All language subtitles for S06E11 - Rockabye Baby

He's on his way. Everybody got your
money ready?

What's going on?

Harry's old college lacrosse team is
playing their big game this weekend.

Oh, you guys aren't going to bet against
him again, are you?

Why not? It's your money.

Every year, East Chesapeake gets smeared
all over the field like so much cow

pastry.

Guys, you know that Harry bets out of
emotion, and I think the least you can

do for him as friends is to protect him
from his own stupidity.

Well, she's kind of right. It is a bit
of a sucker bet.

Yeah, that's true.

Hey there, sports fans. What do you say
we go to 50 bucks a piece this year,

huh?

You got it.

So, you think your old alma mater's got
a real chance this year, huh?

I'm telling you, Mac, this is the best
team that East Chesapeake has had since

a scrappy midfielder named Harold T.
Stone scored the winning goal to bring

mighty Florida Tech to its knees.

Ah, the legend lives.

Anyway, the game's on cable this year,
so Sunday afternoon, my place.

Oh, boy, I'd be there, too, sir, except
I have this little layover with a

stewardess friend of mine.

I've heard I'm going to be... Occupado.

Ooh, I got that once from eating day-old
shrimp.

Oh, great, that's my rent.

Christine,

Christine, is that you?

Jan, hi.

Just blowing my mail.

I can't believe I found you. John's
father is in the hospital and his mother

wants us to fly up to Buffalo right away
to see him. Oh, I'm sorry. Is it

something serious?

Oh, he slipped on the ice and broke a
hip.

Oh, that's terrible.

Yeah, he's got to quit that senior's
hockey league.

Yes, he should.

Anyway, I really need someone to take
Katie for the night.

She's never been with a sitter and
you're the only neighbor she's taken to.

Oh, well...

Yeah, I do have a kind of natural
rapport with babies.

Sure, fine. Bring her by. I'll be home
by ten.

Oh, can't wait. The plane leaves in an
hour. We'll be back first thing in the

morning. But I'm still working. Oh, no,
no, no. Everything is here.

Diapers, um, food, uh, rattle. Oh, and
here's the number where we'll be.

Bye, lamb child.

But, Jen! Oh, oh, oh, bottle before
bedtime, uh, burp her twice, and, oh,

she hasn't made a boomer all day. Bye.

There we go.

Oh, look at that face.

Can we see a smile?

Can we?

Can we?

Miss Sullivan, could we possibly get the
old legal ball rolling here?

Can we?

Can we?

Ready to proceed. Let's go.

Uh, moment, sir. You're not going to let
her keep that little booger maker in

here, are you?

I only have a few more cases left.
She'll be fine, really.

Oh, excuse me. I forgot her binky.

I like a good after-dinner binky myself.

Roz, why don't you take the baby out in
the hall and walk her till we're done,

huh? People versus Rosullo.

Mr. Prosecutor? Yes, sir. Mr. Rosullo is
charged with fraud in connection with

his Happy Wheels driving school.

I've been in business ten years. Only
one complaint.

Your Honor, Mr. Rusullo put the students
in front of a big-screen TV with a

steering wheel attached to it. It shows
them videotapes of traffic situations.

Hey, my school teaches all the basics.

Yes, it includes this useful pamphlet
entitled, Finger Gestures for the Open

Road.

Mr.

Vance?

My client requested jury trial, sir.

All right, Mr. Rusullo.

I am going to remand your case over to
the grand jury.

And for you, Mrs. Wu, I will suspend all
charges as long as you promise to enroll

in a legitimate driving school. All
right. Thank you, sir.

Well, you know, it's the thing that
chaps me about babies. It's always me,

me, me.

Oh, there, there, there. We had a little
air bubble in our tum-tums, didn't we?

Let's just try to pull things together
and finish these last couple of cases.

Matt, what's next?

Um, sir, I think I need a short recess.
What is it now?

Whoa!

Court's adjourned.

Nice going, sir.

Hey, I'm sorry. I'm a judge. I gavel.

Uh, sir.

Oh, sir.

I, uh, I had a thought about that big
game on Sunday. Uh-huh.

Well, you know, we've got that
big-screen TV from the driving school

case.

Mac, are you suggesting that I
misappropriate evidence for my personal

use? Oh, my dear Lord, no.

I just thought it might be safer if we
stored it in your chambers over the

weekend.

Well, I'll trust your judgment in that.

Just make sure we don't get any glare
from the window.

Need any help?

Sure. Find a place for this.

happy to stop over later if you need
some help with the kid.

Oh, thanks, Roz. No, I'll be fine.

Matter of fact, I'm kind of looking
forward to it. You know, I'm kind of a

natural when it comes to taking care of
babies.

