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1
00:00:09,689 --> 00:00:11,000
- You know, I just wasn'’t,
you know,
2
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,862
happy with my current look.
3
00:00:12,862 --> 00:00:14,758
So I'’m--I'’m trying something
new, what do you think?
4
00:00:14,758 --> 00:00:16,931
Steampunk...
5
00:00:16,931 --> 00:00:18,517
or smoke-punk?
6
00:00:18,517 --> 00:00:20,241
- Dude,
just go "Waterworld,"
7
00:00:20,241 --> 00:00:22,103
take those clothes off.
8
00:00:22,103 --> 00:00:23,413
Yes!
- I love that.
9
00:00:23,413 --> 00:00:25,000
- Hey, check me out, okay...
10
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,413
- You'’re a genius.
- I'’m here for you, man.
11
00:00:26,413 --> 00:00:27,413
- Stop doing what
you'’re doing and watch me.
12
00:00:27,413 --> 00:00:30,344
Okay, one, two--
[groans]
13
00:00:30,344 --> 00:00:31,620
- It'’s okay.
- Almost got a record.
14
00:00:31,620 --> 00:00:32,862
Oh, shoot.
- What are you doing?
15
00:00:32,862 --> 00:00:34,103
Are those my keys, man?
- They are.
16
00:00:34,103 --> 00:00:35,517
And I'’m gonna get
a record, watch.
17
00:00:35,517 --> 00:00:37,482
Shoot.
- You'’re gonna bend my CVS card.
18
00:00:37,482 --> 00:00:38,827
- Ow, why are you doing that?
19
00:00:38,827 --> 00:00:40,241
- Do you not want me
to get discounts?
20
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,793
- It'’s understandable.
- You ru--
21
00:00:41,793 --> 00:00:43,620
- Whoa, look who it is,
22
00:00:43,620 --> 00:00:45,827
Bill the Thrill.
23
00:00:45,827 --> 00:00:46,965
Cool tie.
24
00:00:46,965 --> 00:00:48,000
What'’s--what'’s up with that?
25
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,275
- Cool, right?
26
00:00:49,275 --> 00:00:50,758
It was actually my mom'’s.
27
00:00:50,758 --> 00:00:53,931
See, it'’s a Polynesian
green turtle,
28
00:00:53,931 --> 00:00:55,413
found mainly in Tahiti.
29
00:00:55,413 --> 00:00:57,172
- Wow, Bill,
you'’re explaining it
30
00:00:57,172 --> 00:00:59,103
like we care.
And we don'’t!
31
00:00:59,103 --> 00:01:00,758
We don'’t,
and honestly,
32
00:01:00,758 --> 00:01:02,379
only Blake gets to wear
stupid stuff like that.
33
00:01:02,379 --> 00:01:04,379
- Yeah, I am
the office fashionista
34
00:01:04,379 --> 00:01:06,758
and, uh, that is not a tie.
35
00:01:06,758 --> 00:01:09,000
It'’s a loss.
[laughter]
36
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,620
- That was really funny.
You just thought of that?
37
00:01:10,620 --> 00:01:11,827
- Oh, wait a second.
38
00:01:11,827 --> 00:01:13,379
Speaking of fashion,
39
00:01:13,379 --> 00:01:15,000
Bill, what'’s with
your pants '’cause
40
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,379
it looks like you'’re
popping a boner!
41
00:01:16,379 --> 00:01:18,482
- Oh, you--
you'’re fully engorged!
42
00:01:18,482 --> 00:01:19,931
- Right?
43
00:01:19,931 --> 00:01:21,724
- Uh, that'’s just how
the pants lay, guys.
44
00:01:21,724 --> 00:01:22,896
- Nope.
- Uh, really?
45
00:01:22,896 --> 00:01:24,206
- Yeah, your pants
lay with
46
00:01:24,206 --> 00:01:25,689
a gigantic hard dick
inside of them?
47
00:01:25,689 --> 00:01:27,344
- Uh, nah,
I don'’t think so.
48
00:01:27,344 --> 00:01:28,758
I think your little turtle
49
00:01:28,758 --> 00:01:30,482
is poking its head
out of its shell.
50
00:01:30,482 --> 00:01:31,862
[laughter]
51
00:01:31,862 --> 00:01:32,896
[dramatic whoosh]
52
00:01:32,896 --> 00:01:34,758
- They weren'’t wrong.
53
00:01:34,758 --> 00:01:37,689
I was playing pocket pool
on the ride over.
54
00:01:37,689 --> 00:01:38,965
And I was hard.
55
00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:40,482
[keys clink]
56
00:01:40,482 --> 00:01:42,551
But these dipshits
had no idea
57
00:01:42,551 --> 00:01:45,137
how hard I could
actually get.
58
00:01:45,137 --> 00:01:48,137
[dramatic music]
59
00:01:48,137 --> 00:01:51,724
♪
60
00:01:51,724 --> 00:01:53,034
[bones crunch]
61
00:01:53,034 --> 00:01:54,034
[plaster breaks]
62
00:01:54,034 --> 00:01:55,448
[whooshing]
63
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,620
♪♪
64
00:01:57,620 --> 00:01:58,551
[squelch]
65
00:02:03,068 --> 00:02:05,689
[chuckles]
Guilty as charged.
66
00:02:05,689 --> 00:02:07,137
You guys are hilarious.
67
00:02:07,137 --> 00:02:08,206
- Thank you.
68
00:02:08,206 --> 00:02:09,206
- Thank you.
- We know.
69
00:02:09,206 --> 00:02:10,586
- Yes.
- Roasted.
