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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,827 --> 00:00:09,827 - Oohhh! 2 00:00:09,827 --> 00:00:11,344 [laughs] 3 00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:12,793 Oohhh! 4 00:00:12,793 --> 00:00:14,068 [claps] 5 00:00:14,068 --> 00:00:15,241 Oohhh! - That'’s my favorite. 6 00:00:15,241 --> 00:00:16,241 - Those are my favorite. 7 00:00:16,241 --> 00:00:17,620 I like the "oohhh" too, so... 8 00:00:17,620 --> 00:00:19,068 - The cue cards are working. Awesome. 9 00:00:19,068 --> 00:00:20,448 - Yes, they are. Yes. 10 00:00:20,448 --> 00:00:21,827 - I have a feeling that these Whoopsies 11 00:00:21,827 --> 00:00:23,862 are going to be the best we'’ve ever done. 12 00:00:23,862 --> 00:00:25,931 - I mean, there'’s nothing like watching videos 13 00:00:25,931 --> 00:00:28,000 of your coworkers eating shit and getting hurt. 14 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,482 It'’s just classic. - It'’s the best. 15 00:00:29,482 --> 00:00:30,620 - Yeah. - Oh! 16 00:00:30,620 --> 00:00:31,655 - Oh! - Are you all right? 17 00:00:31,655 --> 00:00:34,172 - Whoopsie. [laughter] 18 00:00:34,172 --> 00:00:35,758 - Yo, Tez, dude. 19 00:00:35,758 --> 00:00:37,482 Deadline for Whoopsie submission is 5:00. 20 00:00:37,482 --> 00:00:38,655 - Please, fool. 21 00:00:38,655 --> 00:00:40,310 Got a hidden camera in our cubicle. 22 00:00:40,310 --> 00:00:42,620 See, Colleen gave me some extra birthday cake. 23 00:00:42,620 --> 00:00:44,310 Took a couple of bites, threw it away. 24 00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:47,275 I bet you Bill pulls it out and eats it, 25 00:00:47,275 --> 00:00:49,482 even though I cut my toenails over the trash can. 26 00:00:49,482 --> 00:00:51,137 - No. - What? 27 00:00:51,137 --> 00:00:53,034 - And he saw you? - Yeah, he saw me do it! 28 00:00:53,034 --> 00:00:54,862 - That is disgu-- Why are you doing that at work? 29 00:00:54,862 --> 00:00:56,793 - You'’re disgusting. - I am not disgusting. 30 00:00:56,793 --> 00:00:57,827 I have a hammertoe. 31 00:00:57,827 --> 00:00:59,620 So stop! Hammertoe. 32 00:00:59,620 --> 00:01:01,517 ♪ Unh! Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah 33 00:01:01,517 --> 00:01:02,862 ♪ Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, Hammertoe ♪ 34 00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:03,827 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God, you guys. 35 00:01:03,827 --> 00:01:05,379 He'’s totally doing it. 36 00:01:05,379 --> 00:01:06,758 He'’s totally doing it. - He'’s doing it. 37 00:01:06,758 --> 00:01:07,724 - He'’s doing it right now. - See? 38 00:01:07,724 --> 00:01:08,862 - Mmm. - See? 39 00:01:08,862 --> 00:01:11,517 - Oh, my God. - Mmm. Mmm. 40 00:01:11,517 --> 00:01:13,655 Mmm. Mmm. 41 00:01:13,655 --> 00:01:14,896 - Oh, that'’s the big nail. 42 00:01:14,896 --> 00:01:16,793 That'’s the big nail. - Ugh! 43 00:01:16,793 --> 00:01:17,896 - Mmm. Mmm. 44 00:01:17,896 --> 00:01:20,000 - Oh, my God. - Mmm. Mmm. 45 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,172 - Mm. - Mmm. 46 00:01:21,172 --> 00:01:22,310 - Whoopsies! 47 00:01:22,310 --> 00:01:23,482 [laughter] 48 00:01:23,482 --> 00:01:24,689 - Totally, totally. 49 00:01:24,689 --> 00:01:27,689 [The Skinny Boys'’ "Jock Box"] 50 00:01:27,689 --> 00:01:28,724 ♪ 51 00:01:28,724 --> 00:01:31,344 - ♪ I'’m fresh ♪ 52 00:01:31,344 --> 00:01:33,310 ♪ You gotta, you gotta, you gotta ♪ 53 00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:36,689 ♪ Gotta be fresh 54 00:01:36,689 --> 00:01:38,068 - [imitating blows landing] [Blake chuckles] 55 00:01:38,068 --> 00:01:39,586 - Hey. - What? 56 00:01:39,586 --> 00:01:40,827 - Did you get these lights for the Whoopsies? 57 00:01:40,827 --> 00:01:41,793 - No, I thought you got '’em. 58 00:01:41,793 --> 00:01:42,827 - No, I didn'’t. 59 00:01:42,827 --> 00:01:44,241 They look really nice, though. 60 00:01:44,241 --> 00:01:45,241 They look like they'’re from Party city. 61 00:01:45,241 --> 00:01:46,241 - [clears throat] 62 00:01:46,241 --> 00:01:48,034 Well, apparently we had 63 00:01:48,034 --> 00:01:49,862 the all-time lowest sales numbers 64 00:01:49,862 --> 00:01:52,413 in TAC history last month. 65 00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:53,689 - Whoopsies! 66 00:01:53,689 --> 00:01:54,827 [laughter] 67 00:01:54,827 --> 00:01:56,137 - Yeah, exactly. 68 00:01:56,137 --> 00:01:58,344 So Corporate has decided to bring in... 69 00:01:58,344 --> 00:01:59,758 "best-selling author 70 00:01:59,758 --> 00:02:01,896 "and world-renowned motivational speaker 71 00:02:01,896 --> 00:02:03,482 Bianca Toro." 72 00:02:03,482 --> 00:02:05,620 So give it up-- or don'’t; I don'’t care-- 73 00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:07,137 for Bianca. 74 00:02:07,137 --> 00:02:09,241 [light applause] 75 00:02:09,241 --> 00:02:11,758 - [whistling] - Bianca? 76 00:02:11,758 --> 00:02:13,448 Oh, great, perfect. She'’s on the crapper. 77 00:02:13,448 --> 00:02:14,586 [both blow raspberry] 78 00:02:14,586 --> 00:02:15,758 - [laughs] 79 00:02:15,758 --> 00:02:17,310 [driving dance music playing] 80 00:02:17,310 --> 00:02:20,103 - Everything is about to change in three... 81 00:02:20,103 --> 00:02:21,413 - It'’s gas! - What'’s your problem? 82 00:02:21,413 --> 00:02:22,551 - Two, one! 83 00:02:22,551 --> 00:02:24,275 Whoo! 84 00:02:24,275 --> 00:02:25,448 Yeah! 85 00:02:25,448 --> 00:02:26,586 All right! 86 00:02:26,586 --> 00:02:29,034 Everybody get the fuck up! 87 00:02:29,034 --> 00:02:30,965 Get the fuck up, yes! 88 00:02:30,965 --> 00:02:32,241 Yes, go ahead. 