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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:10,500 - Oh, heads up, Jillian. Coffee is for closers. 2 00:00:11,333 --> 00:00:13,233 - Well, I don't even drink coffee. 3 00:00:13,333 --> 00:00:15,167 - Mm, well, actually, sweetheart, bagels-- 4 00:00:15,267 --> 00:00:16,467 also for closers. 5 00:00:16,567 --> 00:00:18,233 Mmm. That's not very good. 6 00:00:18,333 --> 00:00:20,233 - Sugar-free vanilla creamer, also for-- 7 00:00:20,333 --> 00:00:21,567 I'm sorry, I don't remember your name, 8 00:00:21,667 --> 00:00:23,200 but I think you know what I was about to say, 9 00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:25,167 and the word is "closers." 10 00:00:25,267 --> 00:00:27,633 - All right, everyone, come and have a seat, please. 11 00:00:27,733 --> 00:00:30,200 - It's for closers. - Yeah, we're closers, so... 12 00:00:30,300 --> 00:00:32,800 - All right, everyone, we have a very special guest today. 13 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,867 Let me introduce Sigourney. 14 00:00:34,967 --> 00:00:36,733 - Thank you, Alice. - You're welcome. 15 00:00:36,833 --> 00:00:39,533 - Hi, everybody. I'm Sigourney Goulet. 16 00:00:39,633 --> 00:00:42,033 Most of you know me as the product rep from MenCo. 17 00:00:42,133 --> 00:00:45,233 For years, we've had products such as... 18 00:00:45,333 --> 00:00:48,867 men's intimacy endurance spray. 19 00:00:48,967 --> 00:00:52,767 Well, we are going to just throw all of that in the trash... 20 00:00:54,767 --> 00:00:58,167 Because today we're no longer MenCo. 21 00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,733 We are now... 22 00:01:00,833 --> 00:01:02,467 FemCo! - Huh? 23 00:01:02,567 --> 00:01:04,733 - The future leaders in feminine retail. 24 00:01:04,833 --> 00:01:06,733 - That's right, ladies, huh? 25 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:09,367 - And the very first product that we're gonna bring to market 26 00:01:09,467 --> 00:01:13,067 is the Boobillow. 27 00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:17,167 The Boobillow is an ergonomic wedge-shaped pillow 28 00:01:17,267 --> 00:01:19,367 that allows very large-breasted women 29 00:01:19,467 --> 00:01:22,300 to sleep comfortably on their stomachs. 30 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,067 - [clears throat] - Yes? 31 00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:25,267 - Hi, um, question-- 32 00:01:25,367 --> 00:01:27,067 just to be clear... - Yes. 33 00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:30,533 - So you're telling us we are allowed to call women 34 00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:34,533 and talk to them about their breasts? 35 00:01:34,633 --> 00:01:38,067 - Well, yes, but when dealing with a sensitive subject-- 36 00:01:38,100 --> 00:01:40,200 [all cheering] - Cool! 37 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,133 - We finally get to talk titties at work. 38 00:01:42,233 --> 00:01:44,167 - All right! - Yeah, baby! 39 00:01:44,267 --> 00:01:46,367 - Dude, I'm gonna call my dad. - You got to. You have to. 40 00:01:46,467 --> 00:01:47,967 I'm gonna try to contact my father. 41 00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:51,067 [The Skinny Boys' "Jockbox"] 42 00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:52,067 * 43 00:01:52,133 --> 00:01:54,600 - * I'm fresh 44 00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:56,600 * You gotta, we gotta, you gotta * 45 00:01:56,700 --> 00:02:00,067 * Gotta be fresh 46 00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:02,200 - Dudes, dudes, dudes, check it out. 47 00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:04,533 I got a girl on here who wants to buy two Boobillows-- 48 00:02:04,633 --> 00:02:08,233 One for her and one for her sister with back issues. 49 00:02:08,333 --> 00:02:11,333 - Hey, that lady's back issue is giving me a front issue 50 00:02:11,433 --> 00:02:12,900 that's gonna require a ton of tissue. 51 00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:14,500 [laughter] 52 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,967 - I get it. Like ejaculation. - Yeah, to clean up. 53 00:02:17,067 --> 00:02:19,500 - Oh, dude, that is funny, dude! 54 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,400 - Yes, um, what size are your breasts? 55 00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:25,733 Are we talking kumquats or grapefruits? 56 00:02:25,833 --> 00:02:28,067 And be honest. You're on speakerphone. 57 00:02:28,167 --> 00:02:29,667 Hello? - Hello? 58 00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:31,567 - What you working with, girl? [line clicks, dial tone] 59 00:02:31,667 --> 00:02:32,933 - Okay, I think I lost her. 60 00:02:33,067 --> 00:02:34,233 [laughter] Lost another one! 61 00:02:34,333 --> 00:02:35,933 - We're gonna lose many more. 62 00:02:36,067 --> 00:02:38,067 - Oh, I thought it was gonna break. 63 00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:40,333 Oh, man, yesterday was so frickin' awesome, right? 