All language subtitles for S06E06 - The last Temptation of Mac

Okay, bully boy, let's go do that voodoo
that we do so well.

Can't just yet, sir. We're short one
defense attorney.

Well, where is Miss Sullivan?

Beep, beep, Your Honor. Coming through.

Hot stuff.

Watch yourself.

Thank you.

That is the ugliest handbag I have ever
seen.

It was a turkey, Your Honor.

You know.

So I suppose Miss Sullivan is going to
inflict Thanksgiving dinner on us?

Well, not exactly on us. But she wanted
to do something for all the people

around the courthouse with no place else
to go.

So she's giving them the bird.

What a nice gesture, huh?

Hey, Mac, we got a lot of cases to do
tonight, don't we?

Uh-huh. So what do you say we get right
into it? What do you got there?

Pocahontas and John Smith.

Oh, them again?

Personally, I thought he checked into
her wigwam under an assumed name.

I mean, John Smith.

Get real, huh, Mac?

Are you talking to me, sir?

I guess not.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir. It's just I'm a
little disconnected with all this stuff

I've got to study since I went back to
college.

The parade of American history.

I don't know why I've got to learn all
this stuff.

When was the last time you saw a help
wanted ad that said, must know the

Treaty of Paris?

Well, Chuck, Mac, all this hard work is
going to pay off when you get that

degree. Like it did for you, right, sir?

Rightio. Because if you were just some
ordinary slob, you'd be home watching

the Dallas game right now.

But thanks to all those years of racking
your brain to get through law school,

you get to spend your Thanksgiving
hanging out down here with the dregs of

society, you lucky dog.

Excuse me. I'm wondering if I'm in the
right place.

Not yet, but let me give you my address.

I'm looking for someone.

Aren't we all?

His name is Mack Robinson.

Oh.

Mack.

Oh, hi, Lenore. Come on in. You bring
your book? Right here. Oh, great.

Everybody, this is Lenore Grant. She's
one of my classmates at City College.

Hi, Lenore.

So, Lenore, what career are you studying
for?

I really haven't made up my mind, but
I'm sort of thinking of being a

biochemical engineer.

Either that or a model.

Tough choice.

I know I always regretted I didn't do
both.

But first I have to get by this American
history midterm.

Oh, it's going to be a bear.

That's why Mac and I decided to get
together and study every chance we have.

The old late night cram session, huh,
Mac?

The only thing is, you're a little
early, Lenore. Yeah, we're not going to

have a break for at least a couple of
hours.

But I tell you what, you can use my
office to study while you're waiting for

Matt. Great, thanks.

Come on, I'll show you where it is. Oh,
this will work out great.

You can start the American Revolution,
and I'll be there by Bucker Hill.

Oh, boy, college days.

I used to love those study groups.

You mean groups?

Very often, yes.

Okay, Mac, what do you say we try to
finish off one more case before the

break? Will you be requiring a defense
attorney to do that, sir?

Well, where is she now?

I believe she said she had to go out and
drain her giblets.

Shouldn't she have her doctor do that?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I
couldn't get the cranberry jelly to

slide out of the can all in one complete
log.

any reply, and I'm going to have to find
myself in contempt.

I managed to get that stupid blob about
three-quarters of the way out, and then

it just kind of hung there on the lip of
the can, kind of quivering and wiggling,

and I knew if I pushed it too hard, it
would split off. Oh, well, you know how

it is when that happens.

Miss Sullivan, do you suppose that I
might be able to persuade you to pull

off your myths and practice a little law
with us?

Oh, yes. I'm sorry. Of course. I'm
sorry. Yes, sir.

Okay, maestro. Let her rip.

Call people versus Borsotti.

Just like a dream I had the other night.

Your Honor, these are the rolling
rangerettes.

pleasure to meet you.

Oh, come on, give me a break. I had to
work on a holiday.

Right, get her.

Uh, yes, sir. It seems the, uh, perky
pilgrims here were appearing in the

Macy's parade when they became victims
of, uh, Mr.

Borsati's burst of temper.

The victims? They're the victims. What
about me?

And what about Winky for crying out
loud?

Winky for crying out loud?

Winky the bunny rabbit, sir. It's one of
those huge balloons you always see in

the Macy's parade.

Unfortunately, Winky met with a tragic
accident.

Oh, my God, something happened to Winky?

It was my pride and joy, Judge. I had 12
years of my life in that balloon, and no

sooner did we start stepping off down
Broadway when these twirly girlies try

and knock me down.

It wasn't our fault, Your Honor. I
begged the parade officials not to put

us behind the horses.

Apparently, they had to do some fancy
footwork to avoid the, um...

Minefield of meadow muffins.

Who writes this stuff?

Due to their sudden deviation from
course, they slammed into my client,

which caused him to lose his grip on
Winky's tether.

I love it when you talk like that.

Mr. Prosecutor. Sorry, sir. Mr. Borsotti
responded by shoving the girls into the

St. Francis Boys Choir, apparently
causing several of the lads to jumpstart

into puberty.

Yeah, I was kind of wondering that
myself.

Winky is airborne, sir.

