All language subtitles for S08E14 - Presumed Insolvent

You better run or you'll be on the
business end of that cocking gun.

You want to stop me, Ron, or she's lost
her mind.

What's the problem, Kent?

I just need three hours to replace the
floor in the guards' lounge, but I can't

do it until they leave.

I like the lounge the way it is.

Sir, without the guards' lounge, we
bailiffs had no place to cut loose and

recreate.

And Roz can be quite surly when she
can't recreate.

So I guess she won't be her usual
effervescent self?

I guess you won't eat the rest of your
meals through a straw.

Harry, this is serious.

All right, I'll tell you what, guys. You
can use my office as a temporary

bailiff's lounge. How does that sound?

Very Solomon-like, Your Honor.

I don't like it, but okay.

Uh, boss, you, uh, wanted to see me?
Yes, the birds are using my car for

target practice again.

Oh, and that metallic finish is like a
pigeon magnet.

So, I want you to go stand by my parking
space and act like a scarecrow.

Dad, last time you made Phil do that, he
got arrested for loitering.

Yeah, well, no one's going to accuse him
of loitering this time.

Oh.

Okay, Mac, better up.

Yes, sir. People versus Old Meyer.

Breaking and entering and burglary.

Mr. Prosecutor? Yes, sir. The Depends
Desperado here.

Broken to a private residence.

And he attempted to make off with an
original Diamore painting valued at over

$200,000.

Whoa.

She must be priced by the pound.

Depends. Yes, Your Honor, Mr.

Allmire and his wife recently lost their
entire nest egg when their local savings

and loan failed.

So he entered the home of the bank
president to make a withdrawal of sorts.

I'm sorry, Mr. Allmire, but that's not
the way it works.

Well, you tell me how it works. The bank
fails.

They tell me my money's uninsured. I
lost $110,000, my life savings.

You should do what I do. I keep all my
money in a shoebox hidden underneath the

bed where nobody knows it is.

Oh, now I'm going to have to hide it.

I know. I'll put it underneath the
chair.

That's quite enough, Miss Hochheiser.

Mac, why don't you see what you can find
out about this? I'm on it, sir.

Oh, there's my little girl.

Excuse me, sir. You're fondling the
state's evidence.

Oh, I've come to take her home. Oh, C.
Roscoe Kittredge, your honor, president

and owner of Rockville Savings, and this
painting belongs to me.

It belongs to all of us who lost our
money in his bank.

Sir, this painting happens to be a bank
investment.

Then why was it hanging in your living
room?

Well, it had to hang somewhere.

Hey, hey, hey, I'm a victim as well.

Rockville Savings has just been seized
by the government. I'm just as broke as

this man. I'm bankrupt.

Excuse me, Your Honor, but there's an
emergency call for Mr.

Kittredge from his houseboy.

You're bankrupt and you have a houseboy?

Well, bankruptcy means different things
to different people.

Uh-huh. Why don't we take a break while
Mr. Kittredge huddles with his...

House boy.

Um, uh, bad news, boss.

I stood out by your car like you told
me, but, uh, the bird still hit it

pretty good.

On the bright side, I sold enough
pencils for a car wash.

Good.

Now, go earn me a hot wax.

Overtime!

Excuse me, uh...

I'm sorry to hear about your case.

I kept some of my assets in that bank,
too.

Yeah, that big ball of lint, right?

No, really, boss.

I'm liquid in several places.

I'm sure you are.

If there's anything I can do to help
out, just let me know.

Well, you can start by getting off my
foot.

The man has enough troubles without
being hazed by the friends of the

Midnight Mission.

Oh, Your Honor, I just got some very
disturbing news.

A check of my collection has turned up
another missing painting.

Gerstel's The Yellow Parasol.

The Yellow Parasol?

Isn't that on display somewhere?

Yes, in my guest powder room. That is,
until a certain old man got his wrinkled

mitts on it. Oh, wait a minute. There is
no proof that my client was involved.

I was.

Of course, my client's confession.

And my wife broke in with me.

She's holding your Gerstel at
brushpoint, and if we don't get our

money back, the yellow parasol is going
to become the polka dot parasol.

You old fool, you can't just kidnap a
masterpiece. Great art belongs to the

masses. Oh, really?

And exactly how many of these masses got
to see it hanging in your guest powder

room? Oh, we throw lots of parties.

Oh, you do, do you really?

Okay,

okay, that's a five, Miss Sullivan. My
office.

Sorry, folks, didn't mean to interrupt.

I cannot tolerate blackmail in my
courtroom.

Idaho.

So I would suggest that you talk to Mr.
Ohlmeier and get him to bring that

painting back before he gets in over his
head.

Boise.

I'm sorry, sir, but there's more to this
case than the simple letter of the law.