64 00:02:40,433 --> 00:02:42,100 - Yeah. - I love my job. 65 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,133 I love my life, and dare I say I love my friends? 66 00:02:44,233 --> 00:02:45,600 - Oh, man, I love you right back. 67 00:02:45,700 --> 00:02:47,067 Dude, I got a girl's number yesterday. 68 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,500 - What? - Yeah, from my list of leads. 69 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,467 - But you got it. - Yeah, and I texted it. 70 00:02:51,567 --> 00:02:52,933 And now it's just a waiting game. 71 00:02:53,067 --> 00:02:57,600 [indistinct chatter] 72 00:02:57,700 --> 00:02:59,900 - Hey, guys, over here... 73 00:03:00,067 --> 00:03:01,333 now. 74 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,067 Well... [sighs] 75 00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:07,700 You guys were all terrible yesterday-- 76 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,867 awkward, creepy, and with total sales of zero. 77 00:03:10,967 --> 00:03:13,067 Luckily, all the saleswomen in the office killed it. 78 00:03:13,167 --> 00:03:14,767 So that's why I'm transferring more women 79 00:03:14,867 --> 00:03:17,067 from other departments to take over your call lists. 80 00:03:17,133 --> 00:03:20,067 - First they take "Ghostbusters," now our phones? 81 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:23,800 - Okay, Alice, what are we supposed to do, then, huh? 82 00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:27,133 - From this point on, all men are support staff. 83 00:03:27,233 --> 00:03:29,767 - Okay, well, she's lucky I don't have my bo staff. 84 00:03:29,867 --> 00:03:32,233 - I'm sorry. What was that? 85 00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:34,100 - Nothing. - Yeah. 86 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:37,233 - I'm sure--he was-- what you were trying to say was, 87 00:03:37,333 --> 00:03:40,767 like, if these were guy-centric products, right, 88 00:03:40,867 --> 00:03:42,367 we'd be selling the crap out of them, Alice. 89 00:03:42,467 --> 00:03:44,267 It's just this stuff, we don't-- 90 00:03:44,367 --> 00:03:46,567 Can I have one moment? - No. 91 00:03:46,667 --> 00:03:48,633 - Just give me one moment. - No--Don't touch me. Fine. 92 00:03:48,733 --> 00:03:50,800 - Just give me one moment. - Ugh. 93 00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:52,933 - I just want a moment. We just want one moment. 94 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,733 What moment are we doing? 95 00:03:54,833 --> 00:03:56,533 - We're gonna do... - We're doing that? 96 00:03:56,633 --> 00:03:57,867 - [whispering] Yes, it's fine. 97 00:03:57,967 --> 00:03:59,867 - Premature ejaculation 98 00:04:00,067 --> 00:04:04,067 is the number-one problem facing the American penis today. 99 00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:06,800 But with the male intimacy endurance spray, 100 00:04:06,900 --> 00:04:10,167 just spritz your member four times... 101 00:04:10,267 --> 00:04:11,767 [bottle spraying] 102 00:04:11,867 --> 00:04:13,600 - Close it down. Get underneath. 103 00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:16,567 - And I guess it'll take a few seconds to kick in. 104 00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:19,100 - He just touched his ding-dong. - Ticktock, ticktock. 105 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,067 Adam, go ahead and kick me in the dads. 106 00:04:21,100 --> 00:04:23,433 It's show-and-tell, baby. - Really? 107 00:04:23,533 --> 00:04:25,067 - Yeah, man, we're selling these people. 108 00:04:25,167 --> 00:04:26,533 MenCo. 109 00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:29,567 [groans] - Ow, you spit your gum. 110 00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:31,567 That was awesome. That was cool. 111 00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:33,267 - Another satisfied customer. 112 00:04:33,367 --> 00:04:34,900 - I'd like to give it a shot. - [grunts loudly] 113 00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:37,833 - [laughing] 114 00:04:37,933 --> 00:04:39,533 I'm left-handed. 115 00:04:39,633 --> 00:04:41,733 - [straining] And I'm all good. I'm fine. 116 00:04:41,833 --> 00:04:43,200 - Dragon Punch! Dragon Punch! 117 00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:45,700 [bell dings on cell phone] Whoa. 118 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,067 - Whoa, did you time out that ding? 119 00:04:47,133 --> 00:04:48,700 - No, I think somebody got a text. 120 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:50,567 - That was incredible! - Put them on vibrate, please. 121 00:04:50,667 --> 00:04:52,767 - Yeah, put them on vibrate. This is a presentation. 122 00:04:52,867 --> 00:04:54,733 - So do you want us to get on the phones now or...? 123 00:04:54,833 --> 00:04:56,367 - No. But I am going to sleep better at night, 124 00:04:56,467 --> 00:04:58,100 knowing that you can't have children now. 125 00:04:58,200 --> 00:04:59,533 - Ooh. 126 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:00,967 - Okay, Alice. 