.

Scratch me!

Keep scratching.

Are you undressing me, you silly boy?

It's winter.

A woman can't afford to catch a chill with her equipment.

Morosgoványi, a woman needs a lot of warmth. A lot.

Oh, yes!

Wait, I'm going to throw my guts up!

I'm going to fuck you, Irma.

Can I say things like that?

Damn it, of course I can!

Fuck my cunt. Shove your prick right in there.

Fuck my cunt! Shove your prick right in there!

My little Mangalica piggy.

My little Mangalica!

My little pig!

My sow!

My piggy!

Tell me, Ferike! Leona!

Vilma! Tell me, Irmuska! You, you, you!

Let's shriek together!

And let's laugh!

And let's grunt! Because life's too short!

And get it in!

Get it in!

Get it in!

As hard as you can!

Morosgoványi.

Yes, Lieutenant!

Little Kálmán, my little son!

And now, at this very moment,

if we can believe the scales, and why shouldn't we?

Our boy Kálmán Balatony is moving into second place.

He is behind Hristo Mehmedov,

currently in second place, and is only behind by a fraction.

Ivan Duharin, Soviet world champion...

Come on, come on! You've got second place.

Then Béla Miszlényi, in a phenomenal fourth place!

The contender from the 12th Regiment of the Bulgarian Liberation Front

is keeping up with the two Hungarians.

It's still impossible to tell what the final result will be.

We know who the winner will be, but there is an incredible chase

for second, third and fourth place!

Colonel Ivan Duharin is in first place,

followed by Kálmán Balatony in the colours of Honvéd.

Come on Kálmán, come on Honvéd! Then we have Hristo Mehmedov.

He is followed by Béla Miszlényi. After him...

Come on Hungarians!

Come on Hungarians!

Come on Balatony!

Come on Miszlényi!

Come on Hungarians! Come on Hungarians!

Will Balatony be able to keep his very narrow second place?

Of course he will! 58 seconds to go!

He's putting on an amazing finish.

And so is Miszlényi.

Miszlényi is third, Balatony is 0.2 behind Duharin.

Now only 0.1! Is he...? No, he isn't!

You like her, don't you?

Leave her alone!

- You kept looking at her. - I came second all the same.

Because I pushed you.

Ah, Chick!

This competition is more important than that.

This woman is going to be my wife.

Are you crazy? You don't even know her.

What the fuck were you looking at all that time?

Do you know where you are, Chick? No?

Then look out there to see where you're standing.

You're at a turning point. And you still fuck it up?

Does it mean anything to you if you come second? Norway!

Are you crazy?

- I came second. - But how?

By a thread. Shut your face.

Just look at your plate and eat! It's not even soup anymore.

You could be eating false teeth or rings or something and that's it.

- Do I make myself clear? - Yes.

I should think so.

Now, the lipid. It's dry and dangerous.

And full of shit like gauze and wadding.

Only a little lubricant and it's enough for three regurgitations.

Do I make myself clear?

Béla.

Béla, you keep up with Kálmán. And keep an eye on the Russian!

It's good for you, too. The Soviet's first and we're second.

Go Honvéd! Go Hungarians!

The Vasilyev move worked. And the Garmeyer cross-swallow.

I don't know what his problem is.

The Garmeyer cross-swallow? With bean soup?

You didn't even notice, did you?

And why not? Because the pacemaker was watching the woman too!

I'm telling you, you can only ever be third.

And only the champion can be the women's champion.

Alright, the champion is the women's champion!

Welcome to the Spartakiad.

We welcome Comrade Gizella Aczél, who competes for the canning factory

and won the Junior World Championship in Cuba in "Sausage and Beans."

And another international champion in speed eating:

Comrade Bat Bulgana from Mongolia,

who took gold in Be ng in "Hard-boiled Eggs."

To your plates.

Get set.

Go!

And the fight has started in the second course.

The two Hungarians are right behind the Spartakiad star.

The stakes are high in the second round.

With horse sausage chosen by the Soviets, who knows what the outcome will be?

Go Hungarians!

Tempo! You're first, come on! Let's go! Come on!

And I can't believe my eyes!