70
00:02:10,586 --> 00:02:13,551
[The Skinny Boys'’ "Jock Box"]
71
00:02:13,551 --> 00:02:14,620
♪
72
00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:17,206
- ♪ I'’m fresh ♪
73
00:02:17,206 --> 00:02:19,206
♪ You gotta, you gotta,
you gotta ♪
74
00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:22,551
♪ Gotta be fresh
75
00:02:22,551 --> 00:02:25,724
- ♪ Baby
76
00:02:25,724 --> 00:02:27,413
[sultry music on computer]
77
00:02:27,413 --> 00:02:29,206
- Oh, hey, Bill, uh,
remember,
78
00:02:29,206 --> 00:02:31,103
I need you to head to
TAC in Long Beach
79
00:02:31,103 --> 00:02:33,965
and return those thermal hunting
vision goggle things
80
00:02:33,965 --> 00:02:35,827
we borrowed
for the sales demo, kay?
81
00:02:35,827 --> 00:02:37,862
- Yeah, topped off
the tank this morning.
82
00:02:37,862 --> 00:02:39,793
- Well, great.
Get going then.
83
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:42,310
'’Cause you were late last time,
and I had to deal with Roger
84
00:02:42,310 --> 00:02:44,827
from TAC-LBC saying how
I run a loose ship.
85
00:02:44,827 --> 00:02:46,827
[dramatic music]
- This ship isn'’t loose.
86
00:02:46,827 --> 00:02:49,413
It'’s full of holes
and sinking fast.
87
00:02:49,413 --> 00:02:51,241
I'’d like to toss you overboard
88
00:02:51,241 --> 00:02:53,655
and let the sharks
rip you apart.
89
00:02:53,655 --> 00:02:55,827
I'’m sorry you had to
deal with that,
90
00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:58,241
I think you run one hell
of a tight ship, Captain.
91
00:02:58,241 --> 00:03:01,344
- Shut up, Bill.
Kiss ass.
92
00:03:01,344 --> 00:03:02,793
You want me to go with him?
93
00:03:02,793 --> 00:03:04,517
Make sure he'’s on time,
94
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:05,862
doesn'’t stop off
at The Wizarding World
95
00:03:05,862 --> 00:03:07,724
of Harry Potter,
get a butterbeer.
96
00:03:07,724 --> 00:03:09,793
[dramatic music]
- Stay in your lane, Tez.
97
00:03:09,793 --> 00:03:11,482
This ain'’t the day.
98
00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:12,862
- Mm, good point.
99
00:03:12,862 --> 00:03:14,275
Bill, Montez is going with you.
100
00:03:14,275 --> 00:03:16,344
- Yeah.
- God freaking damn it.
101
00:03:16,344 --> 00:03:19,034
Okey-dokey, Captain,
not a problem.
102
00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:20,689
But it is a problem
103
00:03:20,689 --> 00:03:23,241
because he'’s
not part of the plan.
104
00:03:23,241 --> 00:03:26,551
And this mission has to go
exactly as planned.
105
00:03:26,551 --> 00:03:27,724
[brooding dramatic music]
106
00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:29,620
There'’s no room for error.
107
00:03:29,620 --> 00:03:32,310
There never is.
108
00:03:32,310 --> 00:03:35,655
- So I have Yelped
the best Arby'’s on the way
109
00:03:35,655 --> 00:03:37,517
because they got
this off-menu sandwich
110
00:03:37,517 --> 00:03:39,448
called "The Meat Mountain."
111
00:03:39,448 --> 00:03:42,000
Bill, where the hell'’d you get
this super dope brief--
112
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,551
- Don'’t touch that!
113
00:03:43,551 --> 00:03:45,000
Sorry, I--I don'’t mean to yell,
114
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:48,000
just put it in the back seat.
- Okay.
115
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,827
[grunts]
116
00:03:49,827 --> 00:03:51,000
Look,
117
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,655
I'’m sorry I'’m tagging along,
118
00:03:52,655 --> 00:03:54,862
but I'’m just having
some serious marital problems
119
00:03:54,862 --> 00:03:57,000
and I need to, like,
bro down.
120
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,862
- Okay, what'’s on your mind,
my cubicle brother?
121
00:03:59,862 --> 00:04:01,896
- Me and Colleen,
we in a bad place.
122
00:04:01,896 --> 00:04:05,103
- This blue car'’s been
behind me for the last mile.
123
00:04:05,103 --> 00:04:07,344
You'’re being paranoid, Bill.
124
00:04:07,344 --> 00:04:10,241
Nobody knows
the drop-off is today.
125
00:04:10,241 --> 00:04:11,931
- She got this whole
cuckolding fantasy
126
00:04:11,931 --> 00:04:14,758
where she has sex with
another dude while I watch,
127
00:04:14,758 --> 00:04:16,551
but we just can'’t find
the right guy for the job.
128
00:04:16,551 --> 00:04:18,034
And she think
I don'’t want to do it,
129
00:04:18,034 --> 00:04:20,103
think I'’m stalling,
but I want to do it.
130
00:04:20,103 --> 00:04:22,517
You know how freaky I am.
I'’ll get cuckolded.
131
00:04:22,517 --> 00:04:24,068
- It'’s pronounced "cuckolding"
132
00:04:24,068 --> 00:04:26,724
but what she wants
is to be hotwifed.
133
00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:28,413
You think you'’re so freaky,
134
00:04:28,413 --> 00:04:30,758
but you'’re as vanilla
as they come.
135
00:04:30,758 --> 00:04:33,413
Dude, I eat ass.
136
00:04:33,413 --> 00:04:36,172
You guys have some crazy life.
137
00:04:36,172 --> 00:04:37,241
Hope you find the guy.
138
00:04:37,241 --> 00:04:38,793
- Thanks, Bill.
139
00:04:38,793 --> 00:04:41,896
[chimes]
I just love her so much.
140
00:04:41,896 --> 00:04:43,689
[dramatic music]
- And what exactly
141
00:04:43,689 --> 00:04:46,103
do you think
you'’re doing, blue car?
142
00:04:46,103 --> 00:04:47,551
You want to get some lunch?
