All language subtitles for s07e10_-_branded_2

Previously on Night Court... I have
decided to take Mr. Wood's job offer.

Our senior partner's son got involved in
some stupid fraternity prank.

He'll plead guilty and make full
restitution.

But if there's any way you could move
his case up... I guess old man Wood

forgot to tell you about the reckless
driving and breaking and entering

vandalism. You had a previous record?

Duh!

You see, the...

The lawyer that tricked me is the same
one who offered me the job.

That is grounds for disbarment. We're
going to get this guy. Mr. Fielding saw

it as an opportunity to extract a job
offer from us in exchange for dropping

the charges.

I refused, and he retaliated by filing
this baseless action against me.

Now, while the case against Mr.

Wood appears to be weak...

There is sufficient evidence to warrant
continuing a disbarment investigation.

Yes!

One week from today, we begin disbarment
hearings against Dan Fielding.

Any word from Dan, sir?

Not yet.

Is it my imagination, or are you losing
weight?

Oh, well, maybe a pound or two, but I
can't believe you noticed.

I'm talking to Ross.

Yeah, I'm on a diet. So what's it to
you?

Actually, we're in on this together,
sir. We're diet buddies.

Oh, well, you tell your buddy to keep up
the good work.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Bull. Hey, where you been?

Down the street, running my head against
the bridge abutment.

I guess I'm already starting to miss
Dan.

Hey, don't you worry, big guy.

Dan's not going anywhere.

Hey, guys.

I think you've met my office.

He fired you?

Oh, no, nothing like that.

He merely said I can't work here
anymore.

Whoa, dodged a bullet there, Dan.

Technically, it's a suspension pending
my hearing.

Oh, see there? You'll get your job back
as soon as you're cleared by the state

bar. Who says I want it back?

Dan, Dan, Dan.

I've learned in my psychology class that
what you're doing right now is called

denial.

Thank you, Mac. And what you're doing
right now is called...

Annoying.

This could be a blessing in disguise.
Next week, instead of slogging through

black snow to get to work, I'm going to
be getting an all-over-body tan on the

beautiful island of San Chichi.

San Chichi. A Caribbean resort catering
exclusively to the sexually hyperactive.

That's disgusting. What kind of people
would live there?

I'll just give you an idea.

That's Madam Mayor.

I hope you guys don't think those are
real.

Who cares?

You forgot to check between your couch
cushions. I found 37 cents and, um,

three pair of pantyhose.

Oh, boss.

What a beautiful place.

Are you going there to climb those
mountains?

Those aren't mountains, Phil.

Morris Buckner, you're a new prosecutor.

I'm sorry I'm late, Your Honor, but they
ran out of towels in the gentleman's

toilet, and I had to wait for my hands
to dry.

Thank you, Morris.

I always said that chafing is the enemy
of justice.

Yes, Christine Sullivan, our defense
attorney. This is Mack Robinson, our

court clerk. If you don't mind, we have
a heavy caseload. We're going to start

right away. Go ahead, Mack, call the
person. Yes, sir. Call People v.

Roxanne Reynolds.

Solicitation.

Hope you didn't get all dressed up just
for us.

Uh, Judge, could we, um, cut the small
talk? I got a French class tonight.

Well, we don't want to stand in the way
of higher education, Mr. Prosecutor. Let

me see. Miss Reynolds was, uh,
apprehended, uh... Reynolds.

Any relation to the Cookie Reynolds who
played second base for the old St. Louis

Browns? Hmm, I doubt it. Most guys I
know skipped second.

How about Gorman Harmon Reynolds?

Squirming Herman.

Sounds like a guy with a bad case of
hives.

Your Honor, my client does have a
constitutional right to a speeding

trial. Point well taken. Mr. Prosecutor,
could you possibly cut to the chase?

Prostitution is, of course, the oldest
profession in the ancient city of

thieves. Okay, okay. I plead guilty.

Raj, you have to give aerobics a chance.

I gave it a chance.

But when they started hopping up and
down this small world, I had to get some

air.

Well, diet alone isn't enough. We all
need to exercise.

I get my exercise at a real gym. That
place you go to doesn't even have a

heavy bag or a spit bucket.

Of course, they don't make cars like
that anymore.

You can't even get curb feelers as an
option.

Miss Sullivan, I'm sorry I didn't see
you come in.

Um, we have to speak to the judge
privately.

Do you mind?

Oh, of course not.

Anything I have to say will keep you
later.

I was afraid of that.

Hey, guys, you can wake up. He's gone
now.

Oh, he is?

Last thing I remember was Morris saying,
Hey, fellas, you got a minute?

I think Kevin's dad will be back soon.
I'm not so sure about that.