89 00:02:32,241 --> 00:02:33,620 Hug your neighbor, huh? 90 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:34,965 Come on, hug it out. 91 00:02:34,965 --> 00:02:36,931 Show them how much they mean to you. 92 00:02:36,931 --> 00:02:38,586 You two, hug it out! 93 00:02:38,586 --> 00:02:40,620 Yeah! That'’s it. 94 00:02:40,620 --> 00:02:42,068 - She'’s like a motivational stripper. 95 00:02:42,068 --> 00:02:43,655 - Yeah, uh-huh. Excuse me! 96 00:02:43,655 --> 00:02:45,482 Sorry to interrupt. How long is this gonna take? 97 00:02:45,482 --> 00:02:47,275 It'’s just we have a pretty intense technical rehearsal 98 00:02:47,275 --> 00:02:48,827 we need to run for an awards show later. 99 00:02:48,827 --> 00:02:50,965 [music stops] - Oh. You know what? 100 00:02:50,965 --> 00:02:53,310 How long this takes, that is up to you. 101 00:02:53,310 --> 00:02:54,965 - Great. Let'’s wrap it up. - Yeah. 102 00:02:54,965 --> 00:02:57,137 - I don'’t give a shit about telemarketing. 103 00:02:57,137 --> 00:02:59,551 I don'’t care about your sales numbers. 104 00:02:59,551 --> 00:03:02,172 I don'’t give a shit about Corporate. 105 00:03:02,172 --> 00:03:05,827 I am here for you... 106 00:03:05,827 --> 00:03:08,103 and you and you 107 00:03:08,103 --> 00:03:09,275 and you and you. 108 00:03:09,275 --> 00:03:10,862 - Not here for me, probably. 109 00:03:10,862 --> 00:03:12,275 - I care about you. 110 00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:13,517 - Your hands smell like Cinnabon. 111 00:03:13,517 --> 00:03:15,448 - Yeah, they do. 112 00:03:15,448 --> 00:03:16,655 All right, sit it. 113 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,379 Sst, sst. 114 00:03:18,379 --> 00:03:19,448 - I'’m sitting '’cause I want to, 115 00:03:19,448 --> 00:03:22,000 not '’cause she told me. 116 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,068 - Who here thinks this is a bunch of bullshit? 117 00:03:25,068 --> 00:03:27,000 - I think it'’s a ton of bullshit. 118 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,689 - Get '’em, girl! 119 00:03:28,689 --> 00:03:30,137 - Drop it on '’em, A-Bomb. 120 00:03:30,137 --> 00:03:31,862 - Hey, come here. 121 00:03:31,862 --> 00:03:33,310 I barely bite. 122 00:03:33,310 --> 00:03:34,413 - [sighs] 123 00:03:34,413 --> 00:03:36,275 - All right. 124 00:03:36,275 --> 00:03:38,862 I'’m gonna ask you a question. 125 00:03:38,862 --> 00:03:40,344 And then you tell me the truth, 126 00:03:40,344 --> 00:03:41,896 and I swear, I will walk out this door. 127 00:03:41,896 --> 00:03:43,379 You will never see me again. - No! 128 00:03:43,379 --> 00:03:45,034 - Deal? - Deal. 129 00:03:45,034 --> 00:03:47,103 - Okay. 130 00:03:47,103 --> 00:03:49,275 Who'’s the author of your life? 131 00:03:49,275 --> 00:03:50,620 - Oh, Jesus Christ. 132 00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:51,862 - Hmm. - No, no. 133 00:03:51,862 --> 00:03:53,000 I'’m not religious. 134 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,827 I'’m the author of my life. 135 00:03:55,827 --> 00:03:59,034 - That'’s a lie, and you fucking know it! 136 00:03:59,034 --> 00:04:00,517 - Okay, she says a lot of F words. 137 00:04:00,517 --> 00:04:01,896 - Who shapes your narrative, huh? 138 00:04:01,896 --> 00:04:03,586 Who steers your ship? 139 00:04:03,586 --> 00:04:04,551 - Captain Phillips. 140 00:04:04,551 --> 00:04:06,586 - Who is that? 141 00:04:06,586 --> 00:04:09,172 - My...my mom drank. 142 00:04:09,172 --> 00:04:10,413 - Boom. - A lot. 143 00:04:10,413 --> 00:04:12,206 - Ah. - She put me through hell. 144 00:04:12,206 --> 00:04:14,448 - "Bad Moms." That'’s a good movie. 145 00:04:14,448 --> 00:04:16,965 Women are funny, no matter what Ders says. 146 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:20,206 - "Ghostbusters" the new one is the"Ghostbusters" to me. 147 00:04:20,206 --> 00:04:21,344 - You know what? 148 00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:24,172 Your mom is a lot like my dad. 149 00:04:24,172 --> 00:04:25,724 - [crying] Really? 150 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,620 - Yeah. Yeah. 151 00:04:27,620 --> 00:04:29,965 But I thank him every day, 152 00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:33,068 because he make me the emotional fucking warrior 153 00:04:33,068 --> 00:04:35,689 that you see in front of you today. 154 00:04:35,689 --> 00:04:38,206 I'’m the author of my own life. 155 00:04:38,206 --> 00:04:40,413 I choose happiness. 156 00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:42,068 I choose kindness. 157 00:04:42,068 --> 00:04:44,931 I choose positivity. 158 00:04:44,931 --> 00:04:46,172 [laughs] 159 00:04:46,172 --> 00:04:47,482 I choose-- Say it, now. 160 00:04:47,482 --> 00:04:48,517 "I choose." 161 00:04:48,517 --> 00:04:49,724 - I choose. 162 00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:51,413 - Okay, who? Who? 163 00:04:51,413 --> 00:04:52,448 - I choose. 164 00:04:52,448 --> 00:04:53,758 - All right. Who chooses? 165 00:04:53,758 --> 00:04:54,758 - I choose! 166 00:04:54,758 --> 00:04:55,862 - I choose. 167 00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:57,689 I choose. Who chooses? 168 00:04:57,689 --> 00:04:59,068 all: I choose! 169 00:04:59,068 --> 00:05:01,241 - Say it. Who? all: I choose! 170 00:05:01,241 --> 00:05:02,344 - Yes! Yes. 171 00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:04,482 Give her a fucking hand! 172 00:05:04,482 --> 00:05:06,689 Oh, come on, give her a hug! 173 00:05:06,689 --> 00:05:09,137 Lift her up where she belongs! 