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1
00:00:00,593 --> 00:00:02,532
She's been dead maybe ten minutes.
2
00:00:02,583 --> 00:00:03,752
Like head chopped off.
3
00:00:03,783 --> 00:00:05,271
No, she died of, like,
natural causes.
4
00:00:05,309 --> 00:00:06,547
I'd do it, man.
5
00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,151
She was cute as hell in Commando.
6
00:00:08,382 --> 00:00:10,963
I'd show her who's the boss.
Poison her Ivy.
7
00:00:11,041 --> 00:00:13,185
Whoa. Something's up.
8
00:00:13,341 --> 00:00:15,593
Guys, we've been boiler roomed.
9
00:00:15,686 --> 00:00:17,924
Telamericorp was just a shell
of a company.
10
00:00:17,969 --> 00:00:20,963
Alice probably felt
some heat from the feds, right?
11
00:00:20,993 --> 00:00:22,924
So she packed up
in the middle of the night.
12
00:00:22,972 --> 00:00:25,716
That makes me Vin Diesel.
13
00:00:25,769 --> 00:00:27,185
Ooh, I'm Giovanni Ribisi.
14
00:00:27,210 --> 00:00:29,816
Oh, I'm like a Scott Cann-Jamie
Kennedy Combo Doggie then.
15
00:00:30,349 --> 00:00:32,780
Jamie Kennedy, maybe.
I feel that experience.
16
00:00:36,743 --> 00:00:38,954
Hello?
17
00:00:38,980 --> 00:00:40,422
It's Alice.
18
00:00:40,615 --> 00:00:41,958
Okay, let's talk.
19
00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:44,038
What's the vig
to get in on your game?
20
00:00:44,204 --> 00:00:45,390
Why aren't you here yet?
21
00:00:45,515 --> 00:00:47,125
Why aren't we where yet?
22
00:00:47,250 --> 00:00:49,894
Oh, Christ, you're at
the old offices, aren't you?
23
00:00:50,019 --> 00:00:52,463
We moved offices over the weekend.
24
00:00:52,588 --> 00:00:54,257
It's all I've talked about for weeks.
25
00:00:54,423 --> 00:00:56,467
Guys, we moved offices.
26
00:00:56,633 --> 00:00:59,137
- Oh, yeah, I totally forgot.
- Yeah, um, Alice...
27
00:00:59,262 --> 00:01:00,839
Oh, wait, wait, let me...
28
00:01:00,964 --> 00:01:03,575
Hey, Alice, so we're done
with the old office, right?
29
00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:05,226
We're never going back?
30
00:01:05,392 --> 00:01:07,395
Yeah, never.
Now, get your asses over here
31
00:01:07,561 --> 00:01:08,546
and get to work, please.
32
00:01:08,671 --> 00:01:10,014
Okay, thanks, Alice.
33
00:01:10,139 --> 00:01:11,749
You sound like
you're looking good today.
34
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:16,445
Oh, yeah!
35
00:01:22,351 --> 00:01:24,895
♪ Destroy ♪
36
00:01:25,020 --> 00:01:26,997
♪ Destroy ♪
37
00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:29,699
I feel like
I'm at a Garth Brooks show.
38
00:01:29,824 --> 00:01:32,369
Kick it.
He's talented.
39
00:01:42,262 --> 00:01:45,347
Hello?
Oh, hey, Alice.
40
00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:47,115
How are you?
What's up?
41
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,950
Hey, if you're still at the office,
44
00:01:52,979 --> 00:01:54,775
and not get the $8,000
security deposit back.
45
00:01:54,941 --> 00:01:57,393
Um, no, no, no, no.
46
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:59,322
You must have misunderstood us.
47
00:01:59,488 --> 00:02:00,830
We are not at the old office.
48
00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:03,132
We are watching
the old Office, the TV show,
49
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:06,802
on an iPad in the car
on the way to the new office.
50
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,998
What? Hello?
51
00:02:11,833 --> 00:02:18,341
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for DEMAND by antibio
52
00:02:23,845 --> 00:02:27,776
Oh, hell no, bitch.
These offices suck.
53
00:02:27,843 --> 00:02:29,327
Where the hell are we
supposed to park?
54
00:02:29,351 --> 00:02:31,025
There's, like, no spots.
55
00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:32,527
Guess we gotta park on the street,
56
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,398
even though there's
extra handicap spots.
57
00:02:34,564 --> 00:02:36,698
What the heck?
We have one handicapped dude
58
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,199
at our office...
Wheelchair Mike.
59
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,401
Lucky bitch.
I wish I were handicapped.
60
00:02:40,526 --> 00:02:41,948
Those guys are so lucky, dude.
61
00:02:42,114 --> 00:02:43,867
Human rabbits' feet.
62
00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:46,369
Alice, how many handicapped people
63
00:02:46,535 --> 00:02:48,208
- do we have in this office?
- That a trick question?
64
00:02:48,333 --> 00:02:50,331
We have but one.
65
00:02:50,497 --> 00:02:51,678
Ooh, I'm gonna talk like that too.
66
00:02:51,803 --> 00:02:55,114
Alas, there are but two
handicap parking spots,
67
00:02:55,239 --> 00:02:57,808
which is arithmetic, milady.
68
00:02:57,851 --> 00:02:59,321
Yeah, you do the math.
Hmm?
69
00:02:59,340 --> 00:03:00,592
Alice, what they're trying
to say is that
70
00:03:00,674 --> 00:03:01,847
there's no spots out there
71
00:03:01,878 --> 00:03:03,353
for normal people like us, all right?