Well, see you Monday.

Oh, Christine.

Oh,

Roz, maybe you could help me to the car.

Can you say 9-1-1?

caught you. Oh, Sherry, baby.

Oh, I see we're still in uniform. That
mean you want to play a locked in the

cockpit? It means I'm flying out
tonight.

What? One of the other attendants is
sick and they're a little short-handed.

Can't the people get their own peanuts
for just one flight?

I'll be back Sunday.

I'll come straight from the airport.

Hey, Dan!

Guess what? We're going to watch the
lacrosse game this Sunday on a big

screen TV.

Oh, boy, keep my feet from dancing.

Did you say lacrosse? That's my favorite
sport.

Really? I was on a girls' team at BU.

No kidding, Dan. Is that an amazing
coincidence or what?

Oh, wow, wasn't this a Twilight Zone
episode?

Oh, I'd love to see that game.

Danny, do you mind?

Mind? No, it was going to be my little
surprise.

I'll see you Sunday.

So can I put you down for nachos?

It's 6 a.m.

Gotta sleep sometime.

Okay, okay.

How about one more story?

Um...

to Prince and Princes of Wales.

And they had a beautiful wedding and
they lived very happily in the beautiful

castle in spite of what you may read in
the yellow tabloid press.

Oh, no.

I hope you took on a worm.

Oh, I bet that's your mommy.

What do you mean you're still in
Buffalo?

Haven't they ever heard of a snowplow?

Yeah, yeah, the baby's just fine.

You'll be what?

Another two days?

Excuse me a minute.

supposed to wear something stupid.

I'll have you know, this is the very
uniform I wore the day I broke through

the enemy defense and scored the winning
goal to bring mighty Florida Tech to its

knees.

Well, I've almost got this hooked up,
sir. I tapped into the dish on the roof.

Okay, we're here.

You know, Harry, I thought the white
ties were bold, but this is a true

fashion statement.

I think it's kind of sexy.

Okay,

later a helmet and protective cup it is.

We're all set, sir.

All right, all right.

It's big.

It's bright.

It's the courthouse lobby.

You know what?

I accidentally hooked up to the building
security system.

was to hook up a new cable. What?

Hey, I don't mind watching this.

Look, Frank the Guard's having his
lunch.

Wait a minute.

I know.

Let's go to Christine.

She lives closest and she's got cable.

Come on!

You know what, Harry? I don't think it's
right just barging in on her like this.

Oh, come on. She thrives on company.

What?

What do you want?

Well, we were kind of hoping we could
watch the lacrosse game on your TV set.

Oh, hey, sure. Come on in. The more the
merrier.

Oh, my.

You've, uh... You've changed something.

Uh-oh.

Look at this.

These two bears are getting the most
action ever seen in this apartment.

Teething biscuit, anyone?

Teething biscuits, great.

I'm working on a molar.

Oh, not again.

Doesn't she ever sleep?

Oh, let me try, Christine.

Oh, Mac, bless you.

There's my guys. There they are, the old
yellow and green.

What is that giant chicken doing down
there?

That's Gus, our mascot.

And he's not a chicken. He's a grouse.

Your school mascot's a grouse?

Dan, for your information, a grouse is
one bird that you don't want to tangle

with. And here's the face-off.

The ball belongs to East Chesapeake, and
the grouse go on the attack.

I don't know what it is about this game
that drives me crazy.

Maybe it's how the action builds.

Slowly, to a fever pitch.

The back and forth, the undulating
rhythm of the game.

One man raises his stick above the rest
and falls.

Oh, yes!

Uh,

Christine? Yeah?

Tide's in.

Is she wet again? Doesn't anything stop
her?

No problem.

I got an old cat at home that does the
same thing.

Oh, hey, that's okay. Don't anybody
offer to help. I'll just do it myself.

Okay.

And Julie's at the midfield stripe.

Yes. He heads down the far sideline.

Yes. Cuts right into the open.

Yes. He's got one.

I'm glad somebody did.

Somebody call the doctor.

What happened?

The baby fell.

I'm sorry, folks. There's nothing I can
do for her.

You mean the baby?

Oh, the baby's fine. It's Miss Sullivan.
She won't stop crying.

So the baby doesn't have to go to the
hospital?

No, but I'll stick around for a few more
minutes to make sure everything's okay.

Usually a tumble from a bed doesn't
cause any serious injury. And these

little tykes are tougher than you think.

Yeah, when I was a baby, I rolled clean
off a roof.

Of course, there are limits.

Well, I suppose we can turn the game
back on.

Thanks, Mac. I didn't want to be the
only one who appeared insensitive.

I hope we haven't missed anything.