Balatony's scales are showing 23.5...

Wait, 23.7 less than Duharin's!

Yes, Balatony is winning! A historic moment!

It's good to be Hungarian in Kecskemét.

A milestone in Hungarian speed eating!

Come on Balatony! Come on Miszlényi!

Come on Balatony!

The spoon, the spoon!

They keep on eating, but Kálmán has stopped!

It looks like lockjaw as the others just keep on going.

The clock is eating up the last few seconds. Balatony! Kálmán!

Comrade! What are you doing? You can still win! Come on!

There seems to be a problem. It is lockjaw, I'm afraid.

Let me tell you, Cuba is a Socialist paradise.

And there are oranges everywhere.

You don't have to queue for them, they just drop from the trees.

Hello, hello.

How are you, son? How are you? You're getting your colour back.

Hello, you cheat!

Tinned strawberries.

Your favourite.

- Béla Miszlényi. - Gizella Aczél. Congratulations.

I've heard so much about you, Comrade Aczél.

I respect your results. If you have results, you have everything.

Béla came second, after Duharin.

And that has its own consequences.

I heard. Norway.

Norway. They'll put me forward for the European Championship.

The most important thing is that you're in one piece.

I can tell you this, from one champion to another.

Isn't that right, Kálmán?

I brought some bananas. Good and soft.

Nice.

- Do you want some, Comrade? - No thanks.

Are you not coming, Comrade?

My car's outside, I can give you a lift if you like.

Or do you want to chat, Kalmán?

Alright, my boy. Don't let yourself go!

Well then. Goodbye, Kálman.

Get well soon.

Bride for sale!

Faster, gentlemen! Faster!

Come on, don't be mean!

Smile, Matyi! It's a wedding, not a funeral!

Bride for sale!

Faster, Matyi! Faster!

Have you grown roots or what?

Thank you, Juliska!

Laci, my old friend! Put the money in here.

Hey, don't take it out! Put it in!

Bride for sale!

Let's run away!

Sure.

The bride's running away!

- Béla? - Béla.

That fucking liar!

- Where is he? - Not so fast.

You must work for it, my boy.

First test: Singing.

No, you don't!

Norway.

Come with me.

I want you, Gizi.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

I love you, Gizi.

It cannot be the time for farewell.

I only had you, no one else.

You took my dreams.

I still see your face.

A painful thought is haunting me.

Will you think of me, when the night is over?

All our dreams are torn...

We can go to Norway, Gizi!

Gizi! You're mine, Gizi!

I won you, Gizi!

Norway!

And you have never loved anyone like me.

Will you think of me, when the night is over?

Don't tear all our dreams apart.

Lie that it hurts, that it still hurts.

Pista, Józsi, move!

Pali, don't just sit there! Get to the machine!

Just how are you holding that hose?

Excuse me.

Good afternoon. Comrade Szakacs said...

It's arranged.

Sit over there.

Menu! For dessert, semolina pudding.

You get cocoa powder on it.

Sit up!

Spoons up.

You too!

Your spoon?

On your marks! Get set! Go!

Semolina! Mushy!

Lumpy!

Don't forget to work your elbows! Go for the cross-swallow!

Come on, ten seconds left!

Finished!

I don't believe it.

Kiril Gottman.

Kzystof Dihar.

Jan Beher Kekes.

Béla Miszlényi.

I can't!

This is a totally different world!

It needs a different personality!

Listen to this, listen to that! Do it like this, then like that!

Then the Bulgarians and Soviets take everything.

- And Béla Miszlényi. - I don't give a shit about him!

They gave him everything.

"Mister Miszlényi, please."

Throat expansion!

How can we compare to them?

Chick?

Do you remember, Uncle Jeno?

With the Inota chocolate bar,

at the fluid stage, to be precise,

it was neither shaped nor cut, still hot.

I was in the sixth grade, I think.

The man in the factory told us we could eat as much as we wanted

but not to put any in our pockets or bags.

There was a girl, Ibolya.

I wanted to impress her.

I wanted to show that I was good at something.

That there are things other than climbing a rope or singing.

"Can you give me a spoon and soda," I asked.

I just counted to myself.