143
00:04:47,551 --> 00:04:49,620
- Oh!
Let'’s get that Meat Mountain.
144
00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:51,931
♪ Arby'’s here we come ♪
145
00:04:51,931 --> 00:04:53,586
- Actually,
146
00:04:53,586 --> 00:04:55,241
I was thinking more like...
147
00:04:55,241 --> 00:04:56,517
[dramatic sting]
148
00:04:56,517 --> 00:04:58,551
Chinese.
- Mm.
149
00:04:58,551 --> 00:05:01,586
[dramatic electronic music]
150
00:05:01,586 --> 00:05:02,586
♪
151
00:05:02,586 --> 00:05:03,586
[tires squeal]
152
00:05:03,586 --> 00:05:06,586
♪♪
153
00:05:06,586 --> 00:05:10,103
You know, we should ask if
they have any off-menu items.
154
00:05:10,103 --> 00:05:11,793
[cell phone ringtone]
155
00:05:11,793 --> 00:05:14,000
- Hello?
156
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,344
- Bill, that'’s rude.
157
00:05:15,344 --> 00:05:17,103
- Okay.
158
00:05:17,103 --> 00:05:22,586
3031 Factory Place.
159
00:05:22,586 --> 00:05:24,931
- One of your hos?
160
00:05:24,931 --> 00:05:25,931
- [sighs]
161
00:05:25,931 --> 00:05:27,517
- Sorry.
162
00:05:27,517 --> 00:05:30,206
We should get some egg rolls.
163
00:05:30,206 --> 00:05:32,310
You know what, let'’s get
two orders of egg rolls
164
00:05:32,310 --> 00:05:34,620
'’cause I don'’t think
they give us enough egg rolls.
165
00:05:34,620 --> 00:05:36,241
I can tell
by this order right here.
166
00:05:36,241 --> 00:05:38,827
- Okay, closest exit
is through the kitchen.
167
00:05:38,827 --> 00:05:40,896
[dramatic music]
Was he looking at me?
168
00:05:40,896 --> 00:05:43,517
Did he just say my name?
169
00:05:43,517 --> 00:05:46,103
Damn, she'’s
got to be, like, 90.
170
00:05:46,103 --> 00:05:47,931
Tight body though.
171
00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,620
I wouldn'’t mind
eating her butt.
172
00:05:49,620 --> 00:05:50,931
- Oh!
- Ow!
173
00:05:50,931 --> 00:05:52,517
- My--what the hell?
174
00:05:52,517 --> 00:05:54,482
- Briefcase!
There it is.
175
00:05:54,482 --> 00:05:56,241
- My apologies,
that was an accident.
176
00:05:56,241 --> 00:05:58,482
- I call bullshit.
177
00:05:58,482 --> 00:06:00,448
- You know, your apology
is not gonna pay for
178
00:06:00,448 --> 00:06:02,000
my man'’s dry cleaning.
179
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,655
So I think you should
give us some free egg rolls
180
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:05,206
and some kung pao chicken.
181
00:06:05,206 --> 00:06:06,724
- Yeah, I'’m sorry
about the mess,
182
00:06:06,724 --> 00:06:08,551
but I can'’t give you
free food.
183
00:06:08,551 --> 00:06:10,172
- You better give us
some free something.
184
00:06:10,172 --> 00:06:11,551
'’Cause you about to see
my crouching tiger, hidden
185
00:06:11,551 --> 00:06:12,620
wha-pow!
186
00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:14,413
Wha-pow!
- Bro.
187
00:06:14,413 --> 00:06:15,517
You need to calm down.
188
00:06:15,517 --> 00:06:17,206
- Calm down?
Motherfucker.
189
00:06:17,206 --> 00:06:19,413
You just spilled some
hot-ass soup on my man'’s nuts.
190
00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:21,379
You could at least
pick up the tab.
191
00:06:21,379 --> 00:06:22,896
- Tez, please.
192
00:06:22,896 --> 00:06:24,482
Look, he'’s a little testy
193
00:06:24,482 --> 00:06:27,344
because his wife has
this cuckolding fantasy...
194
00:06:27,344 --> 00:06:29,172
- Why would you tell--
- She can hold my cuck anytime.
195
00:06:29,172 --> 00:06:30,758
- What did you say?
196
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:32,241
- It'’s like that, huh?
Huh?
197
00:06:32,241 --> 00:06:33,517
- You don'’t want it.
- Let'’s do this!
198
00:06:33,517 --> 00:06:35,172
- [grunting]
199
00:06:35,172 --> 00:06:37,551
- Oh, Bill!
Goddamn!
200
00:06:37,551 --> 00:06:39,068
[blow lands]
Uh!
201
00:06:39,068 --> 00:06:40,241
Where did you learn to fight?
202
00:06:40,241 --> 00:06:41,379
You know you
should have let me--
203
00:06:41,379 --> 00:06:42,724
oh, Bill, your briefcase.
204
00:06:42,724 --> 00:06:44,172
- God freaking damn it.
205
00:06:44,172 --> 00:06:45,758
- Bill.
God damn it.
206
00:06:45,758 --> 00:06:48,379
Let me just get one egg roll
for the road.
207
00:06:48,379 --> 00:06:49,931
No, shit.
208
00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:51,724
You know what?
Better take five for the road,
209
00:06:51,724 --> 00:06:53,413
you never know,
you know what I mean?
210
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,448
[upbeat hip-hop music]
- ♪ He'’s insane ♪
211
00:06:58,103 --> 00:07:00,103
[beatboxing music]
212
00:07:00,103 --> 00:07:03,172
[intense dramatic music]
213
00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:10,068
♪
214
00:07:12,310 --> 00:07:14,034
- [speaking Chinese]
215
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:18,689
- Damn!
216
00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:20,551
Who the hell--
Bill!
217
00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:23,689
[slow-motion whoosh]
218
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:37,793
Bill!