127 00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,633 Hello. Excuse me. 128 00:05:02,733 --> 00:05:04,667 - I need my first cup of coffee ever, immediately. 129 00:05:04,767 --> 00:05:07,467 - Blake, you heard her. Go get some coffee. 130 00:05:07,567 --> 00:05:09,533 - Are we gonna get those leads anytime soon? 131 00:05:09,633 --> 00:05:11,300 - Go fetch, Stretch. Move it. 132 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,633 - Okay, Alice, hey, real quick, 133 00:05:13,733 --> 00:05:16,500 I know that Jillian is on the phones now, 134 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,467 so you will need a new assistant, right? 135 00:05:18,567 --> 00:05:20,633 - You know what? Fine. I will think about it. 136 00:05:20,733 --> 00:05:22,833 But for now, you're a floater. 137 00:05:22,933 --> 00:05:25,833 - Ew. Was that a poop joke? 138 00:05:25,933 --> 00:05:27,900 - No, of course not. - [sighs] 139 00:05:28,067 --> 00:05:31,467 Okay, good, 'cause just know that I hate poop jokes. 140 00:05:31,567 --> 00:05:33,533 All right, this is working out great so far. 141 00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:36,567 * 142 00:05:39,233 --> 00:05:41,533 * 143 00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:44,700 - Hey, gals, check out my new assistant. 144 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,867 - Oh, hey, uh, is it garbage day? 145 00:05:46,967 --> 00:05:49,067 'Cause, uh, it looks like someone took the junk 146 00:05:49,167 --> 00:05:50,400 out of your pants. 147 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,067 [laughter] 148 00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:54,300 - But, hey, peep that caboose. 149 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:55,733 - Oh. - Ooh. 150 00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:57,900 - Oops. - Uh-oh. 151 00:05:58,067 --> 00:06:00,733 - Whoopsy-daisy. Could you get it for me, Blake? 152 00:06:00,833 --> 00:06:03,767 - Of course. Of course. - Thanks, Blake. 153 00:06:03,867 --> 00:06:05,567 - [grunts] 154 00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:09,067 - Ooh. Okay, turn, so I can see. 155 00:06:09,167 --> 00:06:12,067 Turn, turn, yeah. Turn--And pivot. 156 00:06:12,133 --> 00:06:15,367 - Oh, yeah. - That's where it's at. 157 00:06:15,467 --> 00:06:17,233 [laughter] - Lower. 158 00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:18,567 - Excuse me? 159 00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:20,300 - Lower. - Yeah. 160 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:21,967 - And now in. - In? 161 00:06:22,067 --> 00:06:23,267 - Yeah. In, but down. 162 00:06:23,367 --> 00:06:25,133 No, no, no, spread the legs more. 163 00:06:25,233 --> 00:06:27,133 Spread as much as you can. - I'm--Yeah, that's about-- 164 00:06:27,233 --> 00:06:29,200 - And now just-- and now just [bleep] it. 165 00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:31,267 - Okay. - Now just [bleep] the ground. 166 00:06:31,367 --> 00:06:33,533 - Okay. - Pop it! Pop it! 167 00:06:33,633 --> 00:06:36,933 Pop it and dip it in! In! In! 168 00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:39,133 In! 169 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,467 I'm done. - What? 170 00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:44,333 - You can leave now. - All right, sorry. 171 00:06:46,533 --> 00:06:49,267 - [chuckles] Hello, ladies, got some hot, fresh leads for you. 172 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,633 - Oh, yeah, for us? 173 00:06:50,733 --> 00:06:52,367 'Cause we do your job now, right? 174 00:06:52,467 --> 00:06:55,133 - Anyway, if you guys ever wanted any pointers, sisters, 175 00:06:55,233 --> 00:06:56,833 feel free to bend my ear, and-- 176 00:06:56,933 --> 00:06:58,600 - Oh, please enlighten us. 177 00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:00,500 - Yeah, that'd be great. 178 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,167 - Make a sa-- Oh, cool, yeah. 179 00:07:02,267 --> 00:07:03,700 I'll make a sale. Yeah, I mean-- - Oh, yeah, come on. 180 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,533 - Yeah, I want to see that. See what you got. 181 00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:07,100 - Watch how it's done. - We haven't been able to. 182 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,833 - Yeah, okay, can I call Marcia? Is that cool? 183 00:07:09,933 --> 00:07:11,667 - Yeah, Marcia's next. 184 00:07:11,767 --> 00:07:13,600 - I'm actually not getting a dial tone. 185 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,500 That's weird. 186 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:18,700 - Could be because you're not a salesman, bitch. 187 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:19,933 Now get! 188 00:07:20,067 --> 00:07:22,500 [laughter] 189 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:25,900 - You didn't even plug it in? - No, it wasn't plugged in. 190 00:07:26,067 --> 00:07:27,767 - [all speaking at once] 191 00:07:27,867 --> 00:07:31,500 [laughter] 192 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,267 - Good afternoon, ladies! 