All language subtitles for S07E19 - The Glasnost Menagerie

Hi, guys. Hi.

What are you reading?

Oh, just a book of baby names.

What do you guys think of the name Brad?

It means a broad and wide place.

That's pretty much what he looks like
now.

Thank you, Mac. I'd forgotten that I
look like a cow.

Well, Christine, you know, if it's a
girl, I think Roz has a nice ring to it.

It means fifth of death.

Hey, sir.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir. Let me move this
laundry for you.

What is this, evidence?

Oh, not exactly, sir. The house Kwan Lee
and I just rented is miles from a

laundromat, so for now I'm commuting
with my skivvies.

Why don't you just buy a washer and
dryer?

With my bank account?

The next time I use a walk-up teller,
I'm expecting the screen to flash, you

gotta be kidding.

The fulfillment of my every wish just
arrived in this envelope.

What happened? The post office issue an
X-rated stamp?

Even better, that is a coveted
invitation to the Lieutenant Governor's

Ball. Come next Tuesday, I'll be
nibbling caviar with the Attorney

General, the Governor, the
Superintendent of Highways.

You won't be laughing when I have an
off-ramp named after me.

So how'd you get invited? You got
pictures of the lieutenant governor with

a goat?

So happens I got seated next to his wife
last week at a luncheon. Turns out she's

also from Louisiana and somehow assumed
I was part of the southern aristocracy.

You didn't happen to sprinkle your
conversation with words like plantation,

cotillion, or colonel, did you? When I
was a kid, we lived near a plantation.

I parked cars once at a cotillion.

Then you've eaten at the carnival.

Exactly. Well, it seems as if you made
quite an impression, though.

Dan, I'm saving a waltz for you.
Lurleen.

Waltz? You know ballroom dancing?

What's the big deal?

Well, for one thing, the waltz doesn't
have any pelvic thrust.

None at all?

Hi, guys.

Hey, waltz. Hey, who's laundry?

Well, that's mine, boy.

You gonna do some delicates?

Well, I only have about a half a load.

Mind throwing these in?

I appreciate the fact that you make
people feel better. I still don't think

that offering sponge baths in your van
qualifies as professional medical care.

That's a hundred dollar fine for
solicitation and a recess, people.

I think it was the first stethoscope
that gave you away.

Uh, Howard, do you mind if I use your
office in private for a few minutes? I

suppose so. Is it business related?

Why do you ask?

Because the last time you used my
office, I found a garter belt under my

desk blotter.

I noticed you didn't give it back.

Hello, Judge Harry.

Yakov! You son of a gun!

Hey!

Ooh, that's new.

You look like a million bucks.

Don't tell that to the IRS.

Well,

I see you still got your cute little
laugh.

Like a seal in heat.

Oh, Harry, I want you to meet my father,
Gregor Korolenko.

Papa, this is Judge Harry Stone, the man
who saved me from jail and got me a

green card.

I am pleased to meet you.

Nice shoes.

Thanks, I tie them all by myself.

You must be thrilled visiting New York.
Da.

Long time since you've seen your son.

Da. Well, he's your da-da, all right.

He's joke.

So, has Yakov been showing you the big
apple?

I haven't had any fruit, no.

Maybe a few prunes wouldn't hurt.

I've sent him everywhere.

Limousine tours, museum shopping.

I bought six boxes. Foxes, leaves, press
on nails.

Trevor, why would you want to buy fake
fingernails? There was no one in line.

Tomorrow he is going to sit in the
Statue of Liberty space.

You're going with me, Yakov? I told you,
Papa, I can't. I'm too busy at my store.

Oh, that's right. I haven't seen you
since you became... Yahoo Yakov, the

czar of used appliances.

Hey, I've heard your commercials on the
radio.

Best prices in New York.

And that's no Bolshevik.

You know, Mac, maybe Yakov can help you
get a washer and dryer.

You bet you. For you, Mac, free
delivery, low monthly installments, and

nothing down.

Well, when you get down around nothing,
you're in my price range. All right.

I'll call Quinley and tell her the good
news.

Thanks, Yakov. I owe you one. Oh, sure.
But then maybe one back can scratch

another, yes?

What do you got in mind?

Papa, I need to talk to Judge Harry
alone.

Certainly. I'll step over here.

At my age, you don't have to go too far.

Say, Mr. Korolenko, would you like a
little tour of the building?

That would be lovely, tall fellow.

Come on, we'll start with the morgue.

I'll show you how they get a dead guy's
shoes off.

So, Yakov, what's up?

Well, my father has only two weeks of
tourist visa.

Oh, you'd like me to pull a few strings,
see if we can get him to stay a little

longer? There could be a dust buster in
it for you.

No, no need.

Be my pleasure.

Thanks, Harry. I appreciate it. I knew I
could count on you.

Excuse me.

Hello?

I told you the microwave is being
delivered.

And don't call me on this number.

This is an unlisted jacket.

Hey, Ross, here's an unusual name. What
do you think about Tomatina?

Fine, if you give him birth to a cat.

Yeah, you're right, it's no good.