72
00:03:03,379 --> 00:03:05,241
So I'm out there,
parked on the street,
73
00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,741
and what, I'm supposed to, what,
74
00:03:06,776 --> 00:03:08,045
move my car every two hours?
75
00:03:08,084 --> 00:03:09,207
- That's stupid.
- Get real.
76
00:03:09,233 --> 00:03:11,544
Act real, Alice, 'cause guess what.
77
00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:15,398
We're here every day at 10:00.
Okay, maybe 10:02.
78
00:03:15,439 --> 00:03:17,668
But when we get here, the
parking lot's all packed out,
79
00:03:17,692 --> 00:03:18,942
and we're S .O.O.L.
80
00:03:18,984 --> 00:03:20,949
So why don't you just
scratch our butts a little bit
81
00:03:21,003 --> 00:03:23,966
and give us the bonus
handicap parking spot, okay?
82
00:03:23,988 --> 00:03:26,450
First of all, work starts at 9:00.
83
00:03:26,616 --> 00:03:27,827
Yeah. And see this?
84
00:03:27,993 --> 00:03:29,279
This is me making a note
85
00:03:29,404 --> 00:03:32,382
of giving you that spot.
86
00:03:32,507 --> 00:03:37,753
"Give parking spot to idiots.
Change tampon... kill self."
87
00:03:37,919 --> 00:03:40,089
Uhh, change tampon...
Grody.
88
00:03:40,255 --> 00:03:41,507
That's not funny.
Don't kill yourself.
89
00:03:41,673 --> 00:03:42,827
- Hey, Anders...
- What? Hang on.
90
00:03:42,952 --> 00:03:44,162
If you're parked on the street,
91
00:03:44,287 --> 00:03:45,530
there's a guy out there
writing tickets.
92
00:03:45,655 --> 00:03:47,766
- Move it! Move it!
- See?
93
00:03:47,891 --> 00:03:49,402
- Great.
- We were just kidding
94
00:03:49,527 --> 00:03:50,669
about that 10:00 thing.
95
00:03:50,794 --> 00:03:52,893
We get here every day at, uh...
At...
96
00:03:53,059 --> 00:03:54,707
- 9:00.
- 9:00! That's when we get...
97
00:03:54,832 --> 00:03:57,064
Because we're working.
98
00:03:57,230 --> 00:04:00,276
Hey, Wayman! Move!
God... sorry!
99
00:04:02,819 --> 00:04:05,117
No, no, no, no, no, no!
No! No! No!
100
00:04:05,242 --> 00:04:07,086
Hey, hey, hey.
Halt! Stop! Buddy, hey...
101
00:04:07,211 --> 00:04:08,784
Buddy, buddy, buddy, come...
102
00:04:08,950 --> 00:04:10,577
You gotta be kidding me, man!
103
00:04:10,743 --> 00:04:14,248
Gotta be kidding me.
What... no!
104
00:04:14,414 --> 00:04:16,561
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, you chill out, buddy.
105
00:04:16,686 --> 00:04:19,545
You're gonna bust a nut, and I'm
not talking that good kind.
106
00:04:19,711 --> 00:04:21,499
Just throw it away, man.
Pretend like you never got it.
107
00:04:21,624 --> 00:04:23,716
That's what I did with my std test.
108
00:04:23,882 --> 00:04:24,968
You can't do that.
109
00:04:25,093 --> 00:04:27,678
That's, like, socially dangerous.
110
00:04:34,936 --> 00:04:36,520
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
111
00:04:36,686 --> 00:04:39,130
We're surrounded by ghosts.
The place is haunted.
112
00:04:39,161 --> 00:04:40,749
Built on a burial ground.
I'm positive of it.
113
00:04:40,776 --> 00:04:42,652
It is so weird you said that,
114
00:04:42,818 --> 00:04:44,403
'cause right when you said that,
I got chills.
115
00:04:44,569 --> 00:04:46,190
- Yeah, I'm freezing.
- There's that... vent.
116
00:04:46,228 --> 00:04:47,615
There's a vent right there.
117
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:49,650
- Yeah, there's a vent up there.
- There's still ghosts.
118
00:04:49,674 --> 00:04:50,903
I don't think it's the vent,
either...
119
00:04:51,054 --> 00:04:52,328
Hey, guys, shut the fuck up
for a second.
120
00:04:52,494 --> 00:04:55,233
Ticket... 60 bucks
for street cleaning.
121
00:04:55,358 --> 00:04:57,474
- 60 bucks?
- What?
122
00:04:57,499 --> 00:04:59,355
You know how many corndogs
we could buy with that?
123
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:01,455
- Like, three boxes.
- Yeah, a lot of corndogs.
124
00:05:01,483 --> 00:05:03,094
60. They're, like,
going for a dollar. Yeah.
125
00:05:03,171 --> 00:05:04,658
I don't understand Alice.
126
00:05:04,764 --> 00:05:06,752
She clogs up the parking lot arteries
127
00:05:06,809 --> 00:05:08,126
with all these handicap spots,
128
00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:09,509
where regular people can't even park.
129
00:05:09,538 --> 00:05:10,895
It's all mutant parking.
130
00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,189
Who knew having a car
was gonna be such a drag?
131
00:05:13,402 --> 00:05:15,062
Makes you wonder
how somebody like Drake
132
00:05:15,091 --> 00:05:16,229
handles their entire fleet.
133
00:05:16,278 --> 00:05:17,690
Yeah, well, he's from
a lawless country.