174 00:05:09,137 --> 00:05:11,172 Hoist that bitch up! 175 00:05:11,172 --> 00:05:12,344 - Wha! 176 00:05:12,344 --> 00:05:13,551 Yeah! 177 00:05:13,551 --> 00:05:15,689 I feel so free! 178 00:05:15,689 --> 00:05:18,172 - Right, okay, let'’s save some energy for the Whoopsies. 179 00:05:18,172 --> 00:05:19,586 Oh, guys, let her down. 180 00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:22,689 - Oh, yeah, the-- the Whoopsies. 181 00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,586 No, I-I-I don'’t think we need 182 00:05:24,586 --> 00:05:27,103 that kind of negativity in the office, right, Bianca? 183 00:05:27,103 --> 00:05:29,551 - You are in control of your own life. 184 00:05:29,551 --> 00:05:31,206 - Shut up. What? 185 00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:33,206 - Yeah, I choose that the Whoopsies are canceled! 186 00:05:33,206 --> 00:05:36,275 - But, Alice, your red carpet gown, it'’s gorgeous. 187 00:05:36,275 --> 00:05:37,758 - [whispering] Can I talk into your microphone? 188 00:05:37,758 --> 00:05:39,551 - [whispering] You just did. 189 00:05:39,551 --> 00:05:40,620 - [sniffs] 190 00:05:40,620 --> 00:05:42,620 [hip-hop music] 191 00:05:42,620 --> 00:05:43,517 - ♪ We came here 192 00:05:46,448 --> 00:05:50,103 [hip-hop music] 193 00:05:50,103 --> 00:05:51,586 - All right, everybody, follow me. 194 00:05:51,586 --> 00:05:54,241 We are gonna do group work. 195 00:05:54,241 --> 00:05:55,896 - Adam. - Mm? What'’s up? 196 00:05:55,896 --> 00:05:57,620 - Just wait. One thing. - What up? 197 00:05:57,620 --> 00:05:59,448 - Have fun. All right, cool. - All right, thank you so much. 198 00:05:59,448 --> 00:06:01,448 - Great job, honestly. - Great lights, great lights. 199 00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,413 - So what'’s the plan? - For what? 200 00:06:03,413 --> 00:06:05,482 - The Whoopsies must go on. - Oh, no, I know. 201 00:06:05,482 --> 00:06:07,103 I hope you'’re not talking to me. I know. 202 00:06:07,103 --> 00:06:09,862 I put $30 down on the tux rental--nonrefundable. 203 00:06:09,862 --> 00:06:12,172 - All right, so we just got to, like, deprogram Alice, 204 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:14,000 remind her how much she loves the Whoopsies. 205 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:17,172 - Except that I'’m choosing not to do that 206 00:06:17,172 --> 00:06:19,655 because I'’m choosing to be my own person 207 00:06:19,655 --> 00:06:22,103 and pattern my life after Bianca Toro. 208 00:06:22,103 --> 00:06:23,655 - What are you talking about? - Later, bitches. 209 00:06:23,655 --> 00:06:25,413 - Are you se-- - We'’ve lost him. 210 00:06:25,413 --> 00:06:29,517 - Who here is ready to see the world in a whole new way? 211 00:06:29,517 --> 00:06:31,413 - I am! I am so ready. 212 00:06:31,413 --> 00:06:32,413 - I'’m also ready. 213 00:06:32,413 --> 00:06:34,068 - Okay. Open up your eyes. 214 00:06:35,965 --> 00:06:37,827 - Why is he over there with you? 215 00:06:37,827 --> 00:06:39,689 - Shut the fuck up, Babak, okay? 216 00:06:39,689 --> 00:06:44,655 I am here because if you would truly open your eyes, 217 00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:46,000 you would fucking see 218 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,137 that I'’m the co-fucking-motivator. 219 00:06:48,137 --> 00:06:49,344 - Can somebody fix me? 220 00:06:49,344 --> 00:06:52,275 My mind is a tormented battlefield. 221 00:06:52,275 --> 00:06:53,862 - We'’re gonna get you there, my friend. 222 00:06:53,862 --> 00:06:55,655 Yes, we are. - We'’re working on you, Bill. 223 00:06:55,655 --> 00:06:57,862 - Adam, I love your spirit. 224 00:06:57,862 --> 00:06:59,310 Why don'’t you go ahead and take that spirit 225 00:06:59,310 --> 00:07:00,793 and join the rest of your group? 226 00:07:00,793 --> 00:07:04,172 - Okay. - Okay. 227 00:07:04,172 --> 00:07:07,689 Okay, the name of the game is musical chairs. 228 00:07:07,689 --> 00:07:09,068 Kid stuff, right? 229 00:07:09,068 --> 00:07:10,206 - Yup. - Yeah. 230 00:07:10,206 --> 00:07:11,310 - Wrong! - Wrong. It is wrong. 231 00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:12,379 - Música, Jose. 232 00:07:12,379 --> 00:07:13,896 [heavy metal music playing] 233 00:07:13,896 --> 00:07:15,344 - ♪ Let the bodies hit the floor ♪ 234 00:07:15,344 --> 00:07:16,896 ♪ Let the bodies hit the floor ♪ 235 00:07:16,896 --> 00:07:18,482 ♪ Let the bodies hit the ♪ 236 00:07:18,482 --> 00:07:20,689 ♪ Rah! 237 00:07:20,689 --> 00:07:22,413 ♪ Let the bodies hit the 238 00:07:22,413 --> 00:07:23,689 [music stops] - Ah! Oh, my gosh. 239 00:07:23,689 --> 00:07:25,793 [laughing] Oh, my gosh. 240 00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:27,965 - What happened here? 241 00:07:27,965 --> 00:07:30,482 - Everyone got a chair? - Yes! 242 00:07:30,482 --> 00:07:31,517 - Yeah. - I'’m glad you found that. 243 00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:32,862 - Now, there were enough chairs, 244 00:07:32,862 --> 00:07:34,482 but instead of saying, 245 00:07:34,482 --> 00:07:38,862 "Hey, how do we go after this as a group, hmm?" 246 00:07:38,862 --> 00:07:41,068 y'’all went, "Me, me, me, me, me!" 247 00:07:41,068 --> 00:07:42,517 - Yeah, like a bunch of bitches. 248 00:07:42,517 --> 00:07:43,896 - The lesson here 249 00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:45,724 is that when we face our problems, 250 00:07:45,724 --> 00:07:47,379 we do it as a team. 251 00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:51,206 We'’re stronger whenever the flock flies together. 