Boy, this is a lot tougher than I
thought it would be.

I mean, the name you choose could affect
your child's entire destiny.

So you're saying Washington wouldn't
have been president if his name had been

Chucky.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, the right name's bound to come to
me sooner or later.

Say, you might want to try what my
cousin did. She named her little girl

after something she liked on TV.

Oh, you mean like Kate or Allie?

I mean like Pepsodent.

out of your hand.

Cushion. Oh, I was, um, oh, just doing a
little spring cleaning.

You know how these puppies lose their
shape if you don't turn them.

Trying to teach yourself the ballroom
dance, huh?

I'm at a bit of a disadvantage. My best
moves are horizontal.

Well, if it means anything, your tempo
was lousy, but your gliding wasn't half

bad. My gliding?

You know about this stuff?

My Auntie Ruth made me learn when I was
a teenager.

She thought it was the only way to get a
man.

Of course, in those days, we didn't have
kung fu.

You know, Rod, if I make a good
impression at the Lieutenant Governor's

Ball, my career could skyrocket.

And you and I have been working together
shoulder to shoulder for five years.

How about 30 bucks?

You'll cover your first lesson. Yes!

I'll have you dancing by tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Well, Fritz says it'll take at
least a week. That's because Fritz

doesn't use pain as a motivator.

Well, that's too bad.

Yeah, I think that you broke the TV
after it was delivered.

You want me to put it where?

Ha! Shows what you know.

It would never fit.

A juicer, maybe.

Well, same to you, pal.

Hi. Hi. Did you know that your doorbell
plays Yankee Doodle Dandy?

Yeah, my toilet used to play Star
Spangled Banner, but people kept

standing up.

I brought the visa papers for your dad
to sign. Oh, that's great.

He's going to be back any minute. Come
on in.

Pretty awesome place, huh?

Well, you've certainly come a long way,
Yakov.

Thanks to you, Harry.

Ooh, I love these.

You like it? It's yours.

Oh, thanks all the same.

So where are Sonia and the kids? I was
hoping I'd get to see them.

Oh, well, unfortunately, they're
visiting relatives in Chicago.

By the way, how is Mac? Did he receive
his washer and dryer all right? Oh,

yeah. Hell, he was so excited, he
videotaped the first load.

Come on in.

Thank you.

Bull, what a surprise.

I know the feeling.

I get it every morning when I see myself
in the shower door.

So you and Greg are really hitting it
off, huh? Once again, Yakov was busy at

the store, so Bull was nice enough to
show me some more sights.

Yeah, Rockefeller Center, Central Park,
and my personal favorite, the New York

Museum of Belts.

Boy, it gives you tremendous respect for
the men whose job it is to keep our

pants up.

Well, Bull, I'm glad you're here. It
will make the celebration even better.

Celebration? Yeah. Mr. Korolenko, Yakov
and I were able to get you an extension

on your visa.

That means that you can spend with me
more time, Papa. Six more months. What

do you say to that? What do I say?

I said yet. Why would I want to spend
six more months with a son I don't even

recognize?

I'm sure you don't mean that. What do
you know, Judge Big Shot?

You were the one that changed him in the
first place.

This boy is more like a son to me than
you are.

Papa.

It could be my fault.

In the park, I made him catch me at the
bottom of the slide.

Hey, guys, will you help me out?

I want you to give me your immediate
reaction to this baby name.

Francine. Makes me think of a big fat
woman in a greasy spoon restaurant

frying spam.

Not me.

I see bacon.

Okay, if you guys don't want to take
part in this process, just say so.

Sorry, Miss Sullivan, I guess my mind's
on Yakov. He and his dad aren't getting

along. Oh, why?

Well, I think his father's having
trouble adjusting to Yakov's lifestyle.

I mean, Gregor's in his 70s, and I think
he's stuck in his old world ways.

Sir, has it ever occurred to you that
you might have a bit of a blind spot

when it comes to Yakov? I mean, he is
one of your pet cases.

One of my pet cases?

Miss Sullivan, the man's not a turtle.

He's my friend, and I admire him.
Because he worked hard and he doped on

his family.

And that's not easy considering they
live in Chicago.

Right.

What?

Gregor told me Sonya moved out five
months ago.

Took the kids and the parakeet.

Well, Yakov told me they were just
visiting relatives.

Blind spot.

Blind spot.

That's it, Judge Harry.

It's definite.

What is?

My father is leaving, so there is no
need for a visa.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Yakov, but
if you have a minute, I'd like to have a

talk with you. You're not the only one.

Hey, Mac, what's happening?

Well, not my washer and dryer.

You'd know if you bothered to return my
calls.

Well, my beeper's been on the fritz.

I had that once.

A little cranberry juice cleared it
right up.

Look at this shirt.

Oh, Mac, you should try a fabric
softener.

And what the washer didn't chew up, the
dryer shrank.

Cornelisse brassieres could be worn by
Barbie.

Come on, Mac, relax.

Yakov gave you a two-year warranty. I
just read it. The years are 1973 and 74.

