All language subtitles for S06E19 - From Snoop to Nuts 2

Previously on Night Court... Roz,
there's something wrong with Harry. I

just saw him in his office with that
gangster, Marty Colon.

And they were smoking cigarettes and
drinking, too.

I say we send him to his room without
dinner.

So, did Colon offer you the bribe yet?
Not yet. I hope he does soon. This thing

is beginning to chafe something awful.
Harry, it's just my way of saying thank

you for protecting my rights.

And my friends and I pay good money to
be well protected.

Do you comprehend my gist?

All right, Harry, I know what you're up
to, and you can't get away with it,

buster.

Buster?

Oh, hell, what have you been drinking?

Nothing. Oh, right.

Hey! Hey!

Tell him I haven't been drinking
anything but this iced tea.

Oh.

I bet Eddie gave her a Long Island iced
tea.

Would the lady like another?

I had to come, Harry.

I talked to Christine. She told me
everything.

And I can't let you ruin your life.

Buddy, this whole thing is a scam.

It's like a play.

Play?

This is part of a government sting to
catch some criminals who have been

bribing judges.

Really?

What a relief.

And to think I almost told you that I
was your father.

You mean my stepfather?

No, I mean your real father.

You guys really had me fooled until
Harry explained it was all part of a

government sting.

Vinnie.

Marty. I want you and Sal to go down to
the municipal court building now.

You will find there a judge named Harry
T. Stone.

He's wearing a very expensive new watch.

Kill him.

Hey, Mac, is Harry back yet?

Yeah,

I forgot about Loretta Lump.

She looks kind of sweet, doesn't she?

Yeah,

pretty impressive hang time on that
drool, too.

To work. I don't want any questions from
anybody about anything.

Harry! What are you doing here?

Does that matter? What the hell am I
doing back here?

You shipped back. You passed out after
one drink.

I love that in a woman.

That is preposterous.

Oh, whoa.

Christine, you've got pirate breath.

Miss Sullivan.

Oh, don't Miss Sullivan me. I am not
leaving here until I... Oh, excuse me.

I have a pressing appointment to make.

That lady's lunch is going places.

Hi, Your Honor. Did you see Buddy's
friend, Dr. Dumont? I wouldn't know.

What does Dr. Dumont look like?

He's about 5'10", curly hair, smokes a
pipe, and thinks he's an Irish setter

named King.

Sounds like a fun guy.

Great news, Harry. We did it. We nailed
Marty Colon.

Oh, swell.

Stiffy.

Hooray. Okay, Bond.

Here's your evidence. Now, get the hell
out of my life.

Harry, why do you have a tape recorder
stuck to your chest?

Sorry, top secret.

Oh, what the heck?

Harry and I are involved in an ongoing
government sting.

Wait a minute, Tim. What do you mean,
ongoing?

Well, we've got more than a bribery
charge here. With any luck, we'll get

him on murder.

Cologne's gonna try to kill you.

Way to go, sir!

Marty Colon wants me dead?

Yes!

Yes. We had the phone at Wilmer's
tapped, and Marty is sending over two

thugs named Vinnie and Sal to take you
down.

What do you mean? You mean to tell me
there are going to be professional

killers roaming these halls trying to
take out Harry and whatever innocent

bystanders happen to be in the way?

Yeah, but don't worry, Fielding. With me
in the job, those killers don't stand a

chance.

Well, I know I feel safer.

Man, poor Harry.

Yep. It must be terrible knowing that
there are people out there trying to

kill you.

I can't think of anything worse.

Except maybe a partridge family reunion.

Hi, guys. You seen Harry?

He's in his office, but I wouldn't go
near him now.

Oh, he must be taking this pretty hard,
huh?

Boy, they should have told him about
this 30 years ago.

Buddy, are we talking about the same
thing?

I think you're asking the wrong guy.

And, admittedly, my behavior isn't the
sort of thing you'd expect from a

Cornell man.

You've been at it again, haven't you?

I can't help it. I don't know what
triggers it.

The moon?

Flickering light?

A particularly good piece of leather?

Why don't we sit over there, Father?

Well,

that's it.

Tonight, he's sleeping outside.

Dog man! Dog man!

Thanks, Sister. Oh, by the way, if you
ever decide to leave the order, name's

Fielding.

Yeah, don't worry, boss.

Hey, it's gonna be easy pickings.

Hey, we wait for the right moment.

Ba-da-boom.

They never see you coming.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, that's why you got a contract.