252 00:07:51,206 --> 00:07:52,379 Let'’s hear it. 253 00:07:52,379 --> 00:07:54,206 all: We'’re stronger whenever 254 00:07:54,206 --> 00:07:56,655 the flock flies together. 255 00:07:56,655 --> 00:07:57,758 - Let'’s hear it! 256 00:07:57,758 --> 00:07:58,896 all: We'’re stronger whenever 257 00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:01,103 the flock flies together. 258 00:08:01,103 --> 00:08:02,724 - And back to me. 259 00:08:02,724 --> 00:08:05,379 I'’m flying in with... 260 00:08:05,379 --> 00:08:08,137 another thought as a co-motivator. 261 00:08:08,137 --> 00:08:09,724 Okay, think about it. 262 00:08:09,724 --> 00:08:12,275 Sometimes, every once in a while, perhaps, 263 00:08:12,275 --> 00:08:13,724 a chair might break 264 00:08:13,724 --> 00:08:15,379 and there'’s not enough chairs for everyone. 265 00:08:15,379 --> 00:08:17,241 What do you do? 266 00:08:17,241 --> 00:08:19,206 Hit the music. 267 00:08:19,206 --> 00:08:20,482 - I will not hit the music. 268 00:08:20,482 --> 00:08:21,482 - There'’s no music. 269 00:08:21,482 --> 00:08:23,344 Chair, this one, broken. 270 00:08:27,793 --> 00:08:29,448 Oh, I landed on my nut. 271 00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:32,310 Ah, I Belvedered my balls. 272 00:08:32,310 --> 00:08:33,551 That hurts. 273 00:08:33,551 --> 00:08:35,448 I'’m not gonna puke. - No. 274 00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:36,724 No! - Ah, be strong. 275 00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:38,586 - No, no. Really? - Be strong. 276 00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,068 - Okay, you know what, Adam? 277 00:08:40,068 --> 00:08:41,620 Let'’s you and I, 278 00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:44,241 let'’s have a 20-second powwow over here, okay? 279 00:08:44,241 --> 00:08:46,310 Now, I want to take you to the next level, okay? 280 00:08:46,310 --> 00:08:47,620 - Yup, level me up. 281 00:08:47,620 --> 00:08:49,551 - I want to tell you about something called 282 00:08:49,551 --> 00:08:50,965 The Clarity. 283 00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:52,965 Now, this is the secret to everything. 284 00:08:52,965 --> 00:08:54,586 - Sounds cool. Sounds sick. Tight. 285 00:08:54,586 --> 00:08:56,068 - It'’s all those things. 286 00:08:56,068 --> 00:08:58,448 But first, I'’d like you to take Bill outside, 287 00:08:58,448 --> 00:09:00,793 have a one-on-one session with him. 288 00:09:00,793 --> 00:09:01,827 Can you do that? - Fight him? 289 00:09:01,827 --> 00:09:03,275 - No, no fighting. 290 00:09:03,275 --> 00:09:05,379 Just see if you can'’t get to his raw truth. 291 00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:07,034 - Sounds like something that I'’d be interested in. 292 00:09:07,034 --> 00:09:11,000 - You do that, and I'’ll bestow on you The Clarity. 293 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,379 Deal? - Yes! Deal. 294 00:09:12,379 --> 00:09:13,379 - All right. 295 00:09:13,379 --> 00:09:15,379 - My computer'’s on fire? 296 00:09:15,379 --> 00:09:17,931 - No, but our pants are because we lied. 297 00:09:17,931 --> 00:09:19,137 - "Sowwy." 298 00:09:19,137 --> 00:09:20,379 - Look, I know you guys are upset 299 00:09:20,379 --> 00:09:22,172 because I canceled the Whoopsies, 300 00:09:22,172 --> 00:09:23,793 but listen to this... [clears throat] 301 00:09:23,793 --> 00:09:26,344 "Sometimes the things that upset us the most 302 00:09:26,344 --> 00:09:28,689 are the things that teach us the most." 303 00:09:28,689 --> 00:09:30,689 - Alice, hey. Hey. What is happening? 304 00:09:30,689 --> 00:09:34,517 We just lied to you, our boss, and lured you into your office. 305 00:09:34,517 --> 00:09:35,931 You should be calling us dildos 306 00:09:35,931 --> 00:09:38,034 and telling us to... suck our dicks 307 00:09:38,034 --> 00:09:39,689 off our own butts or something. 308 00:09:39,689 --> 00:09:41,000 - That was the old me. 309 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,551 - Alice, that was the real you. 310 00:09:43,551 --> 00:09:44,965 - Yeah. - Okay? 311 00:09:44,965 --> 00:09:46,689 You can'’t just change who you are. 312 00:09:46,689 --> 00:09:48,931 - Yes, I can, because it says so on page seven-- 313 00:09:48,931 --> 00:09:50,551 - Okay, you know what? 314 00:09:50,551 --> 00:09:53,448 Now there is no page seven, so you can'’t change. 315 00:09:53,448 --> 00:09:55,275 Yums away. 316 00:09:55,275 --> 00:09:57,310 [gags] - Are you all right? 317 00:09:57,310 --> 00:09:58,862 - Paper cut, roof of mouth. 318 00:09:58,862 --> 00:10:00,551 - Does that make you mad? Does that piss you off? 319 00:10:00,551 --> 00:10:01,793 - Mad now? - Huh? 320 00:10:01,793 --> 00:10:03,275 Look at how fucking pissed you are! 321 00:10:03,275 --> 00:10:04,689 - Let'’s see it! - Give us the Alice we want! 322 00:10:04,689 --> 00:10:05,793 - Call me a dildo. 323 00:10:05,793 --> 00:10:06,862 - Call him a dildo. 324 00:10:06,862 --> 00:10:08,517 - [breathes deeply] 325 00:10:08,517 --> 00:10:12,689 No, I know that you'’re mad, and I get why. 326 00:10:12,689 --> 00:10:14,724 - Oh, yeah? - Hmm. 327 00:10:17,206 --> 00:10:18,310 - Oh! 328 00:10:18,310 --> 00:10:20,448 - Whoopsies. 329 00:10:20,448 --> 00:10:21,827 - [whispering] It broke. 330 00:10:21,827 --> 00:10:23,000 It'’s all broked. 331 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,103 [dramatic music] 332 00:10:24,103 --> 00:10:26,034 - You can'’t make me mad. 333 00:10:26,034 --> 00:10:27,482 I am the author. 