Well, Yakov, you've got to take the
machines back.

Mac is a friend.

This is different.

Business is business.

You little red... Weasel, I'm going to
glass nose your face.

I don't have to stand here and listen to
your insinuandos. I'm leaving.

Go ahead. Get out of here, you little
rusky ripoff.

Mac, don't you think you're overreacting
a little?

This was my favorite sweater.

You aren't bad, but you got to do a
quicker recovery when you dip.

Yeah, I know. You know, when I dip a
woman, I want to stay down there.

In that case, skip the dip.

Oh, this is great. I am going to impress
the hell out of all of those guys.

I'm going to be in suck-up heaven.

And I owe it all to you, my beautiful,
fleet-footed cha-cha mama.

You also owe me another 30 bucks.

Right.

God, you are so good at this. You must
go dancing all the time.

Oh, sure.

You'd be amazed at how many guys in the
drunk tank just love to rumba.

Um, Roz, you know what I was just
thinking I need?

A vasectomy and a pound of saltpeter?

What I need is to practice first, out in
front of people, you know, like at a

ballroom somewhere.

You better not be feeling sorry for me.
No, no, I swear, my motives are totally

self-centered and greedy.

You pay the cover?

Okay, sure.

In that case, I know a great club where
they've got good music, colored lights,

and a mirrored ball on the ceiling.

Oh, they put in a hot oil pit, it'd
sound just like my place.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

What are you doing here at two in the
morning?

I couldn't sleep, Yakov.

I kept thinking about all the stuff that
we've been through together, you know?

Like how I kept you out of jail.

Yeah. And how I defended your brother
when he tried to defect.

Right. And how I arranged it so you
could go visit your sick mom back in

Russia. Yes.

And it occurred to me...

that I had forgotten to charge you legal
fees.

Holy cat, $7,000?

Like you say, business is business.

But I thought you did all those things
just to be helpful.

I thought I was helping a sweet little
guy who wanted a better life for his

family. Exactly.

That's why I walked my tushka off.

Then why did Sonia take the kids to
Chicago?

Michael Jordan?

Look, they just couldn't appreciate how
hard I worked to buy all these things.

So you ended up trading your family for
a lava lamp and a Barker lounger?

Have you sat in that chair?

Yakov, pal, I've known you for six years
and I can't even believe I'm talking to

the same guy.

What do you mean? You are the one who
told me to get everything I can. It's

American dream, no?

No.

Yakov, it's not about how much you can
acquire. It's about making your life

better.

What good is a home if you don't have a
family to fill it?

What good is success if there's no one
to share it with you?

Listen to him.

He is one smart bakhnevchik.

Okay, okay, okay.

I made few mistakes, but I'm unhuman. I
know you're human, but you're acting

like, like, like a holomyaki.

Sounds right to me.

Whatever happened to that sweet little
boy who said to me, Papa, all I need is

your smile.

I just wanted to prove it to you.

Now, Yakov, aren't we sounding a little
defensive?

Yakov!

Well,

I'm going to leave you two guys alone.

And even though I didn't understand a
word of what you just said,

I want you to know something.

That stuff always sounds like secret
rocket plan to me.

Roz! Roz, guess what?

Last night, I dreamt the perfect name
for my baby.

I was flying in an airplane, God knows
why, and I was wearing a bathrobe and

one of those big barbecue mitts. An
angelic stewardess came up to me and she

said just one thing.

Barf bag?

Roz, what she said to me...

was Dale.

Dale is the perfect name. It's good for
a boy. It's good for a girl. It's clean.

It's simple. It's Roy Rogers' wife.

It doesn't matter.

I think you should listen to your
dreams.

My baby's name's going to be Dale.

Here you go, Dale. I found you a nice
piece of old bologna.

Bob.

What do you think about Bob?

Hey, Thunderfella. You ready for the big
ball?

Uh, no.

After dancing with you last night,
something happened that made me change

my mind.

Well, you samba with Roz, you see God.

That's not it.

I broke my leg.

I fell down some stairs.

Well, you could still go to the ball
with one good leg.

And dance what?

The cha?

You know, this wouldn't have happened if
you fixed that light in your stairwell.

My stairwell?

What the hell were you doing at my
place?

Well, we were such a hot item on the
dance floor.

I wanted to see how hot would be on your
floor.

Thought about it myself.

But I decided it would be a mistake.

Why? Because we work together.

No.

Because I'm more than you can handle.

So they've worked things out and Gregor
has decided he's going to stay for

another couple of months?

Well, whoop-dee-doo.

I'm out of a washer and dryer and
finally had to wear a curtain to the

market today.

Bye, guys.

Good news.

I called Sonia in Chicago, and I told
her how stupid Swalich I was, and she

agreed to take me back.

Well, you lucky Swalich, you. Well,
sounds like you made out just handy last

night. I slept in torn pajamas.

I'm sorry, Mac. I've really been a
mother Swalich to you. But I'm trying to

make up for it. I left a surprise for
you in the courtroom.

Oh, my goodness.

You can have it in a minute. I'm on the
spin cycle.