134
00:05:17,714 --> 00:05:19,355
There's no laws.
Here in the U.S.,
135
00:05:19,521 --> 00:05:21,024
you gotta work within the system.
136
00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:22,962
Okay, if you want
a handicap parking pass,
137
00:05:23,009 --> 00:05:24,628
you gotta go out and get
a handicap parking pass.
138
00:05:24,654 --> 00:05:26,531
You gotta beat the system up
from the inside.
139
00:05:26,656 --> 00:05:29,448
Like rappers with vaginas.
Like, because they beat 'em.
140
00:05:29,614 --> 00:05:30,873
- Yeah.
- Whatever it takes, man.
141
00:05:30,896 --> 00:05:32,289
I just don't want to get
another ticket.
142
00:05:32,340 --> 00:05:33,034
I mean, is it weird
143
00:05:33,052 --> 00:05:35,316
if we made up a handicap,
like, a disease?
144
00:05:35,358 --> 00:05:37,014
What's the disease
that old people get
145
00:05:37,043 --> 00:05:38,301
where you start forgetting things?
146
00:05:38,347 --> 00:05:39,432
- What is that?
- Old timers.
147
00:05:39,486 --> 00:05:40,734
Yeah, still,
148
00:05:40,778 --> 00:05:42,049
I don't know if that's a good idea.
149
00:05:42,068 --> 00:05:43,524
It's not cool to pretend
you're handicapped.
150
00:05:43,547 --> 00:05:44,938
- Right?
- Whoa!
151
00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:46,421
I got it.
152
00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:48,556
Telamericorp is hiring, right?
153
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,891
We can ask our real-life
handicapped cousin Devin
154
00:05:51,016 --> 00:05:53,556
to work here, and use his pass!
155
00:05:53,722 --> 00:05:55,295
- Yeah. That'll work.
- All right.
156
00:05:55,420 --> 00:05:56,726
I haven't seen him
in a while, though.
157
00:05:56,892 --> 00:05:57,897
I'm excited to see him.
158
00:05:58,022 --> 00:05:59,365
He couldn't come to Thanksgiving
159
00:05:59,490 --> 00:06:00,866
because my grandma's house
has stairs,
160
00:06:00,991 --> 00:06:03,899
and he can't walk up stairs!
161
00:06:04,409 --> 00:06:06,716
Oh, man, that guy.
162
00:06:16,438 --> 00:06:18,473
Oh, jeez!
163
00:06:18,639 --> 00:06:21,101
Are there cats everywhere?
164
00:06:21,267 --> 00:06:23,158
Devin?
165
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:25,439
- Some funky cold medina.
- Adam?
166
00:06:25,605 --> 00:06:27,483
What's the story with this dude?
167
00:06:27,649 --> 00:06:30,444
His name was just Devin.
Devin Demamp.
168
00:06:30,610 --> 00:06:36,283
He was just like us...
Cool, handsome, gnar.
169
00:06:36,449 --> 00:06:39,042
Two years ago,
he saw this little girl...
170
00:06:39,167 --> 00:06:41,278
Crossing the street.
171
00:06:41,403 --> 00:06:44,060
This fire truck was
barreling towards her and just...
172
00:06:44,185 --> 00:06:45,751
- Bam!
- Oh!
173
00:06:45,917 --> 00:06:48,585
Jeez!
174
00:06:48,710 --> 00:06:52,216
Truck knocks me 40 feet
straight into a brick wall.
175
00:06:52,382 --> 00:06:54,156
♪ Now I'm ballin'
off government checks ♪
176
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:55,525
♪ Like Obama bin laden ♪
177
00:06:55,650 --> 00:06:57,846
Oh. Oh, sure.
178
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:02,059
- Yeah!
- All right. You remember.
179
00:07:02,225 --> 00:07:03,766
- He taught me that.
- What's up?
180
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:07,135
- What's going on?
- What is going on, my hero?
181
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,403
Nada mucho.
182
00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:10,818
Who are the, uh, butt twins?
183
00:07:10,984 --> 00:07:12,707
- Oh, the butt twins?
- Yeah.
184
00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:14,908
This is Ders, and this is Blake.
185
00:07:15,033 --> 00:07:18,679
This is my cousin Devin.
186
00:07:18,804 --> 00:07:20,036
Please, call me big fat.
187
00:07:20,202 --> 00:07:21,282
- Right.
- No, dummy.
188
00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:22,579
Hand me the churro plate behind you.
189
00:07:22,745 --> 00:07:25,552
He got you, dude.
190
00:07:25,677 --> 00:07:28,043
- Thank you so much.
- He got you. He's funny.
191
00:07:28,209 --> 00:07:30,724
He's a funny dude.
192
00:07:30,849 --> 00:07:32,326
- You're looking good, man.
- Oh, thank you.
193
00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:33,966
You dropped some lbs, huh?
194
00:07:34,132 --> 00:07:35,630
Yeah, I lost some weight.
Where'd it go?
195
00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:37,499
- Oh, there it is. Get it back.
- Oh, I'll get it.
196
00:07:41,222 --> 00:07:44,807
- I love that.
- Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
197
00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:46,776
It feels like
a real woman's boob, dude.
198
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:47,938
- Tickles, bro.
- Get in here.
199
00:07:48,104 --> 00:07:49,479
Blake, hit this, man.
200
00:07:49,604 --> 00:07:51,448
- You sure?
- Yeah. Do it.
201
00:07:51,573 --> 00:07:52,902
- Oh!
- Whoa!