334 00:10:27,482 --> 00:10:29,275 - Oh, yeah? 335 00:10:29,275 --> 00:10:30,827 Well, let'’s just see about that. 336 00:10:30,827 --> 00:10:31,862 What do we got here? 337 00:10:31,862 --> 00:10:33,827 Oh-ho-ho-ho! 338 00:10:33,827 --> 00:10:36,793 [gasps] A Jose Canseco bat. 339 00:10:36,793 --> 00:10:39,310 Tell me you didn'’t pay money for this. 340 00:10:39,310 --> 00:10:40,448 - Are you serious? 341 00:10:40,448 --> 00:10:41,689 - Wah! - Ders! 342 00:10:41,689 --> 00:10:42,931 - Whoa! - Whoa! 343 00:10:42,931 --> 00:10:45,448 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! 344 00:10:45,448 --> 00:10:48,034 - Oh, yeah? 345 00:10:48,034 --> 00:10:50,172 - [laughs] - Whoopsies! 346 00:10:50,172 --> 00:10:51,551 [both laughing] 347 00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:53,172 - Now she'’s mad. - Now you'’re mad? 348 00:10:53,172 --> 00:10:54,931 Are you mad now? Huh? 349 00:10:54,931 --> 00:10:56,482 Whoopsies! 350 00:10:56,482 --> 00:10:57,827 Whoopsies! 351 00:10:57,827 --> 00:10:59,344 Whoopsies! 352 00:10:59,344 --> 00:11:03,689 Whoopsies! Whoopsies! Whoopsies! Whoopsies! 353 00:11:03,689 --> 00:11:05,206 - Yeah. - Whoopsies! 354 00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:06,793 - Oh! Oh! - Oh! 355 00:11:06,793 --> 00:11:08,689 - Okay, that'’s a religious thing. 356 00:11:08,689 --> 00:11:09,827 We'’re gonna leave that there. 357 00:11:09,827 --> 00:11:12,689 - [grunting violently] 358 00:11:12,689 --> 00:11:13,896 - Boom! 359 00:11:13,896 --> 00:11:15,379 - Whoopsies. - Oh! 360 00:11:15,379 --> 00:11:18,034 What about this nice little crystal trophy? 361 00:11:18,034 --> 00:11:20,103 How about we say later to that, huh? 362 00:11:20,103 --> 00:11:21,241 - No, wait! Stop. 363 00:11:21,241 --> 00:11:22,241 Give me that. 364 00:11:22,241 --> 00:11:23,689 - Uh-oh. 365 00:11:23,689 --> 00:11:25,517 - Okay, so now what? Now what? 366 00:11:25,517 --> 00:11:27,275 You gonna--you gonna, like, tell us, 367 00:11:27,275 --> 00:11:28,689 "Go home now, no pay"? 368 00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:30,724 - Yeah, "Shove it up your man holes." 369 00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,206 - You guys are right. 370 00:11:32,206 --> 00:11:33,862 [laughs softly] 371 00:11:33,862 --> 00:11:35,344 This place is a prison. 372 00:11:35,344 --> 00:11:36,551 - Yeah. 373 00:11:36,551 --> 00:11:38,379 - It'’s a prison I built. 374 00:11:38,379 --> 00:11:39,965 [laughs] 375 00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:43,000 And it'’s a prison I'’m gonna destroy! 376 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,862 - Oh! - Whoa, whoa! Hey! 377 00:11:44,862 --> 00:11:46,448 - Oh, my God. - [laughing] 378 00:11:46,448 --> 00:11:48,620 - What--what are you doing? You crazy? 379 00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,068 - I'’m freeing us! 380 00:11:50,068 --> 00:11:52,517 - No! Hey, no! - [laughs maniacally] 381 00:11:52,517 --> 00:11:54,103 You know what? 382 00:11:54,103 --> 00:11:56,103 I'’m gonna tell Corporate... 383 00:11:56,103 --> 00:11:57,103 - Oh! - Ah! 384 00:11:57,103 --> 00:11:58,206 - That we want to shut it down. 385 00:11:58,206 --> 00:11:59,206 - Why would you do that? 386 00:11:59,206 --> 00:12:00,344 - And you know what? 387 00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:02,034 They will. 388 00:12:02,034 --> 00:12:03,862 Because they'’ve wanted to do it all along anyway. 389 00:12:03,862 --> 00:12:05,586 - We just want the fucking Whoopsies. 390 00:12:05,586 --> 00:12:06,931 - Don'’t you see? 391 00:12:06,931 --> 00:12:08,482 We got to follow our passions. 392 00:12:08,482 --> 00:12:10,586 We have to choose our paths. 393 00:12:10,586 --> 00:12:11,620 - No, no, no. - I don'’t-- 394 00:12:11,620 --> 00:12:13,517 - No one chooses this. 395 00:12:15,620 --> 00:12:17,448 - Hey. - Thank you. 396 00:12:17,448 --> 00:12:19,172 Thank you guys for showing me the light. 397 00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:21,655 - Wh-- - But-- 398 00:12:21,655 --> 00:12:23,482 - We'’re free! 399 00:12:23,482 --> 00:12:26,655 - Are you ready to be a fucking author 400 00:12:26,655 --> 00:12:29,172 and change your life forever? 401 00:12:29,172 --> 00:12:31,827 - Can we talk about my relationship with my stepsister? 402 00:12:31,827 --> 00:12:33,896 I feel like it might not be appropriate. 403 00:12:33,896 --> 00:12:34,896 - Bill, shut up. 404 00:12:34,896 --> 00:12:36,137 When I look at you, 405 00:12:36,137 --> 00:12:39,241 I see untapped potential. 406 00:12:39,241 --> 00:12:41,172 But you know what else I see, Bill? 407 00:12:41,172 --> 00:12:43,620 I see fear. 408 00:12:43,620 --> 00:12:46,482 And it'’s time for you to take that fear 409 00:12:46,482 --> 00:12:51,103 and light it on fucking fire, Bill! 410 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,241 - So we'’re glossing over the whole stepsister thing? 411 00:12:53,241 --> 00:12:54,655 - Bill, take off your shoes and socks. 412 00:12:54,655 --> 00:12:56,068 - What are we doing? Is it safe? 413 00:12:56,068 --> 00:12:57,517 [flame whooshes] - Oh! Oh! 414 00:12:57,517 --> 00:12:59,482 I just started your fucking fear on fire, Bill. 415 00:12:59,482 --> 00:13:00,965 Now... 416 00:13:04,206 --> 00:13:05,689 Okay, Bill. 417 00:13:05,689 --> 00:13:07,620 Just don'’t even think about it, all right? 418 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,172 Just go ahead and do it. 419 00:13:09,172 --> 00:13:10,413 Walk across-- 420 00:13:10,413 --> 00:13:12,137 Whoa, you'’re doing it. 421 00:13:12,137 --> 00:13:14,551 Oh! - I'’m doing it! 422 00:13:14,551 --> 00:13:15,827 I'’m doing it! 423 00:13:15,827 --> 00:13:17,068 - Oh, yes! 424 00:13:17,068 --> 00:13:19,310 Oh, my, I'’m a fucking motivator. 