193 00:07:34,367 --> 00:07:35,900 Chocolate for you, chocolate for you. 194 00:07:36,067 --> 00:07:37,767 Sorry about the new attire. 195 00:07:37,867 --> 00:07:39,267 I spilled a little coffee on myself. 196 00:07:39,367 --> 00:07:41,567 Had to borrow a spare from my main man, Rob. 197 00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:43,333 Ooh! 198 00:07:43,433 --> 00:07:45,900 Hey, just let me know if you need anything from me 199 00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:47,900 using my strength or my muscles. 200 00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:50,967 Fresh mail. Hot off the boat. - Thank you. 201 00:07:51,067 --> 00:07:52,667 - Hey, I know what you're thinking-- 202 00:07:52,767 --> 00:07:57,100 "Is this guy Alice Murphy assistant material?" 203 00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:00,533 Well, I'm about to prove to you that I would. 204 00:08:02,067 --> 00:08:04,500 Excuse me, sales angels! 205 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:08,633 I've arranged a special beef tenderloin lunch 206 00:08:08,733 --> 00:08:13,067 that I will be serving myself in the break room at noon. 207 00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:15,733 Who's hungry? Thank you. 208 00:08:15,833 --> 00:08:17,500 Thank you very much. Thank you. 209 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,700 Thank you very much. Thank you. 210 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,833 If you feed 'em at work, they won't take an hour for lunch. 211 00:08:22,933 --> 00:08:25,067 - Oh, I never suspected you had a brain. 212 00:08:25,167 --> 00:08:28,067 - I just want to use my muscles and my mind 213 00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:30,700 and open up shop right here and be your number-one guy, 214 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,167 using my muscles and my mind. 215 00:08:33,267 --> 00:08:35,067 - All right, well, I'll think about it. 216 00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:38,233 But for now, let's just keep you at my, like, number-20 guy. 217 00:08:38,333 --> 00:08:40,967 - I'll live with that. 218 00:08:41,067 --> 00:08:43,867 - Ah, these women, my gosh. 219 00:08:43,967 --> 00:08:45,867 Can't live with 'em, can't... 220 00:08:45,967 --> 00:08:47,700 [urine splashing] [sighs] 221 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,500 Have sex with 'em, 'cause they don't like me. 222 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,467 Whatever. 223 00:08:55,567 --> 00:08:57,200 - Hey, Blake. 224 00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:58,800 - Jillian? 225 00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:01,333 - Keep "potty-ing." 226 00:09:01,433 --> 00:09:04,367 Hey, you know what I was thinking? 227 00:09:04,467 --> 00:09:06,133 You would look so much prettier 228 00:09:06,233 --> 00:09:08,433 if you wore your hair up in a bun. 229 00:09:08,533 --> 00:09:12,167 Oh, the nape of your neck is so elegant. 230 00:09:12,267 --> 00:09:14,433 You know what, Blake? 231 00:09:14,533 --> 00:09:16,100 I like a man bun... 232 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,300 Up top and on bottom. 233 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:20,967 - [gasps] 234 00:09:21,067 --> 00:09:24,333 - So shake-a da wee-wee off-a da pee-pee 235 00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:27,167 and go get me a coffee. 236 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,567 [moans] 237 00:09:37,267 --> 00:09:39,333 - She gone? 238 00:09:39,433 --> 00:09:40,600 - Who's in here? 239 00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:42,333 [toilet flushes] 240 00:09:42,433 --> 00:09:44,133 - You can't stand for that bull[bleep]! 241 00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:46,667 It's time to fight back for men's rights. 242 00:09:46,767 --> 00:09:48,600 - I can't fight a woman, Bill. 243 00:09:48,700 --> 00:09:50,133 She'd kick my ass. 244 00:09:50,233 --> 00:09:51,800 - Well, you know what I'd do? 245 00:09:51,900 --> 00:09:55,167 Poo in a plastic bag, flatten it out like a pancake, 246 00:09:55,267 --> 00:09:57,500 stick it in the freezer for a few hours. 247 00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,600 You know how those bitches always leave their windows 248 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,300 cracked open in the Rancho heat? 249 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:05,167 You slide the poo disc through Jillian's window, 250 00:10:05,267 --> 00:10:08,000 and when she gets into her car after work, 251 00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:12,200 she's got a poo puddle waiting for her. 252 00:10:14,567 --> 00:10:16,100 - That's insane, Bill. 253 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,100 - I've got a poo disc in the freezer, if you want it? 254 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,167 - Oh, my gosh, I thought that was 255 00:10:21,267 --> 00:10:22,900 a Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage. - Nope. 256 00:10:29,867 --> 00:10:31,633 - Superglue for a super bitch. 