202
00:07:55,195 --> 00:07:57,254
- Hey, Ders, come try it, man.
- I'm good, I'm good.
203
00:07:57,379 --> 00:07:59,241
I don't want to lose
my watch, so you know....
204
00:07:59,407 --> 00:08:01,994
Gay dudes... always worried
about time.
205
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,662
Is that true?
I didn't know that.
206
00:08:03,828 --> 00:08:07,729
So you guys seem to be getting
a pretty sweet dealio,
207
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:10,711
- but what's in it for me?
- Duh. You get to get out
208
00:08:10,877 --> 00:08:12,337
of this sorry basement,
and you get a job.
209
00:08:12,503 --> 00:08:15,571
Duh, why would I want
to do that, smart guy?
210
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:16,872
Take a look around.
211
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:20,512
Xbox Live, Howard TV, My Cat Circus.
212
00:08:20,678 --> 00:08:21,910
You are a gangster, man.
You're like...
213
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,557
Rick Ross with extra sauce.
214
00:08:23,723 --> 00:08:25,768
Yeah, you're like a one-man G Unit!
215
00:08:25,934 --> 00:08:27,250
Come on, ask him.
216
00:08:27,375 --> 00:08:30,105
Actually, we really do
need that pass, man.
217
00:08:30,271 --> 00:08:32,789
Unfortunately,
Ders' micro-machine penis
218
00:08:32,914 --> 00:08:34,458
doesn't classify him as handicapped.
219
00:08:34,583 --> 00:08:35,892
It should, though.
220
00:08:36,017 --> 00:08:38,864
It should, though, it's so small.
221
00:08:39,030 --> 00:08:40,864
You wanna see it?
You keep calling it small?
222
00:08:40,989 --> 00:08:42,243
Might as well just show it to you.
223
00:08:42,409 --> 00:08:43,466
Wait, I wanna see it.
224
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:44,934
I got front-row seats over here.
225
00:08:45,059 --> 00:08:47,998
My dick's bigger than yours.
226
00:08:48,164 --> 00:08:49,839
- You wanna see it?
- I've seen it. I've seen it!
227
00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:51,419
- Whoa, slow down.
- I've seen it.
228
00:08:51,585 --> 00:08:54,043
Keep your grub worm
in its hole, okay?
229
00:08:54,168 --> 00:08:56,506
I can tell you it's bigger
than a cat's dick.
230
00:08:56,672 --> 00:08:59,215
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry about that, dude.
231
00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:02,386
But will you help a brother
that's actually a cousin out,
232
00:09:02,511 --> 00:09:05,599
just 'cause... my brother?
233
00:09:05,765 --> 00:09:07,124
We get it, dude.
We get it.
234
00:09:07,391 --> 00:09:08,769
Sit in your chair, chub up.
235
00:09:08,935 --> 00:09:10,729
But all we're asking for
is a parking pass.
236
00:09:10,895 --> 00:09:12,856
- That's it.
- Yeah.
237
00:09:13,022 --> 00:09:14,984
All right,
you guys can have the pass.
238
00:09:15,150 --> 00:09:16,667
- It's cool.
- What'd I say? What'd I say?
239
00:09:16,792 --> 00:09:18,695
Now, get on out of here.
I'm about to watch
240
00:09:18,861 --> 00:09:21,365
a chick masturbate with a summer
sausage on the Internet.
241
00:09:21,531 --> 00:09:24,034
Oh, no, you don't.
Devin.
242
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:25,703
These boys just offered you a job,
243
00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:27,011
and you are taking it.
244
00:09:27,136 --> 00:09:29,999
Mom, I'm not taking some stupid job!
245
00:09:30,165 --> 00:09:31,748
Can we not do this again?
246
00:09:31,873 --> 00:09:33,668
Your disability is about to run out,
247
00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:34,884
and I am not footing the bill
248
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:36,553
while you masturbate your life away!
249
00:09:36,678 --> 00:09:39,216
- Mama!
- Dude, it's cool.
250
00:09:39,382 --> 00:09:40,884
You can just come
and try it out... I work there.
251
00:09:41,050 --> 00:09:42,693
- No!
- Devin Demamp!
252
00:09:42,818 --> 00:09:45,556
I will call animal services
to come for your cats.
253
00:09:45,722 --> 00:09:49,601
Someone get me a bucket and soap.
254
00:09:49,726 --> 00:09:52,396
Big fat's about to get a job.
255
00:09:52,562 --> 00:09:54,607
- Here we are.
- Yeah.
256
00:09:57,001 --> 00:09:58,277
- Oh, yeah.
- Like a glove.
257
00:09:58,402 --> 00:10:00,479
Livin' that handicap life!
258
00:10:00,604 --> 00:10:02,698
- This... is parking.
- There we go.
259
00:10:02,864 --> 00:10:05,751
- Yeah, mama!
- There you go, big buddy.
260
00:10:05,876 --> 00:10:07,186
I don't want to sound arrogant,
261
00:10:07,311 --> 00:10:09,346
but I feel like I was
always meant to park
262
00:10:09,371 --> 00:10:10,215
in handicap spots.
263
00:10:10,255 --> 00:10:12,499
You're basically
a handicapped dude, my brother.
264
00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:15,093
- Don't I know it.
- Now, this is parking!
265
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,548
I just said that.
This is parking.
266
00:10:16,567 --> 00:10:17,792
There's no other way
to say it, though.
267
00:10:17,823 --> 00:10:19,951
- This is parking.
- Hey, guys!
268
00:10:20,048 --> 00:10:22,634
I'm stuck!