425 00:13:19,310 --> 00:13:21,758 - I'’m gonna try to have sex with my stepsister! 426 00:13:21,758 --> 00:13:23,551 - Clarity! I'’m gonna see that shit! 427 00:13:23,551 --> 00:13:25,000 - Thank you, Adam. 428 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,172 You'’re right. I can do anything. 429 00:13:27,172 --> 00:13:30,000 - You'’re right. 430 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,034 I cando anything. 431 00:13:32,034 --> 00:13:34,551 [screaming] 432 00:13:34,551 --> 00:13:35,724 Shit! 433 00:13:35,724 --> 00:13:37,068 - Oh, I should have told you, 434 00:13:37,068 --> 00:13:39,172 I have diabetic neuropathy in my feet. 435 00:13:39,172 --> 00:13:41,000 I can'’t feel a thing down there. 436 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,413 But if it makes you feel better, 437 00:13:42,413 --> 00:13:44,689 the skin is bubbling off of my feet too. 438 00:13:44,689 --> 00:13:46,206 - It doesn'’t make me feel better, Bill! 439 00:13:46,206 --> 00:13:48,103 [hip-hop music] 440 00:13:50,965 --> 00:13:52,000 - ♪ Kick it 441 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,586 [hip-hop music] 442 00:13:53,586 --> 00:13:57,137 - Okay, next we are going to share PCOs, 443 00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,310 which stands for... 444 00:13:58,310 --> 00:14:01,310 all: Primary Choice Objectives. 445 00:14:01,310 --> 00:14:04,379 - Give yourselves a massive fucking round of applause. 446 00:14:04,379 --> 00:14:05,827 - Yeah! - Whoo! 447 00:14:05,827 --> 00:14:06,862 - Yeah! - Yes. 448 00:14:06,862 --> 00:14:08,551 - Yeah! - Yes! 449 00:14:08,551 --> 00:14:09,724 - Yeah. 450 00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:10,724 - Hey, whoa! Thank you. 451 00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:11,827 You'’re applauding me. 452 00:14:11,827 --> 00:14:13,862 That is-- that is sweet of you. 453 00:14:13,862 --> 00:14:16,137 I know I was only gone for a short period of time, 454 00:14:16,137 --> 00:14:17,241 and I didn'’t hurt myself, 455 00:14:17,241 --> 00:14:19,551 so I'’m ready for The Clarity. 456 00:14:19,551 --> 00:14:21,931 - We'’ll get to that Clarity a little later. 457 00:14:21,931 --> 00:14:23,482 - I'’d love to get to it now. That'’d be awesome. 458 00:14:23,482 --> 00:14:25,724 Clarify me. Clarity it. - Yeah, not--not just yet. 459 00:14:25,724 --> 00:14:28,413 But right now, we'’re gonna share. 460 00:14:28,413 --> 00:14:29,931 Who wants to roar? 461 00:14:29,931 --> 00:14:31,482 Alice, I know you want to stand up and roar. 462 00:14:31,482 --> 00:14:32,862 - I will. - I want to roar. 463 00:14:32,862 --> 00:14:34,413 - Come on. 464 00:14:34,413 --> 00:14:37,482 - I choose to shut the office down permanently. 465 00:14:37,482 --> 00:14:39,344 - Yeah, shut it down! Let'’s go to DQ. 466 00:14:39,344 --> 00:14:41,172 Hot eats, cool treats. Come on! 467 00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:43,517 - Yeah, you guys, Bianca was right. 468 00:14:43,517 --> 00:14:44,931 Think about it. 469 00:14:44,931 --> 00:14:47,172 I mean, we have been stuck here for years. 470 00:14:47,172 --> 00:14:48,896 Isn'’t it time for us to move on? 471 00:14:48,896 --> 00:14:51,172 - Yeah. And then we go to Dairy Queen. 472 00:14:51,172 --> 00:14:53,310 - [exhales deeply] 473 00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:58,241 - Shut it down. 474 00:14:58,241 --> 00:15:00,758 Shut it down. 475 00:15:00,758 --> 00:15:01,793 - We started that. 476 00:15:01,793 --> 00:15:03,724 all: Shut it down! 477 00:15:03,724 --> 00:15:05,758 Shut it down! 478 00:15:05,758 --> 00:15:07,724 - Yeah! all: Shut it down! 479 00:15:07,724 --> 00:15:09,758 - Whoo! all: Shut it down! 480 00:15:09,758 --> 00:15:11,379 - Shh! Shh! - Quiet. 481 00:15:11,379 --> 00:15:13,862 - Shut your goshdarn mouths, please. 482 00:15:13,862 --> 00:15:15,034 - Okay, so you guys, what, 483 00:15:15,034 --> 00:15:17,379 are just fine with being unemployed? 484 00:15:17,379 --> 00:15:19,379 - Oh. No, no. You know what it is? 485 00:15:19,379 --> 00:15:21,137 They are fine... 486 00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:23,931 with being the authors of their own lives, 487 00:15:23,931 --> 00:15:26,172 for choosing to follow their dreams. 488 00:15:26,172 --> 00:15:28,620 - I should be the CEO of a Lady Foot Locker by now. 489 00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:30,137 Mm. - That'’s foolish. 490 00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,482 - And I'’m gonna tell my stepsister I love her 491 00:15:31,482 --> 00:15:33,724 and that she shouldn'’t marry Calista! 492 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:35,793 - There you are. - Time-out! 493 00:15:35,793 --> 00:15:37,137 Do I need to remind you guys 494 00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,586 that this is TelAmeriCorp Rancho Cucamonga, 495 00:15:39,586 --> 00:15:42,482 where all dreams go to die? 496 00:15:42,482 --> 00:15:45,482 - Yeah, you buttheads are delusional. 497 00:15:45,482 --> 00:15:48,103 We'’re human pieces of crap here. - Yeah. 498 00:15:48,103 --> 00:15:49,931 - Oh, and we are also guilty, okay? 499 00:15:49,931 --> 00:15:51,896 - Oh, yeah. 500 00:15:51,896 --> 00:15:53,379 - You'’re looking at two big old bozos over here, all right? 501 00:15:53,379 --> 00:15:54,793 - The turd brothers. - Hello. 