257 00:10:39,433 --> 00:10:40,400 What up? 258 00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:41,833 - Jillian says she needs you 259 00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:44,233 to come tuck her napkin into her shirt. 260 00:10:44,333 --> 00:10:46,033 - Of course, yes. 261 00:10:46,133 --> 00:10:48,333 She asked me to tidy up as well, which I'm doing, 262 00:10:48,433 --> 00:10:51,633 and, also, I'm making a personal call to my father. 263 00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:54,567 - Okay. 264 00:10:54,667 --> 00:10:56,867 - Okay, bye. 265 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,267 Oh, shoot. 266 00:11:01,767 --> 00:11:03,467 Ah! 267 00:11:03,567 --> 00:11:05,467 Ow! Ow! Ow! 268 00:11:05,567 --> 00:11:07,967 - Hey, buddy. A little medium raw, please. 269 00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:09,933 - Loin is for closers only. 270 00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:12,100 - It is. Loin's for closers. 271 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,267 There you go. Enjoy the loin. 272 00:11:14,367 --> 00:11:15,500 Sorry, honey. 273 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,100 - Come on, man. They've all eaten. 274 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,900 There's, like, a ton of leftover loin. 275 00:11:19,067 --> 00:11:21,967 - Mm, in fact, there's no leftover loin. Ders... 276 00:11:22,067 --> 00:11:23,667 [whispering] Know your place. 277 00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,600 - Have you forgotten what's it's like to make a sale? 278 00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:28,467 - I don't remember anything before putting on this apron 279 00:11:28,567 --> 00:11:31,300 and getting the attention of a lifetime. 280 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,800 - Good luck with that. 281 00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:35,200 Wow. - Bye! 282 00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:39,467 - [sighs] 283 00:11:39,567 --> 00:11:42,700 It's good to be back. 284 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,067 Hello, ma'am? 285 00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:45,733 Hi. Uh, my name's Anders Holmvik, 286 00:11:45,833 --> 00:11:48,067 and I'm calling to talk to you about your blobs. I-- 287 00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:51,967 Sorry. I'm calling to talk to you about your knock-wobbles. 288 00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:53,967 Sorry. I'm calling to talk to you 289 00:11:54,067 --> 00:11:55,067 about your chest bombs, ma'am, 290 00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:56,533 I mean-- 291 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,533 I'm just calling to talk to you about your tits. 292 00:11:58,633 --> 00:11:59,733 [dial tone] 293 00:11:59,833 --> 00:12:00,867 Hello? 294 00:12:00,967 --> 00:12:03,133 You stupid, dumb dick. 295 00:12:03,233 --> 00:12:05,067 Aah! 296 00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:13,600 Wait a second. 297 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:16,067 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 298 00:12:16,133 --> 00:12:18,467 [bottle spraying] Just-- 299 00:12:18,567 --> 00:12:21,767 [inhales sharply] You can do this. 300 00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:24,200 It's not bad, actually. 301 00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:25,433 * * 302 00:12:25,533 --> 00:12:29,467 - * He's insane 303 00:12:29,567 --> 00:12:31,933 * 304 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:36,733 - Hey, gals, got a tasty bit of trivia. 305 00:12:36,833 --> 00:12:38,567 It turns out that, uh, Jillian here 306 00:12:38,667 --> 00:12:41,867 has quite the embarrassing tattoo. 307 00:12:41,967 --> 00:12:44,567 - No, I--no, I don't. - Yes. 308 00:12:44,667 --> 00:12:45,967 - You have a real tattoo? 309 00:12:46,067 --> 00:12:48,233 - You guys want-- you want to see it? 310 00:12:48,333 --> 00:12:49,600 - Yes. - Yeah! 311 00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:51,233 - All right, fine. I'll show you. Fine. 312 00:12:51,333 --> 00:12:52,867 I'll show it to you too, Blake... 313 00:12:52,967 --> 00:12:54,100 - Oh, good. - Since you're so interested. 314 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:55,367 Ladies... 315 00:12:55,467 --> 00:12:57,267 can you unzip? 316 00:12:57,367 --> 00:12:58,767 - This ought to be real good. 317 00:12:58,867 --> 00:13:00,667 Whoa. - Whoa! 318 00:13:00,767 --> 00:13:03,267 - It's big. - Jillian, that is badass. 319 00:13:03,367 --> 00:13:04,767 I had no idea. 320 00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,700 - No, it's not badass. It's embarrassing. 321 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,967 I wanted the same tat as my granddaddy, 322 00:13:09,067 --> 00:13:11,633 and I took the photo in to show the tattoo artist, 323 00:13:11,733 --> 00:13:14,767 and he just--he messed up, and he tattooed the whole photo. 