269
00:10:22,759 --> 00:10:25,679
Yo!
Seriously, I'm stuck.
270
00:10:25,845 --> 00:10:27,972
Yeah, I forgot how fat you were, bud.
271
00:10:28,097 --> 00:10:29,516
Can't get out of the car.
272
00:10:37,081 --> 00:10:39,202
So welcome to the dragon's lair.
273
00:10:39,327 --> 00:10:41,037
That's what I call the break room.
274
00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:42,338
- It's pretty sick.
- Yeah.
275
00:10:42,369 --> 00:10:43,379
We're gonna go talk to Alice,
276
00:10:43,397 --> 00:10:44,644
get you a job!
277
00:10:44,666 --> 00:10:46,207
Whoa, whoa.
278
00:10:46,243 --> 00:10:47,451
Pump the brakes, fellas.
279
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,896
You guys already have
the parking spot,
280
00:10:48,919 --> 00:10:50,058
you're good to go.
281
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,998
And as long as my mom thinks
I have a job here,
282
00:10:52,028 --> 00:10:53,004
I'm good to go.
283
00:10:53,054 --> 00:10:54,741
But there ain't a chance in hell
284
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:56,718
that I'm clocking in
to this fart factory.
285
00:10:56,736 --> 00:10:57,828
- Not happening.
- All right.
286
00:10:58,101 --> 00:11:01,147
All right, well, hey, here is the TV.
287
00:11:01,313 --> 00:11:04,626
So enjoy The View.
The show. The show The View.
288
00:11:04,899 --> 00:11:06,595
All right, guys, let's go.
We got work to do.
289
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:09,113
Uh, we make the world turn,
unlike you.
290
00:11:09,279 --> 00:11:11,534
That and my stomach.
291
00:11:13,450 --> 00:11:15,118
Stay fat, bro.
292
00:11:15,284 --> 00:11:17,074
Ow!
293
00:11:17,199 --> 00:11:20,833
- All right. Love you, bro.
- Love you too, dude.
294
00:11:20,999 --> 00:11:26,255
Don't mind if I squeeze...
Yes.
295
00:11:26,421 --> 00:11:29,175
How you doing?
296
00:11:32,113 --> 00:11:35,555
Some butt you got there.
Yeah.
297
00:11:35,721 --> 00:11:36,682
Do you wipe it?
298
00:11:36,848 --> 00:11:39,351
I'm kidding.
299
00:11:39,517 --> 00:11:40,936
But seriously, can I?
300
00:11:41,102 --> 00:11:42,980
I don't appreciate you
talking to me like that.
301
00:11:43,146 --> 00:11:46,441
Okay. I'm being selfish.
302
00:11:46,607 --> 00:11:47,818
How 'bout I start over?
303
00:11:47,984 --> 00:11:50,862
Do you, uh, wanna suck my tits?
304
00:11:51,028 --> 00:11:53,366
Come here.
305
00:11:53,532 --> 00:11:55,599
This is called a floor fan.
306
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,275
It goes on a floor, and...
307
00:11:59,940 --> 00:12:01,283
What? My yogurt?
308
00:12:01,408 --> 00:12:03,264
In the break room?
Oh, my go...
309
00:12:03,291 --> 00:12:05,248
I gotta call you back.
About to catch me a case.
310
00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:06,618
Yo, let's go!
311
00:12:06,995 --> 00:12:08,923
You don't eat a man's yogurt.
That's all I can eat.
312
00:12:08,949 --> 00:12:10,255
You know what I'm saying?
I'm on a diet.
313
00:12:10,284 --> 00:12:11,361
This is unbelievable.
314
00:12:11,486 --> 00:12:12,842
- Someone eatin' my yogurt.
- Fight?
315
00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:14,450
I will kill a man right now.
316
00:12:14,481 --> 00:12:15,965
Who's fighting?
Is someone fighting?
317
00:12:15,994 --> 00:12:18,276
Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight!
318
00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:20,035
You can't be snackin'
on my snacks like that!
319
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,105
Gimme the news, not
the dick breath, ya butt slug!
320
00:12:22,130 --> 00:12:23,876
- I'll eat what I want!
- You got no respect
321
00:12:23,889 --> 00:12:25,301
for another man's live cultures.
322
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:26,444
We about to get it on!
323
00:12:26,465 --> 00:12:27,980
Okay, let's go!
324
00:12:29,588 --> 00:12:31,031
Get off my cousin!
325
00:12:31,238 --> 00:12:33,715
- Get off me! Get off me!
- Watch it, dude.
326
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,428
Okay, what the hell
is going on in here?
327
00:12:35,486 --> 00:12:37,662
Listen, lady, why don't you just...
328
00:12:40,286 --> 00:12:45,056
Why don't I apologize
to everyone in this room
329
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,463
for what I just did...
Totally uncalled for.
330
00:12:47,588 --> 00:12:48,795
I'm sorry, everyone.
331
00:12:48,961 --> 00:12:51,382
Sure. Great.
What are you?
332
00:12:51,548 --> 00:12:54,134
He's my cousin!
333
00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:56,163
Of course he is.
334
00:12:56,196 --> 00:12:57,771
And since we're hiring,
I figured he'd be
335
00:12:57,798 --> 00:12:59,842
a great member
of the sales team, right?
336
00:12:59,967 --> 00:13:02,851
- Plus, he's a local hero.
- Yeah. He sure is.
337
00:13:03,017 --> 00:13:05,186
Jumped in front of a fire truck,
saved a little girl's life.