Bill!
219
00:07:37,793 --> 00:07:42,586
- Whoa, turtles.
Bodacious.
220
00:07:42,586 --> 00:07:43,655
- Come on!
221
00:07:43,655 --> 00:07:46,655
[dramatic music]
222
00:07:46,655 --> 00:07:47,862
♪
223
00:07:47,862 --> 00:07:49,275
Ah!
224
00:07:49,275 --> 00:07:50,517
Hey!
225
00:07:50,517 --> 00:07:51,620
[panting]
226
00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:53,517
[grunts]
[egg roll thuds]
227
00:07:53,517 --> 00:07:54,758
That'’s my friend'’s briefcase!
228
00:07:54,758 --> 00:07:55,758
Put it down!
229
00:07:55,758 --> 00:07:58,275
[lively dramatic music]
230
00:07:58,275 --> 00:08:00,620
Oh, my God.
231
00:08:00,620 --> 00:08:03,103
Well, how the--
hell did he--
232
00:08:03,103 --> 00:08:04,344
- Don'’t move!
233
00:08:04,344 --> 00:08:05,379
- What?
234
00:08:05,379 --> 00:08:07,034
- Don'’t move!
235
00:08:07,034 --> 00:08:08,758
- Bill, what?
236
00:08:08,758 --> 00:08:10,827
Oh!
237
00:08:10,827 --> 00:08:13,758
What the--
238
00:08:13,758 --> 00:08:15,413
You welcome!
239
00:08:15,413 --> 00:08:16,931
He like a old-ass
Spider-Man.
240
00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:19,344
- You'’re making a big mistake!
241
00:08:19,344 --> 00:08:21,655
You don'’t know
who you'’re stealing from!
242
00:08:26,241 --> 00:08:28,586
- [panting]
Who are these people?
243
00:08:28,586 --> 00:08:29,896
- Ready?
- For what?
244
00:08:29,896 --> 00:08:32,000
- To fly!
- God, Bill!
245
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,586
[screams]
246
00:08:36,034 --> 00:08:38,068
Bill!
Help!
247
00:08:38,068 --> 00:08:39,068
I didn'’t make it!
248
00:08:39,068 --> 00:08:40,344
I mean, oh, shit.
249
00:08:40,344 --> 00:08:41,896
- Here, give me your other hand!
250
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,206
- Ah, it too greasy, Bill!
251
00:08:43,206 --> 00:08:45,103
The egg roll!
I'’m slipping.
252
00:08:45,103 --> 00:08:47,241
Tell my wife I love her!
Ah!
253
00:08:47,241 --> 00:08:49,275
- [screaming]
254
00:08:49,275 --> 00:08:50,620
- Oh, Bill?
255
00:08:50,620 --> 00:08:53,586
[uplifting orchestral music]
256
00:08:53,586 --> 00:08:57,344
♪
257
00:08:57,344 --> 00:08:58,931
[panting]
258
00:08:58,931 --> 00:09:02,517
Bill!
Oh, my God, Bill.
259
00:09:02,517 --> 00:09:04,586
Oh, you so strong.
260
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:06,068
God damn, Bill.
261
00:09:06,068 --> 00:09:07,172
What do--
262
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:08,344
[funky dramatic music]
263
00:09:08,344 --> 00:09:09,793
- Nice catch.
264
00:09:09,793 --> 00:09:12,413
You have time for a brief chat?
265
00:09:12,413 --> 00:09:14,172
♪
266
00:09:14,172 --> 00:09:15,689
- Bill, who are
all these people?
267
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:16,862
What the hell is happening?
268
00:09:16,862 --> 00:09:19,103
- Sometimes I provide
transportation
269
00:09:19,103 --> 00:09:20,689
for certain things
for certain people.
270
00:09:20,689 --> 00:09:22,586
- So, like,
you running drugs?
271
00:09:22,586 --> 00:09:24,103
- I'’m just the transportation.
272
00:09:24,103 --> 00:09:25,482
- That'’s definitely drugs.
273
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:27,586
- Like I said,
I don'’t know.
274
00:09:27,586 --> 00:09:29,448
It'’s just a paycheck.
275
00:09:29,448 --> 00:09:30,689
- So they got paychecks in here?
276
00:09:30,689 --> 00:09:32,448
- I don'’t know what'’s inside!
277
00:09:32,448 --> 00:09:34,137
I do it for the money.
278
00:09:34,137 --> 00:09:36,137
Lots of money.
279
00:09:36,137 --> 00:09:37,827
What can I say?
280
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,551
I like shiny things.
281
00:09:39,551 --> 00:09:41,793
- Gentlemen, please,
282
00:09:41,793 --> 00:09:43,586
these men are playing ping-pong.
283
00:09:43,586 --> 00:09:45,413
Show some respect
284
00:09:45,413 --> 00:09:46,655
and shut the fuck up!
285
00:09:46,655 --> 00:09:48,655
[tense dramatic music]
286
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,689
- Oh, my God.
287
00:09:50,689 --> 00:09:54,482
- You don'’t want to tell me the
code to your little briefcase?
288
00:09:54,482 --> 00:09:56,482
I understand.
289
00:09:56,482 --> 00:09:59,344
You are a man of great honor.
290
00:09:59,344 --> 00:10:02,413
The thing is,
I am a woman
291
00:10:02,413 --> 00:10:03,965
of great curiosity.
292
00:10:03,965 --> 00:10:06,275
So I just have to know
what you got in there.
293
00:10:06,275 --> 00:10:07,793
- He'’ll never get that open.
294
00:10:07,793 --> 00:10:09,862
I ordered it special
from OfficeMax,
295
00:10:09,862 --> 00:10:12,620
and it'’s got a state-of-the-art
locking system.
296
00:10:12,620 --> 00:10:15,586
[dramatic music pounds]
297
00:10:15,586 --> 00:10:17,172
♪♪
298
00:10:17,172 --> 00:10:19,068
- Well, well, well.