Rhode Island.

An old couple has lost their life
savings. Where else can they go to get

some justice?

Providence.

I feel real bad about the old Myers,
too, but that is out of my jurisdiction.

Montana.

Well, if we can't help them, who will?

Helena. Who?

It's the capital of Montana, right?

We were playing for money.

Sorry.

Sorry, Spearmint.

The guard's lounge is only for bailiffs
and other official personnel.

Experiment?

Groupies.

Ah, Phil, my beggar extraordinaire.

What did you get this time?

Decaf.

Excuse me.

Mr. Robinson. Yeah. I'm Edward Shoup,
U.S. Office of Thrift Supervision.

He's the fascist bank examiner who stole
my S&L.

Rockville Savings spared last month.

Government is still trying to liquidate
its assets. You leech.

Why don't you auction off my blood, too?

I can't.

It's too cold.

We checked on this Ohmeyer person you're
holding. He's telling the truth.

At one time, he had bank bonds worth
$111,000.

Then Kittredge runs the bank into the
ground, and Ohmeyer winds up with

bupkis. I don't believe this.

Pure Chinese silk. This is my favorite
power tie.

I feel awful.

I'll go earn you a new one.

Excuse me.

Sure.

Thanks.

I was just wondering, what happens to
the people who had passbook accounts at

Rockville? They're lucky.

Passbook accounts are insured up to
$100,000.

Only $100,000?

Bummer.

I sweat and I shave.

For what?

Excuse me, Dan Fielding, DA's office.

This is going to be a real long shot,
but do you by any chance have a Phil

Sanders on that list?

Sanders? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sanders. Sanders?

Philip Alphonse, yeah. Oh.

Ooh. Lost his shirt.

Had 3.2 mil in Rockville when it went
under.

Mil.

As in millions.

Yes.

Phil? What?

No, no, no. That's impossible.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Dan.

Wasn't, uh, wasn't Phil the stockbroker?

That was years ago. Believe me, the only
asset he has left is his life form.

Well, maybe not. I mean, I read about
this.

It's called the Howard Hughes Syndrome.

Successful businessman socks away every
dime, then one day just drops out and

lives like a pauper.

You're telling me Phil is loaded?

Well, he was. Of course, now all he's
got left is his insured 100 grand.

Poor guy.

Poor guy.

Oh, Phil!

My good man.

You know, I was just thinking, when's
the last time you did something fun?

Something just for you.

November 6, 1977.

I use the pay toilet.

Ah, yes, we all have our special
memories, don't we, Philip?

Alphonse.

How did you know my middle name, boy?

Oh, Joy, thank you.

You know, let's make today special.

Here's ten bucks.

Go do something just for yourself.

Gee, it's awfully generous, boy.

That's what friends are for.

I give to you.

You give to me.

Remember that. And also remember, Dan is
your friend.

Whatever you say, boss.

Dan.

Dan.

I was just thinking, when's the last
time we had lunch together?

Does me licking your plate count?

Forget that.

How does the Russian tea room sound?

I imagine lots of clinking of glasses
and sipping noises.

That's not... That's not what I meant.
Listen, why don't we have lunch there?

Really?

I'm touch book.

Dan.

Right. Listen, first, I have to go
change this tie. So, I'll meet you

there. It's right next to Carnegie Hall.

Do we really have to eat near Carnegie
Hall?

Why not?

It's just that I have this deep-rooted
fear of musical instruments.

You're afraid of musical instruments?

Isn't everyone?

Absolutely.

You know what? And I think it's time we
confronted it together.

Pal of mine.

Russian tea room.

One hour. Okay. You know, Dan, I always
knew deep down inside that there

was something really special about you.

I'm glad I'm your lackey. Me too, Kelly.
Oh,

excuse me.

Can I talk to you for a second?

And this is a drunken disorderly who...

finishes community service.

You missed one.

Thanks.

Ooh, that was a good one.

I'm sorry, sir. I can't concentrate with
all this.

Yeah.

All right.

That's it.

You all got to get out of here.

Come on, everybody.

Time to go.

Okay, Harry, we can take a hint.

It's not like we have nothing better to
do.

Come on, guys, let's go take turns
sitting on the shoeshine stand.

Come on, come on, hustle, hustle.

Out of here, out of here, out of here.

Come on.

I'll take that, thank you.

Hey,

how was lunch?

Oh, why so glum, Dan?

Feel that you pick up the check?

No, and from now on, you should be
careful what you say about Phil Sanders.

Oh, why? Because he's suddenly rich?

No.

Because he's suddenly dead.

Dan,

I don't believe it. Phil's dead? What
happened?

It was a piano accident.

A what?

In front of Carnegie Hall.