338
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:08,148
Miss, I promise you
I will give you my best,
339
00:13:08,314 --> 00:13:09,524
and I will deliver.
340
00:13:09,690 --> 00:13:11,018
All right, whatever, but you three
341
00:13:11,143 --> 00:13:12,553
are responsible for training him.
342
00:13:12,678 --> 00:13:15,239
And if he doesn't deliver,
it's on you.
343
00:13:15,405 --> 00:13:17,224
What are you looking at?
Come on, let's go!
344
00:13:17,349 --> 00:13:19,760
- He ate my yogurt.
- Team Demamp!
345
00:13:19,885 --> 00:13:24,565
Yes. Aw, dude, we just
got you a job. Team Demamp.
346
00:13:24,690 --> 00:13:26,750
- Oh, hi.
- Cat lover?
347
00:13:26,916 --> 00:13:29,303
Oh, yes. Uh, it's actually
the anniversary
348
00:13:29,428 --> 00:13:31,272
of my cat Brent Hoffman's death.
349
00:13:31,397 --> 00:13:33,632
I miss my dead, dead cat.
350
00:13:33,798 --> 00:13:35,843
- I am so sorry to hear that.
- Thank you.
351
00:13:36,009 --> 00:13:37,646
Now I'm the proud owner of seven,
352
00:13:37,771 --> 00:13:40,097
which some people think is weird.
353
00:13:40,263 --> 00:13:42,224
You know, I think it's weird
if you don't have more.
354
00:13:42,390 --> 00:13:44,120
Well, I did until this one died.
355
00:13:46,246 --> 00:13:49,224
You know, I have a dozen cats myself.
356
00:13:49,349 --> 00:13:51,108
You should come over and breed.
357
00:13:51,274 --> 00:13:53,360
With my cats.
358
00:13:53,526 --> 00:13:55,196
- Oh.
- Cats.
359
00:13:55,321 --> 00:13:56,572
You should breed with my cats.
360
00:13:56,738 --> 00:13:58,281
Well, yeah, that would be nice.
361
00:13:58,447 --> 00:13:59,699
- Yeah. Okay.
- But I should...
362
00:13:59,771 --> 00:14:00,964
- I should go.
- Totally.
363
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,634
- It was nice to meet you.
- So nice meeting you.
364
00:14:02,658 --> 00:14:05,378
- Yeah.
- Okay. We'll see ya.
365
00:14:05,580 --> 00:14:07,374
- Okay...
- Damn.
366
00:14:07,404 --> 00:14:11,382
Move over, Ms. Quiznos,
big fat's got a new chick.
367
00:14:13,008 --> 00:14:14,641
If you really wanted
to make a good joke,
368
00:14:14,698 --> 00:14:17,304
you could have said
"move over miss Wendy's,"
369
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,566
- 'cause it's a woman.
- You see this?
370
00:14:19,780 --> 00:14:21,542
It means not Wendy's.
371
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,124
- Mmm, toasty!
- Okay.
372
00:14:23,146 --> 00:14:24,815
- Yeah, that's hardcore.
- That gets me hungry, dude!
373
00:14:24,843 --> 00:14:25,776
That's hardcore.
374
00:14:33,496 --> 00:14:37,004
Telamericorp's sales
techniques could be summarized
375
00:14:37,034 --> 00:14:39,137
as, I don't know, I guess the...
376
00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:41,464
All right, you're gonna
want to listen to this.
377
00:14:41,518 --> 00:14:43,911
Shh.
I'm kinda in the middle
378
00:14:43,940 --> 00:14:45,617
of being in love here, Ders.
379
00:14:45,742 --> 00:14:47,585
Just listen to Ders.
He's the best in the biz.
380
00:14:47,710 --> 00:14:49,955
We'll get you on the phone.
You'll be stacking cash, man.
381
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,824
Yeah, man, you could make it rain
382
00:14:51,949 --> 00:14:53,768
on Jillian's nude sleeping self.
383
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:55,394
Hey, you know what?
I got a better idea.
384
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:56,929
You wanna hear a song I wrote, guys?
385
00:14:57,054 --> 00:14:59,731
- Sure.
- Ooh...
386
00:15:01,733 --> 00:15:03,527
- I gotta let this one fly, boys.
- Oh, that's foul.
387
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,641
Smells like waffles.
388
00:15:08,766 --> 00:15:10,844
No, it doesn't smell like
anything from this planet.
389
00:15:10,969 --> 00:15:12,346
How many waffles
have you been eating?
390
00:15:12,471 --> 00:15:14,581
We're trying to help you, big fat.
391
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,283
I mean, yes, we want
your parking pass,
392
00:15:16,408 --> 00:15:18,419
but don't you want to
do anything with your life?
393
00:15:18,544 --> 00:15:19,835
This is what you call a life?
394
00:15:20,001 --> 00:15:21,389
Is this your legacy?
395
00:15:21,514 --> 00:15:24,025
Is this your Sistine chapel?
396
00:15:24,150 --> 00:15:26,194
Here lies Ders, the Telameridork,
397
00:15:26,319 --> 00:15:28,010
father of two broke gays.
398
00:15:28,176 --> 00:15:31,264
I saved a little girl's life, bro.
399
00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:32,807
I'm a hero.
400
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:34,868
You are not a hero.
You're human mold
401
00:15:34,993 --> 00:15:36,101
in breakaway sweatpants.
402
00:15:36,267 --> 00:15:37,370
You're the kind of stain
403
00:15:37,495 --> 00:15:39,171
that makes Adam
throw out his underwear.