502 00:15:54,793 --> 00:15:57,137 - Just pinched right into the bowl of TAC. 503 00:15:57,137 --> 00:15:58,724 - Look at us. We'’re pushing 30. 504 00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:00,896 We don'’t have anything to our names. 505 00:16:00,896 --> 00:16:02,965 - Nope. - I'’ve got this tie 506 00:16:02,965 --> 00:16:05,068 that somebody tied for me about seven years ago. 507 00:16:06,310 --> 00:16:07,448 - I think maybe we got to roll it. 508 00:16:07,448 --> 00:16:08,724 - Well, you don'’t believe us? 509 00:16:08,724 --> 00:16:10,206 Okay, you want to see it? 510 00:16:10,206 --> 00:16:11,793 You want to see video evidence? 511 00:16:11,793 --> 00:16:12,965 - You keep looking at us like you want to see it. 512 00:16:12,965 --> 00:16:14,448 Show it to '’em. - Here we go. 513 00:16:14,448 --> 00:16:15,620 Enjoy. 514 00:16:15,620 --> 00:16:17,034 - Help! I'’m stuck. 515 00:16:17,034 --> 00:16:18,793 - Adam'’s stuck in the vending machine. 516 00:16:18,793 --> 00:16:20,275 - Okay, I'’m gonna go ahead and reach up there 517 00:16:20,275 --> 00:16:21,344 and pull your hand out. 518 00:16:21,344 --> 00:16:22,793 Ah, crap. 519 00:16:22,793 --> 00:16:25,551 - Now Blake'’s stuck in the vending machine. 520 00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:26,931 Stop. Here. Let me get you guys. 521 00:16:26,931 --> 00:16:28,103 Here, let me get-- 522 00:16:28,103 --> 00:16:29,310 - Ders. - Let me get it. 523 00:16:29,310 --> 00:16:30,620 - Ah! - Oh, that'’s-- 524 00:16:30,620 --> 00:16:32,000 - Ah! - How did--damn it! 525 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,862 And now I'’m stuck in the vending machine. 526 00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:35,172 - Oh, man, that was stupid. 527 00:16:35,172 --> 00:16:37,862 - The point is, Alice, you can'’t quit. 528 00:16:37,862 --> 00:16:40,103 You can'’t shut this down, because we'’re not all 529 00:16:40,103 --> 00:16:42,413 winners with untapped potential, okay? 530 00:16:42,413 --> 00:16:46,000 We'’re losers who are exactly where we'’re supposed to be. 531 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,793 - Bottom of the shit pile. 532 00:16:49,206 --> 00:16:51,034 - Well, you know... [chuckles] 533 00:16:51,034 --> 00:16:52,379 they might have a point. 534 00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:54,137 I mean, I don'’t have a lot of job skills. 535 00:16:54,137 --> 00:16:55,827 - Zero. - Smartest thing he'’s said. 536 00:16:55,827 --> 00:16:58,034 - Show us more Whoopsies! Who'’s the big winner? 537 00:16:58,034 --> 00:17:00,310 - Stop it! 538 00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:02,724 None of you are winning 539 00:17:02,724 --> 00:17:05,827 when you are celebrating humiliation! 540 00:17:05,827 --> 00:17:06,862 - Yeah. 541 00:17:06,862 --> 00:17:08,275 - Don'’t you see that? 542 00:17:08,275 --> 00:17:10,000 You'’re all better than that. 543 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,103 - I promise you, we'’re not, okay? 544 00:17:13,103 --> 00:17:14,758 Just look around the room. 545 00:17:14,758 --> 00:17:18,517 Would you hire one person from this room to work for you? 546 00:17:18,517 --> 00:17:21,103 - Well, I would absolutely hire one person from this room. 547 00:17:21,103 --> 00:17:23,103 - Is it me? It'’s me, isn'’t it? 548 00:17:23,103 --> 00:17:25,137 I'’m gonna be your co-motivator. I'’m gonna get The Clarity. 549 00:17:26,689 --> 00:17:28,379 - I choose Alice. 550 00:17:28,379 --> 00:17:30,689 - What? - You would hire Alice over me? 551 00:17:30,689 --> 00:17:31,655 This is bullshit. 552 00:17:34,413 --> 00:17:36,758 - You--you-- you would really hire me? 553 00:17:36,758 --> 00:17:38,344 - Absolutely. - Wow! 554 00:17:38,344 --> 00:17:40,103 - I thought there was something special about you 555 00:17:40,103 --> 00:17:42,241 the moment that I came leaping through that door. 556 00:17:42,241 --> 00:17:44,068 - Oh, my God. - So what do you say? 557 00:17:44,068 --> 00:17:45,586 - Oh, my God. - You want to come work for me? 558 00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:47,448 - I would be honored to work for you. 559 00:17:47,448 --> 00:17:49,034 - Yes, you would. 560 00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:50,724 Let'’s go to your office and work out the details. 561 00:17:50,724 --> 00:17:52,724 - Oh, my God! Really? - Yes, absolutely. 562 00:17:52,724 --> 00:17:55,862 - It'’s right this way. Oh, my God! 563 00:17:55,862 --> 00:17:57,103 Oh, my God! - She'’s just-- 564 00:17:57,103 --> 00:17:58,551 Okay, great. Wow. 565 00:17:58,551 --> 00:18:00,896 - So we'’re all gonna lose our jobs? 566 00:18:00,896 --> 00:18:02,655 Adam, say something that motivates us. 567 00:18:02,655 --> 00:18:04,482 - I'’m done motivating, okay, Bill? 568 00:18:04,482 --> 00:18:07,103 I couldn'’t even read her book. 569 00:18:07,103 --> 00:18:10,241 Wouldn'’t. I wouldn'’t even-- 570 00:18:10,241 --> 00:18:11,827 I can read. 571 00:18:11,827 --> 00:18:14,655 - Thank you for seeing something special in me. 572 00:18:14,655 --> 00:18:16,137 To be perfectly honest, 573 00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:18,482 I don'’t really see it in myself all the time, 574 00:18:18,482 --> 00:18:21,275 but you saw it, and you'’re a genius, 575 00:18:21,275 --> 00:18:22,689 so it must be real. 576 00:18:22,689 --> 00:18:24,448 - You know what I see in you? - What? 577 00:18:24,448 --> 00:18:26,655 - You'’re good at sales, and I'’m a saleswoman. 578 00:18:26,655 --> 00:18:29,620 - No, you are so much more than a saleswoman. 