299
00:10:19,068 --> 00:10:21,482
What do we have here?
300
00:10:21,482 --> 00:10:23,103
- Turtle eggs.
301
00:10:23,103 --> 00:10:25,448
Why'’d it have to be
turtle eggs?
302
00:10:25,448 --> 00:10:28,482
- Mmm, look like
a three-toed box turtle egg--
303
00:10:28,482 --> 00:10:30,517
- They'’re Polynesian green,
you dumbass.
304
00:10:30,517 --> 00:10:33,068
Three-toed box eggs
are half the size.
305
00:10:33,068 --> 00:10:34,586
- Even better.
306
00:10:34,586 --> 00:10:38,379
I can get, what,
10K a pop for these puppies?
307
00:10:38,379 --> 00:10:40,000
- What?
308
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,931
- They'’re supposed to be
quite the aphrodisiac.
309
00:10:42,931 --> 00:10:45,586
Who is your buyer?
310
00:10:45,586 --> 00:10:48,172
- I forgot.
311
00:10:48,172 --> 00:10:50,862
- What a pretty face you have.
312
00:10:50,862 --> 00:10:53,448
Eyebrows are a little bushy
though.
313
00:10:53,448 --> 00:10:55,965
Why doesn'’t Jimmy
give you a trim?
314
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:58,413
[tense music]
315
00:10:58,413 --> 00:10:59,965
[electric knife grinds]
316
00:10:59,965 --> 00:11:01,517
- Bill, these people
ain'’t playing,
317
00:11:01,517 --> 00:11:02,862
will you just tell '’em!
318
00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:04,482
- Be quiet
and let me handle this.
319
00:11:04,482 --> 00:11:06,068
[knife grinds]
- Oh, my God.
320
00:11:06,068 --> 00:11:07,068
- [groaning]
321
00:11:07,068 --> 00:11:08,310
- Wait!
322
00:11:08,310 --> 00:11:09,586
Wait.
323
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,172
It'’s in his back pocket
on a napkin.
324
00:11:11,172 --> 00:11:12,206
I saw him write it.
325
00:11:12,206 --> 00:11:13,655
- Shut the fuck up, Montez.
326
00:11:13,655 --> 00:11:15,068
- I'’m trying to help you, Bill.
327
00:11:15,068 --> 00:11:16,310
In case you haven'’t noticed,
328
00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:18,379
this crazy bitch
is trying to kill us.
329
00:11:18,379 --> 00:11:20,034
[seedy piano music]
330
00:11:20,034 --> 00:11:21,310
- [gasps]
331
00:11:21,310 --> 00:11:22,689
It'’s the Triad, isn'’t it?
332
00:11:22,689 --> 00:11:23,689
- What the...
333
00:11:23,689 --> 00:11:25,172
- Excellent.
334
00:11:25,172 --> 00:11:27,689
I always wanted
to do business with them.
335
00:11:27,689 --> 00:11:30,620
[speaking Chinese]
336
00:11:32,034 --> 00:11:34,241
Jimmy, why don'’t you stay here
337
00:11:34,241 --> 00:11:35,413
and have fun with
your new friends?
338
00:11:35,413 --> 00:11:36,896
- Oh, shit.
339
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:39,241
- And don'’t forget
to feed the eels.
340
00:11:39,241 --> 00:11:40,896
[cackles]
341
00:11:40,896 --> 00:11:42,000
- What is wrong with that bitch?
342
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,724
- You'’re making a mistake!
343
00:11:43,724 --> 00:11:46,379
The Triad only deals with me!
344
00:11:46,379 --> 00:11:48,551
- Hey, man,
don'’t kill us.
345
00:11:48,551 --> 00:11:50,586
I got a wife.
I got kids.
346
00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,068
Do you have children?
347
00:11:52,068 --> 00:11:54,724
- No, but I have
an eel that needs to be fed.
348
00:11:54,724 --> 00:11:57,517
- Oh, shit, he got to
feed his eel, Bill.
349
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,206
- Before you kill us,
there'’s something
350
00:11:59,206 --> 00:12:02,068
you and your boss
might want to know.
351
00:12:02,068 --> 00:12:04,241
- What'’s that supposed to mean?
352
00:12:04,241 --> 00:12:05,965
- Come here.
353
00:12:05,965 --> 00:12:07,931
I don'’t want blabbermouth
to hear.
354
00:12:07,931 --> 00:12:09,896
- Bill, what?
355
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,517
Who?
Who'’s blabbermouth?
356
00:12:11,517 --> 00:12:13,482
- Okay, look,
357
00:12:13,482 --> 00:12:15,862
I shouldn'’t be
telling you this, but...
358
00:12:15,862 --> 00:12:17,379
- What is it?
359
00:12:17,379 --> 00:12:19,241
What?
360
00:12:19,241 --> 00:12:21,965
- [chomps]
- [pained groan]
361
00:12:21,965 --> 00:12:24,896
[groans]
362
00:12:24,896 --> 00:12:25,896
- Oh, my God.
363
00:12:25,896 --> 00:12:26,896
- Sorry.
364
00:12:26,896 --> 00:12:28,862
You were getting a little nosey.
365
00:12:28,862 --> 00:12:30,206
- What, nosey?
366
00:12:30,206 --> 00:12:31,793
What happened, Bill?
What'’s going on?
367
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,068
- Ready?
Go!
368
00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:34,689
- [grunting]
369
00:12:34,689 --> 00:12:35,862
Get that knife, Bill.
370
00:12:35,862 --> 00:12:37,413
Cut us free, Bill!
371
00:12:37,413 --> 00:12:38,931
- [grunts]
372
00:12:38,931 --> 00:12:40,793
- Oh, my God.
Cut this shit!
373
00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:43,206
[grunting]
Ah, yeah.