It was about 2.2 kilos for the first round.

That was when I got the first buzz.

This trembling excitement.

That my capacity is bigger than me.

The feeling that you are growing bigger and bigger inside,

and deep and unknown chambers open up.

Just a slip of a boy, Uncle Jeno!

And I still had the right feeling.

I wanted to bet him 200 cognac cherries.

They were a rarity then, they all went for export.

We didn't have them, not even at Christmas.

But he said it was over, and we had to leave.

"You're a fucking liar," I said to him, but he didn't dare hit me.

He called the guard.

And what did I say?

That I should leave those losers at Kinizsi Meat.

And that there'd be money for the tram home.

And a small snack after competitions. Sandwiches, juice.

I say the same right now.

And no bullshit.

You've got to work like hell! Keep practising!

When speed eating comes into fashion again,

and the IOC finally recognizes it,

then we'll show the world

that Kálmán Balatony is a

real gem.

Welcome to our hospital, Comrade Gizella.

Our most modern ward is named for the wife of the martyr Tibor Szamuely.

This is gynaecology.

Our doctors are patient and the examination is painless.

- The staff are all excellent. - That's important.

So, Comrade Gizella.

We'll transfer you to vegetable wholesale.

You'll need to pee and we'll take some blood, alright?

Congratulations!

You know, Doctor, there is a small problem.

Vegetable wholesale.

Yes, but Gizi competes for the canning factory.

Vegetable wholesale.

- They're second division. - With no calorie allowance.

No way. It's an internal order. Pregnant women must transfer.

Cyst or myoma?

- Cyst! - Myoma!

Tibor?

Ilonka?

János?

Or Piroska?

Or Miklós?

Lajos!

Comrade Aczél!

Gizike!

They said I'd find you here.

Comrade Svigadurin would like to invite

our famous sportswoman and her husband to join us on board.

And the situation is...

Well, you know, it was sort of announced that

you would give a short

demonstration

45 kilograms of red caviar,

in 20 minutes,

in honour of the 20th anniversary of the liberation.

The first minute is over.

It's 45 kilos in 20 minutes, do you understand?

I don't know, but my stomach feels very odd.

It's no wonder after vomiting so much.

But I'm sweating like Ili Fibinger in Parliament.

Don't be silly, that was something totally different.

Goose liver got stuck in her throat, poor thing.

I don't know. Something is definitely not right.

Hey, are you crying? You? The canning factory champion?

Listen.

What about the time with Fidel Castro and the soup?

That great man clapped so hard,

he nearly fell off the podium.

Alright, I'll tell the doctor to stop everything.

Health is more important.

But we'll lose the trip to Sochi.

Come on, pull yourself together. Wait, I'll blow down!

Dear Comrades.

Now, more than ever,

we need helping hands to strengthen

the construction of communism.

Now, when the most important issues are real friendship

and honest brotherhood,

I thank you for this commemoration.

Are you okay, Pussycat?

Have a drop of cognac!

This hasn't happened since I was a junior.

That one, on the left, in the top row.

- Is that little Lajos? - Yes, he's beautiful.

- A bit small though. - It doesn't matter!

A child is a child.

We'll bring him up, Pussycat.

LAJOS BALATONY TAXIDERMIST

30 kilos of margarine and 800 Champion Bars.

And this lolly.

- When do you finish today? - 38,526 forints.

- Are you here tomorrow? - Ten bread rolls?

Move your behind! What are you doing there?

Is that 15 kilos?

Don't spare any!

Margarine. Sticky, oily vegetable fat.

Come on, start eating.

Hurry up, Gréta! What is it?

Chew faster! Watch out for the cross-swallow.

They should be able to eat the

15 kilos by now.

This was well worth it.

She's really coming on!

All the hard work is starting to pay off.

At least for those who put some effort in.

But you? I can't even look at you.

- Then don't look. - I won't.

These little things are the apples of my eye.

I'd give anything just to stroke those little furry bellies!

Oh, you are beautiful.

You!

Come on, let them out, just for a minute!

No way.

Later.

I'll open it later. You'll see.

If it snaps,

if I notice it snapping,

I'll have a wash, clean myself

and open the door for Gizike.