He was supposed to have been home from
his vacation, but we haven't been able

to get a hold of him.

Every time I call, I get the same
message. Hi, I'm naked.

Are you?

I hope he's not giving up on us. His
disbarment hearing's in two days.

Um, you wanted to see me, Chuck?

Yeah, Phil, glad you could drop by.

We're a little worried about Dan, and we
thought maybe you knew where he was.

Well, I do, but I can't tell you.

I've been sworn to secrecy.

Phil, I appreciate your sense of
loyalty.

You can find him at a place called Le
Petit Patois, 88th and Madison.

You know, that sandwich is half-eaten,
sat on, and now it's got an old piece of

gum stuck to it.

You're right.

Dessert.

A waiter!

Yes, madam, may I help you? If this fork
is cold, warm it for me.

Yes, but of course not.

Four hour plays await you in the
kitchen, Fredman.

Fielding, Dan Fielding.

I care more about what I scrape off the
pig's feet.

Thank you.

Bonsoir, mes amis. I am Pierre, your
host. I take it for hominy. Actually,

Pierre, we're just here looking for
somebody.

Of course, and they will be here any
minute. Follow me, please.

And may I tell you what beautiful
dresses and other things all of you are

wearing tonight?

I hope he's not just saying that.

to soak up this wine.

What's the matter? Your liver's already
full?

Dan!

Oh, hey, guys!

Dan, what are you doing? Waiting table?

Oh, is that... It looks like that. No,
actually, I'm thinking about buying a

restaurant. Yeah.

And my good friend Pierre...

said it would be okay if I came in and
saw his operation from the inside.

Batman, do you think I hired you because
I like your ugly face?

Get moving or get out.

You're broke, aren't you?

You tried being promiscuous in Manhattan
on a budget.

Listen,

if you guys are going to stay here,
you've got to pretend to be ordering

something. I'll have the rack of lamb
for two.

Just pretend.

Dan, the important thing right now is
that you concentrate.

I'll have the Vichyssoise and the Deja
Vu.

Ah, yes, you've had that before, haven't
you, sir?

We did some research that might help you
out with your hearing. Hearing, you mean

inquisition, don't you?

Come on, you gotta have a little faith
in the system.

Oh, great system. I turn in a guy for
bribery, I get accused of blackmail.

What? And, sir, for you.

I would like the insides of a large
animal.

That's grotesque.

Relax, I'm not really gonna eat it. I'm
just trying to keep Dan's jerky pal,

Pierre, from kicking us out.

Aha!

I demand that you insufferable swine
leave at once.

Excuse me, Pierre, we can... Lily,
I'll...

You guys better go.

Dan, promise me you'll at least look
this over.

Come on. You can't throw away your
entire career. I'm sure we can win this.

All right, I promise to look it over.
Would you leave now?

Mr. Feynman, you're needed in the back
room.

Right away.

Every once in a while, you can make an
exception, Ross.

Oh, you can?

Then how come you get in my face every
time I reach for something besides

hamster food?

Come on, Ross, you're exaggerating. And
how come I have to use that talking

scale that goes ouch every time I step
on it?

Well, I could have bought the one that
yells, hey, one guy at a time.

Ladies, ladies, ladies.

What we have here is... the classic case
of misdirected anger.

Then again, why don't I leave while I
still got my pipe where I can see it?

Where is Dan?

The hearing's about to start.

Well, I'll call the restaurant to see if
he's there.

Look, I still don't know why I have to
be here. Because you were subpoenaed,

Bobby, and if you don't show up, you
could be arrested again.

God, this whole thing is so bogus.

I mean, what does my old man pay you for
anyway?

Mr. Wood, we both know that Dan Fielding
is no blackmailer. If you go through

with this, you're going to destroy a
good man's career.

Your loyalty to Mr. Fielding is very
admirable.

But facts are facts.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Yeah, well, here's another fact.

You're a big wiener.

That's it, sir.

Take the high road.

Sir, he's at the restaurant, but that
Pierre fellow won't let him come to the

phone until he's done making napkin
tulips.

Getting ready to call his case, Your
Honor.

Well, I guess we'll just have to stall
while somebody goes down to the

restaurant and tries to bring Dan back.
Now, sir, I think I can persuade him.

You see, what Dan is suffering from is
double avoidance approach syndrome.

Now, what it calls for is... Anybody but
you.

I'll go get Dan. Are you sure you don't
want to stay and testify?

Nah, I don't have anything nice to say
about him anyway.

We open for dinner in 20 minutes.

Yo,

garcon.

What do you want?

Nothing. I just thought you might like
to know that all your friends are down

at that hearing trying to save your
sorry hide.