374
00:12:43,206 --> 00:12:44,758
Okay.
[sighs]
375
00:12:44,758 --> 00:12:46,620
Oh, my God.
Let'’s go.
376
00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:48,551
Oh, my God, is that a nose?
Why is it breathing?
377
00:12:48,551 --> 00:12:50,758
- [pained groan]
- Oh, my God!
378
00:12:50,758 --> 00:12:52,758
- [groaning]
379
00:12:52,758 --> 00:12:55,758
[dramatic music]
380
00:12:55,758 --> 00:12:57,310
♪♪
381
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,862
- God damn, Bill.
382
00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:01,275
[electric eels zapping]
383
00:13:02,931 --> 00:13:03,862
He dead.
384
00:13:06,275 --> 00:13:08,827
- You see the look on his face?
385
00:13:08,827 --> 00:13:10,655
Total shock.
386
00:13:10,655 --> 00:13:13,586
[beatboxing music]
387
00:13:16,655 --> 00:13:17,793
[beatboxing music]
388
00:13:17,793 --> 00:13:19,827
[camera lens extending]
389
00:13:19,827 --> 00:13:22,517
- We'’ve got something
that belongs to you.
390
00:13:22,517 --> 00:13:23,724
- Where is Bill?
391
00:13:23,724 --> 00:13:25,827
- He wasn'’t
392
00:13:25,827 --> 00:13:27,241
"eeling" well.
393
00:13:27,241 --> 00:13:29,793
- We only deal with Bill.
394
00:13:29,793 --> 00:13:33,724
- Well, I guess I can
find another buyer for these.
395
00:13:33,724 --> 00:13:35,482
[door lock buzzes]
396
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:38,068
[door lock hisses]
397
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:39,413
That'’s what I thought.
398
00:13:42,586 --> 00:13:44,068
- Here.
- [yelps]
399
00:13:44,068 --> 00:13:45,172
- I'’m going back.
400
00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:47,137
I have to free
those turtle eggs.
401
00:13:47,137 --> 00:13:48,931
- Bill, these people
gonna kill you.
402
00:13:48,931 --> 00:13:52,275
Who cares about
these stupid turtle eggs?
403
00:13:52,275 --> 00:13:55,137
- About 15 years ago,
I was bodysurfing
404
00:13:55,137 --> 00:13:56,965
in Teahupo, Western Tahiti.
405
00:13:56,965 --> 00:13:58,482
[pensive woodwind music]
406
00:13:58,482 --> 00:14:02,310
It was a solid west swell,
at least triple overhead.
407
00:14:02,310 --> 00:14:04,724
I went over the falls
on a set wave into the reef
408
00:14:04,724 --> 00:14:07,413
and started drowning,
409
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:11,034
until a 200-year-old
Polynesian green turtle
410
00:14:11,034 --> 00:14:13,517
put me on his shell
and rode me into shore.
411
00:14:13,517 --> 00:14:15,068
♪♪
412
00:14:15,068 --> 00:14:18,620
That turtle saved my life.
413
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:20,655
So yeah,
414
00:14:20,655 --> 00:14:22,965
I care about those eggs.
415
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:26,896
- Polynesian greens,
416
00:14:26,896 --> 00:14:29,551
just like you ordered.
417
00:14:29,551 --> 00:14:34,413
- Rumored to give the hardest
erection in all of the Earth.
418
00:14:34,413 --> 00:14:37,310
Maybe too hard.
419
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,172
both: Mmm.
420
00:14:39,172 --> 00:14:42,586
- Next weekend'’s orgy
is going to be insane.
421
00:14:42,586 --> 00:14:44,482
- Ooh.
- Jamie Foxx texted me.
422
00:14:44,482 --> 00:14:47,551
He says he'’s definitely
"coming"
423
00:14:47,551 --> 00:14:50,517
with like seven M'’s and then
a water-squirt emoji at the end.
424
00:14:50,517 --> 00:14:52,206
- You know what that means.
- [pleased laughter]
425
00:14:52,206 --> 00:14:53,655
- Do you know?
- Oh, okay.
426
00:14:53,655 --> 00:14:55,620
- I want to get in
that "foxhole."
427
00:14:55,620 --> 00:14:57,206
[laughter]
428
00:14:57,206 --> 00:14:58,896
- Frickin'’ psycho perverts,
429
00:14:58,896 --> 00:15:01,241
you make me sick.
430
00:15:01,241 --> 00:15:04,551
Okay, Billy Boy,
you got this.
431
00:15:04,551 --> 00:15:06,103
- Gentlemen!
432
00:15:06,103 --> 00:15:08,896
The eggs!
433
00:15:08,896 --> 00:15:12,206
- May we inspect the goods?
434
00:15:12,206 --> 00:15:14,379
- Ah, ah.
435
00:15:14,379 --> 00:15:19,068
There is the small matter
of the transportation fee.
436
00:15:19,068 --> 00:15:22,379
- We already paid
the transportation fee.
437
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:23,379
- Mm-hmm.
438
00:15:23,379 --> 00:15:24,448
- So
439
00:15:24,448 --> 00:15:28,206
our offer is nein.
440
00:15:28,206 --> 00:15:30,068
- Nine thousand?
441
00:15:30,068 --> 00:15:33,034
- No.
- [chuckles]
442
00:15:33,034 --> 00:15:34,241
- Nein.
443
00:15:34,241 --> 00:15:36,137
- Nine hundred thousand?
444
00:15:38,517 --> 00:15:39,931
- Nine.
445
00:15:39,931 --> 00:15:42,896
Like, right before ten,
right after eight.
446
00:15:42,896 --> 00:15:44,931
- Nope.
- Stupid, you stupid?
447
00:15:44,931 --> 00:15:46,206
- Nope.
448
00:15:46,206 --> 00:15:47,965
- What we are saying is
nein,
449
00:15:47,965 --> 00:15:49,827
zero, zilch!