579 00:18:29,620 --> 00:18:32,620 You--you see into people'’s souls. 580 00:18:32,620 --> 00:18:34,172 - Yeah. 581 00:18:34,172 --> 00:18:36,068 You think that because I made you think that. 582 00:18:36,068 --> 00:18:38,758 All that profanity and the face holding 583 00:18:38,758 --> 00:18:41,344 and chanting, I mean, those are just devices that I use 584 00:18:41,344 --> 00:18:44,137 to manufacture emotion. 585 00:18:44,137 --> 00:18:45,862 - No, but y-you said in your book 586 00:18:45,862 --> 00:18:49,620 that authenticity is the main ingredient to dreams. 587 00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:52,241 - I stole that from a teenager'’s Instagram account. 588 00:18:52,241 --> 00:18:56,000 - No, but what about being the author of your life? 589 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,172 - Well, I'’m the author of a book 590 00:18:58,172 --> 00:19:00,586 that'’s made me very rich and very powerful. 591 00:19:00,586 --> 00:19:03,241 Oh! Okay, look. 592 00:19:03,241 --> 00:19:05,103 You can either come with me and be my assistant 593 00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:07,172 and find out what winning is all about, 594 00:19:07,172 --> 00:19:09,000 or you could stay here at TAC 595 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,551 and be the queen of the Garbage Pail Kids. 596 00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:15,793 - Wh-what about you with your dad 597 00:19:15,793 --> 00:19:18,034 and me with my mom? 598 00:19:18,034 --> 00:19:20,206 - My dad is the nicest guy in the world. 599 00:19:20,206 --> 00:19:21,586 Doesn'’t even drink. [laughs] 600 00:19:21,586 --> 00:19:24,827 I just told you what you needed to hear. 601 00:19:24,827 --> 00:19:26,103 Don'’t be a sucker. 602 00:19:27,724 --> 00:19:29,931 - [yells] 603 00:19:33,827 --> 00:19:34,827 Whoopsie. 604 00:19:34,827 --> 00:19:36,862 [hip-hop music] 605 00:19:36,862 --> 00:19:37,965 - ♪ Boys are fresh 606 00:19:40,482 --> 00:19:42,034 [hip-hop music] 607 00:19:42,034 --> 00:19:43,310 - ♪ You gotta, ♪ gotta be fresh 608 00:19:43,310 --> 00:19:45,689 - And now, the final award of the evening, 609 00:19:45,689 --> 00:19:47,689 the one we'’ve all been waiting weeks for, 610 00:19:47,689 --> 00:19:49,827 Whoopsie of the Year. 611 00:19:49,827 --> 00:19:51,448 [applause] - Whoo! 612 00:19:51,448 --> 00:19:53,827 Yeah! 613 00:19:53,827 --> 00:19:55,310 - [clears throat] 614 00:19:55,310 --> 00:19:57,517 And the nominees are: 615 00:19:57,517 --> 00:20:00,137 Waymond for "Thumbsucker." 616 00:20:00,137 --> 00:20:03,655 Davis Neeves, "Diarrhea Period Pants." 617 00:20:03,655 --> 00:20:06,655 Gary Ghostman, "Lipstick Envelope." 618 00:20:06,655 --> 00:20:09,517 And she'’s already taken home a few Whoopsies tonight. 619 00:20:09,517 --> 00:20:11,000 Ladies and gentlemen, the big boss, 620 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,517 Alice Murphy, for "Bye Bye Birdie." 621 00:20:13,517 --> 00:20:16,000 - Whoo! 622 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,379 - [inhales deeply] 623 00:20:18,379 --> 00:20:20,517 And your winner is... 624 00:20:20,517 --> 00:20:22,379 [drumroll] 625 00:20:22,379 --> 00:20:23,379 Envelope'’s kind of hard to open. 626 00:20:23,379 --> 00:20:24,689 [laughter] 627 00:20:24,689 --> 00:20:26,034 There it is. There it goes. 628 00:20:26,034 --> 00:20:28,344 [clears throat] 629 00:20:28,344 --> 00:20:30,620 The love of my life, Alice Murphy, 630 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:31,931 for "Bye Bye Birdie." 631 00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:33,931 - Yeah! I knew it! 632 00:20:33,931 --> 00:20:35,000 Suck it! 633 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,620 What now, Ghostman? 634 00:20:36,620 --> 00:20:38,068 What now? 635 00:20:38,068 --> 00:20:39,655 - You looked like a total idiot up there, Alice. 636 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,310 Congratulations. 637 00:20:41,310 --> 00:20:42,793 - Let'’s go ahead and watch her clip one more time. 638 00:20:42,793 --> 00:20:44,379 - No. No! 639 00:20:44,379 --> 00:20:45,862 You get your hands off me, motherfucker! 640 00:20:45,862 --> 00:20:47,172 Oh, yeah, you like that? Fuck you. 641 00:20:47,172 --> 00:20:48,620 [spits] Come on. 642 00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:50,551 What'’s your badge number, bitch? 643 00:20:50,551 --> 00:20:52,793 I'’m gonna take you down! Fuck you! 644 00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:56,137 I gonna sue your asses to kingdom come, motherfuckers! 645 00:20:56,137 --> 00:20:58,344 No! Fuck you! 646 00:20:58,344 --> 00:20:59,689 [slurring] All right, everybody, 647 00:20:59,689 --> 00:21:01,862 I just want to thank and dedicate this award 648 00:21:01,862 --> 00:21:05,172 to the one person who made this all possible for me. 649 00:21:05,172 --> 00:21:06,275 [orchestral music playing] 650 00:21:06,275 --> 00:21:07,551 Don'’t you dare play me off! 651 00:21:07,551 --> 00:21:09,448 - Noice! 652 00:21:13,551 --> 00:21:14,689 - Did you not win? 653 00:21:14,689 --> 00:21:16,241 Oh, did you lose? 654 00:21:16,241 --> 00:21:17,413 [laughs mockingly] 655 00:21:17,413 --> 00:21:18,862 [snorts] Mm. 656 00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:22,000 Yeah, clap, motherfuckers! 657 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,137 [light applause] 658 00:21:23,137 --> 00:21:24,862 What'’s up, Gil? - Hey. 659 00:21:24,862 --> 00:21:26,482 - How you like me now? 45454

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