All language subtitles for Workaholics.S06E02.Meth.Head.Actor.1080p.Amazon.WEB-DL.DD_2.0.H.264-QOQ_track3_[eng]

- [coughing]
All right, guys.

Put some pep in your step,

'cause I want to get
some good seats.

Whoo!
- Yeah, dude.

Hey, no spoilers,
but this thing's

supposed to have it all.

Blood, sugar,
sex, magic.

- Hey, if you guys figure
it out, do not tell me,

because I want to be surprised.

Sometimes I don't figure it out

until the ride home or until
a few hours later.

Or honestly, sometimes
it helps if you guys

just tell me what happened.

- Uh, my man,

three for
"The People vs. Dom Dierkes"

murder trial, please,
and we're students.

- Uh, guys, we don't have
a student discount,

and we don't sell tickets.

- Oh, okay.
- Also, and I don't feel like

doing this, but you aren't
giving me a choice.

I have to arrest you.

- Yeah, I don't think so, man.
I didn't vote.

So I don't think
I could be arrested.

- I can smell you
through the glass.

You have a joint
behind your ear.

- Do I?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, that's my bad.
- Jesus.

- And that guy
is holding a bong.

- Oh.

This actually isn't a bong.

It is...Kombucha.

- Drink it.

- Some new--new age stuff.
- Yeah.

- Yoga people drink it,
so--and I'm one of them.

- Yeah.
- Uh-huh, yeah.

- It's thick.

[The Skinny Boys' "Jock Box"]

*

- * I'm fresh

* You gotta, you gotta,
you gotta *

* Gotta be fresh

- Mr. DeMamp,

you've got more DUIs than
my grandson can count up to.

- Oh, no.

Did he have,
like, an accident?

'Cause I heard--like,

this one construction worker
got a bolt in his head,

and then he couldn't count.

- He's three, you dummy.

Now, my point is,

that the only thing
you've accomplished

is getting arrested
for being an idiot.

Is that what you want
your legacy to be?

And you,

you look like every other

self-centered,
dope-smoking kid with your--

with your cool T-shirt
and your pervert mustache.

- I look weird without it,
but thank you

for the compliment
on the T-shirt.

That's very sweet of you.

- When was the last time

you did something
for someone else

rather than smoking
that damn hashish?

And you, you look like

you could actually be
an upstanding citizen.

- Thank you.

- What do you want to do
with your life, son?

- Uh, well, sir, one day
I hope to be city councilman.

- Well, there's a war
on drugs out there,

and you're on
the wrong side of it.

I want the three of you

to go to a
Narcotics Anonymous meeting,

and perhaps getting
a firsthand look at how drugs

rip people's lives apart
will do you some good.

- Thank you,
honorable Judge "Browntown."

- Judge, I just
want you to know

I'm gonna
take full advantage

of these N.A. classes.

- Well, I'm glad
to hear that, son.

- Yeah, I'm gonna go undercover

and sniff out some
primo intel for you.

Hopefully we can put
an end to this Rancho drug war

once and for all, right?

- Do not do that.

- Right...
side of the law.

I'm doing it, yeah.
- No, don't.

- [sighs]
I need to smoke some weed.

- Court-mandated meetings,
am I right?

What are you in for, bud?

- Ah, I'm actually just
observing the meeting.

I'm a journalist.

- Oh, well,
I dream journal, so--

- No, I'm--I'm a reporter
for "VICE" magazine.

I'm writing a story
about meth abuse.

To be perfectly honest,
I'm looking for an addict

that would agree
to be profiled.

See you guys in the meeting.

[gentle chimes playing]

- Yes, you will.

- Got a large group tonight.

- Whoo!
Yeah, recovery!

- Welcome, my name's Tim,

and, uh, when I first
walked through the doors--

- Dude, I just figured out

what I'm gonna do to, like,
have my legacy be badass.

My face on the cover
of "VICE" magazine.

- Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

But the only thing is,

is that guy wants
a crazy meth head.

- Mm-hmm.

- You just occasionally
smoke weed.

- Except for every day
and at night, also.

- Yeah, I'm just saying,
all you've ever done is weed

and, you know,
beer and mushrooms

and acid and, you know,
ecstasy, Molly...