324 00:13:14,867 --> 00:13:19,067 - Polaroids are a throwback, and that means that is dope. 325 00:13:19,167 --> 00:13:20,833 - Girl, you got a throwback back. 326 00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:23,333 - You really think so? both: Yeah. 327 00:13:23,433 --> 00:13:25,100 - You guys are dope. - You are. 328 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,100 - You're dope. [laughter] 329 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:29,367 - Could you zip me up? 330 00:13:29,467 --> 00:13:30,733 Thanks, sisters. 331 00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:33,767 Sister! [laughter] 332 00:13:36,067 --> 00:13:38,600 Did you come at me? 333 00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:40,667 I will fudging end you. 334 00:13:40,767 --> 00:13:44,667 I will rip off your head and fudge it down your neck. 335 00:13:44,767 --> 00:13:48,100 - Okay, all right, all right. All right, sorry. 336 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,400 [laughter] 337 00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:53,333 [phone dialing] 338 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,733 [line trilling] 339 00:13:55,833 --> 00:13:57,333 - [exhales deeply] 340 00:13:57,433 --> 00:13:59,700 Hello, hi, uh, yes, uh, Mrs. Wilson? 341 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,633 How are you? 342 00:14:01,733 --> 00:14:04,600 My name's Anders Holmvik, and I'm calling to tell you how 343 00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:06,167 how the Boobillow breast pillow rest 344 00:14:06,267 --> 00:14:08,467 is going to change your life. 345 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,267 I made a sale. 346 00:14:11,367 --> 00:14:13,233 Phyllis Wilson--34F. 347 00:14:13,333 --> 00:14:17,367 But I neutralized my sexuality, so I don't care. 348 00:14:17,467 --> 00:14:18,700 - Is this true, Jillian? 349 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,233 - Um, Phyllis Wilson, you said? 350 00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:24,067 Um, no, I made that sale this morning. 351 00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:25,733 He's a liar. - No, I'm not. 352 00:14:25,833 --> 00:14:28,667 I'm not lying, okay? I have nothing to lie about. 353 00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:31,333 - Yeah, I, like, almost cared for two seconds. 354 00:14:31,433 --> 00:14:32,867 - [chuckles] Right? - No, no. 355 00:14:32,967 --> 00:14:34,700 But I sprayed the stuff, so I can't feel a thing. 356 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:36,333 - Did you feel that? 357 00:14:36,433 --> 00:14:39,467 - No. Not down there. 358 00:14:39,567 --> 00:14:41,067 But, yeah. 359 00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:42,667 Yeah, up here. 360 00:14:42,767 --> 00:14:45,633 - One! Two! 361 00:14:45,733 --> 00:14:48,867 all: Three! Four! Five! - Aah! 362 00:14:48,967 --> 00:14:51,233 Oh! Aah! 363 00:14:51,333 --> 00:14:54,067 [chuckles] I cramped up there. 364 00:14:54,133 --> 00:14:55,867 - Very good, Adam. 365 00:14:55,967 --> 00:14:58,067 That's very strong. - Very strong. Thank you. 366 00:14:58,167 --> 00:14:59,633 - All right, listen up, everybody. 367 00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:03,067 Sales of the Boobillow have been so amazing 368 00:15:03,167 --> 00:15:06,433 that I just signed a contract with FemCo 369 00:15:06,533 --> 00:15:09,533 to sell their products exclusively. 370 00:15:09,633 --> 00:15:13,833 Which means these kick-ass office changes are permanent! 371 00:15:13,933 --> 00:15:16,067 [women cheering] - Oh, my God! 372 00:15:16,133 --> 00:15:18,700 Oh, my God! 373 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,833 - Hey, psst. - Jesus. 374 00:15:20,933 --> 00:15:22,500 - Come on in here. 375 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,867 Go. He's coming. He's coming. - I know. Okay. 376 00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:26,533 - These women have to be stopped, all right? 377 00:15:26,633 --> 00:15:28,067 I can't take this anymore. - It's true, man. 378 00:15:28,133 --> 00:15:29,833 Jillian is a monster. 379 00:15:29,933 --> 00:15:32,800 Mere seconds ago, she told me she wanted to butt-fudge me 380 00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:34,467 in the mouth or something. 381 00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:37,600 I don't know. - Ow! Ow, my eyes! They hurt! 382 00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:40,767 They hurt from how ugly you are when you complain. 383 00:15:40,867 --> 00:15:44,467 This is, like, an amazing time to be a man. 384 00:15:44,567 --> 00:15:46,800 Finally we get "oogled" and ogled 385 00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:49,200 and--and get sexualized. 386 00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:51,200 - I mean, he did always love that. 387 00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:52,967 - Yeah, but he also loved sales. 