404
00:15:39,296 --> 00:15:41,574
Get him!
Wait, what?
405
00:15:41,699 --> 00:15:42,983
How 'bout I just take my parking pass
406
00:15:43,149 --> 00:15:44,693
and get on outta here?
407
00:15:44,859 --> 00:15:46,045
- Go.
- Okay, I'm going.
408
00:15:46,170 --> 00:15:47,487
- I can't take this.
- Hey, honey.
409
00:15:47,653 --> 00:15:48,780
You wanna roll with me,
410
00:15:48,946 --> 00:15:50,448
grab some lunch, rule the world?
411
00:15:50,614 --> 00:15:52,451
I'm sorry, I'm on
the phone... just one second.
412
00:15:52,617 --> 00:15:54,245
Fuck this. I'm outta here.
413
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,456
All right.
414
00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:58,481
Big fat, my man, chill out.
415
00:15:58,516 --> 00:16:00,793
We're all a little worked up,
probably from that fart.
416
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:02,897
Dude, that was a barn burner!
417
00:16:02,935 --> 00:16:04,661
Hey, come on, let's
be feasible or whatever.
418
00:16:04,696 --> 00:16:06,192
Slow down.
Give us a few days, okay?
419
00:16:06,223 --> 00:16:07,533
We're gonna figure this out.
420
00:16:07,658 --> 00:16:08,889
We don't need to figure anything out.
421
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:10,446
I'm gonna go
park the car on the street.
422
00:16:10,472 --> 00:16:11,576
We'll take the bus.
423
00:16:11,611 --> 00:16:13,572
Do our part.
Save the planet!
424
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,964
Okay, I give up.
We need that pass
425
00:16:16,033 --> 00:16:17,409
because I cannot ride the bus.
426
00:16:17,465 --> 00:16:19,243
Homeless people wipe their hands
off in my hair.
427
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:21,521
So once again, it is arithmetic, man.
428
00:16:21,687 --> 00:16:24,304
And if I'm being real,
I'm worried about you, man.
429
00:16:24,378 --> 00:16:26,116
What are you gonna do when
your disability runs out?
430
00:16:26,163 --> 00:16:28,665
- Huh?
- Really? You too?
431
00:16:28,725 --> 00:16:30,326
Hey, your cuz, he's right.
432
00:16:30,483 --> 00:16:31,877
That horrific accident you were in,
433
00:16:31,906 --> 00:16:33,037
that was lucky.
434
00:16:33,072 --> 00:16:35,483
And we can't make lightning
strike luck twice.
435
00:16:35,889 --> 00:16:37,079
We can't.
436
00:16:37,245 --> 00:16:39,039
Or can we?
437
00:16:39,205 --> 00:16:41,503
Make lightning do what Blake...
438
00:16:41,628 --> 00:16:43,960
Said it doesn't do.
439
00:16:44,126 --> 00:16:46,708
Workman's comp.
You get hurt at work,
440
00:16:46,833 --> 00:16:48,924
the checks don't stop.
441
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:51,343
How do we even know
this is something that's real?
442
00:16:51,509 --> 00:16:52,780
Oh, come on, sad dads across America
443
00:16:52,905 --> 00:16:53,947
do it all the time.
444
00:16:54,072 --> 00:16:55,472
Probably one doing it right now.
445
00:16:55,638 --> 00:16:58,451
Guys, I'm just gonna think
about this.
446
00:16:58,576 --> 00:17:01,604
I didn't know a hero
could be such a big pussy.
447
00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:03,456
Suit me up.
448
00:17:03,581 --> 00:17:04,658
- Yes!
- All right!
449
00:17:04,783 --> 00:17:06,259
- Yeah!
- It's gonna be cool!
450
00:17:06,384 --> 00:17:10,278
That's what I'm
talking about, brother.
451
00:17:10,444 --> 00:17:12,300
- Ready?
- Throw!
452
00:17:17,702 --> 00:17:20,375
Whoa!
453
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:22,577
You got some air!
You got some air!
454
00:17:22,702 --> 00:17:25,127
- Did you break anything?
- Nope.
455
00:17:25,293 --> 00:17:27,582
- Unh!
- Nothin'.
456
00:17:27,707 --> 00:17:30,632
- What?
- What are you doing, Devin?
457
00:17:30,798 --> 00:17:33,593
I... fell.
458
00:17:33,759 --> 00:17:35,657
No, we pushed him, okay?
459
00:17:35,782 --> 00:17:38,038
This guy wants to go back
to living in his basement,
460
00:17:38,082 --> 00:17:39,676
so we're giving him workman's comp
461
00:17:39,707 --> 00:17:41,394
in exchange for
a handicap parking pass.
462
00:17:41,559 --> 00:17:43,064
I wish somebody would have told me
463
00:17:43,189 --> 00:17:45,334
that I was working on Saturday,
464
00:17:45,459 --> 00:17:46,774
'cause this is just sad.
465
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:50,271
All of this on the day
that would have been
466
00:17:50,297 --> 00:17:53,280
my cat Brent's 27th birthday
in human years.
467
00:17:53,757 --> 00:17:56,052
He never even got to ride
a roller coaster.
468
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,566
Sorry about your cat,
but don't blame big fat.
469
00:17:58,607 --> 00:18:00,824
Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.
470
00:18:00,899 --> 00:18:03,271
You guys are just as sad.
471
00:18:03,581 --> 00:18:04,949
I... I shouldn't even say this,
472
00:18:04,981 --> 00:18:06,253
but I was coming in here to tell you
473
00:18:06,272 --> 00:18:07,902
- you're getting another ticket.