Airborne? Oh, yeah. Takes at least two
guys to handle the big ones. What with

wing guts and all.

When I got knocked down, poor Irwin
didn't stand a chance.

And Irwin is... Somewhere over New
Jersey would be my guess.

Sir, since Irwin presumably has relevant
testimony, would a postponement be in

order? Yeah, I guess we should put this
case on ice until Winky hits a

downdraft.

Okay, that's lunch, people.

And you are all invited to stay
afterwards in the cafeteria for a

special Thanksgiving feast. I've made
plenty of food, so come and get it,

everyone.

Evening, sisters.

Boys, the church has really loosened up
its dress code.

So I guess the answer would be King
George and Lord North did the

Intolerable Act. Right.

All right.

Okay, what's the next question?

What do you do, pump iron?

I don't see that here.

No, I mean here.

Oh, well, I try to stay in shape.

I admire a man who takes care of his
body, Mac.

Oh, thanks.

Let me see here now. The Federalist
Papers.

Physical appearance is important, don't
you think?

Huh? For instance, I know I want people
to find me attractive.

Well, I don't think you have to worry
about that, Lenore.

Now, here's a stomper for you.

Explain the significance of the doctrine
of manifest destiny.

Manifest destiny means there are things
that are just destined to happen.

Yeah. So, why fight it?

Uh-oh.

Mac. I am very strongly attracted to
you, and I know that you want me as much

as I want you.

Whoa, I touched you.

Mac. No, no, this is crazy.

Mac. But the thing is, you're so young,
and I'm so married.

Here you go, Bull.

Sir, what happened to the olives?

Table three is wearing them.

Hi. Love your eyes.

Love your thighs.

Love your hips. Love your lips. Love
your hair.

Nice butt.

Here you go, Phil.

Bon appetit. Hey, thanks.

This stuff looks, um... What's the word?

Edible?

Would you like to sample my yams?

Right here?

With the lights on?

Sure. Sorry, I had a Dan attack.

They've all been served.

Oh, thank you, Roz. Okay, everybody, dig
in.

Dan, would you like some yams?

No, thanks. I'm on a strict diet. I
can't eat any food that's the same color

as Lucille Ball's hair.

I just hope this dinner made their day a
little brighter.

Oh, yeah, they all seem real happy.

Sure, they all hopped up from snorting
mashed potatoes.

See you in a while, Dan.

Not if I see you fight.

Let me guess, Dan, you are planning an
evening of freewheeling debauchery with

one of those roller maidens.

Harry, I'm offended.

They're all coming over.

Thanksgiving. So what brings you here?

The subway.

Do you know where Mac is? Yeah, he's in
my office studying for that big exam.

Since he couldn't be home for
Thanksgiving dinner, I brought him some

leftovers.

Leftovers? They're the best part.

My mom made a great turkey shake.

Well, I think it's really sweet that you
came all the way down here to bring Mac

some... Oh, my God!

That must be the traditional... Shark
face pie.

Nothing says lovin' like fish heads in
the oven.

Max, slow down.

Look, what do you say we jog a couple
laps around Manhattan? You know, work

off a little tension. Come on now, Max,
don't be so shy.

No, no, I'm sorry, but this just can't
happen.

Max, please, just check this out before
you decide.

Mac?

Hello.

Guess he's already had dessert.

Let me guess.

This isn't what it looks like.

Oh, no, sir. No, sir, it sure isn't.

There is an easy... explanation.

Somebody give me an easy explanation.

A deadly water moccasin crawled out of
the bathroom sink and bit her on the

mouth.

There was no time to lose, so thinking
quickly, you were sucking out the

poison. Right, Mac?

Boom.

What, too easy?

All right, Mac. Who is she?

I almost forgot. Where are my manners?

Lenore, this is Kwan Lee.

His wife.

Kwan Lee, this is Lenore Grant, my study
buddy.

Must be an oral exam.

It's very nice to meet you.

I doubt you'll think so after I gouge
your eyes out.

Well, my, since you're going to be
discussing the latest in optometry, why

don't we sneak off to the malt shop?

Mac, take some advice. In situations
like this, there's only one thing to do.

Fake a heart attack.

Well, at least you didn't sneak around
to do your nasty stuff.

Juan Lee, would you let me explain? I
think maybe I'd better be the one to

explain. Oh, no, no, no, it's okay. No,
I'll tell her. No, let the slut explain.

You see, Mrs. Robinson, I kind of
developed a crush on Mac on...

Your husband.

Honest, it wasn't his fault at all. See?

It wasn't my fault.

Oh, and I suppose these weren't your
lips washed up against her face?

I think maybe I'd better go.

Oh, was it something I said?

Or was it the fact that I was president
of the machete club in high school?

I'll just finish studying on my own.

All right, lover boy.

Let's hear your lame excuse.

Now, Quan Li, come on, let's go
someplace quiet so we can talk.

Oh, you weren't worried about privacy a
minute ago.

Ah, gee, Bull's right. If you press your
ear against the door, you do hear

termites chewing.

Goodbye, Mac. I'm going home to mother.

Quan Li, your mother's dead.

Picky, picky, picky.