388 00:15:53,067 --> 00:15:55,533 - Guys, women rule the world, 389 00:15:55,633 --> 00:15:58,067 and it's time that we accept that. 390 00:15:58,133 --> 00:16:00,167 Let's be on the right side of histor-she. 391 00:16:00,267 --> 00:16:01,667 - No. - What did you just say? 392 00:16:01,767 --> 00:16:03,900 - Histor-she. - No, no, no, no, no. 393 00:16:04,067 --> 00:16:05,233 That is not the word. 394 00:16:05,333 --> 00:16:06,700 It is his-story. - Adam... 395 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,667 - [grunts] Miss Murphy, I got you 396 00:16:08,767 --> 00:16:11,067 a warm, steaming travel mug 397 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:13,933 of Darjeeling Limited Edition Tazo tea. 398 00:16:14,067 --> 00:16:16,500 - Yeah, you can just put that down anywhere, Adam. 399 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,133 [tray clatters] 400 00:16:18,233 --> 00:16:20,133 - What's going on here? Is he assaulting you? 401 00:16:20,233 --> 00:16:22,733 Do I need to frickin' throw down right now? 402 00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:24,167 Is that what I need to do? 403 00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:25,900 - Okay, cut it out, Adam. 404 00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:27,267 Gil is my new assistant. 405 00:16:27,367 --> 00:16:31,167 - [laughing] 406 00:16:31,267 --> 00:16:32,633 [stammering] 407 00:16:32,733 --> 00:16:35,167 What kind of massaging are you even doing, Gil? 408 00:16:35,267 --> 00:16:37,433 You don't even know massaging. What kind of massaging is that? 409 00:16:37,533 --> 00:16:39,067 - Foot. 410 00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:40,933 - That makes sense. 411 00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:42,733 I thought I was your number one. 412 00:16:42,833 --> 00:16:45,933 - Yeah, well, right now you're acting like a number two. 413 00:16:46,067 --> 00:16:48,133 [soothing traditional Asian music playing] 414 00:16:48,233 --> 00:16:49,967 - Was that a poop joke? 415 00:16:50,067 --> 00:16:52,467 [dramatic music] - Yep. 416 00:16:52,567 --> 00:16:57,500 * 417 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,067 - [squeals] 418 00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:02,333 [ice clacking] 419 00:17:04,133 --> 00:17:06,200 - I got to say something. 420 00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:07,400 Yeah, yeah. - No, do it. 421 00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,800 - [clears throat] Ahem! Ahem! 422 00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:12,567 I wanted to just say something to the women of this office, 423 00:17:12,667 --> 00:17:16,267 and that is that I think things need to change, 424 00:17:16,367 --> 00:17:18,267 if that's okay. 425 00:17:18,367 --> 00:17:20,800 [laughter] - No, no, no, he's right. 426 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:23,633 Because the way you are treating us is like used meat, 427 00:17:23,733 --> 00:17:24,800 and we're not meat. 428 00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:26,933 We're men... with feelings. 429 00:17:27,067 --> 00:17:28,300 Treat us thusly. 430 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,467 - Whoops. 431 00:17:30,567 --> 00:17:33,067 Oh, I dropped my popcorn. 432 00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:35,300 I guess you guys are gonna have to come pick it up. 433 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,267 - Yeah, whoo! - Pick it all up. 434 00:17:37,367 --> 00:17:39,967 [laughter and cat-calling] 435 00:17:40,067 --> 00:17:41,900 - It's not gonna do it itself. 436 00:17:42,067 --> 00:17:43,367 Oh, missed a spot. 437 00:17:43,467 --> 00:17:44,933 - We haven't even started, Jillian. 438 00:17:45,067 --> 00:17:47,067 - Oh, hey, would it be easier 439 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,967 if you took your tops off? 440 00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:51,800 [women cheer] 441 00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:53,933 - Show me your titties! [sad music] 442 00:17:54,067 --> 00:17:55,433 [women cheer] 443 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,233 all: Unbutton your buttons! 444 00:17:57,333 --> 00:17:59,900 Unbutton your buttons! Unbutton your buttons! 445 00:18:00,067 --> 00:18:02,333 Unbutton your buttons! Unbutton your buttons! 446 00:18:02,433 --> 00:18:04,667 - Stand up! Cover yourselves! 447 00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:10,100 What is wrong with you women? 448 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:15,067 For days, we've been held down by the matriarchy... 449 00:18:15,167 --> 00:18:16,700 which is a word I recently looked up, 450 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,233 and it means when women control things. 451 00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:21,767 We are not gonna stand by 452 00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:24,833 and be harassed and controlled by you... 453 00:18:24,933 --> 00:18:29,067 'cause men are invaluable, 454 00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:31,533 and we should be treated as such. 455 00:18:31,633 --> 00:18:32,767 [buttons pop] 456 00:18:32,867 --> 00:18:34,567 [women gasp, cheer] 457 00:18:34,667 --> 00:18:38,167 - No! No! That wasn't-- I'm not a piece of meat! 458 00:18:38,267 --> 00:18:42,067 I'm not a piece of meat! 459 00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:44,200 Just as women... 