- What?
474
00:18:07,916 --> 00:18:10,437
I just moved it!
475
00:18:11,005 --> 00:18:12,731
Hey, we'll see you later, big dude.
476
00:18:12,756 --> 00:18:13,962
- Thanks anyways.
- Later.
477
00:18:13,974 --> 00:18:15,078
I'll come over in a few weeks,
478
00:18:15,091 --> 00:18:16,410
eat some tortas.
479
00:18:16,459 --> 00:18:19,354
This can't be happening.
I just want a fair shake!
480
00:18:19,383 --> 00:18:22,388
Can I just get a...
You!
481
00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:25,677
This is your fault.
I'm gonna rip your tits off
482
00:18:25,708 --> 00:18:28,095
and use 'em as cereal bowls!
You get me?
483
00:18:28,355 --> 00:18:32,778
The cleaners!
484
00:18:39,117 --> 00:18:41,328
Holy!
485
00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:44,732
- Are you okay? That was insane!
- That was a close call.
486
00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:47,020
- That was insane!
- Oh, we thought we lost you.
487
00:18:47,032 --> 00:18:48,837
I don't think
that's gonna happen, buddy.
488
00:18:48,855 --> 00:18:50,624
Oh, my God! Dude look at his leg!
489
00:18:50,917 --> 00:18:53,087
Who needs a leg
when all you wanna do is
490
00:18:53,131 --> 00:18:56,302
eat doritos
and watch Brazzers all day?
491
00:18:56,362 --> 00:18:58,197
- We did it!
- Yeah!
492
00:18:58,469 --> 00:19:00,680
- Oh, damn, we kinda did.
- Just... yeah.
493
00:19:00,805 --> 00:19:02,405
The city's gonna owe you millions.
494
00:19:02,429 --> 00:19:03,781
If not thousands.
495
00:19:03,981 --> 00:19:05,612
Hey, now, somebody tie something
around my leg
496
00:19:05,643 --> 00:19:07,987
before I croak out here,
you hand jobs!
497
00:19:08,050 --> 00:19:10,156
No, I got it. I gotcha.
I'll belt you up.
498
00:19:10,708 --> 00:19:12,521
Devin, I saw the whole thing
from the window.
499
00:19:12,533 --> 00:19:14,533
- Are you okay?
- Oh, Jillian, yeah.
500
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:16,347
- I'll be fine.
- Good, 'cause look at me.
501
00:19:16,370 --> 00:19:19,110
We are definitely gonna have
our cats.
502
00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:20,870
You know, you don't want
to get mixed up
503
00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:22,464
with a guy like me.
504
00:19:22,549 --> 00:19:25,769
- I'm just a big ol' fat...
- Hero.
505
00:19:26,046 --> 00:19:28,356
You're a big ol' fat hero.
506
00:19:28,424 --> 00:19:30,652
I was wrong about you, man.
You deserve every cent
507
00:19:30,667 --> 00:19:32,700
- coming to you for this.
- No, bro.
508
00:19:32,737 --> 00:19:36,534
I was wrong about you.
You're not gay at all.
509
00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:39,035
You're probably bi, though.
510
00:19:39,093 --> 00:19:40,737
- He's definitely bi.
- Oh, God!
511
00:19:40,768 --> 00:19:42,931
- That's cool.
- That's cheating, I feel.
512
00:19:43,097 --> 00:19:45,058
Yeah. Yeah.
513
00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:46,685
There it is.
514
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,562
Ah, good movie.
515
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:50,097
- That's a good movie.
- Great movie.
516
00:19:50,222 --> 00:19:52,399
Look at all these suckers
in regular parking.
517
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,635
You're a bitch!
We're handicapped!
518
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,112
Dude, your cousin big fat is the man!
519
00:19:57,362 --> 00:20:00,491
Yeah, us Demamps are
pretty raw dog as a people.
520
00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:02,877
Didn't like the guy at first,
but he came through.
521
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:05,120
And here we ar...
522
00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:14,004
W-t?
523
00:20:14,170 --> 00:20:16,691
Alice, I Demamp to know what you did
524
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:19,510
with that bonus
handicap parking space. Hmm?
525
00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:22,564
- Why do you care?
- Come on, we are advocates
526
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:24,165
for the Handi-Captains,
527
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:25,890
and that's the one thing
you should know about us.
528
00:20:26,056 --> 00:20:27,226
You should know that about us.
529
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:29,436
Look, you came in here the other day,
530
00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:30,771
said we didn't need it.
531
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,940
I thought about it,
and you were right.
532
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,642
- No. Alice.
- No.
533
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,177
- What?
- We were right?
534
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,679
Let's look at history.
We're never right.
535
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:40,848
Does this guy...
Do I look right?
536
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,491
Does this look right?
537
00:20:42,657 --> 00:20:44,185
Look, please just go back
to the phones, okay?
538
00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:45,869
I am not in the mood for this today.
539
00:20:46,035 --> 00:20:48,757
Apparently, some homeless people
broke into the old offices
540
00:20:48,882 --> 00:20:50,123
and destroyed everything.
541
00:20:50,289 --> 00:20:52,928
Homeless people.
Can't trust 'em.
542
00:20:53,053 --> 00:20:54,963
Know what I mean?
They're a foul, foul breed!
543
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:57,506
- Thanks for, uh...
- Ecch! Gross!
544
00:20:59,474 --> 00:21:03,187
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for DEMAND by antibio
39923
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