- Mm-hmm, yeah.
- Some lean, sizzurp.

- Yep.
- But other than that...

- Did you say something?

Would you like
to come up and share?

- I'm--I'm cool.
I'm not an addict.

- [scoffs]
Okay.

If that's what
your heart believes.

- Come on!

I don't have
a problem, okay?

I'm fine!

Can we go, please?
I need to smoke a bowl.

- No, I'm gonna stay here.
I have work to do.

- Okay, yeah,
I gotta go.

I gotta get some fresh air
really quick.

[chill music]

*

- Dang, what's up
with all these snacks?

[awkward laugh]

What's up, man?
I'm Shaunders.

Good to meet you, dude.

Can you believe
these marks in there?

Talking about,
"I wanna get high."

"I wish I was still high."

[bleep], go get high!

Know what I mean?
But I'll tell you what.

I, uh, probably
gonna need something

a little stronger
than this coffee

if I'ma get through this
meeting; for real, though.

Do you have a hookup?

- Are you seriously asking me
for drugs at a N.A. meeting?

- Did I stutter?

- Dude, I've been sober
for eight months.

- Oh, you gonna take it
personal, okay.

Please, man, you look
like a old-ass,

whack Peter Pan,
so, like, [buzzes].

- Hey, "fyi,"

normally what I say here,
I want to stay here,

but if any of this lands
in "VICE" magazine...

- I'm actually
looking for someone

who's in the grip of addiction,
struggling to get out.

You seem like you're getting
your life together.

Linda:
My name is Linda.

I went to that bar,
Ed's Jug House, to score,

and I left my kids
alone in the car.

Social Services
took them from me,

and now I just want
to see my kids again.

[crying]

- [crying]

Oh, God!

Oh, you could sit down,
'cause that actually--

sit down right now--
'cause that inspired me.

I recently lost myself
to meth once again,

and just like this girl
who seems like

she has it all together now

and is fully
on the road to recovery,

I was also at Ed's Jug House,

and I...

I ate a puppy.

And on top
of that, I, uh...

sucked a bunch of [bleep].

I'm good at it,
so I could just

really get in there
and just...

[gagging]

Big ones, small ones,
girthy ones,

ones that looked like
it had, like, alopecia.

And that's my story.

[chill music]

- Did I miss anything?

Psych!
I hate this shit.

I'm out the game.
It's been a long time.

I'm trying to hop back in,
so I'm wondering

if you got any connects.

- It ain't smart to be
asking questions about Zippo.

- Zip--Zippo?
You say Zippo?

You tell Zippo...

Shaunders.

- Just need a smoke, man.

Jeez, get off my back.

- I can't--I can't--
I can't do this.

- Mr. Buckley?

- Yeah--no.

- [laughing]
It is you!

- What?
Oh, hi.

- Wow, Mr. Buckley, hey.
- Can I help you?

- I haven't seen you
since drama camp.

It's me, it's Blake Henderson.
- Oh, yes.

- I, uh, I was Lenny's, uh,
understudy's backup's stand-in.

- Okay, yes, yeah,
and you were wonderful.

Wonderful performance.
- What are you doing?

You, uh, going--
going into the meeting, or...?

- I just can't seem
to drag myself in there.

They're such dreaded affairs,
aren't they?

- Well, now that I
have you here,

I'd love to just pick your brain
about acting, right?

Get it--just write it
in my little notebook.

- Well, write this down.

- All right.

- "Give it up."

- What, you quit?

I mean, you're like,
basically the main reason

I am an actor, I mean,

ever since I saw
the play you wrote,

uh, "McBreath."

- I curse you,
Jen D'Angelo.

- Yeah!
- Yes, I wrote it, yeah.

Um, I'm afraid there was
a little bit of an incident

at my last run of
"Hedwig and the Angry Inch"

at the Rancho Playhouse.

And I really don't
want to talk about it,

but it was good
to see you.

- Oh, my gosh, what happened?

I know you don't want
to talk about it,

but what happened?

- Several of the actors refused

to call me by
my character's name offstage,

which,
for a method actor as I am--

that was unacceptable.