460 00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:47,500 burned bras in the '70s to be hot, 461 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:51,567 I shall burn this Boobillow for men's rights! 462 00:18:51,667 --> 00:18:54,500 To infinity and beyond! 463 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,067 Men rule. Men-- - Whoa! 464 00:18:57,100 --> 00:19:00,067 [all shouting] 465 00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:04,233 - Fire! - Fire! 466 00:19:04,333 --> 00:19:07,067 - Fire! Watch it! 467 00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:09,300 - [screaming] 468 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,267 - Where's Sigourney? 469 00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:13,467 - Oh, she's still in there! Oh, my God, where's Sigourney? 470 00:19:13,567 --> 00:19:15,133 - All right, women, shut up and stand back. 471 00:19:15,233 --> 00:19:17,467 Heroism is man business. 472 00:19:17,567 --> 00:19:20,400 - That's right-- shut up and stand--stand back 473 00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:22,767 and--and grab on to your tampon string. 474 00:19:22,867 --> 00:19:24,300 - Yeah, everybody shut up, 475 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:25,900 'cause the men are about to s-save the day. 476 00:19:26,067 --> 00:19:27,800 - Yeah. Here we go. - Save the day. 477 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,833 - That's what we're gonna do. - All right, save the day! 478 00:19:29,933 --> 00:19:31,467 - Men doing men stuff! - We got this. 479 00:19:31,567 --> 00:19:33,467 - All right. - Whoa! 480 00:19:33,567 --> 00:19:34,633 [fire alarm bell ringing] 481 00:19:34,733 --> 00:19:36,467 - Be careful. 482 00:19:36,567 --> 00:19:40,833 - Everyone's out. Everyone's safe. 483 00:19:40,933 --> 00:19:42,433 - Guys? - Sigourney? 484 00:19:42,533 --> 00:19:44,300 - Help! 485 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:51,067 * 486 00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:52,333 - Oh, thank God. 487 00:19:52,433 --> 00:19:54,467 - My beautiful boys are in there! Save them! 488 00:19:54,567 --> 00:19:58,567 - [screams, shuddering] 489 00:19:58,667 --> 00:20:02,000 [suspenseful music] 490 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,900 [Ders and Adam coughing] 491 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,333 - Are you okay? Are you okay? 492 00:20:07,433 --> 00:20:09,833 - We're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay. 493 00:20:09,933 --> 00:20:11,233 - [coughs] I'm good. 494 00:20:11,333 --> 00:20:12,733 - You want to know why we're okay? 495 00:20:12,833 --> 00:20:15,633 Because we were saved by some guys. 496 00:20:15,733 --> 00:20:18,433 - Yeah, some real manly male fire-men. 497 00:20:18,533 --> 00:20:20,000 - That's right. - That is right. 498 00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:21,400 Yeah. 499 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:24,133 - No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 500 00:20:24,233 --> 00:20:26,467 - Oh, yes! 501 00:20:26,567 --> 00:20:28,467 - Yes! - Dudes! 502 00:20:28,567 --> 00:20:30,233 - That's what I'm talking about. 503 00:20:30,333 --> 00:20:33,100 Thanks, man. Good stuff, good stuff. 504 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:37,433 - Well, everyone, I would love to be able to fire Adam 505 00:20:37,533 --> 00:20:39,167 for setting the office on fire, 506 00:20:39,267 --> 00:20:42,800 but, unfortunately, FemCo is taking full responsibility, 507 00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:45,300 because the Boobillows were so highly flammable. 508 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,700 - Whoo! 509 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:48,733 - Everyone will resume their normal jobs. 510 00:20:48,833 --> 00:20:50,067 Thanks, [bleep]-tard. 511 00:20:50,167 --> 00:20:51,667 - You're welcome. I'm here to help. 512 00:20:51,767 --> 00:20:54,667 - Whoa, heads up. Coffee's for closers. 513 00:20:54,767 --> 00:20:56,867 - Actually, I quit coffee. 514 00:20:56,967 --> 00:20:59,400 I mean, sure, the caffeine turned me into a sales beast 515 00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:01,767 that made me enough money to fix my back tat, but-- 516 00:21:01,867 --> 00:21:03,767 I sure will miss that cubicle, though. 517 00:21:03,867 --> 00:21:06,800 [chuckles] - Yeah. 518 00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:08,600 [boing] 519 00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:10,633 - Nice. 520 00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:17,833 - [sobbing, shuddering] 521 00:21:21,667 --> 00:21:23,767 [man snickers] 522 00:21:23,867 --> 00:21:26,800 [stifled laughter] 37520

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