Miss Sullivan, there you are.

Listen, I wanted to thank you for the
meal.

Oh, you are entirely welcome.

Was it good?

It was... How can I put it?

What's the matter?

You look terrible.

Even for you.

After a lifetime of eating out of
dumpsters, I'm taken down by... Bad

yams.

That's ridiculous.

It couldn't have been the yams.

I'm not the world's greatest cook, all
right, but I'm not that bad.

And a plumber. We're not equipped for
this kind of volume.

Quandy.

Quandy, look, would you calm down?

Look, if you want to hurt me, you've got
to throw something heavier.

Oh, I will.

I'm just perfecting my aim first.

How could you do such a thing, Mac?

I'm trying to tell you I didn't. Oh,
then I guess I just imagined all this.

Excuse me, but the newsstand is out of
antacids, so I have to break into my

private stash. Boy, does this remind me
of my trip to Mexico. Resume firing.

Really, Mac?

Did you think I wouldn't find out about
you and little Miss Hot Pants?

Look,

just because I was in another woman's
arms kissing her doesn't mean there's

anything between us. There wasn't room
for anything between you.

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, but
we're running short of after-dinner

pails.

I'm sure this was not my fault. If you
ask me, it was the cafeteria.

I'm interrupting something, aren't I?
Yes, you are, Christine. Get out. Okay.

I'll never forget that, Mac.

The sight of you in another woman's
arms. Quanli, look what you're listening

to me. Now, you've got to believe me. It
wasn't my fault. I didn't do one thing

to encourage her.

I know.

You know what?

I know what the problem is.

You're a chunk.

A chunk?

incredibly attractive man.

I think you mean hunk. Oh, that's right.
Make fun of my grammatization.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Let me get
this straight. I'm a hunk and that's the

problem.

It's a big problem to me.

I worry about it all the time.

I feel like I'm always in competition.

With who?

With women who are younger or who are
smarter or who can pronounce the letter

L.

You'll find someone better than me.

Oh, there is no one better than you.
That's why I went back to college.

What the hell are you talking about?

Maybe this will help you understand.

You ever heard the saying, the price you
pay for excellence is your own sweat?

No, but it's lovely.

Well, that's what going back to college
and burying my nose in those books is

all about.

It's the price I'm willing to pay so we
can have a little excellence in our

lives. You're all the excellence that I
ever needed, Mac.

And you're all I ever needed, baby.

But I need to better myself if I want to
provide you with the finer things in

life.

Like this.

This is something that you've been
wanting for a long time.

Oh, Mac.

A bug zapper.

Turn it over.

It's a diamond ring.

You remember the night you showed me
this ad and said, look, Mac, isn't it

beautiful?

That was a long time ago, Mac.

Two years.

I ripped it out of the paper that same
night.

And you've been carrying this with you
ever since?

I never had enough cash to buy you a
fancy wedding ring.

But someday I'm going to fix that.

No.

No what?

No, I don't want it.

What?

Just let me have the picture, okay?

But I don't get it.

No ring could ever match the beauty of
why you held on to this little scrap of

paper.

I love you, Max.

I love you too, Kwan Lee.

Then you forgive me for wanting to slay
the little bitch?

Come here, dragon lady.

I just wanted it to be something
special.

No, don't worry about it, Miss Sullivan.
I'd say your Thanksgiving dinner made a

big splash.

Several, in fact.

What's the scoop?

Well, I examined 63 people. They all
seem to be suffering from the same

thing. It's some kind of epidemic,
right? Probably the flu?

Nope. Bad yams.

They feel lousy now, but as soon as the
bacteria passes through their system,

they'll all be fine.

And there's nothing we can do?

I wouldn't eat the yams.

Oh, so humiliating. How could this have
happened?

Well, look at it this way, Christine.

Your dinner was so good, it came up and
took a bow.

Oh, here's our hostess now.

You see, we must have your recipe.

Oh, Dan, shut up.

You tell me to shut up, you turn my
dream dates into the retching

rangerettes.

Listen, everyone, I just want to say I'm
very sorry for all this.

All I really wanted to do was... Okay, I
know it sounds corny, but what I wanted

to do was to reach out to my fellow man
to show how grateful I am.

In spite of the circumstances at the
moment, I hope that we can all see how

truly blessed we are.

You don't know the half of it, lady.

Erwin, thank God you made it back okay.

Yeah, Winky and I had a couple of
anxious moments.

How the hell did you get down?

Well, we must have been up at least a
couple of thousand feet when the Air

Force... picked up Winky on their radar
screens and shot us down.

Those jetless bunny chillers.

I guess to them we looked like a Soviet
mig.

Oh, I'd be a sidewalk pizza if it hadn't
been for that awning on the Weatherby

Hotel.

An awning broke your fall?

Are you kidding?

Mr. Barsetti, I bounced off it right
into this big fall clearance banner on

the front of the store across the
street, which flung me onto the top of a

passing bus.

The driver took a sharp turn at Battery
Park and threw me off right into a bed

of chrysanthemums.

That's what broke my fall.

Erwin, you've got to be the luckiest man
in the world.

No.

Dan Quayle is.