You got a problem?

No problem, no. Just waiting for a
friend. Friend?

Smitty, how are you?

I haven't seen you in so long. The
jokes, the quips, you still with the

same law firm?

Okay, thanks.

Oh.

Hey, there's the killers. The killers,
they're here. What if I'm by the shoes I

said I saw them? Great work, Fielding.
What did they look like? What do you

mean, what did they look like?

Kill them!

And they wore dark suits.

All units, all units, code magenta.

Converge on the hallway payphone.

Suspect described as mean-looking,
wearing dark suits and noses over.

Well, the party's over for those losers.

What? What?

Jeez, fellas, they were just standing
right there. Come on, guys.

We call it unrestrained custody.

What are we going to do now?

Now we go back to work.

Your Honor, is there any way I can talk
you out of this?

No.

Oh, boy!

This will draw the killers out in the
open for sure.

Trust me, Mrs. Perrine, we'll do what we
can to get your purse back.

Please do.

Mother's quite upset.

She's a very delicate woman.

I'd like to take that kook's heart out
and show it to him while it... Still

beating.

That'll get a guy's attention.

All right, now, let's just try to
conduct ourselves as if everything is

perfectly normal.

Oh, get out of there, Bond.

Sorry, Your Honor, security check. Okay,
the bench is clean.

Harry, I really think we ought to talk.

Buddy, I'm busy.

Oh, yeah.

I'll come back later.

It's time I rotated my socks anyway.

Matt, can we please get started?

Hi, guys.

Your Honor?

Fuck you, Lord!

Okay, men, frisk them and check their
IDs.

Well, you're safe now, Harry.

Gosh, Tim, I guess I underestimated you.

Everyone does.

That's what gives me the edge.

Well, what have we got?

Trigger men from Jersey?

Hired guns flown in from the coast?

No, sir, they're Amway salesmen.

What? I heard him talking about
contract.

Yeah, contract for 12 cases of our
all-in-one cleaner.

But I give you a demonstration.

But if they aren't, then that means...
the killers are still at large.

Say, you're good.

Now, I want you to lock this door and
don't open it until you hear me say, a

smart salmon never stops for directions.

Don't worry, sir.

If I catch those guys, I'll rip their
heads off.

Bull, violence has never accomplished
anything.

Maybe not, but they'd have a heck of a
time renewing their driver's licenses.

All right, sir, what's going on?

Two men are trying to kill me. Where
have you been?

No, I mean Buddy. There's obviously
something going on between the two of

you. Buddy? No, that's not much, really.
He just finally revealed to me that he

is my real father.

What?

But I guess he thought that little
tidbit of information was something I

never needed to know.

Oh, come on, sir. Be fair. Buddy spent
the last 20 years making a potholder.

He finished that two years ago.

Oh, my God. Get the light.

Oh, son, talk about fun.

How about next time I put the blanket on
you, buddy?

Why the hell did you come back here?

Oh, I was thinking this might be a good
time for us to talk.

Well, I'm not in the mood.

Well, I can see that I'm not going to be
able to get a word in edgewise, so I'll

just step out.

Find anything yet? No, sir. But we're
checking everybody.

If anyone's got a weapon, we'll find it.

She's clean.

No one enters the courtroom without
being frisked.

For your information, I happen to have
an incredible hangover.

So I'd really appreciate your not...

Code base, code base.

Frisk her.

Oh, no, you don't. Oh, no. Get your dick
off me.

You are dead meat, Bob.

God, I love this job.

So, uh, how long are we going to stare
at each other like that?

Not that I mind the silence.

I once went two years without talking.

If you don't count the bird calls.

We have nothing to talk about, buddy.
What is there to say? I don't even know

who the hell I am anymore.

I know exactly what you mean.

That's why it's smart to have one of
these things.

Thanks for the tip.

Excuse me, I'm going to go get some air.

Harry, I'd really like a chance to
explain myself.

Why don't you write me a note, Dad?
Maybe I'll read it sometime.

You come back in here and shut that
door.

Now, you sit your butt back down and
don't give me any more of your lip.

Whoa.

Where did that come from?

Those years of watching the Brady Bunch
in the day room.

Okay, buddy, whatever you have to tell
me, go ahead and lay it out. Nothing

that you could say could possibly faze
me now.

You were born in a mental institution.

I stand corrected.

Your mom was really pretty mixed up when
she first moved into the hospital.

To give you an idea,

I actually helped her.

Just the two of us.

We clung to each other for support.