I mean, it'’s like you...
450
00:15:49,827 --> 00:15:51,310
- Ah.
- Don'’t even know
451
00:15:51,310 --> 00:15:53,413
who you'’re dealing with
right now!
452
00:15:53,413 --> 00:15:54,551
We are...
453
00:15:54,551 --> 00:15:58,034
all: The Triad!
454
00:15:58,034 --> 00:15:59,620
[slow motion dramatic music]
455
00:15:59,620 --> 00:16:00,931
- What the hell?
456
00:16:00,931 --> 00:16:02,448
- [indistinct shouts]
457
00:16:02,448 --> 00:16:04,000
[gunfire]
458
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,000
- [screams]
459
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,448
[dramatic music]
460
00:16:06,448 --> 00:16:08,862
[laughs]
461
00:16:08,862 --> 00:16:11,655
♪♪
462
00:16:11,655 --> 00:16:13,344
- Okay, where are they?
463
00:16:13,344 --> 00:16:14,862
There'’s one!
464
00:16:14,862 --> 00:16:16,620
Ooh, there'’s another!
465
00:16:16,620 --> 00:16:18,448
♪
466
00:16:18,448 --> 00:16:19,551
[gunfire]
467
00:16:19,551 --> 00:16:22,517
[pained moans and groans]
468
00:16:22,517 --> 00:16:27,103
♪♪
469
00:16:27,103 --> 00:16:28,344
That'’s three.
470
00:16:28,344 --> 00:16:30,793
[gunshot]
471
00:16:30,793 --> 00:16:33,275
- Ah--oh...
472
00:16:33,275 --> 00:16:34,482
- There should be one more.
473
00:16:34,482 --> 00:16:36,310
Oh, there she is.
474
00:16:36,310 --> 00:16:39,793
- Don'’t move!
475
00:16:39,793 --> 00:16:41,655
- No!
476
00:16:41,655 --> 00:16:43,827
[dramatic music pounds]
477
00:16:43,827 --> 00:16:45,862
- Don'’t even think about it!
478
00:16:45,862 --> 00:16:47,275
- Ha-ha!
479
00:16:47,275 --> 00:16:48,862
- Thanks for coming back.
480
00:16:48,862 --> 00:16:51,275
- No problem, Bill.
Cubicle brothers for life.
481
00:16:51,275 --> 00:16:53,551
- Okay, listen up!
482
00:16:53,551 --> 00:16:54,965
Here'’s what'’s gonna--
483
00:16:54,965 --> 00:16:56,758
[glitchy electronic music]
484
00:16:56,758 --> 00:16:59,000
happen a--
485
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,482
God damn it!
486
00:17:00,482 --> 00:17:02,896
[electronic music slows, stops]
487
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,068
[office phones ringing]
488
00:17:04,068 --> 00:17:06,655
- Cigarette, my good man?
489
00:17:06,655 --> 00:17:07,931
[dramatic music pounds]
490
00:17:07,931 --> 00:17:09,517
- Here'’s what'’s gonna happen.
491
00:17:09,517 --> 00:17:11,448
[tense music]
492
00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:14,896
You'’re gonna get your money
back, but I'’m taking those eggs.
493
00:17:14,896 --> 00:17:16,586
End of story, okay?
494
00:17:16,586 --> 00:17:19,620
- Okay, but, you know,
before you leave,
495
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:22,620
I think there might
be someone
496
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:25,206
you should say hello to.
497
00:17:25,206 --> 00:17:27,068
[manic laughter]
498
00:17:27,068 --> 00:17:28,827
- Montez, please.
499
00:17:28,827 --> 00:17:30,172
They'’re gonna hurt me.
500
00:17:30,172 --> 00:17:32,758
- Oh, that'’s your wife.
- Colleen?
501
00:17:32,758 --> 00:17:35,172
Damn, you--changed, baby.
502
00:17:35,172 --> 00:17:38,689
- The eggs, Bill,
503
00:17:38,689 --> 00:17:42,068
or we will blow her brains
all over the floor.
504
00:17:42,068 --> 00:17:46,068
- I'’ll be taking that.
Thank you.
505
00:17:46,068 --> 00:17:48,034
[manic giggling]
506
00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:50,206
- I'’m going to kill
the fat, ugly one.
507
00:17:50,206 --> 00:17:53,000
For some reason I hate his guts.
- Yes.
508
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,000
Do it.
509
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,931
[beatboxing music]
510
00:18:01,482 --> 00:18:02,793
[beatboxing music]
511
00:18:02,793 --> 00:18:04,310
- Wait a minute.
512
00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:06,724
Before you kill me,
I have one last wish.
513
00:18:06,724 --> 00:18:09,275
My wife has this
cuckolding fantasy.
514
00:18:09,275 --> 00:18:12,137
- It makes sense that she would
want to schtupp another man.
515
00:18:12,137 --> 00:18:14,241
- And I said I was okay with it,
but I'’m really not.
516
00:18:14,241 --> 00:18:15,724
- What?
517
00:18:15,724 --> 00:18:17,241
Baby, why wouldn'’t you tell me?
518
00:18:17,241 --> 00:18:18,862
- I was insecure,
519
00:18:18,862 --> 00:18:20,137
but now that I know
520
00:18:20,137 --> 00:18:22,275
that I'’m the love of your life,
521
00:18:22,275 --> 00:18:24,896
if it'’s okay with you guys,
522
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:27,275
I would like Bill
523
00:18:27,275 --> 00:18:28,724
to fuck my wife.
524
00:18:28,724 --> 00:18:29,793
- [exhales]
525
00:18:29,793 --> 00:18:32,827
- Okay, wait.
526
00:18:32,827 --> 00:18:34,965
- I wouldn'’t expect you
to understand.
527
00:18:34,965 --> 00:18:37,137
But this is for her happiness.