They were hoisting a baby grand up to
the second floor just as Phil was

walking under.

The rope snapped and boom.

The key was sharp.

Phil was flat.

What a way to go.

Oh, poor man.

What about me? I had to identify the
stain.

Sorry, Dan. I know that you and Phil
were very close.

You know, it was his one phobia.

The man lived in fear of musical
instruments.

Talk about irony.

I sent him to his death.

Oh, come on, Dan. We know you're upset,
but you can't blame yourself.

Christine's right.

These things just happen.

Well, not often.

Hardly ever.

One time they do, it's because it was
meant to be.

I've got to put this in perspective.

Of course you do.

It's not my fault Phil died. That's more
like it, Dan. It's just my dumb luck.

The moment I find out Phil's loaded, he
kicks the bucket. Dan Fielding gets

chipped once again.

Gee, Dan, your grief seems to be getting
the better of you.

Dan, I'm shocked.

Phil was a living, breathing human
being, and you were closer to him than

anyone. Surely that must mean something
to you.

I think I see your point.

Oh, God, how stupid and short-sighted of
me.

Phil has an estate and no relatives, so
that probably means I'm in line for some

cash after all.

Thank you, Christine.

God bless you.

This is boring.

I miss doing nothing in the guard's
lounge.

People, there's more to life than just
vegetating in some drab lounge.

Like what?

Exercise, read a novel, write a letter.

Your wise man never wastes his free
time.

Remember, free time is the most precious
thing we have.

Jack, that's beautiful.

Floor's done. The guard's lounge is all
yours.

Dibs on the folding chair!

Mr. Allmire, I am truly sorry about your
life savings, but I'm afraid if you

don't tell us right now where your wife
is hiding that stolen painting, you

could be looking at five to ten years in
prison.

Oh, dear.

Well, Your Honor, I'm an old man, my
wife's an old woman, and I guess we need

each other more than we need the money.

Would Mr. Kitteridge consider dropping
the charges?

All I want is my painting back.

Oh, well... All right.

Then your wife really had nothing to do
with it? Well, actually, sir...

She held the getaway bus for me.

Case dismissed.

Excuse me, Your Honor. Edward Choop. I'm
with the government. I was given this

earlier today.

It might be of some assistance to Mr.
Ohlmeyer.

Wow!

It's a check to Mr.

Ohlmeyer for $100,000 from Philip
Alphonse Sanders.

Is it any good?

Oh, yes.

Sanders had a hundred grand left.

He told me he felt badly about the
O'Mayers, and he wanted them to have it.

Oh, this is fantastic.

Where can I find Mr.

Sanders?

He has a spot in front of Carnegie Hall.

Thank you, sir. Thank you.

Uh, Mr. Kittredge?

When the government seized your SNL,
weren't you supposed to turn over all

the assets?

What's your point?

The paintings.

Oh, these.

Must have slipped my mind.

Thank you.

Why don't I come by your house tomorrow?
In case you had any other memory lapses.

I assume it is your house.

I hate you.

Oh, Dan, his package came for you.

I hope it's not Phil.

Dear boss, sorry I ruined your power
tie.

Saw this one on the way to lunch and
thought of you. Love, Phil.

Figures. What do you mean?

Phil's last act was to buy me a gift.

Yeah, that's really touching.

That's just typical of the dumb stunts
he was always pulling. That I even put

up with Phil is a tribute to my divine
patience.

You're having a hard time with this,
aren't you?

What is it with you people around here?
Why does everyone want me to break down

and cry?

Because it'll make you feel better.

Christine, I'm fine.

The man did me a few errands. It's not
like I was his brother.

Okay, that's the way you feel about it.

Well, I will admit that losing Phil will
affect me in certain ways.

I mean, for instance, he always dropped
off my dry cleaning, so at the moment

I'm not sure where half my suits are.

If I wanted information on a woman I was
dating, like her birth date or her name,

I could always count on Phil. He was the
best house sitter, too, because he

didn't mind sleeping in the sink.

So, what you're saying is that Phil's
passing is just an inconvenience to you?

No. I'm just saying that I don't have to
cry to feel the loss.

Because my life is going to be a little
different every day.

And if you don't think that means
anything to me, you're sadly mistaken.

I'm sorry, Dan.

I guess I misjudged you.

Join the crowd.

Well, Phil, it's not much to remember
you by, but I guess it'll have to do.

Phil, I, um...

I won't forget you, you bum.

Boy, life is cruel.

I mean, what purpose could be served by
the death of such a good soul?

Good night.

Good night.

Oh, by the way, thought you might like
to know, your friend who died, turns out

he had accounts in half the banks of New
York.

He left an estate worth over $8 million.

Now, all goes to someone else.

Go figure.

That's the purpose.