You'd have to get up for that.

You'll see.

You're watching that shit again?

The losers.

If only I were there!

- Can you believe it? - Yes, probably.

Bastards.

Losers.

Gorging.

Bastards.

I'd be a whatsit by now.

A, you know...

A global star!

But you won't make a fool out of me!

Who?

- Should I heat the meat up? - Los Angeles?

- I've never been there. - And you're not likely to.

But the Romanians went, all the same.

Just look at this!

- Can I help you? - Good afternoon.

I've got something. I was told to come to you.

Wild or domestic?

I'm not really sure.

Domestic, I guess.

Your name?

Regoczy.

Andor Regoczy.

Doctor.

How much is this?

It's not for sale.

38,526 forints.

Only if you keep to the schedule.

No meat until then.

Everything in its own time.

Black pudding.

Or industrial lard.

Well, if you don't eat Lajoska before then.

Though there's not much on him.

My little kittens.

Alright!

Grow nice and big.

You could be global sensations.

You could even be on television.

Sure, you could.

If there was somebody

who'd arrange it! Right?

Clever girl, Gizi.

I myself started with fat.

- A long time ago. - And that's how it should be.

Come on, kitty!

Eat it!

Maybe if you took the wrapper off.

Watch this!

Can you see?

And the silver paper?

It just slips down.

I can do 400 plain bars in an hour.

But I can do 570 with the silver paper on.

- And does it come out? - It gets absorbed.

I've never eaten anything that should get absorbed and didn't.

It finds a role in the body.

Now, listen.

Check the time.

I'm just wasting my breath.

Cyst.

What did you say?

- Dad? - Don't you realise that I'm ashamed?!

Ashamed of me? You make me want to puke!

- I do everything for you! - Why do you come, then?

You don't have to do me any favours!

Carcass stuffer!

Alright then.

That's enough.

I just wonder how long you'd survive.

For how many days?

You'd die of hunger with your stinking competition cats!

You'd drown in shit and filth!

You can't even use the toilet by yourself!

I can manage, I don't need you!

How would you manage? I'm curious! By yourself?

Get lost, shoo!

You don't realise that there's no one you haven't chased away.

Only me, a fucked up idiot. I won't be coming here anymore.

Who else would pay for all the food that you and these cats get through?!

You son of a bitch!

My mother was right.

She was right when she left.

She didn't want to stay stuck under your huge fat behind.

To rot along with you. Because everything rots here.

Everything! But I won't!

Remember that! You loser! Do you understand?

I'll smash your face, you little shit! Who do you think you are?

- You loser! - So what? You want to hit me?

Come and hit me then!

It's never too late!

A fatherly slap!

For once in your life! Come on, then!

I'll let you!

You don't even deserve a slap, you bastard!

You stinking sack of shit!

Don't you bullshit a global star.

Just for comparison, Igor Vostongonov made it with 3:21.

- In 1969! - Still no reason to bullshit me!

You carcass stuffer!

You don't know who I am! What I've been through!

I worked hard! I worked hard for success!

Who are you kidding, you little runt?

- A vomiting technique is named after me! - Drop dead!

Chick!

We've got an infrared cabin.

There's a sauna and turbo solarium in the basement.

The recreation room is next to the fitness room.

We've got back massage, ayurvedic hand and head massage,

Swedish, Thai and sports massage as well as tailor-made...

So, you need to repeat this exercise 20 times.

You could do fewer.

Stop for a while and rest if you're tired.

Try not to push it too much at the start.

Focus on your muscles and breathing.

In, out.

Alright, very good.

Don't go too hard.

You can slow down a bit.

Focus on your body, feel your muscles.

This exercise is good for your pecs and can do wonders.

You'll notice the difference

when you leave the gym.

Five more to go, and then finished.

Good, very good.

Slower.

Try to keep the distance between your arms.

Good.

Well done, finished for today.

Stop it now.

Stop!

38,526 forints.

1,474 back.

Here you are.

Goodbye!

Dad?

It's me.

I'm back.

Fuck you, Galamb! What are you doing?

Dad, you'll look really good.

Excuse me.

Hey!

Excuse me!

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