528
00:18:37,137 --> 00:18:38,310
- Still weird for me.
529
00:18:38,310 --> 00:18:40,000
- No, that'’s cool to me.
530
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,379
- Okay, well, I obviously
don'’t want to watch,
531
00:18:42,379 --> 00:18:44,586
but I will
out of curiosity sake.
532
00:18:44,586 --> 00:18:47,103
- I'’m watching.
- [chuckles]
533
00:18:47,103 --> 00:18:48,482
- Thank you, baby.
534
00:18:48,482 --> 00:18:49,655
- I love you.
535
00:18:49,655 --> 00:18:51,275
- I'’ll always love you.
536
00:18:51,275 --> 00:18:53,310
- I know, baby,
go on.
537
00:18:53,310 --> 00:18:54,310
[tender piano music]
538
00:18:54,310 --> 00:18:55,758
- Oh, and now the main event.
539
00:18:55,758 --> 00:18:57,482
- God,
540
00:18:57,482 --> 00:19:01,034
I'’ve been wanting you
for so long.
541
00:19:01,034 --> 00:19:02,655
- Duh.
542
00:19:02,655 --> 00:19:04,689
[sultry music]
- ♪ Baby
543
00:19:04,689 --> 00:19:06,137
- [moaning]
544
00:19:06,137 --> 00:19:08,344
- Bill just has
this animal magnetism.
545
00:19:08,344 --> 00:19:10,931
- Look at the schvunker
in his shorts.
546
00:19:10,931 --> 00:19:12,448
- Ooh.
547
00:19:12,448 --> 00:19:13,862
- I can'’t believe
they shot my dick off!
548
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,724
- ♪ Baby
549
00:19:16,724 --> 00:19:19,000
[back massager vibrating]
550
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,862
- Oh, my God, he'’s--
551
00:19:20,862 --> 00:19:22,758
he'’s gonna bust, dude.
552
00:19:22,758 --> 00:19:25,620
- Oh!
Oh, God, Bill!
553
00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:28,000
Oh!
You'’re the fucking man!
554
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,103
Oh, you'’re the best!
555
00:19:30,103 --> 00:19:32,034
The best I'’ve ever had!
556
00:19:32,034 --> 00:19:34,551
Oh, never stop!
Oh!
557
00:19:34,551 --> 00:19:37,965
Never stop fucking me--e!
Oh!
558
00:19:37,965 --> 00:19:39,379
Oh, oh.
559
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,551
[nervous chuckling]
560
00:19:40,551 --> 00:19:41,965
- Whoa.
- Hot.
561
00:19:41,965 --> 00:19:43,620
- Boy got hips, don'’t he?
562
00:19:43,620 --> 00:19:46,206
- 14 times he has brought
this woman to climax.
563
00:19:46,206 --> 00:19:47,931
14 times, dude.
564
00:19:47,931 --> 00:19:50,620
- [screams]
- ♪ Baby
565
00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:52,413
- Okay, that is 15.
566
00:19:52,413 --> 00:19:53,827
That is 15.
567
00:19:53,827 --> 00:19:55,206
- All right.
Get ready.
568
00:19:55,206 --> 00:19:56,793
Here comes showtime.
569
00:19:56,793 --> 00:19:58,310
- Oh, Colleen.
570
00:19:58,310 --> 00:19:59,862
- Wait, what?
571
00:19:59,862 --> 00:20:01,344
- Oh, dude, I'’m about to
make this man jizz.
572
00:20:01,344 --> 00:20:02,931
- Wait.
573
00:20:02,931 --> 00:20:05,103
Do you think
you are about to leave?
574
00:20:05,103 --> 00:20:06,310
- Actually,
575
00:20:06,310 --> 00:20:07,379
[energetic music building]
576
00:20:07,379 --> 00:20:10,137
I think I'’m about to
577
00:20:10,137 --> 00:20:12,034
cum.
578
00:20:12,034 --> 00:20:13,517
[screams]
579
00:20:13,517 --> 00:20:16,172
[softly grunting]
580
00:20:16,172 --> 00:20:17,793
- Ohh.
He--
581
00:20:17,793 --> 00:20:18,931
Oh, my God.
- That was a lot.
582
00:20:18,931 --> 00:20:19,931
That was a lot,
that was a lot.
583
00:20:19,931 --> 00:20:22,482
- On my massager.
584
00:20:22,482 --> 00:20:24,931
- [exhales]
585
00:20:24,931 --> 00:20:26,551
[sighs]
586
00:20:28,034 --> 00:20:30,482
[office phones ringing]
587
00:20:30,482 --> 00:20:31,793
[exhales]
588
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:36,275
[sparsely dramatic music]
589
00:20:36,275 --> 00:20:38,482
♪
590
00:20:38,482 --> 00:20:39,965
- Bill,
591
00:20:39,965 --> 00:20:41,517
what are you doing?
You haven'’t left yet?
592
00:20:41,517 --> 00:20:44,862
You were supposed
to leave an hour ago.
593
00:20:44,862 --> 00:20:47,448
And what'’s on your pants?
594
00:20:47,448 --> 00:20:49,965
- Uh, milk.
595
00:20:49,965 --> 00:20:52,000
Man milk.
596
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,931
[dramatic music builds]
597
00:20:56,103 --> 00:20:57,482
- What the fuck
are you doing?
598
00:20:57,482 --> 00:20:58,689
- Nice.
599
00:21:03,551 --> 00:21:05,068
- Peep the booty.
600
00:21:05,068 --> 00:21:06,586
- [heavy breathing]
601
00:21:06,586 --> 00:21:08,758
- The stamina.
The focus.
602
00:21:08,758 --> 00:21:10,896
The way he uses his core
603
00:21:10,896 --> 00:21:13,000
to drive his pelvis.
604
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,517
- And yet, he'’s an artist.
605
00:21:14,517 --> 00:21:17,103
His dick is the brush.
39705
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