- Oh, right.
- I wound up...

striking several
of those children...

repeatedly.

- Oh, that's dumb.

- Yeah, I know, I--

- I mean, of the kids.

- Yes, and then of course once
acting was taken away from me,

I turned to drugs.

They were the only thing
that gave me that high

that once, the stage gave me.

- You know, I want
to do you a favor.

- Thank you.

- All right.
Excuse me, Linda--

- No, hey, hey!
Hey, so you probably

want to write that article
about me, right?

After you heard the shocking
and scandalous tale

that I just...spoke upon?

- Actually, Linda's story
spoke to me a lot.

- Linda's did?
- Yeah.

- But she didn't suck

a ton of little [bleep]
in her story.

- Yeah, listen, Adam,

you seem a little
thick in the middle

for a meth addict,
to be honest with you.

- Okay, well, this is
a safe place, so shut up.

- I gotta talk to Linda.

- Oh, God.

- What are you doing?
- Oh, God!

Oh, your hateful words!
It's a trigger.

It's a--it's a trigger for me,
and I'm gonna go do meth.

- Okay, I'm sorry.

Did I upset you that much?

- Nothing that
a little meth won't fix,

and that's what I'm gonna
go do right now.

Bye-bye, Linda.
I'm doing meth.

- Okay, I'm gonna go.

- Actually, Adam,

would you mind
if I follow along?

If you're gonna do meth,
I actually would like

to get a firsthand
look at that if you--

you don't mind
me shadowing you.

- So you want to do
the article about me?

- I mean, maybe--
- Yes!

Yeah, okay, come on.

Let's ride.

My condolences
for your children.

That was a sad story.

Mine was more sad, though.
Whoo!

* *

- Huh?
Pretty cool, huh?

- No, no, no, no.
- Come on,

I wanna show you something.

Come on.

Jesus, are you kidding me?
Come on.

- Guys, I'm sorry,
but you can't be in here.

We've got rehearsal
in about five minutes.

- And I need but four, okay?

This is Mr. Buckley,

Rancho Cucamonga acting legend.

Have you heard of him?
- No.

- Well, we would like to
perform a scene from his play,

which I'm sure
you've heard of,

"McBreath."

- Fine.

- Excellent.
[laughs]

- Wh--wh--what are you doing?

- All right, everybody.

Um, I will be playing
the role of Angela,

and he shall be playing
the role of McBreath, our hero.

Our scene starts
in a crowded bus.

Angela enters.

[as Angela]
Excuse me, pardon me.

- Blake, I can't do this.

- Oh, excuse me, pardon me.

- I can't do this without drugs.

- Excuse me!

Excuse me.

- Here, take my seat.

- Oh, you are too kind.

I'm Angela.

- I'm Leonard, Angela,

but everyone calls me McBreath.

- McBreath?

- In seventh grade,
we played spin the bottle,

and it landed
on Jen D'Angelo.

We kissed, and then she told me

my breath smelled like
McDonald's cheeseburgers.

Then she got everyone

to chant,
"McBreath, McBreath, McBreath!"

I curse you,
Jen D'Angelo!

I curse you
with all the venom of my heart!

I hate you.

I hate you, I hate you!

- Okay.
- Oh, God.

- Well, I like cheeseburgers.

And I think the name
McBreath is cool.

- You do?

- Let me smell your breath,
McBreath.

- If you must.

[breathing heavily]

- Mmm.

I'm loving it.

- Wait, so McBreath
isn't even, like,

a take-off on "Macbeth"?

- It's an original piece.

Not everything
has to be a remake.

Ders:
Yo, boss.

You still got a thirst
for putting away bad guys?

'Cause I got the name of the
biggest drug dealer in Rancho.

Zippo.

- Zippo Tomlin?

- Yeah, I think so.

- Son, do you even know
who Tomlin is?

- I--I know I'm getting bits
and pieces of information.

- He's the leader of the most
brutal biker gang in the state.

Now, do you know how
he got the nickname Zippo?

- From one of his two best
friends that he lives with.

- I don't think so, son.
- Okay.

- It's because he likes
to set people on fire.

- Oh, my God.

Dude's dick burned off!

- That was a woman.
- She naked?