And with that last goal, it's Chesapeake
1, Florida Tech 19.

No!

How could that possibly happen?

Hey, isn't that your chicken being
carried off on a stretcher?

And so with the outcome here virtually
decided, we'll be switching over now to

bring you the big wheel tractor pull in
its entirety.

All right!

What a shame. Okay, come on. Let's go
back to my place, Sherry. We can play

the stewardess and the naughty smoker.
Oh, I can't, Dan. Not now.

What? Oh, when a team loses like that, I
feel so bad.

I couldn't possibly be with another
human being right now.

But I'm not a human being.

Ask anybody.

Well, I guess we all might as well
leave.

Well, what about Christine?

Oh, don't worry about me.

Are you sure you're going to be okay?

Okay? Why shouldn't I be okay?

A dear friend just entrusted her pride
and joy to me, a helpless infant, and I

nearly killed it. Why wouldn't I be
okay?

Maybe you guys should just run along and
let me handle this.

Yeah, go save yourselves before I try to
kill again.

Okay.

I'm going to stick around, guys. I may
be able to help.

All you care about is riding around in
your pickup truck and hanging out in

bars with your pot-bellied buddies and
guzzling beers and picking up bimbos

just to satisfy your disgusting animal
lust.

Great reception on the TV.

Christine, tell me something, woman to
woman.

What the hell is the matter with you?

Isn't it obvious, Roz?

I'm not fit to be a mother. I'm a
failure as a woman. I might as well buy

wingtips and let my mustache grow.

Oh, so that's what this is all about.
The baby rolls off the bed and you

decide you can't have children.

It's not just the accident, Roz.

It's the whole weekend. This has been
three days of living heck.

But what did you expect? A party? Yes.

No. I don't know.

Ross, all my life, I have dreamed about
having a baby.

I'd play peekaboo, and I'd sing
lullabies, and she'd fall asleep in my

arms.

But this baby cried, and she wouldn't
sleep, and she cried, and she wouldn't

eat, and, Ross, I got so frustrated that
I came this close, this close to

swearing.

Christine, there's not a mother alive
who hasn't had those same feelings.

Where do you think kids learn all those
dirty words?

I know you're trying to make me feel
better, but as far as having babies,

I've made my decision.

This womb is closed.

Well, before you board up the old fetal
factory there, listen to me for

a second.

Those feelings you had are natural. Oh,
come on. It's true.

Roz, at one time, I wished that that
baby would just go away.

That sweet, innocent, beautiful little
baby.

Oh, God, I could just gouge my eyes out
with a tinker toy stick.

Christine, let me tell you a story.

About a young mother whose baby screamed
and cried and kept her up night after

night. Even the doctors didn't know what
was wrong.

But... She stayed right by that baby's
side, and everybody in the neighborhood

thought she was a saint.

Did they ever find out what was wrong?

Turned out it was a food allergy.

But I'll tell you something.

That mother confided to her friend that
there wasn't a day that went by that she

didn't feel like just walking out and
never coming back.

Isn't there supposed to be some kind of
maternal instinct that just kicks in?

God gave us the instinct.

He just forgot to give us an owner's
manual.

Do you think that this woman felt as
guilty as I do right now?

Sure did.

But she got over it.

Personally, I think the reason she
stayed is because I was just so damn

cute.

It was your mom?

Yeah.

In fact, she told me right after that I
said my first word.

Mama.

Gaga.

I've been bad a long time.

Oh, my God, what's wrong now?

We call this crying.

Oh,

nice touch.

Seem to have a gift with children.

No, this is the gift.

Only it just doesn't come with those
easy-to-follow instructions.

Oh, come on. Let's go take a bath.

Only this time, let's not eat the
bubbles, okay?

I overheard your story about your
mother.

It was nice.

You, uh, mind if I share that with some
of my patients?

You can if you want.

I made the whole thing up.

See, it worked, didn't it?

In what is being called the greatest
sports comeback of all time, the East

Chesapeake Grouse scored a
record-setting 19 fourth-period goals to

defeat Florida Tech 20-19.

Unbelievable!

I guess getting rough with your chicken
really fired him up.

Any news on the tractor pull?

I can't believe I lost 50 bucks on nerd
hockey.

Thank you all for your patronage. Same
time next year. Go grouse.

Oh, by the way, Christine's taking a
vacation day to catch up on her sleep.

Glad to hear that. Rather have her nod
off at home than on my bench.

So I guess we're all ready to start.

Not quite.

How much are you going to pay me to keep
quiet about this?

About what?

Printed by Funtime Novelty Press.

Your team didn't win. You made this up.

30%. 60%. 40%. 55%. 50%. Deal.