Listen, Roz, we both know I'm up against
the old boy network and I don't stand a

chance.

So why even try, right?

Look, I knew a girl once who felt like
that.

Every day on the way to school, this
gang of kids would take her lunch money.

Till one day she decided she didn't care
how much the odds were stacked against

her, and she fought back.

And I suppose you were that girl.

No, I was part of the gang.

But I admired her guts in standing up to
us, so I told them to leave her alone.

Did they?

No, they jumped us both and took my
lunch money, too.

But while they were leaving, I got one
of them with a sucker punch.

For all I know, he's still eating
through a straw.

You know, while you're not writing for
Sesame Street, I'll never know.

The point is, you can't give up just
because you might get your butt kicked.

You have to stick it out.

You mean like you stick into your diet?

All right, so maybe we both could use a
little help. I didn't ask for any help.

I could take care of myself.

Sorry, Dan.

I mistook you for somebody I gave a damn
about.

Stop thief!

Give me that!

So, Mr.

Shannon, aside from admiring Mr.
Fielding's hair, you can't

think of anything positive to say about
him?

Well, to my knowledge, he's never
practiced cannibalism.

Thank you, Mr. Shannon.

Take your seat.

I can only hope that's all the evidence.

In summary, Your Honor, I'd like to say
that Dan Fielding isn't half as bad as

we've made him out to be.

Very moving, Judge Stone.

But if Fielding hasn't the guts to show
up, he's made my decision for me.

Not quite so fast.

Fielding, you're late. Was there a line
at the massage parlor?

Before you warm up the tar and feathers,
you might at least pretend to listen to

my side of the story.

Are you suggesting I'm unfair?

You ignored my record as a prosecutor,
and you took as character witnesses

people who don't even know me.

They were all women you slept with.

That doesn't mean we'd actually spoken.

I'll take that into account. Anything
else?

Yeah.

I would very much like to thank my
friends for coming down here, sticking

up for me.

Especially you, Ross.

Beat sitting here listening to Harry.

I would also like to thank Mr. Johnson
and Mr. Wood for teaching me a very

valuable lesson.

You see, all of my life, I wanted to be
rich and important like you.

As a kid back in Louisiana, I used to
wear a necktie while slopping hogs.

I would pretend that the miserable
beasts were reporters all clamoring to

ask me questions about my latest
courtroom triumph.

I would graciously answer each in turn
until my bucket was empty and my tie was

covered in pig phlegm.

All these years I kept dreaming, and
then suddenly I had the opportunity to

become one of you.

To my own surprise, I said no.

Because when I really looked at you for
the first time, I realized that you're

not better than the people I grew up
with.

You're not even any better than the
pigs.

Judge Caseman, I'm a damn good lawyer.

And if you have any decency, you will
let me stay one.

Very well. In light of the hour, I'll
try to be brief.

You're out.

I want to say something.

I was thinking about what you just said,
you know, about how we and I are like

pigs.

Yes.

We're gonna sue you blind, dude.

Bobby, be quiet.

Oh, don't tell me to be quiet. I want
you to hit this guy with papers now.

I said shut up.

Who do you think you're talking to, huh?
Hey, maybe I'll go call my old man.

Yeah, you do that, Bobby. And when you
got him on the phone, you tell him I'm

fed up with bailing your snot-nosed son
out of trouble.

What?

Hey, listen, pal.

I don't need you... Hey, hey.

Why don't we just let the nice man
finish talking?

I find myself at the pinnacle of my
career.

And little more than a well-dressed
messenger boy.

I trust this has something to do with
the case at hand?

Oh, indeed it does.

Fielding was telling the truth from the
beginning.

There was never any blackmail.

I'm sorry, Dan.

Perhaps I'd be a better man today if I'd
slopped a few hogs myself.

Your Honor, in view of this new
evidence, I would respectfully suggest

that you might want to reconsider your
verdict.

Bailing's still a slimeball.

True, but...

He's a law-abiding slimeball.

Very well, you're reinstated.

This isn't a pep rally.

Get out of here.

And if you know what's good for you,
don't come back.

Did you by any chance have real strict
parents who tried to toilet train you

too early?

Hey, Dan, where you been?

Outside, sitting on the steps, thinking
about what we do around here,

what I've been through the last few
days.

I looked up, saw the statue of Lady
Justice, and suddenly realized

something. What?

I don't think she's wearing any
underwear.

Welcome back, Dan.

Thanks, Mac.

Come quick, sir!

What's the problem? That diet finally
made her snap!

She's in the cafeteria going berserk!

She looks pretty well under control to
me, Bull.

Uh, not her, sir.

Mr.

Sullivan? Are you all right?