- Yes, she was.
- Sick.

I mean, that's sick.
That is sick.

- Yes, it is, son.

Unless you want to have
a massive skin graft,

I suggest you stop
playing dress-up!

- Yes, sir, but it was an honor

to work for you, sir.

- Shut up, you twit.
- Okay.

[suspenseful music]

[phone line trilling]

- Yeah, listen.
Just a heads up.

There's some annoying kid
that might give us a small...

problem.

- Keep an eye on him.

- Get in the [bleep] van.

Zippo wants to see you.

- Like, seven or eight dicks.

- What up?
- That's how many that I've--

Hey, what up?
- That's so many.

- Yeah, that's a lot,
you know.

- Hey, uh, I don't know if
you wanted to take a shower,

but my old teacher's using it,
so just give him a minute.

- That is weird,

but I actually
don't have time,

'cause I'm scrounging up
money to buy meth.

- Mm, okay.
Can I talk to you for a second?

- Found one.
Okay, "VICE" guy, let's roll.

We buying meth! Ooh.

Oh, I'm getting that pre-meth
jitters, baby, let's roll!

- Seems stupid.
Seems really dumb.

You're enabling him!

- Whoo!
I needed that scrub-down.

Oh, I borrowed somebody's
grizzled toothbrush,

but it was way better
than the Taco Bell napkins

I've been brushing
my teeth with.

- Okay, I'll let Ders know.

Hey, Mr. Buckley,
I have the perfect role.

No audition required.

- My kind of role.
- Okay.

What do you think of this?

The role of kind of a seedy,

dark, meth dealer.

- Is this a new piece
they're opening

at the Rancho Playhouse?

- No, no,
Ed's Jug House, the bar.

- Okay, a Jug House meth dealer,
yes, yes.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, so--
- That is a challenge.

- Yeah, yeah.
- This is a good role.

I could really sink
my teeth into this.

- Great, I'll, uh,
pay for your new headshots.

I'll take them if you want.

- If anybody tries
to take my picture,

I'll break their face,
you understand me?

- Mm-hmm.
- And who is this

Mr. Buckley character?

They call me Johnny Glass.

- Mr. Glass it is, sure.

*

- Whoo!
[laughs]

I told my boss
that some cop

was looking for him,
and he wants to meet you.

- You think I'm a cop?

Oh, my God, thank you.

You don't know what
that means to me, man.

I'm not a cop.

I work in phone sales
like a dummy.

- [menacing laughter]

Zippo's gonna have fun with you.

Yo, Kaner, take us around back.

Whoo!

Come on, aren't you
guys excited?

Whoo!
This is outlaw shit!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Come on!

- Okay, listen up.

You wanna get high?

Real high?

This shit will get you higher

than God's...

frozen...

semen.

- Ooh, whoa.

That's so high.

- That's ridiculous.

- That's how high I wanna be.

So what I have here

is 16 smackeroos,

so if I could get
$16 worth of meth.

- What?

That's not enough money
for my meth.

I'm sorry,
what do you think this is?

Rock candy?
I'm selling meth!

- I want it.

- Cough up some more, kid,

and we're in business.

- I'll do anything for the meth.

- Okay, then,
you can work the rest

out on my [bleep].

[zips]

- Okay,
I'm coming, I'm coming.

I'm going--ow!
You stepped on my foot.

- Heard you've been
asking about the Zip.

- Boss, I heard
he was a cop.

- No?
- Mm-hmm.

- I also heard
that you're a cop.

- Yeah, he just told you
I was a cop, but I'm not, okay?

And I'm actually flattered
you guys think I'm a cop.

Trust me, I'm not.

You give me one of those vests,

let's go carjack.

Let's go ride or die, man,

I'll be like,
"You mean-mugging me?

I'm mean-muggin you,
my--my man, my ma--"

- Shh, silence.

- I was just showing you
what I can do.

- I will cutty cut you.

- Have at it, kid.

- Okay, uh...
- Yeah.

Maybe take it to
the bathroom, or--

- You know what?
On second thought,

I want this to be great for you,

so I'm gonna go to the restroom

and stretch my jaw out

by stuffing it
full of toilet paper.

That's how I give a good hummer.