And that support grew into friendship.

And that friendship grew into love.

And that's where I came into the
picture.

Yeah.

I'll never forget that night.

We had both attended my pal Bert's
shadow puppet theater.

It was a Tennessee Williams piece.

We stayed after, turned the lights down
low, as our favorite

song played on the phonograph over and
over.

Barney Google with his goo-goo-goo-gooey
eye.

What I still don't understand is why did
you take so long

to tell me this?

By the time I got out of the hospital,
your mom was already married.

To Harry Feeney? Yeah, he seemed like a
pretty good guy.

Yeah, he was.

Sure.

And as far as you knew...

He was your dad.

So we figured it would be better if we
waited till you were older before we

told you.

And then I had that little setback with
the cheese whiz.

But I'm feeling much better now.

Buddy, you've been better for years.

You could have told me this any number
of times.

Well, I figured it would hurt your
career if people found out that your dad

was a half a bubble off.

Buddy. Oh, no. You were a judge.

You could go on to be mayor or governor
or maybe even the guy who hosts the big

lotto spin.

I appreciate your faith in me.

Hey, even if you weren't the son I
always knew I had, you'd

still be the son I always wished I
wanted. So, I'm glad I have you,

son.

I can't think of a nicer or more
confusing compliment.

Excuse me, sir.

What is it, Matt?

Well, we're looking for Dr.

Dumont. Mother's heart medicine was in
her purse, and that crazy man ran off

with it.

Wait a minute, folks. Now, I know we're
upset, but I must take issue with the

use of that word, crazy.

I mean, sure, there are people in this
world that have a tough time fitting

into our narrow little definition of
normal, but is it really our right?

To call those special and unique people
like Dr.

DeMott crazy?

The guy thinks he's a dog, Harry.

You got some slobber on your face.

No problem. It's mine.

Well, anyway, at least we got Mrs.
Perrine's purse back.

Gee, this thing is heavy.

I wonder what the hell she has in here.

Now, why would a sweet old lady need a
.45 caliber handgun with a silencer?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Probably not.

I can't believe for a moment that two
kind, gentle-looking folks like

yourselves would be willing to take a
human life for money.

We're picking up 20 grand for this job.

For Harry?

All right, folks, enough chit-chat. It's
time to earn our money.

Blow them away, Dad.

Well, you can relax now, Harry. We've
got five suspects in custody.

Tim, I don't believe you've met the
Perrines, Vinnie and Sally.

Ha! You fell right into our trap, didn't
you?

You've only got one choice, Pops. Hand
over the gun. Shut up or eat lead.

Why don't we go your way?

There you are. You're in big trouble,
pal.

All right, that's enough of that.

This doesn't concern you. When I'm
through with you, you'll...

I'm interrupting something, aren't I?
How rude of me. Well, I'll just be

going. Over there, dear.

Right.

Harry, you'll never guess who the
killers are.

The old couple.

Hey, that's cheating.

Well, you don't think you're getting
away with this, do you? With all these

witnesses?

Oh, I think he's right, Father.

We're going to have to waste them all.

You know, then again, I think if you
dropped the gun, walked out of here,

we'd let it slide this time, wouldn't
we, guys?

Why don't you lock the door, Mother?

Oh, no.

I've done it again, haven't I?

Yes, you did, you great, big, beautiful
woofer. I love you. Come on, flea dips

on me.

All right, men, get him out of here.

Well, thanks for your help, Stoney.

Hey, buddy, I'm sorry we put you through
all that.

Oh, forget it, Harry. I had a ball.

With friends like these, who needs
hallucinations?

Sure I can't get you another one, Harry?

No, three is my limit. I'm driving.

Thanks anyway, buddy.

Or should I call you Dad now?

Well, since you've opened the floor,
I've always fancied Ramon.

How about we stick with Buddy, huh?
Sure.

Have you ever noticed any resemblance
between us?

Have I ever noticed any resemblance?

No.

Something else.

Now, I was named after Harry Sr., right?

Well, if you'd had a chance to name me,
what would it have been?

Oh, that's easy.

I would have named you Mel.

Really? The greatest voice in the world.

You would have named me after Mel Torme?
No, Mel Blanc.

I love the way he did that crazy rabbit.

Well, it's been quite an eventful day,
Harry.

Even by my standards.

You sure you're okay?

Well... let's see. I got knocked around
by an inept government agent, went

through a severe identity crisis, and
nearly got myself killed.

But I'm feeling much better now.