- Oh, you ain't going
anywhere, round boy.

- Round boy?

- You see,
we don't really like cops

around here, man.

Not at Ed's Jug House,
you understand?

- I know, I promise you
I'm a regular normal guy--

Mr. Buckley:
Hey, you suck [bleep] [bleep].

- I work at a regular job
with an outdated business model.

Mr. Buckley:
Then we got a double [bleep]

suck it up
at this bitch!

- Suck somebody's [bleep]?

What is going on out there?

- You suck my [bleep],
and you get the balls, okay?

- Who in the [bleep] are you?

- Who in the [bleep]
are you?

- Zippo.
Who in the [bleep] are you?

- Johnny Glass!

- Ders, hey!

Do you have any money
that I could borrow?

- Yeah, Ders,
who are these guys?

- This is Zippo.
He's, like, a meth kingpin.

These are his friends.

They like to light people
on fire, for real.

- How do you chumps
know this cop?

Who's this dipshit
taking pictures?

- He's with me.
- And for the last time,

I'm not a cop, okay?

Obviously, I should
probably be one.

I mean, you should
see me frisk.

- Okay, stop.
Wait, hold on.

All right,
let's get out of here.

I think this is, like,
real life, Mr. Buckley.

Let's go.

- I am Johnny Glass!

- Ugh! Ow!

- Johnny Glass.
[laughs]

- Oh, is that
funny to you?

- Nobody sells around here
unless I say so.

- Oh, is that so?
- Nobody gets their

[bleep] sucked in here,
unless the Big Z,

Zippo, says so.

- Yeah, I'm with Zippo
on that one.

- Shut the [bleep] up!

- Shut the [bleep] up,
and you shut the [bleep] up.

Why don't you say this?
"Can I suck your [bleep]?"

- Excuse me?
- You heard me.

Here's a little
coming attraction

of what's gonna shoot out.

- You mother--ah!

- Oh!

[laughs]

Get down, you little bitches.

Come on, get down, okay.

'Cause this is my day!

This is my territory!

[high-pitched scream]

Oh, my God!

That was a real knife.

Can some--can we talk
to the prop master?

Here, take this.

- The wad is blown,
the wad is blown.

[police siren blaring]
Don't move, Zippo!

You're under arrest.
- Get your hands up!

- How could you do me
like that, Sandman?

Supposed to be me
and you, brother.

I got your daughter
a bounce house, man!

- Take it out,
take it out, take it out.

Ow, ow, ow, don't wiggle
it, don't wiggle it!

Don't--
- Ah!

- Well, it was
a little scary,

but also an honor,
your honor, to help

bring down the biggest
drug kingpin in Rancho.

- We did it.
- Yeah, I think we can

honestly say that
we're better people for it.

And I know for a fact,
now we're better friends.

- Yes.
- Yeah, we are.

- Well, I'm glad you got
something out of it,

because you just
blew a six-year

undercover operation
that was trying to take out

an entire international cartel!

If anything,
Rancho's meth problem

will only get worse.

There will be a power struggle

to replace Zippo,
which will lead to a drug war.

And I want you boys
to be fully aware

that there is blood
on your hands.

- Hmm, okay.

That seems a little...

- It does.
- Just a little bit harsh.

- Dramatic?
- Yeah.

I mean, we were just
smoking weed.

You could've wrote us a fine,

instead of this
whole stupid shenanigan.

- Get the hell out of here!

- Okay.
- All right.

- Thank you,
Judge "Browntown."

- It's Brownton!

- Is it?

- * He's insane

- Ladies and gentlemen,
we invite you

to please take your seats

as the thrilling conclusion of

"Attention Whore:
The Adam DeMamp Story"

begins now.

Lights.

- What's gonna happen?

- I don't know.

[both applauding]

- Whoo!

[continues clapping]

[baby-talking as Adam]
Why people no love me?

Maybe if I pretend
to do methamphetamine drugs,

then people will love me.

Mm-hmm.

[gentle chimes playing]

- This...

is my legacy.

- DeMamp Camp.

- Nice.

- Nice!

- Drugs?

Where are you?

I know you're in there, drugs!

Drugs?

Drugs?